This Christmas, you'll have to see spirits, epic adventure, Wonder Woman, 1984 in theaters and on HBO. Max on the exact same day, screaming at no extra cost to HBO, Max subscribers beginning December 25th. Plus with HBO, Max streamed the greatest collection of series movies and exclusive Max originals all in one place. Discover something new to watch, like The Undoing, the flight attendant, his dark materials and so much more. You go to HBO, Match.com or download the app to sign up and start streaming today.
Wonder Woman 1984 is rated PG 13. Wonder Woman 1984 available to stream on HBO Max for 31 days from theatrical premiere.
What's it like to views the Dave?
Real quick, before you start, I want to say thank you to everybody that helped this podcast happen. This time, some appreciation for me.
Let me start out with Ella, who's been a great addition this year, Joe, and got this. And I love seeing you every week. Have a great smile. You bring just so much mail. I got to tell you, man, you just have one of the funniest personalities out of anybody kind of group, you know?
That's right. Jo, can I keep this one now? Cut the gel you put up with all the edits. You just do such a great job. You have you always have a smile on your face and you're always sort of the team.
You don't get this one. And this is the one Taylor and Natalie aren't here. Also, just want to shout out to them to tea is great.
Natalie and Joe get ready to cut back right here because it's probably coming towards me now. Yeah. Go for it. And that's basically it.
That's all right. So, everybody, I think your co-host, you hurry up and it's a long intro. You suck, man. I was. My puzzle sold out completely. No, it didn't. Yes, it did.
Oh, and also John Legend's leaving Chrissy Teigen for me. I wanted to mention that.
No, is that fucking crazy? It's a sold out. 100000 of those puzzles sold a hundred thousand puzzles sold J. J if you fucking if I was in high school and you're like, yeah, you're going to sell a hundred thousand puzzles when you're in your mid 20s, I'd be like, are you fucking high?
That's all they told you. Well, I don't know how. Yeah. I'm going to get into I'm going to to make employees. Yeah. So that's how many fucking puzzle sold, which is fucking ridiculous. And so basically the puzzle for those of you guys don't know I'm selling a puzzle. Well, I was on a puzzle that once you make it, it's a QR code and you win anywhere from 25 cents to one hundred thousand dollars. Those you're always a winner.
But, you know, most people are going to be 25 cents. Jason, you were actually the first person to finish the puzzle. Yeah. Other than ourselves, the first person to finish it. And you're the first person to scan it. And Jason won. How much did you win? Go ahead. Win ten dollars. Just won ten fucking bucks, which I was. I like lost my mind because I think there's a five percent chance of you winning more than twenty five cents like those are the odds.
And that's pretty crazy that one of my friends had fucking ten bucks in their thing. But the funny part is Jason didn't even complete the puzzle on his own. You hired someone to do it? I went to the puzzle master. Yeah. And there's a person that puts together puzzles. And how much of that cost you?
It cost me for her. It was all my fault. How did it cost you 400 bucks?
So she charged me per hour our proposal. She said, I'll do it for four hundred. I said, OK, said I'll pay you hundred to to do it. And she's really great. She sure named Karen. She she's a Touba. Yeah. Sweet sweet gal. And I went and dropped the puzzle off and I was like, I was like hey I was like it's really hard, you know, I was like from my car like social distancing.
I like to let you know it's really hard. Like no one's been able to do it. Like fourteen people have tried in my friend group. Yeah. She was like, OK, yeah. No I'll, I think I can do it. I'll get it done. Wow.
She did it in six hours. Six fucking hours. That's pretty good. She told me how to do puzzles.
She taught me a little bit about it. You're supposed to separate all the pieces. Oh so all the pieces that look alike, you separate, you know, and put them together. Oh yeah.
She taught me a little bit about it. I did the edges. Well, good. That's just the start. And that cost you four hundred dollars and may ten back. I made ten back. I got the puzzle for free.
So you're technically only down 390.
Yeah. And I got to see you smile. Priceless but no that's great. That's all that I'm trying to if anything could happen to me this week.
We've got the puzzle done. I got. Yeah. Are you going to do another one. Another puzzle.
I think like the next thing first I want to make sure that these puzzles, like everything, go smoothly. And I fucking beg you, if you bought one of these puzzles, please, for the love of fuck, complete the puzzle. Complete it. Because I asked I asked the puzzle people and I was like I was like, hey, if no one solves it in like I mean, if no one wins the hundred thousand dollars in like a month, can we like redo the QR code so like the next person will win it and they're like, we can't do that because it's illegal and we don't even know, we don't know where the hundred thousand puzzle is because that would be illegal.
So if a person gets it and they don't put it together and it's sitting in their fucking living room, it's gonna be just one hundred thousand dollars sitting in the bookshelf. So if you bought one, please, for the love of God, please, please put it together, because I do not want one hundred thousand dollars just sitting somewhere randomly. No, I'm so funny like that.
