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Shakhtar, I don't believe that I'd taken the studio off air for an hour. No, it's no music.


I now know somebody else's room, no Shabda. I can hear someone snoring. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. He hates me.


And what I've been doing is standing there eating the wrapper and enjoying every one of them.


I've definitely weighed on the side of Nicole Scherzinger shed, which she also uses as a laundry room. Oh, that's terrible. Welcome back to The Secret's Out podcast. My name is Happy Days and this is Episode four. If you haven't already listened to episode one, two or three, be sure to do so.


I just want to kick off by saying thank you so bloody much for all of the support on the first three episodes.


It's genuinely been insane. Like podcasting is so new to me. I've never done this before. And the feedback from those of you that I've been listening has been so good. If this is the first time you're listening to the podcast and you're not quite sure how to see because that works, I've basically been sent a ton of anonymous secrets from the public and I want to encourage you to keep sending them in. I've built a super simple website, which is what The Secret's Out club.


I couldn't get dot com or Dakoda. Someone had already taken them. So it's the secret outdoor club and you can submit anonymous secrets of your own. And then each week I sit down with some of the biggest celebrities and go through them, as well as here in some of the most outrageous secrets that have been sent in from the public. My guests also share some unbelievable stories from their personal lives, too.


If you haven't already subscribed and followed along, just hit the little button down below.


It takes one second and you'll be notified every single time a new episode goes live.


Joining me on today's episode, we've got Martin and Roman camp. We've got a father and son completely switching things up from the previous episodes of Friends or Couples, the secrets that came out when recording this one. So bloody good. And as usual, just before we jump in, I want to give you a heads up that some of the topics covered in this podcast are pretty full on.


These are real secrets from real people, severe squeamish.


Please feel free to click off.


Now, this podcast might not be for everyone. OK, let's go for it. Let's jump in with Martin and Roman introducing themselves.


Hello, my name is Roman Kempe, I am a radio DJ, I hosted the breakfast show on Capital Breakfast. I guess, Alphie, I kind of know all about you for my years growing up and either filming someone's YouTube videos, editing someone else's YouTube videos or making my own YouTube videos.


So it's nice to be able to say so. Thank you so much.


And you've brought someone very special on alongside with me the show, and I appreciate you coming on. Thank you very much, Alphie. So my name is Martin Kemp, his old man who who has been around for too long, done a bit of everything, bit of acting, representing, been in a band for a while, you know, just done a bit of everything over the years.


I was looking I was looking up earlier about what you've done and over the years. And I was like, holy shit. Literally, there is nothing that you haven't done yet.


But I love doing those iconic things, you know, being in, you know, being in a band who's always kind of like your dream, isn't it, when you're a kid to start doing that? But I love doing iconic shows like I Know The Outer Limits and the Generation Game Show. Yeah, yeah. Brother.


And I love doing this and been in middle of those that I can't really say you're in like the corner of your camera. You really like little.


I first got a webcam, I recorded this episode. This is the first episode recorded remotely. Yes, I said it perfect. Oh so you're looking great.


Looking a bit more like now. Right. Right.


Yeah we go. Yeah I'm funny. So my dad mentioned there you said the outer limits show. So this is an old show. So obviously we don't know this. Right.


This is another I don't know this. Not like I said. I just said yeah. Being polite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


You are telling me. Yeah. No, I lived.


Yeah but no but there was, there was you made a movie like all of those types of things. But my dad made a movie like years ago when when we used to live in L.A. I would have just been born and he, he had to play. It was like a time time machine movie. And in the scene he plays Dr. Frankenstein right in this whole, like, twenty minute scene. He plays Dr. Frankenstein. Yeah. And he's and the guy that plays Frankenstein.




Who ends up exploding my dad's head by squeezing his hand, squeezing his head together, his bare hands and popping his eyeballs out is the big show.


Yeah, the big the big shows there was it was like literally like for the biggest wrestlers ever reason why that's it.


Firstly, who's the big show? And you don't know who the big show is. We don't know what your show is. Yeah, because we were about 40 years apart. I'll tell you I'll tell you a secret about when I was playing Frankenstein.


