Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robé. And me, Simone Bois. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search The Right Side. All eight episodes of To Die For are available now to bench absolutely free.

But for ad-free listening and exclusive bonuses, subscribe to Tenderfoot Plus at tenderfootplus. Com or on Apple Podcasts. Warning.

The following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes. Listener discretion is advised.

There were some difficult decisions to be made after meeting Alia Rosa. When I researched her online, there was not a lot to find. However, there were a few sources supporting her claims to be a Russian-trained seduction spy.

I'm about to introduce you to a real-life, I guess you could say, Red Sparrow. She was trained in the KGB-style arts of seduction, persuasion, and manipulation.

Then, there were sources saying this.

Everyone in LA is creating a narrative to further their own careers. Hers just happens to be absolutely outrageous, and also a film that's already been made. So yes, she has lied to my face.

I wondered what the truth was, and how do you even go about officially confirming someone was a former FSB seduction agent. After I watched these, Elia did give me photographs and documents, and even let me speak to one of her former colleagues in Russia. But even the authenticity of these can't be proven. I also wondered something else. How much of some people's skeptical response to Alia comes from the fact that she's a woman presenting herself in a glamorous way online and selling information products. After all, for the men at the table on the night I met Alia, what was the proof that my friend Johnny Jr's family was in the Mafia? I come from the Mafia family. It's a real Mafia. Or that my other friend really held a high position, he claims, at the CIA. Bestselling author Chris Voss has made a career fear out of being a former FBI hostage negotiator, and he also sells information products online. I was an FBI hostage negotiator. It sounds like a cry for help, doesn't it? But he's a man and wears a suit. So I called him to ask how often he's had to prove his identity.

Here's his answer. Show like credentials or prove that you were a former FBI agent. I haven't had anybody challenge me. So I made the decision to sit down with Alia and do something no one has ever done for her before. Give her a safe space to share her full story and to not just listen to it, but listen to truly understand and to support her telling of it. And then we can look at it all afterward. In order to do this properly, especially after what FBI agent Robin Drieke told me in the last episode. Because basically she's human trafficked is what she is. I took and completed a course in trauma-informed interviewing and consulted with everyone from intelligence agents to trauma counselors, to social justice professors along the way. Let's just listen to Alia's powerful story over the course of these next episodes. Find experts, agents, and even targets to better understand the hidden world of Russian seduction spies and experience what may be one of the most unforgettable and disturbing accounts I've ever heard. Note that for privacy considerations, alterations have been made to certain names, identifying features, and locations. Listener discretion is highly advised.

Hello, everyone. My name is Delia Rosa, and I was a former Russian spy. My name is Delia Rosa, and I was a secret service agent in Russia. My name is Delia Rosa. I fled my country due to the last mission I worked as a secret service agent.

Cool. Okay, cool. I do it. That's good for now. You like it more?

Everybody likes it. In fact, we never called each other spy. I mean, yeah, we were spying, but it's like, spy is a movie thing. Like, oh, spy. It's so sexy. But it wasn't just like, okay, we were agents. Even in my diploma and in my certificate, it says agent. We don't call each other spies. But in fact, they would call it a spionage. It's exactly what is spying.

Is it in Russian? Is it the same word? Yeah.

It's like spionage. Right. They would say like, spion, which is spy. So spionage.

Just because people talk about a lot with Russia, were there poisons as well or not?

Oh, yes, absolutely. We studied all poisons. Where to put them, basically, where to place them. For example, you can pour some in a water or tea, and How long will this poison affect the body? When the poison will disappear, so when the person will reduce that and they would do... How do you call it in English? Autopsy? Yeah. Autopsy? Then they wouldn't find anything. It would be just like, You don't know why this person died. Maybe a heart attack or whatever, or maybe something. Just like happens.

I tell Alia that it sounds not like a school for espionage, but a school for death.

It's death. You're like, I mean, death is so close. You always feel death that you... Okay, so once they give you the gun and you feel the gun in your hand, okay, so you do understand you can kill. You have this power, and it's so addictive. I had to kill you. I'm really sorry. I had to do it. Got to go on my own. You didn't care, stuck behind. I was holding my gun. I got you, I tell you no. I had to kill you. I Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robé. And me, Simone Voice.

