Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Toast, and happy Tuesday. Oh, my God, you guys. Today is just... It's giving Monday for me. It's giving rebirth, regenesis, renewal. I'm alive. In the words of Céline Dion, I'm alive.

Hey, Jacks, how are you doing? That's in the words of Cia.

Oh, no, but there's a Céline Dion.

Yeah, I'm alive. Oh, yeah. That's in the words of When you look, when you look at me.

Sorry, got my Queens of pop.

Your icon's confused. Hi, turntalou. Today's very exciting because you're feeling better. I'm in my Fland stage, which just means I'm so close to the end. And we're majorly twinning, which is so perfect for being back in studio. We're coming back with a bang as twins.

Okay, we're coming back with a bang. We are both wearing pink, which I think I've realized is one of my colors. I don't want to get into I'm not going to say that again, but I think it is. I stole this outfit from my friend Molly. It's one of the hardest things to get.

You have a friend, Molly?

Yeah, Jackie, I do. And you're going to know her too soon. You're going to love Molly.

You stole it from Molly? Yeah. From her house?

She let me borrow it, and then she was like, No, you can keep it. I'm like, Okay, I will.

Who's Molly?

Jackie. She's my friend Molly. I told you about her.

You did? Why would you be wearing her clothes?

What do you mean? That's what friends do.

No, but not unless you were at her house.

When I was in Fortworth.

Oh, okay.

Molly is who I was visiting in Fortworth, one of my many Fortworth friends. And this is the Aviator Nation ex-Barbie collab. It's really hard to come by, and she was so gracious to give it to me. And I'm going to wear it.

Yeah, that's so nice. We're just obsessed with Barbie.

Jackie, I was just going to say we're turning into a Barbie Stan show.

For sure. Except that is a small beef that I have with Barbie. It's We can pink outside of Barbie, too. Yeah, no, they don't own Barbie. Barbie didn't invent pink.

I do think, though, that this specific shade is licensed and owned.

It's like a fancy color. There is a color of Barbie pink. I think this is it. No, that's not It's all right. Okay.

But just really quickly, back to my health. I am feeling so much better. I started an antibiotic yesterday, and I went to the doctor. One thing about me, it's going to take me a year to go to the doctor. If I just went to the doctor on day one, I wouldn't have had to miss the show yesterday.

Sure, but you don't need to go to the doctor when you have a cold. But when things are getting bad and they're not getting better, then you go to the doctor.

So your girl had sinusitis, which is thankfully not contagious. So Ben has been avoiding me all week, and now he can rest easy knowing he can take care of me without getting sick and compromising his own health.

I just feel like husbands and wives avoiding each other to not get sick. Like, get in the trenches with me. You're getting sick.

Deal with it. I feel like it's actually unfair of me. That's a mischaracterization. Ben has been so fabulous, really taking care of me every want and need, rubbing my back, my feet. But he won't kiss me.

Well, maybe that's just because it's gross. But I feel like when someone in the house gets sick, there's no trying to stay apart.

We're all going to be sick. That's how I feel when I'm sick. But when Ben's sick, I will be going on vacation. Like, goodbye.

Okay, well, if you leave the house, you leave the house. But when we're in-house, the idea of separating an apartment, give it up. Let everyone be in the bed.

I also... Damn, she cut me off for nothing. What the fuck was I going to say?

Cut me off for nothing.

Wait.

I also No, I have no idea.

It's gone.

It's going, going, gone. Maybe you have that COVID brain fog.

Well, I didn't have COVID, just to be clear. I have sinusitis.

But what if you did have COVID? You have to remove the stigma.

No, COVID is like the flu. You get sick. It's like every year for sure. But I'm just saying I didn't have it. Backs are important here.

Was Ben jealous that you had sinusitis because sinuses are his thing?

It's so true. I don't think I've ever had a sinus infection in my Life. And Ben gets them once a week, and he doesn't shut the fuck up about them. I do want to say I have a lot of sympathy now. It's really not ideal. But then you had sinus surgery.

You don't feel like now you could be like, Well, I had it, so you're fine. I know what it's like, and you're fine.

No, because I wasn't fine, and I was really dramatic. I almost made Ben take me to the emergency room on Sunday. I was really not okay. But I don't mean to reflect on the negative times. I am feeling so much better, and I'm at that stage of... I'm not 100%, and I have this thing where whenever I start to feel better, I go 100%, and then I get sick again because I didn't let myself fully recover. So I need to recover. But I'm just at the stage where I'm... I really will never, ever take my health for granted again. It's so empowering to be healthy and to get up to be able to do your job and clean your home and do your shower.

And what to do things.

Yeah. And I'll never take that for granted again. I'm feeling so blessed to be here. I'm so blessed to be in studio. Blessed to have clips today. I Health is just... I feel like we all take our health for granted. We just wake up every day and our health, most of us, God willing, we just wake up and are healthy and we can move. I couldn't move.

So what are you going to do differently going forward to preserve your health?

Oh. Well, I got my blood work done while I was at the doctor yesterday just to make sure everything else was in order. The good news is that my very... Well, it wasn't very, but my high cholesterol has come down in the last nine months due to my obsession with exercise, which was one of the impetuses for me starting to exercise. Nine months ago, my doctor was like, Your cholesterol is really high. I was like, No, it runs in my family. I'm not doing anything wrong. It just runs in my family. They were like, No, you should start exercising, Patty. I was like, Oh, okay. So I did.

Yeah, high cholesterol does run in our family, but you could also compound that.

Yeah. So I'm have perfect cholesterol now, which is really exciting.

You have low cholesterol now?

Not low. Good.

Good.

Good. Your girl is vitamin D deficient. Like, okay.

She needs a D. Ben. Ben, she needs a D.

Well, that's literally not what I thought you were going to say. I thought you were going to say, Oh, she needs to come visit me, vitamin D. With her husband.

I gave you a sound machine.

Wait, no. Vitamin D is the sun, no? Yes, it is. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I do. Me and my husband need to come fucking your yard on one of your new lounge chairs.

I have new outdoor furniture, and it's It has covers built in, so go to town.

Perfect. I need you guys to leave the premises. Then take the kids to, you know.

Local park.

Whatever. The library. So me and Ben can become undeficient.

So you can get the D.

So me and Ben can become sufficient. Wow, that was one of the dumbest things I've ever said.

Undeficient. Classic.

And we're back, which is so exciting. There's such great stories today. There are. Not being in studio for... We have It was definitely a loss for the community that we weren't in studio yesterday.

If you didn't listen to yesterday's episode because you're a video swirly, you absolutely need to go listen for context for today's episode.

So we have spillover from the Grammys. We have more stories. I cannot believe King Charles has cancer. There's so much to unpack. We're alive. It's just we're alive, Jack.

And we're wearing pink.

We're wearing pink. We love Barbie. We're the number two podcast in Comedy Today.

We're the number two. Who's number one?

Smartlist. Rats. Fuck them. But like, Jackie, we are alive. I just need everyone to take a moment. I know life is hard, and things are really for anyone today. Today is maybe not the best day of someone's life.

Someone's not having the same experience that I'm having. If you keep going on this train of thought, we're going to have to switch categories to inspiration.

But when the baseline of your happiness is your health, the bar is so much lower. Oh, my God. Could I complain about a thousand things? Yes, but the Super Bowl is this weekend. I'm seeing my sister on Saturday. I'm going to cry. I feel so happy and so blessed. I am alive, bitch. You don't understand what it has been like. I'm alive.

No, I was sick, too.

No, No, but not to the point where I was, were you?

No, the sickness never put me fully on my back. You know what I mean? Where I was like, cancel my calls, call in the soup. Cancel the clips? Cancel the clips, yeah.

I canceled my whole day yesterday.

Yeah, that's good. No, I'm glad that We're back. It's going to be a great week. It's already been a great week.

We're number two. I mean, it would have been better if we were number one. But again, I can't complain.