Yeah, you just told a great story and I was like genuinely happy for you. And then in my mind I, I compartmentalized it and I was like, oh great. Dave had a win. And then you kept talking and I was like, oh shit, it's not over. Yeah. If no one completes the puzzle, which is quite likely. Yeah. Like if some eight year old who loves you got the puzzle was just like, I don't know, just the size of the call of duty all through Christmas break.
I hate puzzles or they like they lose a piece.
Oh I lost a piece. Yeah. Puzzle Master finished it and she called me and she's like everything but one piece and I was like, wow, how'd you find it. I searched my house forever and then you the dishwasher shut the fuck up.
No, I am not dead. It was in the dishwasher. Why was it why were you on top of my tabletop and the dishwasher was like kind of open and one piece fell in there.
That's what I'm fucking saying.
Like, I don't know. I'm that's what I'm really worried about for when when these puzzles done, I'm going to it's going to be like a weight lifted off my shoulder when someone wins this 100k because I'm going to go, thank God someone fucking had it. But up until then, we're not out of the woods yet. Someone has to win. So that's what I'm excited for. OK, I was thinking about like when I moved here, I used to live with four roommates and which means we had two bedrooms, so I shared a bedroom with one of my roommates.
And I remember my high school crush came to visit once. I don't want to say her name, but she came to visit me once and I shared a room with one person, like there's two beds in one room. So I slept and I could see him sleeping in their beds were right next to each other. And one day it was like mid. We were just like I was on my phone in bed laying down and he was laying in his bed and we were on our phones, whatever, having fun.
And she walks in and she's super pretty, like one of the prettiest girls had ever seen.
And she lays right on top of him and she's like cuddling with him. And I'm like, I knew I didn't have a chance with her because, like, she's just like she's like pretty like I didn't mind it. Like, I even feel jealous. Has to go out. He's lucky. Like, I wasn't even like I wish she was me. I was just like, he's a lucky dude. And and then she got under the covers with him and was really cute.
And then and then she was like hugging him and he was looking at me like, what the fuck is going on? And then I can't believe I've never told a story.
She winks at me, she gives me a wink and she goes under the covers and she gives him a blowjob.
And that fucking instant in front of you. In front of me. Did you watch? I he just he kept giving me I watched. But there was nothing to see because I was under the covers. And the funny part is, is yes I did.
I remember he finished and I remember the covers, the covers were really thin, is like it wasn't like an actual blanket, it was just like a little white linen piece, like a sheet. So like you could see like all the movement that was happening underneath the sheet. And I remember him looking at me like this is totally uncalled for. They never hooked up before and he was so confused. But he was like, I'm done for this. And he was just looking at me and he was like, what the fuck is going on?
And I was just fucking I was just in shock. But I had the biggest smile on my face because I was like, whatever, man.
This is the closest I get.
This is fucking like they drunk. No, bro, this is like midday, like 2:00 in the afternoon. Nobody's drunk. She was she's just like like like a free spirit like that. She was just like feeling like I'm going to do this because I think it'll be funny and I can. And she did it and I thought it was fucking so sick. It's so bad ass. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Holy shit.
It's like sitting in his bed rooting like you, you and the way she went and I gave him a blowjob is like, listen, I hate to make this about myself, but I genuinely felt like she was putting on a show for me.
She probably she probably I mean, she definitely got off on the fact that you were sitting there watching her and you were like, you know, a little dorky. Dobek Yeah.
No, it was exhilarating. Like I mean, it was the best experience of my life. I'm telling you, she locked eyes with me, which she's never done. I know you've told me the story like four or five times a year by fucking wind.
And then she winked at me and I knew it was go time. But, yeah, that was a moment. I was I was also think about another moment I was at. I was just reminiscing on my experience with women. There's another girl I had a crush on, and we are Mike Lindsay's house, my hometown friend. And I really liked her. And there was this mosquito spray that everyone was putting on because midwifes, there's so many mosquitoes.
And I decided to, like, spray everybody with it because I was just the jokester just running around spraying people with the mosquito. You know this story. You know the story.
And I sprayed her so much that that she started coughing and she had like a serious cough attack. And turns out she needed her inhaler, but she didn't have it. So she started choking and gasping for air. So we had to call the ambulance. Oh, my God. She was put in the back of the ambulance and rushed to the hospital during like she had chronic asthma. She yeah. During like a barbecue.
And I'm fucking sobbing. I'm sobbing. I'm like, I can't I believe this is the girl I liked, like, what the fuck did I do? Like, I was just trying to be flirty and stupid and like, everybody's like it's going to be OK, David, to be OK. Dave, I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
I was freaking out. Yeah. So that's what happened. Now, what do you remember about the story?
