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What's the conservative views? Hey, but much you know, I'm for Halloween, what I want to be a loser.


Can I borrow your coat just for the music? So you know how you're always looking for things to surprise me with? Sure. OK, well, I got it. OK, I want a giant aquarium. Oh, my God.


For like a 300000 thousand gift. Is it that expensive? Yes. OK, the size of the aquarium.


He wants to tell me where he saw the aquarium.


Floor-to-ceiling. No. Yeah, I saw I saw it another I saw another house and it was floor to ceiling wine cellar instead of the wine cellar. They replaced it.


Oh. And they had a big aquarium. Wow. That be cool. Instead of the wine cellar, which makes no sense.


I have no idea where we're putting this giant fucking aquarium. Would you get that for me. 300 K and I don't think it's fish. I think it's three on a K, you know, probably like it's probably honestly honestly like eighty five K no more. Definitely more the fish.


David the fish alone are thousands of dollars. Oh yeah. I get you a bunch of fucking goldfish fish you one. They're the cool saltwater fish are so gross huh.


We get octopus octopus people being like the octopus teacher. Oh my god larvae. Are you allowed to have octopuses. I don't know.


I just want to get in trouble for having some exotic fish where people are like that's not maintained properly, right. Yeah. I feel like an octopus that could pass that check. Now, I'm not sure. Maybe like a baby. We're just going to have to go see the octopus every day.


I guess that would be nice, but yeah, maybe CofI to the aquarium thing now.


Yeah, I love that. I'll look into it. OK, consider it done. Yeah. I'll, I'll forego sending Y to college. You'll have a bunch of fish that you won't care about in three weeks.


Hey guys, this is a real quick edit in the podcast. I actually found out yesterday how much the aquarium cost. Oh. How much had the aquarium guy come by. And for what. I want to get done. Yeah. Get this ready. Yeah. It's going to be five hundred thousand dollars and that fucking insane.


First of all, I told what I wanted and he just started laughing because he was like this guy. He was like, this guy has no fucking idea who this guy is, no idea how much this cost.


Just a couple of sharks and one blue whale.


Well, and and I told him I was like five hundred dollars, like, are you fucking serious? And then I was like, how much are the fish? The fish are actually cheap. It's time to fish ten thousand dollars to film, which is I'm saying cheap because the fish.


Are we talking Dave, like like your forearm. No. And then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my forearm. Ten grand.


Yeah. Wow. But I'm say they're cheap compared to like to compare to the fucking tank being five hundred thousand dollars. And the worst part is he goes, he goes. Not only that but you have to have someone come in and clean the tank maybe even once or twice a week, which is like because if the because if the sunlight hits it it just starts growing algae. So I'm like, are you fucking serious? And he's like, yeah, upkeep on it can be four to five thousand dollars a month.


Uh, four to five thousand dollars a month. Jay is going to pool four to five thousand dollars a month. That's a fucking that's a mortgage for people. Yeah. That's so crazy.


Or just had to have the guy in your house at all. Just twice a month is awful.


I was like, I was like I can't, I can't do that. So so I'm sorry I'm falling back on that idea. But I really wanted the aquarium, not for the fish or for like the plants. I just really wanted the color blue to light up liquid form. So I thought of another thing. I empty out whatever. I make a space for the aquarium, but instead of filling it up with fish or water, I fill it up with dish soap like blue dish soap, OK?


And then in that way it's still blue and it still gives off like that blue ocean vibe. But there's no fish I have to feed nothing. Nothing I have to clean.


It's already clean because it's so, so, so I just feel like maybe that that's going to be my new thing, but I'm going to have a vat of dish soap in your living room.


I don't know, bro. I've just been so disappointed. 500000 dollars for an aquarium, half a million dollars. And I was like, dude, I cannot believe. And then I told him I was like, let's make a smaller one. And even the smaller ones are over one hundred K.


Oh, God. And I'm like, oh, this is like I didn't know that aquariums were like a proper rich person thing and like and now I'm like now I have a newfound appreciation. When I see a goldfish, I'm going to go, whoa, this is expensive.


I got pranked the other day. Oh fuck yeah. Dude is a fucking idiot guys.


So he was you. Jason auditioned for a Borat three movie. There is no Borat three movie. Someone sent him a fake audition and for some fucking reason he thought it was real. And he went and he auditioned like full on audition for the fucking movie.


Yeah, it was awful. Can you explain what happened the day you filmed with Borat?


I got called about auditioning for Borat three. Yeah, bro.


He fucking you came up to me too. And he goes, he goes, yo, I'm actually auditioning for something for Sasha. And I was like, no way. And he's like, yeah, I think it's Borat three. And I was like, what the fuck already? Borat, who's coming out right now.