No, Claudia, I appreciate number two because our days are numbered. Joe Rogan is coming back. We'll never see this again unless we have a major announcement. We're going to have to be super creative. But by the way, our days are numbered.

Our days are fucking numbered, first of all. And second of all, I really feel like Joe Rogan should move to health. He's always talking about carnivore diets and shit.

He is. He's also a comedian, and he has on so many comedians.

Yeah, but he has on a lot of doctors, too. I'm putting it out there. I think for the sake of the podcast ecosystem, Joe Rogan needs to excuse himself from this category.

For the sake of society, people's minds heads would fall off if he was in the health category, and they couldn't chalk up what he says to comedy.

Oh, it's so true.

There would be protests in the street.

Who am I to invalidate another comic's identity?

It's true, but maybe his health episodes could go to the health category. I don't think he can do that. Maybe it should be like that. No, but Joe Rokin can do whatever he wants. So true. Joe Rokin, invent, Rokin, invented podcasting.

So true.

So put Huber Huberman in the Health episodes.

We need to start some deep with Huberman. I'm over Huberman, too. Get out of the charts, bitch. Who are you?

He's in the Health. Don't touch him. He's not in comedy.

No, but Actually, I- We only go after comedians. I weirdly follow a Huberman health tip. I heard it a million years ago. It was somebody regurgitating it. I feel like it was probably Lauren Bostik. I saw it in a clip or an Instagram story of hers. Where Huberman diaries, whatever it's called.

Huberman Lab.

By the way, there's two things I can never get the name of correctly. Huberman's podcast and Taylor's Just New Album, The Dead Poets Society. I can't... So he basically was like, You should really not drink your coffee first thing in the morning. And ever since I started drinking coffee-Por qué, Huberman? I don't know why, what the reasoning was, but it was just like, The first thing in your body shouldn't be your coffee. You wake up, brush your teeth, do things, and then your coffee.

Okay, I do brush my teeth. I'm not disgusting.

No, but some people- Have water. Yeah, or just do more things before you have your coffee. That was what it was. And so now I'm having my coffee now.

Yeah. Huberman once said something in a clip that I saw that I thought was good advice, and it seemed to make sense, but not that I could implement it every day, which is that you should get out and get vitamin D sunshine before 10:00 AM. It's good for the circadium rhythm.

I just feel like everything Huberman says is It's obvious. Every time I take Bruno out before 10:00 AM, I'm like, Huberman loves this. This is such a Huberman moment.

Huberman coded.

No, honestly, I don't want to start beef with Huberman, but the two things we've just said, it doesn't sound like they're that smart.

No, but it's about saying them and packaging them up into a clip and repackaging them. Yeah, no, it's all about branding. We I would have Huberman on. I feel like he could give us Huber tips tailored to us.

Huber tips.

You know?

Yeah. Like Huber mantras.

Yeah. Of course, cold plunge.

Right, right, right.

Zack wants to get a cold plunge.

You definitely should.

Yeah. Once I'm in more of my health and fitness era, which is really any day now, you guys.

It's around the corner.

Stay woke.

Wait, no, no. What did you say last time?

It's over for you, bitches. Your day's remembered?

It's not stay woke. It's like, stay- Stay alert. Stay alert.

Stay pressed.

Yeah. Stay mad. Dekio is coming. Dekio is coming with my cold plunge. She's back, yo.

With my cold plunge and a It's a goal of mine, not any time in the immediate future, because I don't have the time yet, but I do want to start an herb garden.

I never promised you an herb garden.

Because here's the thing about herbs. When you When you need them, you don't have them. And when you have them, you don't need them, and they get moldy in the frit. I never use the herbs I buy from the store. And when the recipe calls for an herb, I don't got it.

Let me tell you about herbs. I love the idea of you starting an herb garden, but I think maybe an easier place to start. I saw this, I think once on Keltie's story, and then Matt James got one. They're like these- Those let us grow.

Let us grow.

Yeah, it's like fugly, but it feels really functional.

It does. I just feel like I have a yard, and I can... Maybe I'll start. I'll dabble with Let us grow. But I was also hoping I could solicit tips from people. Are there accounts I should follow or books I should be? Because I don't know where to start.

We need to talk about accounts you follow. Jackie, and you probably don't follow them. You probably just get served their content, but you always share them with me, which I can't thank you enough for. Jackie has been served content by this true trad wife homesteading content type of accounts. The names of these accounts that she sends me, Modernity and femininity. So cringe.

Modesty and femininity. I'm getting modest workout outfits now, how you can go to the gym in a modest manner, which is true. Workout I don't know if it's have gotten to be really skimpy. I might want to have a modest approach sometimes.

Yeah. Love that for you. I could see you going to the gym in a full-No, but the thing is, they weren't even head to toe covered.

It was just a little more modest. You wouldn't even recognize and be like, Oh, that's a modest gymgoer. You just not be like, Hey, there's her ass.

No, but this is the sourdough to modesty pipeline. That's how it starts.

I know, but I also saw another TikTok reel about another guy whose wife now has chickens. They left the city a year and a half ago, and it's like, Oh, I'm actually not original. I'm just a cog in the machine once again, and it's just churning out a homesteading No, it's the sourdough to making your own electricity pipeline.

It starts with bread, and it ends with a full sustainable farm.

And what's the problem there?

No, nothing. It sounds like a wholesome life.

I've also recently learned that chickens don't smell.

Oh, what about their shit?

That's like Bruno.

That's like Bruno. How is Bruno? I can't wait to see him.

Babyboy Streisand is doing incredibly well. He's having cabin for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

He's here, and he's beautiful.

Yeah, he's really quite special. He's excited to see his Auntie.

No, I'm so excited. Like I said, there's just a lot to be looking forward to, a lot on the horizon today.

Also, speaking of what's on the horizon, something that I want to talk about is this new cruisehip.

I'm glad you brought it up. Honestly, it was the elephant in the room on today's podcast. Jackie has fallen head over heels in love. You literally need to start writing for the points guy. They have a whole cruisehip Department. You're one of these people who's obsessed with It's not me.

I'm being served the icon of the seas, this new Royal Caribbean. This new Royal Caribbean cruisehip, which is the biggest cruisehip that's ever cruised. I think it has seven different parks. I just get videos of this cruiseship, and It's really impressive. I could never go on a cruise ship in my life because I have motion sickness, so they're hitting up the wrong girl. I'm sorry. But if I was- Parking up the wrong tree. If I was cruise ship curious, I'd have booked my tickets.

I do I feel like a cruise is the place for me. Just in terms of esthetics, I love being on the ocean. I love swimming. I'm a real water sign in that sense. I know they have a lot of buffets, a lot of casinos, and a lot of water slides. That's me. I feel like I would fit in perfectly on a cruise. I have never been on one because growing up, it wasn't even an option for us, Jackie. You're so motion sickness. Now I feel like I might be a little too old, but I need to go on one.

No, I think you're at the right age. I think You would love it. Like you said, you're in the middle of the ocean. The views are unparalleled. There's basketball courts. There's theaters, everything you could want.

Oh, I mean, there's karaoke, there's cabaret. There's so much musical theater on a cruise. It's really built for me and my interests.

I think you should go on one. And now they do the celebrity cruises, and I'm sure you could even get paid. They're really fancy. No, but you could get paid to go on a cruise.

I have been offered to get paid to go on a cruise. It wasn't enough money for me, for real. This is a business, not a charity. And also, we had been offered a little while ago-Right before COVID. Right before COVID to do a toast cruise, which we thought about really, really hard. At the end of the day, it was going to end up being really expensive for people to buy a ticket, and we didn't think it was going to be worth it for... It wasn't the right deal for us, but we thought about it because you know you've made it, like Weight Watchers, Backstreet Boys, when you have your own cruise.

A toast cruise would be peak of living.

The toast cruise? I can't even imagine.

