That's when you keep it down. I'm not about to start on this show, has a sponsor and sponsors name is no TV, no TV. Oh, for me, the best shows in the world, you see entertainment guys sitting in my football practice go to my doorstep. I know you might like it, but not a whole box at all. Your favorite series, jump the kids in front of the TV put on your mind. You stick it on repeat.

I pick them up the following week, joka with Joaquin Phoenix reveals I'm not even called Joakim Thwacking about either. The doctors. Don't touch me. No, don't touch me. Touch no TV. Don't touch me. Search no TV. OK, stop. That's great.

So did you get to know. Hello, everybody. You're very welcome to the what's it called again, that the Tony and Hector show with Larita blew it with me, Tommy Tiernan, him, Hector and her. Hi, how are you? I'm not in a bit of tension with you this morning, Hector. You're just here. I'm turning every time I touch my phone, he gives me. No, it's not that. I just.

Are you to my jittery. No, you're carrying tension. I got to bed late last night. I used I knew I didn't get my normal sleep last night.

What's your normal like you do? I don't know. I forgot about it was half twelve was one o'clock before we closed. I closed my eyes and stopped moving. I am I was born west. Part of it. A challenge match in Westport. Yeah. And I don't think the late night switches, just to be honest, I was looking at it now. Yeah.

Do you know I got what you meant there. You know, I had a busy day yesterday.

I didn't know if it was that it should be full of Breyers when normally he'd be full of flowers.

This fills in. I mean, I did. I do.

I have one more thing like this. A week where it's just a little bit see my fingers.

Did you have coffee now before you've had this cup of coffee, have you had a previous go.

Did you know that you see it just you're like, tell me tell them about the coffee situation when we were on a radio way back in the day with Rita, weed me and tell me before we get to the station, we would always have a coffee before we get to any station.

We'd have a coffee, then we'd be in the station three hours and we go for another coffee.

But even more sensitive instruments than I have during like I could take pints of coffee. I've often been known to buy a tribal espresso or not a treble. Um, I get into the car and fall asleep, so I'm used to that.

But your body is so sensitive that you can't eat and you feel it off me there.

The lives off you should you like you've been put in a box of andrews' yourself and you're like I of the tonight.

Now you have me annoyed for the whole point that we should put our heart rate or you want to put my Fitbit on. We'll check your heart.

It angers me, but with anger, they're just them. Did you lose the match last night?

No, we beat Westport in the Challenger, but we didn't. I'll tell you what happened when the lads got a bit of a doing it right near the end and he got a belt into the head. And it was a fair Claitor because after the team talked, we took off the jerseys, had to chat. The boys did. Well, he doesn't remember any of that. So we're sitting where to get into the car. And then we rang a doctor in Westport and he came down.

We met him at a petrol station and we stayed with obviously two carloads of lads, and he's fine.

But then we the boys were looking for super max. So the problem is with Super Max head for close the ten o'clock balance close at ten o'clock. And we were coming over the mountain near par three and it was 2010 and I have some hungry testosterone filled six year old from the car. We need super max.

I was in Super Max at halftime and a quarter eleven last night in Balin Robe standing on a wall outside Adriano's pop. I got home late. It was a long day and I got my top fixed yesterday morning. The plumber fix that, put anything. He wired the things wrong. So instead of having the filter tap water, you drink filtered water. The hot water was coming out of that, right? The cold water was coming out where the hot water was going to come out of.

It was all wrong. And he done a great job, I thought. And then he wouldn't answer his phone. He left the house. So what do you do with a new tap?

You got to try and turn it on and go look at this lovely new top. And Jane, the youngest, goes, where's the drinking water? And then he tried to drink the water.

It was boiling hot water disaster about all day yesterday, but. Well, we're feeling that. We're feeling it.

Yeah, just getting every bit of it. And you're late to bed. Late to bed and too much coffee already this morning.

And it's only the modern last envy as much as troubles.

And I had to drive from Clare Galloway this morning. I left Glasgow at seven. I got to Barona at about eight to 10. Right. Traffic was bad. Shitty rain wipers on full blast. What can we do to. There was no milk in the fridge.

This morning I went up to Supervisorial with no grapes for me. Porridge. We had no honey for porridge.

No, no, no. We need to revisit that now. Wool can't grapes are for eating on their own or with cheese.

Max here. Well, yes. Grapes of Wrath, which is you're from Mayo. You put grapes in porridge. Porridge? Yes.

You do know you don't want a glass of wine into it. You should just put a glass of wine into your porridge. Maybe if you did this morning, it was not in in the house this morning. I know the boys will wake up, my lad, to wake up at eleven. It'll go down like two hungry hyenas. They'll open the press where they put it and they'll just look into the press where the bread is supposed to be. And they'll go, and I'll say, there's cornflakes up there.

There's porridge up there, there's Weetabix up there. And they'll go. So I went up this morning and I got a load of stuff. I was in the SUPERVALU at half past. Do you want to see the people with masks on?

And Supervisor Harvey, I'm worried about you a lot more. And so far, did you get the grips? Had you eaten American Tommy Tiernan, Tyler, coffee and coffee, we should have insisted he to sing for you.

I wouldn't get a off that with just like six vodkas and two Red Bulls stronger than what we used to do the show. And he'd have a lot of coffee in the next thing, he'd be just like you turn off our mike.

I don't know what it is. I'd probably be going to I'll probably have to go to the toilet now because I find it a very strong laxative.

Yeah, I have 10 every Mormon religious for me. I go into the utility in my house, the utility, and there's a loaded colts' on the back of the door. I can hardly get in with Colts'. There's calls there I haven't worn and focuses on the on the ball and hold on to the courts to keep the door closed because there's no key lock.

And you know what, I just go in there. There's no pictures on the walls. It's tiny. Is there any ventilation. There's a window but there's about six close passes, 14 pairs of boots, 600 Oneal size fives. There's about there's Robison's, old Hallie's and everything in the utility toilet.

And I'd be sandwiched in there and I just go and someone that I can hear someone in the kitchen on, I'm in here, by the way, just and then I have to look for the links.

The older I remember, there's no links here. I remember fumigations, but I remember visiting your house as a teenager.

You know, none of your toilets had locks in the door. And I'd often be on the run from the kitchen and hear your mother now.

