While these are hot. Oh, my God. Sorry, the sweaters. Yeah, we're trying to be festive on this episode because, you know, we're getting closer to, you know, Christmas and the holidays and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. So we wanted to, you know, look our best in these very hot wore thick outfits. Yeah, it is. I feel like I could see Zain, like, running down the stairs on Christmas. But getting this, I look like I have a puppy like we baby.

Yeah.

Well, you know, and it's hot in here.

Like, I have a zip it would. They've seen it if. Oh, but I'll just it won't look good this morning.

All right.

Pay your team your works. Oh, no more actually.

Oh, boy. Oh, that's a really good sweater.

Ho ho ho. Anybody have a joke for the truck? I'm not ready. Meldon, you're having a zain melt, is this one? I think I'm just hot and uncomfortable. I think it's just. Why don't you change it? Yeah. I don't know why you wear them.

It's just you're like, I feel like I'm wearing the fucking eyelash sweater that SpongeBob put on this once. It makes me look like I have a boner. Yeah, it's definitely different in the in the waist.

You go all the way. You don't play a quick game real quick. What does it have for fear? What do you got, Mariah? What what are the lyrics to Megan.

The science loss song by crazy I get and hold.

She said she was you over the past like thirty minutes.

So big titties, little ways body crazy one. And what is a body. Crazy curvy face. Body crazy. What what happens in Vegas. Body crazy crazy titties float away by crazy one it body crazy when a daisy when I.

When I daisy when I get it.

When I get a big weight go with my body. Crazy curvy wavy big titties little waist.

It's not a crazy party waiting. What is it. I don't like her body.

Crazy body, crazy curvy wavy titties body wastes lot of crazy carroway my Christmas, my Christmas list.

My wish list first and I play cool naughty boy. I love like no other so I good.

I saw that was on Amazon Prime the other day. I've been watching a lot of movies lately. Everything is on Amazon Prime. I didn't, I have never seen white chicks. Oh what.

Get the fuck off. OK, so let's go find your friends. I know. I know, I know.

I've never brought it up because I knew that this would be the reaction. I know I've never seen such a you would love. It's a classic we got to watch with him. I know I've seen clips, I've seen bits and pieces. I know that when she takes the bag, she's like, it's prata like that's all I know you're going to quote.

That made me feel like, oh my. I'm just really excited for you.

It's as quotable as mean girls. Yes. I would say more. Well I mean I don't quote me and girls. I just know it's a very quotable movie. Right. I mean girls is like number one.

Yeah, it's a big one. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm so excited. I know. I would love it. That's what we're doing because I was going to watch it the other day. But then it was one of those ones you had to and I was like and it's hooked up to my Amazon Prime account.

You don't want to spend my money. I didn't want to muj. Oh, baby, it's OK. My roommates do it all the time.

Oh. Oh no, no. Everyone is like, oh, I bought the notebook. I bought the dope.

All right. David's Amazon account is hooked up, not hooked up to Matt King's moms. Yeah.

So for the past, like for the past year, they kept renting movies. I was like thirty five thousand dollar Amazon because all he does is watch movies. That's so funny.

And they, you know, they push it on all the time without just all second guessing. That'll be a good Christmas gift to Matt's mom. Like if he just wrote her a check for every penny that he owed her for the movie.

Oh, just an Amazon Prime gift card. Yeah, some things are great. OK, can we roll the intro?

Yeah, let's get back. Let's get this shit kicked off, motherfucker. Oh, OK.

He's going to cause a commotion to plug it in. Baby, it's coffee talk baby.

Plug it in. Plug it in. Welcome back.

He's been filter, that's he that's fine, and we got Kanye and Mariah. That's Mariah. They were going to do it. All right. Do again, guys. I know it's kind of a tradition to kind of toss anyway.

I'm Zain. No, Mariah Kenny present. I'm Todd Ishaq's.

But that was good. All right.

Well, I think I'm having a heart attack. Or are you OK? I don't think so. Why? What's going on?

