Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:01]

Good morning, millennials.

[00:00:03]

Good morning, millennials, and happy Friday. We are coming to you live, literally live from the scene of the craziest thing that's ever happened to me and millions of others. I was sitting here mere minutes ago, I want to say six minutes ago, when the earth beneath me began to shake. I. At the time, I didn't know, but I survived and experienced my first earthquake. Jackie.

[00:00:28]

Jackie.

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I ran. First of all, I had literally no idea, like, that earthquakes could happen here. I thought it was not our problem.

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It's not really a problem. It's really crazy that one happened. We should look up the last time there was an earthquake in New York.

[00:00:42]

Well, let me tell you, I'm sitting here and the building starts shaking. Now, you live in New York, there's construction, things happen. But it went on like a hair too long, and then it didn't stop. And I'm looking around, and the thing is, is very sadly, I will have to be moving out of this office space sometime soon because I believe they're demolishing the building and making condos, so.

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So you thought today was the day?

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I did, because it's really been emptying out in here. And literally this morning when I walked in, we were remarking on, like, how empty it is in here. There's, like, four other offices in here. And we were just remarking on how empty it felt. And then, like, the building started to shake. I'm like, oh, my God, they started demolition. And they don't know that I'm still here. I'm paying rent. Help, help. And then I was like, then it stopped. But it went on so long that I really thought something was wrong with the building, you know? Of course, first thing that came to mind, surfside, that building. Like, these buildings just fall down.

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Yeah.

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So we grabbed our shit and we ran, and we were like, you know what they teach you, first case of emergency, like, you don't take the elevator. We didn't. We took the stairs. But it's so funny, like what I grabbed on my way out. I grabbed my jacket, my sunglasses, and my protein shake. I don't know.

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Do you have your phone?

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Yes, of course. My phone never left my hand. And we're running down the stairs, and as we're going down the stairs, we hear someone in two floors below us, there's like an art gallery. And the people working there were, like, talking and they said, earthquake. I'm like, wait. So I popped my head and I'm like, did you guys feel that? And they were like, yeah, we think it was an earthquake. And that made me feel better that, like, the building. And they didn't seem, like, rushed to be leaving the building.

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Yeah, yeah.

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No.

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And everybody is feeling it. Like, it's not just you. Like you.

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Well, then I wrote in our family chat, and then when other people, like, in different parts of town began to feel it, I relaxed and went back upstairs. But it was so crazy. Dana texted me. She was in the subway. She did not feel it. Satchel didn't feel it. She's, like, not super far from me, but she's.

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How's that feeling? I feel like she might've been in Satchland yet.

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Jackie, you couldn't miss it. It was so. My knees are still shaky now. People who live in California are probably, like, turdy, get over it.

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I just saw a video. I saw a video on x because I searched, like, New York, because I wanted to see, you know, what was happening. I saw a video from. I think it's fanduel. They post, like, their offices. And, I mean, it's crazy.

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Literally killing me. Killing me that we hadn't started recording yet.

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Well, what time did you write? Did anybody feel that?

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I made my first call at 1024.

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Did anybody else just feel that? 1024. There's no realm in which we would know if that makes you feel. If it was, like, 1032.

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Really panicked because I called Ben and it failed. I guess I got.

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Once.

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A lot of people were making a lot of calls, like, in my immediate, you know, five block radius, but it was giving, like, 911. Like, I actually. That really panicked me. Like, the cell towers were down. I don't know. It felt like an attack. I am not okay. I will never be okay. It was a category 4.8 in New Jersey. I hope everyone in New Jersey is okay. Like, the thing about an earthquake is like, yeah, we feel it, but. But doesn't the earth actually quake where it, like, at the center of it? Like, are people hurt?

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Yeah. And if there are maybe weaker structures, hopefully they're able to stand. Stay standing. Oh, my God.

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That was so crazy. Like, are you, like, kind of jealous that, like, you missed out? Everyone's talking about it, like, all your friends?

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No, I feel like I'm a part of it because I was in all the group chats where it's like, do you feel it? Do you feel it? And I also feel grateful that I didn't have to. No.

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By the way, you guys, like, that.

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Like, moment of be.

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No. I feel like it was different for me because that was my first one. And maybe the next time it happens, like, I'll be able to remark on this journey and, like, oh, I've never felt an earthquake. I didn't even know that. Like, that's what it felt like. I really thought, seriously, like, the building was falling down.

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Yeah. But earthquakes really aren't supposed to happen in New York City. Like, what's geographically, geologically? Geologically, like, the sediment there, which is why it's a good place to build to high, tall buildings. Like, it's very. It's solid as a rock. So, yeah. The largest earthquakes near New York City, they're pretty sparse over history.

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Oh, my goodness. That was so, so crazy. I heard people in Connecticut were feeling it. Jersey, New York.

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That's so crazy. 4.8 magnitude. Okay.

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And, like, what's, like, the worst magnitude? So, like, out of ten, is it out of five?

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You know, it's a good question. I would have thought five magnitude 9.5 was the largest one ever recorded in 1960 in Chile.

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Well, I hope everyone.

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4.8 is not Jersey. I hope everyone's okay. I feel like it'll be before. 2 hours before we.

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By the way, guess where Ben was when the earthquake hit the toilet? Like, he would be, you know, and.

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It'S like, did the water, like, slash?

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Honestly, that's an amazing question, by the way. So embarrassing, because, like, if you're a boy, like, we know you were pooping. You know? Yeah.

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You're not on the poop if you're peeing.

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Right.

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Unless you're pooping.

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So embarrassing. Ben made a Judy this morning.

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I hope he was pooping, because if he was peeing, he'd be like, I.

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Would feel bad for you.

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I feel bad for me because, you.

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Know, I'm the one who sets. Clean that up.

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Yeah, of course.

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Oh, my God. I don't even know what I was planning on coming and talking about here today, but I will only heretofore be talking about this till the end of time. My knees were shaking. But it is good to know, like, how I react in an emergency. I always find these sort of situations interesting because I learn a lot about myself, like, how in a real emergency, I would react. And they say, some people freeze, some people fight. I feel like I hopped to it. I was like, let's get out of here.

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Yeah. You and I made haste. Yeah. You didn't panic. That's good to know.

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But there are other times where I've been in, like, a situation that I thought was scary. Like, remember when I was on the toilet in the middle of the night, and Ben, like, very quietly snuck up on me, and I thought it was a murderer. Cause I was half asleep. And it's so interesting. If there ever was a murderer in my house, the only thing I would do is scream. Like, I wouldn't run, I wouldn't fight. I just froze and I screamed.

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Actually, we'll work on that.

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So funny that just happened. And it's this perfect segue for my la week. So, you know Brooke. Brooke Scofield and Tana Mongeau have a podcast, and they just went on tour, and a crazy fan, like, stormed the stage, and they both reacted in two totally opposite ways. Tana ran, Brooke didn't move. Like, that's really how people react. And that is very exciting for segue for me. So, of course, I come and run my big mouth on the podcast yesterday, right?

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Yeah.

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Probably ten minutes after we wrap, I get a text from, like, our publicist, and they're like, oh, Brooke Scofield is confirmed. So I went and I ran. I'm like, Brooke is ghosting me, when it was already confirmed.

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Oh, she didn't confirm due to the depression. No.

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Then she texted me a couple hours later and was like, oh, my God, my home friends are blowing up my phone. Shout out, home friends. Love you. They were like, I'm so sorry. I'm terrible with my phone. Like, I'm like, it's totally fine. I'm sorry. I ran my big fat fucking mouth on the podcast. Like, everyone was blowing up her comments, which I like, but, like, she had already said yes. I'm so embarrassed.

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Yeah.

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Like, I am. So I can't wait 1 second. Like, let me give her a day. No, I can't. I'm, like, so eager.

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Okay. But hopefully the home friends have smoothed it over and they'll let Brooke know. Like, it's just her eager to be excited. Be excited. So I shout out to the home friends who are always platforming us to their.

