This associate this with me, I don't like the theme song as it is, I don't know what I don't know what you're hearing. By the time this comes out, you got to pick a theme song from a list of, you know, public domain songs. And so we were listening to them to try to see what would be good. And I thought maybe we'd listen together and and see if we should pick something.

Sarah Silverman has a podcast or listen to it right about now.

Maybe you're making breakfast, maybe you're making lunch.

Maybe you're making some sort of line of cocaine to put up your nose. But it's not my demo. It really isn't. And maybe that's amazing that you're tuning in.

I don't think I usually have cokeheads, but you're welcome to join in.

Hey, welcome to the Sarah Silverman podcast.

That's something that's already going terribly. Oh, my God. Sarah Silverman. So this is like. Death electronica plus like. Collapse. OK, what is Sarah Silverman's podcast? Hey, let's have a lot of fun, but also maybe make a suicide pact. Sarah Silverman podcast. The Sarah Silverman putt putt putt podcast's. Let's have fun and talk about stuff. Just everything big and small, and at the end I'll kill you and then I promise I'll blow my brains out to.

Murder suicide pact. All right, let's do it. Hide Pumpkin's.

Hi, it's me, it's your friend Sarah. Can you hear me?

Like, do I need to take a sip? I'm going to take a sip right now. You know, I listen to a lot of public radio and. Sometimes I have to turn it off because I can hear their mouth. And I can't. I can't handle it, you know. So it's always important if you're in the audio biz, take a sip, go ahead and take a sip. I feel so bad.

I have so many things I see I'm seeing the loveliest guy and he's so patient with all of my things.

And I appreciate it so much, but. You know, I feel like it's unfair because it can kind of control our relationship a little, you know.

He's so kind about all my things, I mean, yeah, what are my things sounds. Mouth sounds. That's a real rough one for me, rappers. Pens, clicking, pens, it's rough and I you know, I've I haven't slept over a man's house, I've had, you know, long term boyfriends, I'm pretty consistently and I just. It's probably been. 11, 12 years since I've slept over a man's house, I just I just I got so lost once that I, I just don't feel comfortable.

I like my apartment to be the dominant apartment. He hasn't slept over yet. I'm not there yet. You know, he stays until really late. I send him on his way. I really I love being alone at night.

I don't know what kind of sacrifices you're supposed to make for a relationship anymore because I did too many.

And then now I'm learning to let myself have the things that I love. And the boundaries around it. I love being alone at night, right before bed. I love it.

I like letting it all hang out. I like having snacks in a bowl on my belly. I like watching reruns of Law and Order.

And I like talking out loud to myself. And I just I can't do that. If there's a guy there and I wear a night guard and I'm trying to keep this romantic, but, you know. It's got to be rough for him, and he he takes it on with aplomb. No, no, you're supposed to pronounce the B. Oh, let's take some some voice mail calls or listen to some voicemails. This first one is from Anonymous, so he doesn't say who he is.

My oldest sister says she's a guy now. And I don't know how to process it because it's the sister I grew up with. And so it feels weird that she's changing her name and saying she's. Someone that I have never known. And I hesitate to tell this to my friends, because they all, quote unquote, woak and worry about what they would think of me. I think that's interesting, you know. Because he. His wog self knows how he should feel about it, but it's not how he feels about it.

And that the great part about that is. That's how he is now, brother feels, that's how he felt. As a born, as a girl. He he knew how he was supposed to feel in this body. But it wasn't how he felt. So in that way. I guess you can totally relate to your your brother who used to be your sister. And I know that new things are scary to adjust to. I mean, I'm a full on lib tard and I totally embrace.

People's pronouns and all that shit. And I fuck it up constantly, I've worked with several days and thems. And I get so excited to put it in motion, but I still will say fuck in him or her and then I go fuck all. And usually they're like, you know, don't worry about it.

It's nice that you're trying, you know, it takes a beat. That's OK.

Only assholes expect you to just seamlessly transfer into wonkiness. You know, it takes a second. Did you ever think you were going to learn the name Zach Galifianakis? No, you heard it once and said that guy should change his name. But then the hangover came out and you all said Zach Galifianakis like it was fucking nothing, I think I think you're going to be able to do this and I think you should forgive yourself for having a hard time with it.

