On today's episode of the SERP were discussing Tic-Tac stars exposing their parents and the most insane celebrity to make. Burp, oh, oh, you're always commenting on my burps, just let them happen. Someone's got a fucking comment on it, you crazy bitch. Hello.
You guys are welcome to another episode of the SERP. I'm so excited that you're joining us. I'm Rowland Adams, of course, with Lizzie Gordon. One of these days, I'd like to introduce myself.
OK, well, I'll give you that power next week. You could introduce both of us. Something to live for. Yeah, OK. How are you doing this week?
I'm a mess and I'm so sorry I was late today. I just like couldn't stop watching Netflix.
I literally asked you to come early to help me decorate for how I know I won't like. I'll be there at nine a.m. and happy spook tober.
If you're tuning in on YouTube you can see our half assed background because Lizzie was fucking late. So sorry. What were you doing?
I was watching the fucking second season of The Haunting of Hill House, which is like the haunting of Bly Manor or Blyer House. I don't know. But it's great. I, I'm not very into scary thing. Oh, I can't turn it off.
And last year when this came out, I was literally watching it on my phone everywhere I went, like I took it to work and was watching it on my phone all day.
So this is a second season. This is a second season. It's an anthology series. So it's a completely different haunting and it is fire.
I'm almost done. But then I had to fucking come here and talk to your dumb ass. No, thank you. And I saw what you got stung by a fucking bee last night.
Dude, I got stung by a bee while driving.
I was smoking a cigarette and I like felt this presence on my arm and I like looked down and out of my peripheral. I swear I thought it was just a fly. So I was like, shoo fly. And it landed on my leg. And then I was like, something was too cool about that fly, like that fly.
I had a lot of confidence and like be energy. And then I looked down at my leg and it was a fucking bee and I had a cigarette in one hand and my phone and the other one because I just really want to die while driving.
Apparently you can't be promoting holding. I know I wasn't texting. I wasn't texting. You were just holding it for comfort. Yeah. Have you learned nothing from this? Kind of like how a boy holds his dick for comfort. Like I hold my phone for comfort and all settings, like I have it here right now.
So the bees inside of your car, the bees on my thigh. And I'm just thinking like, oh God, I got to get this motherfucker out of here before he stings me.
And then, like a knee jerk reaction is, went bam and smacked it into my thigh and it fucking stung the shit out of me and stung you or you insinuated the sting because you snapped it into your thigh.
I would classify this as a bee murder. Singing Oh, well, yeah, bees die.
I mean, apparently I haven't done actual research, but the rumor is that they die after they sting and I don't.
Yeah. Which is like, why are you flexing so hard? Is it worth your life to cause me this pain and agony if you're smacking it with your phone? Honestly, I was trying to kill it.
And I know we have a bee shortage and I know you're not supposed to kill bees and I don't feel great about it. But I was terrified and I was driving and I had to do something and it resulted in more physical pain for me. So if calm is not a bitch, I don't know, why wouldn't you shoo it away?
And bees. Aren't you a bee? Do not shoot bee. Don't bother. Bees are out to kill you or sting you. I really don't think so. I mean, like if you alarmed them, they'll do it.
And I have this crazy theory because when I have this crazy mole on my lip. Have you ever noticed it?
Of course I've noticed. OK, so I don't know if it's something I made up.
Like, I think people can make up memories. Yeah. Like you can think memories into existence. And when I was a kid, I mean this did happen. I just don't know if it resulted in my mole.
But I got on this tire swing and it was it had a huge bees nest inside of it. But I was I had already committed. So like, my whole body's in the tire swing and a bee stung me right on the lip and it inflamed, like internal effects.
It took over my entire face.
And for a week probably I just was living with that. So now I have this theory that I don't think I had the mole before the bee sting. I think the bee sting resulted in the mole.
Is it a mole or a scar then? So I don't know. I'm going to have to go back and look in scrapbook.
I put my boss on and get up close and that mouth. My sister, though, also has the same mole in the same position. So that might debunk the theory. But I'm honestly going to go back and watch this whole thing's made up. And you were never even stung by a bee on your face. You've never even been on a tire swing. But that is great.
I'm going to have to look more into creating your own memories or your ideals of how things happened, because I think that's something people do for sure.
Oh, as a child, I was a pathological liar. So sometimes. And has that actually changed? Yes, it's fucking changed, you piece of shit.
I saw a lot of people were saying that we were causing too much in that. So let's chill out.
I mean, I'm guilty, too. I start to tell me how to live my life. Now I'm going to react safe and confident, telling me how to live my life. I know I'm going to be one of those people that, like, read the comments and then react and live my life. No, I'm never going to do that. I was just really excited about the comments on the first podcast.
So we're all very sorry. I don't remember now. We've got way to kill the vibe. So it's no swearing. Sorry, guys. I mean, before I get into some hot topic.
I did want to talk about your wedding because it was literally like I never got my RSVP, but I think it was like supposed to happen tomorrow, right? Yeah, we were supposed to get married on October 30th. And when lockdown happened, I actually, like, called the venue and I was like, we got to push this. And then they threatened to charge me more money to push it during the pandemic because we didn't feel comfortable sending out invites or our spouse not knowing when the world was going to open up or if anybody could actually come.
And it also felt like in poor taste to be like in light of the pandemic, please join us for a massive fucking gathering.
You don't get to assume you don't own to stream it live on. Absolutely not.
