Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Toast, and happy Wednesday. Oh my God, you're lying.

Surely but surely, folks. Slow, but surely.

It's Wednesday, Hump Day, an extremely important, dare I say, integral part of our ethos here at Toast HQ.

If you believe, you will receive the Hump.

Oh my God. Wait, you just reminded me of the craziest thing I saw yesterday. It better be Because you said believe, receive, which always reminds me of ask believe, receive, which always reminds me of Kim Zolciak-Beerman. Okay. The financials and the businesses of the Zolciak-Beerman family are of extreme interest to me. They have all these different companies, one of them being Cajmer Collections with a K. It's their skincare company. They put out a statement yesterday that they sold the company- Slay. To 310 Nutrition, which is another fake Instagram brand. That's like Express Smile Atlanta. Jackie, the tangled web that the Zilciak Beermann finances Weave never ceases to amaze me.

I love to see women in business- Merging and acquiring. Merging, acquiring, making deals, or obfuscating the reality.

Responsibility. Yeah. Or being on the phone with their attorneys juggling seven business deals, which is so us these days. We're in such high demand.

Especially with the attorneys. Classic us. Yes.

Okay. So much to talk about today. Yes. The first is that, in no particular order of importance, my book club meets tonight, and I'm hosting, which means it's the first time I'm having people in my new apartment.

What did you read?

Did you hear about Kitty Carr? Right.

And let me tell you, I didn't really start reading it.

I was in a reading funk this month, and then I got sick, and I was certainly not reading. I didn't really start reading it until yesterday, and I'm so rushed, and I'm so annoyed because it's amazing.

Oh, really?

It's so interesting because whenever I read books that are historical fiction and they go back and forth, there's a modern element, and then they go back to the war or whatever. I can't get away from the chapters in history. I'm like, get away from me. That's so funny.

I can't get away from the modern chapters. I'm like, Shut up, loser.

In this particular book, I would say 90% of the book is the old stuff. It's amazing.

Actually, don't say anything more. I'm going to read it.

I just needed- No, I just wanted to say the modern chapters might be one of the worst books I've ever read.

Got it. I needed a strong endorsement to take it off my want to read list to my reading list, but now I'm going to. So leave it at that. Say no more, La Terre de Lou. Say no more.

So I'm like, I wish I could be enjoying it more, but because I'm so rushed, it's ruining it for me, which is annoying. And that's on me. You know what that is?

Classic.

Low key, it is. So that's just what's been going on with me. And after today, I have to run home, finish the book, and start prepping my home because I have company for the first time, which is also just a big deal. So that's the first thing I wanted to talk about. The second thing I wanted to talk about is a major update from a developing story. Actually, it was a stagnant story because we were talking about stuff and no one was getting back to us.

The trail went cold.

We, a few weeks ago, just put our necks out on the line. Two Big Back Bitches Would.

We put ourselves out there.

We put ourselves out there because we heard that a lot of the men in podcasting and the men in comedy were putting together a 5K for their health. And I want to assume for charity, but even though no one said there's a charity involved, I just feel like people don't run 5Ks. If it's not for charity. We heard they were all getting together and calling each other up.

And they were trying to get fellow comedians and podcasters involved to raise awareness.

And nobody reached out to us, which just baseline was rude because we are women Of pride?

I feel like it's because we're inaccessible, and we're hard to approach.

You think we're not approachable?

I think we're not approachable.

To the bears?

Yeah, I think the bears are scared. They're running scared.

Oh, because you know what we're giving mama bear energy.

Two mama bears, one cave.

One cave. So we put ourselves out there. We said, Listen, not that you asked her anything, but you need some women, and we'd love to be involved. Dead Silence. Dead Silence from the Men in Comedy. They wanted nothing to do with us. We're like, Okay, we could take the hit.

But you're really making this a gender issue when I didn't find it to be gendered.

Oh, yeah. I guess because Michelle Wolf was involved. She's a woman.

No, but even if there were no women, I would have maybe said that was more of a coincidence. I just feel like they're all friends.

Yeah, they are. We're not a part of the inner circle of comedy.

And that's not because we're women. It's because we're us.

Yeah. We're so unfriendly and unapproachable, and we don't try at all or follow anyone on Instagram. You know what?

That's on us. We don't run in those circles. We don't perform at the Comedy Cell or we don't live in Austin. We don't live in Austin.

That's what it is.

I don't think it's gendered, unfortunately.

Jackie, for our career, should we move to Austin? You know I'm down.

Yeah, for our careers. But then would we just be like another comic in Austin? Podcast based out of Austin.

It's so true.

Like, such a big pond for two fish such as us.

So all that to say, Is Bert Kreischer finally heard our cries, our desperate, pathetic cries. And he has responded being like, he claims he hadn't heard of it till yesterday. Sure, Bert, we're like the number two podcast on your smart list, but sure.

He seems authentic. He does. He seems like I'm an inauthentic creator.

No, and Bert is a lot of things. I don't know him. I've never met him, but I don't think I would call him a liar.

I wouldn't call him inauthentic.

Oh, I would. And he reached out to us on Instagram saying, I'm just now hearing this. They would love to have us. They're going to be overjoyed. Now they're desperate for us to be involved. Oh, the tables have turned. And they want us there. They won't tell us where it is, but it's in May. Apparently, the local is very secretive. I'm not understanding that. Maybe I need to listen to their podcast episode more.

Okay, I'm sure if we listen to their podcast, it would clear things up. But the vibe I'm getting, just based on vibes, is that they don't have a location yet.

And that's so Jackson Claude coded.

Totally. We should do the 5K on the icon of the seas.

I mean, it's so big. We would have to walk it like half of it.

Yeah, just a lap.

Love that. So I guess we talked such a big fucking game, and now here we are, committed to a 5K, which I've personally never done.

Have you? A fun fact about me is that I married into a turkey trot family.

Yikes.

When Zack and I were dating, and we were in Dallas for Thanksgiving, we did a 5K turkey trot. So I have done a 5K.

That is so crazy to me.

So when I see those memes, I always show it to him. There's this running joke of people who marry into families.

Yeah, turkey trot families.

Turkey trot on Thursday morning, and you usually go out Wednesday night when you're a young thing. I was so hung over. It was the longest day. It was really a difficult time. I'm hoping that this 5K brings better 5K memories. I did complete it, and you would have never known.

What was your time?

Oh, I don't know.

I just need to fully figure out how many miles are in a 5K. 3.1. Okay, that's not really the worst thing in the planet.

I think it would take us about 35 minutes if we run and walk.

Are we running?

Combo. Yeah, I'm going to need to start official training. We run till we get tired, then we walk till we get bored, then we run again.

The thing I do love, and this is not a slight at all, it's actually one of my favorite parts about that Austin comedy podcaster scene is everyone's overweight and out of shape in that crew. Everyone's out of shape. It's just a bunch of big dudes. I feel like I'm coming in, even though I'm one of the most out of shape people on the planet, I'm really working on it. I do think I'm Coming in with an upper hand in that sense.

Yeah, but I feel like they also... They were out of shape becoming in shape people. And that was actually the motivation for their 5K.

Shit, you're right. We're all in the same boat.

No, you all are just... Yeah, you're all in the same boat. Me too.

We're all just coming off of Ozempic.

We're all coming off of Ozempic, coming off of pregnancies, and we're getting in shape, and we're doing it together.

What is that thing? What was that thing called? Do you know what I'm talking about?

If you would describe it, maybe.

I'm going to give you nothing, and I just want to know if you know what I'm talking about. That weight loss competition.

