You. Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast and happy Thursday. That feels like a Friday because we're fucking celebrating, bitch. We're motherfucking celebrating ass, white bitch ass, motherfucking.

Excuse me. This is a nice, family friendly podcast, and people listen in the car with their kids, and I'm not going to tolerate that type of language so early on in the show when the kids are still awake. I'm not going. Going to do it.

Oh, my God. Okay, mom.

Yeah. Teacher classes in.

Ooh. Order in the court.

Order in the court. If you're watching on YouTube, it's a feast for the eyes today because Turtie and I are wearing new merch that drops tomorrow morning. And not only are we wearing this gorgeous new merch, but we're kind of twinning with our updos and just, like, slaying the house down boots.

The cozy vibes.

The cozy vibes. And this is our new collection that drops tomorrow. So tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. Eastern time@shoptostmerch.com. You can get this grout fit, sporty set that we're sporting, and we perfect.

For the Super bowl.

We also have a navy crew neck sweatpant set that just says the toast on the breast for the more dude girlies. Yeah. So the two sets are kind of like inverted versions of one another, though not identical. But the other set is just navy, and it's a little more pared down. While this is very toasty, can I.

Ask you a question? Do you think two people on the planet love anything more than we love the time? 10:00 a.m. One thing about us, if we're going to do something, it's at.

10:00 a.m., no, 10:00 a.m. Is the right time.

It's a good time.

Even with the kids. 10:00 a.m. Is like we left for Disney. Let's get out the door at 10:00 a.m. It's a very realistic time. It's not too early. It's not too late. All you need is a light jacket.

Right? It's like the first double digit hour of the day. So it's like early, but, like, a little late.

Yeah. It's not like early bird gets the worm, right? Noon.

I've been doing early bird gets the worm. I've been waking up every day at, like, 637, which is earlier than I wake up. I think it's because I was on, like, a prednisone pack and they make you a little like the steroid fucking.

You're roided up.

Yeah, I actually took.

That's why you've been a little nutty, professor.

Okay.

You said it was tylenol you were taking. Well, I started the swirly was on.

Roy's, but, Jackie, the day that everyone thought I was on drugs and, like, high, I actually haven't started the Royce yet.

Oh, wow. I feel like on this show, when you are on any sort of medication substance, you have to let everyone know, because they're so attuned to our personalities that when there's even the slightest change, you have to be transparent about what you're taking. Unlike Tristan Thompson.

Yes. Which we will talk about today.

I wasn't planning on it, but.

Oh, you know what? I'm so glad, because I don't give a shit. But now that we've brought it up, let's just deliver the news. I don't know. I'm sure everyone already saw he's been suspended because they drug test you in the NBA for, like, Roy's real roids.

Yeah.

And he tested negative. Oh, no. Excuse me. It was Aladdin. He tested positive, which was very negative for him.

Is that from something I just made? It might even be, like, better than.

Is Aladdin okay, what is better than someone asking, what's that from? To something you just originally? That's like someone saying, did you get your glam done? And you did it yourself?

So true. Also, even though Covid was, like, a really dark time in our history, one of the bright spots was taking a COVID test and telling people you're Covid and telling people you're Covid. Aladdin.

Yeah. Like, we'd be like, I think I have it. I think I have it. And then we'd send the thing, and then people would be like, would you have it? It's Aladdin. And they didn't know if you were positive or negative.

If you guys don't know that reference from the dictator starring Sasha Baron Cohen, like, I do feel sorry for you.

I want to say I feel like people actually don't know that reference. That's, like, not one of his most quoted or popular movies. Obviously, everybody knows Borat, but the dictator Aladdin, motherfucker is so grossly and criminally underrated.

Criminally. Like, you need toast. Movie of the week. You guys have to watch the dictator at some point. This.

It's.

It's probably not better than Borat, because Borat was a cultural shift, but it's his number two movie.

Wait, I feel like, we're confusing movies. What is the Seth Rogen movie? That.

Like, that supreme leader, I think that interview. No, that's the interview.

Okay. They're both, like, loosely based off Kim Jong.

We need to talk about something that I feel like gets swept under the rug, and we need answers. Remember when that movie was coming out, the interview, and it was, like, making fun of Kim Jong un, and so all of these emails started to leak from Sony, and it was a hack. They said it was, like, North Korea retaliating against the coming out of this Seth Rogen movie.

Yeah.

Was that true?

Was it not? It was my understanding that was the.

That's, like, the line, we've been served, but that seems insane.

Do you feel like there's a conspiracy beneath the surface about that leak?

I kind of do. Like, it really doesn't make sense that Kim.

It is a little radical. It is a little radical.

Leaked the emails because he didn't want this unflattering movie to come out about him.

I know.

And it's not even a movie about him. Like, it's a parody.

Fiction. Yeah. And there's, like, actual documentaries about Kim Jogoon that are based on real stuff that happened that are probably right.

Right. And this was kind of funny. And I think he came off. He listens to firework by Katy Perry. Like, you got to see a different side of Kim.

Actually, I just saw a video of Kim. There was, like, a big affair in North Korea. They threw a volleyball game in his honor. I guess he loves volleyball. Do you know what I'm talking about? Did you see this?

No, but it's reminding me of one of my favorite memes that I'm going to go find.

But he showed up. They threw this recreational volleyball game for him where all these volleyball players came, and there was cheerleaders, and Kim Jong sat and just had the best time watching these men play volleyball.

That's classic Kim.

Classic Kim.

There is a meme that I send to Ben every time I see it, and I am going to take the time to find it, if you don't mind.

No, I don't mind. And I do feel like now would be a good time to mention Kim Jong un il and the dictators of North Korea. Like, is one of my favorite topics to talk. It's. It is low key. One of the craziest things about the world we currently live, like, that there's this kind of toxic, remote dictatorship, and we don't even know what goes on there. They don't have cell phones. They're completely cut off. It really is the craziest thing. And there's that girl, you know, the girl I'm talking.

She's. She escaped.