Like there's nothing I'd rather do less well, the more so like we didn't get that far into our wedding planning. But the more that I'm thinking about an actual wedding now, it just like does not seem very appealing to me.
I never actually, like, wanted a huge wedding. I wanted like a really small, intimate 50 people. Now I'm like eight is great. We'll have eight people there. It'll be fantastic.
But I, like, started crying this morning because, like, I should be super excited and getting ready for my wedding in a couple of weeks.
Your mom's super adorable. And so you a wedding dress. OK, as Jocie are you one of those brides?
The Joe doesn't. Johs very traditional and very romantic. And he wants to keep that like air of mystery. So I can't post one of the photos. I think about it. And I was like, I could tell Joe specifically not to fucking look, but my mom, like two weeks ago hit me up with this picture of this this pattern that she, like, probably got in like 1962 from the Goodwill.
Like, it's a pattern. It's an actual physical pattern.
I know about patterns. Oh, you do. You so dress this for me. So my mom sent me this pattern and I'm just like, whatever, like do whatever you want. Like, I don't care. And I in my mind, I was like, she's never going to fucking sell my dress fuck in two days, go by and she's texting me selfies in the dress.
She so the dress and then she put it in the mail and sent it to me like I have my wedding dress made by my mom now in my house and like I have to wear it.
OK, well tell not to watch this episode. You can show your mom being so fucking cute. She was trying to God. I saw again. There I go. There I go. Let it go.
All right, you guys, because this show is still an undertaking of my own. If you want to support us, you can get my Rylant Hooty Raimund Adams Dotcom Use Code Rylan for twenty five percent off. And because a lot of you had requested a video version of this podcast, the clips channel is now basically full video episodes. So you want to see us.
If I want the video version, I mean we're still like if it starts not yeah. Doing great or something and we're this cute then Nick. And for now, for the time being, it is a video podcast as well on YouTube at the clips. So go keep us there. So we're such a business bitch and I love it. OK, with no sponsors but my own on this show. But that's some that's some hard core like empowerment. Like I do what I want, like I'm in what I really wanted to podcast.
It wasn't just like a cash grab for me. I really enjoy talking about stupid shit. This is all I want to do with my life.
If the rest of my life is spent just commentating on Demi Lovato, former fiance, I like all have there's new developments and I'm going to keep it short because like, OK, first, I did want to jump into Kim Kardashian and Addison Ray's best friendship.
Khloe No, no, we're talking about Kourtney. Did I not say Kourtney? You said Kim. Then I said Khloe. But we landed on the right one, which is Kourtney. This is an impossible family to keep straight. Yeah.
And she's the often the one that's forgotten. Poor Kourtney. I mean, by her own choosing, she's always like, I don't want to be famous. And she exiting the show before the show even canceled it.
So, yeah. But a lot of people have a lot to say about their friendship because Addison Ray is nineteen.
What's her name. Kourtney Cardassian. Forty one. And I might be lying.
Addison might have just started to do that. Twenty.
But do you think it's weird that this friendship formed and I will say their friendship blossomed because Addison went over to do a tick talk with Courtney's son because my was a big fan and then it blossomed from there.
I don't know that I have anything nice to say. Well, I kind of feel about this the same way I feel about casual sex. If all parties are, like, enjoying it, yeah, everyone's getting what they want from the experience. I think more power to them. And I will say there's a smart business move in it for the both of them because like it or not, the Kardashians have our mainstream celebrities. Right. Whereas Addison is still an Internet celebrity.
So Addison brings push, which God knows. It needs the viewers some attention.
And I'm not sitting on the corner, you know, I'm not sure because either. But like Addison Rae brings push.
Sounds like a she started doing all these videos. No, I know. Which is Courtney's lifestyle brand, and it really is working for the two of them.
I think Addison, being friends with Kourtney Kardashian, is bringing her mainstream attention, which might be in part why she got considered for the movie that she's doing. And this weekend they stepped out arm in arm in matching.
Now, why don't we ever match? We could start coordinating that we please for one of the episodes in October. I think we should do matching Halloween costumes. OK, like go all out a couples costume.
I have an idea what I'm trying to say it on here. And we want a big reveal. The first time I've ever kept a secret in my life, I usually have an idea and just blurt it out and I'm keeping this inside and you're going to tempt me.
OK, back to Kourtney Addison. I think as long as they're both having the best time of their life, more power to them. Yeah, I will say what's funny is because it blossomed from TEQ talks with Mason Mason. Yeah. The firstborn, the first born Courtney, has since deleted Mason's tick tock because he wild out.
He went like I mean, this is old news, but yeah, I'm tying it back into something relevant.
Courtney then deleted Mason's tock because he went live and released like a status, whatever you wanted to say in Travis Scott's relationship. But now this is becoming a trend on tick tock where a lot of kids are playing their parents. Yeah. With whatever that means, like Kellyanne Conway, my daughter and sorry, Claudia Conway. That is one of two people I follow on Tick Tock and her chaotic hatred for the presidency.
Well, because the precatory of no, I don't think she was the press secretary.
She was an adviser or something like this is how stupid we're going to sound. I do know that Kellyanne Conway is the first woman to get a man elected to office as the president, and that's why she was running his campaign, right?
No, I don't know. Let's not say any let's not say anything and start in like our our idiocy is really showing right now. Anyway, she was coughing.
Kellyanne Conway, politic lady. Yeah.