I would only do the toast cruise and get my ass on a cruisehip if it's Icon of the Sees.

Of course. I do want to say it is weird now that I'm thinking about it. If you go on a cruise, you literally don't swim in the ocean.

What if you dock?

Yeah, of course. Then you have to go to a local beach or whatever.

Yeah, you go to a local beach.

Being on a cruise is being in the ocean for a week without once touching the water.

Kind of weird, no? You can't just jump off the side in a- An official capacity?

Yeah. Not like a man overboard?

Yeah, in an official capacity.

No, I don't think you can.

What's the word for...

Wait, I know. I know the word you're looking for. Hold on. Please help me. Recreational. Yes. Recreational.

You can't jump off the side in a recreational fashion.

I don't think you can.

That's a plot hole.

Yeah.

Yeah. But I think it's Royal Caribbean, Icon of the Seas. Great job. I wonder how many people can fit on it. Thousands.

It looks like 100,000. It literally looks like 100,000 people can fit on that boat, which actually, it might be too many. It does. By the way, I feel like there's so much hype around the Icon of the Sees. It's giving Titanic.

Well, that's also why I was thinking maybe I'm personally drawn to it. Oh, do you think maybe you're having a premonition?

No, no, no, no.

I think Icon of the Sees, I think it's great. I think it's going to be amazing. And you think it's safe? I think it's safe. But I think the That's the thing that pulls me towards the Titanic is the same thing pulling me towards Icon of the Sees. Like, your girl loves a cruise ship.

Yeah, it's true. Are you a waterside?

No. And you know I hate water. I hate swimming.

Jackie, yeah, you're not a fun person to go on vacation with.

In that sense. In that sense, yeah. If you're looking for a swim buddy, no.

Yeah, like someone to play Tissue Bumbers with in the pool.

No, I will rate your handstand.

From the lounge.

From dry land.

Tissue Bumbers is an Oshre family pool game that really needs to become more mainstream.

Yeah, but how can we vlog it underwater?

You can vlog underwater. Also, I can't really explain the game. It needs a visual aid.

No, there's no explaining. It's a visual thing. Yeah. It's a sensory experience. It's so much fun. That's a new word for kids, sensory. Sensory.

Yes, it is.

What the fuck does it even mean?

Having to do with one's senses, I would imagine.

It's giving fake word. Wow, it's giving fake word.

You know what I mean? No, it's giving like new age word that has 11 different meanings.

Yeah. Also another one, overstimulated for kids.

It's in the same category. Yeah.

We were over-sensoried. Yeah. What's the difference?

Unsure.

I just would like to know, back in the day, what word did they use that we now call over stimulated? Just like, nuts?

Yeah. I think it's like, words we're not allowed to use anymore.

Oh, really?

I think.

No, because over stimulated is just a temporary state of being. When there were too many toys, things got too crazy.

Yeah, in the traditional sense. But I think there are like-Oh, yeah.

You can diagnose. Oh, yeah, there's chronic I said that's like ADD.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what word are you thinking?

I don't know. I feel like I really don't want to get on this pipeline.

I feel like we're headed for disaster with this conversation. Okay, I was just asking-We're headed for disaster with this conversation. What did you say?

I feel like we're headed for disaster with this I really felt like it was a totally innocuous conversation.

It's just about the changing of language over time.

We do love to talk about the changing of language over time and how the internet changes the meanings of words.

Yeah, like genocide.

Well, of course. Manifest.

Of course.

Bully.

Of course.

Yeah, there are some that are- Should we start a list?

We should, but they're separate lists. We need to break up sessions because there are some that are overused as And-Understood.

Not understood.

Yeah, and it's just an exaggeration. But you could say dead. When I'm saying, I'm literally dead right now. I was so sick. I was like, No, you weren't. You were living.

And also the word literally.

Literally means anything but.

Exactly. Literally.

You know what word I've been loving? I wonder if you could notice. And no, it's not nefarious or elk. And then I'll tell you what word you've been loving, even though you didn't ask.

Emblematic.

No, but that's a great one.

I used it this morning on a FaceTime.

No, I've been loving saying classic.

You have been loving saying that, and you couldn't be later.

No, I used it When it came up, when I was in high school. Classic Jacks.

When you were in high school?

High school.

When she was in high school.

But I'm loving it again.

I'm so glad you're having a run-off. It's classic stuff. You have been saying classic a lot. What word have I been loving?

Low-key.

Really? I feel like I've always said that.

Okay, maybe. But you're saying it a lot right now, even if you said it a lot back then.

Low-key, I've been saying it a lot.

Low-key, you've been saying it a lot. And low-key, I've been saying classic a lot.

That's so classic, low-key.

Just something to think about.

I feel like we, low-key, have to get into the stories, unfortunately, even though I'm having so much fun with my sister and best friend.

That's classic us.

Low key it is.

So without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

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Thank you. Again. You're welcome. Our first story, big sad royal news. When I climb into bed, I start feeling sad because King Charles' prognosis is not very bad. His prognosis is good. They've caught the cancer early. Yesterday, the palace announced that Charles had been diagnosed with an unspecified form of cancer while undergoing a procedure for benign prostate enlargement last month. We knew that he was going in for his prostate procedure. They found a cancer during that time. The palace is saying that prognosis is good. They caught it very, very early. But of course, this is for concern. Prince Harry has run back to the UK to be alongside his father at this time.

So crazy, by the way. We're used to Queen Elizabeth, who didn't so much as fart during her entire reign. It was just she kept getting older and older, and everybody was so concerned, and she just kept doing more and more. And then even when she died, she wasn't even dramatic about it. It wasn't like an illness. She just died.

Yeah. She passed away.

Yeah. So like, peacefully, I assume, and just like, low key of Her, very.

Classic Her.

So this was just new for me. When I saw it, I was like, Oh, my God, he's going to die.

But he's not.

He's not. But in my mind, I'm like, That would be how this story ends. He waits his whole fucking life to be king. He wants it. It's not like he's one of these monarchs who doesn't want it. He desperately wants it, and he gets it, and he dies.

Yeah, it is very biblical, in a sense, if it were to go that way. But I think that he will be fine. As they said, they caught it very early. I'm sure he has routine checks all the time. So they would have caught it early, and he has the best care in the world. I do think that he will be okay. But it's just something to note and something that he has to share with the people because he's a public figure.

It is hard with that level of health care to be caught off guard with a cancer stage three. When you have that around the clock top-tier medical health care, they're going to find whatever is coming super, super early. It's It's an enormous privilege of being a royal. Which is why there aren't royals who get one day diagnosed with a stage four cancer and die in a month. That doesn't happen now. This is crazy. I also feel As a royal, do you have to share? He said he was sharing it because this is a thing for men, get checked. Same with women.

The prostate.

With breast cancer. It's almost like a social movement to share these types of things to encourage other men not to to get to go get checked. It's awkward because it's in your butt, but you should.

Yeah.

They said that he was sharing it for this particular reason. But do you have to?

Do you have to share about the prostate?

Do you have to share any medical updates with the public?

I don't know I don't know what the contract is, if there is one, but I do think you have to share cancer. Right. Because also, if that got out and he didn't share it, it would cause a ruckus. More so that. If people found out and they felt that the palace was hiding it They would think it was worse than it was. So getting ahead of it probably is just best policy.

For sure. Okay. Well, it sounds like it's going to be okay.

Yeah, but this has been a tough time for the royals. Whatever Kate is going through is not unserious.

No. And I also fell into a TikTok rabbit hole conspiracy theory that Kate Middleton has been in a coma.

Caused by?

I don't know. It wasn't convincing.

I don't feel that, but I do feel like there is more to the story because they didn't tell us that much of the story. But yeah, taking off as much time as she's taken off, that's no small thing.

It's not.

And also, as we discussed, Charles pared down the family in recent years to just these core members. And then between Harry and Megan leaving, Queenie passing away, Philip passing away. Kate is out of commission for a few months. There aren't that many working royal family members right now, and there's a gap. I've seen that Princess Anne has stepped up, and she's a queen in her own right.

