Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's black stories black truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories black truths on the I heart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

In the York, detective Louis Scarcella locked up the worst criminals, putting bad guys away.

There's no feeling like it.

Then jailhouse lawyers took aim. Led by Derek Hamilton, Scarcella took me to the precinct and lied. 20 men eventually walked free. Now in the Burden podcast. After a decade of silence, Louis Scarcella finally tells his story. And so does Derek Hamilton. Listen to the burden on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All eight episodes of to die for are available now to binge absolutely free. But for ad free listening and exclusive bonuses, subscribe to Tenderfoot plus@tenderfootplus.com or on Apple Podcasts.

Warning. The following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.

Listener discretion is advised.

Samarajinia aliyah bola trodoli bibum yes, raniava. The voice you hear is that of Aliyah Rose's father. We've asked him to tell us about Aliyah in his own words.

So he's like saying, from very early childhood, I would train her mentally training and physical training.

She was like, this is Aliyah translating her father's words with some editorial comments.

We always like, every day we would speak about patriotism. Like, what is it to be a real patriot? And then he's not saying, I push her to enroll. He's like, and I'm so proud that she followed my steps and she became like a military.

To this day, however, Aaliyah has never told her father that she wasn't just trained at the academy to fight the country's enemies, but to sleep with them.

This training, he says, really, he doesn't know about the missions. So all these trainings were so good for her life because she's traveled the world, and now she's successful entrepreneur, and so I'm very proud of her.

This approval means everything to Aliyah, even today. So the biggest risk she feels she's taking with this podcast is not upsetting Putin or even the US government. It's upsetting her father.

If my father would find out about this seduction program, it would probably kill him.

I have to kill you. I'm really sorry. I have to do it. That I go on my own. You didn't get nothing. I was holding my. I had to kill you. Was it all my.

Dye'S training? The military academy neared its end. The colonel was fully protecting her, not just from the other predatory men there, but from almost everything.

I stopped doing this hard work, standing all night and protecting our academy. I wouldn't go to the kitchen anymore and peel thousand potatoes and cook for everybody and wash all these huge pants. But the most important, that nobody were picking on me from male students. They looked at me, but in another way, so, like, okay, so she's protected. I can't touch her. And even that guy who took advantage of me in the beginning of the education, he couldn't even look at me because he knew if I would complain to the coroneal about what he did with me before, he would be just fired straight. But I didn't. I don't know why. Everybody in the academy by that time already knew that I had relationship with Cornell, and I was Hayes protege. And everybody knew that major was fired because of me as well. So nobody could mess with me.

That spring, Aliyah completed her examinations. As she prepared in her dorm room for graduation, she noticed that she was no longer the same person who her father had dropped off at the academy the year before.

We had to wear this, like, official uniform for parade. So I got dressed. I remember I had a really nice jacket with golden buttons and skirt. Cornell brought me high heels, beautiful boots. So I put on a cap, I put makeup on with the red lipstick, and I looked at the mirror, but it was another woman. It's a big change from the girl who just entered this building. I became a woman in just one year. I looked at Demiro, and I saw my dad in Demiro telling me, I'm so proud of you. I went downstairs, we lined up in front of our teacher, and each of us had to come to him, take an oath and salute him. And we would have to tell him, slujoa techestu. I swear, and I promise to serve my country. And we all did. Like a marsh. And it was beautiful. I had pride that I did it. I survived somehow. Now I can go home, and I can be proud of myself. And hopefully my dad will be proud of myself, too. Knowing that I can kill, knowing that I can seduce anyone, knowing that my target, that coronel, he was, like, literally, like, kissing my feet.

That moment, I felt so strong and so powerful, so clever.

But Aliyah's excitement about beating the system was only temporary because graduation meant that she was now trapped in an even bigger system, a life sentence in the russian military.

So I didn't feel free. I felt even more involved. I was official part of the system.

One thing that made this easier is that the colonel's reach extended beyond the academy, and he promised to protect Aliyah in her career and in the assignments that would follow. As Aaliyah recalls, he told her, I'm.

Here for you, to help you, and I will protect you, so you don't need to go to all these risky missions. You will have a good office in the department, and everybody will respect you, and you will have your high rank very soon. So he was giving me all these promises, and he was in love. And Cornell asked me to call him daddy. That powerful man could have sex with any female students, could organize orgies with other students, see how it's changing. So he wanted me to call him daddy. So I called him daddy.

