You want to make Mom smile this Mother's Day? You can start Mother's Day with flowers or surprise her with gifts from the brands she loves. Delivered the very same day with DoorDash. Wow, that's a great idea. Moms are such a gift to us, and we should treat them the same way with gifts, especially on Mother's Day. I didn't know DoorDash was doing that. That's exceptional. If your mom has a sweet tooth or if she's a tech enthusiast, beauty connoisseur, if she's outdoorsy, no matter what she's into, you can make her smile with a fruit or flower bouquet, makeup, tech gear, workout wear, and more, all deliverable through DoorDash. Get all your Mother's Day gifts all in one place and get 50% off your next order up to $15 when you spend $15 or more on your next flower, convenience, grocery, or retail order now with code Theo. That's T-H-E-O. Order using DoorDash Today. Terms apply. I have some tour dates I would like to announce for Europe. I'm going to a friend's wedding in Europe, and so I was able to find some dates last minute. These are what we can do for now. I will be coming back and doing other cities and maybe doing some of these cities again.

So don't be upset if I'm not coming to where you are right now. I'll be in Belfast on June seventh at the SSE Arena. I'll be in Dublin on June eighth at the 3 Arena, Manchester, UK on June 13th, and London, UK on June 15th. Those tickets in Europe are all on sale right now. I will also be in Las Vegas on July fifth and sixth at Resorts World. Get your tickets early starting this Wednesday, April 24th at 10:00 AM local time with the presale code Rat King. General on sale starts Friday, April 26th at 10:00 AM local time. We also have tickets remaining for Halifax, Nova Scotia, and Vancouver in the British Columbia. Today's guest is truly one of a kind. He is everywhere right now. He is an entertainer. He's a streamer. He is just the dang... He's the Winnie the Pooh of America and of the world, maybe. I'm fortunate to get to spend time with what is also quite possibly one of the greatest minds in football right now, if we're being honest. Today's guest is Skech.

Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine on me, and I will I'm on the stage.

Yeah, dude, I just got an IV, man. But if they don't get But in the vein, it can just fill up your arm.

Yeah, that's scary. I wouldn't want to do that. When she was pumping me up, she's putting the pressure on the bag and stuff. Yeah? Yeah, that's when it was like, I'm going to still feel the pressure. It's whack. It's It feels weird, but I feel way better. You do? Yeah. What did you do it for? Just for fun?

Yeah, I just was on a flight this morning, and I just wanted to... I can feel like dehydrated sometimes.

Did you do it on the plane?

No, I did it when I got home. Yeah. And there's some babes sometimes that do it.

Yeah, we had a pretty good-looking lady pull up. I had a dude. The last one I did in Vegas, I did it, and they took a picture of me, and then they asked to post it on my social media. And then you look at the picture they posted, I was doused in water because when I get nervous, I just was pouring water in water. I poured two bottles on me.

Yeah, just to calm down?

Sitting like this. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If I get nervous, I like to feel cold.Oh, yeah?Yeah.

Yeah, you're like a... Who else is like that?

Maybe...vampires or something?

Maybe Native Americans or whatever.

Probably.

I don't know what they did to cool off if it was real hot. Yeah. My mom puts that shade in her window.Oh, one One of those?Yeah. But she doesn't do water or anything like that.

Yeah, a curtain?

Yeah, she just puts a curtain up. But yeah, my arm just blew up. It would look like one of those. You know when somebody, like a clown blows up one of those balloons, it was turning into that.

Oh, it turned into a Mickey Mouse hand? Yeah.

I wanted to twist it off and just give it to a kid.

You can fix our arm.

That's funny. Skech, thanks for coming in, man.

Thanks for having me. Thanks for your hospitality. It's been amazing.

I appreciate it, man. Yeah, I Yeah, I was just thinking, what was I thinking about? Can you see pretty good?

No. You can't? I can't read pretty good. I can see pretty decent. Can you see me? I can see you. But if you're in a crowd of people, I'll probably have to get up in your face a little bit. These are more for reading the chat, but I usually don't wear glasses. I don't like going to the doctor, the eye doctor. I don't like things around my eyes. So getting them checked and stuff like that. I was trying to get out of there.

Oh, it just makes you nervous?

Well, yeah. I just don't like the stuff around my eyes or whatever.

Yeah, eyes are like, they're almost like your butt holes of your face. You don't really want... People are going to come around and you want them to ask first.

Yeah, no sticks around them. Nothing Yeah, it's pretty sharp. Yeah. But you can see pretty good? No, not really. The ones that I have, the glasses that were prescription, one's a scope lens, and then the other one's way off. I think they're three off because I was just going, Yeah, I'm good. Get me out of here. Get me out of here. And then I got them in the mail and I was like, Oh, my God, I can't wear this shit.

No way. They're not doing it by mail now, are they?

They sent them in, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's hard to... You got to get a Have you ever gotten a prescription for them? Uh-uh. Well, you got to go get prescribed for them. So if you run out of your prescription, you lose your glasses, you got to go back in. And I was like, I'm not going back in.

Yeah, just mail me what you got, I guess, in like... Yeah, mail me whatever you have that's doing pretty well people. That's what I would say. I wonder how far people should even be able to see sometimes.

Yeah, you should have it limited.

Well, it's just like, what are we doing with it? I guess actually being able to see far is pretty good.

Yeah, that's like a superpower. I'm starting to lose my eyesight three years ago pretty fast or whatever. Really? Yeah, I don't know what it was. Probably not drinking enough water, I think. Yeah, it feels like they could start cinching up, look like Spongebob when he doesn't.

Yeah, maybe that's why you're pouring water your head.

Yeah, that's my bot. I'm doing it the wrong way, though.

Yeah, maybe your eyes are saying, Look, bro. Yeah. Okay. We'll work from the outside if that's how you want to do it. Yeah, sometimes I wonder if we only could see like 4 feet or something, if that would be awesome.

Like sharks or crocodiles or something? Yeah. Just move by vibrations?

Yeah. Yeah. And you would meet more people, too. You'd meet everybody. Everybody, you'd be like, Whoa, hey.

Hey, nice to meet you here. Nice to meet you here. There we go. Everything's shoulder to shoulder. Sardine lifestyle there.

Yeah, that'd be pretty wild, man. That is cool. So do you think your vision went away? Were you sitting too close to the screen or something?

Or what do you think it was? It was that. And then I think it was not drinking too much water. And then I never got my... Apparently, squinting makes it worse. So I've been squinting for the last four years, and I got a stigmatism, too, or whatever. But I think it's the water. And then I don't know, I probably did something bad in its karma. No, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, it could have been maybe. It could have been, yeah, I guess. Yeah, maybe somebody has a voodoo doll. You should go check out your neighbor's. I know.

I need a... Someone probably does have a voodoo doll of me now. That's true. They probably have one of you, too. You have one?

I don't know. There's definitely been. I've had some things mailed to me, some dolls people have made. Yeah, I mean, I guess we might have one now. Somebody might have one, yeah. It's working.

Yeah, it's true. I got to backpaint It's working.

Yeah, you're not doing good. What if C. J. Strauss starts feeling all the shit that they put? If they start needleing yours up?

That would be worse. I'd have to sacrifice myself for the greater good of our team here. He's a great guy, though. Yeah.

Have you met him?

Met him twice. Really? Met him randomly at the Apple Store. When I was in LA, we played a little football. Oh, sweet. I was about to throw up when we were running around.

Why? It just was tough.

It was just- I haven't run in a while. Just don't run much.

And is it scary to run if you can't see? That's really brave.

Yeah. No, that was the other part. When he was throwing a ball, I could not see to save my life.

But you still went out for a pass? Yeah.

Wow, bro. Like Batman.

That is awesome. That's like Vietnam for you.

Kind of, yeah. Less fire.

Less fire than traps. You've really taken over America. You've become like a stitch in the American flag. I feel like you're this thing that everybody feels like they can believe in. You're like the young male Helen Keller of the gaming community. Yeah. Yeah, I think you're this new Harriet Tubman of humanity in a way. How did that start? Just for my listeners that don't know. You're a streamer or a gamer. Take me through some of it. I know you're a human being. Yeah.

I started randomly streaming last year. I'm less than a year in. Okay. No, just was doing it on like...

Okay, and what does streaming mean? Because some people won't know.

Oh, so I play video games, mostly, and now I do more stuff. But it started off just like playing Madden, playing football and stuff.

And when you stream, you're playing it in front of your computer or you're playing it? How are you setting up the stream?

I set it like a desktop. It's in my room. And then I have a webcam, and I just turn it on and then start going. But then people started... I grew up, got blew up a little bit when I was doing the mad and stuff because I like to do the audibles and stuff. When there's more people in there, I get nervous. So I like to fucking... Or sorry for cussing. Blur that out.

Yeah, we'll do something.

You don't have to. What do you do?

We'll put a buzzer or we'll put a louder cuss word over it.

Yeah, I like that idea. Put it on someone else. Shift the blame.

We'll put a worse word over it. We'll throw Papa John saying the N-word over it.Oh, my God.It's on him, bro. Here we go. Hey, it's good pizza. I know.

A great garlic sauce. I'll tell you what, that'll make you shit your pants.

I mean, it'll make you say things you shouldn't.

Coming out like hot soup. Yeah, that's how today works.

You started streaming, and you were on there, you just playing, and then people start to get a vibe for you, and they're like, Oh, this guy is a unique person. Yeah.

I was just like, Well, I would do like my arm motions and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah. I mean, everywhere, you see it everywhere. There's kids, some first word. They had a baby the other day. Its first word was What's up, brother? And that was crazy. And I think it was a woman or a trans boy. Oh, my God.It was like, But beautiful. Beautiful babies. Yeah. Just to see that, there's people... Yeah, there was a guy, his last words were, What's up, brother? Oh, my gosh.

That's brutal there. Died for brain rot. I call it the zombie effect or whatever. It's just like you find a group of people, they get infected. It's just like they start...

Oh, with What's up, brother?

Yeah, that's where it's like... I don't know if it's a stitch in the flag or if I'm a meme yet. It's like, I got to stay alone for a little bit longer. Otherwise, I'm a meme.

Yeah, that's a good point, huh? Yeah. That's true. Meme is like the coffin you can go in, huh?

Yeah, That's where Internet people go to die. Wow. It could be me here soon. I'm scheduling everything back to back, making sure we squeeze everything out of this fucking rag here.

And so then people just started falling in love with your personality, huh?