Politically, Chris, pray for us. I literally have a degree in political science. Oh, my God. Everyone's like, talk about politics. Here you go. Yeah, we don't know how. OK, this is getting in dangerous territory, but I do love Klaudia going on Technol What's-Her-Name.
Not everybody. Klaudia, I do love watching her go on to talk and do some, like, crazy shit because she's also gotten gnarly Jersey Shore vibes like a hardcore spray tan.
Well, you're burying the lead. Her mom has coronavirus or have coronavirus. And so she was exposing her mom for having coronavirus. And now it's become I don't know if she started the trend, but now all of these people are like filming their parents secretly. Why they're fighting are like it's becoming this crazy trend and it's like what is going on?
It's pretty gnarly and it gets messy and it gets popular. I think especially with the Kellyanne Conway situation, I don't know if they're maybe all in on it and they just are like seeking some sort of reality show leads out.
They are all because I saw that she was trying to get emancipated, but so far it hasn't worked. And I guess that's helping her career.
Yeah, I don't think you can get emancipated because you don't agree with your parents political beliefs.
Like, I'm pretty sure that's not how emancipation work going on in our world.
You can she has like a stronger Kellyanne Conway actually wound up resigning from her position and is not going to fulfill it. Another season. Another season. Jesus Christ. Pray for me.
Oh, my gosh.
We wonder where America is going down the drain and it's me and know. All right. Well, I want to move on to McDonald's because have you seen all these celebrities that are just really bringing McDonald's to life throughout coronavirus in this pandemic? I know that you eat McDonald's a lot because every time you leave our house, I get a selfie like five minutes later in the drive thru at McDonald's.
I mean, a thirty year old adult needs at least four Happy Meals a week to keep the doctor away.
I get to and I'm not exposing gosh, I don't want to sound like one of these fast food chambers because I love fast food, but I can't remember the last time I went to McDonald's. And I don't know if J Balvin and Travis Scott are getting me there because.
Well, you're not there, audience. Well, it's not even that I'm not their audience. They're not releasing anything that isn't already on the menu.
They're like a quarter pounder. There's some there's some altercation. There's altercations, alterations.
Welcome to the most intellectual podcast you'll ever listen to.
So it's similar to like what Charlie did with Dunkin Donuts. We're just vibing with one of them.
You showed up for Charlie, though. I saw that you hit the Dunkin Donuts to get the Charlie Special I vibe with Dunkin Donuts.
Who doesn't want a donut and a coffee run on a Saturday morning.
You did. I loved watching you eat that sugar like the rainbow sprinkle. I could watch you eat a rainbow donut all day.
Well, we could do a bong one day. I'd love to. OK, so it really drove a lot of traffic to McDonald's like they were selling out of hamburgers. Could not produce enough hamburgers because Travis Scott just flipped it on its head, which I think is a genius marketing ploy on the Donald's part.
A lot of people were upset about it, though. And another thing trending on tick talk was people filming there, Travis Scott Burger and being like this, ain't it, bro? And like driving back to McDonald's and throwing it at the people in the window that gave it to them. What it's so.
Nah is not. Our attention on because I feel like probably like a tick tock challenge, but this guy, like the videos I saw, people seemed authentically pissed about the delivery of their burger.
Like, I feel like you should know what you're getting into. And that's a burger that McDonald's already sells. When it's like me promoting a brand on YouTube, it's like, yeah, you get the same service. They're just bringing attention to it. Right. Which like, I don't know who came up with the idea, but now because it works so well, Travis Scott, they're doing J Balvin, which is probably also going to do very well.
And I've seen trishaw pathos campaigning to have her be the next one.
Well, I swear to God, I would eat anything. Tricia Payton told me to eat. I would eat the fucking pizza after she fucked through it like I stand that bitch is food taste.
I don't know where is she all the problematic.
Well, she also has like his brands. It's it's risky to take I don't know. Brands are scared of you tubers in general because they open their mouths too much about everything. But a lot of people were saying like, Oh, J Balvin and Travis Scott are both Tauruses. And it was like retweeting it like I'm also a tourist.
See the link.
But I do think I was jealous because I know we're both types.
You know what? Now that we're talking about this, I think I should have a McDonald's Happy Meal, OK?
I'm not going to stop until I have a McDonald's Happy Meal that is specifically tailored to my wants and needs. And let me tell you, I will bring cheese fries to the Happy Meal.
Do they not already have? No, they don't have that. I'm going to run on a platform of cheese fries at McDonald's.
Oh, my gosh. I'm I'm not playing. Well, at least her living part of it is cheating McDonald's. So I think it's like an organic brandell. But also what I thought was funny about Trish. Did you see her toilet paper scandal?
No. You know, she's an only fan star. Yeah. And so she's working as usual. We use toilet paper.
Well, no, she took a photo bent over, like in the back of her Rolls-Royce and everything was zooming in.
And it was trending on Twitter because there were like spots of toilet paper left over from when she had. Why?
That is one of my biggest fears and only fans update. I think we need to make like a weekly only fan segment.
I'm all about it. I love the fact that paying for an only fansub right now would become a tax write off.
Oh, I never even thought about it was working. I think it would be fun.
God damn it. Somebody always calls me during this podcast. Is it the same person? I don't know.
Do I swear to God I'm going to start phoning them in and they're going to become our interviews, which, by the way, I'm going to have Morgan on next week.
Oh, I have so many things to ask her. Have you guys ever officially met?