And be proud of yourself to be pursuing supporting him anyway, even though it's hard, I mean, that's the interesting thing about siblings, is you so often just assume. You shared the same childhood and siblings have a totally different childhood experiences.

So there you go. Maybe that will help, I don't know, I'm fucking in show business, I'm not a therapist, but I basically am, I think. Which is what all people who do a lot of therapy think it's embarrassing, I'm embarrassing myself.

Do we have another one? A voicemail, I have facial blindness. Wait a second.

I just want to say I know I said that guy's sister was born a girl. Right. But I know it's not the. She was born sexually female, anatomically female, all right, so I'm learning, too. All right, what's the next call? Voice facial blindness, which makes it hard to recognize people by looking at them, so that's not real convenient. While watching a movie, you have to keep asking everybody, is that the same guy?

Oh, my God.

That's what Brad Pitt, as we were watching The Sixth Sense the other night with Bruce Willis and spoiler alert if you haven't seen it. But Bruce Willis is the same guy the whole time.

Yeah. God, sometimes I wonder if I have faith that's the thing that Brad Pitt has, Brad Pitt said he has facial blindness. But I mean, I think sometimes celebrities go like.

I remember there was like a a feature, like a DVD extra of The Shining, Jack Nicholson was like, I can't remember everybody, you know, the average celebrity meets so many people, you know?

So, I mean, maybe you just can't remember everybody.

But he says he has facial blindness.

I'm sure he does. You know, but sometimes I feel like I have facial. I can't even imagine what that's like, by the way. And and I you know. I'm sorry for you.

It sounds like a great excuse to probably get away with so much just saying, like, sorry, I have facial blindness, probably good for, like.

Cheating or something? What's good for cheating? Babe, I facial blindness, maybe as like actual policy blindness.

As a crude joke, I get it, because, you know, I mean, I'm not saying I get it. I can't relate to this on any level. I take that back.

But I will say, you know, there are people who will go like, you don't remember me, do you?

And I fuck I feel like shit, you know? And sometimes I look at someone and I go, I know I know this person. I mean, I think I'm even close with this, you know, like, I'll see someone and I go, you know, sometimes I'll get high with a stranger and we will bond on such an epic level.

And then three years later, they see me somewhere and they they're like, hey, and then I don't know what to do. I go, hey. But it's like terrible because sometimes total strangers that I've never met do that. Hey. And then I go, I'm sorry, do I know you? And they go, No, and I go like, fucking why are you putting me in that position like a fucking asshole? But I don't remember people I really try feel like I need to meet people nine times to remember them.

Calyon, I remembered, but I mean. You know, if I saw him at Chipotle downstairs, maybe I'd be like. Hi, maybe like we work together and go, oh, yes. I mean, definitely context is a huge thing, like I I have friends, comedian friends and their wives or husbands, I totally know as long as they're standing next to them.

But if I see them just out in the wild, I'm fucked, you know?

I've got nothing to have anything more to say about that, I don't know. This is great Green Chef. Let's see. Let me tell you about a green chef is a USDA certified organic company that makes eating, well, easy and affordable with plans to fit every kind of lifestyle.

I like that. I like that because people don't realize that what you put inside your body affects your body. Some people never even realize that we know that what you put in your car affects your car.

But it takes people sometimes they never realize sometimes that what you put in your body affects your body and eating healthy should be affordable and accessible to everybody. And this makes it so convenient.

You know, listen, I know I'm living in Los Angeles now, but it's not some hippie Dibella thing that science. If you don't believe in the mind body connection, how do you explain nervous diarrhea?

It's not bullshit. How do you explain prunes, what prunes do when you eat them? How do you explain what drugs do when you take them? How do you explain how people who eat right look good and seem happy? You know, Green Chef lets you choose from a wide array of easy to follow lifestyles with select organic ingredients, Green Chef makes cooking easy with dinner options that work around your lifestyle, not the other way around.

They just sent it to me and I can't wait. I love to not have to think about it, to know it's for me, you know, vegetarian or has the stuff that is important to me use code Anusara to get 80 bucks off your first month plus free shipping on your first box.