Yeah, that's what it was. And then people started clipping me. A dude in the army, they couldn't have TikTok. He was trying to explain people what I do or whatever. So he was the first one. He would send that, and he started posting them. Okay. And those clips started doing good. And that's what took it off for me.

But then- Because it's a strange... It's a unique ascent. It's almost like you're an astronaut. It's almost like you're an astronaut, but you haven't You left the Earth. It's like you don't see a lot of people that have just had such a change in their life.

Oh, dude, I was doing real estate a year ago, and then literally was-Mereer-sided real estate?

Yeah.

I'll tell you what, My last real estate deal, I crashed on the way there. Really? I thought I had a green light. I hope that lady doesn't know that she would have sued me for nothing now. Now she can guard her some wages.

What's up, lawyer?

What's up, lawyer? We might We might need a couple.

Dude, could you imagine if you're showing me a real estate, you're like, this house is 6 feet by 6 feet. It's like as far as you can see.

That's probably what it's like. Take them in there, I'm finding everything, finding out everything like they are. Yeah, that's true. You see You see that there? You see that there?

Dude, that's great. See, that would almost be awesome of a real estate agent because then everything's going to be brand new to you all the time.

Exactly. That's the beauty of it. Walk out there and just... But I did more land, so I never really did houses. So the land was like, Everyone good here? You like it? All right, let's do it. It was pretty simple, cut and dry.

So, yeah, you just show up and what? Just look at land or whatever?

Yeah, I would put stuff on a contract, and then I would have to take it to a committee, and they'd approve the purchase or not. It was more like raw land for lots and stuff like that for houses.

Okay. Yes, sir. And you're driving a truck, though, huh?

To wait to Tacoma?

Hell, yeah.

Yeah, I was. And then I have a second one now because That first one got destroyed. I'll tell you what, it's a safe car, though. Yeah. That lady hit me hauling ass.

She mint it, huh? 45. Yeah, that's why you got to watch the A Gat, man. You got to catch that Mike Limeback. Exactly.

It was like the blindside there. I was relaxed, though. I had no clue what was coming.

Dang, bro. Yeah, because you got to buy land from a dude in a truck. If a dude rolls up in a camera or whatever, I ain't buying your land, bro.

That's like selling crypto It's a scam there.

Yeah, that's bad. Here we go. Bro, if some dude rolls up in a Fiat or a Mini Cooper, I ain't buying your land, bro.

No way. If he's got to squat to get in his car, no way. Unless he's a midget or something.

Dude, I used to have a little person that was a... And some people say midget. I think midget is actually French, I think.

Midget is French for keychain. Is it? No, I'm just kidding. Oh, damn. Put them in your pocket.

Well, if It'd be great if you had a little person just hold your keys all the time.

Yeah, that's a good business plan. Got to go to Ireland for them, I hear.

That would be great. Or if he wore them on his earrings.

Oh, yeah, like a Minion. Yeah. Like a this pick will be Minions.

And then you just brought them up to the door, and he was just earhied of most door locks. Yeah.

That'd be great. The good thing is it's probably harder to get robbed from a midget, so it's probably a good thing for a manager.

Well, we had a little person at night. He was our roommate, and we would watch him. We would all get together and have a beer or whatever and watch him run and jump into bed at night.

Oh, my gosh. That's an Olympic sport there. Slingshot him.

Yeah, it was pretty crazy. No, he never wanted any help. He was very much like a He was like a Jackie Robinson of little people.

That's awesome. Like an independent woman.

Yeah, he wanted to do it. Yeah, like a very Shania Twain type of-Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he was the littlest Dixie He wanted to do it his own way. Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you what, they got to monitor their own. Same here.

Yeah, same here.

They have same-size brains. Is that true? I think so. They're little people. Little brains might go together. I don't know. I've met some. They're pretty smart. They all are smart.

Yeah, I'm trying to think if you have less. I think they must be just the same amount of smart because my friend Brad is a little person, and he is, seems very smart. Let me see. All Almost all people with disproportioned dysproportions, dysprophism, have normal intellectual capacities. Rare exceptions are usually the result of a secondary factor such as excess fluid around the brain, which is the opposite of what you have.

Yeah, lots of extra space. Yeah.

They're really, I guess if they got too much water on them.

Well, it's water weight. It's always the water weight that gets to you. Maybe they need an IV. Yeah. You get them. Maybe that's how they get bigger.

Oh, an IV would be a lot of little-C'est those things you put in the water, then they grow and get bigger like that? Oh, like those little... What are those things? Like a little dragon or something like a sponge? Yeah.

Put them in the water to get bigger.

I like that. They had a They had a movie called Gremlin, and that's what they did on there. It was like these bad animals, and they'd just been misbehaving, I guess, in the community. And then they put water on them, and they turned just really bad.

Is this Yoda?

Yeah. It's almost like a dirty little Yoda. It's like Yoda's little son that got busted, probably selling Trank or whatever, doing some low-key bad shit.

Doing bad shit all the time?

Yeah. Just doing that gas station Salvia, whatever that stuff is. Oh, yeah.

Taking that horny goat, where you got to mess with your head there.

Yeah. They just ended up not doing real well. But that was a movie when they added water on them, it went bad.

Maybe they lived longer, like Yoda.

Oh, yeah.

That's another thing.

Yeah, I wonder. I don't know. But sketch, man, good to see you. You have this thing that happens in your life because it's fascinating, dude. It's just like such a rare… It's just a unique thing. How have you felt like that people recognize you more and stuff? Does some parts of it get scary? Does it all feel exciting?

It's cool. It can get overwhelming, but it's more of like, I take everything a day at a time right It's just like, if I think of everything, we're like... That's why it's just like, just roll the punches. Keep everything, keep the schedule busy, but at the same time, don't worry about the next thing. Just focus on drink water right now. Yeah. This is cool here.

Yeah.

No, this is awesome.

Yeah, man.

New territory for me, though. Is it? Everything is. Everything's like, I don't know, I feel like a newborn baby.

Yeah.

Walking around and people saying my stuff. I've caught a couple of people doing it on Broadway. And then you just roll down the window. I was like, What's up, brother? Like, What?

I mean, dude, 20 years from now, you could run. That your campaign, so what's up, brother, could be your campaign. It's like, What's up, brother? Could literally win the presidency. That's just how crazy the world is these days. I know.

I need to find a VP.

Yeah.

I don't know who would be. You want to be on that ticket? When you be present, I'll be vice president.

No.

You don't want power?

No. I want to be the guy in the background who goes like this in the background, but then gets to go and chill and vape or whatever and talk to some ladies and hope for the best.

That's the way to do it there. Hang low and let it ride. There we go. Just ride it like a wave. I feel like I'm in a swimming pool right now.

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We were selling T-shirts at first, and then it started building, and now I'm selling wet shirts and hoodies and things that people enjoy and things that I enjoy. It's easy. It's all because I use Shopify. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business, from the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage, all the way to the did-we-just-hit-a-million-orders stage. Shopify is there to help you grow. Shopify helps turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout up to 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms. Right now, you can sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify. Com/theat. Com/theat. Theo, all lowercase. Just go to Shopify. Com/theo, all lowercase. Now, to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, Shopify. Com/theo. Let me learn a little bit more about you, man. What were your folks like?

My folks, my loving parents, best parents I could ask for.

Pretty decent, pretty tall?

No, they're pretty short. I got handed the short stick of the family. My grandpa was over 6:00 or 6:001.

And what happened? He just died?

He died 6'1, but he didn't pass down anything good. God. Rest in peace, grandpa. Great God.

Was he? Yeah. He took it all with him, though.

It sounds like. He did. No, he took He took the good blessings. He left behind a washing machine and a couple of other things. That's not bad. Tyson. Yeah. Can't complain.

Is it really?

I don't know. It went to my parents. I don't think I got anything. I didn't want anything. It's a weird thing to want.

Yeah, I think I don't know if it's weird to want something for your grandparents. I don't know. We're talking and thinking so fast. It's hard to know what I'm talking about. But so what does your mom do for work?

My mom, she with my dad, and my dad does home building. Oh, really? Yeah. So I would buy the land for them, and then we would approve it through a committee or whatever, and then that's how I would transact.

Oh, I see. So it was a family business? Yes, sir.

And then when I stopped, it slowed down in 2023 from interest rates, and that's when I was like, Fuck it, I'll just start streaming. And not to make money more, just like, I have a free time. I had a pretty easy schedule with them. I didn't make a lot of money, but it was It was chill. It was enough to where it's like, just go in. I mean, you're not buying land or you are, so it's like, work from home. I might have got some free dollars from my dad on that one. I'll tell you what, you probably shouldn't let anyone work from home, pops. Robin them blind. Check your pockets.

That's a horrible idea to let somebody work from home, dude. If it's your own family member, too, because they're just working from home. They're not doing nothing. Oh, yeah.

And my boss wasn't a part of the family. So it's like, who's going to call me in? I was like, I feel like I should tell someone, but I'm loving life right now. It's a good thing that I found a new job.

You're like, I feel like it's 11:00 AM. I'm going to take a nap early. Oh, yeah.

But that's probably what time was, was waking up. Wow. Wake up, pop on stream, sending it. I probably got two emails a day when I was working.

Oh, so very-It was very easy. It was calm waters for you guys, huh?

Yeah, it was just floating, floating down the river.

And what were some of the emails you would get? Would it be people complaining like, Hey, there's not enough land here, or there's quicksand out here, whitey Or something like that?

I made some bad purchases before. I bought some stuff without looking at it. That's not... And then they go, Oh, there's an easement on it. I was like, Oh, shit. It's like, You didn't see that either? I've had some good ones and some bad Some ugly babies.

It's okay.

It's not-Hey, they're still babies. That's exactly. Exactly. It's land regardless.

Hey, and once you're... Yeah, you still got to breastfeed them, brother. Look at that.

Lactose Intolerant. But I'll take one for the team.

So what land was it? What was the land you would go bid? So what would you do with the land?

So it was just like raw land, and we were just putting... We would spec houses on it. So when I was doing it in 2020, you Interest rates dropped. The man was up because you had a housing boom, and builders were looking to replace empty inventory. And it was... I was overbidding on a lot of the shit. I mean, from a thousand, up to 10, 15,000. That was the only way to get shit on our contract. Really? Oh, yeah. We had some good sales. We had some good action on it. You couldn't go wrong in 2020. It was pretty It was just picking up stuff off the ground.

