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Lock the gate. All right, let's do this, how are you? What the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fuck next? What's happening? It's me, Marc Maron. This is my podcast, WTF. This is me, Marc Maron. After working, I was on set today. I'm sorry. How are you? Everything all right? I'm out in the world in this fucking covid Toonami working like a fucking idiot because I chose to do so.


I chose to believe that protocols were in place that will protect me on this set.


I chose to believe people who told me you'd probably be safer on a movie set than you would be going to Trader Joe's or Ralph's. I chose to do it. I did not know when I chose to do it that it would be the fucking escalating peak of the plague.


But now I'm in it and I have to accept my choices and do the work.


I'm grateful to be working, but terrified on another level, but I've let that go because I made the choice and they do seem to have their shit together with the masks and the shields and the testing.


Godspeed. God willing. I will not get this fucking bug. I didn't start thinking about it again till the end of the day, I got up at 5:00, had to drive an hour and 15 minutes out to the edge of the desert to this little shitty hotel, this rundown old dump of a hotel. That is the set for the. The next week or so, my shooting 11 days on the movie. And for some reason, it's not unfamiliar.


To the Guo Hotel was a shitty will have tell you, I was wondering why do people live here? And it's sad, but that's we're out out there, that's where we're at out there in the dust on the edge of the world. And I got to be honest with you, man, and it saddens me, but I think most people in this country live in borderline squalor.


And it's fucking disturbing. And unfair and sad. But there we are out there making a movie, it's a human story about a woman with trouble. And I've been working with Andrea Riseborough. Who's sort of a savant, a genius, a great actress, British person, and Andre Royo, who, you know, from this show and from The Wire from Empire. That guy's a live wire.


Speaking of wires play bubbs, but he's my buddy and my kind of my partner in this movie. So I'm hanging around a lot with Bubbs.


With Andre, great guy, I couldn't have asked to be hanging out with a better person in the downtime. The only problem is. I got to maintain I got to do a Texan accent, which I'm doing, I'm just doing it. I don't give a fuck. I laid it in place. I did the work. I did the dialect thing with the dialect coach. I got a little primer. I got a little little a page of Fang's I got to think about when I do it.


And I do it and I try not to do it. Up in my nose, where it sounds like I'm doing an impression of somebody from Texas, but it's going well and I'm glad I took the gig.


It's it's scary.


But, you know, it's nice to be around people. I know that it's dangerous. And maybe not the smartest thing I ever did in my life, but like I said, the protocols are in place. Safety is being focused on immensely.


There's nobody on the set without a mask and mostly without a shield ever, except for actors when they're doing their scenes. I get tested every other day, it seems, and hopefully I won't get it. And I feel like I'm doing OK work. I didn't know what I had in me anymore. We've been in this quarantine situation for a long time, but I didn't know if I could still work with people or get into the zone and do the acting.


But as I said the other day, I'm on set and I'm like, I know what this is. I know how to do this. I'm familiar with this profession. I am a professional in this show business thing. And the director seems very happy. He seems to be getting what he wanted out of me. He ordered a Marc Maron. He's getting the Marc Maron that I mentioned today on the show here. Brad Williams is on the show.


Brad is a comedian. He's a little person. He's a dwarf. I was told it's OK to say dwarf by Brad Williams, you may have seen his stand up specials fund size or Daddy's issues, and he's also appears in the Netflix stand up series, The Degenerates. And he and he was the topic or the subject or the launch pad of one of the funnier moments I've ever had on radio.


Not and not me personally, but bore witness. One of the funnier moments that I've witnessed on radio with Anthony Cumia before he went completely sour when he was a funnier clown. But I talked to Brad about that. And, you know, everyone wants to keep their home and family safe, whether it's from a break in a fire flooding or a medical emergency, simply safe home security delivers award winning 24/7 protection with simply safe. You don't just get an arsenal of cameras and sensors.


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So WTF, do it. Man, what a day, what two pages, what two scenes it got to the point where I the last thing we were shooting today, I had a drive up and get out of a truck. I mean, Andre had to drive up and get out of a truck. And I had one line line was so did it go OK?


Everything go OK, man, but everything gets rolled into motion. We had transpo move the truck. We got in the truck, all the gears were going. Everyone's on set doing the thing. We got moving vehicle. I fucking drive that thing up and I get out and I deliver my line to Andrew, who's playing Leslie. And I say, everything go OK. And then I stop being like, fuck, no accent again, it was almost as if no one caught it.


I like we got no accent. That was me. It was just Mark can't have that back up the truck. I forgot to put on my accent face. But it's going well, but it's weird what I get freaked out about, like, you know, I I did some I got a Saina when I was on Gwo, I signed a nudity waivers that we say that I had to do that because if those women were going to show anything, then I had had to be equal and I had to show whatever they asked me to show.


Fortunately, as some of you may know, it was my ass. And there was one it was not really a sex scene, but a partial nudity, but I showed my ass it's there, I walked around, set with a dick sack on.


And that was OK, I was OK to deal with that, but I'm doing this movie and there's one scene where I got to eat a TV dinner and I was like, oh, my God. I don't know if I can fucking do that, is there any way around me eating a TV dinner because we've got to do a bunch of takes and I got to eat Salisbury steak from a TV dinner? I was more freaked out about that than show my ass on camera.


Even my cock maybe. I don't know. That's a little that would have been a little hard. No, I mean, it probably wouldn't have. Damn it. I didn't mean to do that. It didn't. I'm not even going to play it out. But I was really I had a really kind of come to grips with eating a Salisbury steak. From a fucking TV dinner, fortunately, they made one special for Andrea who has meat issues, so they made a gluten free veggie once.


I was able to take some of that as opposed to the real Salisbury steak. But I did more eating on camera this time than I ever have.


And I try to avoid it at all costs, because if you eat on camera in a scene, then every time you do a steak, you've got to remember where the fuck you ate.


Like there's not enough going on in the world. I'm happy to be working. I really am. It's really exciting. And it's so fucking nice. It's amazing how long it's been. To be around that many other people, it doesn't feel that different, just everyone's wearing masks. So do you guys have the the citizen app, I don't know what the hell I got it for. I think it was a fire thing. I think my friend Dan said it's good for fire updates, but now I got on here and you just, you know, if you think you live in a good neighborhood, get the citizens app.


You don't know what the fuck is going on in your neighborhood. And I don't know whether it's like promoting entertainment because I got to fight myself sometimes, man. Just out of nowhere, you'll get a notification from the citizen app. And it's like a naked man running around Trader Joe's parking lot with a knife upset that it's not open yet.


It's like part of me is like, holy shit, that's crazy. And the other part of me is sort of like, I wonder if I leave now, if he's still be out there when I get down there, because I kind of like to see that.


And then sometimes they're just things come up and it's like, is I really did someone call that in man with indigestion?


Ad going Oak's and Brand on the corner bus stop. I don't know if that's is that really so much.


Do I need to know that that doesn't seem like a big deal. Fellow with funny head walking through the Bank of America parking lot, nope, don't need to know that. Five gunshots heard and then sometimes the story doesn't even go on. Man talking to his penis, sitting in front of Walgreens now that I got to get to, what time did that start? That sounds like an interesting one person show. How's your facial hair doing, you guys, huh?


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I started a conversation with somebody on set today, and, you know, you just never know, man, you just never know. I was talking to some person who I knew from another show. You know, we're just talk about the world for two seconds, she's like, I'm a little worried about communism. I'm like, what? She said. Yeah, I talked to some people that I know, a couple of people I know from Cuba said it's happening and I'm like, what are you talking about?


So I communism in America. Yeah, it's it's going communist. I'm like, what are you what are you even talking about? She's like, wow, I don't know.


I'd like to hear your opinion. I'm like, this doesn't sound like one of those opinion talks. This sounds like cuckoo time. And then I realize like. There's like there's I think there's a few questions you can ask when somebody says something like that, when somebody says something provocative that you're not sure where they're going with it. I got a pretty good idea. There just should be like a quiz where you can just be like, hey, before I get into this discussion with you, I just ask you a couple of questions.


Do you believe in global warming? Do you believe that vaccines work? Do you believe there is a deep state? Do you think there was election fraud?


I got to read it for you. Two out of four of those, you can sort of go like, all right.


You know what? Thank you for answering those questions with the yes or no part of this.


And I don't think I think I'm going to pass on the the bigger discussion because I don't know, it's time. I'm not going to get back and your dumdum.


But as I said, I don't know where that the person is talking.


I don't know where that was going because I pulled out I pulled the ripcord before I even got into it because I can get pretty worked up. And, you know, you ain't going to change any minds, you know, especially the ones that are on lock down.


I've known Brad Williams for a long time. He's a funny man. He's a little person, which is exciting. This is the first time I've talked to a little person on the show. So there's a first a historic first. And as I said earlier, you can see the specials, fun size daddy issues.


