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That CBB line candles a cocksuckers. Let's get this motherfucking party started. Always in the back is women's. It's happening, bad motherfuckers. It's Monday, the twenty third of November, another episode of Uncle Joey's joint. I'm here, I'm Queer. What's happening? How was your weekend? My weekend was the same as every other weekend. No fucking comedy. I guess they're starting to close back shit. Back down, whatever the fuck up, down all around.
They're just to close shit up and there's nothing you could do. I mean, what kind into three weeks? Four weeks is now, but eight fucking months and it's a holiday season to come in. So everybody's a little ball of gloom right now. I mean, I feel OK. Well, are you going to fucking do they can take away your livelihood. They can take away this. They could take away that, but they can't take away the real fuck you are.
Motherfucker, motherfucker. Especially on a Monday fucking morning. And this year, Thanksgiving is when you sit around and you give thanks for what you have your family and they can't you can only get together with two families. You can't sing, you can't talk loud, you can't yell only two hours. So expect whatever the fuck to happen after this. I mean, it sounds a little like communist Cuba. Only two families could come over. You could talk for fucking two hours, but you do the best you can.
You know, if you got to wear a fucking mask, I would go somewhere where there's a lot of fucking people this weekend. I'm keeping my shit low. I don't I don't ever go out on Black Friday to shop, but a Black Friday, I spoke of all your situations. I don't know what you see every year. People fighting and arguing and fucking ripping the mask off and shit. This year it's going to be tremendous. Black Friday.
I don't know what they're doing. I know they just do male only or Amazon or whatever, but it makes no fucking difference to me. It's Thanksgiving week, man. And, you know, usually these weeks you sit around Thanksgiving, a couple of weeks holidays and you reflect on the year, the past, and you give thanks for what's in front of you. Well, you know what, man? As much as you people fucking having a hard time and whatnot, there's still things that you got your help.
You have the people around you, I'm sure all the years I'm going to fucking stick the fucking curve for you. Just sit there by yourself and my salary, whatever, solitary, whatever, and just have Thanksgiving by yourself. I've done enough of those, you know, and like I said, I'm gonna fucking do Thanksgiving. I'm gonna go down and see my brother first and see his family. I'm going to mess up because they got some old people down there and they're going to their friend's house.
I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with them. They're only going to have like seven or eight people over the fucking house. And then from there, I'm like, catch dessert over another buddy of mine house on the way back. And by that time, the bulk of his family have gone. He's going to have some windows open. And with any luck, we've got some nice weather. If we get some nice fucking weather, that'll be nice and easy.
Everybody opens the door. You could you could slow forbes' and breathe that air. Bizarre. Can you imagine? Have said as it is already now I'm having a fucking hard time, but like restaurants inside. But the numbers are OK down here in this county. They're a little higher up in northern New Jersey, New York City, shut down Philadelphia, shut down the club, shut down. My heart goes out to them now because of the Wendy Curtis out in Denver.
They shut her down on Friday, two of the best clubs in the fucking country and her restaurants. And this is why I didn't want to make dates. I didn't want to get all excited, make dates and start thinking that things were going to clear up because I had a funny feeling they weren't. I mean, college kids are going to be coming back home. You're going to have gatherings. Listen, every morning you wake up and you go to USA Today, they won't lock us down.
And we have another week, another two. They're rolling back restrictions in California, even though they caught that governor loose, having dinner with fifteen fucking people. And that's it. Then I'll understand that. Listen, man, you lead by example. You lead by example. You know, I'm not a governor. I'm not a senator. I shit you. I'm saying. But you can I try to walk the walk if I'm living and talking the talk, that's the least I can do.
I tell you guys I take care of myself, I drink water. I could work out, you know, I'm looking at different options to do because it's fucking boring in the daytime and you just can't write jokes all day. They've taken away our jokes. I mean, I've got my Uncle Venis. I did great last week. Then he if you came to the show, you had a great time last week for the first time in nine months.