I remember you telling me and I just remember because you're such a fucking dork. Yeah. That that happens. Yeah, I felt really bad for her.
But and I remember like I texted this long text after that and it was like and it ended with and it was like, like now I realize every time I see an ambulance that somebody's loved one in there.
And then every time we'd see each other, every time I'd be with her, every time I'm with Michael too. And there's an ambulance passing by, Michael, turn to me and be like, that's someone's loved one, you know?
So so, yeah, there's it's a moment I thought of. Has 2020 been stressful for you? Yeah, it has. The way you talk to me is fucking ridiculous. Well, better help assess your needs and match you with your own less professional therapist. You could connect in a safe and private online environment and you can start communicating in under 24 hours. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling. Send a message to your counselor any time and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses.
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What about as we talk about like some of our, like, firsts, like the first time we got drunk or something like, you know, we got drunk.
I have Natalie. Natalie, you just sounded like you were like a lame duck. I just want you to know each other. Natalie sounds like she's like a lame party and she's trying to get everybody riled up, like she just invited people over for her birthday and not feeling like I. We are going to go to truth and a lie, icebreakers, guys that talked about one of your first start with something, you know, how do you lose your virginity?
What's the story behind that?
And you're the one I wanted to talk about first in getting drug virginity.
It's the same thing. I mean, no, not really drunk at all. No. So how did it go?
What happened? Why are you being so weird about this? Because it was because I it was like technically my first, but I like, kind of don't count it because it wasn't like it wasn't like I was having, like, romantic sex with somebody who was just like it just happened because it happened and it was just like, oops. And then like we were like, oh my God.
Like tripped in you. What do you mean? You fell in to me the weirdest way to describe sex, you know, like I know what you mean.
OK, let me OK, let me just say, I mean, I was at summer camp, OK, and I used to go to sleep away camp in New Hampshire and like it was coed or whatever.
So like girls and guys would always hook up like after hours.
And you lost your virginity to a guy in camp. You have it like I don't really count. Count it. OK, I count it. I'm like, OK, are you OK?
It's a lot to be told me about this because I don't even like count it because it's just it's the camp that they sent you away to.
Imagine this. Your mom didn't want to pay. Yes, OK.
I sound like I sound like it's only one percent. Like we talked about this when we were younger and you, like, promised me that you didn't have sex with this guy. I'm finding out.
You wait. You did. What would you marry anyways? Your virginity. What happened there?
OK, so there's this guy from Venezuela that came to camp and he spoke like very broken English or whatever, but he was really cute, played soccer, I played soccer, you know, all these little things falling together. So the guys and my girlfriend's little behind my back.
We're being like, we need to get this guy. We need him, this guy to hook up with with Natalee.
We need to know that I saw Natalee has a hook up for the summer because I was like the girl. I was like, not into it, just like didn't care. But the Mount Katahdin trip happened. And we all go together for like four or five days and we're doing this big trip. You camp out on the mountain, you take it makes you horny, too, right?
I made that up. Is that true? Now, I just went to a location.
So on the last night, we decided we were going to play naked, capture the flag, the boys in the girls. Okay.
Wow, you just dropped that on us. Please try and make it capture the flag. Yeah, it's a whole like it's a weird thing.
The like I got the flag. That's not the flag. Yeah. All right. It's dark.
It's you can't really see. You can't really see. That's the whole thing. It's like you were naked but you can't really see, you know, we are supposed to do that. We're supposed to have our naked capture the flag. But a bear during the day came on to our campsite, a black bear, and it tore our tents apart. We went to the river to shower that day and we came back and our tents were torn apart. Our food was just everywhere.
You made the mistake of leaving out food in the middle of a fucking mountain. So our trip got canceled for our safety. We had to leave and we were all bombed because we're like, fuck, we can't play naked, capture the flag. And so we got back to camp, was like a six hour drive. We go back to camp at like 1:00 in the morning and we're like, we have to play. We have to play like our counselors.
They let us let us get dropped off in the far, far fields. And this is really the moment like my girlfriends and the guys were planning, like, oh, after capture the flag, Natalie in the sky are going to go hook up. And that moment happened. I was like, thank Jesus, Lord. Like, I don't have to go hook up with this guy, whatever played the game, whatever game was over.
And him and I like naked one and we broke all the juicy part.
We watch him every naked and all of our friends are like, okay, like this is like this is the times they all left.
And it was just him and I in the middle of this, like, you know, get the fuck out of I never heard this shit out of a movie. Not a lot. What the fuck? You and him. We're just naked on this field. Yeah, we're making this up.
And he was. Oh, I know. This sounds like we like nicer than it was.
You belong to the field that it was so awkward and like and we were like standing up naked, like like it's not like it's not like we're like laying in bed, like, naturally, you know, whatever. We are standing up naked and we were like making out whatever. And then he I don't want like this is kind of gross. I actually don't really wanna talk about this.
