Oh, my God, the threesome is my dream to make it happen one night I got really drunk and had sex with my boyfriend's twin brother. Oh, he got me pregnant. And my boyfriend has no idea that it's not actually his son.
Oh, that's a long wait. Did you just say that you killed Kevin because you bought it and I was with you when you said there is no one there.
I walked in on my best friend eating her own discharge. She told me she loved it. We haven't spoken since that day. We discharge this as a discharge. Vaginal discharge.
Welcome back to the Zappacosta. My name is Happy Days and this is Episode 10.
Now, this is also technically the last episode of Season one.
I mean, that just makes it sound far more important in fantasy than it actually is in reality. I'm basically taking a little break from recording every Christmas and I'll be back with new episodes right at the start of next year.
I mean, I do have to admit, though, it's going to be weird not sitting down each week, having a laugh with different friends, celebrities, family members and recording these episodes like I know I'm only 10 episodes in. This is literally the tenth episode, but it's become a norm. And I just a bloody lover.
As you can see from the title of this episode today, I'm joined by Jamie Lange and Francis, whose podcast, Private Parts I was on a couple of weeks ago. And I loved more in that podcast than I think. I spoke like logit laughed more than I actually spoke whilst recording that podcast. So I knew I had to try and get them on an episode of The Secret's Out. If you haven't already checked out their podcast, definitely head over off to this one and check it out.
It's bloody hilarious.
Oh, and also Jamie Lange, of course, if you're from the UK, you know, that is on Strictly Come Dancing at the moment.
So if you do enjoy them on here, feel free to head on over afterwards and give them a little vote in the competition. If you're somehow listening for the first time. No. One, this is literally the last episode of Season one. So you've missed out on nine equally.
I mean, you can just go back and catch up afterwards. They're all still up. You can listen to all of them, any of them at any time. But if you are listening for the first time and you're not quite sure how this works, I've been sent a ton of anonymous secrets from the public and invited some of the biggest celebrities to help me go through them, as well as hearing some of the most outrageous secrets from the public.
My guests also share some unbelievable stories from their personal lives, too. If you haven't already subscribed, please make sure you do. Now it takes one second of your time.
Hit the little button down below. Whoever says follow or subscribe whatever platform you're on and you'll be notified.
I was going to say for the next episode, but this time it'll be for the first episode of Season two. So if you want to know when that's coming up, subscribe or follow along and you'll be the first to know. As usual.
Just before we jump in with the episode, I want to give you a heads up.
This episode in particular, because it was the last one is full on.
The secrets are hectic from the get go, literally from the get go. The first secret is one of the most graphic secrets I think we've ever had in the podcast. Basically, if you've got any family members in the car with you that you might find it awkward to listen to things like this.
We've probably listened to it later on by yourself or just click off if it's not for you. I totally get that. That's fine. There's millions of amazing podcast for you to go check out. However, if you're into the more juicy secrets, I hope you enjoy it. The last episode of Season one.
Oh, look. All right, all right, Alfie, I'll introduce my life if I have to introduce myself first, if I have to.
Hello. Save the best for last. Yes.
Well, it's not the best for last. Okay, fine. Listen, Frances, why don't you introduce yourself first.
What it don't I introduce you and you introduce me. Oh yeah. I like that. I like that you introduce yourself. No, I'm going to introduce this is so on the podcast.
We have one of my best mates in the world, Frances Bill. Frances is 32 years old, currently in Dallas. He hosts the podcast Private Parts With Me. And his best trait, his best trait is his kindness. Oh, wow.
Look at that.
I thought you going to say my jujitsu. I heard about your jujitsu. I need to know more how if you don't hear it. Actually, there is a YouTube video on it that I do need to watch.
I prefer not to talk about. I just let my my victories do the talking.
For me, it's the biggest horseshit I've ever heard you talk about.
It's yeah. That was a lie. That was my first secret away. That's not a secret.
Okay, Francis, you have to intro me. All right.
Well, in the in the blue corner, in the in the in the tucked away in the leafy west end enclave of Notting Hill, we have current favourite to win Strictly come dancing. Hey, hey.
And also, as he's pointed out, uh, my sidekick on the private parts podcast and also, you know, he is a natural blonde.
I what I love about you nearly gave away my address at the hotel.
