The person who took my V card was at least 20 years older and I met them from Craigslist. Are you ready? Yep, let's go. Hey, guys, what's up? Welcome back to Wellsville. Nine was a while was oh we were coming in hot with double P signs over from, you know, really. You're at a peace sign, guys. Thank God I didn't feel good to me that this didn't feel right.

I don't know if that's it for you, but like, you can't be the tallest guy in the photograph also just doing this.

Yeah, that's a lot. You pick one of the other. That's a lot. What I think one guy, one of them's permanent as well. Yeah. OK, well, that's on that note. Welcome back. I'm back. Audio listener, slightly back. Oh my God. Is it your birthday? We knew it.

And I think this is after. Laughter Yeah. I see. You're getting ahead of ourselves. We're getting ahead of ourselves. OK, well, Jeremy is officially old when you're listening to this. No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm old and I'm twenty. That old OK. That's why that's OK. Yeah, I don't know, I feel one day. Twenty seven is, you know what I think I just don't like being an odd number.

I can I can completely understand after being with you for as long as I have now.

Yeah. Just how real that sentence is for you. I don't like being on.

No, I get that like twenty six. You'll find twenty eight honestly. Fine. Twenty seven. Uneasy. I was twenty nine. Feel uneasy. I mean it does feel like thirty.

I guess it is the one right before learning. Yeah. Whatever. You know though fingers crossed the world is not shitting itself still when you're turning thirty and we can have a thirty ragia.

30 Ragia, 30 Reija, 30 Rock, 30 Rock. Hi, guys. OK, so I asked you guys on Instagram to submit your deepest, darkest, wildest secrets pertaining to dating and some of them, some of them sex, but mostly dating, I'd say. And I've seen this trend on Instagram and I wanted to throw Jeremy into the hot seat to have some like some real reactions. So I've picked out some of my favorites. And I you know what?

We're here to react and not judge. But I am concerned by the amount of responses that I got about people kissing and hooking up with cousins and step siblings.

Judgment, free zone again, judgment free zone.

But it does sound like it was it was common. I really I'm not maybe one out of every 20 responses was something about having a sexual experience with a step sibling or a cousin.

And I have concerns or these private like, can we see who sent them? Yeah. Wow.

But balls that I mean, I, I, I give it scout's honor. Is that what this is. Yeah.

I don't really feels as natural as my peace. I give Scout's honor that I would, these would be anonymous and I would never share anything. Well I'm just glad that people feel that comfortable. You know. I love that. I love I love fostering that kind of trust with someone that they're down to tell me that they had sex with their cousin incest. Well, in us, it's a guy who insist on a Tuesday, Tuesday afternoon.

What I don't know how you're supposed to navigate this conversation, but I'd like to just maybe say seek maybe help if if that's OK.

Live your life. Live your motherfucking life. You're not hurting us. And this the judgment free zone. I'm not judging. I know. I'm not saying usually. I'm just saying, like these questions that are incoming or no questions, statements, judgement, free zone.

So and to give you a little sneak peek. So that's what we're doing this episode. Yes. The next week, I'm going to do a little bit of a different approach. I'm actually going to crowdsource specific dirty tea questions from Lauren's array of friends.

I'm genuinely so nervous for this episode.

I'm not going to ask the question, but I'm going to basically ask all the people that know her best. What's the question or story you would like to hear her answer?

We'll see how it goes. All of these injuries almost need to, like, release two versions next week, like the close friends version and. Right, right, right, right, right. I'ma be sending some text after that video. Oh, fuck.

I'm I'm genuinely I mean, the question is, I've already got, like, the first round. I was like maybe going to do one or two. And I do it every episode. And then like the first couple of questions I got back were like, oh, I have no idea what the answer to that is, really. You know, the answer. No. And I'm like, what are we going to have an argument after this?

Like, what do you mean? Like you say, Oh my God, I'm really fucking nervous. Thank God we can edit the podcast before it goes up because I'm genuinely concerned.

Obviously we can live stream it and I'll just my tea over here and find out. All right. OK, so let's hop into this. I also think that it's like kind of nice to anonymously. Well, I guess it's not really anonymous, but like tell your deepest, darkest secrets. You may have never told anyone to someone who doesn't actually really know you.

I mean, they they've done like. They've done research on people that sit next to their on planes. Oh, yeah, yeah. And tell your whole life story to write and you can just, like, completely open and be more honest than someone can ever be with their wife or husband in 20 years. Right. That person has a two and a half hour beginning and end when that relationship will like the arc and being able to talk feels good.

And also being able to be honest feels good. But like at the same time, we don't want that person to come back into our personal life.

Roy, Roy, Roy, I said, OK, let's just have an OK, you know what? I didn't even do this on purpose. But the first submission was I quote unquote dated my stepbrother and had sex with him for many years before he got a real girlfriend, a real girlfriend.

Now I feel bad. I'm like, well, what were you doing?

I'm like, I'm like, why couldn't you be the real girlfriend right away? Like like you you. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to just go and say otherwise I'm going to be in trouble. OK, it's not to say that any general there's no right or wrong way to react. Well, there's probably a lot of wrong ways to react to that, but I don't think is any correct way. What I will say is this. I am so incredibly glad that that is not something that crossed my plate and was something that I had to deal with because I don't understand, because I never had I was never presented with a situation where I had feelings or was emotionally vulnerable or whatever else around a baby, step sibling or anything that that wasn't that wasn't in my world.

So I can't I can only empathize with the fact that obviously, if you're you're admitting to it being your deepest, darkest secret, you have some issues with it, too, right?

There's like a level of guilt potentially. But we're just like society's norms thinking that that's not typically what occurs.

Well, there's a couple of medical reasons as well. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's like that's like procreating, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's that's the Adam and Eve shit. But like the, the point is that like I didn't ever have to cross that, that bridge struggle with that. I'm not going sit here and judge you for it being said.

Oh wow, wow, wow. That's tough.

I'm not kidding. I was the first one. The first one that I had. Yeah. Dated my stepbrother and had sex with him for many years before he got a real girlfriend.