Yeah, she escaped Korea. And, like, that's her thing now. She's like a media personality. I always see clips of her on Joe Rogan, like, talking about it. It sounds, like, not fun.

She has a book, and Rebecca's read, and she's always recommending it to us to read on the redheads. Maybe we should turdy, like and know what we're talking about.

I feel as though my roman empire is the fact that Korea exists. Like, it's so crazy, and it's just so opposite from our way of know. Freedom, I won't let you down. Freedom, I will not give, you know, those liberties we take for granted.

It's so true.

Makes you think you're having a hard time finding this meme.

According to his biography, Kim Jong il first picked up a golf club in 1994 at North Korea's only golf course and shot a 38 under par round that included no fewer than eleven holes in one.

That's really funny.

Satisfied with his performance, he reportedly immediately declared his retirement from the sport.

That is so funny. And that's literally Ben. If he was a dictator, literally, mine.

Would be starting propaganda that he hit eleven holes in one in one game.

Yeah, but the fact that all of the subjects have to think Kim Jong is, like, the most amazing thing ever, even though he's literally never done or accomplished anything. And he's, like, kind of ugly. Very ugly. If people just adored me, it would be mandatory. Every Friday night, there's a attorney concert at MSG. And you better light your fucking phones up and get lit.

Yeah. It's also crazy how the transition from ill to un. Kim Jong's, like, so smooth.

Jackie, I'm so glad you brought that up because I actually remember. I'm literally going to start crying. It's so funny. I remember being, like, twelve when Kim Jong il died, and I knew his name in my bow, right? Kim Jong il. Kim Jong il. And I said, there's no way I'm going to be able to start saying Kim Jong un. It's just. It's beyond my capability.

It's a rebranding that's going to take a while to get used to.

So seamless, the way I don't even think about Kim Jong il anymore. It's crazy because for a while, the name on everybody's lips was Kim Jong il. And now it's un. Exclusively un.

Exclusively un. You forgot about the ill. And I do think that branding agencies should look to what they've done. So how you could change the names culturally so easily.

I completely just. Like. It does make me, like, obviously, on a really serious note, living in North Korea sounds like really one of the most miserable existences of all time. And even making it even more sad as I can't listen to the toast.

No, that's devastation.

That would be like in my dictatorship. That would be mandatory.

Of course. We'd be playing over all the loudspeakers.

Yeah. We would literally be like Stanley Tucci in the games.

Caesar. Milan.

Yeah, yeah.

Not Milan. Not Milan.

Caesar. Milan is a celebrity dog trainer who we had on the breath once.

But back to what I was saying about the interview and the Sony hacking. Were they really? That's insane. If true and if not true, they used the hacking as, like, a marketing gimmick for a movie about a dictator. I guess, kind of smart. But these crazy emails came out. Remember, like, Kevin Hart wouldn't promote his own movie.

That is my roman empire. For real. Honestly. Because when I saw it, I was like, damn. And then the more I thought about it, I'm like, no, this is a special breed of businessman. And I completely agree.

Yeah.

Like, I don't own this movie. You do. Yes. I'm being paid to do it, and it would behoove me to promote it, but this is a part of the job. No. I remember reading those emails and my whole perspective on life changed.

That was just a crazy time. And they said it was all because of a movie, and I just. I'm gonna need more. And then they still release the movie because of, like, you can't give in to Kim, right?

We don't negotiate.

The movie was like, you could only get it at home. It wasn't in theaters.

It was crazy.

That was a crazy time.

We started this conversation, Aladdin to the interview. Tristan. Tristan.

Tristan was positive, which was negative news for him. Oh. So I was saying that when we ever take medication, we're like athletes and the world needs to know.

Yeah.

So Claudia's on steroids, period.

I'm on steroids. And I usually, yesterday I took them after the toast because I don't like the way they make me, like, my face really hot. And then I speed up for, like, 20 minutes. So if I get a little nuts, I'm not feeling it yet. If I get a little nuts, it's the zone. Predna zone.

She's right it up.

She's juicy. Yeah. Don't drug test me. I'll fail. That and the poppy seed bagel I have this week, I'm going to fail.

She's a failure, which is positive news for her.

No, it's actually negative news for me.

Aladine, Phil. Yeah, he was kind of onto something. It's confusing. Positive, negative.

No, it's the premise of the joke. Aladine is pure. Like, literally, this week I got a strep test, so it came back negative. I'm like, shit. But it's positive.

It really is negative for strep, which was positive.

Positive for me. Confusing.

Confusing.

So we've got a great show today. We've got new merch launching tomorrow, which is so exciting. If you have any questions, I'm wearing a size medium. I feel like this particular set should be the standard for sizing. I love the sample that we use. Like, this is a size medium. I feel like it fits me perfectly.

Yeah, this is a size tight at all. I'm wearing a size large, and I could go for a medium. It's very baggy on me. So I do feel like you should be true to size. And if you're true to your size, it will be a little oversized.

Exactly. This is my size. It's giving me room to breathe. I'm not tight anywhere, but it doesn't feel so big.

Yeah.

So I'm wearing medium, I think. Just do your regular size. So that's exciting. Today's also our last in studio show of the week. Tomorrow there is an episode, but after this episode, I'm heading to the south. Heading down south to the land of the know. And I'm headed to the rodeo, which I'm so excited about. So hopefully I'll see the fort Worth toasters out and know hustling the stockyards at the stockyards. And then I'm racing home Sunday to see the Niners play. And it's just so. It's going to be a great weekend, even though tomorrow it's not even Friday, but I'm looking forward to the weekend.

Because you're looking ahead. You're an optimist.

Yeah, exactly.

I have hope, Hatikva.

I have hope. Exactly.

Great. Well, I think we do have prince this weekend. You know, the usual fun things, kids. Trout football, barbecue, trout. Trout skin.

Trout skin killer.

We'll be reliving our weekend. Maybe see some friends. It'll just be a nice home weekend after our big extravaganza.

You need to decompress. You need those?

Yeah. Maybe a little sleeping in, if the kids will let.

Good luck.

