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Sorry. I like the fucking gas candles lit cocksuckers. You doing. Come on. Hey, the point is, it's actually kind of funny when to. What's happened, you bad motherfucker? It's Wednesday, the 18th of November, NIPP is in the fucking air already in Jersey. It's getting kind of fucking cool. It's raining, it's fucking cold out. But who gives a fuck? You still got to push forward to a beautiful day to fucking be alive.


You know, November is a weird month for me. It always has been. Number one November. My mother died. Number two, I quit cocaine after a long fuck and after having a long, fucking good time with my kid, I'm not going to tell you. After a long battle, I also got in trouble for kidnapping Bella. And I also got into Santería when I was six in November. November is a big month for me. Today just happens to be the anniversary of when I kidnapped Kambala last night.


I gave him a call just to check in with him to say hello. I was thinking about it. He didn't answer. I know he's been unemployed lately. I don't know what the fuck he's been, but I speak to him every couple weeks and check in with him. Last time we spoke was maybe three weeks ago when he was unemployed. And it's just funny that I don't know all the dates. My mom's date bothers me a little bit.


I could lie to you and tell you it's a bad week. It's it's just a matter of our fucking day. You acknowledge that she's been gone for 41 years and your life, you know what a fucking good life go, you know, with the cocaine. It's like it was thirteen years ago. I'm happy I got that out of my life. But you guys were still addicted or whatever to anything, whatever the fuck it could be. Your life changes.


There is life after fucking addiction. You know, sometimes you sit there and you go, wow, you know, if I don't do this, I don't think my life changes. It change with fucking me. I got married. I had a kid. A career came along. I mean, a thousand things fucking happened. And then you have this violent kidnapping thing, which, you know, it was kind of weird what happened a couple months ago.


And we got all laugh at it. Now, you know, when I woke up that morning and I saw my face on a video on Yahoo! With Joe Rogan and laughing and the Twenty Women, it was really it was sad and funny to me. At the same time, it was sad that all the dumb shit I said and did on this show, that's the thing that they went for. And I kept asking myself, what about the kidnapping?


If you're going to throw me under the bus for anything to be mad at me for what I did thirty three years ago, which doesn't count because like we said a thousand times, we all change as fucking individuals, you know? But the beauty of it was that this day bothers me a little bit, even though, you know, I end up going to prison and changing my life and turning around, it bothers me about a month before my wife and I separated.


This is how I know we didn't have much left. We were eating dinner at a restaurant. I think a mom was babysitting or something. And she said something to me. She said, I don't know if you realize what you did. You took somebody and tried to take that stuff and put them inside of a I don't know. How bad you're looking at it at the time, to be honest, I was looking at it was just another day in my life, you know, it was just another day in my fucking life.


That's it. In the fucked up life I had built for myself. This is what it was. Just you imagination. Can you fucking imagine that? Like going to someone, getting somebody trying to rob them and then putting them inside the truck. When I think about it and try to wrap my head around it, it fucking fucks with me in a deep of my soul because I can't believe I did it. But guess what? I did it and it's done.


And I moved on from it. But it's still fucking bothers me, you know, to this day. It still bothers me a little bit. I wasn't raised to fucking kidnap people, but that was like the mild things, like I didn't chat, you know, I robbed a few thug drug dealers at gunpoint and that type of shit. And after I got out of that situation, I robbed the couple drug dealers, a drug point at gunpoint that I'm not happy about.


I'm not happy about this, but it's a reality of my life. You know, I'm saying. And it's weird because. You know, I was telling that thing, I was talking to Jim Florentin, we're talking about kids, and I was telling Jim that my daughter deals with everything like I could put comedy stuff on. Sometimes they say bad words and she doesn't pick them up and she doesn't repeat them. She knows they're bad words. I'm really thankful for that.


But one thing that I see in her that doesn't mess with me, it messes with me because at that age I was exposed to it. And a fucking 10 times to that is violence like mercy does not like violence. A couple weeks ago, I was watching the evil men do down here and she just happened to run downstairs and she goes, Daddy, what are you doing? And as she came round the corner, Charles Bronson was stabbed, a motherfucker in the neck through a knife on his neck, and she ran upstairs.


The poor little thing that she is fighting. Last week I was watching above the law. I had just seen above the law. God knows how far along I haven't seen above the law it started. So I put it on. I didn't know she was going to run out to ask me a question about a fucking book. So I'm watching above the law. She runs down the stairs and she brings a diary of a wimpy kid with her and she wants to talk to me about it, which I'm more than glad to do it every fucking night.


And she just happened to look as a bomb was going off in a church and Steven Seagal was carrying the priest out and he's full of blood. And I got to tell some, she ran up those fucking stairs and I had to go in and talk to explain to her that that's just TV. That is fake blood. But in her little fucking head, she doesn't like it. At seven years old, by the time I was seven and seeing people get hit with bats and seen people get hit with two by fours, you know, by the time it was there, they saw a guy get shot.


I mean, I just saw different things by the age of seven that my world seems so fucking normal. But now that I have a daughter, I see how fucked and outlandish was. And the fact, you know, I talked about this, this is not happening. The fact that I grew up around all that fucking violence and I'm not a non-violent person whatsoever. At all. At all. At all. Listen, I had my moments and I've had my fucking moments.


And they've all been under duress or under you know what? I'm drugged up or whatever. But once the drugs got out of me, even way before that one, when I got out of prison, I realized violence wasn't the fucking key. I'd seen so much violence that I realized one thing, that there's people you want to be mad or whatever, but you just can't it crosses you the fuck over. You know, a lot of people call me, why'd you leave L.A.?


I saw a guy get hit in the head with a two by four. I saw a lady get punched in the face of CBS. The reason why I freaked out so much about it, because that's not the life I grew up in. And that wasn't the California. I knew it all of a sudden. And two or three months I see three or four different instances of violence. And I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? Listen, that thing with the guy hitting people in the two by four, the four by four chased him down the street on Lankershim by the train station.


