What's he got like the views, Jay? The votes are in, I know the elections coming up. No, no, no. I ran a poll on Instagram to see how many people want me to get new. Oh, and not looking too good for you. I gotcha. I'll throw them some music.
The other week, I stepped out of my room and I go into the living room and there was a there was like a random person here, like standing at our table. And so I go back into your room and I start looking for you.
And I start looking for Natalee. And I'm like, oh, I guess nobody's here. Then I go back into the living room. And as I'm coming up, I'm like, I'm like, damn, this girl is a fat fucking ass.
And the girl turns around and it's Natalee in a wig. Oh, my God. I remember that.
I remember because right when it happened earlier, the first response was, bam, now you a fat ass. That's funny.
Mike and I were talking about masturbating the other day. Oh, we can. We can. No, no, it's funny. Oh, looks great.
And, you know, he was like, yeah, I just like I come into like a paper towel or whatever. I'm like, yeah, but you know, we're just like, you know, pinch your dick as you're coming and like so the cum doesn't come out of your day.
Oh, I've heard you say this before. I think that's the most ridiculous fucking thing I've ever heard. No one ever does that.
OK, and then and then I asked Todd and he goes, Yeah, that's completely normal. It's true.
I agreed with him. What do sometimes I pinch my penis when I'm about to ejaculate. Yeah.
To say a pinch at the top.
The top was not the very, very top. Like, like little like parsley. What's the fuck are you saying.
What do you mean you had ever done it. This makes I still am convinced that Ali is making this up and then we had to like a 45 minute conversation about it. And then the next morning I 7:00 in the morning he FaceTime me and goes, I have consulted a trusted source and then points the camera and goes, Yeah, yeah, I hold my dick. Yeah, everyone does.
So they don't I don't do that every time. But I've done a lot of masturbating in my life.
Nathalie's issue that Todd pinches his dick before he comes on your face, I have no comment.
But you talk on the podcast now just lately. Yes. Yeah. The pendulum has been hard on US policies usually. Sort of. Oh yeah.
Well, this is like what I think everybody is like anybody. Anytime I go to breakfast or like dinner with these guys like Ilya and Ella, all we talk about the whole time is just sex stuff. Yeah.
Usually this shit is cut out of the podcast. We kind of just do it for Joe because he's a little pervert and he edits these things and it kind of fuels him for a Friday evening, the rest of the podcast. Do you think just sitting there like he's what he does is what he tells me is he masturbates to part of the stories and then he edits the other half. So we do it just for him. Do you pinch your dick, Jason?
No, I come in like four seconds.
Something pinching your dick will help him find his dick. And the time for me is the timing is good.
It's less time. I don't need more time with come inside me. It's what I call aging in the gay world. No, no. Edging and pitching is different.
Can I ask something? Yeah. Are you into me? I feel like we've been I feel like we've been left alone a couple of times this week and there was like some tension between us.
You feel it, right? I feel like you've been complimenting me a lot lately.
You are. You are into me, aren't you? No.
OK, actually the other day I even told us to Taylor. I don't know if Taylor told you this. This is why you're fucking with me. Because I had a dream that you were fucking gay. I know. OK, now this is this is the story of locked doors.
This like I named I titled This Dream Locked Doors. OK, OK.
It's a Bailey was excited about the story. Yes. Because it's so it was so vivid. You had a dream that I was gay. Yes. When you when you and Elliott came out that night Gunlock door, what does that mean.
Locked doors very tightly titled My Dream A Locked Door. You always title your dreams sometimes.
Do you write them down? You're an artist. Do you not know? Is there something in your notebook? I mean, you like to draw my dick pics. That guy said me. OK, that's ok. What? I saw you in your dream. OK in my dream. We were in a house, a huge house, and you were like you were like like I've always wondered, I was like wondered what we always have this conversation, whatever.
And then I was like, do you want to try something? And then he's like, I don't know, you lead the way. And then when I was about to, like, touch your dick, one of your assistants, I don't know if it was Taylor, it was like very not vivid at all.
Yeah. And one of your assistants, quote, quote, walked in because you don't know how to fucking lock your doors.
Yeah. That is a problem. And then and that's why it's and then we open doors and then.
And then thank you for giving the background and that's how I came up with the name because you. No.
And then then you tried stopping your assistant saying, like, please don't tell anyone like I want to tell this like someday, but I'm not ready yet.
And I was like, I need some time. But now it's like it's in my book already. And then you're thinking about it. I know, OK.
So and then I was like, David, you have to like tell someone, you know, like, I'll be here. This is a real dream you have literally. Yes. Have you ever thought I was actually bi or gay?
