I couldn't put my finger down my trousers, did not go to church, I, I knocked my boyfriend's brother once.
Yeah, that's equally do you all for coming up and checking TV secrets so good. They're giving us some ideas about laughing with me. Laughing at me. Laughing That's why, God forbid, I'm going to make these really funny. I Bob Phuket's Joe. Welcome back to the seat, because our podcast, my name is Alvida is and this is Episode seven. I'm switching things up this week instead of having well-known celebrities. Joining me today, I'm joined by my mum, my dad and my sister.
If you follow me on YouTube or Instagram, you'll know that I'm incredibly close with my family, which is why I'm so bloody nervous for this episode. I have no idea what secrets they're going to be talking about from their lives.
They might even be bringing up secrets from my childhood, in my life. I genuinely have no idea what they're going to be bringing up or what they're going to be talking about. If you listen to them for the first time and you're not quite sure how the Secret Out podcast works. I've been sent a ton of anonymous secrets from the public and invited some of the biggest celebrities, or in this case, my family, literally, my mom, dad and sister to help me go through them, as well as hearing some of the most outrageous secrets that have been sent in by the public.
My guests also share some unbelievable secrets from their personal lives to. That's the one I'm nervous about. I don't think I want to know any secrets from my mom and dad's personal life. I just don't think I want to know that if you haven't already subscribed, please make sure you do.
Now, hit the subscribe button down below. It only takes a second of your time.
And don't forget to head over to the Secret's Out club to submit a secret of your own.
And just before we jump into the episode, as usual, I want to give you a heads up that some of the topics covered in this podcast are pretty full on.
These are real secrets from real people's lives. So if you're squeamish, feel free to click off the podcast. Now, I won't be offended.
This podcast is not for everybody. Right. This is the first time when I'm like dreading saying let's jump into the episode because we're about to find out stuff about my parents and my sister. I definitely don't want to know. I hope you enjoy the episode.
OK, right, we started recording, now you listen to any poppy. Poppy, how many episodes, no line have you listened to? I'm fucked. I know how many episodes?
No, you haven't listened to any one, which right now you have someone who is who is on it about.
You don't know I can't remember who was on the first one, he didn't listen. It must've been good by the increase in him.
OK, so the forecast always start off with everyone introducing themselves. Poppy, take it away.
I don't know what to say to yourself, what you do, what your job is, how old you are, what your hobbies are, what you like. Just a little bit about you so that people can get a picture for somebody that doesn't know who you are.
I'm Poppy. I run an Instagram account, a blog. I'm a content creator. I'm Alfie sister. I'm 29. Is that enough?
The oldest, my older sister, does a ton of stuff on social. Mom definitely wants to go next week.
My mom wants them just like me. Just to warn you, when my mom speaks, it might be for quite a long period of time. My mom likes to tell long stories, so if you hear any hot edits and cops, we've got to just cut it all out.
Who who are you? What do you do?
Hi, my name's Amanda. I'm Alfie and Poppy's mum. And you'll be boarding a flight to die.
I was a social worker and associate manager for 40 years. Work my children. My hobbies are gardening.
That's what you do. And I hope to God that every time that I met Alfie and Poppy's dad, I'm 58 years old, I was married to him.
And that's how long we've been together.
35, 35 years, and he got it wrong, that 30.
As you know, Poppy, from listen in so many times, everybody has to say their own secret other than me, which is super handy.
No, but we've talked about this because I think it's a family addition. You should have to do a secret like that.
Was the agreement that there was no agreement that your outfit was the only reason we came on no Facebook, because that's not how this works.
Who wants to go? First off, a secret gone that. So I'm first. Am I. Yeah, OK.
I'm genuinely fucking worried about this. I have no idea what mom and dad are going to say. I feel like they're fully going to send it. No, it won't be that embarrassing for you. It's embarrassing for me, isn't it? So my secret, which will be a big surprise to my mom who does listen to these, is about six months ago I took her to the hospital. I had a bit of a dicky tell me the night before I remember.
What kind of an upset can we say that?
Yes. She said she was looking at me already as she does, because you've got shit yourself eyes.