I rode out three times to nine ninety eight Portobello Roads.
It's not 98. It's pretty close. So it's really close to the antique shop.
And his number is oh seven eight hours.
We did a wee difference and I decided to do a live podcast for five hours once. Five hours. Yeah five hours. It was actually six was a spur of the moment thing.
It was really bad. We just kept going and at one point I lost my mind and just gave away Francis where he lived.
His address, Francis said, We've got to stop this. Can we delete that completely live stream?
Hey, Alfie, thanks for having us.
We appreciate that. Good to be here. Also, you're forgetting also once I can remember what you were doing your your happy hour, you are on your YouTube channel doing a live stream. And you you shared my mobile number.
I remember that. Yeah, I remember that one as well.
How can we increase my number. Can we intro you what. You guys introduced me. Yeah.
I mean I've never actually introduced myself on the podcast so on. By the way, this is the last episode of Season one really way the finale.
So why have you waited for us save the best for luck? Because we've got to save the best for last.
That's exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
So two people that couldn't know me better are about to introduce me and the last episode of my podcast.
All right, I'll kick it off. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you say so eager to just jump in there isn't he.
Oh that's one of his best traits. Is just so eager to to uh.
What do you mean what do you mean? I'm eager to jump in and jump in there. Go when you started then going why don't you start.
Well actually do you know, in fairness, uh, and obviously this is with the greatest respect you, Alfie, I think Jamie probably is your number one fan.
Yeah. It's probably it's only right that he's introduced. He didn't even ask you for an autograph.
Well, yeah, he waited out.
So I left my address once on a livestream and he was outside within about three minutes just in. I'm sorry. Sorry I.
And that was your secret. I guess.
The secret's out, Alfie days.
Everybody out three days away.
Francis, you could actually go first on this one, why don't you go first on this one, or are you going to think of one even knows where to start, where where to start? Did you find it hard or easy?
I find it quite difficult because, uh, you know, I don't have any secrets, really.
It's really easy because you can actually tell. Yeah. I didn't have any secrets that I feel comfortable telling. That's one of the secrets.
But actually, one one thing that happened to me the other day, which I thought actually was, was it was quite it was quite embarrassing.
And I guess it's a secret because, uh, because nobody knows people because no one knows it really apart from one person.
But basically, I was cleaning out. I parked at a dumpster to clean out the stuff like rubbish from the car. And I had my key I was doing I mean, I was in a rush. I had my keys in my hands, in my hand. And I and I actually threw my keys in the rubbish in the dumpster.
I mean, I was. Oh, my God. And then and then I had to climb into the dumpster. Luckily it wasn't that full. And it was like mostly recycling, but it was near the coffee shop where I've been, uh, you know, hanging out.
And one of the one of the people who had just parked like walked past me as long as I went out of the bed, I was in the bed.
What did you say to them? What? No, no, I said I. I said I threw my keys in by mistake. And they were like, yeah, sure. But I'm not I'm obviously going to have to be specific about why I'm in the bed.
I found it I find it tricky, Alphie, to think a secret because I kind of told most of most of my secrets, so I didn't really know why such bullshit is all I have.
I've told honestly, because of private parts. I've told most of my secrets. I had a boarding school once. There was a guy who I really dislike.
The older guy has a guy I really disliked and I never told him, but I was the one who I pursued and has been extremely annoyed that I never told him that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was me, Carol. Oh, one of them.
And then I, I also stole a bottle of wine from my mom once I got more. Here we go.
He says he hasn't got any. Yeah. Yeah he's on it. He can't stop me now.
I stole a bottle of wine from my mom once and it was a very special you know, as a kid you go you that if you ever go to your mom's fragile parents fridge and you go and get like some beers or whatever, I went and got a bottle of white wine and I didn't realize it was like really expensive. I mean, super expensive wine that I didn't realize. And I lied about it. I never I said forever.
It wasn't me. So all of my other secrets, kind of lame little secret. So that basically just me just being naughty in the sense.
Right. Who shall I drop in for the first secret? Who wants that out? I'll take it. That surprises me. I didn't think you'd want it, Jamie. Yeah, I want it. I give it to me. Give it to me. OK, here we go.
I walked in on my best friend eating her own discharge.
She told me she loved it. We haven't spoken since that day.