I wonder like I would love to know what the numbers are on that. Like is that actually as common as is it one in twenty.

Oh my God. Based on the statistics of of the responses on Instagram, the statistic is much higher than I expected. I really thought people going to be like, oh, I cheated on my boyfriend and he didn't know I dunked his toothbrush in the toilet before I broke up with him. Like that's what I thought was coming in hot. I did not expect this.

So we just have an audience filled with just Jamie Inservice Lannister Lancasters.

Oh, that is very genuine, sir. I wonder if the rates have gone up since Game of Thrones there. Oh, maybe it's like on Amazon after Queen's Gambit blew up.

Yeah, it's just a roof. Oh, wow. What a start to this podcast. Next one. By nature, I flirt with other guys even if I'm dating someone, not because I like them, but out of habit.

Oh, oh, that's a big one.

That's a big one.

I also think that there's there's there's a there's a few sides to this for sure.

The most multifaceted, I think one, some people like and thrive off of attention and affirmation by people outside of their relationship. Yeah. Like they might feel totally secure and have a great healthy relationship, but they like knowing that people are still interested even when they're technically off the market.

Definitely. I, I think I used to struggle with that flirting. Yeah, but like, you know, a personality like I am, I'm mother, like, I, I would choose not to talk to you ever, and I'm good on that. Or like, let's be just like close and the walls down. Right. And I feel like I have a very casual way of speaking to the guys and girls in my life kind of thing. And so, like, I don't think it's a problem anymore, but I think I used to, like, push the boundaries on like, oh, it's not a thing I'm comfortable with.

I don't know why you would say where I was going to because not to make a blanket statement here, but I think there are a lot of guys who have trashed communication skills. And so as soon as you're conversing with a guy who is charismatic and asks you questions about yourself, like that's just regular fucking like conversational skills and a lot of dudes just like don't even have the bare minimum standards here. So when a guy asks you a question, you're like, oh, my God, is he starting with me?

Right. And I think that's like a super common occurrence that happens. And girls can sometimes read into that being like, I think he's flirting with me.

Well, guys have just done we have a track record of fucking up. So that's true. And to say that the past performance will anywhere indicate the future. But that being said, we have a long standing history with like. Putting our foot in our mouth professionally, personally, emotionally, mentally, all the things, so I get it, I get it, I get this. I really do. Yeah, but I mean, like as a.

So flip that like now getting older, right, and and now that I've been around the block a few times, but like I am, turns twenty nine thinks he's a genius.

But, you know, like, there are some dudes that like are constantly thinking they're Grubman's about to cheat. Right. Professionally, friends, everything kind of thing.

I am the I feel like I'm the first person to tell you to lay on the gas if you need to make sure that, you know, in a professional setting lubricator situation, you got to use some assets.

Sometimes I think the proper example of this is that, like, typically if there's a male bartender, a hot girl would get a drink before a dude, a bro would get a drink.

Right. And so I will send you right on up. I will nominate myself as as a team on behalf of both of us. Get that motherfucking drink. Hello, my name is Lauren and I have an Amazon addiction.

Hi, my name is Jeremy and I too have an Amazon addiction.

OK, well, so now that we've established that, are you ready to take your love for Amazon to the next level? Yes. All right.

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You can't tell me I'm not a smidge more handsome with glasses on.

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OK, not OK. Well, that came out wrong. That came on Facebook. I dated a teacher for two years, a six year age gap. Eighteen, twenty four. And it was his first year teaching at my high school.

OK, you see the problem is, is that 18 and 24 is like not a crazy, crazy age gap.

I feel like if it were outside of the school.

Eighteen to twenty four. That age gap and any other age, not a problem, not a blink of an eye. Yeah. That's tough. OK, here's something that we've also talked about, I forget who we were just having this conversation with, but it is shocking how so many individuals have a story from their school where there was a student who slept with a fucking teacher. I don't think I know anyone who's been to a high school that were that didn't happen where that didn't happen once or twice.

Yeah, yeah. Percent insane. I know. Insanity crazy.

So the female teacher slept with two students, both of whom were over 18. So I think the charges and the legal process of that is different when they're not technically a minor because they were in grade 12. And then same thing in Canada. Right. This is in Canada. Right. So it might be different state by state cetera. And then the male teacher, same thing the student that he was sleeping with was 18 as well. But that's not to say that he did not go on.

I think he's in jail right now. He should end up he did end up sleeping.

He changed high schools after I graduated. I think this was like post like college graduation for me as well.

Sup with students who were like underage and then I think now is in jail. I like that you movida, what do. I mean, like you just like that is the lap, that's the farthest thing that I'm thinking is this issue. I mean, obviously there's fucking deep rooted issues there for sure.

But like I said, is it do you think it's like the they need the affirmation and the like, the attention of someone who is like younger and it's exciting and it feels wrong because it is wrong. Spoiler alert.

I mean, I don't maybe I haven't. I'm sure there are people out there that will prove this incorrect. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that not many people at the age of 17 or 18, when they're going to college to get a degree to begin to become a teacher, are willing to admit to themselves that this could be a problem for them total. I'm going to go ahead and say there's probably less than five percent that would be even remotely aware that that could be a thing.

It's like you have to I have to assume that they get into a position of some sort of control or power for their brain. Just just completely confuses where that line is for sure. Because I just don't I I'd like to believe that people have good intentions and life gets the best of them and not the other way around. Right. And so it's just tough to like I, I, I'm not going to sympathize for them. Oh, fuck no it's not.

Hell no. I have no sympathy for them. But at the same time it's just like I we're obviously not doing something as a society to be like, hey, these are just exist.

Right. So now let's figure out how we deal with them. And for the for some of you, it might be just removing yourself from the profession. For some of you, OK, you need to teach a different age group like whatever that is like.

Well, I think there's there's usually issues that are super deep rooted there that you probably need to be addressed in therapy of some sort. We have so many teachers that listen to this podcast. Get in the comment.