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Honestly, I feel like the camp friends are always platforming us. Like, that's our demographic.

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Oh, yes. If it's us. But it's really the home friends. Yeah.

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Oh, my God, the home. I don't even know what. Like, I was planning on, like, dilly dallying, chit chatting prefast by bantering about with you today. But they're like, for me, there's be and ae before earthquake and after earthquake. Like, there are two different turdies. You can say you knew me back when.

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Yeah, before and after.

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Well, we'll see about that.

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Though I don't know what this new turdy is gonna be like.

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She's fragile. She really is.

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All she talks about is earthquakes and softball and it's her friends and her mom.

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Like, it's. I'm okay.

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Why has that become our new favorite?

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I don't know. It's my. I used it the other day. I forget. Like, nobody got it. All he cares about his friends and softball and his mom. It's not even softball. What is it? What is the line?

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He doesn't play softball. He's a man. All he cares about. I think it's his friends and his.

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Friends and his teammates and his mom. What is it?

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Cares about is mean girls. Okay. Let me tell you something about Aaron. All he cares about is school and his mom and his.

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Let me tell you something about Aaron. All he cares about is.

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I didn't even realize we were talking about Aaron. I thought we were talking about.

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I thought we were talking about Shane Ohman, too.

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That's why we keep throwing Facebook.

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All he cares about is his school and his friends and his mom. It's so, by the way, and Katie is so funny that we brought this up, because on my way home from work yesterday, I was just, like, thinking about stuff, and I remembered that there was this mean girls movie, and it's so crazy that, like, remember how much hoopla, like. And it came and went without even the smallest of cultural impacts? Honestly?

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Yeah.

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Like, people younger than us are not gonna be in ten years quoting it. The way we quote, all he cares about is school and his friends and his mom.

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Like, seriously, what else was he saying, jackie?

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That's the point of the joke. Like, I guess a 17 year old boy who cares about school, his friends, and his mom. Sounds like such a mensch. Such a good kid. Good kid.

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Yeah.

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To be young.

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Yeah.

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So, yeah, there was an earthquake. I am okay. Thank you for checking in. I know you're okay, too. So that's really, really good. And I hope everybody who experienced that, like, is okay.

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Yeah, I hope everything is okay, like, out there, because, you know, closer to.

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The source of the center of it. I'm gonna decentralize myself.

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Don't be surprised if you feel an aftershock.

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Maybe we'll get it on camera.

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You're gonna make us keep filming until we are rolling?

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In perpetuity.

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Yeah. I've got some work going on in the outside of my house today, so if you hear some construction for the first time, it's not.

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Oh, my God. Thank God. I feel like I'm always getting blamed for the noise on this podcast. Shame.

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Blame in the construction game. Shame.

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Blame in the roofing game. The roofing game sounds like somebody who goes to parties and, like, drugs people.

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Not the roofing game. It's actually a set of gutters.

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Shame.

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Lame.

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And the guttural gang gutt gag. I like that not game.

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Okay. But it's not a perfect rhyme with shame and blame.

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That's. That's okay.

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We'll make an allowance. I realized, like, just, like, giving up. Like, are you here? She literally just, like, stopped being a podcaster.

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I realized. Sorry. Wait. This is so crazy. No, it's not crazy.

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Okay?

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I just, like, forgot to respond to, like, a somewhat, like, important, timely text, so I just did it. But the earthquake totally threw off my whole schedule.

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Got it.

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Your text.

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Respond.

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No. My whole life schedule. Like, I feel like I just have to postpone everything. Life is different now. I have to go on, like, an eat, pray, love. Like, book me a trip to India, girl. Like, I need to. In that moment, like, I really reevaluated everything. I actually felt really good about my choices.

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Oh, that's good. Yeah. I was gonna say, you're gonna do anything different?

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No, I love my life, and I feel like I'm a good person.

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That's good. Always to reaffirm. Gut check.

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What movie is that from? It's gut check time.

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Come on.

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Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

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No, not I.

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Damn. I don't know.

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What is it maybe, like, a dream of yours? No, no.

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I actually did have a weird dream. Like, so weird that I'm not even gonna share it. Cause it actually will expose, like, how big of a loser I am. Do you know what I mean?

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Yes.

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But I now remember when I was gonna come on this podcast and talk about. I had such a fabulous night out last night.

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Oh, you did. You did. You in the satchel, dear. Satchel.

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It just kind of fell to, like, the back burner, you know, given my traumatic experience this morning. But Margo and I hosted a dinner last night, and it was so fabulous. Cause we were, like, in charge of the guest list, so we invited some of our favorite girlies, and I was able to meet so many people, especially one in particular who I hadn't met yet. Jen Sherman. The peloton.

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The peloton.

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The peloton instructor who was from that story we discussed on the toast a couple of weeks ago about Christopher Nolan taking her class, and the one he happened to watch was her, like, ripping apart one of his terrible movies. We had it like, Instagram friends for a while, and I got to meet her last night. Jackie. She was so cool and, like, so pretty. And what I didn't know about her is, like, she was the first peloton instructor ever hired by Peloton. And I was like, how did you hear about it before? Like, it blew up. She was like, I used to, like, read this blog. I forget what it was called. I hadn't heard of it, but I guess it was, like, a popular blog at the time, like, when blogs were a thing and they were, like, just talking about it, and I literally, like, called the CEO and was like, I would love to work. She taught in, like, a local studio in New Jersey where she lives, and then she became the first instructor ever. And she's still, like, an instructor, but she's the Og. I'm sure she's, like, so rich.

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Oh, she's, like, the first cast member.

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It's giving Stassi, you know?

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Were you gonna say what blog it was?

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I hadn't heard of it, and I can't remember. It was called, like, we love blog. I don't know, like, wigovi. It was something like. It was something like that. And it was just, like, a fabulous night out, you know, every now and then, I love to, like, larp as, like, an influencer who does those sorts of things, and it was really fun.

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You are an influencer who does those?

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I'm really not.

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You set the book.

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That's true. That's true. But I don't really do.

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You're really an influencer, you know, but.

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I don't do those. Like, I don't go out, like, to events. Events. I want to go to events. Invite me to your events. You know, so it was really fun. I had a great time, and then I, you know, went through this earthquake, and I came out of better woman. So that's all for me. What about you?

[00:15:10]

From you, I'm sure your day was.

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Less traumatic, but you never know.

[00:15:16]

This morning so far, busy morning. Not earthquake. Not earth shattering, not earthquake caliber. Just me with my strands. I think I'm on day four of strands.

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Margot actually said something to me about your strands at dinner last night.

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Did she say yesterday's for Tuesday? No.

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She didn't criticize them. She more so criticized you as a.

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Human being that I'm behind on a trend.

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No, she was like, by the way, like, jackie's like, strands. And I was like, yeah. And she was like, I did it first. She was like, she totally copied me. I swear. She said that.

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Okay, you know what? If that's what she wants to believe, like, that causes me no harm.

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Yeah, of course.

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You know what I mean?

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Everyone's truth is their own truth, you know?

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No. And it's like, even saying your truth is obviously, like, such an insult, but it's like, okay, Jackie, Jackie.

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I don't care. Also, Jackie, even though your truth is such an insult.

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No, no. Saying. Calling someone saying something and then you telling them that's their job.

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Such an insult is such.

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That's what I meant. Not what she said. Like, so I'm not gonna say that.

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So you're not gonna insult her even though she insulted you? No, I'm really trying to stir the pot, and you're, like, not letting me.

[00:16:34]

No. And if she was, I could think back to what inspired the strands. Perhaps just the haircut, where now I have shredder.

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Like, I don't think one person can take credit for the strands. Like, it's a cultural phenomenon, and it's.