We only discharge. Do you know this as a discharge? Vaginal discharge.
What do you think they were talking about? Oh, I wish this was a video podcast.
Oh, Alfie, your discharge is absolutely horrendous.
What do you mean she ate? What do you think she's really trying to grasp here?
I can't get my head around that. I don't think anyone can. Alfie, what's the worst of the worst? The worst ever eaten? You know, I don't know, I don't think I've eaten anything that bad. I mean, I go I'm coming in with a discharge. So I think anything I could possibly say is pretty mundane.
I once got grounded for a week and used to get jealous, seeing all my friends playing out in the street, I would sit on the edge of the windows in my bedroom and talk to them. But one time they dared me to take my trousers down and hang my bum out the window. So I did. I took it a step too far and decided it would be funny to sit on the porch roof like grounded for a month after that.
Oh, I think I know that guy. Oh, yeah. I had a friend.
I had a friend who actually she she came on the podcast, our podcast a year ago and told me the story. She she went round to a guy's house and she needed to go to the bathroom. So she she again pooped in the loo and can flush it, say she fish it out with our hands and throw it out the window. And it landed on the footpath. So she had to go outside and pick it up again. Turns out.
Who was it that did someone did that but they threw it out the window.
But it was like an enclosed the double glazing I've had. Yeah.
It got enclosed in the little room so that she couldn't get it out and was just it was like almost like a exhibition and you like a glass case just up in a museum.
One Friday afternoon in the office, my co-worker was venting about not having been on a date in a while, I'm motivated to try her luck on Tinder. She eventually met a guy she liked. They chat for a bit and asked her out, but he wanted to know if she had a friend for his friend in town. Of course, I agreed to be a wingman. We met up at a lounge and laughed the whole night. But my friend wanted to head home because she had work the next morning after they dropped her off.
I chose to stay and hung out with the two guys. Initially, I was only dancing with the date set up with, but after a few punches we were all taking turns dancing together.
We took a break and went outside to cool off outside me and the original date began making out.
After we stopped, I noticed his friend was just standing there. I asked if he wanted to join and as soon as I started making out with my co-workers date.
Oh wow. Shortly after we all went to a hotel. And that's the story of my first threesome. Oh, I got what?
All I got was her.
So she had a threesome with her day and her car. But where was a co-worker?
Her co-worker went home because she had work early the next morning. But she she was the one that persuaded a co-worker to try her luck contender. That would be scared. That's not cool. And also waking up the next day with regret, you'd go into the office and be like, oh no, what have I done? You wouldn't be doing that with a co-worker. No, no, no, no.
She didn't have a threesome with a co-worker, right? Oh, I thought she had a threesome with a CO. No, no, no, no.
She told her co-worker to try her luck on Tinder and she found a date.
And then she went and she she went along as the wind wing wingman wing woman and then ended up sleeping with the co-workers day. Oh, my.
And her and her date. So she got it was a what do they call that, Jamie? The technical the technical term for that, it's that kind of threesome.
I don't get technical.
Oh, my gosh, I think she needs to tell the friend whatever happens. I don't think the friends are going to even be that annoyed.
It was the first time I ever met, the day it was a tender.
OK, what you shagged my dentist is the first day.
I think it's all right.
I had big plans for that guy.
He was the one.
What is the technical term for that? That it's two guys and a girl. Oh, well, you know, I mean, I was asking you, what do you think it is?
You had to guess. They get involved, it's a it's a metaphor. Yeah, it's a metaphor I think involves some culinary arts and culinary.
Oh, but I still can't get over my first one, which is about the discharge outfit that is, you know, can you stop repeating that like spaghetti together and forgetting about it?
And then you came into my Frantz's I never want you to forget it for the rest of your life. That decision was speaking for the Lessner.
When I say please don't mention it again.
One day last year, I faked my own death. It cost me 5000 pounds to do. But now I'm living in Tanzania and couldn't be happier with my new life.
Whoa. Oh. Wait, how much did they spend now that is, do you think, 5000 fighting that's true, Alfie, do you think it's true? I feel like this is one of those workers and we occasionally get them on the podcast where it's like so out there and different that I'm like, surely someone hasn't made this up. Well, you know, I actually did when I was working in Ghana, I got to know one of the top ten most wanted people in the world.
He he was he was on Interpol's top 10 most wanted. And we found we realized this like what?
