I've got some remaining tour dates to tell you about. Tickets are currently remaining in state college, PA, February 7. Amherst, Massachusetts February 9. Brisbane in the Australia on March 1. Sydney in the Australia on March 10. Jackson, Mississippi March 26. New Orleans, Louisiana, March 29 and 30th. Right there before Easter. Atlanta, Georgia on April 4. Get allyourtickets@theovon.com. Tour today's guest is one of the funniest people I think that's ever lived. And it's a wild thing to say because I've only just known this period of time, but I'd go on to throw him on in there, probably in the top 400. He is on his american royalty tour right now. He has his own show, the Tim Dylan show. It's a podcast. You can find it every week. I'm just so grateful to get to yap it up with this guy, man. He makes me laugh. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Tim Dillon.

Shine that light on me I'll sit.

And tell you my story.

Shine on me and I will find a song. I will sing it. I can even try one. I don't know. Sometimes I, like, I just started doing it because, like, can we see Tim.

Shot just so we have his idea of it? So we can.

If you can de red my face somehow, that would be amazing. I know that these things are hard to do.

Did you get a procedure done or.

Like, I have, like, a breakout today. Some days you just wake up and you have a breakout. But if you have any of the technology that James Cameron used in Avatar.

To deread your face a little, to.

Just deread my nose.

Yeah, we'll take something off of you.

Any of the plastic surgery. There's got to be some, like.

We just got scalpel. We just got scalpel.

Good. I think that software technology should get to a point where literally when someone sees you, they should go, who are you? Yep.

Yeah, I agree, man.

Yeah. I mean, the fact that we have.

To show up, it's crazy. As ourselves.

Oh, it's insane. And that's why the metaverse is going to slap, as the kids would say.

The simple fact that a one legged person has to actually present themselves, it's insane because, you know, online they have two legs.

It's like, hey, how humiliating do you want this existence to be?

Yeah. Now I see why people are like Jacob Illordi, 2006 on their handle, but they won't come to the door to get their doordash.

No. Because God only knows. I'll tell you this, man, those doordash people say some shit.

First of all, lest we forget, the people that have had to go to people's homes, brother, they have to go into the trenches of sometimes they get.

Killed, sometimes people kill them. Sometimes you have a burrito in your car and you're driving it to someone's house, and that is going to be the last thing you do on this earth. The last thing you do is walk a soggy burrito to a guy's house, and instead of just taking the burrito and saying thank you, he goes, I'm going to kill you now. And then they kill you.

They say, welcome to Memphis. And the crazy thing is, a lot of the people inside who know they're going to kill you as you're walking up. Murders have gotten so advanced with, like, ambiance and production that they will even play there goes my hero from, like, yard plant speakers hidden in yard plants.

As you're about to go, and you're laying there and you're bleeding out, one of the last thoughts you have is, this song is great. This is a great song. And I'm sad I won't be able to hear it anymore. It's the last thing I'm hearing. And then you see that burrito as you're bleeding out, you just look at it and just. That burrito, it's a tough gig.

A hand just comes in a frame and grips it.

Yeah, it's a tough gig. The gig economy is tough.

Well, I've talked about this before. They want us to all just be gig people who are doing gigs. It will eventually be the lords, right? And then everybody else will just be driving around, like, literally holding. We'll all be uber drivers, right? And we'll be holding each other at gunpoint to be passengers. Like, be my passenger now. Sit in the backseat. Subscribe to my daughter's onlyfans while you're back there.

Right.

She's in the front seat with a light on her.

Yeah. No, it's going to get to a point where there's going to be, I think, communities where no one leaves, like, really wealthy communities. And then people are just going to get so rich. These houses are getting so big. Everything they want is going to be in their house. They're going to have the whole foods in the house. It'll be a tinier whole foods, but it'll be in their house. I just have a grocery store in my home. I have everything I need in my home. We have a little doctor's office. They're going to get to a point where you go to the doctor and they just take an elevator down in.

Their house to an urgent care.

There's an urgent care. There's a nurse sitting there and the nurse is going to hand you the paperwork and you're going to go, bitch, you're in my house. You know what I mean? And then she's going to go, yeah, but it's like, still one of those things we have to fill out. And you go, all right. So you're filling out paperwork in your own house to get your ball looked at. And that's the level of rich where you're never going to have to leave. Never going to have to leave.

And why should you have to leave? I think then every now and then you gamble online by ordering doordash just to see someone come up from the depths, from the lower, from somebody climb out of a wishing well.

Occasionally you'll go to an airport. That'll be the thing. Occasionally you'll go to an airport and you'll go, God, and you're going to see these people around you and they will have their pillows around their neck and they're drinking, like, smoothies and stuff. And some of them are asleep on the floor. And you're going to go, oh, yeah, that's what life is for most of these people that don't have a doctor's office in their house.

Yeah, it's definitely getting alarming, man. People are sleeping. They had a family they found was sleeping in a wishing well. They had basically commenteered a wishing well somewhere. And a guy had built a two bedroom with shovels, right. Had two bedroomed out a wishing well and was raising his children in it.

Well, it's like all the Disney stories that we grew up with are now very disturbing. Like this idea of, like, when you look back at all these stories, things like that, like living in a well, living in a wishing well. If you had read that story when you were like, ten, you'd be like, that's the shit.

Beautiful.

That's a beautiful moment that that family gets to live in that well and wish every day.

Yeah.

And then you realize now it's just a place people throw cigarettes into. It's a real horrible place. You're just getting cigarettes and recyclable people, old furniture, just a homeless guy yells into it every night when you're trying to sleep. Just undecipherable, yelling for 20 minutes.

People just throwing used clothing, just throwing old Lacoste shirts down there.

So it's not like the, you think it's like a family with a little lantern. And it's like tonight it's time to wish. But it's not that. It's homeless people screaming. If you come up, I'm going to get. It's tough.

Also, people don't want to talk about the real turf war that's going on, Tim. And that is between Doordashers and the homeless.

Well, because if you're homeless. If I see a doordasher, I'm seeing an opportunity. That's all it is. That's all it is. By the way, Doordashers now, they don't let it be known they're a Doordasher. They are stealth. Like food delivery people are stealth.

They'll dress up like post postal workers. Vampires.

Vampires. You don't even know who they are. They're in a costume. They're in a truck.

I see somebody just wandering.

Like sometimes they have their friend with them as a lookout. Have you seen that? There'd literally be a guy in the front seat of the car and then his chick will be just kind of looking out, just making sure, like, nobody comes and kills him.

How crazy, that door dasher.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Yeah. And they are also carrying messages.

Here's the thing. I don't feel bad for any of.

Yeah.

Because I don't know anyone who does it, and I do believe anybody who's doing Doordash is know in India, they have a cast of people called the untouchables.

Do they really? Yes.

You just can't fuck with them. You can't go near them. You see them and you look away. That is kind of. And don't take offense to this, but it is. When I encounter a food delivery person in the wild, I look away. No, I will look away.

Tim, you don't feel like you're one of them?

A food delivery person? No. Yeah. There's so many other jobs. I just feel like if you're delivering Doordash, I just inherently. Here's the thing. I love them as a person. They're a child of God, but they're in so much pain. Are they? A lot of times you can see they're in pain. I can't see really.

They're just listening to Scott Stapp usually.

I think some of them are in just. It's tough. It's hard for me to see and look at. It's just hard for me to look at.

Well, we make them. The saddest part is we make them drive, too. It's like they're a victim to gas prices, at least in other countries like doordashers will be on motorcycles or they'll just be throwing the food to someone who's further down the street.

Actually cool, because many of them are asian and they're on a tiny little bike and it's fun and they're having a great time and they're actually seeing how fast they like, seeing how fast they can get it to you.

Oh, there's a dark web that they are all on where they get points in their little.

They like seeing how. And many of them are risking their life with ramen on their back to get it to you. They're risking their life so that an NYU student can eat that ramen piping hot. You're getting it so hot. But in LA, maybe I should clarify my statement. It's only door dashers in LA, of course, because they're all people that want to be like actors or screenwriters. They're lazy. The food's cold. You barely get it. That's my issue. Not, I don't want to malign all the food delivery people in Los Angeles. I've noticed a problem. Sometimes they'll just steal the food.

Yes. Some of them are just looking to get a meal because you can apply online. You can be working for Doordash in six minutes or less. That's one of their big things. In six minutes.

That's not a good idea.

Yeah, it's a horrible idea.

It's a horrible idea.

Become a Doordash delivery guy in six minutes. Yeah, you can be a Doordash delivery guy in six minutes or in a very small amount of time. I'm not sure what it is. And they call you an independent contractor, but yeah, next thing you know, you can have a food in 40 minutes. You can be picking up food from somewhere that you can just eat.

Yeah, I mean, I've had some issues with them.

Have you?

Well, actually, Doordash now, I think is pretty good. It's the one that I use. What?

I thought you just said all this shit.

Well, no, they are. They're bad, but they're all bad. Like, postmates is. They're all different kinds of bad. Yeah, postmates is bad. Uber eats. I just feel like it's a monopoly. I don't want to be involved.

Uber Eats is disgusting.

I don't want to be involved with people that are double dipping.

Yeah, I agree.

It's sick. But to me it's like doordash. Even though it's evil, it's the lesser.

Of all the evils.

Or you could leave your house, but that's terrifying. To go and the process of getting.

Oh, to go into the world.

Yeah, it's crazy.

And to go eat. David spades still eats at basically, he's like the Ulysses S. Grant of our time. I feel like he goes, he's on the front line.

He is the Ulysses S. Grant.

He will go sit in there, dine. He has an amazing story about battling a homeless guy for a series of nuggets that he had.

Well, that's probably what keeps a guy like that who's so successful and so beloved. It's what keeps him grounded. Like, once a week he goes, I'll go in. Legendary career. But he's like, once a week, let me go and get a McGriddle and see if I can make it out. And if he can make it out with a McGriddle, he's like, all right. We all need a little friction in our life.

He's like, this is for you, Farley.

Yeah, this is for you. And he goes, know, it's just. He's like, Adam Sandler's on a spaceship. Like, writing movies from a space Station. And David Spade's like, let me just go into the La Sienega McDonald's and just see if I can get out today with a McFlurry.

Get into my a. Yeah, there's a promoter. This guy who's a promoter, promoted a bunch of midwestern tour dates. He'd double book features and stuff. You'd show up, you'd drive through the snow to penguins in Midland, Iowa or something. You'd get. He'd have booked four other fucking features, and it would be closed.

It was just a nightmare.

Oh, it was unbelievable. And he would always trade tickets for everything. You'd go to eat with him. He'd be like, let's go to lunch. And then he would try to pay with tickets, and you'd feel so fucking embarrassed. I can afford. Then you'd end up having to pay for him. A lot of was. This guy was just like, tickets.

Like a carnival.

Like tickets to the comedy show because he was also a feature opener.

Got you.

He did ten minutes about being just. He did. He did ten minutes up top. But one time he had two milkshakes, right? And they had a couple of sisters that were fighting each other near a Honda Civic.

Okay.

Right. Which is. That's most of the midwest, right?

That's probably a lot of it. The whole state of Missouri. Honda Civic with two sisters. Maybe hefty, maybe not.

I mean, definitely, like, you wouldn't put more than three of them in a Camry, probably it would get tight, but they were talking shit outside in a parking lot, right. So he's like, I'm going to be a good samaritan. I'm going to walk over there with two milkshakes, right? He goes over, because I think in some cultures, if you milkshake a sister, it's beautiful. It goes a long way.

Yeah.

So he gets over there, and they did not want anything to do with him, and they literally started beating.

They lit him up for that dude. That's fucked up. They lit him up for just coming.

With milkshakes, and he'd never let go of the shakes, right.

So this guy took all the abuse.

Beatings down on his knees, and he still has the shakes.

Like Christ on the cross with a shake on each. Yeah.

Gary, that was his name. And we can take his name out if we want. But that's who he was. Yeah. He'd invite. You'd go to a show in the middle of Lake of the Ozark. One time I went to, it was guys. Yeah, it was just a couple dudes at a fucking water fountain.

I used to do shows with this guy. He was like a preacher, and he was a recovering addict. Oh, of course, he had one hand, like one arm. He had a fake arm. But this was before there were good prosthetics, so it was like, not even kidding. Kind of like a Halloween arm.

Oh, yeah. You could get the Nixon arm or whatever.

Right. It only had one. And it was like the coach arm. Like he was giving his face. So it was always just like this. No matter what was going on, he'd be like, talking, and then you just had this, like a Halloween arm.

It wasn't good.

And he would leave it on the sink in the bathroom, and you would just walk into the green room, and then you'd be taking a path. There'd be an arm. Just an arm. And then he'd, like, fasten on, and one of his bits is he just took it off and the crowd would go nuts. He'd put it back on. It was a dark time in the beginning of comedy. And then he would tell people, he'll go, I'm a veteran. He didn't lose his arm in any type of veteran activity. Yeah, but he would say, I'm a veteran. And they would be like, oh, thank you for your service. But he never went. I mean, he served, but he never served an active. No, yeah, but he had, like a fake arm. And then he would get on airplanes and he'd go, I should sit in first class. I'm a veteran. And then the woman would go, yeah, but that's not how it works. We're sorry. You have an economy ticket. And he'd go, I'm a veteran. I serve this country. And he would. With the hand, he'd be like, I serve this country. And she's like, you have to go to economy, sir.

And then sometimes part of the plane would side with him. They'd look at her. They'd be like, you're disgusting. But he was just an ex crackhead who lost his arm because he was on crack and gotten, like, a horrible accident in his car.

Yeah, there's not enough differentia these days amongst the PTSD community.