Oh, my God. Yes. That's one of the highest number of professions that I think was on this podcast. Like, I'm grading my third grade math homework while I'm listening to this.

I mean, I'm personally friends with, like, over three teachers for sure. Well, I mean, I started out in music education. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You're a teacher. And and what's crazy is there was no course in what not to do in that capacity, at least that I remember.

Well, I mean, I think this crosses lines of like morality. So it's like they're like, you should just know this and we're going to teach you how to drum.

Yeah, but like I mean, in America in particular, like in the state of Illinois, both private and public school teachers were were ridiculously underpaid. There were no resources for them to move up unless they wanted to pay for it themselves. And it was just like to a degree, I think that's a very stressful job and I think it's a very important job. And there's only so many right ways to do it in a thousand wrong ones. So it's like obviously something we're doing isn't enough.

Right, right. Right, right.

But moral. That story is fuck your story. Don't fuck your students just like just don't do it. Just don't do it. Moral story is like beyond that, if you feel like that's an issue, go.

You got to go. You got to go. You've got to make here's the thing is that like eighteen year old kid, you're eighteen and you're legally considered an adult, but there's still like that power dynamic of trying to conquer something that's older. And the adult, the teacher in that situation like holds the key to that and holds the power and holds like how far that can go.

I mean, it's the same thing when you're fucking your boss. Like, there's there's one of those coming up. There is one of those.

So my point is, like, if you think if you can't remove yourself from the situation like you are writing your own sentence, oh, this is motherfucking you, I would speed swip everyone to the right just to see who did and didn't like me back.

Enlighten us, please enlighten us on this technique. I get so stressed when I see people speed swiping, I'm like, you're missing your or you're not filtering. If they're speed swiping, no, I'm like, OK, you're missing people. And if your speed swiping, yes. I'm like, you're just opening up the floodgates.

OK, dating apps are like outbound prospecting at work. OK, there's two approaches. OK, customize and tailor. Right, right. You might you might only do one to 10 a day maximum. Right. You'll send them out and you'll wait to see if they're all good.

What those land. Right. But what happens?

Let's say you you're a guy you send out 10 a day, you put a lot of work into your research and you only swipe right and the ones that you really think are a match. A week goes by, you don't get any like hooks, you get anything and you let me just try a couple of others and be just like, let me just do more with less time, OK? I need a couple of likes, a couple of matches.

You. Oh, this is a lot easier, way easier. So you just kind of keep going and do it. That becomes like your pattern. You just fucking speed swipe and then whatever happens, happens.

OK, so is there any part of that that's like an ego thing to just see how many matches you get?

Yeah, I don't want to say that, but that's, that's, that's a good God. I got, I got, I got I also some dudes just I mean.

I sometimes will say I will say that my guy friends versus my girlfriends, I would say the girls tend to be more of the customized, more thoughtful swiper is just crazy, just how not far we've come from, you know, the Stone Ages when I like the man, just like I'll hit things harder and see if it works.

The women were like, well, maybe we could try this smarter.

Exactly. Yeah. Evolution, baby. Yeah, well, we're catching up. We'll get there. OK, so this one is not relationship related whatsoever, but I thought it was so fucking funny that I had to screenshot it when I was little. I would hide under my mom's bed and eat my dog's dog food. Shame, really. I think that's so funny. Here's the thing is that I loved the show TLC use my strange addiction. You would love it.

I love the show. And it's people who are, like, obsessed with eating like memory foam. There was a girl who was obsessed with eating her husband's ashes like it is just on another level. Husband. Yes, her dead husband's ashes. You heard that, right?

What does that even that's that's beyond cannibalism. That's right, I'm not even sure what that qualifies. Also, this podcast is going to be so fucking democratized so fast.

If there are medical professionals in the comments.

Is there a is there a term for eating the ashes of a dead person you're related to? Um. Yeah, I don't normally go into the medical professionals.

I almost just feel like there's probably just like health concerns there that can't be good for your body. Certainly doesn't taste good. Anyways, I loved that show so much and I feel like this falls into the realm of that show. But also here's the thing is that like moose eats food, that is human grade food. So like it really is just like ground up meat and vegetables. And like, although I have no interest in eating it, it would be healthy.

Like health wise, this is fine unless she's eating like the garbage dude that's got like fillers and stuff in it, right?

Yeah, I was about to say it, the brand that came to mind, but they're a big old client, so we're not going to do that. There are, you know so well research that goes into your dog's bowl. How about that? Right before you take a taste, there's the thought. And you know what?

Also, I feel like you hear so many stories about people actually eating a dog cookie by if you or your parents work at a dog company, why haven't we had a dog sponsor yet? Yeah, that's fucked. That's fucked up. That's fucked up. OK, twenty, twenty one resolution. We need to have at least one pet, one pet sponsor for sure. Chuy hit us up my best friend. So not me. Oh.

So she's just revealing her best friend secret. OK, did surprise Angel in a target changing room and was traumatized for life. Also I just want to say that surprise angel like there is no there there a surprise angel. Sounds like pain, blood torture, trauma here. The two here, the two of the one surprise angel.

Yes. In the target changing room and was traumatized for life. No, no fucking kidding. You can't just warm up a booty and just not warm up. You can't do much. Warm up is going on in the target dressing room.

What I'm saying is that there was no warm up and that's why it was surprising. Oh, and you can't just put things up there just like that. Like, there's there's so much more involved, if anything has medical and health concerns.

I think this is the one that I'm most concerned for. Oh, yeah.

Her butthole is probably not been the same since that happened. What's the next? I mean, I feel like I can I can sympathize and can understand how it could slip in if if you were already in the act and there was there was things going on. Right. Right. Even that would hurt. But target. I don't know that Target employees just don't do that. Well, I mean, I guess you told me that they were able to stick a wiener on them, but with no lube and talk about the dressing room and there's no noise.

