Jay, Valentine's Day is coming up and we all know how tough it is to shop for people sometimes, whether you're shopping for a friend, maybe significant other or someone special who is shopping for Valentine's Day.
Jane, I'm going to you're going to be my Valentine. Well, you know where I think you should you should go to Macy's that they have everything already went. What, already? I was there yesterday.
You can give me anything from from glasses to chocolates to cozy sweaters. I hope you you picked up that pearl necklace.
What are. Oh, OK. Some jewelry. That's what you'd like.
Yeah. Maybe not a pearl necklace, but maybe like a ring or two or something. You'd like some. Yeah, like a ring. I was going to get you some tennis sneakers and they're frier.
This is all stuff you can get by the way. I mean. All right, let me write this along.
You can head over to Macy's dotcom slash gift guide to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift this year.
Macy's has great gifts starting under 25 dollars like Lipstick's. That's cozy sweaters, barware and more or 450 dollars. You can find super cool watches, comfy slippers, even a deep tissue massage gun. Everything is up at Macy's dotcom slash gift guide where you can sort through gifts for all price ranges in tons of different categories.
I have an idea it's going to sound a little weird, but listen, swimwear for otters, right?
Because, you know, I have most of the most of the animals in the animal kingdom are either majority of the time in the water or on land. But otters are one of the only animals that likes to spend a little time on both share. So I feel like it'd be nice to defer. Like for the outdoor community. I think it'd be easier to differentiate. We're not is about to go into the lake or the ocean or whatever because he'll have his bikini on it.
So I think I think they'll be less miscommunication. Yeah. Yeah. When the otters like. Yeah. Where are you going.
Well I got my trunks on. So where do you think I'm going. I'm going to because you know, because they do I don't know. What do you think.
I think it's what percentage of the company do you on for how much did you offer.
This is quite literally the shark tank.
But for otters, OK, it does sound like a good gag on the shark tank. You don't want any part of it. I'm in. I like it. I think it's great. I think there's definitely something funny we can do with it. I'm so fucking high.
I'm kidding. That was an early intro music. I was an actual pitch, but burrowed into music. So listen to this, Jason got a call, Jason got a call from a random person like, I don't know, was a random number from like acronym Akram acronym Ohio. And I picked it up because people were just calling him. And I just I thought it was like somebody that watched the videos and I picked up and I'm like, Hello, Jason?
And I'm like, No, it's David. And then he's like, What? And then I'm like, Jason's dead. And then I hung up.
He's dead. The guy goes, I goes, oh, oh, oh. We just found out that that guy wasn't a random guy, but it was Jason's post-haste. You guys probably like I got the ship myself, my natural gas.
So funny. That guy is probably shitting his fucking pants right now. We just.
Jason's dead, bro. What do you want me to do with the oatmeal? You still want to hear? Oh, my lord, that was bad.
So, Jason, just check this post made the news like let's say they got the liver 20 minutes ago, so the guys just cancel. That's really my parents are coming today.
How's that going to be excited to be pretty good.
I was I don't smoke weed, but I was going to just light up right as they walk in and just fucking my entire family is coming at my three siblings and my mom and dad. And I just I just think it'd be so funny just to be smoking a joint shirtless and like something else in my hand. I don't know. Do we have to have a puppy? I don't know.
Maybe something a big grill in your mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Big medallion on your chest.
Oh, I invited my brother over because I had a dream about him that he died. Oh yeah. And then I texted him in the morning.
I was going to say this. Have you have you been having like dreams recently. Not recently, but like in the last like maybe maybe for you it's been longer because maybe this happens when you're older, but like, no happy dreams.
There's no such thing as a dream where you're like, give me back in there. Like, oh yeah. All the dreams are just like they're not like nightmares. Yeah. But they're just like problems.
The problem. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh yeah. I had a happy dream in eight years.
Ten. Okay cool. Because I used to have like have you had happy dreams. I haven't recently.