I've said it a lot. I don't want to hear that word unless you're in a war. Yeah, I don't want to hear about PTSD. I don't want to hear that. You don't need to take ayahuasca all the time, like, a lot of these people now just take ayahuasca.

I just came from a ceremony.

Yeah, but, I mean, it's okay every now and then, but people are like, overboard.

Oh, people are doing it too much.

It's overboard. It's like, the Incans did not come up with ayahuasca so you could try to figure out how to get a Range Rover. There's no way that that was the intended purpose of ayahuasca. It's a religious. They used to give it to kids before they sacrificed them and killed them. And if your shaman is named Jennifer and she lives in Studio City, it's not a shaman. You can't follow around a white bitch in Santa Fe, New Mexico, you're just a junkie at that point. You're a junkie if you're throwing up into a bucket in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with a white bitch named Jennifer. You can't do ketamine. Every week, there's people showing up. They're going into the valley in LA. You're sitting in a lazy boy, somebody who's not even a nurse, but who's dressed in the scrubs. You don't even know who a nurse is anymore because they're just dressed in those scrubs. But that's somebody that was doordashing a week ago, and now they injecting you with ketamine, and you're laying in a chair just high. You're a drug addict. People go, I do it. I do ketamine. But under the care of a doctor?

Yeah. That's not a doctor.

That's not a doctor.

Yes. Somebody that's watching Amazon prime on their phone or listening to the Saltburn soundtrack while you're sitting there geeked out in.

A lazy boy, and then they're like, hey, did that help with your PTSD? They're like, what war were you in? You go, no, I wasn't in any war. Yeah, I had a stressful career as a gymnast. I never made it to the Olympic trials, but my parents were real hard on me as a gymnast, so I got to come in here and get high once a week.

Yeah, we were forced to wear tight turtlenecks at our private school.

It was real, know. I sprained the hamstring once. My family was like, all right, well, your life's over, so now I got to get high in a strip mall once a week. It's like, this may be not good. Rip. Matthew Perry.

Sorry. Yeah, rip, man. And it's just where we are. It really is, man. It's like we're at the point where people are going to be holding each other at gunpoint to subscribe to the only fans or to get in the.

Uber or to order the new drugs. I think as technology gets better, it will take the place of drugs. So when the metaverse gets so crazy that you could throw the goggles on, you're going to go, I don't need ayahuasca because I'm in the thing. You've created the digital world that I can live in. I don't need ketamine. I'm whoever I want to be in the digital world.

Right?

Like we were talking before the show started, somebody with one leg in the digital world has two legs and is running through a park and is running.

Through a park and is running for office.

And is running for office in San Francisco. And there's no homeless there in the digital world. It's just beautiful. It's just the painted ladies, those houses from full house. Full house. You're just running through that park. There's no heroin addicts, nothing. Just you and your dog running through the park. But in real life, you're one legged person living in a horrible situation.

This episode is sponsored by Prizepix. Yep. If you like firing on sports, then Prizepix is the app for you. You can fire on all your favorite sports, like NFL, NBA, UFC, and more. Prize picks is the one that I enjoy. Instead of choosing teams, you choose individual players. That's right. They have a unique way of doing things, which is the way I always prefer each player has a set projection and you choose either more or less than that set projection. For example, if you think Zion Williamson is going to have more than 17 points, you would pick that. And if you think that Luka Donchick is going to have less than 24 points, you would pick that. Prize picks is the best app for you. Download the app and use code theo and prize picks will match your deposit up to $100. Ever look back at your butt and think, I deserve better? Well, if not, then you should. This year, introduce yourself and your behind to the best with Tommy John's super soft underwear, loungewear and pajamas. That's right, Tommy John's breathable, lightweight and moisture wicking fabrics are designed to make you feel that much more comfortable, so you can do everything better.

The Tribland and modull fabrics stretch four times more than competing brands, and Tommy John moves 16 different ways to give you plenty of breathing room. I've got on a pair right now and I feel just dang cozy. I'll say it. Shop tommyjohn and get 20% off your first order right now@tommyjohn.com. T-H-E-O. That's right. Save 20% for a limited time@tommyjohn.com. Theo tommyjohn.com th E-O-C sight for details.

Tim.

Dylan. Good to see you, man. Yes.

Thanks for having me.

We haven't seen each other in a while.

We haven't seen each other in a while. You're killing it. You're all over the place.

You are.

I see you. I'm like, this is amazing.

You're the funniest guy. People love you so much.

That's very sweet of you to say.

Did you ever like, what was I going to ask you? I just got back from, I just saw the lahaina fires, man. I just got back from there.

I like a good fire. Yeah. Now here's the thing. I don't want anyone to die or anyone be hurt.

This wouldn't be your space and I.

Don'T want anyone to lose their property.

Right.

But I just like a nice crisp, I like a controlled burn. I like a controlled burn. I think you go in there, you do a control burn. Everybody goes to the hilltop, kind of.

Watch it, and you go down and rebuild together.

And then you go down and rebuild. You need to do that to thin out the forest. Otherwise if they get overgrown, this is what happens.

Yeah.

I wanted to go scatter my mother's ashes in Hawaii because she died and she loved Hawaii.

Did she really?

Yeah, but it was a week after that, I thought it would be in poor taste to come in with the urn. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. You can't bring sand to the beach.

I just don't want to. And I come in with urn, and I'm just with ashes just kind of.

Flinging them, or the urns, as some black people call it.

I didn't want to do it, but my mother did love Hawaii. But I was like, you know what? She won't know the difference if I go down to Florida. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

The ocean's. The ocean.

Well, she won't know the difference if you get one of those little japanese sand gardens.

That's right.

And just dump her in the middle.

That's what we're going to do. I'm actually just going to throw an east river in New York. Water is water. Water eventually finds other water. I think that East river will eventually find Hawaii. I think that's the way water works.

It has to be. Look, just throw her in the Hudson. Bobby Kennedy Jr. Will clean it up.

He'll figure it out. Him and his wife will figure it out. I love them. They're a fun couple.

I just went to his 70th birthday.

They are amazing. She's amazing two nights ago.

She's so funny. The best thing about being around them is when she's around, too. There's this whole level of comedy that's around it all.

Yes, it's a fun sitcom where she's like a fun, bubbly, sunny person. And the CIA killed his whole family. And it's just like a fun. And it's like hilarity ensues, you know what I mean? He's like, looking for bombs in a car and she's playing tennis. It's a fun mix. They're an OD couple.

Come and knock on our door.

Come and knock on our door. This could be our last day because they've killed all of his dad and his uncle, and people are like, why.

Is this guy so skeptical about stuff? Are you out of your mind?

It's crazy. People are like, why doesn't he trust the government to inject us with the right chemicals? It's like, they killed. It probably got so non eventful that they would just open his door when he was a kid and go, they just killed someone else. And he'd go, whatever. Did he even. Even get upset after the third or the fourth one? It was probably like, yeah, we get it.

Yeah. After that, you got to be able to just bet on who it's going to happen to on prize. Yeah.

And they would just come to him and be like, hey, so your nephew just flew into a mountain. We think. We don't even know. We think your cousin was eaten by a shark. But while she was skiing. They didn't even make sense. They're like, she was eaten by a shark on the slopes. And he'd have to just take it. He'd have to go, yeah, man. That's what happens when sharks get into the mountains. It's fucked up.

Yeah. She fell through a pothole in her imagination.

Yeah. None of it made sense. There was one shooter who shot your father 18 times. But that shooter was blind.

Yeah, he was blind.

Blind man who shot your father in a hotel kitchen.

Have you been to the place? The place where the shooting happened?

I have not.

You would have to actually.

That's crazy.

You would have to lean out of a JFK. I visit that, that is facing kind of the other way. You'd have to lean out of this window. You would have to have a friend hold your leg.

Crazy.

While you lean out of a window. Yeah.

At some point in that, someone would go, man, this is not a good idea. We should do it another. This. There's no way this works.

It was impossible to do. It was unbelievable.

It was tough. But for all that, he's like a remarkably well adjusted guy.

I agree. I really feel like he's the best choice.

Agreed. By the way. Agreed.

Yeah. As a human being, that's going to. Whether he's right or wrong about. So I would rather that someone cares and gives a fuck about whatever's going on. The guy cares that they're injecting. Could be injecting trash into people.

100%.

Yeah.

And the whole thing is like, what I like about him is that he doesn't care.

Right. He has nothing to lose. They've taken everything from him.

Taking everything from him. He took his going. This is my truth.

Right.

There would be a lot more money in it if he just went along with the rest of the thing.

Yeah. If he just replied to an email from Chuck Schumer.

Right. He could be like, he'd have a lot easier time if he just went along with everybody else.

But that's what I think is. Yeah, I agree. It's just that he's not beholding to anybody. No, he's not beholden to anybody.

Do kind of what he wants.

Do you think there's any path? Because I don't even know if they'll let him on a lot of the ballots. Are they letting him?

It's hard, I think, that there's rules that keep him off certain ballots. They want him to pay for his own thing.

It's crazy, though.

It's crazy. But they're trying to like. Yeah, I mean, they're just trying to close ranks around Biden. They don't want.

Yeah, they're really protecting Biden. A lot of these lawyers are because.

By the know, Biden, it's gotten to a point where it's almost a little fun now for the people around him because it is like a weekend at Bernie's. It is kind of fun because he's essentially just almost at the death store and they're all now like, we're all in this together.

Oh, he's like death dash.

It's death dash. They're in it together now. So it's kind of like we can't get out. It's kind of fun. Like late nights, just propping them up, like playing with them like a puppet and going like, we're just going to put them out on the debate stage. Like giving them good drugs, injecting them, like the injections that Biden gets before the first debate. It will be nothing you've ever heard. Like teams of people. You ever see the scene in ET where they put a tent around and they won't let anyone near it? Before Biden walks on that debate stage, there's going to be an ET like tent and just people in hazmat suits are going to go in and just start injecting them with things. And then he's just going to walk out like a regular person. And then you're going to go, oh, there's shit. We have no idea.

He's going to have a dip in, in his cheek of children's hair.

He's going to just start boxing. Like, he's going to come out. They're going to be like. They'll start, like, throwing hands. There are drugs we've never heard. There's technology we've never heard of. There are drugs we've never heard.

They're going to be pumping. They're going to be playing ti. They're going to be doing anything. They'll have a Ouija board channeling corn pop from the fucking swimming pool.

Can you imagine, like doing debate prep with him, how nervous they're going to be? They're going to be sitting there and they're going to be like, okay. And then they're going to call the people in the deep state and stuff. They're going to go. We got to really up the dose here. He's not responding to the regular stimuli to really get in here with some really intense. Because he just left the room. We just asked him a question. He just walked out of the room. He doesn't know where he is. So we got to play around with a cocktail of things to just get him to a point where he stands.

At the podium, put him on the AIDS meds. They're going to have him on every thing you can is the crazy thing is they're going to have it.

So he's going to be on AIDS meds. They'll have him on everything. Ketamine.

Imagine the scripts. They'll be practicing with him the week before. It'll just be monologs from famous movies.

Oh, my God. It's going to be things Tony Soprano said. They're like, if you forget, just give this speech that Tony Soprano gave to Anthony about World War II. If that's the closest you can get to this question, read this scene from the Sopranos where Tony talked about the importance of Italian Americans during World War II.

It's going to be, dude, he's going to be reading monologs from the movie Hoosiers. Whenever Gene Hackman try to get Jimmy Shitwood to run the picket fence. It's going to be unbelievable.

By the way, that first debate I will be watching, just like, there's nothing more entertaining than that. It's the Super bowl. For someone like me to just watch that go down.

It's old versus orange, baby.

It's old versus orange. And it's just, they're both wild. Like Trump's going to be just popping off because now Trump's also four years older. He doesn't even care anymore.

And who's more likely to even say the n word now? It's different. One could just bubble out a fucking Biden or Trump could just fire one off that he earned back in the.

Presidential candidate said the m in a debate.

Well, if they did at the same time, I think it's what we all want to hear. Yeah, but if they don't, good point.

They just both said it at the exact same time, then it would just be a reset then the country. Like at that point, if Trump and Biden say the n word at the same time in that debate, the Israelis and the Palestinians just going to look at each other and start embracing. They'll hug because that's what we really.

Oh, it's exactly what we. If Bobby Kennedy Jr. Was out there and got to debate either one of them, I think he would crush him.

Bobby Kennedy Jr. I think, would absolutely wreak havoc in a debate. He should be out there.

Why can't he debate? He's an independent.

They just. These big parties try to keep everybody out because people try to get in there. You know what I mean? People try to get in there. I think Ben Glee was trying to run for. So they just try to keep people out because it could get real, know, like, the third party candidates get kind of get of. You'd have, like, one of the Real Housewives.

You have an OnlyFans model on there.

Some onlyfans model would get out.

Teresa guidisi.

Yeah. For the Real Housewives, she'd get out.

Like, Charleston White probably would be out there, hopefully.

Right.

Jesus. Wow. It looks like the fuck. It literally reminds me of, like, the Muppets went to fucking makeup.

But that's the. Like, here's the. Like. As much as I don't think it's fair that they're keeping Bobby Kennedy out, they do need to keep certain people out.

Right.

Because it would just be a waste of time.

Yeah. Gleebran in 2020.

How did he do?

I don't know. Yeah. How did he do?

I don't know.

It's such a brave thing to do.

Is it?

That's a good question. What does brave mean?

I think it's brave if you get to a certain level.

Right.

But if most people don't know you did it.

Right?

It's not that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It wasn't successful.

I wonder if it becomes brave, like, Bobby Kennedy is brave.

Yeah.

I mean, every single person that he knows, the government says died from a headache.

