Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Toast, You Dirty Little Horses. Hope everybody's having an amazing Thursday. I am.

We did it. It's Thursday. What we were wishing for yesterday is here today, so we must acknowledge the space that we're in.

Things we did, that.

Things we did, made it to Thursday.

That's right. Hope everybody's having an amazing day this far. It didn't mean that you were Dirty Little Horses, even though I'm sure some of you are. And you know what? That's perfectly fine.

And you know who is one?

You.

You.

Why?

You just are.

Is it because I'm wearing a quarter zip and the zipper is a little bit low on my breasts?

The zipper couldn't be lower. You have your hair covering your neck. You are literally covered.

Head to toe.

Neck to toe. As am I. We're very modest women. I don't know if you think that about us.

Today, you look particularly modest. You're looking very woman on the porch of her beachfront cottage, wrapping her cardigan around her body contemplating divorce.

Well, I'm not. I just like, I don't want to put it out there. To put it out there. I don't want to put other rumors. I mean, already people are speculating that I'm on Ozempic. She's on Ozempic. She's getting divorced. I don't want all these rumors swirling about me. Jackie meant what she said. Swirling about the swirly.

She's tired of rumors swirling. She's sick of being twirled.

I'm not sick of being twirled, no.

That's the thing. She never will be.

But no, this is actually one thing.

Oh, it's a sweater.

Oh, I like it. It's an illusion. It was a perfect illusion. I don't even...

I thought that you were singing a different song. You're singing Bad Romance now.

No, I'm doing Bad Romance Moves.

To the Perfect Illusion. Okay, Joanne.

It's just like Lady Gaga's signature.

Okay, Joanne.

I'm a little monster.

You are, by the way.

Totally. I love Lady Gaga.

So today's Thursday, as we already stated, not to be repetitive, but it bears repeating, you know?

Yeah. And holding space for the fact that it's Thursday, sitting in it and acknowledging our present.

Jackie, what am I doing?

Sitting in space and holding it? Exactly. I didn't see you holding, though. I just saw you sitting.

I feel as though holding is a mental, not a physical thing.

Not a physical. Okay. But I want everyone to know if you're not watching on YouTube, she was sitting in the space.

And holding it. Don't forget the holding. So we have such a great show. It's It's so great to be back with my squirreling.

It's like football. When you get called for...

Holding. Number two?

Maybe they're just holding space.

Right. And who are we to stop them from holding?

That's messed up, that that would be Penalty Holding.

It's disgusting.

Fucking rude. Seriously, evolve.

Evolve.

We're holding space now. Didn't you get the memo?

Right. It's necessary roughness because we're working through things. Okay.

This is a sports podcast.

This is a sports podcast. I so miss our football era. And you know what? Not to be such a man.

Things haven't been the same.

No. And the way that I really do when I take a look at the year at a glance, I look forward to the end of summer because it's the best weather. And then you tumble into autumnal Thanksgiving Christmas vibes. And I think another thing that we can add on to us getting so excited about the end of the year, not just holiday season, but it's also football season. September.

Yeah, man. Maybe we should get into hockey.

Okay, Bob Dylan.

Booyah, Kasha. Booyah.

What's Kasha?

That's what people would say, Booyah, Kasha. Wait, who? I don't know. Say it again. I just feel like, Booyah, Kasha.

You guys, stand up in the comments. Have you ever heard that? I haven't.

Okay, sound up.

We had this in childhood.

I'm not going to say that's a thing. Maybe, I don't I don't know. Maybe it's something in my brain, but I feel people will know it. Bouyakhashah.

It's giving Israeli. It is. Maybe you just were brought up around a big Israeli culture.

You were brought up right next to me.

Bouyaka Shah. Honestly, I feel that.

How many songs can we sing in one episode of The Toast? I think we're up to four, and it's been not even four minutes.

I've literally sing one of them. I just want credit where credit is due. I'm learning, I'm listening, and I'm learning.

I'm listening, but I'm not learning.

I am not listening or learning.

You're certainly not listening. I think we can all agree.

We are in the throes of Toastiversary party planning. Such an exciting time. We have such a busy April, actually.

I can actually thank Toastiversary party planning for my sweater today because I bought it in my haul for dresses for the big party, and I think I should wear this hat to the party tonight. I think we should wear hats to the Toastiversary party.

But my hair is my best asset.

But as an ode to that quote that we love.

Actually, I think you should wear a hat to the party tonight because you invented that. That's a toast phrase because of you. That's not one I championed. You put that one on your back. I feel like you said it for a while before it really caught on.

It's really sharp, don't you think? You know, black. Is this year's pink? Like I said. You deserve I love each other, this had a new. You're both so smart. It's a really weird part of this song.

By the way, it's like a show tune. Jackie is not a show tune queen.

This is an inherent contradiction within me. I love musicals, but I don't love shows.

I love show tunes, and I hate going to Broadway. That's me.

I don't like Broadway. I love movie musicals. Love, love, love.

Love, love, love.

But I did have to see Wicked on- Broadway, of course. Broadway, because the movie hasn't come out yet.

Yeah. Should I get you tickets for when you come to New York?

In forever from now, sure.

So Toast anniversary is underway. Very excited. We've got a big April. It's Passover, which is such an important holiday, and I think we might be together for that, which is fabulous. It's Ben's birthday, but who cares? Also, Ben did hear what I said about his haircut, so So thanks to the assholes who snatched on me because he wouldn't have heard it.

Stop. You're not girls, girls.

Yeah. If we created and protected this space, then maybe he wouldn't have found out. But he did because you guys are assholes. But you know what? He needed to hear it, so it's fine.