Oh, well, I was just more thinking of like I was like, oh, there probably wouldn't be any mess. At least I was thinking in terms of, like, the cleanup portion of that. I would like to I would like to dive into this less, that's why your head. Yeah, yeah. Well, you said employee. And like when I think of like when I was an employee at any kind of like a grocery store or anything, it's like something fucked up happened in the bathroom.

You're like, oh my God, the poor soul. Who has to clean that?

Right. I guess I just don't think there's anything in the handbook. If you realize people are having sex in your dressing room of how to.

Yeah. Like we had a code 17. We got we got a call booty hole. Change your number six. You can always tell, like at the grocery store when they're like, yeah, we have them, we have a code green on aisle six and it's like, oh, we have a code yellow at three, four, four. It's Steve. Steve is stealing again. Jack, can you can you go get Steve. Thank you. We're like, oh my God, what is happening.

Oh my God.

OK, I really have a thing for men in their thirties and I'm twenty two. OK, so this is the female writing this in and I just want to say that that is absolutely fucking valid because men are immature little babies.

No, we're not.

And always if she's twenty two, the guys that she probably has as her dating pool in her age, that means that she maybe went to school with etc. works with that are all the same age. Science literally says that your emotions literally science literally says that women mature faster than men. And that's a fact. That's fact. And that's a motherfucking fact. Yeah. Yeah. So I personally, I give you the green light go off, bitch. I mean, I'm almost old enough to fit into that.

You're almost a little bit into that. Yeah. I mean, I completely understand the idea of wanting a specific type of maturity. I guess the question is, is it for a maturity factor? Is it the number 13 above turns her on? Right. To a degree the almost because she's saying in a way that, like now she's ashamed of it like this, my secret, and almost makes me think there's a little more subtext. She's not necessarily alluding to that.

I'm like, you got something that you're really into, right? Like might be OK with Sugar Daddy title for the rice sugar daddy.

You know what? I'm surprised there was only a few sugar baby here. Yeah, I thought I'm going to be more I mean, I would still be OK if I signed you up.

But Sugar baby, you're sure the right billionaire. Yeah, like Elon Musk came along. I was like, I'm interested in having someone to exchange Meems with and be like, my girlfriend's available.

Oh my God, I am fucking available. Do you want my phone number or. I think I'm still together. Yeah, they just had a baby, remember? And it's got that we are still together. I think so. The baby's name is fucking x y bloop bloop beep. Whatever oversensitive. Well, OK, what the fuck is his name then? I'm not sure, but whatever it is, it's not cobwebby, Bob would be. Next question.

The person who took. OK, so this has levels to it. The person who took my V card was at least 20 years older and I met them from Craigslist. There's two concerning levels here. One, the age gap and OK, here's the thing, like if you're twenty five and they're forty five, whatever life I can live your life like I've got I've got no I've got no judgment for that zone. The Craigslist part makes me a little nervous.

Man did you pay for this or did you get paid for this. Right. Yeah, it's hard to say.

Yeah. Well honestly there's levels of this but we need more information. I can read please, please write in more information so that we can elaborate on our feelings towards this. The twenty year different isn't isn't it.

Yeah, that that's I mean unless she's depending on how. Well yeah. I was gonna say ok. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's fourteen, that's the issue.

But I've been assuming she's not go off it, find you a forty year old man. But you know there are probably safer marketplaces than Craigslist. That's what he was in Canada. Kagi.

Yeah we've Kajiji a shout out if I can. Could you, could you use like a cleaner Craigslist not to say that there's not some crazy shit on Kajiji because they're for sure, but like I don't think could you guys like the back pages the way that Craigslist used to write? I'm pretty sure they still do, do they? I don't know. Well, that's where my concern comes in. This question is that, like, was Tinder like you can still put an age filter on Tinder and Bumble and Whinge and all the dating app.

So it's like, why? Why did we go to Craigslist?

And I need to know more. Yeah, I, I feel like, you know what you're getting when you go on Craigslist. Do you know. I feel like you really know.

It's like you know that you don't know what you're getting. Oh ok. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's fair. A ten is not going to walk off the bus into your living room from Craigslist I don't think. Well maybe, maybe, maybe there's a reality show for that.

There's a there is there is something here for sure. Ashton Kutcher. Give me a call. We can make it happen.

OK, so my ex. Oh, OK. Like I like this one. My ex cheated on me, so I hooked up with his little and their fraternity. And I also just recently learned about the whole little system. I kind of love this go off bitch. I support it. Fuck your ex. There are a couple of times in college where I was flirting with one of them. And then what's the age difference? It's one year your little girl can be one, two, three, four.

You know, it could be. Oh, OK. And how does a little get chosen? I can't speak for sororities, but fraternities, it's very much just like row, row, row, row, row, row, row. OK, just how eloquent. It's just like you find a little mini you who you write like my little Mini Me was also wanted to be in leadership and was like very business.

And the fact is that we were trying to say Ross was not a fuck boy to be honest was Ross. If I played his last name was Coach Be honest. Was Ross Koka. Fuck boy I. I know it's not. He was an ROTC leader. I don't know if that means active military, but in school. OK, I got training to be an active in school. You're avoiding the question. Ross is a good guy. OK, I can't speak for him now.

OK, you know, I love this. We love a little revenge hookup that's not hurting anyone but the person that fucked you over. Here's the deal. You know, you're going to your step and shit. There's going to be shit on your shoe like, oh, yeah, you know, to get into like you were purposefully like you just to walk through the living room and I get it. But like, at the end of the day, they're still going to be shit on your shoe when you step out like that.

But you know what you're getting if you're doing that, like out of spite, like, you know what you're getting into that. I mean, like, here's the thing. I think I recommend doing things like that so that you learn not to do any more. But if you're wise enough to know how to do it without having to do it right, probably the best route.

OK, yeah, but I can't judge you, right? No, no, no. I get it. I'm sitting here supporting this. Honestly, I know I support it, but I get it. No, no, I'm on your team. Let's go. Oh same thing. OK, after we broke up I said, oh OK. After we broke up I slept with his brother and his best friend. OK, so that shit on both shoes, like I honestly just feel bad for the guy because one, she didn't say that he cheated on her.