I do sometimes I think have happy dreams but like yeah. It's always like you're solving a problem or you're running away from something.
I haven't had a happy dream in fucking maybe maybe four years since I moved out here a while, a while and.
Yeah. And I had a dream that my brother passed away and it's fucking crazy. Felt so sad.
Yeah. It was really scary because he was so young so. Yeah. So yeah. So he's coming over right now. I'm going to talk to him, see if everything's okay.
I told him this, I didn't tell him and he doesn't listen to the podcast so I'm safe.
But but yeah I texted him in the morning like you want to come over and and then. Yeah but he said he's like sure but I to bring the whole family is Family Day.
Oh, I was so innocent and I was like, OK, so yes. And they're all coming over. So that'll be fun. What you guys going to do I'm sure to protect to make sure no one kills them today. How did he die in your dream?
I think he was just sick. It's really weird because it was originally Esther that died in my dream, my sister and then later as like switched over to my brother. I don't know how I made that switch, but it was like initially my sister the other day and then it was my brother that died.
Yeah, I see what it means.
So I shot my sister talks to. But you only hear about it just takes Toby because he's the cutest.
It's going to be a weird day man. You would be like giving them cash in, like being really nice and playing with them in the pool.
And it's like, it's like yeah. For treating him like it's the last like his last days, he let him drive the Tesla. What do you want me to get you. Let's all get pizza. You wanna go to the arcades.
I pull out all the stops. I rent out Dave and Busters. I beg you, if you act like that he's going to think you're dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to be careful. I got to be careful not to be too nice to them because they'll know something's up. I ordered the roadster, which I think is like the funniest thing. I don't know how we talked about this.
This is this is your this is your best joke. I told you this is your favorite joke.
Well, I just think it's I ordered the Tesla Roadster and the car doesn't come out probably for another two years. It's it's a fucking crazy car. Like it's like someone tweeted at Elon once. They were like, will it be able to fly? And he's like, well, with the thrusters underneath the car, there may be a chance that you'll be able to take off. And like he's being dead serious, like this car is going to be fucking insane.
And to preorder it, you have to put five thousand dollars down and then to, like, finish your preorder, you have to pay the full price of the car. So I pay two hundred and fifty thousand dollars for the full price of the car. And I paid for this like a year ago, like a full year ago. So like, you know, the cars that come and I'm hearing that I won't come for another, you know, one to two to three years.
So I just thought it would be so funny when I'm completely fucking out of money. I'm living in like, you know, I'm living under a fucking bridge.
I have nothing left. And then all of a sudden a UPS guy comes to my door like, hey, you have this roadster right here. I don't even know a place to fuckin charge it anymore. A lot of money like the thing's going to get delivered so late. But it's crazy that I already paid for it. Like it just like it's crazy that I'm waiting for this gift. And one day I'll just be here to see the new Tesla.
The new Tesla doesn't have a guy. I could be wrong, but Mike Schaeffer came over and he told me all this, the new Tesla, the new updated version of the Model S, the Model X. It doesn't have the ability to switch from drive to to reverse. What do you mean? Like you can't like it doesn't have the little mar that puts the car from park to drive to reverse.
How do you do it then? It's Elon saying with A.I. it's going to be able to determine which way your car should be moving. That sounds great.
Yeah. So like you're not even going to have the option to do it all. Just know that now you have to go forward and you have to go backward.
OK, so I get in the car, you're in the driveway. I go to Ralph's and bought some groceries parked in. I have to back up. What happens. It'll go back for you. And then what?
Listen, I'm just as confused as you are because like I understand, like how the car will be able to. No. Like to pull out of the driveway. Like, that makes sense or something in front of it. It has to go back. But like, what if, like, you're at Ralph's a guy you're backing out and a guy not anywhere near you goes, wait, pull back in, pull back in for a second. Yeah.
Like then what do you do. Yeah. Yeah. I can't stand it. New Tesla. You have to stand behind it or something. Get it to go forward. Like what is that like. How's that going to work. OK, so someone tweeted saying no gearshift or no turn signals, no problem. And Elon responded no more stocks. Car guesses drive direction based on what obstacles it sees. Context and navigation map you can override on touch screen.
