Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the toast. Happy Thursday. That feels like a Monday, but also feels like a Friday. Because it's a celebration. It's a celebration. It is day one, episode one of season seven, you know. Wait, Jax, last year when we started season six, you made up a little jingle, and we used to say it at the beginning of the year. It's the season of a six, and I. That's what you said. We need you to come up with a jingle for the season of the seven. It's giving 7th heaven.

It's giving 7th heaven. That's what I was thinking. Except, like, without the pedophilia.

Yeah, without the pedophilia. And what was the theme song of 7th heaven? Did it say 7th heaven in it?

We'll have to go back and listen. Just like Barry Manilow before me. I can always come up with a great jingle. I just need a minute.

Yeah, no, I totally put you on the spot. I meant to text you that last night, but I fell asleep back.

It's something that I'll be ruminating on as the season progresses. Happy 2024. Happy season seven. Back to work. Yes, it's a Thursday. That feels like a Monday, though. We're grateful that it's a Thursday. What a great way to start the year.

But doesn't it also feel like a Friday because it's a celebration of the.

Fact that we're back.

Yeah, everyone's talking about it.

I know. It's very exciting for everyone and us.

I'm so excited to be back. Breaks are good. Breaks are necessary. We had a great break. Vacation, family, fun in the sun, et cetera. But when I tell you I have so much to say, it's just been kind of building up in me. I'm a person who's born to communicate, who's born to talk shit. And when you take that right away from me for three whole weeks, I'm not going to be okay.

I mean, we're doing a lot of communicating and talking shit in private over the last few weeks, which is so.

Important for the soul.

For the soul, which is also important. But you do need to get on your soapbox sometimes and reach the people.

No. And I do love going on break because it reminds me how much we're needed.

Yeah.

And I'm excited to be back. We've got lots to discuss, talk about ourselves, and if you were keeping up with us on the Patreon, you obviously know everything that went down in the last three weeks on our big family trip. There was lots of drama. Lots of infighting. So you'll know what's going on if you're on the Patreon. And I'm not going to repeat.

We did two vlogs from our vacation, a skiing day vlog, a beef stew vlog. And then we did an Allsteens on deck episode where we just talked about sisterly tings, but also sacred Santa.

Yeah, there was some drama in the Secret Santa. I'm not going to spoil it for the girlies who are on Patreon, but you should go listen to see what happened.

Spoiler alert. We shared who everyone got and what gifts everyone got in the sacred Santa and how it all sort of played out, is what I'll say.

Spoiler alert. Somebody fucked up big.

Yeah, I think you guys know who and what. But we get into more detail on.

The Patreon, so it was nice to be kept up with everyone there in terms of the main show. We've got so much to catch up on. But let's just recap our trip very quickly. For me, it was the trip where I became a skier. And I talked a lot about that journey leading up to know on the show in December and November. I took that ski lesson we all know about. And let me tell you, I shredded that fucking nar. I shredded that fucking nar. That nar was my bitch. I'm an amazing skier. I went three times. I only bought one day pass. What? A lift pass, whatever it's called. Because I was like, I'm not going to like this. And I just kept buying more. It's an expensive hobby. It is. It is a hobby that is expensive. And it's expensive. But I had so much fun.

You can't put a price on that feeling of going down the edge of a mountain, Jackie. That feeling, wind in your goggles. Just living on the edge.

Yeah. No, like, you get up to the top of the mountain and you're just filled with this sense of dread. You're like, why the fuck did I. Like, why am I here? I have a family. There's no reason for me to be up on this mountain. And then you go down and that dread just dissipates and it turns into something. It's like life.

It's like adrenaline.

Yeah, but adrenaline. That's what I was going to say, but it's not the right word. It's this feeling of purpose.

It's being alive.

Alive.

But if you could put a price on it, it would be a couple of $1,000.

No, I mean, let's talk about the price of the lift tickets. Let's talk about the price of the clothing. And if you want, I had bought some stuff from Amazon. I'm like, all right, I don't need to get the most expensive everything.

It's not even like we're wearing Montclair.

No. And I know where you need to invest and where you don't need to invest. And the things that I didn't invest in, I literally had to go mid mountain to the ski shop and spend $60 on new gloves and a new face mask because I was like, oh, I could get shitty ones. A face mask is a face mask. I can get it from Amazon. You can't.

No, you really can't cut corners. But we actually got really amazing ski gear from Spider would highly recommend. We were looking fly as hell as we flew down the mountain.

So it's just a pricey hobby. And then there's the appraisk. Even if you're going hard, Claudia, you.

Didn'T even include the price of skis.

Oh my God. Right. The rentals.

Yeah. Or you could buy your skis if you're insane on who wants to be a millionaire.

Yeah. No, that's insane. If you win the lottery once a year, you need to own skis. But then the rentals are so pricey.

Pricey as well. But then also you're paying for the luxury of not having to travel with. Yeah, imagine checking your skis.

But all that to say, worth it. I had a blast. That's really what my major growth life update from the trip was. What was yours?

Mine was, this was my first vacation as a mama of two and it was wild in with the nibblings. But it was so much fun and it was just so full is really the word I would use. It was full. Such a good word in every sense of the word.

Everyone.

So it was really wonderful to be with the whole family and everyone. It was just a blast, really. It was good, full, good old family fashion fun.

It was full filling.

Yes. And I was very full because I ate a lot.

Oh, I ate and I ate and I ate and I ate. And then when I was done eating, I ate some more.

Yeah, we ate a lot. So now I'm on my Sakara grind three week burn program I posted about. I love that for you for three weeks.

I love that for you.

Yeah. I just really hope that I stick because you can go out of bounds a little bit, of course, and personalize it. I usually supplement with a little true fruit at the end of the day. But I really want to stick to it so I can see real results.

Well, that brings up an interesting topic of resolutions. It's kind of a trope. Healthy in the new year, yada yada. Equinox doesn't accept new members on January 1. It's like this very controversial thing that they do. What is your resolution? Is that a resolution of yours?

So it's not really a resolution. It's just January 1 is a great time and reason to reset. And so that's what I'm doing. It's not like I'm going to be doing three week burn for the next 52 weeks. I needed to reset or refresh the holidays as much as I try. There's so much food around, and it's like, why deny myself?

This is so true.

We had amazing chocolates and sweet treats, and people are always sending gift baskets.

I don't believe in restricting during the holidays. I just don't.

If you send me a fire gift basket, I'm going to eat it. Those are the rules, and I don't make them. And I think that's good. But then you also, at some point, all good things must come to an end. And so that's why I think it's perfect. The first week of January, it's like January 4. I'm getting back on my grind. No need to be crazy on January 1 because the holidays are as full as they are, so what goes up must come down, of course. So this is just sort of paying penance for the destruction I did in December.