So like, did he do anything wrong. I mean he must have because she really went out of her way to spite the fuck out of him. But also like, damn, your brother and your best friend are not loyal. Oh, my God. Like, you need to reevaluate that situation.

Yeah, there's a lot of problems with that on the guy's side, too. But also, like, can you imagine that Thanksgiving? Oh, that's tough. Yeah, that's tough.

But, you know, even like just someone's birthday party, I will say. And the problem is these guys are super cool and are great about like conflict resolution between them, too, between the two of them, if and only if it doesn't have to do with a girl. If it's a girl, that's when we'll fucking just throw the baby right out with the bathwater. I mean, just like you don't fucking end it all. Anything else we can get over it?

Like there are people that owe me money. They'll never send that money back. There are people that wronged me. Anyway, let's get over it. There's too much energy. I have to like get that back.

If you fuck my girlfriend, we've got issues. Yeah, well, yeah, I, I don't disagree. I don't disagree. Yeah.

That's tough. That's all shit on both shoes. Yeah. Oh.

Is it wrong that I'm the happiest married girl out there yet. Still stock my husband's ex-girlfriends. I don't know. Aren't you. Tell me this is a mess. It's so hard. This is a me shit. There's just so much so I can't wait of level to. I don't know how to approach this without sounding like a massive fucking bitch. There's just we've been really good to be non-controversial so far, and we're all part here. OK, so there's there's a few there's a few options here.

It's like one you're just like, genuinely curious. Like you're like, oh, this is a weird little snapshot in my week or two weeks ago against us right now. No, I'm just genuinely curious.

Going Nibbler, me and Carnet, I've had the I've been taught by the best going so but no, it's true.

Like you're like, oh, this is such a weird snapshot of time of someone like your partner's past life. So it's like interesting to like it's like if you had. Oh, it's even just like how I like watching you on this thing off and like all of all those all those old videos take a weird snapshot of your life that, like, I wasn't a part of, but like it like helped shape you to get here. Right. Yeah, a little bit of weird object permanence there, but, yeah, I don't know, I don't know.

It's just it's like a curiosity thing to be like you were part of the process of how my boyfriend is now. OK, and I think that's it, but keep going, I think it's harmless. I really think it is harmless. What's funny is that I is upset that I'm not I wasn't interested in at one point in time, but I feel like some of that information, I almost want to like no one in the back pocket and then never revisit.

What do you mean? Like, I'm completely comfortable with understanding what I know about the past and how it got there, but I have no interest in going see all the snapshots.

Oh yeah. Girls are not like that. We want to know everything about the phone. We want to know everything.

Yeah, but then you just like it's turmoil in your mind when you find things that you want to find out. Yeah, but like if there's something to find out, then maybe it should be found out. I guess I don't know. Like I feel like if you were doing it in a harmless way, just out of curiosity, like, I think that that is a weird itch that sometimes we need to scratch what it is.

I think for me, I think I have done enough things in my past that I didn't enjoy or love or am proud of. Right. And know that I've changed from that moment. Therefore, I would like to almost not find out things about people that will color my opinion or perspective on them, I think could have changed too. I see. I see. Yeah. I mean, there's a fine line that I think and I think I understand both sides.

I really do. I know you understand your side.

That's for damn sure. Bet. Just curious.

Oh shit. OK, I was briefly a dominatrix to earn money to buy a house with my boyfriend. He doesn't know.

Oh I was going to say that's cool for that dude. That's charity work I. What, like it's doing good for the greater good? Besides your relationship, if you find out or if he finds out, or if you one day tell him and it's been OK, I mean that there's that there's that side of it, too. No, I mean, I, I see the good intention behind it. What I personally go that route. No, but do I see the good intention behind it.

Do you moonlight as a dominatrix? Is that I don't I do not.

If so, the reason I'm upset is that I've never been able to see this in action. OK, but, yeah, I would find a way to broach that topic sooner than later, preferably before you buy the house.

Well, then, you know, the deed might even be done to earn money to buy a house. My boyfriend. Well, you already bought it then. Shit, that's tough. Yeah. What do you think people should tell like.

Should she tell him, OK, here's the thing that I've never been cheated on and I've never cheated, so I don't feel like I'm the right person to ask because I think my gut feeling is like, yes, you should tell them because like how do you build a relationship that's like not build off of 100 percent truth. But at the same time, I've never been in either of those positions where I've seen a different perspective.

I tell you. How do you weigh in on that? I would I would bear on the side of. Being more concerned about not being in a place to have any path to be able to tell your partner comfortably, like it's one thing if you get caught up, don't tell somebody. And then it's the the the wait continues to grow. Right. But if there's like if there's checklists or things in your head that you want to do that will make it feel like that conversation feel more comfortable, then I guess then there's a healthy place where that can end because it's either going to like you're going to be honest at some point, it's either going to be something that they can get over or not.

It's the ones that, like are ashamed of it, don't have any plan on telling them and are not willing to admit it happened in the first place because I think it's worth putting them up to do it again.

Yeah.

I mean, I again, I have no opposing perspective to this because I've never been in that situation. So like just from seeing based on what friends have gone through, I think what people get scared of is that, like, if they fucked up in any kind of way. So whether that means like they just like sleeping with someone, like having sex with them or like a drunk accidental kiss, etc., like I think it's they're scared of the reaction and scared of the outcome that their actions will result in something that they aren't in control of.

Definitely.

Oh, OK. I'm in a relationship that started as a rebound. I feel stuck and I'm still in love with my ex.

You got to you got to go, you've got to go, you've got to go. I know it's a safety blanket. I am one that loves a good rebound. I really do. I think it distracts you and it opens your eyes to new people and just like a new and better version of you. But I have seen people get stuck in this similar situation.

Where is all this time? Oh, my God.

I know a girl who dated her rebound for like seven years, seven years. And like it was, you know what? I think she ended up like actually falling in love with him and like, it was fine. But the first year was fully a rebound as a comfort, a level of comfort and like a safety blanket of like having companionship when her ex broke her heart.