The Big Loser?

No. The Biggest Loser? No, it was not a TV show. It was just a thing.

People do it at their office?

Yeah. It was all based on body What the fuck was that called?

Yeah, whoever lost the most weight, won a couple grand.

Yeah. It was a big pot.

I feel like it was the biggest loser.

No, it was this game. I feel like our teachers did it at school.

Yeah, they did.

What the hell was that little thing called? It was like a trend people It's what we used to do.

It was like no shave November. Yeah, please help. It was like weight loss, September.

Yeah, what the hell was it?

Someone will sound off in the comments.

Well, I feel like they all did that. Another thing they didn't include us in.

Yeah, well, they knew that we were already snatched to the gods. No.

They knew there was no hope for me.

You can't even make jokes like that anymore.

Why? For a really long time, there was no hope for me.

No, I know. If you from two Two years ago, watched the reel that you posted last night. Let's talk about it. It would have been a fast five story about this influencer who posted this reel. No lie.

No lie.

No cap, no shade, calling a lid.

Yeah, putting a lid on it, essentially, is what you're saying.

Lidded.

I want to talk about my viral moment last night.

Oh, did you go viral?

Yeah, I did.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much. I swear that's not why I I really was sharing what I thought was a good meal. I knew people would be like, Oh, this is weird. But then I didn't think it was going to be the craziest thing, peanut butter on a pickle.

Was it the craziest thing?

Jackie, people are acting like I put peanut butter on a pickle, for real.

Where is this happening Because I read some of the Instagram comments. Tiktok, specifically. The most popular Instagram comments were people being like, I don't want this, but I don't hate it.

Oh, no. People on TikTok are like, Jail. Turdie, I've been defending you since the breath. I can't do this.

She This is the last straw.

This really broke some people for me. Basically, I shared on TikTok last night a meal that I was having. As you guys know, I am on my health grind, and it's very hard for me because I'm so picky that it really does make it difficult for me to make good choices. I think a lot of how I ended up so unhealthy was just a lack of options. I'm really trying to broaden my horizons, and I felt really excited that I had something that was shareable. I actually thought the keto girls would love it.

They didn't have your back? The keto girls were like, not in the I just feel like after years of you not having theirs, they didn't come into your defense. No.

This is my bed. I will take a nap in it.

You've alienated yourself from everyone. Not me. You always have me.

And the icon of the seas.

And what more do you need?

Well, I need my dinner from last night. It was so good. So everyone knows I love taco meat. It's my favorite thing on the planet to eat. And I usually, obviously, eat it with rice, like a million Tostitos, but I'm trying to pair it down. So I'm like, what can I eat this taco meat with that's not just nothing? And I put some eggs in boiled water. Boiled some eggs was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Olivia had to walk me through the whole thing on FaceTime. Crushed it, by the way. Made some hard-boiled eggs.

You inspired me to make some last night, too. And mine came out perfect. Thanks for asking.

I scooped out the yellow. Oh, my God. Everyone was also coming at me for calling them yellow. What are they called? Yoke. Sorry. I call them the yellows. I don't like the middle. I just like the boat, the white.

The vessel, the icon of the seas.

I just like the icon of the seas. I filled it up with taco meat, and I made my own little keto taco. I'm not keto, by the way. I don't know why I keep saying that. They came from my neck.

Well, here's what. To me, it's not that radical, but I guess something about us is when we love in our family to eat egg YTS as vessels for anything. We sometimes have laughing cow cheese.

Don't put me in that boat. I don't do that shit.

No, but it's a great vessel. It is. We've always seen it as a vessel. Maybe not everyone sees it as a This is the best vessel.

Oh, and by the way, let me tell you why it's a perfect vessel. People were shocked that I eat hard-boiled eggs. But the thing about hard-boiled eggs is they taste like nothing. I don't know why it was shocking people that I eat that. Yes, me eating cottage cheese, that's shocking. I agree with you. But me eating a hard-boiled egg, it's like me literally eating a saltine. It tastes like nothing.

Yeah, and it's packed with protein.

No, and it was so good. Do you know how excited I am to go home? I have leftovers. That's what I'm having for lunch.

That is exciting.

But I got roast in. The thing is, everyone was yucking my yums, and after a In terms of doing it to other people, I truly deserve nothing but that.

No, nothing but that. Back to my original point of, if old you could see you now, she would hate you. But I guess that's called growth.

Wait, I do want to say, I do think it's going to take us way more time than 30 minutes to run a 5K because just based on my treadmill vibes, I do run, walk, run, walk. And by the time I'm done with a 30, 40-minute thing, I've literally went a mile and a half. I think it's going to take me two hours.

No, it won't. One, you're going to train, and we'll get it to... I think 45 minutes is a good goal then.

I'm dreading this.

No, Claudia. It's going to be funny. It'll be great for our careers.

The only thing carrying me through the motivation here for me is the thirst, the attention, the followers, hoping maybe we'll be able to sit down with Tom and Bert and record a Toast X bear collab podcast.

Rubbing elbows with some of the greats.

I just want to say, if we do two tosters, one cave episode, we will be bringing couples together. The couples are literally... Hetero couples are the man who listens to Two Bears and the wife who listens to Toaster. We would be bringing families together. It would be good Christian values.

Totally. Date night. Yeah. Sweet life on deck of Icon of the Sees.

And honestly, I think they have a Patreon, too. We should monetize that shit. We could retire.

Yeah. They do big tings on Patreon.

So it's worth it, and I'll do it, and I will start training, so feel free to send me. I know there's apps and stuff. It's actually apparently quite easy to train for a 5K, allegedly, if you're not me. But send them our way because we're getting started. Maybe we'll start when we're together.

Great. Yeah, let's see. Let's But see how long it takes us on the treadmill to do three miles.

How long can you run? How many minutes?

It's hard to say right now, but once I'm just in an average myself, at least a whole... Maybe two songs straight.

Wow, two songs. That's a lot.

It depends what speed I'm going.

When we say running, are we jogging or are we sprinting?

Both fall under. But no, we're jogging. Nobody sprints in a marathon or a 5K.

Yeah. This is just all very exciting.

Slow and steady wins the race. The Tortoise and the Hair.

It's just crazy. Some people run a marathon in three hours. I could technically do the 5K in two hours.

We're all running our own race, turdy, literally. Comparison is the thief of joy.

That's beautiful.

Thank you. What's it with you?

We've got a great show, by the way. Today's Wednesday. In keeping with our scheduling update from last week, Deer Toaster has been moved to tomorrow. Jackie and I both watched Vannerpump Rolls. So what's to do with you, Jacks?

Thank you for asking again. Very exciting developments here. I'm making baby food this morning. We are the baby food stage of life, which is just so exciting. Nothing sweeter than some homemade baby food from a homesteading trad wife. I made some homemade apples sauce this morning to start my day, and that is our first four A, which is very exciting and sweet. Eat.

They grow up so fast.

They really, really do. I enjoy making baby food. I feel like people with subsequent kids, they're just like, have the gerber jar.

It's like the first kid gets the best, and the fourth kid is eating off the floor.

The first kid, I'm picking my own apples.

Yeah, right. You're growing them in your bushel.

Yeah. But no, I'm doing it again. I really, I enjoy it. I find it soothing, and it gives me peace of mind, especially as I finish weaning, I don't feel like I'm no longer making 20s food because now we're just moving to a different medium. So it's been nice.

I can't wait to try some of your homesteading fresh baby food when I come see you this weekend, which I'm literally so excited about.