We'll see, you never know. It happens every once in a while. Maybe it could fall on a Sunday.

Do you wake up in, like, a panic?

No.

Because I'll never forget, like, the first time I went to visit Olivia when she had moved down to Florida. Shapiro was going on a business trip, so I came to stay with her. And like, the third night I was there, we slept together in the same bed because I was like, a little freaked out of being in the house alone. I think Olivia was too. She was new to being a homeowner. And I woke up at like ten, and Kayla must have been like one, one and a half. And Olivia was still in bed with me and we were freaking. She was like, oh, she woke up in such a tizzy. Kayla was still sleeping.

Beautiful.

Isn't that crazy? Crazy Kayla.

So now, without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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There's really never a bad time to get started with therapy and just start putting yourself first. And I feel like the beginning of the year is always a great excuse. But really, let's make this year our year. We're putting ourselves first, girlies.

Yes, we are.

All right, hit me. Jack.

Story is the party of the year. Jeff Bezos's 60th birthday party was star studded at his.

Wow, I missed this whole thing.

I missed it, too. But I'm reading the details, and I don't know how, like, everyone was there, everything.

Was Harry and Meghan there?

No. So it was on Saturday night at their house in Beverly Hills, the guest list was stacked with everyone from Hollywood a listers to sports legends, business moguls, Jay Z, Beyonce, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Sierra Russell Wilson, Oprah Winfrey, Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner, Hailey Bieber, Kendall Jenner. Then also. So that's like, what Lauren brought to the party. Then Bob Iger, Bill Gates, Roger Goodell, Katy Perry, and Orlando Bloom were there. Katy Perry performed. Usher performed. Black eyed peas performed.

Wait, not Usher performing, like, when he's really supposed to be in, like, training. He probably was a rehearsal for sure.

Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton were there. Jewel was there. I wonder if Kevin Costner was her date.

Wait, I'm shook ass.

And then, honestly, the house was such.

A good job of making her and Jeff like a Hollywood fixture and hobnobbing with the girlies, the Kardashians social chair of the Bezos family.

This party is all her. Like, the guest list is all her. And I feel like she's brought so much to his life. So much like joy, but also like, glitz and glam, which he glitzy. He's a glitzy billionaire, and he likes to enjoy the perks of his fortune. That's what came through in Elon's book. Like, really the differences between the two, because they had a decent relationship, but now I don't think so anymore. Also, Elon wasn't there, but he's always like, to him, jeff, go back to your hot tub. And he doesn't like how Jeff uses his blue origin company to take himself to space. Elon is very much not about that.

Yeah, no, they definitely are two different types of billionaires. And Elon looks and acts poor.

Yeah, no, he sold all of his homes. He stays at friends houses. He has a small house near one of the SpaceX launch pads, but he doesn't have a proper home.

So I actually saw this thread, and it happened to be about ballerina farm. But the general thesis applies here. It's like rich people like to cosplay poor, and poor people cosplay as rich. It's this weird human thing where everybody's acting like the opposite of what they truly are, but not.

You can't generalize and say everyone. Jeff Bezos doesn't like to act poor.

No. So Jeff Bezos is me.

Kim Kardashian doesn't like to act poor.

No. Jeff Bezos is exactly what I would do if I was a rich person. And actually, they just had. Justin Sylvester was on the good guys podcast.

Oh, my God. This clip cracked me up.

Me too.

When I had a big conversation. Legend.

They had a really big conversation about Lauren Sanchez. And honestly, Justin was, like, teaching Josh and Ben, like, what it's like to be a lady. He's the ladysitter. And what it entails to be a lady like Lauren Sanchez.

And it's a lot of work.

It's a full time job.

Yeah, she's top of the heap lady. She's working overtime. And I think all of that is evident in this party. Like, she's given, not given him, but is responsible for their. Before this, he was just living in the Pacific Northwest with his kids and nerd working and his mom and his friends, and now he's the toast of the town.

No, totally. The life cycle of this relationship and how we got to this point when we first started talking about them, the whole national enquirers, they could not have come further. I couldn't be happier for them. I don't particularly like Jeff Bezos, the way Lauren has endeared me to them as a couple and him as a person. I love, I stand, I ship. I wish these two a lifetime of.

Happiness I truly love and I ship. And I'm so glad that they're enjoying the fruits of their labor. Also, at the party, there were, like, a bunch of different rooms. Like, it started off where you walked in. It was like a replica of his first office, which was his garage. And then later.

That's obnoxious.

It was like a journey through. So then later, there was, like, McDonald's there. He used to work at McDonald's.

He did?

Yeah. It was a celebration of his life. 60 years of Jeff.

That's like Loki. Really impressive that he used to work at McDonald's.

Yeah. He's an impressive guy. He's very smart. He was valedictorian of his class. I feel like people think, like, Amazon is an accident.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I have to tell you about what's going on. What does anybody know? I think people are going to know what I'm talking about. About Pookie talk. Okay. There is this couple going viral. Jackie, you would die for them.

Die, die for them, die for them, for them. Okay.

They're this, like, southern couple. I don't know where they live. Her name is Campbell and his name is Jet, but nobody really knows her name because in every video, he calls her Pookie. So everybody's just like, pookie, pookie, pookie. And they are so cute and so southern. And he's definitely, like, older and a little bit nerdier, and she's like, this young hop thing, but he loves her so much, and he's always buying her Birkins and whatever. And then, of course, everybody had to go do, like, a deep dive. And of course, normally it comes out like, oh, they are related because they're from the south. There was going to be something dark. All they found was that jet, so impressive. Like, valedictorian of his undergraduate college went to because everybody wonders how they're so wealthy, he's so smart, went to Wharton and got his. What do you get at Wharton? Master's and law degree at the same. Like, you just have to see this couple. They're so southern. They really remind me of a couple on southern chime. I could see them, like, being cast for real, and everyone's. They're, like, blowing up right now, and everyone's talking about them right now, and you would love them.

She dresses so cute, and she just literally makes these videos to talk about her outfit. And her husband just talks the whole time about how he thinks she's so beautiful.