[00:16:45]

An amalgamation of things. Like, it's really for the headphones. It's working for the headphones because I was doing my hair and wearing the other headphones, but I didn't love how that looked. So it complements the headphones. But if she wants to be the credit taker, I'll let her have it.

[00:16:59]

Oh, so you're letting her win. Okay, I see. That's really reverse psychology of you. Very interesting.

[00:17:08]

No, I'm really. I'm just trying to, like, I'll be.

[00:17:11]

Sure to tell Margaret what you said.

[00:17:13]

I'm trying to be generous of spirit art.

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And you know what? It's kind of annoying. Like, you're giving, like, teacher energy.

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We're all winners here.

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Like, please stop.

[00:17:21]

I guess you were trying to say something, and I thwarted your.

[00:17:25]

I was. But don't worry. I'll find a way to separate you two. Also, I'll find a way to cause a chasm. Scasm. What's that word? Schism. Kiss him in your relationship so that I remain your number one and I remain Margaret's number one. That's how I stay on top of.

[00:17:44]

This sister gang until I go and I talk to her about this.

[00:17:49]

What are you setting? A reminder. Talk to Margot.

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I heard what you said about me.

[00:17:55]

So we've got a great show today. We've got stories. We've got Queenie and weenie of the week. Jacks, tell me the stories. Like, how are they feeling to you? In a metaphysical sense?

[00:18:03]

Good. There's a lot of things that we need to know today.

[00:18:05]

Oh, good. Okay, so let's dive right in. Let's not dilly dally talk about my trauma anymore.

[00:18:10]

Without further adid do, here are the fast five stories that you need to know now.

[00:18:15]

The fast five stories that you I don't like you need to know are brought to you by papaya reusables. So disposable paper towels are bulky, they are expensive, and most importantly, they are super wasteful. I feel like if you live in a house with a lot of people, like, you always know, it's like, oh, I just put the new roll in. How has it gone already? And how are we out? One reusable paper towel from papaya replaces 17 rolls of disposable paper towels. They're very quick drying, so they won't get, like, that gross, mildewy smell that some of our rags might get or, like, our cloths. Each pack comes with a signature papaya hook, so you can hang them around your house for different uses. Now, of course, comes to mind in the kitchen. I'd like to keep one in the bathroom because I live with a splasher. Like, there's just always splashes of water all over my sink counter and it really, really bothers me. It's just great to have in every room. They're super cute. They're not ugly. They look good. The hook is really cute. And, you know, this is like, we're beyond being wasteful.

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[00:20:09]

That's so crazy. I literally look the same. I don't want to talk about it. But a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling so fatigued, and I said to my trainer, hillary, I was like, I feel like I'm, like, hitting a wall, like, every workout now. I just, like, I can't do it. I get dizzy and stuff. And she's like, are you taking your electrolytes? And I was like, no. And she was 100% right. Like, I feel so much better, and I feel like that can be emblematic if you're in your fitness era, if you're just in, like, you're trying to get from day to day era, electrolytes, all the vitamins and liquid iv, like, will just make you feel more whole. It'll make you feel better. Whether you're, you know, spending your days working out, spending your days just working, spending your days running around trying to catch a toddler. There are eight vitamins and nutrients. It's non gmo. It's free from gluten, dairy, and soy, and they come in four delicious sugar free flavors. White peach, green grape, raspberry melon, and lemon lime. I love the sugar free flavors. For a night after drinking, I find them really, really helpful.

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[00:21:23]

Our first story, new details are emerging about the dispute between Angelina Jolie and Brad throwback. To put it nicely, Angelina Jolie's lawyers claim that Brad Pitt's physical abuse of her started before their 2016 plane incident. So as part of the former couple's ongoing legal battle over their french winery, Chateau Merival, the actress's legal team followed.

[00:21:49]

Is that like Miraval Rose?

[00:21:50]

Like, I don't know.

[00:21:54]

That's, like, a really good wine.

[00:21:56]

It is a really good wine. You read?

[00:21:58]

I'm gonna research.

[00:21:59]

No, no, because you need to pay attention.

[00:22:01]

Pay attention, please.

[00:22:03]

Like, you need to hear the deets so we can discuss, because legal documents came out today that are about the winery, but then point back to stuff in their personal relationship, which, you know, everybody's interested in. Her legal team filed a motion seeking to release communications they say would prove that Brad would not let Angelina sell her share of the winery to him unless she agreed to a more onerous and expansive NDA. Within the new filing, Angelina's lawyers make the claim. Quote, while Brad's history of physical abuse of Jolie started well before the family's September 2016 plane trip from France to LA, this marked the first time he turned his physical abuse on the children as well. Jolie then immediately left him. This is a pattern of behavior whenever there's a. This is what a friend of his said. This is a pattern of behavior. Whenever there is a decision that goes against the other side, they consistently choose to introduce misleading, inaccurate and or irrelevant information as a distraction, a friend of Brad said. Because Brad obviously cannot be reached for comment on this.

[00:23:00]

I just want to say the Miraval Rose is a joint venture between the Perrin family of Mason, Nicholas Perrin and Chateau de Bocastel, and Hollywood actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. That wine, I feel like everybody knows that bottle. You put your thumb in the bottom and it's like short and fat and has like, the tall. That's Angelina and Brad. I didn't know that, by the way. Now kind of makes sense why they're going so hard. It's not just a piece of property. It's like a whole business, too.

[00:23:23]

Oh, yeah, it's a business.

[00:23:24]

And it's not just like, outside of the. We make our own wine. It's like literally probably one of the biggest roses in the world.

[00:23:31]

Yeah. So they've been arguing over the wine for a while, and now she's alleging that he was more abusive than that time on the plane and that he tried to get her to sign an NDA so that she wouldn't reveal these things. And now she's revealing those things. Plus that he tried to make her sign an NDA. So this is getting really nasty. And I wonder how Brad's going to respond, because I feel like on the one hand, he won't really publicly go to that level, but I feel like on the other hand, his name has really been besmirched over this. And the stuff about the plane, I feel like he was starting to come back from, you know, like, remember when he was at an award showing, like, he got like a standing ovation? Because I think people really feel like he's been misrepresented. And this kind of is even worse than everything that we had already.

[00:24:15]

So funny that you feel that way? Because I kind of feel like it's been really messy. There have been allegations of abuse, like, physical. They said he was an alcoholic, and that's why they land the plane. And it's been now years since that plane incident. That was 2016. And I don't know why. I feel like it's completely unaffected, and I feel like he's more popular. Like, he's America's Peter. I feel like he's one of those people who literally can't be taken down.

[00:24:38]

I feel like for a second, it tarnished his name, but then I think there was a lot of support around him. I think people really think that find him to be a good guy. But now it's, like, more allegations. If he was abusing her, like, more allegations. Like, this is not good.

[00:24:55]

This is so messy. And I just know, like, I just know. Jennifer Aniston is like, you know, everything happens for a reason. She's like, isn't that.

[00:25:04]

No. Total.

[00:25:04]

And, like, I'm sure for a while, like, seeing them, like, love, happy. A million kids. Yeah. Yeah. America, sweetheart. Like, to lose, like, a great love of yours to anyone is hard, but to lose it, and then they become, like, the biggest thing, like, that's horrible. Like, I have, actually, a lot of sympathy for Jennifer Aniston in that moment. And now it's probably, like, she's sitting there with her therapist, who probably heard a lot about this is, like, you know, everything happens for a reason. Jenkins.

[00:25:28]

Yeah. And he's just in this mudslinging, really contentious, really messy situation.

[00:25:35]

Somebody. They're both, like, so more so her. She's, like, really out of Hollywood, like, in terms of actually, like, acting. But also, I feel like she doesn't have, like, famous friends. He's, like, you know, kind of, like, a darling. And there are so many people, women and men, who have such positive things to say about him. Like, one of my favorite celebrity moments that I feel like I reference all the time. You can add it to Uber. And Keenan's Uber driver is the story Gwyneth Paltrow told about him on Howard Stern, where, like, they were dating. They were very young. They. Neither one of them were, like, particularly a list. They were really, really famous, but they didn't have, like, the sort of cache or power they have now. And Harvey Weinstein. Oh, my God.