I mean, by the way, just as anybody who's passing. No, I've been here, by the way.

I don't know if it's know hot yoga. I mean, by the way, this podcast is part of the a cast creator network. Speaking of stories of Narva and I just saw of my dreams, bring me back to Navan, but it brings me back to the house I used to live in, which is a bungalow site about two miles out the Abbey Road near the school. And I've told some stories about it before. But there was it was just a normal 70s bungalow.

But we had one toilet and one, but we had no shower. And it reminds me of the good old days.

Nobody had showers, nobody had showers, nobody. This treatment's 90. There was none of that invented the idea of cleaning yourself. Standing up just hadn't reached me. I think we'd be washed once a week.

So what we did.

But I remember as well, like just the whole cleanliness thing. I remember we'd have WPE first thing on a Monday morning.

And you BTB be do you think you have a shower afterwards?

You just sweat dresses straight into class and the sweat on the geography and then the solid beat in the window and the blood beside you from the country and the smell of the office Farole jumper.

Yeah. There was always one lad that was just a little just didn't get it Bill.

But the part I remember we got fancy. We did have the Robertino that jammed up that the two pipes and it was a robber type of little shower.

Oh yeah, that's right. We all had it back.

You put it on the top like like a yolked put on a belt after her. After Kavin. Exactly.

Almost like a milk machine type thing. But anyway, so so the whole tradition in our family was there was only one but once a week and we all use the same water on a Saturday.

We all got into the one bath, know the boys and that this is the boys body would be a Saturday. This is a ritual in my house on a Saturday.

We would all have a bath on a Saturday evening. It's me and my two brothers, but we would use the same bath water. And then on certain occasions if we were small enough, we'd all get in the bath together. Yeah, and I was 13. My brother was fifth.

I'm in here just to, you know. Oh, well, I'm coming in now. I'm in here, by the way. So we're we're all in the bath, by the way, and we're all in here now.

So so at one stage, Freddie, my older brother would always decide who gets into what part of the bath because he'd say, are you getting in the back where I can slide down at the back, the little mark my little brother would get in the middle and then no, I'd get in the middle sometimes.

And then I'd say, Mark, you're the smallest will jam you up against the hot tub. The worst part.

So the three of us in the back. But anyway, we'd wash ourselves and clean ourselves in the water. And we sat around eight o'clock always on a Saturday evening, and we'd get out and we'd have our towel, one or two towels. I'll be shared not only with three towels, and then we'd make our way down to the fire in the kitchen TV room because the sitting room was a good room, does not fire in there.

And then the nine o'clock news because Fresen in that room. Oh man. Yeah, yeah. No I've never used really.

Was it really good to hang slabs of meat or never put on the heat. We left there and close the curtains in The Godfather and you go in and be filthy. When are we ever in this room.

And the net curtains. So we dry ourselves off at the fire in the little sensitive kitchen area and we'd be naked, bollock naked, Traynor says, oh, and by the time we'd be dry, Dallas would come on the telly, then around half nine.

And then I always remember that I myself, I'm watching Dallas and half naked and I thought it was a great time of the year.

And how old would you know? I thought twelve or thirteen. I thought I wasn't your mummy. Great for letting the three of you traipse around the house in your nip and you're not like five.

Yeah, we were four or five and six and seven and eight. Nine, ten, ten, eleven, twelve. But it was just oh I don't know if what after about fifteen or sixteen, we stopped doing this.

You, you, you're very old.

And Suellen would come out and Dallas and Lucy and I just thought it was a great time to be throwing myself and those traditions, but that was a great time to be drawing yourself that go.

But it's great sharing a bath, sharing a bath on a Saturday night, the simple things. And now when I say to people will have a bath, he almost loves you going, but I'll have a shower.

You can go. Hang on. You can't beat Helen.

You would say to people, would you have a bath?

Well, my kids I mean, I'm thinking maybe somebody might go to the house and he doesn't appreciate between the two of you in the kitchen.

And after an hour and a half years ago, which would have about you think about the two of us.

I get up at the top, I take the tops sensibly.

I give you details. You can tell Daltrey's how you keep what you like about. I never used to get a spoon of this vitamin thing.

I don't know where my mother got it, but it was called Radio Mulshine.

I don't think it was a good joke. We used the light up. Up night to watch a Dallas radio motion that, you know, like McCuen for you. So I think that's pince at Pensacola. What's it called? The radio radio show that. That was that everything, was it ever luminous, luminous, yellow over the big was like to six liter bottle with, you know, I would say open up and we have to tell what's in Dallas.

Oh, stuff like Castro 89. Just by the week I was affected. I don't know.

We use it. Just take time to read your radio.

I swear to God that was the name, but it was yellow Arabic.

If that's green at the moment, open up with a big flavor. What flavor was this? It was a yellow. We really like a citrusy, citrusy taste.

And then the radio was a cool radio.

Mulshine, please, somebody somewhere help me with this big, big brown bottle I could see in an old style and I thought it was what you forgot.

But look at how far ahead of our of our time was my mother giving us these vitamins back in the early 70s and coming out of the bath on a Saturday night? Yeah. Get your vitamins like Dorson cattle.

It sounds like the stuff you get off of Aetna as a chemist or the chemist made it up himself. OK, line up the three of us, man. It's great days. But I love those those memories. I love those memories.

I find myself I love looking back at photographs from the 70s, in the 80s and even the 50s and 60s. And I just I kind of wish I was back there real simple times.

Like, I just I love that suits men, not just wear suits, like, all the time I got Bagwell's suits and they'd have had had the hair Bishar to the side in a cavalcante long at the top and kind of float away after ice, which I've always wanted to. And if you wanted to go somewhere, you'd go on a bicycle. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And he just things were kind of simple and not that life was easy, but there was just a kind of a nice rhythm to you had a car, but there was no entertainment, there was no kind of the same type of distractions.

And I just I look back at photos of that time ago Foch I loved and people used to make pushin and. Oh yeah.

And you'd have the car but you don't you go for a drive once a week here. You don't have to drive the wife to the psychiatric hospital or something because I'm going out of my fucking mind.

Get her into the car.

Tell him to go ok. No, no, I don't wanna go back to that place. Scary place. I am not a helicopter malingerer this for you, Mom.

I buy that of me, John. Very good.