In my world, it was kind of comical. In my world, it was fucking kind of comical. I'm not gonna lie to you, but I know it's not my world. It's a real fucking world. So I had to chase the guy and try to hit him with the fucking car or try to do something that, you know, you just can't have people fucking do by force because you're having a fucking bad day. Again, it's not a two by four.


It was a four by four, which made it worse. They hurt even more. So, you know, I want to say, well, Joe is a pussy. He saw a guy get away with a two by four. He picked up his bag. No, I won't bring that shit. I went and trumped it. I went and got guns. I'm not going to fucking sit there, let somebody come into my house with a four by four and put me in the fucking that.


I'll shoot that motherfucker with that all the leg. You know, I'm not looking to kill them. I'm just looking to disable one and throw them in jail and get them out. They fucking needs. Who goes around hitting people, man, with the fucking four by four. You know, that's not what stunned me. But what really bothered me was the violence in my life growing up. And now, you know, I hate when people say that shit.


Well, if you grew up in a house of violence, you're going to be fucked. And my mom threw a thousand beatings on me. I wouldn't dare live to have the mercy, not because I'm a fucking fag or because I'm a weak as a man. I just don't believe in it. I don't believe in hitting people. And listen, don't get me wrong, there's plenty of people I like to punch in the fucking head, but. It's not going to get in our way, it's going to get a temporary fucking bad, you know, when I hit my ex boyfriend in front of that Safeway and I got away with it, I got away with assault to the lucky fucking stars because God knew what I was going through.


I got away with it. But when I turned around and I looked at my young daughter in the car that died in 1995 and she was crying, that fucking traumatized her. Like I said, when I saw that picture, her crying in the car, I was a little fucking upset. When I looked back that night, I was upset with what I've done, yet I won my own personal battle against the guy. But I lost the war.


I lost it by lifting my hand. You know, a couple of weeks ago, I retweeted a clip of John Bertalan on the church talking about, you know, him. Had somebody have sued for eight hundred thousand dollars? I'm not even worried about getting sued. I'm worried more about just that break of personal whatever. I got nothing against somebody attacking you. And you fucking hate them with something. Nothing against that. Somebody gets out of a car and tries to break into your personal fuckin area.


I got nothing against you. I don't want to hang a magazine. I don't give a fuck what you carry in your fucking car before. You just don't like violence. Like what I did that day on November 18th. Nineteen fucking eighty seven was just it wasn't really who I am, you know. And I love when people give me excuses about marijuana. I love. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to George and he's like, oh I put the wrong shirt in the funnel and he was framing a picture and he put the wrong jersey in the shirt.


It was a joke. I guess his brother in law said to me, George is smoking a lot of pot and I'm always like, people always blame pot for everything. Like and I'm one of my God, I am. But I'm not really, you know, I lost her fucking half out of pot. I even asked Mike for three mugs. I could not find that happiness upon what it would take for me to get super fucking. I just how I was when I hit the part from myself and I found the fucking pot.


I don't know how we got on this fucking subject. I'm just fucking say that, you know, don't blame everything on drugs. But I got to be honest with you, man, for the first time in 30 years, I am blaming something on drugs, my fucking behavior that day, because where there's smoke, there's fire. You listen. When I go to my client's house. And we'll watch the game. And for some reason. I'm having a good time and I have a fucking drink.


And then I'm having a better time and I have a lot of fucking great. And then I'm having a better time and I have another fucking drink even at two ninety, I know when I get in the car. And I get pulled over, I'm going to get a DUI, it's going to be like numbers. My insurance is going to go up and take some fucking drunk class, I'm going to scream and fucking yell, not a fucking drunk, which I'm really not a fan of drunk.


And. I probably never got a DUI again. That's a lesson learned, that's a person who made a mistake. That's a person who. We'll never fucking drink. What the fuck do I do over three beers and almost quarter my license, my job, my ability to drive and all this shit, it was a one time deal. And after three or four years, I think an insurance company lets it go. That's what I think. I'm not sure.


Don't quote me on this. It could be five years. It could be seven years. And you drive a rig. I don't know what it is. But that's it. So if you come to me and go in 1991, you had a DUI. That was 1991. Like I had a friend a couple of weeks ago that dropped his water and his car and he went to reach for the water and the cop pulled him over. OK, the cop pulled them over because he says he squirmed off the line.


He gave my buddy a fucking test and my buddy passed the test, you know? He said to he goes, You got a DUI on your record. I got to take you down there from, like, eight years ago in another state. So he goes, I still have to take you down there and give you a blood test to make sure you aren't on fucking drugs. That's not necessary, that in my world is not necessary, it really is, but you got that DUI and now people assume your foul means that you brought it upon yourself.


I don't agree with the cop's actions, but that's just the way it is. But what my point is that if you got a DUI in 1991, that's 29 years ago, if you've never got a DUI since then, it was a fucking mistake. It was a bad day. It was you not counting your beers. It was a cop having a bad day, you know, whatever. Your numbers were low. You know, once you got a DUI, it's tough to go to an AA meeting and tell people, you know, like like they just went to my client's house and that the Republican base.


But they don't give a fuck. They're going to say, you're a fucking alcoholic. I don't agree with that. You know, now, if I had a DUI 91, 96, 2002 and 2010, there's a fucking problem, because when there's smoke, there's fucking fire. After I got arrested for the kidnapping, I got arrested for one other violent crime and I didn't get arrested. It was the assault on John. I never raised my hands again.


I never did. And the arrest I had after that were always saying, you know, also that was a couple of multiple theft arrests. But I've never not said I was a fucking thief. I walked out. I was still there. I was talking to my agent last night and was talking about The Sopranos going to go. I was perfect on that. And I'll tell you what I believe is still matter. And we both started laughing our asses off because I always feel the momentum from everything.