Oh my God. You've come this far. You okay. You're on the field. Throw on the field where he were like making out or whatever, and he like lifts me up. I'm like on him or something.
And he said, you guys are still having sex standing. No, we haven't had sex yet. You're straddling him.
He picks me up and so and then and then whatever. And then we started laying down and then he was like laying on top of me and like I was I was like nervous and super scared. And so he like, this is why it's like kind of gross.
But he was really realistic inside me that no Dick, no matter how you thought he put a stick inside her, you know as well he said it was gross. Yeah. Gross, that's what sex is. He put his penis inside. I know, I know, I know. OK, and then what happened? Did you know it was just so awkward and, like, so uncomfortable and like, yeah, you're 16.
It's not supposed to be beautiful. I know the worst is like losing your virginity is like a horror show sometimes. OK, and then what happened?
And did you guys do the last more than ten seconds? No, no, no. He like he like put it in one time and then I was just like weirded out and like we were making out and then we just he just walking back to my bunk and I was there. He walked you back naked.
Were you holding his hand back or did you hold his penis? How did you walk with him back to the cabin? I can't breathe. Were you just like I found this boy in the woods is so made in mine I won the game this time. Yeah. It's like the Hunger Games are covered in blood. I've done it. That's fucking. That's crazy.
How have I never heard that story? I don't know. I have never like relived and recounted a story like I just did.
You had you lost your virginity in the middle of a field during capture the flag. That's pretty good. I love how this all started going. Hey, guys, let's talk about the first something first.
What superhero you think you'd want to get if you could get it right now, if they get a franchise going in, it's David Tobruk's dying wish. Which superhero?
Iron Man son. Iron Man son. He's called. Well, he's got Iron Man, somebody like Iron. He's like a kid that, like, takes over Iron Man. His name is Tell Me, Tell Me, because I don't know anything about comic books fans in the story.
I'm not too familiar with, like, exactly how the story works, but I think the kids kind of been in the movies. He's he's one of them. Have you seen Iron Man three? Sure, I've seen them all. Well, he's he's the kid.
Remember one Iron Man. He he flies like a small town. There's this kid that helps him out.
Yes. Do you let a little kid?
Of course, that little kid turns out to become iron clad, right? I think that's how it goes. That's pretty sick. So that's the kid I'd want to play. So different back story. Kind of humble beginnings. Yeah. Iron Man just passed it down to you.
He doesn't I think he creates his own suit because Iron Man gifted him this whole fucking studio and government in this whole shop where he can create his own things. And I think he becomes Iron Lad and like when he's in his twenties and like, that's what I would love to play, bro.
I just got chills right now. Has got chills that like someone at Marvel, like here's this podcast, this.
It's like, yeah, OK, you know what? It's just fucking crazy.
Do you imagine that's the goal? Marvel, if anybody, at Marvel. Listen, guys, if you have parents that work at Marvel, say I will work my ass off.
Let me read one of those DMS I get all the time. I will work for you for free for the next 90 days.
And if I don't prove myself, if I don't prove myself SDM Robert Downey Jr. right now and son that yeah, I work for the next 90 days, bro, I would fucking and I would drop everything I'm doing to, to, to really, to really kill it.
I will, I will travel to Singapore and become whatever it is. Hang on. I will get one with a character. Hang on.
You know what they're going to tell you. I'm going to get it. I have to get a trainer and you're going to have to get. That's my favorite part. Oh yeah. Your trainer, you fired four trainers here. No, I didn't fire. They quit. They quit because you don't show up. Yeah, but that was my favorite part because now I have like a goal and you'd be forced to do it. I'd be forced. And I I'm not going to let other people down like that.
The one thing I hate doing is letting people down. What, burritos? Yeah. No tacos. Yeah. I don't know what that means.
You have to have a different diet. You know, these guys, they're going to come out and Johnny like he became a super hero. He was, he was, he was like he got ripped but you know. Yeah. Like I said. Oh I know Jay. But like I'm not going to fucking you think I'm a fucking bro.
If you are like, yo, you've got to fucking play. I'm like, yeah, I'll fucking give up whatever. No more card. I don't give a fuck, bro. If you told me I have to live in an igloo for the next three years, I'm fucking live in an igloo. I'd commit to that.
I think it's I think superheroes are so fucking I'm so like infatuated with it. Like just Robert Downey Jr., especially like I know he's my favorite Ironman, but like but like why they're so cool to me is because they're not real, but they are real. Like when Robert Downey Jr. like appears at like a hospital or he's like at a school and there's little kids there. There's no such thing as superheroes, but they are in movies. And Robert Downey Jr.
is the closest thing you can get to superhero. Yeah. So when a kid is looking at him, he's very much the embodiment of a real superhero. Oh, yeah. Like when he's when a kid's having that interaction with him, like that's like that's like such an empowering thing for a kid to like be a part of to like have a conversation with someone they look up to. And I love the feeling of like what these actors and what these characters create for other kids.
