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From NPR and Whitby's Chicago, this is Wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz. Hey there, babies. Fall asleep to me. I'm your Lulla Bill. Bill Kurtis. And here's your host who keeps a picture of his audience in a locket around his neck. Peter safe. Thank you, Bill.
And thanks once more to our fake audience, which this week is every person in Chicago over the age of 30 celebrating the Lollapalooza is online this year. Enjoy your drunk vomiting in the safety of your own home kids. Later on, we're going to be talking to Romy Yusuf, a comedian and actor who in his series, Rammy, finally lends dignity and expression to a much maligned minority in America. That is, of course, people from New Jersey. We're more than just mobsters and woman with big hair.
America, we want to hear from you. No matter which armpit of America you might hail from, the number is one triple eight. Wait, wait. That's one 888 924 eight 924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
Hey, my name is Jeff and I'm from Savage, Minnesota.
Savage, Minnesota. I've I think I've been there and it's not quite as savage as it sounds, is it?
Not even close. What do you do there? I'm an elementary music teacher. Oh, my gosh.
Is that something that you're able to do, virtually, quote unquote?
You know, I do feel like I am my best teacher when I'm in the classroom, but I had an opportunity to jump on Zoome calls, and it was really good to get on line and see 15 second graders after having not seen them for the first part of the pandemic.
Yeah, and I'm sure, you know, I guess one of the nice things of listening to your student orchestra play on a resume is that you can turn it down and just smile and they'll never know. That's true.
Let me introduce you to our panel this week, Jeff. First up, it's a comedian who hosts the trivia podcast. Go back to yourself on the Maximum Fun Network, and she can be seen in the Netflix series. Ashlee Garcia, Genius in Love. It's Helen Hong.
Hi. Hi. Next up, he's a writer and producer for DSN Métro on Showtime and the host of the podcast Make My Day. It's Mr. Josh Gandelman.
Hello. So nice to be here with you at my house and wherever you all are.
And finally, a comedian and host of the podcast FAQ, The Nation. You can also catch her on Star Talk with Neil deGrasse Tyson. And on this week's Travel Tales podcast, it's Negin Farsad.
Oh, my God. Welcome to the show, Jeff, you're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail.
You ready to play? I'm ready. All right. Your first quote is from a doctor who ended up much in the news this week.
Most of these diseases are evil deposits from the spirit husband. That was Dr. Stella Emanuel, who this week, or at least for a moment, became the favorite doctor of whom I have to guess.
Yes, you guessed correctly. Move over, Dr. Fauci.
The president's new Dr. McDreamy is Dr. Stella Emanuel. She believes demons are having sex with us while we sleep. Seriously, politicians are secretly lizards. That's also serious. Doctors make medicines from alien DNA seriously. And the magic eight ball is real.
Hey, wait, can I silver lining this for just a quick sec and point out that she's an immigrant. And like for Dony to say anything positive about immigrants was kind of nice, though, right?
You are grasping at straws and I can only applaud you. Yes, it is a pandemic. Let me have it.
It is nice that this woman came to America and achieve the American dream of spreading lunacy for profit making.
That silver lining is so heavy, clouds are falling out of the sky and crushing.
And the reason Trump retweeted her and loves her is that she was in favor of hydroxy chloroquine, she said.
And this got videotaped and then spread by right wing media that she has been treating her patients with hydroxy chloroquine and they've all done incredibly well.
She says, well, how much can one president love hydroxy chloroquine? You know what I mean? Like, you cannot stop.
It's like he's he's, like flirting with it all the time, selling it signals constantly that I me, it's like, oh, my God, he does talk about it like he just discovered it on a semester abroad and everyone back home about it.
It's pronounced hydroxy. You know, I actually I'm starting to really like this woman.
I'm going to point this woman out to my Korean parents who have been trying to get me to become a doctor since I was five and be like, you know, this is what you want.
All right. Very good. Your next quote is a bit of reassurance from Jeff Bezos. I can't guarantee that your data has never been violated.
Now, Bezos was one of four tech CEOs who testified under oath. Where this week at Congress.
Yes, indeed. In front of the House Judiciary Committee, the four biggest people in tech testified on Wednesday.
That would be Tim Cook of Apple, Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook, Sundar Pichai of Google and Amazon's Alexa. Weirdly, Alexa responded to every question with I'm sorry, Congressman, I didn't get that.
I can't believe considering who they are, like these tech giants, that they that the Wi-Fi connection actually was maintained throughout the entire privacy, actually.
Like, can't you imagine, like, Bezos being like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm losing you. Hello? That actually happened.