Right. This is going straight in. This is in Hollywood. This is about 1995. And it was a movie called Waxworks Two. And I'm Baron Frankenstein. And that day, you know, usually you have loads you might say, oh, get me in as an extra get me. And, you know, I'd love to do it. I love to be on a film, so we'll get all my mates in. And so they all come down to the set.


And this is the day when the villagers all turn up at the castle door banging on the door, saying, let me, let me let's get Frankenstein.


So they put all my mates outside the castle door. And before they know it, they turn the rain machines on and the rain machines come down. The line is flashing. They're soaking wet. They all want to go home at lunchtime. And so they'd leave me a lunch time, all my mates. So I've got on the move in this Hollywood movie of all gone home at lunchtime. Well, can you imagine they governmental continuity is just gone completely.


She had to change the cost. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're all my mates, so.


Oh, my gosh, outrageous. Well, I mean, my I will probably get in a lot of trouble for saying this, but I think enough time has passed for for me to not get in trouble and I'm in trouble.


But let's hope if there's an all in the Balkans now, then, you know, not enough time.


Yeah, well well, to be honest, it's more of a thing of, um. It happened before I was on the breakfast show Capital, so I used the House, the Capitol evening show and used to be seven o'clock to 10:00 and during my time there about I'd say a good year in. Right, I was doing it and I would I would only do it with a producer. Joe and Sammy and Joe have been doing this for years. And so we're in the studio and about a year.


And you're quite cocky, quite confident with it. Right. And. We never realized we had gone out the night previous and we both had woken up at about five o'clock in the afternoon like it was a big bender, right? We come into work. Strollin only, you know, for how many hours doing the show at seven pm. All of a sudden, we had no idea of all of the lights all throughout the studio and all of the lights outside in going off, the alarms are going off.


There's no engineers there, right. Because no one had been reporting it. I had taken the studio off air for an hour. No, there's no music, no, no, no, no music, no nothing, right, for an hour, OK, shit. So I blame this on. A technical fault, and we made up this big elaborate excuse that we couldn't get a phone signal.


All this stuff, stuff, it was like an MP had gone off in the thing.


All the text broken. What it really was is that that day someone had sent me and a beachball and we were we were playing, we were playing, we were playing in the other studio. We thought we had prerecorded like an hour of the show and we would be fine.


Schicchi You were literally meant to be on air and you not they're meant to be on air like no one calling you like, no, I'm listening in.


And there's literally everything is kind of like people are calling like mobiles and stuff. We just didn't know. Apparently people are on their way to hang out, but because. Yeah, because it's like the day later. And so, like, no one really knows that.


And they always they always genuinely just thought it was they thought it was a like a technical gone out because they were how these two guys here in the station is going to have gone off air for an hour, could have just moved into another studio.


Only one other person knows this, and he's an absolute legend who's one of the engineers. And one day me and Joe just received an email.


Right. With a picture. Saying so we went off air, right, questionmark, and it was a picture of me and him plane heading vollies with a beachball like CCTV.


Yeah. Oh yeah.


So I was stationed off air for an hour because I was playing with a beach ball and told anyone that.


I once went for a summit, I was about halfway through the 12 minutes and started to desperately need a week. I really couldn't wait and I didn't want to lose out on the last six minutes.


So so it's happening.


I lost my last six minutes of Titanic, so I jumped out quickly and wade in the bin still use some place.


So she was on to something. So my readings were because dyslexics, I'm going to re code so good. So. So she's standing on the same bed and she feels like she needs away. She's got six minutes left.


She doesn't know whether to stay on the same bed or not or to jump off. So what she did was jump off and we didn't have been.


Oh my God. Does it now. It's a shame because I think it would be better if it was a hey, because when in a bin is far easier for a guy.


Yeah, but it splashes. You know, a girl a girl could just be could be one of those little bins where you like you have your little fur, you stamp your foot down, it lifts up your arm anyway in it. And then you got your first done deal.


Yeah, but it's even worse because what if you miss it slips and the lid shuts and it goes everywhere. Yeah, but Okelo can just sit in the bin and she can almost do it.


Scratching my and my thing is, my thing is why not. If, if it's a what type does it say. What type of somebody is that.