He goes, Oh, being the mogul of a coffee company is just too much. A lot of pressure on my back.

Being a CEO, if you ever want to talk to if you ever want to do it into the microphone, because there's somebody listening right now that will probably know what's wrong.

I was going to say everyone in the comments will have some sort of medical recommendation for you, I'm sure. Sharp pains in the chest. Right in my heart, I've been having pretty sharp pains and I just do.

We also haven't eaten in a week or showered or slept. That could possibly be. Yes, it's been a pretty hectic week. Yeah, to say the least.

So if you guys didn't watch the last episode or any of those guys didn't watch Kylie Jenner's story, or if you got or if you don't follow us on anything, you are invited to our pity party.

We finally launched our coffee that we've been working so hard on for two years. It's called chromatography. We launch it on December 8th. It was a Tuesday.

It's been out for about, what, four days, which was a Tuesday. And we did see our tits on a Tuesday. Body got crazy, man.

It was so fucking exciting. We sold out on the first day in like seven hours. I completely sold out. We were not we were expecting like a hundred units sold. It's crazy because our manager likes to hype us up. Like, guys, this is Zane and Heath we're talking about. You don't understand.

Guys are like, cut the cow. We got like we did not expect this to happen.

So we were absolutely blown away by how much you guys wanted to try our coffee. And we're really excited. And thank you to everybody who placed an order, got it in the first wave and also preordered. Yeah, hopefully you guys are getting that soon. I've seen a couple of people that have already gotten.

I swear I swear to God, we got we got I got I saw a tweet like hours after the launch said, yeah, or not, I was sorry.

It was the next morning we launch. Got my coffee all the way. How do you take your shirt off so that. Yeah.

So I thought as a one based in San Diego where we're shipping from. So the person that got it first was actually in Huntington. So I was right there. That's why it was so quick. Still pretty quick.

That's how we do it, baby. Customer service. We're running out to everybody, just like we did with all the with all of our friends out here.

I will say I am excited for a lot of the other stuff that's going to be coming out that Zane and I have been working on. Yeah, it's just going to take a little bit of time. It's not going to be two years. It is coming quick. We're literally working on it right now.

So the next big wave of release of coffee goods is going to be pretty freaking cool. Yeah, we didn't think you'd have to work on it this quick after the first, but we do now because we thought we would still be selling the first batch right now.

That came back very good. Well, I'll head him up.

We could do something with him. But first batch King batch, we sell them right now. You know him. Don't get it. Don't know what I mean. Preorders are still out. So you guys want coffee? You can still preorder and get it was after December. Thirty three.

Each flavor is going to be different. So the K cups I believe are January 12th, if I'm not mistaken. And then the bag is going to be December 31st ships out. OK, cool. Perfect.

I would say hands down the most stressful, tiring, scariest time of my life, but also the most rewarding, rewarding and happiest I've ever been.

Yeah, because we were doing all this not knowing what the outcome was going to be, because, again, like I said, we we we didn't sleep for four days. We didn't eat for four days. We didn't I don't even think I drank for four days.

Yeah. Yeah. He didn't talk about alcohol. Not like water right now. Even water. Yeah. And was like anything. We didn't stop at all. We were non stop. It was crazy. There is, there was bandaids on all my fingers.

Oh my God. The bandages were falling in the box. Oh yeah. Zaman's bleeding our hands. We had to, we had to throw the box away because there was blood in the paper.

The white ones were like, OK, so you guys might get some blood in your packages, but it's ok. It's in blood, blood, sweat and tears. Well exactly.

A lot. Yeah. And again, thank you guys so much for supporting us. We cannot believe how many again, how many of you guys were waiting for this.

And it's so exciting and it makes us want to work harder on this and make sure we deliver the best product and the best packaging and everything because we will get better. This is just the start. We will get better and promote it.

And it's going to be the biggest coffee now. Yeah, I'm telling you right now because we really like. After the shuttle launch, that's when we were like, oh, we need to make this a lot better. I'm excited. There's a lot we're doing. Yeah, I know. They're going to the promoter. That's it. Done. All right. Let's jump right in the pocket. Here we go. What do we got away from right in here?