I sometimes. Really. What do you mean sometimes. Sometimes. I would watch, like, fan videos and I'm like, oh, my God, he's so straight, and then sometimes I would be like, oh my God, he's so gay. Really?
Yeah, I think I'm just really feminine. But I know for a fact that I'm straight.
Well, I only have to my dreams is no good way to say that, you know, it's like, well, I'm pretty straight. Yeah, I think you are too. It just sounds funny out of anyone's mouth. No, no. But no, I'm, I mean, that's great.
I'm totally cool with saying, like, if I was gay, but I'm not gay, maybe David helped you come out.
So maybe that's what that dream is.
You know, I think that's just that's just a wet dream.
That's let me just Reggie's dream of being gay, not have a wet dream.
Do you have more ideas for locked doors if you have like. What's the next step? So I can't wait.
Your eyes lit up when I brought you to settle. No flaming saddles. Yeah.
Because I like it's just so entertaining watching like masculine guys like to be confident and like, flamboyant. And I've said this before, but there's something fun, more fun about watching guys strip than watching girls strip. I don't know what it is, but there's something hundred percent.
Oh, but there's something about there's something about a guy that's a super buff guy that's super masculine.
Yeah. Dancing and like a feminine way and like a loose way that's like a lot more entertaining to the girls would say they'd rather see a girl strip.
Really. Yeah. Oh OK. What if they're like oh no.
I'm saying like if I'm if I'm with you and Reggie, if the guy stripping more men, if I'm at a show got fuck, I'm in a hole.
It's all right baby. Locked doors. No, no, no, no.
I'm just saying, if I'm like if I want to be like if I want to, like, have a good time and have fun, like, I'd rather watch a guy strip, but if I'm like there to get aroused, like I want to watch a girl strip and like I'd rather have a girl in my bed than a guy. I'm not gay.
Yes, but but like, I don't know.
I don't it's not like out of the realm of possibility. I don't fucking I don't know. Who cares. Who knows.
Jay, you want Chinese, your friend wants pizza and there's another guy that wants Froyo. What the hell do you do. Fucking go on Daudzai.
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Don't forget that's code views for five dollars off your first order with Jordache. I got to I got to complete one on my bucket list items the other day. I got to share with well, I got to work with kind of, I guess, my social media version of work with Leonardo DiCaprio, which is really. Yeah. What do you do? Incidentally, I know you didn't hear me talking about it the last fucking three weeks. Oh, well, we did something for voting.
Go vote. Actually, I don't know when this fucking podcast will be out. Probably the. Oh yeah. Yeah, go vote.
But yeah, we did a thing for voting. We're doing like a you can come basically hang out with me and meet Leo and it's like this big fun thing. And it was, it was really cool.
We got to go to it happened. What was the first thing he said to you? I met him a while ago. I met him like, oh, so this is how it happened. The another celebrity of my life. I can talk about the story because I've always been holding this. But another celebrity friend of mine called me one day and he's like, hey, I'd like you to meet one of my friends. And I was like, OK, cool.
I was like, it's probably his little sister. Like, he probably wants her to say hi to his little sister or his niece or something. And then he gives the phone his friend and goes, Hey, David, it's Leonardo DiCaprio.
I go up and I'm like, hi. And as and then he like and then he starts talking about something. And like, I put myself on mute and I run into the office and I think you were there. Yeah. Yeah. I run to the office and there's like three or four of you there. This is months ago. This is like a year ago maybe. Yeah.
And I run to the office and as long as he's talking, I go, Leo DiCaprio is on the fucking phone with me. And he goes, Oh, shut up.
And we're just listening to Leo talk for like two seconds. And I bring it back because I don't want to be weird. And sitting around this campfire of Leo's voice. Yeah. And then. And then. And then I saw him at a party like a couple of months later and I and I was like, fuck, am I going to walk up to him? And I walked up to him. I said hello. He fucking said hello to me, I.
Like, what the fuck, this is crazy, this is who I am, but I get to walk up the fucking DiCaprio and then fast forward a couple of months, we want to do something around voting. And I thought this was like a perfect thing to do, like some sort of, like, giveaway aspect where you can meet Leo, because I think that the coolest fucking thing and we got it done and Natalie and I went over there the other day, we went to go take the picture and we were so fucking nervous.
The whole ride there were like, oh, my God, I'm like just like I was like, I get nervous. I start being like, oh, like I start singing weird.
There's like a 40 minute car drive and like, yeah, at some point at one point Natalie was like, I just don't get the whole space thing like I really.