Because if you wanted it because you got the two different because now you know one of those old fashioned lay down ones, it must be a lay down one. Yeah. Where you pull the lid over you. I was going to say because if you stand and would just just be free or just go for it, just go for it. It is that and not to say they come out the way they make it. Excuse that I sunbeds leaking. What have you done that.


No, I think I think Rose right. Because he would just evaporate and the room would just stink. But that's fine.


Somebody were in the bin. But then you have to, you have to take the you have to empty the bin out yourself. You can't believe in that in there for someone else.


I've got to say, like, I'm more concerned about the size of the bin, because if you ever, like, paste in a in a water bottle and all of a sudden you're completely under much now you've underestimated you've underestimated how much you got any.


Yep, absolutely. Now you're on the motorway and now you need another bottle. Yeah. Now what are you going to do.


Stop, stop, stop. You're going to stop. I can't have any more left. Yeah. Come in or you open a window and you give some window cleaner to the guy next year.


Yeah. But we've, we've all been those open air festival concerts where people can't wait and they were in a plastic bag and I just.


Chuck, it's Britney Spears. That is horrible.


You know, I György, like for some reason they just took me back. I like one of those types of guys. I have one of the best memory, like from a festival like that was I was I was I went to reading festival is the first time, first time I'd been to like a proper festival.


And it was the first time I saw someone like Chuck in a place like that.




And I and I remember it because I bought like a super dry jacket and I thought it was the shit. I thought it was so cool. I was like, this is this is so sick.


I'm going to look wicked. I'm going to walk around. It was like black, like gold on the backs and super dry emblazoned on it. And it pissed it down the first day like it was just going for it, like hemorrhaging rain. Right. And then all of a sudden I just felt this whack right over my back. Right. And some some guy.


Right. One of those Pesaro up basically. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very unique person.


You can bring out a pistol if you walk past him in this. Yeah.


You know, once they're at first of all the wearing a bucket hat, they've got shorts on. Yeah I've got shorts on but they've also got a barber jacket on and I can smell it on them as well.


Can't you pass that tiny little handbag. It's dry waft. So I've got this.


I've got a supercharger, I got a wax Myranda back and then I've turnaround's Iowa has it guys is laughing at me like just because everyone's trash. You guys. You're not super dry now are you prick.


He's like I didn't know that. I quite like the insult. So I was like, oh, just enjoy the insult.


But I'm okay.


I'll tell you. I'll tell you my story.


Oh well when we wrote it, while we're on the subject, you know, the first one of the first openly gay so I ever went to was to go and see the Who Charlton Athletic now with the who when it was John Entwistle, Keith Moon. And it was wonderful.


Right now face Mollenard.


We know who these people are. You know, once you know the guy who was the first time any band ever used a laser. So I must I must have been about sixteen years old. I'm in the middle of this crowd. The lasers are going round, though, who are playing incredible volume. Right. And as the piss is coming through to the laser is making these incredible rainbow patterns. I'm looking up thinking, well, that's a great effect, and all of a sudden he can splash right down in the face.


Where's the weirdest place you've weighed or the coolest place either the strangest place that you should not have passed or the most unique place? Surely you guys have gone to the toilet and some call people's houses.


I was just about to say, have you ever purposely gone to the toilet, someone's house, just so you can say you've gone for a piss in the house.


Come on, now. Oh, that's how I think we both don't really have I think we've both done Buckingham Palace. So we wrote some.


Oh, yes. Yes. This is very nice.


You think all I think in the palace, I think I think the one that I like the most is that I've done it on the side of, oh, this isn't good.


Why am I so afraid? I've definitely weighed on the side of I shouldn't have said.


That's when you say maybe, maybe possibly.


I've definitely weighed on the side of Nicole Scherzinger shed, which she also uses as a as a laundry room. Oh, that's terrible.


And the worst thing is, is that I was I was I was I wasn't there. There was no mad party. I was at work like I was doing. I used to host Extra Factor. Yeah. When that was going on. And we were judges houses in, uh, Nese. And Nicole has this amazing house that I had to do a radio show from her from the best place where we could get the best signal and sound like it's all about the sound.


She's got the open plan house. So the whole thing sounds like Echo is rubbish, right. And capital that we could only go there for like a proper, proper show. OK, cool.


