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When I spoke yesterday for seven and a half hour, I realized that it's still there. It didn't heal, you know, it didn't. It's still fucking, like, painful fuck.

Aaliyah Rosa has returned to my home to continue telling her story. Yesterday, she had a seven and a half hour therapy session. Part of living with PTSD is never knowing when a small incident, even as in Aaliyah's case at a friend's birthday dinner, can send you spiraling into a dark place.

When I'm sharing my story, I want to send a message that everyone who suffers needs a professional support. And, you know, it's really difficult to heal after a big trauma. And that's why my therapist took 7 hours instead of just one. You ask me like, I want to understand you. I want to be you. Who am I? I don't know. I thought I knew. I thought, like, oh, like, I'm this. I walk the red carpets, and I am building this business, and I'm so successful everybody say, but in reality, actually, I'm not. I'm still that girl who was raped and abused and went through that without even understanding. Why would I even do that? Why would I go to the military? Why I had to let this colonel, like, took advantage of me every single time. And why would I train my brain to, like, having sex with him, even though I didn't? And every single man, I had to go and seduce and do all these missions every single time. I always closed that feeling that, what the fuck are you doing? Why would you do that? And I would say, well, I do it for good.

You know how amazing it sounds when I would say myself, I'm saving someone lives. I'm saving the world. That's why I sacrificed my body for this mission.

I have to kill you. I'm really sorry. I had to do it. Gotta go on my own. You didn't guess the behind. I was loving my gown. Got you. I tell you, I have to kill you.

Episode six chapter 13 tears of weakness.

Every day, we had gun shooting classes, and we would go to the shooting range almost every day. I had to see that colonel, and I didn't know how to behave. And he always looked at me in this weird way. And then a few lessons.

Aaliyah had left off her last interview with a story of her lessons on seduction and honey trapping. But while the teachers in that class expected her to use her body to serve the state, there were other officers who expected her to use her body to serve them. So, life at the academy was unsafe for Aaliyah, and there was no escape or way out, at least so it seemed.

And then after three lessons, one of the student came and said, like the colonel, so and so calls you to come to his office. And I was like, shit. When I was walking in the hallway, I remember I felt really lost. I knocked the door. He invited me to the room, and he told me to sit down. So I sat down in the chair, and he asked me, so, how is my lessons, my educational progress going on? And I said, well, it's going okay. I study, I suppose. Well. But then he said, you know, I can improve your life. Right now, your life here is not that casual and easier. You work as every other students. But I can help you with many things, and I can help you with the next, like, job positions. I'm very powerful. You know it. I said, yes, sir, I know. And he said that there is a special department which was established recently by President Putin, and they're looking for new, very professional, very clever, educated, agents. And he said that I can refer you to this department, and it's really high level job position. And I'm thinking, wow, this would be great, I guess.

And he said to me that I can refer you and just take off your clothes. And I understood something that moment. I understood. First of all, if I want to survive here without any male student, just come to my dorm and just take advantage of my body. And this Cornell is the main teacher. If I will have, like, protection from him, then nobody will touch me.

Fortunately, Aaliyah's training was all about seducing and controlling men with more power than herself. But would it work on the predator who had sent her to that training?

Second, I remembered when our female teacher said in the class, you will be dealing with criminals. So how can you make criminal to commit to you and falling in love with you? And she told us, there is, like, you know, step by step strategy which you can use. So I was thinking, I don't want to be used just like body, but if I have to, I will do it, but I will do it on my conditions. If I have to play your game, like, eventually I'll win. And I started the game.

And so Aaliyah studied her seduction lessons with extra diligence, with the intention of using these techniques not just to protect her country, but to protect herself. The first step of this game was making herself stand out as more than another student for the colonel to abuse, but as someone who he saw as more special, with greater potential.

I had to plant in his hat a seed that potentially I could be his protege and I could be that special for him close to his heart. And I didn't know by that time if I could do it or not. But I thought, you know what? Let me just use these techniques, you know, practice it on him, and let's see what will happen.

She immediately began developing and executing this plan step by step. It started with a lesson she learned on the first day of class.

It was a long process. First of all, I had to train my brain to like him. I had to show him that I really enjoyed, which I didn't, of course. So I put on my wall his photo, and I started to look at him and trying to find some sort of positive things he may have, but he didn't. So I tried to trick my brain, telling my brain that he's not so bad. You know, he's still educating, like many students, to be the best agents, and he helps them. I would say he was a good man at some point, like, somewhere. So it helped me to look at him in a way where I would respect him for his kind of actions. I wouldn't respect him what he did to me or some other girls.

It's uncomfortable to hear the story of a victim training herself to like her abuser, but tragically, this can be the norm in a society where predators have absolute power over victims who have no other recourse. In the Gulag archipelago, author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's famous book on the soviet prison camps, he tells this story of what happened to women there.

Attractiveness was a curse. Such a woman had a constant stream of visitors on her bunk and was constantly surrounded. They propositioned her and threatened her with beatings and knives, and she had no hope of being able to stand up against it, but only to be smart about whom she gave in to. To pick the kind of man to defend her with his name and his knife. From all the rest from the next in line from the whole greed queen.