When you guys came to the back room, which I had been hiding out in for the past four days, of you guys getting everything ready, like, I just remember I just put on a movie and I completely expected both of you guys to just come in and collapse because you you especially were like, I don't remember what it feels like to sit like where I was just like she totally collapsed.

But then we ended up watching. Well, Heath and I stayed awake. Yeah. And knocked out within like ten minutes, as she should, because she worked very hard. But we watched the disaster artist on Netflix.

I know we're late to the game. And it was a huge movie. It had its time, a lot of hype. I didn't really hear about it, but apparently a lot of people did. I heard a lot about it, but never took the time to do it. And I still have. I know you told me to watch it, but I don't want my fucking mind.

Do let's watch it again together. I would love that you would watch it again. Yes, I would watch that. And the room. There's not a lot of movies that I'd watch again.

Right. So it's so interesting that it's based off of a real movie.

Yeah, I know. I know the whole storyline. I know. But yeah, I know all that. So it's based off of like the worst movie ever made. Yeah. And it's the back story leading up to making this awful movie. Yeah. And just seeing how spot on James Franco is with playing this character.

I think Tommy, what saw was this the.

Yeah, just the way he portrays him is so spot on and funny.

And it just goes through this entire story of how this movie got to be made, and then they do side by side shots at the end of the movie of what the original looked like and what they did. And it is identical, so good it was done, but it's like you're uncomfortable watching it, but you just like our eyes were glued. We were we were taking a bath and really uncomfortable watching the actual movie or the or the the actual movie was Zain.

I know like I know this story. I know the whole like the disaster. I know that movie I have seen clips of. It is just I'm surprised how late to the game you guys are like you say, you've never even heard of it before.

I never heard of it, but I just never, like, took the time to explain the plot to you, though, too, because, yeah, I was watching it. And you would just come in the room and I was like, and you didn't I don't think you I really don't feel like you were able to appreciate it until I told you the back story that was based on a real thing, which I understand, because I wouldn't have appreciated it either, because it's so weird and like out of left field and you're just kind of like, what is this?

But when you asked me the back story and I kind of told you it was based off of a movie, your eyes were glued to the screen and it was like so much more enjoyable from that point. But when he says that it's not available everywhere, like it's really like disaster artist. Yes.

But the real the guy like didn't want it to be on like Netflix or. Well, it didn't get on Netflix. He tried, but they denied it, but it was getting like a bunch of hype and they do like showings of the movie.

I was like a cult following it like yeah, theaters around, but you can buy the DVD of it. And I was like, there's no way I'm going to buy. I can't wait. Like, I needed to see it that night after watching it. So we were searching all over the Internet.

We found like a censored version on YouTube and it was just like, come to find out, the real movie is just like a poor excuse for trying to film a porno.

Yeah, like he was just doing whatever he could to drag out a scene to get to the next sex scene. Like it was disgusting. Like just like so cringe.

I ended up like searching, searching, trying to find it, and it was like PornHub full movie The Room, and I was like. All right, all right, click the full HD, ready to go. I was like, yes, here we go. We're watching the movie literally like five minutes into that, it goes number one again. You know, we didn't we didn't get Rick rolled. It was a real movie.

It was the full movie, but it kept taking these breaks and it was like, oh, oh, oh, yes, signed up for PornHub live. Oh. Like the little I kept playing at but without ad popping up and Mariah sleeping next to sleep and she's going to wake up and be like, Keithan can you're watching porn on the couch next to me while I'm sleeping.

It was and I felt like hiding something every single time, every single time it kicked in. I would just he's sitting actually.

I just feel his body language immediately get like really vigilant and then grab the remote and mute the audio so that it was like if I was to wake up and there were times when you would like roll over and would always be like God, like, what are we going to tell her when she wakes up? She was like she was awake the whole time.