And I think that's like so fucking priceless, just like that. The fact that, like, Robert Downey can like or like Chris Evans can walk into a room and could, like, really fucking light like these little kids eyes up because of like how much they look up to these people like that. Like that means the world they'd be so cool to be able to do.
He brings, but he transcends the role. Like, he just he brings something to life that doesn't exist. Right. I think it's so sick. This Christmas, you'll have to ask Spirits Epic Adventure, Wonder Woman, 1984 in theaters and on HBO, Max on the exact same day, screaming at no extra cost to HBO Max subscribers beginning December 25th. Plus with HBO, Max Streambed, the greatest collection of series movies and exclusive Max originals all in one place.
Discover something new to watch, like The Undoing, the flight attendant, his dark materials and so much more. You go to HBO, Match.com or download the app to sign up and start streaming today. Wonder Woman 1984 is rated PG 13. Wonder Woman 1984 available to stream on HBO Max for 31 days from theatrical premiere.
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You see this tick tock here, Jake Coleman, he got really famous doing one tick tock, but then they took the sound away.
So now his page is just oh, no. Yes, pretty funny.
You know, the sound that's like if you want to party would have it probably fade away in sentiment. No. Yeah, mine's gone, too. I did it to Pretty Woman.
OK, are you are you still mad? Are you still mad about not being mentioned in the intro is just a gag bro. You're obviously the main beef here. OK, so that is clear. Yeah.
Dave, you want me to say it because I will. You know, this is the thing about you know, I'm kidding. This is the thing about you.
Everybody thinks Dave has got this easy life. It's not true. It's fucking hard out here for a pimp, is it? Is. It's tough.
Yeah. So I'll say it, Dave, you're fucking you're great. You're amazing.
You know that. OK, now he's checked out, he's tuning out, now he's picking his ears. You act like you want all these compliments and stuff, but then when people give them. Yes, you are. So last night I sent him this like long.
Really nice text. Oh, don't ever do that. Didn't get anything yet.
Last night. He sent me a text last night. Yes. What the fuck. Oh, and you didn't respond. Oh, dead. Absolutely dead ass. I had no idea. I thanked you for my gift and then I sent him this long text. What is it? End all these things. Wait, what's so fucked up, man?
Well, you know, what's crazy is long texts are my favorite in the world, and that's why I send them to you. And you didn't even acknowledge it.
Well, you didn't. I'm literally looking at our phone. You didn't text me anything. Oh, my God, you did.
Wow. You must be operating at such an insane rate that you and I know he wasn't.
I knew he was awake because he was fucking streaming the person who bought you a gift.
So I had you know, I didn't get it because I have all the assistants on.
Do not disturb that great way to run a business man. I just get so bothered when they're always asking me to do shit and I'm just like, you mean trying to have you do your job. Yeah. Oh man. That's so fucked up on my bed. Oh, I totally missed this text and it is fucking long.
Oh my God. I don't know. I can't read it because it's like really cute and sweet and like it's not supposed to be. Here I go.
Oh I'm so sorry.
These are my I'm not going to read it now. I'm going to read in like nine hours when I'm like a long and bad because that's what I love them the most. I'm such a big fan of long text. I do hate compliments in person like that. Is that's that's 100 percent true. OK, I hate that.
Like, I think they're like it's really hard to sit through, but that's why it's so hard to like make you feel better and better about anything because like when you're down like we're like but Dave like come on, you're doing all this shit and you hate that part. But like, I'm not going to like put you down. I want to put you up and you, like, won't accept it. You're like, no, it's fucking sucks. You're like, OK, I don't want you.
There's no one.
It's yeah. Because it's like hard to talk to me because I just feel like a little kid like I don't know.
Yeah. OK, I just try not to interact with you. Well we have a podcast so that kind of kind of makes it a lot tougher on you. But but yeah. No I'm sorry. I didn't know what happened with a rap song.
Oh, can you talk about that? About what? Yeah, me and Eliot wanted to write a love song for you, but it turned into more of a diss song and lyrically, it was phenomenal.
I can read some of the lines if you like. Yeah, I read some of the lines right now. So Joe and Illia came to me and they said, hey, we're writing a distraction for David. And I said, OK, that's well, that's that's hard to do.
And and then we started writing it. They also offered me part of their protein company there, they think, to get me to write it. Then they made me sit there and type everything.
The first day I was like, and they're talking about percentages of what they're giving away to the writer. They're giving nothing to me, by the way. And I'm sitting there fucking typing the whole day would have been giving to the writer, I don't know, like they were going to head to head to the writer and they were arguing like, don't give too much percentage away to the song.