They're dropping like flies.

Yeah.

And I feel like that George is going to get put to work soon. He's getting old.

Yeah. It's time he earns his keep.

No, it's so true. It's like, It's been fun, George. Get to work.

No, he's really little. But I do think maybe some of the cousins also Andrew's out.

Right. Maybe Eugenie and Beatrice will start showing up places.

But it's actually really crazy. There's not that many working royals right now. Damn. We got to get some subs in.

Yeah. No, no, no. Like, some of the scrubs.

And maybe that podcasting rugby player can go cut a ribbon.

And the wife.

And the wife and the kids, they always show up. They're the good family members that always come to the party, always have a good time.

You can always count on them. And they're not the weird cousins. They're cool and normal. You don't keep in touch with them all the time, but they do their job, and we see each other.

No. And every time they show up, you're like, We should see them more.

Yeah. So true. But then you don't.

No, because life gets in the way, and he has his podcast and his and his mom and his friends.

Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?

I think it's time for them. And now Harry's back. What do you think about that?

Well, I think it's interesting. He flew commercial because they said he ran to LAX. I guess you actually can fly private out of LAX, but if you're going to fly private, you just do it out of the local private airport where you live.

I feel like as a solo traveler, he can fly commercial. When it's his family, he's more inclined to get a plane, but he can just catch a flight.

Also, I wonder if he found out with everyone. What is the level of communicado?

I feel like he found out with everyone because he would have left sooner.

Right. No. He was definitely kept more in the loop when Elizabeth was alive.

Yeah.

But I feel like him and Charles and William and Harry have a really, really bad relationship.

Nobody speaks to one another.

Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. But if he found out via the public, would you still fly home for that? That's a huge slap in the face.

But the cancer trumps.

True.

And if you want to be there for someone, and these are the times when you put things to the side and you just remember that you're a family, you also have to put aside this latest snub.

True.

I hope that King Charles will be okay, Cavalier, Spaniel.

Me too. No. And this is tough. Coming off the heels of the Crown, which was very complimentary. I feel like a lot of people are feeling, myself included, very favorable towards him.

I'm warm. I feel warm.

I feel warm, too. And he's like, Yeah, he's a thirsty, desperate loser.

But he's- But he's our thirsty, desperate loser.

And he means well. He does. He really does. And I do feel like- But he's just doing his best. Diana's death really, really gave him the world's worst reputation on the planet. And there were so many people and legitimate theories that he was involved and he was this bad guy. And I feel like the crowd really cleared up how deeply unfactual that was. I feel for him, and nobody's perfect. He's just a loser. He's not a bad person. He's just a loser.

Yeah. He's had a bad rap now for 30 years. Let it go. Now it's his time, and he should be able to enjoy this season of his life.

No, and it's like everything was finally coming up, Charles. Cancer.

Imagine how he feels.

After 75 years.

Imagine how he feels.

Things were coming up, Charles.

Yeah.

Everything This man, it's like everything in his life is delayed. He can't get arrested.

I know, but he also was born into extreme privilege and never knows a day's struggle. Everyone's journey is different. Everyone has their own battle.

No, it's like, Would you rather have cancer? Would you rather be a prince? For real? That's, I feel, the age-old question.

But plenty of people- Aren't princes and get cancer.

So true.

So true. So we'll keep you posted as we know more about Charles and Harry in the Reunion. And do you think Charles will see him? Who knows?

Yeah.

Because like I said, this is the thing that just makes everything blurs the edges. What was that thing you did in your documentary? I can't remember.

Yeah, I'm too sick to care. But also, this could be the start. Maybe this is the beginning of the future.

But what does the future look like, Harry and Megan coming back?

No, no. But true. Actually, I feel like maybe they should go back. I don't even know.

I was thinking that. I don't know. Oh, because I was reading about the inheritance from Harry and William, because there's this theory that Harry is actually wealthier than William, because I guess the Queen Mother... It's not true. The Queen Mother bequeathed Harry, bequeathed more to Harry than she did to William, because she knew that when Queen Elizabeth died, William would inherit a dukey that's worth a billion dollars, which he has. I'm sorry.

What's a dukey? Because it sounds like something you put in the toilet.

I don't know. Duchy? Is it a Duchy? D-u-c-h-y?

Is it a dog? What is it?

It's an estate. I don't know. It's a thing.

Oh, it's a piece of property.

No, I don't know that. Let me Google it. When I said Dukey, I said it with a territory.

Jackie, a Dukey is a poop.

In the US.

Yeah. Yeah, because we're disgusting.

It's the territory of a Duke or a Duchess.What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, exactly. That's why I said it without further clarity.

You're saying, Queen Elizabeth dropped a dukey on Prince William?

A $1 billion dookie. Wow.

That must have been some dookie.

So, yes, Harry got more from the Queen Mother because they knew that this was coming for William. But I do feel like Harry and Megan, funds will begin to dwindle. They can't live like this without another big influx of cash forever.

I don't know. They've It had a bunch of influxes. Also, Diana left Harry, something substantial. The Dukey, or whatever it's called, the Anti-Dukey. The big Netflix deal, the big Spotify deal, the big Disney deal. It's enough for a while.

But not forever. The books, not forever. But not forever. Not at the level that they're living over a style.

Yeah, for sure. But in this current moment, I think they're fine. But they do It's some long term plan.

They need a plan. Yeah. So barring another media company giving them a payday, maybe it's time to go home to Daddy.

I don't know.

No, it's not an option. I don't think they would have them.

Yeah, me neither.

And I don't think Harry and Megan would ever go with their... And that would just be admitting they were wrong. No, it would never happen. Stop it. No. Silly girls. Stop it. Are you ready for our next story? Mm-hmm. And by the way, since we're saying it would never happen, watch, it happens.

I mean, we are always wrong.

That's classic us.

Low key it is.

Taylor Swift shares the tracklist for her new album, The Tortured Poets Department, featuring collabs with Post Malone and Florence and the Machine. So we're going to go through the tracklist for TPD.

I want to say somebody leaked this on TikTok. I saw it yesterday, and I was like, It's definitely not true. But then literally what they had said was that Florence and the Machine, Post Malone, and they had the names of the songs. Now, it needs to tighten up a little bit.

Yeah, she actually does a pretty good job. Nobody saw this coming.

I also feel like these days, she doesn't give a shit anymore. I feel like she used to be so serious about locking everything down and now it's just like, whatever.

It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Yeah.

Now, I love when people, with really highly anticipated albums, release the tracklist because it allows us to play my absolute favorite game, guessing what the songs sound like.

Right. Which is what we're going to do. Starting with Side A, Song 1, Fortnite, Fortnite, featuring Post Malone.

It was a Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite. It was a Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite. Next. What did you think? I didn't feel strongly about that one.

That's not the vibe I was thinking, but now you- It's hard for me to think of Post Malone's Influence and Taylor Swift.

They're polar opposites.

I had something in my head, but now I lost it. No, come on. No, no.

I didn't find it.

No, it's gone. Now I think Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite.

No, It's giving single soon.

Next. The Tortured Poets Department. This is the big one, Dirty.

What do you think it is? I actually can't come up with a song because I'll sing The Dead Poets Society. I'm singing the same melody.

You're singing the same melody. Okay.

What's it called? I cannot recall the name of this album for the life of me. The Tortured Poets Society.

Department.

Okay.

I feel like it's going to be this song.

Tortured Poets Department. Yeah. We go down to my apartment, yeah. You write love song... You're fucking me up. Stop.

What do you mean? I'm providing the beats.

You write love songs for everyone. Something like that. Something really dark and twisted.

I actually think it's going to be tongue and cheek, like that song, The Moon is high and paper rings. And it's going to be like, Subtle Knife, Tortured Poets Department. That you think you're a tortured poet.

Got it.