No know. And I wish I'd had you call to be like, are you guys doing Borat three already? And Sacha?


Oh yeah. And so it came through my old agency. Yeah. Like a real agency. Right. It says the casting directors. Like a real casting director like that.


Yes. Her name, her name is like she is the casting director. Yep.


Yeah. They have your emails. Didn't get emails. Yeah, they did. That's that's what I was told. No, they just created a new email using her name hurt her casting agency is her name Dotcom.


But the email that you got was Dutko UK and the audition for Borat three, obviously, as you can tell now, turned out to be completely fucking fake. Right? Not a real thing. And you auditioned for I read the script.


The lines were like pretty funny. I thought the lines were good. I was like, oh, this is funny.


As soon as I got on the zoom, I saw the two guys there and I was like. Foch Wow you did your audition on a Zoome Yeah. Oh so these two guys were probably filming a YouTube video. Yeah for sure. Like I know where they are. Oh really.


Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Who. I don't know their names but they're English.


Oh they're the guys that prank people. Yeah. That, that prank that woman into. Oh you're going to be sweet of you know.


Oh my God. It's nuts. And then you still do the audition when you saw them on.


So, so, so I'm in that moment where I'm like OK. I'm like fuck this looks fishy as fuck. Like Nancy Bishop's not here. It's two guys in their 20s. And our manager, Jack also, like, gave you the approval to come through.


Jack It came through my old manager, my comedy manager, my my traditional manager. How the hell did they get that?


Because they get stuff from time to time, some sort of like casting stuff.


When I used to act and I looked at them and I was like, they start talking and I just freeze. I'm like, fuck, this is this looks really shady.


This looks shady as fuck. But then at the same time you're like, fuck, this is Borat. Maybe so I don't want to like, fuck up. And so then they're like, are you there? Are you there? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here, I'm here. And they're like, OK, do you to just give it a read, give it a go.


And then I even said I was like I was like, like, oh yeah. My my friend David just film with him and it came out so funny like blah blah blah blah blah. And then they, they were like, they said something really suspicious. They're like, they're like, oh was he in character the whole time.


I'm like, well like you would know that if you were Borat. Oh what the fuck. You were Borat. Like casting directors, you know, like how he works.


These two guys tricked you into auditioning for Borat three movie. That does not exist. Yeah. You got on a call and you read lines in front of them too. Yep.


But it ruined my day. I was just like so pissed all day because I was like because I canceled a bunch of stuff. I was going to do a whole makeup thing that day and I canceled it because it was Borat three like, oh my butt.


But they, they were fun. Like they did a really good job.


They were also masked, you know, they had like like covid masks on too, obviously the like.


So I wouldn't recognize them but I wouldn't have recognized them anyway because I don't know the guys and yeah, that was it.


I even said at the end I go, was this real? Was this, was this like a real date, was this a real audition. And they're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's totally real. You might be just doing some pranking on the set when you get the part.


But this is a totally real audition and they totally got me. So I mean, hats off to them. They did a really good job so far. But you are it is a good way to prank somebody because when you want something, you're stuck. You're like, fuck, this feels wrong.


But I fuck up my Borat three audition either.


I wonder how many people got fucking dragged into that. They're they're obviously I know what they're doing and they're good. Yoshiaki Yeah. That's the guy. Think that's them. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the guys that did the fucked up.


What. One man.


One woman with the tiger tiger tiger chick Carol Laskin into thinking that she was on like Jimmy Fallon or. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard about that.


So funny. Yeah. Good for them. A healthy lifestyle should be easier. It should be eat veggies, drink green smoothies, exercise to get your heart rate up, do yoga to bring your heart rate down. OK, it's maybe not that easy, but there is something that helps improve everything and you could do with your eyes closed.


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That's sleep, no dotcom slash C, D, E and C O has another crazy story ahead us.


OK, I will start saying cool stories like throughout the week and I was picked up for the podcast.


I can never finish a story in this household. I don't know what we were talking about because it was like about death or whatever. So my family on my dad's side is pretty big and he has like eight brothers and sisters. So when I was really young, I spent a bit of time in India with my family and my grandma was very old. She was feeling she was totally fine in perfect health and we were there. And then one day she woke up and she and my dad was inches like, Michael, I don't feel good.


Something's wrong. I can feel it in me. Something's not right. Take me to the hospital. So my dad took her to the hospital and then why she's at the hospital. They got a call that her son, my dad's brother, my uncle had been shot and he was killed, actually wasn't shot, but he was killed in the Philippines and a completely different country that they were in. And everyone was like, what's going on? What is going on?