And I was like, fuck off, shut the fuck off. We're going to see the biggest fucking celebrity in the entire world. And I just shut the fuck up. I was so stressed out. I was so scared. And I really was like, right, right. I'm sorry. Like, we're all on the same page about how scary it was. And we were just like we were like the best part is when I've done this with like 30 different celebrities that I've gone to visit, like, every time I'm going to drive up to one, I'm like, imagine like imagine.
He goes, hey, we're going to Peru right now. You want to get on? And like, I run through all these stories, I'm like how this could possibly go. And I was telling Natalie, I'm like, I can't leave the country because I'm back. But I was like, Natalie, if you like, if I can ask us to go to, like, fucking, you know, Baily's right now, like, fucking we should go.
Right. We'll get on the plane. We'll deal with immigration stuff later.
And Natalie was like, I mean, yeah, I guess. Yeah. Like we should leave the country.
Like we were going through all these fucking scenarios and I had a real. Yeah. And it was just like we were so fucking nervous. And then we got there and it was like, dude, it's just like it's crazy. Like when that like the second you get to hang out the celebrity in that like that wall breaks. I like that tension breaks. Like he opened the door for us and his dog got out.
Go chase his dog. Like and that's where you go. Oh my God, this is fucking real. It's the guy from the Titanic who is the wolf of Wall Street, but he's fucking he's here at his house just fucking chillin like. And he's the fucking nicest guy. He's so nice.
Yeah. When when we first pulled up, we heard, like, kids running, screaming from like the house, like yelling or playing whatever. And we're like with the right house because we like just didn't anticipate that.
And like he had like family over like a bunch of little kids. The dogs were out like it was a whole. Yeah.
It was just like it was just so crazy. I mean, just like I can't believe just like the guy that's fucking in Titanic, Django Unchained, The Revenant, Wolf of Wall Street, like fucking Inception. We're just fucking right here. Just hanging out with him is so bizarre. And he was I don't know, I I'm I'm not just bullshitting, but he was just so nice and his girlfriend was so sweet.
He's joking around with you and stuff. Yeah. He was really cool because we were trying to take this fucking picture and we were so bad at it because we couldn't find the right lighting, because there were shadows everywhere, because I was like the worst time I was we went all around the house trying to take this picture and then we ended up at the same spot where we first took the picture. Now, it was really fun. He's there was the best I got to do that.
And a lot of people well, it's it's actually the campaign is doing really well. So it's exciting. Obviously, it's fucking Leo.
Are you doing Inception too, with him or. Yeah, I'm actually yeah. I'm doing I'm going to do The Revenant too. I'm doing so I think I'm growing out my beard. I can see it's really big now to play the beard. Is that quick. Yeah, that's feminize. That's crazy. So you're going to have to like go and live in the woods for a while. For eight months.
Eight months. Yeah. They want me to get there four months ahead of time, just four months before the crew, four months before that, just to kind of figure it out if you could do something like that with a movie like The Revenant.
Yeah. Fuck no, I don't think so. Now, if someone said to you, David, we're going to give you this Oscar winning script, all we need you to do is like gain, you know, a hundred pounds and live in the woods.
Oh, well, yeah. I mean, you do that as you go method on it. Yeah. If it's like an Oscar award, like if I know it's going to win an Oscar. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And if they're confident that my involvement in it would also like do it justice that I like, I'll live wherever I like to make anything entertaining. I would fucking do anything. But like I just don't think I would do a movie justice, especially of where I'm in the wilderness for eight months.
Yeah. You know, nature. Yeah. But yeah, it is what it is.
Did ask about your friend Todd. Yeah. He said dude I love the blogs, especially that guy Todd. Really. Yeah. Well he didn't ask specifically about Todd, but he was like, who wrote Nataliya?
And I was like it's was like, you're not Todd. Who else did he ask about from blogs.
But you, you, you, you, you, you say he was the cute Jewish boy in one out of every 900 videos. The only thing he didn't mention, he asked to be an Claitor Banks.
Yeah, come on. I know he asked about it.
He's taking a pause right now from production, but I know he'll be back to the earth.
He's got to let him know we're like running gun. We're guerrilla warfare. We don't need it. I think I was with White the other night and Charlie wasn't with us so we could watch a movie that like, you know, movies change when Charlie's not around.
You're like, not mean girls.
Not a whole genre opens up, you know, someone. Now you're watching Interstellar. Yeah, exactly. That was we were choosing between choosing Interstellar and Inception, OK.
And because, you know, he's like a science kid. He loves science so much. And and I said you'll he'll love Inception like. You'll just wow, he's never fucking seen Inception. No, how old is he? He's 14, right. All you ever do is what would you say that night? Just say no. I said what a blessing that he's watching it with his father. So what happened?