Any request? I actually feel like you would like my baby food because it's totally clean. And you're an almond mom now.

No, not only that. When I see Harry's plate, I'm like, Fuck me up. There's nothing on Harry's plate I wouldn't eat. It's just good old fashioned turdy's choice. It's always like a breaded chicken.

Not breaded.

Sometimes it's breaded.

It depends. Like bread and bread.

Except one thing about Harry that's so weird, he doesn't like pasta.

He doesn't like pasta. He doesn't like potatoes. And there's one other.

Maybe Harry and I are growing apart.

Harry doesn't like red. The thing is, he didn't like them, so I stopped offering them. I'm sure if I kept offering it, he would eventually eat it. But why? If you don't want to eat it, don't eat it.

No, it sounds like me and Harry are growing apart.

That's growth, man.

Like I said, they grow so fast.

So, yeah, if you need me to make you any baby food, let me know.

I'm just so excited to spend the weekend with you. We're going to have the best time. Oh, and I am vlogging today for Book Club. Oh, fun. So people will see, I'm not going to do a home tour ever because we already went into why I think we've evolved as a brand. But as a society, I do think you'll get some nice sneak peeks in my apartment and all my new furniture and my hosting.

We'll get bits and pieces. I like that. And we'll all feel like we're there.

Yeah, and I'm really excited about that. It's just another great day of being alive and having our health.

100%. Yesterday, I did something so exciting, which was I did a two-hour driving lesson.

How many people did you kill?

Zero. Very exciting. I was literally just in the parking lot. We were going about my normal day, and I was showing him my areas of struggle. Smart. Yeah, we drove to the mall because I've never- Did you go back to the scene of the crime? No. I kept telling him. I kept alluding to write on red trauma.

Yeah, but you didn't cite the actual incident.

No, I kept wanting to, but he wasn't really interested. I think he was just trying to tell me to let it go.

Yeah, which is probably the best thing for you in this moment.

Yeah, but I really got my parking down, what I didn't realize. It's so much easier to park turning left into a spot versus turning right because you could see so much better. It's on your side.

You also need to see the other side. No, but it's just- Are you talking about parallel park or pulling into a parking spot?

Pulling into a spot. It's just naturally easier to pull into a spot that's on your left. I didn't realize I was doing this.

That's funny. I feel the opposite.

Really? Why do you feel as such?

I don't know. I feel like if I'm in a parking lot and there's a space on both sides of me, I'm just more inclined to do a wide right turn. I don't know why.

Because you'd like a challenge?

No, because I'm writing- You'll pick the hard one because I'm not afraid of a challenge. Logi, I'm so glad you brought that up. One of the weirdest and worst lines in cinematic history is that moment in Legally Blind.

But it's a slay.

No, but the thing is, it's not. It's a cringe.

But it's El. Nothing she does is actually cringe.

No, but that's the one thing she does. That's the thing. L woods is this woman who's just like, She's Unstoppable. Anything she does is cool. She's so self-assured. She's so capable. She's so everything. It's not only the line itself, but it's also the delivery of that line, the whole moment in that lecture where she changes, Because I'm not afraid of a challenge. Dumb.

I guess maybe the writers weren't feeling well that day, but it works for me. It was a miss. And I like to cite it.

I'm glad you brought it up because I've been meaning to talk about it for a minute. Okay. Well- Another thing I've been meaning to talk about?

So I learned that when in doubt. I can park on the left side if I'm feeling not confident. But I was trying to practice all the hard ones. I worked on my right turn into the parking spot, wide turn, crushed it. Crushed. Then when we came home, you had me backing into my driveway. The way that my car is parked right now. It's like, literally, I could never do that again.

Yeah, you need a professional's help.

Yeah, but no, lessons were learned, and I'm really glad that I did it. I'm feeling more comfortable, and I'm going to really try and get out there. Every day. The teacher thought he was... I think he was a little confused why I was doing this. I'm a perfectly fine driver, but it's more so it's the mental.

It's the mental anguish. The thing is, the mental anguish won't go away until you just practice, practice, experience, experience. Right.

So I'm glad I did it.

Okay, good. I'm glad that you're here.

Well, thank you.

Did you watch Van der Prump Roles? Yeah. I didn't.

I didn't. I didn't enjoy myself.

Neither did I. I watched it this morning.

It took me maybe two hours to get through the episode. I just kept pausing it to do anything else.

No, I completely agree. We'll talk about it in the TV recap. So that is postponing Deer Toaster still tomorrow. So the DT stands, and there are many. We'll have to wait. Also, I'm sure it's not a story, but you know, Taylor did her Tokyo show last night.

I saw.

This is like such a strange time difference because I woke up and the show had just ended. I got the surprise song's first thing in the morning.

Okay.

The first surprise song she's saying was Dear Reader.

Love.

Which is very symbolic because it's the final song on Midnight. It's like the closing of this most recent chapter of Midnight because now we're about to enter the Dead Poets Society.

For sure. But I do feel like it's actually not great symbolism because it's the first show of a new chapter. She's doing another show tonight, but you just played the last song.

No, it's symbolic, and I like it. Also, she's never played it before, and that's literally my favorite song of all time.

I feel like it was like Bala Busta Book Club coded, and she knew you were hosting tonight and just wanted to give you a bit Encouragement, Dear Reader.

I mean, I would love that. Yeah, maybe Taylor knew My Book Club was meeting.

Honestly, that makes more sense to me.

I mean, I could see it. We all know Taylor's number one confidante in this moment is Kelly Teller. Kelly Teller loves To the Toast. She probably knows My Book Club. I wouldn't be surprised if, seriously, she told Taylor that My Book Club was meeting.

It just came up, and that inspired her to sing Dear Reader.

It's such an insanely delicious song. I love that song. Then she also sang Holy Ground, which is one of her favorites. She's always singing it.

Okay, those are two of my... Those would be on my top.

Oh, wow.

Top 15 choices.

I'll find videos and send it to you.

Thank you. Reels preferred.

Reels preferred, of course.

Let's get into the stories.

I think so, too. We've dilly dolly Oh, my God. We really have.

It's late. Okay. Without further do, do, do, do, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Yeah.

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Thank you. Our first story is actually-Oh, wait.

I remember what I wanted to tell you. I called Jackie yesterday, and I had to yell at her about something, and then I couldn't remember what it was. Oh, please. And I just remembered. Would you hold up your iPad for the class?

Oh, you want to shame me?

Jackie, we're running a business here, and we have these absolutely gorgeous custom iPad cases made with our logos so we could, I don't know, have branding. Not only did you take yours off, which seems beyond unnecessary, you didn't put it back on, and now we're giving Apple logo. They need more. He needs more money. Like, Jackie.

I'm I'm sorry, La Ternia. I took it off for my son so that he could enjoy my iPad when he needed to, and that he wouldn't disturb the beautiful case that you made me that I wanted to protect. So I took it off and put it on a kid friend family case for him. You can take it up with him.

I will, actually. I think you should. First the rice and now the iPad case. It seems like me, Harry and I have a lot to discuss when I get down there.

Yeah.

I don't know. It feels like we have not enough It's time and so much to discuss that maybe we, I don't know, he should sleep in my bed or something, just to save time.

He's welcome, too.

Yeah, just put it back on. This is a place of business. I'll think about it. Jackie. It's right over there. Jackie. This is a place of business, not a daycare.

No, I think it's both, actually.

I think it is, too. I don't know. Maybe you should put it back on now. By the way, I don't know if you know, our clips have gone so viral this last week. I mean, we've been our best on TikTok.