Whenever you talk about holiday weight, I always just think of that. I know you don't know it. That scene from friends where Ross is falling down a fire escape and Joey's holding on to him, and he's like, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. It's such a good line and the rhythm in which he says it. So I am still carrying a little holiday weight.

Right. So this is just to negate all of that goodness that, you know, sometimes self care looks like hard work. We love to say, and I'm in my hard work era now, love that for you.

My resolution is tied to something that I need to promote. So something kind of major happened over the holiday season, and that was that. My second comedy special, lean in, was released, and a lot of people were really, really shocked to learn something kind of crazy about me in that special. I do. It's a huge part of my life. It was a huge part of my comedy special. It's probably the best part, in my opinion. And it's at the end. It's this crazy story that happened to me thanks to my vape. However, my resolution. And I knew that I was going to make this my resolution, but I didn't want to say it out loud just in case I couldn't do it. It's very hard. But I did want to. When the clock struck twelve on December 31, I said, I'm done with vaping. It's been four excruciating days. I have this app, it's called days since. It's like a little habit quitting app. It has been three days, 8 hours, 18 minutes, and 33 seconds since I last vaped. It is excruciating. I'm almost at four days. And you know what Taylor Swift said?

Four days sober. I must admit, just because you clean don't mean you don't miss it. She was talking about my mango. Stig vape. Tropical mango, not iced mango. So that part of my life is behind me now, and I'm devastated. I miss it terribly.

Is it getting easier as the days go on?

No. Because each day there's something new that I would have vaped at. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. This is your first toast in a while where you're not sitting there crackling on your crack.

Okay. So yesterday was the first time I was on a plane. And usually after a flight, I love to sit in the uber and just vape so hard. It's like a little treat for surviving the flight. Everything is a treat. And I wasn't able to do that yesterday, and it really hit me because I travel a lot, and my vape is a big part of my travel schedule, so that was hard for me. Then today, something new. One of my favorite things to do is get ready in the morning, listening to music, got my coffee, glamming it up, facetiming the girlies. Vaping, vaping, vaping. Like when I tell you I was a 24/7 vapor, I was a 24/7 vapor. Today. I got ready without, and it was like, what am I even getting ready for?

Yeah, that's kind of crazy, because you didn't need to be a 24/7 vapor. It didn't need to be like this. You could have been, like a social vapor drinking vape. Jackie.

I was. That's the point. That's why they say vaping is it. I didn't set out to be a girl who wakes up and vapes.

What about.

It was a slow progression, and it really. I blame Covid. I was up Saturday night, zoom party playing quip lash, I'm like, yeah, I'll start vaping. Like, whatever. And then it was one thing led to another. Next thing you know, I'm waking up in the morning, boom, need a vape. And then it's like, I couldn't take a shit without vaping. It's just, oh, don't ask me about my shit schedule, because it's all over the place.

Well, I think the craziest level of vaping that one can achieve.

Oh, I know what you're going to say. Yeah.

Is when you wake up in the middle of the night to pee or roll over and you have to hit the vape.

Thankfully, I didn't get there, but I know people who have. And when someone I know told me that they do that, I was like, oh, my God, you're insane. But, Jack, I was slowly on my way to becoming that person.

Yeah. Especially if it's like, first thing in the morning, hit the vape. It's like, okay, so when does the morning start?

Okay, but the vapors know nothing hits as good as that first hit in the morning, like, right to your head.

Well, I'm proud of you for putting this behind you. I know. And going cold turkey.

Yeah.

I feel like you didn't. I mean, I support you, and I think that's really great. If you had told anyone about your plans, I would have said, don't go cold turkey. There's no need for it. You could still be a casual vapor. But this is better.

But here's the thing. I haven't experienced a party. I haven't experienced a cocktail yet. And I know, I mean, I have two birthday parties this weekend. I know the second that margarita hits my lips, I'm going to be banging down people's doors for a hit of their vape. And I feel like, that's okay. I don't need to go cold turkey. I just wish I never took it to a place where I was, like, vaping during the day and vaping in between. Ad reads on the toast.

Yeah, I agree with that. You could have a drink and a.

Puff, but let me tell you, nicotine addiction is a thing. I know everyone says it was, but I just always thought I wasn't that girl, but I was.

That I would have seemed like you'd be addicted to the act, not necessarily the nicotine.

There is an oral fixation element where I'm always like, just, oh, these days I'm like, where is it? But then I realize I don't have it. But no nicotine addiction is real. The first day, it's not like withdrawals, like drugs. But the first day, I didn't vape. A few hours into the day, I was really antsy, in a foul mood and not my usual nastiness.

Not typical.

No. No. Ben was, like, truly afraid of me. There's an element, there's a chemical composition. There's something going on. I'm fine now. Like, I don't feel different. But on day one, I definitely felt like something was wrong.

Got it. Okay. Well, we're proud of you. That's a great resolution. And then also my other resolution, which I've already begun enacting. I hope people are seeing positive change is being more prompt in my response of text messages.

Oh, how is that going?

I think it's going well. Every few days, I'll look at my imessages and see if there's anything I haven't answered and try and get back to it. But also realizing not every text I send has to be, like, an overture. It could just be like a yes or no. Yeah, maybe it would have been nice if I said, hey, good morning. Yes.

Okay. Except I got to a place where I was always sending, what time is it at? And then the person would be like, well, hello to you too. And nothing makes you feel worse than being, like, saying something. I would literally text someone and be like, what time were you meeting today? And they'd be like, I'm good. How are you?

Yeah, well, that's different because you were the first texter. The first texter always has to put in the pleasantries. Yes, but if you're waiting on a response from me and it's just like, yes or no, are you still texting bitches? I don't need to say good morning. Yes, I am still texting bitches.

Well, now let me ask you, are you still texting bitches? Yes or no?

You know I am, Turtle.

Well, now you are. Now you are.

Now I am. Now I am prompting my response to bitches.

Two bitches. Well, tell the bitches to be on alert. Like Jax is texting.

Jax is talked to texting. She's talked to texting. Yeah.

So my comedy special is out. You can watch it tap the link in my bio prime video. It's called lean in by turdy Ashray. I'm just kidding. It's Claudia Ashray, unfortunately. And I just think that's kind of the takeaway from today's episode. Would you agree?

Yeah. At least at this junction.

At the junction or juncture?

Junction, conjunction junction.

No, at this juncture. No, that doesn't sound right.

I think it's junction. Junction is like a station.

And what's juncture?

We'll find out. Junction definition.

At this current juncture. No, I think I'm right.

A point where two things are joined. Junction. Yes.

No.

Now let's see about juncture.