Go to Green Chef Dotcom slash 80 Sarah to redeem. And for more details, green chef. Go green, chef, I like that it's affordable and convenient. I'm a big fucking lefty. Progressive. Socialists, really, I'm a democratic socialist, I joined even. But I think our messaging sucks, build back better, the Democratic slogan Build Back Better is a Biden slogan or the Democratic Party's slogan, whatever.

It's weird. It's not memorable. It's, you know, alliterative. It's got that for it's not catchy. That said, I Googled it and build back better is what they say in disaster relief, and that makes sense to me.

That made me go, Oh, that's fucking perfect.

But a slogan shouldn't be something you need to Google and then ponder. It should be simple. And it's crazy that the left can't get a good slogan going. All the writers, all the creatives are on the left, the people that came up with Coke, is it? On the left. Coke, is it the most perfect slogan, abstract? Seems positive. Something you can get behind, no, we have defund the police. We have defund the police.

Hmm. I mean, come on, it's like Hans, the writer ready made rebuttal, and if the right can misinterpret something to suit their narrative, they will. Look at Colin Kaepernick. He kneels in peaceful protest of police brutality, and whether they do, he's disrespecting the flag, he's disrespecting our military, he explains. No, no, no, I'm not actually. My friend who's in the military told me about the peaceful protest of just kneeling.

And that's why I did it, to be respectful, but to protest police brutality, they just go, no, no, no, he's disrespecting the flag. That suits our narrative better than what is true.

What he's telling us, the guy who's doing the protest. He's just kneeling during the song, the the pre football song, the national anthem, sorry, the football song. The national anthem, yeah. They want to defund the police is such a ready made thing for the right to to just fly with and maybe you're saying, yeah, well, we don't come up with their slogans for the right, then who are they for centrists? No, they're for us.

Well, you're already on your side.

You're you. I'm you. I'm a democratic socialist, too. But shouldn't the slogan inspire others? I mean, we're progressives, right? Progressive's progress, that means to to change, to be changed, as opposed to reactionaries who are afraid of change and keep everything the way they like everything the way they know it.

Progressives are brave, we are willing to change, we we must change. But then it's like this exclusive club where you're like and fuck all of you who aren't where we're at yet. Absolutism, I mean, what if we looked at people who weren't where we were at? And saw them as people not yet changed. Isn't that a little more hopeful, a little more inclusive?

It's such a fuckin exclusive club. Listen, when white people hear the word defund the police, they hear we're not going to pay cops. There's not going to be anyone for your Uncle Jerry to call when he gets raped does nothing.

Maybe they're choosing to hear it that way, but that's how they hear it, we're not going to have police, we're not going to have anyone to call if something goes wrong. Those same people seem to connect the dots with repeal and replace. You know, when Trump said, I'm going to take away affordable care, I'm going to repeal it and it will be gone and replace it with something much better. Everyone was like a great. And they should have been scared, by the way, they should have been really fucking scared because he didn't do shit.

And people have trouble having health care and we're in a pandemic and 200000 people have died. That aside. I believe when people say defund the police, they're saying, hey, let's reallocate. A massive part of the hundreds of billions of dollars that go to policing, to the social programs that would replace so much of what we misuse police for education, health care, child care, mental health. By the way, that's one place we agree when the right says.

After a mass shooting, it's not it's not a problem with guns, it's a problem with mental health. Great. I agree. Put a fuck ton of money into mental health. Yes. I think the fruits of that will be immeasurable. Defund the police.

Is such an easy way to get susceptible white people to vote for Trump because it's so easy, it's so fear mongering, bull defund the polices inside baseball to say defund the police.

It's just you're assuming people are already where you're at. It's not inclusive.

It's more echo chamber shit. And I see this as one of you. I say this as a socialist, I mean, the big the right's big socialist scare is incredible to me. I mean, it just it really counts on their base being not just fucking stupid, but insanely lazy. So what do you hate about socialism in our country? Exactly, because we have it here, dummies, you know, you like. Do you hate sending your kids to public school, is that what you hate about it?

You hate driving on roads. You hate. Calling the fire department when there's a fire or your cat stuck in a tree, and this is where. There's an intersection, a very rare intersection between socialist Democrats.