On TikTok?

Yes. Like, multiple videos with hundreds of thousands. You're just out here slinging Apple logos. Go get your case.

You know what? Actually, the universal music non-cooperation with TikTok is good for us because we don't use music, and they need fresh audio sounds, and that's what we provide.

Oh, my God. You're so right. Now that's capitalizing on the moment.

As we should, as we will.

You haven't gotten up to go get your iPad case yet.

No, I haven't because I don't feel like it. I'm I don't like it.

Jaggie, HR will be hearing about this.

I think that they should.

You'll be getting a call from Olivia Oshae.

I think that you will be getting a call, too. Are you ready for our first story?

Yes.

It's some book news. Ina Garten quietly releases, quietly announced as a 2024 memoir release date. Ina just celebrated her 76th birthday, and eagle-eye fans noticed that in the bio of her Instagram, it says, Memoir Coming Out, October first, 2024.

Let me tell you something about Aina. She's a little weird. I feel like there's all this fanfare for her in the culture. She's such an integral part of really millennial life, and she hates it, I feel.

Why do you feel she hates it? And why does this make you feel that way?

I don't know. I just feel like there's something weird about Aina. I really mean that. Do you remember that account? Yeah.

Help me.

That was an Ina fan page.

Yeah, and they just put Ina in pop culture moments.

A couple of years ago, it was the biggest Instagram account. What the hell was that page called?

Not the biggest Instagram account. I think I still follow it.

I think I still follow it. Let me see. It was called Inalicious. No, what was it called?

Ina.

I feel like for a while, all we were talking about was that Instagram account. I don't know. I can't find it. There are so many professional Ina impersonators on social I'm always seeing. Everybody dresses up as her. I feel like there's so much fanfare for her. She never engages with it or even likes anything on Instagram. I remember with that Instagram account that blew up about Ina, she blocked them. She didn't like It's not like, I don't need it.

Okay, but I also think she's 76 years old, and she's not desperate for the Instagram fanfare. She just wants to make her meals and enjoy her life. That's okay with me. I don't get the vibe that she hates it, but She doesn't do the most and really get in there because she's not thirsty. She doesn't need it.

Yeah. No. This is a really not thirsty way to announce your memoir.

Yeah, but I think that's exactly what we need. She's the exact I'm not a person who should be writing her memoir. I actually think her story is really interesting. Me too. She must have a lot to say. She's probably learned so much along the way. Like, Yes, please. I will read your memoir. Thank you.

Yeah. I feel like a lot of people don't realize. She had a catering company, and then it got really popular in fancy circles in the Hamptons. How you catapult that to really what she did is super impressive. It's definitely giving Bob Iger energy. No.

You still live in DC. She worked in politics. Did she? Her and Jeffrey.

Yeah. Congresswoman Ina?

Yeah. She only fell into being a chef like this, a professional chef, just out of hobby. Skill. Yeah.

That's interesting. I wonder what DC Ina was like.

Yeah.

Dc Ina.

So It's a key announcement. October first is really far away.

Is there a title?

No. Let's The Arise: Memoirs of an Ina.

How easy is that?

But it wasn't easy, probably, to get where she is.

Okay. How easy is that, colon? Not easy. Too late to find out.

Not easy at all.

Not easy at all. Yeah. I love a colon in a memoir. It's my favorite thing.

I mean, you have to have a colon. I think it's in the contract. Every memoir, it's a subtitle.

It's in Chicago MLA.

Except for Memoirs of a Geisha speaks for itself.

Well, that's true. When you have a title as strong as that, no other punctuation is required. And my next memoir is, of course, going to be called Searching for Victimhood: The Claudia Ashray Story.

Not Memoirs of a Guanji?

Maybe my third. You guys have to buy the second just so I can do that.

Yeah. Oh, my God. If you ever write other memoirs, we're going to have so much fun with the title.

I know. The first one had to brand safe, Girl with no job. I made the best seller list. I'm good. I don't care about the future. I can always say now I'm a best selling author. So the next book is like, We're fucking around. We're going to do something wild.

Totally. I feel like barefoot- Oh, I got one. Contessa's could be something like, Walking through life with the barefoot Contessa.

Dancing through life.

She's not dancing. She's cooking through life.

What about this? Talk turdy to me. You like that? I guess it would be more so the title of my sex tape- Yeah, yeah. Than my memoirs.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so for a barefoot contesa, barefoot confessa. I love.

That's good. We're like, Confessions of a Contessa.

Of a teenage barefoot.

Confessions of an Ina.

Ina. Ina. I need to say something.

Ina. This is tough.

Yeah, it's hard.

You would think it would be easy. There's so much fadder with her.

Right. Obviously- But she's also not silly, goofy, so it has to be serious. That's what I'm saying. She gives us nothing. But if it were me, it would be the vagina monologs.

The Ina monologs.

That's it.

And it could be short stories.

Short stories.

You know what? Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.

Short The Ina monologs, colon. Short stories from a short woman. Because she's like, four feet.

That's rude. No, she's not. You know what's one of my favorite jokes?

Do share.

How when you go to get a recipe online, they give you the longest synopsis.

Yeah, about what the recipe means to them and their heritage and their family and a million things.

Jump to recipe. Ingredients. Nobody reads it. Why do they keep doing it?

Oh, I don't know. And by the way, Aina is 5'3, so she is literally our height.

And I find that the JMP to recipe button is harder and harder to find. They keep making it smaller and more hidden.

What is harder to find, the JMP to recipe button or the unsubscribed button? In the bottom of an email. Because they started to get really creative, where it used to be underlined because it's hyperlinked. So at the bottom, it would be like, copyright, the address. And then there would be one blue hyperlinked, and you would know that now they don't hyperlink it. So you literally just need to search. You need a pair of a monocle to find the unsubscribed button the bottom of emails.

Yeah. I need to find a chef who doesn't want to share her story and just wants to share recipes.

Yeah, you need to find a shy chef.

Who's like, I don't want to tell me about growing up on the farm. No, no. Okay. Their favorite spaghetti meat balls for their little brother.

You need to find a really, really private chef, not in a private sense, in a chef who has a big sense of privacy. Yeah.

Have you seen the joke? It's like, I want to read a thriller about a blogging chef who is admitting to a crime of murder in every recipe in the beginning, but nobody ever puts it together because nobody reads it.

They're so long-winded. And nobody reads it.

Because everyone just jumps to recipe. It's so true. Then if you look back on all the recipes, all the clues were there.

I do also have an issue with recipe culture in terms of the SEO of it all. Because if I just were to Google corn muffin, the first one they would give me would be the worst one, like Yeah.

It's hard. You have to look at the reviews, how many reviews it has. Some of them have thousands, and it's five stars. You could trust it. That's why it's also to build up a rapport. It's good to build up a rapport with a... What is it called? A food blogger? Because you know if you like their taste. I can trust if Half Baked Harvest had a vegetarian meatball, which is what I was looking for the other day, then I would go with it.

I'm sorry. A vegetarian meatball? How does that make any sense? Isn't that just a ball?

Like a A veggies meatball? Yeah, almost like a veggies patty.

Okay. Yeah, like a beyond ball.

No, not beyond. Like made with veggies as the substitute.

Isn't that just a salad, though?

No, it would be like eggplant, maybe zucchini. I was looking for a way to put it all together to be a meatball. I didn't get very far.

What do you have against meat in this scenario?

No, I make meatballs multiple times a week. You do?