He's been on the degenerates he's got.


You know, we're just going to do the thing that we do here. Comedian Talk. This is me and Brad Williams.


It's so rare to have people in person. I know it's weird, right? Yeah, I mean, I see people, but I don't do this much. I do the podcast with humans that much. No, no.


No one's coming over here. They all do the Zoome stuff with you. They do. Yeah.


It's, uh, you know, it's weird. Do you find yourself when you actually have a personal moment with either like a gardener or someone who works fast food?


You like hang on to the conversation a little too long because you're like, yeah, you know, humans.


I mean, interpersonal communication. We're talking like people. I miss this. I miss you.


I've never met you before in my life. I miss this. You're so important to me right now.




No, I find that, like, thank you for bringing me these macaroons your wife made. And I got to try one. I might because. Oh, I love that more than anything. They love when you eat on Mike. Is this like some weird asmar.


They fucking hate it. There's something there's some people where you you eat on Mike and it's like it's the worst thing. It's like it's like nails on a chalkboard.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. God they're great. Oh well she's a she's a great baker. Really. Yeah. That's thing. I mean it's one of her things but it's not a profession.


Yeah. Yeah. No she's a behavioral therapist. Oh man. How's that helping you.


Oh great. Are you behaving yourself. Yes. Well like I grew up, my dad's a lawyer so I'm just used to not winning arguments and it's just a nice little I went from being living with my dad and never winning an argument. And then I live with my wife and she she she has trained me to lose arguments because she because she's a behavioral therapist, I accept defeat.


Well, and then she and also her comic. So we're used to bombing. We're used to being told no. And and we used to walk into a club owners office and be like, hey, I sold two hundred tickets are like you sold five. OK, yeah I think OK. The rest was paper. No problem. Because you guys make your money though. Do you guys do. All right. As long as you guys are good you're going to have me back.




OK, I don't miss that shit. I just read that book.


Did you read that book by that kid. Which one. Sam Talent. No, I haven't read it yet. Do you know about it? Yeah, I know.


I know all the comics are talking about it. Yeah. Well I mean I start reading comics in it.


He kind of blends real life with, with the fiction. So there's like these weird appearances by guys like Rick Kernes. I mean that's a that's a that's a deep cut man. Rick Kernes, Rick Kearns. Hey man, what's going on?


Not not a lot of stories about Rick Kern's going around.


Well, I think there are plenty of stories about returns going on, but, you know, nobody knows them.


That's what I loved about the Comedy Store, doc, is that it? It Dovid to some people that aren't. Yeah, we all know Letterman. Kinnison Yeah. But we all know those stories. Sure.


But then they don't they they did some deep cuts to the Freddy Prince Jimmy Walker thing where they go over to John Travolta's with that crossbow. The fuck dude does the best they like.


Can you imagine getting that call. We're going over there and what. But you go like that was the funny thing about Walker's. He went, yeah, he went, yeah.


Like because what do you do? Say no. Yeah, you got to go. You got to go and at least witness a murder or maybe stop it. I don't know. But Curran's there was he told me there's a great recurring story about how like, you know, he kind of he made he sort of made a show for himself and I one of the San Francisco comedy competitions. He's a he was he was out here. He's a Denver guy.


He was around, you know, I've known him, but so he gets an appointment for a general at like I think at CBS or something.


But he comes down, he's got no fucking car. He's drunk, he's got to take a bus. So this is whole story about how he meets the brass. He has a great meeting and then he has to go sit at the bus stop. And the guy who he had the meeting with drive by them all at the bus stop and just see.


Yeah, hey, buddy, is is it weird that I get a strange sense of pleasure about people that have it? They have yeah. It and then they blow it for some weird reason or they get in their own way like I don't know, I'm fascinated with stories fascinated and that's what we do comedy long enough.


You're like, no, I didn't work out.


But like you know what, this is actually first of all, thank you so much for having me. Secondly, this is my first time on the podcast. Second time I've been mentioned, though. Oh, yeah. I was mentioned during the Gallagher interview.


You were? Yeah. At some point I it's right before I do it or he did it. He did it right before he he leaves.


Yeah. You're saying that he does something about like well he's making a certain kind of joke that's not good. Or he shouldn't make or something like that. Yeah. And he goes out.


I saw a midget comic last week. A bunch of midget jokes I should be able to he's talking about me because I was at Cracker's in Indianapolis.


I'm sorry. Yeah, me too. They used to be a good place. I know. And then one of the staff comes back and goes, Hey, Gallagher's here.


And I go, Huh? Oh, Gallagher's here. Like, Oh, OK. Does he want to do time or did he bring his shit?


That was like, do I have to go on after this dramatic like, wait, are we going to have a sledgehammer attack followed by dwarf comedy night like that just seems to be great.


You take the hammer to the jaw. Yeah. What does he think? He hits me and I explode into confetti. What happens here? And they go and they talk to him. He goes, no, he's just here to see the show weird.


And I'm like, and I'm a pretty new comic. I just I've just been just been headlining a few years at that point. Yeah.


So I'm on stage and he's like, second row. So you can see him. You could. I'm seeing Gallagher.


So while on stage he wasn't laughing. Right. Just looking at no hit. But and then I talked to him afterward, he's like, yeah, my wife loves the date that he was with his wife or something.


Yeah. She was the fan. Oh, OK. So she brought him and then and then I started thinking to myself, oh God. Like because imagine you're in that situation where your partner goes like, hey, we're going to go see a comic. Right. And you have to sit there in the audience and watch me.


And, you know, like the last thing you would do is sit close, especially if you're known guy. You know, I forgot to do that to the guy. Yeah. You know, it's going to fuck them up. Yeah.


I don't want in. Like, I can never do that because look at me. I kind of stand out in a crowd. Yeah. You don't just stand in your way. Yeah. You know, just scan the audience and go. Yeah, that's normal.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was I don't know, I tried I haven't really rethink that episode. I don't think I have any regrets about it. I was trying to make a point but but yeah it's the worst when there are other comics.


But Broad Ripple I feel I'm in this weird zone because of the quarantine where I like that and not nostalgic, but I'm thinking like how do I fucking get here? What have I been through? I'm going to go.


I actually have all my date books going back to the 80s up there in the attic in here. Yeah.


I just want to go through and see if I can remember the rooms of all those one nighters and weird shit that we did or that I had to do and. Well, I could. You prolly haven't been there for a while.


I'm still doing this so I so I could tell you I like crackers. Was it OK room. All I remember about crackers was the woman who ran its father drove you to radio.


Yes. And I don't know if he, I think he's passed.


I think so. But he's a we have this weird posture. He had some sort of scoliosis or something. Yeah. He was just a weird little old man. He he'd come pick you up at 6:00 in the morning to do Bob and Tom. Yeah. Yeah. And isn't it just Tom now. Just Tom and it's it's Tom.


But they don't take Bob off the marquee really. They still say it's the Bob and Tom show. So that's the deal. Bob Matsui gets still gets a few few bucks on the back end, something like that.


I don't know.


Maybe they thought the listeners would change the channel if it was just the Tom show. But it's just weird. I have these moments where I have these memories where I would go out back and smoke with fucking Bob, you know, because, like, he's smoking those cigarettes all the fucking time. So that goes back over ten years since I smoked a cigarette butts, just like going out that cold air in fucking Indiana and fucking smoking cigarettes with Bob when.


And then I think I remember doing that show before they moved to the fancy studio.


Oh, because I've only done it in the fancy studio.


Yeah. The one that they built for them. The middle of a cornfield. Yeah.


That's that's about five minutes away from Tom's house. Oh no shit.


Yeah. Tom's compound with the nine kids, four ex-wives or whatever.


You know what. I don't know. You still working. I'm sorry. I got. Yeah I'm still working. I can't I got to go back to these shows. Mark. I don't mind that guy. I, I've, I've got the Netflix half hour mark. Yeah. Half hour. I don't have the hour yet. I can't burn all the bridges. Can't fuck with Tom. I don't have any problem with them.


He's you know, he's a good radio guy and I appreciate radio guys.


I briefly did Radio Mirah very active radio for a year and a half. I fucking loved it. Were you were you the funny guy, the funny I tried to be I what now?


What can we say? Dwarf. Sure. Dwarfish. OK, yeah. What's the bad one. Midget's the bad one. That's the one where they protest you and that's how you manage. And I've been protested by midgets. That was not fun.


It's, it's a lot of it's a weird anger I would imagine that comes from a bunch of little people. Little people is good, right. Yeah. That's the yeah.


Little person or person of short stature is the ultra safe, short stature.


And I still tell that story when we were you and I were doing that live on a Oh that was so dude with that's so good. That beat he had when you told the story that you might be telling me now. Yeah. Because they. You were an Uncle Tom. Come on. That was the best looking that's the best one liners I've ever heard so quick. Uncle Tom Thumb. That was Chris. Oh, good. It's also endless things were as a dwarf comic.