You're looking at me like you're able to focus on love and they're in for a treat. She's a big shit storm away.
I was taking my mom to the hospital, had to walk through the park. She's not very nimble on her feet. So we're going very slowly.
Had a number of thoughts as we walk through the park.
I got to go out and I can't remember how many. And I only wanted to know. Are you sure you can't remember?
I wasn't counting at the time, but I know the last one I felt a little bit more high tech might have happened than I expected.
I think you'll find it's called a shot at a shot. You know, cool that you got that because I had nice cuts to put my finger down my trousers.
It's not going to change. I want to fight. You don't know what to shit yourself. Yeah, I know you have it done that call.
No, you've never done a fall and just be like. I bet, Jack. No, you have to have. Oh yeah. To check. Well I've never actually. Yeah.
Well the reality is I checked and the finger was a bit more OK and you're still walking your mum through all this point.
I'm waddling slowly, slower than your mom, wishing I had a knack for, you know, get people out on time. So I need to waddle into the hospital, check in to reception, waddling away, thinking, what am I going to do? I can't go back because we will miss the appointment. She's got half had to deal with the doctors. Yeah. On the way to the hospital. I have to deal with that.
No, no. So decide the only thing I can do is go into the toilets and go commando and have a little downstairs wall.
Not a shower, obviously not downstairs for me. You know, there's still no funny enough I didn't.
So I had to get fully undressed from the waist down. Obviously, you've got a shot to get rid of you.
No, go for it. All right. So get rid of the my favorite pants. Actually, you want to favor pants. These are my favorite pants on with me anymore. So I got myself better.
I went out, my mom was going, where have you been hearing about so much detail? And that's it. So I had to clean myself up and get. Yeah, she never knows. Can I just finish it. So it's nice to know I never let me finish a story to you.
You're always into.
Oh this is no because that's why I wondered why you didn't know Pops I suppose.
But it didn't shed if you because you're saying it like wait a minute, can I say when Dad came home from that appointment that day, he came into the house and he said, oh, my God, oh my God, you won't believe it. I've shut myself.
I'm sorry. I'm so glad of that. We don't have that. We have.
And Zoey said, hi, Nick. Oh, it was over.
So sweet. So he hasn't shared the story. Xander, I'm a mom now. Yes. Yeah. A looking after.
So when I was a teenager, I went through a fake smoking stage phase and mum and dad found out, you know, you didn't actually smoke.
No, I mean, I've never inhaled a cigarette. All my friends take the piss because I couldn't even inhale a cigarette. But, you know, I wanted to have that, like the state of smoking.
Well, I don't know, whatever.
And once I was in the kitchen and I had a visitor, I'm going to say I'm walking on a roller.
I had a river.
I went into the garden and I cut some grass, smoked chicken.
Yesterday, I did all I just want to see what it's like to smoke some grass. So I stood in the kitchen, I let it go so and just smoked it. But did you have a cigarette? Did you not like pure grass?
What happened to it? I don't think.
I suppose this is one to worry about. No, no, this is actually it's not really frightening talk because it's not a secret to you guys. But I for me, there are lots of secrets that I absolutely 100 percent couldn't share with you, I'm afraid, for the public.
But one of my funny secrets, and it has to be the one where we convinced you when you were six, Popi and four that Daddy and I met in a circus and we actually kept this.
This one confuses me. We kept it going for over two years.
So friends of ours, we told you that we'd met with Chris and Sarah, best friends. And we'd Sarah and Chris were with us at the circus while Chris and Nick were at the circus. And they came and they saw Mummy and Sarah on the trapeze.
God, Monday anyway.
So we were on the trapeze and used to say, Poppy, what did you wear? Mummy, what did you see? Daddy? What was it? And we kept this up for about two years. So it's one of my best secrets.
That's how you met? No, we didn't. No, no, no, no, no. You say yeah. This is such a long story.
I feel like people got lost along the way. So my mum and dad told Poppy, annoyed that they met from my mum and her friend Sarah being trapeze artists in the circus. And my dad and Sarah's husband were in the audience. Or were you also in the circus?
No, because that was why we had a lap dancing pole in the bedroom.