I take some aleida of fucking Cadabby. You know me. I don't give a fuck if I got room in the car. I'm taking my I got to take something to go. I didn't do anything wrong and I'm really proud of that. You know why? Because I'm fifty fucking seven years old. I shouldn't be taking fucking shit from a thing. But that's fine with me. The point I'm trying to prove it, the point I'm trying to stick to is that where there's smoke, there's fucking fire.


So you can, you know, come at me. So when you came at me for a fucking some girl that fucking suck my dick twenty times and I even said it wrong. It wasn't even the belly room. She was just a comic that before the situation, nobody gave a fuck about this girl.


Nobody gave a fuck about this girl till this day. Lobelia said, what's her name? Nobody. They just tried to pin the situation on me for me, cracked a fucking joke and the heat of the fucking moment. But nobody ever mentioned the kidnappers. Nobody ever mentioned the fucking burglaries. Nobody ever mentioned. No, that dumb shit I did. We should have been mentioned that just like, you know where your fucking head is, that that's just that, you know, where America's head is that that they were pissed at a situation that we were having a conversation and laughing.


And you could tell that maybe she sat by my butt in all this fucking six months that one person has said, what's the girl's name? You've never given a fuck about the fucking girl. Not one fucking person. I reached out to her. I'm going to tell you what her name is. You don't need to fucking know it's none of your business because you never asked, you dumb fucks. You never said nothing and nothing else ever came from it.


Nobody else raised their hand. One girl, he hit on me at a party at ninety eight when I invited him over my house. That's great. That's great. I tried to and nothing happened. She drove me home. I was friends with her for twenty years after that. That shows the whole thing. What did I do fucking wrong. Nothing. Nothing. So if you're going to come at somebody, come at them for a wrong turn.


Now, one person gave a Frenchman's fuck about candlepower and how he felt fucking handcuffed in the back of a fucking truck staring at a dog truck, not one person. That's just to let you know how fucked we are, OK? How fucked up we are as human beings. Now, one person said not only did he get his dick sucked twenty times by a girl with fingers, dirty fingernails, but he fucking kidnapped. Not one person cared about.


Help me. I care about. I still call them. I apologize to him fucking constantly. I always thought I was joking. That was a joke in there about Bella. Don't worry, I'm not going to up and put fucking duct tape on your eyes with shit. I mean, listen, it's a dark situation that I had like to over the years, but don't mistake the situation for what it was. It was a fucking it wasn't brutal.


Nobody beat him. Nobody did nothing. All we did was put a gun to them, turn them around, handcuffed them, put them in a room for a little while. I'm sure I would never want to be in the position he was for those for. I was thinking about whether he was going to die or not. It was in no danger of dying. All we cared about was about the drugs. That's it. And that's that. You know, it's it's just it's just so funny how nobody has mentioned this poor guy throughout the whole fucking thing that just goes to show you.


But me, I deeply apologize to him. I apologize to myself for disrespecting myself that day and being a fucking pig that I was because I wasn't thinking with my head. I was thinking with my addiction. And I forgave myself. I forgave myself the damn polarized time, you know, I forgave myself every time I talked to him. I forgave myself every time he came to a show which has come to two shows now. I forgave myself. I came to terms with it, and it was just a fucking bad day.


Now, if I would have had three kidnappings and I'm here sitting in this fucking chair now, we got a fucking problem. Now we've got a problem because you didn't learn your lesson after the fucking first time. I learned my lesson after the first time, the lesson I learned was that not to kidnap people. Fuck, if I know somebody who's got a million dollars today with how bad things are, we might do something. You know, I'm saying things are bad out there.


I know you got some church family that's having a hard time and joint families having a hard time, some kind of joy. These families are having a hard time. You know, maybe I'll put to them, but I wouldn't because it's just not right and it's not. And and I look back at what I did. It changed my fucking life going to prison. It made me take a step back the same way you guys are taking a step back there and discovered the same way you guys are stepping back and seeing about how life works and where your life has been and what you want your life to be.


That's the same break I took when I went to prison. Let me step back for a minute. Let me know maybe what I was doing was wrong, what I what things I was doing that were right. You know, right now you're looking at purchases you made, situations you put yourself into in your life because it's fucking boring and your mind goes through the worst places in the world. Listen, man, I was looking at a notebook there that these notebooks usually last me two and a half months.


That lasted me a month. Now, because I'm writing my way out of this situation, that's all I got. I can't go on stage every fucking night, even though I'll be on stage tonight. I don't know. Venis motherfuckers got some eat. Well, at least someone tell myself that I ain't got to be thrown. No, I got no throw at you. You know, I've been right a couple of jokes, whatever, a couple of different situations.


But the creativity level fucking sucks. I've been trying to write like little paragraphs. Every time I look at them, I want to stab myself and I know I'm very self-critical of myself, but you have to be. You have to be when you're in my position. He just can't walk around your life not checking yourself. Checking yourself is fucking tremendous. You know, it checks me. Let me give you a little secret of my checks me marijuana, because when you get high, sometimes you step outside yourself and you get a chance to look at yourself and say, holy fuck this times I wake up in the middle of my God, I can't believe I said that eighth grade.


I hope nobody still remembers about that stupidity I was talking about because it does it gives you a chance to step outside yourself and look at and listen. You don't need marijuana to do it right now. A lot is a step outside yourself. I look at him and see what you're like and what you don't like and what changes you make when this world comes back to normal again and who knows what the fuck that's going to be, but at least you're going to be, well, fucking prepared for the next fucking 20, 30, 40 years of your fucking life.


That's a good thing about this, that even in Jersey, I've had time to fucking think. I've had time to think of what I want, what I don't like, what I want to do and what I want to do right now. I right now, today, I don't care what you offer me. I'm not in the mood to get on a plane and do stand up comedy. I'm not weekend ready yet. There's no way I'm ready to fucking give you your weekend.


I won't do it. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to fucking give you 45 minutes of heat. So I'm not going to lie to you and make you get a babysitter and make me come out of the house. I got two more dates and venues in November. I got three more, in fact, in December. And hopefully by then, by January, we'll see where the country takes them. Like our Lord. I hope they'll close it down.