They had to hold up the hearing for ten minutes because Jeff Bezos, the richest guy in the world, his connection wasn't working.
I knew that was by design. That's what happens when you go to buy a router and you buy the one the ad placed there.
And he's it's only slow because he knows that 5G causes covid-19. So this is not fair. I don't think it's fair that they get to testify online because Mark Zuckerberg on the Internet, he's playing a home game. Congress has no advantage over him.
That's absolutely true. Drives. Yeah.
What I loved about Jeff Bezos, his testimony was essentially like, hey, guys. Yeah. Like I run a site where everybody on the planet buys everything from me, everything from like shoe laces to like cheese graters and whatever you can think of. And then I gather all the money. What's the problem?
He says, and then he was like, hey, I'm going to need a second to go to the bathroom like I don't let my employees do. Can we break?
The other thing I loved about this, this whole hearing was that the Democrats were really like anti tech, the big tech pros. And so where the Republicans like it was a it was like a rare moment of bipartisan hatred of big tech, like, oh, my God, you guys hate big tech.
Like, we hate big tech.
But they're but the reasons, Negin, were really different. The Democrats kept asking me exactly about the horrible monopolistic business practices and the. Publican's kept asking them about why they're all so mean to Republicans, this is true, one GOP congressman dead serious demanded answers from the CEO of Google about why his campaign emails ended up in his dad's spam folder.
Isn't that bias, sir?
And it's like that's just what happens when an old person emails a different old person. Exactly.
All right, Jeff, we have one more quote for you. It's from the South Florida Sun Sentinel sports section. Well, that didn't take long, did it?
After only four days, what sport might be reconsidering its decision to finally play this summer? Oh, that's baseball.
Less than a week into the long delayed season, the Florida Marlins had to cancel a bunch of games because 17 of their players and staff came down with a virus. That is, of course, the first time some of their outfielders caught anything.
So no more baseball in Miami. So at least that remains normal.
So many players are now out across the league. The Phillies had to ask one of their players, dads, to just pitch to everyone.
I, I feel like this was just a matter of time because I heard that they were asking the players to self quarantine, but there was no checking in on them.
Yes, the whole point, the whole plan that Major League Baseball had. Right. Was like no fans in the stadiums. Maybe if we're real quiet, the disease won't hear us and find us.
Have you guys been watching any of the games? I'm a big baseball fan. It's really weird. There are no fans. There are fake fan noises. Do they do?
I was going to say, do they do what we do here? I wait, wait, don't tell me. No, they put in fake audience like clapping and laughter. Yes, they do.
They apparently had listened to our show and realized how wonderful and and realistic our sound effects are.
So they added them.
So what it is, is if you happen to watch a game, you'll just hear this constant sort of low pitched audience roar.
And it's so weird because you're like you're listening and you're like all of those people are probably long dead.
They're cheering for the it's just, oh, I didn't I didn't expect it to go dark like that, you know.
But OK, Bill, how did Jeff do on our quiz? Well, Jeff, you can now tell your second graders this is how you get a perfect score.
Yes. Congratulations, Jack. Oh, I appreciate it.
And I hope for everybody sake, you get to go back into your classroom soon, but safely take care.
Thank you. Bye bye. OK, panel, it is now time for you to answer some questions about the rest of the week's news.
Negin, the golden age of children's play areas is now over as the coronavirus pandemic seems to have finally put an end to what the thing where you jump into an area of like a lot of softballs.
Yes, the ball pit. That's exactly right.
We're going extinct.
Now, for those who don't know, ball pits are these enormous bins filled with thousands of plastic balls which little kids can jump around in as long as they like. And since little kids are so amazingly hygienic, what with their pooping and peeing and sneezing, basically every single ball pit is a Superfund toxic waste site.
When you described it as I have to quibble with the way you described it as a big plate full of plastic balls, what it really is, a big pit full of staph infection, surrounded by plastic bottles, if you would if you were to actually analyze it by volume.
Yeah, it's like 20 percent plastic, 80 percent pathogens.
You can't smell immersive play experience without mersa. It's what?
Coming up, our panelists get down to the essentials in our Bluff the Listener game, call one 888 Wait Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.
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From NPR and Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, where you're playing this week with Helen Hong, George Gandelman and The Game Farsad. And here again is your host who just finished typing the complete works of Shakespeare with a room full of monkeys. Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me Bluff the Listener game. Call one 888 wait wait to play our game on the air.
Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, my name's Lauren. I'm from Ann Arbor, Michigan.
Oh, I love Ann Arbor. You a student at the U.
I am a drop out the student of colonial Latin America. Oh, really?
Yes. So did you just you just decided you weren't interested in colonial Latin America anymore?