That's so nice. Send me her iG.

I will ig. I wouldn't even know how to find that.

It should be pretty easy. And if she dresses cute outfits and she has Instagram, if that's her thing.

Yeah, it's just hard, because if you ask me her name, it takes me, like, 55 minutes to remember that her name is not Pookie.

Okay.

Here she is. Okay. I feel like she's a toaster. Yeah, I think she is. Oh, my God, you would love. Okay, I'm setting to you.

You should follow her also, you guys, did you notice if you're watching on YouTube, I set up my new phone.

Oh, wait, we have to talk about that.

We have to talk about my new phone, because I just decided yesterday, and I do want to thank Claudia, even though her advice was wrong. And it turns out that you were the grandmother. I know you're living in the stone age. I'm living in the future with my esims.

You guys, I just found out yesterday we're not using SIM cards anymore. Question mark.

And some of us never used SIM cards to begin with. We were always esimming.

Okay, well, that was, like, grandma view back in the day. But I was the grandma yesterday. I own it.

No, even back in the day, it was ahead of my time that I've never had to undo a SIM card. And I just transferred everything digitally.

So how did you transfer yesterday?

I took out my SIM card of my one phone, only to find out that my new phone actually doesn't even have a slot for a SIM card. So I called Verizon and I said, transfer my new phone, and they hooked it up. In a minute or two, they hung up on me, which was beautiful, meant my phone wasn't working anymore, and turned on my new phone. It was working. Shout out to Verizon. Even though my esim should have worked, like, that was wrong of you, you did make it. Not that bad.

But they rectified.

They rectified. So I've spent the day logging into all of my apps and just enjoying my new phone. It's always exciting to get a new phone.

It's always exciting to get a new phone. You're kind of inspiring me, even though there's nothing wrong with my phone.

But I do feel like the kind of excitement was tampered because it's been over the course of three weeks trying to set up this new phone. Of course, I feel like whenever I get a new phone, I'm like, clickety, clickety clack. Hello?

Yeah, I'm on the phone with my seven attorneys, doing seven deals, by the.

Way, I couldn't take a call on my old phone, but on my new phone. Yeah.

That Instagram comment from Kourtney Kardashian was probably one of the loseriest things anybody's ever written on the Internet, and that is saying a lot. When someone accused her in the comment section of not being a hustler, like her sisters, back when Courtney was, like, in her flop era and she didn't give a fuck about anything. Like, she released her app, like, six months after her sisters did, somebody left a comment, like, unemployed girly, and she was like, sorry, can't respond to this comment on the phone with my attorneys negotiating seven business deals, and we're like, sure, okay.

Yeah. Thou dost protest too much.

Literally.

Yeah. Which is why you don't respond. Even though. Even if she probably was, I'm sure she had seven at least brand deals in the works with her attorney. You just don't respond and give air to these things. It's so true.

It's so true.

Especially when you know the truth, you know who you are.

Yeah. But by the way, I was actually thinking about this yesterday. Whatever the opposite of flop era is, Courtney is, like, experiencing that, obviously, personally with her, just over joyous, know, kids, pregnancy, whatever. But let me tell you, I was scrolling TikTok yesterday, Jackie. Every video, like, all these lifestyle influencers, and they weren't ads. Lemme this, lemme that, lemme, lemme, lemme. I probably saw, like, 15 videos yesterday. Lemme. And they just launched in target. I feel like Lemme is on its way to becoming, like, enormous. I really feel that.

I hope so.

Me too. I feel like now she's really on the same level as the sisters in terms of businesses.

Yeah. And also personal life. It just goes to show that life is very fluid.

Yeah.

You think things are one way and swerve. She's in love of her life, married.

Who would have thought? You know what, actually, it reminds me of this clip I just saw. I forget who it was, but this guest who was on the skinning confidential podcast, and he was, like, doing parenting stuff. He was basically like, the first ten years of your kid's life is really like the only time in their life where you are everything to them. After they turn ten, they have friends and they have other people in their life who are the most important to them in that moment. Then, of course, they get married and have their own kids and boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends. And those first ten years of your kid's life are also like the ten years that you're still hustling and still trying to do your own thing. And it's so sad that that's how life works, where you can't really devote 100% of your time of those first ten years to your kids because you have things going on too. You need to make a living. You need to do this. And it's kind of like Courtney did the. Well, actually, she had kids before when she was young, too. Maybe not, but I felt like maybe that clip was relevant, maybe it's not.

No, I think it is relevant. I think what you said that she was in her flop era with the apps. Yes. Those were the first ten years of her kids life. So, yeah, she didn't give a shit about the apps. That went nowhere. And instead she was focused on parenting. Like, in hindsight, she's winning.

Thank you. Yes, my point was correct. Yes, she did, like, exactly what that clip said.

Yeah. And the thing is, you get those ten solid years where you are everything and be there as much as you can. Most of us are working, but as much as you can be there.

No. So for someone like Courtney, who obviously working is a choice, not a requirement. Honestly, she kind of killed it. Yeah, she kind of killed it. Her kids are grown now. She was such, like a hardcore, maybe even like, a little nuts mom. So involved. And now her kids are grown and she's like, having success and she fell in love again. I don't know. It's kind of everything.

It's a fairy tale.

It's a fairy tale.

Yeah. Are you ready for our next story?

What number is it?

Two.

Oh, yeah.

Stassi explains why she will not be on the Vanderpump rules spinoff show called the Valley. So we didn't even discuss this. But a new show was coming to Bravo called the Valley, and it is about, like, valley suburban life starring Jackson, Brittany, and a few new faces and also Kristen Doty. So I think people always expected a show like this would come from the cast members that had settled down in the valley and they expected that Stassi would be on it. But she is explaining why she's not on it. And she said it's not Bravo's fault that she's not on it. Once this idea was brought up and they were like, okay, we're going to film a sizzle with all the people that would be on it. Every fiber of my being voted no. She said when Jeff Lewis asked her she was on Jeff Lewis's show, she asked why she felt so strongly about not appearing on Bravo again. She said there were a lot of different reasons. First of all, it wouldn't be a reflection of what my reality is because it's just not my group of friends. And she said, I'm friendly with some of them.