How come these girls aren't girls, girls? I'm sure it's the same people that would accuse us of not being girls, girls. It's your cues.

I just want to say for the record, and I know nobody thought that I was, I am not a Girls Girl.

But still, you wouldn't do something like that.

No, but I wouldn't not do something because it's a girl. Is Is it the right thing to do or is it the wrong thing to do? I don't give a fuck who I'm doing it to.

You don't feel like sisterhood. You say, Screw sisterhood.

Much like the men who came before me, Professor Callahan. Victor Garber, I said, Screw sisterhood.

Damn, that hurts as your sister.

The thing is, I feel like I'm getting repetitive at this point. I judge people based on who they are, not their gender.

You want to know something crazy?

Always.

There is definitely one person listening to the show today, probably a newer listener, who does not know yet that we're sisters.

Oh, my God. I was just having this conversation with someone, someone we're working with, and they were like, Wait, you guys are really sisters? I'm like, Totally.

Claudia and I are sisters, 100% full sisters. Same parents. Not just sisterhood.

No, no, Jackie. We're sisters 100%. Don't let them forget. I feel like if you're new to this show, you may not know the song that we're currently singing is an original song that I released. I have two, and they're both available to stream wherever you stream music.

Which one do you like better?

Toast. That was just a moment in time. That was just a cultural shift. It was a cultural shift. It was a summer pop anthem. It was and will always be the greatest thing I've ever done.

For sure. But what's actually crazy is that for a sophomore follow-up song, 100% is really strong. I agree. It could have been your lead single.

I agree. It was because I invested more money in finding a producer. It was a a produced song. If I had given all that energy and resources to toast, what would it have been?

Maybe you wouldn't be sitting here right now because you'd be a traveling pop star. Exactly. But it was meant to be this way.

It's good. I have no regurts. But back to April, I was getting to a big announcement. Back to April, yeah. We have toast diversity. We have Ben's birthday. Who cares? Everybody told him about his haircut. I'm taking a trip. That's right. I am headed, okay, political correspondent to the Middle East. That's right. I will I'm going to be in Israel for about a week. I will be gone from the toast. Israel. Israel. Yeah, that's how my people say it.

Just in case someone didn't know what you're saying. I'm going to Israel for a week.

I will be off from the toast. Jack is going to be holding it down, guest co-host, maybe a solo episode.

No, I've got some things planned. So I will be gone. Reaching out to my network.

Oh, she's connected.

She's networking.

It's giving networking while I'm gone. So major kudos to Jacks for holding it down. Major kudos to me for saying I'm going to do something and then actually do it. I'm always saying stuff. I've been saying that I'm going to plan a trip to Israel since January. But I'm going to go volunteer We're going to meet some peeps. I'm really excited. A little nervous, I'm not going to lie, but it's going to be great.

You'll bring back everything that you've learned.

Of course. That's what's on deck for April. I just want people to prepare themselves. You're squirrely. It's going to be gone for a whole week on the toast. Try not to cry. I will be back.

Don't worry, guys. I'll help you through it. I'll be here for you. A shoulder to cry on.

It sounds like maybe in April, you're going to be Employee of the Month.

I feel like maybe.

It's giving elite employee.

Yeah. I got to start booking. You have to confirm your dates with me. I did. You had to hit me with the confirmation.

No, it's confirmed. I gave you the dates.

Okay, I got to reach out to my network then.

Okay, her elite employee Get to work.

I need to make a TikTok me reaching out to my network to co-host The Toes with me.

Now I can fill you in. Now that you know this running joke on TikTok, I can fill you in on this joke I had when Ben came on the Patreon and then when I went on Taylor Strecker's podcast. The whole time we were in St. Bart's, I was just obsessed with LA M. I. Remember when I went to Abercrombie, you were there with me, and I bought Ben a shirt?

Yeah.

I bought Ben a shirt at Abercrombie because I thought it was so cute for St. Bart's. It was this knitted Ben wore it in St. Bart's. I could tell he didn't love it. I think he was just wearing it to appease me. And by the way, it was the best he looked the entire trip. One night in St. Bart's, we're in the back of a cab going home. I had had some cocktails. This island is so small. We kept seeing Jason Tartuff on the island. He was on the island the same time that we were. We're literally driving past Bagatelle on our way home, and we see Jason Tartuff and we pull over and we're talking. And he's wearing the Abercrombie shirt that I bought for Ben. I'm drunk, and by, I mean, very drunk in the back of the cab. I'm trying to point out. I don't know why I thought nobody else was noticing that he's wearing the Abercrombie shirt that Ben more than I before. Ben said the next morning, I was talking like the lady from Elite Employee. I was in the back of the cab like, He's wearing Abercrombie. Ben said it was being so weird and so annoying.

I remember talking normally. I was just like, Abercrombie, Abercrombie. Ben said I was in the back- You sound like her still. You are wearing Abercrombie.

I believe then.

They were making fun of me the entire week for that. He's wearing Abercrombie.

I believe it. I can hear it.

Now I'm so glad that you are degenerates like us, and you can get in on the joke.

I've known elite employees for a while.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but I did post a really fire reel to the Redheads. You guys, you've got to be checking on the Redheads, guys.

I have to say, your commitment to the growth of your passion project is giving Employee Of The Month.

Definitely Redhead Of The Month. No offense, the others. Slackers.

Yeah, I mean, your face is at the front of the logo, so you should be doing more of the work.

Well, I mean, if someone wanted to- Step up. Pitch in, they could even change the logo, change the... It could be a coup.

A rouh, a redhead coup.

A redhead's coup. So the thing is about the red heads, it's a delicate balance. And every one of us in our roles is incredibly necessary to the harmony of the red heads. So true. And the little that they do is also important.

