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This is actually happening features real experiences that often include traumatic events, please consult the show notes for specific content warnings on each episode and for more information about support services.


You just think this is a nightmare? I just think this is a dream and you're just like, this can't be, this can't be, can't be. And then you realize now this is my life. This is real. You have to keep moving and keep living. But how do you maneuver through this life now?


From laundry, I'm witness misalign you are listening to this is actually happening Happenings, Vol. three, this is America. Episode 173, what if your cry for help led to an unthinkable tragedy? Today's episode is brought to you by ACORN's with all of the complicated options out there, investing can seem super intimidating. But let me ask you, would you start investing if you knew how simple and easy it could be? ACORN's is the country's fastest growing saving and investing app, helping more than eight point two million people save and invest for the future.


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I'm African-American, biracial, I have a white mother and an African-American father, I was raised by my mother, but for me I identify with being black. Growing up, biracial definitely had its challenges. Any time you're a young person, trying to find their identity is always a challenge. And for me, I didn't feel like I had a problem with my identity, but I felt like other people judge you for being mixed and trying to find the balance for myself.


It took a long time to get to a place where I felt OK. But I'm a black woman. I have a white mother, I have a black father, but I'm a black woman. My mom and I got along really well, so my mom was just very like very spiritual. She was very accepting. She was like one of my best friends. I would be able to talk to her about some of the struggles I was having and being really open about it.


And that was really helpful. So when I was around 13 years old, I was able to reconnect with my father. I lived in California and he lived in Atlanta and I would go and visit him, and then I also became closer with with my other side of my family. He had a lot of siblings and I had a lot of cousins.


And I felt like, OK, this is my puzzle is complete. I felt like my identity was getting more complete as I got older. Here's this black side that I identify with for so long, it just brought me back to my roots. I felt like I belonged.


I felt like I was with my people that I could look like and I identified with. So it was a definitely a turning point for me. I grew up in San Diego, and then I actually moved to a small town called Nevada City that's in California, moving to Nevada City was like culture shock for me because it was predominantly white. I ran track as an athlete. I went to state in the hurdles. So I really had an opportunity to really connect with a lot of people from other schools that gave me a little bit more diversity.


So that was very helpful for me. I then went to junior college in Sacramento. I ran track there and I went to state. So I was I did really well as an athlete. I then transferred to San Diego State and I got my bachelor's degree in psychology. And that's also where I met my husband. I was 20 when I met him on my twenty first birthday, and he was just this tall, super adorable, light skinned brother who was just he was an alpha, he was an alpha in a fraternity black fraternity.


He just seemed like he just had his stuff together. Everyone looked up to him in the fraternity. He was just like kind of the man, you know, and he was so smart. He had an internship at a brokerage company. And he was just like he was just really had his stuff together. He was two years older than me and he was just so beautiful. He had beautiful bright blue eyes and brown skin.


And he was six four. He just walked in the room and I felt like I'm supposed to be with this person, I've never, ever had a feeling like that with anybody in my life. I was like, I don't know who he is, but I just fell in love with him, like the first day I met him. I was 21 years old. I've only been at San Diego State for two months and this guy just put me off my feet.


And then within I think a year later, he asked me to marry him, I was still in college, he had just graduated. And of course, I was so excited he had this beautiful ring for me. And of course, I said yes. And I was so excited and I just felt so loved. I felt so loved and I felt so special. So Scott asked me to marry him on Cinco de Mayo, and then on the Fourth of July, I found out that I was actually pregnant.


We decided, well, let's when's my next break from school, so let's get married in September. When I found out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, my gosh, how in the world of my pregnant right now I am twenty one years old, but I ended up getting my degree in December and then I gave birth to this beautiful seven pound, 11 ounce baby named Miles Anthony Hall, a little cutie pie with light skin and green eyes.


And he was just the joy of our life. He was just such a sweet baby. Having a child that young was like, now we are parents and now we have a lot of responsibility, but it was it was a beautiful thing. It was a beautiful thing. And I think as a couple, you brought us together closer and Miles was just the perfect baby. And it was a very wonderful time in our lives. Miles was curious, he wanted to know everything, he saw the questions, he was very inquisitive, but he was very sweet in his nature.