And my grandma was like, I. What something was wrong, I knew something was wrong and he died in the Philippines because he was killed and then she died the next day.


That's fucking nuts. How crazy is that fucking nuts? It's not somebody like if something happens to Natalee, I.


That's why I believe the way I'm going to feel it.


Yeah. When Natalee has really bad diarrhea, I can feel like something's wrong. And it's honestly because. Because it's the pipes in our house just kind of spew it back into my room. Right. So it's not really a sixth sense.


I can just has diarrhea.


I can do it. We share a bathroom wall, so whenever anyone takes a shit, I hear it. Yeah. All right. I take a shit. Really? Yeah. Which are you serious.


We actually and hers aren't saying I was there like that's like true.


It's like she's shooting pellets in the toilet. That part's not true with me hearing David shit is true. We do hear each other a little bit.


You got you guys to knock on the wall like, hey, I'm shooting or we can we were can I count with the string that goes out my bathroom window into her bathroom, chunky soup cans with a string on it?


Oh, yeah. Yeah.


That's the best way to do chunky pieces, soup cans while we're making our own chunky soup.


That's disgusting. That's disgusting.


Have you ever met anybody with a super power? My mother. You're what is that. You're pretty close.


Probably the super scammer super scam. You're probably the closest I've seen to having a super power.


You definitely have a sixth thing about you. That's my super power.


You think he has a super power? Oh, that'll let the man finish. I don't think he I don't think he is a super power.


I think he has a sixth fairway charm or some sort of other worldly luck or something.


Wow. That's nice of you. There's just no way, Natalie. There's no fucking way. I mean, feel his fucking feet. Feel my feet, my hands of this deserve so I can't fly. I haven't seen it. But if you if you did fly one day, I'll be honest, I'll be real. No one in this room has seen me fly. You can't you can fly now. But explain what you mean. What do you mean.


Well, you're just like really lucky. Like when we've gone to Vegas you always win. I mean, like we've lost my superpowers.


We've been like we've been like down and out, like looking for a bit and then it just materializes. But that's just like flogging that was.


Oh, now there's a certain amount of like I mean, yeah, we all said everyone's like David's luck. I mean, it's just a certain thing that you have that just must have been really unlucky in his past life.


Yeah. Yeah. Like also also like if you died I'd be like, oh yeah. Right. That's how I feel. Yeah. Like you're somebody who's like not long for the world.




And I don't mean to be disrespectful or to make you sad in any way, but you're you guys saying that he's going to die.


He's going to not soon. But don't worry if I die, I'm taking you with me.


You bet your fucking ass we're like, we're going together, baby. We're going to get the bread and the tea and fucking heaven. Yeah, I guess it's still me through.


I'm going to get to heaven and God's going to go, OK, I know this sucks for you dive, but like who I killed last night for you. Just like my. It's right back to normal how it was here, making the team kind of like, finally, I've been in heaven, I've escaped, I'm free.


I was talking, you know, she'd probably love it. She probably loved to be in heaven with David. I was talking to Taylor the other day, and I was asking her, like, what would happen if, like, I just decided to move back to Vernon house? Yeah. Like back to my hometown. Hometown. Like what? She come with me? Yeah. Like what? She's just like I'd set up a guest house for her.


Yeah. And like, you know, I feel like I have enough money where I could just live off it for the rest of my life and live like by a very small means, like, you know, just have a nice house and burn house to other guys and get the bread and the tea every morning and maybe work at Dick's Sporting Goods or something.


Yeah. Yeah. And she's down the lifetime. She's you're down to go live in Vernon Hills. Oh. Rent out the court at lifetime.


Yeah. She said she's down. Yeah.


This is like this is like Manson shit man. You're crazy. You can't you're. I don't wanna you under a spell.


Yes, yes, yes. I was hoping Natalie Anello would come with me. Vulcano.


I got a fucking career and life ahead of you and tell her that not Lardaro and Taylor gets their way. It was just the US. Honestly, it was. All the boys would be there. And like the boys are pretty fun. Hey, honey, I hung out those boys for 10 years out of my life. I tell you, they're not like John Grisham. They're really sweet.


But Taylor, what do you want for your life? You're gonna live. David, stay out of this for a second. What do you want me to remember?


We practice to remember the the rehearsed answer. What do you want with your life? Honestly, from Dariusz note on this.


I just want to make it clear that, you know, hopefully, like this would be the worst case scenario that we move diversional can get bigger. I want you to watch what you watch.


A wild, wild country on Netflix, OK?


You watch that. What is that? It's a movie about a cult in Oregon. These guys are going to be learning else. Watch Wild, Wild Country. Yeah, but that's the thing about our culture. It'd be cool. They would it be like tacky, like other cults. We would do weird shit. Know you do fun stuff.