We will unpack this power dynamic more later in this episode. In the meantime, to ensure that everything went well in Aliyah's new position at the investigation department of the Bureau of Internal affairs, the colonel showed up and spoke to her commander there.

He came to the department. Everybody saluted him because he had much higher rank. And he spoke with my commander. I don't know what they were talking in that room, but after that meeting, everybody was speaking with me with the highest respect. And I had my separate room from everyone. And I had just a good, mellow days. I had to answer some calls and write some documents, and that's it. Nobody could tell me anything. Summer was the easiest and relaxing till something happened.

That something happened in late July when Aliyah left the office one evening.

So I go home and I come in to my house where my parents and my younger sister are. And I mean, Neil, it's so hard to talk about it. Fuck. I open the door, and I see my mom being very angry at me, and I don't understand. She doesn't tell me why my dad was not at home that moment. And my mom, she started to basically beat me. And she was screaming, you are such an embarrassment. You're not my daughter anymore. How could you do this? And I was, like, thinking, like, what exactly does she mean? She said, get out from here. I just took my cell phone with me, and I couldn't take anything else, and I left. I didn't know where to go, and I couldn't come back.

Aliyah soon discovered that the major, the seduction teacher who'd been dating the colonel, had taken her revenge.

It was painful to realize that that woman called to my dad and told him that I'm behaving like a whore. I am dating a colonel, and I am an embarrassment, and I failed my mission.

Everything Aliyah had done up to this point, joining the military, working to be a hero and defend her country, had been done to please her father, to earn his approval. And now she just lost it, possibly forever. And even worse, Aliyah had only one place to turn.

I didn't know where to go and what to do. I didn't have money. I was just on the street. I called my only one friend I had. I said, listen, Mike, I don't know where to go. And she said, you should call to your coronel. He has to take care about you. This is all because of him. So I called him, and I was crying. I said, my parents find out about our relationship, and they kick me out. So I don't have anywhere to go. And he said, like, stay there. I'm coming to get you. So he came quite quick. He got a hotel from me for, like, a few weeks, and then he said, I will look for your apartment. Don't worry. He gave me some money, and I stayed in that hotel. My dad never called me. At some point, I felt really grateful for the colonel, for what he's done, that he came and he helped me and he protected me, and I explained him the situation, and he said, you know what? Don't blame your dad. It's okay. He needs some time to digest this. It will be fine. But I didn't feel fine.

I felt betrayed. I felt lonely. And then at the same time, I thought, maybe it's better like it is. My father would never understand or would never forgive himself for what I've experienced already. So I didn't want him to blame himself about it. I just stayed silenced, alone, scared. It's almost like it was beneficial for the coronel that my parents rejected me because in this situation, he could have his power on me, on my life and the whole dependence. And who knows? Maybe he asked the major to call my parents. I don't know.

Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, black truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the black experience, and stories should never be about us. Without us. Find NPR Black stories, black truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts bring a little optimism into.

Your life with the bright side, a new kind of daily podcast from hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robet and me, Simone Boyce.

Every weekday we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast. The bright side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives. Shine a light on little advice that they want to share.

Listen to the bright side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the bright side.

Chapter 18 the KGB resort.

I look at her as this super badass woman, but at the same time, it is this child I see, this little aliyah that is still seeking this acceptance and this love from her father.

This is Emily Makis, a trauma healer who is one of several counselors that Aaliyah's been working with. Aaliyah has given her permission to speak openly and help provide some context to this difficult moment in her life.

The father is like the gps that is the portal to the world of men. So when we have an abusive or disconnected emotionally father, there is an impact in the way we see other men, in the way we even going to choose, and we are going to connect with men.

Now add to this, Emily explains a situation where Leah is literally trapped in the same environment with her abuser with no authority figure to trust and nowhere else to turn for protection. And the situation gets much more complex.

When you look at the Stockholm syndrome or even trauma bonding, there is an emotional tie that can develop between the victim and the abuser. There is this cycle of kindness and mistreatment in the relationship. And for her, when the parents just put her out and she has absolutely nowhere to go, there is nothing that she knows than going to the person that is a superior at work and there is an emotional connection with that person, even though he's an abuser.