Every weekday, We're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share. Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side. All eight episodes of To Die For are available now to bench absolutely free. But for ad-free listening and exclusive bonuses, subscribe to Tenderfoot Plus at tenderfootplus. Com or on Apple Podcasts. Warning. The following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes. Listener discretion is advised. There were some difficult decisions to be made after meeting Alia Rosa. When I researched her online, there was not a lot to find. However, there were a few sources supporting her claims to be a Russian-trained seductions by. I'm about to introduce you to a real life, I guess you could say, Red Sparrow. She was trained in the KGB style arts of seduction, persuasion, and manipulation. Then there were sources saying this. Everyone in LA is creating a narrative to further their own careers.

Hers just happens to be absolutely outrageous, and also a film that's already been made. So yes, she has lied to my face. I wondered what the truth was, and how do you even go about officially confirming someone was a former FSB seduction agent. After I watched these, Elia did give me photographs and documents and even let me speak to one of her former colleagues in Russia. But even the authenticity of these can't be proven. I also wondered something else. How much of some people's skeptical response to Elia comes from the fact that she's a woman presenting herself in a glamorous way online and selling information products. After all, for the men at the table on the night I met Elia, what was the proof that my friend Johnny Jr's family was in the Mafia? I come from a Mafia family. It's a real Mafia. Or that my other friend really held a high position he claims at the CIA. Best-selling author Chris Voss has made a career out of being a former FBI hostage negotiator, and he also sells information products online. I was an FBI hostage negotiator. It sounds like a cry for help, doesn't it?

But he's a man and wears a suit. So I called him to ask how often he's had to prove his identity. Here's his answer. Show credentials or prove that you were a former FBI agent. I haven't had anybody challenge me. So I made the decision to sit down with Alia and do something no one has ever done for her before. Give her a safe space to share her full story and to not just listen to it, but listen to truly understand and to support her telling of it. And then we can look at it all afterward. In order to do this properly, especially after what FBI agent Robin Drieke told me in the last episode-Because basically she's human trafficked is what she is. I took and completed a course in trauma-informed interviewing and consulted with everyone from intelligence agents to trauma counselors to social justice professors along the way. Let's just listen to Alia's powerful story over the course of these next episodes. Find experts, agents, and even targets to better understand the hidden world of Russian seduction spies and experience what may be one of the most unforgettable and disturbing accounts I've ever heard.

Note that for privacy considerations, alterations have been made to certain names, identifying features, and locations. Listen discretion is highly advised. Hello, everyone. My name is Dalia Rosa, and I was a former Russian spy. My My name is Delia Rosa, and I was a secret service agent in Russia. My name is Delia Rosa. I fled my country due to the last mission I worked as a secret service agent. Cool. Okay, cool. I do it. That's good for now. You're a Russian spy. Can you just take that once? You like it more? Everybody likes it. In fact, we never called each other spy. I mean, yeah, we were spying, but it's like... Spy is a movie thing. Like, Oh, spy. It's so sexy. But it wasn't just like, Okay, we were agents. Even in my diploma and in my certificate, it says agent. We don't call it other spies. But in fact, they would call it espionage. It's exactly what is spying. Is it in Russian, it's the same word? Yeah. It's like, spionage. They would say, like, spion, which is spy. So, spionage. Just because people talk a lot with Russia, were there poisons as well or not?

Oh, yes, absolutely. We studied all kinds of poisons. Where to put them, basically, where to place them. For example, you can pour some in a water or tea. How long will this poison affect the body? When the poison will disappear, so when the person will reduce that and they would do...How do you call it in English?Autopsie. Yeah. Autopsy? Then they wouldn't find anything. It would be just like, you don't know why this person died. Maybe a heart attack or whatever, or maybe something. Just like, happens. I tell Alia that it sounds not like a school for espionage, but a school for death. It's death.

You're like, I mean, death is so close. You always feel death that you... Okay, So once they give you the gun and you feel the gun in your hand, so you do understand you can kill. You have this power, and it's so addictive. I had to kill you. I'm really sorry. I had to do it. Got to go on my own. You Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay. And me, Simone Voice. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the Bright Side.