You have not made Molly Garland's drive and I'm willing to leave it there for a couple of weeks and then pick her up on a Sunday and you wouldn't say a word.

The photo we saw dropped out was on the drive home, just looking out the window. The question for you about pets. So you have a dog. We know you've dogs and a chicken.

We had this a lot of other chickens, but a mink at two of them. Two of them died from old age and one of them died. A mystery, we don't know.

But you wouldn't call a chicken a pet chicken like you wouldn't call it one of your pets like it. Just be a chicken is there for you to get eggs from and possibly make soup or.

I don't think of chickens. I think the chickens, when the whole reason for getting chickens is to have them in the yard. You were there running around, but ours are in a coupe, but it's a fair no foul coop stuff right there, Captain, it this under the freedom of the country, are they cooped up in it, the end of their what they do?

Why don't they do it? During the day, a fox didn't go in and check the Donny Fox that goes after chicken. That is a sick fox. We all know that, don't you?

Don't you know that a diseased fox, no foxes lay low during the day for their own reasons. And you don't see a fox here in the day if he was not? Well, all right.

So if you see a fox trapped into your garden at half, 2:00 in the afternoon on a hot summer's day, he's not right and is that long for this world. So you can leave. But you couldn't eat the chicken anyway.

They wouldn't eat the chicken at all. So you can let the chickens at the back garden here.

So I haven't heard chickens or seen them here in the last couple of weeks. Where are they? Why do you think this room is called the hen house where there's no chickens here, just out the door. So why don't we hear them clock on or not?

The only one left and he's not allowed out because Yvonne doesn't want his wife.

Where is he watching Dr. Phil or something? Where's the chicken? He's in the coop. Is it a hen or is it a chicken?

Is it a cock? Do you have a Kokkinos. It's a hen. You've a hancox. Don't lay eggs. No, but it's a hen. He has a hen here. We've never heard a hen. No. Never seen sight or sound of a fictitious.

It's not right that we have something to tell you. I've been in houses where hens are given the freedom of the yard and it's nice in the few geese as well. And an odd duck just to confuse the dogs like them. The dogs haven't seen them because they're locked up.

You need to get them more interacting. You need to talk to my wife. My problem is people that have hamsters, gerbils, giblets or whatever you call them.

Gerbils is a bit of a chicken. Yeah, sorry.

Why are you talking Super Max years ago. Super Max. Yeah. And my, my job was to before the chicken was fried was to stick me tomine and to flick the giblets out.

I was just the order giblett Flecker.

Yeah. Was I didn't even notice it, it said it had a nametag said a Tommy Tiernan legend. It said Giblett Flecker.

What is cool with Giblett flick of the giblets is that some people like the giblets.

Yeah, well anyway, you make jewelry out of them in Mali, in Africa to see the wars.

Are you talking about with large jewelry of blood, blood string going down and then to Jibla taken off it. Hector, Hector wrote back that present for his wife back from someone who you hate him and he's.

No, I just think they're pointless. There's pets like dogs that you can have a relationship with or, you know, like a friendly relationship with. Yeah. You can have like a lamb, a pet lamb. You can not for long.

No, but you can have things that give you back affection like a lamb can, you know, be it'll come to you and it'll let you. Roberson You know, if it's a pet or a dog will be nice and a common comfort.

And when alarm goes off and becomes a sheep, does he just forget about, you know, a sheep would would remember if you kept her.

Yeah, generally. And we'll come over and look for the robe.

Yeah. Really. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But like gerbils or hamsters, they don't have any affection. They don't have any do they.

Like why they're just in a cage or a pet rabbit.

Rabbit. Yes. Things like python goldfish.

I don't mind because they're small and they look nice and you can feed them and they're not great like they're the border of being pointless.

They don't do much. Could make jewelry as well. What you do is you get irritable, you get earrings. Yeah.

And from the bottom of the ring, having a small enough bowl of water and in the bowl of water put tiny little fish in them and people look, oh, I love your goldfish earrings and the fish swimming around or even and then you come home of an evening and then pour the two little boys back into the big aquarium you have.

Well, we'll have to get them for your ears because I've never had my ears pierced, so I don't really you've never, never, ever know I have this phobia that if I pierced my ears, that just suddenly precocious.

Can I you say, can I just see your ear. There has been never abnormal enough ears like.

So do you wear a clip on earrings. No one never wear anything in my ears. What do you freak out.

I just feel like my ears would just like suddenly pop out and become more prominent. I don't know. I just think that.

Oh, you mean so that your ears are already streamlined inside your head and you be afraid that like opening the shutters of a window that they don't turn. Yes. Your ears be at a right angle to your head. Yes. And they look at me. Well, here's the one with the ears, like, yeah, yeah.

Your sister, her ears pierced. Yeah. Everyone and your mom's. Yeah, they're all cousins.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, nephews. Nieces, no, mostly. Yeah.

My niece got her pierced or ideally pierced ones. Why. Why. I was part of a dad sex thing.

I was into the. You only got one of them first, you know, the two of them drove up the driver by lowering the bar into a bar in three minutes.

I swear to yourself, why did not I went to Metamorphosis up in Dublin where the dude this is where the dude that really believes.

What kind of sex would that entail? Top of the nipple. It was just the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life. It was like I it was it was that painful. I left my body and I turned into pure music. I like I became a ainult.

That's how I was. And he said that he's a big deep breath guy from South Africa.

He said he from his voice, he from he's from South Africa. And it is a totally clear set of technicalities that a guy with a loaded of the bitterness got to do it for your neck. And from Zimbabwe.

Did he give you any amnesty? Now, come on. Are we going to be you're not going to be called me up on the Bible, for Jesus sake. Let's be on about accents here. Hey, I'll tell you what.

The other day, the guy that got them to tell that story, I have not read, nor one one.

So he said to me, Luddin in London, and you thought a noncontact dead now.

And I swear to you, this is pure busari getline.

Your sight line is not going to be in the pain. I like I said, I turned into a nought.

You'd hear a saxophone and I just.

And he said, I had never experienced anything as painful in my life, not even being born like being born was rough enough, like I didn't think I was going to make it, but I just took the ad down.

I went for it and did it.

But this was just, oh, my God, the pain. And then and then he said to me, what?