We've yes. We met when she was a teenager and your mom brought her to L.A. and you guys all came to the Bloomingdale's. I was working out so that she could pick out a prom dress.
Got it. But I love Morgan like I'm an actual Morgan fan in a creepy way, like I love you personally and then I love you professionally.
OK, well, back to Austin fans. I was thinking it'd be fun if we could, like, have a weekly segment where we rate and review people's only fan, please.
But the problem is I was looking for and this is what we're going to have to stop doing if we make this a segment. But I was like looking for the leak on Twitter. Yeah. And I haven't actually purchased Austin Mahoneys yet. Did you? And I'm being hypocritical because if we start purchasing, that goes against everything I said last week where I like this is classified it as cheating business.
But if I subscribed just to see what's going on, how big the dick is, and then jump right back out of there. Yeah, I mean, like, if we do it in a group setting where it's like you and me are both looking at it at the same time. Yeah. It's just like friends watching porno together. Yeah. It's not as long as I, as long as we unsubscribe before we leave this shit.
It's like your work is for work purposes. I have an only fans and literally my username is no.
Can you sign up for Austin right now. I'll pay you back. I honestly like I could but I don't know how like I'm technologically challenged.
His promos are all like with a girl or maybe his girlfriend. So I'm like, do you really want me to try right now? I really do want you to try to get to his only fans before the end of the show. I mean, we could also break down and come back to that.
Let's have emotional breakdowns and come back to that.
OK, so everyone wait on the edge of your seat for Austin Mahone, only fans review because I do think it's interesting to see how hard he's been promoting it, the link in his Instagram.
And then we can actually, like, dive in and see what's going on. I do click on those videos on YouTube like I paid for Blinkx only fan, so you don't have to.
Yeah. Yeah. All right.
So anyways, Madonna turned down collaborating with David Guetta because he's a Scorpio, so I get it. I guess David Guetta had done a remix of one of Madonna's songs and it won a Grammy.
So then she appreciated that.
Listen to a lot of his work. And if you don't know who David Guetta is, he is famous for producing. He has titanium usher's with that you.
I wish you had never said titanium so out like the rest of my days.
Just give me like I am. OK, all right, you did that neither of us have any business singing for I haven't paid thousands of dollars to a voice coach. Have you really? Yeah.
It's really sad how bad I am at singing. So David met with Madonna for lunch. Just the two of them. Super intimate. Everything was going right. And he revealed this in an interview. It was in a different language, but somebody that God translated it for us.
So he said, quote, She asks me for my astrological sign.
I answer her Scorpio.
Suddenly she makes a face and she says to me, I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to work together. It was a pleasure to know you. Goodbye.
Went straight up and stormed right out of London. I was like, I've been burned by a Scorpio too many times in my life. And this is just not something I'm interested in.
This partnership, what a Scorpio even mean. They're a little like feisty and in your face they're like very, I hate to say vindictive, but they're also great signs. They're like bright, lively. They get shit done. They're proactive, they're creative, they're energetic.
But I guess she's just I just don't think that there's any way to, like, make a blanket statement about a sign. Like, I thought I hated Gemini's and Josa Gemini and I've never loved anybody more.
Less. And I was going to say, I think it's more so you start believing in it because you everyone's like looking into their own sign first, like that's how you dive into astrology.
I listen to you say astrological all the way that you say it forever.
So then you start really believing that all the traits of your own sign are you. Yeah. And you start fucking with that heavily and then you then believe everyone else is exactly that for their sign to. Right. And then you get burned one too many times and you've just drinking the Kool-Aid and it's no go. And I've always had this thing about and I'm sorry. Can we sign name here. I don't think we can. I think you or I know what you're about to say and I think everybody knows what you're saying.
You're about this.
Well, I think the ones that are always just a little like because it's like they're most known for two Facey is Jemini. Yeah. Which is your fiancee. And I feel even a little hypocritical saying that, because then when you go in and look into my rising, guess what, my fucking rising on I'm a Taurus rising Gemini you sick faced fuck.
So I can't even hate on the Gemini's because I'm a rising and I found that out like way further into dating Shane. And I was like, oh my God, is Shane going to dump me because I'm a rising Gemini. So not that like I don't think he's shaming either, but yeah. Have you heard that Lizzo song or Leszczyc?
I was like I used to date a Gemini. It's like a threesome fucking with them every night. I'm just pushing my music career now.
Yeah. Because they, they're like they have two very distinct and they, I'm like me talking for every Gemini out there and you never know, like it's, it varies on so many different things.
But is there a sign that you particularly won't mess with. No.
Like I said, like I know very little about signs. I specifically there was like a period in my life where I was like, oh, I don't do Geminis. And then when I learned, like, the dates of a Gemini, I was like, oh, Joe's a Gemini, so definitely do him.
So I would say for me as a Taurus, I get along best with other Taurus is like ninety percent of my friends are Tauruses. And then I really get along with cancers as well. We balance each other because we're so contrasting like what month is cancer? July and I don't know what it bleeds into, but my mom is a cancer. Shayne's a cancer. And those are the two closest people to me in my life. And I think it's a cancer is a very emotional and sensitive but creative.
Yeah. Yeah. So those are my two faves. You have nothing else to say.
I wish you like the thing.
I know I'm so I'm when you get on co-star so I can at least figure out what your writing is so that we can then compare each other and talk about I don't want to work or die, I don't even know what time I was born.