No, no, not that is I mean, grad school had we had a fight sort of you in grad school had a disagreement. Yeah. I might have lost or won and decided.
Was it not them it was you or was it you, not them. No, it was. I mean, I don't like the blame. It's never a dichotomy.
Yeah, it was it was a conscious uncoupling you in grad school.
Dialectical relationship. Very grad school to say that.
Very good. Lauren, it's great to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction.
Bill, what is Lauren's topic? Nonessential me.
In the last few months, we've been hearing a lot about who's essential, who's nonessential and who's just annoying.
Our panelists are going to tell you about a person who was classified as non-essential in the news, perhaps unwisely picked the one who's telling the truth.
You'll win the weight waiter of your choice and your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes. Well, then, let's do it. Let's hear first from Negin Farsad.
The town of wordly Idaho is picturesque with its giant cedar trees. It's one cafe, one gas station and one ice cream shop. And when the pandemic hit, Woodley's three person city council deemed the cafe and gas station essential businesses, but not the ice cream shop. Owner operator Jean Needler was gutted that he had to furlough himself, but he left to go out of town and visit family. As summer temperatures began to rise, townspeople started to get real unreasonable about their access to small batch ice cream the gas station owner brought, Fiddler said.
Once you're exposed to Gene's real hand packed ice cream, you just can't go back to the store bought stuff. I mean, we're not animals. Complaints grew until at one point, local resident and mother of three, Charlene Hancock, took matters into her own hands when she broke into the ice cream shop. By which I mean there was a key under the mat and she just used the key to simply walk in. Shailene began operating a prohibition style illegal ice cream operation.
News quickly made it around town. And if you knew the code word, which you'll never guess was actually ice cream, she would let you in. At first, people were happy. It was exciting to see ice cream in town again. But some complain that Shalin was too experimental. Gene never made us eat avocado and saffron ice cream, said one resident. Why would anyone put pickled mango with blue cheese? Things got out of control when our three kids, all under the age of ten, thought it would be funny to sneak in random flavors like sriracha and sardines.
Things came to a head when they threw tide pods into a batch of rainbow ice cream. Luckily, it was a local adult who tasted a tainted rainbow scoop. He quickly spit it out, but, reported Charlene to the police. She was detained at the local jail for two hours, long enough to earn the name Shalin to scoops. Authorities wanted to charge her with ice cream racketeering. But after realizing that's not on the books as a real crime, find her seventy five dollars and sent two scoops on her way.
An ice cream shop owner in Idaho gets furloughed and chaos ensues.
Your next story of a nonessential worker comes from Josh Gandelman.
During this year's pandemic, an economic downturn. Ray Donovan, no relation owner of Donovan's roast beef and seafood in Wellfleet, Massachusetts, needed to find ways to make ends meet. And when his world record collection of hand burnt Bill Buckner jerseys failed to find a buyer on eBay, Donovan was forced to lay off an employee. Specifically, he fired Martin Marty Lawrence. Also no relation better known as Bobby or the Donovans parking lots ever present dancing lobster mascot. It was a hard choice.
And trust me, letting go of a valued employee is not my idea of a good time, Donovan said. But the decision had an unintended consequence. The building that houses Donovans constructed in the humble style of mid century. You think you're better than me? Guy is barely visible from the road, and without a mascot in the parking lot, many would be patrons have been driving right past the establishment and with no U-turn available to them for several miles along Route six, several have simply found another restaurant to eat at.
But by the time he realized his mistake, it was too late. Lawrence had already been hired by Donoghue's Seafood and roast beef just a mile up the road from Donovan's roast beef and seafood. In fact, many patrons seeing the signature lobster costume have pulled over a Donoghue's entirely unaware that they're at a. Restaurant than the one they intended to visit. As for Lawrence, he says he's just happy to be back to work. Seriously, Kate, it's as hot as Satan's armpit in that suit.
But when I see the smiling customers, Duncan, their steamers and Bhatta, it's all worth it.
On the other hand, if Mr. Donovan sees this, I hope a bunch of Yankees fans burned down his lobster stall, a dancing lobster fired or let go in Maine, only to find employment at another roast beef and seafood check.
Your last story of someone who did not seem needed comes from hell and hung.
The bears of Mammoth Lake, California may not know it yet, but they may have just lost their very best friend, Steve Searls. Known to locals as the bear whisperer and star of the Animal Planet. Series of the same name is out of a job. As pandemic related budget cuts have forced his town to cut their bare whispering budget, the town is home to about a dozen black bears who will occasionally break into a home or car looking for food.
When that happens, everyone knows to call Mr. Serles, who has worked as the town's wildlife specialist for decades.