She was like, but the thing is, like the I and it looked like a porn. Like a shitty porn. Yeah. Like I'm sure. Hey, step bro.

And it was just like, really I like this library just gets it. Does anybody any like not good acting. It just looks like a porn or you better watch it.

It was so fucking funny to watch the real one. Zain it's called the room.

I, I, I swear to God I feel like I was on Amazon and I saw there's a couple of movies called The Room. Oh.

But it's not it's not OK with Jacob. I saw that one. And next, what was the room.

There was like three. There's like three or four other movies called The Room. And obviously at the end of the movie, I still don't understand why it was called The Room. Like that was just a choice, whether I literally think it was because this is another crazy thing.

There was one setting in the entire fucking thing. It was a room like it was supposed to be like an apartment. Yeah, there was a room and then there was a rooftop to the apartment and it was just back and forth. But this guy had nothing to do with the room, though. Ended up spending six million dollars million to film this movie.

And it's funny to see all the stuff that they alluded to in the disaster artist like little weird things. Yeah, the guy was just like, yeah, you could film it on these cameras. We usually rent him out and he's like, no, I'll buy him. He's like, do you want to do like HD or like 35 millimeter?

He's like, yes, yeah, I'm going to do both. And he was just like. OK, I'll sell it to you. I'd like just to show you, like, how this but this guy just had no idea what he just wanted. Just wanted to make whatever, like a like if we wanted to make a movie, we're just like people are just like this is the rate. We're like, OK. Yeah, I guess so. We would just say we probably just say yes.

I mean I'm sure if you're like, oh, you need this. Yeah. You just don't know.

And it was just crazy to see like them talking about it throughout the disaster artist and then being like, holy shit, six million dollars went to like this and it didn't look six million dollars.

But besides the bad acting, the bad video was a higher production and looked better than this movie.

Oh, easily.

So this guy got fucked. He got like scammed or whoever who are selling the shit, they knew that he didn't know what he was doing.

The whole thing is nobody knew he played it off like he was a kid and like became friends with this kid and was like, I'm the same age as you. He was like fortius. No, you're not like I know you're not. He's like, no, I'm I'm your age. He said, Where are you from? And he's like Louisiana. But he was talking like he had this like crazy like Ian Yates type of thing. It was bizarre.

No, I mean, I want to watch it now. Like, the fact that he told me like eight times, like, I have to watch this movie. I got to watch it now. I haven't stopped thinking about it since I watched it. I want to I want to watch it again. Speaking of porn, do you guys watch Jay Alvarez's little porn video he made? You brought this up the other night, so I saw a bunch.

Well, the first thing I saw was Carina's tweet. Like, it was like, I want somebody to Jay Alvares me. And I was like, oh, I didn't watch. I didn't see any of that. The first time I heard it was Matt went to my room and was like to see Jay offers his video.

I was like, no, what? He was like, here's a porno. I was like, won't really.

I was like, did he get like did he get leaked or something? He's like, No, no. It was like it was like shot like a Jay Alvarez video. And I was like fucking drone shots. And I was like, am I? The first thing that went in my head was, oh, he he definitely put this on purpose, like he leaked it. I feel like he leaked it out himself. So it was like a full on, like color corrected, like it was it was a full on like Jay Oliver.

It was a it was like a full on like YouTube video. It was like the camera guy was flying like a flag and he was looking at the camera and then the girl like like with him and they went into the hotel room and it was like a very. Crazy hot sex scene that you would see in like a movie. It was a very it was like home grown in it's like fucking stabilized. No, it was it was like it was like a straight up Kenny.

So Jay Alvarez is bringing the budget support. Yeah. And all of it look good. It didn't look bad. Like, you know how like when someone should get it gets a little embarrassing. I think he knew exactly what he was doing. It's an important part of me.

Like I haven't heard I haven't heard of Javas and like in a little bit like I haven't seen his name anywhere. I've kind of like Fagone him myself, like personally. I just having his name anywhere. I just I think this was like kind of like a way to go back out and people do it. I think it's normal, but like that's how I see there's no way that got leaked.