Yeah, there needs to be like someone who can write a new book on the art of rebounding and how to do it healthily. Yeah. And I mean, here's the thing is that, like, if this guy is a good guy that you are rebounding with an inner relationship, he deserves better not to make you sound like a shitty person, but like if you're wasting your time, you're also wasting his time. And that's not fair to him. Like you, girl.

You got to go. You've got to go. If you're still in love with your ex, I don't know if you need if I need to find a way to rekindle that or just spend time getting over it, but don't use someone else as a pawn in that situation to want when you leave me like I love it.

Yeah, no, but it's true. I feel bad for the guy. He's getting used the pawn just for her to say that she feels bad for the guy.

I do feel bad for the guy. I do well as a first. You know what? It just sometimes sometimes if the shoe fits, fits and this time the shoe fits. Oh, OK. I was giving my ex a blowjob and ripped his dick wide open, leaving him with thirteen stitches. I'm sorry. Are there braces. Do you have things. I'm concerned. What. Yeah, I don't know. I was wearing my, I was, I was ribbing, I was giving my ex a blowjob.

Oh she was ripping.

She was going. Yeah. I ripped his dick open leaving him with 13 stitches on a motorcycle. I don't know. Were they in the process of walking down the stairs. I'm not sure what I guess I've had just before how a 13 stitches I how long would that be?

I mean, the side of my hand don't even think was thirteen.

Oh OK. So so like an inch and a half of stitches. I wonder how much a dick bleeds, I wonder how much like a Hardik bleed, probably a lot, right, since it's filled with blood. I only am going to sound stupid because I have a penis and I can't tell you. I mean, yes, but I don't know how low I can imagine you just bleed out. I think that's what you do when, like, mafia people would, like, cut people's balls off.

I think they bleed out very quickly.

But like, you know what? It's probably similar, like a head injury where a lot of blood comes out quickly. I have literally no idea. I don't know. We are so out of our league with this question. I like what I drink my urine in the desert. Yes, I've already thought of that answer absolutely. Once. And after that, I'm going to die. I can only do that so many times. What would I do if my dick got ripped up in my blowjob?

I don't know.

I feel like you went to the desert a metaphor, and we didn't even need to go there like that. Good to know, though.

All I'm saying is there are certain things that I've already thought through. That's one of them. This is not OK.

I don't know how to handle that situation. I, I want it all together.

Do we think I don't know any more information about them and say that.

Well, she did say with my my boyfriend I know she was giving her ex about they're no longer together. Weird. Yeah. But he they been able to make it through that. Damn that's a strong relationship. You if you can get past ripping someone's dick open and needing 13 stitches, you can get through anything but setting the bar low for future endeavors.

Like any girl that came after that, like one, he's probably shocked and like is scared. But at the same time, like, all you have to do is not send me to the E.R. he'll be a better experience. Yeah.

I wonder if she's, like, a little bit scarred now and and nervous about giving head after that happens. But I like think about friends who have lockjaw and like have actually like had a lockjaw moment while they're giving Hudnut like they get so anxious about it before they're about to hook up. But the guys are like, holy fuck, what if they get lockjaw again. Yeah.

I said, OK, sorry, sorry. I'm a fucking the CEO of the company I work for and nobody knows. There it is. There it is. Same, the same category as our teacher situation. Well not a minor not. Oh I guess you are not a minor. I guess you could be the same age. Yeah that's true.

I didn't think about that. That's messy. You got that. That's messy. You guys know how I feel about that. I think it's an abuse of power, but at the same time, like we're all humans. I get it. I'm not here to judge you for it because although I haven't done that one, I just I didn't have the opportunity to fuck that one up.

So, like, give me the I probably won't, but like, fuck, that's tough. But also, like, I it's so weird because, like, if you have feelings, you don't want to fuck up things professionally. But at the same time, like if something gets fucked up, like you have no leverage there, you know that you're going to be forced out of the company. Oh, for sure.

Like if if you get caught by H.R. and they're not down with it, like you are the disposable asset, they're not the CEO.

So that gets messy for sure.

Yeah. You might want to bring that to his or her attention.

I'm almost twenty one and never been with anyone done. Absolutely nothing. Literally nothing. OK, so I got a lot of messages like this and I want to include it because everyone was like I got a nine fuck.

Yeah. Jeremy on the rice purity test. Oh yeah.

Well let's listen to all your messages. Like I haven't done anything at all. Mine like fuck. Yeah, turn up.

No, I would say it spans the gamut. I mean we've got teacher fucking, we've got CEO fucking and then we've got people who've done nothing. It spans the gamut. And this is actually a great Segway a Segou into.

What about your classic Segou classic. I think it's a good Segway into what I want to say. I just I just like I felt empathetic and sad that people consider this their deepest, darkest secret because they felt some level of shame and guilt that they like hooked up with anyone or had an experience that maybe others glorify. And I just want to say that there is absolutely nothing fucking wrong with going at your own pace and doing things on your own time and your own speed.

Like there is no age where, like you were supposed to be doing anything, like there's there's no schedule for that. And you get to live your life and choose when you want to do those things with the people that you want to do them with. And I don't think you should feel bad about that.

You say that. And now I like there were definitely several people I saw have said, like, I've only done this one. I haven't done this at all. And you're right, there's like weird shame. They're. Yeah, which is and it's of course, I see why we glorify the dumb fun experiences that we're like, in hindsight, so fun. 20/20, right. But it's in like the the thing it's not being telecast there. There's a lot of bad shit that, like transpired from that as well.

I think first I got two lessons learned that, like, if you don't need to learn it by doing would suggest you don't for sure.

For sure. I mean, I think that we are kind of on different different sides of the spectrum of like I I never had like a crazy, like party hook up phase. And I think that I probably shielded myself from a lot of really crazy and potentially harmful experiences. So what's not to say that, like, those are things that you should be going after just because you feel like you need to? Definitely not. And also, I think it's OK to change your mind.