You don't know. Well, that's I didn't either, I guess. Yeah. And that's when you find out and I trust my parents to tell me that. And I don't know if I even have a birth certificate like a lot of information.
Well, Jessica Alba revealed that she was not allowed to make eye contact when she guest starred on nine or two one oh oh.
What, you don't believe it?
Why would she come up with that out of the blue unless she has a vengeance against one of the actors? I think whoever told her that was probably fucking with her. Like, I don't think that people actually say things like that. I don't know.
I've heard that about and everyone has such an opinion about Ellen. And I don't know if it's true, but I've heard that about Ellen, too, like she out and who knows if that's coming from the actual stars or the staff that's projecting. Sound like I think it's best if you just don't look her in the eyes today. But, yeah, doing is a job where that is your job to look someone in the eyes.
But like I like I've worked on a lot of sites and every set almost someone tries to mess with you in some way. It's like a monotonous, hard job. So why not, like, sprinkle some tomfoolery about, you know what I mean? Right.
And I do think, like, Jessica Alba is a cutie. Like someone was probably just teasing her and all of the.
And I guess. I take things very seriously, and that's a high stress job when your guest starring on an established show that's super popular at the time, you're like probably so strung out hoping, like, am I going to do a good job? Am I going to get fired or are they going to replace me? Could this become a recurring that anything anyone says to you on the set, oh, you're going to do, you're going to take seriously and do where is this PR or producer that told her that they're just trying to look for something to entertain them because they've been on this job for four years and they're bored as hell?
Yeah, well, all of the actors came out basically to deny it. And Tori Spelling, who I think her scenes were with, said, I wouldn't doubt of Tori Spelling, had a no eye contact policy that.
Well, that's huge fucking talking about. But maybe it's true. And you never know.
Like, stars have crazy writers, which I want to get to in a second. But Tori said she commented on it and said, I'm not going to lie to you. I was a little horrified when I saw that clip and that she said she wasn't allowed to make eye contact with me. She had an awful experience and that she had an awful experience because her baby wipes are my favorite.
And she said, like, I wipe my child's ass with her baby wipes every single day. I'm so upset right now.
Doctors just say, sorry, but at least she's blogging honest for Jessica Alba.
And Jessica needs the plug. I know she's doing very well on it. That's so funny.
So you don't think I mean, Hollywood is crazy? Yeah, I think a lot of people in Hollywood, they get big egos and they get fed whatever they want. Because when you're the star of a show and the money making revolves around you, I think now we're waking up and it's a little bit different, whereas like, OK, we're all humans playing on the same field. But I do think it was OK for a long time for celebrities to demand anything they wanted.
Well, I looked up some celebrity writers just for fun. The craziest things, some that stuck out to me. Christina Aguilera, she requires a police escort because she cannot stand sitting in traffic.
God love her. That is heaven. If you could demand it, why wouldn't you? Oh, I demand a lot. What would be in your rider?
I'd want a trailer. I'd want it to be OK that my dog is aggressive and that nobody could sue me if he bit them. But mostly it's just about having Mr. Bubbs on set and having no one be allowed to tell me that it's awful.
I would just want a few Lacroix's and some caffeine. I'd want Lipan Quotidien. I want the Pankow and lentil salad with three dressings, smoked salmon added to it extra avocado.
All right. Well, Mariah Carey, she wants a sole person who's responsible for throwing away her gum like that is her big request.
OK, now I get that to like I'd sign up for that. I'd sign up to throw Mariah Carey's got away, like, one hundred percent.
Like, that's the best answer. Can you imagine what a story time like?
I got hired because she even she can't even walk onto her own set. Like I went to her show in Vegas and they carried her out on the couch and more power to her. But why wouldn't she chew gum up until the second she has to use her vocal cords and then just say, Thomas?
Yeah, no. I mean, I've literally been hired as a specific water girl on set for a director of photography that has an Academy Award. And I love that. I'm a huge fan of this guy. So I've done two jobs where my sole purpose is to hand this man water. Isn't that beautiful? I get paid for twelve hours to just hand this man water. It is the best job I've ever had. Does it pay well? Yeah.
All right. And you do very little.
Well, Madonna, she requests flower scented fabric furniture to resemble her own home. That's gnarly. Plus a 200 person entourage.
So you have to be able to cater to her.
Two hundred I don't even know two hundred people. Yeah, I don't either.
I couldn't even find that many people if I paid them to want to be around me.
Why also who the fuck would want to be surrounded by two hundred people at all times.
I mean this and and we have to remember that all Scorpio's so like two hundred people minus Scorpio.
I wonder who she does fuck with. Like I'd like to know the sign that she's getting down with. I don't know. I didn't look into what sign Madonna is.
I wish we could circle back to be a fucking Gemini. All right. So yesterday I'm I'm sure I'm like shaming Geminis.
I'm so sorry. Like, you can't choose what month you're born and that's like, not OK for me to say. And not all Germanized are created equal.
Neither are all Tauruses. Tauruses are assholes, too, like amateur's No Stuben motherfucker in the entire world.
Well, not told it's because astrology is true. It works and it's real.
Real. It's my Bible. I wonder if I was told like what I am, if I would lean into it more. It's like the power of suggestion of.
Well, yeah, of course Shane and I blame our fights on each. He's like, well, you're just being a taws right now. And then I'll watch characters on TV shows. Yeah.