There's a video that does an edited video and it's video. Yes.

It's like a raisin or anything like I mean, maybe it was rough, but and you know what?

You've got to give it to me because I've never seen anything like that before from from a look good.

It good. It was it was a ten minute there was a couple of mid roll. It was like it was like a hundred video. The future of porn is here.

I think this was a good time for him to leak that video out was because only fans is blowing up. And I think it's like becoming normalized to like, you know, having only fans and, like, be naked and shit.

So, I mean, at the end of the day, everyone's just trying to branch out. Nothing wrong with that and everybody's just trying to get there. Not I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah. When when, you know, you've been trying to branch out lately, you must missing.

You're not especially in time for Christmas when you drink promote a coffee because that's one of the main ingredients in our coffee actually is nuts is with chocolate.

And for if you want to get your nut log in to promote AdCom, very good for you.

Even doing some other, you know, other avenues I feel like that you haven't been doing traditionally. You've been on Santayana's podcast now.

Yeah, that was really fun. Yeah, it was just cool because like we did the podcast with Whitney together and like that was fun doing it like a duo. Yeah. But it was just like it was interesting to sit down one on one because like we've never even done a podcast. One on one. Yeah. And I don't even know what that would feel like, like doing it with like a basically a stranger like I met him before. Yeah.

But like sitting there and just like talking. Yeah. It was very interesting. It was cool. I enjoyed it. It was really fun. If you guys want to check that out, his podcast is Whiskey Ginger and if you like, because you don't know him too.

There's so much to like discover about another person organically in that setting. And Santeros really quick. I recorded some of my lines with with him. Yeah. The Oyster, the voiceover gig that I got.

And he's very fast, he's very fast paced and he's really, really funny. Yeah. So sorry. I don't really know him so I don't, I can't really he, he's actually he's actually in the disaster artist.

Oh he is. Yeah.

He was watching it and I was like oh my God that's Andrew. So weird. Yeah. He's, he's a really big actor, really huge comedian. He's in a little dickeys show.

Oh I've never seen it, but I think he's done a whole bunch of stuff and he's got his podcast and then the one with Bobby Lee. Oh he's not one too. Yeah. Yeah. Bad Friends is both.

He's on two different like OK but yeah he's super quick and funny.

How is Noel's thing with the Outcasts or was supposedly it's the fastest talk show. Did you see. No. Well I didn't, I did not but so he asked me to go on.

He was like, hey, I'm starting this new thing. I want you to be a guest. Yeah, OK, cool. I had no idea what to expect. I showed up, they blindfolded me, walk me through. I thought I was getting strapped into one of those like slingshot bungees.

They're like shoots four because they put this harness on me, strap me in and I'm just like, oh my God, I'm mortal.

I get launched. Did you have to sign anything before I had said, God, do you consent to doing anything? Noel says within reason, shut up. That's what that was like, the actual agreement. So I signed it, obviously, but it ended up being I took my blindfold off and he punched the gas and it was a like basically a golf cart with a desk built around it, like a clock show desk. OK, well, like plants and stuff.

And he was driving a golf cart desk around a racetrack, like a mini racetrack.

OK, doing a podcast while we were driving, that's not like super fallowed. It was like like in my head is just fucking chaos and you're trying to through it.

And it was like as fast as you could drive like a like a like a gator. Oh, it's funny. It was really cool. And I enjoyed that too.

If you want to check that video out to Noel's Instagram, that's really funny.

That's a good idea. It's genius. It's called Hot Laps, Hot Lava. He's killing it. He's crushing it.

Every show is on in that thing. That's funny. So he so he was recording.

I was the first one, so I didn't know what it was going to be. I didn't have anything to see before going on it. A pioneer. Well, I don't think. I don't think. He comes out, I think he's filming them all at once and then posting them, oh, I don't know. Yeah, because I know because I know he's a Todd. He did. I think he. Yeah, because I don't think he wanted to.

I don't want he didn't want anybody to see it because did at the same time I mean.