But overbid? How do you even... Who would let you bid on land when this is your catchphrase?

That's why I work from home. They didn't want to see me. Dude, the CFO don't love me. When they were looking for better margins, the land was fucking them. Sorry for cussing, but-Look, man.

That's what they get, bro.

That's what happens.

That's what happens when you don't You give a big dog a little leash.

He's going to fuck around. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

I mean, that's business 101.

Oh, yeah. They need checks and balances, but it's a small office. So just go to mom. Mom, come on, brother.

We've overbid, Mom. What about... So your dad was a prospector?

More like he would... What's a prospector?

I think that's somebody actually for gold. So he wasn't that. He was more like a developer?

Yes, sir. We did development, and then we did home building. So the stuff that I did was more like the home building side. He started developing more in the past year. But yeah, it was pretty much pretty low-key, pretty low-lift stuff. Yeah. But yeah.

Yeah, two emails a day, that's pretty calm, I feel like. Oh, yeah.

And then you just respond to him within 24 hours. That's another loophole there. Look at 48 hours, and I would text back, or my emails are pretty good morning. One sentence. Thank you. There we go. No tag there, no number on there. That's why I like to roll.

Yeah, I think mystery is a part of business that's missing these days. Be vague. Don't give the infer-Yeah.

You got to keep your cards close to the vest. Don't let them see it.

Make them want you.

Oh, yeah. Seduce them. Yeah. That's what I like to do there.

Lead them on. Yeah, I love that. That's a great idea. And so you were just losing your eyesight. You're at home, and you're living at home?

That was at my house. I don't own the house, but I live with my roommate, which is one of my childhood friends. Okay.

Cooper? No. What's his name? Cooper. Cooper.

Yeah. Cooper. Great guy. Yeah, he's a liquor salesman, so we got a pretty good... He's the plug there. Yeah.

And does he You drink a lot, huh?

He might have a problem. No, I'm just kidding. He's a good guy. Rip. Rest in peace, Booper. Booper. He's about to start streaming. Is he? We're about to start a collective.

Okay, so what is that? So a collective. Well, let me go back a little bit. So how do you make money on streaming?

The ad revenue and subs. So the ad revenue is from how many viewers you have and all that stuff, and then how long you're doing it all matters. But I do that in YouTube. But I don't stream that much. I stream four times a month right now. Okay. So it's pretty... Because I make enough money where it's cool and all that stuff, but it's also I like to do stuff that's fun. So doing stuff like this or going to UFC 300 and stuff like that. That's what I like to do. Yeah.

Dude, that was so great. Yeah, that's where I met you at, was that Power Slap.

Yeah, that was awesome.

Yeah, it's so... It's so interesting in there. What did you think of it?

Oh, I loved it. I definitely would go again. Yeah? Yeah, they were knocking that shit out of each other. But I don't know if I would go up there and hold that stick behind my back and dry on each other's hands out and stuff, slapping them with a We can pay in or some shit.

Yeah, I think for some reason. I wish they told you why the guys were upset with each other. That's the part that I feel like as an audience, it would be awesome. Oh, I know.

They need to add the street beef aspect It's a lot of it. Yeah. I had one of the dudes from the Slapbox. While I was going for one of them, and then the other side, his ring guy or whatever who was with him was like, Fuck off, sketchback. He was yelling at me when I was going for the other guy.

Oh, I saw you cheer really getting into it for one guy.

Dude, that was a good fight. That dude knocked out the favorite. He was minus 2,000 or something.

Yeah, look at that. Those guys are warriors.

I would tell you what, I would not catch me dead or alive doing that.

I think there's something to me about it. One thing that I think is really interesting, I noticed it this time, I think there's this element of if you survive the slap, that the gods are in your favor. There's this feeling of The gods want me to keep going. So I started to notice that amongst some of the guys, that that was one of the things that must keep some of them, must really be a high energy after the slap.

Yeah, they go back to their corner They're not talking to the guy. They're just praying. Pray for rain, brother. Pray for rain. That would be a shitty situation to be in.

They have good snacks there, too. Did you have any of the snacks they had in the back? Busting.

Busting.

And they had some cute chicks there. They had some wild guys and stuff there, I thought.

Oh, yeah. It was a good crowd. Good crew. I loved it. I would definitely do it again. Yeah. Is that your first one or have you gone to a couple?

This is my second one.Second one?

Yeah.

And it's growing on me. Yeah.

I'm waiting for them to start opening up the stands or whatever for where they host more people and stuff. I'll see how that does. It'll be interesting.

Yeah, it's a limit. They only have maybe 400 people in there. Yeah.

And then it's also like, if they're playing three rounds, it's like six slaps if everyone stands up. So it's pretty chop-chop. So I'm imagining that's what they're trying to find out.

Oh, almost still experimenting. Yeah, it's still It has an underground vibe to it, doesn't it?

Yeah, like street fight. We're at a street fight.

Yeah, it really does feel like a lot of underground. I didn't think about that. But yeah, there was some pro-rest. There was the champion, Damian priest, I think was there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's just definitely interesting. And watching those guys come up and then people are just snacking and then they look and some guy just eviscerate somebody.

Yeah, I love that feeling. Yeah. Love the feeling. It was great watching What did you ever play any combat sports or anything like that?

What did I play? I've done just train some jiu-jitsu, but I've never fought in a fight, like an MMA fight or anything. Oh, no. But yeah, I played basketball in high school. That was about it.

You're a basketball player? Yeah. Are you taller than I thought you were?

Really?

Maybe it's the TV I'm watching on my eyesight, but you're way taller.

How tall are you? Six? I could tell you anything. I'm 7'4.

Oh, yeah. You're going to catch me slipping here. I hope someone doesn't find out that I can't read. Or not read, but can't see, because then it's those contracts. You start getting longer. Sign me to give away some organs. I'm down one right now or two. I don't have an appendix or a missing one kidney. Are you really?

Yeah. Well, dude, if you're missing a kidney, that's probably why it has to be something with your eyesight. Can you have one kidney and see very good? Will you pull that up?

That actually might be… We might find out the problem here.

Yeah. Are kidney and eyes related? The kidney and the eyes have a lot in common on a physiological level as a result of the strong link between these two organs. The causes for kidney and eye diseases are the same in many cases. Wow. And so what happened to your first, your original kidney? I was just bored with that one. No way.

Bored with that one. Wow. Minus 250,000 when I was born. That's how much a kidney costs. I looked it up the other day. Is it? 250. Gosh. Quarter mill, quarter ticket there.

Would you get one? If we could get you one?

Yeah, I would take one. You would? I would take one. If they don't need it or something, yeah, I would like to have two. I don't know if I have one mega one or if there's just a blank spot in the middle of my gut, or they're back here.

Yeah, I don't know. Does it feel any different than the other or whatever?

Sometimes if I don't drink water, it hurts to pee, but I don't know if that's my kidney or my weaner. You got to get some.

But we got to get you some water, man. Oh, no. Somebody's got to.

I've been drinking all day. Oh, you have? I've I've been working on it. I'm trying to fix these things. Got to get some oil in the car. It's like driving a car without oil. My fucking brain's got black smoking it right now. Damn, bro. I'm about to freaking pass out.

Oh, my gosh, bro. We're going to need to have a triple A pull up in here, dude. Bro, we got to get some water in you. What did you play? But I saw you play in athletics, and I saw you play in football online. Yeah. So you played I played football.

I played football, but I went to a private school for a year, and I played there.

So it's all white?

Oh, yeah. It was definitely like a lot of playing. The wide receiviors were dual sport athletes in soccer, so it was pretty easy. 120 20 pound wide receivers, throwing them around. I was pretty thick back then. I was like 205 when I was in.

Really? So you were lifting a lot of weights. Yeah.

My parents, I have a thing where, especially during school, if they ever gave me... When I was younger, I would go and if they put their card on the lunch line, we'd have Chick-fil-A and stuff in there. So I'd get two or three Chick-fil-A sandwiches. They cut me off. And then fast forward, went to a private school, part of it is the meal plan or whatever. I took advantage of it like no other.

Why they have a lot more unlimited meal style?

It's just like, I wouldn't pack my lunch, really. So I would just show up hungry and then fucking mill around like a raccoon between my friends. When I was in middle school, there's one kid named Bryce, but he was a nice guy. But if you I asked him nicely enough, he'd buy you a chicken sandwich every day. Really?

Yeah. Every day?

Every day. I don't get to him. Bryce Cee. If he ever sees this, Thank you, Bryce Cee. We'll drop his last name.

Yeah, Bryce. Thank you.

I owe you Chick-fil-A, brother.

For a long time, it sounds like. Oh, yeah. I was getting- How many meals did you pull off that fellow?

Probably three sandwiches a week, at least. 30 weeks. And it was Probably over the course of five years or four years.

That's 450 sandwiches, man.

I feel bad now. I probably owe him some chicken minis or something. I owe him a whole chicken, a whole farm here. I know. He definitely-Now I I heard the chicken at Chick-fil-A is fucked up, so I can't get him back the right way. Sorry for cussing, but- No, there's a lot of people, What happened in the chicken at Chick-fil-A?

Let's bring that up. And yeah, we'll have to do something nice for Bryce, man. Maybe we'll see if we can get something sent over to him. You have his address or anything? I have no clue.

I know he's a triplet. We hit one of the three. It's more of his pops that I owe. He's a great guy, but I owe his pops.

Well, this is the shit. I don't know. His pops wiener stutters, okay? I made three of the same thing.

One of these, it just dangles a little bit?

Well, it just anybody who's making three of the same kid, bro, we get it, all right? Quiet down.

Three-headed dragon? Yeah.

I don't believe in twins and triplets, right? Where I'm from, if people were twins, it would make them fight until one of them won. And that was the one that everybody talked to. What does it say? Citing diminishing chicken supply. Chick-fil-a will back off its pledge never to serve chicken that was fed antibiotics. Wow. Instead, it will embrace a looser industry standard. No antibiotics important to human medicine. I guess it can't have a chicken that's on, I guess, a Z hack or whatever.

Some of those chicken is probably on Xanax now. It's 2024 now.

Well, especially some of the flooding in that area. I remember when it flooded in our area, and my buddy's mom got on pills after that and quit working. So, yeah, I'm sure a lot of this chicken is- Something to do with the pills.

They're probably on Adderall right now. That's why they're so skinny. They're all out there. Everyone thinks chickens are stupid. They're just wired to shit. They're on 50 milligrams of that good stuff there.