Juncture. I'm right.

At this current juncture, a particular point in events or time.

Yes, it's juncture.

A place where things joined. I think based on what I'm reading, I feel like it could be both.

Yeah. Like, technically it could, but I think the one that I said is like the more popular one.

Oh, I like mine, though, because I typed into classic me.

I typed into Google at this current junk and I wanted to see which one came up and only juncture came up.

Let me see. Maybe Google's like, tailoring their results. Wait, at this juncture or a junction juncture is a point in time. This is confounding.

Confounding it is.

I always use that word wrong, too.

Yeah, but I love using words wrong. That's just kind of our thing, and you can't take it away from us.

You can't because it's our show. By the time you correct us, the episode's already out.

No, by the time you correct us, we're on to the next day. Once this episode is next.

Misuse of vocabulary.

Wait, update. It's snowing in New York. It's flurrying, and I know people are going to be shocked to hear this. Theo is still dead. Can you believe that?

Well, he's among us if it's snowing.

No, but can you believe he's like, had the audacity to stay dead?

No, it's insane that you came home from your trip and he just wasn't there.

Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up, because I came home from my trip.

I think we were all know, a little nervous for turning.

No, it was like super sad. But me and Ben were saying, imagine if we came home to our apartment where we lived with Theo for five years, this new apartment. First of all, I was so confused when I walked into my new building, I'm like, whose house is like, I have literally lived in the apartment for the same amount of time. We went on a trip, and I have no furniture, and I'm just like, where the hell am I? It was so weird. But I think it's better actually to come home to this foreign land. I don't look around the apartment and think of all the times Theo threw up here, me and Theo cuddled. There's no memory of Theo in this apartment, which is probably for the best, but he is, in fact, dead. Yeah, for a while, I definitely was fully convinced he was a sex slave in someone's know, fresh cakes. But no, I can confirm those cakes are fresh. I can confirm the cakes are dead. Theo is dead. And I cannot believe it.

I know, but now when you see the snow, does it remind you of.

Just like, maybe I'll get to a place where I'm looking for signs, but now I'm just like, get me out of here. This is weird. I feel weird.

Like, cringe, rip king, rip dadu daddy.

And, like, what are the stories? Are they the stories for the last month?

No, they're pretty much the stories for today. And it's actually kind of. We have some big stories, but some of the stories are, like, of just a lot of personal interest to me and not necessarily what you would think for first day back, but great, fast five fodder. And then if there's anything else that happened over the last few weeks, it could go in tomorrow's batch if there's not that much. So that's the plan. I also did solicit from my instagram, like, what people want us to talk about, and here are the things that we won't be talking about, but that.

People want us to talk some. I have some thoughts, but go because.

There are a couple things that are worth mentioning, but they're not stories. Okay, first of all, everyone is talking about the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and they're talking about it in such a way that I actually think I'm going to go and watch this season because they're acting like this is the best finale.

Know what happened?

I have no idea what's going on. Please do not tell. Just. I'll take my headphones off.

Take your headphones off for 1 second. Well, not to make everything about me, but I do want to say, and I don't know who told me, so I'm not getting anyone in trouble. Somebody told me what this big secret was, because when Real Housewives of Salt Lake City first premiered, there was, like this moment where Heather was on the balcony finding something out, and everyone was like, oh, what did Heather find out? Somebody told me, and I was like, oh, wow, that is crazy. Then it know, some of the things people tell me don't end up being true, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the thing somebody told me was true. Now it's so crazy. And we'll get into details and everything, but can we just talk about how bizarre it is that we got to a place where Bravo is hiring Internet trolls? I think that's crazy. And, yeah, we could talk about the show and what it means to the plotline, and Heather really handled this iconically and all that. But what does it say as a society that literally an anonymous troll was cast by Bravo? I don't know.

I just think it's kind of crazy. That's my takeaway. I'm like, I'm still sitting on it. I'm like, how do we get to a place where Bravo's kind of engaging with anonymity and trollhood? I don't know. I just think it's kind of crazy. All right, Jackie, look alive. You can put your headphones back on. Okay. What else didn't make the cut? Hello.

Hi. Sorry, I had to mute you.

What else didn't make the cut?

What else didn't make the cut? Here we are.

Oh.

People wanted to know, like, content that we watched on our trip from the list. We didn't watch anything.

No. We literally did not watch one piece of television because we were trying to keep the kids away from the screens. So then we were reading a lot, and by the time the kids went to bed, we were also tired. We did not watch one piece of television. But I did read ten books.

Yeah. And I finished my book.

What else?

Then there are the things that we are going to talk about, which we don't need to talk about them twice.

Is Aaron Rodgers versus Jimmy Kimmel a story?

Of course it is. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. It's the craziest thing ever. Oh, Simone Biles and her husband.

Oh, my. You. Did you see what that.

Yeah. Like, he's just, like, making it all about him.

No, he's like a big dick. Like, he went on a podcast. It was like one of those toxically male podcasts where they talk about women in the kitchen, basically, but in a serious way, not in a joking way like we do. And he was basically saying, when he met Simone Biles or when they got set up or it was on, like, an app or something, he didn't know who she was. And we're like, oh, okay, well, that's weird because you're an athlete and, like, a living, breathing human. How do you not know who Simone Biles is? And then, of course, they found old tweets where know said something about Simone Biles. It wasn't negative, but obviously knew who she was. And then it was just about how it's know in a few years time, she's going to know Simone Biles. She's going to be what's his name? I don't even know his name. Jonathan. I think it's Jonathan Goodman or something.

I thought it's like.

Jonathan Owens. Yeah. So he was basically know she is Jonathan Owens's wife. He's not Simone Biles's husband. And we're like, yeah, okay, Jan. But then Simone Biles, like, was agreeing with him and everyone was like, wait, what's going on? So it's just kind of just Simone Biles is in this kind of toxically traditional marriage and everyone seems to be bothered by it except Simone Miles.

Well, I think that's what's most important.

Yeah, I agree. If my husband ever said that, I would seriously vomit. But it obviously is something that they agree on, and I'm not going to yuck someone's right, right. I just didn't expect Simone Biles, who's kind of like the face of women she is. I just didn't expect her to be so traditional to the point of being borderline outdated. I didn't expect that. But again, I'm not going to yuck someone's yums. I just didn't expect it. I think a lot of people found it shocking, but maybe it's like everybody made her the face of feminism and she didn't want that.

Different strokes for different folks.

It was definitely an interesting podcast. You should watch some of the clips. It was cringe. Just him talking about his own career, like as if anybody on the planet has heard his name right.

I didn't see any clips. I just saw some sound bites, like written, which is always different than watching someone say something. But it sounds know no matter how you slice it. He was being a little, hey, look at me. When it's like we're all just looking at.

