You.

Good morning, millennials.

You guys, I, like, I can't. I cannot be here right now. Like, this is so toxic. Jackie and I were 45 minutes into this episode when we realized that only.

One microphone was up.

And why was only one microphone on? Oh, because this studio is literally perfect. We have it down to his science to record the toast. But the fucking good guys came in here yesterday, and I told Ben, he's been in here all week. I said, because he kept, like, unplugging my printer, unplugging one of the lights. And I would go and say, when you come in here, whatever you do, undo it. Unfucking do it. So what did he do? He didn't undo it. He turned off one of the microphones because he was only in here recording by himself. And usually we catch it. I'm shaking with rage. Shaking with rage.

Seriously.

I don't know if you guys are religious, but I would pray for Bensoffer. He is so done. And you know what? He wasn't even going to be my weenie of the week this week. I was like, oh, I'm not. Not going to give it two weeks in a row. And there is no show Friday. So let's just preemptively say weenie of the week.

Bensoffer.

I'm so fucking mad.

Yeah, we need to regroup because we were 40 minutes into the show. We were in story number two. We're not going to spend this whole time going over the things that we went over. We're going to have a fresh show, new conversations. Very exciting. You guys would have liked the old one, I'm not going to lie.

You would have loved it.

You really would have loved it. So many great combos were had.

We sang a song that was so beautiful. We did.

We sang a beautiful song.

We put such a nice bow on this three week journey we've had. I can't. We had such a funny conversation about Teresa Caputo. Like, I'm going to kill someone, and that person is my husband.

I'm sure the good guys sabotage just yet again. Yet again. This has been their most destructive movie yet.

Yeah. And how do we get the good guys back? By delivering the best fucking episode? By literally being like, no, I'm sorry. I'm really having a hard time. I'm so angry.

I know we have to.

I need to let go, but I can't.

No, you don't need to let go because that would mean, like, moving on and this unacceptable behavior. Like, we can't just let go of it, but we have to set it aside. Can we set it aside?

Like, no. Ben, text me. I'm so sorry. I'm like, you're not forgiven.

There's nothing he could say or do. No, he offered.

He's like, I'm so happy to guest host if you like. We don't want your grimey ass. You guys go unsubscribe from the good guys.

Let's start out this show how we started the previous one, which was on a major high because today is a very exciting day here.

You're a bigger woman than me. Like, I can't move past this, but we have collection. Yeah, the girly collection.

We launched our merch today. The girly collection. And so exciting. You guys are so excited about it. Claudia and I, it's opposite day because I'm wearing what turtie wore yesterday down to the.

We did. Yes. We have a lot to be proud of. We had a big merch launch this morning. And actually, we did something that we never do, which was that some of our items, most of our merch launches are pre order. That's why you guys are able to place the order that you want for the size that you want with the quantity that you want. And there's no rush. But the hat, the mug, and the t shirt, which are all new items.

For us, we placed the order already. So it was a certain amount in.

A certain amount of items, and they sold out almost immediately. And a lot of people are kind of rioting. So what we're doing is we're working on getting the t shirt up for presale, but the mug that sold out instantly is up for presale. You can order it now. It will take two weeks to ship, so just know you're preordering that mug. We're trying to do the same with the t shirt. Hopefully, by the time this episode comes out, we'll have that figured out. But so glad you guys are loving the merch. The sets are still available for presale, so you can get whatever size quantity you want. You don't have to rush with that. But it's very exciting. The girly collection, which we've really been working on since October, is finally out, and it appears as though everybody's loving it. And that's just fabulous news.

Fabulous news and fabulous that we get to finally wear it on the show because these things have been in our closets looking us in the face every day as we try to get dressed, and we can't wear them. And it's unfair. And now I'm so excited to just be wearing this gorgeous pink set on the show.

I'm wearing the girly sweater right now in a large because I'm wearing it with leggings. So I wanted, like, more of an oversized look when I wear it with the pants and I want it more tailored, I'll wear a medium. What are you wearing?

I'm wearing large sweatshirt and pants in the soft pink crew neck set.

But the other one that you have is what? A triple xs.

Triple xs?

Yeah. I feel like you can't say. You could say Triple X.

You were going to say Triple XL.

I would never. But it's funny how you can.

And I said it. Hasn't today been hard enough?

It's funny how you could say Triple X.

And now we're going to turn on each other.

But you can't say Triple X as also who is a triple xs made for that can't be real.

Don't body shame.

No, I'm not. I'm just saying, how is that possible? Like, I see double xs and I'm like, excuse.

Imagine if you said this about Triple XXXL.

Yeah.

How is that possible?

That would be the end of the show.

That would be the end of the show.

So shoptosmerch.com for all your merch tings, their girly collection is out now, which is very exciting. It is one of our final episodes together. So there is an aura of sadness. There's a lot of different auras here. There's definitely an aura of rage, which I'm really trying to not lean into.

And we were already struggling with a lot of auras here of this bittersweetness.

Wait, before we do, did we initialize that memory card? I don't think we need to.

No, we don't need to.

There's a lot of auras.

There's also now paranoia.

Paranoia. Literally PTSD and paranoia.

It's a form of PTSD for sure.

There's an aura of joyousness and celebration because this merch launch we've worked on for so long, we will not let Bensoffer ruin, even though it's all he wants to do. And there is that aura of rage that I'm really not trying to let come to the service because once you let it get to a level, it will take over.

Yeah. No, I'm keeping Turdy at bay, you guys, as best I can. There's an aura of sadness because after three wonderful weeks together, we will be separated.

Yeah. And I'm not feeling so sad about.

That, because there's an aura of happiness.

What's left for me on my journey is a gorgeous trip to a place I've never been to. You might be feeling sadness because there's just going to be, like, this hole in your heart and this hole in your house.

It's true. The house is going to be really quiet. I am finding the bright side of things. I'm looking forward to being very productive after you go.

Are you just, like, sitting here thinking about all the funny conversations we had? Like, that thing about camp that was so funny.

So funny. We'll find a way to get back there, but then we have to act with each other and you.

No, we're not recreating conversations. It's not who we are.

The thing is, I would be happy to have the conversation again and let you guys know, like, oh, this is what we said. But I know that you guys find it annoying when we keep saying, this is what we said, but we can't act. We're not actresses. We're not part of Sagath straw.

Well, that's true. And it's just like, we're too authentic for our own good. If we were different podcasters, we could sit here and recreate hunka pursuit Teresa Caputo. Like, you guys would get that reference if you heard the first fucking episode. It's okay. Calm.

Calmness, calm. It's a beautiful day. Our second toast episode together. So even though Turtie's leaving today, there will be another episode of the toast tomorrow.

Yes.

That we're recording later today.

And then Thursday, while there is no new episode of the toast, we recorded a super fun feature on yesterday that you can watch on Thursday. We'll release it on Thursday so you have something to watch then. What would you call yesterday?

I would call it a lunch and learn. Because we had lunch.

I would call it a lunch and learn.

Yes. We had lunch in my car, and we learned about each other. We played this game.

Jaggie hated it, but it was so fun.

I didn't.

And we had a disgusting lunch in the car. Like, we were poisoned. But we had a good dessert.

It's a disgusting lunch.

I love. Got it. I got it. Disgusting and discussing. That's what we were doing. We were disgusted, but we were also having discussions.

We were. They were good questions. Even though I didn't hate your game, you're hell bent on pitting me against your game.

You were just like. You wanted the game so badly not to be fun because you hate games.