I'm acquainted with some of them and some of the new ones, too that I think are lovely, but it's not my crew. Then Jeff Lewis said that she might become closer to them if she filmed with them. And she argued that she doesn't want to have to go and do things that she normally wouldn't do. She said, I don't want to disrupt the life that I have right now because I really like my life right now.

Yeah, I never really thought there have been rumors about this show and everybody somehow knew it was going to be called, like, valley Village. Rumors about Jax, Brittany, and Kristen making a return in some way of a spin off. I don't think anybody really, I wasn't thinking Stasi was going to be a part of it. Mostly because she doesn't live in the.

Oh, not even mostly because she doesn't live in the valley. But I feel like reality tv is such a hard thing to extricate yourself from because it's just like this beast cycle, and it's a cycle and you need it and you depend on it, and then when you're thrust out from it, it might take you a while, but once you get on your feet, I can't imagine the process of going back into it, especially once you've seen how toxic it could be. The dark side. And I just feel like now that she's out, she's not going back in, and she's out and she's on her feet and she's doing well, and she has so many things going for her. She does not need reality tv at all. Don't do it.

And it's almost better that she was thrust out, because I think making the decision to leave a show that's successful but also toxic is probably really hard because you're making a lot of money. And so, obviously, to. At the time when she was fired, it was really not ideal, and there was, like, a lot of scandals going on at the time. But I think probably now, in hindsight, she really got into a groove where her podcast is really successful. She's a really successful patreon. She's, like, a really successful influencer. She's a very devoted mom. And I think when you're a mom, and I'm sure you know this better than me, it's like, good is good. Why ruin a good thing? She makes a very good living. I'm sure she gets to be home with her kids. Why throw yourself back into that sort of toxicity?

Yeah, she's her own boss. And also, making the decision to go back to reality tv is, like, a different sort of decision when you have kids, because when it's just you and, you know, the beast and she's a pro, she can hand.

I could see Stasi going back to reality tv. Like, I don't think she's necessarily done yet, but she's coming at it now from, like, a position of privilege where she knows what she's bringing. She doesn't have to be, like, on an ensemble show. She doesn't have to eat, and she.

Doesn'T have to just be on any show that wants her. I agree. If the right situation came to her, she might do it. She's not, like, against reality tv forever, but she doesn't need it. She's not been waiting to get back on tv. If the right opportunity presents itself, she would consider it. I'm sure she considered this heavily and then voted no.

I think also a lot of it has to do with money. And so when you have other ventures, like, she wrote another book. It was another New York Times bestseller. She did a big podcast tour. When you're off reality and you have a hard time monetizing whatever it is that you're doing, whether it's a podcast, it's very hard to get people to listen to you. It's not as easy as everybody thinks. And there are a lot of people, former Vanderpump roles or just former reality tv show people in general, who don't make the same amount of money afterwards. Sometimes, very rarely, you end up making more. Hannah Burner, I feel like she's the best example, but she's the exception, not the rule. So more often than not, whenever anybody gets an opportunity to go back, they're going to do it. And that's why these shows, like traders or they're so popular, because there's really not a huge career after reality tv for everyone.

Not for everyone.

Yeah, right.

Agreed. Also, reality tv brings so many eyeballs and so many positive things, but it also opens you up again for scandal. And once you've been through it, you want to electively choose. Oh, let me try that again.

Yeah. No, I was not shocked. She was not on this show. I was not expecting to see her. And I agree, it was probably the right decision for her.

Yeah. Are you ready for our next story?

Are you ready, kids?

Aye, turdy, I can't hear you. Our next story. White Lotus star Tom Hollander says he accidentally received Tom Holland's seven figures Avengers bonus check. So Tom Hollander, who is not Tom Holland, said he accidentally received Tom Holland's bonus check for an Avengers film. He revealed on Late Night with Seth Meyers that he often gets mistaken for Tom Holland in nonvisual context because the white Lotus star is 56 and Tom Holland is 27, including in the accounts department of his agency, which also briefly represented Tom Holland. He said, I went to see my friend who was doing theater in England. I sat smugly in the audience just having done a BBC show for $30,000. He said he checked his email during the interval, and that's when he saw a message from the agency saying that they were sending his first box office bonus for the Avengers. The actor said he thought to himself, I don't think I'm in the Avengers. But then he proceeded to open the email. It was an astonishing amount of money. It was not his salary. It was his first box office bonus. Not the whole box office bonus, the first one.

And it was more money than I'd ever seen. It was a seven figure sum.

So seven figures could be anywhere from one to 9 million.

Yeah. 9,900,099.

Yeah.

He said that Tom Holland was only 20 or something in his age, so his feeling of smugness in the show that he was at had funny during the first half. Disappeared very quickly, he said, but that showbiz, it's up, it's down, it's hero, it's zero.

Well, I just want to say, that's really so crazy. First of all, Tom Hollander, if you don't know him, because I didn't know him either. He plays the gay in charge who's trying to kill what's her name.

Spoiler alert. Jennifer Coolidge.

Jennifer Coolidge. These gays, they're trying to kill me. He's like the one in charge. And when I was reading this headline, I was so confused, because when I saw Tom Hollander, I just assumed it was Zendaya's boyfriend. I did not know that was his name. So I understand how this mix up could be possible, but low key. This is unacceptable. What you get paid is so personal. And not only that, this guy then going on Seth Meyers, like, telling the story. I wonder if he had Tom Holland's approval. I'm sure he didn't. This is like Loki, just nuts. And a huge invasion of Tom Holland's privacy.

Yeah, but Tom Holland is in the Avengers. He's Spider man. And yeah, I assume he makes millions of. Not in Congress.

Seven figures. I thought it would be more.

It's just the first bonus. And it wasn't his.

Right, right. You get paid to do a movie.

And then after you just open your email. Couple mil today.

That's insane.