But you got to remember anyway, from the second week of December to fucking mid-January, nothing fucking happens either. I just don't want to see the kids home from fucking school or whatnot. We as adults, we can make a. What's another six weeks of a lockdown that we've already been through fucking a half a year lockdown, our favorite restaurants are closed now. They closed at. You can't get lunch. They'd have to fucking tell you. I feel like I'm living in L.A. again now.


L.A., you got nothing left. You got Daddy's and some shitty fucking diner. So now I don't know what they roll them back. You know, I want all used to make it through this, you know, financially, whatever. Speak it out. Let me talk to you guys. My little story and I love the city of Pittsburgh. I always have. If you know anything about me, I love a lot of fucking cities. I love a lot of cities.


And I love little things from each city. We don't have enough time to sit here and tell you about my love of different things. But when it comes to Pittsburgh, it comes down to a sports team and their attitudes, the attitudes they had. When I was growing up in the 70s, they were attitudes. I love Pittsburgh. Yesterday or the day before, I posted something about a great friend of mine up in Pittsburgh, his name is Jeb Bush.


You know, he's a teacher. He got shut down March 16th, like the regular fucking teachers around the world that we know and love. For me, I've always had a special thing for teachers because like I said before, when I was growing up, you were in school, made 33 a six and a half hours. You're around these people. You get all in school, 330, you do homework and your parents usually get home from work at 5:00 and you go to bed at 10:00.


That means they got you for five hours a day plus lifetime. That means that your teachers are around you that much. You know, they know more about you than anything. So early on, early, early on is bad. You student, as I was at Sacred Heart and I got thrown out by the nuns, I was never really a bad student at all. I always had. I always loved learning. I still loved fucking learning, you know.


Teachers, when I went to McKinley, teachers turned my life around, you know, Loredo, Mr. Brown, when I got to high school, I had great teachers turnover. Mr. McGrath, these weren't just teachers that were friends, Mr. Lee, Mr. Haskell. They weren't just teachers. They had become friends, guidance counselors, people that you could fucking talk to. So whenever I meet a teacher before at Mercy. You know, I've always had the utmost respect for teachers.


They got tough decisions to make. They got to tell parents that their kids are fucked an idiot. You know, when your parents don't know that you're an idiot, they got to tell your parents a lot of little things. And it takes a lot of courage to do that and to do it with love. So I've always loved teachers, you know, and Chambishi, a teacher. Now, a lot of people always say to me, hey, man, fucking up, up my go fund me.


I got sued over a go fund me about eight years ago because people are running a scam on Go Find Me. So I made it a habit. If you want me to do a go fund me for you. Have your attorney send me paperwork and I'll give you a number you just had to my attorney to make sure everything is fucking clean and there's no problem. And nobody on Twitter and nobody from my family is getting scammed. Scam because some guy wants to go to fucking Jamaica and have a good time, doesn't want to fucking work for it.


I got nothing against scamming somebody. But you know what? Don't don't do anything. I get a fucking gun, OK? Got a gun. Don't do it on the internet like I have a fucking fag, whatever the fuck you try to prove. You know, he reached out, his family reached out, his wife reached out and, you know, Patriarch, thank you very much. We got to make a donation to his family to help them out with expenses.


I tweeted and put it on Facebook, if any of you guys can give two dollars, he's been out of work since, you know, March. Is family struggling to three dollars to help. Trust me, there's a lot of people out there fucking that are trying to scam money from people on phony basis because they don't want to work. The scams are rampant. And I know you guys got them in your emails. You didn't pay your Netflix.


You guys get that one. You didn't pay your Netflix and the information. PayPal has a scam. Some guys and I mean scams are going out. If you guys are still falling for the fucking African guy, listen, just hang yourself. Now, the African guy that the fucking taxes and the fucking phone call, if you don't pay 4000 taxes, listen, don't don't fall for scams. Don't do that shit. Don't give nobody nothing. But I'm asking you from the bottom of my heart, if you got a dollar just donated to George Bush and put the link up on Facebook, I put the link up on Twitter and I said, what else you want from me?


But there's always been that weird type of day. You know, I couldn't control what God did on the 8th November. I control what I did by I control what I did by my fucking life clean from blow. But this November 18, shit is always been a hard pill for me to swallow because. I love to blame it on fucking addiction. I would love to blame it on the cocaine made me do it. That would be the easiest way for me to get out of this.


But nor would I do exactly what I was doing on that day was it would Joy Diaz would do on a regular day? No. Was it with Joy Diaz did on November 18th, 1987 yet? That's the Joy Diaz. I was not proud of them. I you know, that's how I got to be who I am today from learning from that fucking experience, you know, and that I come out and stop doing Coke. Fuck, no.


I love to tell you that, you know, prison changed me. I got the Bible and that's all bullshit. When somebody goes to fucking prison and they come out with the Bible, they're not even out the door. Five fucking steps. The Bible goes up in the air. That's just bullshit. That's just the way to lie to yourself and enjoy it. I didn't get to Christ. I didn't get into the Bible more. I didn't get into anything.


The only thing I went over those fucking nine months, ten months I was locked up was what made me do what I had done, embarrass myself, embarrass my family between you and I always, always end up in prison. At the rate I was going I was going down when when when was the fucking question that I was when I got down. But I'm happy. It's over with. I'm happy I faced the like a man. I'm happy I didn't run away like a pussy.


I had an opportunity to go to Honduras and run Hertz rental car. I'm very happy this situation worked out how it did. And maybe the man I am today, the comic, it made me take a dark situation because for the last ten years that I did a podcast with you, I've been taking a dog situation and making it fucking funny. But it really wasn't funny. It was dark and I'm not proud of it. But today it's funny play.


It's funny we put in a machine gun just to let you know the knucklehead that I was for. You guys that are twenty four. Twenty six, twenty eight. And you think you're fucking struggling because you don't have any desire or. I don't want to play music no more. I don't listen. I got a fucking gun and put it to somebody and put them in the trunk of a car. You have no problems. You just have to find out what you love and attack it.