[00:26:17]

What is that?

[00:26:18]

Emergency alert.

[00:26:20]

Okay.

[00:26:20]

Like, thanks. 20 minutes too late. 4.7 magnitude earthquake has occurred in the New York City area. Residents are advised to remain indoors and call 911 if injured.

[00:26:29]

Like, thanks.

[00:26:29]

That was 30 minutes ago.

[00:26:31]

Are they for real? Are they for real? Serious?

[00:26:33]

That was seriously 36 minutes ago. 38.

[00:26:37]

That's insane. What does that do, that notification, like, letting you know to keep doing what you're doing. And if you're not. Okay, ask for help.

[00:26:44]

No, wait. And the way that scared the fuck out of me. Today's not my day.

[00:26:49]

That's the aftershock.

[00:26:52]

Just give me a minute. You know how fragile I am.

[00:26:54]

Yeah, yeah, I know. I know how fragile you are. And you are justified in this situation.

[00:27:00]

That was nutty.

[00:27:02]

Yeah, that was nutty.

[00:27:04]

Should I, like, stay here all day? I was gonna wear the kosher grocer.

[00:27:08]

No, he said stay indoors. They're stupid.

[00:27:12]

Now back to my story. Gwyneth Paltrow tells this story.

[00:27:16]

It didn't say, stay indoors. It said, like.

[00:27:18]

It said, stay indoors.

[00:27:19]

They keep doing what you're doing. It said, keep on.

[00:27:22]

Okay. It didn't, but sure.

[00:27:24]

But actually, I guess, like, if you're outdoors, some of those new buildings that they're building are being made. And, like, stuff is just, like, flying off of them. And I don't know how they could withstand an earthquake.

[00:27:32]

Honestly, I wonder if there was any.

[00:27:33]

Don't watch.

[00:27:34]

Like, don't walk near those. I'll just make buildings.

[00:27:38]

Everyone know.

[00:27:39]

Everyone knows the one.

[00:27:42]

Yeah. They're building these, like, insanely tall buildings. For what?

[00:27:45]

So literally.

[00:27:47]

And they're building them.

[00:27:47]

They're building them so foreigners can, like, invest money. There's, like, this whole, like, conspiracy theory that, like, foreigners buy these hundred million dollars apart, million dollar apartments to launder money from illegal activity. Nobody lives there. Like, you know, they built that world's tallest new building. There was an article came out, nobody lives there. It's all different people from different countries buying them just to launder their money. Like, you walk in, the doorman are like, nobody lives here?

[00:28:14]

That's so crazy.

[00:28:15]

Back to this. Let me just finish this Harvey Weinstein story.

[00:28:18]

There's got to be a better way to launder your money. Oh, then for people to, like, build these insane.

[00:28:23]

I feel like breaking bad. It's, like, literally hard. They did it with the car wash, you know?

[00:28:31]

I don't know. I never watch breaking bad. And if I think about money laundering long enough, I could figure out how it works. But it's one of those things that.

[00:28:40]

I can't believe you've ever seen. Breaking bad. That's, like, one of the craziest things.

[00:28:45]

Some fun fact.

[00:28:46]

So he's making all this money being a drug dealer. But, like, how is he gonna declare it to the government as, like, how he has this nice car or whatever. So he buys this, like, small, decrepit car wash and, like, makes it successful with, like, fake transactions. Like, oh, thanks for coming. No one's in front of you. And then the wife is like, is checking people out. She's like, thanks for coming. And no one's there. Like. And so they end up having all this income, legitimate income that they're, like, literally putting their own money into this business.

[00:29:14]

Yeah, that's true.

[00:29:15]

So Gwyneth Paltrow told this story where her and Brad Pitt were dating. They were really young, but they, like, you know, were stars on the rise. And Harvey Weinstein was being a fucking freak. And, like, really aggressive with Gwyneth Paltrow. And Brad Pitt, like, sort of threw himself physically in front of Gwyneth and was, like, screamed at Harvey Weinstein and put his whole career online. Harvey Weinstein was the most powerful person in the world, and Brad Pitt was on his way to becoming this, like, a list movie star. And how, you know, Gwyneth will always love Brad because of the way he put himself. Like, obviously physically in harm's way, but then also his career. Like, he was, you know, I don't think he ever made a movie with Harvey Weinstein, and he still went on to be, like, the greatest actor. But so there are people who have fabulous things to say about him. But that also was a long time ago.

[00:29:57]

Yeah. And everybody has different experiences with different people, but I just wonder if he will speak out. Get down.

[00:30:05]

Well, I am just shocked about this rose. Like, I think it's so impressive. What, are you not recording, Fiona?

[00:30:11]

No, no, I'm recording. I'm recording just at the bottom of the. Of 1234 on the roadcaster. I don't have any buttons. Okay, okay. I used to have, like, the reds on the side, and then I'm like, should the.

[00:30:24]

Jackie, as long as, like, your volume is going up.

[00:30:27]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I just went. Yeah, it is. It is. Sorry.

[00:30:29]

Third heart attack. Earthquake, Jackie. And the emergency notification.

[00:30:33]

Listen, today's. Today is just not. Honestly, even though it's Friday, we didn't even celebrate.

[00:30:39]

Today has been panic. Panic at the toast dough. Panic at the toast co title.

[00:30:50]

Yeah. I can't believe we haven't even mentioned that. It's Friday. Who are we, Jackie?

[00:30:54]

I told you. You know who we are. We're ae after earthquake girls.

[00:31:01]

Wow. Okay. Well, um, I do feel like this is the beginning of more because Brad obviously has to defend himself from these allegations. Cuz it's not good. No, it's not.

[00:31:11]

But I'm just really sort of stuck on them being the faces of that wine and how impressive that it became such a big, popular brand without them being like, the physical faces of it. Like, that's how, like, I feel. Liquor.

[00:31:22]

They might have bought the Chateau when it was already the wine that they were making that was already popular.

[00:31:27]

Maybe they just loved the wine.

[00:31:28]

It exists like that point, even though.

[00:31:31]

It said the thing that I read, it was like a joint venture.

[00:31:34]

Well, now it was probably a joint venture.

[00:31:36]

Yeah, no, you're right. You're right.

[00:31:37]

Not saying this is what happened, but it could have been a joint venture. And then they bought this third of Chateau maribel. And that's why you just don't buy a winery. Yeah, it just gets so messy when you're buying a wine.

[00:31:50]

And it's so funny because I was actually thinking about buying a winery, but now I'm not going to.

[00:31:54]

But look, it's a mess. I can't say it's a mess without thinking of that movie, the campaign.

[00:32:01]

I've never seen it.

[00:32:03]

The one with Rogan Farrell and Zach Gallows and same thing. Not Seth Rogen and uma.

[00:32:08]

No, I know. I knew which one you met.

[00:32:10]

They're like, both running for a local seat. And Zach Galifianakis is just like, it's a mess when he's talking.

[00:32:17]

Never. It's a really good watch together sometime movie night.

[00:32:23]

And it's a great movie on, like, our civic system. I love that. And why it's important to have no taxation without representation.

[00:32:32]

I've been saying that for years, but I just say no taxation.

[00:32:34]

She's.

[00:32:35]

Was it no taxation, period. If I ever run for office, it'll be no taxation.

[00:32:41]

Okay, okay. You know, the 1234, the two isn't clicked. It's still fine, right?

[00:32:49]

Yeah, neither is mine. Did you fuck with it from yesterday?

[00:32:53]

I turned it off and on by accident. Like, okay, but why would it. Why shouldn't it be clicked?

[00:32:58]

But mine isn't and I haven't touched it. Like, please, seriously.