When you hear another dwarf joke that I haven't written yet.


I'm like, damn it, how did I miss that one, Uncle Tom Thumb?


But what was it? What was the protest about? Yeah. Oh, because now you talk about shit hole comedy clubs.


I can talk about this one because I went out of business and I don't have to worry about one. Joey's comedy club in Livonia, Michigan, never did it.


OK, good, good, good on you, sir.


Yeah, they it gets passed around the local Liepa, which stands for Little People of America. It gets passed around that I'm performing there.


And then I say the word midget during my act, which I do, because personally, I don't see anything wrong with like I've I've talked about it, but like, I don't mind the word I don't want a word to have power over me.


I don't want like if you call me a midget now, it's like, oh, God, that's that word. Now I have to fight you.


You know, we're being like even with, like, the word Jew for me, like, I'll use it in kind of a negative way, like a Jew, you know, it's a way to say it. But I can we take it from even people I know really well. I'm kind of sensitive to how they say Jew. So I imagine they're friends of yours can say. I imagine if Adam said midget, maybe you'd be all right.


Yeah, fine. Yeah, that's great. I don't care. It's not loaded. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


And to me it's all about context because I've literally been in in Odessa, Texas, I was chased by some guys in a pickup truck, come on.


Who were yelling out like kill the dwarf. Why and when. Yeah, that's the more PC term. But I think kill is the part that bothers me.


What did you do to make them upset?


I, I kicked him out of the show. It was they were just being, they were just being they had this two for one beer thing. I don't know. You had them kicked out. Yeah. And then they waited and then they and then they waited to kill the dwarf.


Yeah. Which sounds like one of those old games that we can't play anymore because it's not PC like we used to be able place near the square. Now we can't place maybe the square anymore because that's not PC. We used to be able to kill the dwarf. So but like when the guy when when we walk out to go to our cars after the show and the guy yells, kill the dwarf, I'm not stopping.


Like, thank you for using the proper nomenclature.


Yes. I'm not doing that. So Livonia, Michigan, they find out that I'm performing.


They they they know that I say the word midget. So they are a group of them.


I'll tell the real story, not the joke story. All right.


They're the group of them show up and they're outside of the comedy club and they have picket signs. Dwarves. Yeah, dwarves. I mean, the little people. Yeah. The joke is like they weren't picket signs. They're three by five cards.


But like, you know, they're out, they're out there and and they're and they're protesting the show.


They're saying don't go see the show, which to people walking in must have been just the best.


They thought, yeah, if you're walking in and you're seeing a dwarf comic and there's dwarves protesting, you're like, this is some meta shit. This is how many were protesting, it's oh, God, I'm sorry.


It's just sad that that there's no way, like dwarves doing anything. Is it going to be a little funny?


And that's my point. It's funny. Yes.


I'm I'm I'm sad that I that I've said something or that they think I say something that makes them upset. Sure. That I don't want to make anyone upset. I want to make people laugh. That's my goal.


But the fact that you're like ten to fifteen little people out there, that's it's funny. OK, it's funny.


It's so then you and I and I know it's so it's a deep one because I think we don't see that many little people you just don't know. And when you do, it's like, you know, it's like a unicorn.


Oh yeah. Even I freak out about it if I see another dwarf.


First of all, now, especially if like I see another dwarf in a restaurant or something. Yeah. Then I feel insane pressure because now everyone's looking at two dwarves in the restaurant. They're like, is this a blind date? And they are in there looking for each other. Is it like depending on the sex and the age, they're like, oh, is this a father son? Or they lost or they're brothers.


Like, how is this possible that there's two in one room?


Oh my God, we had three dwarves at my high school. Really? Yeah. Me and then a brother. Sister and and that freaked people out.


That freak people out that there is three. The brother was older and then when the sister got there, everyone went up to the brother like, hey, there's another dwarf, you should go try it.


And he's like my sister. That's my sister. I know what you asshole, but the weird thing is it's like I don't want I don't I would never like I understand racism. I understand sexism. I understand anti-Semitism.


I under I understand all the the bad isms. Yeah. But like, nobody hates a dwarf. So like like I just I mean, I can understand that that's going to be the name my next special.


Nobody else a dwarf combined.


But you know, it's like it's more of a fascination. There's like an endearing like I think the diminishing quality is that like it's so cute.


Yes. And one being referred to as it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah probably. Look at it. Yeah.


One of the things about what I've noticed and why it's sort of not OK to make fun of dwarves, but no one really gets mad at you that much like it's one of the last groups that it's kind of safe to make jokes about is that we're not a threat.


Like if you make like if there's a group of four people of a certain race in a crowd and you make the wrong joke, yeah, there is the fear of like, oh, they could they could hurt me for four dwarves in the audience.




What are you going to do? What do you do. What do you try it. Yeah, I can't, I can't, I don't fight. We're not. But also I guess the idea that like people are touching you and picking you up and stuff, does that happen.


Oh yeah. Yes, Mark.


OK, so this is a this is a joke but serious. OK, yeah.


So at the end of my shows in the in the before time I would I do the meet and greets, I go out, I go outside, I hock my t shirts and my DVDs to try to make a couple extra bucks.


And I have to say at the end of my show, OK, I'm going to be out there. I have a rule. You cannot pick me up.


And you're laughing and I get it, but like there, whenever I do it, there's always a oh like that.


Like I audibly you can hear this noise in the credits. Oh, I thought you might like like, no, I'm a human being. I'm a 36 year old man. I'm a father. You know, you don't just get to like like, you know, and yeah.


Like I had a I had a horrible back injury because I did I did a show one time. And so this woman comes up to me and they want to take a photo afterward and she goes, I want a really funny photo, a fun photo.


And I'm looking at the girl and she's like, she she's a buck 15, soaking wet, really tiny girl. So I go, OK, and I kind of grab her and put her in a fight in a fireman's carry where she's just over my shoulders holding her up.


Great photo. Yeah. Her boyfriend, much larger. He goes, oh, I want to I want that photo jumps on me. Come on. Just jumps on my back. I was out, Mark, for like a year and a half just doing physical therapy. And I really had like, I would go on the road and I would just do stretches in the hotel room and like, was it something to happen because of the way you're built?


I have no idea. Backs are so fucked up. Yeah.


So when did you know that I was a dwarf? Pretty early. I mean, you know, that's OK, I tell this. Yes, I have to tell this covid joke. Yeah. And because because the real story I was I was at a grocery store.


Yeah. And a kid in a grocery store looked at me and just yelled out, look what it did to him.


A kid, a kid. They just put that together. Yeah. So excited. He thought that I was walking around free covid like six foot two love in life. Someone coughed on me and then like that.


Like that. Like that appart. God bless the children. Oh they are so honest.


But was it one of those things where you weren't growing and you didn't know and there must have been a window there where you were like, you know, did you have to be told by your folks?


Yeah. So my parents, not dwarves, just throwing that out there like we don't have that happening. I know you're asking me. I don't know. I'm not a genetic, isn't it? Yes.


It's a recessive gene from from what I know. And so, yeah, my my parents are not dwarves. You know, we don't all have to come from the same tribe. Right.


And so when I was born, my dad very early, very early, he knew that I would be made fun of. He knew the world is a very cruel place.


So his philosophy was, I'm going to make fun of my son first, but in a supportive way. Yeah. Like he would crack on me when I was like three or four years old. And then he would say, OK, now hit me back with something like he taught me how to bust balls. Right. So then by the time I got to school and kids made fun of me, I had comeback's like, oh, good written.


So ready. So you were a force to be reckoned with? Yeah, he got the respect. Yeah.


So that and I think my dad had a really good positive way of looking at it. If he didn't try to ignore it and pretend it didn't exist. I was always raised with yes, you are a little person, you are different. Life is not going to be the same for you.


Right. But yeah, you can still lead a very good life.


My dad was the one who told me that when I meet someone start with a dwarf joke, like try to slip it a dwarf joke really fast. That way they're comfortable like light and the light in that tension. Yeah. Break the tension. Yeah.


Because then because then the person just staring at me like I say anything. Why does he know.


I tell you, the little people I've met and there's not a ton of them all seem pretty well adjusted. I don't know why.


Yeah but I guess but they are I mean, I guess there's an acceptance set that that you have to live with. Yeah. You know, from very early on that most people don't have to kind of reckon with.


Yeah, well and the thing is, is kind of like I hinted at it before, that I never was anything else.


I don't know what the average size of fiction is. Yeah, well, I mean, now there might be really. Yeah.


There's there's a new experimental treatment that you can give to children between the ages of three and ten. Really.


Yeah. And already have the dwarfism. Yeah. That they have dwarfism.


It's an injection and it doesn't cure like it but I, I'm not sure the full effects of this so I don't want to say it wrong.