And I'll be like, she is such a Taurus and then like, look up their birthday and most of the time I'm right. Yeah, I was right last night. Anyway, so you're a witch a few days ago now was national coming out day. And I have a few LGBTQ inspired stories for you.
Kristen Stewart is promoting her upcoming movie that she plays a gay character in. And she was asked because. She was dating a girl back when she was 21 and the reporter said, do you feel like there's almost an expectation for you to be a spokesperson for the community? And she said, I did. When I was younger, when I was being hounded about labeling myself, I was going out every day knowing I'd be photographed while being affectionate with my girlfriend.
But I didn't want to talk about it. And she did feel an enormous pressure, but it wasn't put on her by the LGBTQ plus community. And what I'll say is weird about that is like a every gay person is different. Yeah, some people don't make it their calling card. Some people do and make it their life's work to spread awareness. But the thing is, when you're figuring it out for yourself, it's very difficult because most of the time you're like you might be attracted to a movie or an ad or something, you see, and want to dabble in it.
But then you don't really know until you try. Like, for me, my first time, like I speculated I was gay for a long time and then speculate. I found a man on Craigslist because I didn't know Grindr existed at the time.
Thank God the man didn't kill me. Yeah, but I vetted him pretty well and I feel like I have.
How did you buy these things you call the background of Craigslist?
I don't know if they still have it, but you can go on seeking like men seeking men. And I felt very comfortable with him. He was my age, but like, he came and picked me up. We jacked off in our cars, got off independently, jacked off, rejected each other off driving around the Ralph's parking lot. Yeah.
You know, just while driving while the car was in motion. You jerk each other off or did you park?
Well, that's how it's OK. We don't need to get too graphic, but I started jacking him off while we were in motion. This is when I was like twenty years old, just back to L.A.. Yeah, but I'm saying this because I didn't know I was gay and I didn't even want to tell the closest people to me that I was gay until I had confirmed it myself. And I felt I couldn't do that until I had an experience where you touched it.
And once it happened, like fireworks went off and I was like, oh, this is it for me.
This is this is my this is my day. Yeah.
But then when I did come out, it was stressful because I felt like I worked at a restaurant at that time. And I felt like once I started telling everyone, they're going to be like, why don't you tell us forever ago, have you been lying about it forever? It's like I wasn't even in the public eye. Kristen Stewart, just like trying to figure out what's right for her and that's not being photographed and then being demanded of her to proclaim exactly what she is it's like.
And then representing what can be a. Role model for what it is like, that's a lot of pressure. Yeah, and there's no real way around that unless you want to, like, sneak the person into your house.
And yes, unblinded weird life. Yeah, but I did come out to my dad and told him I was straight when I was 16. You came out to your dad?
Yeah. It always struck me as odd that, like, I would have a gay friend that would have to come out as their sexuality. So to me, as a young woman, I felt like I should come out to I don't know if this is me just wanting attention now, because honestly, like, the more I think about it, it was probably just me wanting a bit of my dad's attention to be like dad me to sit down.
I had to do mine in an airport.
I was so scared, like, right when we were going separate ways.
And it wasn't your mom like, yeah. And I did it like at the very I was telling myself the whole trip. We went to the Bahamas for my sister's graduation and I was like, I'm going to tell them up front. Meanwhile, I like found a guy on Grindr at that resort and was like sneaking off to, like, hang out with that man. And I was like, oh, my friend from high school is also conveniently here at the same time.
Sorry, Mom, if you're listening, I think they speculated.
But then when the very last moment when we were about to leave, my sister had just lost her phone because she, like, put it in the bathroom stall at the airport and then somebody else probably picked it up. Yeah, whatever. So then I finally tell them all shook up and she goes, oh my God. Of course, I knew that that was so much less stressful than Morgan losing her phone.
And I was like, oh, OK. Well, I want to talk about Ali, Brooke, because the fifth harmony, the fifth harmony behind me is promoting her new memoir, Finding Harmony, which I love. I hope she's going to dive into all of the drama that.
So you started reading it. Know it. I love that she's doing it now that it's now that it's Wednesday. It came out yesterday on Tuesday. But amping up the press for the show, she is revealing that she's still a virgin at age 27.
And I think it's bold, it's a bold choice, I mean, good for her, more power to her. I feel like I would. My brother and his wife didn't even move in together until they got married. And I thought I was pushing it.
I was like, that's a statement, because you really know who somebody is.
And living with that and sleeping is the next step of that.
Yeah, like, I'm pretty sure Joe is about to leave me because of the way that I sleep. But we're six years deep and I swear to God I will trap him with a baby.
My biggest fear about being and more power, like I respect this and I'm not. Well, I'm trying not to judge it, but I think, like, what if you got it fell madly in love with this man and then his dick was like, too big for your pussy.
I mean, if that not a realistic fear. Are they waiting to see each other naked, too? Oh, I don't know.
You never know how it's going to work out sexually until it's happening. Like, you can't even just look at it and be like that's gonna work or not work because even like, say, size doesn't matter. Yeah. And it's also largely based in technique.
I just can't fathom it. You saw that video of the two of the couple that had never kissed and they finally have that kiss and it was like, no, the most awkward thing you've ever seen in your life.
I've never spiral as hell. So you can Google that. The couple that's never kissed before and kissed on their wedding day, fake it. I never kissed before their wedding. I really don't think so.
I really think you need to Google this and see it. I also find it problematic in the sense of like finding a partner because. Yeah.