Episode 2, Chapter 4. Forbidden Emotions.

The President of the United States.

Good evening and Merry Christmas to all Americans across our great country. During these last few months, you and I have witnessed one of the greatest traumas of the 20th century, the historic and revolutionary transformation of a totalitarian dictatorship, the Soviet Union, and the liberation of its peoples. New independent nations have emerged out of the wreckage of the Soviet Empire. This act marks the end of the old Soviet Union, signified today by Mikhael Gorbachev's decision to resign as President.

I am ceasing my activities in the post of President of the USSR. And from the White House, President Bush salutes the man who presided over the end of the Soviet Union. I was born in Soviet Union, in USSR, the country which doesn't exist anymore. My parents coming from Central Asia. According to my DNA, I don't have any Russian blood inside of me. But Kazakhstan was part of USA, and when in 1991, USA was dissolved, my father and my family, we ended up living in Russia, in Moscow. We had our citizenship of Russia, but yet we have our heritage coming from Central Asia. I was born in a family of high-ranked officer of the military army. My father was working on the Department of Domestic Security, protecting city and country from criminal gangs coming from former USA countries. His father was a national hero, fighting against Nazi in Second War. Being a little girl, my dad would bring me to the main monument in Stalingrad, and he would show his father's name written on the wall with other heroes. At Stalingrad, German forces were locked in a deadly struggle with the city's beleaguered Red Army defenders.

In the terrible battle, half a million Nazi troops were killed, wounded or captured, and more than three quarters of a million Russians. Being a little girl I remember I looked at my dad going to the work, wearing this uniform, and every single evening when he would come back home, he would take me on his lap and he would tell me that I also should protect people one day and also would serve military one day to protect my country and my people. I was so proud of my dad, and I was so proud to be his daughter, and I just wanted him to be proud of me, too.

And so from a young age, Elia began receiving intense physical training from her father. Home became boot camp.

From six years old, every day, he would push me to do exercises, push-ups, and all this stuff. He would give me very heavy weights to lift, and he would tell me, Okay, so two kilometers. I don't know how many miles. Okay, you have to go with me. With very heavy stuff in my hands. I would be crying, and I was like, I cannot do it. It's so heavy. He's like, No, you do it. You cannot give up. Do it. I didn't have any other option. I had to go with him, follow him, and just slowly, slowly, I became a really strong girl.

Physical strength and endurance were not enough for Elia's father. He also trained her to be strong mentally. When she came home from elementary school, Elia would sit on the floor at her father's feet while he taught her his unique lessons.

The most important technique which my dad taught me is always stay cold-blooded, always stay very focused on the main goal and never be emotional. You have to train your mind wherever comes any stressful situation in your life, but you always stay cold-blooded. For example, if something would happen, I don't know, my toy was broken or something, I literally was not allowed to cry, so I couldn't be emotional. I could cry only in the night so nobody could see my tears.

And then one day, when she was 12, Elia discovered her passion.

I remember one day we were driving, and we were driving through the forest, and he said, Would you like try to shoot from gun? I remember the first moment I took a gun, and it was heavy and cold, but it was really powerful. He had another gun which was my favorite. It's much faster. It's more effective. It's called Stete. Instead of Pistaled Makarow, which is Gun Makarow, it's common. Everybody using it, but Tete gun is It was one of my favorite. I had that excitement that I'm holding this special weapon, like a hero to protect other innocent or weak people.

Much of the training Alia received from her father, from shooting guns to hiding her true thoughts and emotions, unintentionally prepared her to be, what they call in Russia, a swallow or a seduction spy. Because of the connotations of the word swallow in America, it was changed in its translation here to another bird, a sparrow. This was definitely not the type of military work that Alia's father had imagined for his daughter.