[00:33:01]

I'm seriously patient. I can't go on.

[00:33:03]

Seriously. If we, like, wrap this episode and we don't have any audio, like, I can't go through this again.

[00:33:11]

No, we're calling it.

[00:33:12]

And I will write an apology letter to all of our sponsors from today that we just couldn't get it done.

[00:33:16]

I'm sorry to papaya reusables. I'm sorry to lick.

[00:33:18]

I'm sorry to Vanderpump Villa. And I'm sorry. To build rewards.

[00:33:24]

We'Ll do it on our instagram.

[00:33:26]

Yeah, we'll see. Let's keep going, because there's only one way to find out.

[00:33:32]

Our next story is only number two. Yeah, I'm aware, but it gets a little. We'll cruise. Here's what Sofia Vergara and Joe Manginello will each walk away from at their.

[00:33:43]

Favorite kind of news, financial news.

[00:33:47]

It's a bit of misleading news because they had a prenup that they're both honoring. So the judgment obtained by page six details how they will divide their assets and property as dictated by their prenuptial agreement. He walks away with his. With his clothing. I mean, what is she going to do with his clothes?

[00:34:04]

I would hope so.

[00:34:08]

Clothing, jewelry, and miscellaneous personal effects, as well as. As well of his earnings and accumulations since the start of their separation, which was July 2, 2023. She leaves with her personal effects, including jewelry.

[00:34:26]

And what about her, like, period underwear? Does she get to keep those? Like, why are we reading this?

[00:34:31]

So I think what they did was they cut them down the middle.

[00:34:43]

Not a cool joke. While I'm drinking my protein shake.

[00:34:47]

They cut them down.

[00:34:48]

The paper towel.

[00:34:50]

He got one half, and she got the other half.

[00:34:53]

Oh, God. I just stained the carpet. Like, this carpet's destroyed. I was going to throw it out anyway. Cause it's literally, like, shit. Stained with Theo's duty. Oh, my God. That was really, like, one of.

[00:35:08]

The.

[00:35:08]

Thing is, like, we are so funny. Like, it's just not fair.

[00:35:12]

It's dangerous, man.

[00:35:14]

I'm not even bothering to clean the carpet. Like, it's truly a lost cause.

[00:35:17]

Not today, Claude. Whoo.

[00:35:20]

Yes, I did hear that. They cut them down the middle as well.

[00:35:25]

She had to keep her jewelry, clothing, the left side of her period, and.

[00:35:33]

Her earnings, since they.

[00:35:38]

Never had any community property between them, and they both acknowledged the validity of their property.

[00:35:43]

This is such a standard Hollywood marriage, by the way.

[00:35:46]

Like, what about a house?

[00:35:48]

Yeah, it's possible that, like, they just moved into his house or her house, and it was already in one of their names. Like, I feel like after what she went through with her crazy ass ex and his embryos, like, she was not going into another marriage. You know, how in love she was without being strapped, you know, properly prepared. And he's, like, a classic Hollywood guy. I feel like if you've been in Hollywood for a certain amount of period, and you've been, like, you know, scarred and bruised and battered, like, you go into this, like, almost methodically, very similar to Ariana Grande. Like, when you're at a level, you have it, you know, tight, and it's just crazy to me that, like, there are prenups that people don't honor. Then what the fuck was the point? Like, remember, it was, like, a huge win for Kelly Clarkson when the judge announced, like, we, after months, we will be moving forward with the prenup.

[00:36:32]

Well, duh.

[00:36:33]

Why the fuck did we spend all the money on the lawyers and the time and energy signing it before the marriage?

[00:36:38]

Yeah. Yeah. Plus, they don't have kids. That makes sense.

[00:36:43]

Same with Ariana Grande.

[00:36:45]

Right. Our next story, some major news for Miss Gypsy Rose Blanchard. She was spotted holding hands with her ex fiance, Ken Erker, after splitting from her husband. And she told People magazine that she's gonna be getting some cosmetic surgery.

[00:37:00]

What do you think she's gonna get done?

[00:37:03]

She's getting rhinoplasty.

[00:37:05]

I respect it. I do.

[00:37:08]

I respect it, too. I respect anyone who wants to, you know, get plastic surgery. I'm not a plastic surgery shamer. No, me neither.

[00:37:17]

And also, like. Like, I see. Like, I see what would bother her with her nose. You know what I mean? It's not a perfect nose. Is that mean?

[00:37:24]

Like, it's just very real?

[00:37:25]

No, like, I'm a big fan of, like, changing things that you don't like or that you. And I feel like sometimes someone will be like, I hate my nose, and it's, like, the perfect fucking nose. You're like, shut up. And that was gypsy. Like, yeah, girl, get a nose job. Love that for you.

[00:37:38]

I was gonna say, I feel like, you know, she's 32, so it's like, I would hope I, at that age, like you. You love the skin you're in, you know? And that just, like, makes me sad that she wants to change herself, but maybe she's wanted to change herself all this time, but she. She was in jail, and she probably.

[00:37:50]

Didn'T have the financial resources.

[00:37:52]

And before that, like, she was under her mother's thumb.

[00:37:55]

No.

[00:37:56]

Which is a nice way of saying Munch is housed in my parents.

[00:37:58]

It's a very nice way of saying it. We also have to realize, like, with gypsy, like, we're literally probably dealing with someone with the emotional maturity given, like, her life. She was, you know, stuck at home for 15 years and then in prison for eight. Like, well, that meth doesn't add up, but you know what I mean? She is probably, like, the emotional maturity of, like, a 22 year old.

[00:38:17]

Yeah, she's just catching up now. But what is interesting is that she was spotted showing, like, some PDA with her exige. She just split up from her husband. They were smoking cigarettes, holding hands, doing a little grocery shop at the dollar general. I'm sorry, but, like, gypsy Rose needs to give classes on how to catch a man. Multiple men make them literally kill for you.

[00:38:36]

I know, and I don't want to shame any of our girls listening who are single, but, like, gypsy's been out of jail for all of five minutes, and she's had two boyfriends. And what have you done in the last month? How many dates have you been on?

[00:38:44]

Claudia? She's had a husband, a fiance, an ex fiance now boyfriend. Like, you need to step up.

[00:38:52]

Maybe that should be the next business venture once things quiet down for her, you know, you can't stay so famous forever. Gypsy's rules of love.

[00:38:59]

Gypsy's rules of love she is doing a new show now, like, gypsy rose breaking free sort of thing. Tv, life after lockup, but that's kind of in congress. What I felt like your take on her was.

[00:39:12]

What was my take?

[00:39:12]

Which is, like, she was doing, like, her post jail press, and then she was gonna go live.

[00:39:18]

Bugle chair is destroyed.

[00:39:20]

I feel like buchal cleans easily.

[00:39:23]

Oh, no. I'm such an animal. I blame you.

[00:39:26]

Do we have any for being too late?

[00:39:28]

I think under the sink we have some folks. Let me just spray it while.

[00:39:31]

I'm sorry. I apologize for being too damn.

[00:39:34]

You should. Oh, my God. This is an expensive chair. Let me. Let me soak it up. Absorb. What did I say about Gypsy? Today's episode is just fucked beyond.

[00:39:45]

Yeah, like, sorry we can't be perfect.

[00:39:47]

No. Like, and it's Friday. Like, fuck off.

[00:39:50]

Okay. What you had said about Gypsy was you felt like she was doing, like, the jail press, you know, sort of getting her back. And then she was gonna, like, go live a quiet life, and she wasn't about this, and she was just gonna go, like, be married with her husband. But now I feel like she's doing her show. She left her husband. She's kind of woman about town. I feel like she's gonna stay. Being a public figure, perhaps, like, the.

[00:40:11]

Quiet life wasn't for her, but it was for that. That freak, whatever his name was. Ryan.

[00:40:17]

Ryan. What is it, by the way?