I ask Emily about the parallels between Aliyah's father, who's an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer, and the colonel, who is also an abusive, high ranking, powerful military officer who wants Aliyah to call him daddy.

When you look at Aaliyah, specifically her story and what happened with her father, there is what we call the repetition compulsion. When there is this need to repeat the same painful pattern that you learn at a very young age. Because when someone experiences complex trauma when a child basic need is not met, it creates what we call the maladaptive patterns of behavior in relationship, and especially that her colonel was asking her to call her daddy, then it's even clearer why she would even run to him when she needed help.

It's important to clarify that none of this is Aaliyah's fault in any way. The responsibility lands clearly on the colonel and her father. The point is to explain why Aliyah may have had actions and feelings that don't seem logical to those of us who haven't had her experience. Abuse is much more complicated to heal from. When the perpetrator repeats a childhood pattern we had with the father we loved. Sometimes she's talking about the colonel, like we said, with tenderness. And other times, like, fuck him, he abused me.

Yes, I would say when she's really having this conversation consciously, like, she's. No, no. He did wrong by me. But there is the unconscious part, and if you look at Aliyah, there is a lot of dissociation. So when she is in that place, that's where she talks about him with tenderness, because there was a dysfunctional but an emotional attachment to that person to be called daddy by her, it just perpetuates something that was very familiar to her.

She sort of. Has this just been abused by authority figures? In a sense, whether it's her father's authority figure, the colonel's authority figure, even just the whole military, Russia, serve the fatherland as an authority figure.

There is so much more that she needs to unpack, and she's genuine. This is what I feel. I believe she's going to be happy, and she can heal absolutely, 150%. And she's in her journey. So if you can remind her, just like you are still doing therapy, it's an ongoing journey. There are so many layers to look at. The fact that you created that space where she felt safe, and when we create that space where people can just unpack and they feel safe to whatever needs to come, they are held, magic happens. And that's what you started doing with her.

With this perspective in mind, we return now to Aliyah, living in an apartment paid for by the colonel, working at a desk job given to her by the colonel, and now as dependent on his protection as he is on her affection.

Everything was really easy, and I loved my job that time, and I just did, like, my very mellow, boring desk work till something happened. Cornell invited me to spend with him a few days. He called to my commander of my department, and basically he asked him to give me some days off. And he invited me to this beautiful resort, five star. I've never been anywhere like that. My dad would never take us somewhere like that. And actually, that was a resort which was built for Kijibi high ranked officers with spa and a lake with little boats. It was a beautiful sunny day, and he took me to the boat. It was really romantic. We had, like, conversation and a laugh, and I just enjoyed the day. So that day he said to me, daddy prepared for you a surprise. And I thought, oh, it's probably like some jewelry pieces. And I was right in the sense. So when we came back after the boat ride, there was a beautiful field with flowers, and there was no one there. He went on his knees and he opened a little box in his hand, and I saw a ring with a huge diamond.

And he said, will you marry me?

Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, black truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black stories, black truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts bring a little optimism into.

Your life with the bright side, a new kind of daily podcast from hello, Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robet and me, Simone Boyce.

Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast. The bright side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives. Shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to the bright side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the bright side.

The danger of seduction is that sometimes it works all too well. And while the colonel proposing to Aliyah may seem like another victory, the fact is that obsession is dangerous, especially when it's a person like the colonel who's becoming obsessed with you.

I was like, literally, like, no. Was like, oh, my God, what shall I tell him? And I think he read my eyes, because even though I tried to hide my emotions, my real emotions, I still couldn't find the right words to answer. And he was standing there as an idiot. The only one word I said, but what about your wife? And I started to go into that direction and said, like, what about your kids? I mean, can we wait a little bit longer? And I saw that he changed, like, straight. And he asked me what? Like, you reject my offer? You reject my offer? And I was like, oh, my God, what do I do? And said, listen, daddy, I love you so much. And I was still trying to convince him that he should stay with his wife, because she's amazing woman. I mean, I didn't even know her, but I just didn't want to tell him. What the hell are you fucked up? Like, dude, you're, like, 30 years older than me. You fucked me in the beginning. You abused me. Now you want to propose me? Fuck you. Like, literally, like that.

But I couldn't, because I had to obey. He was my daddy, and I still needed his protection. He tried not to show his disappointment, but I could feel that he was really disappointed, and he didn't even want to have sex with me that day. I just tried to pretend that nothing happened, that we still have some time. But I didn't take the ring.