Yeah. We do fun stuff like stories. That's like more like a clubhouse. Yeah.


Holthouse Like like yeah. Like High pass but cult house.


OK, but answer the question. I'm genuinely very curious. Yes.


What do I want with your life.


You want to be happy, you're going to be happy and come on, move around a lot to like Chicago's a great city I hear. Oh, I can't believe you're actually considering me.


I haven't even been to the beach. But like, I don't think she's going to uproot her life.


Motive or no.


Have you ever watch Kimmy Schmidt? No. You should watch that commitment. You are Kimmy Schmidt. What's Kimmy Schmidt?


Yeah, I don't know. It's like this girl she like moves into this like apartment or whatever in New York.


And now it's a girl that was taken and lives in a guy's basement her entire life. Oh, God. One day she breaks out and she missed like the 90s in the 2000s. Oh, that's just like Taylor. She's really cheery and now she has to start her life. It's a Tina Fey sitcom that she wrote. It's really good. And it's so funny.


When I first brought up the idea that I moved back to my own house, I was like, I love teachers so much. I'll just become a teacher until there's a grade. The papers like, what a perfect combination. I really want to be a teacher.


So we were. We were. We were. We were high catch. We were I catch. And it was the boys were in town. So yeah. It's got to dinner. The best. The best. And and the waiter came around and we, he asked what we wanted and I was like, it's Mike's birthday. I just lie. There wasn't Mike's birthday. I was like, it's Mike's birthday. Can we get on like one of those cakes?


And the waiter goes, Oh, my God.


So you're a Libra. And Mike and and Mike goes, Yeah, yeah, rah.


We just fucking started dying. And then Advocate came back and then chocolate. The waiter wrote ra on. It was really funny.


Yeah, that sounds like fun. I was on, I was on this date the other day and the girl said the funniest thing we said you went on a date. Yeah, I went on a date. We got what is this girl do.


She she doesn't really do much. She's, she's like a writer, whatever. She doesn't, she doesn't do much shit.


She does stuff right. She doesn't have like a big job or anything. She's a playwright. She's almost. Huh. Yeah. That's not okay. But but anyways she sat down and it was very awkward at the table was because of course I'd imagine like spending time with me. I go through it every week on this podcast. All right. So so I just was like I just said, like the fucking most basic thing you could say. I was just like, so what a year, huh?


Has ties to twenty twenty, you know, like a stupid thing to say, whatever. That's what I said. And she, she was so funny. She like she like looked around the restaurant like that and she leaned into me and she goes. I have to tell you, it's been fucking great. And I was like I was like, that's all there is. She's like she's like, you know, not so bad. She's like, you know, I just like I like to stay home.


I'm home a lot. It's not bad. She's like, it's forcing me to write.


And I was like, that's great. I'm like and I said I said, you know, what is it? My mind hasn't been that bad either, you know what I mean? Like, it's bad.


It's funny how, like every zoom call, like I get on or like any zoom car, any meeting with anybody, like the first thing to say is how are you doing? And then the person goes, well, you know, doing the best I can like.


That's always everybody's response. And I was like, well, under these circumstances I think I'm OK. Like, that's what everybody says. And it's like every zoom call starts out with, like a new way of saying people want to fucking blow their brains out.


So I haven't talked to you. Is everything OK?


I mean, yeah. You know, we're we're we're definitely we're definitely getting back to regular fact. The new normal.


The new normal. I fucking hate that on some calls. But, you know, it's also like didn't I like to think I thought there were more deaths. I thought people would be like I thought we'd be fuck, fuck, fuck. But, you know, we're pulling through and you think we are.


I heard Europe is shutting down again.


Yeah, I heard that. I think it's getting worse. Well, maybe. But so far could have been way worse.


I also don't know where to like where to take an information. Like, I feel like you look at one place and it's like bad, bad, bad. You look at another place like bro, I'll talk to friends and they'll be like, Dude, we beat it. Yeah.


And then I'll talk to like another friend group and they'll be like, Bro, it's fucking bad luck. You should stock up. I think they're going to close the government down again. So it's like whoever you talk to, it's a completely different like every answer is so different.


Yeah. Hey, since covid my, my, my, my home has kind of become my workout place too. It just, it's kind of become everything. Right.


I'm getting so buff, I'm getting so buff like it's now my my workspace, my studio, my restaurant, even my barbershop. Sometimes just because I'm staying home. And if you're a business owner or people manager, home might also be where you do your hiring. That's where Zipcar comes in. Zipcar makes hiring faster and easier because you can do it all from one convenient place. That's a pretty dotcom slash approach.