But okay, Jackie, what you just said was perfection. Hey, look at me. But we're all just looking at Simone. Yeah, that's literally it.

It must be hard.

Yeah, but get over it. Like, lift up your partner. Yeah.

Deal with know it is what it is.

Oh, speaking of lifting up our partners, today's a very exciting day because today, the good guys podcast, which is kind of the rising star of TNN, even though it's like, know super competitive because everybody keeps quitting their podcasts. Love you, Lauren Elizabeth. Mood is always. Mood might come back. Let's just say that mood might come back.

No, Lauren Elizabeth, quitting mood is such a mood.

No. So relatable. Like, I get it. Podcasting is hard. Podcasting is harder than people give, so. But no bad blood. Lauren, we love you. I love you.

I was watching her videos yesterday, talking about me, too. I was cracking the reasons for quitting, and then the reaction to her quitting, it was just so funny.

No, she's being so real. She's one of those people whose. I feel content has changed so much since becoming a parent because she doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah. Also, I did felt a little bit put on. What's the blast phrase? Put on blast. Not even because TNN, but because when she was like, everybody's doing video now, and I didn't get the video memo, and it's like, oh, sorry, that was us.

Yeah. We invented video of.

In our category, in our sphere.

Yeah, no, we did. I'm sorry.

Of course, Joe Rogan was in the girly sphere.

We invented it.

We did. And so for that, we are sorry, Lauren. Elizabeth.

Yeah, but what were we talking about? Oh, good guys. So the rising star, even though at this point, it's just Shannon in bed, you know, me. Oh, God. And the redheads. And the redheads.

Sorry.

But you're a monthly podcast. That's why you're in, like, a different bucket. That's why I don't think of you.

And we're just, like, kind of in this intellectual bucket.

It's true. It's true. But all that to say, the good guys podcast is moving to two episodes a week. They call their listeners the morons, which I think is so funny. So the morons demanded more content, and what the morons demand, the good guys give. So they're introducing thick boy Thursdays, where they drop a second episode. I think it's just Thursdays are going to be, like, their solos, and then Mondays, I think, are guests, I think. Don't quote me on.

Oh, that's texted. Ben and I were texting this morning about. Oh. And he sent me the funniest text, because, like, just doesn't seem like himself right now. So he said, and of course, Ben.

And I are on high alert.

We're all on high alert. And he's going. So I took him to the vet when everything went down, and that's also when the problems started. I just want to say, oh, wow. I think Bruno's becoming, like, anti vaxx.

Because I could see that for him. I could see.

Got his shots, and all of a sudden, he's could.

By the way, I didn't realize maybe stay home. I didn't realize that Bruno had gotten his shots and that's why he was acting weird. I feel like that makes sense.

Yeah. Okay, thanks.

Maybe they gave him rabies.

Yeah, well, we'll see. He was having one issue while we were gone, and now he's just like. He just did something weird. So now we're like all.

We're all being crazy.

We're all being crazy. But Ben said, put him on the thick boy diet. Have him listen to the first episode of Thick Boy Thursdays. By the goods.

By the goods. Ben is so funny.

I wrote back the goods. I'm crying.

Oh, that's good for you for texting back. I know that's a challenge for you, right?

Especially because that wasn't a text, that it wasn't a question.

Right? Wait. By the way, we have gotten so off base. What else did people want us to talk about that we're not talking about?

Oh. Everything else is pretty much in the fast five. They wanted to know a lot about our trip, which we're always happy to talk about ourselves, but a lot of our trip stuff is on the Patreon, and we don't want to repeat it. And we also want you to go be patrons because that's like, because this is a business. Got to be. If you just want to know us on a personal level, join the Patreon.

We're also just like, a business, period. We're a business. We're business owners. We have business to do. Sign up@patreon.com. Toast. Go watch my new special, lean in on prime video. Like, buy the camper and the counselor. Buy my book, girl with no job, the crazy, beautiful life of an instagram thirst monster. You can now listen to the audiobook on, like, the camera.

And the counselor is back on Amazon. It will be on Amazon. And now you can get it. If you were, like, hoping for it for the holidays and someone didn't get it for you because they're not in tune with what's necessary, get it for yourself. Treat yourself. Treat your child. It's the best book ever. And if your kid's not into reading, they will be with the camper and the counselor, guaranteed.

If the camper and the counselor has 100 fans, I am one of them. If the camper and the counselor has one fan, it is me. If the camper and the counselor has zero fans, I'm dead.

Yeah. Also, we read so much camper and the counselor on the trip. We did over and over and over again. And you got to get your hands on, like, it's kind of child neglect if you don't pick up a copy.

I'm calling CPS now.

Yeah. So now, without further ado, here are the fast five stories that you need to know.

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Thank you, la.

You're welcome.

Our episode is also brought to you by Dreamland Baby. This is just for the bebez out there, these sponsors. We love dreamland baby here at the totes in my home. I love Dreamland baby. I've been using them for Charlie. He is now, at the age where he can have both arms out, breathe the churros. But the dreamland baby weighted sleep swaddle can be used in three different ways. Both arms in, one arm out, or both arms out, depending on what your baby likes. If they're still waking up due to the startle reflex, babies are more personal than comedy, more personal than food. But one thing that the bebes love is the dreamland weighted sweep swaddle. They are just really the best, period. It's like what a weighted blanket does for you, calms you, antianxiety, makes you, lulls you to sleep. That's what this does for your bebe, and we absolutely love it. So they're having their biggest sale of the year. If you go to dreamlandbabyco.com and use code the Toastbogo 23 at checkout for the buy one, get one free weighted products deal, you will get one, and you'll get one for free, which is great, because when one's in the wash, you'll have one on hand.

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Yeah. Dreamline baby. Thank you. Just like, sleep is so important, and we need every trick in the book to get them there.

What's that code again?

The toast Bogo 23.

Thank you. Early swirly.

Our first story is the big story of the day.

What is it?

The Epstein files are unsealed. More than 170 names are in the files, though. That is so misleading because some of them are, like, names that are in there just for the witness to be like, no, they were never there. No, I don't know them.

By the way, some people are getting dragged, and it kind of sucks because they're just being included in this list. I do want to say that this is, like, a years old case, and I'm really proud of the culture and the people for not letting this die, for keeping up the energy. It could have been like, oh, the Epstein things are released. And it's like, oh, we've moved on from that. We have not.

I'm sad.

I am sad.

I was like, last night, I saw there were some names trickling. I'm like, on Twitter. I'm like, give me the names. Yeah. And so there are a ton of names. A lot of them are nothing. Burgers. I feel bad even mentioning the names, but I'll read the transcript just so to say that the witness then was like, no, they weren't there. No, I never saw them. Names such as Cape Blanchett and Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz with a hard no. So those are no names. The documents were really the worst for, I would say number one, Prince Andrew.