Oh, they'll make an egg in eight minutes now, dude.

They'll cook it for you, too. They'll fucking start put it on a grill for you. How do you want it, brother? Start flipping that thing.

Oh, they're serving it a lot. Yeah, I think that's true. If a chicken's on Adderall, it could serve that egg anyway. Why don't we cut out the middleman of the chef and get a chicken to serve the egg ready to order?

I like that idea. It's more probably humane there. I don't care, actually. I eat regs regardless. I eat a lot of meat.

Do you? Well, this would save you time. I mean, I think, imagine a chicken can do that, boil or scramble would be crazy, I guess.

They got to be able to know how to boil water there. They've been on Earth for as long as we have, so it's pretty-But if we could heat their bodies up enough in a safe environment where where they don't pass away, but they're able to serve. I like that idea. We buy a YMCA with a sauna already in there. Put them in the sauna, let them work out, let them use the equipment, maybe give them some library books. I think if we had like, Ted Talks going 24/7, they'd probably start gaining some information there.

Oh, I think there's no way they're not going to pick things up.

They probably pick stuff up without us knowing.

Yeah.

Little crazy little clause there.

Oh, I can only Imagine if I were a little fucking chicken. That's the thing about chicken. They're just like...

They're like that. Then when they're on the Adderall, it's like... When it turns more like a hummingbird. That's That's all it is. They probably… That's a good business plan there. We need to trademark that stuff before it's gone. Yeah, I'm sure it'll be gone.

The second somebody hears it, it's already gone. That's the problem with today.

Yeah, it's going to be like the… I forget the name of it, But it's probably a war crime to give chickens amphetamines.

Well, it's just sad that Chick-fil-A is resorting to getting this bootleg chicken. A lot of the chicken has probably been through… It has complex trauma. It's Probably who knows where it's from. Probably it could be Memphis. It could be East St. Louis. Who knows where a lot of these animals are coming from now?

Yeah, from all over. All over the world. There's Chicago, too.

Oh, yeah. Just some of the Choosing to have different chicken, that's going to change everybody. That's going to change marriages. There are marriages out there that are based solely on the fact that twice a week, they eat Chick-fil-A together.

That's true. My aunt actually got As opposed to in a cane's box. She did not like that idea.

In a cane's? In the side of a cane? Opened it up.

It was on the Texas toast.

No way.

Yes, way. It was the worst idea.

The It was a forever combo?

It was a short marriage, though. She's very buried down. Lovedy lady. Is she? Yeah. Yes, sir. Happy, Ian.

I think, would you do it at a Canes? What is the best fast food or quick dining, as they like to say. Place to get married at, you think?

Is Chili's count? Is chili's fast? No, that's not fast enough. That's high class dining past. It's good food. If you can get liquor there, it's probably didn't count.

Well, no. Chili's is great. I think it's just a lot. Chili's is a place you can meet women easily, I think. Oh, yeah. I think if it's a place you can probably easily meet women, then it's not applicable for this.

Chili's Cutter reminds me of this It's my first time going on Broadway, but I see two groups of people. It's either super young chicks or super old chicks. It's like the young chicks are parting the older people or going to war museums or something. That's how chic it is at the bar. Or not the Chili's is at the bar.

It's a mixed bag out there. Chili's is a great place to go and back to in your hometown and make love to someone that you didn't get to talk to in high school.

Rekindle a flame there. Two for 20. Two for 20. Get it rolling. Get a nap with it. I'll tell you what, you ever made love after having mozzarella sticks? It just sits in you. It's like a gumball machine. You got to shake me and twist me to get that shit out of me, brother.

Yeah, that's love, man. I wonder how many relationships have been started at some of these different types of food chains. Couples are getting engaged at Chili's. Okay, so I guess it's a thing now. Oh, it is? Oh, that's good, actually, because sometimes it's so hard to decide where to get engaged at. In a lot of public parks and everything are very dangerous now. Yeah. There's some couples right there getting engaged.

Where would Where would you get engaged?

I think I'd go Old Squad. I'd go inside of a McDonald's.

That's good. That's a good start. Maybe the drive-through. Think about it in the drive-through.

Go in when you- Yeah, don't give her much time. That way, if you pop out from behind the drive-through sign, and she's like, Yeah, I would like a Mcwhatever.

Yeah, and you have a proposal with the shit cramps.

Yeah, and you're like, Oh, do you want this Mchusband? You pop out from behind there.

That's that Chick-fil-A chicken. A Chick-fil-A chicken make you make some irrational decisions now.

Or you want this McPrena up and you just roll out from behind that sign.

It's on the receipt. It's on the receipt, lady. Lovely lady, though. Maybe a Waffle House. I bet Waffle House got it. That's it. That's got a loyal crowd there. It's like cracker barrel.

Yeah, Waffle House, I think people would cheer you on as well. They're going to be like, We want this love. We want these MFers. Somebody would yell MFers or even queers at you sometimes. We can bleep that out, but people will We love these queers, even if it's straight people getting married. Yeah. Oh, here's one right here. We can actually watch this one.

Look at this.

Walfaus is a Valentine's Day tradition for John and Julie. Oh, that's cute, huh?

That is cute. The real man. Look, baby. It takes a real man to make Waffle House social man. I'm taking notes here. I just have one question. Will you marry me?

Wow. You put it on a Waffle. You guys can't see, but the waiter, who's a male waiter at Waffle House, which you don't even see very often, which you have to pay extra to get, brought it over, and it was a wedding ring, opened in a box on a Waffle.

That is the way to do it there.

What is the thing? You're going to want that Waffle a little bit. So you're going to say yes just to get a little bit of hit of that Waffle.

Yeah, you either got to eat it or you got to frame it or something. Probably into something crazy.

Yeah, where would you go, you think? I guess Chilli's. That's a good answer, huh?

Chilli's? I like Chilli's. I don't know. I got engaged last weekend at Vegas, so maybe do that again.

You got really engaged?

I don't know if it's real yet, but we did get married. She was offering an acceptance. It's a legal contract. I'll find out how much money she makes. I'll bring up her ass. There you go. I need a cut of that Snapchat, please.

Dang. Is she a Snapchat artist or something?

No, fitness lady.

Wow. Where'd you meet her online?

My brother set me up. Nick Nersina.

Oh, yeah. I met nick. I met him at the fight. He set you up with a gal?

Yeah, that's when we did it. The day before, she wasn't with me at the fight, so things are rough-slutting. Rough-slutting.

Bad start out the gate.

Lots of turbulence. Like Captain Sully, I hit a geese with takeoff. It was We're in the water. Someone come get us.

Wow.

But it's loving the married life.

Yeah, it seems like it, man. Yeah, because that's a big challenge, dude, I think, is getting married and being willing to be married. I've had friends that get married, and then they'll come over the next day and they'll be like, Dude, I'm fuck. They'll be like, Fuck, man, I'm married.

Yeah, that's why I don't like anything long term. Keep everything month to month, a month to month contract That's another business idea there.

This heart is month to month. Exactly.

I can love you as long as I can think.

Yeah, I can love you as long as this electric bill lasts.

Oh, yeah. Love you as long as it takes me to get to you. By foot, by land or sea.

Oh, I saw in Vegas, you got a Lamborghini. Did you really get that?

I did get a Lamborghini. No way, bro. I'll tell you what, it looks pretty there.

Oh, that's beautiful. Steve is such a nice guy. Oh, I love Steve.

It is awesome.

He's built with such a unique joy inside of him.

Yeah, he's a great person to be around.

He is. It literally is like being around the sun. It's like the sun just is hanging out with you for a little bit.

You get positive energy off him. Always good vibes.

He surprised you with this?

We walked outside to Red Rock, and he was sitting out there. I had no clue what was going on.

Have you driven it at all?

Not yet. It's actually... It's coming from North Carolina, and it's going to in Houston when I get back.

No way. Yeah. What do you even do with the Lamborghini then? Because if you get home, where are you going to- I'm putting it in my garage.

The Houston has a lot of potholes, so if I fuck up that, a rim or a fender, I don't know if I'm shelling out the cash for that thing. I'll just have a fucked up sports car in there. It'll look cool, though. I think it does. I'll just leave the garage open 24/7, try to get the hot dog walkers. You want to see something? You want to see some horses?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, if you just sit in there and floor it.

Did that a couple of times. It was cool.

Yeah, dude, we had a guy that used to ride. They had these girls by us that were twins, I think, or something was wrong with one of them. But they would sit on the back of this Mustang It was a convertible. And this guy would always drive around like he was cool. And then he one time floored it, and they both fell off of the back. Oh, my God.

It's like those people that do the wheelies on quads and fall off. Yeah. Yeah. That's a dangerous game there.

Yeah, it's a little bit risky, man. Yeah, I tried. But yeah, new car ownership is definitely interesting. But a car like that, you can't even hide anywhere, Scott. Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you, the insurance ain't going to be cheap, brother. Not after my first crash, too.

What's up, brother? These rates, brother.

They're like, Oh, you totaled at Tacoma. What is the next thing you want on your ticket? It's a Lamborghini, sir. Aviator Lamborghini. Look at that thing. It's got wings on it.

It's going to be a big uptick, huh?

I know. I'm going to... I'll probably ride it a couple of times. We're keeping it in the neighborhood, just Sunday Drive.

Yeah, Sunday Drive. That's the move. Yeah. You could do last laps for women, senior citizen women that are dementia or whatever. Oh, yeah. They have that where somebody will come and take them on a last lap or whatever.

Oh, yeah. Like a NASCAR little do-around?

Yeah, Just something, just so they can feel that, just feel fun, hang their head off the window or whatever.

See the sun again? Usually, if they tuck them away in those houses.

Yeah, one last orbit around the neighborhood.

You got to go through an airlock to get to grandma. It's usually not a good time.

Yeah. One last run through the wind before the Lord brings them home. There's one of it right there. Look at that. Last lap. 83-year-old birthday wish to ride in a Lamborghini comes true. Dude, you could do this for so many people. I would do that.

I'll have prunes and oranges and cottage cheese in there for them. All that stuff.

And they can hang their head out the window, too. I think it makes them feel good, too. I think that would be wonderful, man. But the only thing about a yellow Lamborghini is it's also... I think it's a gay beacon or whatever. Oh, yeah. So it's definitely going to attract a lot of gay men out there.

Hey, take any eyeballs. That's the purpose is for attention here.