Not the little that they do.

Yeah. The absolute way in which Snitch could give a rip-is so important to the ecosystem. Is important to the ecosystem and to the brand. It's hysterical. I wouldn't want her to change.

Okay, that's so good.

Even though she did make me a piece of content for the IG, so stay tuned. Yeah, she made it content for the gram.

I feel like some of the passion that you have for your passion project, while I admire it, you could give it to the show social if you wanted to.

I feel like not as creatively free.

Is that a dig at me? Like, I'm stifling your creativity?

I feel like there's a stifler.

Oh, please. If you ever came with a content idea, I'd be like, Please do it.

There's a stifler in our midst.

No, By the way, why don't you feel free to spend some of your creative energy on the toast? We are a little stalled at 311,000 followers.

Totally. But you have, up until now, been very committed to the grid.

That's fine, by the way. I feel there's this fabulous feature that I feel like we've been utilizing a lot where you can remove content from grid.

But not for still images.

No, I'm not suggesting you take a selfie and post it.

You're only giving me clearance to do half. Again, creative juices are being stifled. That's all I'm saying. You've seen it in action. You've seen the stifling. I don't know what part to tell you.

You are not one of my elite employees, and you are not acting like one of my elite employees right now.

And you maybe, maybe, are not an elite employer.

Oh, I think everyone would disagree with that. But by the way, feel free to have your dumb thoughts. Not true. I'm an extremely elite employer.

Everyone saw the stifling in action. I rest my case.

Okay, just for shits and giggles, Jackie is going to post a selfie of herself on the tos of Instagram today.

The thing is, I would never do that to you.

Because you know how hard I work on my grid.

Yeah, no, I don't think it's a joke.

Thank you.

Because it's not. We're supposed to be the making jokes. That's what we do.

Let's go back to making jokes. He was wearing Abercrombie, and you're wearing a cardigan/shirt.

From Stod, Yeah, I'm fancy.

That is fancy.

Just casual Stod on a Thursday. I'm just crying myself out today. Say it. Start going up on a Thursday.

On a Thursday. She's crazy. She's literally crazy.

I think that's where I can call it now.

Jackie, when do you think the next time... Oh my God, my favorite TikToker has just announced that they're I was watching this video this morning, and Ben came in and was like, Are you crying?

It's a couple. Like a couple?

Yeah, it's like a husband and wife duo, Alex and John.

I guess that's what you say, They're pregnant. Oh, no.

I'm sorry. I take it back. They are not pregnant. She's pregnant. They're having a Maybe.

But they're a family channel?

Not a family channel. They do... And you know what? I'm upset because their content was so relatable to me because they were a couple in their late 20s, early 30s who didn't have kids yet and who made content still about drinking. So I definitely feel I'm being left behind, but I'm really happy for them.

That one's a tough one to swallow.

That, by the way, it is. Every time somebody has a baby jacket, comes to me, she's like, Is that a tough one for you to swallow?

I'm like, Yeah, is this really-Moving my needle? Yeah, or hard for you to get your head around. Sometimes it's like, nodding, you explain why. I'm like, Oh, yeah, it makes sense.

Alex and John, honestly, it's a tough loss.

What were you going to say about them?

Nothing. What was I saying before?

That they are pregnant.

No, then right before that.

Because you said it's going to be a while before after I said, Stug, going up on a Thursday. Stug?

What do you think the next time you're going to be in a club is? You know what I mean? When was the last time you were in a club? Was it the one year toast anniversary party?

Yes. No, it was my birthday last year.

Yes, that was so fun. We went to ACME.

Yeah. So it could happen. Even we're going to go out G&O in a few weeks. It wouldn't be crazy. Because also where we're going is club-like, perhaps, where we're going. So now these days, the lines are blurred. It's true. Lounge. You go to dinner at a rest, you're in all of a sudden, it's a club. I love that. You go down the hall, you go down the stairs. Blurred lines.

Yeah. We're going to get checks to a club. That's the goal for 2024.

Okay. Dream a little bigger, honestly.

Oh, okay. Oscar.

We're going to get an Oscar. For what? I don't know.

For being bad bitches.

Or for our documentary that's forthcoming.

Right. We're documenting our road to Toastiverse party. It's going to be groundbreaking.

Yeah. Oscar-worthy. Yeah.

Tell me about the stories today. We have a regular show. No segment today.

Really good stories. I think I might even have some whittling to do in the ad break.

You know what? If you feel compelled, just throw in the extra story. We are negative one because last Friday we did four.

It's true. I feel like that way, if I do six on days where it begets six, that way I could do four on days where it begets four. It begets four. Today, it begets six.

I love that. I really do. Do what feels right, Jacks.

Thank you for the permission.

Sorry, I didn't mean to stifle your creativity.

No, I was giving you a compliment. Bitch. Bitch. I call him like I see him.

Okay, Katie Malona. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. Call it as I see it.

But either way, I watched Van der Pum rules last night.

No, I didn't, and I'm so behind. What a mess. Give me time. I'm going to try to watch. I'm two episodes behind. I'll try and watch today, and then we could recap tomorrow.

Okay.

Because I heard it's really good, and I don't want you to spoil it for me. Okay.