But he just stopped the movie. Every he's such a science nerd that he stopped the movie every 10 minutes.
He stopped Inception to want to tell me about it, to tell me his own theories on the dreams and how they could extract the dreams better. It's a two and a half hour movie. It took us four hours to finish. Wait.
He stopped the movie to put his own twist on. Yeah. To put what was already written in the movie. Yeah.
Like how they could have like, done it another way. Stuff like that.
He's like watching like this isn't going to work. Synthesiser doesn't add up at the molecular. Yeah. Oh wow. He was, he was like filming every video to Inception. He's like a proper nerd, right.
Yeah. It's, it's unreal because we're not like that. Marty's not like that. I'm not like that. And Charlie's not like that. Charlie's like fun. What does he say.
Things that are actually smart or does he just sound like he just found mushrooms? I'm too stupid to know if what you say is smart or not. You know, I took him to Yuhas once the scientists and scientists, and he said that he was super intelligent.
They said he said he had some good theories. I mean, whatever.
He broke a glass one night at, like twelve o'clock at night. And I got really upset. And then the next day I had a whole night where I just watched Inception with him.
Oh, I thought he had a theory on the broken glass. I thought they were going to go into that. It's actually not broken. Can I tell you, I thought I was going to be like that.
I would have punched him in the face. Yeah, like your nose actually isn't broken.
You know, I so that's really interesting. My favorite theory is, is it's not really a theory, but it's like it's when two things are coming towards each other that they never actually ever touch because the distance between them is always getting cut in half. So you're you're so it's like Reggie's dream now, but you know what I mean?
Like, if your fingers are from here to here. Yeah. Halfway here. Halfway is here, halfway here. And you're always going halfway. So technically they never ever touch because where does that doesn't add up. There's always a half of a number. So how are they touching?
This is super incredible. Like your cells and you're like your atoms and molecules are made up of things that aren't touching, like the electrons, not touching the proton, not touching the neutron. They're all revolving in empty space. Ninety percent of everything is empty space, but we're still like everything solid.
That's what I'm saying. It makes no sense. And they're fucking crazy, though. Your fingers are never touching. Like when you tell me when you touch your fingers together.
Yeah, it's just there's there's actually space in between everything.
I mean, it's it's crazy that, like our I think it's crazy what makes the space between everything or does our math just not. And if you zoom in on a fucking atom, nothing is touching. It's all like, it's like, it's like the solar system, like the sun is in the middle and all the planets are like not touching.
But if you zoomed out it would look like this is what I love about this podcast. I mean, from from fucking from locked doors to open minds, it really is.
You get the best of both worlds to squeeze in your dick so you don't come to meeting Leonardo DiCaprio. Well, the question is, are you really squeezing your dick because there is space between your fingers and your penis?
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Dotcom argues you want to hear something really fucked up. Yeah. Yeah you did something and I, I saw Joe and Joe is like how was it. And I go it was great. And then I go but don't tell David. I said it was great. And Joe goes, Right, right.
I won't know where you want to tell David. It's great what I'm like because, you know, like then he's going to go, it sucked. And then Joe and Joe was like we were like finishing each other sentences. And then Joe was like, right. Because then he say, this sucks and he's going to think you have a shitty opinion of what you think is great.
And I was like, yes, I don't say anything because that's a fucking theory. Why don't you, like, mind blown? What did I do? So basically, you're really fucked up. You know what happened? You did a live stream. OK, so I saw Joe the next day and he was like, how's the livestream? And I go, you know what? It was really good to go. I thought it was really good. And then I go, but don't tell David I said that.
And he goes, Yeah, yeah, no, I will be so funny.
I went to Natalie actually after that livestream and I and that was the worst livestream ever done in my life.
Yeah, I knew you and you were going to say that. Oh, interesting. But between Joe and I, I told them what I really thought. You had told me the truth and you were positive. That's really interesting because, you see, when I left, I told you I said that sucked.
Oh, yeah. You were busy with Taylor. I was like, that was fucking awful. I got to go look at my face. You said to your face I was like, that was shit. But then you got you got in your car, right? Yes. I was like, I killed that. Killed that. Oh, that's funny.
And what does that what what is the problem? Why do you say that?
Is it because. Because then if I, if I, if I told Joe that she was good and then Joe goes, Jesus said Lifestream was great, then you'll go, Chase is a fucking idiot.
Okay, okay. Okay, okay. Wow.
That's a paradox. That's like Machiavellian, like plotting of this empire that you've built for, like your subjects need to like lie to you about what the truth is to keep your version of reality intact.