And Jackie's Meats.

Oh, thanks, Turdy. I'll make you some when you're here. Top tier. We're always I'm having meats. I was curious, and I had two eggplants and two zucchinis in my fridge. I was like, I wonder if I can make a meatball with this.

You make me a meatball, and I'll make you Turdy's famous egg tacos.

I would love that. How was your taco meat?

So good. I use ground turkey.

Oh, the best.

Just ground turkey and old El Paso.

I'm done with ground beef. A ground beef is over party.

By the way, I agree because also when you're cooking ground beef, all that oil. I can never know if you're supposed to keep the oil in the pan. Everyone says, Use it, but then everyone's like, Get it out. Honestly, when I take it out, it's gross, and when I leave it, it's gross. I don't know what to do. Turkey doesn't have that problem. Also, I know you're not going to agree with me, but ground chicken fucks, too.

Love ground chicken.

I like ground chicken chili.

I love ground chicken, just like turkey. They're, to me, so similar, and I'm just done with ground beef. I'm so glad we're putting it out there.

Yeah, I do still like ground beef, chili. That's the only thing I'll really accept. But ground beef just really needs to be cooked for a really long time, and it needs to be really small.

Yeah. We're just like, we're such almond ladies. It's just it's too fatty.

I'm such an almond lady.

This podcast is becoming like an insufferable diet podcast.

It's giving like Huberman energy.

I love that.

Me too. It's just so important to constantly be be changing. I was just having this conversation with someone. We were talking about the landscape of podcasting and all these different shows, like shows that used to be big and that aren't anymore.

What a fun combo.

It really was. I'm lightening it up. It was really mean. We were just signing this up. This podcast that used to be really popular and what went wrong. We couldn't really figure out what it was. We really boiled it down to a lack of evolution in terms of content, in terms of format, in terms of everything. You can't be afraid of change. That's something I've learned very late in life. Because don't get me wrong, change is the worst. But now that I've changed so much about my life, and I'm so happy. I'm probably in the happiest... Aside from Theo dying in the war in Israel, I'm probably in one of the happiest places I've really ever been. That's due to that change.

Claudia, I've been trying to tell you for a year, sometimes self-care looks like hard work.

No. Sometimes, literally yesterday in the tub, I sat back and I was like, In the last year, I did the two things I never, ever, ever thought I could possibly be physically capable of. I lost the weight and I stopped vaping. Two things that were just a fabric of my life. It was just a fact. It wasn't anything I was even trying to change because I knew I literally... It was futile to even try. Then once I did the weight thing, and I totally had help with the Ozempic. I never would have been able to do it without. I realized I was capable of doing big things, and that's what really gave me the courage to quit the vape.

Number three, skiing.

Let me think. Skying, reading. Reading. That's an old one now.

Yeah, we're just used to you reading.

Yeah, and it's like, Oh, we didn't think I could do something that required me to lay down. Everything else is really physical.

Yeah. Great.

Yeah. Oh, by the way, I'm wearing the sneakers.

Oh, can you get me a pair? I was going to say. I think you could treat me to a pair.

By the way, I'll make you a deal.

Put the case on.

Go get your iPad case. I'll buy you the shoes right now.

Will you have them delivered ASAP?

And by the way, I bought them on Shop Up through Amazon. They came the next day. You have yourself a deal. Okay. What size are you?

Seven. What size did you get? How did they run?

I got a 7, too. And they looked a little small when I put them on. I was like, shook, but they fit completely fine.

Okay, send me the confirmation that goes on.

Women's Seven, add to bag. It's going to be so easy because I have your address in my Amazon account.

Oh, yeah. You've been sending some tings.

Yes.

Let me put them in. I'm so excited. It would look so cute with my outfit today, don't you think?

I do think it would look great with your outfit today.

Thank you, Claudia.

Wait, I have to log in with Amazon.

It's been a little bit of a mess. You know why I need them? Because I need nice-looking shoes that I can drive in.

Oh, these are nice-looking shoes that you can drive in. They're also very old lady, very Florida. You know what I mean?

I love it.

Okay, I'm addressing it to you.

I'm so excited.

Let me put in your address. You got yourself a deal. Is the iPad case on? Look at that.

She can be bought.

We love, love, love.

You think this could be a business expense since we're putting it on the shelf? And since it's like we're making content with it.

Right, Delivered by Friday. Should I pay the extra 399 for you to have them tomorrow?

Would you wear them? Yeah, I have an outing on Friday. I'll wear them on Friday if... Yeah, because I have somewhere I need to be, and they would look cute for that. I'll tell You know what I have to do, and you'll agree. It's a perfect shoe.

Or replace. They're also linked on my like to know if anybody wants. Done. Oh, my God.

Thanks, turdy. That's exciting. I got a new pair of shoes.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Yeah.

I'm so excited.

What was that? Aren't they cool? To finish my thought from earlier, these are the shoes I was talking about on Friday when I saw Ariel Charnis' story. I was like, Should I get the jacket? I didn't get the jacket, but I got the shoes. And so far, I'm loving it. So maybe it'll inspire me to get a Complete the Look.

Complete the Look.

Yeah.

Great. Well, are you ready for our next story?

Is this only number two?

It's only number two. Yeah. Charlie D'Amelio and Landon Barker have broken up after more than a year of dating. So if you guys have kids, this is something that you can talk to them It's probably a tough time for them. But Landon posted on his Instagram saying, Hey, everyone. I would like to let you guys know that Charlie and I are no longer together. We broke up to focus on ourselves. We are still friends and have so much love for each other. I am incredibly grateful for the time we shared and hope you can respect our decisions. Thank you. Love you all so much.

There was a time when I really cared about the kids of TikTok, and that time has passed.

Of course. I don't care about them as TikTok kids. I care about them as They're part of the Kardashian-Barker ecosystem. Kardashian-ecosystem. Exactly. Even though they're really young, I felt like they were a really solid couple that I didn't- This was shocking. I didn't foresee breaking up.

No, they seemed like, broadly stable.

Yeah.

Given just the circumstances.

It seems like a serious long term relationship, even though they're so young, and obviously it's not.

I never questioned whether or not they were going to stay together. They just were.

They were always together. They were always at serious family functions together. That's where you bring your serious partner. I just always assumed she would be in the fold.

I know that they just came out with season 2 of The D'Amelio Show. I do look at The D'Amelio ever since I watched that first season, but A hyper critical eye. When I watch Dixie and I watch their content, I see them as such fragile, broken young women. The show really highlighted how broken they were. I feel like a man's sadness for them. They give me a really big pit. I feel like they hate their life. They hate being famous. I feel like everyone around them, their parents included, voiced it on them. They give me the biggest pit. I don't know if that's the actual reality, but that's really the vibe I got from that show. I was surprised they put it out because it was so honest.

Having a mental breakdown every single day and you're 16 and your parents keep putting you to work and there's more projects.

Let's start a shoe company. We're starting a venture capital confirm. It gave me such a pit. When I first saw I was like, I feel like this is really emblematic of the mental health crisis in this country. They're the perfect example of 16-year-old girls who spend all their time on social media. Of course, they're literally having mental breakdowns every single day. We'll leave their room.

Then I was also Even though they're having a hard time with it, things are on the surface good for them. Yeah, of course.

Everybody likes them. They're not the villains. They're not getting canceled.

It's all good. And it's still bad. They can't even enjoy it.

Because it's so unnatural. They're so young. They started so young. So much was foiced in on them so quickly. I don't know. I have a terrible pit when it comes to those girls. Watching that first season of that show was really... It was a tough watch. I was surprised they put it out. The thing is, I don't-It made the parents look bad.