And that's how we got stuck in a laundry room, which is like a shed around the bank and full view of everyone. And the only problem is Nicole wouldn't let anyone in the house that day. And the only thing that there was was because they were filming at the house, so she would let anyone in the early portaloos, which were about a 10 minute walk away, not in her house, just in the grounds.


Yes, I was just like she has like a shed that is like a laundry room.


Yeah. The outside of the house. So I'm not going to I'm not going to make it there and back in time for for the song.


So I just have to one, end up on the side of a shed laundry room.


That's my boy. I saw it. I made a mediocre box of.


When I was in school, I took a day off to go to the to go to a West End musical where my teacher asked why I was not going to be at school. I panicked and told them I was going to be I was going to be in the musical. I then had to dress up as one of the characters and fake a load of pictures at the theater.


My head teacher was so impressed, he put me all over the school social media in the school newspaper and even spoke about me at the next assembly. And nobody except for my best friend knows the truth.


I say you. No, I think that's true. That's true.


I think that I need to say, if I want to know, I need to know details. The fact that key details I mean, that they're right.


What play write, what play and what part you want to know.


What do you mean what is in what part she pretended to be.


Yeah. What part you pretended to be in the play. Very key. I mean you give her some rags on that and then stand outside limeys and be like, oh, just one of the kids. Yeah. Yeah, that's all right. But then if you just wanted the kids, was the headmaster putting you up in the school. Mm. I don't know.


I have to see stuff like that. I have to see a photo.


I feel like she's, I feel like she's made herself the school get out of jail free card like you would get in Monopoly. Because now, now if that is real and she set that up. Oh what a shame guys. I've got to go back to the theater next week. Sorry, but yeah. You've got a day of school done sorted.


Yeah. But I think that's one of those lies that if I think I'm going to say is bullshit, because I think that I think it might be one of those lies the way it's like she has done that.


But she's exaggerated the lie. She's she's she's taken a photo outside of one of the West End things and told someone else in her class and maybe one person is believed that I'm not really cynical.


I mean, really. No, I think it's true. I think it's true.


She is gone to fall because now she's going to what if the drama team or club or whatever are like, yo, we want you in with her West End then like, how far do you let it get? Like, you know, when you just have a small airline, it just spreads. And now she's you know, she's in LA is the main character.


When I was playing with Spandau, I used to have this terrible recurring dream that I was in an audience in a theatre, and Eric Clapton was on stage.


And he would invite me up to play Layla on stage with him and he'd give me a guitar and I put a guitar, my name for like 10000 people, and I wouldn't have a clue how to play it and had to call Cyworld. It was just this reoccurring nightmare. And it's a bit like that girl's nightmare that she's just about to have. She's taken that story too far. And then I think she's the best actress in the school. But I think I think it's exaggerated.


But if you let then we'll go with you.


Yeah. To. Me and my boyfriend went on, I got the results back, but I never showed him them because it said we share 50 percent DNA. Turns out both our moms use the same sperm donor. I don't want to lose it, so I'm never going to tell him, shut up.


I don't believe that.


Do you? I don't want to believe he was. Firstly, you're not allowed to know who the sperm donor is, are you? Oh, no. Unless they do.


Yeah, no, no, no. But they don't have to know. It's just the DNA test. 50 the same.


But how did she find out? They both got the same sperm donor sperm donor. Because I've just been so donor. Yeah.


They're both you some bloke up the road that was doing it for free. Yeah.


Yeah. No, behind it. And how do they know. How do they both know. Yeah. It must have been some local milkman or something.


They must have both just have mums that have had a sperm donor and they both know about it. Yeah.


No that can't be right. That can't be right. That can't be right.


Because the thing is, is that we all share the same DNA. We all share, we all share very similar DNA. Right. There's like what is it like. Thirty percent.


We share DNA with a banana or my 88 or something of a banana with a banana. Yeah, exactly. Like, like you share DNA with everyone that ancestry will go down to a name, you know, I mean, you won't be able to find that ancestry test. They just said that they're in the world. I think you guys intellectualising it too much.


I think it was a milkman giving someone two pints of milk, some carton of orange juice, intensity of spunk. Yeah.


So you're saying Israel. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I could be wrong for you to look too far into it.


I'm loving that that dad and son aspect.


Christ, Jesus Christ.