OK, so yeah. So I guess you could still put it into reverse.
You override it on a touch screen. What do you do? There's no stick.
No, you put it on the you can hit reverse on the touchscreen, but he's saying it's not going to be like a normally necessary thing which is nice.
Oh my God. I don't know if I'm going to like that. That's kind of scary.
Yeah, it's fucking terrifying. But I mean, sooner or later, these cars will be able to drive by themselves completely. Right, right. I guess this sounds like one apple got rid of the home button because everyone was like the come on, you need one button and then now when you go back to the iPhones with the button.
Yeah, yeah. This is the most pathetic thing ever. Right. I love that. That's what I love about like people like Elon and like Steve Jobs is like the way they innovate is like so ahead of everybody's thinking, like everybody hates them for their innovations. And then a week later they come to love it. Like that's what's the coolest part about like a true innovator is what are some things that are getting in the way of you and your happiness.
My big belly.
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What's something you've never experienced before that you'd love to.
I'd love to go on the moon. I meant sexually.
Unless that's something like I don't want to knock your style, but if that's what you want to do. No, I mean like like is there something crazy sexually that you've yet to experience being with a younger guy.
Oh, that was a weird joke for me to make, but I know I'm good.
I felt like a joke.
If somebody was writing our lives and they wrote that all the other writers in the room would be like, oh yeah, yeah, they wouldn't do that.
They want to pretend like that's not what David would say. Yeah. Yeah. All right. What is something you experience actually sexually?
I think honestly, I would just like to like, you know, be with somebody and, you know, just have like regular sex.
I've never had that role. I just like sex. Well, I was really I was really just focusing on your mouth.
And you're like, you know, I just really would like to just find someone that was probably I just want to find someone to dude, I wanted the question would be fun, but you made it all.
What do you want to say? Oh, well, my ass. Did you know. Like something I would want to experience. Yeah, flaks, I've never done anything with wax, super simple, but like someone pouring wax on me.
I've had that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Back. Yeah. You sure? Oh, definitely.
You sure you didn't just fall asleep in the living room with your foot, knocked over a candle and just start pouring on your back?
And that could have been what was what's that really sexy movie? Angry Birds?
No, Magic Mike. It's based on a book. Angry Birds. It's based on James. Oh, my God. I mean, Angry Birds.
No, you know what? It's really sexy movie. Angry Birds. Specifically, the character Axl gave Angry Birds is great, is not sexy in any way. There's no sex appeal. Not an Angry Birds, especially with Axl not getting late.
He's a security guard. He has authority. I think that's pretty sexy. You think Axel's getting laid like out of all the birds because he's getting laid out of all the birds?
You think the red bird?
Yeah, no, I don't think the red I think the red bird gets laid the least because women maybe find it more difficult to approach him.
So they just sleep with his friends. Oh, so you think Axl is the one getting laid off? Yeah, I think he's like the low key, easy target. But it's also like he's he's he's a little not the best looking bird. Yes. Right. So, like, I assume when when girls see him, they're like, oh, I can probably get him because he's not the best looking. And I think it's sexy because he's he works in security, I think.
Axl oh, Axl, by the way, if you're completely new to this podcast, you've only been listening for a my character from Angry Birds to 2019.
It's a big hit movie.
I had one line in it, but it kind of resonated with fans everywhere. You know, I didn't know you like this is your first podcast of us.
And we're not going deep into this actual character.
They're like, I never what they should do that they should have an actual spin off. Oh, my. Do you just made an actual voice. I. Oh, that's like when you saw them so excited to start shooting, you can't wait. That's a good idea. I could write it right now if you want.
I mean, in my mind, I think Axle's married already. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, what is it you think Axle's like Kevin James SmallCap.