You'll give the sport roads leading you to look like it was going to be that big. You're talking about Spotify, right? And I knew it was going to be big.
So I was just like I didn't fucking say anything. And then and then as we started to write it, I was like, oh, this is this is this is tough.
This mean. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough to write a disc track, read some of the lines.
OK, this is just this is just part this is a story about a little Slovak song fucking puzzles and doing Tic-Tac used to get 10 million views overnight. Filemon Zain Drunkeness got in a fight. This will be me. I would go, Yo, Joe, haven't you been in some of David's vids? And he goes, Yeah, he gave me a Corvette. He gave away covid. But my reaction was shit.
But he goes he goes come over to Joe to be real quick. Pyro five hours later, bitch, suck my dick. Yeah, that's. Well, let's talk about this, because this is really interesting.
The day I gave you the Corvette. Oh, that's the best in my life. So, Joe, so for some reason, this is like ongoing joke between me and Joe that he can ever get into my blogs. I don't know how it happened, but it's like. I don't know. Joe, can you explain it better? Yeah.
You don't like Joe. I know you don't like him in the videos. Oh, that's fine. Joe is and I've said this and I said, let's be honest back all the time. I think Joe is one of the funniest people ever. And he sits next to me and edits every blog with me, like I'll be editing and he'll be right there.
And I'll be like, Joe, do you think this is going to be like, no? And then, you know, he'll give me something about Cortazar, about cool, that that's a good idea.
But when it comes to being in the videos, for some reason, it just never happened. And it's and there's this one moment where I was like, OK, I'm going to buy my editor friend Joe. A Corvette like this is going to be like this real special moment and really exciting. And and the worst part is, is the reason I was, like, so scared to get this Corvette. The reason I didn't want to go is because he he sits with me and edits every video so he knows how much I analyze a reaction.
So like he knows he like like I don't want anybody to know this. And I'm I almost certainly want to talk about on the podcast. But like I like when I get a reaction, like and I'm editing the reaction, like I'm analyzing like every moment of it, I'm like, I'm cutting. I got the perfect time. They look away or like they're they're eye contact changes or like something like that. So it's like it's like very structured the way I cut together the reaction because I want to make it super emotional.
And for that reason I was like, I'm scared to give Joe something because I don't want to fucking overthink it. And like, I want him to just, like, accept the gift and have like a good time. And I was so scared that, like, when when I gave him this Corvette, he was going back, oh, fuck, it's me.
I'm on I'm on the block now. This is my time to get a good reaction. Here I go. Here I go. Joe, what happened when I surprise you with the Corvette? Like, honestly, be honest. Maybe maybe you aren't freaking out about the reaction. How was it? It was awful because I like this guy behind the vibe in the moment. You're, like, all pumped.
But then, like, I also think about you, like, OK, how are we putting this together? And like, where's the point? Where's the outpoint? I don't care if you give me a bad reaction. I just care if it's a forced reaction. Yeah, like, that's my least favorite thing is when someone plays it up for the camera. Right. Like I just want like that's why I was nervous about about surprising you too.
I was good. No, yours was that was I was excited. No, no, Jay. But listen, I was scared that you were going to like play it up for the camera, but you, like, played it perfectly. You were like when I gave you the test, like you're like, well, it's about time.
Like that was your reaction. And I was so perfect. And I like I hate when I surprise people and they think that they have to give me this big reaction for the camera. Right. And like and that's what I was scared that Joe was going to think he had to give me.
I remember thinking that when you gave it to me, but then when I saw that what the car was it that took over into this pure, like, fucking crazy enjoyment. And I was like, it was the exact car I wanted. And I was like, oh, my God, I was like, crazy.
Yeah. So anyway, we gave him the car and Joe is filing a vlog and I just didn't like the rest of the video. Like, I just didn't like how and every vlog I love every blog of mine I'm completely in love with. Right. Like like day one. I know like some blogs, just, you know, the first blogs are definitely different than than the rest, but I still like them for what they are. Right, and they progressively got better and better, but like this one blog stuck out to me like a sore thumb, I don't know what it was and Joe knew that.
And then I get a call from Sikhi.
It was Joe's face. Joe is in it. And I got a call from Kik.
And they were like, Hey, man, we don't like this flag. And the main reason I didn't like the flag is because I did something new at the agreed. And it was like it was like Ian from Sikhi was like drunk in it. And Ian was like, you know, maybe it's not the best idea that I that I'm drunk in this video. And I was like, you're right. It doesn't look that good. It didn't look that entertaining.
And then Joe's face and I was just like, I'll just pull it. And he was like, what?
Because, like, I won't pull vlog for fucking anything, right? Like if a brand will call me and be like we were going to pull this brand out, it's you. Yeah, I would be like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I don't I don't need to get paid like my blogs are my babies, like I'll fucking do whatever. But this is the one blog where I was like, yeah, I'll just take it down and I'm sick because like what I was like yeah, I just can't take it down and that's it.