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You won't believe this shit. I swear to God I cannot make this shit up. What have not this funny or have I just got a text from the girl supposed to go out again tonight.


Oh, the girl that we're just talking about. Yeah. You have another day with her tonight. Yeah. What you say.


Feeling a little bit of a migraine coming. Would you be annoyed if I cancel.


Oh my God. What are you going to say. Yes.


To the fact. Very annoyed. Or maybe I'll say don't do this to me. You're all I have. How often does this happen to you?


This is I've been on one date in literally a year.


You look shower, you look shower to man. I didn't go, oh, you're so clean. Maybe it's a new sweatshirt. I showered. I mean. Yeah, how often. This is why I don't date Dave.


And hey, at least she at least she didn't say she's in a car wreck. That'll take her off for a couple of weeks. Migraines, it looks like maybe she'll be good to hang out tomorrow.


Probably not. Jason, I love your two cents on this topic. OK, the other day I asked David, you know, I've been here for three whole years, working my butt off, doing a whole bunch of stuff.


And I was like, oh, maybe I could get like a little promotion of some sort, maybe a title change, just like give me a bone of anything.


Yeah. And what is your current title? I am an assistant because everyone is this is every new employee is called an assistant. Just easy for him to say. It rolls off the tongue. It's easier to say. And alas, this is like, why do you have to run a system like, well, first of all, not first of all, but it just in videos and things, it's just easier to put a system like, I'm not going to go my chief of staff is.


So you know what I mean. Yeah. Like, it's just easier to put assistant suprising my chief of staff with brand new Mercedes, like it just doesn't want to talk, but I'm just not as funny as assistant.


But I understand why Natalie wants a new timeshare, so I totally get that like I get for like the videos for the sake of that, like calling an assistant, having that that be the thing like totally makes sense. My thing is more like when we're in meetings or we're like, you know, aten, you know, this is maybe like twenty nineteen. But we're at an event and I'm introduced to people and like I'm meeting all these like really important people.


And David's like, this is my assistant, Natalie. And the people are just like, OK. And I'm like completely disregarded. It's just like when when you have, like a title like that, it doesn't like it doesn't have much like authority that gets scary.


Sure. Like, if you're on emails to like on email chains, if you know, they're asking for things or whatever it is like if you have assistant in your bio or whatever it is, if you're like, oh, chiming in as like David's assistant, they don't take you that seriously. Right? Very much like, OK, she's going to schedule what time the meeting is going to be at. It's like, no, no, no, no, she's going to run the fucking meeting 100 percent.


I get what you're saying. I went through the same thing, that old Jason Nosheen. So here are some new words. Companion, this is my companion.


And what is the word that you're trying? This is my deputy, which is pretty good. What is I'm a little confused because people would think she's a police officer.


What is the word that you're getting synonyms for right now? What did you just assistant? I don't want an assistant anymore. No more synonym assistants. So the whole point is to continue to be a companion.


This is what how about this? This is my representative. That's Jack. Well, what do you want to be what do you want to be? What do you want to be called?


The president. She's the vice president.


She's not the vice president. You know, we're going to say 100 percent. What do you think I am? This isn't what is C.J.. What should I. This my. This is my bad ass bitch, Natalie, thank you so much, bad ass bitch, that ass bitch like you are pretty bad ass. You get a get the worked out. That's pretty bad ass you are.


Bitch about this. I'm going for a producer, Natalie.


Well, we already changed our you guys. Shirlington Bialosky logged on to LinkedIn right out of this conversation. We're like, fuck this, we're changing. What did you change us to? What are you, Hagon, Nathalie's vice president or your vice president?


Are you fucking kidding me? That's exactly what I said.


I'm way, way not only I think it's vice president. Your how how did you make that? I asked you and you didn't respond to me, so I just took it upon myself to figure it out. Yeah.


Boccaro to producer your executive producer. I didn't even think I was allowed to play on Lincoln. What I am was like, can I say a college players linked in this college because I work at Barnes and Noble Taylor, you just got to take matters into your own hands.


What do you want to be called? Well, at this point, baby sitter.


Baby sitter it is I want to be an assistant, but they can change theirs. But can I at least put assistant? Yeah, you can put assistant. I even made a LinkedIn page for David Dobek LLC because it didn't exist. Wow, that's really nice.


I'm actually chief operating officer on LinkedIn of David Burkle's. Whoa, Jesus Christ.


You really found yourself there to the CEO? Oh yeah. Who else is the CEO?


Alia fuck like. Oh, right now Elías the trouble is.


Well, Illia is it how are you saying isn't the CEO, the COO and CEO stand for COO? It looks pretty cool.