OK, well, let's say Israel, they've got one they've got one parent the same, but they don't know. And she's not going to tell him. She's found out that they both do have the same sperm donor state. Yeah. She doesn't want to tell him that. You got to tell him. She's gotta tell him. She's got to tell you. Tell you. I hope she's listening.


No, she has to tell him because if they if their relation goes anywhere navigate, then it does not look like the kid start looking like hills have eyes.


Yeah. Everything wrong turn. That's going to be your baby.


Go anywhere but don't go up there.


Yeah. That's going to be that kid with a real banjo. I recently applied for a job and I was really excited as I've just finished my A-levels on the day of the interview. I was really nervous. So much so I needed a poo. After I finished, I washed my hands and got in the car. I didn't notice until I was in the interview that there was poo underneath my acrylic nails.


Nevertheless, the interviewer didn't notice and I still got the job. And I start on Monday.


I really love it. I love it.


So I think that's true. Yeah, that's definitely true.


I think that's true because it's so horrible that you wouldn't want to make that up.


I just hope this is a big thing for girls to stop wearing acrylic nails. They are the devil.


Yeah, absolutely. I hate them. I hate them.


Like those like those long things, like, oh, they're so horrible.


And that girls the girls can't help but like, they they like they tap them on the like they take them on the side and they can't help it and they just they look horrendous. I genuinely like I hope that the idea that now people are realizing that there's a lot of particles everywhere, that harboring in acrylic nails.


Who shall I tell you a little poo story I've got? Yeah, right. All right. Just hold your breath. Right.


So one night I was this is this is kind of like must be about getting towards the end of the 80s.


So I go out one night and I come back to the hotel and, you know, it's just when those hotels are I've got the card key. Right. The key card. Right. Gone computerized.


You're not using the key anymore. You've got your card to zap it. So we go out and I come back and get into the hotel and go to my room and sit in there on the toilet. And I've just done my business looking around. And discover it's not my room is somebody else's room, no, sudden I can hear someone snoring.


Shut up. They are in the bed, right? I am in the bathroom looking around toiletries. Now, I have this terrible decision to make. Right. To alleviate or do I flush it? And I mean, where do you go from?


There you go. I just leave. If I leave, it is or is horrifying for them, you know.


No, they think they done it. Yeah, maybe, I think arsala muscles that work. Well, you have to you have to leave it. You can't flush it because it's going to pay you back. Yeah, of course you have to.


Because you woke up in a hotel room and I went in the toilet in the middle of the night. And there wasn't when I went to sleep. And now there is a shit in there. Yeah, but that would be worse than somebody just walking into my room.


Oh, sorry, this isn't mine, but I felt really guilty because they never even had the story of telling. That's Martin Kemp's pool in the toilet.


I thought I'd robbed him of a good story.


She left him a little note. Yeah, sure I did. I've never I never know.


Is there a lot of stories involved? Yeah, it does sound. I got one more, you know, yoga. You got to go one more night. You got to go see a story and a rasiah. No, no, not me. This is another one about you. Oh, really? Yeah, right. You're at home. You come downstairs and you fancy a bit of bread. Oh, man.


Yeah, that's terrible. And because we were living in Los Angeles time. Right. And so we're in the West Hollywood Hills and the hills.


You have this terrible trouble with rats coming down off the hill, big rats coming down off the hills and getting into the homes when it was kind of torrential rain. One morning I get up, I'm in my dressing gown and like I'm picking a little piece of bread that had been left on the side. And it was one of those loaves that was like nutty. So it's got bits and not around the outside. And all of a sudden I'm look at eating the nuts without really looking.


I don't think are these nuts are quite soft, quite tasty. I look at a bread to bridge its massive hole that goes all the way through it with all these brown bits of rat poo.


And what I've been doing is standing there eating the wrapper and enjoying every one of them. They were more like social honors than they were. They were bad.


There's rank of Nat, guess who's back in the 90s. I'm Akoto Frata. I am Tracy Clayton. We're celebrating our favorite boy bands, Army groups, the golden era of hip hop and Devah hits with a new podcast. My 9D playlist in each episode will celebrate one of our favorite 90 songs, the lyrics, the music, how each song came to be, and the effect that each song had on the world.