And he's so low key.

Tom Holland? Yeah, he doesn't really do presser interviews.

And he's not really a celebrity. Like, I don't watch his movies, therefore I do not know him, aside from Zendaya's boyfriend.

I know, and I don't even think he has an Instagram, actually, he might, but it's like, promotional. It's like, for work. He's a working actor.

Yes. You, he think, got paid, like Kevin Hart, to promote on his Instagram.

Oh, he does. I'm so sorry. He has 66 million followers.

What does he post?

Very artsy work stuff. Critics choice, the brothers trust. It's all, like, high quality content. It's promotional and a little artistic. Oh, and of course, philanthropic. He's at a puppy facility here.

Oh, that's sweet.

It's a pretty good instagram. I'm not going to lie. It's not bad. It's got a mix of everything.

I feel like it's run by an agency. Like, this is classic serious actor Instagram with also commercial.

Yeah, yeah, he's also like one of those actors who's not afraid to look ugly. Like, in half those pictures, he looked ugly when I know he's like a handsome, know.

He posted a picture of Zendaya. I always thought they were super private like that. They've never even acknowledged that they're dating. But he posted a picture of just her congratulating her for her award at CFDA fashion award.

So they have been together for years?

Yeah.

And I think only in the last two, maybe one year, they've been more public about, but they still are not even, like, very. They don't walk red carpets really together.

I guess this probably made a lot of 11 million likes. I'm sure people were freaking that he posted this when he posted it, but because, again, I don't know, Tom Holland. I didn't pay attention.

Yeah, this is just one of those things where Jackie and I being really removed from the universe of Marvel and DC comics. Like, this is just not our sort of celebrity.

You want to know why, Turdy? Because we're too girly.

We are so feminine.

We're so feminine. We don't know who these superheroes are.

But we're such a unique breed of females. Let me tell you why. Because we don't know anything about Marvel or DC, but we also didn't cry over the Barbie movie. So what does that make us?

Where does that leave us? You know what? We are toasters.

And I just want to say, I know this is going to be a really polarizing thing to say, and I have to stop talking about the Barbie movie because I keep complaining about people being mad at what I'm saying, and I keep bringing it up, but Hillary Clinton released a statement about Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie not being nominated for oscars. And I feel as though officially, as a nation, we have lost the plot. And I think the Barbie rhetoric and polarization of Barbie has officially, as of yesterday, as of the minute, Hillary Clinton sent that tweet with that statement, and she made a graphic. We took it too far. We girl bossed too close to the sun. For real. No one's going to take us seriously as a gender now. Seriously. Thanks, Hillary.

No, the cringe was off the charts cringe.

It was far too much.

Yeah.

And I posted something about Barbie movie on my close friends, and not like every influencer being like, wait, no, me. Like, what is with people in the Barbie movie? I didn't think it was so great. It's like we're literally living under communist rule where we can't say that. We don't like the Barbie movie.

Kim Jong Barbie.

Kim Jong Barbie. Jung un Barbie. Jung il un.

You think un is unier than ill?

Unagi.

What's that from? Friends. Classic. You could just say pure nonsense and then just tell me it's from friends and it'd be like, oh, yeah, classic.

Yeah. Jackie Gleba friends. Yeah, it is. But that's actually from friends. I didn't just make it up. It's Ross and Rachel's daughter's first word, Gleba. And they're like, that's not a word. And then he looks it up and it's like a particular type of molecule. And Ross is really into science.

Literally. The hate.

He's a scientist.

The hate I have in my heart for what you're describing right now. But that is funny. He's a scientist. But up until that, that was not funny.

It was funny.

But though I do usually like friends through your summarizations, you didn't let.

By the way, yesterday I was wanting to cite a friends reference and you totally cut me off and I never got back to it.

No, leave it there. Leave it in the dust. Let's get into our fourth story.

No, let's not. Bitch.

Let's not. Bitch. Is this nice? Now you're back to cursing. I think the kids are asleep. You can curse again.

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Thank you, La.

You're welcome.

Our next story that's beautiful. Maybe you should perform at Coachella because they're seeing the slowest ticket sales in a decade. So Coachella lineup was announced last week. In past years, the tickets have sold out in a matter of minutes. It is now five days later and tickets are still on sale. It turns out people aren't all that interested in Coachella this year. This year marks the slowest ticket sales in a decade. This is according to SFGate, which cites some troubling stats for golden voice and Co. Long story short passes for this year's Coachella just aren't selling like they used to. They're very much still up for grabs five days after hitting the market, whereas in the past it would sell out in minutes. Interesting. This site lets people purchase up to eight tickets this year, compared to only two in previous years. So it looks as though festival organizers are practically begging people to splash some cash on them. At least that's how it feels anyway. According to TMZ, though, they've never had this issue before, fans famously waited hours in virtual queues to get their hands on covetous wristbands in years gone by. This is strange because Cotella tickets are usually a hot commodity, selling out in.

So I think it's layered.

What's the reason for the season? As a reminder, the headliners are Lana Del Rey, Tyler, the creator, Doja Cat, and no doubt which I think is a good lineup. I don't think it's a good lineup.

It's a good lineup. However, Coachella got themselves into this pattern where the last like five years there has been like a major, major star. We've had Lady Gaga, we've had Beyonce, we've had Justin Bieber, we've had Billie Eilish, we've had the weeknd, we've had styles. Like, they have made it into a Super bowl of sorts. And they don't have that type of performer this year.

You don't think Lana Del Rey is that performer? No, it's a cult following. Who would follow around the world for.

Her, it's a cult following. It's very niche. It's not on the know, it's not commercial also. But I do want to say I still think the lineup's pretty good. I think another huge factor as to why people aren't buying tickets that I don't think anybody's talking about is like, we're in an economic crisis. These tickets are really expensive and the whole journey is expensive. It's not only the tickets, it's the renting of the house. It's the outfits. Coachella, is this like a fair? It's not just a music festival where you wear a pair of denim shorts and no makeup and you just, like, sweat and cry. It's not Woodstock. It's an event. It requires if you're going to go and do it up, it requires a lot of money outside of the actual ticket. Airfare, hotel, lodging, things like that. And it's thousands of dollars. And not everyone can do that right now. So I think it's a combination. I would love to know, was Coachella going on in, like, 2008? What were ticket sales like then?