The most CEO's of everybody is the coolest.


What is his title friend. Best friend. But that also carries over to CEO.


OK, and what's your name?


What does Ilya do for you exactly. Yeah, but you think that he does more keeps. He keeps my spirits high. When you guys break me down he builds me up.


Hey, I didn't want to have this conversation. It was like for the podcast. I want to be on the podcast.


I wanna have a serious conversation about it. I'm ready.


I'm having it right now cuz you're saying all the seriousness it gets to be. Oh Natalie being no chief of staff, that's a good one.


You don't even know what that is. Yeah. You're, you're that you're the head of everybody else. You. Yeah. It's like executive assistant but it's a different word for executives. Try it out. Try it out. Introducer. Hey guys.


Why are you so scared to call me like president of your company? I literally do literally every aspect of your business I manage more than any other person. It doesn't make any sense.


J What do you think? Hmm. I don't know. Why are you so scared? I mean, I guess you want to be the chief operating staff. Well, I know you're going right. I'm just combining words.


So you'd like to be the president of staff, Natalie. Yes. Congratulations. Yes. You're fired. Coming.


That you could be CEO way you want it to be, I already forgot. Oh yeah. Yeah, you're going to be CEO Elías. Nothing really has nothing to do with this.


Yeah, I'm in l. What are you. Well, I put executive producer on my LinkedIn. That's pretty good.


This is not how it works, man. People just fucking go willy nilly on their LinkedIn bro or Google words. People are like that sounds cool. Well, congrats on the job.


You be CEO is a big change in pay, too. That's what I'm saying.


Now, I got the fucking Ellis bio on her LinkedIn. First of all, Natalie's bio. That's my boss. I'm on the LinkedIn, Natalie's bio bios, everything and anything. David Dowrick, which is fine and analysis. Me and Natalie run this shit. David Dobra LLC. But that's a fucking bio. That is a joke. It's still there. Yeah. Me and Natalie run this shit and they will become Taylor. Just Taylor. Just try to adjust that invitation pending finding out about this.


I did that the other day because you were going to insist the story and then I didn't change it.


So believe that part. My bad luck and I keep the executive producer.


Yeah, that's fine. You can keep your new name's Ella. You're officially executive producer. Assistant hired Natalie.


You are going to get a real promotion. Yeah. You know, I like a person that hustles. How would you like to be CEO, Taylor? Just seeing how fast you got promoted to executive assistant. We need we need someone.


We need someone like I'd love to be COO. We need someone that you like. I'm pretty cool.


My mom actually takes me after she saw your Instagram story and she goes, I saw the Instagram laughing faces. Natalie could be CIO chief inspirational officer or I am inspiration manager for my inspiration.


I can't wait till you get home, I think because my mom thinks she doesn't really know what I do.


And she thinks it's like she's like, so do you guys, like, come up with the ideas and like, you know, inspire her.


David, to do stuff by David to this.


The other day we were we were sitting at a restaurant and David gets a text message and I peeked over to the name. And the name is like it's like somebody's name is like this you, Suzie and in the parentheses it says lives next to the strip clubs.


I was like, yeah, it's a random thing. Yeah. How the fuck would you know where the strip club is? Oh, well, because that was that was because it was a girl I met and she was explaining where she was and she's like, I live by a strip club. So I was like a joke as I was putting it in. I was like, oh, she loves Bicego. But that is a funny thing to look over the shoulder.


I got something.


I actually have a couple of trivia questions for you guys. See how smart.


I'm perfect. Natalie, you're really going to want to sit this one out now. I'm going to let me and Ilya, the smartest guys in the room, do this together.


If Trey is facing North and turns 90 degrees to his right, what direction is he now facing? South, east or west?


So this one's an actual easy one. Don't fuck this up.


If Trace is facing north and turns right ninety degrees to his right, what direction is he now facing? Oh, no, ninety degree.


That's one eighty. Are you fucking crazy. I get out of here. Oh oh oh. I thought it was easy. Everyone pressured me. It's not like it's wrong. Oh my god we won. Eighty is like oh one eight. Well if he turns ninety degrees he's back to where he started. It's north right Jake. He's OK. Can go to school. That's my favorite part is when someone gets a question wrong.


Yes. She's fucking just destroy my taste. If you really don't know the answer it's fucking destroyed. Known any eylea.


Mexico is bordered on the south by Belize. And what other Central American countries?


Mexico is bordered on the south by Belize.


And what other Central America. I know. I know the answer. Dorce Guatemala or Nicaragua.


Honduras and Nicaragua or Guatemala.


He explains that Honduras is an answer for decided to list the rest or Honduras, Nicaragua or testing the water to see if Jason would react.