That's it. You got to take what you can get. Look at this.

They're taking pictures of the car. They probably got some hot friends. There we go. Everything works out there. Good thing it's black, too. It's black? Yeah, it's going to be-Oh, I thought it was yellow. We took a picture with that one, and then he's sending me one.

Oh, so the one you're getting is black? All black, brother. Yeah, because yellow is, look at there, you go right there, and there's a young man already sitting on that one. Shirtless. Yeah. And that guy is looking to meet another guy, probably. Maybe not. I'm not saying that.

Probably got tape over his nipples. Probably. Chafing.

Because, dude, I remember the first time we had a gay guy in our neighborhood or a dude, he said he told us he was an EMT or whatever. He had me and my buddies doing CPR on each other, right? Practicing. Well, then there was a fire in our neighborhood and somebody got burned. Somebody's like, We got to run over to Mr. Gary's house. He's an EMT. He can help. And somebody's like, That dude's not an EMT, dude. He's just a gay dude. That's always perving on people. We're like, Oh, shit.

Oh, my gosh. That's pretty good.

What about these certificates he gave us for CPR?

You're full certified there. These bitches are worth it. You gave him more than lips. You gave him a little tongue in there, brother. He's trying to breathe.

I didn't do anything. This one kid, William, he was a fucking weirdo. But we shouldn't have been over there, but it doesn't matter. But he ended I ended up having a vehicle like that. And this other guy named Big Roy would always play Navy with us at his house. He had one of those big bathsubs. Yeah?

A bathtub?

And we were playing Navy over there.

There you go. You got underwater torpedoes. Hey, look.

Dude, it was just... I was just like, I was barely enlisted.

You were just part-time? Coast Guard, I think that is. Yeah, that's it. Coast Guard, he was almost in there. You never left the port.

I was Coast Guard, bro. I was in active duty. There you go.

Helicopter ride. He's swinging that thing around.

What else can we talk about?

I'll take you for a ride.

Are you going to drive it?

Well, my first two days are scheduled already. Got some ladies. One of the ladies I'm with right now.

Yeah. Look at this. She's beautiful.

Beautiful ladies. Look at this.

Hard at work. Her name is? We'll just not say it. Bg. Bg, yeah.

There we go.

Yeah, that's a good name. And I think she seems like a nice person.

She is a nice person. I'll tell you what, I'm fucking light-headed. I ate like a bird yesterday, eat with her. I was trying not to eat too much How did it go? It was great.

What's that like now? Because you're meeting more ladies and stuff, more ladies get to see you. Yeah. Has that been nerve-wracking to go from... Were you comfortable? Growing up, were you comfortable Are you talking with ladies and stuff?

I was not very good. I just always had a group of friends or whatever, and then probably had too high hopes with a lot of ladies. So it was usually flying solo. Oh, yeah. But also when I go out, I like to go ham, I guess. So it's like I like to move light, moving solo, getting through cracks and stuff like that.

That's how you like to travel? Oh, yeah.

I just like to- You like to do your own thing? Yeah. Even before I'm doing something like this, I like to pace around or something and do that with other people. Yeah.

And so now it's a little different, though, because you can meet. It's easier to meet ladies now because they can see you without you having to beat it. They see you online, they see you on socials. It's easier.

Yeah. It's hard to get on Tinder when you're sketch or whatever, because then it's like, How do you get on Tinder with the persona or whatever? It's like, what?

Yeah.

That's why talking I went to all the ladies from where I live. Are you? Yes, sir. That's who that is over there.

It's a lady. Look at her. She looks nice, looks better than the guy that you brought. He's handsome, but it's different. Look at that.

That's a great haircut.

Yeah, he's a beautiful guy.

His barber took it up high, didn't he?

Yeah, his barber definitely.

Fresh chop, brother. Guy Fiori on the top of military sides.

Yeah. It has an upstairs. I'm going to say that.

Yeah, it does.

His haircut has It's a penthouse.

Pinthouse chop there.

It's going to be more expensive to heat.

That heat bill is probably expensive on that motherfucker. Don't worry. It's cold in the winter. It's hot in the summer.

Don't worry. It's just Don't worry, it's just a remodeled addict. Yes, sir.

Thank you, brother.

Blue Chew. You want it. You want to chew it. You want to chew your way to some weanery goodness. Blue Chew can help. This episode is sponsored by Bluechew. Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go, when you were sprungy? Well, bluechew. Com can help. Bluechew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Lovitra, but in chewable tablets, and at a fraction of the cost. The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew. Com, consult with of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. I take them, I like them, I like them. Bluechew wants to help you have better sex. Discover your options at bluechew. Com. Chew it and do it. Wean her up. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Bluechew free when you use our promo code, Theo, at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. That's C-L-U-E-C-H-E-W. Com, promo code Theo, to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew. Com for more details and important safety information. We thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. You know, one in five Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list.

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If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time. I want to recommend that you do that. If you try with a therapist and you feel like, Hey, this may not be the one for me, try another one. See how it goes. Find your sweet spot with your mental health. With Betterhelp, visit betterhelp. Visit betterhelp. Com/theotoday to get 10% off your first month. That's Betterhelp, H-E-L-T. Com. Lp. Com/theo. This episode is sponsored by Better Health. When you think about love and stuff like that, have you been in love, you think, before?

No, not really. I I don't really… Not dating someone is when it's hard to define love. I love people, love all my people, but it's love like that. No, not yet.

Were you dating anybody in high school and stuff or no? No.

I moved high school When I went to that private school, and then I went back. So it was just all random timing. Then when I was in college, I had transferred to four colleges, so it was bouncing around.

Were you getting kicked out or what were you doing? I was just homesick.

So I went to Mississippi State. It was too far. I moved to OU. I was underperforming what I was paying. I went to Texas State from there because I was doing a business, but I was not even really doing great at it. I was like, I might as well pay less. I don't need the degree or whatever.

Yeah, I don't need to do poorly expensively. Exactly.

I'd rather...

And Yeah, you were just homesick dude. When I went to University of Arizona the first semester, I went to college and I was so homesick. Oh, really? Bro, it was horrible.

I bet. That's a culture shock there from the Bayou to the parishes to the...

Yeah, It was. It was just a lot of people with sunburn and a lot of and Mexican people just beating each other up and abandoned car washes and stuff.Beautiful.

Area.tire shops?

Yeah, just a lot of people. Yeah, dude. A lot of Mexican people just threatening to fucking change their tires.

Amigo. I love my Hispanics.

Hey,.

Yes, sir. Si, señor.

So you went to those schools? Were you really homesick?

I was homesick, and then I love Texas State, and then COVID happened, and I was just like- Oh, so then you're home? I just got my real estate license, started working with my dad, and then was like, just didn't... I wasn't really good at school, so I was like, No, I'm just to do this. And then somehow got here.

And what are your parents? Are they still married?

Is he still married? They're still paying off a college bill? I will probably, not have to, but I'm Hopefully, one day, give them a little cash back there. Yeah, I need to give them some free play.

Oh, yeah. I think they deserve probably something.

Yeah. Like a skateboard or something? Yeah.

Something probably less dangerous for them.

The Supreme one. Yeah. There's a sticker on it.

Even a skateboard, you just put on the wall in the room.A.

Longboard.yeah. That or maybe a line bike.

Or a two-seater, one of those two-seater bikes. Oh, yeah. Dude, my step-parents used to always go ride on that, man. Everybody in the neighborhood would call them just yell out queers at us and stuff. I was like, What are we doing?

Oh, my gosh. I'll tell you what, I would take a side car for sure. Those are actually really hard to drive.

Yeah, and they're harder to be seen on, I feel like, Who cares if you can drive it or not? I just feel like being seen on that is unbelievable. That's like a bike helmet. If my dad ever wears a bike helmet, dude, I'm out.

I wouldn't dress the driver on the front of that thing. You're sitting there and Yeah, especially if it's your husband or something, because spouses are always getting rid of their husbands.

Look at these two guys right here. A couple of Vietnamese guys, biking. You never really been in love yet then, huh? You didn't start dating until after Yesterday was probably my first real date. Nuh-uh.

Yes, sir. No way. He's helping me out here.

Let's go. Look at that. Let's go. Bro, your first date, and where did you guys go?

We went to Eddie V's.Oh.

It's nice there.Eddie V's.They have table calls in there.Oh, yeah.

It was fine dining. We had some steak, had two bites of it. Everyone's trying to stay light.Yeah.

The date doesn't eat much, huh?No.

She felt some pressure, I guess. I'm just kidding. Hey, look.

Yeah, a lot of them don't want to... I think women don't... I think... Sorry to interrupt you. Go on. Tell me more about the date.

We went to Eddie V's, and then we went out on Broadway. That was fun. And then that was it.Go.

To some bars?

Some bars. We were bar-hopping. The bars here were pretty crazy. It was a fun time. We both needed IVs in the morning. Really? Yeah.

And was it I don't even want to be inappropriate. Was it sleep in the same bed type of date, or was it like a-Same room. Gentlemen.

Yes, sir. I'll respect that.

Yes, sir.

Here we go. You don't need to score All the way in the first half. Come on, it's a first inning here.

Look, I feel you. Here we go. I love your attitude, man. Wow, dude. Did it feel like romantic? How were you feeling?

I was feeling butterflies. Butterflies with a little bit of the beer shit. I drank on the flight. It was getting to me.

You drank on the flight?

Oh, I just don't like flying, so I drink a little bit when I fly. Or maybe a lot, but whatever I'm feeling, depending on how long the flight is.

A lot of stepdads and I guess some business lesbians will drink on flights, I noticed. They come on flights all the time. Yeah. Wow, brother. And so you've had a couple of drinks, you get there. Did you go pick her up or how did you guys do it?

Same flight.

You came together? Oh, yeah. Wait, so you knew her already? Oh, yeah.

I thought you said this was the first date. Well, the first date, but first time, it's a lifelong friend. Oh, it's-Not lifelong, more later in life.

Okay, a later in life friend. And you're only... How old are you?

25. Oh, yeah. So it's a new friend. Yeah, pretty new. Yeah. Pretty new, I would call it. New love. It's like puppy love.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I love it. It can't even catch a frisbee in its mouth yet.

Yeah, exactly. We were stubborn, don't know how to hold hands, don't know how to walk together. I was trying to open doors. It's pretty hard when they're a fast walker. Calm down. So I come back here. I'm on camera here. Please.

Oh, wow. So did it feel like there was... It must It felt awesome, huh? It was awesome.