He was just so kind and thoughtful. Miles was always down for the person who didn't have as much. And he was someone who really cared about people genuinely. And he wanted people to know that they were important. We knew we wanted to bring him up in a certain school district that was really important to us, so we decided to move to Walnut Creek when Miles was five years old. Walnut Creek is a predominantly white area, but the school district was really good and we knew that was really important because we really wanted to give Miles a really good education.


Through elementary school, he was kind of a talkative kid. His teachers had to remind him to to stay focused, so he was diagnosed with having attention deficit disorder and that was challenging for for him.


But every time we got his report cards, his teachers were always like, you know, he he does have a hard time with attention. But we always got the feedback that Miles was one of the favorite kids in class and he was able to be successful in school and even in high school his freshman year, he played basketball and he was able to get like a three point five GPA.


We have a daughter as well. My name's Alexis and Alexis is two years and nine months younger than Miles. She is a wonderful, wonderful child. And Miles and Alexis were best friends. She was also just very loving and and also very patient with her brother. She never judged him. She was always accepting. She always gave him a lot of encouragement and understanding that that Miles was going through something and we weren't sure what was happening with him. It wasn't really that worried about what was going to happen after high school.


It was just kind of like, oh, we'll figure it out. And while not everyone is on the same path to go to college, most people have a path thinking, OK, well, I'm not going to go to school and maybe I'll do a trade or get a job. And he just didn't seem to be interested in any of those things. Is also that he just didn't really want to hang out with people that much and he wasn't that interested in going out with friends, so that to me was also a red flag.


It seemed there was something just wasn't quite right with that. The biggest change is when Miles graduated from high school and started getting really religious. And then at one point when we really saw the biggest change is when he told me he thought he was Jesus. I was asking him exactly what does that mean, does what does that look like to you? And he said, Well, I'm the son of God. And and I said, OK. So we kind of just left things alone for a little bit.


And then a couple of days later, Miles started knocking on some of the doors in our neighborhood. So I was obviously alarmed and nervous for him that he was going to people's houses. A lot of our neighbors know, Miles, because he grew up in the neighborhood, so they know him. But at that moment, I alerted my neighbors. I just sent them an email and just said, hey, we'll let everybody know something's going on with Miles.


We're not sure exactly what this is. But I did want to let you know that seems like there's some kind of mental health challenge going on with him. At this point, Miles is 18 years old, and there's not much that I can do to get him help if he won't get help, but I was concerned about his safety. I found out about an organization called NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness, and I took a 12 week class that just kind of explained, kind of like when someone has a mental illness, what does it look like?


So they talked about all different kinds of mental illness, like bipolar depression, anxiety, schizophrenia. So they want to learn more about what mental illness looks like and also like what resources were out there. And I realized there's not a lot of resources available to someone who is mentally ill and doesn't want help, because right now to get help, you need to be a danger to yourself, danger to others or gravely ill. And Miles didn't meet any criteria like that.


So unless he was willing to get help, there is really nothing that we can do as a family to assist him. So when Miles started doing the doorknocking, I would talk to Miles and I would I would let them know, hey, Miles is not really a great idea. Know a lot of people may be uncomfortable. You come in knocking on the door and Miles would always say, you know, God's going to provide for me. I am God and I'm I'm safe.


So he wasn't able to reason. So he thought it was completely normal and there was nothing wrong.


And he also felt kind of invincible, I think. At that point, when Miles continue the door knocking, it didn't happen that long, but it was like maybe a couple of days. And after I took the class with NAMI, they recommended that you make sure that the law enforcement knows who your child is. So I did call the non-emergency line and I just said, hey, you know, my son Miles Hall seems to be going through some type of mental health something.


And then the officer called me back. She was a mental health officer and she said, actually, yes, I did get a couple of calls and I was wondering who, who, who who he was. And she said that there's nothing that she could do to help because you had to be a danger to self danger. Others are gravely ill to get help when you're over 18. This is where it kind of started learning about trying to get someone to help when they don't understand sick.