After we'd obviously we'd have been inviting him around for barbecues and stuff, inviting him out for the spit roast just yet and having have you spit on the fire and.
And exactly that. Alphie And so and so we realized and we were all like, oh, shit. Like we're out in the jungle.
Like if he finds out that we know he's like one of Interpol's most wanted fugitives.
Anyway, he read your mind. No, no, no. Does he know? Because, you know, it was to some extent the Wild West out there and, you know.
Yeah. And and, you know, he wouldn't want people to be there because I was like a big reward as well for, like, turning him in. It was like a half a million dollar reward year.
And did they come across your mind, did you think, at some point?
Yeah. Yes. But anyway, no, no, no, I did not been arrested.
But anyway, he is actually no, because he is actually in prison now in and he got arrested. I mean, you can read about it.
It's it's all good points.
But he he my point was that people do escape.
Uh, he was from London. He was from Liverpool. Liverpool. I'm giving away a lot of information now.
But but I'm saying that he actually did sort of fake his own death in a sense and escape to Africa because he came down through.
So it is possible I don't think it's impossible that that is is true.
It does happen after I watch this I watch this program once, which is about missing people with my mum, actually. And it was all about how people just suddenly went missing. Right. And they the families have never given up. And the biggest thing was they said, look, I was always hoping it almost would be better to know that they had died and how they died, because the fact they're missing is so much more. And one of the brothers and it was irritated, he said, I think he's just faked it all and he's just disappeared.
And it was so hard for all of the family to deal with it. And he said, I will never, never, ever be able to forgive my brother for doing this because I don't believe he I think he's faked it all and disappeared. And so so, you know, this person, if this is true, perhaps, you know you know, I understand that your life may be not so good and things like that, but at the same time, people do miss you.
Mm. Yeah, for sure. Well, if you're a nice guy, some some people, no one would miss you, Francis. Really?
Yeah, I'd miss you, buddy.
I mean, yeah, I mean, I felt mean saying that such a great comeback saying, oh, that's mean. Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, I felt really mean saying that.
My mom opened up to me about having some weird symptoms in her genital area. I told her that it sounded similar to the time I got gonorrhea of my previous partner. So she got tested. And sure enough, she came back positive. Her and my dad have been together for over 30 years and we're both confused as to where she could have contracted it. My secret is that I used her sex toy recently.
I'm pretty sure it was me that gave it to my gay, my mom. And I see I can't bring myself to tell them.
Oh, my God, that is is this I said that is the sort of secrets that people tell on this this show, isn't it?
I mean, I wish they didn't, but I wish I wish they did.
That is like believable. The first thing that goes through my mind is like. It is sex, it's some disease from a sex toy. Yeah, yeah, you could, I'm sure. Yeah, you must be able to. You be more careful, Jamie, but let's not let's not think about getting this is the worst part of that is the fact that you're using your mom's.
Yeah, that's exposed. That's just if you're running a secret into the into the podcast, you therefore have an iPad or phone with Internet or a laptop or a computer.
I feel like sex toys are like you get something for a fiver, you just don't need to borrow your mom's.
It's really weird.
Like I mean, maybe her mom said she could borrow it when when we're in lockdown with my girlfriend, my my mom.
I got given this machine thing from my mom and I. We my girlfriend were using it when my girlfriend was using it to like massage her neck and turns out that it was a dildo. I didn't realize it was cool.
What was it called? So what, you got it from your mom? Yeah. Yeah.
And my mom gave it to me. My mom gave it to to massage my foot and I took a picture of it in lockdown. And I never was like, no, that's a dildo.
I was like, watch it. Yeah, I'll get a picture of it up.
Hold on one second.
Let me see if I can find is it new in the pocket when you got it. I wish it was. It definitely was. I mean, this is it. It was called the magic wand. Yeah. It does look like a sex toy.
I didn't realize it was a sex toy. I say that. Did it work on your back? It did really help my back out. So, you know, the sex toys are a bit odd. I think people used.
What about that one that you you got given? Jamie also said to me once you said this of podcast, I got another one, the one that you got given, you know, given I got given a yeah.
I got I got I had a prostate stimulation, but today it's dirty and I, I, I should be given a flashlight.
What's this flashlight thing. Which is you like. I like it. It's like a sort of vagina.