So, you know, let's dance. And we were in the bedroom, must there? No, no.
I have never had a lap dance for you at all. Oh, I can't even speak.
They also talked how many other lies that we do and told us that somebody along with the best.
Also, what we used to do when we we put the clocks forward out and say, oh, it's six o'clock, ready for bed time to have a bath.
And I'll tell you what, you can have an extra story tonight because you've been so good for the restaurant.
Throw it out six o'clock. Oh, my God. So usually this is when we jump straight into secrets from the audience that have submitted them. However. Well, this is the first time we've ever had somebody submit a secret that knows one of us in this room, so usually.
So this is somebody who's written in like everybody else, but they've written enough details, which I will beat. But I will say out loud. To show that they know one of us in this room and they've told the secret that one of us would know obviously something to me, somebody else, and I don't know who this is, but I'm guessing that you will know them.
They wrote in, and this was a long time ago, they wrote in as well, I went to Infant Junior Secondary and college with your sister Poppy. And this just in case you think I'm a widow.
Brackett's Vonderen. Also was in my class, etc.. It's true, when I was in junior school year three, I was a compulsive liar. I lied that my auntie was pregnant and that she died. And one day I was in swimming class across outfield and the teacher wouldn't listen to me while I was in the pool.
So I lied to my mom and said that the teacher tried to drown me while my mom rushed to school to have it out with the teacher, but soon realized I was fibbing. I got the boy who cried wolf story and haven't lied since. So that's all they've said.
Oh, my God. I thought, you know, well, I went to school to have Poppy shot on my head. No, no. I mean, like, I'll bet I did indeed.
But you must know this person. But they haven't said who they are. You can't name them. No, I don't know their name. Everything that you could make them anonymous. But, you know, I have no idea.
No idea who in school.
I have no more that than you ever coming home saying that another kid died, that somebody that the swimming teacher tried to drown them.
I have no idea what it was like the other side of the school to me. So I don't know that not so well because I was like, that is enough info that that is true. That is true. It's the only time someone's ever written in a secret.
So what was her lie?
A secret that she is just an impulsive liar, got caught lying and has never lied since, but was in Poppy's class. Those lies are pretty ballsy to start with.
And also you as well or something.
Yeah, right. That's so spooky. They. When my mom annoys me, which is often I grab a small knife from the kitchen and stab her clothes in the laundry basket, no, because not only is she obsessed with keeping her clothes perfect, but it really comes my anger.
But when she asked about why there were holes in her clothes, I just. This is you, Poppy. You know, I just blame it on the washing machine. She still thinks our washing machine is broken. So handwash is most of her clothes. Oh, my God.
I was just about to say, you must blame on the washing machine. But to be that angry, that sounds that sounds like me.
I used to just make angry potions in my bedroom. What do you mean?
I was angry. Am I was talking about I would just make like little potions. Just like a cigarette.
Oh my God.
I don't know.
Well, cast spell of light is being used to. We grieve for a little pestilent more to just get up and open the door and you're in the light. I don't like cooking up some spell. I've said this before. That's where your pencil went down, you know, for tree frogs. Yes.
No, my belly. Oh, my gosh. I like that secret. I think that's a good one.
I mean, it's pretty sad, I think. Yeah. I think it's also. How long can you you know, they're going to get a new washing, you know. Oh yeah. Yeah. They're going to get like a new washing machine is still happening. And also it does.
Her mom just washed her own clothes in the basket. Surely there'll be other people's clothes. Maybe everyone does their own in the basket. Maybe they do all their own.
But the person's probably separate at the point that night.
Yes, that's pretty savage, although I feel like the person watching it might be the kind of age when you don't know the value of things because they probably haven't bought their own clothes. They don't realize that that's actually bloody expensive.
You know, OK, maybe her mom's clothes are more important to her than her daughter.
Oh, maybe she's deep dive. Maybe the daughter's feeling a bit neglected.
And so, like a reminder has joined the podcast. She needs to get our act together and.
When I was younger, my sister had a hamster and she took it everywhere. One time she wanted me to meet her in the park and bring the hamster, and I decided to use a Sainsbury's shopping bag. Bear in mind, I was about seven.