Yeah. By way, they still stay in your do you realize you're becoming like a full blown psychopath? I found this out. We used to joke about it, but like, I've been like seeing you devolve over quarantine and like was like because you don't leave. Like Kali posted a video like a couple of weeks ago on her Instagram story, like the day lockdown happened. And you were freaking out, like, what do you do?
Where do we go? What are we going to Walgreens? Like, we got to get out of the house. What do we do? And now you don't leave the house. And he's just like, oh, this is what I fucking hate. People think I like leave the house. People think I, like, leave and like I hang out with a bunch of people. I don't think I get taxed so much shit. I get taxed so much.
It's like David's not hanging out these people. I'm like I know I don't like, I like I don't know how, I don't know how to explain.
I feel like it's coming to a nursing home to see you here. Like I come and visit David once a week.
I Ramaa in bed like. Yes, dying. And you're either playing video games or just like pissed off about something and you just haven't like and but you're still building this like little world of David and everyone's like you got to make sure they have with this. We got to like lie to him about this, like this Machiavellian version of the reality that you're built.
I don't ever leave the house ever. And do you understand what I'm saying?
When I when I when I say people think I saw something the other day that you were pulled into and I was like, he bullshit. Right, right. Or I don't you don't go anywhere, right?
I don't go I've been anywhere with you. Yeah. No one place that might just be me. Yeah. I actually go hiking. Oh my God. You texted me. Yeah. Let's go hiking. And I told Natalie I was like this is the second or third time just for me to go hiking. And I said, no, and I feel so bad. Well, you go to see Leo. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt so bad because I literally feel like I'm blowing like I you know what it feels like.
It feels like like a father trying to fix his relationship with his son too late. And like I keep saying no to everything, you're just like, are you sure hiking like you want me to stream with you? Like, I feel like it's getting to that point. I feel really bad. I was like, yeah, I was going to go shoot Leo. That's why I said no. But yeah, back to what Mike was saying is how people are amul.
Why didn't this happen the other day? You guys were talking shit about me in the group chat.
Oh, yeah. Well, that's a little different.
The other day everybody was talking shit about me in the group chat that I was in. Yeah.
But apparently, like, I don't check it for, like, know you're not reading it and we have to make decisions apparently.
Natalie. No, David's not going to read the group check because he doesn't read. We are going to just fall.
It was it was just everybody was conversing, going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, waiting for fucking David to respond, who's sitting in his room fucking popping his butthole.
And he's like Reggie, not Reggie. Um, and so I was just like, you know what, let's do this, blah, blah. I know David's not reading this group chat, so let's just fucking do this.
And then so I don't know how you've ended up finding out that we were all you you just told me you were like we were talking shit about you.
You were just said it. And I was like, wow, really? The other day I walked into David's room and I was like, verbatim. I go, Dave, you want to go to lunch? No. OK, see you later.
I remember that because he does want to be asked. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, no, I don't know. I was kind of bummed, though. Natalie had a serious covid scare the other day. Oh. Hmm.
Yeah I know. I got my whole video. Yeah. Yeah. Natalie was on some kind of a shoot. I mean you can explain what happened.
Yeah. I went to this, I went to this like shoot for a couple hours and literally at the end of it, we're making margaritas on this shoot.
And at the end, I'm really I just let me just say this real quick.
If there's any other any shooting with, like, celebrities involved or like even when we shoot in ourselves, everyone's getting fucking covid tested constantly. I hate that we have to say this, but that's obvious. Like just like people get covetousness to go to the job. This is our job. So when we're around other people fucking making videos or whatever, we're going to advertise it. So it's not like. Right.
So prior to this shoot, like they were so into. And like, she has to be tested within 24 hours of the shoot and like two other times before that. So I've been getting tested whenever obviously negative. So I went to the shoot, we blended the Margarita's and much like pour the margarita into the cup or whatever amount to be done in, this random guy comes through, burst through the doors and goes, everybody, I have some really terrible news.
We need to evacuate such and such a low, like lead producer who we know all very well.
And he his test results came back in the middle of the shoot and he's tested positive for covid everyone. He's left the building. Everyone else needs to do the same. We all need to be out of here as soon as possible. Please, like everybody evacuate.
It was like there was a gunman in the building, like it was like everyone dropped everything they were doing.
We were like had no idea. What are the camera guys do?
They pack up their stuff like everyone was just like they were like there was like this like ten seconds off, just like everyone looking at each other just silently like it was a producer there that day. Producer was there, said hi.
There was somebody that came in before me and like he was taking pictures of people like he was he was when he was there that day. Yeah.
He was like full on interacting with everybody. Oh. Like, I was in the green room talking to us, like talking about everything and sort of everyone clears out and everyone has to get immediately retested or whatever. Yeah.