The ponytailed former surfer will show up and usually just yell at the bear, Hey, bad bear, you get out of here, he'll growl.
And his gravelly voice for particularly stubborn bears, he'll just yell louder. His non-lethal tactics have been so successful that he's inspired other bear infested towns to try similar approaches. But the pandemic has been very bad for business, and Mammoth Lakes can barely pay any of their bills.
Mr. Searles is heartbroken to have lost the job he loves, but not as heartbroken as the Bears, who I'm sure took pride in getting called a bad bear.
All right, here are your choices. One of these persons was let go in the pandemic and good things did not ensue. Was it from Negin, an ice cream shop owner in Idaho who was replaced by someone who had, shall we say, less traditional tastes?
From Josh Gandelman, a dancing lobster who was let go by a seafood shack, much to that seafood shacks dismay or from hell and hung the bear whisperer of Mammoth Lakes, California, which of these people was let go?
So I'm going to have to go with the bear story.
You're going to go with the bear story. Helen's story of the bear whisperer of Mammoth Lakes. Well, we actually spoke to the person who sadly lost their position.
People are fascinated with my conversation with bears. So being called the bear whisperer is, you know, I'm more of a bear yeller that way.
Serles, the bear whisperer himself and former wildlife officer for Mammoth Lakes, California, he's lost his job, but I want him to know that he is now the official bear whisperer of wait, wait, don't tell me.
Yeah, congratulations, Lauren. You got it right. You earned a point for Helen just for being truthful. But you, of course, won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations. Thanks, Alan. Thanks, Lauren. Take care. Thank you.
Bye. And now the game where very smart people come on to be asked about dumb things, it's called not my job.
Rami Yousef says he wanted to make a TV show about his own life in New Jersey because he didn't want the only Muslims on TV to be the terrorists on Homeland. So now we know Muslims can also be sexually confused millennials who keep making terrible life choices. He's won a Golden Globe for the first season of Rami on Hulu and has now been nominated for multiple Emmys for Season two.
Rami Youssef, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thanks for having me. Oh, it's great to have you. I've just so much love your show, but I've been checking in with everybody. Where are you holding up during the pandemic?
I'm in L.A. right now. I was actually here on like a two day visit and then it turned into, yeah, I'm still here.
And that was how many years ago? We don't remember right now because it was it was Hank's got it. And then once Hank's got it, they were like, we're shutting this down. So no one. Yeah, no one that I think is going to be when we look back in history, the turning point when Tom Hanks got sick.
Yeah. So I said yeah, before Hank's getting sick and after. Yeah. I assume you have some elaborate hillside estate because you're a TV star, right?
You know, I, I can I just jump in and say I know Rahmi from doing stand up and and I know Romy's roommate, his roommate and I are really good friends and so I've been to Rami's place many times. And Rahmi I don't know if you still have this, but there was a dude that was living in Ramiz Pantry. Yeah. Like off of their kitchen. They had this really big like closet pantry where you would fit cans of food and it was big enough for someone to lie down in.
And for the longest time he had a guy renting out his kitchen closet and sleeping there and went, Romney, when you got your Golden Globe, I texted Paul.
It was like, is Romme the Golden Globe winner still living in your house with the dude in the random closet? And he's like, yes, yeah.
I mean, one of the first things we did in the pandemic was ask him to leave. It was nice. And you would think, well, it's a pandemic. It's time to stick together, but really good pandemic. It's time to clean out the closet and make sure that that happens.
So congratulations on the Golden Globe, which I know a lot of people were shocked by. I once read that you said your own mother expected, like Michael Douglas to win it.
Yeah, because she was like he has more movies than you, you know, not always true. Thought it was just this like cumulative, you know, of the whole career.
And I'm like, no, that's not that's not how it adds up. Yeah.
Well, did she did she eventually come around to the fact that you deserved it or is she still like Mr. Douglas is probably very sad. He didn't get it.
Yeah, my mom was just like, man, this pissy crap.
And now two Emmy nominations. This is really extraordinary. Congratulations. Thank you. The show for people who haven't seen it is essentially autobiographical. You play a guy named Rami who is living in New Jersey with his family, as you presumably did for many years. The show depict your life as you lived it, growing up in suburban New Jersey as part of a Muslim family in the community there.
Well, probably the closest that it gets to things that felt like my life in the first season, we have an episode that revolves around middle school, me. And I think the rest of the series is very much me imagining this kind of shadow adult version of myself, where if I didn't have a passion, if I didn't find acting comedy, if I kind of just played out this very plausible other version of my life, what would that look like?