I had a beginning, a middle and a fucking ending, thank God, thank fucking God that meant the world to me. But, you know, thirty eight people are running with thirty eight capacity. So some of us have nothing and some of us have a little something to work with just to keep the. I keep going on every night. Listen, I go out every night, but there's a lot of things at stake. There's my health.
And the other thing is there's a lot of other comics that need work, too. It's not just me. There's a ton of comics in that area that I could use some work. And, you know, you got stressed factory. You got Uncle Benny's comedy club out of Point Pleasant. You got to go to a comedy. The dojo become the same place. You got bananas. You have some places in Jersey, but it's like a fucking third to the comedians that they have.
Somebody needs to make a little fucking money. You know, I take Wednesday nights. I don't take comics big nights, which is the weekends. And that's what that's what my fucking plan is. That's why I didn't want to book up December, but people offered me New Year's. We don't know what to do and we don't know what the fuck are going to be. So why books are now I've got them hanging over my head. So next August in a little of everything else and everything clears up, I got to stop what I'm doing and go make up a date from fucking two years ago.
That's not what I want to fucking do. I want to start this laid off fresh. When we know exactly go out and be comfortable in comedy clubs like that, it's going to be fucking dealers. Just go to fucking comedy clubs and stuff that I don't care. One hundred people are going to come. I will see a lot of people running out know the vaccines in the fucking shelves here any day now. You have the one that's twenty eight days that's like but icicles in your fucking blood and you got to have the one that's just fucking.
I don't know, I don't pay attention to this stuff. All I'm trying to do is live for today and how we're going to make it happen today. You know, right now is the time when people call you up and they go, hey, what are you doing next Saturday? I don't fucking know. We don't fucking know because we don't know what the fuck we're going to be at right now. So Philly's around right now and New York is fucking closed.
We're right in the middle of my night. Right. We're right there, right in the fucking middle. So obviously, one next to the sad thing is like, listen, I don't give a fuck about me, you know? Mike, what do you do with your time? Not much. You watch your kids are grown and that's it. And that's what we're doing right now. So for me, it's closing the schools again, like you're a closed locked down.
But let the schools open. The school that my daughter goes to hasn't had a burka and the other one in town hasn't had a burka, not even a fucking listen. Not even a teacher, not even a fucking female. So I still am worried about the clothes of the kids. But she calls up the fucking kids and the schools over the holidays. We're going to have a lot of problems because there's really no way to go. It's not like at least in California, you can take a fucking bike ride.
It's it's sixty, seventy degrees here. It's already starting to get to the fucking head, Jack. They must go. And you don't meet guys every day. I try to toughen it up. It's cold or it's cold. I go from my little fucking walks, you know. But after a couple of minutes it's fucking cold out there. I got the long underwear on order. I got the long shirts on order. It's going to get cold for me.
Do it. And trust me, I haven't been in a fucking winter. I haven't been to Colorado winters since eighty four. When I was homeless. I did twelve. I did that. New Jersey went when I was homeless. I did twelve Colorado. With this you can do those with a fucking hooded sweatshirt on. Those aren't that bad. They only got about two weeks are really, really, really, really intense. Cold fucking weather in Colorado.
The rest of the year is zero. Yeah. It's thirty two for three days. Then it goes up to fucking seventy four days and everything about it. It's hard to take a gap year if you're a fucking weather man in Colorado. That's a tough fucking bitch right there Jack. That's a tough motherfucker. I know that you guys there were some UFC fights this weekend. I did not even watch them. I don't have a fucking clue what's going on any more than you have to see.
That is crazy that somebody called me up Saturday night. They're like, hey, are you watching the fights? And I'm like, what fucking fight? I didn't know there was a fight on the card. I didn't know. What they told me was why. I had no idea what the fuck they were. So I'd love to talk about it. You got to see you motherfuckers. But I don't know. I know the Jets are 019. They suck Dick.