That's what I think.

Do you think that the Tortured Poets Department is her making fun of Joe or calling herself in a serious way? Because I love it being a dig at Joe.

I think it will be both.

Because he does take himself so seriously. It's like, Calm down.

No, no. She'll find a way to make it like, Oh, you're a tortured poet. You've never written a line of poetry in your life. And this is me. This is what it's actually like to be a tortured poet. Yeah.

Hold my pen.

Hold my quill.

Literally.

Don't you think that's it's going to be?

I mean, I hope that it is.

I think that's brilliant. It's like a country song where it's like twists. It's like inverse, fricca fricca, reverse uno.

It's giving before he cheats.

It's giving reverse uno.

Yeah. Love. Next.

My boy only breaks his favorite toys. My boy only breaks his favorite toys.

Love. I was thinking, My boy, my boy, my boy only breaks his favorite toys. My boy. Even though Taylor doesn't really sample, but I could see her doing that. And maybe it's because- Slay. Maybe it's because Joe Alwyn saw the movie My Girl when he was a young boy and wanted to be an actor because of it. Somebody dumb like that.

Down bad. You've been down bad. Oh, why does it feel so good?

Jackie, you're just using old Taylor songs. I'm having fun. Oh, okay. So true. I need to calm down. Not that, do you?

Maybe she'll sample thyself.

Okay, what was down bad? We were down bad, down bad. No, I don't like that one. Hold on. You were down bad, I was so sad. You made me so mad, so I left you, lad.

When a climb When I climb into bed, I start feeling sad that you've been down bad, down bad.

Wait, no, no, no, I got it. When I climb into bed, I start feeling sad. Suddenly I miss my mom and my dad. I'm I'm down bad, I'm down bad. Love. Slay.

Okay, now for Side B. So long, London.

So long, London, yeah. I miss you, cobblestone streets and you Louis Vuitton and your high tea on Camden Street at noon.

If that's not the song, throw it in the garbage. Garbage. Next. But Daddy, I love him.

This is going to be actually like Lana Del Rey energy because the title is so Lana Del Rey. But Daddy, I love him so. I sound like Annie Ledex.

Artis for sea-fire.

Artis for sea-fire. I did. I did.

Next song.

Annie Lanix doesn't even know the enemy she's made. I am obsessed with making fun of her.

Slay all day.

Oh my God. Okay, what's the next one?

Fresh out The Slammer.

This is so on Taylor, The Slammer. I can't even think.

Maybe it arrives with hammer.

Fresh out the Slammer. My man was Jeffrey Dama.

Love it. I love it. That's it.

We're turning Taylor into a rapper, but whatever.

No, no, no. That's good. Fresh out the slammer, my man was Jeffrey Dapper. He killed me with a hammer.

The more I went out, it only made him madder. Because he was always keeping her locked up in that house.

And that made me sadder.

But now I'm free.

Look at me.

I love to go out to eat.

With my man Travis.

Photos everywhere.

You don't know because you're a square.

It's giving square.

It's giving diss track.

Love. We are obviously influenced by the Megan The Stalian Nicki Minaj beef. That's why I can't wait to play these back when we have the album and see how absolutely wrong we were. Sometimes I really feel like I nail it. I don't think I've gotten a single one right.

No. But the thing about this exercise is that it makes the song stuck in my head. That way, Wine by Adele is always going to be, I love wine, wine, wine, wine, wine.

Yeah.

Okay, next song, the Florence and the Sheen song is called Florida with three exclamation points. What?

You have to think about Florence and the Machine.

Oh, yeah. Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida. That's a really crazy title for a song. I don't know how this is going to make sense. Why the three exclamation points?

Has Taylor Swift ever been to Florida?

No, literally.

This one, actually, it's drawing blank.

Yeah. I look forward to actually unsolving that or solving that mystery. Next one. Guilty as sin, question mark.

Was I... Wait, hold on. Did you win or am I guilty as sin?

Good. Something like that. Yeah. Next. Who's afraid of little old me?

Man, this bitch loves punctuation. Okay. Who's afraid of little old me?

Yeah. It's giving nursery rhyme. Who's afraid of little old me?

Wait, I like that. No, no. What you were doing before. Who's afraid? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's afraid, little old me? Oh, yeah. Who's afraid of little old me? Little o' me. Drop the beat.

And the song is London Bridges. So that could be the sample. And because London Bridges are falling down, things are over with Joe.

Love.

Next. I can fix him. Parenthesis. No, really, I can.

I can fix him. I will try to fix him.

Oh, that's good. No, really, I can.

Love.

Next one. Lommel, Love of My Life. It's giving all lowercase Ariana Grande. That's the one that's going to be like, Lommel, come light me up.

No, it's going to be, you're right, breathy, like, Love of my life.

I was your wife. But now, shut up. Shut up. Yeah.

Until you took a knife right to my I think we should write music together. Jackie, I actually do think we should.

The songs are pouring out of us.

Listen to this.

Love of my life. I was your wife, gave you my... What'd you say? Oh, you took a knife straight to- And tore it all up. Are we Passick and Paul?

No, no. They're Theater Queens, we're like... Who's like an emo? We're literally like Fleetwood and Mac. Fleetwood and Mac Shop Mac. We couldn't write a Broadway production. That's a whole other set of skills.

Claudia, I think we could. That we totally could. I actually think that would even come easier.

Why are we underselling ourselves? We could do anything.

We could do anything.

If we wanted to, actually, we committed, we could run a marathon.

Yeah, but I do think if we committed to it and we had some producer, we It could be a singing-songwriting duo.

I do think the producer is of utmost importance.

They just have to hit record on the roadcaster. But look, we have the equipment. We have the talent.

We do have the equipment.

We have the talent.

Let's do it.

I'm so down. Okay, then side D. I'm just going to go through it. I could do it with a broken heart, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. Yikes. That stinks. Okay.

So I'm Joe Alwyn. I see the tracklist, and I see there's a song called The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. I I kill myself. That's tough.

That is tough.

He's not super tall or broad in a physical sense. So that's a low low.

And then, of course, the Travis comparisons were already painful.

But then he's small in a personality sense. He's obviously threatened by this successful woman. That is a tough pill to swallow.

Then the alchemy, Clarabelle and the bonus- Clarabelle is a very famous old Hollywood starlet who was driven to madness, and they were obsessed with her and her personal life and her relationship.

She eventually retired after she found a decent man. But I think it's drawing comparisons.

Got it. I was thinking of Clarabelle, Goofy's wife.

No, you know Taylor's obsessed with mad women of history.

Yeah, that's giving Grass Black Marine, American dynasty.

What was her last name? Rebecca.

Then bonus track, the manuscript. Here's my question. Is this a breakup album or Joe Alwyn diss tracks?

I feel like it's... What was her name, Rebecca? I feel like it's going to take us through the journey. Harkness.

Oh, that's not in the song.

No, it's not.

It's inside baseball.

I don't know because I feel like...

It could be both, Joe Alwyn and Breakup and Dissing.

It could.

But is it sad or mad?

People on online are predicting it to be the Anti-Lover. Also, there's a lot of comparisons between some of the imagery from Lover and the imagery from this upcoming album.

Because Lover was for him, and she does have to undo Lover before she can artistically move on to the next phase. Because it's like, how could that guy who was in Lover be all those things and not be the one for you?

Yeah. And there's also a song. Read the titles one more time. That sounds like the opposite. I Love You, Ain't That the worst thing you ever heard?

Let me see if I can guess.

It sounds like it's a rebuttal. I forget. People had pointed that out online, which I thought was really smart.

Okay. Fortnite, Tortured Poets Department. My boy only breaks his favorite toys. Down bad. So long, London. But Daddy, I love him. Fresh out the Slammer, Florida. Guiltiest sin. Who's afraid of little old me? I can Fix Him, No, really, I can. I can do it with a broken heart. Maybe that. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived, Alchemy, Claraboe.