Oh, don't bitch. If you want to be a hoefer, we go off and do that. And if you want to touch No one for six years, touch No one. Yeah.

I mean, your body, it is your decision and you have the control there. I think the only thing that to really be mindful of is just be aware of what you want to be aware of if that changes, because some people you might telecast that you're interested or not interested and then it changes and flips on a dime and people are then surprised. And then you can upset other people with good intentions. It's like just got to be aware of what you want first and then communicate that.

Totally agree. Don't feel bad. Insert name, whoever this person is, anonymous, anonymous, OK, before I go to a guy's house, I used Google Earth to see what it looks like. I love this because this is the most shit that I have ever heard. But I want to be clear. I do this because I like having a sense of familiarity to a house when I when I go and I know what it looks like and I'm not stressed about, like figuring out what house it is on the block.

I do think there's a level of humor, though, if they're looking to see if it's like a mansion to see if they have money.

Oh, I guess I hadn't thought of that. I've seen so many take talks where, like, they'll go and find a guy's address to see if the the money, the money be running in the family. And plenty of people can attest to this. A lot of people who have absolutely nothing to have a way too big of a house. And a lot of people that have a ton of assets live in an absolute shithole because that's what your money is like, although you can judge a book by a cover.

Understand what you're you're missing out on there.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. But but also, like for a sense of like safety and fearlessness, I do enjoy Googling people. It's a familiarity thing, huh? It is. OK, it's the same way that I like looking at a menu.

Like when we went on our first date, I already knew what I was going to get because I didn't want to be stressed about it on our first date. It's the same thing. A guy asked for booty pics, so I sent him a thong in my knee and he believed it. I love this so much. I love like he got played. He got play.

You know, I will say the amount of times it's because he's going on Instagram like like something gross. And then it's like you thought it was this you nasty. And I'm like, fuck, I did. So I want to I want to judge the guy for not being able to see that it's clearly a knee. I really think this satisfies both parties. I agree. I yeah. I think that if that satisfied what he was after and she was OK with doing it and she thought it was funny and was like, this is good on my side to go off.

Yeah. Also maybe select someone with a slightly higher boys are just sexual creatures, you know.

I mean it's it's we're just creatures of courage.

Oh OK. If a guy stupidly lied about his height, I goes to him. What else is he willing to lie about? OK, so what do you think as a guy who is tall and doesn't have to lie about his height, like, what do you think is the range at which people can boost up their height? Potentially? I feel like I feel like the most common thing is that like a guy will make himself taller on a dating app.

None. None. No, none. Oh, man. I feel like my five eleven guy friends would disagree. Of course they would, because the five eleven. Well like you that's a lot. You can't cash that check. Eventually they're going to find out they're not really six to. That's true. Revival of.

That's true. And then do you think that starts the relationship off on a bad foot if you're lying about your height? I think it starts the relationship on a bad foot because you're self-conscious about something that you can't fix in the first place.

Oh, that's deep. That's deep. Yeah, that's deep.

If you're five eleven, you want to say six foot more power to you, but you need to understand and assume and expect eventually they're going to find out five eleven and you to come to grips with that. Right. So you need to be OK with the five eleven.

But you know what at the same time. Filters on dating apps. That's what I'm saying, because I get dirty, so I would want to be considered for the girls were like I only one day people are putting up looks like maybe I would have lied.

Right.

That's I'm saying is that like I think if I use it on my high horse, I'm like, no, no one can lie about your fucking six foot four. Yeah.

Because like, when I was on hand, I, I again customized all my filters and she was only swiping yours on a few people a day and I set my filter at six foot. I just like a tall guy. So it's like if they're giving me the option to choose between my choose and like there I'm sure are so many guys who are five 11 who are great guys. And I'd be super compatible with and I'm like I mean, there's a reason that Kevin Hart.

So funny, right? He's so funny, so short, so little, so little. So far it's so funny.

But like, I am OK with five 11 guys squeezing in squeezing and you're OK with why I'm OK with a five 11 five ten I think is too much, especially for like five eleven divided by two inches. That's a lot. Yeah that's a lot. But like the five eleven guys I'm like you can get in line.

You can, you can you can come on in. Wow. How about when guys lie about the dick size. Um. I don't know, I feel like I've never encountered someone who is like my dick is seven inches date me, you know, I mean, like I feel like you don't know a guy's dick size until until, like, it's happening.

You're like, oh, this dick is like I don't have a ruler on me, but like it's looking like six and a half, like, OK, every girl ever is like no guys ever tried to tell you how big their penises enforce that information on you.

You. Oh God, you're right. You're so right.

I see the reckless things that my guy friends will send and say to women. And I'm like, did you?

And if you were on the flip side of that, how would you unpack that information? My newly single friend was getting dick pics by five different guys every single day.

It was wild and she was like, I have not sent them a single photo. And they're sending unsolicited dick picks, which we've talked about. I think the whole podcast called Unsolicited Dick Pics.

We do definitely democratized. And I just want to remind guys once again, in case they missed that one, not a big deal. Your penis is ugly. It's not photogenic. No one actually wants to see it. And even the people that you're currently sleeping with are OK with it at best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dicks are not like you going to be honest. No, I'm going to be honest. No, I had a choice to date an NBA player or my current boyfriend. Oh, I, I I'm I'm being pulled in multiple directions here. So is she. I am, yes. Literally. So is she. I think that.

Oh I can't wait. Here's the bottom line, bottom line is that I don't think that you should be swayed just because someone has the title of an NBA player. I think that like especially if you're looking for a relationship, not to say the NBA players are not healthy companions in a relationship that's very serious and monogamous.

You're presenting this as if we have like half of our audience playing in the NBA, like we can't upset.

I don't want to offend the NBA players. If Steph Curry, who says he cannot be offended by this.

No, but it's true. It's not even it's not even about like the reputation of like cheating for athletes. It's more just like your current boyfriend probably has a regular job and is like going to be there on weekends and evenings to hang out with you and fucking Netflix and chill. Your NBA boyfriend is going to be busy as hell on a jet with his team. And like, if you can drop your entire life to go along with him, like, OK, maybe great, maybe that works, maybe it does for you.