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A message in my best friend's older brother, and she doesn't have a clue. I'm going to hook up with him so soon and it will be a fun little secret to hide from her. That's just not cool, and I I find it strange that she said, is there some secret your brother this is terrible, says the older brother.


So it's not it's not bad at the V.A.. I don't think that's that's bad.


The only reason I wouldn't want my mates I have this conversation, my my my mates, my one of my one of my best mates started dating my sister. I think I wouldn't care, but I just know I know what they're like. So it would make me feel uncomfortable.


I don't think it's crossing a line. I think it's weird if you say that it's a secret that you've got to keep from your mate because you shouldn't keep secrets from your mates anyway, especially ones that I know.


But the thing here, it doesn't say it doesn't say a message of getting in a relationship with it says a funny little secret.


So this isn't this isn't a relationship. This isn't them liking it and getting in a relationship. This is just a bit of fun.


Yeah. But then anyway, they even go somewhere else. You've got life. So if one of my friends was like. I really, really like your sister. I'll be like, OK, cool, if they're like, I just want a bit of fun and get out, you know, get jobs, you know, are reading between the lines here.


I read what she's really doing is sexting. You reckon that's why she feels guilty, because messaging is nothing, is it? So she's messaging someone, but I reckon what the guilt here is sexting, but it says I'm going to hook up with him soon.


Yeah, but that's all I'm saying, is that it's more than as more of a hookup. No, I think it's hooking up with your friend's brother.


I think he's guilt coming. Why? Why can't you get it together? You know what's wrong with our boys? I mean, I don't know.


I know. I know.


I listen, they might be really attracted to each other.


Yeah, but if they are, that's true. Then the friend can know. But if my friend is. Yeah.


If the friend doesn't know, then there's something up. Do you know what I mean? There's a reason why that friend doesn't know.


Yeah. I think that like I think it depends on who out of your friend group that is. If you're like nasty kind of like scabby mate because we've all got one of them, you know. I mean, we've all got one mate, all your rank.


Like, if it's that one, then there's a problem. If it's not, then I dunno. It seems to be is a bit gross. But do you think he's. Oh, hang on.


Is the awkward angle. You've got this best friend, right. These two girls are best friends, right? Yeah. And and one of the girls fancies her mate's brother, so she messages him.


I don't think there's anything wrong in that. I think there's a difference. Right.


Alfie, do you have a sister? I do, yeah. Yeah. That you don't have a sister? No, I can't I can't describe to you what that thought process is like.


If one of my friends says I'm just going to have fun, little secret and hook up with your sister, there's no chance they're going there. My sister is different.


Like like I've I have to say that you can only know that if you're doing that.


Yeah. Yeah. If it's your sister, older or younger. Older.


OK, I'm going to say as a younger sister, that's what's even worse. Yeah. Yeah.


But you you're both thinking that the guy is this horror.


He might be a really nice guy. He's OK.


But let's flip it the other way. Vromen, one of your best mates, has a really hot older sister. Is that cool now for you to hook up with the older sister of your mate? Yeah, absolutely. Fine.


Well, I've got one. There we go. So my secret is I love to smell my feet whenever I'm out and about in town.


I just love to look at the other people's shoes and think about what their sweaty toes would smell like. My boyfriend is into this as well, which makes me think we're the perfect couple. But do I need to stop?




Is anything wrong with that? Whatever, whatever turns you on is whatever whatever floats your boat.


I listen like your feet stink a bit. Roday My feet stink. But I love smell in my shoes.


Yeah. Brachy Joy the smell of my bad shoes.


You got serious ideas that I don't think I've ever smelt my shoes on purpose.


What, you've never gone have a bang on that.


You never got out of here. Oh oh.


I mean Romelu quite proud of the scent. Yeah. Honestly I think I actually think it's like a chronic thing that you can have smelly feet. I've always had smelly feet. Don't mind it.


I think I think it's quite good. Maybe it's a great thing. I think this is I think this is a very good one.


Yeah, great.


I think it's a proper medical thing. Smell like a fetus or something. No. Can I say can I say so. So it's crazy, right. So to do with feet. So Mimesis is a neuroscientist. Right. So she knows all of these weird things.