I don't know. Never mind.

Those things don't sound so powerful when they're off TikTok, huh?

So true. Alchemy is one of those words I refuse to learn the definition of.

Yeah. That would have been the name of an album for her, where it's just a strong word.

Oh, by the way, we do need to talk about how this is the first album that's not one word. Now, 1989 is not one word either, but visually, it's four digits.

Yeah.

I think- Folklor, Evermore, Reputation, Midnight's- You get into a pigeon hole, and I think the best way to get out of it is just to break free from it. Yeah. And that's why I think I'm having a hard time recalling the name of the Dead Poets Society.

No, it's a lot. Tpd. That's mine.

Tpd.

Tbd on TPT. Are you ready for our next story since it's only number three, and we absolutely have to move on with our day.

Are you ready or do you think we're good?

You know what? I'm not ready. And I'm really glad that you mentioned that because I need to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Dreamland Baby. I have been on the show proselytizing about Dreamland Baby here on my Instagram for months now, and it's time that you get on board because Dreamland Baby is the best sleep product. They have the Dreamland Baby Sleepsack, which is a weighted sleepsack. We just upgraded Biddersweet to the sleepsack, but before that, we were using the Swaddle Sack. You can swaddle baby's arms inside the sac. It's super cozy. The top of the sac is a little weighted, which provides for the baby what a weighted blanket provides for a grown person, which is anti-anxiety, helps you fall asleep, chiller, calmer, all of these things that promote better sleep, which is so important for a functioning mama. I want to let you know that if you go to dreamlandbabyco. Com and enter our code Toast at checkout, you will receive 20% off-site-wide and free shipping. This offer is for new and existing customers. Again, you guys, Dreamland Baby, if you're looking for sleep sacs and you need sleep solutions, Dreamland Bebe.

Now, a lot of people are saying, Jackie O has been in a really was high recently on the podcast. They're saying she's her best version yet. I think a lot of that has to do with the restorative sleep you have found, thanks to the Dreamland Baby. Is that correct?

Yes. It all comes together, and you can't work on getting baby in the Crib. At least I couldn't without Great Sleep Solutions, Sleepsack. It's everything. It's all layered, and this is one tool in our toolkit that is so important for great sleep.

Now, do you have anything else to say?

I have one other thing to say, if I may. If turdy will allow me the floor. Is turdy allowing me the floor? I need a verbal commitment.

Thank you. Oh, my God.

Okay. Today's episode is also brought to you by Armra. Y'all, I love Armra. It's bovine cholesterol. Colostrum. You're probably like, Jax, what's that? It's Colostrum from cows. If you don't know what Colostrum is, then it's an education. But pretty much, I know it, before being a nursing mama, it's the first milk that comes when you give birth, and it's the most It's nutrient-packed. It's everything baby needs in its first days of life. It has everything in tiny amounts. And so Armra sources cow colostrum, mixes it up for you, and it is so great. I've been using Armra for months now, and Things are going well for me. I don't want to jinks anything, but I feel well. It's one of the few wellness things that I do that I feel like I don't have to do all the other things. What I also like about it is that you can use two scoops or three scoops. Sometimes I forgot to bring it to Utah, and when I came back, I was like, I'm on the three scoop grind. You can make up for lost time a little bit because it is a bioactive ingredient, so you can add more to it.

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Do something crazy. Right? Switch it up.

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Thank you for sharing, Jackie.

Thank you, La. Are you ready for our next story?

I am. Even though I'm like, Look, he's sweating.

I just was feeling like, I can't talk anymore.

Oh, really? I'm not feeling that.

I feel like- My jaw hurts.

Oh, my God. Okay, complainer. You need workers comp? What's going on?

No, maybe it was just doing the ads going right into the story because typically that's why we divvy up.

Oh, yeah. No, by the way, that I feel.

Like my jaw.

When you went on maternity leave and I had to do everything on this show with the co-host just sitting there.

This is how I feel on an episode of the Redheads. The way I'll be in the middle of a Redheads episode, and I feel like I'm running a marathon.

But the thing is, like we just said, we could if we wanted to.

It's a verbal marathon. What are we at? Just curious.

I don't know. 59? We've already been gone for an hour.

I feel like-Okay, that's why I'm feeling a little winded.

I am on steroids, which make me sweat so I woke up three times in the night, like deep, deep sweats. I'm experiencing a little bit sweaty fever right now. Not a fever, I mean, a sweat session right now. But I won't let it deter me from feeling grateful about my health.

Speaking of-She coughed on it. Yeah, no, I'll continue. But I just want to say there's a reason why I feel so draved.

Chat it out.

Ad break hour long. We're not even on story three, so let's get into it. Oh my God. Okay. And also the last three episodes, they deserve our time in last three stories. Not this one, but the next one.

Okay.

Next two. Justin Bieber performs at... He performed this weekend for the first time in forever. For the first time in forever, Justin Bieber performed At the NHL All-Star Game.

And I also just remembered, I had a dream about Haley Bieber and Justin Bieber. I'm a freak. I was in their house. It was so nice.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah. And there was something wrong with their charger, and they used my charger. I'm the biggest loser on the planet. That's what I dream about.

Your charger wasn't charging on their iPad, so it got- Exactly.

Because it had gotten used to yours instead of mine.

He played an event following the NHL All-Star draft, which is a big deal because he hadn't performed in a while. He was having health issues, and now he's back. It was an intimate event, but he's in performing- Mode. Form.

And a lot of people think that he might come out with Usher. I don't know why people think that, but they're friends.

Oh, because Usher invented him. Yeah. Oh, I would love that.

I would, too. But Usher should have his own moment. I'm not a big fan of people. I love people bringing people out. However, if it were me, I wouldn't.

No, but I could see Usher being that uplifting, gregarious guy.

Me, too. I think this only fueled that conspiracy. It was practice. There was a lot of like, Pussy Poppin at the NHL honors, whatever it's called.

Oh, sorry. Weekend.

Tate McCray performed.

Yeah, and her ex plays.

Her ex plays, but she was there with her new man who is the Kid Leroy.

Oh, that is a match made in young music heaven.

And what a slay to show up at your ex-boyfriend's big weekend, be the star, and then leave with your new man.

It's a serve. No. And I also feel like the odds of her performing at the NHL are pretty slim, so she probably went out of her way to perform at the NHL just to stunt on her old man.

And you look at Tate McCray, you see a beautiful woman, for sure. When you see her perform, she puts her whole pussy in that performance, and it's definitely going to make someone jealous.

No, it's a slay. It's a slay. Slay all day.

All day.

But I'm happy for Justin. I hope that he gets back out there. He's such a talent. People forget. Actually, I was getting my nails done. Yeah, I got a manicure.

Okay, humble bragg, low key.

And a pedicure.

Classic.

And they played great music, and they were playing that song, You, you're the only one I'd ever love. I got to tell you, I got to tell you. That song is so amazing. And if I were Hailey Bieber, I would wake up every morning and play that song and be like, This song is about me. I'm the queen.

No. And before he cut his tour short, he would play it, and there would be pictures of her all over the arena. It was the sweetest thing.

That's one of those songs where it's like, someone wrote this about you. It's about someone. Right. I love... I don't know why I associate it also with that John legend song that everyone sing.

All of me.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, you can't believe this song was written out of true emotion, not just for the sake of writing a song.

Right. Chrissy Tegan must have immense self-confidence. That song, that's the greatest love song in a number of years is about her.

No, it's so complementary.

Yeah.

Also, with Justin Bieber, I feel like he's just one of those talents who has a really hard time, I think, going on tour, which I is really relatable. Tour is the worst thing ever, and it's really not a way to live, especially if you're married or have a family. He's, for me, fallen off the radar a little bit because that's how you stay engaged with your fans and stuff. So seeing that he performed and he sounded... He's such a good singer. I feel like, remember when he popped off with that YouTube video, everybody thought, it's like, he's going to go through puberty and his voice is going to drop and he's not going to... He's literally such a good singer.