Yeah that makes sense. It's interesting though like I, I've, I feel like I've talked about this before but with you guys. But like hot ones, like how they make their the person that's being interviewed, in a sense they're making them uncomfortable while these questions are being asked like it's hot things that they're eating. So it's going to make them uncomfortable, is going to make them perform differently when they're answering these questions. I feel like it's the same thing that such a smart idea for Noelle to do that is like put them in the hot seat, basically, like make them uncomfortable while you're interviewing them.

It's such a genius like plot. I feel like I love that. I need to watch your episodes. I love creative people.

Yeah, I'm jealous of it because, like, I love driving and like I love, like cars and shit. Yeah. I can never think of fun shit like that. Or is it the team that things. I don't know. I have no idea.

Everyone's just trying to do their own thing, find their own lane branch out before we continue.

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OK, I'm sorry. So I got I went to get my lab results on. I got like my blood drawn, whatever. And then week and a half later I had an appointment. Well this was like two days ago I had an appointment with this like anti aging place. And I know it sounds weird. Oh, yeah.

L.A. well, I don't know why. It's not like there's not another name for it, but like this place was just. It was called the antiaging center, so I went and they had like all the results for me, like my testosterone levels and just everything, all my levels, like all 10 pages. And I basically have a mental and body of an over 60 year old man. No way.

My, my, my mood, my so and it's crazy grumpy as I know.

So she so she like sat me down and I almost felt like a therapy session. It was, it was very interesting. She sat me down, we were talking for a little bit and then she was like, how would you.

If you're if if your friends could describe your mood lately and how you've been, what would you how would they describe us?

Right. And I was like. Well, I mean, to be completely honest, I don't think I've been in the best mood lately. I think I've been pretty negative lately and I haven't been very happy. It could be the year. I don't know. I'm just, like, more energetic. I'm not motivated at all. I'm very lazy is just as I'm at my lowest right now.

And she's like, well, I mean, that makes sense because it literally says it all here in your numbers. I was like, well, what do you mean?

She's like every like every every like your testosterone, your estrogen, your like I literally just like it's in the blood.

All this shit that she had that where she was like, I should go, I should be above this. No, I should be below this number.

All the I was off by a lot and she even she was surprised.

She was like very surprising to see these numbers, like, we need to fix you because you you're you're how old. You're twenty seven. Yeah. Or twenty eight. Sorry, you should not be you should not be here. And we need to fix this now because it's only going to get worse. And I was like, that's fucking insane. Like I know that they could see.

Yeah, I get Chaykin like your testosterone and estrogen levels, but like, see how it's broken down. Yeah, yeah, it's really cool how you can like diving, like someone can take your blood and say that you're unhealthy. But, man, the fact that she was able to say, like you mentally, like you're pretty unhealthy. That's crazy. Just by just by Cinergy.

Different like medicine pills.

Yeah. So she so I had to go home with a lot of a lot of shit. She gave me this, like, supplement box where each, each pack pack has like a ton of like different vitamins and fish and shit that I have to take. I have to now inject myself with a shot every day a different at the twins ease.

Yeah. I have to inject testosterone every other day and then I have to inject baby that's called steroids. No it's not. It's, I mean it's, I guess it is. Steroids was not the steroids that like fucking people. You know, you've done this for how long you've.

I just started have. Yes. You've injected yourself already and not myself lately. But she she was like showing you how to do it.

And it's fucking terrifying the needles this you do it. And she was like, you need to go all the way and inject everything in and pull it out. I can't do this. And he does it like it's nothing like that.

But this is the thing, though, is when I found out that I was diagnosed, I was nineteen.

So like I had lived my full life, you know, but like, I've become an adult and it's so hard to like it's so weird because your body at that time, I would try to inject like I know what I was taught and whatever.

And any time I would try to go do it, like my body would just stop me because it's like self-preservation.

Yeah. It's like you're not supposed to hurt yourself. Like it's so it's so hard to do initially.