I hope it's not putting guns to people's heads, put them in the trunk of cars. And with that, that's what will leave you with today. A couple of days ago, I go home with my buddy Dean Del Ray. We did about twenty minutes, so we opened up the AC DC box, sent me. We talked about the AC DC box, the new box set with the fucking. It's great, by the way. It really listen, if you want me to tell you the album is fucking life changing.


The album is good. The album is good. You know what makes it great? I'll tell you what makes it great. The point that they're 70 years old and they're still rocking inspires the fuck out of a fifty seven year old old man like me that thinks that this covid is killed all our lives. That's what this AC DC album is showed me a lot of people. Baoshan It's a little pricey. A The record label has to make that money this year.


Everybody took a victory. Yes. You're not supporting that band because I'll break the fucking album is. Oh, it's the best I've heard since. Let there be rock. You need to swallow some fucking rat poison or something. It's a great album and I'm happy Colombia said that to me. It's a great album. It's a great movement. It's great that they fucking went in there. But the way they package it, the way they released everything, the way they did everything in the middle of a pandemic for their fucking fans.


I love it. I love what AC DC did props to them for fucking in the middle of a pandemic dropping a fucking album again. The songs are fucking great. Is it a classic, classic classic album? No, it's not. It's not. Let there be rock, but it's a good solid album. But what inspires you the most is that all the fucking bands I love when bands are dropping and stuff right now, I give them kudos and listen, I know you're struggling.


Support them, support them, you know, go to fuck. And I told him by to that fucking album from ninety or whatever the fuck they are. If you don't listen to him today, you don't listen to him play, you're supporting the arts. Led the charge on that last line. I know you're on your last leg too. Everybody is on that last leg, but you got to support the arts a little bit. I don't care if you buy a four ninety nine.


Demo, I don't care if you buy one song. No, let's keep this fuckin economy fall within ourselves as artists, as comedians. Just us, just us. Keep that little thing going. I don't expect you to pay thirty five dollars for an album of fifty dollars for an album or anything like that. I just expect you to support a little bit. I love that I'm doing a paid job and yeah, I love the people that want the merch and all that stuff.


But it's three dollars, it's three dollars for a simple package. And you know what? We get the help of guys like Basch and a bunch of other guys that are out of work and need a couple of dollars from time to time. And this is what this time is about right now. It's just helping out somebody. Listen, you're not going to give somebody a thousand miles because you ain't fucking got it, but a couple of dollars, maybe a dinner, maybe a joint just to put a smile on their face.


You can't go wrong right now. They're in this fucking whatever the fuck is going on. People are not 100 percent. I know I'm not a hundred percent. I love to sit here and tell you I'm a hundred percent. I could do whatever the fuck. No, I can't. I can't. I have my own little personal struggles, but every day I try to do something I don't fucking patrón. You know why? Because it makes me feel better, whether it's harder answering a message every day I do.


Every other couple of days I do a little thing on Twitter. I do a pilot, the bombardier. Just so you hear my voice, just so you know, we're both going to the same problem time. You know, I'm on Facebook, but every day my goal is to wake up in the morning and just make somebody smile a little bit. A little bit. Maybe if you listen to an old podcast and that makes you laugh, maybe one of the fucking I'm doing another Sechler fucking Patrão podcast.


So we got that coming. We got a lot of stuff coming. And don't forget Ozzies Barnyard Channel 38, grab a pen, November 25th, lunchtime Eastern Time. That's 9:00 a.m. California time. That means I'm a fucking in California at nine a.m. without a fucking podcast on a Wednesday. Who's better than fucking you guys? We finally got outside Boneyard. My you know, I've always loved Black Sabbath. I've always loved Ozzy. So this is a big fucking thing for me.


It's not about this. It's not about that. It's just about staying busy during these times as much as I can. I'm failing as a fucking writer. I'm doing great as a dad. A Midway is a fucking podcast. I'm surprised the fucking ceiling hasn't come down. Every time we do a podcast is something different. Last time the cat got stuck in here last week, the fucking lawnmower man decided to come every week. It's been fucking something.


But listen, we're going to keep you because that's a school of thought I come from. You keep our competition and we're going to get this right in time. We'll get it off this time. We'll have new gas for you and time. How keep fucking Zuman people in there and you get sick of looking at my face. But guess what? I'm going to be here every Monday on Wednesday until the wheels fucking fall off, whether you like it or not, motherfuckers.


So get ready for me, Mike. You're planning on doing the same, right, Mike? Don't give a fuck. As long as he can stop at Walwa and get a pretzel and sort of make us happy is to fucking shit. Now, without further ado, I had a short conversation with my man Dean away. We'll continue it next week and we'll put our part to for you. And hopefully this will be a little longer. Like I said, no, that's the only date I got no fucking covid dates.


I released the dates for you for Venis go on until Veliz Comedy Club in Point Pleasant, see if there's anything left. And only Seif's thirty eight people. It's socially. So if you don't get tickets, don't get back. Don't be mad. Trust me. And I'm missing no Chapell fucking monologue aside. I love it. I miss him. Then you just missed him. Uncle Joey trying to do fucking 45 minutes. And without further ado, thank you very much for always helping out our sponsors.


And without further ado, I love you guys. I will see you next Monday morning. Ready to go. I hope you enjoy this little DeAndre de la Renta view. As you guys know, I love D with all my heart. He's one of the few things I miss. Iowa, even though I do miss L.A. a lot of ways it wasn't all bad. I had some great times there and I made some great friends. This is one of the guys that really inspired me towards the end because we were both fucking old man.


And when I try to do anything else but just to comedy, I love you guys. Thank you for being a part of Uncle Joey Join. I want to thank Michael Kline for coming up. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys. Enjoy the rest of the. Podcast within the ads, and I'll see you next Wednesday, Monday morning. Tip top, McGoo, the twenty third, I think it is ready to go. My anniversary's on the twenty fifth 11 years of being married.