Yeah. People are shocked, like, hey, why is this guy curious about these government mandated medications?

They're like, this guy should just trust his government. What's wrong with him? He won't trust his government. By the way, your aunt died. She was struck by lightning eight times in her car. Anyway, moving, you know, I don't. I just. I'd like to maybe run for the governor of California, try to clean it up.

Wow. Where would you start? We just had a homeless guy just through a bird scooter through one of our producers girlfriend's windows.

I'm against that.

Are you?

So that's my first thing. No, I'm against it.

It's getting crazy, dude. There's a bunch of. And I told this story before. Some of the homeless or outdoorsmen or whatever, like, new Native Americans, what some people are calling them.

Yeah. That's interesting. How do the old Native Americans feel about that?

Well, I don't think they should feel good about it, and I would love to see them rise up and attack.

Yeah, I think that's probably. And just for YouTube, we want to be very careful. We're not calling for that.

Right. I would like to see them rise up and challenge.

Challenge in an american ninja warrior way where it would kind of be like, but my thing is, I think with California, you just got to get the wine people up north and, like, napa Valley, you got to get them involved. Because I think that's, like, where the power lies in the wine community because it's a lot of rich white drunks, and that's, like, where all that power is up there. And I would just try to get them to just kind of, like, focus.

Right, Merlov?

Yeah, you got to take the want because they're all just, that's a problem with this state is that they're all like, by 03:00 p.m. They're hammered.

One, Merlov, that could be your campaign, right?

By 03:00 p.m. All these people are just drunk. And you keep trying to explain to them, you're like, there's people throwing bird scooters and they're like, hey, get out of here. They're just hammered. And they're just drinking wine, they're eating cheese, and they're living in a beautiful area, and they're like, and you're telling them all these stories. They go, a woman gave birth in an El pollo loco, and they're going, get out of here. They're just getting hammered. So I think we got to just focus them.

Yeah, I think they definitely are. It's definitely the rich looking down, being like, oh, what are they up to today? They'll ask someone.

That's right.

They'll ask a doordasher, hey, what are people doing down there?

Yeah, they'll go down, and then like, halfway through the answer, they check out. They go, wait a minute. What? They go, yeah, you know, Vaughn supermarket? There was a guy fucking the meat. And they go, get out of here, man. Can't handle this. I'm just trying to get drunk at.

04:00 p.m. Come on, brother. Can you see how rich I am?

I'm just trying to get drunk enough to look my son in the eye of a conversation.

See, I'm trying to get drunk enough to breastfeed my own child.

Yeah, it's a problem with how rich people are here in California. It's too rich.

Well, here's one of the problems, it's really true, is people are so rich that they start to look at their time by the value of an hour.

That's a great point.

And they're like, if I spend six minutes talking to this doordash human, alleged human that God has said is human.

That's right.

Well, then that's $700. I'm losing that level of rich.

You can kind of just, like, you shrug off an amazing amount of stuff. They go, how bad is it, really? And then somebody go, there's like, 300,000 people on the street. And they go, is 300,000 a lot? Is that a lot? They go, because the world has, like, billions of people. We're talking about only 300,000 people without.

Home on the street. In India, that would just be a natural afternoon.

Yeah, they're like, that's fine. I don't think that's a problem. And now things are getting so bad. If you try to tell a rich person how bad it's getting, like, somebody who's really rich, they act like you're making something up. Like, there was a guy last night, I was driving on Santa Monica in West Hollywood, and he was just running, darting. Because they dart across the street.

What's risky for them?

And they just dart across the street. And he had a skateboard with no wheels. He just had the board.

Oh, yeah.

And I didn't understand what that just. And he had it. And then he just, in the middle of my car, just stopped and looked at me, like, hit me.

Wow.

And I was just like, I'm not trying to hit.

It's people looking for accidents.

It's people that were just like, kind of like. I don't know what it was. He was like a deer in headlights.

God.

And I just swerve around him. But it's like people just mentally aren't together, and they need help. Someone needs to help them.

People are missing their wheels.

They don't have their wheels. And someone needs to step in there and help and go like, hey, man, what's going on?

But the only people that they're encountering for any sort of guidance are doordash.

It's doordash. But here's the thing. At Doordash, people. And by the way, earlier on, I said you weren't human beings. Bygones. Let's forget that.

Yeah, that was great.

Because here's what I meant by that. We need you now more than ever.

Amen.

Because what you need to do is rise up.

You were the therapist.

You were therapist homeless people. If there's somebody that is homeless and is having a problem on the corner, you need to put the ramen down. Put the ramen down and go address the problem. What's going on? Sir, I am a doordash professional.

Yes, I'm a licensed.

Licensed professional food clinical delivery service professional. Can I assist? Now, this person is going to be yelling and pointing at something that isn't there.

Invisible.

Yeah. They're going to be pointing at something in this dimension you cannot see. So you're just going to have to.

Like, bear with them.

Bear with them. It's not going to happen. First question, you go, are you on any medications right now? Have you taken any drugs?

Yeah.

Got to ask that in a non threatening way.

100%, yeah. You will be equipped with markers and paper. You're going to need to get these people to draw a picture of what's happening. Of what's happening. And then a separate picture to calm them down. Of their ancestors.

No, for sure. And here's the thing. We need to give the homeless people service animals, but service animals that are a little huskier, that can take because they need a lot of love and some of the homeless people. So we need to go out there with like, maybe pot bellied, like pigs, wild hogs, something that has a little girth to it.

Animals that got disqualified from the ididarod.

Not cute puppies, nothing.

We need chows. We need asian animals that can handle.

This kind of tough, that could slap them around. That'll be quiet in court if they start to, can fight it back so that the homeless person learns to respect the animal.

You need an animal that will be quiet in court.

Yeah. You need an animal that lays down the law immediately with the homeless person goes, I will be your most thing, but if you touch me like that again, I'll kill you. I will choke you out and kill you. So sometimes a little kangaroo bears might be good in Australia.

The boxing ones.

Yeah, the ones that are in the trees, things like that. Where you don't think of them as emotional support animals, but they have.

But they know they can do it.

They can do it, but they're also tough enough. When the homeless person throws a fit.

They'Re able to literally pull them down and lay on top of them.

We need animals, gorillas. We need to give homeless people in La silverback gorilla emotional support so that if they start going nuts outside of a Starbucks and we should normalize this. Normalize seeing a gorilla sitting on a homeless guy outside of a Starbucks and you just nod at that gorilla like, thank you. I know exactly what you're doing.

Sbgs, they're called, okay, they don't like to be referred to as their full name, but silverback gorillas, they need to be out there, because here's the problem. For a long time, Starbucks and some of these other big overlords, as I like to call them now, the corporate overlords. Overlords. They hired, like, down syndrome workers, which is nice, which is great. But they don't have the level of jujitsu.

No, they can't. That an SBG, a Down syndrome worker. It's got to be a nice environment, like an upper middle class nice, like a vineyard vines. Like a vineyard vines environment. Because then it's all nice if somebody takes a little time. There's a Down syndrome coffee shop in Georgetown in Washington, DC, and the CIA people go in there, and they're real nice to know. They're like, good day. Thank you. And then they go wherever they're doing, do horrible things, maybe. But the down syndrome people, they're really sweet, right? They're real sweet. But, no, we do need some, because it can't be. These social workers aren't equipped.

They're not equipped anymore, and they don't want to do it. And they've also given up. A lot of them are just creating profiles, social profiles. A lot of social workers are also doing only fans, so they get clients confused. You'll have a therapist log on to his zoom and just start showing their butthole.

And it's like, what? Because the latest thing a homeless person wants to find out. Can you imagine that? You're homeless. You got the big cape. And there's this guy in Tribeca where I spend some time, sometimes has a big cape.

Oh, I'm sure the government bought it for him. Yeah.

He has, like, that big, furry cape. Oh, yeah.

And he's like, they kind of bedazzle him. Kind of like they do those fabrice eggs.

He's kind of like a Game of Thrones guy. And he's in the of. It's not a bad look. It's kind of like a hatch. But then he's always kind of rapping to himself. He's always got his headphones. He's kind of doing that back and forth. Yeah, exactly. And then his social worker comes over. He's like, hey, what's going on? And then if he's like, bitch, aren't you? And he points her photo on only fans immediately, she has no credibility.

Aren't you chatty pussy 30.

You're afraid. You have no credibility. I'm watching you right now. Yeah, I'm watching you right now. Finger yourself. And then you come to me and you ask me what's wrong. I could ask you the same question. What is wrong?

So that's where it's going to be. It's going to be homeless onlyfans, social workers chatting with Doordash. Doordash professionals, clinical doordash psychiatric professionals.

And then we need highly trained sbgs over that. Gorillas. So that they know when it is and isn't appropriate to step in and calm a homeless person down by sitting on them outside of a five guys.

And that is our.

That's not a bad idea.

That's our campaign, brother.

Not a horrible.

Was. What is that? The coffee shop with the down syndrome people?

It's called Biddy and Bose, I believe.

I want to go there.

It's really nice. And I like to go back and forth with them in a nice way. There we go.

Biddy and Bose. Yeah. Human rights movement disguised as a coffee shop.

It's nice, man. I go in there and I go, what's good today?

Yeah.

Do you like this? Here's the thing, man. All down syndrome people want to do is work for eleven to 12 hours a day.

I know they want to engage.

They want to work well.

They're also.

And they want that human connection.

Well, what's funny is they're more.

And then there's people in there that don't have down syndrome, and they're very lazy.

Oh, yeah.

There's a lot of people in there.

There's a lot of dsis. It's like down syndrome. Imposters.

Yeah.

Where there's people that will go in there, literally put freckles on. Right.

This makes me nervous because everybody has down.

Not everybody.

Okay? There's a few others.

It's almost like somebody needs to.

There's got to be one person.

It's like, where's Waldo? Kind of.

It is like Waldo.

But I think there are also lazy people who consider themselves lobbyists in DC, basically. I love how if you're out of work in DC, you're a lobbyist, and they will go in and they will put freckles on and they will.

How lazy do you have to be to be in a coffee shop and look at a Down syndrome person and go, can you get that? It's unbelievable. Like you're an employee and you go to somebody. Down syndrome, you go, by the way, I'm stepping out. I'm taking a break. What? You got this, right? You got to really check where your life's at. If you're going to somebody with down syndrome and going, I got to take off tomorrow. Can't be here. Can you handle this?

It's just where the fact that people are like, are we at the end of times, down syndrome people are happy. They're working. We can't even do that.

No.

Without crying online, taking ketamine, dyeing our hair, taking one of our eyes out of our head. Some guy took his eye out of his head the other day for no reason.

And that's crazy.

Well, it's just like, it's a lot.

It's a lot when you're taking your eye out.

Yeah. And you were like, what the.

Because, by the way, no one cares. It's one of those things you do and no one cares.

You think it's going to have a.

Big think it's going to be a big moment, and it's nothing. I have two friends and their wives have. Each of them has one eye.

Oh, wow.

Because one of them had a thing and another one had a thing. They just each don't have an eye.

Pervert. Everybody's perverted.

Yeah. It's not even a big deal.

Well, nobody cares anymore unless you're willing to really take your fucking limbs off.

That's right.

And put them in your own ass.

Yeah, you got to do something with those.

What just happened in the news? Wasn't there something were we looking at earlier? Nick? Oh, man. Arrested for faking heart attack in over 20 restaurants.

I respect this.

I respect this nowadays, because at least this guy is even. It used to be this. You did a slip and fall in a Walmart or whatever. You got 25,000. And then you raised a son or whatever. But now at Least this guy, a 50 year old from Lithuania, was recently arrested in Spain. At least he's willing to travel and see the world after allegedly faking heart attacks at several restaurants in order to avoid paying the bill.

What's great about this to me is that this guy is basically going out there and he knows one of them is going to be real.

Yeah. Always playing is.

It's live by the sword, die by the sword. You know what I mean? Classic boy who cried wolf. Like, he goes, one of these days it's going to be real. But he's like, not today. He walks it off.

There's only so many times you can try to teach your aortas to talk, and then finally they fucking yell when.

You fake a heart attack. That's got to be a lot.

Yeah, but your heart's like, hey, what's good? Maybe I should learn this.

Right?

Okay.

So eventually it's just going to be a real one.

But I love that this guy's willing to put in work. This is what you're going to have to do now to entertain the lords, the insurance lords.

Yes.

What did the guy do? He just. Oh, he fucking broke his leg once on a bad pothole. Fuck.

You're going to have to fake a lot of stuff.

Yeah, this guy, at least he faked 20 heart attacks. Let's give him a couple of.

We only care about a heart attack. That's how heartless we are. You have to be incapacitated. You can't just go in and go like, I don't have a lot of money.

Yeah, I have hives or whatever. Nobody gives.

No one cares. I have shingles.

Yeah, I was molested.

Yeah, no one cares.

Fucked.

Can you imagine going into a place going, I was molested. And the waitress going, I was also molested. So what do you want? The breadsticks, because they're $8. They charge for bread. Go to a restaurant, they charge for bread and butter. They charge for bread and butter. Used to be able, as a homeless person, to go in, fake it out, get a little bread and butter in you, maybe get a soup in.

Yeah, lie. I'm like, oh, this came from home. Yeah, this is at the house looking at the remote or something, and lie. Times have changed. It is. It's interesting, man. What's going on in your world, I guess, dude.

Well, I mean, I'm just trying to live out the dream of being grateful for being lucky enough to make people happy. Hopefully.

It almost feels there's a lot to.