Without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

The Fast Five stories that you need to know are brought to you by Collective. If you're a freelancer, you definitely dread your quarterly tax bills. If your business of one is not set up properly, you are likely overspending on your taxes. It is time to reduce your tax bill by the thousands with Collective. Collective is the all-in-one financial solution for self-employed entrepreneurs that specializes in S Corp's election. Let Collective handle your taxes, your bookkeeping, and your payroll, and it's all for a fraction of the cost of a CPA. If your business of one is making at least $60,000 in profit annually, then you could be missing out on thousands in tax savings every year. With Collective, the S Corp tax selection is saving its members an average of $10,000 per year. Don't wait to elect because the deadline to backdate your S Corp to January first is coming up on March 31st. You guys, that's hella soon. Get with Collective. I feel like if you have a business, it's just like the paperwork is not your problem, but it really can become your problem if you don't handle it properly. And Collective is out here just doing the most, doing all the work for you.

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Thank you, Claudia.

It's an absolute honor. Ney, a pleasure. Sure.

You're a registered broker dealer.

I'm actually not, but Robin hood is. God, my God. You did crack today.

I just cracked myself up.

I feel like you have a case of the cracks. For sure. When you just make yourself giggle. To be honest, there's nothing better than having that case. But then if you're with someone or talking to someone who's bringing you down, and I hope I'm not doing that, am I?

No, I wouldn't say you're bringing me down because I'm still here. Oh, God.

What? No, you're just- You're still here. You have to be.

No, I'm still in Crackville, so you haven't brought me out of it.

Crackville, population, one.

Population, cracky. What's she sipping on?

I really love my protein shakes. This is not sponsored. I happened to like this one particular brand, and they come in like, cardboard bottles, which was weird, but I enjoyed it. Now they've switched to plastic, and the formula is not the same.

Are you against plastic usage? No. You're anti-plas.

No, I'm not.

It's giving sustainable. You guys, she's so sustainable.

She's so cracky. You.

Are you ready for our first story?

I'm trying to think, what's the big story of the day?

Nothing is the big story of the day, but six interesting It's a long story. It's genuinely interesting. The first one is a little bit of an update on the Diddy saga because 50 Cent, who's just been living for this takedown.

50 Cent, every now and then, gets a big case of shot in for it. It happened with Randall Emmet, and it's happening with P. Diddy.

He saw that his ex, 50 Cent ex, Daphne Joy, has been accused of being Diddy's alleged sex worker in a lawsuit. So Diddy has a child with this woman Daphne Joy, a son that was born in 2012. They were together for a year. Now, according to court documents obtained by Page 6, Daphne was accused of being a sex worker involved in the rapper's alleged sex trafficking ring. She was allegedly one of three women that Diddy bragged about paying a monthly stipend for their sex work. She has not publicly addressed the allegation and did not respond to a request for comment. But Diddy, of course, has taken to Instagram to say- No, you mean Fifty, not Diddy. Sorry, 50. He posted a picture of himself smoking a cigar in the rain saying, I didn't know you was a sex worker, you little sex worker, L-O-L. Yo, this shit is a movie.

By the way, is he okay? You know who he gives me the same energy as? Dave Portnoy. You know Dave Portnoy has this wall of enemies, and anytime they self-destruct, he opens a bottle of champagne. This is what 50 Cent reminds me of. It's funny, but I don't understand how her being a sex worker makes her...

Culpable in the lawsuit?

Right. Wouldn't that make her a victim? I don't know.

I don't know.

The word sex work has become...

Sex work is illegal for both parties.

Okay, but if you're a sex worker, people who make content on OnlyFans call themselves sex workers. I don't know. Prostitute, yeah?

Prostitute.

Prostitution is illegal. Prostitution has been rebranded.

As sex work.

But sex work is also like-There are legal forms of sex work. Right. So I find it confusing because standing on the corner with your thumb in the air is prostitution, and that is illegal. It's illegal. Which I never really understood. If everyone's consenting and this is how I want to pay my bills, why is that anybody's business? Why should that be illegal? That would be making it illegal to be a traveling salesman.

No, but it would be making it illegal to be a surrogate.

How?

Because it's your use of your body selling your body in a way What do you want.

Oh, I like that comparison much better than my dumb ass traveling salesman one. But you know what I meant? I just meant illegal to be a cashier. It's a job. How I choose to make my income, I don't know how you would file your taxes, but I guess it's illegal because it's a cash-only business. But let's legalize.

It wouldn't be cash only if it were legal. It's cash only because it's illegal.

Oh, so true. But let's get the sex workers set up on H&R block. Why?

I don't get it. There is a big debate about this, and there are people who do feel this way.

Maybe I don't know enough because I would love to hear someone's anti-sex work.

I think there are strong arguments against as well.

For sure.

But I don't need to hear a moral- But it's going to be my body, my choice.

Yeah, I don't need to hear a moral argument against prostitution. You It's immoral. You don't have to do it. But I don't know. I need to hear more.

Yeah, but I think also it's ripe for people being taken advantage of.

Of course. Also, I don't think a lot of the times it would be someone's first choice at a job. It's, I feel more often than not, a last resort, and therefore, ripe for predators.

I don't know enough about the conversation. I I guess we waded into an interesting debate, turdy. That's been raging long before us.

Oh, it has. Okay. I don't really like...

Hence, I think one step in that is calling prostitution sex work.

But it's confusing because people call themselves sex workers, and they're just content creators. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't get that.

Anyways, now Diddy has a personal interest. He is personally involved now. Jeff, 50. Listen, two syllabus. What can I do? You're best. I got my syllabus mixed up. You're best. You know what? Okay, you know what I realized today while I was reading these stories? That Sean Diddy Combs has the same last name as Luke Combs.

They're cousins. Really? Yeah.

Are you messing with me?

Of course I am because you're a grandma. No, they're not related. But I don't consider Sean Combs a Combs because his name is P. D. A.

Right. But I just thought that was funny. It's like when I read a story about someone named Jackie, and I'm like, Oh, my God, that's my name.