Sorry, democratic socialists and the right. Where they really agree and it's that they both fucking hate when I say the police is a socialist program.

Well, it is. I'm not saying it isn't racist. I'm not saying it doesn't have racist bones and etymology. But we pay taxes and the taxes goes to paying them, it's socialist, you might not like it. For the right to understand, defund the police. How about if instead of defund the police, maybe you'd understand it if it if the slogan was redistribute funds to our already existing socialist program that you're so against but already for.

Maybe that's a better slogan, it's got a ring to it. All right, maybe not. I also love they go. Hitler was a socialist. I don't know, the Nazi element really comes from the nationalist part. I mean, Hitler was a yeah, Hitler was a socialist.

He was also a vegetarian. I don't think either of those things are what caused genocide.

You know, I don't think the socialist aspect. Of Germany at that time, I don't think it was the the free education and health care that caused a genocide of Jews.

I think it may have been the the nationalism, the the America first ness, if you will, the the fear mongering of other the there's a caravan of brown people coming and they're going to rape your wives and take your jobs.

I think that's more. Along the lines of. Of the hit leeriness. The nationalism, the authoritarianism, not not the. Not the free health care part of Germany at that time. Good grief, Google shit.

And now I can hear my democratic socialist comrades in my head pissed off at me because. Now, fuck, you're probably right. Like. When they say defund the police, I think what they're saying. Is defund the police? Maybe I'm watering it down because I, I so don't want to scare off. People into voting for Trump because they hear defund the police, I don't know. We're a dumb country. But yeah, they mean defund the police.

But they mean it doesn't mean nothing will replace it. Jews will not replace us. All right, that that was a little audio drop from my brain, that was a non sequitur.

But was it? They did they kind of did an incubation of of defund the police in Camden, New Jersey.

A few years ago, where they fired all of the police, they fired everyone, then they rehired them, you know, anyone who wanted to, most of them did.

And they retrained them.

In a new vision of this program, something that's more like, you know, community protectors, I mean, even the word police is so us versus them, they trained them to be community protectors.

Doesn't that sound nice? I know change is scary.

But it's these are people that you can call to help you, and the difference is they serve and protect. All peoples. Not just white ones, not just rich ones, all peoples, and what was the result, crime went down exponentially. So it works, defund the police, it works. When Trump says, I'm going to repeal and replace the Affordable Care. These same people didn't lose their shit. And then he ended up not doing it, so they should have lost their shit.

Abolish the police, yes, it sounds extreme, I'll be it to white people more than black people, I mean, but.

Look, abolished slavery sounded extreme. If you were a slave owner, that sounded extreme. Sometimes you got to be a little extreme when shit is so fucked up. It's not just abolish the police and then we're done. Come on, Dommy. Good grief, we replace it maybe even with the same people, just like they did in Camden, New Jersey, we have community protectors.

And we trained them longer than you would train a Starbucks employee, which isn't how it is now, we would pay them better.

Better benefits, yeah. OK, now I'm arguing for defund the police, I like it now, I like defund the police. Yes, we tear it down and we build it back better.

Holy shit. Look at me. I embraced the two slogans I said were garbage. I mean, granted, most people don't have an hour to think about it, news about it and come full circle, you know, so in a way, I did have a point, but. But that's what we should do, we should abolish the police and build it back, better to serve. All peoples. God damn good. I mean, it's easy to wrap things up in a bow when you're the only one who gets to talk.

I concede that, but, you know.

We're in a time where we we really can't argue, can we, we I mean, what's the point? We have no baseline truth.

We don't I don't think we disagree on what is right and wrong. We disagree on what is. We have completely different sets of of curated information being fed to us and we assume everybody seeing it. Now, this is an example of how we have no shared truth. One side in this issue, one side says.

You know, we have to tear down a deep rooted racist system and rebuild it to serve all peoples and the other side says, what racism, you know, looking to do with that?

No shared truth equals chaos. Equals were controllable equals Russia fucking one. They did exactly what they set out to do, their useful idiot proved more useful than they could have ever imagined.

And Facebook helped, I mean, our democracy is hanging on by a goddamn string and they won't even fact check. The fucking lies. The misinformation coming right from the top. Sent right to the people who want to hear it most, because why the right and Facebook share?