And I removed it and took the Corvette back and that's the end of it all.
Still has the Corvette. But yeah, it was, it's really funny because it's like, it's like this like only like the super fans will know that there was a moment that Joe got a Corvette before it got deleted.
So that was the only video that you've ever taken down?
I've taken out two videos before, but not for the reason that I just didn't like his job and and the other blogs.
Or was that the only one? David made me eat Jason's toenail until I saw that.
That was fucking disgusting. We loved it. I that was one of my favorite videos I dated. David tells me no one liked us. Yeah, I know. When we were editing it, we were dying laughing. We thought there are so funny because it was Jason's disgusting ass toenail.
And I was like, Joe, what was what was I going to give you to brand new camera, which I needed. OK, so I was going to give Joe a new camera to eat the toenail and like it was like a gross sharp toenail, like, really disgusting.
Jason, you were I don't know how you are growing these things. And it was so it was so disgusting that Joe had to go wash it in the sink. So so he washed it in the sink. But as he was washing it, he dropped it down the drain. And the best part is when he dropped it down the drain, we're like, well, we can't let this bit go. So we had to hire a plumber and the plumber had to come and open up the sink so he could pull out the toenail so Joe can eat it.
And this is on the blog. We were fucking dying. We fucking loved it. And then I posted the blog where he ate the toenail.
And people are like, yo yo thomasa, like the comics like, yo, yo, this is not cool. Like, this is disgusting. That was that was like the other moment Joe is in, in the blogs.
So I think, I think that like scared me from Joe for a little bit.
Both times Joe has been in the videos. We're not good. Yeah. Both times.
Both times it has tanked. But yeah. Joe eating the tone is one of my favorite moments. That was very underappreciated in the videos.
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Speaking of Secret Santas, we did our Secret Santa here last night. How did it go? What did it say? I have a gift for you that's sick.
Oh, and I turn around and just.
Wow, that's the only color they had. I love this color. Is this a gag? No doubt I'll be 100 percent honest.
I love the jacket.
Got me a Nike poofy jacket. The style of it I absolutely love. I love Nike. Nike's one of the cool brands that an older guy can wear.
No one's going to give him shit for it. It's Nike, Nike six. And it looks cool, right? Are you fucking with me? I know.
I think that's something I want to let the listeners in.
I want to let the listeners know that the color of the jacket is is is.
I don't know if you ever see what a baby has diarrhea. But I mean, Al, I'm coming to you today. David, I am completely mind blowing.
You literally chose the ugliest color in existence. I mean, I think there's not an uglier color that exists.
I hate to put this stop, but you agree there is no color in the world that would be worse than this jacket, which is which sucks because the jacket is fucking dope. Yeah. Dope jacket.
No, if I'm being honest, I was at the Nike store and I want to get you the cool puffy jacket like that or the other color. No, that was the only color.
And I was like, let me let me go and look in the mirror. Maybe I'm wrong.
I think you guys are putting too much weight on this color. I think I think it doesn't look that bad. Nope. It's terrible.
I'm like, I'm trying to love it now. It's a J. It's the I thought it was a gag. I thought you guys were waiting for me like I love it. And you are going to go, hi you asshole. And the color is so off it looks like baby diarrhea. I feel bad. I'm like, I love it. I love that you bought me something and I love the actual style of it.
Maybe it looks cool and you got your eyeballs out if you close one eye and squint with the other.
It's kind of my favorite is Jason's usually so positive about things and his reaction when he turned around and saw the jacket and he looked back at me, you could tell he like looked back at me like check to see if it was a joke or not. I totally did.
Honestly, I thought that the jacket itself, like, carried more weight than the color.
And I was like, maybe, you know, I mean, guys, please don't think I'm being like an asshole and not being appreciative of this gift if you saw it. Like, I just have to be honest, I have to be honest, because if I say that I love it, then everyone's going to be like, you're so full of shit.
I'm glad that you say you don't like it because it's returnable. This this takes a lot of pressure off the gift that I'm going to get you now, which is great.
Can we talk about a subject that's a bit of a sore subject here? But I already know you're going to say, did you hear that Ariana Grande is engaged? I know.
I know. I didn't want to talk about it on the podcast. I just didn't want to wonderboy that. You're really bummed out about it.
You should have seen him with a fucking pretesting today, bro. Right. But Jay is my big day, right? Is my big day at the pizza tasting. I finally after a month of trying pizza. OK, yeah.
We finally fucking go to pizza tasting and right before the fucking pies are brought out and David tries this pizza, Natalie goes, did you know that Ariana Grande is engaged.
I have David Davis freezes. He freezes in like for the next 30 minutes we lose him.