Some dogs came up to me and said, I just finished.
The hamster died. I buried the hamster. But I told my sister that I just forgot the hamster at home. Still to this day, my sister doesn't know and she thinks that her hamster just escaped from her cage.
Oh, my gosh. I'm telling that person, come forward. You need to tell your owner. Yeah, there has to be talk. No, I don't think so.
I think no. Well, they should just never tell their sister.
Why why do you want to tell me she would never hurt people? Another hamster. Oh, you definitely know how many fish to do that to us dead goldfish.
Did you do that with goldfish? No, because the neighbor used to do I remember Neighbor Day, but we never did because obviously I felt it was important for you to experience.
Oh yeah. Like the time you told my hamster died and actually had an I went downstairs. No, I came upstairs. You told me that hammie no cookie.
The whole family died, my beloved pet.
And then I went downstairs and he was alive.
The best was that that and I was sitting in bed and I was going, OK, we're going to have to tell them very gently. They're going to have to. This is their first real experience of loss of a pet. We're going to do this really gentle.
We're going to and then you go downstairs and poke some that he was just chilling more and he wasn't.
Well, yeah, he didn't have to be for three days later.
So he was down three more days with him and my brother.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's better.
My brother was annoying me, so I stuck some of his pens up my arse and helped them around a little bit.
He's a pen biter.
Oh. Well, I think that really should have been a toothpick. All right, so that's all you would know that is are biting.
You think that's a fruity pen? Yeah, but it's just too late. I hope that they sat in the front room and he was doing his homework and the sister was just watching or the other brother was just watching him do these kind of. Yeah. Multiple bends also.
That's quite confident to stick it up your butt. I know it's not very wise.
I would have thought it was one of those flavored gel pens. Oh, they will call back and say, oh no. They were like, oh no, no, no, no, no.
That's horrible. What's a good way to get your own back?
Oh, I really like it, Mom. No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, you have to be secret.
So good. They're giving us some ideas.
I kept weed in a secret box hidden in my room a few months ago, I couldn't find the box, but I didn't worry as I thought I just maybe misplaced it. A few days ago, I found it in my dad's bedside table, but it's now empty.
I'm annoyed he stole it, but also pretty grateful that he didn't snitch on me to mom.
So now I don't know what to do. Absolutely not. Excuse me. My where's my weed? No, you would.
Because then what? You just need to a mom. What do you mean?
The mom obviously doesn't know that the teenagers smoking weed.
Well then I'd say, dad, you need to replace it. And we keep it between us and we have a nice night.
I think that's cool. I like that. I think it's sharing it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no sharing it. But the fact that the dad, the dad, son, the power move had to be able to take the weed but keep control the taken because the kid can't do anything.
Yeah, I'm having it. And you. You're not. No, I get it.
I totally get it. But I'm not sure that I don't know whether I would. I think she just has to stay still, but hide it in a better place next time. Yeah. Yeah, sure.
To replace it with cuttings from the garden. Nothing. No, Trinny, fuck you on it. Or just have one pet that just smells of shit.
Yeah. Just a shitty device I had. Where did she say she hit it.
She hit it in a just in my room hidden in my brains.
He's been in her room looking. Oh no that's not cool.
I mean I did tell her I was looking for your cigarettes. Yeah.
The one line that I'm going to be in your room looking for your weed, probably just to let you know tonight at 11:00 that we all and feel brave because I thought about just giving you a heads up.
When I was about four or five years old, we used to live in a house with open front porch and we had tons of goats in the neighborhood and the United Arab Emirates, it's normal to see goats everywhere as people keep them for milk and festivals. Tons of them would come on to our porch and shit.
That shit looks like small balls like Martinez, me and my white Mutis Montaner.
I'm on TV news is me and my sister used to go out and pick these chocolate colored balls and unknowingly snack on poo balls for lunch.
I feel like you have to give a disclaimer for this podcast.
Well, this episode is a shit show that takes a lot of the people should sit here and say there's a lot of shit stories in these.
If you if you listen to the podcast before you, you know, I feel like.