But it some of the health problems associated with dwarfism, it lessens that it's still in phase three of testing. But it's interesting.


Yeah. What are health problems. Back problems. Right. Um, we have some neck problems. Uh, respiratory problem really. And covid scary. Yeah. Right.


Uh, hearing problems sometimes, but yeah. There's more than just your small and that's just my type of dwarfism. There's over a hundred different types at one hundred different types.


Yeah. Well it's a genetic condescension within the community of what type of dwarf. Of course.


Of course there is no that's why when they talk about how like we need to end people judging people by being, by being different, it's like yeah. Yeah that'd be nice. Yeah. But like within like, you know, like there's sex of the same religion that fight with each other. Right. Because they believe slightly different things. Sure. Yes.


Some dwarves don't like other dwarves or they make fun of other dwarves because they're the types of George. Yeah. Because they're the only ones that we can make fun of, you know.


Have you now this is a dumb thing. But are there there's some is there some place you all congregate?


Depends on what country. There's rumors.


Every town, like every city I go to, someone always tells me I guess it's a sort of is there a support situation? Yes, there is. Liepa the same group that got together to protest me is actually a really good group.


I don't besmirch them at all.


They're doing amazing things. Liepa Little people of America. Yeah, they have a national convention every summer. I used to go to when I was a kid. You did? Yeah. Over a thousand dwarves in one hotel. Wow. Yeah. Which I always make the Joe. Like, that's got to be really weird for the person that's just staying there on the business trip. They they just walk in, it's like, oh, OK, what happened?


And I drank too much. I woke up in The Wizard of Oz. Right, right. Right. Yeah. Oh, God.


There's I think there's an old Geraldo joke that that something like that. Probably because he was fucking brilliant. But Aggy. Yeah, but yeah.


So there's that support system and they do a lot of things, like they get doctors together that I have that specialize in dwarfism.


They do a lot of social stuff.


They do sporting events, which once again is so great that they do. Very funny.


Yeah. Really funny. Yeah.


And there can't be anything wrong with the laughter that comes from that. Come on. I've been to dwarf track meets Mark.


Yeah, they're hilarious, but I think it's just, it's just the heartbreaking earnestness of it. Yeah. That, that, you know, that's what makes the laughter a little dubious. Is that what you're laughing at is is these people trying. Yeah. And that's sort of a little cold, but it sure is human.


It's like I think it's more sympathetic.


Come on. It's like no one least no person of sane nature is saying that these people are less than or you deserve less or anything like that. It's just like, OK, but there's funny things to be had. Like, yes, there are basketball games, but none of us know how to rebound because we've never had to rebound before. We'd never gotten a rebound. So the ball misses and we just all stand there with our arms out like a basket, just going like, all right, I just wait and the ball comes down.




Like we're not skying over anybody else and grabbing the ball. That's at its highest point.


What's it other guy's name? The guy who hangs around the Comedy Store. Oh, Nick. Vickie. How's he doing? He's great. It's funny because I met Nick years ago.


You guys got the same dwarfism. I think he's a little different for me because I have Achondroplasia, that's the most common type. If you've seen a dwarf on television, like it's the same kind of type that Peter Dinklage has for sure, right? Yeah, he has technology and he's got Achondroplasia, but not the kind. The guy from the mini me.


Yeah. Verne, yeah. Verne Troyer. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. He's passed but yeah he had a different type of dwarfism.


I'm not quite sure what it is.


So when you're going to high school and you're doing things, I mean what are you moving towards, what's your interest. Oh how does that work or were you like. I was a drama nerd. I was I was being in the theatre and comedy sports, which is comedy. Yeah. High school. Yeah.


Loved it really. And and wrestling. I was I was really into wrestling was on the wrestling team. And I'll I'll tell you one thing Mark.


Yeah. I've gotten a few really good reactions on stage, a few good laughs. Right.


Nothing, nothing will ever compare to the look on a father's face when his son just got pinned by a dwarf. Nothing, nothing beats that.


Just the just the disappointment. Just the kid. You've given that kid something he's got to live with. Yeah. For the rest of his life. Yeah. You got pinned by a draw.


How's that car. Right on the way home. Oh hey Dad. You're proud of me.


How's life.


How's that knowing that the dad that's something that dad probably likes yells out like, say, that kid's whole life.


I mean, you've got to be because they can't, you know, maneuver on the same level as you. Yeah. Low center of gravity. Yeah. There's a lot of dwarves actually go into wrestling for that reason. And I'm talking about amateur wrestling, not WWE, AGW type stuff. But yeah, some dwarves do that too. But yeah. So I did wrestling in high school but mostly theater and loved it. Yeah. It was great.


Had a great teacher that uh her name is Mary Krelle Oishi and the freshman year I tried to audition for the school play and I and I auditioned for the kid because I thought dwarf. Right. Yeah. And she pulled me aside and went, what the fuck are you doing. Like why like why are you going for the kid? And I was like, well because I'm small so kid that makes sense. She goes, Kid, no. Yeah.


She goes, no, go for the lead. She's like, you're I'm going to cast based on talent, not based on, you know, size and physical appearance. Right. And I didn't get the lead but I didn't get the kid. So I was I was stoked about it.


No, again, it's nice boost to normalizing your fucking personhood. Yeah. And sometimes you need that. Like, it was great to have a person look at me and then say, no, no, no, I'm not going to I'm not going to judge you like that. Well, I think. That's the whole that's the essence of why it's problematic, the laughter at little people trying to do things and everything else is that, you know, your grown ups.


Yeah. And you know your your people that, you know, have lives and work.


It's like people it's very it's literally an objectification thing. Yeah.


It's just not it's not necessarily sexual. It's just sort of look at the toy person.


Oh, it can be sexual really. Oh, there's there's certain people that are banned from going to the LPA conventions because they have fetishes really. Like little people. No, no, no.


Like tall people that they come. Yeah. Well they come to try to come. Oh my God. Yeah they they come to try to pick up on the little people and it's like, oh yeah.


That's which I like. Well listen, I've in my see in my single days. Sure. I had some fun with women that had a curiosity. OK, yeah.


And to me people would be like, oh they're objectifying. You would be like I had an orgasm. How is that objectifying me?


I, I mean I think that's different now. How do you know I mean your fetish is fetish. Sure. But it's like some people like you. Some people like black dudes. Yeah. Some people like people with one hand. Yeah.


I mean it's not I mean if you want if you go on PornHub there's some people that like some really weird shit. Yeah.


I try to stay out of it. There's a few things I don't need to know.


But so when you get out of high school or do you go to college, did you have a trajectory you were going for? I went I went to USC down here. Yeah. Where'd you grow up? Orange County. Oh.


So it's not far, far at all. And I was going on a lunatic's up there.


Yeah, a lot. The certain type.


Certain type rich lunatic's.


I'm related to some of them. Yeah. Oh yeah.


Then good and good friends with others. I, I remember my mom would tell me stories that like when they brought me home from the hospital, she had some friends that would go up to her and be like, don't worry, he'll probably grow out of it.


Yeah he'll stretch out. Yeah.


It's get going dwarfism. I don't think you understand. Do you have siblings. Yes, I have a sister. She's tall, she's an accountant. She's really good. Yeah.


And she's got a husband and they got two kids like we're like we're the Beaver Cleaver family.


Mom, dad, the mom and dad are still together. Sister, brother. I'm, I'm, I'm the weird thing. But you're not really weird.


You're just different size and shape. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And yeah. So yeah I grew up in Orange County. I worked at Disneyland.


Know as a no no. Yeah. I was not one of the seven mark. All right. No I was not in the suit.


Do they have is that a dwarf job. The dwarves. Not usually because they're kind of big, right. Yeah, they're larger.


But there were some little people that played. I mean, if I'm allowed to say this, it breaks the magic. But there were small people that played Mickey and Minnie. Oh, really? They're usually smaller. Are they? Are there little people jobs?


Hmm. Oh, well, I haven't really. You're comic, you know. I know. Yeah.


I imagine there I was wondering if there are jobs that require I know that in World War two to save space and resources, dwarves were recruited in the Air Force to be gunners. They really there would be a bubble below the plane. Right. And then the dwarf was put in the bubble, the worst place.




Because we felt it had saved money on materials or whatever. Yeah, I know that that would be a dwarf job.


Yeah. A great job. So. All right. So you were working at Disneyland. In what capacity.


I was a bodyguard for the characters. Really. Yeah.


So I walk around with the characters and, you know, I form lines and stuff and every now and then a five year old steps out of line and I be like, what's up bitch.


Yeah. Yeah. Throw a former shemer thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Totally doing that and then go off to USC. I was trying to be a sports broadcaster. Really. That was my I wanted to do that.


Are you a sports freak. Yeah. I love.


What's your what's one of the ones. Any of them.