A common thing that behooved them both in the pocketbook rage if they can incite rage. It's very lucrative. Very, very lucrative. Our democracy is over and Facebook helped, but in their defense, they're so rich now. And. That's how we measure success, right? I feel like that whole rant was just so I don't know, I worry that it was like, I don't know, self-important or indulgent or cunt or something, you know, I don't know shit, but that's just what I've been thinking about.

And then I get into a real, like standing on a soapbox kind of thing and I don't know, I anyway, take it all with a grain of salt.

Do we have any other voicemails for staying together for the dogs? Is that the whole thing? We're staying together for the dogs. Let me tell you something, you shouldn't even stay together for the children. There's nothing worse than parents that hate each other and think they're good at hiding that I grew up with parents.

Who hated each other? I know I don't remember them while they were married, even smiling in each other's direction. I remember standing on Julie Blenkinsop driveway in kindergarten and she said, I can't wait to get married.

And I remember saying. Why would you ever want to hate somebody that much? That's really what I thought marriage was. I thought it was just you hate someone. But then they got divorced and then they became friends. Yeah, but don't stay together for the kids. I mean, I remember I was six and a half when my parents sat us down and said they were getting divorced and I'm the youngest. My older two sisters were like, I'm going to kill myself.

They're crying. They're they're running, you know, to their room and slamming the door.

And I was just like, fine with it. Like a great. Want to see my dance, I learned today they go, I remember hearing them go, she doesn't understand and I remember at the time thinking. Well, no, I understand. Wait, does this mean that I'm not going to be going to sleep to you screaming at each other? Yeah, that sounds great to me. I mean, to this day, I, I fully understood, looking back, you know, it's not like I go, oh, I see.

I didn't really get it. No. I completely got it. It was great. My dad moved out. It was an ugly divorce, the whole thing was a mess and eventually. They became like army buddies. And then they met the the loves of their lives, and I got to see what. What a loving marriage could look like, it was pretty great. And my my step mom would send my dad over to my mom's house, they lived like two miles apart to get his fingernails and toenails clipped because my stepmom was is like skived by that stuff.

And my mom, like, is totally into that stuff. And when my mom died. She was holding my dad and my stepmother's hands. What's my point, don't stay together for the dogs, we're staying together for the dogs. Maybe that's just a funny voicemail.

She left that person, but like, yeah, sure, no, please compromise your happiness. For the projected feelings of the animal in your house that eats its own shit. Definitely do that. The bottom line is this. Sometimes it's hard, but you're responsible for your own happiness, nobody else's, you can act like a murderer or, you know, this or that, we're staying together for the kids. No, that's just such a shitty thing to do.

You don't think kids. No, when their parents are unhappy. Everyone's unhappy when you're unhappy parents, you're not hiding it well.

We're familiar with what Joy looks like and what misery looks like, and you catch it by osmosis.

We're staying together for the dogs. All right, I'm going to take that as you were making a funny, pithy, deadpan joke. But I still had a really long answer. Is there anything else we have any other voicemail's? Hey, Sarah, look, I think you're awesome and I think you have the organizing power to do this, we need to get some celeb endorsements up in here for five terrorists, as well as for Amy McGrath in Kentucky to beat Mitch McConnell and how my hair is in South Carolina to beat Lindsey Graham.

So I said, hi, May. Some people just really love a celebrity nudge in the right direction and especially comedians like you. Can you please, please get the Democratic Party to help make some viral videos of some celebrities endorsing the Democrats? Maybe we could all sing.

Imagine. Well, that's very nice. I have a podcast, so, you know, obviously I think what I say is means anything, something maybe. But. Nobody gives a fuck what celebrities think, that's for goddamn sure. I mean, how many times do we have to learn that? I don't I mean, I'm still going to I think more than being a really think of myself as a celebrity, but I definitely am. I'm famous. But I mean, I think of myself more as a citizen, whatever, irrelevant how I think of myself, I think I'm the fucking bee's knees.

But yeah, no one cares what celebrities think at all that they don't.

We know that by now. I mean, oh, my God.

You know, people get together, they try to do the right thing.