I know Cam Newton is trying his best up there in New England. New England is fucking die. And I love you guys with all my heart. You know, I'm not here to goof on here, but we all knew it was going to be a tough fucking season. Now you got to go with that motherfucker. The window is like what we had diners up here for 20 years, we had white people throwing touchdowns and shit that's all changed.
Ballpark and our boys down in Tampa Bay, nice and warm. He brought he brought his little buddy Gronkowski back. He's got Antonio Brown now. Who knows what's going to happen. But that's a shame to see New England go from fucking that house all those years to just a regular fucking theme. I'm paying attention this year. Why? Because I got nothing else to do. And for the first week on Sunday, he's now forced to watch football.
So I go over to Jimmy, Florida, things out the afternoon, use a slice of pizza and I watch some fucking football with the guys. Almost the last time I sat around and watch football with the guys, never, because I was always too busy fucking landing and fucking getting my fucking luggage ready to throw my laundry out the whole fucking deal. But things have changed. Things have changed. You're sitting there in all my joy. Why is this happening to me?
This happened to everybody. And on top of the fucking shit that's going on and on top of the shutdown, top unemployment. I answered the phone. You got just like people with bad luck going around that. My heart goes out to them. They cannot catch a fucking break. I have a dear friend that cannot catch a break right now. I have made before. They cannot catch a break whether it's looking for a new place to move to.
You know, the job open and closed right away. People are sick, people are dying. And man, it's like God's true test and taste testing your fucking patience. And trust me, I've been there a thousand times in my life and I'm like, this is not happening. And you know what I'm talking about. Money is not right. Your girlfriend's giving you a hard time. Your boss calls. You sent out the wrong stuff and then you go on to your car to start the car and you got a flat die.
It's getting to that point for people where, like they're like, you know, what the fuck is going on. I talked to a friend of mine. Something happened, told me he got hit by he got blindsided. And I go, Are you OK? And I mean, he looks at it for what it is. He goes, this is part of what's going on right now. That's sad. We have to accept things like that and only a few things falling around and all those people dying, you know, it's not bad enough we don't have a normal fucking life right now.
But then the people around us are going down. People around us have bad luck. And you know what? I'm as optimistic as can be. I'm Tip-Top, McGoo. Every day I wake up with my big heart ready to salute today. But after two or three of those phone calls, it just puts you in that position. You go, what the fuck would I do if I was dead right now? Going to have to find. I have a friend who's looking for a pad now during the holidays, you know, fucking identities to find an apartment during the fucking holidays and get settled and whatnot.
You know, I have another brother who lost his fucking wife. It was his birthday Friday when I home on Friday. This is the first time in thirty seven years I've celebrated a birthday without her. I mean, you know, people having bad times. So, listen, we got to it up right now because at times I'm going to get no better than that. I'm going to get better by themselves. It's not just going to miraculously happen that the fucking sun comes out and there you are, fucking jumping up and down with your little fairies of blue pants on and shit.
It's not going to happen that way. It's going to be a process. But the most important thing is you have to hold on. You have to look at it. Just fucking smile and go. This can't take me down. This cannot take me down because it's just it's little things. It's little things. But every day they add up. It's little things. Your package didn't get there on time. You know, you've got a flat tire.
The fucking light bulb went out. The fucking computer came when I was like little things. And it starts to like I talk to a friend of mine is hot water heater went out the pipe went out his house. He says he he was taking a shower. And also the shit started coming up to was fucking tubes, you know, and you could sit there and be upset and drink the water to fuck you to the attention. The best thing to do is just to sit there and say this is part of the times.
I mean, it happens here with me and I can't even get upset about it. You know, it's just part of what's going on right now. How you respond to it is how bad it's really going to be if you lose your mind over it and go, fuck, this is the end of the world. And that is going to be the fucking end of the world. But if you look at it go like this is just lower than alive, I got to come back a little fucking stronger tomorrow and you will come back a little stronger tomorrow.