Oh, I would say number one, Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton. There was a quote about how he likes young girls. Prince Andrew, one of the accusers or witnesses, cites three times that she was forced to have sexual relations with him when she was underage and one of them was an orgy on the, oh.

See, the thing is with someone like Jeffrey Epstein, when you think about, and Ghislaine too, because there's this account where it's know, photos of Ghislaine Maxwell and random celebrities. When you get to a certain level of wealth and you have a plane, celebrities just kind of make their way to you. So I don't necessarily think that because your name is on a flight log that you are doing nefarious things with young women. For me, it doesn't automatically mean that. But if you appear 23456 times, yeah, you're doing something dirty. But when it comes to your name, just being on a flight log once, that's just the nature of celebrity. Rich people give you their planes, you get a ride somewhere. It's not that crazy. It doesn't mean that you're involved in this ring of pedophilia. I just want to say that a.

Lot of people are just sort of in the orbit, but not necessarily doing these nefarious acts. And I agree. Like one ride, right?

Everyone, if you're getting massages or you're on the list. No.

And if you're constantly flying around with the same person that is your friend.

Yes, once or twice for me. Doesn't mean I'm not going to get suspicious yet.

It's like a coincidence. Oh, we're all heading to Aspen on a ride, by the way, that's literally.

How these things work.

But I think also a big differentiator is who went to the.

Yes, yes.

Because I don't think there was any hiding on the island. I think that was the point of the island. Like we could be free and pedophilic.

All we want, right? We could be maps. What is maps?

Minor attracted persons.

Right? We could be maps.

Sick. Sick. If you find yourself switching over to maps from pedophile, you might be the problem. You might be the, think that's an insane term, maps. Anyways, no, pedophile. So I think the worst for Prince Andrew and Bill Clinton and then a lot of people who were kind of like exonerated by at least this set of files. Set of files. But these seem to, this is like it was over a thousand pages.

But don't worry, the Internet users, they went through them.

They went through them. They're combing through them. A lot of big names that were nothing. Burgers and then some something burgers.

I guess for me, it feels worse for Bill Clinton is because Prince Andrew has been disgraced. He has left the family. He was stripped of his whatevers. He doesn't walk in the procession.

Known that he is an associate of Epstein, and he is suffering the consequences as much as he.

Right, right. Like, he's being punished for Bill Clinton. It's always just kind of, it's like question mark. Like his name was in there, but he was a. Yeah. And now it's like confirmed. Like he's a freak and he's a pedophile. Right. Like, it's confirmed.

No, it's been confirmed for a long time, but still. There's no.

Right, right, but that's because he's still married, but he's like a private citizen. That's why there's not, like, with Prince Andrew. He was like a public figure.

No, I feel kind of the opposite where it's like he was an elected official was.

That's what I'm saying. Like, now he's not, and his wife is not. They're not anything. They're just private people.

Right. Yeah. So there's not like, I don't know. But they're still always talking and giving master classes.

No, it's really crazy.

And the foundation.

Yeah. Well, maybe now with this new set.

Of files, there's nothing in here that I didn't already know about Bill Clinton. Like, if you're looking to know, is.

Jimmy Kimmel a separate course? Okay. Okay.

Yeah. So I don't know. I think they'll still, because the one damning quote is like, oh, that she heard Bill Clinton likes young girls. They could just dismiss that as hearsay. Clinton's always just like, put out a know. We had no idea of Epstein's dealings on a personal level.

No. But when you hang around with someone so frequently, you get to know their interests. And if your interests. If your interests are little girls, that's going to come up.

Yeah, we all know.

We know. We know. We've been known. Yeah, we've been known.

Yeah. Also, another president in the docs was Trump, but exonerated, saying, did you ever give Donald Trump a massage? No. Did you ever have sexual relations with Donald Trump? No.

Okay. Were the Obamas in there. I saw something on. I didn't see Twitter, but unverified.

Oh, another name that's in there was Stephen Hawking.

Okay.

And magician David Copperfield. I think he did magic at a dinner.

Yes, I saw that David Copperfield was in there, too.

You got to be careful where you're doing your magic.

You do, but a gig is a gig. You're going to get hired. You're going to get hired.

Yeah. Especially if it's like all these other celebrities are there. Like, why can't I do my magic?

Right? The witness said like, yeah, David Copperfield did. Some know he did a flip and nothing else nefarious with David Copperfield. So rest easy, you could still go.

See his show in Vegas. You don't want your name to be in this docs. But on the other hand, are you somebody? If your name isn't, you're.

You're not. You're nobody.

And that's why we're nobodies. Turby.

That's fine. I'm going to stay a nobody with my interest in adult males. And I'm going to feel good about it. Yeah, I'm going to feel great about it, actually.

Yeah.

I like adults. What are we calling that? Well, it's also called a map. Mature, attracted person. I'm a map. I'm a map. I'm a mature, attracted person.

No, you are not. I think it's just normal.

I think it's apps. Jackie, don't use the word normal. It's very discriminatory towards minor attractive.

I'm okay with discriminating against pedophiles. I am.

I am, too.

And I know that's going to get me in some trouble.

It is. But you know what? I think this year in particular, we need to start not giving a fuck, Jackie. Literally, I've been posting clips about my stand up and I posted one. I'm just honestly, like, truly prolific bit about teachers. And everyone knows I love teachers. We have so many teacher toasters. I raise money for teachers literally every year. I donate my own money. I raise money, I get brands to help teachers pay for. You couldn't even think. A rational person couldn't think that. I dislike teachers based on my history. But I have this hilarious bit about when I was a student and the things my teachers used to do. And as an adult, everyone has resentment towards the teachers that they had growing up, Jackie, these unhinged women, in the comments. You do it, you do it. You spend a day in teacher shoes. No, like, I'm not a teacher, they were jagging. The comments, you have to. They were insane. And then I did a q and a, like, a few days later, and they were still. Are you going to apologize? No, I'm not. Are you going to apologize for being mentally ill?

No, they're not.

Well, then neither am I, bitch.

Yeah. As much as let's let it rip, I don't give a fart. I don't have the energy for teacher backlash. No.

And by the way, it's so dumb. I like teachers. I don't even have anything against teachers. Them, I respect the hustle. It's a hard job. Oh, my God. I can never do it, and I don't want to do it. I get it. That doesn't mean I can't make a joke about my teachers. And the funny thing is in the special, and it didn't make the clip on social, but in the special, before I go into my bit about teachers, I know that teachers are, like, this protected class. I'm like, you can't make a joke about teachers without being labeled something. I don't know what it is. So I make this whole very funny disclaimer before I go. I'm like. I just say, this is my experience. I'm not making a general statement about teachers. And look what happened. Look what happened.