That where you got to kind of always remind yourself that you're doing a fun thing and a cool thing and you don't want to get caught up in any of the bullshit and the nonsense of, you know.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to. Well, it's not hard, but I can see how it can happen. You almost, though, see so many celebrities, and Hollywood is such a example of all of that. So I think as comedians these days, it seems like you have such a good example of the avenues not to go down.

Yeah. Just try to keep your head about you and get excited about what you're doing. A lot of it becomes about, like, how big can it be? Or your reps will call you, go, there's money here. And then you just got to be like, but am I happy with the things I'm actually doing? Am I putting stuff out? That's funny. So that's, like, the hard part again.

If there is somebody you really wanted to do, like a television or film, you'd have to really want to do it, because we're lucky enough to be able to go and perform, to really love it.

There's something I really want to do. There's, like, one thing I've always wanted to do, and I don't know how I'll do it or who I'll do it with, but it's just that one thing. Like, I don't have ten things, and if I never get to do it, that's okay, too, because I've been able to do a lot of other things, but there's this one idea. It could be a show, it could be movies. Just one thing I've always wanted to do, and I just want to do that, and then I'd be done.

You'd be good with that?

I'd be good with that. So that might happen or it may not happen, and I'd also be good with it not happening because I think at a certain point, you got to give it to God and go. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't.

Yeah. Yeah. I think, like, David Spade and I wrote that film that maybe you would.

Be in I love.

That was super cool. So that would be cool. To do something with Drewski, I think would be neat, amazing. He's so funny. But, yeah, outside of that, I don't know if I have much ambition. It would have to be something you really loved and you wanted to do it.

You got to really love it, because we have the ability to go out and make people happy that are right.

In front of so fortunate.

A lot of people don't like a lot of actors. You meet actors, and they're just waiting for people to call them. It used to be, like, actors. They'd be, like, happy. Now you talk to them, they're not happy. They're, like, just kind of waiting around.

Well, everyone in Hollywood is having to. I mean, they're literally having a strike for their fucking. For some earnings. That's like the people that they're trying to take their jobs away with, AI, the writing and even the extra work. Imagine that. You can't even be a fucking extra.

No, they're just trying. They want the celebrities we have now to be the last ones.

Yes.

They want Timothy Chalamet, who I like, and he says nice things about my comedy. Apparently, he's a good man. But this twink can't be the last one.

Is that Lil Mabu?

It looks slightly like Mabu, but you.

Know who Mabu is. Yeah, dude, me, too.

He's fucking. I do some drill. Yeah, but I started reading about drill. I tried to explain to Louis Ck what drill rap was.

Oh, it'd be hilarious to watch.

But to show me he can't be the last dude. Like, he can't play Rosa Parks. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

He can't be the last actor we have. We need other people. So I think what Hollywood's do right now, they're going like, look, Tom Hanks. Give me a Margot Robbie. Give me this.

Give me a shot.

Let's get them. They're it.

This is it.

We're gonna take their likeness. We're gonna put them in everything, and.

We'Re gonna shut it down.

We're gonna shut it down.

I agree.

That's how crazy they're getting. They're like, give me a chalamet. Give me a Margot Robbie. Give me a Michael B. Jordan. Give me this. Give me that. Give me whoever we got. Now, we don't want anyone new, and we're going to take their lightness and use it again. So Chalamet will be every, like, you'll be watching a movie and he'll just maybe be two or three of the characters.

Yep. He'll be in a subway commercial. He'll be in crazy. They'll just parks. They'll do parks. Have you heard about that? It's like a drunk woman, but she wouldn't leave the bus because she was drunk.

Right. And Timothy Chalamet is playing her.

Yeah. He'll be playing her.

Yeah. I just think that we've got to stop. Like, I like him a lot. I think he's a talented actor.

Unbelievable.

But we can have him in everything, right?

It'll just be. Yeah. I mean, Jacob B. Lordy was in Saltburn, and then he was also Elvis Presley. It's just.

That's a different.

Huh?

That's a different one.

That's not the same guy.

No, that's Austin Butler.

Oh, no. But Priscilla. I'm sorry. Have you seen Priscilla?

No, but he was in that allordy dude.

Priscilla is a good movie.

Yeah.

I'm not all the way finished, so it might not be good, but so far it seems good. The first two thirds of it's good.

Well, I like Euphoria is a great show.

I haven't seen that yet. He was in that.

He's in that.

Oh, I didn't know that. I got to go down the Allordy rabbit hole. But it definitely get it.

He's one of them that's going to be in the.

He made it in.

He made it in.

But it's getting fewer. It's getting far between her. Tate McCray, I'm sure they will get, but it's getting very few and far between. I agree that the door is shutting.

The door is shutting. And they're like, we don't need any more people. We don't need any more. We'll just take these guys.

Michael B. Jordan.

Yeah, just a few of these guys and then we'll. But then they're going to just start putting people in stuff that don't know. They'll be like Travis, Kelsey's famous, right?

Yeah, he can definitely play.

They throw him in count Dracula or whatever. They'll throw anybody in. You know what I mean? They might be just like, let's put them in. So I don't know. I don't know what's coming for this town. I don't know.

Because some of the good actors have also. Daniel Day Lewis just went off and he said, I'm not doing this right.

I think he lives in Ireland in like a castle or I mean, even.

Some of the Mel Gibson's done.

Remember that singer Enya?

Yeah.

She had those songs. They were like, that'd be her song. She'd be like, she's done now. She went to a castle in Ireland. Look up her house. Look up Enya house. Ireland. You want to show you how do it right.

Wow.

That's how to do it right.

That's Kat von Danya right there.

You know what I mean? She just lives in a cast. She's. Fuck it. She goes, I don't care about Malibu. Yeah, go live in a castle.

I don't want to have to hose down homeless people looking for a warm piece of bread outside of a meeting.

Every morning with my doordash guards.

I don't want to have to fucking peel the bird scooters out of my stepdaughter's windshield every morning.

That's crazy that somebody threw a bird scooter at someone like that.

Well, what is it? Is it a mating call? In certain communities it is.

I think it actually is. Because to be honest with you, if I'm a homeless female and I see a male and he has the strength to take a bird scooter and put it through the windshield of a civic, I go, that's someone who could protect.

Oh, I'm going to split my last pocket full of homeless.

So immediately I go to him with the things I have, the vittles I've collected, the yarn throughout the day, the candy corn, the air fresheners from the car I got. And I start sharing my gold with him because he has broken the windshield of the civic.

What's up, fellas? It's Valentine's baby. Time to tighten up that sea Roch baby, that crotch. And that can be for all you boys and girls who want to tidy up that little mercantile baby down there with that hair area down by the crotch. You know what I'm talking about. Manscaped is the remedy for what the love doctor ordered. You can tidy up your nether regions. Go to manscape.com to get somebody you love that Valentine's Day gift. You can get 20% off in free shipping with code theo@manscaped.com be the hero of Valentine's Day. Get your loved one that lawn mower 5.0 ultra. God, that thing's going to be tight down there, buddy. Seamlessly handling even thicker hair. It's the perfect tool for a polished, date ready appearance. Get 20% off in free shipping with the code theo@manscape.com that's 20% off with free shipping@manscaped.com and use code Theo because your grooming upgrade awaits. Ready to charm your Valentine's dates? You know your health starts inside of you and with what you put inside of you. And that's why I want to say, get started on your health with factor meals. Factor makes the best tasting, ready to eat meals that I've ever had.

That's the truth. Skip the grocery store prep work and cooking fatigue. Instead, get chef crafted, dietitian approved meals delivered right to your door with over 35 meals to choose from per week, including options like keto calorie, smart, vegan and veggie, and more, plus over 55 weekly add ons, you'll have a ton of nutritious and flavorful options to fuel your health. And right now you can head to factormals.com theo 50. That's right, use code Theo 50 to get 50% off. Wow. That's code Theo 50 at factormeeals.com factormeals.com theo 50 to get 50% off today's episode is brought to you by betterhelp. If you've struggled with thinking or feeling and just you're having a tough time organizing stuff, you're just confused. You probably just need someone to talk to. It's a great place to start. Betterhelp has been that for me, and they can be that for you. That's right. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give betterhelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

I can't recommend that enough. If you don't love the therapist you're working with, try someone else. You can always come back. You want to get the best? Celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit betterhelp.com theo today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com theoi do believe. But Hollywood has definitely gotten, you know what? I think I was thinking about this earlier. They just got. Everybody's just keeping their money. Nobody's even brave enough to take a risk anymore.

Nobody wants to take a risk.

All the movies are like remakes of things that have already happened.

It's like Willy Wonka. It's like, dude, priscilla, nobody. Saltburn was original story.

Saltburn was original.

Saltburn was great. But with Willy Wonka, here's the deal. It was a freak who liked chocolate. Everyone gets it.

Yeah. And he liked also, let's just say it, children.

There was something wrong in that. I'll say that in that chocolate factory. And they've told this story now multiple different times. And I'm creeped out. Every time I walk out of theater, I go, something's not right. Well, you want a little chocolate? Like, what is this shit? You want a little chocolate? There's something.

And Grandpa Joe, remember the first one was good. It was good.

The first one was good.

Sydney Poitier should have been in it, though.

I think Sidney Poitier should have also been in it, but they're going too far.

Well, now it's just crazy. They had the one with the Indian. They were trying to be so pro indian one year and they put all the Indians in it. That was the one with the Johnny.

Depp and every Indian was an Oompa Loompa.

And they did 7000. Instead of paying extra indians, they just.

Put them in a math equation with the AI. Like they 3d printed indians.

That's all they did. That's all they did with the same little guy.

Can you imagine, like a media in Hollywood, they bring a one indian guy, they go, you're going to play 7000 oompa Loompas. And we're sorry that we've kind of demeaned.

We're only going to pay you for.

Like, I gotta be honest, I do like this guy.

Oh, this guy's amazing. I met him.

This guy is kind of amazing.

Deep Roy, I met him in a park once in Santa Monica.

He is, let's be honest, the top one.

Yeah, the best one.

He is the deep Roy, I think is the best one.

And he should have been Elvis.

How do you fucking, he agree with you?

How do you not make Zoom in on this guy?

Is that his wife?

How is deep Roy right there? It's fine.

Yeah, that's Elvis Presley. That's Elvis Presley.

How is this not Elvis?

That is Elvis Presley.

That's why Hollywood, you're like, you're fucking up.

What was he when he was in that little hat with Yoda? What is that?

Oh, look at that. Now this kind of beautiful. This is probably one of the Democrat who's putting this on him. Probably democratic lord. Can you see, can we just scroll down a little?

The bohemian Grove.

Can we scroll down? I'm sorry. Can we scroll up a little? I just want to see who's putting that helmet on him.

That's Nancy Pelosi.

Yeah, probably.

She's putting a Yoda mask on him. This is, if you want to work in Hollywood, this is how it happens.

This is the kind of sick shit they're into. But it's also, it's like the fact people have to go on strike to get fucking paid. It's crazy when they're already out here all the time. You spend volunteering as actress to even get work, and then you have to go on strike and be in a union. What was the thing that it said with Deirdec? A bunch of people went to. What was that?

I don't know.

Did you see that?

No.

What happened about ridiculousness? They changed the amount of episodes.

They're always trying to really screw over the people in like, they can't fight back.

Yes.

Like if you're like an extra and you were like in Batman and you were the hot dog guy, you can't.

Yeah, you can't afford the attorneys that are going to battle them.

You can't fight back. So they're basically like, we've just AI'd you. You're the hot dog guy and everything. Now and then it's like hell, because.

Then you're the famous hot dog guy.

People come back from the movie theater and they go, that's my dad. Yeah, but then they have no money.

You have no way to contact, no money.

And he's living in the desert and it's terrible. And people just see him all the time. He's got maybe diabetes or something, and he's just sitting there and they're going, you're the guy that always serves the hot dog to every superhero.

He has no money, no way to even get put. He'll literally just sit there all day and put mustard on his finger, licking.

Mustard in the middle of the desert, in the salt flats of the California, Nevada desert, living there. And they go, this guy is a hot dog guy. And they act like he died. He doesn't even die. And they have like, an immemorium to.

Him because they don't want to pay him anymore.

They just say he died, and he's screaming in a greyhound bus station, because, I'm alive, you fuckers. I'm alive. And then he's on the Greyhound bus and everybody's watching, and he's on the way. And that's a great film, by the way. And then he's on the way to Hollywood, and then he has to kill the executives. That's kind of an interesting. Oh, yeah, that's not horrible.

Or he has to damage the executives.

We'll say that he has to teach.

Them a lesson, because we've had a lot of, I have a lot of.

Issues taken about our lot of things, because there's a lot of things out there that just people misconstrued 100%.

Yeah, but what was the issue with Deirdre? Can you bring that article back up? Ridiculousness. Writers stormed Rob Judic's office asking for a meeting, but he was nowhere to be found.

So they straight up tried to get him.

Yeah. On January 4, the writers of ridiculousness asked host and executive producer Rob Juddick for his support for a fair contract.

Wow.

They just want a fair contract. Apparently, around ten of the show's writers stormed Deirdrex office, but were turned away. When they called and left messages, no one answered.

Because you know what it is? They looked at January 6 and they go, that got some results. Like, that woke people up a little bit.

That got some heat.

That got some heat. Rightly or wrongly, it got some heat. So I think a lot of these writers were like, let's just storm his office right now and try to, like.

They asked host Deirdek for support for contract.

Ryan Connor. I am here. I know him. Writers at Rob's office. He's a nice guy because we just wanted to ask him for his support.

In our efforts to get our first.

He was a comic in New York City.