Now I'm going to put the bathroom. I said, Well, what have you done? That was just the clamp. That was just a cramp going on. Poor old Nicole never deserved anything like that. She drove a buyer through us and it was very so. I remember he give you any anesthetic, but we did a bit of a shave off the hair around your nipple, not then just drove it through.

And so it would be kind of ready. You know, you'd be kind of bujar might not go on like that flick.

That flick. Let's get a load of that family by the nipple bar. But it's impressive.

I mean, there's a minimal amount, but I have to I had I had young children at the time and you couldn't hold on them and you'd be you'd be shifting the mold if you were to go. Oh, I could feel it, though. And so it was more punch than such ones.

You get on left or right and left nipple was more punched by the children than sucked. Oh, yes, you know what I mean.

And wiping it down after, you know, I mean, things are still what is nipple never recovered.

Inverted, no soire. It's a lopsided nipple on the left side.

Like I like sometimes I was going to the doctor for a check.

You know, I should be trying to find Mehak because I see a look at that. And you think this stuff should I bring this up now?

That's an awful deformed look at what man has.

And I said I had it because he was younger. Lopsidedness called far-Sighted Sock on the right.

But so we're back to our or the Gerba was the just stupid animals that are pets that you can't shouldn't really classify like having a snake does not like when he's a snake, a pet snake myself.

My son has moved, he moved in.

But I just think he's moved in with the lad who works in the college, that he works with reptiles and as part of his gig he he to talk a snake home.

And he said to my son, look, you can move and house.

He won't let you know I have a snake in the room and it won't escape. But now my son is he hates snakes like me to be.

Absolutely. I would say no to that.

And I would say, you know what would happen if you saw the snake like a snake and I had the bedroom that stands up in the pool.

I just run over the side of the border, say I just run and run and run until I got somewhere safe. Imagine knowing there's a snake in a bedroom I could get out anywhere.

My son said, you know, he's out to pick something up. I picked it up two killers.

I just got beaten to death. Like I wouldn't be able to control himself. Can't kill people just standing there in the land and getting better dead for no reason.

Oh, oh, oh. Well, I lived that. But I just want to let you know I have a snake in my role.

But that would be a nightmare. You four o'clock in the morning, but you're going to see somebody turn off the light on the land and I will not. Somebody left the impression I'm not my own man.

Yeah, but this young fella, I think, works with reptiles. So it is. And this fellow can grow to eighteen or twenty seven foot long as an adult.

But at the moment he's just a baby. So your mind can keep him in the house.

He has one damn infrared light in a in a tank in his room there.

Those reptilian people tarantula into another thing. What's the point in having a big hairy spider in your pants?

I have this thing I used to get a really bad sinus infections all the time after I got my tonsils out, I developed pretty bad sinusitis, they call it, and I started putting this nasal spray up like Sudafed or sinus spray or whatever it's called. Radio Mulshine. Yeah, we'll see if they have that north west side.

But I started using it and then somebody said to me, oh, don't use that anymore than a few days, because if you use it, you'll you'll just have to keep using to get addicted to it.

I'm addicted to it, but not in a good way like it doesn't do. It's like Vegas. So like I have to I have to have a bottle under my pillow at night because I'll wake up, my nose will be completely blocked and it's I can't sleep then when my nose is blocked and then like maybe in an hour or an hour's time my nose to start get completely blocked is a summertime thing or what. I've now I've now been using it for about a year.

Many bottles will you go through in a year. I looked like some sort of the side of my bed. There's like four or five bottles, you know, they're like just oh I have to have one in my bag. I have to have one of my jacket and one of my handbag with me. It's like, oh yeah.

And if you and if you left it alone would be blocked and then my eyes would start like dry in your head and crinkle, you go to an ear, nose and throat. But I did.

And he stuck that camera up and he put me on white on the SAT where I'd go for this ruction.

Straight off the nostrils, and it's not like I've had a camera down my throat. The camera's in your body?

Yes, on up and down. I'm basically unfarmable. You've never had a camera gone into you? Never upside and downside the whole world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Bargeld.

But women are more used to the way said to me that, uh, like I'm to go to the doctor, get this prostrating. Yes. You know, and I and I won't be doing that either.

Tommy, I'd prefer to get something awful than I have so much of a digital medium to say no to me.

Oh, Tommy, let me let me finish. Oh, you're wrong. You're wrong. Well, we can't let him speak right up.

Speak wrong. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

We've heard about it now, Tommy, terrorists break no finger up the button.

Your opponent plays right around. That's what's happening. But my wife said to me that women are just more used to be important. That that could be poked and prodded is all part of being a woman again, and there's something wrong with the carrot and stick and stick it up, stick it up and have a look ahead and get up there on the screen are looking at they have a sit down and need to. So you don't I mean, but but that anyway.

So I don't know how packed your nose. No, but the camera thing like oh you know, the worst part of getting that covered thing is when they make it take that stuff like really or motion before and the night before you take they give you this, they give you a sassiest off that you have to drink or you're fasting as well where you're fasting.

Maybe that's what Hector's mother was doing. She's filling the three books with this liquid of an and they were asleep.

You said a different group.

It's in the middle of the 80s.

Isn't true mentioned here, by the way. I'm coming in. No, go back there now.

So the camera, the you put the camera open, he said or at the time, were you conscious? Now look at the screen going.

He just sprayed something, which is he can I just say, when you enter the nasal passage here, you go straight up inside the cranium or by the pituitary. It's quite it's quite easy access. It's only a couple of millimeters to the edge of the brain. So why were you looking at.

Well, I just saw hair. Yes. Up there, you know, and then when we really hear, it's more like a little tiny thing. Was it like a hidden world, a land that time forgot. Yeah.

And would not stop there that you never see the light of day. Thankfully, there was nothing else there. I didn't, but there was an infection he said and he put me on antibiotics for like a month. No, we put me on antibiotics for like six weeks. Right.

Let's see if we cleared anyway. It didn't work. So but I think I just have to want to get a bit of that into you. Now, know what I don't need a little spark of until you tell him I'm breathing easy now.

I had I used to before a came, but it's weird.

And then sometimes if I lie on like, say, my left side, then that other side will get unblocked anything like this in the public arena.

No, I don't know.

I don't know your mother, your grandmother, your great granny. It's not really like a thing discussion. So why would you have a black nose? It sounds like you're a to be on that level of medication. And then I said to the doctor, I didn't you know, I don't take cocaine or anything because, you know, you think maybe you get that stuff from God. Why did you think you had to do? Because I was thinking, what is it like?