Yeah. Or is he like or is he like Lunner, Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant, like has he been through shit or is he just like working the mall when Dave, when Dave talks compares himself to like real sexy, like masculine guys.
I'm I'm not sure if he's kidding or not.
Sometimes I don't think it's like sometimes you'll compare yourself to, like, masculine, like sexy dudes. Yeah. I don't know if you're kidding or not. I think most of the time you are. But I think sometimes you get a serious like when I go there, like I'm like Robert Downey Jr., you know, like when I take my shirt off and I look like Matt Damon.
I mean, yo yo, you didn't you pick on me like this?
I think it's really cool. He's really funny. I think he's already married.
And I think he probably has, like, a woman who, like, really takes care of him, watches over them. Oh.
And who's, like, really sweet and nasty, like like hanging out with his boys, you know, in probably not too smart. Zach.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No more talk. This no more. I'm done.
We were talking about parenting the other day and like how like like you can't, like, hide stuff from your kids. Yeah.
You know, like like when I was when I was young, when I was maybe like eleven eleven, I almost said eleven o'clock.
How does this happen with humans. I just, I just realized that I was totally spacing out.
Yeah. Not really the same thing you're saying. No, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.
Any of your theories as to that the best. No, listen, I'm sorry. Yeah. And then you said, oh God, this is so weird, OK?
And I was on my phone and I feel bad that spacing out. But I was I, I couldn't tell you you were talking about. But the second I heard you say eleven o'clock instead of eleven years old, I knew there was something wrong.
How is that. Because that happens to people a lot like you'll be spacing out and this is the part where they get wrong.
Yeah. Do you know I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah I know.
Because I saw it on your face. You like concerns. Yeah. Like I was. No like I wasn't listening to any of the words but then I heard that there was something wrong in the sentence. Like I couldn't tell you what the sentence was.
I think it's just because you're subconsciously you kind of here. But you like your brain doesn't it.
And then when and then you're like, yeah, when Jason made a weird stutter and a mistake, my brain was like, time to pick Adam.
What was weird is I didn't say eleven o'clock, but you picked it out of my brain. Yeah. Yes, he said eleven. I went, I went eleven up like it's down here about eleven o'clock.
But then you said if you know what you think I just read your mind sometimes. Sometimes I think you do read my mind. Think of an animal. Right. One, two, three. Giraffes hippopotamus.
Think of an animal. One, two, three. Shark. Oh. Oh, the other day I was coming home and Ilir calls me and he goes, Are you on your way home? Can you pick up some bagels for me? And and I go, I'm like, what are you talking about?
I just fucking order them like a postman. Look, I'm going to pick him up and he goes, Dude, I know.
But I would just really appreciate if you went and you picked up where you are, if you if you picked up these bagels for me and I was like and I was like, I'm with Taylor.
Maybe I can just send Taylor to go get them. And he's like, he's like, I want I know I can order him, I know I can get them, but I want you to bring him in. I'm not fucking doing that. When would I ever pick up fucking when have you ever been to Ralph's.
My guys have the kind of relationship I've never seen. Yeah. I like I've never seen it.
No I haven't been a grocery store in a while and I'm just like I'm not going to fucking stop whatever was it.
Why did you want him to do that. It was just like I think it was a good thing. I was like, look, I'd be nice. Yeah, be nice if you could just do it for me. I do it for him. You know what he said?
He's like he's like he's like I do it for you. And I go, well, that's why we're so great together. There are some things that I wouldn't do for you and you do for me. And, you know, opposites attract. And yeah, he used that.
And then I'm driving on my way back home and I'm right by Ralph's and I'm like, fuck.
It is fucking funny to see his reaction if I pick up these bagels for him.
So I when I bought the bagels and and I got back and I made the story, I was like, guys, I'm about to record his reaction because I know this reaction is going to be crazier than if I got him a car and I walked in with the bagels and the list goes, oh, it was the funniest fucking it was like, it's really funny because, like, the image in my head of David standing in line at Ralph's with bagels.