It's interesting because you've made an autobiographical piece of art that depicts yourself as the loser. You're not, which is the opposite way it usually works, right?
I mean, I thought it would be weird if it's just like me, charming barista's for twenty minutes of like this, isn't it? And it's called Romme.
And I'm just like, you get a new haircut and she's like, no one noticed that that would be like actually sociopathic.
Season two is it's a lot of people say it's even better than season one, which is saying something.
And Mahershala Ali appears in it. Got an Emmy nomination for his role. Is it true that he got in touch with you and said, I love your show, I want to be on it because he's a double Academy Award winner?
It was more the I love your show part. And then I kind of turned it into, well, how much do you love it, really?
You know, I can prove you love Marshall Ali.
I kind of made him step up to the plate a little bit. I asked him to be in one and then he ended up being at six. So it was a real happened.
It was really sort of like how the guy ended up in your closet. You invited him in for a night, never left.
I can't tell you how accurate that is because it was Mahershala Ali living in your. All they did was one too many awards. Yeah, dude, you got a Golden Globe, you still got roommates. Why not him?
With two Oscars bolstering the door closed with his Oscars, an Oscar on the door, dude, knock. I told you when the moonlight runs out, you were the girl when the green book was out.
Well, Romy Youssef, it is an absolute pleasure to talk to you, but we've invited you here to play a game that we're calling.
Say hello to this New Jersey.
As we've discussed, you're from New Jersey. You represent New Jersey. So we wondered, what do you know about other Jersey, specifically sports jerseys? Answer two out of three questions about sports jerseys. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail from our show. Bill, who is Rama Youssef playing for?
Barbara Huffman of Burlington, Vermont. All right. Two out of three here. Not a big deal, Multiple-choice. Here we go. The Italian powerhouse soccer team, AC Milan signed a sponsorship deal with the jeans company. That's great, but the jerseys they had to wear were problematic. Why was it A the company insisted that the jerseys be made of denim, which chafed by the shirts, had the jeans company name printed in huge letters across the front, which was PWG.
Or see, the shirts were so poorly fitted, the team became known as the fighting dad jeans.
I'm going to say it's a the denim to you. Yeah, you're going to say it's a very Italian. Yeah, it does.
It makes perfect sense.
But in fact it was B they had to wear the shirts with the big name pu written on the front.
Maybe doesn't mean what it means in Italian as it does in English. I don't know. But better for another shirt than back of the true. True.
All right. You have two more chances. This is not a problem. A Greek soccer team took the field a few years ago with the name of their sponsor proudly on their jerseys.
Now, who was the sponsor?
A their main rival team, resulting in both teams wearing the same jerseys, be a local brothel or see an angry fan who paid to have the message we suck printed on the jerseys.
I'm going to go to the local brothel. That's exactly right.
Yeah. Sponsored sponsor, the football team, community relations, I guess.
All right. Get the last one right. You win it all.
Among the least fortunate Jersey has ever created for a sports team were the ones for which of these teams back in 1985, a the American baseball team, the traveling Jews, b, the Canadian ice hockey team, the Windsor Swastikas, or see the French women's badminton team, the mistresses.
I'm going to go with C C, the only one that I can imagine being a real part of our history, the much feared mistresses.
We're playing the mistresses tonight. Don't tell anyone. You don't say you're playing the mistresses. You say you're going out to a work dinner.
So I guess I'm what I'm asking you, Romy, is that your final choice?
No, no, you shouldn't be. I'm going to go with B. That's right.
Winzer Swastikas, because it was 1995, right?
They hadn't ruined it by then. It was just an ancient symbol, meaning prosperity. They meant well, it was fine.
But to see a photograph of the nineteen of Windsor, Ontario, swastikas is quite shocking.
Bill, how did Rami Yusuf do on our quiz? Well, they got two out of three. That is a win for me.
And you're free to use this as a theme on your TV show, the Emmys, and now this in just one short year or one longest year ever, whichever you choose and you got the dude out of the closet.
And now finally, maybe having won this, you can finally get your own place to live. Yeah. Ramzi Yousef is the creator and star of Julius Ramie.
He has just been nominated for best actor and best director for the show at the 2020 Emmys. Rami Yousef, thank you so much for joining us on. Wait, wait. Don't tell me an absolute joy to talk to you vegetations on an amazing TV show.
Thank you guys for having me. So good to see you all again. This is here to take care. Bye bye.
Bye. In just a minute, Bill's giving out a brand new toy car. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call one 888 Wait Wait to join us on the air.