Trust me, I'm going to this shit I went through with the calm down. I went through with the podcast. And you know what it was like. We had one day and he was taping and one of my cats got stuck under the fucking couch. I mean, you couldn't write it. They wouldn't have enough problems with the podcast outside and the microphone didn't fucking work. People blame poor for Mike was my fault. I didn't know it was our first time out there.
You know, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But what are you going to do? Are you going to get depressed about it, roll up in a ball and fucking quit? Now you pick up your balls, you salute the flag and you know, we're going to go for it again and again and again and again until I get it fucking right. And that's it. That's what being an American is. Being an American is not going on fucking outside, Dad.
But I voted with my little have a fag. Stick around. Now it's learning how to fucking get up. Have to you for it's learning how to get out back to you. For right now there's so many balls going up in the air, you know, so many fucking things going up in the air. But think about all those balls that are getting juggled. What do they have to do with you? Nothing. All these balls are getting jumbled in the air.
Black Lives Matter this that was talking about this antifa for the election. How does that affect your everyday life? Is it going to make your unemployment feel quite good? Is it going to make your kids computer work faster on the fucking Zune? Is it got now? Now. So eliminate all that shit and eliminate all that shit because that's going to happen whether you're involved, whether you like it, whether you get not involved, that's all going to happen or you can control is your fucking house is what what's in front of you and your happiness.
Listen, man, I'm having a great time lately. I have a lot to be sad about and I have a lot to be grateful about. What I have to be grateful about outweighs what I have to be sad about. All I can do calmly. Well, we'll do it next fucking. Yeah, that's it. You know, I was telling somebody that November is like a rough month for me and they called me and then I just want to check in with you and.
But no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant it that it's just like you think of things that the. And I thought about my mom's life, how did it happen, how did she die and move forward? I'm not walking around Johnny home for three days. I can't do that. And curled up in a ball looking for attention. What was great now is just things that you look at. You look back at, you know, how this happened, how the fuck did I end up dying?
I don't want to end up here in August or about the fucking drugs and the addictions and all that shit. You know, I'm I'm a little embarrassed about my sobriety because my sobriety isn't like anybody else's. My sobriety works for me. That's the only person I supposed to work for. It's not supposed to work for Johnny Bananas. It's not supposed to work for Johnny Lunna. There's a great podcast out there called The Dopey Podcast. I don't know if you guys heard it.
You know, the guy was a St. Paul fucking junkie and he tells his stories and whatever. And now he's deep, deep. You know, he's doing great podcast. He helps a lot of people and they tell great stories in the podcast. You know, he contacted me every once in a while to do it. And it's not that I don't want to do it, it's that my sobriety is like everybody else is. So, you know, I like to smoke my fucking pot.
I don't drink. But if I want to go, go, I would have thought in the place and have a little sangria from the time I was angry. Do I get drunk now? I don't get drunk anymore. I loved it. I drank on the fucking. You guys want me have a drink with the dramatical podcast? I just wanted my refrigerator. There was no water downstairs. There was beers. So I took a Stella. I drank.
I had to fall all over the place. I didn't know, you know, shit my pants or anything. I just don't do so that everybody else with my sobriety. I didn't want to do fucking or pills. I would put myself in that position again. That was it. I took down what took me down. Refillable took me down. In fact, reefer makes me feel half way fucking long. It makes me feel like I'm doing something at least a little illegal to make me feel like I didn't fucking just switch governments.
And now I have a bag full time. I like a little pot from here that it just makes me feel a little dirty. Last night I ate a few edibles. It was sad that nothing really out my responsibility played. So I had to start like I used to be in L.A. edibles every day. What not? As a matter of fact, I'm Patrão. From now on, we're going to have a little show. I'll look at different edibles and how they affect you and what to expect from them.