They're too close to it. I don't think they can see it the way an outsider can. And I think in putting it out, when it's another job and business, and we have a reality show that's everyone's goal these days. But I think also it might have been a cry for sympathy. We're people, too. But I think that all the negatives, as you stated, outweigh whatever positive... Because definitely when I saw it, I'm like, if I ever have anything to say about the D'Amelio, I wouldn't say it. They can't handle it. It definitely makes you want to go just like-Easy. Yeah. Not that I'm going to go hard on the D'Amelio, but I do feel like they were getting a lot of hate. Now, if you've seen that show, you wouldn't send any their way. They're also just like, Nice girls, and why would you hate on them?

No, for sure. Also, I think we talk so much about the mental health crisis in this country, the amount of kids who are depressed and suicidal. It's at a higher rate than ever. It's not normal. This is a role model for so many young women. It's like, look how depressed they are, and they have amazing lives.

The majority of kids these days want to grow up to be an influencer.

They want to be Charlie.

They are the most successful ones. It doesn't get bigger than this or quicker. She's the highest in her field and so unhappy. What does that say for the kids?

The whole thing really gives me a terrible pit. I feel like it's such a small difference. Addison Ray being three years older than Charlie when the whole thing happened. I think Addison Ray has really struggled, especially when she went through public stuff with her family. But I think the difference, and maybe it's just that Addison hasn't shared as much as Charlie has on the show, but just the vibe that I get, is her being a little bit older, the tiniest bit tougher, saved her a little bit.

Yeah, but what about Dixie? She's a little bit older, and she's still having- That's true. It's also just your makeup. Yeah. But also how it has taken several steps back, whereas Dixie is constantly doing more.

Right. They're just always doing new things. They have a new shoe company, and then Dixie does music, and then Charlie wanted to do music. On top of being social media stars, they have a ring light line at Target, a clothing line at Hollister. The 25 A million dollar venture capital firm they started. It's a lot.

Yeah. Well, that makes me even sadder that they broke up because now she's probably dealing with heartbreak, too.

Then that was the other thing from the show. I felt like one of the... It seemed like the only bright spot in Dixie's life was her relationship with Noah Beck, who was, they said on the show, so neurotypical. He didn't have the same mental health issues or anxiety. Social media was just a fun job for him. He was so oddly simple about the whole thing. I felt like that he was so good for her. Then they broke up. I feel like probably Landon was similar. Landon's very used to this. He grew up like this. It's not that big of a deal for him. And he probably stabilized a lot of the insecurities that Charlie had. And so, yeah, it is sad.

Yeah. And Noah and Dixie is sad, too. It wasn't ever like, one day announced. I feel like it was people pulling back the layers. So I was in denial.

And then I forgot about it.

But they were a good couple. But they were a really cute couple.

Yeah.

So I Hope everyone's okay.

Wishing everyone the best.

Wishing everyone the best, as always, as we always do for every person except for Annie Lennox.

Except for Annie Lennox. We're well wishers.

We are well wishers. Are you ready for our next story?

Yeah.

Taylor Swift is demanding this college student to stop tracking her private jet. When it comes to dealing with a Florida college student who uses public data and social media to track the private jets of billionaires, politicians, and other celebrities, Taylor Swift apparently can't just shake it off. In late December, Taylor's camp hit Jack Sweeney, a junior studying information technology at the University of Central Florida, with a cease and desist letter that blamed his automated tracking of her private jet for tipping off stalkers as to her location. In the letter, attorneys from the law firm Venable accused Sweeney of effectively providing individuals intent on harming her or with nefarious or violent intentions, a roadmap to carry out their plans. Sweeney provided that letter in an email to the AP. In that message, she emphasized that while he has never intended to cause harm, he also strongly believes in the importance in terms of transparency and public information. He said, One should reasonably expect that their jet will be tracked, whether or not I'm the one doing it, as it is public information after all. A spokesperson for tailored echoed the legal complaint saying that the timing of stalkers suggests a connection to his flight tracking sites.

The spokesperson did not respond to questions seeking elaboration of that charge, such as whether stalkers have been seen waiting for Swift at the airport when her plane arrived, or alternatively, if there's evidence that stalkers have somehow inferred her location from the arrival time of her flight.

By the way, this is the same person who ran Elon Musk's account jet. Elon Musk had actually offered him $5,000 to turn the account off. He was like, 50 would be better. I don't know what ended up happening. At first, he just pleaded with him on a human level being like, Can you please stop doing this? I have such crazy stalkers. I have kids. And the guy was like, No. And then he was like, Okay, what about $5,000? I don't know how it ended, but this is the same person who did that to Elon.

It was in Elon's book. At first, he was like, He's a free speech warrior, so he was like, The account must stay. And then he just about faced and was like, Fuck, Principal, you're off. It's annoying. He kicked him off. He banned Elon's jet. Taylor is having this same issue that Elon was having where, yes, it is public information through the FAA website, but I think it requires a lot of legwork to figure out. This person is just making it so easy for people to see.

Yeah, this person is not breaking the law.

No.

I think it's interesting. Taylor obviously wants this account taken down, which she's totally entitled to. Her level of stalker is... She has millions. They're insane. They go and sleep in her bed. They're freaks. I'm sure that there is some connection between this account and her stalker. I'm sure of it. I do think it's interesting that the route she chose to take was cease and desist and legal strongarming, as opposed to just being like, What if I gave you $50,000 to shut up? Because it's clear that this person would take money. Is it? Yeah, because when Elon offered him $5,000, he said it wasn't enough money.

Okay.

But then- And also this is like a college student. What, $50,000?

I think it's the principle of you're going to pay someone a lot of money.

I know, but for your safety, fuck principle.

Yeah. I mean, Elon said, Fuck principle. I know. Honestly, Taylor should be reaching out to Elon and be like, Hey, can you fuck Principal on mine, too?

Yeah. No, by the way, for sure. I'm sure if this doesn't go her way, she's on her way to Palo Alto.

Yeah, because he also made her unsearchable on X when those AI images were circulating. So he can just do stuff. You might want to be nice to Elon.

Yeah. I know a lot of people think those accounts are important because they highlight her carbon emissions. We know. She's not an environmental queen. We know. So the point was made. And I saw the funniest tweet because two weeks ago, Taylor Swift, one of her classic New York stalkers, one of her Dirk Stuckers was arrested three days in a row. Each day, he came to lay in her bed, got arrested, and then came back the next day to do it. And the Swifties were freaking out. They were like, Why isn't this guy in jail? And the tweet was like, Swifties are about to learn about bail reform. Because in New York, if you get arrested, they just let you out. It's crazy. So it's like, how is this person doing the same thing three days in a row if he was just arrested? It's like, The Swifties are finally learning about bail reform.

The Swift's are about to meet Alvin Bragg.

It was such a funny tweet, but it's true. This is a violent person who like, trespassed three days in a row, and every day he was able to get out and do it again.

Wait until they hear about the two cops that were beat up by the illegal migrants. They're going to be big mad.

So I think the account should be taken down. I do think this is an interesting route for her to take to do that, but I'm sure she thought it was the best way. I wonder if she's even involved. She definitely is.

She definitely is.

Yeah.

I think she should I talked to Elon.

And by the way, a lot of celebrities have these accounts, and at different moments in time, there's a lot of attention on them. There was those weeks where everyone was obsessed with the account that tracks Kylie because she was taking 30-minute plane rides to Palm Springs, and that's so wasteful. So they come in and out of trend. Yeah.