Well, Beyoncé and former President Jimmy Carter have the same last name, too.

That's Jay-Z and former President.

Well, married, she's Beyoncé Knowles Carter.

Yeah.

Oh, Cowboy Carter album.

That's a story. Oh. Actually, should I bring it up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bring it up. Moving on up. Beyoncé announced her tracklist for Act 2, Cowboy Carter, including a cover of Dali Parton's Jolene.

Which there had been rumors about.

Yes. So we had said there were going to be some big country collabs. It seems like her covering Jolene is one of them. But also there's a sticker that says, Smoke Our Willy Nelson. So that's giving collab.

Yeah, I have to say, I feel like Beyoncé teased us a little bit too hard with big collabs. And there's one, which is fine. And I feel like country Music fans don't like me because I don't know or enjoy Willy Nelson's music. I'm sure the song is good. I mean, his collab with Casey Musgraves on pageant material. Yeah, the album You Hookers, Know Nothing About was beautiful. I don't know. I It's not my vibe, the pigtails in the pot. That's not my country music. Do you know what I mean? My country music is like red solo cup beer. Yeah. Even his collab with Casey Musgraves, which was so sweet, Someday They will find it, the rainbow connection.

And that's a cover.

The lovers, the dreamers and me. He's very Woodstock country.

Yeah.

I like more Stage Coach country.

She posted what seems to be the song titles, but I feel like there still could be other collabs in here.

Why? Why would Willy Nelson get a reveal?

I don't know for Hype, and because it's Willy, Willy-nilly. So the other songs, I guess these are all songs, are called American Requiem, Black Bird, 16 Carriages, Protector, My Rose, Smoke Hour, Willy Nelson, Texas Hold'em, Bodyguard, Then there's a sticker that says Dolly P. And then another sticker that says Jolene. Then daughter, then spaghetti, then Alligator Tears.

Wait, did you say Bodyguard? Yeah. I feel like maybe this isn't the tracklist.

Really?

I feel like it's giving Easter egg something because... I know this sounds so crazy, so stupid. But The Bodyguard is the movie where Whitney Houston covers Dolly Parton's I Will Always Love You. Now, Beyoncé is going to be covering Dolly Parton's Jolene. I don't know. I feel like maybe this is more of a roadmap than a tracklist. I would like that. I think it's been confirmed that it is a tracklist, but I like to have fun with things. Or she just has a song named Bodyguard, but I feel like it would be just a coincidence, no?

Yeah. No, it's an interesting theory. I feel like this could be a tracklist and a roadmap.

Because I don't see Beyoncé having a song called Spaghetti.

Yeah. Also, Alligator Tears, Smoke Hour 2. Just For Fun. Okay, also, every time there's an eye-Smoke Hour and Smoke Hour 2 are two different songs? No, sorry. It's just Smoke Hour 2. But every time there's an eye, It's two I's. It's misspelled, but also because it's like Cowboy Act 2.

It might just be a branding thing.

It's like, I, Most Wanted, but it's I, I.

Most Wanted.

Levi, I, I's Jeans.

No, let me tell you, I'm like, Hyped for this.

I, I, Hands, I, I, Heaven. I'm curious if- I mean, that's two hands, two heaven.

She's doing a big genre change. I feel like this is a really big deal. I'm curious because I'm not a member of the Bayhive. Is this exciting for them? Are they eye rolling it?

I think they're really excited.

I'm so excited, especially if the first two songs are any indication of what's to expect. This is an album I will be rooting for at the Grammys, I assume.

Well, it comes out tomorrow. Oh, my God.

No way. Okay, that's so good because I've been in an album, Drought. I've been listening to Ariana a lot, and I really like it. But I've weirdly spent the last 72 hours exclusively listening to chemistry, Kelly Clarkson's slept on an album. It's amazing. It's perfect, actually.

Things Kelly did, that.

Yeah, it's funny. If you listen to the lyrics, I hate love, and the notebook lied. I forget, I'm going to botch how it's song, but it's like, Life's more like it's complicated. You can keep Ryan Gosling, and I'll take Steve Martin. Kelly's funny.

She is.

Oh, okay. Are you going to cry?

Yeah, it's just after all these years, people finally seeing.

Is that something You feel like... And you don't talk about it a lot. In our family, we're so annoyingly obsessed with credit. I invented Casey Musgraves and Lou Holmes. You 1,000% invented Kelly.

No, and I just never set her down. I feel like for a while, everyone knew Kelly, she went American Idol. I didn't have to invent her. But everyone left Kelly when times got tough. It's true. But not this girl.

No, it's true. You saw her perform where? Somewhere turnt.

I've seen her a couple of times. Radio City. She loves a radio city.

No, where did you see her? It was a weird place. You and Margot took a trip.

Did we?

Yeah.

Satchel. Good times. I don't remember.

That's definitely a point in your column.

For sure. Before Kelly Clarks and show, before this resurgence of Kelly, it wasn't cool to be a Kelly fan. No, not at all. I remember we did a Morning Breath Live. Remember this?

Yeah.

Someone asked us, who are your dream breath guests?

You have always said.

I racked my brain, and you said Andy Cohen, I think. I was like, for me, Kelly Clarkson, everyone was like, What?

By the way, that's how steadfast you are, because now I would not say Andy Cohen. That answer would still be true for me.

You still would say...

Who else How do you feel like you're like a O. G. So many people are like bandwagoners to different things. I'm definitely becoming like a Beyoncé bandwagon. That's me. I feel like I am O. G. Taylor. Who do you feel like you've been there for through Thick & Thin? Besides Elon.