Oh my God. And it it's so funny because I stood behind did you self checkout go see somebody. There wasn't self checkout and there was only one open.
And when I walked in I was like, oh this is fine. And but when I was when I came back with the bagels, there was a woman checking out with two carts in front of me. Right. And there was not moving. And I was just sitting there with these two bagels.
I was just like just I don't know, he had to wait for her to go through at that those two carts to get the bagels. Listen, we're really making this dramatic. Like like I have this like like I went to war for these bagels.
Oh, no, no, no. I'll tell you. No, I'll tell you if me if I had two carts in front of me and the automatic lane wasn't open, I drop those fucking bagels and I walk out.
Yeah, I would have done it. I wouldn't have had to come in. He keeps you credit. I'm saying like he pull through, he committed. I'm saying you commit getting angry at me. No, I'm not getting angry.
Did you just tell that entire story while eating Doritos. Yeah. Did you really.
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The smartest way to hire you. One of these guys that would want a sex robot. No, no, no, not a single. He was talking about that. Not a sex robot. A fucking like a real robot. Like a friend like like. Like a robot.
A friend. No, no, no. We're your friends. I'm just enter like robots and stuff like I can't wait for the future to, like, create fucking robots. I like walk next to you and stuff. Don't you just get a monkey?
It'd be funny if you got a robot and then the robot started to fucking make fun of you all the time.
Right. Like he gets the robot from doing the podcast doing a lightweight. What he does. Why I say be funny. If you got like a robot and it was his friend but the robot just fucking made fun of him all the time, just started to hurt his feelings or robots.
He was David, you you fat fuck. You have to watch you fat fuck.
You have to lose weight. Aliar. Can you get on that otter's from work. I'll talk to you.
Oh you're pitching alien now. Yeah. Oh imagine in four years from now alien I haven't spoken against. All of a sudden I see otters swimwear. I'm just fucking blowing up like you're making millions of dollars. I'm like are you fucking kidding?
In the Roadster oter swimwear is a good name for swimwear. Yeah it is pretty good. Really good is it is.
It's one way for otters. Yes. That's a fucking genius idea. Why do you think that. Okay, hold on a second. Why did he go to you go to the beach and otter's always naked.
That's a good point.
I don't even think of nudity and you can be in movies that are PG 13 can be covered.
Yeah, they'll be covered. And not only that, but like you want to see Otter's.
Well, how would you know if the otter likes what they're wearing? What will make Reverend design the stupidest thing I've ever heard? One thing I learned watching the Octopus teacher, that the animals are pretty happy as they are.
We all look at you and Ryazan look at me like I guess like John is like I'm not an otter.
We all looked at John Doe and we were talking about animals like Jonah, like Jonah, like Joan had a response for the animal community. Well, he kind of represented all kind of came on there like the otters when he likes your idea. And you're right. You're right.
I think it's a good idea. Thanks, man. Put clothes on otters. We should make this a spinoff. Just talking about otters. Yeah, just us four dudes just talking about it because the otters, the other guys are really good.
You need to make a really good order. Banks or banks with otters in Texas better. That's the otter. That's the outer universe. We don't want to get into that. Dude, that's crazy. The otter guys I see about getting a dog. Yeah.
Either a labradoodle or a Chinese mountain bird dog.
Have you ever heard of a Chinese foul mouth, though? I think I come by in a couple of blocks. Oh, you mean Lebanese mountain?
Yes, Burnie's. Oh, definitely. What is the thing called a Bernese Mountain dog? Yes, I think they're really cute. Yeah, they're really cute.
My sister has a Newfoundland. They're about the same size. A Newfoundland. Yeah. Where are you fucking with me. Newfoundland. Yeah. From the actual country. Uh, yeah.
I mean I suppose that's where they originated. Oh I don't know. But Newfies they call them. I have a Slovak wiener.
Yeah. I refer to my dog.
You will get a dog you get in your file.
Dude, I have a theory that slowpokes have huge cocks. Dude that's coming from Jaroussky.