Wow. Tried to go up. Oh, gosh. Gotcha. Sorry. That's okay. We called. We left a message. Nobody answered. Hi, this is the writers from ridiculousness. We are here in the ground floor of the building just to ask if we could. That's good. Talk to Rob. So it looks like they're trying to go there and get a hold of him, and they can't. Is that the gist of it, Nick?

That is.

That's the gist. And you know that guy, Ryan Connor? Yeah.

He was a nice guy. He was a comic in New York City, and I guess he moved out here, I guess became a writer.

Wow. And what did that article say towards the end, Nick? Do you, um. Oh, it, uh. We are currently compensated at a rate well below our. Nope. Well below our peers. Writing for WGA covered shows like ridiculousness.

The next step is they're going to have to kidnap him.

Well.

And they're gonna call, and they're gonna go, we have him. Like, we have Rob Deer deck.

And what do you want from. And, yeah. And I'm not saying that I condone that.

No, of course not. But I'm saying, like, the next step, logically. Logically, is to kidnap Rob Deer deck. And they're going to go, hi. And he could do it, like, just the way he did it. He'd be like, hey, this is Ryan Connor, and I just want to say we have Rob Deer deck. It's just like, we tried it the first way. Yeah, we tried it your way. We went to the lobby.

Remember that terminator?

He's in a box. He hits box, makes some sounds. Hits me. They got me. And Ryan goes, yeah, get him.

Buy a skateboard.

Yeah. He goes, we got Rob Deer deck here. He's unharmed. I hit the. Ah, hear him? He's unarmed. But we are just trying to get a fair contract. So let's start the negotiation.

Let's start it now.

Let's just start it now. Because we have Rob at an undisclosed location. But that's the next logical step here. You have to kidnap you have to commandeer Rob Deirdak.

Yes.

For a few days. For a few days to just get people awake.

Awake.

Because this doesn't, by the way, I see that. I see people in the lobby of the building. I go, all right. Yeah, so what?

But you got to pay these people.

You got to pay them money.

What does it say about the episodes, Nick?

They used to do 30 in 2011 when they started, and now they're doing 336. Wow. A year. And they're not union.

Wow.

Well, they got to put them in a.

I mean, or they could do.

The old school move. You ever see March? Wooden soldiers, Laurel and Hardy, fat guy, thin guy, brilliant. They mail themselves in a box. The old school move.

Yeah. To rob Troy.

Rob Deird. Exactly.

Trojan horse.

Trojan horse. Rob Deirdak. They're like. He goes, oh, someone sent something. Like, the studio sent something nice to the house. They got a big box. It opens, and it's the whole writing staff right there.

There it is.

Stan and Ollie. It's the whole writing staff. And then all of a sudden. But then they still. Here's what's interesting about that. They actually still have to kidnap them. So it's like, forget the box, but.

They still mean business. It's a way to get in the building.

It's a way to get in the building. But they have to just say, hi, my name is Ryan Connor. I'm a writer at ridiculousness. And we have Rob. We tried it your way, but Rob is here, and Rob is now very enthusiastic about this new contract. Aren't you, Rob? Hit the cage. Rob has had a change of heart. He's actually leading the charge for this new contract. Right? Hit the. Yes. Give. Give them anything they want. We're not even asking for that, Rob. But thank you for saying that. I believe we have them on. That's that quote.

Yeah, that's quote.

You just hurt. Let's give them anything they want. Please. I just want to leave here alive. He's being fed. We're taking care of him. No one's abusing him.

I don't even think they pay people to. I think they offered me to go on that show before, and they don't even pay you to go.

It's not good if they're not paying.

They don't even pay you to go be a guest on that show. Yeah. Like they say, oh, will you get publicity out of it?

That's what they always say about everything. We're paying you an exposure.

Right. But, yeah, these people are exposed. They don't have health care.

That's. People are exposed. They're in the elements.

Yeah. You think writing 336 episodes of this show.

What even is this show? They get, like, snooky and someone else to.

They get Snooky and then they commandeer some brother out there.

Right?

It's usually, like, somebody that knocked up a Kardashian or something, or at least came near one, and they get them to literally look at videos of people who are breaking their necks doing different stunts.

Gotcha.

And make fun of them.

They say that, right? Okay, well, again, Chanel west coast is on it.

She's actually really funny.

Yeah, she's really funny. I'm never a person for extremes, but I do believe in this rare instance, it just bargaining power being what it is, if you have them, it makes it a lot easier.

Yeah, I agree.

Just throwing it out. If you have them. And it unders. Think of it. The movie seven. Great movie. Seven.

Great movie.

Now, the reason that everybody was so wound up in seven is because there was a serial killer who just kept, like, leaving little notes, communicating with the cops, making phone calls.

Yeah.

Gossipy kind of gossipy kind of guy. But he didn't show up in the office building. You know what I mean? What he was able to do is really capture people's attention by actually going like, hey, I got the guy. So the reality is what they need to do is just, in a nice way, kidnap him.

Yeah. I think commandeering is the term we like to use.

That's correct.

Commandeering someone.

Commandeering someone for the purposes of a contract negotiation is great.

Well, look, it's getting to that point because at one point, all it's going to take is the policeman to say, wait, I'm not on the side of this company. No, I'm on the side of this person.

Here's the brilliant thing about this. The police might help this. The police.

How is that?

The police might. They might not look too hard for him. Right? They might not be looking too hard for him. Okay. Because the show, I believe, is celebrating accidents, right?

Yeah.

Celebrating just public lawlessness. The cops aren't looking too hard for this guy.

And plus, here's the thing. If they're not paying people for the clips that I'm using, I'm sure they're not.

Right?

And they're not paying guests to go on there.

And it's probably like some guy on a stretcher and they just, like, a producer runs up to him and they go, do you mind if we use this on ridiculousness? And the guy's like. And they're like, great.

Will you put your saliva on this contract?

Right?

Yeah. And I remember them offering. And they did not offer a payment on it. But then who's making all the money then?

Probably the network.

I mean, the show these days, it's only ridiculous. It's their own. What was the deal they had?

And I'm all for people making money.

Yeah. And I'm not trying to shit on Rob. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. But no.

And maybe he's doing the right thing. I'm not right. We're not being negative. We're just saying, I'm zooming out.

I'm zooming out. That this is an overall.

I don't even care who he is, who they are. I'm just talking about negotiations in general.

Agreed.

One person usually has all the leverage is my point.

And sometimes you have to bring a true article to the.

What the writers did there. We had no imagination.

Right. Which maybe means they shouldn't be getting paid.

Maybe they shouldn't be getting paid. I got to be honest. I didn't see one funny thing happening. Good point. There was not one funny thing. Those writers.

But sometimes you got to bring a.

Real article to the dressed up like clowns. And they were like, oh, you're treating us like clowns, but bloody clowns?

Or big like, remember big that passed away? Remember Robin Big? What if they all dressed up like big? Like, mummified big? Like, we came back from the grave.

And big would be ashamed of this?

Yes.

Big would be ashamed of the way we're being treated. Kind of like a Christmas story. Like a.

Big.

So our thing is telling the writers to do blackface. Well, I'd go, sure, but I'm just.

At this point.

At this point, you're desperate. Affirmative action desperate. Now I get it.

Now. A black writer, they call Rob Dudeuck.

To go, listen, this. The writers are mad. They're in the lobby, the building. Here's where they fucked up, Rob. They're all in blackface. You're off the hook. You're actually. Or you don't have to pay any of them.

Or Hollywood's so scared of everything, they're like, we better pay these black writers right now.

That's right.

That's the truth.

That's a good point.

Hollywood be like, the last thing we want to do is upset the black community.

That's right.

Yeah.

They come in.

Yeah. If I were black, I would just sue everybody in Hollywood.

That's true.

To be honest with you.

That's a good point.

To be honest with you.

Just start suing every human being in Hollywood.

Yeah, I just know that Rob has the biggest. All that's on MTV is.

I don't even know what MTV is.

Anymore, but all the idea is ridiculousness.

Well, good. Hey, like I said, everybody's got to do what they want to do in this.

Um, what else were we looking at, Nick? What else you had you brought up? Oh. Neighbors say party house in Beverly Hills is run by squatters. This is right up the same avenue we're talking. Can you. Yeah. What do they say? Neighbors are fed up with what they're calling a problem house on the border of Beverly Hills and Bel Air. They say wild parties are being thrown there all the time by squatters. Police have been to the homes numerous times, but the homeowner's home ownership, rather status is complicated. Eyewitness news reporter Josh Haskell has the details. Condoms and drug paraphernalia litter Beverly Grove Place outside a party house located on the border of Beverly Hills and Bel Air. Neighbors tell eyewitness news squatters have been living here for a few months, throwing wild parties that they advertise and charge admission for. The squatters even claimed they were raising money for the victims of the October 7 Hamas attack. They're showing up at two and three in the morning with loud cars, motorcycle jewish squatters. That's good. Is it? Victims of the.

Yeah, I mean, you guys see this part of it? It's just a little aside.

Leafs will do something. The LAPD has been to the home numerous times, but the ownership status is complicated. It was owned by disgraced Dr. Munir Uweda, who fled the United States and is reportedly living in Lebanon after he was accused of playing a role in the murder of 21 year old model Juliana Redding, who he had dated. Uweda has also been linked to an insurance fraud scheme. The company, MDRCA Properties, LLC, is currently listed as the owner, but they filed for bankruptcy last year. The home is now for sale for four and a half million dollars. According to neighbors and their private investigator, the squatters who live here had their driver's licenses registered to this home, which.

Has slowed the eviction process.

They claimed it. I support squatters.

I do. Because the reality of the situation is that you want people in one place and you want people to. If this is a house that's owned by a guy who fled the country because he murdered his girlfriend. And by the way, that's what I love about LA. It just attracts good people. You know what I mean? Just attracts like good salt of the earth. What a beautiful story about a doctor.

Who killed a 21 year old, some.

Only fans chick, and then fled to Lebanon. By the way, if you're a realtor in LA, you assume that's everyone you're showing a house to. You're like, you're going to live here for about five years, then you're going to kill a girl and go to Lebanon. So don't worry about the resale value. It's not a big deal. You're just here to kill one person. But if that's the case, I mean, why shouldn't squatters move into his house and enjoy it?

Well, yes, I think, look, if rich people are just going to Hide.

That's right.

And kill people, and then you have got to get in there and spend time with them. And a lot of rich people. Yeah. They say they don't want you there. Right, but that's not true, buddy.

No. He's in Lebanon in their heart, too.

A lot of rich people want other people to be around. They want you to be there at dinner. They want you to live in the laundry room or wherever you see fit.

Yeah. And at the end of the day, it's like, if you're squatting in a property of a guy, he has no authority to tell you what to do. He could call the house and be, hey, that's my house. And all you have to say is, yeah, why aren't you here?

That's it.

Are you on vacation? You killed a bitch and you fled to Lebanon. So, yeah, I'm going to swim in your pool. I mean, no one has any moral authority in that situation.

Well, you got to tell them you're saging the premises as well. I think you come in with a small.

Yeah, you go, we're trying to help you out. We got bleach. We're wiping everything down, dude. Like, we're helping you out. This is like, don't tell mom the babysitter's dead.

Oh, my God.

You know what mean? Like, it's like we're throwing a huge party to cleanse the house of your murder.

You're lucky that we're here for free, first of all.

We're here for free, first of all. He's screaming from Lebanon. I go first of all. Let me just stop you there. You're welcome. Let's start with. You're welcome, okay? Because we had a pool guy in here twice last week. Okay? You're welcome. And, yeah, we're having a few parties to raise money for the victims of the Hamas attack.

Yeah.

In your house. We're having a fundraiser, and this is.

Where we're doing it. Look, we're raising money to make the next big mama's house.

We're trying to solve the Middle east.

We're trying to raise money for the ridiculousness writers. We are doing all sorts, by the way.

Are the ridiculousness writers the ones in that house?

Hopefully.

Yeah, that's probably.

Hopefully they're getting free rent, because that's.

Where they're plotting their whole thing. They're like, we're in this house, we're squatting in the house, and we're just trying to get Rob deer deck to pay us money so we can get apartments so we don't have to live in this mansion of this murderer.

Look, if there are extremely wealthy people out of town, you consider them, or people in your area consider them some lord or deviant or dark artist, right? I don't think there's anything wrong with spending time in their home.

They have a pool. The pool didn't kill anyone.

They're not even there.

Did the terrace kill someone? No. So you're basically going into a piece of real estate. I think real estate's blameless.

I agree.

I did not blame, I don't blame Brentwood for OJ's activities.

Yeah.

I don't look at the house and go, oh, you look at this. I mean, they've demolished it now, but Epstein's townhouse didn't do anything wrong.

Agreed.

It's the people inside.

Yeah. And so I think, yeah, if there's a house in a fancy area and you love it, get in there. I think.

I think, get in there and look for murderers in your area who fled.

Because all it takes is two or three houses in a neighborhood for this avenue, and then the property values all come down and we can all rent again.

And by the way, if you live in a nice area, there are definitely a few murderers who have fled.

Yeah. It's really just a matter of you doing the legwork, finding it. Yeah.

Because it's always going to appear like, oh, nobody's been in that house for a while. I wonder why it is. And then you're going to find out, oh, yeah. Sometimes people's kids kill people and they check out.

It's easy to figure out, too. And a lot of times I think, look, go through Halloween, see who doesn't have a trick or treating thing set up.

That's a great point.

And those are the first people's houses to stop in at and see what's going on. And eventually the government don't do it in my house.

I'm just in Reno performing in a casino. I didn't kill anyone. So I just want to put that out there. I have a nice home. Don't come to my house, because I am coming back in two days. I'm probably in Boston or something just screaming at drunks.

You think it's okay for people to get into more of the squatting and the commandeering.