No, he's such a good singer. He's so many great songs. We need him back in the in the musical fold.

We do. But he's also so wealthy. He doesn't need to work.

No, but when you're an artist, you need to create.

Yeah, but you can create without putting stuff out. It's still fulfilling to make music on your own for fun.

Yeah, but then you want to deny the world?

No, it's like, what is this, a charity? Rude. Yeah.

Yeah. That's an expensive hobby to make music in your home studio and then not earn money from it.

Right.

And then you have to pay all those songwriters and producers at a Nothing.

Right.

Are you ready for our next story? Yes. Kind of like some crazy beef. Okay. Between Madison Square Garden and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

What?

Yeah. Page six here said there was an Ursa major blow up between Madison Square Garden. It was a what? Ursa major. It's like a science joke. Major blow up.

Oh, okay. I'm clearly too dumb for it. Continue.

Between Madison Square Garden staffers, and of all people, Dr Neil deGrasse Tyson over rangers tickets this past weekend. Excuse me? Apparently, the famed arena offered him tickets to Monday's game, then swiftly retrieved the offer after in a strange twist, he claimed its board was all white. The bizarre back and forth began, Page 6 is told, when the astrophysicist asked for a handful of tickets to see the rangers play the Colorado Avalanche. Classic. Page 6 is told the guard didn't readily agree to give him some seats, but couldn't provide as many as he'd asked for. Then things began to spin off their axis. The puns in this story.

Yeah, they need to just tell the story and shut up.

I'm getting to... Apparently, Dr. Degrasse Tyson mentioned to the bafflement of MSG staff that it's Black History Month, adding that he'd noticed there are no non-white members of its board. It seems that stunned and dismayed insiders, one of whom they're told, somewhat oxymoronically referred to him as that idiot astrophysicist, swiftly voided the tickets they'd already given him.

Oh my God. Now, it took them all back?

Yep. Sounds like it might be many before the good doctor can go to a rangers game without getting an icy reception. Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson did not respond to a request for comment. A rep for MSG told Page 6, Mr. Tyson is incorrect. We have several diverse members on our boards.

Oh, well, if he made a whole thing about not having any members, but there actually are members of color on the board, that's not a good look. Now, this is tough because Neil deGrasse Tyson is a really well-respected, and Neil deGrasse Tyson has done the impossible of being famous for decades. And I don't think ever wants having a scandal, for real.

I'm sure if I Google it, something would come up.

If you look hard enough, he's human. But you know what I mean? Nothing comes to mind.

Yeah.

Scandal. Don't look it up. Let's not Degrace, the great Neil degrace Tyson, okay? She's looking it up.

There was sexual misconduct allegations and an investigation, but I don't even know. I shouldn't have even opened... You're right. I shouldn't have even. Because now it needs to read If that's what he did, then that's really bad. But if it's not what he did, then that's really bad, too.

Yeah, no. That's why I literally said, Don't look it up.

No, you're right, turdy. Curiosity, kill the cat.

Curiosity killed the cat. The thing is, it is Black History Month, so I'm going to give Neil deGrasse a pass, I'll hear. Neil deGrasse. A Neil deGrasse? His name is so easy to make puns with.

That's because there are so many names associated. Right.

So I'm going to give Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson.

I mean, DeGrasse? I'm going to give Neil deGrasse Tyson a pass because it's Black History Month.

Do you think he should have gotten more tickets? I need to know how many tickets he wanted and how many tickets- Did he want two? Yeah. Or did he want 20, and they gave him 10?

The thing is, and by the way, I love getting free tickets. It's a huge perk of my job being a touring comic, and you have to be low-key, and you have to be reasonable.

The word is a haza in Yiddish. You can't be a haza when you're asking for free stuff. You can. A pigish. You ask because you want something, but you take what you get and you don't get upset. If you wanted four and they gave you two, you have to just be like, Okay, I'm going two people.

The most I have ever asked for is four. It's always me and Ben and the two other people, or the four sisters, like when we went to Ariana Grande. It's an art asking for free things. And Nielse grass Tyson is much, much, much more famous than me. So he has more leeway. He could ask for six.

I feel like, oh, you think? Yeah. So how many do you think he asked for and how many do you think he was given? I don't know.

But also, right now, it's not a particularly hot time for hockey. I don't think it's the playoffs or anything.

It was just the NHL All-Star. We can't stop talking about it. I feel like All-Star Weekend- I'm so limited in my hockey. I feel like All-Star Weekend happens right around playoffs. No, you're right.

You're right. You're right.

You're right. I have to say- Like, literally, with the Pro Bowl and the Super Bowl happening.

The Ranger Game is a fabulous outing. There's always cool people. Hockey is this very small It's not small. No, I meant the fando. No, it is small compared to other stuff. Sorry, it is.

No, it's just not on your radar.

No, I feel like it's small.

If they are selling out the same size arenas as the Knicks, literally.

Oh, factual. Wait, factual.

Facts were spoken.

It's not like they're playing in a rec center.

It's the actual same size garden.

No, and I just finished a hockey porn book. It was so good. Actually, it was not good.

So was it good or not good?

It's hard to know if a smut book is good. The romance was good, but the plot was moronic.

Got it. I just want to say the Stanley Cup is in June, so I feel like these tickets weren't that covited.

Ben's going to the Rangers game tonight, so if Anyone got tickets, anyone can.

I would like... Before I put down the gavel on this one, I need to know specific ticket numbers. What was Mr. Dr. Tyson asking for?

I agree.

I need to know specific- Was he being a chaser?

But I do feel like And this might be a crazy thing to say. I do feel like bringing up Black History Month is crazy. To get tickets. Of course it is. To get free tickets. I think it's a little crazy.

Of course it's crazy.

And I respect Black History Month. It's an important month, but I feel like I don't know if that was the right call.

No. It's a little crazy of a thing to do. A little nuts. But get your tickets, Neil.

Get your tickets.

He could always do the game time app.

The fact that this came out is embarrassing for Neil.

You think?

Yeah.

Yeah, because he should be so above this.

It's not a good look for any celebrity.

But as a science celebrity.

And he is in his own league of... I don't even know who else would be in his category.

Bill Nye.

Yeah, but to me, he's more famous and cooler than Bill Nye.

Oh, no. To me, they are the same. Excuse me.

More well-respected.

To me, they're actually the same. I can't believe two people got so famous doing the same thing. We only needed one.

I think of Neil deGrasse Tyson as, weirdly, a Bob Ross. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Agreed.

He's just so well respected. He's a famous person, but he's also an academic.

Yeah. No, it's hard to be famous for academia. That's impressive. No, because then everybody- No, because then everybody- No, because then everybody- No, because then everybody- No, because then everybody- No, because then everybody- Right, no.

That's what happens with TV doctors, Dr. Drew or whatever. People then say you're a fake doctor because you went on TV, but you low-key went to medical school.

Did Dr. Drew go to Is he in medical school? I don't know. Or is he PhD?

No, no, no, no. He's doctor. Like Dr. Oz. People say Dr. Oz is a fake doctor, but he literally went to medical school. Yeah.

As long as they went to medical school, they're like, yeah.

Yeah. I think he went to like, Tufts. Nice. I don't know why I just fully made that up. I don't think he went to Tufts. I think he went to Penn. Usc, even better.

Dr. Drew went to USC also.

Oh, what are they putting in the water at the USC Medical School?

Because everyone there is thirsty. Literally. That's why they went there. But yeah, no, Dr. Neil deGrasse-Huyson, the thirsty look is just not a great one. Agreed. But I need to know ticket numbers. I need to know sales.

Yeah, we need to know facts before we fully-Was it 20?

Was it a suite?

Wait, because that's $20,000.

Yeah. Or was it six? And they wanted to get four. Who's right in that situation?

I can't imagine it was a difference of two tickets. Yeah.