Because you didn't have the disclaimer in.

Because I didn't have.

On the one hand, you should have put it in. On the other hand. Go watch. Lean in for the full story.

Yeah, there's a lot of drama for the context. Yeah.

Our next story, and I just want.

To say I got, like, a million dms from the actual teachers being like, it was funny.

It's never the teacher. It's never the teachers.

It's the teacher representatives.

It's just the pressed losers.

It's the pressed losers. That's one of my resolutions this year, is like, I want to rid myself of the pressed losers. If you find yourself being pressed often, get the fuck away from me. Because you want to know what that shit is contagious like, get away, get away.

If you find yourself being a loser.

Well, I feel like if you find yourself being a loser, you just wouldn't naturally gravitate towards this show. This show is for a lot of people, but it ain't for losers. It ain't.

But loserhood loves company, and they just want to bring you down.

Loserhood does love company, so just stay away. Yeah, seriously, I'm going to start getting garlic cloves like vampires. Stay the fuck away.

Our next story is a little more Epstein related drama. Jimmy Kimmel is slamming the reckless Aaron Rodgers, threatening to sue him over claims of ties to Jeffrey Epstein.

Wait, this was so crazy.

So Aaron Rodgers went on his favorite show, the Pat McAfee show, to do his favorite pastime, which is just talking shit. And they started talking about the impending release of the list containing names of high profile people rumored to be associated with Epstein. And Aaron said, quote, a lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, are hoping that doesn't come out. So then Jimmy Kimmel tweeted, dear asshole with two a's. Like, Aaron, asshole.

I just want to say that was a. Like, that was a slay when I saw it. I was like, that is a good joke. That's funny. Like, it was good.

So he said, dear asshole, for the record, I've not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Epstein. Nor will you find my name on any list other than the clearly phony nonsense that soft brained wackos like yourself can't seem to distinguish from reality. Your reckless words put my family in danger. Keep it up and we will debate the facts further in court at Aaron Rogers. Just to be clear.

So when know tweet came out, I was like, damn. Damn. Jimmy Kimmel is not holding back. Like, obviously he's not going to be in these documents. He doesn't appreciate the slander, and he's going to defend himself online and in court. And I was like, you know what? Fine, go off, Jimmy. And honestly, I have to imagine that Jimmy Kimmel is innocent in all of this, because you don't go that hard publicly for something Aaron Rodgers said that nobody was talking about. This became a story. Jimmy Kim. I wasn't even thinking Jimmy Kimmel.

You've not heard the phrase thou dost protest too much.

Yeah, but if the documents are about to come out and somebody says something about you and it doesn't really blow up, it's like on a small ESPN show, like, you talking about it. I only heard about Jimmy Kimmel, and he's not one of the people. I was like, oh, his name's definitely going to be on there. I didn't even think about him. I only started thinking about him when he tweeted it. Like, he made it a thing. So I have to imagine a rational person or a person with a publicist wouldn't respond unless it was really not true. Right?

So is his name.

In the docs, I saw a tweet saying that it was, but I don't believe that his name actually is in the doc. And even if it is, like we said before, a lot of people's names are in the doc, especially celebrities who know nefariously.

Right. Why would Aaron Rogers say that?

Why out of Rodger, what's the beef here? Because there were a lot of people you could have said when making this statement about Jeffrey Epstein's list. Why did Aaron Rogers say Jimmy Kimmel? Like, what's the beef there?

I don't know. We need to know.

Makes you think.

Makes you think. So we'll keep you abreast on that. And are you ready for our next story?

I am.

Which is some new couple news. So it seems Joe Jonas arrives at Cabo airport with model Stormy Brie amid Sophie Turner divorce. Joe Jonas was spotted leaving the same airport in Cabo San Lucas with model stormy Brie amid his divorce from Sophie Turner. In photos obtained by page six, Joe arrived at the private airport on Wednesday to leave the country with Brie. It's unclear if they left on the same flight, but in this picture they're.

Like next to each other. Yeah. You don't stand that close to somebody at an airport unless you're a part of the same party.

Especially, like, at a private airport when there's one, right?

No, no. And it's like one plane leaves at a, like, why would these two be.

Walking next to each other? These age appropriate single.

No, no. They're dating, like now. TMZ is like, so buttoned up.

Yeah. This is page six.

Whatever.

Cute. I'm happy that he has a little romance.

Same Sophie Turner posted, like, an end of year recap saying, like, 2023 was for the girlies and 2024 will be no different. So I think she's very much in her single gal era party.

She's still with that guy.

Oh, my God, I forgot about him. That like royal count or whatever.

Yeah. The Count Olaf.

Count Olaf who? What's his name again? Like Pellegrin.

Pellegrino?

Yeah. The heir to the Pellegrino throne. No, he's just like a nobleman. Correct.

An aristocrat. I'll get his official name. Boyfriend.

I think it's Danny Pellegrino. Right? It is.

Peregrine Pearson.

Jackie, you were pretty close.

I know. Pellegrin, Pellegrino, Peregrine Pearson. They were spotted more recently than when talked about, like, smooching again. Like, they're still smooching.

So these two are moving on. I feel know it's hard to find somebody in terms of social status when they both really did very well for themselves when they were know, I thought they were very well matched, both looks wise, but then also celebrity wise and status wise. So I think Sophie's really crushed. Know, going the aristocratic route. I love that for her. Joe going with a sexy, young thang model, kind of obvious, but it's fine. It's not that creative.

She's 33. Yeah, she's a mom. As much as you want to get someone on your professional level, maybe once you've had that and maybe that contributed to some of the demise of the relationship, you're just like, you know what I want? Someone who's in a different industry just has their own thing going on, and there's none of this even conflicting scheduling. Like, I want someone who could come on tour with me.

Yeah, she is a mom, which I love.

Oh, I love.

Yeah, she's got a baby.

Did you know her before?

I had seen her name before. She used to be a part of, not like a Pinterest.

Lucky blue.

Yes.

So lucky blue.

Do you remember lucky blue?

I don't think so.

Oh, my God. Lucky blue was, like, the male model of the moment. When I was in college, everyone was like, lucky blue, lucky blue, lucky blue. And they were a couple. I believe he's the father of her child.

Oh, okay, cool. So she's got her own stuff going on.

Yeah. And when they got together, it was just like the Pinterest tumblr girlies were not fucking. Okay.

I love a Pinterest tumblr relationship.

You know what I mean? Like, kind of like emo energy.

Yeah. No, not emo. Just like artsy emo esthetic emo.