No, I was going to say, Luke Holmes, I'm O. G. O. G. I'm Luke.

But I feel like- But it's easy to be a Luke fan.

It's just hit after hit.

The amount of years to be an O. G. Luke fan is shorter. Kelly's had a more long- Yeah, for long.

Going back. Rascal Flatts.

Yes, you really have been.

I'm still Ocie. I'm still waiting for the tour that was canceled by COVID. So unfortunate, the Farewell Tour.

Of all the things COVID took from us, the Farewell Rascal Flatts Tour might be the most egregious.

And the Kelly Clarks in Las Vegas residency tickets.

That we literally had front row. We had VIP bottle service. We literally spent so much money. We were like, This is going to be the trip of our lives. And she never rescheduled that. No, she did.

It's happening now, but...

Now?

Yeah.

Should we go? Oh, I'm so down.

I don't know when the next one is, but she made it happen. But by then, we were at different places in our lives.

But if there was one in the next couple of months, would you leave your kids for the weekend or no?

To go to Vegas? Vegas is kid friendly. Oh, my God.

I love your kids more than anything. I seriously would my life out on the line for them time and time again. But they can't come.

Please. Okay. As long as we could stack it. I could do Kelly, Adele.

Sure. We'll have a full- Carrie Underwood.

She's another one. I'm always by her side.

Yeah, but she hasn't been through anything tough. She's always been a country darling.

I don't know. She went MIA for a while.

Yeah, and then the facial reconstruction thing.

Yeah. I think she's been through more than you think. Yeah, she's very private. Now she's a homesteading childwife. She makes her own trip for it. With the Las Vegas residency. I love that. Goals.

Get you a squirley who could do both. Goals. Oh, my God. I ran into a toaster on the street today, and she was like, No, I'm freaking out. I literally moved here yesterday, and I was like, The day I move here, I want to meet Turnie. She met me the day after she moved here.

That's so funny. I was I was shopping yesterday, and I ran into a woman who was like, Are you the sister that talks?

I was like, Yes. She's like, No, I'm the sister who never talks.

No, but that's literally how she said it to me. I meant to text you and say, She She was like, My daughter just told me to start listening to your podcast. I just started listening. I can't believe I'm seeing you.

Isn't it so funny how people refer to you? For me, it's always the job girl.

Oh, stop. I've never gotten, Are you the sister that talks?

By the way, I love that.

Love.

You are the sister that talks.

You're talking to your sister. That's me. I'm a sister, and I talk. That's it. I don't need it more than that. I love that. Yeah, it was really funny and cute. Are you We have to move on. We have to move on, yeah. This is technically story number three out of six.

Okay, sorry. Keenan- So excited for Beyoncé. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. We'll talk to you guys tomorrow about it. So it's like, just pause on that.

I might wait up till midnight. I'm excited.

Oh, crazy. Keenan Thompson has broken his silence on Quiet On Set documentary revelations. So Keenan says he had a tough time watching the Quiet On Set documentary. He addressed this series for the first time on the Cameron Hall show on Wednesday, nearly two weeks after the March 17th release made headlines.

Tamarind is always getting headlines. Nobody works harder than the Tamarind Hall production team.

Yeah. He claimed he, quote, wasn't really aware of a lot of the documentary's revelations, which included Drake Bell's alleged sexual abuse and Dan Schneider's alleged inappropriate behavior. He said, Because, quote, these things happened after I left. However, he urge the network to investigate more. He said, It's supposed to be a safe place. It's supposed to be a safe place for kids. To hear all about that, it's just like, How dare you? He added that his heart went to anybody else that's been victimized as well as their family members. He said, I think it's a good thing that the doc is out and putting things on display that need to be, stories that need to be told for accountability's sake. But it's definitely tough to watch because I have found memories of that place. I have found memories of my co-stars and stuff like that. To hear that they've gone through terrible things like that, it's just tough. It's really tough. He went on to then address the allegations about Dan Schneider. He said, Dan wasn't really on Keenan and Kell like that. I mean, he got accredited by credit, but it was a showrunner, so our worlds weren't overly overlapping like that outside of all that necessarily.

It's tough for me because I can't really speak on things that I've never witnessed.

I read Keenan's book, and he spends a lot of it talking about his time in Nickelodeon, and he was a little bit older. I feel like the documentary does a good job of explaining that Keenan's time on Nickelodeon, Keenan and Kell Goodberger, was setting the foundation for Dan Schneider to become the powerful boss that he was. He wasn't the boss back then, but he had success. He's in the Good Burger movie. He has a cameo. He was always putting himself in shit.

Yeah, he was in all that, too. You said he was an actor previously.

Yeah, that's what they said in the documentary. I was like, Okay, ill. I believe Keenan. Also, I read his book, and He looks back on that time so fondly because it was just like, he made such good friends, and they would spend all day acting and being funny, and then they would get to go to Universal Studios for as long. It was the best time of his life. This is something I think of a thread we keep talking about. He had a very smart mother. Both of his parents, very smart. Dad worked so hard, but his mom was really involved, almost to the point that I think it bothered Keaton because he was a teenager just wanting to run around with his friends. If there was nefarious behavior going on, I don't know if a predator would have looked at his mom and been like, That's someone I can take down, because she was really tough.

Yeah. That's probably a lot for him to wrap his head around. This place that he had the best experience and was so good for him was not that for other people. But when you're a kid, there's no way to know these things, and so it's just really sad. It is. We had been saying last week, wanting to hear from Keenan.