But still, for the stalkers, they remain on alert.

Yeah.

They're still checking it.

Yeah, they stay woke. They stay dressed and alert.

Yeah. No, it's definitely There should be some... Line. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but it's not right.

No, and it's like, Yeah, legally, whatever, she might not have a case. But what about human decency? What about Taylor reaching out and saying, I feel very unsafe by something you're doing. Would you mind not doing it? And the person just being like, Okay. What about, Hello?

Yeah. What if you just called Taylor up and said, I feel unsafe?

Right.

Are you ready for our next story, which isn't so much of a story as it should be a story? Yeah. What number is this? Number 4.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carrie Underwood has low-key become a homesteading She has a sad wife on her Instagram, and nobody's talking about it.

We are.

We shall be talking about it.

It's so funny.

Carrie Underwood has obviously got the homesteading bug because she is making her own soap now, making her food from scratch. She's Sharing?

Making her own skincare? Oh, yeah, skincare.

Oh, yeah. Skincare. She's been sharing it a bit to her Instagram. Not enough. I don't think people are asking enough questions about what's carry up to.

But let me tell you, it's the least shocking thing ever. She would. She definitely lives on some farm. She has tons of land. She probably has animals. She has a lot of money. It's easy to homestead by choice. It's fun. I love this journey for her. Her content about it is so funny. She knows it's funny, too.

Yeah. It's just so crazy how we're all... I I wonder what big tech has invested in us becoming homesteaders. It seems counterintuitive, but I am only invested in this because I'm getting served it. I would have never known if I wasn't getting these videos in my algorithm.

You think big tech has a vested interest in women becoming homesteaders?

No, I actually think the opposite. So why is this happening?

It's viral.

I feel like it's a glitch in the matrix.

Yeah. Or it's two It's too powerful a trend.

It's too powerful to stop us from surfacing.

Right.

Anyways, I love this journey for her. It also then made me check out her Instagram, which was a really fun place to be.

She's got a lot going on. Of course, the music, the career, the glitz, the glam, denim and diamonds, we know. But she also has a really popular athlete's your line. Amazing. What's called Kalia or something. It's really popular. No.

People, myself included, just forget about her sometimes. But she's not to be forgotten. Her hits, they don't stop.

They don't stop coming.

She's doing a Las Vegas residency. I would love to see. I need to take myself to Vegas for a weekend just to hit up the residencies. But I would actually need a whole week because I want to see Carrie Underwood. Kelly. I want to see Kelly. I want to see Christina Aguilera. Who else is there? I want to see Adele, of course.

Adele. Donny and Marie.

Donny and Marie.

I don't think I can name one song that Donny and Marie Asman sing. Also, are they Brother and Sister or Husband and Wife?

Husband and Wife, I'm saying. That's my guess.

Donny and Marie. They are Brother and Sister. They had a TV show What do they sing?

Brother and Sister.

That's cute.

That is cute. We love siblings who work together.

When you Google Donnie and Marie, the first thing that comes up is Donnie and Marie Sleep Together.

Oh, my gosh.

I don't know these songs, Morning Side of the Mountain, No, this is so beyond my... No.

Miranda Lambert will be doing...

Oh, yeah. She's doing a residency.

A residency. I could see her.

Yeah.

Okay, that's pretty much it. I didn't miss anything, I don't think. Cool.

It's a great time for music in Vegas. Maybe we should go, I don't know, this weekend.

Oh, that would be something.

Oh, Sunday night.

But the tickets are wild for Vegas. Oh, and the private jets, you can't get a parking spot.

Oh, at the hangar?

Yeah. Have you seen that? No, I haven't. It's going to be hard to get your plane in there.

Damn. Good thing I don't have a plane.

That would be a good thing. That would be really hard.

No. That's such a rich people problem. I never even thought about that. Where are they going to park their planes?

The private airport is going to be overflowing. But I feel like that happens.

They should all consolidate now.

You would think. I feel like that happens at every Super Bowl, especially when it's in a place that doesn't really have a lot of private plane volume, which I feel like Vegas does.

I feel like actually, of all the cities equipped to handle inbound celebrity expertise, jets, people, tourism. Vegas is probably one of the best to handle it, if not the best.

Yeah, I think so. And they have so many hotels because usually when it's in a city that's- So many rooms. A normal city. You don't have every hotel. There's plenty of rooms.

There's plenty of rooms.

I'm glad that they won't have a room shortage.

Me too. Before we dive into the next story, might I have the floor?

Claudia, of course you can.

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We do. I just got new tings from them. It was so exciting.

So did I.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

A little-Oh, and just to say, I had ordered something and ordered the wrong color, like a moron. Gray. I got gray, and it just doesn't go with my new esthetic. The customer service was amazing. They put a stop tracker. I didn't even call us Churdy. I called us just This customer number.

Right. 365. I was shopping, I saw a Bone and Branch store. Do you know they have physical stores?

I didn't.

I was wondering, could you walk up and check out with Co Toast?

We'll have to ask them.

Yeah, that It should be a fun perk. Our last story, a little royal update. Prince Harry has left the UK 24 hours after seeing his dad, King Charles, and not seeing his brother, Prince William. Prince Harry is already leaving London. He'll be on the last train to London. That's quick. After a quick trip to see his father, King Charles, shortly after Buckingham Palace announced that the monarch was diagnosed with cancer, he was spotted at London's Heathrow Airport Wednesday after spending about 24 hours in the UK. Interesting. I just feel like. I don't know anything. I just feel like that wasn't the plan.

You think he was turned away at the door?

No, or it was a bad conversation. I'm leaving, papa.

Yeah. I mean, that's a... It's a... By the way, from LA to London, that's not a short journey.

For 24 hours to say hi and bye. I think he probably didn't book a return flight at first. Just wanted to feel out the vibes. This is just my speculation based on human behavior. I think the vibes were negative, and he turned around and went home. That's what I think.

Interesting. I mean, it's a really short amount of time for such a long flight, so I don't know what the hell happened. I doubt he was going there with the intention of seeing William. That part doesn't shock me, but I would imagine he would have spent more time with his father.

Right. Also, if it was that thing of time heals all This is bigger than us, then Charles would have been like, Stay, see your brother. Let's be a family.

Yeah.

24-hour trip is just not given that.

No, it's giving bad news, Sparse.

It's giving drama continues.

Yeah, for sure. This saga, with a picture we painted yesterday that hopefully this would be the thing that brings them all back together. Him and Megan are working royals again. It seems further away than ever.

It's also giving things just got worse.

Oh, like what was said.

Yeah. They sunk down deeper.

Yeah. I mean, there was that recent drama with the translation of their book. Well, not their book, like the biography that they- Obe Scobi. Right. And the translation accidentally putting the name of the person who made the comment about Archie's skin tone. So I feel like tensions are probably higher than ever.

Yeah. Yeah. So, yikes.

Yikes bikes, but bon voyage.

Yeah. Safe travels. Do you think Megan and Harry will be at the Super Bowl?

No.

That's the problem because if you're- That's where they should be. That's where you should be. Like former Royal Hills, living high on the hog, go to the damn Super Bowl.

Right. But that's like such an American sport.

And she's American.

She is. But it just would be crazy. They'd be better off at the World Cup or whatever. Of course. Which is in New Jersey.

If you're not using your clout to go to the Super Bowl in Las Vegas, then you're just not doing it right.