I do hate games.

So you were rooting against the game.

I don't think I was. I just wanted the game to be better.

I just wanted the game to be over. That too. So it's a really fun blog. It's like a combination of a MOOC bong, get to know us car, car thing.

Now that I have a car and I drive, do you understand why people.

Make so much content in their car?

Of course.

First of all, the lighting.

Of course, first of all, the lighting. Second of all, the privacy and the silence that I can't find in my own house. And it's just like, there's something about it that's an elite experience. I don't care how old you are when you're riding dirty in your car, there's nothing cooler.

I agree. And you're definitely in that stage where a 16 year old who walks into homeroom with their key ring around their finger like, hey, anybody need a ride?

Yeah, I'm so in my anybody need a ride? Stage. Oh, you need me to run to the store? We need milk. Milk. I'm on it.

Yeah, no, you're definitely in your role. Me. Like, if anybody needs to make a call, I've got a phone for sure.

But these weeks have actually been so wonderfully wonderful, period. For a myriad of reasons. The show, the bonding, the sisterhood. But it came at the perfect.

Screw sisterhood.

It came at the perfect time in my driving journey, because what I've really needed is a driving buddy. And it's hard to get that with my husband because then where are our children? And turty has been accompanying me around town. She'll help me know if I can.

Change lanes and not a scratch on me.

What do I do at this turning point?

Yeah, I do think you need to drive alone a little bit, because especially when it comes to switching lanes, that's probably the hardest part of driving. I completely agree, but you didn't really do anything.

I was relying on you and the.

Camera in front of you. You really need to turn your neck always because there is a blind spot that the camera can't catch.

My driving teacher said that my turning camera is really great.

The Tesla one is superior. But you won't always be driving a Tesla. You need to turn your neck.

That's true. Even though I need to always be driving a Tesla for other reasons. Like, we're going away next weekend. I literally want to rent a Tesla.

Do it.

We weren't going to rent a car.

Oh. I'm like, but I just need a Tesla. Oh, my God. She's itching. She needs the vein.

She's addicted.

So it has been so great watching you thrive in your driving journey. I'm really proud of you. You're really making enormous strides.

Thank you so much.

And you're a chatty driver, you are. I like you narrate what's going on?

I narrate what's going on.

I was like, I'm just trying to make a TikTok. So if you could shut the fuck.

Up, you wouldn't expect that from me because I'm not a chatty person. Aside from the show, of course. You really wouldn't expect it from me because it's like, yeah, I talk for a living, but if you know me in my personal life, I am not chatty. I think sometimes people are really thrown by that. And certainly I do not chat in the car, like the way I can zone out in the car and it'll be 30 minutes. I'm like, I'm like Raven Simone. I pop back in. Pop back in.

So I am devastated to be leaving and I think we've done some great work here at the toast. Let's talk about the toast at a glance, Florida edition. We've done some great work. We've had some great clips. Oh, what was that clip we said we were going to make in the old podcast? I think it's still.

I remember what it was. It was a nice highlight reel from our time together. And we need to have a song.

Play over it because you guys miss in the old podcast and I'm not going to keep doing this, but this part I will.

Jackie, I sing a song for you. It turned into a duet, of course, because it can never be a solo if Turdy's not singing, you know, because.

My bags are packed, I'm leaving.

Her bags are packed, she's ready to go. I'm standing here outside her door I hate to wake brew up to say goodbye but the dawn is breaking this early morning. The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn already I'm so lonesome I could cry so kiss me and smile for me tell me that you'll wait for me.

Hold me like you'll never let me go because I'm leaving on a jet plane don't know when I'll be back again.

Oh, babe, I hate to go.

It's so funny. Like us singing this song, like sweet singing is the antithesis of how I'm feeling inside. On the inside, I'm filled with a red hot rage. And I'm here like so kiss me and smile for me. Yeah. I feel angry. And the song I want to be singing is like, so kill me. Like, slay my husband. That's really what I want to be singing.

Sing through the pain.

No, it was just like. I actually was really having a hard time not laughing. It was the most disingenuous I've ever been, like, singing that song. Sweet little girl singing, like, swaying and snapping with her sister in her brain. She's thinking, knife, knife, knife.

I thought we sounded nice.

We did, of course. But I was just laughing. Of course.

Everything we do is right and good.

Of course, because we're amazing and we're helpful and we make the good guys who they are. The good guys.

They need a rebrand.

Bad boys. Bad boys. Literally. I'm sorry. They've taken us back to that dark place.

Yeah, because we sang a beautiful song. We're going to put together a really pretty montage from our time together here. I'm really excited about it.

Clip it.

Like if we don't make you cry, fail.

Speaking of clip. Give me that. I want to talk about this. Oh, yeah. So we were watching Vanderpump rules the other night, and I saw, and I've actually seen, weirdly also Chelsea from Vanderpump rule from Vanderpump rules from Love is blind. She had this type of clip in her hair the entire show. And then I saw Lala wearing. And I've been wearing so many claw clips and they're actually really ugly. And I've seen a lot of people wearing these gold metal ones and I think they're cool. So bought some for my trip because I imagine I'll have wet hair a lot. And it's just not going to be like a gorgeous hair trip. And I bought a pack of, like, six so I could give you some. And I was like, jackie, I got you a present. Like, here, I gave you this claw clip and she made this fucking face. She was what? Like, she was like, that's the ugliest fucking thing I've ever seen.

I don't think I said that. I just didn't find it to be so cute. I wasn't so moved by it. I put it in my hair and it hurt. And it also. You get, like, strands caught up in it. It's painful. It's a painful experience.

Yet here you are. You wore it on our original episode. That will never make the air.

I did. I had my hair up in the original episode. I took it down midway through just in case it looked bad because you just never know.

Yeah.

I like to do a multiple style.

Switch up on them.

Soon I'll have to put it back.

Up in the clock clip. I thought you were extremely ungracious in the reception of the gift.

Thank you, but I don't like it and I don't want it.

But no thanks.

Literally, thanks, but no thanks.

I just want to say, when you were wearing it this morning, you looked so cool. Like, your hair looked cool. And with your red hair. I'm not going to force you to take this. I'll take it. But with your red hair and the gold, it really looked gorgeous.

I just want to say, you gave me three. I thought this was the nicest looking one. The other two were butt ugly.

Oh, my God. Be gracious. So many gifts I gave you this trip.

What else did you give me?

The queen pajamas, bitch. True. My presents. Of course.

Of course. I gave you my entire closet.

I didn't say you didn't get. Did I ever take something and be like, this is disgusting. Imagine you would, though. I wouldn't. I would never.

You would.

I would never.

Okay, well, I'm not going to let what Ben did come between us.

It's true. We're lashing out now. We're sad over the lost episode. We're sad over the time that we've had coming to an end. So we're obviously, like, being. Last night, you were just lashing out at me. You wanted me to turn away and run so you wouldn't have to be sad that I'm leaving. You could just be happy that I'm gone. Yeah.

We're just sort of pushing each other away, so it makes saying goodbye easier. But it's never going to be easy. Never. These three weeks have just been so special, and we don't want them to end, even though you're going to same parts. And that's all well and good. It's good.

It's good. But I can, you know, last night we were having dinner and everyone was together and I made, like, a little speech. I almost like I teared up because I'm so sad to be leaving. I love it here. I love you. You've been so great to me and everyone has. And I am really sad to be leaving. I also do want to clip the moment I realized that we weren't recording because I think I screamed like I was being kidnapped.