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After Aaliyah convinced herself to start liking the monster who would hopefully become her protector, the next step was to brainwash him into liking her.

I started from compliments. Female teachers said that every compliment has to be very authentic and it has to be very related to what man does in his life, not the way he looks. So man really appreciates compliments when it goes towards his actions. Man connects with you faster. Every time I would see my colonel, I would tell him some compliments like that so he would get used to it.

As Aaliyah's plan progressed, she attacked the one vector on which almost all men are vulnerable, even when, like the colonel, they know the game. And that vector is the male ego.

My colonel, by that time, he was 48. So for him, it was very important about his sex performance. And I had to put into his brain that the sex performance was so amazing to me. I created that situation for him where I said, I'm so grateful for giving me such an amazing experience and amazing pleasure, because I have never had it before. Instead of telling him, you bastard, you, like, almost raped me, and you take advantage of my body every single time. I made it opposite because I told him the story about my first sex experience when I was raped by my colleague. And I said that I couldn't feel anything, and I felt so bad, and I, you know, I thought, like, sex doesn't have any, like, pleasure. And now I know how to feel pleasure. And I would just say to him from that perspective, where he is just a sex guru, a sex machine, you know, who can perform any moment, any time, that he's just amazing.

Complimenting the colonel sexually, though, was not enough. However, it built up enough trust so that aaliyah could start flattering him emotionally as well.

I wrote a letter. It was full of compliments. I started from the words, I really appreciate having you in my life, because I've been so lonely and I didn't know anything. And in this letter, I shared a little bit the story where I felt like a victim, and he helped me to go through my traumatic experience. In fact, he didn't. But I made him in this story to be a hero. Because the female teacher said, if you create a story and you make your target to be a hero, in your story where he saves you, he feels good about himself. It was not real, but you made him to be this hero.

Meanwhile, the classes continued, and the techniques became more and more physical. Every time Aaliyah took notes on what would work on the colonel.

Because there were five girls in the class, we did massages to each other. One of the massages was, like, sexy massage, how to give pleasure during massage to men or women. Also, there are certain dots on the body, certain spots which you need to pressure, because we would call it, like, dots of sexuality and dots of honesty and also dots of killing, like when you can basically kill by this pressuring these spots. But if you pressure, if you touch the spots of honesty and sexuality, then your target most likely will have strong connection with you. And then your target can tell you any information and basically trust you.

The massage techniques Aaliyah learned were mixed with the teachings of NLP, or neuro linguistic programming, specifically a concept called anchoring. Ironically, this exact technique was also part of the book I wrote about how pickup artists work in the United States. Here's an explanation of that technique from the audiobook. Two timer leaned over and whispered, that's anchoring. It's when you associate a physical feeling like attraction with a touch or gesture. Now, every time Ross raises his hand like that, she gets attracted to him. And as this pickup artist was anchoring women he was trying to date in La Aliyah at almost the exact same time in the early two thousands, was doing this to the colonel to save herself from these types of men.

There is one important thing which I did to him. That's why he wanted to see me every day. I put an anchor with the positive memory into his brain. It's exactly how our female teacher told us to do. So. When I was doing massage, I said, well, I want you to relax, close your eyes and memorize the best day of your life. The best. When you felt so good, so amazing and so happy. And he started to remember that day when he was awarded with his colonel rank. And he said it was a parade and he was very proud of himself and it was one of the best days of his life. And when he was telling me that when I was doing massage, I was pressing some bodied spots. So next time, if you touch the same spots, he will remember again good memories. This is the anchor.

The next step was for a leah to connect herself to those good memories, to get the colonel to make a personal emotional attachment to her.

So I asked some of, you know, students and I've heard some of the conversations that my colonel had similar background as me. He was sent by his dad to the military. And I decided to take it as tool to connect him with me. His brain will think that I can trust her because she had the same background. So I started to share my life story and I said, well, you know, my father as, you know, like, he sent me here and my grandfather was national hero. And I said, you know, I just feel so obliged that they have to be proud of myself. And I feel like I'm so weak and I'm so, so inexperienced and I just feel so lost and so lonely. And I started to cry, you know, like these tears, like women tears, the tears of weakness, because every man wants to see that he's stronger than a woman. And strength of woman is in her weakness. So I sat on the sofa and I started to cry like just like a little mouse. You know, without, like, being too hysterical or too dramatic.

Aaliyah's plan worked, and soon the colonel was consoling her by sharing his own experiences growing up with a father who also sent him to the military when he was a teenager.

When I was sitting and pretending that I'm crying, I was thinking, this is exactly what I wanted. So he started to relate his story to my life. And I asked him, but, yeah, but how would you become so powerful and so successful? I don't have any idea how to do it. I said, I want to be like you. I want to be the female version of yourself because I admire you so much. You're just perfect. Please help me. What can I do? And that moment, I looked into his eyes, and it was important to read his reaction when I would tell him this word. And I saw that arising desire to teach me and help me. That stood the moment where I understood that he's on board.