I like emo.

No, emo is like, just let it go.

I like emo. No, but like a different kind of emo. You're thinking of very small mindedly about emo culture.

I'm thinking very definition oriented.

No, you're not. You're just being kind of, like, small minded. Yeah, it's giving minutiae, it's giving facts. It's giving small mindedness.

It's giving correct usage of the word.

But no, it's giving not knowing enough about the culture.

Oh, wow. Sound up in the comments. Are lucky blue and brie stormy emo?

I think they are.

Let's leave it at that. Are you ready for our next story? More relationship news?

Yeah.

Gypsy Rose Blanchard brags about her sex life after leaving prison.

I'm so glad that this is a story, because I've thought of nothing else.

I would say the name on everyone's lips this holiday season was gypsy Rose Blanchard.

I would say the same, because not.

Only is she out of prison, she's a free woman.

She's making waves.

She's using her freedom to make really interesting comments on Instagram, on her husband's instagram. So Gypsy Rose Blanchard is getting busy in the bedroom now that she's out of prison. The ex con turned star hit back at social media haters on Wednesday by bragging about her husband Ryan Anderson's package in his Instagram comments. So if you just don't know who Gypsy Rose Blanchard is, she is the girl who was munch housed by her mother for so many know, riding the benefits of make a wish and all of these programs that were just like, they were living the life. Because Gypsy was allegedly sick. Turns out that she was not sick. Her mother was just, like, keeping her know from the politician straight out of what's her name? Zoe Deutsche. Zoe Deutsche's storyline. And then Gypsy and her boyfriend killed the mother.

Yeah. They discover what's going on, and they decide they're going to kill this bitch. And that's what they did. And they went to prison for it.

And they went to prison for it. And now Gypsy is free. Now, one question.

A lot of people thought she was wrongfully convicted.

Yeah. Because what her mother did to her.

Was so atrocious, egregious, like, there was no way out but to kill this bitch.

Is the boyfriend she killed her mother with her now husband.

No.

So this dude. Wow. Gypsy Rose Blanchard, like, she's. She's got so something.

Yeah. No, if I was single right now, I would definitely be thinking, wow. Like, gypsy Rose has a boyfriend, and I don't actually.

Rose has a boyfriend who would kill for her and a husband who would wait for her.

Wow. No, literally. And let me tell you who this man is. They met via pen pal. He is a great. Not great for the teachers, but he is a teacher. I think he's probably a former teacher now. I think being Gypsy Rose's husband is probably his full time job because they're making bank with these people, exclusives. They've got a lifetime docuseries coming out.

To, like, 5 million Instagram followers. And he's a little micro influencer of his own.

She's got 3 million on TikTok. Okay. And she's posted, like, four videos. They met via pen pal ship. He started writing to her. They got married while she was in prison, and now they're out and about together, living the life, drinking Dr. Pepper. Now, I want to say something, because a lot of people are railing on Gypsy because some of her comments on her husband's Instagram have gone viral because they're cringey.

Let me tell you what she commented. I guess he's getting some hate for some of that.

I can imagine why.

Yeah. She said, ryan, don't listen to the haters. I love you and you love me. We do not owe anyone anything. Our family is who matters. I love you. Besides, they are jealous because you are rocking my world every night. Yeah, I said it. The D is fire.

Okay. And a lot of people were shook. And I just want to say it is of absolute importance that we keep in mind that gypsy Rose Blanchard might be the most socially inept human being walking the earth. From the time that she was born till the time she was, what, 14, she literally was, like, in a wheelchair and didn't think that she was able to leave her house. And her mother kept her inside and at doctor's offices all time. She wasn't allowed to have a friend. Then she had a boyfriend for five minutes. They committed murder together, and then she went to prison. It's not exactly the makings of normal social behaviors, so we need to give her a bit of a pass.

That's very generous of Sarah.

Like, she's literally never had, like, a normal friendship.

Yeah. And has she had social media before? Maybe. She doesn't know. There are things for the public and things for the private.

No, she wasn't allowed to have a computer then. She had a computer for five minutes when they were, like, committing the murders. Then she went to prison, where she probably had access to computer emails through the prison system. No Internet or anything. This is not a person who knows how to act. So we need to give her grace.

Yeah, she's just getting her feet wet.

Yeah, she'll find, by the way, she's probably really excited to be, like, getting fucked. It's exciting when you're new. Think about when you lost your virginity.

And do you think they had conjugal visits? Yeah, I do, but it must be different.

I don't know. She was in jail for assisted. She wasn't the one who did the murder.

She was in prison for aiding and abetting.

Yeah, like, no, not aiding and abetting. When you help someone. Murder, accessory. Yeah, like, something like that. Her boyfriend is going to be in jail for a little bit longer, and he's probably like, this is bullshit. Like, I helped you kill your mom, I freed you, and now I'm in prison and you're married to another man.

Yeah, get in the d. Getting the.

D did you see the act with Joey King?

No.

I watched a few episodes because it was on Delta only.

My only knowledge of the gypsy Rose story is from the politician, so I hope they didn't mess anything.

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, Gypsy Rose is getting dicked down in Dallas. Actually, she's getting dicked down, I think, in Louisiana. She's not allowed to leave the state due to her parole, but I'm happy for her, and I think we need to be giving Gypsy some grace.

I agree.

Context is extremely important here, and this is a person who is socially inept.

Give gypsy grace.

Like, what, did you expect her to come out?

Cool. Triple gggg.

Some people watch Triple G. I watch Triple G, and I think we need to. Honestly, given what we know about Gypsy and her interaction with other human beings on a social level, I think this is an extremely impressive comment.

I agree. But I just want to say, if she's going to be kind of, like, the influencer of the year.

Yes.

And the way things are going, like, this is the year of Gypsy, she's going to have to get it together. She's going to have to know, like, to know it. Fire takes.

So I like Q and A's because I can't go, but I actually was invited to an event this week with Gypsy Rose. It's like, in Gypsy Rose's honor, I.

Think you need to be her influencer, mentor.

But I can't go. And, like, I'm really upset about it.

You should dm her.

Maybe I will. I could be like the Patricia Altchill to her.

Catherine, follow her boyfriend? That's a disastrous no. But I wonder if there's any influencers she follows who maybe could give her a hand in the influencing space.

She has 6.4 million followers, and she only follows 73 million people and no influencers. All media outlets. She follows access Hollywood, ABC News, PBC News, USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, E. Entertainment extra, today Show, Vanity Fair, CNN Times, Good Morning America, Us Weekly, New York Times, E. News, People magazine.

Make you follow, like, when you join instagram, they're like, oh, I like pop culture here. Follow all of these people. She does follow Luke Holmes and Kim Kardashian. If either of them want to reach out.