It goes case by case because.

Do you think so? I think it's. It goes back to the old times where it's like when you showed up and you took some land. I feel like that's the times we're getting back to. And I think it's okay. Well, here's where people can't afford rents. How else do you expect people when seven families or whatever own half the city?

It's a great point. I think the problem becomes, like, when you are squatting in a house of like, I don't know, somebody's disabled or something. Well, no, but maybe what's going on? I don't know. You're envisioning. What you're envisioning is like a family who's like, down on their luck is like, we're going to squat in this house.

Oh, I'm also envisioning a couple of rager boys from freaking.

That's mind, like, here's the deal. I think what you're going to get, you might get some activity in that property that's not great for the neighborhood.

Oh, I think that's what I want.

Okay. All right. Sure. As long as you know what's going to go. Yeah, as long as you know what's going to happen.

I want, dude, it's not going to.

Be like Christmas carols. They're doing fake Hamas, fake fundraisers.

These people are doing Hamas reenactment.

They've got like, the pictures of the hostages. They're just doing coke off them.

Oh, my God. These are people. These are the kind of people we need, I think people doing puppet shows, people doing, I do think a little.

Candle marriage, something fun.

Renaissance fair.

Renaissance fair stuff. Because so that's my thing. It's like, if you are going to squat, make it an event that the community can enjoy to some degree.

I agree.

There should be a punch and Judy show for the kids, something fun. Put on petting zoo. Do something small. My godson is chinese. They always take him to petting zoo.

Get a persian guy to just get on his knees and pet that dude.

Get a persian guy. Get that actor deep Roy. Like any of those people.

Like Elbis.

Yes. Make it fun. I just don't want it to be because the squatting might just be its own way of, like, they might also just start gatekeeping it from the community. If you're squatting in a big mansion, you got to let it be a community center.

Yeah, that's true. I agree.

That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying don't squat. I'm saying, like you said, do once a month, you do a play.

You do a play. You do something. You do some shakespeare.

You do Shakespeare in the park.

Yeah. You do raisin in the sun.

You do a raisin in the sun. You do a version of raising it, and everybody's going to be hungover and you go, wake up. Today's we're doing raisin in the sun. And people can be on book. They don't have to memorize their lines. There's going to be people that are near overdose. You got to get them off the floor, hand them a script, and they got to stand out there for the local children and do raising and son or Mr. Belvedere. Mr. Belvedere. They got to do know death of a salesman.

Death of a salesman, for sure. If you can't find one fucking dream catcher weaving lesbian to play Willie Loban.

You got to get a bitch named sky who's been on Molly, just the best Molly who's been to a lot.

Of widespread panic shows.

To play Willie Loeb, so that at least, because then the cops won't even. They're just going to go, hey, man, they do plays for the community and people write yelp reviews and stuff. And they go, you know, we really thought it was just a bunch of junkies partying, but my kid went there the other day and we saw a beautiful production of death of a salesman with, like, a shaman who was straight up ayahuasca played Willie Loman. And it was brilliant.

Yeah, I think Bert, what was the guy's name in his son's name? I can't remember it.

I don't know.

It would have been great to remember. But, yeah, we saw. Oh, Biff.

Harold.

Yes. Biff and Harold.

You're playing Biff like they're yelling at a guy. He's coming down the stage.

You're playing Biff today.

You're doing biff. He's like, all right. He's got the script.

He's, like, shaking, going through the DTS. He's trying to fucking.

Just trying to do it. But that's my thing. Just make it a community center. Make it fun.

Because here's what's going to happen, too. The rich people of. They're so rich now, eventually they're going to stop fighting you. They're not even going to fly back.

It's going to look bad for them to fight you. They're going to start talking about it in Aspen. They're going to start going, we have one of our homes.

Yeah, it's an aquarium.

Now one of our homes is being used by people putting their lives together. And they're doing death of a salesman.

And they will love saying that. You have to understand it at a certain point. You have to understand the value of the media for yourself.

That's right.

It's all advertising. So you get people to say, hey, fuck these rich people. Let these people live. And that's all you need is two or three people saying it's just a.

Status symbol to go, we have so many homes, we don't even care a few of them. We just have people squatting. They do petting our house. We got a house in Bel Air. It's a big petting zoo. And it's run by this lesbian on Molly. And she just walks a bunch of kids through once a month to a penny because we like to give back to the community.

Yeah.

They go, we're not using it.

We just got to meet Hercule Poirot the other day in character. They just did a Hester prin meet and greet in the front yard.

Yeah, it was brilliant. So why they go, listen, we're not going to get in the way of that.

Yeah, they're doing ten little indians at Christmas.

That's right.

We can't stop this.

So if you walk in, if the cops walk into a squatter's house and there's just a bunch of junkies writhing on the floor, that's one thing. But if they walk in and those junkies start going, God rest ye Mary gentleman his bitter Christ our savior was born on. The cops start singing. Yeah, the cops are in. You just have to do that.

And that's miracle on 34th street. That's here.

New Christmas movie that we pitch about a bunch of junkie squatters who team up with the rich landlords who are fleeing the country because they've killed their only fans girlfriends to make a beautiful Christmas pageant for the community.

The whole pageant is so ridiculous and so crazy contrived.

And he's watching it from Lebanon.

Yeah, it's got like Macaulay Culkin battling the fucking ninja Turtles.

Amazing. It's just pop culture references and it's absolutely.

It's Iggy Azalea. It's Iggy Azalea's doing playing fucking Cindy Lou who.

It's out of control, but there's something beautiful about beautiful about it.

What other news do we have going on, Nick? Anything else great happening? Yeah.

John Stewart is returning to the Daily show only on but. And also as an executive producer through the election cycle.

Wow. They must have backed up the money truck.

Money truck.

You think so? Or do you think because he seems like a guy of character as well.

I think he wants to do know.

Yeah. He wants to have a voice.

It would be funny, though, if they let him do it Mondays and then Trump did it Tuesday. You know what I mean? Just to kind of. Paramount makes the announcement to let Jon Stewart's can do it Mondays. Donald Trump will do it Fridays.

Yeah.

He will do the daily show Friday.

And Whitney's doing it on Wednesday.

Yeah. Then Whitney's going to do it on Wednesday. Her kid's very cute.

Is the kid cute?

Cute kid, yeah.

I haven't seen the.

Like. He's a beautiful child.

Well, she's got.

Yeah.

Nice breasts. Is it a boy or girl? The kid.

It's a boy with very nice breasts.

Oh, wow. Okay, good. Yeah. And that shouldn't matter. I'm just saying.

No, it doesn't matter.

I wouldn't be shocked if the kid has great breasts one day.

Yeah.

The boy.

The child has filed emancipation papers. Yeah.

You can see him right there begging for a sip.

He's in.

That's deep Roy. Isn't Roy.

That's not a.

Good look at her. She's just beyond. This is a new headshot, by the way.

Deep Roy has pretended to be an infinite. There's going to be a newspaper article. Wendy Cummings was actually deep Roy.

I wouldn't be surprised. There's a lot of. Look, things are getting so tough out there. Little people are going undercover. They just had the russian girl who faked with the family to be able to eat and survive.

So they're just going to have to. And Whitney, because Whitney is busy. She's busy. The thing with Whitney, a great mom and everything, but she's busy. She's got a lot going on. So she might not notice if her son is deep Roy.

She might not notice.

She's got deep.

Oh, you got a fucking young baby who's just in Elvis outfit.

She might like how quickly he's growing. And she might be like, my baby's so impressive. He's speaking. He's speaking Hindu. He's dressed like Elvis.

Yeah, he's doing great.

I've done a great job. Yeah, he's deep Roy.

He's doing fucking.

And then they're going to say to her, they're going to go, at what moment? At what moment? Christmas. Did you realize that your son was actually deep water?

A squatter.

There was a squatter. In your home, deproy.

There's a squatter in your jeans.

It was one time. I was just looking at him at dinner. I was looking at him at dinner, and he was telling stories about Johnny Depp from the Charlie the chocolate movie. And she goes, I just looked at him and the light hit him a certain way. I was like, are you.

Unbelievable, dude?

Unreal. Unreal.

Wow.

We'll have a blue.

But it's getting so bad. Little people are squatting as infants to eat, to survive. That's how bad people don't understand when it goes from grapes to grapes or wrath, man. People don't understand it because there are.

A lot of little people that can and should kind of try to pass as children.

Oh, they bet they had a guy.

They get in a car on the way to Six Flags, try to get him, be with the family.

They had a guy in Indiana. If you get a chance to look at it, he was like, 31, and he had primordial dwarfism, I think. Right. He went back to third grade, right? Yeah, went to third grade. Was doing pretty good. They said he wasn't even doing that good in it.

Right.

And I'm like, God.

Well, third grade is not easy. That's when they start bringing out the big math textbooks.

That's a good. Yeah. Six year old orphan or con artist adult. Revisiting the strange. Oh, no, this was net Natalia Grace. This was a male, but that was the russian child. But they had a male who pretended. No, I would say dwarf impersonates child. Indiana.

It's a very interesting move. And to me, it's like something.

And other states. But. And other states.

I feel like it's totally appropriate, given the way things.

Yeah. But I'm just not shocked that this is. But this guy went back to school, and one day the teacher saw him driving somewhere. Driving to an Applebee's or something.

Yeah.

And that's how they busted. Like, shouldn't you be doing your homework?

Right. And then he was like, no, I'm actually. It's a weird move to just want to go to school. But I guess he was getting fed and taken care of.

Yeah, I think there's a lot of that. Well, it's free then you're on the government's time.

That's right. And you know what it's like? He's like, let me try again.

Yeah, let me relive it.

Everybody wants to kind of relive it.

Oh, I'd love to.

Me, it's like. That's also heartwarming. That little people can kind of relive it.

And I think if you are a little person and you do feel better around children, you should be able to go back to school.

I think if you want to try it again, run it back. A lot of little people out there that go, like all of us, I want to run it back.

What would you do if you ran it back?

Oh, God, man.

Would you do something different? Really well, were you outgoing in high school?

Yeah, I was outgoing. I wouldn't have started cocaine at 13.

Wow, that's early.

That was early.

Really?

Yeah, it was too much. I did it for till I was like in my early twenty s and then I cut it out. But I didn't do it every day when I was 13. But like 13, I was smoking weed. I was trying stuff like you track up lines of blow and LSD. Not great. It was not good. LSD started then. I would have held off on that. And then I would have tried to be, if I could be any archetype of person, chef or something, I wanted to be like a real hot, dumb person. If I could do it again, I would want to live in California and be one of those people. They're just really hot and all they do is surf. All know they're the people that will believe you come to them and tell them anything. They believe it. They're like, oh, wow. They're like, what? The word they always say is what? They go, what? But they have the best life in my estimation.

So nice.

They just sit on a beach, eat burritos, and they just go swimming. And then one day, the luckiest ones get eaten by a shark. The luckiest ones, the ones that the.

Gods love enough, the ones that the.

Gods love enough are like, we'll take you now. Yeah, that would be nice.

I guess that's a romantic way to look at going back to high school, I think just being like, yeah, all body. Just like you're sitting in class and you're so good looking. People don't even care if you're learning.

They don't care if you're learning. The teachers are kind of afraid of you.

You get a c plus.

Really hot people. People just kind of let them do whatever they want. Kind of let them do whatever they want. If you're a really good looking person, you don't even have to squat. You can kind to just show up to someone's house, they'll let you in. They'll be like, come on in, bro.

Ian Summerholder went to the high school. I went to right. He was the best looking guy for. I think he won an award once. It was like best looking guy for like 700 miles or whatever.

Right.

And he was like. As he would come to the first day of school.

Right.

They would give him a's for the. And he would leave.

And he would leave. Yeah.

He went there to literally get his report cards for the year.

Yeah.

And he just looked at all the ladies, just let them all know that he.

That he loved them, and that was it.

And then he would go back. Just. He moved out of town. He lives on a farm now. He has a farm with his wife and children. He moved out of Hollywood anyway.

Yeah. Good move.

But God is growing up in the shadow of such beauty for men and women. Women would get their hair cut to look like.

Was.

People didn't know what to do. You had a lot of moms and stay at home moms and basically just like, people that didn't want to work kind of. And they would all try and look like him. Or you had women dressing like him, wearing Abercrombie and Fitch and the men's stuff. It was just. Yeah.

When somebody's that good looking, you just. People try to be them without even knowing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People were devastated if they didn't know him or if they didn't know somebody that knew him.

Yeah.

He was just that handsome. It's just that power, the effects of somebody that could be that good looking on a community. Yeah.

Of course.

Because everybody else is ugly.

Everybody else is just in comparison to him less. And they feel it. What is this?

Tech CEO dies after freak accident on stage in front of crowd at company party the company's president remains in critical condition. Didn't they just say he died?

Oh, my God, dude, they don't get clickbait. They just want you in. The CEO died. The president is in critical cocoon.

Okay.

They were being lowered from a cage and the chains broke and they fell 15ft in front of. Well, that's one of those. By the way, no one feels bad for them. Well, I mean, a lot of people in that company were like, dude, come on. They're lowering him from a cage.

Yeah.

What are we doing here?

It's just like, if you want to be a lawyer, you can't pretend to be a God on earth, man.

Right? You got to stop.

A Chicago area tech CEO died after falling onto a stage at a packed company event in India last week. Vistex CEO Sony Shah, 36, and company president Raju Datla, 52, were marking the company's silver jubilee. Celebration. What did it say? It happened. Both men were inside a suspended cage when the chain holding the cage broke on one side, causing them both to fall onto the stage. At the time of the accident, music was being played and Shah and Raju were waving to their staff while being lowered. Wow. What music would you want being played while that happens? You think?