So I'm Darris Nicaragua. And what was the other option? Right. Who wants to be a millionaire? What is your answer?


That's funny, Guama, correct? Oh, that's really good. Oh, wow.


Yeah, I have something I want to talk about, OK? My parents are moving to California. Oh, yeah.


And not only are they moving to California, but they're moving to California really soon and like in the next month or two, which means I'm not going to have Christmas anymore at my home that I grew up in, which is crazy, fucking insane.


Rough this month like they were already. They're ready to move within the next couple weeks. They have a place, 35. They bought a place. It's over when like two weeks ago, my dad closed the deal. My Christmases are going to be spent here in the fucking heat. And like, know, I'm not worried about your Christmas.


I'm worried by the fact that now we're not going to go home as much because it's like, well, I guess the boys are there.


But like, that was so nice is that we would go home and I could go home with you and I could be in my own home at the same time. OK.


So this is about yourself. Yeah, I know. But like you do understand, like like it sucks. Like you imagine that in Christmases and like a cold place and now I'm going to have it in California. Like I just feel so weird. I'm going to drive 45 minutes for my Christmas. That's what I'm going to do. I'm gonna drive 45 minutes. And when I'm done with my awkward family dinner, I'm gonna drive. Forty five minutes back to Los Angeles where no one is left because everyone went home for the holidays.


That's going to be fucking brutal. It is so sad. It's so sad. And I can't explain that to my parents. So maybe if they hear on this podcast, I'll get through to them.


Yeah, but did you get to see them throughout the year and you don't have to fly. That's a double whammy. That's a two and one problem that for a second you're just saying that to be funny. No. What part you get into your parents soon.


You know, you start to get inside my parents. Yeah.


You know, and not only that, but they're leaving. And my sister, she's going to start her senior year next year. Oh, they're cutting her out. And now she'll go to a different school.


And like, you know me, I'm the biggest fan of high school. So, like, senior year is the most what's the most important year of my life. I was the baby. Mianzhu was the best year of my life. And they're going to take that away from her.


I think that I think she, like, wants to leave.


I think she no, I just talked to her on the phone. I thought she didn't say much, but I talked to her on the phone.


I was like and I was like I was like I was like, so, hey, I our parents are moving like and she's like, I have only time. You talk to her. She's like she's like, I hate it. I'm like, I know you do. And I'm like, I told her I was like, this is the moment, you know, this is the moment you're about. I literally I use those words.


I was like, this is the moment like like, you know, like would like.


So you're splitting your family.


I was like I was like, you know, like in those Disney movies when, like, the family wants to move away and like the kids will go through this whole thing just to show their parents how much it means to them to stay at this place. This is that time for you. And I was like, you have to show them. And she's like, no, no, no, they only listen to you.


I'm like, fuck, no, they don't listen to you. What did you do? Was completely wrong. She wanted to change herself, to change herself, to the person yourself, to the radiator. She's going to be so much happier here. You think? Yeah, OK.


I mean, guys, I know you like Vernon Hills, but come on.


But Jay, this place. Yeah. I would never raise my fucking kids here way. They're moving to different town. I know, but I never raise my kids here, bro. It's fucking killer. You go to the beach, it's fucking seventy degrees every day, bro.


Everyone's kids here are spoiled. They're not moving to L.A.. Your son has fourteen iPads. Like, I don't want my siblings. I don't want, I don't want my kids having that. I don't want. But they're not moving to L.A.. I understand that. But there's something about California that like and like and like the way that your parents are drill sergeants.


I don't think so. Nothing. I don't think so. I think they're moving to California is them letting the drill sergeant vibe go.


And now they're like, we are out in Malibu enjoying the sun. Like, I think it's like a new vibe to them. Christina, I'm not saying you're a drill sergeant. That was just a turn of phrase. It's actually in America. That's a nice thing to say. Call somebody I don't know. I'm kind of worried.


I wouldn't be. Yeah, I'm I'm definitely on your page.


I think that we should booby trap their house. Thank you. Like, really. Or scare them out. Booby traps you.


It's everywhere. Like one when they come here, they're just women. Just tits all over the is.


I think you should move to California. There's tits everywhere. You've been booby trapped. I God.


So many boobs.


What is going on is this how are you not like more about how crazy this is. Natalie. You want to get you out of all people.


Should be should you go burn the fucking new house down or what?


Madeley But you do think this is crazy, like spending Christmas here. Yeah, it is crazy. It is very, very crazy. It's like it's going to be really weird, especially like you're like all about other seasons. Like you should know how much this is why I love Christmas.


But aside from the fact that there won't be snow and the weather's different, it's just like everybody is home on Christmas.