And then a couple of days later, we found out that it was like a false positive that you didn't actually have a fucking positive. Like, that's crazy.
And but I had like I had to go to a hotel that night and I had to like I remember Natalie called me and I was like, do not come here. Do not come to the fucking. And I remember and I remember she came to that house and she sat outside in her car and Taylor told her to get like, pack everything that now we needed in her room. And I was like, I want to tell. And I was like, Taylor, do not interact with Natalie.
Do not look at her. You put the stuff in, you don't touch her trunk. You put it in her car and you walk away, you walk away. And I still was walking out. I went up to her again and I go, Taylor, you hear me?
Do not go anywhere near her.
Like, I was like so adamant about like Natalie not being come into contact with. And yeah. So she then she went to a hotel for the next two days. Taylor, get in contact with her.
No I five Natalie.
I was like oh my God girl, I haven't seen you in. A couple of months ago Natalie said, oh I love this.
Ticktock chef. Yeah. My favorite tech talker in the whole room months ago. And you know, I'm always looking for a video. So I was like, OK, so we worked it out that she would come. This is like August. She's coming in October. That day she flies in to cook for Natalie. Oh, my God. We go to Italy. We're like shopping. I'm having a really good time because I love Italian food.
And I called you. I called you that day. Yes, you did. And I call and this is the day of the shoot. The day of Jason shoot and the day of Natalie shoot. Or the false positives for covid. And I call Jason like Jason. Basically, you come by and help me with this live stream I'm doing. And Jason never responds like this ever.
He goes, No, David, I can't right now. I'm so busy. I do the thing with Natalie.
And then I go, Yeah, no, you're now I respond like that.
No, but you definitely responded tense. I was tense because I was worried I wouldn't get Natalie for the video.
Yeah, no you didn't. You were tense. And then and then I broke the news to you and then you're like, that's just perfect.
You're breaking. No, no, no.
I was like, that's fucking crazy. Yeah. So this woman flew out.
Yeah, it was great cooking with Sharon. Wow. Cherine cooking with your cooking and sharing her. She's she's amazing. Your food so good. I got to go instead of you.
It was we were, you know, everyone else then Jason like accidentally sent a group like a text, everybody of the food being like, hey guys, food's ready, everybody wants it.
And he sent it to me. But I was sitting in the hotel room. I was like, Really, Jason? Like, you know, I want to be there more than anything.
And he actually, like, sent this pasta picture to me.
I was in an accident. I was like, oh, that's right. You get covered on this day, you know? And then I sent another text which said, I want to bring you food.
Where are you? I know. And then I was like. Just do my own thing. A healthy lifestyle should be easier, right, to be eat veggies, drink green smoothies, exercise to get your heart rate up. Do yoga to bring your heart rate down. OK, maybe not that easy, but there is something that helps improve everything.
And you could do it with your eyes closed. Guess what it is.
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I don't know if you talk about the state, if you could time travel forward or back in time, where would you go? Are you asking me if I would go? Is that the final answer, forward or backwards or I mean to give you an actual date?
No, you can come back like if like I just watch Back to the Future the other night and it's like Doc Brown showed up with a time machine DeLorean. Where would you go? Where is like the first place you would go?
Fuck 9/11. Oh fuck. Yeah, I don't know.
I've always had this thing with 9/11 to watch it or prevent it. Prevent it.
Oh yeah, I did. How would you prevent it.
I just fucking I just run right into the World Trade Center, be like I have a bomb in these buildings.
That wouldn't work when I didn't evacuate after the first plane hit the second tower didn't even evacuate.
I'd figure it out. I mean, obviously I've had a time machine. I'd go in there more. Well, that's what you would do. You would try to get a tragedy. That's like as a kid, that was always my thing. I was a time machine, nine eleven. Like I had it. I was like, and everybody fucking comes up to me and has a time machine because I was like, so like I fucking hated, like, what happened 9/11.
Like, I was so passionate about. I was like, how can I fucking change this? You remember when it happened?
Yeah. My dad was in New York. So like I like that's why I remember. But but but no.
Now I've come to learn that like you can't change shit like that because, like, you don't know what fucking impact that's going to have on the future. So, like, I wouldn't go back and, like, do anything because I didn't want to fuck with the future. Does it make sense?
So what would you want to go observe something? I probably yeah. I'd love to observe like like when it rained a lot and Noah's Ark, like kind of splash.
Splash. I'm just a toddler answering this question another time. It's probably Jesus Christ. I want to see what's up with him.
Would you go back to when my parents were making them and stop them. Oh my God. That's right. After I visit Jesus Christ on behalf of the Jews. Jesus, I have to go after jump.