[00:40:19]

The two of us? Like, I'm cleaning my chair. You're doing your computer. Oh, I have a tide pen. That's good too.

[00:40:24]

Ryan Scott, RSA.

[00:40:26]

RSA.

[00:40:27]

Ryan Scott Anderson.

[00:40:29]

Oh, yeah. He's a three name wonder, much like, you know, F. Scott Fitzgerald must, like, gypsy Rose Blanchard. Wait five minutes and then wipe away with a stain cloth. Okay, so I have to wait five minutes. Somebody remind me in five minutes. This is so crazy.

[00:40:42]

Like, he's a three name wonder. Like GRB.

[00:40:46]

Oh, like GRB. Correct.

[00:40:48]

Unless he was, like, copying her. I could see that for him.

[00:40:51]

No, I told you I didn't like him. We're newly together weds. Shut up.

[00:40:59]

Anyways, Gypsy Rose has another man and you don't. That's the headline.

[00:41:03]

Jackie's putting you bitches in your place this week.

[00:41:05]

Like, just kidding. Everyone. Run your own race. Like, seriously, it's so true.

[00:41:09]

It's not a competition. Everyone's timeline is their own. And, like, yeah, Gypsy has a boyfriend, but she was also in prison for eight years, and her mom locked her up for 20. Like, did that happen to you? No. So we all. We all have our own. You know, we're all dealt a deck of cards in life, okay? And some are different than others.

[00:41:25]

And it's like, she left her husband. Now she's going back to her. Exactly. That's not always the best thing to do. You broke up for a reason.

[00:41:31]

1000%. Also, gypsy, perhaps meet someone new.

[00:41:35]

She will. Don't worry about her.

[00:41:37]

Now, I have a crazy question. At what point was this man her fiance?

[00:41:41]

Yeah, of course. I'm like, is he the killer? No. No.

[00:41:45]

But is he just, like, a pen pal from prison? When would she have time to have gotten engaged? How did the two meet?

[00:41:53]

Okay, that's a really good question.

[00:41:59]

Now that I'm getting the stain out of the chair, I see, like, lipstick stains and, like, other things, like, just.

[00:42:03]

He. They became engaged after he wrote to her in 2018 while she was serving in her prison sentence. He reached out after watching mommy dead and dearest, the documentary based on her childhood story. They got engaged in October 18. However, he broke up with her when the act debuted in Hulu.

[00:42:18]

Oh, my God.

[00:42:18]

So he's just like, really? Nilly. No, it's like, I like this show. I'll marry you. Oh, this one was bad.

[00:42:24]

But maybe life after lockup changed his mind.

[00:42:30]

According to her ebook, that's what she said, that he broke up with her after the act. I guess he didn't like Joey King's portrayal.

[00:42:39]

I just have to say I'm obsessed.

[00:42:41]

I just want to say, like, based on that, I don't like him.

[00:42:44]

I agree. Did you see Joey King is in this new hulu? I think it's a show based on a book. We were the lucky ones. I've heard it's very good. She literally had to turn off all of her comments on Instagram. People are such animals. I can't.

[00:43:00]

People are fucking watermelon emoji.

[00:43:02]

Shove it up your ass, bitch. Okay.

[00:43:05]

It's. It's so crazy out there.

[00:43:07]

So crazy out there. I'm so glad I'm not one of the mentally ills, you know, like I said, on solid ground, and I feel really good about that.

[00:43:14]

I'm so glad that we have this, like, peaceful pocket Internet of smart thinking listeners, but it's so dark out there.

[00:43:26]

We're so lucky we have each other.

[00:43:28]

Yeah. Are you ready for our next story?

[00:43:31]

What number?

[00:43:32]

A little biopic news.

[00:43:34]

My favorite number four.

[00:43:36]

Number four, though.

[00:43:38]

Is it the biopic news that's brought to you by Vanderpump Villa?

[00:43:41]

It is.

[00:43:42]

This is a really fun new series from Lisa Vanderpump. It's called Vanderpump Villa, and it is on Hulu. She has a brand new home there on Hulu. And she also has a brand new home. It's an escape to the french countryside. So the series is giving very much, like, upstairs, downstairs, Downton Abbey energy, where they have these, like, fabulous, young, hot things working in this gorgeous, fabulous, rich villa for these, you know, guests.

[00:44:01]

And it's fun.

[00:44:02]

It's vip. You're entering first class luxury and world class drama. So the work staff live work and play together 24/7 while dealing with, you know, rivalry, romance, misadventures. So it's a workplace drama from Lisa Vanderpump. It has that bon voyage, french escape luxury. I feel like this reality show kind of feels different than other reality shows. I've never seen a reality show set in, like, gorgeous France. You know, it's always, like, american trash. No, not Vanderpump villa. It's on Hulu. You can escape to the french countryside at Chateau Rosabelle, which will serve as the opulent background for the new series. Audience are going to get to indulge in a world old world setting with modern day fun throughout the wealthy and vip guests as they experience an extravagant Vanderpump style vacation that only Lisa Vanderpump can pull off. The series has just premiered. You can watch new episodes of Vanderpump Villa every Monday now on Hulu. I feel like we've all been looking for, like, a new reality show. Lisa Vanderpump is kind of, once it has the LVP stab of approval, like, we're good to go. And same with Hulu. So watch the new episodes of Vanderpump Villa.

[00:45:04]

They are airing every Monday now on Hulu. They just premiered, so catch up if you're behind. And thank you, Vanderpump Villa and Hulu, for sponsoring today's episode. Today's episode is also brought to you by built rewards. Listen up to anyone who rents. Do you ever feel like you're stuck in this loop of rent payments, just watching your money vanish into thin air? Well, it's time to turn that rent game around and start earning some serious rewards. And that's where Bilt rewards comes in. Bilt is breaking ground as the first rewards program that hooks you up with points on your rent. Even if you're still rocking with the old school rent vibes, you know you're writing a check. Build Rewards has got your back. They will mail the check for you, basically like having a personal rent paying assistant. Every month you pay your rent and then you watch the built points roll in. And you can spend the points on amazing things. So you can use your points, of course, on a dream vacation, towards a flight or a hotel. They have over 500 airlines and over 700,000 hotel and property partners. You can use your points to sweat it out, redeem your points to book fitness and studio classes.

[00:45:59]

You can also use your points towards a future rent payment or towards a future down payment on a future home. So just in the spirit of transparency, I want you guys to know I love Bilt rewards. I've been a Bilt member for, like, two years. I'm actually an investor in the company. That's how hard I believe in it. You can earn points. I mean, paying rent is the most infuriating thing ever. It's like flushing money down the drain. And especially if you're into points culture, you know, like, that's your biggest expense every month. You should be earning points for it. And now you can. With built rewards, you can earn points by paying rent right now when you go to join built.com toast, I feel like a lot of the toasters are built members already because I've been talking about it for so long. But if you're not, go to join Bilt, bilt.com toast to earn points while paying your rent@joinbuilt.com. Toast.

[00:46:45]

Thank you.

[00:46:46]

You're welcome.

[00:46:48]

Our next story biopic news. Michael Douglas will be playing and is playing. The series is like shot and locked and loaded. And he's doing press for his series where he plays Benjamin Franklin.

[00:47:01]

Okay.

[00:47:03]

Michael Douglas was invited to play Benjamin Franklin in Apple TV's Franklin, and he immediately took out dollar 100 bill. He said, I looked at Ben and thought, I've got a long ways to go. Time Oscar winner told Variety, so Michael Douglas is obviously doing press because we talked about him two days in a row, which has never happened. I don't know if we've ever talked about him.

[00:47:22]

One day, I have to say the craziest thing. And I know people are gonna be like, claudia, you're a disgrace.

[00:47:27]

That, like, you don't really know Michael Douglas. No, no, no.

[00:47:29]

I, like, know him. Oh, my God. There's more protein shake on my shirt.

[00:47:33]

But that you confuse him with some Michael.