We'll be back in a minute with more of wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR support for this podcast. And the following message comes from Starbucks by Nespresso with rich, authentic Starbucks espresso now available for Nespresso original line machines. You can make a moment for yourself, all with the push of a button. Simply relax and enjoy your favorite espresso at home. Sip into a finer state with new Starbucks by Nespresso capsule's available in select grocery stores. So this pandemic.
It's been going on for a while now, but a lot of us still have questions about just living our everyday lives. Like how often should I disinfect my phone? Can I say hi to other people's dogs? Honestly, important question. Join me, Sam Sanders and me, Bati Saffire, host of Shortwave, as we answer your questions and hopefully ease your anxiety a little.
Listen to it's been a minute from NPR. From NPR and Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Helen Hong, Mageddon for Assad and Josh Gandelman.
And here again is your host, whose new hobby is challenging himself to a thumb war, Peter Sagal.
Thank you so much, Bill. In just a minute, Bill demands his own special game.
What a prima donna. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at one 888 Wait Wait. That's one 888 924 894. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news.
Negin, a couple is facing lots of criticism on social media after it was revealed that they waitlisted people.
For what? Oh, it's is it like an event?
Yes, it was specifically an event, yes. Oh, their wedding.
Yes, their wedding.
The couple's invitation, which, of course, weren't viral when someone took a photograph of it, it assigned everyone to different groups, A, B or C, and it said, quote, Group A, please RSVP as soon as possible. Group B, watch our Web site to see if we have space available. Group C, if no one from Group A or B can make it will let you know why.
Yeah. What up? Now this couple. Now wait a minute before you leap to judge. It's a problem that everybody's got. You know, you've got friends who you really want to come and other friends you'd like to come. If you're better friends can't make it. You know, Grandma Trudy, she's in a Rachel who only brings Oreos in a Ziploc to game night.
She's B but you don't tell people what group they're in.
That's why there are no greeting cards in the Hallmark aisle that say to my first best friend, wait, so they let everybody know what category they were.
I respect is you do do I do. I think that's a baller move. Let people know where they stand. Right.
I mean, isn't it better if you're like A, B or C person to like be told that right up front rather than getting a call the week before the wedding? And hey, you want to come to our wedding next week?
Yeah, because everyone that gets married does that. Yeah. Just don't they just don't have the hutzpah to come right out and tell everyone where they are.
That's the thing. I mean, I don't know why these people are being punished for their frankness and honesty.
Well, I mean, this really begs the question like, is the wedding going to be fun when there's such a high degree of honesty in the invitation? Because I can then also picture this couple being like, Ron, Cheryl, get off the dance floor. Those moves are not working. You know, I think they're judging.
I think you get to be honest right back. Right that speak now or forever. Hold your peace section of the wedding is going to be on fire.
There's going to be a anyone has any reason this union should not. Oh, please make a line going down the aisle. We have two microphones, one on each side. Yes. Limit your comments to two minutes.
A good point, starting with have you seen the invitation to start anyway, Helen?
Last month, a man in Wisconsin won 22 million dollars in the Powerball lottery, but he gave up half his winnings. Why?
He was going through a nasty divorce? No. Can I have a hint? Yeah, well, it was a pinky swear.
Oh, he promised to split it with his kid. Not a little kid. You're close.
It was a little kid, but he was a little kid, too. He promised always childhood best friend when they were both kids. They promised each other that if one of them ever grew up and won the lottery, they would split it and thirty years later, stop it. The guy held up his end of the bargain.
Oh, he had so many pinky squares that I want to I swear to right now.
Yeah, it's a problem. Oh, I'm so sorry.
And I know this is NPR, but the only response to that is. You moron, wait, was he friends with the best friend, still the child? Yeah, this one happened.
So he and his they were very young. I don't know how young. And they said, hey, man, if we have one of us, everyone's a lottery, we will give the other half. Right. So 30 years go by and the guy wins the lottery, he wins and a million dollars.
And he calls up his friend and says, Listen, man, I won the lottery and I'm giving you half.
And his friend replied, and I quote, Are you jerking my barber, unquote?
What, to take 11 million dollars from a friend? He's never going to stop mentioning that. Right. Like, sometimes I'll owe a friend, like, 50 bucks and that'll keep coming up. But if you give me 11 million dollars, I'd be like, hey, hey, do you want to drive to the concert? He'll be like five, 11 million reasons why you're going to drive.
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at one 888 Wait, wait, that's one 888 924 924. Or you can click the Contact US link on our Web site. That's Wait wait unpeg.
And if you want more wait, wait in your week, head over to at wait, wait on Twitter or at wait wait NPR on Instagram you can check out the wait wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with Bill and I asking you questions. It's just like this radio show. There's no audience there either. Hi, you're on.
Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Sarah from Los Angeles. Hey, how are things in L.A.?