Are you one of those people that just watches any sport and you're like in uh not to say I was watching a Korean soccer when all of our sports were shut down, but I may have been watching Korean soccer when all of our sports were just like it. I just like sports.


Yeah, I, I don't know. It's just you could have been a sports.


You still can. I mean you never know. Yeah I could certainly do it. I'm, I'm, I'm friends with some people that do it so, so they might be able to hook me up but yeah. Go to USC to do that.


And then at nineteen uh stumble into a comedy club and life changed.


Yeah. What happened. Uh, I took my dad to the break improv. Right. Uh, the comedian on stage was making dwarf jokes without knowing that I was there. Who's that? Uh, Mancia. Yeah. Oh, that's right. I forget you've got you're kind of like you and Bobby. Who you're MANCIA. Yeah, Prodigy's. Yes. We came from that coaching tree. Right. So, yeah.


He he was on stage at. And half the audience is laughing and the audience sitting by me is like not laughing at all right. And Minsoo like looks over and goes, Why don't you guys laugh?


He goes, what is one of them here. One of them. And I just raised my hand and they're like, yeah, yeah. And he called me up on stage. He's like, I want to talk to you. So he, he called me up on stage.


You got. And that's such a fucking that's so funny because that's the only thing that an asshole can do diplomatically to make him not look like a dick. It's like he got caught red handed being a butt, being a dick, and now he's got to erase it by being magnanimous.


To be fair, I really enjoyed the jokes. No, no. Yeah, right. But I but I'm saying that, like, you know, when you're that moment, you're like, oh, yeah, fuck. And you got to be like, so what's going on, man? Yeah.


You know, so he brought me up on stage and he started asking me questions and I answered the questions earnestly. I answered them honestly and my answers got laughs like he said, like, where do you work? And I go, I work at Disneyland. And the audience laughed. And I you know, I had turned to them and I had a retort of some kind.




And, uh, and just that was that was the shot that we were where out where I was like, oh, man, this is that this feels really good. Yeah. Like because. It's a whole different type of thing when you're, ah, you're the person that everyone likes to laugh at and now you're making the jokes and making them laugh. So you're controlling the message, right?


It's I think Harry Shearer said to me that if you control the reason why people are laughing at you. Right.


Yeah. And it's pretty great. Yeah. And so I.


I told you that night I go, I'm I'm I'm going to be a comedian. This is awesome. Yeah.


And he goes, OK, good luck. Yeah. So I started doing it my open mikes. Yeah. Where at first first first open mic night was at the Laugh Factory and a few open mikes in to open mic stories.


I remember the first time I got there. How long was this. This was 17 years ago. You've been doing it that long.


Yeah I know. I look fantastic. You're an old timer.


It's weird when you cross that point and you pause and go, Oh, I'm not the kid anymore. Yeah. Now I'm the guy that's veteran. Yeah, I'm the guy that's been doing it.


I remember going to the Laugh Factory and it's my first time and some guys, they are going like, hey, so you're how many times you do it, how many times.


And then he goes to me and I go, I guess my first time he goes, Well, don't worry, I've been doing this open mic for 12 years.


Do what I do. You'll be fine. I'll go. I don't want to do what you do.


Yeah, I don't I don't want to be here in twelve years. I'll do it.


I'll do the opposite of what you do. It's still there probably. Yeah.


And then I remember like my third or fourth open mic at the Laugh Factory. Jamie called me up to his office. Jamie, who owns the Laugh Factory Massoudi Mazzotti and goes, Buddy, here's what we do, buddy. We have little people. Comedy night party. All little people. Comic. Yeah, all little people in audience, buddy.


Oh, really? Now how many are there of you guys. I only know not enough to fill an audience and also.


But I know that woman who's that woman. She has a different type of dwarfism. Oh Tanyalee Davis. Yeah. Yeah she's awesome. I love her every time I think I'm the first dwarf to do something in comedy. Yeah, Tanyalee did. At first I thought I was the first guy, the first dwarf to have his name on the Comedy Store.


No, Tanyalee Davis right there. It's actually on there twice. Oh really. I don't know if that's like I don't know why, but she's on there twice. It's crazy. So she's awesome and yeah. So start doing open mikes.


Fast forward to about a year and a half in. I go back to see another man, see a show.


He sees me before the show and goes, Oh, you're that guy.


Yeah. And did you ever start doing standup. I go, yeah but doing it for about a year and a half. And he goes, Why don't you open my show tonight? And I'm like, oh shit. OK, I've just been doing coffee shops and we do like I guess botter. Yeah. OK, yes.


About ten minutes. Three, three to five. Right.


So I uh I go on stage, I do my guest spot, I come off stage. Mancia goes on stage. Yeah.


And says he wasn't even supposed to go on it at that point and he just ran up on stage goes hey yeah.


Did you guys like Brad. And the audience really cheered and yeah.


And he was cool. You made a very important decision for me. Um, I've been looking for like a new opener. My current opener is ready to start headlining. And who was that? Steve Trevino. Oh yeah. So it's like he's ready. He's good. He looks at me and just goes, Brad, you want to be my new opener?


Like from the stage I'm like, yes.


And the next weekend he's doing the Fox Theater in Bakersfield and it's fourteen hundred people. And I've gone from coffee shops to doing that.


Really. Yeah. Toured with Carlos. Yeah. For like four years. Man that's.


So you kind of skipped a big step. Huge.


No I'm, I'm fully aware of that.


That does not happen in comedy. I'm fully aware of that.


In retrospect, is it was it beneficial or do you think you would have liked to have come up through the ranks in the clubs and built the following that way?


Uh, I see the pros and cons and both. You know, it was great to have real audiences and being able to because a lot of times when you start off, it's just other other comics. Yeah. That in the audience.


So it's tough to really gauge, uh, if your joke is really good or not, because are they laughing or are they laughing because you're bombing. Are they. You know. Right. Do I think if they laugh you're going to get the spot and they're not.


But so in that way it was very beneficial. But I immediately went on the road, got good.


So I didn't really develop those friendships and that camaraderie around the around the L.A. scene right now.


When his shit hit the fan, you got lumped in some of it. Yeah, some of it, yeah.


Was he active in mentoring you? Yeah. Like how? Like I would do a set and then. We would talk about the set and why, why, why it was good, why it was bad, where it could have. Yeah, where it could have done wrong and it was almost impossible for him to steal your image.


It'd be really hard. It'd be really difficult to me to go on stage like the only opener he was able. Yeah. It's like it's really hard to go on after the dwarf and be like it's tough being a midget.


Like it'd be really kind of. But yeah, it's it's the big midget tour.


One thing that one thing that that taught me that whole experience taught me is with him or him stealing, let's just say opening for him and being associated with.


Right. Is that, uh, shades of gray? I think a lot.


I think a lot of people look at certain people or events and things and they want one clear answer. This person is good. This person is bad, you know? Yeah, that's the problem. And they're shades of gray because I can I think. Yeah, because that guy took me on the road.


He would pay for my travel, he'd pay for my food. When we went shopping, he'd say, throw whatever you want on my pile. Yeah, I gotcha. That guy was insanely generous to me.


Straight up with you. Yeah. No, I mean, also industriousness. He was working all kinds of angles, had a lot of ideas. You know, I get it on his TV show. Right.


What were some of the things you learned from him?


Because I see him and Bobby, but I mean, because Bobby does his delivery, you know, that kind of weird about that, you know, and it works, you know, it's not it's you know.


Yeah, it's not stealing. It's just I can see where Bobby learn these performative tricks.


Yeah. One thing that the one thing that I specifically remember learning from him is how to play a really large room. Slow down. Yeah. And how you can how you have to mime everything bigger if you're playing like a large theater. Right. Or like a or like a sold out room or if you're pretending to be Mexican you have to learn that.


I did learn that. I know a lot of Mexican food. I can do that really well.


But yeah. So yeah, it's it's shades of grey.


I think a lot of people, like I said, want, want a person to be all good or bad, all or whatever.


And I would say think about the people in your lives.


Like you can say that, you know, it's really hard as somebody in the community and I didn't know, like, I had to do two interviews with him because I didn't know exactly what, you know, what had gone down. But but like, I used to like to be so shunned by your community. Yeah. You know, for that something that specific.


I mean, there's been plenty of fucking jokes dealing freaks in this world, you know, and there's been all kinds of weirdos that get absorbed by comedy because we're weirdos. But yeah. But then to be spit out like that with that much aggression and then have to try to figure out how to rebuild for yourself.


Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I you know, I understand how fucked up I also felt bad.




And it's a weird thing because now like I'm friends with like I'm friends with Joe like. Right. Like I'm with Rogen. Yeah. Yeah I'm friends with Rogen. I'm friends with that crew. I'm still friends with Mancia.


Yeah. So it's like it's a weird place to be in where it's like I understand both sides and I've seen it and I've seen both sides. So it's, it's very strange to me.