No, no it's too weird bro. Did imagine you guys showed me his cock. No, this is pretty funny for you. I'm on the phone podcast and Jonah goes, oh, OK. So we don't like we don't talk about anything like family really related to me. It's just about my dad's penis. All right. That's kind of funny. Good. Jonah, what do you want to know? This is you have something to ask me? OK, Mr.
Dover. Yeah. Let's see what he actually is. Your cock. Oh. Oh, Jonah, that it's good size, you know, normal. Why what you ask now that's how would he do what he did.
He get really awkward. I think Jonah has to ask him now, ask him in private if my dad was here and you had to work in asking how big his penis is, how would you do it be really funny if he was like, super nonchalant, like we're all having pizza or whatever, and then I'm like, OK, can you pass me the pepperoni?
How big is your cock? And then like, it's like out of the blue gives me a pass to the ranch. No, but what you say before that blue cheese, because that's what I thought you said I can't get out of the wing. Hi, guys.
My parents are going to be here any second. I'm not my dad on the podcast and I'm going to ask him a question. Oh, my God. That's going to be really, really fine. OK, next, you're in here is my dad.
He's going to ask how big is cockies? Yeah, that's my bro.
Like, if it gets really weird, can one of you guys save me so your dad doesn't hate me forever, bro. I just imagine Jonah doing it and all three of us going, whoa.
Oh, you know what the fortune of it's David's dad.
Hey, how I imagined my dad's here. OK, Jonah, what would you want? You want to ask him and look him look him in the fucking eyes. And I don't know how to look him in the eyes and ask him, how big is your penis?
Oh, shit. OK. I mean, that's that's way we're trying to get your initial reaction, you know, we don't want to answer it, but how do you out of your son got in my brain? I'm sorry. He's been doing this for four years. John, how do you feel?
I'm so nervous. I'm gonna throw up. I can't even look at your dad. He's sitting, like, two feet away from me. Before you came in, there was this big, long wind up that when you got in here, somehow Jonah was going to ask you how your penis was.
We're going to like initially it was going to be like, oh, can you pass me the pizza? How big is your penis? Oh, thanks for doing this. Like, until you, like, caught on and like you're like, wait, what the fuck? He's asking me. I think my penis is we shouldn't have these conflicting parents. Funny stuff, guys.
But, Jay, you see in all this hoopla about GameStop, know what's going on? Well, we're recording this a little earlier, so the numbers could be completely off. But as of the moment, we're recording this one segment about GameStop. So basically what happened is the stock was kind of coasting at like 16 to 19 dollars for like whatever the last couple of months. And then people on Reddit decided like, hey, wouldn't it be funny or fun if we like all by GameStop and we drove up the price and we made it like a popular stock as GameStop?
You know, it's not like a fucking boom in store. So they drove it up from like nineteen dollars in like a day to like ninety dollars was in one day.
And then everybody was like, you got to buy GameStop, you got to buy GameStop, it's fucking killing it. And then today it went up from like ninety to like one hundred and fifty dollars.
And right after the market closed, which is today it went up to two hundred nine dollars. So currently sits at two hundred and nine dollars right now.
And that fucking insane like twenty nine hours it was, it was that like 12 bucks a little while ago. And my manager Jared Jack texted me that some guy had fifty thousand dollars worth of it.
Like before. Yeah. Before he went I was like twelve dollars or fourteen dollars.
Now it's worth fifteen million.
Oh my God. It's like fucking winning the lottery like it's like the craziest fucking thing. Bed, Bath and beyond. That's another one.
Just taking random like stocks to like really amp up.
Yeah. And it's fucking pissing me off bro. I'm getting so angry because I hate stocks.
I'm so bad. Let's do it for Squarespace. They help us out I think for this podcast tomorrow morning. Right now it is January 26th. We're recording the podcast really early. We just posted our last podcast tomorrow morning. I will buy fifty thousand dollars worth of GameStop stock. Oh, my God. Really? Yeah, we could see and we can follow it.