Oh, you know, what do you do there in L.A. when you're allowed to do it?
I am the museum manager at the International Printing Museum. The International Printing Museum.
Now, I like to think I know my museums, but I don't know that one is it's just museums of, I assume, printing from around the world, but it's a little bit of everything.
So, yes, it's a printing presses from around the world, old presses, New York presses. And we do art, but we also do history. And before I came to the museum, I had never even heard of it either. So don't feel bad. Really?
Yeah. Have you become a fan of printing as you work at the museum? Oh, 100 percent.
Oh, you're not sick of it. You're like, if I have to look at another written word today.
Sarah, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?
I am. Here is your first limerick.
Our fine drink made four times when you done the distilleries take for their brime. Our French vineyards excess helps the slow covid mess. We make hand sanitizer from wine.
Yes, wine with tariffs and covid. There's of course a surplus of French wine. So the French government is helping winemakers by turning their excess stock into hand sanitizer.
It's great for those of you who miss a glass of wine at a fancy restaurant.
Now you can enjoy rubbing that wine all over your hands after you visit a gas station bathroom, come in flavors like can I get you know, can I try the Malow hand sanitizer, please?
And the best part is if it comes you don't like it, you can send it back. They give you enough just to put on one thumb first. Terrible. They charge you twelve dollars for that, like, oh my God. A little bit. Sarah, here is your next limerick.
We suspect bioterror misdeeds, but right now we don't have any leads.
Please report without fail tiny packs in your mail and don't plan that aim.
Mystery thieves seeds.
Yes, it's time for even more demon seed news. Random seeds being sent from China have been showing up in people's mailboxes all around the country.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture is strongly advising Americans to not plant them. They say there could be invasive species sent by China to destroy our crops. Or worse, you could suddenly start talking about gardening all the time.
You would plant random seeds you get from a stranger in the mail or in the words of one woman interviewed by reporters on the story, quote, I already planted them.
I absolutely would plant them, Peter. I really would like, oh, gee whiz, this is maybe it be a beanstalk. I can get the hell out of here. This is how bored people are these days.
Is that like whoever's doing this, you just want to strike, right? Because it's like, OK, they've been in their house. They'll do whatever like you. It's like if they sent a jigsaw puzzle most times in my life, I'd be like, no, but this month I'd be like, yeah, OK, thank God someone's looking out for me.
The seeds come in packages marked jewelry or electronics. And inside are these like brown seeds. The USDA is currently testing the seeds in a lab saying they could contain dangerous diseases or even biological weapons. Well, the White House insists they could definitely cure coronavirus.
Here is your last limerick.
Around 35 grand is the bid for a toy car that screeches and skids just trained on the potty. He drives a Bugatti, a replica built for by.
Kid, yes, very good, sir. You got it, Bugatti is releasing a brand new luxury car just for children, the Bugatti baby. It starts at thirty five thousand dollars. Watch just in time for your kids. One ace life crisis.
It's I like this because you see who gives them to give these to their children, right? Yeah. And then you can point out those parents and go, that's why we can't all have health insurance because.
Yeah, yeah. Beautiful hand built electric toy car goes up to 42 miles per hour, which is faster than some full sized Chryslers.
Wait, so what's the target age group that is that is this is marketed for well, like you've seen kids drive these electric little cars around, right?
Yeah. And they're like they're like eight or something like that.
That's well, that's what that's what's confusing. It's so powerful that it can only be marketed to teens, but obviously it's for children. It's a little weird.
There are three versions of the car, one of them that maxes out at 12 miles an hour, another at 30, and the fastest model at sixty five thousand dollars. What comes with a speed key that allows the car to go up to 42 miles per hour?
I mean, also, it is real balls. It is like scrotum frog level ballsy to, like, release this product in the middle of a global economic downturn.
Well, that's this is the first in a line of products, right? The first one is a Bugatti and then the second one is a guillotine.
And then, Bill, how did Sarah do on our quiz?
Well, she did great. All three runs. She'll probably buy that Bugatti.
Congratulations, sir. Thank you so much. Thanks. Take care.
I'll tell you, man. Support for this podcast and the following message come from the Walton Family Foundation, where opportunity takes root. More information is available at Walton Family Foundation DOG.
Now it is time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
I sure can. The game has four points. Josh has four and Helen has five. All right.
Negin and Josh are tied. I will just arbitrarily choose Josh to go first. Josh, fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump floated the idea of delaying blank the election. Right.
On Wednesday, Nancy Pelosi made blank's mandatory on the House floor masks.
Right on Thursday, former GOP presidential hopeful Blank died from coronavirus complications.