How many men and this might sound crazy as well, but like that is you don't get married, let's say, even on the short end for at least a year. Yeah.
You get engaged maybe after a year if you're going to have kids and they marry, realize you're old and how long can this guy just get to his edge and not get to his end?
So we're saying like this is virginity being all sexual basis.
I mean, I don't know. I think I think it's probably just pee in the V like, yeah, it seems like a pee in the V thing.
I feel has the D I feel like you can Elvie and maybe even eat and a but. I don't know, dude, like it's not for me, but I'm happy that it's working out for her and I wish her the best and maybe, maybe God will reward her and be like, because you waited, I'm going to bring the perfect man into your life. And I do think it's a way to sell books because I'm interested. And with that, I need to take a break because I'm sweating my ass off.
I'm dying. Am I ready?
We'll be right back, OK? We're literally dying over here. We had to take a break to cool down and then the power went out back here because it can not hold on to all the lights and the air conditioning and then the gym next door.
It's just my hair is wet. Yeah. My phone is slipping out of my hands, so we'll make this fast.
But I wanted everyone to get a little better chance to know you, a little chance to know you better. You know what I'm trying to say that it's ordinary chance. Guys, a quick little ask me anything before we get out of here for this week. There were a lot, first of all, asking if your hair color is natural because it's so gorgeous.
Oh, they were literally asking about me. Yeah. I said ask questions about Lizzie.
Oh, you made it specific.
Yeah, I think because I feel like they know who I am, they need to learn a little bit more about you.
Well, I also posted an ask me anything on my Instagram and nobody asks me anything like honestly, it hurts and I'm too sweaty to handle it.
But yes, this is my this is my natural hair. No, it's not, bitch.
Yes, it is. Wow. It's beautiful. Thank you. I know.
I always just assumed it was fake because it's so gratefully read. Yes.
It's fucking wonderful. Yeah, I know. This is my authentic hair color for the I didn't actually have any pigment like on my body, in my eyes, in my hair until I was like eleven and then the ginge came.
But there was a hot second where we were worried I was maybe albino and we're not at our best right now.
If you're watching the video version because we're sweating our asses off, a lot of people were also asking and I saw this on the promo video, why haven't we heard of Lizzie before the podcast, which, like you weren't a main figure on my channel. But you can hear in a couple of times I appeared a couple of times.
I will say those were some hard times.
What do you mean? Because you just didn't like the way you looked in them? No, like you just pop up. I'm like, let's go shopping and you pop up with your little vlog. Cameron it's like I have no makeup on and I'm in the middle of the most narcissistic spending spree during Christmas. Welcome to you. To bail you out.
Me like a messy bitch. Show it. Everybody must be OK. You're right.
You're acting like I heard Phillip posted it without your approval.
It's not like I was going behind your back. No, you have my approval.
Yeah, I just like maybe wasn't the most ideal time for you. I don't know if back in that day there was an ideal time for me.
Your favorite celebrity to stalk on social media. I know there's a lot of them. Give us something good. Something juicy.
Me something good. Balafon. Yeah. Yeah I yeah. I don't follow her. Oh you're one of those. That's the words. I'm one of those.
I hate when people are talking shit about me and then I go to look at it and they're not even following me.
I'm like, yeah but you know, you hear the second they steady. Check it up on you Daddy. Well can you put like post notifications on for someone you don't follow?
So, you know, I understand social media enough to do that, but I do check Bella Thorne like every time I take a shit. Right?
Yeah, that's reasonable. Yeah, I understand that. Somebody wants to know if you're still pursuing comedy.
No, you're not. I mean, in writing maybe, but you write more horror.
I really like writing horror specifically. I think horror and comedy are very similar, like it's about tension and then a punch line or a scare. And I really like those elements. I'm a huge fan of shitty horror comedy. Like I think campy horror comedy is really fun. And I'm actually working on a horror with comedy elements at the moment as well. Beautiful, but I don't do a straight comedy anymore.
All right. Well, let's make this about me. Somebody said she thinks Shane's the right fit for you.
So it's my it's what I think. Yes. That's why I'm making it about me. But through you. Right. Do I think she's the right man for you? Yes. Yes, absolutely. I did. Oh, that's so sweet.
No, I, I definitely it's very nice for me to see my friend loved by somebody in such a nice way. Yeah. We both landed on good partners. We really have my ankles are dripping in sweat. Same.
So this would be the last question. Have you ever smoked pot. And I guess obviously yes. You're sober now. It's not a secret. No that's not a secret.
I definitely have a substance abuse problem. Right. So I treat that substance to be a problem. Like I even said, I'm so hot.
This is not a great I'm not I'm not like a pillar of like like we're doing right now met.
And I don't know if I've already said this, but, like, you'd come over, chug a bottle of wine and, like, go out for the night. And I just thought we were being 23 year olds.
But turns out, oh, there was a different there's a difference between like twenty three year old binge drinking and like a raging alcoholic with a deep spiritual problem.
Right. Yeah. But you've been you've been doing well for a long time. Yeah, I, I'm good in AA. I do have a 12 step program, I have a sponsor, I have a higher power.
Ellen Ripley from Aliens from Aliens is like an actress. No, it's the character Ellen Ripley from Aliens, specifically in her heavy metal bodysuit at the very end when she's like, get away from her, you bitch.
OK, yeah, not familiar, but. All right. Oh, my God. How are you not familiar?