I am not sure exactly what Miles thought about what was going on in his head. I think he had a brain disorder so his reasoning skills don't look like what they look like for you and me. So he is not able to say I'm sick or even realize he's sick. So in my eyes, like he was not just being stubborn. He literally didn't think he was sick. There was nothing wrong with him. He really was like, I really am Jesus at that moment.


And everyone else may not be OK, but I really am OK. And 12 and 18 miles was twenty two, and he was just showing signs of deterioration, and I think that's just because he he was thinking he was God. So I had reached out to the mental health officer. She also partnered with another social worker to see if they could try to give him services. So they came to the house and they told him that, hey, there are services for you.


If you want to get on disability, we can help you. And but of course, Miles didn't understand it was sick. So he was like, oh, I don't need your help. I'm good. In know, mental health officer was like, OK, well, these are the things we can assist with, but he has to be considered a danger to himself or others. And Miles did not meet that criteria. It's a very broken system because in order to get help, you almost have to criminalize your loved one if they're not willing to get help.


So that's exactly what happened with Myles. So we had to say that he might be a danger to others, even though I didn't and knew he wasn't, but we had to say those things in order to get help. If the system was set up correctly before he was in a crisis, we could have got him help. But there's only three criteria. So there was a different criteria that we could use. And just maybe just that someone is unable to make decisions on their own, then that would have been a great way.


We could have gotten Miles help. But that was not that's not something that's offered. That's not something that we can get help with. So the criminalization is a way to get the help. So Miles had a pocket knife and he would just carry it around. It wasn't like there was nothing. He didn't do anything wrong with a pocket knife, but it was an opportunity to say, well, since Miles isn't in his right mind that we're not sure, this pocket knife could be a potentially dangerous item.


So with the assistance of the Walnut Creek Police Department, we are able to get him a first successful fifty one fifty. Fifty one fifty is a non voluntary hospitalization. Today's episode is brought to you by candid, are you unhappy with your smile? Well, now with Candid, you don't have to be. Thousands of people have used candid the clear, comfortable removeable and practically invisible liners to help straighten your teeth. And now they love their smile. People like Cameron from Nashville, Tennessee, who says, Once I started candid, my life completely changed.


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It took about three months for us to get miles that fifty one fifty and the three months was so stressful for us as a family. We didn't know he would go out at night. He would think he was Jesus and he was walking go to the store or riding his bike. At one point Miles came back home and he would ride his bike all the time in his tire was bent. Miles, what happened? He's like, oh, he's like a car hit me like, oh, my gosh.


Like, we were so afraid for his safety. I worried about him every day.


I actually had my mom come and my mom would come and just be at the house because I wanted him to be with somebody when I was there, had to be at work. And it wasn't like he was doing anything bad or harming anyone. He's never been a violent person. It's just a thing of not being able to make decisions and and worrying about safety. So it was very stressful for me and my husband. So that was our first in August of twenty eighteen is when we were able to get an actual diagnosis and he was able to go to a mental health facility and they were able to give him some medication.


They diagnosed him with a schizoaffective disorder. And then he agreed to go to a program for like seven days. And that program was just more like a residential treatment center. At that point, he agreed to take a shot that helps someone who has schizophrenia, and when he took that shot, it was like night and day. And he came home, he wanted to go out all the time, he wanted to go to dinners, he wanted the movies with me, he wanted to get a job.


He did get a job as a dishwasher. And he was so proud of his job. And he he worked 30 hours a week. He made friends. He was going out after work. He did not think he was Jesus anymore. He didn't knock on doors. He wasn't obsessed with the Bible. He wanted a girlfriend. He got a girlfriend. We were really able to see a dramatic change and that dramatic change was like a light bulb went off in somebody's head and now it's like we had our child back again.