Yeah, I think it was going on in 2008 because it's been around for a while, but it didn't become like this pop culture sort of thing. It was really an indie music festival for a long time and not what it is right now. So Turtle's blaming the economy. And I do think that is a good.

I think it's a factor.

I think everything definitely a factor. But I also think that maybe know all good things must come to an end. And maybe this new younger generation isn't as into festivals as the millennials are. Maybe they just want to see their one performer. I don't know. I'm just guessing. But seriously, all good things must come to an end. And maybe this is like the slowing down of Coachella because the people who can go are not into it.

Wow. I didn't even think that. That's a good take. It didn't cross my mind that Coachella is over party. It's not cool anymore. It's on its way out.

Yeah. And I do think it's very much like a millennial thing. And the millennials are having kids and doing different things. Or maybe just like, don't want to go see Doja Cat because she's for Gen Z. But the Gen Zers don't want to go to Coachella because it's like a millennial relic.

Honestly, you're making fire fucking points.

Thank you, love.

Like that thing you just said that the lineup is now geared towards Gen Z. Gen Z doesn't want to be associated with Coachella. And also you have to be 21 to go to Coachella. Actually, you might have to be 18, but still. Yeah, I know what you're saying. That's a fire point. Fire.

Yes.

I feel like there's just cookie is looking fire today.

A little bit of a. I don't.

And, like, lull at everybody who thought it was going to be Taylor.

Not only is it not Taylor, wouldn't be the opposite conversation, of course, but that's the thing.

If your ticket sales are predicated on how big of a star you can get, that's like a hamster wheel.

Yeah.

You're never going to be able to keep up.

And it definitely gets away from the original mission of Coachella where people were going, regardless of the headliners. They were trusting that the music would be good because it was, like, curated by indie music experts. And now it's totally dependent on the headliner.

It's jingle ball.

Now it's jingle ball.

And when we went for the first time a while ago, it was still very much like indie vibes. But Lady Gaga was the headliner and it was like, kind of crazy because everything else was like, tame and know. Menendez brother.

No, Martinez. Not the Menendez brothers, I hope.

The Martinez brothers. It was very people you've never heard of. And Lady Gaga was like, kind of crazy. And that's why we went. We were like, all right, we'll go to see a Lady Gaga concert. And they just really leaned into that, which is fine. It's very much giving jingle ball these days.

Yeah, but then it's also going to give Willy nilly.

Yeah, it's giving, like, what is Coachella's esthetic now?

Coachella's having an identity crisis.

Yes, but you know who's not? Stagecoach tickets. Higher sales than ever.

Right. I was wondering how this would compare to stagecoach. Because country fans aren't willy nilly, but literally like pop music and what's on the radio. No one person through their entire life is really going to be listening to the same radio station their entire life with the hits they're going to eventually, like, I'm going to listening to the pulse now I'm not going to lie.

Oh, wow, she's pulsing.

D 100. Or shall I say why? 100 is not always for me now, because it's TikTok music. I now want to go listen to what's considered the classics.

Yeah, I feel that.

So the pulse it is, yeah, light up.

I haven't heard any KTU, I haven't heard anything about stagecoach tickets, but I have to imagine they're not experiencing this problem.

Oh, I thought you sounded like an expert when you said highest ticket sales in history.

Oh, no, but I didn't hear anything. And the last time I was there, it was packed to the brim.

Well, it's always going to be packed.

The headliners weren't even amazing, and this year they're amazing. It's Morgan Wallen this year, I'm sure they're sold out.

You can't even get Morgan Wallen tickets like Ingertown. So, yeah, we're going to Coachella for him.

And I'm pretty sure they released the tickets and I'm pretty sure you can't get them. Stagecoachfestival.com join waitlist. Stagecoach 2024 is sold out.

Okay, but how long did it take?

Eric Church, Miranda Lambert, Morgan Wallen, those are the headliners. And then second line, post Malone jelly.

Roll, nickelback Diplo, I'm sure you're 100% right, but Coachella tickets will sell out. It's just been five days and they haven't. How long did stagecoach tickets take to sell out?

This website says it's the biggest on sale in history. Stagecoach 2024 is officially sold out. You have made history. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Join the waitlist to be notified if any passes become.

So you were right. The biggest in history.

Yep. And where's the article on that? Let me look at news. No, but good for them.

Okay, are you ready for our next story? It's our fifth and final. Yeah, and I need to shout out to Lauren Elizabeth, because she sent it my way, and she said, this is giving fifth and final energy.

Oh, what'd she say?

PETA is calling to replace beloved Groundhogs Day star Puxatani Phil with a gold coin. So PETA wants to.

PETA's making news twice. They're going viral for being really insensitive. Not Peter, the University of know go dogs. They had, like, a real life mascot dog, this english bulldog, and he passed away. And english bulldogs, they don't encourage breeding english bulldogs because they have a lot of health issues. They literally can't breathe. And so they posted a graphic that he died, and being like, maybe this will teach you to stop breeding. It was, like, really insensitive.

The room. We're grieving.

No. And you're supposed to be, like, an organization that advocates on behalf of animals like you, using the death of an animal to be, like, snarky. People were really upset in defense of the dog.

Yeah. No. So they're doing that, but they're also trying to cancel Puxitani Phil. PETA wants to replace Phil, the beloved groundhog that is used to forecast weather during the annual Groundhog Day celebration in Pennsylvania. They want to replace him with a gold coin, the group said this week. PETA wrote an open letter on Monday to the Puxitani Groundhog club in Pennsylvania in which they encouraged its president to remove the animal from the celebration should he formally retire Phil and take him to a sanctuary, then PETA would present the group with a giant coin. They said in the letter. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, a groundhog's weather prediction is no more accurate than flipping a coin for debate. He is not a meteorologist and deserves better than to be exploited every year for tourism money.