What have you done lately? You got to work hard every fucking day. I love you guys. Enjoy. I can't call.


It's almost been three fucking months without you.


It's Devil Jersey, Joey.


I'm telling you, man. Fucking three months on Thursday it seemed like yesterday. Yeah.


I can't believe it's been three months, actually. It really feels like like a year to me, you know, because I see it every day and then I'll see it all feels like a year.


It has been a while. How are you holding up. Oh man. You know, ups and downs. I was good for a while, but then this weekend I was just feeling shitty.


You know, it's it goes with the territory. I think we all go through something right now. Every comic is going through something, you know? Yeah, it's just kind of like you're you're like, OK, it looks like we might be going back to work and then boom, second knocked down massive non-stop news of the virus going up. And I just thank God we got podcasts.


And I just remember one thing when I go back to the stage for a while. Yeah. As we know, it's not going to be for a while as we know it. It's not going to be vaccine. Open the doors and we're back to three hundred people jumping up and down. Yeah, it's going to take a while. It's going to take a process for the country to open back up. And I'm willing to wait it out, you know, until it's fine, that's it, and we'll decide.


There's nothing you could do. You can't bang your head on the fucking wall, nothing's going to change now. Now, you know, we got we were alive and we have our friends, you know, a friendship, which is gold right now.


Gold, gold, gold. It's it's the only thing that makes it through us. It makes it a lot easier talking to your friends on the phone, rapping to your friends in person. I've said it since day one. You just can't have 20 people. Yeah, that's it. Three people with me, you and Ian, we have a conversation socially distanced. You know, you wear a mask, you don't wear masks.


It's all your fucking preference. Yeah.


You know, I never wanted 20 people around anyway.


Well, unless you're doing comedy like we're doing comedy. So that's we need people, you know, like, it's great. I go to Uncle Vinny on Wednesdays. I do thirty eight people and I live with it, the you know, I'm just trying to fucking push forward. Yeah, yeah. I did a show with Ian and I went down to San Diego and there's 50 people each waited for and oh, man, it felt like heaven, you know, and 50.


And how many how many does it seek to hold it usually?


Well, he's got a club inside, so he's just doing this in the outdoor patio area. So the club definitely seats like one hundred and fifty. So we were outside in the patio area with about 50 a show. And, you know, 50 is really a smoking show, actually. What a socially distance, yeah, yeah, yeah, these people had their own table and you couldn't sit with any strangers anything. So if you wanted a table and you were solo, you had to buy a whole table.


That's a good way to do it. Totally. Just a great way to do it. So there's no misunderstanding. You know, usually in comedy club, they pack them up like sardines. People you don't know sitting at your table. That's uncomfortable as fuck. Yeah, we can go fuck it off because I got some people sitting at my fucking table, you know, so this is good to keep people fucking honest, you know?


Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on the fucking great podcast. You're doing your fucking you know, your scoring band, AC DC fuckin Rob outfit. You got the fucking drummer. You got everybody you know.


Can you believe it? Man, I believe anything nowadays know, as long as you put hard work into it, anything is fucking possible, you know, and the word gets out and even guys like us, we get a break from time to time, you know? Old guys, you know, old dogs, even old dogs going to walk on the sidewalk and time the time, so it's great to see you from afar doing great things. I know how much of a fan you are.


I mean, if you could interview Bob from the grave, you would you know, you put a cigarette in his mouth and just let it fly.


So, yeah, it was it was wild because, you know, I knew I was going to interview them seven months ago and I got to hear the record seven months ago. Secretly, I had to sign an NDA. So I had to keep that secret for seven months. And there was a point about a month ago where I was like, that record is not going to come out. I'm just going to do a solo episode about how I heard the record.


And then I said, I'd better not do that. You know, Columbia Records trusted me. I'm not going to do that. And sure enough, two days later, I get an email. OK, well, the record's going to come out and you're going to interview them next week. And I was like, oh, thank God I didn't say anything. You know, it was it was unbelievable. And then I had to interview him at two thirty in the morning because they were in Australia and London, two separate places.


Bon ah, sorry, Brian and Angus. So I was up all night waiting to interview them. And then once it was done, I couldn't sleep all night. I was just laying there like, wow, that just went down.


You know, Dean, you're the last man standing, you know, it's you, Barbara and Whitney Cummings. I mean it's just a couple of you left Eric Griffin. Just hold on. How do you see it? You know, I. I you know, people keep hitting me, are you going to move or are you going to move or are you going to move? And there's two things that are a problem with that. One is I born and raised in California.


You know, I lived in New York for three years. I loved it. And I would be there. I would have been there all summer. I love doing East Coast, West Coast. I love that more than anything. I wouldn't mind moving somewhere and trying something. Now, say, I love Palm Springs, Joshua Tree, you know, get out there in the desert and do your podcast out there. But I just I don't know.


I'm not there's nothing holding me on here now.


A lot of people are gone. It's just mostly I want to make the right decision because it's a big decision. You get somewhere in there like, oh, my God, I don't like this. And you start to have a I live alone, start to have a meltdown. So I don't really know. But I do know that to afford this L.A. living is it's not going to last very much longer, you know. Are you feeling a little now, are you?


Has the road taken a lot away from you financially, I mean, are you dipping into your savings? What's going on?


Yeah, there's well, of course we got zero money for eight months and thank God for CBD Lion. And you I mean, you hook that up and without CBD line, I would probably be, you know, living on a couch at somebody's place, which I've done before. I'm not afraid to do that. I just don't want to be somebody's burden. I'm a grown man. Fifty four. And I don't want to be somebody's couch surfer at this age in my life, especially now with the cold wind and whatnot.


Right, right, right.