And we really saw that someone with now that we know he had schizophrenia, that they could lead a normal life after they got medicated. So we finally get Miles back. He's after the 50 50, he's doing great. He's working. And then all sudden he gets a letter saying that he has a misdemeanor and now he needs to go to court. The Walnut Creek Police Department or the D.A., one of them pressed charges against him and it says that Miles is charged with a misdemeanor for resisting arrest and a misdemeanor for assault with a deadly weapon, which was the knife that he never did anything with.


It was a vehicle to get him help. And if they looked at his file and they looked at the case, it was very clear that it was this is a mental health case, but it didn't matter. So, again, he was because we have to say he's a danger to others, he's Kamalesh twice because now they're the pressing charges against them. But yet three months of working with the police to get him help and they still are pressing charges against him.


In November, when he got that letter, he was extremely stressed, he thought he was going to go to jail and as soon as we got a date set right before he had to go to court, he quit his job because he thought he was going to go to jail. I had even talked to the mental health officer and I said, OK, you know, now that we got him help, what are the chances are that they're going to do any charges or anything?


She's like, oh, no. She said it's up to the district attorney. She's OK. But we have such a solid case of mental health challenges and issues that I really doubt it. So when I got the letter, I actually called that mental health officer and I was like, is there anything you can do to help us with this, please? We weren't expecting this, so can you help us out? And she was you know, she's like, well, I can make a couple calls, but nothing happened out of it.


So we figured that with all the information that they had in this case for him, that they would just give him a diversion program, a diversion program is when the judge says, OK, you just need to go go to therapy or you need to do medication and that it would be over. But that wasn't the case. So we end up going in March and they say, OK, well, you have to come back, so then they come back in April and at this point I'm writing a note to the public defender.


I'm writing a big old letter of support, trying to explain that if they were able to just put Miles in a diversion program, get them therapy mandated, he was the kind of person who would listen. He followed rules. He would have done it. When we go to court, she didn't even read the letter. She didn't tell the judge. So then they put them off again and they don't put them. They put them off again until like July.


So this is now like another four months. Everything changed for miles because he was now thinking that because of this misdemeanor, which is just a misdemeanor, does not I mean something it's very small, but in his eyes, he was like, I'm going to prison because, again, his reasoning is not quite the same as you me. Even though I would tell Miles, no, we're not. We can get this overturned. But he was going to family functions.


We ended up going to my mother in law's house. She was barbecued. We had a lot of family there. Miles is super happy and was participating in family events and doing great. And then a couple of days later, I don't know what happened exactly, but he started showing signs again of thinking he was Jesus. And we can we just start to see a change. So we were kind of like, OK, well, this is the beginning stages.


All right. We'll keep our eye on it. This might go on for a while. On June 1st, I covered non emergency line just to let them know that Miles had a mental health situation and that if someone called, I want to make sure that they knew about him. And that sergeant's like, oh, yes, I know exactly who he is. And I also called the mental health officer because I had her number. I left her message and I just said, hey, you know, just well, you know, Miles seems to be starting to spiral again.


So I just want to let you know. So I was like, great. So I'm thinking, OK, I have these partners that are really interested in Miles as best interests and wanting to help our family because they know he's sick. So then the next day, Miles is in a full blown mental health emergency. We're really close with our neighbors and one of the neighbors saw Miles China. He was going to plant some plants. He planted some plants with my mom.


Sometimes those plants and my neighbor, like, hey, Miles, you know, hey, I have a tool that's really helpful. So I was like, OK, great. So I guess Miles gets this tool and it's a long ride. It's like a garden tool. So we give them this tool. My husband and I are in our bedroom and Miles has been pacing around and kind of talking and but then all of a sudden we're in our room and then all sudden, Miles breaks our sliding glass door with this whole.


He's telling us we need to leave, that this is his house now. Wasn't threatening us at all, but that's when my mom was in the other room, she called my one and she told them my my grandson broke the window. He's threatening us. And when she said he's threatening us, she also said that he was having a mental health emergency. All three of us, my mom, my husband, my myself, my mom, we leave the house because we are trying to not escalate him any further at that point.


I now call nine one one. And then within probably two minutes, I get a call from the mental health officer and she's like, what's going on? She's like, I'm on my way. I hang up with her and then I get a call from one of my neighbors, I think she says Miles banged on my door. So I called my mom and I just wanna, you know, I'm so sorry. But she also said Miles is having a mental health emergency as well.