Oh, I want to do a ten year. You'll know how much you'll know how much money I made in this pot in about ten I want to do in ten seconds you'll know how much money I have made or lost, how far it is that we want to do too. You also want to put fifty thousand.
You know that one. How much you want put it. I'll put in ten. OK. Ten thousand. Yeah. To GameStop. Oh my God. If you make like fifteen million Alviso. No it's horrible.
It's not fast enough anymore but like. Yeah ok so I'm going to put in fifty.
Why don't you pick a new one. Because it hasn't GameStop kind of run its course ready. That's what you think. But then how about instead about Tesla. When I was like four hundred I. Oh it's done.
Well Tesla was like an innovative brand new company, that Tesla man.
That's tough, man. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm going to put fifty dollars. Why didn't you just keep it in there? Because it's crazy. Tesla is your favorite brand now. I know.
I remember you were like you were sweating it, right. Because everybody around me fucking panics about that shit. They talked me out of it. My fucking banker would call me every ten minutes. OK, bro. Disappeared idea. Don't do this and shut the fuck up. I love the car. Do you see the way my door's open? Like no one would listen to me and it just got in my fucking head and I was there and I remember when I had all the Tesla stock, I was like I was at one of the things Elon was launching in and I know his assistant.
And I was like, I just bought a million dollars worth of stock.
And she's like, that's a really good idea. Like, she's the only person that didn't call me crazy. She's like, that's a really good idea. Stick with us and you're gonna be really happy about that. You told me that. And that was that was two or three years ago. And now here I am fucking with my dick in my hand. Could have been thirty five million.
I hope I can say that to somebody about dispo one day. Things have been pretty stressful, right? I mean, it's been. Look at me. Look at my face. I know. I could literally tell. Did you know that nicotine can worsen your anxiety symptoms? Oh no. Yeah. And you're you got to quit pro, OK? You've got to quit chewing that gum. That's still nicotine. And quitting vaping is really hard, but you don't have to do it all on your own.
Jay, listen to this. There's a growing wave of young people trying to quit with this is quitting a text to quit vaping service, get confidential tips and support from other people who have quit. Delivered straight to your phone to learn more text dich vape to eight eight seven zero nine.
OK, it's been five days since we last talked about stocks. Jay, are you ready to hear how much I made?
I am so ready. I mean, I can't wait.
I've been keeping a secret from Jay. Yeah. So remember, we talked about it four days ago on the podcast. There's like twenty seconds to go. Yeah, we talked about how much I can make by investing in GameStop and Amazon. Yeah. And I finally did. Do you know how much I made so far.
Yes. Yes. OK, it sounds like you did well. Sure. OK, I'll take a guess. Yeah. You made 60000 dollars.
OK, so so far I haven't pulled out yet, but so far I never put the money in. So far I've lost eighty five thousand dollars.
Yet it's so bad on AMC and game company that doesn't, that doesn't own those two anymore. Does make the movie theater company, the movie theater company fucked up which people don't go to movies. And I fucked up. I fucked up bro. I fucked up. I'm so bad at stocks, I'm so fucking bad at this shit. I'm sorry Dave. It's fine. I knew I saw coming.
I fucking saw, you know, how I would have known how I would have turned on HBO, Max and seen that the new Denzel Washington movie is available on HBO premiering their.
The hunt, Nancy, AMC and not at the Grove. Well, there's this there's this saying that it's buy on the rumor and sell on the news. And I bought on the news, you know, like you're supposed to you're supposed to buy when people go, hey, do you hear AMC?
Tomorrow may take off.
That's when you buy. But I bought when AMC in the news makes people millions of dollars and I go millions of dollars. You made how much last week? Call me in.
And then I bought and yeah, I fucking I've so far I've lost eighty five thousand dollars.
I'm holding it out and here's the thing I do like every year I do a majority more. The majority of my money is tied up in the stock market like there's a financial viruses that do that. But this time I decided, hey, I'm going to take matters into my own hand. So I call my financial I like take take some money out of it. I'm going to do it myself. And every time I do the stocks myself, I lose money like on Tesla and now and now this.