You wouldn't want to go, like leave a note for yourself, like your eleven year old self and fuck now real. I would want to do that. Would you like the way that everything turned out. You wouldn't want to fuck that up.
Well, yeah, not even that. I like how everything turned out. There's definitely things I would fix if I was doing it the first time. But I also don't want to know because I have a completely different mindset going into life. But I would I'd probably go in the future honestly. What I would do if I had a time machine sorry, events eventless four different ways. It's a crazy question, but 100 percent. Honestly, I would go back just a couple weeks and and just hang out with again.
No, no, no, no. I would go back and like, just win a lottery or something like something simple, like I wouldn't want to like really fuck with anything. I just want to like win some lottery numbers and like, you know, maybe get some get some bets. Right. Or whatever.
For my bet is that are some of them like, um, why would I go? I mean, honestly, the only thing I can really think of would be back to my dad. I messed up mom's wedding.
What the fuck. You use the time machine.
I do. I'm never bring my time machine or not.
Do I fucking have one? I want to go see your parents wedding. You know, I was in it.
And imagine this. I get a time machine. I pick up fuckin Illia, I pick up Jason. We're like freaking out. We're in the time machine, right?
Oh my God. This is crazy fucking anywhere. And then it's like we're all hyped up and then we'll madly and then he gets in the car and she goes, Let's go back to my stepdad's wedding.
Imagine what a fucking five you would be in this time machine. I understand that. I just I'd be like, are you fucking serious?
I'm thinking I'm trying to think of a. Well, you know what dinosaurs think about.
If I was with the dinosaurs, I would have a complete I would internally combust. No, you wouldn't.
I would guess it would sound like a personal pterodactyl. You like that money out?
I don't want to see shit that I haven't seen. I'm thinking about a personal memory that I wouldn't want to go see dinosaurs. Now, come on. What do you fuck? Are you fucking serious?
I guess thing going to see dinosaurs would be the safest thing because they're going to get wiped out by a meteor or whatever happens they're going to like and they can't tell anybody that you were there. Like look like that's the best part is when you're with the dinosaurs, you can run to a fucking caveman and it'll be OK. You could show him your time machine. You can drive away and throw him an iPhone. And you were not going to tweet about it now.
That's the best that's the best time to visit its dinosaur time, but that's crazy. You're invisible.
Well, I was going to say I would if I were like if I had multiple moments to, like, travel back in time. One of the moments I'd choose was when you and I had a competition at Dunkin Donuts to see, like, who could eat the most donuts and then who could throw up the fastest.
Yeah, that was crazy.
I was trying to drive like the longest time, like, I went first and I just kept getting myself and Dave's like, get out of the way. Let me show you how it's done. He doesn't like 20 seconds.
I'm like, of course. Yeah, of course. He gave me a DUI. Oh, so many donuts. I mean, like seven, eight. Yeah. We'd go at like three a.m.. Right when they're about to throw all of them out.
And we'd just like I've done that. And I thought I did it when I was 46. It really did you do it because you actually needed food to it with you. Oh yeah he did.
I went back to Vernon Hills with me and he did it. He did it with me. Oh, we should try that again. So what happens at Dunkin Donuts is that at the end of the night, fun fact. They throw out all their donuts, but they put them in a bag with a nice bag. That's the nicest little trash bag. It's the trash bag, but the trash bag full of donuts. Yeah, like there's nothing else in it.
It's just the donuts are thrown out and they put them in the dumpster and it's a huge bag of assortment of donuts.
And all you can do is just go into the dumpster and you pull them out and they're yours.
And I did it with and we ate a bunch and then it's dangerous. That bag man, that bag is just like soda.
Those are those are the best night. Oh, were you there when we we would do this often like some type one time we put it on my buddy Eric's nipples and we just put like the cream from the donuts all over his body, his shirt off.
Another time we took the donuts and we drove around neighborhoods and we were throwing them at people's cars and make this thumping noise like it's like really sad fucking laugh our asses off.
Every time a fucking Boston cream would hit a Corolla, I would just fucking start laughing.
And like I remember in the morning and the morning, in the morning, the neighbors would wake up and they'd be done. It's everywhere.
And it'd be like the fucking biker gang strike again. But it's fun.
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton have reportedly been in prenup talks for months. David, you ever get a prenup?
Uh, yeah, I think so. I guess I could ask for it to sign a prenup. What did you say? I didn't know with your ex-wife. Yeah, well, she asked you to sign a prenup. Yeah. Yeah.
Her dad and her dad sent me one and I was like, oh, One-sidedness. Wow. What did she say? She's like, OK, really? Yeah. And you're great. You didn't take anything. Not just that toaster just did launchers. Oh, the lawn chairs.