Probably, I don't know, maybe 10 minutes later, that same neighbor calls me. She said time. They shot him and I was like, where where, you know, like in the chest. And then I get a call from the mental health officer and she said, go to Germany or go to Germany or hospital now. Miles has been shot. We go to the hospital and the police officer, the mental health officer is there with us, she tells me in a ton.


You guys are the model family. You guys did everything right. I'm so sorry. And then the hospital takes us into a room, and I knew right then and there that Miles wasn't going to make it. Within about 30 minutes, they're like. He didn't stain his injuries and he's passed away. At that moment, my mother in law just gets to the hospital and I hear her screaming in the other room and I mean, it was just I've never heard a thing like that, like that loud screeching and just bawling.


And I was so, like, in shock. I just I just was almost, like, paralyzed. I think we're just all paralyzed. I mean, it's unbelievable that your son. It's gotten. And is dead at the hands of an organization that was supposed to help him. So from what I'm hearing later about what happened with Miles, he's on this open cul de sac in the middle of the day, it's like five o'clock right out, Sunny.


The police officers come on the scene. Four police officers arrive. They are blocking Myles's entrance back home. So Miles starts running towards the officers to get back home and he's holding his metal bar close to his body. So he's and he's in a zig zagging to to, like, dodge someone to move to get out of the way. He's not coming to harm anybody. The officers, when they come on scene, they're shouting at him, Miles smiles, and they're not trying to talk to him, they're not trying to de-escalate.


They're not trying to move out of the way. Within 30 seconds, the first beanbag happens where and they beanbag him and he doesn't stop. So now they the two officers actually shoot him. And within 30 seconds of them arriving, he got shot four times. I couldn't I just didn't know how to even process that like that still has a gives me a lot of PTSD because you have five officers and you can't bring them to safety. We were wanting them to come and de-escalate him and thought they had the training that they needed to help someone in a mental health crisis, and now we're learning that these police officers only have eight to 10 hours of mental health training.


So they really are not should not be the first responders to someone in a mental health crisis. And in the immediate aftermath is just just a blur, just having so much anxiety, having so much I mean, I feel like I can breathe. I mean, I, I mean, it's hard to explain that you're part of the reason that he's dead is because you called to get help. So it's one thing to lose your child, but then to be part of it, potentially why he was killed, it doesn't make any sense.


Do you have any people tell you doing the right things but your son is dead? Obviously, the system failed us, but at the same point, you feel like you're you're responsible to you, you to the African-American community there and why you don't call the police on your feet, you know, publicly on your children. But somehow I felt like we were somehow different because of the relationship we had, because of the work we did with them, with the police, that somehow he would be treated as a member of our society, someone who was the most vulnerable.


I felt so confident that they would treat him like a member of society, like someone who belonged in the neighborhood, someone who was just like everybody else, didn't matter his skin color. And somehow you think your relationships are going to make a difference and it didn't matter. It's just it doesn't make sense, and that's where really that the racial part comes in. They could have easily stepped aside, let him run by. He had the metal garden tool, his hand, but he wasn't holding it up.


He was holding it to his side and he wasn't threatening anyone with it. It was almost like, you know, we have this African-American male running in the street in this fancy affluent neighborhood. And we just have to we have to take care of this. And if Miles were white and the same situation happened with everything that the police knew, Miles would be alive today. People have implicit bias, and that implicit bias played a huge part in his death that day.


You know, Miles, love being black, he was proud to be black, but he didn't like being black in Walnut Creek. He felt like sometimes when he would walk on the iron horse trail or, you know, people would kind of move away from him or he didn't feel comfortable living here. He wanted to move to like Oakland. You know, he was like, that's where I feel more comfortable. I don't feel like I belong here.


So he felt it and he told me about that. He he didn't feel comfortable being black in America. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of one of his new series, Business Movers, where we dive deep into the inner workings of some of the most successful companies of all time, from the origin stories of their famed leaders to the million dollar ideas that catapulted them to success. How exactly did these companies grow from just a dream to multibillion dollar corporations here?