It's a great question. Maybe Jai ho from Slum Dog millionaire, you know, ja ho.

Yeah.

Because it's kind of that fun.

Nobody would even believe you dead. They'd be having so much fun.

They would. That's the thing. Because it would be such a crazy environment. Jao, that it would like, even though you're dying, it's still kind of. So that would be my personal choice.

I love that dude. Tell me something, boy. I think I would go with that.

Bring it down.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, God bless. Know. We're not laughing at just. It's one of those things where it's like you're already the CEO, right?

Like, do you need to be the Bret Hart of.

Right. You know that scene in the beginning of cats or the end of cats for like the. I don't know if you ever saw the show cats, they go up on this little UFO. There's like a bunch of cats.

Oh, do they really?

At the end? Yeah, it's like a garbage can lid. There's just a bunch of cats. They just rise because they're going to heaven. The cats at the end.

Debatable.

Yeah, for sure. But you don't need that level of theatrics when you're the CEO. You don't need.

You shouldn't be up there. The secretary should be up there. Yeah.

It's like you're the CEO. These people, some of them want to kill you. Hire some squatters, hire people that you bring out. That's when you go. Thank you for coming. Now, Iggy Azalea, ladies and gentlemen, let Iggy Azalea fall through the cage and die in front of your company. Do not die in front of your company. There's no reason for it.

And if it's tech, you're supposed to be tech. You're supposed to be technologically advanced.

Wizard of Oz.

You can't even put a fucking cage on a hologram.

What are you doing? Because that's not what they do. They do like that new age shit. You should be a hologram. You shouldn't be trying to do Ringling brothers and Barton Bailey circus where you like, ride out on an elephant. They were probably like, it's India like, we're going to get wild. Lowercase Jiho.

Yeah, that would have been a great idea. Do you do anything exorbitant like that? Do you do anything? You ever do any fancy stuff, Tim, like on stage?

Not really. I just kind of walk out or.

Just like parties and stuff. I've heard you throw some pretty wild parties. I've actually heard this. I heard like a crazy thing about parties that you throw.

We had a Caitlin Jenner at one.

Did you?

Yeah.

You invited me to one of them.

I invited you to all of them. You're not around. Caitlyn Jenner came, which was fun.

No way. She came.

She came with her girlfriend, who's a trans maga influencer. And they came and they were great because you're going around the parties, talk about how we need Donald Trump. And it was LA, so there were people that were just. But you can't say shit to Caitlin because Caitlin's like six, eight. Caitlin's a tough and she'll break your head.

Wow.

If she wants to.

Is she pretty cool?

She's cool.

Wow.

She's like, picture this. I know this is going to blow everybody's mind.

Okay.

It's going to blow your mind right now.

Oh, my mind's easily blown.

Here's what I'll say about her. It's almost like she's a dad.

Wow.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Like Danny Tanner.

It's almost like I can almost imagine her as like a dad. It has some dad energy. It's weird when you meet a mom who has the vibes of like a dad. Like one of my aunts, because she drank with the uncles and never went to sleep. They just called her Charlie.

Oh, yeah.

Even though that wasn't her name, it was Susan, but her nickname was Charlie. They go get Charlie because she would drink every night till she fell down with the men. Caitlin has that vibe of just a dad and I love her and I support her and I support. She was showing people pictures of her plane and she's just trying to live her life. That's the thing. She's just trying to live her life.

Yeah. I would love to meet her. She seems like a cool lady.

Support Trump from her plane and I.

Respect all of it. That's her girlfriend.

That's her. Was. It was a friends giving I had.

Did Spade come, too?

Spade came.

He didn't tell me. See, Spade's on a lot of these lists. People always say, he's on that. Oh, that's her plane right there.

That's her plane.

So she's a pilot.

She's a pilot.

Wow, that's wild.

I like interesting people. Of course, this, to me, like a trans Trump supporting olympian pilot.

I love that.

That's a thing.

That's like Tiger King. It's like our Tiger king.

Without question, she is our Tiger king. And she's free. She's already free. You know what I mean? She's already free, dude.

But imagine being, first of all, so good at being a man. You're like, fuck it. I already did this, so well, I'm going to be a woman as well.

I'm going to go do this and.

I'm going to be great at that.

Can you get that photo up of Caitlin and Trump again? Because that explains her energy, but it explains our time maybe more than any other photo.

Yeah.

That is Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump engaged in what can only be called, like a historic, kind of like there's.

Something clasp of power. There's something in the orange, bro.

I mean, that's what lord of the rings should have been. That's the ring of power. She's giving him the ring of power.

There you go. Right there.

Yeah, there it is. That's what I mean. The epic handshake. That's what it is.

We need more blacks. That's what we need.

Yes.

Just overall, absolutely agree. That's something that's got to. And I think Trump would do that if he's in office. But that's so wild to be. Yeah, I guess he just did so well at being a man. He's like, I want to be a woman. And now she's an amazing woman and she's killing it and has a beautiful girlfriend.

And has a beautiful girlfriend and is killing it.

And the girlfriend is a transvestite. Trans.

The girlfriend is a trans Trump. Okay. She supports Trump heavily and she's trans for Trump.

Got it. Have you been to.

I was on Shane Gillis's podcast and Matt McCusker.

How funny are those guys?

The best. Absolute best. And they said they made a good point. We were talking about this, and it's like, that's how strong maga is. You'll get.

It's like Covid.

Like, Matt was like, it's like Covid. You're going to get it. Even the trans people will get it. You can dye your hair blue. You can go out in the street and stomp around. Eventually, one day you're just going to get it. You'll be sitting in a McDonald's, you'll feel scratchiness in your throat, and the next day you'll wake up and you go, immigration is a. I just see David Spade yesterday.

Yeah.

And was David Spade fighting a homeless guy for a hash brown?

You got to go to the UFC fights. Do you like going or you don't?

I'll go, I'll go. I've never gone, but I'd love to go. I see all you guys go, I'll go.

I think you would just like.

I like the spectacle of it.

Yeah, the spectacle.

I don't know a huge amount about the sport, but for sure you would.

Have so much stuff to talk about.

I'd have a great time.

Because you get to meet so many different people and none of the representatives are there who ruin everything.

That's right.

Just regular people.

It's just cool people. Yeah, for sure.

I forgot about that. That's one.

Yeah. You're there a lot.

That spade took me to. That was fun. It's just been so fun to get to be around some of those.

It's so even. It's crazy how fun you guys seem to have.

It's just been fun. I think that's one of the beautiful, the cool side effects of also that Joe Rogan had on the comedy community was he brought both of those worlds together. I mean, he brought, Joe brought all.

Of these different worlds, fitness, nutrition, history, fighting mma, all that stuff. Comedy. Like, he really married all these different worlds.

Yeah. People, a lot of times would be like, yeah, like, Shane and I were just talking the other day. Shane Gillis was. And I were saying about, yeah, people were like, if he moved to Austin, was he just moving into Rogan's universe or whatever? But I just think people talk about a lot. Like, people say, oh, you're sucking Rogan's dick, whatever, but he's just one of the most. There's nobody like him.

No. Yeah. And I think it's one of the greatest clubs in the history of comedy, bro.

I had some of my best.

You know what mean? Like, I go down there when can. Like, it makes so much sense to be there. We did a show as me, Shane, Joe, and Ron White was down there, Brian Simpson, and we did a show for, like, law enforcement, just cops that just were making fun of them. They loved, like, it was just one of the most fun nights of comedy that you can.

Yeah, and they protect the phones. There's no phones, so people can't just put stuff up and stuff like that.

It's just run perfectly. People can't take the phones out and.

Start fucking around Adam E. Gets down there. He does a great job.

Deep Roy can't sneak in. You can't turn around. You're like, it's deep Roy. Out of nowhere, I have a squatter in my.

Believe Whitney had a squatter in her.

It's crazy that deep Roy fooled her for a year, solid year, even though she saw him on her cell phone talking to other people in the backyard. She's like, I guess this is my six year old infant. My six day old infant. It's deep Roy.

You're like, I'm having kind of a busy flow this month. It's curry esque. Even that had to be shocking when you have cumin in Cummings.

At what point did you realize your newborn son was deep Roy?

She's like, when he pronounced my last name as humans. I think that's probably when, dude, when they had tandoori in my underpants.

You didn't think it was strange that your four month old son was walking around the house on the phone with his agent, that occasionally he would wear a turban?

You didn't find it strange that he first learned to walk on hot coals?

You didn't think it was OD that he had a pet tiger? None of this was od to you?

What else did we have? Anything. Oh, what was that? Yeah. I can't believe that they said that about. Oh, and Kat Williams, what do you think about the cat Williams fiasco?

I didn't see the interview. I read it because I was on a plane. I read it. I read the transcript because I couldn't. You can't get service on a just land and watch. Everyone was talking about. I just read the transcript like it was a court case.

Yeah.

He's the funniest guy to me. His specials, when I was growing up, watching them. Oh, yeah, my friends would watch them and cry, laughing like, he's the funniest guy.

Did you ever met him?

Never met him.

Wow.

But to me, like, his specials, when I watch his specials, it's the best thing ever.

Club shake shake. Shannon Sharp's like the jacked Wendy Williams. Now I feel like, for sure. No doubt, right?

Where is Wendy? Like, we don't even know.

Well, that's another. A lot of the black community has said that she's been kind of. What's it called when you're commandeer taken over or whatever?

I don't know.

Compromised. Yeah. Like she's a plant.

Who planted her?

I don't know. Right. That's the thing. Well, that's one thing. Kat brought into the conversation was that a lot of black, there's plants in the black community.

Interesting that black people feel that way. Interesting.

And I thought that was interesting. And how he said Rogan had unfunny comics. Remember? Do you see that?

Yes, I saw that. Yeah, I don't think that, I wouldn't take that well.

I think Rogan's, he's had so many comics that have been around him.

He's had so many comics that I feel know. I don't know. I think he probably wasn't talking about us, maybe.

Or he could have been.

Or he could have been. And if he was, it's nice to, it would have been you to think about that. He wasn't talking about us.

You're right. What? Ego?

No, it's just nice to imagine he was talking about someone else.

Yeah, that's the best.

Because all of us, when we heard that, were like, I'm sure he means someone else. Our friends, our other friends, immediately, as soon as that happened, we all went, yeah, he probably means someone else.

He's talking about us.

But I don't know. But we don't know.

Yeah, it could be anybody. And also, if you have so many comics come on your show over the years, and comedy is so. What's it called when everybody has something subjective?

Yeah, there's so many types.

And I'll watch a guy one night, and I'll be like, I didn't love it, and I'll watch him another night. That was the best thing I've ever seen.

It goes both ways. You can hate someone and love them and then love them and hate them or hate them because you love them or love them because you hate them. There's, like, a weird cringe. There's these bitches on TikTok who review restaurants in New York City, and they have the most annoying voice.

Oh, it's the worst.

And they go. And then they're like, this steak fucks. Go cry about it. Or they'll be like, this pasta was rubbery and overrated. Go cry about it. I hate them, but I can't stop watching. You understand? It's like you just can't stop watching their things because it's just such an annoying pitch of voice.

Yeah.

And I imagine them every time they review something. Like, every time they're like, this ramen fucks. Pussy's horrible, right? I imagine them getting thrown out of a window on Central Park west and just getting impaled on the thing, but I still watch. I don't know, maybe he was talking about others.

Yeah. It's just interesting to think about. Did you ever have parties? I heard, like, this crazy rumor that you would have parties where guys would have to bring a cake or, like, a nice dessert to the party. Is that a truth?

No, we never had that.

I just heard that.

No, I was kind of jealous. That's just kind of a hilarious. Every party I've ever had, I have, like, have it catered.

Oh, yeah. Because I would love that.

I would never trust the people that we know to bring anything of value to my house. Why would I trust. So that burt Kreischer could bring an alcohol cake. He just brings a colostomy bag. Yeah. That's completely insane. That's a great idea. If I had a different circle of friends, it'd be a great idea. Everyone show up with, like, a little dessert. It'd be cool, but it would be like, I like that. That's a rumor, and I want it to keep going because I'd like the rumor to be like, Tim Dylan sits on, like, a throne, and you have to go in and feed him. And deep Roy is next to me, and you have to give the dessert to deep Roy. You can't look me in the eye. Deep Roy has to deal with.

He runs it up to your mouth.

So deep Roy just feeds it to me, and then I go, yes or no? And if I say no, you have to leave. You have to take whatever your beignets and leave. If I don't like it, and if.

You don't like it, they take whatever dessert you brought and put it on a really heavy tray. Yeah, heavy tray on the way out.

And then Caitlin Jenner comes in, and she's like, you want something, baby? And then she just brings in, and she just puts in its entire wedding. Know.

I got to meet Mel Gibson the other night.

How was he? Man, it was really interesting.

It was at the. Bobby. Bobby Kennedy had a birthday that I went to, so I went to his birthday, and I got to talk with Mel Gibson for a little while. I met him at a UFC fight. That's just one of the things that's crazy. Just meet the.

Yeah, just meet people.

People you'd never think to. Um. But, yeah, it was just fascinating. I mean, the patriots, one of my favorite movies ever.

It's a great.

Just. Yeah, it was just fascinating.

He's an interesting guy.

He was cool. He had some funny stories.

I like that Bobby Kennedy's, like, just open to having different people.

Yeah, it was. There was all types of interesting folks.

Over there.

But that was kind of fascinating. John Stockton was there, the basketball player. Do you remember him?

I remember. I don't remember. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

He was like.

And these people are all just there hanging out with Bobby Kennedy just in support.

Yeah. Friends of him. Wow. John, you know, the NBA logo was designed after him. Wasn't.