That's so crazy. Okay, our fifth and final story is a conversation sparked by your best friend, Tinks. Have you seen the drama?

About Tinks? Tinks has drama?

Not really drama. But Tinks posted a controversial opinion that people are weighing in on.

Okay, and I felt... I'm so glad you brought this up, girl.

Okay, because it's in page six. I didn't even bring it up. Claudia's best friend, California Influencer, Tinks, has divided opinions online after- Claudia's best friend who's like a sister to her. Claudia's new favorite sister, Tinks, has divided opinions online after claiming that the birthday person should pay for everyone's dinner during their special occasion. She remixed, duetted a video of a person who said that it's unfair that he had to cover his own expensive meal during someone else's special occasion. Tinks then duetted that and said, If you invite a person to a restaurant of your choosing for For your birthday, you should pay for everybody. She said, I know that is going to be deeply unpopular, but I just think that you can't pick a restaurant and ask people to come and celebrate you and pay for themselves. Tinks said she found it especially ridiculous that some peer groups expect the guests to split the cost of the birthday person's food, too. She said, If I invite a group of people somewhere to celebrate me, that's my treat. I organized it. I'm expecting them to come. To pick an expensive restaurant and expect everybody to pay in this person's case, then get pissy when they say, I'm sorry, I can't afford that, is really bad manners.

I'm so torn on this. I really see everyone's side. I also think it's so situation-dependent. First of all, what city are you living in? Because you can't go out to dinner with five people in New York without spending $1,500. It's insane. So I think circumstances are really important. I do see both sides in the sense that... I don't know. Tinks is right. If I'm inviting you, it's my responsibility to take care of you. And I agree with that. However, and I see the other person's side being like, Why should I have to pay for your birthday dinner? But if it's If I love you and it's your birthday and I want to celebrate you, I'm happy to spend that money. Maybe if I'm not happy to spend that money, I shouldn't be going.

Yeah, I think it's really situational dependent. I agreed with what Tinks said, which I don't think gets spoken enough about when the birthday person has a birthday dinner and they expect that everyone's going to cover them. They just sit back and they're like, Oh, thanks. That's insane. That's insane. I feel like at all stages of life, that is never acceptable, yet it flies and it's not okay. But I do think that I see it differently when we're at an older age versus when we were younger, we all split the check. We go out for everyone's birthday dinner and we all split it, and that's fine. But we're also going to comparable restaurants. But as you get older, it's nice to do nice things for your people. If you are able to take care of everything, that's the right thing to do, the best manners thing to do, but not absolutely necessary. But I also think it depends who are you inviting to your birthday dinner? Are these your actual close friends or acquaintances who don't give a damn about you? Because if it's not, don't give a damn, but like, in Quintin, if it's your best, best friend, we're splitting the bill, they would never let me pay for it.

It's a small group of people. They would never let me take care of it.

By the way, age is such a factor. That's such a good point because I have paid for my own birthday dinner for the last eight years. But there was a time in high school or whatever, college, let's all just split it. We're young and we're not drinking a thousand cocktails. It's not that expensive.

And we also we do it for everyone's birthday, so it actually all winds up being the same. And in the end, we've all paid for our own birthday dinner. Dinner.

By the way, that is the truth, and that is the answer. With the same group of friends, if there's five friends, and every couple of months, it's someone's birthday, and we all split it. By the end of the year, if everybody throws themselves a birthday dinner, we've all technically paid for our own dinners, and it's all even.

Right. And the same could be true if you take out the birthday person, but I hate that.

I don't agree with taking out the birthday person.

No, I never have agreed with it, especially when the birthday person set it up.

Yeah. I don't think there's a universal rule or take here. It's so situation educational age. Also socioeconomic status. For some people, spending $200 on a dinner is not a big deal. For some people, it's debilitating. It really just depends what stage of life are you at? Did you just get laid off? There's so many factors.

Yeah. I don't think it's one size fits all. I also think that if you say to someone, I can't swing it, I can't come to your birthday dinner, that's really fair.

Oh, for sure. And by the way, if you're at a point where spending that amount of money wouldn't be great for your finances, but also it would bother you because this isn't a person you care to celebrate, you should be able to say no, respectfully.

Same with a wedding.

I feel like some people invite people to their weddings just to get a gift. And it's like, honestly, if you say no to a wedding, this isn't a person I want to spend the money. Weddings, as a guest, are very expensive.

If you just want to- Well, destination.

Any wedding, with the bridal shower gift, registry. It's a lot. Bachelorette party, maybe.

Right, but say you're not a close memory. At that level. You're just a guest.

If you say no to someone's wedding, do you have to buy them a gift?

I think so.

I think it depends on your relationship to the person.

Unless you just don't give a damn.

There was no reason for you to have been invited to this wedding. But see, my stance on weddings is so different than other people's because I will not go to someone's wedding. If I go to your wedding, it's because I'm either related to you or I deeply, deeply love you. I don't believe in going to the weddings just for the sake of going to a wedding.

Even if it's lit?

Oh, unless... Are there famous people there? Those are other factors.

Then the rules go. Her scruples, gone.

Yeah. Or is it a destination wedding that I've been dying to go to that destination for it. But if it's a destination wedding, I don't even like you, I'm not going.

So your rule is pretty much like, I'm not going to a crappy wedding? No, no, no.

No, because I have said no to very lovely lavish weddings, but I don't know you. It's weird. But people just invite me to their weddings. They do. It's a thing of mine.

That's nice.

Yeah. I think it's like I'm a local celebrity. They're like, What if we just had a somewhat famous person come to the wedding?

I know that for a fact. Yeah. Something weird that's happened to me is I invited so many people to my wedding. Everyone came, had a ball. Literally, nobody's invited me back. Nobody.

You got married a year before the pandemic.

Yeah.

Then the next year, people were supposed to get married. They had to cancel their weddings. Then the year after that, they started planning those weddings on a much smaller scale. The pandemic changed everything. But you're right. There were probably half the people who were at your wedding didn't invite you to theirs.

No, and it's crazy. I understand if you did COVID or a small wedding, that's fine. But plenty of people had normal-sized weddings. And I was either pregnant or having a baby. So you know I'm not coming, but you invite me.

So just do the right thing.

And yeah, I'm a semi-famous person with the number two podcast. I'm like, no, where's my invitation? I just think it's so crazy. It keeps happening. And the thing is, it's all weddings that I would not go to. But I feel like that makes it worse because it's like, just throw me a bone and act like you have manners.

No, be decent.

Yeah. But you came to my wedding, you dance at my party, you ate my food. Invite me.

No, it's really crazy.

I can't think about it for too long because I find it to be so crazy.

I think about it differently because my wedding was so long ago that I'm just a different... If someone was at my wedding now and they didn't invite me to theirs, which I'm sure there were many people, it doesn't even register for me. The girl who got married when she was 12 is a completely different bitch now.

Yeah, but I feel like now that it's my wedding anniversary is this month, how many years is it going to be? Four. I would say once I hit five years, then it's like, okay, it's not 10 for 10 anymore. We're different people. But still like, hello. Agreed. Manners, Emily Post. Where are you?

Where is Emily Post?

The world needs... My wedding guests need her.

No. I know some bitches who need her desperately.

Who?

I'll tell you offline.

People without manners?

Yeah, I know a few.

Disgraceful. Disgraceful. So yeah, that's my spiel. But the moral of the story is I wasn't going to the wedding anyway. I just feel like it's common courtesy.

Is that the fifth and final?

Yeah, that was the fifth and final. Tinks Making News. Classic. Tinks.

The backs of my knees are so sweaty. This prednison is running through me.

So we'll leave it at that.

We'll leave it at that. I'm so glad to be back. Don't take your health for granted today. Thank you so much for listening to the Jocelyn Monday Morning Show, where we deliver the Fast-Five stories. You know the whole gist. Love you. Bye.

Love you. Bye..