The landmark decisions, the scandals and the stunning triumphs that propelled these companies to the top. First off, Disney World Business Movers premieres on January 14th on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen to the first episodes now early and ad free by starting your free trial of 100 plus in the Wanderin with business movers. Feel the journey wondering, feel the story.


Wonderings New True Crime podcast. The apology line begins with Alan Bridge posting flyers around New York City asking people to anonymously apologize for their crimes, not to God, not to the police, but to his answering machine.


I guess what I do is I just say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to make apologies for it, but I broke in. I am over 400000. Are I killed?


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Or you can listen ad free on January 12th by joining one E-Plus plus in the Wonder app.


Wonder why feel the story. I was ready to fight, so immediately I I connected myself with the organization called Love, Not Blood. Oscar Grant, his uncle, see this. Johnson and his wife Beatrice are the founders of this organization. I was being vocal about what happened to my right. So I was like not quiet. I was trying to speak to anyone who would listen about what happened to Miles. We had to do something. So within probably five weeks, I was already speaking at some other events about what happened.


And then a grassroots group was created.


His call Forsyth friends of Scott, Alexis and Tunnell, and that was started by my friend Shamma. And then it grew from there.


And now we have over three hundred members in the group. And we are just really just trying to use our our pain and the passion and the purpose. And that's why we started. The Mousehole Foundation in the Mousehole Foundation is set up to prevent police violence from happening for people with mental illness. And one of the main things that our foundation is going to do, it's going to work towards a twenty four seven on police response to the mentally ill so that we don't have to call the police in order to get help.


It's been almost a year and a half. Our goal right now is to make sure that mental health trained people will come on the scene instead of people who have guns and don't have compassion and are not trained to take care of your loved ones. The officers were put back on the street within 10 days of shooting, so that was just like a big kick to us. So now that was a big push for our group. Was that how are you going to put these people back on the street when they are not?


They shouldn't be back on the street. We weren't even asking them to be fired. We were like we wanted them to be on desk duty. We didn't want them out on patrol, but it didn't matter. We went to the city council meetings and we've gone since Miles was shot and we still go. I was just at the city council yesterday, 16 months later. Our main things were take these officers off the street. They didn't do that.


So then we were asking for independent investigation. We were asking for more transparency. We also wanted an oversight committee so that the police had other people kind of overseeing kind of some of the work that they were doing and some of the things that we still haven't received as the officers off the street were asking for independent investigation.


We haven't received the independent verification. It is still being investigated by the district attorney. So we are hopeful that after they are done, that an independent investigation will be completed. And there are some positive things that are happening, we've gotten attention from the city of Walnut Creek finally that they want to be involved in a twenty four seven now police response pilot program that we wanted that they want to do within the county. Right now, they're trying to figure out funding and trying to figure out a way to make this happen.


We have a mental health committee within the foundation that meets twice a month that has created goals for a twenty four, seven month police response that we'd like to see here in the county. So there are efforts that are happening. We're getting the attention that that is needed to make change and people are showing up and wanting to to do something about it. So we're just we're just not letting up. We've also got involved in the the local city council election, they had eight people, including the comments apply to be part of city council.


And of the eight, there are five new people and all of them were inspired to be on the city council because of Miles. So it's powerful. Our group is powerful. Miles had goals, he had dreams, he wanted to have a family, he want have a job, he made music, he had goals. He wanted to live. For him to be just taken away within seconds, it just shows you how fragile life is in general.


To have a system that failed and so badly and failed our family is just my life is never going to be the same. Like, I'm a different person now and I will never be the same. I mean, the trauma of losing a child or son is just unbearable. Like, I have a huge hole in my heart, like my my baby is not here anymore. Like, how can you you can't be you cannot be the same. You give birth to a child and your child has been taken away from you.


The loss of my son has made me a lot more distrustful about people in general. I really question people's intentions. Before I was a lot more light hearted and thought the best of people that will never be the same. And that just means that now I look at life differently. I look at the police differently. I look at everyone differently. And I and now it's my life's work now is going to be and always Miles his name, you know, it's always saying his name.