Yeah. And I knew immediately. I saw you looked at the rodecaster and you screamed, and I'm like, there's something. And I saw we were recording, but then we were one down and yesterday we caught it before we recorded because he still didn't put the studio back together. That's true.

He didn't put the second mic back on. But you, Eagle Eyed podcaster figured it out before we even began. I think we need to cleanse ourselves. I'm at a place now where I can let go. It took me 16 minutes, but I'm okay now.

I'll stop talking about it on this episode.

On this episode.

But in your relationship with Ben, when we get.

You need couple therapy. Couple therapy? I need a lawyer.

Yeah.

Divorce. No. And I'm sure he has such a pit because he knows I'm going to.

Come down and just seriously pray for Ben. Pray for Ben. And they're going on vacation together right now and this is not how you want to start a trip.

What should I ask for in exchange? Obviously now I'm owed something because what should.

The debt is large, right?

I'm going to think about it, but sound off in the comments, like, what should I make Ben do to make this okay?

To put the rug in my room.

That's for you, bitch.

It's kind of punishment. He needs, like manual labor.

Do it to both of us. Think about there are two deaths. We both. It's not just two deaths.

People will say, he doesn't need to buy you anything. Nothing like that. No, he needs, honestly, like manual physical sweating thinking about what he did and how he's not going to do it again. And I have a big ass rug that needs to be moved into my room.

You know what's so toxic is like, now I'm starting to feel bad for Ben.

I already feel bad for him because how can he crawl out?

But this is what he did us wrong. Why are we feeling bad for him?

Yeah.

I just want to say I already feel like Sept is better than the last one. I hate to keep bringing it up.

And the thing is, the last one was so good. Like solid, classic toast. But it wasn't anything that's never been done before and that can't ever be done again.

And there was no benchmark moment.

Like there are certain I didn't wheeze laugh about anything yet.

No, but in this one you did. About what? I don't know, but I made note of it. You were wheezing twice. Oh, about me singing, but also being angry. Yeah. Slaps the second time. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

I apologize to anyone listening for whom this is a frustrating experience. Just. I know you're frustrated. Imagine.

Imagine how we feel. Imagine how tired we are. Imagine how tired we are of it. Okay?

But we're going to lay this to rest here.

And now let's have a quick ceremony, like a funeral.

Okay? Here lies our rage with Ben for the.

No, I'm not laying down the rage.

I'm laying down this episode for the moment.

No, I'm not laying down the rage. I'm laying down the episode like, I need to make peace with the fact that episode is never and we're not going to recreate it. Let's just give a quick funeral eulogy for that episode.

Okay?

It was literally 41 minutes. Okay?

We were in the second story.

Here lies 41 minutes of toast. 41 minutes that will never get to experience the life that it should have. 41 minutes taken from us far too soon. It's not the end. It's just the beginning.

If I may, with a song, please. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. You were bigger than the whole sky. You are more than just 41 minutes.

Yes.

I've got a lot to pine about.

I've got a lot to rage about.

I'm never going to meet what could have been would have been, what should have been. Toast.

Chills.

Thank you.

And now just one quick moment of silence.

And without further ado, without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

Like doing the ad strikes. I wouldn't bring it up.

She couldn't make it a minute.

Okay, now, did you say what you needed to say? I think so. The fast five stories are brought to you by Taylor Farms, the chopped salad kits that are delivering the freshest, best tasting salads to eat at home or on the go. Across North America, Taylor Farms is a family owned company on a mission to create healthy lives through fresh, delicious food. And the chopped salad kits from Taylor Farms. A phi boring. In every bag with over 30 flavors.

Phi boring. What'd you say?

They affi boring.

Excuse me, what are you saying?

A phi boring. E fy. Like they have phi boring.

Is that words?

Are you really a stroke? Listen, leave the ads to me. Jealous. She just wants to talk about Taylor Farms. Okay, go.

I love Taylor Farms. I do.

Yesterday.

Yesterday we were having our disgusting lunch in all I wanted. We picked up salads that were so bad and disgusting, and we had just come from Publix. And I was dreaming that we picked up a bag of Taylor farms.

So dumb.

I would have even eaten it out of the bag. No.

With my new health journey, Jackie's busy mom schedule, we need lunches that are good. That are going to fuel us, keep us right and tight. But that aren't disgusting. Until Taylor farms. I know you're thinking like, salad in a bag. Doesn't sound like fresh. So crisp, so chopped, the flavors so good. There's something for everyone, and you put.

It in a large bowl. If that's how you like to consume your salad. And you are Kardashian, you are.

Sometimes you can eat in the bag. Like if you're just in a hurry.

I've seen people do it. It's not my desired way of eating, but I would rather have eaten it in a bag yesterday than ate the crap that we ate.

Purchase Taylor farms. Not crap. Purchase Taylor farms. The chopped salad kits. Wherever you'd like to shop. It's available at all major grocery stores. Okay. Slay like better the second time. Yeah. Today's episode is also brought to you by the farmer's dog. This new year, the easiest healthy habit to start is one for your dog. The farmer's dog will make feeding real, healthy food to your dog easy and convenient. And your dog will absolutely love it. It is smart, healthy pet food that you can feel good about feeding your pup. And that's why it's time to quit the kibble, kick the cans and start fresh. I'm really struggling. The farmer's dog makes and delivers healthy dog food right to your door. It's developed by vets. It's nutritionally balanced, and it's made from real meat and vegetables to the safety standards of human food. It is truly the best option for dog foods for dogs at all life stages. Because it is not kibble, it's not canned goo. It's just real healthy food. The traditional dry and wet food dog options that we're familiar with are super processed. They actually can use much lower quality ingredients than they claim to, and they're really difficult to portion accurately.

So the Farmer's dog is going to send you pre portioned food specifically for your dog. Based on their unique nutritional needs. It makes it easy to help your dog maintain an ideal weight, which is one of the biggest indicators of a full, healthy life. Dogs at a healthy weight can live up to two and a half years longer than overweight dogs. A fresh diet has been found to have all sorts of benefits from healthier coat and skin, better breath, even easier digestion, and smaller, better poops. A healthy diet isn't just important for humans. It doesn't matter if your dog is young or old, it's always the right time to begin investing in their health. And that means more happy, healthy and full years together. Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food@thefarmersdog.com. Toast. Plus, to get free shipping, just go to thefarmersdog.com toast to get 50% off. That's thefarmersdog.com toast. Today's episode is also brought to you by Caraway. You guys know we're obsessed. I'm not going to bore you again with why we're obsessed, but Caraway has a new product launching. They've actually launched five new kitchen gadgets that we have been obsessed with.

They've got a pizza cutter. They've got a garlic press, a peeler, a can opener. All the things that we have that are rusty and dusty and musty. Caraway made them and they're just better.

Not only are they rusty, dusty and musty, but they get stuck in your drawer because they're so big and you don't have the right storage solution for them. Caraway. It comes with the storage solution. It lays flat in your drawer, the drawers open and close with ease.

And just like their cookware, the kitchen gadgets are made without any toxic materials. The polished stainless steel construction is non toxic. It is sturdy. It will outlive any of your old and dull kitchen tools. Somebody needed to do know. Somebody needed to make the old new again. And if it was going to be anyone, I'm so relieved that it was caraway. I love all their products. I've actually been eyeing some of Jackie's products because I've been cooking, making my hard boiled eggs in her caraway products. I went with sage green. And I've said this a lot. That's kind of the color of my know, I had a stylist come in and help me with that, but I'm really envying your pink.