There are people we want to hear from. Honestly, I didn't really feel like I wanted to hear from Keenan, maybe because I read his book and I knew that he was not there during the Dan years. He predates that. Everyone was yelling at Josh Peck wanting to hear from him. If there's anyone who I really would love to hear from, it's Ariana Grande. First of all, she's by far the most famous person to come from Nickelodeon ever, period. Two, she was a huge subject of the documentary, and a lot of the... A huge topic of conversation was the inappropriate content being put out on the Victoria's YouTube channel on the TV shows that now, in hindsight, as adults, we look back on and realize, Oh, is that a cum shot? Is that a hand job? Really disgusting. She was a part of a lot of it. If there's really anyone I would love to hear from, It's Ariana. But I think Ariana maintains that that was a great time in her life, too.

Yeah. No, she's never said anything to the opposite effect. Even if she has things that she want us to... Stories that she could tell, I don't think she will.

No. A lot of people, there's a conspiracy theory on the internet that if you're a super famous actor now, like Keaton, Ariana, Josh, and you don't speak out or you don't have anything negative to say, it's because you took hush money. That money, look at you, now you're famous. You signed a deal with the devil. That's what people think. It's just not true. It's not.

It doesn't surprise me that people think that. I've not heard that. I've never even thought that.

It's a dumb conciergy theory that needs to be debunked. Yeah.

Keenan is speaking out.

What about his Uber driver? Did his Uber driver say anything?

No, but his Uber driver does corroborate that Keenan is a very good guy. The story.

Oh, good, good, good. I love Keenan. I need to meet Keenan just for the story.

That would be a good dream guess for you.

Yeah, even though I feel like he would never come on because I read his book and I maintained, and I stand by what I said, but it was really bad. I would not recommend it to anyone. I think I gave it two stars. You know I love celebrity memoirs.

From the way you talk about it, though, we'd never know that. Like the way you talk about it now, you're always referencing it, you reference it, you reference it, you reference.

It's enormously helpful when we're talking about stories like this. Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

Mm-hmm.

Ariana Maddox is replacing Sarah Hyland as The Love Island USA Host, says a report. So according to TMZ, Sarah Hyland is out for the Love Island USA Hosting Gig, and Ariana Madix is in. Now, Sarah Hyland just did confirm that she is not coming back. She posted to her Instagram, well, just got a text, which is funny Love Island joke. I got a text. I'm disappointed the news had to break this way, but it is in fact true that I will not be returning to the island this summer. I have committed to an exciting project that will be announced soon that conflicts directly with the shooting dates for Love Island USA. While I'm sad I can't return, I hope to see lots of love this summer on Peacock this upcoming season.

It sounds like it's all good. She wasn't fired or pushed out. It sounds like she signed on to another project and they needed someone.

Yeah. Then it's like, okay, who do we bring in as the host? Ariana did make a cameo last season because in those Skandival episodes when she was fighting with Tom and she was like, You never watch Love Island with me on the couch. Then Love Island got involved. She's tapped to be the next host.

It's funny. I like it. At the end of the day, hosting is a skill, and I think this is a good marketing thing, but you got to be able to read the teleprompter. I hope she does a good job.

For sure. Love Island, though, the host only shows up every few days, every few episodes. You forget that there's a host, and then literally six episodes later, it's like, Ariana is here, and it just means there's going to be a breakup ceremony.

Who was the...

What about that girl, Ariel? Yeah. Ariel? I don't know what happened. I thought she was good. I thought she was good, too.

I feel like they change it a lot to make it buzzy, who's of the moment.

I think I prefer a stalwart- Chris Harrison type of vibe.one host. But it doesn't have to be someone so serious. Just consistency. I like that. Maybe they wanted that, too, with Sarah Highland, but it's not working out.

But I just feel like- But Love Island USA is also just a shit show, and it's not popular.

For sure. But they've started to really put everything they've got towards it.

As they should. There's literally no reason why the UK version should be so much better. There shouldn't be that big. I know it's better because of UK culture. It might always be better. But there's no reason the disparity should be so large.

Yeah. Also, Maura Higgins had been the digital correspondent for Love Island USA. I wonder why she's not a contender for host.

Even from the first American season, I feel like there are a bunch of girls who are pretty decently influential and have big platforms who would be good hosts, too. Yeah.

But I guess Ariana has this pre-existing Love Island tie in.

Yeah, it's good.

Yeah, it's good. It hasn't been confirmed, though, but it seems to be that's the way it's going. I don't know why she wouldn't do it. It's a dream. Imagine being a huge fan of a show and then getting to be the host.

Where do they film US? In Hawaii?

No, I think Fiji.

Oh, it's not even in US?

No. Well, the one season I watched, one of them was in Vegas, but that's because it was COVID.

Okay, the season I watched that we recap to me with Shannon and Josh on, remember them?

Yeah.

I feel like that was in Like, Maui.

I don't think it has to be in the US because I know the UK one is not in the UK. I think it was in Portugal, what I watched.

What did you say? They've all been in different locations.

Okay. Well, That's exciting.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story? So, Bethany Frankl says that she was randomly attacked amid an insane New York City punching trend. So, two things. One, there's this trend in New York City that young women are getting punched in the face at random.

A couple of days ago, this one big TikToker posted video that went so viral because it was so crazy. But also she had this welt on her head. It looked like literally under her skin, there was a golf ball. She was like, Oh, my God. She was on the verge of tears. She's like, I have no idea what just happened. I was literally just walking. I was on my phone, and somebody just clocked me, and I fell to the ground, and I lost consciousness for a second. Everyone was keeping up with the story. It was so crazy. Then two other videos that day, other women telling the same exact story. They were walking on their phones, and some guy came over and just punched them in the face. Yeah.