You talk and I remember we've talked about this on the podcast before. Jason's lawyer was literally like, yo, you could take like fucking half the shit. Like she lives in a nice house. And Jason was literally like her lawyers had said to me, oh, her lawyer said that I didn't have a lawyer.
So when you got divorce, her lawyer said to you, Do you mean like a fucking idiot?
Right now you can take out the stuff.
I was in there and he put the papers over and he was like, all ready for a fight. And I was like, here, just give me the papers, I'll just sign it. And he's like, What? And I was like, yeah. And then he called her outside and he was like, is this some kind of weird move that he's doing? She's like, No, no, he's not. That's like that's like a power move.
It is not. No, no, it is. Because you like you want it to be your man. You're like, fuck it. It's like a dignity thing. Yeah. It's not like I don't want your stuff. I'd rather leave my baby and I don't own any of this because you paid for all of it.
It's that kind of a move. But yeah. No, I guess you're right. I think I think like the bold me right now would say I'd be cool with signing a prenup. But I think like the lovey dovey and like the push over me and like the yeah. Like the insecure me would go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not signing a prenup.
Right. Right. This is, you know, love changes everything. Right. Right. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I was actually in love and my girlfriend was like or my wife was like, let's sign a prenup. And to be fair, if I was in love, I would never ask. Now don't think about it.
I would never ask my wife and be like, Fuck no, bro, when I'm in love, I'll fuck. You can ask me to dive into a tank of that.
Ladies fucking come on and come get him.
When I'm in love, I'm like I'm like like delusional. Like I'm like not there a ton of what you might be in love but they might not be in love. I know.
I know that. I know that I'm a ton of girls that are listen to this. Just went to change and you're also the most easiest person to like in your gullible.
You're really gullible. I think I'm in love with you. I'll give you the money. Yeah, I am.
I'm pretty easy when it comes to that. But Reggie. Huh. Just married Reggie. Reggie wouldn't.
That would be a dream come true.
Reggie, would you make David, would you sign a prenup if David asked you.
Yeah, I actually don't want his money. Oh yeah. Honestly, that's what you have to say to David to make him feel OK. I would not sign the prenup. That's the magic words.
You just as yesterday I was leaving the house and it was parked behind me and Natalie. Reginald, you're watching a movie. And I go, yo, l can you move your car? I'm heading out and I go to my car accident. I started waiting for him to come move it. I sit there for a solid six minutes. The dude doesn't fucking move.
No, it's more. It's more like. It was a long time I was sitting in this fucking car waiting for his car and I come back and I'm like, dude, what the fuck?
And what did you say? No, you were like, can you move your car? And I was like, oh, I thought you said, you want to spar.
And I go, I go, are you fucking with me? And he goes and he goes, Yeah, I was fucking with you owner. You wanted to see how long it would take to see how long it would take for me to come back. You really did want him to leave. Yeah. Yeah.
I just I really I was like, whatever. I'm not going to get up and go back in. I'm sure I'll come out every second I come back, I'll come back and he's sitting on the fucking couch asking if I want to spar.
Last night when we were out, I don't know what like my phone was in my bag and I don't know what happened, but like, the S.O.S thing went off and sent a text with my location and saying, I'll read you the text to my five emergency contacts. Okay, my mom, my dad, my uncle and my older brother. Oh, my God. And it was a 3:00 a.m. in the morning. And I was like, and they're also kind of awake because they're all like not in the U.S. I'm one of them is but like he's in on the East Coast.
And literally I didn't notice for like an hour. And then I looked at my phone and I literally had a text. Look, this is what it said. Emergency S.O.S. ELA D'Souza has made an emergency call from the approximate location. You are receiving this message because Allah has listed you as an emergency contact with my location.
And I was like, fuck. And my parents, like, they live far away. So, like, they're always worried. So I was like, oh, my God, my dad's going to fucking start calling me, but no one responded.
So I'd like I take them all, I mean, that's like, sorry, my phone like something, I'm fine, don't worry. And then I was like, not but like that could be me if I was kidnapped, you know, when someone said, no, no, sorry, I'm all good.
Yeah. This is a contact. I'll be there in a fucking hurry.
OK, great. My kids contacts. Maybe I shouldn't have that.
I mean, I don't know what you're safe. You're being mugged or kidnapped. Why it will come. It's getting pretty big on his hoverboard.
Well, that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Make sure to go out and vote. Jason, thanks for joining me and having me that this has been just a wonderful experience.
I love seeing you once a week for an hour. Oh, it's the exact amount that I would like. Why is Taylor pushing me out the door as right? We'll see you guys later. My name is Jeff.