I think looking back on it like more of it, I think a lot more of it was about those two guys than about anything else that would make a lot of sense.


That would make a lot of sense.


You know, it's so I mean, I get it. But like, there's fucking been joke thieves and freaks. Yeah. I mean, I get all of that. Yeah. But it just seems like so much of it was fueled by this fucking cockfight that, you know, and territorialism.


I'm laughing because when you say there's so many joke thieves, I'm remembering a story where a dwarf comic came up to me to before one of my shows.


Yeah. And said like, hey, I'm it was that Pepperberg you to be doing the Mizue?


Because I kind of do the pepper beliz in Fairfield, California.


Guy goes up and does pretty much a lot of my first album and then comes offstage and I'm like and I'm just kind of staring at him and there's dwarf jokes. And then there's like, no, no.


That was the dwarf joke that I wrote like that. Right, right. It's not just the perspective.


I I've had little people comics opened for me before and we're fine.


Right. Like we could talk.


There's a great comic dwarf comic in Houston, Texas named Clinton. This is his real last name, I promise you.


Clinton Schauder. Perfect. God's funny. Yeah, but yeah.


So like, he's opened for me twice and we don't have to worry about it. But yeah, there was one comic that opened for me that did my act.


And what you do, I kind of looked at Mr.. Oh, you said you were a big fan. He was, yeah, yeah, it's pretty obvious, right? And he didn't get it. He he didn't understand that. He literally just did my act. Did he know he did it? I don't think he did.


Huh. It's weird.


Well, I mean, it's got to be like on some level, sadly, in this particular situation, it probably got to be pretty empowering for that guy, like in the sense that, like, you know, I don't know if he's. No. And we're in a weird way, I got to know he's going to make a big success with your act. But I mean, to be able to do to have the feelings that that you had around your issues.


Yeah. To actually have control over why people laugh at you as a little person must have been pretty addicting.


No. And I get it. And because I had the same I had the same run.


But then for every story like that you do to him now I tell him I just told him, like, yeah, that's my set. So change it up and say we're going to have similar perspectives but find some different punch lines. And I can't have you opening for me if you're doing the first album. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


But then there's there's another story. This last Montreal Comedy Festival that I went to. Yeah. There's there's a dwarf comic up there who came up to me and told me that he had started doing standup when he heard my albums.


And then this is the first time he had gotten into the Montreal Comedy Festival. So he was walking up to thank me. And I was like, oh, wow, that's cool, man, man. And that's a trip that like that could be an inspiration.


Yeah, it's a weird thing because we're just doing this to have fun and and make people laugh, maybe make people think and that. But then when you when you have side effects like that, it really kind of takes you back for a. Yeah. It's great. You realize you have that impact as we're selfish animals. And when it turns out we did something nice just by coincidence.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


It's like when people ask us to do charity shows and we do it, people go, oh man, thank you so much for doing this for the charity.


And like, I still got up here and told my jokes and I got my rush from it like, yeah, know this isn't right.


Right. I wanted to stage time. Yeah. What was the charity? How many times did you see comics go out for these shows, these benefits at the Comedy Store. What's this for again?


I'm glad to be doing a good thing, but I got my ten minutes.


Yeah. That that have to know if I have a joke about the thing that I'm right that, that we're raising money for.


So you got how many kids. One brand new spanking baby. Really. Ten month old. Yeah. And it had a baby during quarantine. Well not we had her for her and I actually have the same birthday January 13th.


You and the baby. Yeah. She was born on my birthday. Algate. Oh that's great. Great.


Is that and now when you're and your wife physicalism is normal.


Yeah. Yeah, she's taller. She's a five foot seven and now genetically it was ah their concerns were their concerns.


Was that not a possibility really. Oh no. It's, it's a it's a possibility.


There's a really 50/50 chance really once.


Once it's no longer a recessive gene. Mm hmm. Well once I'm sure people will tweet at me the exact odds of geneticists and grendell squares and something like that.


But yeah, we were told, uh, the 50/50 chance. And, uh, yes, she is a little person. She is.


Yeah, she. Yes. I love it. No kidding. Yeah.


My my wife is Chinese. I'm a dwarf. We have an Asian dwarf baby. And if you want to know what that is, it's the cutest fucking thing in the world.


It's awesome, huh. Yeah.


And you know what? When we found out because they can actually do tests and find out before she's born.


Yeah, they do ultrasounds and they can measure the limbs and go like, oh yeah, you're in the whatever percentile. And then the head's very large right now. They go like yep.


Heads, big, small arms, small legs. She's a little person and I actually had a really hard time with that at first. Why?


Because I knew it came from me, uh, where if she doesn't like being a dwarf, if she has problems being a dwarf, I can't be like, well, I don't know how it happened.


Yeah. Maybe you got from your mom. I don't know what she was doing before. Like, I can't say that.


Yeah. So but then a friend of mine named, uh, Jensen Karpe told me, like, no, no, no.


This is the absolute best situation. Who better to raise this child, right.


Than you. Yeah. Because you've been through it, you know the things. So, yeah, this kid has the best dad in the world for. For what? For the life that she's going to live.


Well, it's well that's a curious thing. Is that right? Do you see it as a handicap? I mean, how how is it classified?


It is different for everybody. I mean, it is a handicap. It's classified, but it is so but it's weird because I've had a pretty good run in terms of my health.


I haven't had a lot of complications or I had one surgery when I was in high school, but that was it, just on my ankle.


And but I've had a great run.


I've had friends that have had multiple surgeries. I have one friend just because of the way the body is. Yeah, it's the way the body structure.


I have one friend, him and his wife are both dwarves. And here's the thing. If both parents pass on the dwarf gene.


Yeah. Then the kid is something called a double dwarf dominant, which sounds awesome but is not right.


The kid will usually not live and they usually have to take your bad stuff.


And yeah, a friend of mine that's happened to him twice in his wife. And it's awful. It's awful.


So the fact like so yes, it is a disability and there's some dwarves that have different types, dwarfism to me that have a much harder go.


Right. And and my heart goes out to them and to see what they do and how they deal with it.


Like it's weird that I could look at my situation and be like, wow, yeah.


I've had some things not go the way I wanted them to, but at the same time, I'm pretty lucky. But yeah, my daughter has achondroplasia same type of dwarfism and so far so good. She's been great. We've seen geneticists, we've seen orthopedists, we've seen everyone kind of looking at her and so far so good, fingers crossed. But yeah, it's, uh, it's great.


She's beginning of the journey. She talked. She said her first word. She did. How old is she?


Ten months. Yeah. Is that normal? That's I have no idea. What was the word data. Oh, that's nice. She said it while staring at me. That's good. That's good.


And then she she's trying to say she's she's she's trying to say mom, but she can't. She's having trouble with the arms. So she calls my wife Bob. Uh, like Bob. Bob like trying to say but her arms sound like be so. So we go into her room in the morning.


She's like that uh Bob it's just kind of like. All right. Yeah.


So, so, so I'm so I'm raising our our daughter with my with my partner Bob. Yeah.


And funny because she's trying to say, mom, she's close. Yeah. She's getting there. Yeah.


But yeah, it's a trip man. She was born before everything shut down, but then everything shut down. And it's tough because we don't have we don't have people coming over, you know, like we don't have grandparents, grandparents.


Like we have your folks still alive. Yeah.


Yeah, they're and they've seen her and they've held her like, you know, outside wearing masks like that. But that's good. Yeah.


Mom can't come over in, like do the things that she can help help out.


Yeah. So yeah it's been rough but I mean I know what people say when they say it's like the greatest thing in the world. It absolutely is. It's also the hardest thing.


That's what it seems to me. Yeah. And what. What have you been doing, I used you and Adam still going at it or what? Oh, doing podcast. And you're talking about Adam Ray. We were not doing the podcast anymore. He is we we didn't have a Van Halen moment. We didn't split up. Yeah. Hating it. It was just I knew that with the kid coming that I would need more time to be a dad.


And the kids schedule doesn't like the kid. Doesn't care that you've got to interview Susan Sarandon. I think the kid needs things. You need to think. Yeah.


So, yeah, I stepped I stepped away from the podcast. He still does it. And it's cool.


We're fine. I tell the story to people, people like, oh, so you and Adam, like, hate each other now. It's like now we're friends. That's why we started the podcast.


We're all right. Right. So, yeah. All good. And what do you got going on? Did you did a special drop or something?


I've done um. Oh I did a virtual show like a big thing where everyone bought tickets and like that work out.


Yeah. It was more fun than I thought it was going to be. No kidding. So he did it from your house?


Yeah, from my house. Got a couple lights, got a camera there and just stood and they, they let's it's a company called rustics they got some great shows coming up go and they let like twenty people in as VIPs that you could actually hear them laughing. So you have something to go off on. Right. But then we had yeah.


We had over 600 people watching the news on the show.