I have a pink caraway set. I started with the cream set and I love my cream set, but then I needed the pink, so I use both. And when Ben uses every single dish in my kitchen, he's been using pink and cream. But they also look nice together and it's just a nice pop of color in my kitchen.

Visit carawayhome.com toasty to take advantage of this limited time offer of 10% off your next purchase. The deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.com toasty or use code toasty at checkout Caraway. It's nontoxic cookware made modern. And that's toasty.

Thank you. Latto Delu our first story, Taylor Swift's camp hits back at claims that her dad Scott, assaulted a photographer in Australia. Taylor's camp has spoken out after Scott was accused of assaulting a paparazzo while the pair were out in Australia. Early Tuesday, Taylor's dad allegedly slugged a photographer at Sydney's Ferry Wharfs as the singer was exiting a yacht. Local police did not confirm that it was the singer's father, but said a 71 year old man allegedly assaulted a 51 year old man at Neutral Bay Wharf at about 02:30 a.m.. A New South Wales police spokesperson said Swift's camp said this, quote, two individuals were aggressively pushing their way towards Taylor, grabbing at her security personnel and threatening to throw a female staff member into the water.

I mean, I feel like this really tracks. Like, Scott Swift has a history of being extremely violent. He's literally a criminal. He's so filled with rage. I actually really relate to him in that sense. And so this really tracks. And I think he should be thrown in australian prison and throw away the key.

Lock him up and throw away the key. For sure. It's about time someone caught him.

Yeah.

This crazy lunatic, crazy, violent criminal.

This is so dumb. The paparazzi is giving such, like, victim energy. The thing is, when you're a paparazzi and your job is to literally stalk people, like, I'm never going to feel bad for you. I don't even care if scotts would have just punched this innocent man in the face who was standing 30ft away from him. To me, the paparazzo is always the aggressor. Yeah, the aggressor. And there's a video of it, but you can't see anything. Everyone's analyzing this video. It's, don't waste your time. I tried. There's literally nothing to see. Like, the car is blocking the whole thing and you're literally watching a car door. The entire video. It's so stupid. But I did watch it like 50 times.

That's weird that there's always, like, eyes untailered and cameras everywhere and they don't have the video of this.

Oh, so she's actually in the video and she does this quite a lot when she does not want to be photographed. She's literally walking through the street. Her dad is holding her arm. She has an umbrella closed over her face, so you can't see her face. It's literally just her body. And her dad is holding her hand, like, guiding her to the car. She did not want her face.

Why wouldn't she want to be seen? I understand why people don't want to be seen sometimes. But why do you think she does.

That umbrella thing pretty much every single time she gets off of her private jet? I've never seen her do it in public on the street. Maybe she wasn't wearing makeup and she didn't want to be. I don't know. But I agree. I've never seen her do that anywhere other than her, the tarmac, if you will.

Yeah. Maybe she flies without makeup. Yeah.

Who flies with makeup?

You do sometimes, actually, yeah, I do sometimes. Sometimes I like to look presentable.

It depends to the world who I'm traveling with. When I'm going to a wedding, and I know there's only three flights and most of the guests are on this flight, I'm putting on makeup. The handful of times I've flown private, we got to look our best.

Got to step their pussy up.

If I'm traveling, like on a group trip or something, maybe, but I'll usually, before a trip, depending on where I'm going, I usually have a spray tan. Yeah.

And it's not the vibe and a.

Blowout, so I look decent.

Oh, true. But also, you're not going to put makeup over your spray tan.

No.

You have to take off your makeup and you take off a layer of spray tan before the trip's even started.

No, of course. But there's a special, like, the girly feeling of getting a spray tan and not showering before the flight. So you're really the most developed. And you go pee in the bathroom, and you look crazy in the bathroom. It's like the best feeling, just knowing how beautiful you're going to look.

And when you take a shower, bathroom, it's like, so confined. You smell your spray tan everywhere.

Yeah. To me, that's better than sniffing glue. That's the best.

Yeah. All of that. To say it's case dependent whether or not I'm traveling with makeup, but it's not great for your skin to do so. But it's also just like, not. I can't decide which argument is stronger. Like, do you want to look presentable when you're flying on an airplane or have we committed to Slobhood?

We've committed to Slobhood. I'm sorry. Like, look around.

Yeah. So we're going to give up that fight. But I also feel like the airlines demand slob hood. They treat you like a slob.

Yeah.

No.

And everything is disgusting and dirty. Like, why would I show up my best when they're not putting their best foot forward? Why should I?

No, it's so true.

But back to tailored and Scott, the paparazzi who's, like, claiming that he was, like, a victim of battery. It's giving, very much like, hey, look at me.

It's like, ow.

It's giving like a toddler when they fall and they're really not in pain and they start crying. It's giving. Attention, whore. It's giving. Loser. Searching for victimhood. It's giving. Hey, look at me.

Hey, look at me. And look, we're looking at. So.

And we don't like what we see.

No. Congratulations, you play yourself.

Congratulations, you played yourself.

So, yeah, hopefully this works itself out.

I'm not know. Scott is a law abiding citizen.

Yeah.

No matter where he know these are different laws, but I'm sure he's abiding by them.

Yeah, but you also, like, you don't want to be caught out in another country trading the law.

It's giving Amanda Knox. Oh, no.

What's that show you like?

Brittany Greiner? Oh, being out of the country, like, you never know. You could get detained.

It's true.

That's why when people, even just people I know travel with their weed pens, I'm like, did you learn nothing from Britney Griner? To me, that's my worst member. Also, I know I always talk about this stupid show Brian made me watch once. Locked up.

That's what I thought you were going to say.

Oh, my God. And those people were like drug mules. It's not the same as, like, a vape pen or like, having a loose joint in your makeup case. These people were like swallowing rubber band fulls of.

Oh, they did that shit.

They were like actual people. Like being drug mules, carrying illegal amounts of.

They were committing crimes and so thus.

They were locked up abroad. Yeah.

Not like framed or suspected.

No, not only that, it wasn't like a minor. There are different amounts that get different sentences. Like someone having one joint or one vape pen is different than having a block of cocaine stuck up your ass. Yeah, but of course, it does make me think of that show locked up abroad, which I feel everybody should just watch. So they take it seriously. Everyone's into magic mushrooms now, and they travel with their chocolates and their oils. Just watch. Locked up abroad.

No, but aside from drugs, just to take seriously the notion of not breaking the rules of whatever country that you're in.

Yeah.

And not even getting close to it, because sometimes you go to jail for something and you didn't do that shit. And it's not even as best as you can put yourself in a situation where it could even be.

No, it's true. I actually should read the laws when I. Yeah, I really don't want to end up in the same bartholomew prison. That would be bad, but good for the podcast, of course.

No, because I couldn't podcast with you. The audio would be Ben and the.

Tailors could come back and tell my story.

You would let Ben?

No, Ben would have to stay with me. Of course. He's in prison with me. I don't care if he didn't, because.

He didn't turn up the microphone jail.

I would send the tailors back. And Taylor was a professional podcaster, and she would host. She would fill in for me and tell my story. I would trust her to tell my story.

I would, too. Yeah, trust her to tell your story.

Yeah. I'm just already feeling like this podcast is so much better. Like, I'm feeling really good.

Oh, and by the way, as we get into the next story, we're back where we left.

We're caught up. We're caught up.

And that's the best feeling. Now we can move forward with, like, a clean slate.