And the Kinect, the sign ups connection in your brain that controls your feet is very close to the synapses for things that you find attractive or you're attracted to.


Right. And sometimes what happens is that those synapses can overlap. It's a thing called synesthesia. Right. So the reason why quite a few people are into feet is because of that.


It's also the same reason why like like if you listen to music, right. Do you see colors or do you see anything or do you think about anything? I've never heard is when I when I listen to music, when I listen to music, I see shapes, I see shapes.


But some people see colors. See wow. Yes.


It's a thing called synesthesia whereby you've got an overlap in your brain. Yeah. But one thing triggers off the other thing.


Yeah. For sure. Sick but.


Oh I think, I think, I think Soweto's is absolutely fine. But you said being into it and walking around town, looking at other people, smelling roses, I think it's harmless.


The only thing I don't understand and I've always thought about this with like people when you hear stories or you see things about people who are into really weird fetishes like weighing on each other and stuff should be OK. Not weird. Unique things, I'll say. Yeah. Unique. Yeah. Yeah.


Unique is like how do you No one find out you like that. The number to get in a relationship with somebody that also likes that.


These people like going on like a forum online and finding each other.


At what point in your relationship do you say. Well, there is a forum online.


I love when people and then your partner goes, so do I. There is a forum online for smelly feet fetishes. Do you know that?


There is listen, if you go on to eBay, you can buy use granny's slippers and they're really expensive, you know, really spend all the money. Mom is really annoying, but you can you know, and that is a thing. People are into it. And this issue isn't whether people are into it.


And it's a whatever whatever you think about it, as long as it's not affecting anyone else affecting that, it helps, you know.


Yeah, I think I think it's very good to be very liberal with your partner. I think I think that is very good.


I don't think I think I think kind of discussing that type of thing with a partner is a good thing, because most of the time, like, I think there is actually a far higher percentage of people that are into feet than we think.


Yeah. Like, you know, I'm a very open person. I'm not into it myself. Not that it grosses me. I just don't like John. I mean, like you think like not so, but like a bit like there are a higher percentage of that.


I think the main thing there it is, is it embrace that you and your partner both like the same things and count yourself lucky because you could be with some geezers, like, don't touch my feet. I hate feet. Exactly.


And also, it's such a simple thing, like your pleasure in life is something that you can literally get for free from your partner whenever you want. It's not like I love I don't buy an expensive jewelry.


You things feet that's sick.


I think it's cool if you're both into it. And why not. Yeah, and I count myself lucky that she's not with one of my mates where I won't I won't say his name, one of my mates. When he hooks up with a guy single and rightly so when he hooks up with a guy, he could take a girl home from a club. Right. And if he has sex with her, he tells them they have to keep their socks on every day because he hates feet so much.


And if they've worn heels, he gives them a pair of socks.


Oh, no, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. No, I'm not joking. He hates feet.


I was selling something on eBay and someone asked for more photos of it. I happily take the photos to send her the only problem. When I sent the photos, I accidentally sent a photo of my vagina.


I really love it.


You could get away with that. Depends on what you're selling. What do you mean what you're selling in terms of what I sell in bikinis and then you send me a vagina.


I mean, is she selling a fleshlight? Then she'd have an absolute touch.


I mean, just trying to think, you know, what could you claim that part of the product is.


Yeah, but again, what am I looking at in picture for just the reverse.


Yeah, that's just that's the bottom of the shoe.


Now you're looking at the bottom of the shoe with a grave.


The grooves. Oh, the way to get people's attention. You know, it's like a loss leader, isn't it? You put it out there and it's not really that product selling. It's something else. But you've got everyone's attention.


But then you just get the message back like, oh, unfortunately, I don't have a postal address. I can do click and collect. Can I come and pick it up?


Yeah. Yeah. Oh me.


Oh, you go the opposite way and you start claiming like like they're saying to you like are you just sent me photo of this. I'm like no I didn't, I never said, I never said I don't have any of anything on my phone.


And then if they try and send it back you can then be like, how dare you. Yeah. Try and send me out.


Here is the place of business. Yeah. Did you ever see the pictures that went around a couple of years ago, somebody selling a mirror on eBay and they'd taken a picture of the mirror as the article and they stood in the mirror naked, taking a picture of the mirror.


And I see now it's on now.