I couldn't agree more. If I was Megan and Harry, I would have had a suite, a jet, and a hotel room months ago.

No, I would be getting on someone else's.

I don't even care who's paying. I'm going.

I'm sure anyone would give them a ride. Oprah? Jeff Bezos?

Ellen?

Does Ellen have a plane?

For sure.

Yeah. It's a quick trip. It's not even a big ask.

It's so true. It's literally nothing.

Everybody's going to have extra seats. They should be there.

Today's episode is not over because we have our TV recap, which is our Van der Pumperules recap, which was on last night, the second episode of the season. First episode wasn't great. Second episode was better because at least someone somewhat polarizing Tom Sandoval was there.

I know you're obsessed with seeing the Sandy.

Everything else, I'm sorry, is so beyond uninteresting to me. The restaurant, it's just not remotely interesting. Seeing somebody so unhinged, that's entertaining to me.

Yeah, I guess- He wasn't really even that crazy or bad.

The episode was not good.

No, it wasn't good. But when I look back on the episode and look at my heart rate monitor and think about the things that excited me and made me feel something, I would say seeing the way that Ariana and Tom live within the one house with the assistant was appalling. We spoke about the state of their rooms, which is not acceptable, but the way that they communicate through that poor woman who is so ill-equipped, She's not a alpha type of personality.

She's obviously soft-spoken, maybe even a little shy.

How did she end up in this situation?

How did she get here? How did she get out? She's not the right woman for the job.

No. And I feel badly for her. She probably was applying for a personal assistant job, and she became a divorce mediator. But she stays in the job.

I did relate to her sending off that text message really quickly, and then Tom changing his mind. That's so me. I'm so quick.

That's so you. That's so not me.

Yeah, that would happen to me. You told me to do something, so I did it. Sorry.

But I appreciated that she did that because Tom, it's like your words, you said something, you can't undo it.

Yeah. Actually, I didn't really agree with Lala taking Tom's side.

You did agree? No. Oh, I agreed with Lala. I felt like she was being rational.

I think him saying, I'll send you at a hotel is beyond unreasonable and insane. I get Ariana being indignant in this birthday party. But the more I learn about their financial situation when it comes to the house, Ariana is being a little too prideful. I understand what she's saying. She's like, You ruined my life. I shouldn't be uprooted and have to find a new place live. But if he is willing to buy her out, and her only reason for saying no is because on principle, she's really only doing herself a disservice. Look at how she's living like a slob. Like a slob.

She can't even stay at her residence with her new man. She's shooting herself in the foot to prove this point.

She's making so much money. She could get a better house.

To prove this point to someone who a point is he's going to miss it. As Lala said, he's getting off on making you uncomfortable. She thinks that leaving is going to It's not going to be too easy for him, and she's sticking it to him by being there. He doesn't care either way. Why wouldn't you want a clean state? Why would you do this to yourself? The state of limbo that she's living in, I don't relate to it at all. She's lost me on this. I don't understand it.

I also don't understand how Tom can buy her out. When he was saying he literally had to move $500, $1,000 just to pay his band, and that's the only reason he was going on the tour, even though it felt like in such an inopportune time, he needed the money, which I do believe. But And he did put more than Tom Schwartz into Schwartz & Sandy, so over $500,000. I do believe he has no money, so how can he even buy her out?

I don't know. Not my problem.

Not my problem. But maybe I don't think that's even an actual realistic option.

I think he might still have savings. Even if he put close to a million in the restaurant, he's been on the show for a very long time, and he doesn't seem like he spends outlandishly, aside from his band, that's his fashion project, he could have more savings.

Okay. Yeah. I think that's a mistake on Ariana's part. She's just so being stubborn about it, and she's wrong. She's only doing herself a disservice.

Yeah, because you can't move on if you're still caring about punishing the other person. Right. It's obscene. I cannot believe that that's how they were living, and I think how they're still living.

I also, broadly found, and I have been finding one of my favorite characters to be Sheena. She went from being just so fake and insufferable to being so real. And honestly, I just love her, Brock, and I just love her. She's really a sweetie.

She's really a sweetie. I agree.

I stand.

I do, too. And I really like her and Brock, and they have a very nice family life. And I like watching the family stuff from everyone.

Yeah. I could live without the birth charts and the zodiac readings from Alley.

Well, yeah, I don't even know what that is.

So dumb. Sad to see Pamp go, a local institution, but I thought Lisa's reasoning for it was very reasonable.

Yeah.

I wouldn't consider Lisa's restaurant discography to be a flop. She's opening a million more restaurants in Vegas. Those are the real money makers. She doesn't need four restaurants on the same street in West Hollywood.

Yeah. You have to know when it's time to say goodbye to something. All good things must come to an end rather to end it with dignity.

The fact that people showed up for it, it was cute.

And the rents going up. It's dollars and cents.

It's dollars and cents. This is a business, not a charity.

It's also like, you don't keep your business going just to preserve your reputation if it's losing you money.

It's really not an integral part of the Vanderpump universe.

Not at all.

I couldn't believe all those scenes- I think they tried in the beginning.

I couldn't believe all those scenes that were filmed there. I'm like, Oh, why were they filmed there?

Because when it was opening, it was a big part of the storyline. Then Tom worked the bar, and they were like, they tried.

It opened on Vanderpump rules.

They tried to make it a part of the show's ecosystem, but it wasn't natural and it didn't work. I think the restaurant probably suffered because of that because it wasn't a place you would go to see Vanderpump people. You would go to Sir.

Right. And then they had Tom Tom. And that wasn't changing. Tom Tom. Tom Tom. Tom Tom But other than that, I don't have any thoughts on the recap.

It wasn't interesting.

No, I found it not pleasant to watch. I'll keep up with it because I'm sure there's going to be meat at some point, but it was just start, stop, start, stop. Yeah.

That's our show, correct?

Which is disappointing because we finally got back into something and we're both watching it and it's like, nah.

Yeah, no. We will continue to do Deer Toaster on Thursdays until the show becomes untenable.

Yeah, but I'm going to give it a beat. They're finding their new footing. It's hard. You have to bring Sandoval back into the fold. But what he did was so horrible and people are so mad.

I had forgotten about Sheena's other song in that music video. That was insane. Oh, my God.

That music video. That was insane. Oh, my God. Claudia? I was shocked.

I literally had forgotten about that.

It's a sex tape. Yeah.

Literally. It's Skinamax.

It's And what was crazier about at the time was that guy, Brett, was hooking up with... Was it Dana? Dana. Who is Sheena's friend. So it's like, Oh, I'm going to tap this guy you're hooking up to me in my music video, and it's this.

The thing is, she Tina is a complex gal, and we have just witnessed her growth. And honestly, I feel like this episode, that really honest conversation she had about OCD with her motherhood and with the flashback to the girl she used to be. I just feel like it's emblematic, for lack a better word, of the journey she's been on. It really highlights how much she's changed. Honestly, she should be very proud.

Yeah, and the theme of this episode is growth. Change is positive, but it was shocking to look back on that.

I had completely forgotten.

That was something that happened.

It was such a low production value. It really was giving pornhub. Com.

It was a porno.

Yeah.

With your friend's man, which was what?

Beyond. That is our show, you guys. Hope you have a great hump day. Don't forget to hump someone you love. Thank you so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. If you're watching us on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and give us a video of a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere. Podcasts can be found. That's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Video. I hear a radio, Castbox, all the places where you listen to podcast? My name's The Toast. Leave a five-star review about our beautiful setting and what goodly talented we are. Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Love you. Bye.