It's not because I keep going back to him.

You know, when he wasn't even you didn't say to him, I don't take cocaine.

Then I thought afterwards saying, no, everything's you do take it. You should. That's one of the one of the signs that I've taken to saying you don't take it.

Yes. So I think I was going to die. That's what doctors watch out for, to have a little.

So he's I don't I don't think I've never put out not my nose, never all all I've ever put up my nose nor spray and the camera. But I didn't put that up myself. Have you never got the finger up the bomb? Time for the prostrate. Never know. And you know, it's not that we don't have we know we love you.

I can do it here. There's a couch here and I, you know, tell me lie like the medicinals Europe. And it's very simple. And we can lie in his side, his botox over like you're telling me.

Fouth around. I'm up we go.

We'll get a glove and we'll Futoshi, you wouldn't even know what you were looking for, but you are looking for something higher up the top line. You're looking for something.

It's very easy. You don't find it on three or four times in the last four years.

It's back every week to your head on your side.

That's I was told there's no deep breath or not and you just lie on your side. He just inside and here we go. And it feels as if somebody is in with a little sponge and he's they are gone.

I don't I don't I've never had that feeling before.

I let this out and then don't. I know you checked last week just to make sure to be sure to tell me, Tommy, I'm going to say it.

I'm going to say it. And you might say, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not going to do it. I'd say to you lying on your side, big deep red, if you drove about your nipple, you can get a little bit of a middle finger up your hole. Well, I don't want to I don't want the doctor kneeling down behind me.

He's not going to kneel. He's going to lie in your sitting at the lady doctors to kneel. That's not a lady doctor. You go to Mandelbrot's. The lady doctor told me you don't go to a lady doctor, get the prostrate.

That's the one the only one that's available for 143 uncorruptible. It's a lady that tells us we have to get smeared. Name Doctor. What? Doctor. Doctor Prendergast. I can't give you her name because what you call it is Ravell. I'm not telling you her name because I don't to be talking about her on this.

But the reason should he go and get his prostate checked by a lady. Prostate, prostrate, prostrate is when you stand opposite those when you're lying down.

All right. Anyway, you should definitely get it.

It'll take it. Thirty seconds for me.

OK, the thing itself might take thirty seconds, but the week of anxiety beforehand and then you have to take the stuff that clears the out beforehand was sort of a laxative this laxative.

No you don't.

That's only the holy holy holy. Can I say as a friend here. Yeah. Just don't try to convince me nothing.

Aissami will bring you know, we will we'll do an excursion, we'll do a live podcast from the surgery as he just lays on his side and we just happen. We all stand in a queue like I used on a. Saturday night at the back and we all put this on, right, Tommy, and I tell you what, I'm not that late, Tommy, where we go? No, it's all over.

I'm not the only one because I've said it a couple of male friends of mine and we're all nodding in agreement, looking down at the ground.

This is bad stuff. Reminds me of you can't do this. This is not a good situation to be in. What do you mean you have to be tested?

All right, Dr. Larita, you don't you do. Tell me. I would have you guess it.

I have a mate. I'd rather get it than have that lovely lady doctor stick her digit off me fundament. But what she's got to do it for 30 seconds.

And if there's like I said, it's the three weeks of anxiety beforehand. Well, she should you should be your wife should book in for a ticket sometimes your ear.

And I was talking get somebody me and the pound to me with no notice. With no notice. Yes.

I let her just go in and maybe you got the hairs on me, your checked and all of a sudden their pants are wrapped around my ankles and the Tomaz. Yeah.

You know, you have a problem thrown in those pharmaceutical tablets straight down the gob. But he won't let anyone up through the Magic Temple Magic Door. McGillicuddy, it ain't happening in the Khyber Pass.

Well, I have a problem with this and we need the butler. Klondyke are not doing anything until you have a point. The Pine Valley. Tommy up the point.

Women have to have this. I'm not here to help Tara. What it's a smear test is worse. You have to have this. But because you have it doesn't mean I have to have it. You do? Why?

No, tell me it's for your general health. Come on. I'm in. Have you ever been to the gym four times a week. Have you ever seen me looking apart from the beard and the hair at the side of me head years. Have you ever seen me looking healthier? Oh, no.

I've noticed you said you're at the gym. You're looking brilliant. See, I don't need I don't do things on the whole. I just need weights around.

What if you had to guess a suppository put up there because you were in severe pain and a doctor came with a pair of gloves on and his two fingers here and he went I was with a fellow one time lead singer of a punk Irish band who got me addicted to morphine suppositories.

And I was on them.

I was on for a year and a half. Where were you putting them?

I would think most of them up there for you. You have no problem.

Show that open a little bit. It's like it's fallen through a better father. It's beautiful and it is. But what would you do with yourself? Would you do it takes about twenty five minutes and you'd be out of town and then you'd have a few of these parts of your cracker. And then about forty five minutes in the hotel room. Tell me in forty five minutes, 90 per cent of India's.

I can't feel my legs.

That's what you keep it down here. I'm not about to start.

Oh this show has a sponsor and sponsors name is no TV, no TV. Oh for me the best shows in the world you see entertainment and sky cinema has much more practice. Go to my doorstep. I know you might like it on a box. Set off your favourite series. Drop the kids in front of the TV, put on your mind. You stick it on repeat. I pick them up the following week. Go with Joaquin Phoenix reveals.

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Did you get to know. Welcome back to the Tell Me and Hector podcast with the. Thank you all for subscribing. And I hope wherever you listen to it, you're enjoying it every week from the shed, the henhouse.

And I'm just getting a bit of conversations is if you make any movements on the table, nobody starts freaking out.

I just say imagine being just in terms of sponsorship for the show or even at keyholes or even a keyhole.

We are no way condone the theft of morphine, morphine from the terminally ill.

But what we are saying is clarify what we are saying. Saying it's a lovely little is all we are saying is never be afraid of the little finger up the bottle.

Yes. Men of the world. Men of the world.

No, I'm not going back into it now. It's going forget about it now because it reminds you. Have you got that phrase right?

Well, I mean, we're not going. But I know.

I know. I'm in here now.

I'm in here, by the way, and we're going in.