It's always talking about him and the kind of person that he was. Because when you think of someone who's shot by the police and people have a certain perception of, oh, that's a criminal or they deserve that. And that's one thing I'm noticing is are some really, really mean people out there who have some really neat things to say about our family. Oh, what time I got an email just from this random person I want to create who was just like, oh, you know, you're the one who caused this problem, you should never call the police, you know, but you expect them to do.


And your son's going in the neighborhood with a pool and and that, like, I expect the police to protect and serve my son. People don't understand the struggles that you're having or that you have with your own family or your own loved ones and the challenges that you've had. They just they all think the police can do no wrong and that somehow this was justified, that they had no other choice.


Now, the police definitely had another choice. I mean, immediately, as soon as Miles was shot, the Walnut Creek Police Department orchestrated this public affairs. I mean, they just made it sound like Miles was just a total criminal.


Miles is a victim. And then people are attacking us because we sued the police. Yeah, we see the police. We see the police because they need to be accountable. We need to have their story told. We need to have them.


You know, the officers that shot Miles on record and to hear their story and why they felt like they needed to shoot him.


PTSD is real. It shows up all the time, things when you don't expect it to come out, like sometimes just be driving and they'll send their sirens or know. And I just I you get your heart starts racing or I might even just go into a coffee shop and then as a police officer, their guns and their holsters. And you just can't believe that your life has been so impacted and your your child isn't here. So PTSD shows up a lot and a lot of different ways.


Sometimes you just wake up the whole night and just like breathing hard or have a bad dream, you just think this is a nightmare. And I just think this is a dream. And you're just like, this can't be. This can't be. This can't be. And then you realize now this is my life. This is real. And you have to keep moving and keep living. But how do you maneuver through this life now? I have to be very kind to myself and careful about the way I process things and the way I handle things, because I am I'm heartbroken and it's hard not to be angry.


I am angry, but I'm also trying to heal. And I think for me, the healing is changing the world. And that's exactly what our foundation is going to do, is make systemic change, that police will come to mental health calls when they're not needed, that there's other criteria that we can get to help our loved ones so we can save the future Myles's from something like this. Why it's so important that we have trained mental health people who can assist in a time of crisis.


Life is too short, you have to treat people with kindness and compassion because we don't know how much time we have here on this earth. And the beauty of Mao's death is that we're doing this together of amazing daughter. We have great parents, friends. We have amazing friends, amazing friends who've just shown up for us. And people I don't even know have shown up for our family. It's refreshing to know that people who don't know me don't know miles, they want to make change, they want to be part of this movement, it's just a good reminder that there are a lot of really amazing people.


My attorney said it best when he first came out and he saw we had a vigil for miles within a week of his death. And he was like, this is America. He's like, this is beautiful. I have he's like, I've never seen so many diverse people all coming out for an African-American. Twenty three year old male, this is beauty. This is what America looks like. This is beautiful. Today's episode featured Town Hall to find out more about Htun and Miles and the Miles Foundation, go to justice for Miles Hallberg.


There you can see the video mentioned in the episode. Donate to the campaign, learn more about the case or get involved. You can also join the community on Instagram at Justice for Miles Hall or on Facebook by Searching Justice for Miles Hall.


From London, you are listening to this is actually happening, if you love what we do, please rate and review the show. You can subscribe on Apple podcast, Spotify, the Wonder App or wherever you're listening right now. You can also join hundred plus in the Wonder app to listen ad free. In the episode notes, you'll find some links and offers from our sponsors by supporting them. You help us bring you our shows for free. I'm your host witness Aldine.


Today's episode was produced by me and Andrew Waite's with special thanks to that. This is actually happening team including Ellen Westberg. The intro music features the song Alabi by Tipper. You can join that this is actually happening community on the discussion group on Facebook where it actually happening on Instagram. And as always, you can support the show by going to patriae on dotcom slash happening or by visiting the shop at actually happening store dotcom.


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