And Francis and I were living together as I said. Can I give it a go. And I went when it was new. Brand new. Yeah. That's disgusting. Anyway, don't worry, I'll use a condom.
Wait, wait. Did you just say that you got given the flashlight because you bought it and you said there is no one there.
Said the flashlight we filmed in a sex shop and I bought I felt bad. We had to, I bought something afterwards.
I felt bad. So I don't buy that. I just had to buy it from Ross. And I worked together when I bought this.
One night I got really drunk and had sex with my boyfriend's twin brother. Oh, he got me pregnant and my boyfriend has no idea that it's not actually his son that is forlorn.
So hectic that the twins I would know that happens apparently quite a lot.
Well, now, apparently, apparently it happens like this, like some crazy statistic, like a third of people, people people have a different father to who they think they could is barely any babies get mixed up in the delivery room.
Shut up. No way. Yeah, no way. Yeah, no way. Yes. How? Yeah. Because you see those pictures in films like the clips where they have all the babies in the line. They don't actually do that surely.
Yeah. Yeah they do sometimes. But why they, why do they take your baby away. Because they get mixed up. They have two babies together like oh which ones.
Which wife. They got two babies together.
Why didn't they bring them down in the cots. And then they go oh gosh. Which ones.
Which I would guess Christobel mislabelled them all or mislabeled in the past.
They're not like kids.
So Jamie, what are you saying in this situation? What's this woman going to do?
So she is pregnant with her husband's twin. Listen, what if she brings you up, Jamie? A fucked up?
You've got to tell. I need to tell him. What do I do? I think I think yeah, I think I think listen, I think it's a horrible conversation, but I think you probably have to say something because guilt there's a lot of reason guilt will eat you up.
That's the first thing. And I think, secondly, it's going to be better on the soul. I think you've got to say something.
Also, you can't lie to the baby. Well, you can, but it would also you're harming a lot more people, keep it a secret than you will get out always because because now with the, like, DNA test and stuff, it's so easy to see who you are.
Yeah, but they are not judging us, but it will come out at some point and that means loads of lives will be ruined rather than. Rather than just, you know, her life will be upset for a bit. So I think she should tell the truth. Alfie. What do you think?
I think it's also going to ruin the relationship with the twins as well. Yeah, but that's pretty doing that. He would if he's doing that, then he's not a good twin, is he?
He's made his bed and he then he slept in with his twins while got pregnant because that is honestly a full on.
So wait. Does the window that is. I don't think so. No. Oh well he knows or didn't even think about that.
I was assuming the twin does know that it's his and I was assuming the twins are not.
I think I think if the twin if the twin knew then the twin would probably tell his twin anyway. She's probably just afraid she's looking out for her own interests by by not telling know.
The twin won't know she's kept it a secret. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. So, like, if he knew, then he would probably just tell his brother.
I think it's just too heavy. Long term, this is just not going to work.
No. You know, it's that how can you know it's the twins, the other twins, the father, if you've been sleeping with both of them. This is why you don't commit adultery yet, because you don't have to deal with this situation.
Yeah, because actually it ends up ruining everyone's life. Why would you want to create drama, feel for yourself in that way?
You don't mean you love you love creating drama for yourself, Francis. You love adultery.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and I'm pretty sure he's the love of my life. It's your secret, Jamie. Yeah, I think he's getting ready to propose. But because I lost my virginity to him and haven't been with anyone else, I feel like I have no life experience and kind of want to have fun before I'm married to the same person forever. I feel like there's something I'm missing that I don't know about.
I feel like this is going to be super common.
I feel like this is like I'm in the same search mode.
Listen, I mean. Yeah, well, you don't know where you are.
I can just set your friend up on a train today and wait. Woman I think there's a lot of people out there have only been with one person.
There's no there's no wrong with that at all.
There's no money and there are not that many these days. I say I would say they are very much in the minority these days.
I'm just saying look around you like I think unfortunately, I think it's unfortunate, but I think people are much more promiscuous these days than they were before.
No, I actually just I think before people were more promiscuous and no one found out. I think. I think so.
Yeah. Yeah. A lot more behind the scenes. I bet that was sort of hidden when no cameras were out in the cloud. No one knew anything. Everyone was. Oh, no, I know what I'm talking about.