Do you know. Well, I'm not used to you if that tastes good, it's vegetarian. Yeah. I didn't hurt them this far at the end.
They don't understand. Did they know it was goat share?
No, that was just they've got to have some kind of, you know, my shoulder. You're not going outside.
It's raining. That's that's what I mean. That's always sprinklered.
Martinez Oh, I love them, I would say.
I was catfishes my sister two years ago to see if she liked girls, OK? Turned out she did start over. Sorry is drunk. Why is this table drinking?
Coca-Cola was recording a three to one motion, a fucking feature film. Mike, check. Can I go? Go, Mom. Come on. Love you.
Freeze on video snuggles.
I just read a little bit.
We came out of the bloody like I was cat fishing my sister two years ago to see if she liked girls.
It turns out she did and she doesn't know that it was me and he and she still hasn't come out of.
Oh, stop it. Why don't you get the fuck out? I don't.
You just laugh out laughing with me, laughing at me about my life. And that's why Dad's laugh at somebody who's catfish.
And this is two years ago. See if she likes girls. Turns out what she did. She doesn't know it's her. She still hasn't come out to the family. The fact that she likes girls. OK, that's deep.
Yeah, this one's serious. She needs to just leave it alone, let her sister come out and she wants to come out and it's comfortable and never tell anyone.
Tell her probably speak that serious in my voice just when I love you that you also need to look at herself.
You can't be happy doing the testing yourself. Yeah. Tell her she does need to look at herself. She needs to check yourself, whoever you are.
I accidentally hit a wall while reversing after having my car for a week, being so embarrassed, I decided to tell my family that someone had bumped and then drove off. They then went all around the cars looking for the black pain that they may have transferred to the other car. We were walking around the streets for an hour, but I couldn't tell them. That's literally.
Yes. You know, I mean, have you seen my car?
Although it still has a chunk out of it from when I backed into that tree, the tree I thought was a metal pole.
Not at all.
I've had the car for about four weeks in Steinmeyer Park. I backed into a tree. It was pretty awful in the car park.
I just didn't see it. I did. You did not see a tree?
Yeah, I did it once outside intimate scenes. I had the person I don't know if I ever told you this brand new Porsche. And I went round to show her and I was so excited.
And then I had I had music on really loud noise.
And yes, you see, by reverse straight into a pulp, because I was I couldn't hear it.
I couldn't see the pole because I was so the music was so loud and I was that because she said, yes, dad, what about you?
Have you driven into any trees or any driving test driven since I was one day. But we won't go there just at the moment.
Well, I'm going to make these really funny guy, Bob, it's so whatever this is, I'm going to laugh at this one.
I'm going all I hope it's nothing but Christ.
I heard my sister talking to her friends about a guy she was seeing previously and they had slept together. I'm her gay brother and I've slept with the same person.
She has no idea how wrong. Sounds like get both funny. I think it's really cool.
That's I think it's absolutely cool because she's he's he said she's talking about someone she slept with previously. So she's not in that relationship with him. Now, that's still not cool.
Oh come on. OK, ok. OK. I said knocked my boyfriend's brother once.
Yes. Equally not all that could you know, he said don't throw the dog in your boyfriend's brother. That's ok. So not cool. It's not so much.
And having two kids. 17. Oh but we're talking about sleeping with not snogging. But also you say you had two sons. And they're both the same person. That's not cool. They're both be annoyed.
Well, I don't know if they didn't know that each other had and they just had by chance, OK, pretty like I'd be like, that's really weird.
But if one of them actually was like seeing one mean, they developed feelings and then you're like, oh, my God, that's. You slept with my partner. He like magic. They got married. It's like the best man state, like, hey man, seeing your cock.
I know somebody I know someone who has done that. What are you saying?
If you guys broke up and that got with one of our volunteers, that's cool. That's normal. No, that's not what I'm doing.
And it's me getting with one of our uncles, isn't it?
Nancy, I think sleeping with somebody that your siblings just not the one I don't think there's a lot of people in this world to pick from, do you know?
I mean and also the fact that I want to know about the guy, though, because the guy is obviously he must have known.