And so suddenly like that there's like Catorce, like like metal kettles and things we were selling and have the funny pictures.


Yeah, absolutely horrendous. I mean, to be fair, that one. Yeah, I can totally see that. It's very easy. Yeah.


To overshare on so many find someone sent me a selfie the other day and her dad is super famous. Right. And her dad is walking past in the background completely naked now that he was in the picture.




Oh my God. I like Israel canalside name.


I'd be sued out of my brains.


My dad is going through a major mid-life crisis. He's been posting selfies on Instagram and acting dead shifty the other day. The spare room is open bracket. It's usually locked.


So I looked inside and found a full on cannabis farm in there. I don't know if I should tell him I know what he's up to and I'm not even sure if my mom knows about it.


Oh, well, she's got a house that she doesn't know. Is a cannabis permanently locked? I don't believe that.


I can't believe Mom's fully in on it. And the girl just doesn't realize the mom's the one smoking it all now.


I think I think it depends on where it is in the world. I think if you've got if you're if you're in a place where that's illegal, which I actually think it is illegal to do it unless you have a license to do that, then I think you need to tell your old man that you know and that, you know, teach him a lesson so that this is wrong and you can't be doing that. You get in trouble then banged up parents, you know.


I mean. Yeah.


So I think I think that's quite the if that is real, I mean, that sounds too good. It sounds like the start of a Netflix show.


Yeah. I don't think that's real. That's bullshit. Yeah I do. Yeah. Because I have a cannabis farm. You got have humidifiers. You've got to have the lighting. Right. You've got the old man is going to come out stinking of weed.


Easy. We can't we know this stuff safely. You know that he's going to come out stinking of weed every day. You know, he's going to be spaced out. He's not. If he's if he's smoking dope, I mean, for that to happen in your house and you don't know about it is practically impossible. Yeah.


And also, you would have to you would have to be doing that for for quite some time. So if he's only just started acting shifty.


Yeah. I'm for it to be a full on farm as well. You've got to be going for a while surely. Yeah. I don't like where in your house. How big is your spare room. It'd be a for my spare room. There is not a film farm. No.


I daresay it's most probably two plants that are about six inches high that she's exaggerating a little bit.


Yeah. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what it is. I tell you it is. Our old man is having a mid-life crisis. Right. And so he's gone out and he's bought bonds.


I tried to have sex with old men. It was a midlife crisis. Oh, man. They're going for a midlife crisis. They buy bonds I tried to buy recently.


Bonds are true. If you've got a book dream, I've got three. How are they going? I love bonds. I I'll tell you why I have them. Roman. Those is because my dad, who isn't with us anymore, used to used used to have bonsai trees and so I keep three bonsai trees in memory of him. Yeah.


So, so much that my granddad instead of bonsai Chiba he also used that is really weird. He used to have them next.


All these like fluorescent lights and like infrared and light.


It always must really be back from Amsterdam all the time. Yeah. I used to smoke quite, quite murky but he was always happy.


So we're very happy. Very happy New Year. Is this how.


That is a lovely choice for us, really appreciate having you on funny stories that probably shouldn't have said.


I always end every episode with asking the guests if there's anyone else that they know that they think I should get in touch with and have on.


Have you had Joel and his wife with not a joke? No. No. Oh, yeah.


Jojo's funny. Joe's got some really funny stories because Joe's background is in heavy metal. OK, so he's got some he's got some skeletons to show.


That man's too nice. Looking too nice, too good. Looking to not have some problem with him. So I think he's got a few dollars.


Joel and his wife Halimah try them. You know who I reckon you should have and I reckon you should get Nicole Scherzinger to see if she realized that rope around the back of her shed.


She probably, you know.


I hope you enjoyed this episode of Secret's Out, as I said at the beginning, please don't forget to subscribe and follow along if you haven't already. Feel free to also leave a rating and submit a secret own if you're up for that with all the secrets out. Don't club next week on the podcast I'm joined by and I'm so excited to say this Joe Dommett and his wife Hannah, who literally only a couple of minutes ago, Roman said that he has got all of the secrets and he should be the next guest on the podcast.


And we've managed to pull it off. So I'll see you next week for the seeks out with Joe Dommett and his wife, Hannah.