I don't want to be a very sick on your couch or this covid anybody who lets you sleep on the couch that Kopans gutbucket, that couch got cold. So it's a covid couch anyway. So what the fuck.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is it is weird time. And I always know that when I got into comedy, nothing was guaranteed. There is nothing guaranteed in the arts and you just keep on pushing. But there's not a job I can get right now. You know what I do. I was selling motorcycle's before this and playing music before that. Those two are out. I did construction 40 years ago. I don't even remember how to do that.


And I worked at Foster Friess, so there's my four jobs. So I don't know, I just I, I doubled down. I started another podcast and I bust my ass. And now I've got two podcasts. I've got the Grail, which is out on Wednesdays, and then I'm doing this and I've got the patron and the patron is really, really helping me. Man to patriae. People are are gold. That and CBD line are are keeping the lights on.


I've got to tell you, Patrón, the people are gold. I'm having you know, I don't even know what's stopping me from getting off of regular social media and just doing everything on it. Just I wouldn't I wouldn't have, you know, like it just wouldn't be fair. But Patrón for me is so much fun. It's not even about I just if it wasn't for Patrón, I would be in an insane asylum. Right. That kept me whole in July, August, September.


Just answering the emails and rapping with people, you know. Yeah. To see what they were going through, you know, whatever. I would get anxiety. I would hit the emails. In July and August and September, and that really helped a lot, we communicate with people, you know. Yeah, you know, I don't bullshit people I look at it is like I've got about four hundred true fans. They say if you have a thousand true fans, you can survive doing the rest of your life.


I've got about four hundred. I'm not one of those guys. I sold out three nights and the fourth one was almost that's all bullshit. And it's papered rooms. I'm out there slugging away one fan at a time trying to get it and I've got about four hundred solid ones on patron and man. I love it. I talk to him on Zoome Fest every weekend we get on, I assume with all of these guys we talk records, movies, comedy, everything.


And they're Goldmann because they are the people, they're into the same stuff. I'm in the music, the films, comedy. And so we have great conversations and that helps me on the weekend when I'm not doing comedy, I'm home. Shooting the shit with these guys are talking to you on the phone or or hanging with Ian or Marilyn or or, you know, that kind of stuff really helps. And Patrón wow, man, it is gold.


And these people did not drop off. I thought, oh, it's going to they're going to be out of here, but they're count.


They doubled down. They're good people. Yeah. They doubled down. I was always scared of doing a paid job because I didn't want to involve my podcast. Right. I didn't want the podcast to cross over with. And now I'm going to podcast. I actually do two twenty minute podcast on Patrina, which I love doing. You know, I love doing them because I'm doing what music. Every episode sets a different tone. This has been a real, you know, moving.


Watching my daughter right now by my pay day is not being on stage right now, it's watching my daughter get on the bus every morning at eight, 30. She's the first one that runs on the bus every morning. That's how much she likes school. So for me, it was the decision about me. It was more decision based on my family. Absolutely. So for me, I knew I could do comedy in front of eyes. I don't give a fuck where I do it.


Yeah. I just wanted to make sure she would go to school. You know, we'll get everybody get ready for another shutdown. But I can't imagine having my child in L.A. right now. Going to Thanksgiving and knowing we're not going to go back to school for another 10 months, yeah, that just didn't make sense, you know, so the decisions I made were great for me. You know, I feel better. I had to make a change.


Yeah, for me, it was time it had been twenty three years in L.A.. I felt the last three years I was just spinning my circles, spinning my wheels. Yeah, a part of me feels that I know I was spinning my wheels. I know I was making progress. The stand up. I was getting better being down at the store and I was going on the road. But in my mind, I was spinning my wheels as a human being.


Like comedy was great, everything else is great, but my human interaction, life, like we didn't have anything besides comedy for a guy like me, I just started venturing out to concerts thanks to you and guys like Rudy, who put it in my mind. But besides that, I was involved with comedy. You know, if I was at a gym, why the boxing class or something, my whole life was dominated by God and now comedy's on the backburner.


Podcasting is up there by patrons up there, and just being a family man is what I meant. Right now, you know.


Yeah, yeah. You know, it reminds me a lot of when I trailed off of music towards the end, you know, after twenty five years of music, the last five years, I felt like I was kind of spinning my wheels. I'd been in it so long. I was doing the same gigs every year. And I was like, it wasn't going up and the money was going down because of the illegal downloading and all that.


And I felt like, you know, I I understand what you're talking about because I felt like I need a new challenge in life. And and so I got out and people like, how did you quit? And I was just like, hey, man, if you've ever done anything this long, you'll know, you know, you need to as a human, you need to venture out and try other shit. Don't be afraid to fail. Get out there, try shit and go, well, I tried that.


It didn't work, but I tried something new. So I understand what you're talking about. And I think the only thing which is really weird to me, the only thing that keeps me in this town is the Comedy Store. I don't even know why it's not even open. I mean, it's open for patio drinks, but it's the oh, it's the it's like the only family member I've got here besides my close friends. Of course, I love those guys, but it's the only thing that I really care about in this town other than Ian and Burr and and in America knows you're gone and and you know, so that's it.


That's it. And we'll see what happens there. If that if that place was gone, I would be long gone.


You know, it's not just comics that are living day to day, it's a lot of regular people going like, hey, what are you doing? October 20, November twenty ninth. I have no idea that might be a shutdown. You know, it's November, whatever the fuck it is 18th. And it's going to be interesting if the Comedy Store is still shut down in February. It's going to be interesting if the New York comedy clubs are still shut down, is going to be very which it looks like they're going to be.


It looks like they're even with a vaccine that I'm going to get everything in time by February. I mean, I think by February or March, we'll see a lot more comics migrating to different areas. They've had enough you know, it's going to be a year in March. We have that we've been playing the shutdown game and this half alive game, it was until I got to New Jersey that I live in a little bit more. I'm still not getting involved in colonial situations, don't get me wrong.


But I'm seeing people. I'm talking to people. I'm going to Denny's. I'm going to restaurants. I sit outside when I can, you know, I'm just trying to protect myself and the people around me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Basically, it. Yeah, I'm glad I got in because he's single now, family and stuff also, so we talked quite a bit like you and I daily. And, you know, we go get a coffee and we both know we keep it safe, you know, and just just keep our minds.