Like, you know, Christianity was actually a big influence on people's behavior.
Oh, God, no. I'm talking about like yeah, I'm talking about like when actually the Christian West Western democracies were, you know, observed those those kinds of norms.
People people didn't commit adultery as much as they do now.
I just don't believe that I think people did or I think people have slept with either.
OK, here we go. Either I don't think maybe they didn't. However, more people probably felt like this person or more people weren't happy in their relationships and just felt stuck.
Yeah, yeah, and wanted to commit adultery, but knew it is wrong to detain lots of people, get into those situations when they were in a relationship and they just feel like, God, they're so stuck in it. And that's like a you know, people that have a lot of people.
And I think this person who sent in the secret needs to just have a chat with their partner about it.
I wonder how, Alfy, how would that chat go? It could go really well, Alphie.
Why don't we do what it is and role play, Asian role play with Francis. Francis, you're the unassuming, unassuming boyfriend he's about to propose. And Alfie's the girlfriend. He wants to sleep with other people because she feels like she's missing out. Let's see what happens.
How does this play out going after you give it a go? What? So you're playing you're playing the boyfriend he's about to propose. And then Alfie is playing the girlfriend who is who he wants to sleep with other people. All right, look, look, Alfie. Alpina Francis, I'd like I'd like I'd like to get hitched. It could be an open relationship. You can sleep with other people as they wait outside, give me their ring, but this is often, said he, she might have a chat with him and him be like, that's my dream.
The threesome is my dream. Let's make it happen.
We can't have people without me that may be with me.
Yeah. Yeah. And that would be it could be equally it could ruin the relationship so much.
I don't accept the risk.
Oh, listen, I think you're going to say yes to the threesome. OK, let's pretend it never happened. Let's just forget about it.
Let's walk back from that. Yeah.
Let's just forget I ever said that I was showing off doing the WFP at a friend's party where as pussy, that's what it stands for. When I went into the splits at the at the end and I accidently dragged my crotch along the carpet and gave myself a friction burn on my vagina, it scabbed up and everything. Never told a soul.
Oh, my God. I think that's just commitment. Commitment to the dome. Yeah.
Jane, you probably experienced a bit of friction between your vagina and you sympathize with that one. Yeah, that would hurt a lot. I feel like that would be what she got.
Was she wearing a skirt or something? Oh, I love Francis.
Francis tells us what he thinks that we are Felina extra to the story.
We heard his name, Alfie. What is that? What is the name? Well, they wearing a skirt. We have no way. You've just read it to us. We don't know anything extra. It's impressive that you're doing the splits.
I have to say, I feel like it's bullshit. This one. Yeah, I said yeah. Purely because you can't you can't get a friction belt on the joint fragged.
How would she have dragged if both of her legs. Was she moving her feet to crawl along like a centipede?
It's like when dogs have worms and they scratch their background. You have to drag themselves. Frances does that all the time. So across the carpet. Well, isn't that how you sort out your piles, Jamie?
Every year near Christmas time, I go looking for presents in the house. Last year I found them and I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I don't like any of them. Oh, you shouldn't look for them, because then, you know, once it's Christmas, you just forget about them. Yeah, that's always a bad thing when that happens, because then you've got nothing to look forward to.
And it's better to look forward to something under false pretenses than to know that you've got nothing to look forward to for all that time I've done that before and it's only said from Santa Claus and I realized it was he wasn't real.
I don't get it. I like. How would you like surprises? I like surprises.
I like surprises. But I'm the worst opening presents in front of people.
I just feel the weight, the pressure.
So much like this, I really have to like this. So for me, I'm always like while someone else is opening the present, I'm like quickly trying to open mine at the same time.
So the attention is not on me. Has Azawi ever bought you a present that you didn't like?
Oh, 100 percent. Yes.
I've definitely bought so many presents for her as she must have bought you this one year I bought her. She gets really cold hands and feet.
So I was on perfect on Amazon Seabaugh scarf. Oh, was this a cop all wholesale by hand and feet warmers.
So I bought a 200 hand warmers and 200 feet warmers this year like well don't want to let them all off it walls cracked them all on the house. So yeah. Quickly blog. It wasn't I wasn't the only person obviously that she is like what the heck is this.