It's nice, you know, but like Hillary Clinton had fucking Beyonce and Jay-Z out there campaigning for I mean, Trump has no one.

He is the my pillow guy. The guy has a movement behind. He's a liar, he's a cheat, he's a snake oil salesman. What do this things have in common?

Cult leaders have those things in common is a far reaching cyber cult.

You know, they say freedom of speech is not freedom of reach.

But, yeah, it all comes back for me to Facebook. You know, Facebook, let him buy all this. These lies unchecked. They make money from him using propaganda, you know, Germany in I've always talked about this last week, but in Germany they put all these regulations on Facebook because they know what propaganda can do.

Trump doesn't because he, too, knows what propaganda can do and they love it.

It's a real quid pro quo they've got there now.

I don't even know what I'm talking about. What was the question of celebrity endorsements? You know, come on. I mean, we should all do whatever we can as citizens, you know, phone, bank, you do this, you have a big platform, you use it to the best you can, but no one gives a fuck.

I mean, the my pillow guy spoke at the Republican National Convention. The my pillow guy. Who, by the way? I agree with on on on a point, he says Trump was chosen by God. And I agree. I do, I agree, I mean, I'm godless, but in essence, I kind of agree with him.

That Trump was chosen by God, whatever that is. To lead us. Humanity itself. Into extinction. I think that's a plausible. Thierry. I do, you know, because there were the dinosaurs, the dinosaurs ruled the earth, right, that science, then they go extinct, then millions of years later, they turn into oil for humans to have the industrial revolution.

What is our purpose? I think our purpose, first of all, we don't have to know our purpose. The dinosaurs didn't know their purpose. Honeybees don't know their purpose. They just pollinate shit. And we exist because of it, but they don't know, they're not like, well, this is going to help the humans and the error in the whatever, I don't even understand the science of it. Squirrels hide their fuckin acorns, they don't know why they're hiding their acorns, they're shifty, they're coked up.

They think people want to eat there. Nobody wants your acorns, but they hide them. And then they can't find. Eighty percent of them, that's God or nature or whatever the fuck. Creating this fucking crackhead animals that think everybody wants their acorns and can't find where they buried them. That's how trees are planted. It's beautiful, really. So now here we are, we're humans, what's our purpose, we don't know. But my guess is it was to industrialize, to create machine, to create robot.

And goes the way of the dinosaur and Trump has been chosen by God or nature, the universe to lead us through climate denial into extinction.

So, yeah, I'm right with you, Mike Rindell, is that his name?

The my pillow guy, who, by the way, my boyfriend bought one of those pillows, and I almost did, too, because, you know, it really looks like, well, if this guy's whole life is pillows, he's really got to get this. He must have the science down. And guess what?

They suck. It's crazy. Your pillows should be incredible, it's all you do. So, yeah, thank you for your compliments, but we don't need a I don't think celebrity endorsements are the answer and I didn't know him. Harrison was I thought his name was Jamie. Good to know. Learned a new thing, an important thing, and I hope he wins. Next, is there are there any more? Yep, we have one more. I saw.

I have multiple psychological disorders. And all my family hates me, my career's destroyed. I have no wife. No children. And absolutely nothing to look for except for my dog. But somehow I keep going. I know I was really choked up, but his body was so peppy. I have nothing to live for, maybe. That was really heartbreaking. Can we make a note maybe down the road we can call him and talk to him?

I'd love to check up on him. His whole family hates him. I don't know about that. I'd like to hear more about that. His career is ruined, very curious about that. I don't know that what he's saying is the truth or how he's just seeing it in that moment, maybe he called me at a real low, low point, I hope.

But you know what? If the only reason you're staying alive is for your dog. Maybe that's enough if your dog is your best friend and and he she they need your. Then. Sticking around is worth it, who's saving him? That's the beauty, I don't know, full of shit. Bummer.

There was a really funny ending. I love a turn, an emotional turn with it and went from heartbreaking to hilarious, just with a half of a word. I love that. Well, there you have it and I hope you have a good rest of the. I give a shit, make sure you write a review, subscribe and write a review if you are so inclined, because, you know, wherever you listen to podcasts, you write a review and you subscribe and that helps people figure out shit in some way that I don't understand.

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