And, you know, whatever. We're going to start that up pretty soon just to let you know what the fuck we're doing, because I'm not eating a lot of them anymore. More money? No, that I'm just trying to get help. I'm trying to be a good husband and I'm trying to get this podcast together for you. Run this, Patrón, so I don't get you people fucking hating on me. I get do, but I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to keep saying what I got to say, whether you like it or not, because what I'm talking about is the truth here. Keep keep an eye on our consumption. Keep an eye out on what you're doing over the holidays. Right now, I'm getting a lot of people that that struggle with drugs or alcohol one day. It's a tough time to be a fucking American right now. I spoke to my old drug dealer last week, just tired of getting, you know, we call each other up.
I was telling the story about he used to have my little drug dealer, had a guy that lived in a state where you can't write this shit. So when you walk to his house, it was too leveled. But when you walked in, that was stairs and there was, you know, how we stay away, has little clothes on their back, you know, whatever. He got a little black fellow. I lived in that neighborhood that I swear to God.
Plus, the guy was a fucking a superhero, the Hollywood Boulevard. So be over there, fucking cop coke and the fucking Hollywood walk in. And the hope is a big motherfucker. This guy was a scared little black dude and he lived under the stairs of the house and he would have a little white lady that was little fucking Nintendo games. And he'd come out and time to time challenge the drug dealers who are also African-American to fuck, you know, like I played with NBA for like a game.
And they were like, who dat? Get back, give me a fucking classic concept before we beat the fuck out of tremendous shit. You can't write this stuff. You don't say it. But I was talking to my drug dealer. He was telling me cocaine was up to eighteen hundred announced and he can't get enough because the more he gets off it the fucking more he moves it. It's hysterical. So people out there snort with fucking three hands.
Thank God I'm not one of those people. I still got it down to my marijuana and I'm very fucking happy with it. But what I was saying that. I don't do so bright like anybody else. I got I just I believe in the principles of AA. AA has worked for a lot of great friends of mine that are friends of the program. You know, they're friends of John and fucking great. We like that at every level. But this is not about booze.
And he's I got to tell you about your car. Oh, it was hysterical. He just opened up the closet and come out with half of the uniform on. So you have the big thick pants and the top tax rate that he's got stab you. I hope you're not supposed to be fucking skinny, but things are bad all over you. I'm saying all I'm trying to say is that this week, be careful with the booze. Be careful with the alcohol.
New Year's is coming. You know, I to tell people out their house I'll start doing drugs on the thirty first. Listen, if you start now, it'll be a lot better for you. You start tomorrow. Whatever journey. You're going to start in July, December thirty. First, you can start today. We're willingness to wait until December thirty. First of all, we've got to done at the cemetery and listen to people going to put cookies out.
I just can't eat 50 cookies. I'm saying I really want the first part of the joint. There you go. The garlic is working. Almost slipped down that way out. My head is a press release for this. While we're here, we're doing what we're doing. Cocksuckers on a daily lead discarded on his back at forth all the time he comes out of his neck. I don't know what he's doing. He's up there was the idea of getting high with his money to edibles that he's got.
He's in training for us to do. The zoom has got to take fucking two edibles five days in a row. Yeah. And then we'll put him on the fucking joy hand and he's going to eat three the day of. That's the only way they want to see him in the show. Is that up there, if you have nobody saintly, nobody has family, there is no fucking pictures. Nobody not even that surveillance, FBI surveillance. That's always one way to look for that one.
But I don't know what the fuck is going on here. But what I do know is we got a guest today on the podcast. We did a little zoom. I'm trying to make the podcast up for you. I don't want to be on here for an hour like a fucking DeVone and try to say what I'm trying trying to say you're not. All I'm trying to do is talk to you motherfuckers and make your mons a little bit better. That's it.
I'm not going to change nothing. I'm not here to fucking tell you that you're all I'm here to do is to wish you a great fucking Monday, bring you a little bit of entertainment, a little clarity to your fucking world and just know that it's fucking Thanksgiving, bitches. It's all fucking week. I'm the guy I'm bringing on the podcast is a friend. You know, it's not about me being a fan of his work. I saw I saw him in a couple movies and then I saw him as a young kid on Law and Order.