And I was in broth in County Limerick. I was doing a hangover hektor years and years ago. I had a series called Hangover. Hector and Tommy was we went to New York. I'm one of them. And as much different people I wanted to hang around, we're going to their worlds. And it happened that Tommy was to make it in New York. So we flew to New York for a week, but one of them was with John Carney from the Unbelievable.

So we were hanging around a great man, great man, lovely, lovely, brilliant, mighty Irishman. And I saw a different side to him. And he was just that I think it was sick. He was I was unwell and then he was in remission. And that year after we did a hanging hangover. Hector What? John nervously PATRIOTA The unbelievable. So I hung around with John Kenny for a week round limerick in Tipperary and we went over to JP McManus, stood for him.

We saw Esterbrook and I saw his house and we were we saw the great houses there. And he said, come on, we'll go down to the market. We went to the market. He said, Now I want to bring you to broth in County Limerick. But 20 miles outside the city, he says, you love this place.

Was it a bar? You Interm? I remember this, right?

We went we went for a day in profit, a night and during the day with the film. And he said, Now I want to bring you into a butcher's here because you like this guy. He thinks he's he thinks he's Elvis Presley. So he walked into a butchers in Proff on the main street and the man goes, ho, ho, ho.

And it Brillo started singing a lot of Elvis. And he was talking to the customers doing Elvis songs. And he was fucking brilliant doing pork chops. And would you like a bit of this? And then he sang Suspicious Minds and it was just this mad country stuff. And I said to John, this is where you got a lot of your humor. And he said, Yeah, yeah, this is a really good town. There's a picture of the bull and what was his name?

The played from Monster, the Bull, his massive murie. Welcome to Brothe. And it's a real country guy. Rugby town, very proud agriculture. And he says, come on, we went for an afternoon point in a place called Mary Howards. So we went in there and started having a few points. And this is a lovely you'll see it on Main Street. And Mary Harris cut a long story short with about seven points of stout. And did you have to keep it short enough?

Actually threw away the cameras on the car. And next minute Mary was throwing a pints and it was beautiful. And he says, I'm going to bring it to my house next door.

You love it? I said, oh, there's no he says, it's a pub. I said, but it looks like a house. He goes, No, it's a pub.

You know, these countries in more and more of those are used to be one of them opposite the hospital. And it looks like the front of a house.

It was a bar inside it to give a special one where I think it's where is the where the riverside is now? Oh, yes. There used to be a house. I remember. And how did that serve you? Well, late into the night you'd knock on the door and you'd be showing it at the hall and then I could be 25 Marxist, Leninist, political scientist, students in the front room. Fourteen young ones doing arts from from Carnel in the back room and then a couple of months, not years, then in the hall and Rincón.

So ISIS and we now we were it was we were getting ready were in Mary Howard's and hello to everyone and brothe and anyone from that area. You know, Mary, he said come in here and watch this.

So we went next door and we were nicely on it now and he went and we walked in to the sitting room with a bar in it and there was an old woman. And I swear, tissue's in our seventies and behind there was no ice. There was no very few glasses, no taps, bottles of water, whisky, simple, the odd bottle, Heineken, Dorst everywhere, busty, dusty, real old school. And it was a colour cause and gas heater with the three bars going well.

And I sat in and John goes, Howie, because you want to love this place.

And the old woman came down. She was an artist. She was brilliant. She served us way. And we we had a couple of whiskies and I'm not joking. I said, what is this place? I can't think of the name. And he said, Yeah, I love this place. It only opens at even time the other day if she's in the humour.

And I said and he went and then I spotted another man came in from the back door, he says, that's the that's the brother over there. That's the brother. And I says, Yeah, what age is he always well into his 80s. I'll tell you what about him, says John Kenny. He went upstairs and. 1975, he didn't come down to last year. I've never laughed so much.

His statement he took to the bed he talked to upstairs, that's always Irish, but he never had a doctor's finger and he only came down last year.

Well, I'm coming from one of the half of the unbelievers it was. But I'm just thinking there of those country towns, those brilliant pubs, those places of pilgrimage and I've of almost hidden in our in our streets that that are not there anymore. And I'll never be there anymore. And since lockdown and I know I think there's going to be more of those pubs now.

What would they call the New York. The speakeasy is our Irish speakeasy.

I mean, I went into one in Bordeaux in France and it was a restaurant out the front and there was a big old grandfather clock at the back where you thought was the end of the restaurant. I thought it was the toilet that was a speakeasy bar in the back. You to go round the clock and in the door.

And we didn't have any bar like that. Now, Henry and I still weren't there. I remember the bars. I was in a bar in somewhere in North Cork and the front of it was a hardware store and all of those and a bar there. The bus, the back of them was a kind of a lounge area, but it does one of those nice drugs. They had hacksaws, machetes, hammers for sale.

And then underneath that whisky, vodka, tequila, you see somebody come to the bar of a double double jennison and an axe axe. I whatever happens, happens.

See, they're a great little distraction because you can go or need to pop up to the shop for milk.

So your an your ham firelighters, firelighters and a pint of milk or you know all three of to four in the back and you have yours if you still owe the wife, they've said I have to pop at four o'clock, I'm up.

She made no mistake, there'll be blood tonight.

Why would a man get a machete at this hour, the next burn this place zip firelighters robe thoroughly Dulé.

To jemison's there, but not a fucking blowtorch. Cunt's I know day like that, I would like to get there with a shotgun for everyone is a fucking Poplarville I by some fucking house down. Well, you know, somebody came into your local bar and did and you said that, you know, you don't want to come into your local bar and say, can I have a blowtorch? Oh, no, no. But two weeks ago on the podcast or whatever, he said, I was in a pub and they're all talk about the weather and all that.

And then he went, what do you think? If they had some big conversations?

But I usually I've got to buy a fucking drink in here before I burn the fuck out of my car because I fucking hate Fords.

The conse transmission is gone again. Can't buy a pub yet? No. Months later. I think we need to open a window in here. Wouldn't you.

Wouldn't you, wouldn't you just I mean, I went into a bar in Barcelona for for me.

Brothers fought it all be amigos. Kabir's ties those about 12 years. And we were on in Barcelona and I went into this place and you know what it was and I'll never forget it to wear headphones hanging out over the counter. There was no music being played. There was about 50 really quality headphones hanging out on the counter.