For the first creator, she said that she blacked out and fell and then just like, freaking out, came home, and The other girls also had bruises. But then one video, a TikTokeer posted a video by... She's a fashion student who said that she was walking home when a random man punched her. Then Bethany commented on the video and said, This is insane because this happened to me a few months ago, but I was embarrassed to say. I was on the Upper West Side. Insane. I was taking video of a bakery. Her comment was later deleted, but it's there. It was there. That's weird.

Yeah. Maybe people were being nasty to her for trying to make this thing about her. I don't think so. Like, Up on a trend. I don't think that's what it was. She didn't make a video about it. She just commented, Honestly, ever since, I saw this a couple of days ago. My phone has been lodged in my pocket. I'm so alert. It's not like it's in one area of town. It's all over. Upper West, Flat Iron. It's been everywhere. And by the way, I don't know if it's all one person or if it's this trend of savages doing this. But the original girl who had the golf ball on her forehead posted a video update that she worked with the police and the guy has been arrested.

How did they find who it was?

Surveillance footage. They like, C-C-T-V. There's cameras everywhere. Big Brother is always watching. In an instance like this, it's actually immensely helpful.

So they were able to follow him to where he- Or get a photo of him.

Got it. Maybe he had a previous record, and they could- Probably. Facial recognition. It's so scary. I don't think it was this one guy doing this to all these women, because if that was the case, great, they got him, and it's over. I think it's a thing people do now, and it's disgusting. They're targeting young women, specifically young women on their phone. Do not walk with your head down on your phone. That's making you vulnerable. What's so moronic is, great, they got this guy. But bail reform in New York. He's probably sleeping at his house now. Yeah. Arresting someone means nothing these days in New York. No.

It's so crazy.

Someone like this who absolutely needs to go to prison. If you act on every instinct you have. You're a savage. I see people I want to punch in the face. I don't because I'm civilized. There's a difference. If you're going to be an animal, you can't be here with us.

No, you can't be among civilized people. No, you can't.

You can't. You have to go. Yeah. So upsetting. What the fuck?

If you are even walking right now and listening to this podcast, this is the only time we're ever going to say this, turn it off. Take your headphones off, put your phone down.

Yeah, headphones is like...

You have to just be like, eyes in the back of your head.

No, it's so nutty. We're living in nutty times.

We are living in nutty times.

Very upsetting. Really be careful. Do not, at the bare minimum, look forward when you walk and just be aware of your surroundings.

Are you ready for a fifth and final story? Sorry, sixth and final.

Oh, we're ready at 6:00. We're ready at six. We're ready at six. We got to crush this today.

It's a little random media news. Rm. I feel like you might have not heard this yet because I hadn't heard it until this morning. But Carly Claus reveals that she's relaunching Life magazine with her husband, Josh Kushner, more than 20 years after it was shut down by time.

Wait, I'm obsessed.

So her and her husband have a company called Bedford Media. That's a new media company. And they've acquired Life magazine, which was first published in 1883, but it was shut down more than two decades ago by Time, Inc. And they said in a statement, they will relaunch the brand as a print magazine with a digital and video presence. We see life as an uplifting and unifying voice in a chaotic media landscape.

Wait, I'm surprised they were able to so easily acquire it because even though it's not valuable monetarily, it's historic. There are so many famous Life magazine covers. I'm surprised Time, Inc. Would be so willing to give it up.

I'm sure it came with a price tag for the name.

For sure. I don't know why I just found that shocking. I feel like Time, Inc. Revamping Life magazine is something I could see them doing.

Yeah, but this also makes sense. They could have started their own new magazine, but I think to buy a story name is a better move.

Yeah, it has a better move. No, this is really smart.

I look forward to seeing what they do with it.

Even though, I don't know how many fake digital magazines we need. Every celebrity on the cover of Couch magazine, every celebrity makes up fake ass magazines on the cover of Wonderwall.

But that's why this is different, because it's like, Oh, someone's going to be like, I'm on the cover of Life magazine. Oh, shit. Okay. Let me check it out. Yeah.

It's most likely not going to have insane circulation in readership.

Let's see what they do with it, turdy.

Yeah. No, I'll be watching.

Yeah. Also, low-key, I didn't know Life wasn't in circulation anymore.

I did. But that's because life gives time, energy. They're the same. You don't need both. Yeah, but now- Same red logo.

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see what they do with it because it used to be just the pictures. Do you get a cover of life or it's an amazing photo?

Coming in?

It's not like Vogue where there's a cover star, right?

No, it's like a cover story.

Yeah.

Giving Huberman. It all comes back to Huberman.

They could also do whatever the hell they want. Right.

Do you think Carly will be on the inaugural cover? That'd be nutty.

Yeah, but also, why not? Why not me? Why not buy Life magazine just to put myself on the cover?

I'm going to say it before anybody else does. My current word of the moment is nutty.

It's a good word.

I like it, too, because things are nutty. Everybody's nuts.

Lots of things are nutty. Things in which you're nut.

Right.

Keep your posted.

That's interesting. It is.

That's what's going on, guys.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles. That's our show. And what's so exciting is the next time you hear our insanely gorgeous voices, it's going to be Friday.

That's something to celebrate.

Let's get them something inside What's it all you're talking about? We'll see you then on a great day. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast-size stories that you need to know. Everybody's Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please help me subscribe and give us a video, a thumbs up. We're also available as podcast anywhere. Podcasts can be found on Spotify, iTunes, Titure, Public Video, iHeartRadio, and Castbox. Wherever you find your podcast, find us, The Toast. Leave a five-star view about how beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are. Hope you have a great day.

Love you. Bye.

Love you. Booyah-kashah.

Booyah-kashah. Goodbye.