Me just just me. So you made a few bucks in. Yeah. Yeah I did. OK, it was nice.


Oh that's wild. It was nice. I mean, hey man, people are getting creative in this times. You know, I'm worried.


I'm glad I do the podcast. I don't really want to do outdoor shows.


I just don't feel like it. I totally understand. I mean, and the virtual shows, I don't know.


You know, it's just the weirdest thing to me is doing like, you know, and I'm not bragging, but yeah, I had do The Tonight Show from my backyard, which is like, you know, who the fuck ever thought that would happen? Yeah. Yeah. And I talked to Obama in my garage in 2016.


Now I'm talking to found in my backyard and it's show like I was ahead of the curve on the fucking a lot of stuff, lo fi business.


A lot of stuff has been happening in this house. Yeah. It's you know, people are adjusting. I did some driving shows. How were they?


It's interesting what you pace yourself.


What you do is the are they sitting on their cars or in their cars?


Both yeah. The front row. I did one at the Irvine Improv and then they did it at the top of their parking structure and they have the front row B, uh, pickup trucks and the trucks turn around and people are like tailgating.


So you actually see them and hear them laughing so you can kind of time it out.


It's not perfect. It's not a you know, it's not a sold out show on a Saturday night, but it's something. Yeah.


And for people like myself that don't, you know, have another source of income. Right.


Besides, this is your wife working now because she had to you know, she stopped to take care of the kid. Right. And then I was going to work, but then everything shut down. So I had to pivot and do Virgile shows and drive in shows. Hellerman Cameo.


Yeah, that's because that make any money. Yeah it did pretty well.


People that people want dwarves to give them, uh, good news you know or wish them happy birthday.


It's a category, a dwarf category.


I don't know if it's the popular draw. I yeah. It's like me and Danny Woodburn. I think. I think we're the only dwarves on there. I'm probably wrong. There's probably a lot more little people on there. But yeah, you you just kind of adjust.


And I don't know, I've, I've said this, but I'm sure other people have made this comparison.


But the virtual shows and drive shows, it's like the methadone. It's not you know, I get it.


It's not the heroin. But yeah, I just like for some reason I'm just happy that, like, I'm not in a position where I have to do them.


But, you know, I imagine if you have to you just adjust. Yeah. Just none of it sounds fun to me. I took a part in something and it doesn't sound fun, you know. Well, because part of this is you kind of want it to be fun. Yeah.


To be fair, Mark, you weren't the guy that was having a ton of fun before this.


I'm not known as the fun guy. Yeah. So that it's just like worth my fun was no fun now. Just no fun. Fun. Yeah. Yeah.


But I mean, you know, you do what you can and I've been out there and did a couple of shows in places where they were like one third capacity. So they were like in a comedy club.


They're spread out. Yeah.


I did a clarities in Cleveland and the comedy works in Denver and think that's such a tiny room of the that must have been odd.


So it's not four hundred people, it's one hundred twenty people or spread out through the room. Yeah. Wild and it was ok.


Yeah. Oh well it's better than the first. Show, because it's well, no, I mean, I can I've done this shows for nine people indoors in my life. I mean, I know there's some nights in the original room where I get it right.


And that's what it's like I would do press for the shows or I would have comics call me up and be like, oh, man, isn't it weird having the club just a third form? Like, I only started selling tickets like a year ago, but this is nuts.


It's like an 11 30 spot at the original room. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, we're used to it.


We're comics so that I could get that I could get around and they're wearing masks sometimes.


Yeah. It's like I, I agree. Right. Yeah it's scary.


Calen got this year. Yeah. And what's his name. SCB. Yeah. Yeah I know those guys. I know scb he get over it. Uh yeah. I mean they're fine.


I don't know anyone who's uh passed from it but I know I've got like 12 friends that have gotten it. Really. Yeah. And they all made it through. Yeah. I mean and then I know someone whose parent passed away from it and.


Oh yeah me too. But yeah. Laurie. Yeah. Her Laurie Kilmartin Twitter. Wow. Going through that crazy.


It's impossible to like it. It's such an in the moment thing that it's hard to describe to people but go back and read some of those tweets and it's just the most funny and heart punch she quit for.


She did that whole book about, about her father passing. Right. I mean, she's like the death joke person, but it to have for it to be going on real time was really hard to watch.


Yeah, it was funny but it was brutal. Yeah. And so she's the best.


She is fucking funny and so it's tough to do shows everyone just kind of, you know, you make your own peace with it and you say, will I do this?


I've, I've canceled some shows that I thought I was supposed to be as we're recording this, I was supposed to be in Arlington, Texas this weekend. And then just everything started spiking.


I'm like, I can't and had to cancel week up, which I hate. I don't want to cancel a week of. But it's dangerous.


I don't want to the guy with the understanding or was oh, everyone's been cool. Everyone's like, all right.


It's almost like, you know, you caught him, you know. Like they know. Yeah.


I have to be careful because my dad is a cancer survivor. He's he's immune compromised, so I don't want to get close to him.


My dad told me one time he's like, oh, no, I'm going out to the store and he's going to do something.


And I went dead. So fuck home. Like, I'll bring you stuff, right? He's like, no, I'm just going to go to the store. I go, Dad, I don't want you to die because of a trend.


Yeah. You know, I want to go out. So that's the weird thing. It's not they're not being stupid. They're just like, I'm going nuts. Yeah. And I get that fucking store. I get that we're all Rogow.


And I'm like that too. I got I do I almost hospital PPE to go out.


I got 95 masks and I've got a plastic visor just to go to Ralph's. Yeah. You the whole thing.


But and then that's when you have the two long conversation with them.


Yeah. Yeah, yeah. With the cashier. Yeah. Yeah we're, we're all, we're all just trying to figure it out. It's an insane time to be a comedian and same time to be alive, to live certainly.


And it's compounded by being an American if we're going to get through.


But I mean, there has been some good news on the on the treatment and vaccine front. It seems like it seems like they're going to get a handle on it if we can just make it through this goddamn. Yeah. Winter. Yeah. Without fucking morons ruining everything. I try.


And that's the one of the other reasons why I like I canceled everything for the rest of the year when they started saying, you know, we got a vaccine and it's like, OK, well I don't need it this far.


Yeah. I don't want to fumble on the one yard line. I want to get in.


So let's let's go, let's go. Let's get, let's get the damn vaccine.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to like my dad beat cancer. I don't want to be the one that knocks him out.


I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Congratulations on your baby. Thanks, man. Well, you know, my wife did all the work. I stood there. I coached. Oh yeah. You were there. Yeah. Oh yeah. I you got to do it I guess. Yeah, it was it's crazy.


You're you're in you're in that room and I'm up on my wife's head just kind of coaching her through it, telling her she's doing great and all that. And then all of a sudden you hear another voice in the room.


Oh my God. It's not. It's not. Yeah. And then and I know it's been said a million times and then they just give you the baby and say, all right, go home.


We're going to take it and do what you know, we only we only get you to the door.


You got to you've got to figure everything else out right now in terms of is there is there some path to doing what you're going to have to do in to outside of are you just going to use your own wisdom to bring up a little person or is there is there an approach that you know is.


I know, yeah.


I mean, it's kind of like parenting. In general, you all just kind of do what you think is right and wrong, and I get that I, I want to kind of raise her the same way my dad raised me and that you are you are aware that you are different.


So when someone stares at you or says something, you're not like what? Why?


Like, it's like not OK, this is why they're doing this. But then to have the mature response, to have a response. And so, yeah, it's going to be rough.


You know, there's there's going to be times where she's going to want to do things that I like. But at the same time, like I played a lot of sports as a kid. My mom did not want me to play sports.


My dad was like, get them out there, you know? And so I at least have that knowledge of, OK, we can do stuff.


So if she wants to play soccer or baseball or whatever.


Great. Yeah. Going out there do thing.


So it's that and my my my wife, in addition to being a bit behavioral therapist, is also a martial artist and she wants to teach her how to be a martial artist too. Great.


So I thought, yeah, I do not do that. Fantastic. You got a plan.


Yeah, it's but we're all just the plan changes daily, it seems, with what's going on, you know.


You know, like I'm just like I don't know how much it's going to I don't know what normal is going to look like. But in terms on the disease front, there is reasons to be a little bit hopeful.


Yeah. And that's it's weird.


It's it's weird how much hope does work. Like I mean, what are you going to do? I mean, it's like it's unnatural. It's probably stupid, but what's the alternative. We're fucked man. I mean that is one. Yeah but that's what I do that too. Yeah. So that's exhausting.


It is. Yeah. I mean the best way to go is either have hope which is maybe silly or just go like hey, I got no control over what happens and I'm OK right now. Yeah. So stay in that. Yeah. Right. Yeah.


No totally. And it, it's just amazing when like a new good news comes out about a vaccine or something where I go OK.