My father comes from Muslim family, but in the US, there were no religion, so we wouldn't go to mosques or wherever or keep traditions. But as a Muslim man, he would be really strict to my mom and to me, too. We would always serve him. You know what I mean? Serve the man. Myself, for example, daughters, they have to, when they will marry, they have to be virgin. Before their marriage, they cannot have any sexual relationship with anyone. My father didn't allow me to go out. My father didn't allow me to have friends, not even boyfriends or whatever. I was even more shy. I was not allowed to wear makeup or nail polish, super short skirts or something like that. If I would go out with my friend and I would be late for five minutes, my father would literally beat me with his belt. So I was honestly, I was scared of him very much.

In high school in Moscow, because she was different, Elia was picked on relentlessly.

I was bullied in my skull all the time because I was one Asian girl studying with all these beautiful blonde, blue- Eyes girls. I had pimples all over my face. I had big lenses, glasses. I had long hair. I was dressed really badly because, again, my dad didn't allow me to wear short skirts or dresses. I felt awful. That was my childhood. Even though I was physically strong and I could really beat them up, all of them, but I just was not confident. I was just an ugly duckling.

When Elia graduated high school at age 17, she went to a university like most of her classmates. However, as soon as she turned 18, the minimum age to join the military, her father did something that wouldn't be possible in America. He stormed into the university in his military uniform, made the administrators hand over Elia's records, and forcibly, withdraw her from college.

I remember that moment when he went to the university, he took my papers, literally like that. In that city where we lived, he was like a big name. So he took out all my papers and he said, No, you have to go to the military because this is our life, this is our path, and That's it.

Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay. And me, Simone Voce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.

Chapter 5, War Crimes.

Warning. The following contains graphic descriptions of violence and sexual assault that may be too intense or triggering to some listeners.

Discretion is advised.

Is there anything that makes the Russian military and its culture different than the other militaries you've seen and covered?

In my experience in working in places where there has been the presence of the Russian military, whether that be Syria or in Ukraine, it's just an incredibly really brutal military.

It's a very menacing- This is Holly McKay, a leading journalist who's investigated war crimes and violence against women in Russia, Ukraine, Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, and dozens of other countries.

Sort of war crimes that have happened, especially in Ukraine. Just, again, the cold-blooded killing, the treatment of civilians or of prisoners of war is just really on another level that I often have just never seen in my My time as a war reporter. Mind you, Russian society, it's a very brainwashed society in many ways. Whatever the Kremlin says goes. I think any time you believe that you have the righteous power or that somehow whatever you're doing is for the great of good, you can justify any horrible behavior against another individual.

Before we begin the story of Alia's time in the military, which is disturbing on a number of levels. This context is important because being a spy or a secret agent may sound glamorous, but not when you're a woman in the Russian military. I'm just curious, any context you can provide on what it's like to be a woman in the Russian military or intelligence.

It's about 4.2% of the entire forces are made up of women. From everything that I've heard and people that I've interviewed myself, It's just an extremely hostile environment to work in. I know even with the US military, it's a very hard slog for women. So many face sexual assault. But in the Russian military, I want to say that that is significantly even more intense and even higher. One particular woman that I remember interviewing back in 2017 when I was doing some work in Moscow, and she had been Russian military medic.

Holly tells the story of this interviewee who was subjected to continued sexual abuse and harassment in the Russian military and made to serve as what they euphemistically call a fieldwife to her commanders.

In and out. She was just one example of someone who had suffered so much of that internal trauma. Nothing was necessarily related to the combat. She didn't see combat herself. But just being in that environment for a decade of her very young life, I think it really destroyed her. I think she's probably just one example of many that once you get in, it's very difficult to get out. There is this mentality of where the military wants to break you. That can be done in so many different ways. I think for women, that's often manifest itself in sexual assault.

It seems that there's a lot of power and control that if you don't comply with this, we're going to ruin your entire in your life and your future because this is a career path for the people in it.

Yeah, absolutely. You have very few levels of recourse to complain about what happened, to file a complaint, to speak to a supervisor. That will destroy you in your career much more than it's going to destroy a perpetrator. So you're better off just to shut up and be quiet about it and try to get through it, which, of course, manifestsates itself in trauma in the end. But that is certainly the experience of of what I've heard with most women in the Russian military. But I personally have never heard of any repercussion against a Russian soldier for sexual assault or rape against a fellow combat troupe.