And you stood at the counter and then he had every record you ever wanted. And he said, What do you want? I said, Are you serious? I said, Metallica Black Album.

And he goes, Metallica got to kiss each other. And then and they were all they're going to a passport for what I'm told.

That would be a next minute. We pulled them down with a lovely little wire.

You are on goes the headphones all listen to the Unforgiven scores and then we order different albums.

Yeah, like a silent disco stand at the bar.

How where was that? It was just a different bar.

Different bars, different fucking bars. Oh yeah.

Yeah. We need some. I mean, look at the pirates talking about in and the pirate. He was on a boat that did it. That's what you're looking for.

You're looking for something. I love those little ones with the with the little shop at the front. They're like there was a bar in Nashville that I was to going at the bottom of flour.

And I tell me one of the foxes passed away recently and we sent our condolences as well. I got a text from, I think Liam Fox. Yeah. And hello to everyone.

And I'm by the way, listen to the Foxes was at the pool table and shop at the front on the hill. Yeah. And then a bar at the back. It was a fantastic place.

And there they're always footprints used to come in, flip flop slip and that swallow a golf ball. He put it, he put a cueball in his mouth, he'd call it no teeth.

And I fuck off Lepanto back in the car and he put the cueball and I fucking flip it.

I flip and shaki.

And then as Dylan Morn would say, he said, then he'd leave the pub Annegret and the flower to Flower Hill and he direct the traffic with his arse.

It was a great man. Good stuff. So one thing is, because I don't I don't have doubts about myself as a father, my father was kind of the square cross between strict and free to demean. Any time I'd encounter him, he'd often be strict with me. But at that time, I was given awful freedom at the same time, you know, but it's like his only way of dealing with me was through strictness. But he didn't always deal with me.

Do you know what I mean? So it's just extreme.

If he had to deal with it, it was just you just kind of I I'm not like him at all. And I think that kind of he didn't know how to handle me. I had no interest in the things that he had interest in and he found it difficult. But anyway, uh, so I would often I would often question my own father. You know, I might be too hard moment to listen to that.

One of my young fellas, he eats with the knife and the fork. And the other hand, he's not left handed. He's right handed. Right. OK, but he eats with the knife. In the left hand and the fork and the right hand right now, does that make any fucking difference whatsoever to what he used to do is he'd hold the food in place with the knife. Yeah. And he'd go pulling it apart with the fork. With the fork.

And I can switch over.

Switch over. This is the way you want to do.

Like he's 39. So this is the way I want to do it.

And I said, no, that's not the way you do. You kind of you're supposed to hold just with the fork and you're caught with the knife. Your right hand is your strong hand. Use that for cotton. And then I started thinking to myself, what am I out that's micromanaging the child is whatever the way he wants to eat.

And I think of people like Picasso would have grown up with if an artist were sitting at a table and an artist believes in freedom of expression. And you know that instead of having a closed in mind, open or wide to fucking and see whatever flies through you, you're going to be telling a child you're holding the knife and fork and the wrong hand. But even last night I was doing it.

You were like a teacher years ago that you shouldn't let kids write with their left. That was bad out of them back and better for them. So. So how are you? It's like, do you get intercourse with stuff?

I just take I've left. I've left. And stocks are all Catholics. So did they write with the right hand. Oh yeah. But I haven't seen the handwriting because kids don't write anymore or teenagers certainly don't write but their left on the pitch he the sit down. Tell me what brings you to be looking at their balls when they're eating. Because we've arranged table. That was one of the best things you have about why.

Because we're all it's democratic. Raulston, look, there is nobody we don't have around, we allowed Henry the Ed Abib over the top in 1948, the blizzard at the bottom.

Yeah, I try and alternate the table placings as well just to put a bit of what down.

And I say, that's yours there and you're there and you're there and mom, you're here. And then we sit in.

But I know I won't let my too tight.

Nobody told me over Latricia's food like I mean, I like on the on the plains of the Serengeti at a carcass. Shane, the youngest lad he wolfert woofy woofy.

We're all there. We're only after just getting our butter and pepper into this flour response.

And there's Yamano gone far tonight hasn't time to fortnight.

I eat very small stand and as a father, maybe they are going to slow down, slow down.

And then there's more likely and we're all finished.

And then his brother goes, well, you slow it down, you slow it down. And then and then obviously the moms of Ireland are always half an hour later, aren't they.

I they the women of Ireland are still monocular 10 percent. Are you joke. I mean, the food is on the table. I have six, ten past seven.

Neil Young. No, no. Know much sort of sound effects. Yeah they are. She was sportstalk on her throat dong-young. Do you change the placings, as you said at the same party we have names like you mean change the place.

Now you say you sit there because I know what my children one of the one. No, but we ever know what they're eating. They're all in a different amount of this.

He doesn't keep their favorites like peas. You don't like carrots. He doesn't like this. He doesn't like anything that he doesn't like the skinniness, potatoes. He has to get it mashed my milk. He likes my Waddi. That's what it is for us. I'm interested to hear your parenting skills or your like or lack of it.

Well, when we were kids, like your as you talked about your father there, your father really had very little to do with you. Like he took very little to do with the other than maybe bring it to a football match or but he was outside working there like he wasn't involved in day to day things. Like you said, you went you went to the doctor with your son as well. That was a lie.

All right. My wife and I bring me the storytelling technique. I understand you might have to bring them to the doctor because.

But, like, would you. So you'd be very involved in their day to day lives. But would your father work?

I've been I've been at the birth of all my children. And I said to my father, were you ever at any of our births? And he says, shut the fuck up for ages, but that's it.

No fucking whatever whatever. Stupid stuff like that. Again, I was out looking at a calf and Bellaver.

Oh, but you're right about the way we parents do, where fathers are now, should we fucking do everything?

Everything in the house is done by daddy that it was like, well, you are you cook and everything, don't you?

I don't mind that I can you know, I can do I can do a sausage and apple bake and I do I tell me you go round the house. That's sweet sweet potato and quinoa surprise.

And at the start of lockdown I went I had a hammer and tongs until about two weeks later the kids says, Oh no, I forgot how you are not the fucking kid. Wow. Oh, surprise, surprise. That's what it is. OK, kid, I never know how to pronounce that now.