[00:47:34]

Jake fox.

[00:47:36]

Yep.

[00:47:36]

Oh, really? Okay. That makes me feel better.

[00:47:39]

Which means that it's not just us. And that's not, like, a childhood thing, I think, either. I think they're, like, michaels of a certain age who are in a lot of really iconic things that we don't watch. I know neither one of them stands out to us.

[00:47:50]

Is back to the future.

[00:47:54]

That's good.

[00:47:54]

Yeah. I'm happy for him. And I know Michael Douglas, Katherine Zeta Jones and Michael J. Fox. Parkinson's. Curb your enthusiasm.

[00:48:06]

Yes.

[00:48:07]

Got it.

[00:48:09]

Michael Douglas. Franklin.

[00:48:11]

Michael Douglas, Dad. Kirk Douglas. Nepo baby.

[00:48:16]

Yes. Nepo baby. I mean, he's what?

[00:48:20]

Nepo, grandpa.

[00:48:22]

Yeah. Anyways, he's playing Franklin in Stacy Shift's based on Stacy Schiff's a great improvisation. Franklin, France, and the birth of America. It follows Ben Franklin's 1776 trip to Paris, where he hopes to persuade the king to fund America's fight for independence. Noah Jup co stars as his grandson traveling companion temple. If we didn't get Francis support, who knows what would have happened, says Douglas. Honestly, this sounds really great. Yeah.

[00:48:47]

It's giving, like, american revolution vibes. Like, that one part of history. Like, I kind of know. I remember, you know, the red coats, the british are coming. The Boston Tea party.

[00:48:54]

It's like, we know it because we learned it in school. It's like one of the classics things that you learn in school. But I feel like there haven't been a lot of period pieces made about it, and especially not, like, big, big ones that everybody has seen.

[00:49:09]

You know, I feel like that time period in general, there's, like, where the movies, right?

[00:49:14]

Like, we don't have a George Washington. We got Lincoln.

[00:49:17]

Oh, classic. Daniel Day.

[00:49:20]

Daniel Day.

[00:49:21]

DDl, triple D. But I want everyone to know my stain is like, the chair is like, the material where the stain was, like a shit, but it's white, you know.

[00:49:31]

Great. Yeah, you just, like, scrubbed it off. Scratch.

[00:49:34]

Yeah, no, I definitely, like, I kind of crush this. Like, I'm not gonna lie.

[00:49:38]

So he talks about the role and the show, which, again, I have been pretty much influenced to watch. He was asked, what would Ben think Franklin think about the state of us politics today? And he said he'd probably have a hard time.

[00:49:53]

1000% WWBFD. What would Ben Franklin do? I don't know. Probably go fly a kite. Right.

[00:49:58]

What would Ben Franklin think?

[00:50:00]

Is Ben Franklin the one who invented electricity?

[00:50:03]

Thomas Edison. But Ben Franklin, like, was an inventor. No.

[00:50:06]

He was swirling around with that kite.

[00:50:08]

No, maybe kite.

[00:50:10]

And it got struck by lightning, and he was like, energy. No, I don't know. Anybody know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[00:50:18]

Bren Franklin, electricity.

[00:50:21]

The lightning rod.

[00:50:22]

Ben Franklin and the kite experiment.

[00:50:24]

Thank you. I'm literally a genius.

[00:50:26]

He did not discover electricity during this experiment, however. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. To dispel another myth. Franklin's kite was not struck by lightning. If it had been, he probably would.

[00:50:39]

Have been electrocuted, I should say.

[00:50:42]

Instead, the kite picked up the ambient electrical charge from the storm.

[00:50:46]

How do these historical rumors get started? Do you know what I mean?

[00:50:50]

Yeah. Like. Like, George Washington never told a lie.

[00:50:54]

And, like, the wooden teeth or was that real?

[00:50:57]

No, I think everybody had wooden teeth in that day. Like, what were they gonna have? Braces.

[00:51:01]

Okay, wait, wait. What? Like, they had real teeth? Like, humans have teeth, right?

[00:51:07]

But, like, say you had a rotten tooth that had to go. What would they put in a piece of wood?

[00:51:13]

How frightening.

[00:51:14]

You look like piece of wood. And that's what they would say.

[00:51:18]

George Washington and Mercedes Javeed's mom said to George Washington, in that moment, you don't remember this part of the history books. You look like piece of wood.

[00:51:26]

Yeah. And that's how historical myths get started.

[00:51:29]

And I just feel like that's, like, the only. Like, the toast is the only show where you will get the absolute most random niche reference in pop culture. Like, I don't know if anybody has ever even remarked on that one line the way my group of friends had from that. When Mercedes Javid got married, it was a gorgeous ceremony. They're still together. Honestly, like, iconic couple. Her mom is, like, just one of those classic. They say cut, classic, persian. But I feel like it's every, like, immigrant parent, like, very critical. And she comes out and she's like, all this gorgeous bacon. She's like, mom, how do I look like a bride on her wedding day? And she goes, you look like a piece of wood. And then another line I love to quote. She's walking down the aisle. She looks gorgeous. Very, you know, very busty dress. She gets to the altar, and her husband goes, whispers to her, your cans look sick. And honestly, her cans did look sick. And so do yours.

[00:52:20]

Beautiful day.

[00:52:21]

So do yours.

[00:52:22]

Oh, thanks. So, yeah, all George Washington cared about was school and his mom and his friends.

[00:52:29]

Is that bad?

[00:52:31]

All's that to say, okay, won't be.

[00:52:34]

Watching this, but good for Michael Douglas. You'd love to see people out here, you know, women in the workplace.

[00:52:40]

You do? Our fifth and final story is really cute news, actually. I didn't know Jimmy Kimmel was capable of participating in such cute news, but it is.

[00:52:50]

Wow. Thought you would say there's cute news that has to do with Jimmy Kimmel.

[00:52:54]

Yeah.

[00:52:54]

I find Jimmy Kimmel insufferable. Does anybody else, like, I find, like, Jimmy Fallon.

[00:52:59]

It's his job to be insufferable. I just want.

[00:53:01]

I disagree. Cause, like, actually, maybe I find Jimmy Fallon to be, like, you know, oddly endearing. Like, I find him to be very America's sweetheart energy. But I feel like that's more reflective of, like, a endearing feeling I have towards NBC. I just feel like NBC is like, bravo. It's like all the networks. I like. I find Jimmy Kimmel insufferable. Colbert would punch in the face. Like, I hate all of those guys.

[00:53:21]

Yeah.

[00:53:21]

Seth Meyers. Irrelevant.

[00:53:24]

I don't know.

[00:53:25]

Yeah, right. Like, you're not. It's giving late, late, you know?

[00:53:29]

Yeah. Are you ready for our cute Jimmy Kimmel news?

[00:53:30]

I guess.

[00:53:32]

Who'd have thunk?

[00:53:32]

I don't know if I'm ready.

[00:53:34]

But Kirsten Dunst and Jimmy Kimmel revealed that their son's got into a fight in kindergarten.

[00:53:39]

Oh, you know what? I'm so glad you brought up Kierson Dunst, because she said something funny.

[00:53:45]

Well, this is another funny thing that she said, but she was on Jimmy Kimmel Live, and they reveal that they're two kids who are the same age, go to kindergarten together, and they recently had some trouble in school. Jimmy said they had a fight. You know, did you hear about this? And she said. She said, I heard in our parent teacher conference, Miss Julie told me about it. I know that Billy was sitting in a chair, and Ennis then went to sharpen a pencil or something, came back, saw there was an empty chair and sat in it. And Billy came back and was mad that Ennis was in his chair.