But like the logistics of dating an athlete of any sort, just based off of having friends who have dated professional athletes, it's not a fun ride. You were being relocated at all times. You don't have a home base. You're always traveling and their life becomes your life. I think you're missing two big components here. One is the size of an NBA player because they're huge. Not sure, and by huge, I mean really tall, so like usually that correlates not always, though.

The worst part about dating an athlete is a gym bag. OK, I just stay that, you know, that's like the shit that's just sticks to you. You're like I smell like his feet. That's just disgusting. OK, and can you imagine if I was a professional athlete with my sock habits, I would we would not be together.

If you had if you were an athlete with your sock habits, you'd be out gone right on playing sports on points.

And to you know what? I think you should do what sounds if this is a choice, this is something that she's she's thinking about. You should do it. Oh, for sure. You know what? Because to me, if if you were if you were excited by this and think about valuing this over like a regular, quote unquote, regular person who doesn't have any kind of star status as a fucking Mughals, you need to go do that.

Like, if that's an option that excites you and makes you question what you have currently, you probably need to go do that and get that out of your system. There's two reasons. One, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Otherwise, one, you're excited about it and it's everything you dreamed. It was really exciting. Great, right? You're glad you did it. There's no what if until it'll be an absolute failure. And that and that is why we don't we don't want to do that profession.

I mean, I think especially like within our friends over in L.A., like people notoriously say, I don't date musicians, like I don't date dancers like because they've had a bad experience. They tried that. They didn't like it. And they're like, I like dating corporate tech nerds.

Hey, I love this one so much. OK, I once dramatically ran down a beach. The guy had to chase me straight up movie shit. I love this. Be your own main character.

I'm sticking with the main character.

So annoyed by this. No bitch. If you want to live your life like that, you were the main character of your story. Have your movie scene. Make him run down that beach. Beaches are really hard to run on because of sand. It's really difficult. And if you if that created a cinematic moment for you, go the fuck off.

I would have liked it better if as opposed to her running away and and physically chasing after her, she found a way for her to stay sitting wherever she was and make his ass do a lap down the beach and back and then prove his worth and not for I have a story to tell. So there was a time where I had had sex on the beach in public.

Let's move on, so my story, I get my I got my wires crossed for the next week, I was in one of my friends with benefits situation for episode twenty seven, six, eight, nine thirty.

Whichever one it is, sir, I.

Where did you hear me? Always interrupt, Lauren. I know. I'm sorry.

I let me do my fucking story. OK, so I had a friends benefit situation. I stayed the night and in the morning I woke up and I was like this fucking girl saying I want to go. Like, I would like to leave. Like, I want to be like gross. And she was like a super hardcore, intensely burns. I was like, well, I'm I just crawled this button, just get my shit and go home and feel like I didn't wake up.

Do you like, hey, like I'm leaving. And so I just packed up my shit. I said about his roommate who was sleeping on the couch downstairs and I was like, hey. And then this dude showed up at my apartment later on thinking that I had left, like being all mad and flustered or whatever and showed up and like was outside for like an hour. And I didn't realize. But I think he thought that we were having, like, this storybook moment of him chasing me to my apartment after I left, all upset and, like, so sad.

And I was like, bitch, go home, go home, go home. We're friends again if benefits go home. Just to recap, everybody, Laurin, is able to make an orgasm with the touch, several line, several clothing layers away and hooks up with one do with little friends about it thing, and he chases her back to her apartment. That's the level of of of sexual goddess that you are putting out into the world.

No, I don't even think it was about that. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Like that that narrative. Really nice folks.

I'm just I'm holding on for dear life, trying to keep up with you, my love. I love the narrative. I really do. But unfortunately, I think that he was just being dramatic.

And what did you say to the dude when he showed up, like was the last time you looked up at them or, you know, I think we end up getting food, honestly, what it was like in the morning.

Well, no, no, no.

He slept in really late and then shut up like a few hours later. So I was already home, like doing my day, like I was even thinking.

But I was like, let me whatever, like working.

And then he like, showed up being all fucking dramatic and then couldn't call why he didn't call me. My phone was on silence or on silent or whatever for like an hour. And he was like outside thinking that like to be there.

If you didn't answer your phone for an hour, I would send the search squad. I mean, I guess.

But after we were together and I know you because you're sitting there constantly refreshing, like tick tock to see what else you know for sure.

Yes. And then getting mad at Twitter.

Yeah, well, yeah, I moved Twitter to my second page and I'm a much happier person. Really. Yeah I really did. Yeah. Fuck Twitter. I can't, I can't do it. I can't do it.

I've been kind of getting more Twitter lately. Oh.

I hop on and like interact with like all of like my people and you just live on clubhouse and now I live in callbacks. Yeah.

OK, anyways, um, that's uh that's all we've got for our dirty, dark, hidden secrets. Thank you so much. Everyone who participated and trusted us with your darkest secrets.

If you have any questions, you want to throw in the ring. For Lauren specifically, I'm really nervous about next week's episode. I can't be general. They have to be very specific. They can't be like given they can't talk about. It's got to be a bit specific.

This feels like a truth or drink where I have no option to not answer the question. Here are the two, yes, but the truth, a drink crowdsourced by the people that know you best, most like a list of one hundred questions. All right. Yeah, I feel nervous about this.

I can't wait. I think that I might have an alcoholic beverage, but that episode, definitely that could be a night time recording episode. Definitely Instagram tick Twitter.

Well, tonight. Yeah, well, it's on my website live. There's not anything that's specifically on that that's more for like, you know, purposes of other things though. It's you just fuck. Yeah. It's really cool. And if there's any bugs, let us know. Yeah. Seems a um. OK, well I think that's all we have a place to sleep with your cousins, your teachers and your CEOs judgment free zone. But maybe just for the betterment of your trying to put yourself first.

And not your cousin, good bye. Bye bye.