After this short, uncomfortable vacation, Aliyah returned to work at the Bureau of Internal Affairs.

I came back to my department. Everything was as normal. But I felt a tension between Cornell and me. I tried to be more polite. Know, daddy, I miss you. Messages. And then he called me out of blue, like, just like that. He said, listen, I have a great, amazing news for you. Come and meet me, and I will introduce you to my friend, to my partner, and it will change your life. Well, it really did change my life. But in the worst case scenario.

Left with little choice and fearing the worst, Aliyah accepted the invitation.

He met me, and we had a dinner. It looked normal in the beginning, but it wasn't. It took me many years to understand what really happened. That night, I came to the restaurant where Cornell was waiting for me with his friend, whom he introduced as lieutenant general. And, of course, it's a very high rank. That lieutenant general looked gross, like, super ugly. I think he was in his mid sixty s, and he looked overweight. He had huge belly. He also had such a strong smell, which made me just disgusted. He walked with the limp. He had this very angry, very nasty eyes. I thought, wait, something is going on. Because they both behave, like, funny. They both, like, laughing. It looked like they were a little bit drunk. And there is, like, some deal happened between them. Suddenly, my coronel said, well, I'm so thrilled to announce that this is your next commander. And he did like, this pose, and I felt like, this is your next daddy. And I said, but I work in my department with so and so commander. Oh, forget about it. He said, this is your new commander, so now you have to obey him and listen to him and do everything what he says.

And for me, I felt like this is the trap. I just couldn't sleep with this gross man. I learned so many things. I learned how to trick my brain, but it was almost impossible. I don't know. He was so ugly and disgusting. I just couldn't even portray myself being next to him. And I couldn't believe that my coronel, who was in love, could possibly pass me to this gross litan in general. So that was my first introduction, which basically fucked up my whole future life.

The colonel had withdrawn his protection, and this meant that not only would Aliyah have to leave her desk job and survive a more powerful predator, but that she'd be given the most dangerous missions that the russian secret service had to offer.

And I understood that now I'm definitely fucked. This is really bad.

The colonel's goal was not for Aliyah to succeed in these missions, but for her to fail the next step.

What he did literally could kill me. He planned the strategy of my murder.

I ask Aliyah if she's upset at her father for sending her into this world where she endured not just every kind of abuse and trauma imaginable, but the horrors that would come next. We ever upset at your father for putting you on this path that led to all this.

I didn't have that feeling because I was trained from six years old. I knew that I have to work there. I knew that my body, my life, my soul, everything my brain belongs to the country.

For will return on June 4 as Alia prepares to share the rest of her story, her missions, and the trail of bodies left behind.

I pressed the trigger, and it was a silence. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything.

Who is Ilya Rosa? Find out in to die for vol. Two, coming June 4, is production of Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart podcasts. The show is hosted and written by me, Neil Strauss, with additional writing assistance by Tristan Bangston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright, and Payne Lindsay. For iheart podcasts. Executive producers are Matt Frederick and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Bankston. Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer, Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin Felizade, Chelsea Gooden, and Jamie Albright. Translation by Cassinia Savina. The Gulag Archipelago, read by Alex Salem, and artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music by makeup and vanity set with additional music by Ben Fleisch. Mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our theme song is Killer Shangri la by psychotic beats, featuring Patti Amore. Special thanks to Oren Rosenbaum and the team at UTA, Beck Media and marketing, Oren Siegel, Becky Jensen, the Nord Group, Meredith Stedman, and Alex bespasted. If you or a loved one are a survivor of sexual assault, visit Rain. That's Rain or call 1806 564673 for free. Confidential 24/7 support while you're waiting for volume two of to die for, search Tenderfoot TV on your favorite podcast app, or visit us at Tenderfoot TV to hear similar podcasts.

Thanks for listening.

Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the black experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR black stories, black truths on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

In the York detective Louis Garcella locked up the worst criminals, putting bad guys away.

There's no feeling like it.

Then jailhouse lawyers took aim. Led by Derek Hamilton, Scarcella took me to the precinct and lied. 20 men eventually walked free. Now in the Burden podcast, after a decade of silence, Louis Scarcella finally tells his story. And so does Derek Hamilton. Listen to the burden on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.