They must love that someone tweeted, someone tweeted their like because you know, dogecoin was popping off and they're like, everybody sell your dogecoin when Davidovich tweets about it because he bought it, because he sold his Tesla at three hundred and he bought AMC at twenty.
Because I'm so bad, I'm so bad in knowing when to buy stuff. Everyone's like, yo, when David thinks Dogecoin is cool, that's what everybody should be selling because it's about the fucking hit the fan.
I was with Heath when Dogecoin was all the way up to like point eight. Yeah. And everybody was like, holy.
Oh yes. My guess what. Well I didn't even tell you about my dogecoin experience, so I got on. So I saw that point too. Yeah.
First of all, Carina's has been fucking call me about it nonstop, like when I was at like zero point zero zero zero to like it was like way less than a penny.
Yeah. Jonah, I went back to my text message or texted me about it a year ago. He's like, yo, you should I told you I'm like, go fuck yourself.
And and I saw when I was that point too. So it's that two cents and I'm like, we got to buy one right now. We got to buy some right now. Let's go like 30 grand in for me or whatever, put a hundred grand for me and and I couldn't get and I don't have any ways to I don't have any apps that trade dogecoin. Yeah. All I have is Coinbase and they don't hand out dogecoin and I don't have like Robin Hood and shit because everyone like my stocks, like my accountant handles that.
So I don't even have access to it. It was that point too.
And then it got up to point eight when I finally figured out how to put money into the account because I used Ella's dad's money, I his dad had money and Robin Hood. And I was like, just tell your dad I'll pay, you pay me back. And he was like, fine. So I used a thousand dollars and I put in point eight and fucking moments later, Dogecoin got a little sniff that David did break into the game that fucking plummeted like just fucking so bro, I'm so bad at stocks.
I fucking hate stocks. It is not my game. That's not why I was put on this earth to do it. It is. And I only like doing it because I like gambling and like that's like my favorite thing to do is I go to the casino. It's like I'll be, I'll be at home.
No, like should I get myself like a steak today?
And it's like a sixty dollars steak and I'll be like, I don't know if I can do this but but like and I fucking go through this whole thing and I like talk myself out of the steak. I'm an idiot when it comes to this kind of shit. I'm an idiot is not my trade. It is not my strength. I don't know why I do it. I need to go see somebody.
Jay, what about GameStop? Did you make any on that? Yes. You won't believe this. I made fourteen hundred dollars.
OK, so ok. That's pretty much did you put in I put in 50 grand for GameStop and I just pulled all right. I was like, this isn't my thing. I prefer the movies. So but no, the movie's fuckin hate me, apparently. But whatever it is, I had fun. And and the way I looked at look at it was like, hey, this will be a podcast story.
But the slaughter isn't over yet, Jay. I've just lost, you know, a little over a decade, but I think it's still coming.
I mean, there's a beating coming.
Do you think there's more coming? Oh, yeah, I know a a fax machine company that just went public. I want to get on on it.
Yeah, it'll be amazing. Anything, anything, even landlines. Are there any landlines that are picking up. I'd love to invest in landlines. Yeah.
We're all going to be unemployed today. Whoa. Yeah bro. Because I fucking like I said, listen, we'll get a sequel to Angry Birds go. That'll put people back in the theaters. The stock will go up. It's that illegal now.
Not on gay guys. Not on. Oh, oh. It's not doing so well. No, no. I guess what I found out this morning.
Oh, guys, I'm not nominated for Kinshasa's. Oh, and what are you nominated for?
Favorite male social star. You guys go vote for me, please. Oh, David, David really needs this one. Come back up. Go. God damn it.
Hi, guys. This all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listen, I love being here with Jason and talking about how much money I'm losing. It's the best I know, but go check out our merch. Go check out our other socials and we'll see you guys soon.
My name's Jeff.