I don't know. OK, so do you have like a story or maybe your first time that you got. Hi, do you like have a vivid memory?
I actually have a really ridiculous pot story. It's not the first time I got high, but like years ago. And you don't smoke anymore. I don't smoke. I don't I don't even take Advil. PM Wow. I can't even I don't even take cold medications that have downers in them because I used to abuse equal.
Right. SeaMicro I could never recover from Nyquil. Like if I take Nyquil I am not OK the next day, like I can never get back into life.
Yeah no I mean it's, it's definitely a problem so I stay away from that. I don't mean to be laughing at you, I'm. No, no it's OK. I laugh about it too.
Like I don't have any weird things around it. Like the only reason why I would stay quiet about my sobriety or the fact that I am a member of AA is because it's literally called anonymous. Oh my gosh. Am I outing? You know, it's OK.
I would have outed myself as well. OK, I also have a thing with, like, people outing themselves publicly, but I'm a hypocrite till the day I die. So here we are.
If you decide you want to cut this later, you can tell me for sure.
I is grieving now, but I do have a really ridiculous story.
So I had gone to and it was Christmas time I was in college. I was going to fly from where I was going to school to my parents house in Connecticut. And I went to Chico State, shout out Wildcats right there.
I know nothing about the community because I was blackout drunk the entire time I was there. But I went to this ugly sweater party and ate a huge edible. I actually had a friend who had cancer at the time and he gave me one of his cancer, great edibles. And this is before weed was legal. So like this was some legit drugs.
Yeah. Because now they know how to like how much of an avocado going in.
And this at this time, he looked me in the eyes and he said, Lizzie, only eat a quarter of this or you will be fucked. And I was like, Bobby challenge accepted.
And I ate that entire fuckin brownie like eight.
The entire fucking thing was not high, surprisingly, for like three hours.
And I was like, well, yeah. Where do you always want to consume more on edibles?
Because you're like, it's not working and everyone's like, no, no, you worked you out, bitch. So, like, cut to the next morning. My flight's at six a.m.. I am so high I physically cannot stand up like my friend drove me to the airport, drop me off and I get to the kiosk because this was I had an electronic ticket. But every time I would type in my information to get my ticket from the little kiosk, it said, like, you don't have a ticket.
And I was like, well, that's bullshit, because I know my dad got me a ticket. I was also going to New York because I had to have surgery on my skin cancer. I have skin cancer. Nobody asked, but now, you know. Right.
So I knew my dad had book me a flight because I had the surgery where they had to take the skin cancer out.
And I go up to the little counter and I am so stoned I can't even stand up. And I I'm holding my head on the counter like I have a flight to New York.
And I got there and they were like, do you have any ID? And then I was like, oh fuck, I forgot my I.D. Like I'm so high. The only thing I brought with me were bathing suits. So after a long conversation, we realized my dad never actually booked my tickets, but just made a reservation and didn't pay for it. And he's not answering the phone. So I can't get to New York. I also don't have a stitch of ID on me.
I don't have a credit card. And if I did have a credit card, there probably wasn't enough money to fly me to New York. And I'm passing out literally fainting at the counter, stoned out of my mind. And then I just was like, listen, you guys and I, like, sat down on the floor and I was like, I have skin cancer.
I moved to New York to get this shit handled, like, please help me. And they were like, OK, I will put you on a flight and were free.
I swear to God, they put me on a flight to New York for free. I'm going through security. They're like, we need to see your I.D. And I was like, oh, fuck, guys, we've been through this. I don't have any ID.
And though and I remembered I had my biopsy report about my skin cancer on my arm and they had just cut the mole out of my arm. So I had an open sore.
Oh, that's what that scar is. Yeah, it's not a gunshot wound if I've told you that. That's boldface lie. Right, though.
I am very scrappy and so I'm showing them the biopsy report and I take that says like my name on it and I take the bandage off my arm and then I show them the open wound and the TSA guy just looks at me like it's fine, don't worry about it.
And I was like, thank you. I'm also in a wheelchair because I'm so high I can't walk.
And this is how I know I have a drug problem. Got it. I don't know if I should go into mine today because I'm sweating so profusely, I need a suit. Maybe we can save this for the top of the show next week when we have my sister here.
Oh, maybe Morgan could share her story as well. I'd love to hear it. All right.
Well, I wanted to end on a couple of reviews because I've been seeing your reviews and reading them on Apple podcast and honestly just melts my heart.
So the support for this show is unreal, right? Tunes Tuffin said honestly didn't know what to expect going into this, but I found myself literally not being able to get out of the car because I didn't want to stop listening. Can't wait for the next episode, which just like that's so sweet.
No one's ever cared about what I have to say.
And then it's Melissa. Zoe. Oh, says Bhave podcast. Hands down, hands down. I never write reviews on anything, but this is deserved.
Keep them coming.
So if you guys if you guys enjoy the podcast, it really does help. If you rate and review the podcast on Apple podcast. And that is where we're going to leave you this week. We're back every single Wednesday and you can watch the full videos on YouTube at gossip clips and you follow our social media Instagram around Lizzie Gordon. Yeah, I like the Gilardi ad and learn to live it.
Love it. Official. All right, you guys, thank you so much for watching and listening today to today's episode. We will see you the very next Wednesday on next Wednesday.
It is so fucking hot here. It's like the middle of October. All right. I love you. Good bye.
And look at hosed me down, I swear to God.