I'll tell you what, I'd do it again. Well, day two.

This could be it. Another night.

I know. Well, now it's getting to the back half, so I might have to hit the panic button on them. No, I'm just kidding.

That's true. The second day. But also, if it still feels good, that's the best thing. I think you're right. The worst move is to try to play all your cards and be the hero on the first night or whatever. That's a rookie move, really.

That's a rookie move. I like to, well, impress her very well in the beginning, and then next time we hang out, it's probably not going to be as good. That's what I'm saying. There we go. Eddie Vee's first time. Cracker Barrel next time. There we go. Breakfast. Breakfast food. Nothing wrong with biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and boobies. I'm just kidding.

Dude, yeah. Do you remember even feeling like... Did you ever have a crush on one of your teachers or anything? I had some pretty- Wait, you know what I was going to say? Dude, when it comes to taking girls for love, for dinner, you got to get them seafood, bro.

That's exactly... You're speaking the language there. Really? Yeah. Eggs. Not eggs. What do you call it? Crab.

Yeah, some people say eggs are the seafood of a farm anyway.

Oh, yeah.

But yeah, women love seafood. Seafood, man, because women love to go to the beach. Seafood lives right outside of the beach.

Yeah, that's about as romantic as it gets.

I remember one time, I took this girl to seafood. We went to lunch, and And then after, I had a big crush on this girl, and I tried to hold her hand, and she wouldn't hold my hand.

Oh, that's brutal.

I was like, Give me back my fucking crab cake, Shadi.

Yeah, I'm going to start giving her a heimlich.

Give me it back, please. Yeah, that's lump crab meat.

That's king crab, brother. Let's get that back. We need that shit back.

Yeah, this ain't queen crab, mama. Oh, yeah. We're pulling this out of you.

Oh, yeah. We got the wrong person here.

So, yeah, that's something I know. If you women like seafood, and they just like it, dude. You buy a girl a fish dinner, get her a couple of fish medallions or however, they cut it up. They love it, man. You know what I thought? I wonder if it would be cool to date a mermaid or not.

That would be cool. Half real, half fake.

Well, just their mermaid. What is a mermaid made out of? How much is it human and how much of it is it fish? Can you bring that up, please?

I'm guessing 45%. No, not 45%. It'd probably be 60% fish.

Yeah, I'm guessing more 60% fish.

It would be the thing- Do you have a crush on any mermaids or something?

No, I just thought I was just thinking about it, what it would really be like because there's always these romantic ideas of a mermaid, but no one ever really thinks about the day-to-day of it. If you're not going to be able to bring her home. There's not going to be any… I mean, there'll be some intimacy, but there's no… She doesn't have a lower… So there's just…

It's like she's dressed sexy. The fish scales are like latex. It's Yeah, that's true.

Great touch, great feeling. Right, but they don't have… They're just a fish from the bottom, so you'd have to… I think there's a lot of… You could probably ride on her back underwater. That would be pretty cool.

That would be cool.

Look at that. I guess there's some highlights of it. But then what would happen is you'd fall in love, you'd bring her home, you'd get her a tank.

You'd get her a tank? That's the only way you could do it. Yeah. Yeah. That or a swimming pool.

Yeah. And look, maybe the fifth year anniversary, you'd get her a pool or whatever. I don't think you start with a pool right out of the gate.

Yeah, I love swim-up bars. It's like we dine at a swim-up bar every time. That works. There you go. You ever been to a swim-up bar?

Oh, yeah. I like sitting there. And it's the The craziest place where people can just pee on each other, secretly.

I always pee in a pool. No guilt, no survivor's remorse. Sorry.

Yeah, dude, our forefathers died for us to be able to pee in pools. Exactly. Exactly. Like the young heroes that we are.

Blood, sweat, and piss.

That's it, man. See, this would be a relationship. You'd be the bartender, and she would be the one on the other side.

I think the bartender is probably, no. You give a guy four drinks and he doesn't move, he's pissing the whole time. He's letting it rip.

Yeah, they should actually have a little piss cop or whatever that swims up. Oh, what?

Yeah, maybe a catheter or something.

Something, yeah, that you can attach right in.

Like an IV you just put in the main vein. That would probably work.

Okay, so what else were we talking about? Oh, yeah, being in love, dude. What about first love that you had? Obviously, you love your mom in a mother-son way. Yeah. Did you ever have a crush on a teacher or anything like that?

I had some really good-looking teachers, actually. Oh, yeah. I was in second grade, though. She was Ms. Oklahoma. She was an absolute smoke show. What? Ms. Oklahoma.

Set the scene. So you get in there, huh? It's regular education?

It went over in my head. My dad, when When we got out of there, he's like, Your teachers are pretty hot. I was like, Oh, yeah. That's right. That was more just trying to get in and out.

Oh, yeah. But then the more- But then the more- When school's tough, you're not thinking about… You got to stay focused on the grades. Now, was this regular education sketch or what type of energy was it?

Oh, it was public education. Oh, wow. She was two years removed from Ms. Oklahoma's second-grade teacher.

You're in public education. You're playing for the Raiders over there.

Oh, yeah. I was pretty good school. It was more of like, I don't know, great time.

Were there times that you noticed when you started to feel something for her, Connor, when you had in a…

It was probably some dreams, probably some thoughts, but it was a I wish it could happen type thing. What about you? You ever been in love with a teacher?

Yeah, we had this lady. I think I feel like her name was Ms. Breast or whatever. I don't even know what her name was. That's how much like, Breast that she had. She would wear, she would button all the way up to here and with a doily on the necklace. You know what a doily is? What's that? Show a doily if you can. Please. The neck would have... It was like that around the top. It had a very formal-looking.

Oh, like a pilgrim? Yes. That's perfect.

Yes, she was like a pilgrim with knowledge. There you go. She would come over by my desk and help me with math. Her breasts were so warm. It felt like when you go into a dominoes or something, and they're just baking it, and everybody's pretty excited, like a new dominant. Yeah. Yeah, it was just that good warm feeling. She would help me with my math, and I would mess up the math, and she would stay there. It would be 8 divided by 4, and I'd put 6,000 or whatever.

That's a good way to do it. That's a good way to do it. You got to keep them somehow.

She stayed right there, man. That's a good call.

I might have to steal that one.

Yeah, bro. So that was, I think, the first time that I was really into a teacher or something. Oh, yeah. And I loved that. Happy Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. She had the toughest bra to her. Her bra was like a damn.

It's like a bullpen trying to hold back some dogs there.

Trying to hold back a couple. Some puppies. And a couple of relief pictures. It was like, It was made by Dewalt or something.

It was a serious bra. Yeah, it had some... It looked like they were about to pop or something.

It was like a 40-pound test on it, I think.

Sometimes they looked like they opened up a missile silo. Like, he just... Yeah. Coming out with a claw. That's a cool attachment there.

I just remember her and I just, God, I had a big crush on her. I had a crush on a lot of teachers, though. I think it was... Yeah, I think because they were around you and they would help you do stuff, there was something about it. Yeah.

There's a lot of hot teachers out there.

And now a lot of them are making love with the students.

That's true. We missed out on that trend there. Run it back. If I could have a time machine.

Yeah. Table for two, please.

Here, look at... Give me one more chance, please.

God, dude. I don't know if I would have been one of the students that had enough confidence so it hit on the teacher, really hit on her. Oh, really?

Some of the kids stand up. We got a Oh, yeah.

Pitching a 10. The saddest thing when you would go up to ask a question or something by the teacher, and then you would get an erection.

Yeah.

Then you had to walk back to you. People would start learning a moonwalk and shit, just things so they would… You couldn't tell that they had an erection while they were walking back to their desk. Yeah.

You get up like you're trying to hide something. Wait, something's over here.

Or somebody would just walk like this, just any way to camouflage.

My secret, if you see me in the morning and I'm holding a blanket in front of me, morning would. That's what that is. Oh, I'm just holding this, walking around. Fix it. It's like getting your gun in your hole skin.

So you're not doing magic or anything.

Yeah, no, not magic. You just waistband it. I'll tell you, you forget about it.

Talk it in, forget about it.

You forget about it. On top of your dick gets real cold and purple. It gets frostbite. He just headless dragon there.

Oh, man. Dude, I used to want to mail my dick to a starving country or whatever to feed some of the children. Isn't that crazy? Oh, really?

To hunk a meat there?

I would have dreams about it.

I'd give them more like a mini corn dog if I gave them some… It's more of a delicacy than an amount here.

They're like, Hey, this isn't even tipping the scales, guys.

Hey, there's nothing rotting on my thing. It's just no weird things going on. Just shoot you straight.

Yeah, that's a good thing. That is really the best thing about a basic regular smallish wiener. It's like, Hey, we're not playing any games here. We know it's not a Escalade or whatever. We just know this is a two-door sedan, and it'll get you from A to B.

It's perfect for practice. It's like a kick and tea. Sit there, pick it up. Get it, hopefully, practice later. No, just kidding.

Hey, sorry for cursing.

Sorry for everything. There we go.

You go to school. Now you're just sketchman. Now you are a Lamborghini owner, near-sighted, right? Water deficient.

Water deficient.

Very positive.

Very positive.

Talented.

Thank you, brother.

Energetic.

Thank you, sir.

Handsome. Hopeful. Now, what do you feel like? Do you feel like there's things that you feel like you want to do now because now you have somewhat of a platform? Oh, yeah. If you started to think about that, has it been scary? What's some of that like? Because I think there's a lot of people out there who dream to be in a position where, okay, I'm creating stuff online and people start to absorb it. Yeah.

My first thing I'm going to do, we're launching merch. We plan on donating the proceeds to a charity. It's going to be our first First shirt. And then besides that, I take everything a day at a time. So it's more of... I know I want to travel. I want to meet people. And that's more of my goal within the money side of things. But that's what I got planned right now.

Oh, that's good goals. Yeah.

I would love to go to Ireland or something like that.

Really? Are you Dutch or whatever you learned?

I'm pretty Hispanic and native and English. Oh, wow. My mom's 50 %. Hispanic.

Hispanic native and English? Mm-hmm.

My mom's side of the family, her parents were like, migrational pickers and stuff like that. They would travel from up and down the country to pick different types of fruits and stuff like that.

I love that. I love picking fruit. My grandma used to grow strawberries. Oh, really? Yeah, and we would pick them. We weren't like...