But I know, you know, I just shot a thing for Gibson TV at the Troubadour. I feel horrible for these people, these small venues, these rock venues, these comedy clubs across America. Look, we're comedians and we're lucky we have this podcast. But these guys, that was their jobs. They live on tips. They live on that nightly gig and they haven't worked. And then the owners of the clubs that have sunk their lives into these places, what are they going to do?


It's it is it is not just about the comedians. It's about the whole community.


It's the whole community. You know, I'm thinking about theater. Even when that comes back. I mean, who goes to see theatre? Older people. That means that theater goes out of business, you know? I mean, theaters are going to the New York metro is open till fucking next September. Yeah. You know, I mean, they they work on endowments and whatnot. But still, it's not that it's you know, it's the human contact.


People need other people we've dropped off if if this kids don't go to school. Like in New Jersey, their parents won't let them go to school. There's people that have not been out of their houses since March because of the fear. You know, and I I appreciate the fear, but you got to live your life. Yeah, you do. I appreciate the fear. I'm fucking scared to react. But I got to live my life. I still got to go to the gym.


I still got to ride my bike. I still got to walk with my daughter. I still got to go to the supermarket. I still got to do a podcast. We just try to be careful. You know, Mike is around this family all the time. He's not fucking around. I'm not fucking around. You know, you have to really think about the people in your life. You know, Thanksgiving's going to be a fuckin a shit storm.


Doesn't take a genius to know that, you know, people come over on Thanksgiving.


That's what we fucking do. Yeah, that's what we fucking do. Now, you Talma's I can't come over and if I can't come over, I can sing songs. First of all, show me the family who sing songs of Thanksgiving. Let me come over. I'll fucking stab in the heart with fucking eating cocksucker. We ain't singing. Who the fuck is singing songs on Thanksgiving. What fucking gay families singing fucking songs. I could see Christmas. You bust out a doodle doo but you can't call.


Can't be over for two hours in California. I mean listen, if I do Thanksgiving over here I'll have the windows open. People have jackets on. I do not give a fuck.


I'd be there in a minute at Thanksgiving.


I don't want nobody getting fucking sick of my house. I don't want you know, I don't give a fuck. I got invited to your place for Thanksgiving. I'll wear a mask in that fucking house. I don't give a Frenchness fuck. Yeah, you got you got to open the windows a little. Joey's around point blank range. That's it. Open those windows. You want to conserve. We get a fucking tent. I'm not into it. I want fucking air.


When I need windows, I need windows. Before the fucking pandemic I'll lose my goddamn mind.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. I'm not afraid of it anymore.


You know, I know you've got to live your fucking life. I got to live my life man. I just go out, I wash my hands, I wear a mask and I fucking roll. I go to the store, I go to the coffee shop, I walk all over the place.


I don't want to make it out with a fucking hooker, but I don't ride the bus, that's for sure. Yeah. Sitting on the homeless guy on the fucking bus. You going to get something? Yeah, I'll grab a fucking hemorrhoid or something. But now you sent me this A.B.C. box, OK? And I cannot figure it out. I was going to open it up the other day, but you told me this like a jukebox and there is something.




So I was going to open it with you right now because let's do it.


I got a pair of sneakers this size. Ten and a half that don't you know, that don't fit me. So I'm going to probably give those to Mike. Yeah, I got. The C.D., yeah, there it is there. That thing opens up and it's electric and it plays no shit. Now open that thing up. Now let's thank Jay over at Columbia Records. This man is a huge fan of you. And I am married and everybody and he he sent these boxes now and him and Cam set this AC DC interview.


But these guys are just gold. So that's why the record is going to be number one. Oh, my God.


So this is why there's like a plug in here and. Right. So this is all a little. Yeah.


It was shot in the dark, the single, and it lights up. No way.


Yeah. And I got my little fuckin Khedira. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't bust busted out through an album of the week because it's the album of the week. I don't have a lot of vinyl and I guess this is the charger right here. Right.


Let's note that you know what that is? That's a phone. And if you want to put some sets on, it's a it's a hard drive, a portable hard drive has AC DC logo on it. It's rad. Look at that. Fucking tremendous. So you can bring that to places like if you wanted to tape your set or anything.


No shit. Yeah I know, I know.


I got some wiring. Is that the charge. The. Yeah. That's how you charge. Yeah.


And it lights up because the logo lights have fucking tremendous thing. I love that you got that. I'm my man at Columbia House, where I'll be at your house, at Columbia House, those motherfuckers don't want to talk to my Cuban ask. I got out home at least a half a million you. So they're still waiting for me to buy the fucking Fleetwood Mac rumors out. Twenty one ninety nine. They can suck my dick.


Colombia fucking house. Remember that. Ten records for a penny for your neighbor and then you just like oh my God.


I sent them on the twenty thousand aliases. I would send them to people's houses under their name and rob them. And that's how I got caught one time and got through to somebody else and then were like, we never ordered to Columbia House. They came to my house and I had no I had everything Columbia House and stuff. It was in Indiana t e r e h a UTI that I know never go to Terre Haute, Indiana.


I wanted that I that CBS Columbia House wants Uncle Joey fucked, that if they go back to me they got to go after everybody on my block and I won't write about. So that fucking gun.


I would love to see a documentary on Columbia House actually to see how many people actually paid. It had to have worked out for them because they were like they did that for years.


All right. I'm happy you enjoyed the joint today. I want to thank DeAndre for his short fucking Zoome. We were interrupted. It fucking happens. But we'll be back for part two of that interview down the fucking road. But listen, before we leave from the heart of motherfucking New Jersey, the joint has brought to you by draft kings. Listen, Draft Kings Sportsbook has given all new users the chance to earn a sign up bonus up to a thousand dollars.


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See you motherfuckers Monday. Yeah, that's it. Monday.


That's it, the gameplay. Go fuck yourselves.