I do. Quemoy so I stopped. I don't I don't do mantra mantra.

The apple is the apple and sausage surprise is to bake or bake. Is that a sweet street or would that be a dinner. It's a dinner.

But I made the fatal mistake. I put in about three or four solid lengths of cherry tomatoes and just blew the head off or not at all.

It's just the amount of grease that comes out of cherry. So you wouldn't be chewing it like no grease.

I know.

To grease that lovely red juice. Oh, a pig from the pig. Your pig. Not a toddler. I thought it was like a radio emulsion.

It's also been on the television. We are sponsored by radio in the area.

This is new. There was an experiment on the telly janoris this decock sausages fry sausages defrauds. I grilled me sources.

Do you fry them and they I don't cook in the house.

Apparently the sizzle has been removed from sausages. Years ago used to be the cookstown sizzle, the real real sizzling sausages.

Do you know why? Because now people want a higher percentage of meat in their sausages. Years ago these people are fat and the fat is the thing that's tastier.

Not as of yet. But you can check in the back of your thighs. I always have more to percent.

Yeah, there's very few that have over 80 percent pork. If you look at the back of the pork, I wouldn't eat, pray, love, pork, pork. And I love pork chops. Pork belly is great.

I, I love lamb chops of me and I'd say to put down your knife and fork at getable, point your hand and get in at the back at the bone and I eat it like my second and you see no connection between the the chop in your hand and the lamb in the field.

I used to but not anymore really to procreate like the poor lovely little laminaria.

No Connemara spring lamb love doesn't know where he's from. Is lamb eating lovely sweet herbs and sweet meat. Give me, give me the complete meat. I don't eat lamb and I try not to eat, I try not to eat meat. I love bit of steak every now and again but I try not to eat as if I was given the choice.

I wouldn't eat my Ladds nor the Hereford that no other sirloin steak is strapline i. This is, this is no lie. The young lad had football trainer there a couple weeks ago. You are reluctant. Yeah. I don't know what was happening before sessions. I was out doing something different. My wife was out doing something. We walked in and walked into the kitchen. Six o'clock is trying to co-op hour seven. The pan was in full flight.

He had the broccoli, the onions and the steak and then in the pan and he served it up to himself. He fried the broccoli and fried the onions and he fried a slab of saline.

He just 14 years of age now.

And I said to him, God, my boy, my boy, once you get into first year in university, you love them round your fucking finger. There'll be pies in the house.

God forbid our eyes shut and then the young ones coming over to the house. God, I'll just rattle off some sauteed broccoli, some onion and some steak with the wine.

Make yourself comfortable there. He'll be know any training at seven. OK, this is the same lad that as a ten year old hung a clothesline across his room and put all his jerseys on it. We're trying to pop in his bedroom.

I just told LifeSkills, Brilliant, LifeSkills, you're a good father. You're Gogia. Oh yeah. You're terrible.

It's I can see the pride and the love you have here by these those little things make me happy when I see little things like that. I know that I'm happy inside. Yes, that I'm happy that they're going to be like that, because they are all your children are built from you and they will take the little bit of something from you. And Tommy is the same thing with your boys. I know I'm a disaster.

The father and question for you. I happen to know Tom. I don't know how to father. My father didn't know how to father and his father had a father all the time and back.

We have no idea how it was a grandfather. I haven't heard. It is a great father, Kevin.

Yeah, he sounded. Kevin is there's a book you can buy. And it's funny that when you have children you go into Eason's and we've all done this and there's a book, Robstown, what to expect when you're expecting and there's this book Sell Millions every year and you all bring it home and you sit on your couch. What to expect, expecting your man Chapter three and the husband and you going to be daddy for the first time. What to expect then you get what to expect in the first year.

Then you get what to expect on a toddler and it's all a load of bollocks.

I never read any of them books.

No book in the world can tell you what it's like, what a disaster you're going to be. Tell them the truth, Tom.

I'm a disaster, a father. And I say I have no idea what I'm doing.

I fucking go wrong from day to day like a fella who's turned up for an exam, only to be told that more than what the exam is due to a private for you.

Do you ever think you might like to have a daughter without ever gone through your head? Because you're great with the boys, because you're pure, you're pure. I wonder about that. I often wonder and it's funny. What would you have called? I just say this on the boys thing.

We have nine eight grandchildren in a family and eight boys.

We've a long line of boys by spice.

There's only one girl, JASTA.

She's in Denmark on my brother's side, but on the clear side buys and buys more fok and buys Tahani fucking hard for crossing the battlefield.

But tell me, did you ever think about a daughter?

We did, yeah. But I mean we did like you could buy one.

I mean I looked at it there for a while.

I didn't see anybody out there on an ad for Gorta. And yet did you ever think about what it might be like to have a daughter?

See, Tommy, I suppose the two boys in rapid succession, the thirteen months between them and and you're a great father for them, but great fathers and you.

But and yet you're wired to what the ideal is. Your wife's what young are going, oh, pure white.

But I would never think it now for what would you have called little girl in college. No, no, no, no no no no.

In Yokohama. It would be. It would be. It would be a lovely one. Pretty good to have to be neat. No, no, no. Brigit Brigidine Haci.

So Save Navaratna lied to my mother. They say I saved the sign every day.

Saved even in the currency she is so I will save New York.

Oh that sounds good. Oh yeah.

Oh she looked like oh she'd look like half the hothouse flowers, half Mary Cocklin and a half a supermodel and she'd be a singer up me by saving the whole lusty Iraqis gently.

And you keep taking it for walks don't shop street. And and you know, I walk down the street with me bodys. And that tracksuits, they wouldn't bring their go. I am going to JD Sports. I'll be back in half an hour. How much have you and seventy on me.

Dad, fuck me. Where'd you get that.

I fucking saved it. I'm gonna go down now and buy a parent Nike's 370 euro and know that upon this fucking done deal, second hand website for kids do tell me that they buy them and sell them.

Yes. It's this thing called deep. Deep. Yeah. Oh it's unbelievable. It's just that's teenage.

What really. You brought in this conversation. My father. There's no secret to this. We fucked up. It's amazing. It's amazing.

Well, everybody, thanks for listening to the what it's called again. What is it called? Just let's give you an abbreviation to tell me right now how many of us is going to tell me. We have to show with the resupplies and will see you next week. God bless. Good luck.