Jerry West.

Jerry West.

I think that's what's cool about Robert Kennedy. It's just he's got like an open, like, you might turn around with him and like, sirhan. Sirhan's there, the guy who killed his Bobby. You know, Robert Kennedy is just like, listen, you know what I mean? We're not going to hold grudges.

Yeah. He's willing to support the super pad.

He understands the vax is not great. That would be great. You just turn around and you're like, Cheryl's like, sir Han's here. And, you know, it was strange for Bobby, but Sir Han is the big supporter of Bobby because really concerned with Blackrock buying up all the houses. So we leave the past in the past and Sirhan, Sirhan, get up here, you big nut. So that's what I would love to see, you big nut. That's what I would love to see, dude. Cheryl and Bobby in a full on embrace. Sirhan Sirhan's in the middle of both of them. And Sirhan's got a Kennedy for president shirt with Mel Gibson. And she's like, he canvases for Bobby. He calls people, hi, this is Sirhan Sirhan. Yes, the one. The same one. And I support Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. Because I think the medical industrial complex should be transparent. And then somebody on the other end of the phone, South Carolina is like, what the hell is going on in this country? And then somebody would literally say. They'd be like, I wasn't sure about sir. I wasn't sure about Bobby Kennedy, but Sirhan knocked on my door the other day.

If he supports him, he really convinced me that this is the way to go. This is the right way to go here.

Yeah, dude, bro, you're so funny, man. God, I haven't laughed this much. I don't think we have a great time. It's a great podcast in my whole life, dude.

Well, that might be an overstatement, but this is fun. Well, if we had deep Roy to come in and finish it out like Whitney and deep Roy to come in here, she would do it. She'd leave her baby. And we're like, we got a great bib. We got deep Roy.

Well, her baby's also charming a snake. So the baby is going to be.

The baby's fine?

Yeah, the baby's going to be fine. But, yeah, I just wonder, do you think there's any way that Bobby Kennedy could win? Well, Trump could go. Trump could go get arrested. I don't think it'll happen.

I think a lot of charges are really trumped up. They're all bullshit. They're all like, he inflated the price of a toilet he bought in Morocco. It's the most ridiculous.

But some of the charges, he also.

Does have a like, he said it was marble. It's actually granite. It's like, guys, remember you told us that he was like the russian president? They couldn't prove any of that. And now they're like. He said it was quartzite. It's just quartz. That's a man made stone. You're like, guys, you went left on this. This didn't work out.

I wish you would have started. I would believe that. He shicks at a couple of construction companies, 100%, countertops. 100%.

Yeah, but he could have some complications with that.

But Biden could pass away.

Biden has passed away. Biden. We know what they're going to try to do to him.

They're going to have him geppettoed up. They're going to have. A fucking.

Pfizer is going to get involved. They're going to get involved. So you have this interesting scenario where you have one candidate who's maybe in jail and the other candidate is on, like, an experimental new cocktail of drugs. We don't know the side effects. We have no idea what's.

They could be roller skating races, levitate, chewing on your.

We don't know what's going to happen.

We don't know.

And they're going to. Scientists, by the way, make no mistake, scientists at Pfizer right now are sitting down with members of the Biden campaign and going, here's the bad news. We don't know what happens after. We know it gives him energy. We know it makes him clear headed. We know it gives him the ability to speak.

What can his valves handle? What psi can his aortas handle right now?

We don't know what else. You know, we don't have an option. We're just shooting them up with this and putting them on stage.

Do they have to debate each other? Does that have to happen?

I imagine that it will. And when it turns to how you got, somebody smarter than me would know it's happened every single election.

It would be weird if it didn't happen.

Be very weird. Wow. It would be very. And anyone could throw their hat in at the last minute.

Oh, like Bloomberg tried to do.

Remember that Little Maboo? Anyone could come in and just, it's yours now. I mean, somebody could try. Bloomberg got Shellac. Gavin might try. Even though he's hating. He's like, on a vineyard.

He's fucking.

He's on a vineyard somewhere, just wine drunk, telling people he's the president, just.

Watching home cameras, making sure there's no squatters heading.

Michelle Obama could get involved.

I don't think she would win, though.

She, I think, had some heat, but it's kind of like, died.

Trump, say if Trump went to a jail or something happened, they made it so he couldn't run. And if Biden is too old to run, Kennedy, if he could get in, could actually fucking win.

That's the weirdest part, dude, 1000%.

Because I would just love to see somebody get in who fucking thinks hates all these monopolies and all of that kind of stuff. Like, dude, everything's starting to be the same. I live in Nashville, and they had this quaint street there called twelve south. Right. It was cute, nice, fun. You go take a date there. You go on a walk. All the shops were, like, localized for the most part, and now they've taken that and they're putting in like a rag and bone. It's horrible, bro.

It's all the same corporation, and it's all the same in New York City. They have capital one cafes. Wow. They have people come to the bank.

They'Re not even pretending anymore.

They just want to have a late in the bank. They go get a late and sit down. We talk about what you owe. Let's talk about how in trouble you are. Come get a late. Yeah. You know what that conversation is? That woman's telling her to go, we're going to shut it off. We'll shut it off. Yeah, the lights off.

Yeah. You have a young mixed lady who's applying for a. Probably wants to open up a dip in dots or something at the mall with her.

No, somebody probably went in there and was like, I want a small business loan.

Yeah.

And then the older woman goes, let me tell you something right now. Look at me. This coffee is the last thing you're going to buy. We're shutting it off. We're shutting it down. That's why they have capital one cafe, so that you could come in there and drink coffee and be told you are done. They're taking you out, have a free coffee every consultation is like this guy telling her. He goes, I know it's all fun and games now, but what's going to happen is we're going to raise the rates on all your cards. Your payments are going to go up, and we're going to begin to start putting liens and judgments on you, on your family, on your family. You won't be able to get a job.

Yeah, we're going to repossess your fucking uncle.

And then they give you, like, they take one of those pliers, little tweezers. They just give you a little scone.

Wow.

There you go. You're done. They just look at you. You go, you're done. They go, see this?

She goes, see this?

That's all the mortgage payments that were frozen for you during COVID Watch what I do to them computer. Watch how I make them triple. And this couple has no idea what they had to happen. She goes, you see that? We froze your mortgage payments. That's 18 payments that you owe. Now we're going to add on the back interest. Now watch what you owe for $300, though.

If you let us live stream while you realize that your mortgage payments are. That it's all frozen, if you let us live stream that, we'll take $300 off of the cost of your mortgage.

I mean, this guy's like. He's like. So here's where you went into the hospital for the seizure. That's $52,000. You see? Now, because you put that on a credit card, you are not in what's called medical debt. You are in debt to us, and we will take it all.

What about this Chuck Schumer guy? Dude, everybody I hear about, he just has the whole democratic party.

He's just a Wall street guy, but it's like healthcare.

He just has it all fucking well.

Chuck Schumer is one of those guys who, like, it's sick.

He's like the geppetto of dirty healthcare.

Yeah, because he's, like, beholden to Wall street and the big companies.

It's just sick, man.

They're all old, dude. All these boomers need to step aside. Our country is being run by, like, 80 year old boomers. Well, there's no way.

Everything this guy's doing, it just seems.

Like it's all crime.

It's all crime. Yeah, that's what I feel like. It's all crime.

It's all Batman villains.

Yes.

It's all Batman villains. It's like Dick Tracy villain. Remember that?

Like the manless.

Yeah, and the prune.

Yeah.

It's like, that's who this is, the prune.

There's eyebrows Harper right there.

And they're like, out here telling us, can we watch whatever he's saying? This woman has a crazy jaw. This is about Chuck Schumer.

He's like.

She's got like a Matt Reif jaw.

Yes. She looks.

This woman is carved.

She looks like Schwarzenegger's ex wife. Shriver, maybe.

Yeah, Maria Shriver. She does have a little bit of that. She's got a very strong drug. The nicotine pouches pose a danger to.

Teens as they use them as an alternative to e cigarettes. Pouch packed with problems, high levels of nicotine. So today I'm delivering a warning to parents. Fuck this.

Because these Nick, now he's selling. You know, he's selling right after this press conference, he's got a garbage bag full of vapes. And he takes them out back and just sells them to kids. Oh, yeah, by the way, he'll get, like, the vape. People will call him and donate a lot of money to him. And, like, the next week he'll be out there. He'll be like, you know, kids are very stressed out. And is it the worst thing in the world that they go out and take a puff, a couple of puffs.

Off a pineapple father. They have the saddest names.

Yeah, right. Because it's the worst thing in the world to relieve a little stress.

Yeah. Watermelon.

Hope you didn't get asked to your 8th grade dance. Do you want to go out there and just blow a little air?

You want to suck a little cranberry promot?

A little peach smoke?

Oh, this guy is. Well, this right here, are they saying they're outlawing zins? Where at in New York, Nick?

Yeah. They want the FDA to look into it, saying they're trying to sell to children.

Dude, fuck this guy. There's no. Nothing about this guy, to me, seems trustworthy.

No, he doesn't care.

He doesn't. You're right. He's selling something on the back end. He has some back end.

Like, people are coming to him going like, this zin stuff's fucking up our stuff. He's like, okay, he doesn't care. Chuck Schumer doesn't care if kids are addicted to drugs. No, he does not care at.

I mean, but he's the one, I think that has a lot to do with the monopolizing of the.

Well, that's the thing, man. He's just basically like, hey, I'm here to tell you that I'm for people. And he's been in there forever. You're not supposed to be there forever.

So dirty.

That guy's been in there forever. Do you know how dirty you have to be to be in there forever? He's forever in there.

Yeah. Get him out, man. That's the number one rule. Wall street money reigns on Schumer. Yeah. 11 million on the Senate since the.

Beginning of the year 2009. This guy's been doing this forever.

Wow. Imagine how much money this fucking dirt ball is.

This guy has been doing this forever.

If you have anything to do with this dude, to me, feels like fucking bad news, bro.

And you know, his niece is a comedian. Is she really Ali Wong?

Oh, I didn't even know that. And she's in beef, too.

I'm obviously a joke. It's not Ali Wong. It's the one with the same name. Yeah, but it's not her fault. No, it's no one's fault.

Well, what he's doing is his fault.

It's his fault.

But if he gave a fuck about health.

Unless she's selling vapes, right? If she's in the zin women's lib puffers. She's, like, selling Zinn and vapes to women who've been, like, victims of sexual assault. She's like, they should have the right to puff.

They should have the right to zin.

Puff the pain away.

Yeah. Healthy sex is a flavor of it. Yeah, healthy sex, kiwi. But no, dude, if that guy thinks he's going to take zins away, bro, he's out of his.

Imagine looking at the world and going, the biggest problem is zins. Do you know how crazy you have to be? It's like, Gavin Newsom, like, they were trying to ban. I forget what they were trying to ban, but they were all going nuts about something in California. I'm like, there's people straight up on a 101 running across it with their dog in their hands. Here we go. They're banning these food chemicals, which is good. That's all nice, right?

California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed a landmark law aimed at banning red dye number three and other potentially harmful food additives in consumer goods.

It's like, okay, that's great. But also, how about we address some of the other issues, right?

Yeah. Like the fact that some homeless people, I've said this before. Stole a bunch of high school band equipment, right? And they live in the park. They live in the park near me.

And the problem is they're not even good.

They're not good at all. But, hey, problem. The unfortunate thing from the area is that they practice at around 240 in the morning.

And I respect wanting to get good. Oh, look, I get it because we all did that when we were starting.

You got to get the reps in.

But the problem is they're not together because sometimes people will even hear it. It's like you need a conductor. That's where you. They don't have not. Their conductor is not focused.

They have three drums and a second chair. Clarinet or flutist.

A lot of them have a problem with authority.

It's the middle of the night. You'll just hear. Sometimes it's like Benny and the jets. Or it's that love the way you lie by Rihanna to be like, sometimes.

You hear a little bit of it and it is impressive. Like, you hear the beginning of it and you go, they finally got it. And then by the middle of. Love the way you lie, everyone's doing something different because the conductor is just not focused.

The conductor. We need more uppers for these conductors that are living in our.

You got to keep time. Keep time. I want to stand there and watch me. Yeah, that's what it has to be.

What was that article about? Was that it? But you're going to have a better. If you want to take Zen's away from. You're taking fucking Zen. The last thing keeping people going to college.

People need to choose something at this point in their lives.

We have adult males that. Whose wives have left them. They have Zen body pillows. Right.

That's all they can do.

Yeah. You'll never take our Zen. That guy, dude, you have better luck taking guns from people than Zen.

Right? People need it.

In fact, I think I would load a gun with zins. Right?

Yeah.

Walk into a capacig house and just fire it into the jaws of everybody in there.

I'm 1000% with you.

You cannot take the fucking. The last thing that they have.

No, you can't.

It's just all dirty health care. I wonder how, though. That's what. I don't know. They feed us poison so we buy their cures. I don't know what the bottom.

Sirhan supports RFK.

It's been quite a time. Tim. Dylan, I want to come on your show, man.

Please. Next week. Anytime you want, let me know.

I can come in two weeks.

That's great. February.

Like second week of February.

Whenever you want to do it, we'll do it.

Okay. Yeah.

We have a studio in LA and New York, so whichever one you want to do LA, it's great. Yeah. Thank you for having me. I always have so much fun with you, dude.

Thanks so much, man.

Yeah, dude. It's a lot of fun.

This is a blast. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Dillon. Thanks, Tim.

Thank you, folks.

Now I'm just sitting on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these.

Leaves I must be cornerstone oh, but.

When I reach that ground I'll share.

This piece of mine I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take.