And so, against this horrible backdrop, we return to Alia's story and her internship at the Department of Criminal criminal investigations, a prerequisite before beginning her formal military training. Because of the gravity of what follows, Alia's story will be shared in its entirety as she first told it without any interruptions. For many like Elia, it's important not to minimize or dilute the severity of these types of experiences. Please note that what she discloses here is very graphic and may be disturbing to some listeners.

Do The day my dad took me and introduced me to this department, to my future colleagues, my future commander. I remember the day very well. I was confused and I tried to do my best. I wanted to look good, of course, in terms of my intellectual abilities, and I just wanted to be a good employee and I was a good agent, and I was ready to study, and I was really driven. I had these romantic feelings about my job. Oh, my God, I will protect people. I will do my best. I will serve my country. That's amazing. I want to be that hero like my grandfather was. In that department, there were about 50 agents, and only me was a female one. So all these 49 guys looked at me in the way like, Oh, a new meet. And I didn't realize basically that I was that, a deer surrounded by wolves. I didn't realize because I was too young. And to an experienced as a woman. Just a few days later, when I was accepted as an intern and I had to start my job routine and I had to just learn and see what is it about and everything, somebody called to our home number.

It was 08:00 PM, and I was reading a book I remember I was preparing to go to sleep. My dad picked up the phone and he spoke with someone and I heard, Yes, okay, I understand. Yes, she'll be right back. She'll be Yeah, she'll be there. Okay, she'll take taxi. She'll come. Then my dad came and he said to me, Your colleague just called and they said it's a huge murder, so everybody have to come and try to help to find out killers and murders. You have to go and help your department. So get ready. Do it immediately. I came to the department. It was about 8:30. I didn't know, right? It was my first alarm ever. I don't know what's going on. I just saw only one guy there, one of my colleagues, my agent, who was that time about maybe 27, 28, something like that. I came and said, Hey, all right. I received the call. He said, Yeah, I called you that. I'm like, Okay, I'm ready to do. Okay, so what do I need to do? He didn't tell me anything. I was like, Why is he so quiet? What's going on?

Then I looked at the department, everything was dark. No other agents, no lights. Every room is closed. Every office's room is so close. I asked him why no one is in the department. Where are everybody? He's like, Oh, everybody's on their own spot, so don't worry about it. He asked me, Do you want to drink? I'm like, Drink? First of all, I don't drink. I was not allowed to drink alcohol, obviously. Second, what drink? I mean, we're supposed to work, right? I asked him, No, I don't think you. He said, Come here to that room because everything is closed. So I entered the room and I saw a table, I saw couch, and I saw a lamp which was in a dark mode, so it's not too bright. And I saw vodka on the table and some snacks. And slowly, I started to think that this is not what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to work. I'm supposed to be on the alarm. I'm supposed to do my job. But this is not... There is nothing like that. I had this thought that something going on, but I couldn't understand what. And he just came to me so close that I could feel his breath, and I understood that he had been drinking.

And that moment, Okay, should I run? What should I do? I don't know. And then I started to think, Wait a minute, how can I run? Because he closed the door with the keys, and I don't have the keys. I cannot open the door to get out. What I'm supposed to do? Beat him? I cannot beat him. He's bigger than me two times. I'm very petite, 110 pounds, and he is like, huge guy, two times bigger than me. How is he supposed to run? And I mean, how is he supposed to escape? And I started to think about it. So it's just like, very quickly and rapidly, all these thoughts came into my mind, and I just understood that, I don't know what to do. There is no way to get out. And he took his hand and he put his hand on my neck. I couldn't move because he pushed his body on my body close to the wall, so I couldn't even move anywhere. He said, There are two options. Number one, either you fuck with me right now, and number two, I'll still fuck you, but I don't want to leave bruises on your body.