Yeah, that's the point in Chicago.


And you really don't like change, do you? Well, obviously, I hate change. And now I'm going to be and now I'm going to be a stranger in my parents' new house. Every time I come, I will be a guest rather than a place that I grew up in.


And that's fucking crazy. That is like sad.


Like when you go home for Christmas and the holidays, like you go to your childhood home.


If I'm at my house, like, I feel a level of comfort no matter what. So you're happy when you're there? Yeah.


And that's going to be gone now. Like, that's completely gone now. I'm going to visit my parents in a place. It's like an Airbnb, like I'm never going to be connected to that place because the most I'm going to spend there is a night, especially because I'm right down the street and I can just drive back to my own house.


Why don't you want to, like, have like a new experience, like to be so nice to like maybe you can, like, improve your relationships that maybe you can take a biking with your dad and pick up.


Hey, John, I'm going to burn the house down, you know, but I don't understand. Like, I feel I'm surprised. You don't understand. I do. I understand where you're coming from.


Like I understand like you're longing for that and like, yeah, it's your childhood home is going away. But it's also like that's also like good like you've moved on now a whole new life.


Yes, you do. You have a whole new life. Now it's time for your parents to be able to have a whole new life.


They raised you. They got you here. Right.


That's that's the that's where I'm being unfair is like I'm not being fair to my parents at all. And like, my parents totally do deserve to go to a new house because I got tired of her house. But like, I'm just like, fuck, that sucks. I understand where you're coming from. I can really spend one last Christmas there.


And I've never been this excited to spend Christmas with my family. No, you're not. No, this Christmas. This Christmas is already going.


I think we have a little lesson here, David. What's the lesson to appreciate what you have before it's gone.


Let's try something like Taylor, someone like Ilya and someone like Ella. What about that?


Not that you're saying I should appreciate these people.


Yeah, well, now now, all those times I've been there with you during the holidays, all those times you were there, like running. OK, well, John, I've got to go with the car.


I got a vlog. Yeah, I got to go vlog. Yeah. Yeah.


So now all those times, you know, now when you go to their new house, you know, make new memories. Sounds fucking miserable. That is Alex, our friend from our hometown, calls me today on FaceTime and he's like, Dude, I just like really want to say that, like, it's like I'm so happy that you and Dave are rich and like, thanks for being rich. I was like I was like, what? That's so funny.


He's like it's like, yeah, it's like like this past week I visited you guys and like, you know, it's like really drove me to like, be better.


I was like, oh that's fucking. Yeah. Before he left he like hugged me and he goes, I'm proud of you.


And I go, whoa, yeah. Al does that. And like, that's what I really like about him. Yeah. Yeah.


And I was he like he gets it you know, and he doesn't say and he doesn't follow it up with the joke. He doesn't like you but you're a pussy though. He really he just goes I'm proud of you. This is really sad. Yeah. Yeah. And then and he leaves it at that which I think it's I don't even do that.


Yeah. If I compliment Jason like I followed up with something to make fun of him.


Yeah. I was like that but yeah that was really cool.


I think that's, it's important you have the people around you that inspire you 100 some of your friends like inspire you guys inspire me too for sure.


You inspire me to fucking push those inspires me. Right. Right. Me too. She's always has a great attitude. She's Schipper. Yeah. She's she's always like whenever I see Taylor I'm like, you know what, don't be such a fucking depressed asshole.


I am so depressed all the time.


And then I come in here and I'm like, well, Taylor's in a good mood.


Yeah, you are. You are depressed. You know what it is? What is it? You said this the other day. You said it the best. Like you had a realization where you were like you're always like looking to do that next thing. Yeah. And you're going to be on your deathbed soon and you're and you're going to go, holy fuck, what was I working till I was already there. I know. Like, you're not enjoying the ride.


No, no, not at all. No, I am miserable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to relax.


I also feel like I'm going to drop dead. And you know what it is?


I've said this before and I and I really live by it. Sure that you're going to drop that. Oh. So you agree with me. Yeah. And you have to accept that. And I feel like once you accept that, everything will be so much easier.


Okay, wonderful. I accept it. You know what, Dave? This is I'm living in the moment right now.


Just so you know, I want to make you feel comfortable when you die. I'm going to take care of your kid. I'm going to take care of him, kid. I have to.


I know I haven't decided which one I like more, but I'm leaning towards Charlie. All right, guys, let's all the time we offer his podcast. Thank you guys for listening. It's always a thrill here to stay with my friends, especially. Jason is one of my closest. Wow.


Yeah. I'm just I'm just reading the script. Okay. We'll see you guys later. This has been a news podcast. My name is Jeff.


My name's.