Tabularass and kind of let go of the chip on our shoulder, even though.

Ben was the one who was like, you guys have to let go of the chip on your shoulder when he keeps putting a chip on every one, literally placing it. Yeah. And also eating the chip.

No wonder.

Before we even get a chance.

Well, let's talk about that while we're ragging on Ben. Jackie and I went to get, like, a healthy lunch at this grocery store that had good pre made food. And then we decided to buy ourselves two little treats. Two tiny little treats. One was a chocolate covered graham cracker, and the other was, like, a strawberry yogurt covered pretzel. They were purple. They looked gorgeous. Did you have any graham crackers?

I had half of one, because I saw before I even opened them, there was only two left.

I had zero. I didn't even have a bite. Okay. I didn't even have one. They're gone. The yogurt pretzel. I'm not going to lie. I had, like, three or four.

I did get to taste it, but.

Ben sat down to watch tv with the carton. Like, they were all gone. Vacuum energy.

Let's not forget the Valentine's day hearts of 2024.

Oh, my God. I didn't even realize Olivia got us all chocolates for Valentine's Day. I didn't get Any.

No, not even that. You don't even know this. Well, I said it on the show, but you must have been looking for your ads or something.

Yeah. No, like, I'm thinking about myself, but.

That I had bought chocolate hearts for everyone because I had a full house and I wanted to put, like, chocolate hearts on everyone's pillowcase on Valentine's Day. I bought them a few days before. They did not make it to Valentine's Day.

Wait, by the way, I didn't know this.

I said it on the.

So that's disgusting of me for just literally not knowing, but that's.

I bought chocolate hearts, like, for your pillow for Valentine's Day, and Ben ate them all.

I have a memory of you telling me that you were going to put chocolate hearts on everybody's deja. We were sitting just like this. Yeah, but I don't know if I wasn't listening or didn't compute that you didn't get to do that because my vacuum of a husband ate them. Yes. We really need to have a sit down with him. How do you guys. And maybe this is just, like, a universal problem. How are we getting through to our husbands? We have these conversations, and bed will walk away and be like, I need you to listen. And then he will sit down and listen, and he will not change.

I know.

What do we do?

I think there's two paths.

Corporal punishment.

There's two paths. Corporal punishment. You're taking him to St. Bart's. There's two paths here. We can plot how we can make it better, and we can all share tips and tricks we've learned along the way. Or the second path. It's just like we accept them for how they are. And I know it's so unfair.

It is.

It's so unfair. But if we accept them from how they are, then we're not spending more effort, more disappointment, trying to change them. And we can just bloom where they've been planted.

Somebody needs to write a smut book, because smut is, like, really. And everyone's tastes are different, but you get to express your deepest fantasies in smut. So a lot of that is like, for me, it's like really big, rich men, some girls, like, whatever. I need somebody to write an erotic novel about, like, a man who's capable, a man who plans, a man who's on time, a man who can do the dishes, a man who will put the microphone thing back up. That, to me, is erotica.

Well, I feel like that's why those books are fantasy, because they do those things.

So true. So true. But, like, literally, Tessa Bailey's like somebody write a book. Like the capable one. Something like that.

Yeah.

One true capable something.

One true capable.

To me, being capable and reliable, that's better than having a six pack.

Oh, yeah.

That's better than having a ten inch dick.

Anyone can go and get a six pack. Yeah.

And anybody can get a penile implant. But not everyone can do the dishes in a timely manner. And take the trash out now and.

Be like, forward thinking about what needs to get done next.

Yeah. To me, you can have three orgasms in a night, or you can go to take the trash out and it's already been taken out and new bags put back in.

Or, like, you go to get a sparkling water and there's a cold one in the fridge.

Okay. That's, like a really niche.

No, because my husband's in charge of beverages.

Yeah, you have this problem.

Okay. Husband is in charge of beverages.

He's a food and beverage director.

Not even food beverage.

He's a beverage beverage.

Because they're really heavy. And that's just something I'm said, like, you're in charge of inventory.

He's like, lug it from the garage.

No, you're in charge. And he also likes to drink an assortment of drinks. So it's in his wheelhouse.

It's natural.

He's in charge of inventory, storage, shipping, all of logistics. And I have no fucking cold waters in my house. I barely have room temperature waters. Nothing is ever like where it should be. I bought some drinks and left them by the door because again, I'm not in charge of shipping to the kitchen.

I saw there was snapple and cranberry juice at the front door for weeks. Weeks? Yeah.

It's out there because the beverage director was.

And by the way, I saw somebody open the snapple and just take a Snapple and drink because I saw a hole in the snapple pack. I'm like, oh, my God. Somebody didn't even bring to the kitchen. They just took a snapple. I bet it was bad.

Next, what I saw this morning, I'm glad I'm remembering this because it needs.

Episode is so much better because I.

Need to write him a strongly worded email of what I saw this morning. You know, where the snapples have ended up and the cranberry juices. They finally moved.

They moved? Yeah. Where'd they go?

In the pantry to the right of my fridge that has all of my.

Tupperwares and reusable cups.

They're literally stacked in a line, like, blocking everything that's in the pantry.

Yeah. That's bad.

Like, put them in the fridge and then my back fridge, which is where we should store drinks to keep them cold, only spritzes.

Yeah. By the way, I got a bunch of beverages and I took it upon myself to go put them in the back fridge forever. And I got snapples, I got la Croix, I got coffee. There was no space. There was spritz everywhere.

Everything that's in the back fridge is like alcoholic.

Yeah. And you guys don't even drink.

And I just want a fucking cold snapple and a cold pellegrino.

I'm sorry. I did put a sample in the fridge last night. You can have it.

I saw it. It's been getting in my way. No, just like, because there's not a set place for beverages.

Yeah. Sorry.

This is just like kind of what I'm going through and I didn't mean to take it out on everyone and I was actually going to keep it to myself.

Do you feel better getting it out?

Well, now I feel like a little nit picky.

Yeah, no, me too. But look at us feeling bad. Stop it.

Like, really? You have one job. Beverage logistics. Beverages are never where they need to be. And the worst is, like, when I'm making a bottle, you're riling me up now. The worst is when I'm going to make a bottle for Charlie and I'm going for a room temperature bottle of water because I use room temperature for his bottles but not that there's any in the fridge. And when I can't find a bottle of water because they're like in the.

Garage and you're cursing his name and.

I'm like holding a baby trying to make a bottle. He's hungry, screaming, crying, throwing fuck is.

My water swear jar.

I need to shake it off.

Yeah. Now we're like, we've kind of swapped. I'm feeling good. No, maybe our best episode. Yeah.

And by the way, as we stated, we're back to where we were. This isn't about the previous episode. This is just about, like, beverage logistics and we've had guests and we didn't have cold beverages. I can't.

It's humiliating.

Humiliating.

So embarrassing. You don't have guests? Like who?

You.

Oh, I'm not a family.

I know, but you want to put your best course.

Of course.

Our next story. Speaking of lovely relationships, Brielle Beerman is engaged to baseball player Billy Seidel. She posted on Monday that she got engaged to Billy Seidel nearly a year after they took their romance public. She said forever with you.

I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. This story really just kind of was planted in my lap. And I was overjoyed. You know how I feel about this family. And I know some people are going to be like, why is this a story? And I understand, but you don't understand. Is extremely personal to me.

It doesn't cross our desk without us discussing it. Aside from all this divorce back and forth. Because we can't keep up with back and forth.

Yeah. Where did they land with that, by the way?

I don't know.