And if you think that you will go and complain to your daddy, this is not happening. Because you know why? Because you don't want your daddy go to jail, right? Don't you? And I'm like, No. He said, And you cannot go to police. I'm the power. I'm the government person. You can't do anything. Do you understand? And I just nod my head. And he said, Okay, so would you choose? And I said, But wait, listen, first of all, I'm virgin. I'm coming from a very religious family. I don't know anything about it. And he said, Well, even better for me. That day, I had a period. I didn't even use tampoons. So I was using pads because I was virgin. So I said, This is not pleasant for you at all. I have a period. I can't do that anyway. I said, Let's do it another time, right? I'll come another day and we'll do it. I'm still here. I work here. I'm not running away or something. So I tried to call to his logical mindset to make him to think that it doesn't make any sense. And he said to me, Hey, what do you think you'll bullshit me?

Are you stupid? At that moment, I understood that it just doesn't work. He just grabbed my small body, and he pushed me so strong to the couch. He just jumped on me, and he jumped on me so hard that I felt that all my legs and everything, I'm in pain because basically, he jumped on me and I felt like his bones on my bones. I thought like he basically almost broke my knees. I was thinking, Okay, so if I will scream, there is no one in this building. So even if I will scream, there's no one really to come. And she just looked into my eyes and he said that, Just make it fast. It's all dependent from you. And I started to cry. And he said, I don't care if you cry. I was wearing a skirt. He just threw away my panties with my pad. And immediately, he just tried to put his penis, and he couldn't do it because I had the virgin hammam, and And I was super dry, of course. And he couldn't just basically go inside. And he started to scream at me. He said to me, Open yourself.

Let me in. And I just couldn't do anything. And I said, I can't. I was just crying and screaming, I cannot do it. I cannot do it. And he started to beat me. He said, I couldn't beat your face because it's obvious bruises, and you have to come to your job tomorrow, and you have to be very quiet about what happened. So I know how to beat without leaving any evidence. So he started to beat my stomach and it was painful. And he said, If you won't let me in, you'll be in pain even longer. I'll beat you till your fucking death. Open your fucking legs. I just understood that I cannot do anything, and I just had to let him go inside and just rape me. The moment I relaxed my body, he rapidly just went inside, and it was so painful, and I screamed. I screamed because it was unexpected pain. I felt that pressure inside of me. That moment, everything I read in the books or everything I've heard about about sex. I was like, Wait a minute, this is sex? This is painful and disgusting. It cannot be a pleasure. I don't understand.

This is so This is so bad. He did come quite quick, thank God. The moment he did come, He just jumped out of me and I was so... I just wanted to run away and I had clothes all over. My blows was ripped and My skirt was somewhere and everything was in blood. He left into the toilet, I suppose. I was thinking, I need to get the hell out right now because I don't want to see him. I just need to get out. I don't know where the keys are, so I have to ask him to open the door and everything. Somebody knocked the door. Somebody came and I said, Fuck, why didn't they fucking came just two minutes ago when he could stop? It was such a bad luck. That guy was still in the bathroom, and he went out. He ran into the opening the door, and he told me, If you will tell anyone about this, I'll make sure that you'll never see the next day. Do you understand? And I looked into his eyes and I understood that he's not joking. This is not a joke. He's serious. And I just said, Yeah.

He said, Okay. And I'm just like, I need to go home because my dad is waiting. I need to go home. Like, Yeah, Go. I just ran. I was so broken and devastated. And I remember When I left the department running back home, the only one thought I had, How can I leave that no one will notice what really happened to me? Because when I went to the bus, I I thought that everybody looked at me that I just had blood all over myself. I was thinking, How can I hide it from my dad so he wouldn't notice or ask me anything? How can I live with this pain inside of me? I can't cry. I cannot show it. How can I live with this? With this disappointment, right? It's everything, wherever I believed, all these romances. He's supposed to be a good guy in the story. He's an agent. How could this officer, a military officer, who protects people from criminal, how could he reap me? I told myself that moment that the revenge will come and karma will do the best for him. And eventually, it did.

Elia's story continues in episode three.

If you live with wolves, you have to become one of wolves.

Available now, along with all eight episodes of To Die For, Volume One. Continue listening for free on Apple Podcasts. For full credits, check out our show notes. If you or a loved one are a survivor of sexual assault, you can visit Raine. Org, that's R-A-I-N-N. Org, or call 1-800-656-4673 for free confidential 24/7 support.

Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken from truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.

Podcasts. Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robé. And me, Simone Voce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.