I'm like the fucking Paiser out there just sitting there. I'm like, dude, come on. I know. Hey, promise me. I will say I will say this. I will come in on this topic, even though it is like it bums me out here. And not for the fact that, like, I thought I would marry her one day, but like I wish I could have met her one day so I could have been like, you know, maybe we wouldn't have lived, but I've never met her.
So I don't know, you know, I mean, like I'm still like I'm still in my head where I'm like, maybe we could have been one day.
But like, the one thing I will say is the guy that she's dating, I really I've only seen pictures, but I really, really, really like them together.
So, like, I know it's Mayger trained him for this response. I know I'm being serious. That's what I said. I said that at the pizza place. Like, I really genuinely just I think I think she found like a really good guy and I think and she found like a normal guy. And I think this is going to be sick. So a very healthy, very healthy date. I'm moving on.
But yeah, I just brought up I didn't want to talk about it because I showed up in a ball. It actually bums me out.
I don't know why for what reason, but it does. And I wish her the best.
I like you like you actually dated Dave are going to want a statement from you on Ariana's engagement. Yeah. No, I don't know.
But yeah, she. Yeah. Hey, the better. Man one Yeah.
Yeah, whatever. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Not like that.
No you're right. She's like a beautiful dolphin now. Yeah. I was there at the pizza place and and the guy who like owns a pizza shop, he's like, well listen man, sometimes you miss the bus and you just have to catch the next one. And I was like, she's not a bus. I just got an email that says Jason's jacket.
That's a subject. You know why they go.
The jacket you got, Jason is fine. David and Jason just have bad fashion. Jason is too old to understand.
It's a nice color, David. It's too much of a dork. He'll have we talked on the podcast.
I mean, you've used every other outlet. The Illia is looking for a girlfriend. So just to preface this, I bet Illia the other night he was like, oh, you know, I don't want to go from I could go in if I wanted to.
And I was like, no fucking way.
Oh, he said that? Yeah. Oh, I say I preface this by saying I said, OK, well, there's no fucking way you're going to just find a girlfriend and I'll give you seven days and he's OK. But but and then he goes on an Instagram and I go, that's already cheating.
You give me any rules bro. I said, I said, you can't fucking use your Instagram. Where am I? Am I going to find a fucking girlfriend during a pandemic?
OK, ok. But I'm saying OK, he's using his Instagram. OK, that's fair. Last night we're sitting here and he just goes, I actually want a girlfriend.
And I'm like, oh, you can't forget him. Yes. And then I'm like, OK, what do you mean?
And he's like, I don't think I'm ever going. I'm in love. I'm like, goes into this whole thing. I'm like, OK, bro, bro.
It's called being a fucking Libra. Have you ever heard of this fucking. I'm just a bro. So what it is I'm telling you, bro. Yes. You fucking change our minds all goddamn time. OK, first of all, that's a Gemini. Libra aside, whatever, whatever you are I think you are. You're so easily like you fall into love so easily and you are genuinely a simp.
And I think I am not a simple. Yes, you are. It's time I sent you Simp all the time to tell me the last time. Tell me, what do you mean about me? The last time I said I don't know you simple lot over people like.
Yeah, over people in general but not all girls I sent over us. Over Joe. Over Jason.
You simple for girls. No dude, you're wrong. You're wrong.
I think everybody I'm not coming to his defense, but I actually came to the conclusion last night that he's not a snap. He's actually a fuck boy.
No. Yeah, no, he's a fuck boy simp. OK, no, no, no. Well, it's a fine point that you sent to everybody. You're like if if we're having people over which we don't do anymore, which is why I don't have an example. But when we have people over and there's like a girl there for the next two or three days, it will be all about that girl, right? Irv, Carina's here. And this will be looking like it'll be it'll happen in like it'll happen so quickly.
They'll be from one girl to the next, but he'll give everything he has to that one. He's a fuck boy because after three days he's like, oh, Gameover. Yes, he's a fuck boy. That's what you are. Yeah, I agree. Jesus Christ. That's what you are.
You literally told me the worst is not that bad. It's like simple is like kind of a good thing. But then we added the worst. Then it's like how could you be both. But yeah, you're fucked by ssempa but I think you're going to find one. You're going to you just need to find one person that you can focus all your sympathy on. Right.
And once you have that person, he doesn't want to find that. I also add I hate the word cemp from the moment it was started. From the moment I heard it, I thought it was such a juvenile, stupid word. I hate when kids use it, but like it just describes Illia so perfectly that I cannot use any other word. And you'll will never catch me using Cemp in another term other than with.
Oh yeah. I guess that's all the time we have for today. Thank you guys for listening and I want to wish you guys a merry Christmas or whatever you're celebrating. Happy Hanukkah.
Happy Christmas, guys. Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, everything.
Have a good time. And I hope I hear from you guys soon. All right. So you guys show.