I don't really like strawberries, actually. What? I don't really like fruits or vegetables. I mostly eat chicken. Really? Yeah, chicken's like my If I know I want to feel good, I eat chicken.

Oh, yeah. That's like a lot of adolescents eat Mcnuggets all the time.

Dude, I run up a check at Chick-fil A, and then they fucked up the chicken. Now I got to find a new spot here. I need to find something that does get me heartburn. Nashville hot chicken. It feels great coming in, comes out like dragon's breath.

Yeah, I think it's a risky move having that.

Yeah, those farts have their own climate. It's like a tropical storm.

It's a real butt. Yeah, it's a real butt party, I think. It's like a dangerous butt party. It's like someone brought a gun to a fun party. Yeah.

Plaques go burst. You might plaques go burst that thing in there. Little calf shot. Can't be dancing too much with a stick in your pocket. Same thing goes with waistband. It can't be doing too much of it. You got to keep it pretty. It's mostly in the shoulders when you have it in the waistband. Oh, it's a good point. Yeah, you get too high or low, you might reveal Yeah, yeah.

And a magician never reveals his trick. Be true.

It's the art of deception and illusion. It's like you're taking a picture, you take it from a good point of view. Take it with a selfie, I'll disappoint some people.

Yeah. If you're taking dick pics with a drone, then I think you just have a small dick. Oh, yeah. I think that's crazy.

Take it with a GoPro. That's probably the most favors. Compared it to a GoPro.

What? Dude, You're so interesting.Thank you, man.Yeah, you bet, man.Thank you so much.I love you, bro. Spending time with me. Thanks, man. That's nice of you to say. I think there's just something like it's neat to see somebody that is unique. I think people think that Because everybody feels... Sometimes people feel unique, and it's not a cool unique. It's like, I feel unique, but they'll mispresent it to themselves. I feel like something isn't... I'm not the same as everybody else. But instead Instead of thinking, Oh, I'm unique, they think, Oh, I'm not the same. I'm almost different or I'm less than. But you just are like, Oh, I'm unique. This is who I am. Then to see how much everybody is really interested in really how much that brings warmth to people, that's awesome. That's the thing that I think we want to see. Thank you.

When I started, I just wanted to take I had small ticks or whatever. I do this with my fingers when I'm excited or whatever. But it was more of taking off the barriers. And that's where the hand motions was like... It was like getting that energy out and letting it fly. But there was a time last year, and I just had a prayer where I was like, I want to be happy. I want to travel, and I want to meet people. And God answers me like crazy. Really? Yeah.

Wow. And you really were praying that? Yeah.

No, he humbled me for sure.

Wow, man. That's powerful, huh?

Yeah, power in prayer.

Yeah, I believe that, too, man.

A hundred %.

Yeah. Thanks for saying that. It's important. You were to pray. You were thinking, This is my prayer. This is what I would like.

Yeah. I didn't know it was streaming. Streaming came out of randomness. That wasn't directly after. I just remember that prayer was like... That was my turning point. It's like, Put your eyes on the Lord, brother.

Hey, I'm looking for the Lord. I always am. I'll say, I'm looking for the Lord, and somebody told me, Hey, the Lord ain't lost me.

True that, brother. Follow the light, follow the light. Follow the light.

I know. Yeah, that's such a good statement, man. And to put your wishes into the Lord, too. Not like I want a... I want to get a new jaguar or I want to get a new... One of those color printers for our or whatever. But a real... What is your real wishes? And a lot of times it is to be happy, to feel of use. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's good.

That's exactly... You find your purpose. God has your purpose. He's just got to...

He's just waiting there.

He's poking and prodding. He's working on it. He's like an IV. Sometimes you got to stick that thing a couple of times. Find the right vein. Get your stuff rolling in the right direction.

Yeah. Yeah, sometimes you got to get your oil changed by the Lord.

Exactly. They're new tires, too, brother. New tires. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.

Do you think of yourself as a role model, or what do you think of yourself as? Is it weird to think of yourself as something? Because even that is a little bit of our ego getting a little wild.

It's weird because that's where people go like, Oh, he's humble, whatever. It's easy to be humble on camera. But the more I've met people in the younger I've seen them, the more I go like, Well, I should definitely watch what I'm putting out there and saying But yeah, it's definitely weird to think any type of role model because it's like, I'm just playing video games, brother. Do not take my financial advice. I would put you in the dirt like a stick of the mud. Yeah, dude.

This guy answered two emails a day.

Dude, I'm not your guy.

With good morning, thanks.

Yeah, good morning and thanks, brother. There you go. I'm just letting them know I'm alive. That's their way of... That's it. That green circle was never lit up on my thing.

Keep it vague. Good morning. Thanks. Maybe a chat soon.

Always from the phone, too. Never at the computer. I'll send some emails. You're in a completely different state. I'm here, brother.

So that's it. That's where we're at. That's where Skech is now. You see yourself on sports players. We were at the Cardinals yesterday doing batting practice, and a lot of them are doing some of your terms and sales and things. Oh, really? Yeah, it's amazing. It's crazy.

The Cardinals, shout out them, St. Louis.

Yeah, they're doing pretty well. The brewers were there, too, man. But yeah, it's just fascinating to see the effect. I think that's an interesting thing, too. It's making people feel like, Oh, I can have an effect on one person or a lot of people by being myself. Yeah.

And that's what was crazy. It was the what's up, brother, the special... All that stuff was like... I was like, I'm not expecting it. It was more like I was just making shit up as I'm doing stuff. Half of them are like, audible calls, like Tuesday or whatever. That just means get on the ball. But I was talking to my quarterback or whatever on the field. But I got that from when I first started, I was used to... My first stream, I had 12 people. It was most of me and my friends and stuff. But I turned off the announcement on Madden and send the games. And that's how I We started getting into it. We all would announce it like it's a game, and then we had a line on it, and some of them would bet it and stuff. It's pretty fun. All of them go to overtime. It's pretty cool.

Oh, so all the games, you could emcee your own game? You could be your own So you can take two teams.

No one's playing with them. You just turn off the announcement, and then it was just me announcing. It was like a random football game.

You just get to watch the game? Yeah.oh, that's pretty cool.We did it.

I did it for a tournament. The way we see, you picked your teams And then we seeded it. That's how you had your draft order for the fantasy draft.

Oh, nice. And you guys would just watch it play out?

Yeah. It was exhausting, though. Those games were like 30 minutes, and I did probably 20 of them.

Yeah, it seems like a really... It seems like somebody who doesn't is not getting a lot of emails at work. Yeah, I know.

There is too much free time there. I'll tell you what.

How do you meet people to play online on Madden? Do you just meet people? I know you can just set up with a guy, and you both have your screen names and stuff, right? So that's how you just meet strangers. Do you randomly pick people, or what do you do?

More DM stuff. And then I usually like to talk to people before then because you didn't have to roast them a little bit. So let them... I'll let them all of them know that. But It's more like my content with Madden and stuff is more banter with the boys. So it's like couch shit talk and stuff. So it's like people that... They're all random. So it's like I'll just literally... If whoever I talk to first on the phone or and then I'm like, Hey, do you want to do this tomorrow?

And then you line it up. Yeah.

I've gotten to play with Tyreek Hill, Sauce Gardener, Vontez Perfect, Hunter Dickinson. Wow. Yeah, a lot of athletes, but it's pretty fun.

Do you guys play for money or anything or no?

Yeah, we'll do gifted subs or whatever, which 25 gifted subs is $150 or something like that. But we would do for 10 subs, which is 50 bucks or something. Just stuff to do stuff. But it makes it a little more fun having skin in the game.

Oh, I think so. I think that's what it's about.

Flesh on the table.

It means something. Do you think there's a team in the NFL that could use a guy like you right now on the field? On the field? And be honest with me.

Definitely. Probably the Jets.

And you can say the Saints.

Probably the Jets. They need some wide receivers. And the Saints. The Saints are in trouble. They're your team?

They're not doing great.

Yeah. Who is their quarterback? It's probably a truck driver or something. You got substitute teachers running routes out there.

A lot of good questions. Ms. Breast is probably the teacher over there. A lot of good questions, man. A lot of questions that need to be answered. I could see you pulling up for the Jets, man, getting a 10-day contract. Ten day?

Fuck it. Give me a half a year. Half a million.

We haven't even seen your work yet.

You'd get sight unseen, purchase with it. You don't get to take the toys out of the box, brother. You got to buy it in the store. Then you got to take it home.

Hey, buy this land, homie. There you go.

Hey, please.

What about land modeling? What if they had models for land? Say you take some people out to some land, and there's a couple of just legit bitches, legit bitches, not just bitches, legit bitches walking across and modeling that land.

That's perfect. I mean, some of them do that. Instead of like that, it's like ranches with deer, showing the doughs and stuff. Like, Oh, look at this. But doing that, have it like a car wash type thing? Yeah. Hot Chicks, bow in the lawn? Yeah. That would be perfect.

It's not a bad idea. There's no way. If I'm even a little horny, I'm not getting me a quarter acre.

Oh, yeah. Fuck it. You don't need water and sewer. It's just raw land, brother.

We'll figure it out. We're living on love.

That's how you sell the shit around the tracks. That's it, dude.

Better There's some car tires on that thing.

You got to dig up out of the ground.

Yeah, just help them with their nature work. Thank you, sir. What's the proper etiquette on Madden? If you're blowing somebody out, how do you end a game? Do you end it early? Do you guys decide? What happens there?

That's rare for me to blow someone out, but I usually just leave the game if it's a random person. But when I'm playing with other people, I usually just finish the game or we'll restart another one. Usually, 21 points or something like that when it gets... That's fair, huh? When the cheeks are getting a little too rosy, slapping that ass.

So you're going to do maybe a second date?

It looks like it. Shane Gill's today.Oh.

You're going tonight?Yes, sir.Dude, I'm going.No.

Way.yeah.what time?

I don't know. I could probably take if you need, but if not, I'll meet you over there.

Yeah, no, he's like, We're going to 7:00.

You all are? Yeah. Oh, then that's when I'll go. Oh, shit. Yeah, I might even jump on stage with him. That'd be sick. Yeah, dude, that'd be great. If you've been to the to see him? No.

Is it pretty cool? I saw a bus saying it was one of the most historic places or something like that. It's pretty legendary.

Yeah, it's very historic. Yeah.

I'm sure he played at a lot of crazy places like that. Where's your favorite place he played?