Yeah, it was too much. And I don't want to talk about, like, sad Beerman news. I only want to talk about HBN. Happy Beerman news. And this is so. And I feel like in the last year or two, it's kind of been a tumultuous time for the Beermans. Financially divorced, the police were called all those different things. And it just appears as though, like, Brielle has been keeping her head down, like, moving in, know, influencing, building a business. She got her lip filler dissolved. And apparently she's been falling in love. And you know what? We stand. You know who? It's her and Bridget Menler, moving in silence. Just popping up with good news. Love that. That's how everybody should do.

Yeah. Really happy for her. Congrats.

Congrats, grads.

Congrats, grads.

I just love the Beermans. And, you know, I had a dream that Brielle Beerman. The night before last, I had a dream that she was pregnant and, like, gave birth to a baby. And I don't dream about her often. And then I woke up and like 12 hours later saw the news that she was pregnant. I mean. Excuse me. Not pregnant. Engaged. Aged. So I feel like. I don't know, I kind of made this happen. I don't know, I just feel connected to the story in some way. I can't explain it. Maybe it's like, in a third eye sort of way because I definitely have.

Clairvoyant tendencies or in making things about. You sort of know.

No, not never. Just not now.

Okay, well, yeah, maybe you are cosmically connected to the Beermans. I wouldn't put that past you.

Me neither. And you know what?

Maybe in like a prior life.

The thing is, is so crazy. I'm actually friendly with Brielle Beerman. I feel like if I wanted to. Because a place, like, I need to visit before I die, people always say, like, I need to see. Know pyramids before I die. I need to see the Beerman house before I die. And I feel like I literally could, like, if I said to, like, can I come over?

She would be like, yeah, when you're in Atlanta next.

And I actually go to Atlanta. Like, not never. I was just there. Yeah, I was in Athens. But still not never.

Life brings us there and it's so.

Convenient to get to from New York. So many delta flights.

Us.

Yeah, I would like to spend the night there. And I would do a 24 hours live stream. Yeah. I mean, they have a chef. Yeah, fuck me up. They have a pool. I would go in the summer. Like, me and Brielle could have a pool party now. We could have gone like a double date.

Loving it. Hopefully Ben gets to go. Oh, never mind, he's done.

Take it back. It's a girls weekend.

Girls weekend.

He's not coming to Atlanta. Fuck him.

Are you ready for our next story? A little fashion news. And this is exactly where we were.

And by the way, 41 minutes.

Oh, my God.

That is crazy.

That's really crazy because, wow. I didn't expect that. But I was saying fashion news and Turtie said, I always say fashion. She said, I always say fashion. Every time I say it, she thinks I'm going to say fascist because it's.

The way you emphasize a little fashion. You always put the emphasis on the first syllable.

I just want to know. It's never felt that way to me. But it does to you because of friends. And you wanted to issue a correction.

Yes. The reason why Jackie always reminds me of the word fascist when she says fashion is because that episode of Friends where, you know, girls who are into fashion are fascists because he's like dumb and brain dead and probably needs help. And then it reminded me, I wanted to issue a correction yesterday when we were recapping. Oh, my God, I'm having pts day. When we literally, the sentence when you said Shane Gillis. Oh, fuck. That's literally how I went. When we were recapping Shane Gillis, we were talking about the r word. And Jackie, you were, you don't you always say, claudia, that frenzy is the r word. I'm like, no, what are you talking about? Yes, they do. I forgot Phoebe. Yes. So they do use it. I was incorrect and you were right and I was wrong and I'm dumb and you're stupid and I'm dumb and.

You'Re smart and there's nothing you can do about it.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

But to your credit, they have taken that out of reruns.

Yes. And Phoebe says it with an accent, so, yeah, I had forgotten. She says he's unregard. Right?

Our next story, fashion news, not fascist news. Monica Lewinsky is an empowered woman at 50 in a new reformation fashion and voting campaign. So Monica Lewinsky is rocking everything from a bold leather trench to her signature.

Little black dress, black of hair, as.

She stars in reformation's latest fashion campaign. And she's aiming to get women to use their voice at the polls. The 50 year old former White House employee looks stunning in the brand's new images, with Lewinsky and reformation teaming up with vote to encourage women to cast their votes in style.

Let me ask you a question. Are women not voting, first of all. Second of why? I actually like the idea of Monica Lewinsky being, like, a spokesperson for fashion. Like, something like, sure, go off queen. She deserves her flowers. Her life was ruined, but why is it a commercial? And then they just slap on voting. Do you know what I mean? I have such a problem with the way we talk about voting. You guys know the way influencers talk about voting. It's, like, a real trigger for me. And the way. Just vote. And on Facebook, you can't open fucking Facebook without that vote thing coming up. It's, like, demeaning to my intelligence. Like, I am registered to vote, and I just think the way we slap voting onto things, it so makes no sense. And it's so.

Yeah.

This included. People who shop at reformation are registered to vote.

Yeah. No, it's just, like, a lot of things at once. You're doing too much, and also. And it makes no sense.

It's not cohesive. Like, what does shopping, Monica Lewinsky and voting have to do?

I think the message is, get to the polls in style with reformation. So it's also, like, voting, and doing vote is kind of, like, nonprofit sort of thing, but you're also, like, pushing your dresses. You know what I mean?

And I just want to say, I actually also don't agree with the concept of shopping.

Voting in style.

Of voting in style. Voting is an extremely inconvenient thing. People do it after work, work during their lunch break, in their gym clothes. Like, what? I have to go home and change now. I'm never going to get to the polls.

Yeah, I think it's kind of profiting off of voting, which is the opposite of what these voter campaigns should be doing.

Agreed.

And it's doing a little too much. And, yeah, I like Monica Lewinsky. I don't know her, but I like reformation, is what I say. I like the brand. I like, the partnership. I think the clothes look really nice, but all in all, this is not doing it for me. Same.

But I do like the idea of Monica Lewinsky having a moment. I think with the Beanie Feldstein show, that was excellent. She definitely had a moment then, and I think she's continuing to have that moment. So I'm here for, like, I actually thought this was different and creative, and this is good for reformation. Like, a brand that I feel like nobody talks about. We're talking about them now, but it always makes me think about the whole voting marketing thing at a glance. I just feel like it's so weird. And that's not to say it is important to vote. That's not what I'm saying. I just find the way that in media, it's spoken about, it's almost, like, so dumb. It's derogatory.

It's derogatory to people's intelligence. Some people will say a lot of people need the tools. People have brains, too, and they know that it's voting coming up. We don't need all this excess. It is very condescending. Bring a snack.

Drive your elderly neighbor. Look up your polling place. It's the same fucking place every year. It's the middle school. It frustrates me.

Yeah. And this is a little bit of a reach. I would.

Like. And I think this campaign would have made waves regardless. Like, with Monica Lewinsky. She looks beautiful. Like, she really does.

And the clothes look great.

The clothes look like. I hate all this voting marketing. I think it's being done wrong. And that's not to say it shouldn't be done. It should be, but it's wrong.

Yeah.

I don't like it, but also, it's.

Like, so what month is it? February. This is going to be a long year, turdy.

It's begun, you guys. Gird your loins.

Gird your loins.

That is one of my favorite phrases, and I have to thank Stanley Tucci for it. Of course, I had never heard it before that I'm sure it existed, but, yeah, he definitely popularized the phrase gird your loins.

You know what else is happening this year that we haven't discussed?

Olympics.

We have discussed.

Okay.