[00:54:12]

That's cute. Kirsten nuns is doing press for something. I don't know what, but she keeps popping up for me. And she said a lot of, like, cute, funny things that were all completely negated because then she also said something positive about Jonathan Glaser. And I was like, oh, I can't take this person seriously. Oh, yeah, yeah. But, but she did say, and I feel like it was actually, like, it made a lot of sense because she was asked about plastic surgery. She's like, I just don't do it because I'm afraid of looking crazy. And honestly, I like looking a little bit old. Like, I get booked for jobs. Like, I'm a working actor. And then she was also, someone was like, would you ever do another superhero movie? She's like, yeah, of course. I have kids. Like, I gotta pay bills. They pay really well. And then she also said, when asked about, like, method acting, she was like, I'm a mom. Like, how am I gonna method act to come in as, you know, Mary Todd Lincoln, like, into the living room? I'm a parent. She's like, I feel like that's only something like a man can get away with.

[00:55:02]

Like, no, I'm a full time parent. I can't come in in costume and in character.

[00:55:07]

No, I'm obsessed. That's hysterical. She's in a new project called Civil War.

[00:55:14]

Got it.

[00:55:14]

And I, for a second, I'm thinking, is this a period piece about the Civil War? Because it would be like, when it rains, it pours. All of a sudden we're getting american history period pieces. But I don't think that's what it is.

[00:55:27]

Also, when we were having the conversation.

[00:55:29]

Earlier this week about it's modern day. Oh, it's like dystopia earlier this week.

[00:55:34]

About celebrity couples who do the same thing, a lot of people were commenting that we forgot about her and Jesse Plemons. And they really are on the same level. They're both, like, really serious working actors who aren't, like, you know, getting paparazzi. Like, they probably actually a really nice life.

[00:55:47]

Yeah.

[00:55:48]

The way she talks, she sounds very normal.

[00:55:50]

Yeah, she does. That's funny. Where was she saying that stuff?

[00:55:52]

She's been doing just, like, a bunch of different press for this project.

[00:55:56]

And it just all came up on your tick tock Twitter. Well, this project, civil war, it's, it's not, it's not a period piece, though. It's like, you know that it's modern. Okay, just want to clarify.

[00:56:12]

Those were the best five. I really enjoyed them. I'm not gonna lie so much. So I. You know, I should stay in the chair, but don't go anywhere. It's Queenie and Weenie of the week, our weekly segment where Jackie and I bestow an important honor to two different people, places or things for being the queenie of the week or the weenie of the week. Just a reminder to everyone to act right. You know, we have to keep everyone afraid, you know, ruling with an iron fist. Don't act like a weenie because you will be weenie of the week. Now, let's start positive with Queenie. My queenie of the week is me because I went through something extremely traumatic. And then I came here and really gave, I think, one of our best shows, like, definitely this week. Like, that Sofia Agar moment was classic Jackson Claude. It'll go down in the history books and all that after experiencing not one, not two, but three traumatic moments before 10:30 a.m. So I am giving myself the queenie of the week honor this week. And I hope that's okay.

[00:57:03]

That's okay. For Queenie of the week. This week, I'm giving myself. Oh. For successfully pranking you on April Fool's.

[00:57:09]

Shit. Yeah, that was good. No, that was good. Honestly, that was good.

[00:57:13]

Yeah. I mean, there are queenie moments abound for the two of us. We could go on and on.

[00:57:17]

We could. But you know what? You're actually inspiring me to change my weenie of the week to me for trying to prank you on April Fool's and failing so abysmally. Like, that was actually the weeniest. Like, the truest definition of Weenie. Like, Weenie. Because I was. I was going to give my weenie before you just inspired me to the instacart driver who shot Angie Harmon's dog. But that's not Weenie. That's murderer.

[00:57:40]

That's not Weenie.

[00:57:40]

Like, I think it's.

[00:57:41]

That's not embarrassing. It's important that we keep saying, like.

[00:57:44]

Fun and light, not to a murderer. So, weenie of the week. Actually, I am my own queenie and my own weenie because honestly, trying to prank you the day after and, like, with the worst prank and, like, you just clocked me in 30 seconds. Like, it was humiliating and it was Weenie. Like, so I. What the we? What the queenie giveth, the weenie taketh away.

[00:58:03]

Get you a girl who can do both.

[00:58:04]

Yeah.

[00:58:05]

Now, a weenie did not really stand out to me this week, and I will not say that it's you, okay? Cause you are not the weenie of the week. I abstain.

[00:58:19]

Okay, I want to say something that I feel like you're not taking Queenie and Weenie. I feel like you've abstained, like, twice before. Like I never have. I feel like you have. And if you like, abstaining is not an option. So come up with a weenie. If you're gonna abstain, you can only abstain. Queenie, new rule.

[00:58:35]

Okay.

[00:58:38]

What?

[00:58:41]

I don't know that I want to start stuff.

[00:58:42]

With me?

[00:58:44]

No.

[00:58:44]

With who?

[00:58:49]

Who am I always starting stuff with?

[00:58:51]

I don't know. The Elon haters. No, no.

[00:58:54]

Oh, no. Starting stuff. Like, personal. Not. Not the public. The personal.

[00:59:01]

Ben. Ben, please go.

[00:59:04]

Like, for having a five day birthday.

[00:59:06]

See, that's. That is a perfect weenie. See, I'm glad I pushed you. I'm glad I pushed you.

[00:59:11]

Okay. Okay. I'm sorry, Ben. I love you.

[00:59:14]

Happy birthday.

[00:59:15]

Enjoy the olive oil. Did I even get credit for the gift that I got for Ben?

[00:59:20]

He literally texted you in the big family chat with everyone.

[00:59:22]

I'm saying I'm sorry publicly.

[00:59:24]

I posted it on my instagram. And Ben posted on his instagram.

[00:59:27]

You did. You guys did.

[00:59:28]

Oh, my God. Lol. Jackie actually did it. She bought Ben the most expensive olive oil money can buy.

[00:59:32]

Oh, that's so funny. Okay, I guess I missed it.

[00:59:35]

I'll send you.

[00:59:35]

Yeah. You guys, I did it. I got him olive oil, cuz I care.

[00:59:38]

It was a really good gift. And from Citarella.

[00:59:40]

Yeah. I hope he enjoys it.

[00:59:41]

How much was it?

[00:59:43]

So it was $60 at Citarella.

[00:59:45]

Oh, okay. I thought we were buying, like, $5,000 olive oil.

[00:59:49]

Oh, no, no. I got the most expensive one I could find at Citarella. But you can get it on Amazon for, like, $35.

[00:59:55]

Oh, wow. You got got by Citarella?

[00:59:58]

A bit. But the presentation and the Citarella name, as opposed to, like, if you just opened an Amazon box and there was olive oil, like, that's. I paid the extra 25 for the presentation. I agree.

[01:00:06]

I agree.

[01:00:07]

And the name and the name recognition.

[01:00:08]

And the shopping bag that we got from it, which is really the best gift money can buy.

[01:00:12]

Yeah. So I feel really good about it. I hope he makes you something super tasty.

[01:00:16]

And I feel really good about what we did here today.

[01:00:19]

Despite against all odds, we put on a show for you.

[01:00:23]

Hopefully it was recorded against all odds. That's a chance. I've got a tick.

[01:00:30]

Also, my weenie of the week is YouTube for demonetizing us when we're just trying.

[01:00:35]

Did we get demonetized? No.

[01:00:37]

When we try and listen to music like, come on, man. Of course we know Waterloo. Waterloo, yeah, we knew it.

[01:00:43]

I always thought they were saying Xanadu.

[01:00:48]

They're saying Waterloo. And if we could just listen to a snippet yesterday, we would have known that. Rats.

[01:00:53]

Thank you guys so much for listening to the toast in Lana morning show, where we deliver the fastest stories you need to know every Monday through Friday. And YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please help me to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as practice and podcast. Me found that Spotify, iTunes, digital public radio. I radiocast walks all the places. Wherever you listen to podcast, find us a to see if I be better. Beautiful standing and kiddly talented we are.

[01:01:09]

Love ya. Bye.