Okay, I just want to say, like, PETA is dying on the wrong hill. There are so many more worthy animal causes, and I think when it comes to old school traditions that involve animals, we have to take it case by case. I think a really old school tradition like here in New York is the horse and carriage rides in the city, and I personally feel like those should not be allowed anymore. I think we've evolved past that as a society. Puxatani Phil having to work one day. He'll be fine.

I'm sure he's treated like a king.

I am sure the horses in Central park are looking at Punksatani Phil as, like, this privileged snob, and he's getting the attention of PETA. PETA should be using their platform for bigger and better things. I'm sorry. This is a waste.

Or what about the dogs that were shot dead by Hamas on October 7 as they invaded Israel? Where's PETA on that?

Love the point you're bringing up there, too. Love that.

PETA can fuck right off.

No, seriously, this is such an abuse of their platform. Puxachani Phil doesn't hurt anybody. He probably lives this lavish life. Nobody talks to him except for one day. He has to work one day, and all he has to do is be put in a box. He's fine. Leave him alone. This is a harmless tradition, and I'm a big advocate on behalf of animals. Like, whenever I see something, even when I see a dog, you know me, when I see a dog in a movie, it bothers me. I think Phil is fine.

Phil, he's fine. And, like, why are you trying to unemploy?

Phil is fine.

He has a job. He makes a living. He has a nice life. And you want to fire him. You want to take his job away. Hog with. No, no.

And Phil has a family. To.

The only. If they wanted to make a good argument, I would say the argument would be like, how about we stop dropping the groundhogs?

Yeah. And that's a human error thing.

Bill de Blasio dropped a groundhog. Correct.

Yes.

Where was PETA, then? Because that ain't right.

It's what we like to call animal abuse.

I would not want to hold a groundhog. It's. They're kind of like, of the rat.

Elk. Rat elk. Yes. And I think perhaps why our reaction to this story is so we don't give a fuck is because it's literally a rat and you're not going to find me. Horses are these beautiful, smart, unbelievable creatures. I don't feel that way about a groundhog. A groundhog is to me, like a beaver.

Yeah.

What is that movie? Caddy Shack? They got groundhogs in the garden, and it's like, a problem. They're pests.

Like a possum? Yeah, it's a pest. Literally.

So sorry. You're not going to find me. I love animals, but I'm going to put a mousetrap know I'm human.

Right.

You got to draw the line somewhere. I'm sorry.

No, I think I stand with Phil and the puxatoni, only Phil the Puxatoni Groundhogs Association. I think what you're doing is totally fine, and it's one of those nice archaic traditions that means nothing, but it's.

Yeah, no, like, we know the weather is not listening to know Mother Nature and Phil do not communicate, and it's.

Like a fun tradition for kids.

It's so dumb and harmless. I can't even believe we're having this conversation.

I agree. So, officially, we stand with Phil. Yeah.

If you want to know where the toast stands, it's firmly with Phil.

It's usually against PETA, whatever they're yapping on about.

No, I feel like usually I'm with PETA.

Really? I stand with their cause, their mission, their reason is good. But I feel like in practice, they're always directing their efforts at the worst things and in the worst ways, too.

Okay. I think that their choice of campaigns is not always the best, like, the things they go after. But I do think they get a bad rap, because I think there are people who love PETA, maybe don't work for PETA in official capacity, who do, like, insane stunts on behalf of PETA. But I don't think those people work for PETA.

I have the people who throw paint.

Yes.

At fashion shows.

Right.

Those don't come from PETA on high.

I don't think they're hired staffers from PETA. I think they're just, like, real Felix.

Well, no, petaphiles.

Yeah, right. But not in the pedophilic sense.

In the PETA Felix sense.

Yeah. Like how you're a francophile, you're a PETA file, but not having to do with children.

I just feel like PETA has gotten really far away from their mission at times, and that they use their platform and their brand name as more of, like, a political football than to actually care for animals. All animals, all the time.

I agree with you from, like, a public pov. I think they have, in recent years, started to come off a little nuts. But I do imagine as an organization, they still do really good work. Like, behind the scenes, things we don't know about.

Right. But why is the good work behind the scenes and the nutty work out front?

That is a question for the PR director of PETA, and it's a good one. Yeah, it's a good question.

Thank you. I feel like they all just sat around the room, like, what's going to be our next thing? And it's like, no.

The past five years, we have seen the radicalization of PETA. I completely agree.

That's what I'm saying. We need a fresh mean. That's like Vanderpump dogs. I think that they are really cause driven. Vanderpump dogs is a new pita.

Like how we all learned about that dog festival in China. We learned about that from Vanderpump rules.

Yeah.

Vanderpump dogs is a new PETA. I love that.

Love it.

Even though Vanderpump dogs only does dogs.

I was just about to say that. But they don't. I feel like they do other animals. It's just called Vanderpump dogs. And so they're ready for a rebrand, actually.

I'm sorry. I think they have rebranded to Vanderpump pets.

But does that just mean, like, domestic animals?

Domestic? I don't know. Maybe. They're clearly working through what we're working through because they're evolving. And I think it's great. Yeah. So those are the fast five stories. And that is, unfortunately our show, which is so sad. But what's not sad is merch is dropping tomorrow. So these sweatsets that Jackie and I are wearing. Just a reminder, 10:00 a.m. Eastern time tomorrow, Friday, January 26, at shoptostmerch.com. We will put links everywhere. If you want this sweatset, don't worry. We're going to make sure you check.

Our Instagram Stories, the toast, Jackson Claude. So that you could see everything that's dropping tomorrow. We will.

We had a photo shoot.

We had a photo shoot. And we'll have blanks that you could see just like the product so you can plan your buy.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the toast, the millennial morning show where we deliver the fastest stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe. Give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as podcasts anywhere podcasts can be found. So Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, public radio, iHeartRadio, Castbox, all the places. Wherever you listen to podcasts, find us the toast. Leave a five star review about how beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are. Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.