I think we discussed it on the previous episode briefly, but not enough. So I'm glad I'm bringing it back to the fore.

What?

Leap year.

It's not even happening this year. It's happening this week.

This week is a leap year week. And I just think leap years are really fascinating.

I do, too. Especially when I learned why they happen every year is actually not 365 days. It's 365 days and 6 hours. So every four years, we get an extra day, and that's February 29. And I always think about the people, of course, who are born on February 29. Right?

But you know what? I realized recently that there are people who are born in August, on August 29, 30th and 31st, who don't have half birthdays. Riddle me that.

Why wouldn't somebody born on August 30 not have a half birthday?

February 30?

Oh, duh. Oh, my God.

The August to February pipeline. But then also. Then it made me realize people who are born on the 31st of other months, of other months, their six month counterpart, they might not have half birthdays. I didn't know there were people out that struggling without a half birthday.

No, that's why it's actually really great that half birthdays are fucking meaningless, because this doesn't matter.

I feel like it does.

Well, we didn't celebrate my half birthday, so it doesn't fucking matter.

You didn't make it a thing. Well, usually at your half birthday is when we start talking about your birthday. And we actually did start talking about your birthday last night.

We're not talking about my birthday on this podcast. Move on, MUFOn. Mufon.

Okay. Moving on to Monica Lewinsky for reformation. Cute.

But, like, do.

And, like, can we just pause with the vote stuff? Like, just, can you wait till the fall?

No, the timing doesn't bother me. Can we just redirect, reimagine how we're encouraging people to vote? Because the way they just slap it on random things that have no tie in fucking dresses, it makes no sense. And honestly, it makes me not want to vote. Okay.

Yeah.

All that to say, make sure you're.

Registered to vote and get out the vote.

Vote.

Get out the vote in ten months, you guys.

Yeah, you have time, don't worry.

Yeah, but we'll remind you every day. You know what?

You can just wear your toast merch. Like, it's not. Oh, by the way, voteinstyle. Shoptosmerch.com. The girly collection one women.

Make your voices heard.

Go to shoptosmerch.com.

Girls around the world. Vote in style. Vote comfortably with shoptosmerch.com.

And 0.5% of our sales are going to vote. So you can feel good knowing your purchase goes a long way.

Can you raise money for vote?

No, I was just trying to make a joke.

Yeah, I think they have money.

I think they're funded.

Yeah, they're certainly funded. Are you ready for our next story.

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You're welcome.

Our next story, one of your favorite couples has welcomed another Bebe, Jesse James Decker. No, but she did also welcome a bebe.

Yeah, but I was like, she's not one of my favorite couples. I like her, but she's not, like, one of my favorites.

Oh, wow. Okay.

I really didn't mean that in a shady way. I just thought that's who you were talking about.

No. Miranda Kerr has welcomed her fourth baby, her third, with her husband, Evan Spiegel.

Obsessed with her.

Miranda Ker is a four time mom. She gave birth to baby number four, her third with her husband, Evan Spiegel, because she has one child with Orlando.

Bloom, who she co parents beautifully with.

With Katy Perry, she said. We are overjoyed by the arrival of our little ray of sunshine, Pierre Kerr Spiegel. We couldn't be more excited to welcome our fourth son into our family, feeling so very blessed.

Now read me the names of all of her kids so I know how Pierre fits in the group.

Hart is five.

H-A-R-T. Yep.

Miles Myles is four, and Pierre is just born. But then her son with Orlando Bloom is Flynn. I think it works. Really?

I don't. I feel like Flyn Hart. And what's the third? Miles are so, like, all american. Pierre is giving croissant.

I like Pierre.

I like it, too, but I feel like it so doesn't fit. I love the names of her first three kids, Flynn Hart and Miles. I don't know linguistics or anything, but I feel like they're from the same greek. Yeah. Thank you.

The thing is, the reason why these four work for me is because I like them all.

Yeah, I like the name Pierre. I just feel it doesn't fit with the group because I saw it first.

And I really liked. Doesn't. It's not the outlier, like, for me. It's kind of the linchpin for me.

It gives, you know.

Yeah.

And it's a beautiful name.

What about Hart Perot?

Like, no, you see what I'm saying?

I do. Flynn Perot.

I'd love Miranda Ker. She can do absolutely no love. You know, the way she's just kind really. I feel like she's having, like, ideal model retirement life. Like, she married a business member who is literally a billionaire. They have a ton of kids. She has a really successful business. Quora organics. She's not, like, overexposed. She doesn't go to a million. Like, every time she shows up, people turn around. I just love her. And then she has the connection to Katy Perry, which I feel like keeps her really, like, I just love.

No. Beautiful. Also low key. That she has so many kids, I didn't realize. And also I saw, like, she has four kids, and now in Hungary, if you have four more babies, you don't have to pay income tax for life.

Does she live in Hungary?

No. But isn't that an interesting policy?

Oh, moving to Hungary and having four kids.

Right. That's motivational.

Yeah. Do they want people to have kids in Hungary? Is that like.

Yeah. They want know, increase their population as some people.

The birth rate in America, if they had said, if you do x, you don't have to pay income tax. Income tax. What is something that I would do?

Would you have four kids to not pay income tax? Yeah.

I mean, I do want to have a lot of kids, but the act of actually having them is like a whole other question.

Right.

So if they said you have to never have soda again? I would, of course, if they said you have to.

There's really, there's nothing I would consider anything. Also, whatever they're asking you to do, you would hope, you never hope would be to your benefit or something. That's like the benefit of the nation. For know, people could disagree on what that is. So that's why it's not cut and dry. But I would consider most things to not pay income tax.

But Miranda doesn't live in Hungary is what you're saying. You were just bringing that up?

I was just bringing that up because she has four kids.

Interesting.

This is a new hungarian policy.

Like the opposite of China.

Yeah.

Where you're only allowed to have one, which I always think about, like, what if you have twins?

They definitely have a twin loophole.

Okay. I would hope. Right? Quintuplets I would hope. What about octo mom? How would she fare in China? Makes you think.

I don't think she would do farewell.

Me either. Yeah, I don't think really any of us would. Yeah.

I don't know. Just something to think about.

Yeah.

So are you ready for our fifth and final story, which is actually going to lead into a mini tv recap? Because we discussed in the previous episode, but we didn't even need to discuss it until now that Claudia and I are caught up on Vanderpump rules.

We did that over the weekend and we forgot to recap it yesterday. We were planning on it, but we just time got away from us.

Meanwhile, Tom Sandoval is denying Ariana Maddox's request to sell their home that they share, claiming she did not act reasonably and in good faith.

Oh, he was saying she's a bad faith actor, he said. So he said she got her bfA.

Yes, Tom Sandoval rejected Ariana Madox's request to sell their shared home after she sued him for refusing to give up their sprawling $2 million LA property. Court documents obtained by Page Six reveal that Sandobal responded to Maddox's filing on Friday, claiming she failed to disclose sufficient facts to state a cause of action against him when she submitted the lawsuit last month. Per the LA court filing the Vanderpump rule, star further claimed his ex girlfriend and co star also failed to mitigate whatever damages she suffered in her documents, adding she didn't perform reasonably and in good faith. In the event the court sides with Ariana to partition the property, Sandoval requested to receive accounting and compensatory adjustments for any repairs and improvements he's made to increase the volume of the home, the documents said.

But in the most recent episodes, I was shocked to hear that Tom Sandoval has offered to buy Ariana out of the house and sent her like a letter of intent and she got no response. It sounds like Ariana is more so focused on selling the house than she is just getting out of it.