And then one night I was watching Bronx Town and I figured it was just kids. I don't know. Law and Order was his first performance of Bronx. There was a performance and it just happened to be Bronx down. So he's been around for a long fucking time and he just did a great job playing Fat Tony Salerno in The Irish Irishman with De Niro. Pacino. I love Dick Cavett. He's got a ton of respect for me. He built a fucking fort that I saw, that I was just blown away.
And I reached out to him and he opened up his heart to me and spoke to me. And I I see that he goes to other comedy shows and whatnot. So I want to get him on the joint. Talked a little bit on a Monday morning, and that's what we did. So now, without further ado, another thought is listed. Dominic Lombardozzi, I hope you enjoy it and I'll see you motherfuckers. Wednesday, pre fucking Thanksgiving, the state black.
All right, you cocksucker. I want to thank Dominic Lombardozzi, great actor, great guy, just loves comedy. I love that that I want to thank you guys and I want to thank you motherfuckers for being here, for being loyal soldiers, whether it's here on the joint. Patrina, wherever you're at. Bellison from your balls. But the best and men's grooming is manscape. The holidays are almost here and it's the number one most wanted gift is manscape.
You're going to trim that Thupten love stick and you're going to fucking trim down your nut sack and manscape would be the perfect gift. Why? Because you got that. You got brothers, you got uncles. Everyone is sitting on their fucking asses for months, growing roots and vines. It's time for them to clean out that fucking asshole, that dick ball and that nut sack. Give the gift the manscape, get a smooth gobbler without carving the turkey, if you know what I mean.
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Cojo, you get this for your granddad, your father, your fucking uncle who gives a fuck, let them trim up that wall, sack disgusting animals that they are going to manscape dotcom right now and pression. Joey, I want to welcome to this to the joint United Harvest. What a fucking box. What a fucking surprise. How beautiful. And this meat was how it was packed. This is what I'm talking about, that a lot of other companies that sell you meat in a box, but it never looks like the fucking pictures, does it?
And it tastes like the cardboard they sent in. Not with United Harvest. They sent me pork bellies, ribs, brisket chops, sausages, lamb and a rib eye that made my wife listen. Thursday night, Jimmy came over. That's the rib by Jimmy Florentin. How good it was. They're not fucking around over that united harvest. There were new virtual farmers market. And get this, the best that American ranchers have to offer without leaving your house again.
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It's premium, it's fresh and it's fast, high quality, small batch meat and surprisingly good price and support small farms.
What would old school the right way? Here's what I want you to do to unite all of this dotcom. That's the United Harvest Dotcom and press Cojo to get 20 percent off the site with the order of fifty dollars or more that your harvest dotcom and use promo code. Joey, stay at a grocery store. If you want value, quality, flavor and convenience, check out United Harvest Dotcom and be sure to press promo code Joey to save twenty percent of your order of fifty dollars or more.
The joint is also brought to you by CBD line. This is it motherfuckers. My favorite from the ROLLAN to the cream to the gummy bears weather with tropical raspberry orange the bath balls. I mean, listen, if they if they make a product see line has it covered now they got dark chocolate and they have the milk chocolate.
Listen, I've been doing business for two. Is I use that products. I love that product CBD line is the way to go and they have a sale starting today over at CBD line. So when you go over there, read about CBD, learn about CBl, but also get yourself educated on what they have at the end question. Joey Preston Church, they're going to give you 20 percent off no matter what the fuck person, because you tell them Uncle Joey said, all right.
So Joey Church, 20 percent off biggest sale of the year. Black Friday starts today at CBG Line. I want to thank Samedi line. I want to thank you, United Harvest. And I want to thank Manscape for having us back here at the joint. I want to thank you guys. You're traveling, you're doing what you're doing. Be safe and have a happy Thanksgiving cocksuckers. See you Wednesday.