She follows Luke combs. No, I'm telling you, Jackie, she would love us.

She should come on the toast.

She follows Travis Kelsey because she is obsessed with Taylor. She follows Eric Church. Oh, there's some private accounts she follows. These must be her friends. Vicki Lewis, Tiffany Dardar, Keisha Blanchard, Joy Batson, Huff Martin and Susie Coleman.

Ooh, maybe any of them are toasters.

I'm obsessed.

Okay, let's get into our fifth and final.

Oh, so fast.

I know this is a story that has lied dormant for a while, and maybe if I gave you enough guesses, you could remember us talking about it years ago. It might have even been the breath, but we're finally getting answers. It's kind of the episode of getting answers.

Is it legally blonde three?

No, it is about the ukrainian orphan.

Oh.

Who was.

Me and my friends from high school are fucking obsessed with this story.

Yes. So her name is Natalia Grace, and she's a ukrainian orphan with dwarfism who was accused by her adopted family of actually not being the age that she said that she was and actually being a grown adult who was trying to kill and poison them.

Right.

Now, in a new docuseries called the Curious Case of Natalia Grace, Natalia speaks. They conducted a DNA test to find out her actual age and whether or not she was lying when she was adopted. In the show, the DNA test confirmed that she is now 22, which would mean that when she was adopted, she was under the age of ten. So all of the things that the family was accused of did and accused her of. Well, just the age part was not true. But they also said that they felt she was putting poison in the coffee. She was leaving thumbtacks on the stairs, trying to harm them.

I've read, like, three books in the last two weeks about diabolical children. One being the push, one being don't let her stay, about kids who are born with that serial killer type of vibe. And from a very young age, they start killing squirrels and shit. So it's entirely possible. However, if she wasn't lying about her age and these people were, like, lying about her lying. I feel like I'm going to stand with the minor. I'm going to stand with Natalia.

Yeah. Also. So they petitioned the court to have her age legally change to 22 before they knew for certain. Like, before this DNA test, even though you shouldn't be able to change someone's age so drastically without proof. And because of that, they weren't able to charge the parents with neglect because Lily, she wasn't a child right now. Really mixed up.

It is mixed up. I'm glad that she's kind of getting her justice. Imagine being so slandered now. I actually never thought about this before. Like, somebody who doesn't have any paperwork, like no Social Security, no birth certificate. How do you determine someone's age?

Their teeth.

That's what I was thinking, is there a way. There's no way to.

Bones, you can't determine their birthday.

Birthday?

But general age? Yes.

I never thought about that before. You couldn't determine someone's birthday from their body?

Well, using DNA, you could. Birthday? Oh, no. Birthday. No. Sorry. I thought you just meant age.

No. You can get, like, a rough estimate of how many years they've been alive, but you can determine their birthday. I just never thought about that before. Yeah, kind of crazy.

Kind of crazy. But it's also crazy that when they were in court against her, like, claiming she was 22, she was nine. How do you defend yourself, Lily, when you're just nine?

No, this story is, like, a tragedy. I'm, like, sad.

And I know that there's a documentary about, like. Which is why we're talking about it, but I kind of need a documentary about this.

Yeah, no, I'm going to need a more in depth, maybe, like, a documentary about this. Yeah.

Just something to sum up everything that was in this documentary.

No. I'm feeling extreme sadness for Natalia, but the way that this story has been going on for so long, I don't.

Want to be a doubt or non believer.

But you don't believe Natalia.

Is there a chance, like, this DNA test was inaccurate or somehow tampered with?

No, not tampered with, but inaccurate in the sense of, how do you determine someone's age without any documentation?

No, you can. They literally can dig up fossils from thousands of years ago and tell you what age that they are from. So it's possible. But is it possible, like, this docuseries may be tampered with it? Because this is a better story.

Okay. By the way, I don't think it's a better story. I think if she was this grown ass woman trying to kill her, quote unquote, adopted parents, that's a better story.

No, but the fact that it's not just put to bed now, now it's like, okay, well, now we need justice. Now we need to change it keeps it going. Now I'm saying we need a documentary.

So who made this documentary? Is it some, like, for Lauren Production company, or is it legitimate?

It is. Id.

Oh, information discovery. They are, like, the best of the best. They do forensic files. They're the best of the best. If somebody was making, like, a true crime documentary about my life, I'd be like, fuck that shit up and give it to id. Like everybody knows.

Id streaming on Maximilian.

Oh, my God. It's legitimate. Maybe I should watch it. She's not a minor. She's a major.

Well, she was a minor.

Right? She was a minor. I'm getting confused.

And now she's a major on major streaming services.

I'm happy for her and I hope, seriously, this puts it to bed and she can move on with her life without these heinous accusations following her around.

Yeah, that's a heinous accusation. And what a sad childhood. She said she never wants to. I mean, imagine their parents are accusing you of such heinous crimes. Like, how is their love? Where's the love?

Right? And this is like, you get adopted and you think, like, finally I'm just going to be loved and taken care of. And then these freaks think that you're a grown ass woman trying to poison.

Them, telling everyone that you're a sociopath.

Right.

And she's already struggling with issues of her own, as she does have a form of dwarfism.

Right. Which is hard enough on a young girl.

This is crazy.

It's tragic.

This is a case for the FBI.

Honestly, it is. This is a case for the FBI.

And I hope that she can get her documents changed and that there can be some form of justice. Also, the parents are now divorced and I think that she's bonded with the father over again.

This is a book. This is a book.

Yeah.

This is like one of my thrillers that I read.

I'm sure lifetime will be giving them or TLC will be giving them a reality show soon.

I look forward to justice being served.

As do I. Lots of justice in today's episode. They made a great episode.

This was a great episode. I feel so good about what we did here today.

Yeah. I also feel like there are probably some new toasters who discovered us over the break. So welcome. If you didn't get any of the jokes, I don't even know if there was too much inside baseball, but you'll catch on soon enough. It's really.

Honestly, please feel free to use today's episode as, like, a blank canvas. If you have a question about what something means, like an inside joke that just keeps going over your head, whether it be p. John Pjow Tabularassa, drop a comment on YouTube because people will answer for you and they'll give you, like, a better backstory, honestly, than we could have.

That's true.

So drop a comment on YouTube. That's our show.

That's our show. We love you dearly.

Thank you so much for listening to the US, the millennial morning show where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found. So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, public radio, iHeartRadio, Castbox, all the places, wherever you listen to podcasts, whatever defunct app you're using, be sure to find the toast and leave a five star review about how beautiful, stunning and wickedly talented we are. Hope you guys have an amazing Thursday and we'll see you tomorrow for Friday. Friday. Got to get down on Friday. Love you. Bye.

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