Or did he. Oh, yeah. The guy is fine with. I think it's fine for the guy. I think it's cool for the siblings. I just don't know how long they were together. You don't know if it was a one night stand. You don't know how from the university you said he slept with a mother and daughter, but that's different. Separately separate.
Oh. Oh, come. We know you drank a good Diet Coke, too.
I don't think it's awful, so I don't think it's awful. I just think that if you're all adults.
And did he say that? She doesn't know though. That's that's the bit the sad secrets. I don't like secrets. Funny enough. So I think that they should have told you, well, then you're in the wrong place.
And the doors that and you get out, any of us here, you have the most secrets.
So you don't like secrets.
Don't answer that.
I can't give any secrets. No, no, I could. Do you want me to tell you so much? You say it bloody day.
I recently split with my partner of nearly seven years. It started out as a really bad breakup and he got he got one of my closest friends when I went to collect my things from my house.
I went with my sister and a lot of my friend's belongings were there as we were about to leave. My sister needed to go to the loo. I didn't know this until three days later. But what my sister did was use this girl's toothbrush to clean the loo, peed on it and also cleaned some skid marks off the toilet. It's been about six months and she doesn't know and she's used the toothbrush since.
I like that idea. That's a good one. Best friend. Get in with your ex partner of seven years.
I mean, that's fucked up, right? Yeah. So she was with her partner for seven years, broke up. One of her closest friends got with her. So the sister did that to nothingness. I think that's a good level of revenge. That's not too crazy.
That's funny. I still wouldn't do it, but I would want to do it, you know?
I mean, I don't think I could do it. I mean, I think it's funny sort of, but I'm not sure. I mean, what would you do that what were they then trying to think if I dunno, not a revenge person.
So I don't know.
I don't know. But I'm no, I don't I don't know. I don't think I think paying on a technicality.
I mean, it's quite like, you know, that's a very strange noise tradition to be in. The last episode was with Chris Storch and Scott Mills.
And somebody is revenge for their partner, cheating on them, cooked him dinner and straightened the spaghetti that she made him through her dirty knickers before he ate it inside the table and eat it with him. He probably liked yes.
I kind of said yes, the websites for that revenge wall for that was the stuff, that mystery. You know what we did. That's what they never used this time back.
Oh, my. What we know.
Well, I don't know. Revenge I did. I'm not going to say who it was, but I was someone that I would get upset, of course, with.
And so when I made that coffee, I would go, cappuccino.
Oh, mom, I did when you were with them or work. Not work. And it wasn't at work, OK? No. As a family member. But I you know, it was like coffee, coffee, cup tea and I got motile.
Give it. I forgot what this one was now. Oh, the poor thing was, it was the toothbrush that brush it.
Well I think it's all good. Yes it was, it was the toothbrush I think Fairplay Savage.
But I don't know if it's savage, you know, but I don't think you're going to really do something, do it.
I mean, if I go do it, if you're going to do so well you give me that to go back to that bloody brush toy to sleep with them.
I mean, all these things that can be so many more of them are going to be bring them in. Gold fourteeners. Eighteen is three oh oh.
I always end of the episodes by asking everybody who they think should come on the podcast next. Is there anyone that you think should come on? Oh, can we have a second?
Yeah, you need a second. Just anyone that you think might be good, you know, everyone's gone, so everyone's literally like looking in the corner of different corners of the room. Can you give me a second?
Cut this back, Davina?
Davina McCall? Yeah, yeah, I think so, because I feel like, you know a lot about a lot of people also feel like she's super wise.
I feel like should be really like good with a little bit naughty as well. Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Okay. Thank you. That was wonderful. Thank you. That was wonderful. I'd like so much good night. And it's of like it's like getting hydrides.
Right. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of the CBS podcast. I really bloody appreciate you listening in, listening all the way to the end and so much support. If you have a secret of your own, please go to what the secret's out club and submit it. It might be featured in the next episode of the podcast. And one last thing. If you're feeling nice, please don't forget to subscribe or follow along with the podcast. So you'll be notified every single week when a new episode goes up.
Thank you so much for listening and have a lovely rest of your day. I'll see you next week.