Yes, because she wants Tom to have to get out of it too. She doesn't think it's fair if his life is unchanged. She gets the whole house after he buys it from her and that's just too easy for him.

I just want to say I understand that, but at this point in time, after all that's happened to Ariana, I feel like she should make peace with the fact that she probably made like $3 million post scandalval in terms of Dancing with the stars, all those brand deals, commercials. She was everywhere. Everywhere all at once. I would make peace with that. Knowing Tom Sandoval doesn't have a pot to piss in. If he does keep the house, I swear to God, he will probably have to foreclose on it. He has no money. I would make peace with the fact, yeah, okay, he might not be inconvenienced and that's annoying, but with all that's happened to me, I would be able to make peace with it.

But also.

And how is living with him better?

Spending so much time to stick it to him, to inconvenience him is really just inconveniencing you. The way that they live is insane. Insane. And not the way to start fresh and leave this behind you. And that's what she deserves. Like, yes, if she is able to leave this behind her, that in turn means that Tom gets to do it, too. But why are you holding yourself back just to punish him?

And by the way, it's entirely possible that how they're living now is different than how they're living in the show. Because the show was probably like eight months ago.

I don't think so. If they haven't sold the house and she refuses to give it to him and he's not moving either, because this is his plot of land in this world. He has nowhere else to go. Yeah, I think they're still living like this.

I mean, that's insane. And one of the big storylines coming up is this trip to Big Bear or no, Lake Tahoe. That's where Lisa's opening a new restaurant, which I thought was really interesting. And Lisa's weirdly turned into one of my favorite characters on the show because I used to not be able to stand her. And Ariana and Katie are both refusing to go because Tom Sandoval is going. And you actually had pointed out how.

Ariana was like, I'm not going on a trip. And being in a house with Tom, and it's like, you live in a house with Tom, just the two of you alone. There's other people.

Right. And so it's Really, I feel not so much about being near Tom because that's clearly not. That's something she can withstand. Because you're right, she lives with him. It's more so about, I feel like they're trying to get him off the show. And if everybody refuses to film with him, then you really can't be a part of that show. Like, you see even in the first couple of episodes. It's him and Kyle chan and him. And that waiter Jesse, who was on one episode and it's not enough, and Billy Lee.

Right.

So if it's just Billy, Jesse and Kyle, tom's not going to be able to really stay on the show for so long. But him going on the trip and everyone agreeing to be in the house with him besides Katie and Ariana does give Tom longevity on the show and I think that's more so what it's about not proximity to Tom, because if it was about that, she would sell the house or I mean, sell it to Tom.

Right? Yeah. It's also interesting how the conversation is changing, especially because Lisa sort of really moved the needle and she's seeing it from a different perspective and starting to feel sorry for Tom. And I'm just kind of realizing about myself. I'm kind of like very. I just believe people. I'm kind of like when now Sheena and Lala are questioning their treatment of Tom and maybe he deserves just like to be treated.

I have to tell you something. You're going to freak out. Why?

Oh, my gosh. What's that?

I think it's Bruno's butthole on your.

Was he here?

I don't know. What else would it be? Do you have chocolate this morning?

I haven't eaten yet.

I think you have my banana dog poo.

Bruno, my angel.

It'll come out.

Oh, I'm not worried about. It's just like, gross.

Are you comfortable sitting with Doody on.

Your sweater like that for the show after what we've been through and I actually literally need to leave in 5 minutes?

Yeah, we've been through worse.

I have not a moment to spare.

Okay. What were you going to say? You believe people? Are you believing Tom Sandoval?

What's to believe?

Like, that he's really sorry and that he was suicidal? No.

Well, he's definitely will say anything to just claw himself out of this. But I think the show is struggling because they're grappling with two extremes, like whether to totally be against Tom merchandising and profiting off of Scandalval or being friends with him again, where it's like, I just think it could just be neither of those things and just like, goodbye. But I don't need to talk about you on my podcast all the time. But it feels like the people who are kind of questioning their treatment of him now need to consider being friends with him again.

It's weird.

It is weird. But in this episode, it was the first time where I looked at Schwartz and everybody has just hated Schwartz. But I was like, I asked myself the question, like, has Schwartz been the most scrupled one this whole time? By not. Like, even though his best friend did downright dog by not abandoning him right.

When everyone else did.

I don't know. It just made me think differently about the situation, which I think it was intended to do. And that's what Lisa wants because she's worried about Tom Sandoval. And I'm not so worried about Tom Sandoval.

Me neither. At that point, I would be worried about Raquel.

Yeah. Even though what Tom Sandoval has been through, if he were like a normal person, is more than one person can bear.

But thankfully he's so delusional and narcissistic that. Agreed. If anybody went through what Tom Sandoval went to and they went through and they weren't Tom Sandoval. Suicidal thoughts are so natural. It's more than one person can handle. Correct. But because he lives in this beyondly delusional weird universe where he's this main character, he might be immune to it for real, which is a great form.

Of protection for him, but it's still not how you should go around treating people. And if someone did what he like, of course there's that immediate reflex to be so angry and Rachel. But eventually you have to just let it go and let them go. They can't really let him go because he's on the show with them. So they toggle between these two extremes. But I'm just kind of over this end of the extreme.

I agree.

Punishment for Tom Sandoval, like, I want to move on because also when you think about things that people can do, like terrible things that people do. He cheated on his girlfriend's girlfriend. It's not good.

There's just one thing about the show.

That it's not capital crime.

Right? One thing about the show that's really pissing me off and just feels like no one is saying is like, ariana hates Tom. She will not be near him. She's so disgusting.

Like, he hates his personality, everything. And we, like you and I know.

We'Ve been knowing and where's the accountability for the fact this is the worst person on the planet? And up until a year ago, you were love with him and would have done anything for him and you were riding for him and you were defending him to everyone. Where's the accountability? It's like, that was your man. We are talking about him because you were dating him. Where's the accountability? He's horrible and you loved him. Like, hello.

Yeah, and he was always this way. It's not like his personality has really changed since.

Right.

Aside from the only gotten a little bit more extreme.

But he's always been this person.

He's always been this narcissistic person, all about me, person going off, and it's.

Like, we've been knowing, girl, you know? Yeah.

Like, thanks, girl.

We knew.

Yeah.

It's, like, a little frustrating.

It is frustrating.

You just want to shake her, and it's like, all right, honestly, we're tired of hearing it.

Yeah. No one like, you dated him.

You brought this mess to us. We're living through this because of you.

Sustained and condoned his behavior when it's been bad for a while.

He was made into a monster with you.

The things that you're cringing that he's doing now, he's been doing them right.

And you were cheering the band the night you found out he was cheating on you. Like, you were literally dancing front row, like, loving his show. And it's like, yikes. So that's just the only thing that's, like, bothered me. It's like the change of heart. I love it because I agree with everything she's saying. But it's like now she, before going.

So hard against him, as she should because of him cheating on her. But on the things on his personality scorecard, those were also the things that you were supporting. So, yeah, we knew. I don't want to say we all, because other people, he was their favorite.

So. Thus concludes the most insane journey of this podcast episode. We made it to the end. We are grateful, we are humbled, and we will see you tomorrow. Don't forget to shop merch@shoptosmerch.com. We love you.

We have an episode tomorrow, but if you want us to help you get through the short break, head over to patreon.com. The toasters episodes, four days.

Love you. Bye.