I love it that you don't want to admit that you didn't like one of us. Oh she bought me a ring actually she did. It is very pretty expensive ring.
Oh it was one of those ring. You know, there's Cartier rings.
The love rings. Yeah. Yeah. But it was the love ring with diamonds all around that. Mayor. And it was just too much for me. Elizabeth Jewelry's saw it blind. I can't picture you and I have to say, yeah.
So I had to be honest, too, just like I don't like let's fight back.
And she took it really well.
She took it really, really well. And we just walked.
We just. But it's awkward, isn't it, when you say yeah, because she was so excited and I could tell she was so excited to give it to me and I'd mention that I wanted the ring before, but just not the one with the diamonds.
And it would sound so fucking stupid like I want to go the one without the diamond. It's like it just oh I don't know, it just it just I know I bought my I bought my girlfriend four for her birthday last year.
I bought her these what I thought was earrings. So I bought a really expensive and expensive earrings and I bought and gave it to her and she opened up and it was only one one earring. I was like, oh. And I quickly went, Sorry, that's prologues.
This is the last secret of the season. Oh, so who's who's going to last secret of the season, guys?
For Jamie, it's me.
Yeah, yeah, 100 percent last secret of the season. Pretty out there. OK, secret shagged my friend's mom, but had an asthma attack halfway in.
She had to call for help and mate walked in on me. I'm a perky little cocktail as well as I'm breathing like wheezy from Toy Story. Oh my gosh.
Wait, wait. His his mate walked in on him shagging his mum. Yeah. Well, who is having an asthma attack.
Wow. That can't be real.
Oh. Oh, be real. There is no way it could be real.
That is not real. That is not. Can I. Because my girlfriend is him. I want to see her reaction. Can I tell her the first secret that I got and see what her reaction is to it. Of course. So if I can, I'm going to read you this before you near the microphone in order to do this.
This is by the way, this is Alfie here. This now. How's it going into my girlfriend Sophie?
You know, Alfie is have Kevin Southy. OK, I'm going to read you. Alfie, can you really this is a secret that someone sent Alfie.
I walked in on my best friend eating her own discharge.
Oh, my. You're lying. And what did she do?
So if you would you do you know your best friend? Well, I walked in on my best friend Etinger and discharge.
She told me she loved it. We haven't spoken since. But how horrible is that? It's really.
Oh, Alfie, do we get to come back for season two? You can come back if you want. You can definitely come back. We should do it. Yeah.
What are we invited back for? Season two, the finale. The finale of season two.
That's what we always do. The finale on every single season. I really appreciate both of you coming on.
Thank you. Thank you so much. And hey, if any listeners are still listening, let's go and check out Alfie and our podcast, Private Parts. We had a lovely time. We had such a good time.
I always finish every episode, which is obviously a little bit different with this one because it's the last one. But I suppose we can do it jumping into season two. If there's anyone that you think should come on that I should reach out to, who would you suggest that I should get in touch with?
Oh, who would I think who would have a good secret? I tell you who would be a good guest. Actually, two people can give them a shout out to guys. I'm going to say Tom, Lucy is one of them. The other one is Jamie. Jamie Dimitriou, OK?
Yeah, they're both very good. Both comedians, both very funny. Jamie Dimitri. Just one Forbath dispenser. Mathes Yeah. You know, Spencer Matthes have some good secrets. Actually, he would have some good secrets. He said he would have some good secrets. Spencer and Vogue. They would have some good secrets actually if I would go for Jamie Dimitri. He's a great guy. Automattic that's a good show. MASN comedians.
Funny, right? Thank you so much, guys. Really, really appreciate it. Great to be here.
Thanks. Thanks for having us. Thanks to.
There we go. Hope you enjoyed this episode of The Secret's Out. Oh, it's time for me to say I'll see you next year. I really, really appreciate it. And I know I say on most episodes, but I really appreciate all of the support that the podcast has had.
I had no idea whether it just be me and my mom listening. Anyways, if you celebrate Christmas, I hope you have the best time with your family, with your friends if you don't celebrate Christmas. I hope you just have a lovely time with your family and friends, too. Whatever you're up to, I hope you're doing good. I'll see you at the start next year with season two again. If you haven't already subscribed, now is the time to do so and you'll be notified when Episode 11, when Episode 11 goes up at the start of next year.
I'll see you soon.