Herman Cain right after a number of people complained that they were flying the Confederate flag. A bed and breakfast in Michigan took down their blank vacancy sign.
No, there are Norwegian flag with 26 nominations. HBO's Watchmen led the pack for the 2020 Blank Awards Emmys.
Visitors driving through a safari park in England were alarmed when they saw a group of baboons blanking, mating, carrying chainsaws.
Primates are known to crawl all over the cars of visitors driving through the park, which is fun for the whole family, except when the monkeys are carrying screwdrivers, knives and in one case, chain saws. What? No one's sure where they're getting the tools.
Some employees blame teenagers pranking them. Others think the baboons are practicing to be the world's smelliest NASCAR pit crew.
Bill, how did John do on our quiz? Josh had four, right? Eight more points.
He now has 12 and takes over the lead. All right, Negin, you're up next.
Fill in the blank. On Thursday, Presidents Bush, Clinton and Obama attended the funeral for civil rights icon and Congressman Blank in Atlanta.
Lewis. Yes, John Lewis on Tuesday Blank said he planned to unveil his running mate next week. Joe Biden right this week.
The death toll from blank in the U.S. surpassed 150000 coronavirus. Yes.
In a controversial move, the White House announced it will move 12000 U.S. troops out of blank. Portland, huh?
Germany, a woman attempting to hire an assassin to kill her husband was caught when she realized blank like she her ATM funds were low.
No, she was caught when she realized that Rent a Hitman Dotcom is not a real website. On Monday, search giant Blank announced employees would be allowed to work remotely through 2021.
Google right on Sunday, Olivia de Havilland, best known as the co-star of Blank, passed away at 104 years old.
Oh, Gone With the Wind. Yes. Claiming that they've damaged property and disturbed patrons to blanks.
Banned from a bar in Australia this week, patrons no to EMU's.
The two emus were constant visitors of the Yaka Hotel Bar in Australia because sometimes you drink to forget God made you a flightless bird. Club owner Gary Gimblett finally had enough saying the issues are, quote, very smelly and they created great stains, unlike the human pub dwellers who are very smelly but create even greater stains.
Bill, how did Nagin do on our quiz? She had five, right, 10 more points. She now has 14 and takes over the lead.
All right. How many then does Helen need to win and finally make her parents proud?
Five to win. You can do it, Helen. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the GOP unveiled their new one trillion dollar blank bill coronavirus stimulus.
On Wednesday, it was reported the Supreme Court Justice Blank was admitted back into the hospital for a nonsurgical procedure. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Right. On Thursday, NASA successfully launched a new rover tasked with finding proof of life on blank Mars. Right.
In an effort to aid economic recovery, the Fed said they would keep blanks near zero for the foreseeable future. Interest rates, right.
Firefighters in Florida were unable to save a man's car from being destroyed by a fire after the man blanked, set it on fire, drove around with a lit scented candle burning in his car. On Monday, the Maidana company announced it was receiving more federal funding for its blank.
Oh, a vaccine, right coronavirus vaccine. On Tuesday, Target joined Wal-Mart and announcing they would be closed on blanks, giving this year Thanksgiving.
Every day for the past three weeks, delivery drivers have dropped off a single rubber duck ponds home, and the identity of the sender is still unclear. The man even reached out to Amazon to help solve the mystery and to make sure that the packages were supposed to be for him and not those too sweet gay puppets who live down the street. That's real creepy. It is. Bill, did Helen do well enough to win our quiz? She had six, right, for 12 more points, which means with a total of seventeen.
She is the champ this week. Back in just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict who will be Joe Biden's surprise pick for vice president when he makes his announcement next week. Wait, wait, don't Tell Me is a production of NPR on WBCSD Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Guereca writes, Our limericks are public address announcer as Paul Friedman or House managers. Diana Cup of donor intern is Amadei Web guru.
That's Beth Novey. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King, Corn Palace Prince. That's Peter Gwin. Our bear whisperer is Steve Serles Technical Direction from Lorna White, her business and office managers. Colin Miller, a production manager, is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag and the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael McSkimming Danforth now panel, who will Joe Biden pick as his VP next week?
Negin Farsad, baby yota and America will be adorable all the way to the polls. Helen Hong, whoever wins the latest round of eeny, meeny, miny, mo and Josh Gandelman, he's going to go back on his promise to appoint a woman.
He's going to reach across the aisle. He's going to bring along his old friend Cornpone. If any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Kurtis, thanks. Also to Josh Gandelman, Helen Hong and again, Farsad. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal.
Guys, we did it.
We got through another week of this and I bet we can do one more Kenya. You can. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.