Yeah, yeah. We're almost there. We can do it. Come on, come on humans.


And you just want to get you, you just want to get to that point. I want to go back to watching sports with packed stadiums. You want to. Yeah. You want to hug your friends and family. You want to have my.


I think that might happen. I wasn't so sure. But it seems like some of these vaccines in the nature of the the virus itself is a I guess it's sort of a slow evolved. It doesn't mutate too quickly.


So, like, you know, it might be we might be able to knock it back.


I hope so, man, because kind of work as much as as much as you probably enjoy the podcast and are thankful for the podcast the same time.


I mean, I miss hanging out the store. Yeah, I miss going out. Yeah, I miss that more miss doing comedy. I miss just being able to like I'm just going to go over and it's going to hang. Yeah.


Sit around, know there's so many times at the store where you just go and you sit back in either the green room way in the back or in the parking lot far away the hallway like and I just stare like you're hanging out. You're talking. Yeah. And then you have a moment where you step back and go, holy shit.


Between the five people talking right here, we could sell out a stadium here or that one guy can. Yeah, well, there's Russell Peters. Yeah, we all opened for him. Yeah, we have been open for Rogan then.


Yes, we could sell out the fucking Staples Center, but yeah, like there was a night where it was like it was like Gaffigan and Krischer and Rogen and like just a bunch in Brr Brr and Raegan showed up and everyone was talking and Burt was talking about tour bus problems and everything like that.


Everyone's nodding and then came and goes, don't look outside.


There's a bunch of fucking Benz's and Teslas shut the fuck up.


So in those moments, those moments are what you miss.


And Whitney come in with Barbes and in any Letterman being awesome, like, just I, I miss that.


That's why I want to get like I want to get vaccinated, just like grumped everyone and give them a hug and just be like I fucking miss you.


Yeah. I fucking miss you.


Yeah. Everyone played their part. You know, everyone has that character that when so-and-so walks in you're like, oh cool. Yeah, yeah. This person's here.


They're they're going to do that thing, right. Yeah. Everyone. Yeah. Because we're all personalities and you know what to expect now and you always you can get a laugh. Yeah.


Now Will when things get, when things do get back and you do get back on the road, will you have that thing where even when you're experiencing the hard parts of touring, will you be like, that's not that bad, you know?


You know, I mean, like I'm I'm honestly surprised at how much I don't miss it. I've been doing it most of my life without any break. And I know right before the the pandemic, days before I dropped, you know, probably the best special I ever did. So there's really good thanks. There's some part of me that just is sort of like maybe I'm done.


Well, I mean, they're all good. Yeah.


I mean, I got to beat myself up for I totally feel my my second special. I talked about my dad getting cancer and then beating it. Yeah. And then at the end of the special he's in the audience and and I had this moment where I was filming it where I was like, don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him. And then I look down, I see him and I start crying. And then I started improvising like a thank you to him and just thanking him for everything that he did for me.


And then it was so cool cause I got that moment. Yeah, I got that moment. And now that's recorded and. Right. Like I have that. Yeah. After that it was like, what am I going to do now. Yeah.


I think I've put up with that special call. It's called Daddy Issues and it's streaming on Amazon Prime. And so people could go and watch that. They're the craziest part about that.


And I, I couldn't find a way that whole special at least the dad part was almost written just in one night because I was at the concerts in Denver. Yeah. Or the not the downtown club, the landmark one. And I was in the green room and I knew that my dad was going in for a test. Yeah. And this is going to be where we find out, like, is he OK or do we got to go for more chemo?


And that would essentially be not like it's just for show at that point. Yeah, so and I haven't gotten a phone call, Dale, Dale, Dale Day. And then I'm about and I'm getting ready and my phone rings and I look down, it's my mom so I go like, OK, it's the call and I answer. And the first words she says are he's in remission or.


And I just burst out crying. Yeah, the other comics know that I've been telling them I'm finding out this stuff today. The other comics in the room see me get a call, then burst out crying.


They're like, oh, God, it's the worst. Yeah.


And then literally, as I'm crying, Chuck Roy is on stage and he just goes, please welcome Brad not to go on stage.


And then, like, I go on stage and I've got tears streaming down my face and I can't just go, well, let's talk about what's in the news. Like, I can't.


Yeah, I had to address it. Right. So then I started I just started talking about it. Oh, wow. And I hadn't talked about it the entire time he was going through it and we were getting some laughs.


Yeah. And then I thought, oh, there's something that's interesting when that's when it really happens where you kind of got no choice and hearing it. And then you realize like the all that our skill set is getting laughs.


Right. So like and but that's how I write like that all the time. But like that you don't know why. But you know, when you're up there, if you're going to be talking about anything, the impulse in you from 15 years of working is like going to find the laugh.


Yeah, that's to figure it out. Right. That's going to happen innately. Yeah.


I got to get there. Yeah.


A a acting coach gave me a set of line one time that I thought was so great where they said desperate people get super creative super fast.


And it's, it's, it's really accurate where you were charming and full of shit and you got everything you need. Yeah.


I just got to work on the charm part, but yeah. No Shalvey. Yeah. Thank you. It's it's true.


And those are some of the those are some of those moments. And that's what I can't wait to get back to because. Right.


Because right now we're all kind of stuck in a limbo where it's like we're not really working on material material.


I know it's hard and also but the other thing that's gone is like we're not we're also not competing with each other.


So, like, there's a little reprieve now when you're talking about driving shows like now, if I do, I going to be a you know, it's something I got to do.


Not want to start doing that now. God damn it.


Again, if you want to go on a golf course, I can't go out there with Krischer. Yeah, come on.


I take my shirt off with great birthparent. Perth fans wouldn't know what to do with me.


The it's like I go to those guys, like, you know, even Rogan's guys, like like I can get them laughing, but, you know, and they respect me, but they're like, no, we want to hang out too long.


Yeah, that's see that's so weird.


It's so weird for me to hear you say that because I think you're one of the guys. I think you're one of the top erm.


Yeah. People by my guy, you know, I mean I'm like I'm one of the guys but I got my people. Sure. Well I go so I can make anyone laugh. I'm a pro. Yeah but, but I'm a little, I'm just not quite guy enough you know.


And it's, it's a crazy thing because like I watch, I watch the Comedy Store. Doc loved it but and of course you talk about, you talk about competing. I'm in my head going one and they talk to me, you know.


Of course. But then I just talk to Binder. There's plenty of people that are pissed off. Sure.


I'm not mad at the history of comedy. Yeah. There's so many stories that you can't tell the number of names on that wall.


Yeah. The number of people in the in the actual dog. Yeah. The ones that are dead on the wall.


They're pissed a little bit. Yeah. So I was like looking back like oh man, I guess I'm not one of those cool comedy store people.


But then, but then it's like you are one of those people and you still have thoughts.


So it's not like I have a certain amount of self acceptance, you know. But I do know that like there's part of me like like why can't I, you know, why am I not an arena act?


It's like, well, dude, that's pretty clear. You never gone for it. And what would an arena of you. An arena like an arena marren. Well, how many you know, I mean, like, I'm kind of I'm a specific thing in a way, and I'm fine. I've got just enough people to make a living. But like, what am I going to tell if I if I'm attracting an arena? People we're there's a lot of trouble.


People. Yeah, there are.


There's some comics where you where you go like, yeah, I could see that making twelve thousand people laugh. Yeah. You know, like that. Right. Kind of big energy.


I have just the right size of, you know, where I'm going. I'm happy with where I'm at but I accept that and it is true, you know, I'm grateful and I and I do think I've hit my level in terms of and it's a good level, but like if there's more levels, you know, you're going to have your days.


You like that. Fuck my point. Yeah, I don't know, man.


I will say that one thing that having the family gives you is that none of that shit matters it.


Right. So I got to go get me, I'll go get myself a family, go get one then you won't compare the. Then I'll just come home, I'll look and I'll look at my wife, I look at the Asian dwarf baby or the ADB as we call her, and I just go, OK, there, life's good, OK, all right. It's never like, fuck, now I got to feed you guys.


I mean, sometimes sometimes I want to put the eight, the Asian our baby to work and be like, hey, can you pull your weight, do something here.


Well, you've got time one day.


Yeah. Thanks, Brett. Thanks, buddy. Brad Williams, funny fella, nice guy. Come see him when he comes near you to do the thing. And don't forget, simply Safe Home Security delivers award winning 24/7 protection with the best professional monitors in the business. They've got your back day and night ready to send help straight to your door. Plus, there's no long term contract, no hidden fees or installation costs. Get a free home security camera.


When you purchase a simply safe system, it's simply safe dotcom. So you also get a 60 day risk free trial. Simply safe dotcom. WTF, I can't play guitar. I don't got it. And I don't know if I do have music in me. I could play harmonica or just a little.


Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha. Boomer waves, monkey love, Fonda, cat angels everywhere.