Some interesting places. Let me think. I don't know. We just went to Australia and did some shows recently, and it was really awesome. That's crazy.

Yeah. How was that? The different crowd, trip over to Bobby?

It was great, dude. We got to do this cool show. Can you bring up the show with Have you seen this show called Beautiful Tasty Beautiful? No. There's two guys. One of them has down syndrome.

Oh, yeah. I saw that.

But you can't tell them. Yeah. It's a secret. But yeah, I went on their show, and it's a cooking show.

That's awesome.

That was one of my favorite things that I got to do.

They live in Australia?

Yeah. Oh, that's cool. One of them has down syndrome. One of them is just in a fraternity.

Okay.

But they're excellent. Kappa Sigma? I think he was a Pike or something, something that had more pills.

Pike? Yeah, the pill popper.

Is that what you know him as, too?

No. Pike gets fight. I'm not confirming or denying.

I'm just saying.

I don't know. I might have the whole chapter come after me for that one. I don't remember. Wait, we'll come for it. I don't know.

So That was something that was really cool that I got to do. Yeah, I don't know. Just podcasting is neat, getting to meet different people. But yeah, performing, yeah. Some great places. We're going to London in a couple of weeks to do some shows.

That is awesome.

Yeah, just things like that. I just can't even believe it.

When did you start doing stuff? How old were you?

Six years ago, I started doing podcast, and that's when comedy got busy. But I've been doing comedy for 15 years, probably 17 years.

So you're in your lower 20s?

Yeah, I started when I was 24, and now I'm 44. Yeah. So I started, yeah, 20 years now.

Damn, that's the same time I started. Yeah. Look at us. I'm looking at I'm not doing it myself now. Council of Ricks here.

Yeah. Sorry, it looks like this.

Yeah, no. The shit went left. I don't know what happened.

Wide left.

Yeah. It fucking teed off and hit a fucking house. You got a window, Bill.

Yeah, what else looks like? What's in the news? Let's hit a couple of news topics, man. Oh, this was Drake. Yeah, I don't know if I cared about this that much. Did you see that? Yeah. It came out with a diss track, right, of who? I miss the days a lot of rappers used to actually shoot each other.

Oh, yeah. They do. Still, it happens sooner before they get big. It's bad.

Yeah, that's the problem now. These guys, you have to wait until you get bigger to do it. You can't. You got guys that have put out a half a mixtape, and they're just popping off on each other.

Yeah, we had some legends in Houston died too soon. Rest in peace, Kenny Lou.

He's gone?

Unfortunately, him and another dude, Ghost Magneto. They're great guys, but street life stuff.

Street life got him, huh? Stay out of the streets. It's sad. Stay out of the streets.

Yeah, it is. It's pretty wild.

Go inside. I'll tell you what I've- You've been in the streets much?

No. I'm an inside dog. Inside cat. I like the kittle. I like the kittle. I don't like to hang out with the big dogs. It's okay, man. Tell you what, walk and look here. That's why I wear these Air monarchs. No one wants to rip these things off my feet. He's like, Shit, you can have them, brother. Take them. Make them.

Please leaving them. They had this video of Tupac that I did see when he was young. Apparently, he was allegedly a homosexual male, and I didn't know that. My name is Tupac Shakur, and I attend Tampai High School. I'm 17 years old.

Do you like being 17?

17 is such a weird age. It's such a in the middle age. You're not 18 yet. You're older than 16s. But I like it. It's nice. It's interesting because they never really push him like that. The energy about him is always just a little bit more like that he was a gangster rapper. Yeah. You know?

What? Maybe it's... Sometimes they take videos out of context.

That could be true. I mean, this could be AI. It It should be. But even then, I think it's just interesting. I think for years, I've never heard anybody say this, and then now everybody's been talking about this video.

Yeah, people like to say that stuff now.

Yeah. The second somebody has any success, also they're gay. There's also a lot new black gay people. Since the diddy thing, suddenly everybody who's black is accusing everybody else of being gay, I feel like. It's just wild. I think a lot of that stuff just in the black community right now is wild with a lot of just everybody's accusing each other of being gay. I think in two generations, everybody is going to be bisexual. I think it's- Like the frogs? I think, yeah.

Like the too much runoff. Too much runoff, and it said amphetamine chickens.

Dude, that's where I think we're headed. I think it's just like, Everybody is going to be... That's where it's going to be.

Yin-yang. Yeah. Look at that.

That'd be it. Just teamwork. Anything else in the news that was going on? New York City proposes rat birth control to reduce population. That is disgusting.

The war on rats.

It seems hard to imagine. What in the hell? But recent viral videos show a city overwhelmed with rodents. You got the pizza. They're seen taking over sidewalks, living on subway platforms. Oh, this is rats in New York. Well, here's what they should do. They should organize them and get them to work together, work with the community. There's too many rats. They've been trying this for years to get rid of them. It's getting worse. There were rats. They saw rats playing Double Dutch the other day somewhere. It's getting bad.

Those are the ones that are gaining too much knowledge. They're in subways because they're taking public transportation. They're pretty smart, motherfuckers. Sorry for cussing, but...

No, look, if they're at a library, too, I mean, this is crazy. Look how many rats. Rat population 2018 to 2022 is gone from 2.2 million to 3 million rats now in New York City.

What year is that that it starts to spike at?

2020.

What happened? It's COVID. It was either- It was the COVID babies.

Biden or COVID. I wonder if maybe COVID, when everything slowed down, they just had a chance to- Everyone stopped eating bats and rats, so they started Going up. Well, it makes you wonder how many restaurants were serving rat that suddenly didn't have any clientele anymore.

Yeah, rail chicken. Anchor Van 2.

Anchor Van 2. Dude, I can't believe you're going to get out there for your second date, man. There you go.

Front row. Front row. She got great tickets.

Are you not going to say front row with the show?

Great tickets.

Does Shane Gillis, have you guys ever seen him before? Have you ever been to a comedy show before?

That's her celebrity crush. I'm going to have to tank him or something.

Hey, put the shape. Put the glasses on her then.

Let something fly there.

Put the glasses on her.

I will. They'd probably knock off a couple of points there.

Yeah, I'm sure he's... I've seen Shane up close. Shane's a handsome guy. It's just a unique type of handsome. What else? Any other news? Was there one more news story that was good? I'm trying to think of something that happened.

Red Lobsters Coming Under?

No way. Is it really?

Losing on Endless shrimp?

Oh, yeah.

They should have took a book out of Carnival Cruise lines.

$22 million loss for the year because of Endless shrimp. You can't do endless shrimp.

That's a trap.

Well, especially a lot of brothers and sisters, if they go on a date, they love endless shrimp.

Oh, I would dine and dash. Dine and dash. A couple of those, get free pounds.

Oh, if the shrimp is endless, I'm standing on business. That's what a lot of people I love that.

I love that. Getting nice and lubeed up, too, with a couple of drinks. It turns into a crockpot. You just got shit wishing to Washington there.

Dude, so now that you're in the dating world, do you feel like you're going to start dating different ethnicities? Do you feel like there's anything? Are you just...

Open to all.

Open to all.

Look at me. I'm like the UN. I'm just here to make love. I'm a peacemaker. Peacemaker here.

Dude, thank you so much for... You're just making me laugh, man. I appreciate you coming in spending time. So you have... Yes, you have merch coming out. Some of that's going to go to charity. That's really amazing. You're taking it a day at a time.

Day at a time.Right?Yes, sir.

You got your second date ever coming up?

Yes, sir. Back to back.Wow.Look at this. 94, 95 Rockets here. There we go. Shit hit the fan after that. So tomorrow is going to be scary. It might be 20 years of nothing.

Hey, you could hit a drought, man.

Yeah, that's why you got to load up water. Pray for rain. Keep a jug on you and pray for rain.

Hey, it's crazy to see a dehydrated guy praying for rain.

It's really what? I'm trying to get it somehow.

Hey, it's just the world we're in nowadays.

Everything you want is right in front of you.

Hey, I think you're really, really right. What thoughts do you have for anybody? Anybody out there? Like, Oh, dude, I saw I was thinking, because you don't have autism, what do you have? You have anything? No, I don't have anything. You're just a regular guy.

Regular dude. Just have a quirk or whatever. But it's more like I just... When I'm doing my stuff, I just get nervous or whatever. So I just don't really… I'm trying to hide it. I'd be like…

Yeah, but that's crazier.

Yeah, to me, it's way harder. So doing this shit and doing whatever, it makes me feel better. I don't know.

Yeah, I like it. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah, it's perfect.

Yeah, just running, just keeping the things. There you go.

I'd move the hands. It's like an orchestra. You're just trying to think through.

And you're keeping energy moving through you.

Yeah, that's exactly what-I like that.

Like, I'll pinch my wiener if I get scared or if I'm trying to think.

Here you go. I'll clench my butt hole when I get scared. So opposites attract me. Here you go. That's why we're-It's like closing the vault.

That's why we're here today. Yeah. Dude, They were checking for people with autism at the mall the other day. Have you ever seen anything like that? No. They had a pop-up booth or something, and they were... I guess they can check for it at the mall or whatever.

It's like a photo booth, go in there or something.

It just developed a thing. You're like, Oh, this guy.

Yeah. You're green, brother.

No. A lady was even doing one of those pen tests with somebody or whatever. Oh, yeah. I was like, I don't think that person has autism or whatever.

Why don't you just be drunk? Yeah. Check him. He's got some funky shoes on.

Some guy has to walk home because he can't drive. That's why he's like, What's wrong? And he's like, I have autism.

Like an angry drunk, too. He's drinking nothing but Fireball and piss in his pants, mad at the world.

Tuesday, Tuesday.

Tuesday, Tuesday.

Scatchman, have fun. I'll see you at Shane Gillis tonight. And yeah, I just hope to get to see you in the future, man. Thanks for being somebody that makes it just seem like, Hey, no matter who I am, I can just be. Yes, sir. I can have some confidence in myself. I can just have a good time. Yes, sir. Thanks for coming and spending time and just making me laugh, man. It's really exciting.

No, thank you for having me. The hospitality has been amazing. You're someone I've looked up to for a while. It's amazing to be here. And thank you for having me.

Yeah, you bet, brother. Yes, sir.

But I'm a brother.

Okay, great, man. Yeah, thanks for coming, man. I'll see you at the show tonight. Yes, sir.

It sounds fun.

All right. Sounds good, brother.

All right, brother. Thank you, brother.

Bye, brother.

Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's going to take.