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Chapter 14 the assignment as aaliyahs seduction escalated, so too did the teachings in her classes. Until one day, as you started to hear at the end of episode four, she walked into the room to discover an unusual scene set up even for this place.

In every table we had Dilda, we had lubricant and condoms. I was, I was really shocked. Then our female teacher said, today we have a special lesson, and this is very powerful techniques which I will just show you if you want to terminate your target, it's very important. So you need to write everything wherever I'm telling you and then practice it on your dildo the way she explained to us, she said, every man, pride is in his lower body part. She opened the condom, she put the condom on the dildo, and we placed our dildos, and we put on the top of the condom, and we just looked at her. She started explaining that knowing how to make your target, to have an orgasm according the time you want, it's very important.

Aaliyah goes on to explain in more depth how the teacher taught them to count out a rhythm and slow down or speed up in order to control the exact moment when their target would orgasm and thus be at his most vulnerable. She then covered other techniques designed to get a man to surrender his logical mind to desire.

Very important for us was to give our target the understanding that it could be the best sex experience in his life. So he had to be hooked on it, and he would want to give something for this experience. Because we were not prostitutes, we were not hookers. Our mission was to get information out of our targets and hook them on our skills. I understood if I want to be the best, I have to learn it. But she said, you shouldn't do it quite often, so you should just give some teas that you can do it, and you can reward him by doing that when he does something to you. For example, if your target gives the information you need, you can reward him with the very special oral sex techniques which he never experienced before. If he doesn't do it, then it could be just sex without oral sex. You know, you give me information, I give you perfect oral sex.

Aaliyah clarifies that there were two different situations for which he was taught these techniques. The first was to kill a target.

I learned that if you know how to do perfect oral sex, it's one of the biggest power you can have over men. By just knowing this, you can easily kill your target.

The second was to get a target to trust you and give you regular information without ever knowing you're an undercover agent. And it was these techniques that would allow Aaliyah to actually shift her power relationship with the colonel so that she started to become the one with the control.

But if you need your target to trust you and to believe you and you need to get some information, you must make him to believe that you trust him first when he's releasing and you touching him in his, like, neck or like, somewhere very private, then that moment, the body remembers this touch. So the next time, if you want him again to get hard or give you information or do something you need, you touch that spot. That's it. When you say words, you are the best man in my life. I trust you. I'll always be here for you. I love you. Like, all this. Worse. I mean, all this total bullshit. But, yeah, it works.

At the end of the class, the moment came that Aaliyah dreaded most. The teacher's homework assignment. The goal of this one was a degree of brainwashing. It was evil, even for here. To desensitize these young students to the.

Act of sex, she said, you have to be sexually opened. Very open. So when you have sex with your target, you wouldn't be attached. And in order not to be attached, you have to have sex with many, many partners. So for you, sex wouldn't be a big event in your life. It would be like, normal daily routine. She just said, like, well, you need to have, like, as more sex partners. And it's easy. You have, like, full house of, like, practicing tools. Just go and practice. Basically.

After the class, Aaliyah went to see the colonel again. And for the first time, she had something she needed him to protect her from.

When I spoke with him, he asked me, okay, so what did you learn? Like, did you already started to learn, like, oral sex techniques? And I said, well, yeah, we started. So he said, okay, so what exactly did she teach you? So when I would show him the way I was taught, he would correct me and say, oh, like, she doesn't give you all the techniques. Or, like, ask about this technique. Or, like, you should practice more. This is the way you should do it.

This moment, when the colonel stepped into the role of mentor and Aaliyah as protege, created an opportunity for Leah to ask for her first favor.

I told him about my teacher, my major, who said that we should have, like, different partners. And I said that I am not really into that, because I just. I want you, only you, as my sex partner. I don't want anyone to take me. I just want only you. That moment, I wanted to trigger and play on his ego. It's only you.

The colonel took the bait and made his first move toward protecting Aaliyah. But there were consequences, because it turned out that the major who was teaching Leah's class was also sleeping with the colonel.

So after that conversation, then the major found out that I sleep with her lover, basically because he told her, you can educate her, but do not give her this task and don't send her to any other desks. That's where it was. The point when she started to hate me.

There was a clear motive for the hate, the tactics. The major had taught Aalyah were working all too well on the colonel. Soon, Aaliyah didn't even have to ask him to protect her. He did it on his own and in his own way.

There was a moment where I started to be very important to him, like dear to his heart, where he asked me the name and the department where my colleague who raped me works. That's the moment I understood that he cared about me. So I did it right. So all these techniques which I implemented on him, which I used on him, I thought, like, it does work.

That's all. Aaliyah thought about it at the time. But then several months later, she received the news.

A few months later, my colleague from the same department where I had my internship, he told me that my former colleague who raped me was found dead in his apartment, and the police stated that it was a suicide. I don't know. I had thoughts that it may not be suicide. Perhaps my colonel had some involvement in his death.

Aaliyah's story continues in episode seven, available now. Continue listening for free on Apple Podcasts. For full credits, check out our show notes.

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Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR black stories, black truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.