It's like it's like heroin, you know, you got to stick it in. You want to feel that good. Exactly. But you know, you got it right. But you but you feeling good after heroin. This shit. You're not feeling good.

You're just. Vitamins for a fucking vial, that maybe that's why you got liquid, I think, but I mean, you mix it up and they shoot it up.

So when's the first time you have to inject yourself? She did it for me when I saw her Friday. I have to do it myself tomorrow. Can I do. And I got it. I have to do one in my stomach and in my thigh. And I also have to take these like I think they're called troughs. I'm maybe mistaken the the wording of it, but it's like this square that I have to split in half and I have to take an hour after dinner every night.

I have to do this. Oh, you're on this break. We're off the spray to my mouth like twice and then switched to my mouth for 30 seconds every time I wake up, like, the second I wake up. Yeah, no, I was so off where I have to do all these things every day. And then after a month she's going to see me again and be like, how are you feeling now? This is crazy.

This is shit that my body isn't producing at all. I'm working out every day. I'm eating better and still it doesn't like I'm not my body's still not able to.

And then she begins and she makes you take those Reino plus pills a month. Seems pretty pills, dick pills at the gas station that are like sitting there. It's got like a holographic urinal. You take you take one in it like it's like a virus.

Does it does it even work? We did. I feel like that one was like made from like fucking somewhere crazy. Like I don't think that one was the same as the other one.

Zane, I got bored one night. We went to the guys. This is a long time ago. I think I want to go like I feel like a pack of cigarettes. Yeah.

And like beer or something. We had a I think we had a job and we are there for one night. Yeah. And there was nothing going on. It was like it was like a Tuesday night and we had to go in the next day and we so we went to the gas station before we grab dinner, we go to this gas station and they just had a wall of these what was more than you've ever seen. They had more selections of dick pills than they had of alcohol, cigarettes, chips, chips, everything.

It was a fucking wall. We're like, holy shit, why do so many.

It was somewhere in New York, right? Yeah. And it was like a pretty big corner store. I was like, Yeah, one.

So we looked up and we looked at each other. We were like. You have your work bill, do you think it would work really? We don't know. Let's try it. Really? Hey, dude, which one is the best dick pill? He goes the samurai.

Yes. What I know and we're like Kenny, right?

That we're like, well, we'll get one, we'll get two. And he's like, OK, he looked all and I got him.

So we buy and we're like, at dinner it was like it was like a day like, you know. But it was, it was. How long does it take? How long does it take and how long long are we to.

So so we wanted to do this right. Because obviously we spent like we spent like what, ten bucks. It was they were exhausted. So we're like, hey, we should take this at a good time. We want to fuck it up.

I think we're like in the middle of dinner where we took it, it was a horse pill. Like they're big. Yeah, it was giant. We took it and we're like, all right, you could not we almost forgot that we took this. But we like we're like, you're not going to. Well, and I was like in bed. And then all of a sudden, you know, I could have touched the ceiling. It was fucking insane.

I'm sorry. Okay.

What it was it was such a crazy experience.

I was he was taller, laying down and he was standing know I was talking about this with Sandy. I told you a little bit about with Santino the other day about like the market for dick pills.

Like it from dick pills, coffee flavoring. It got about. I know there does hang in there guys like I didn't know there was such a huge market for it. But even like what you're saying, how there was like such a like a wall of a bunch of.

Yeah.

Like that goes to show you how big of a market in New York, the city that never sleeps, baby, because they too busy fucking it feels like I don't understand it.

Like I just I don't, I don't get I mean I thought like when I think of dick pills I think of like erectile dysfunction. It is right. I totally understand it in that capacity. But like what I've been made to know is that not everybody that's popping these pills like Pez, have problems getting their dick up. Like I think it's just like a.

I think it is a testosterone boost, I think it is just testosterone. I don't know, because if that's the case, then I'm injected three times a week. Then you're taking drugs.

But, yeah, no, it the shit the shit work, it fucking works. And it's like and I feel like it puts you at your it puts you at your best. I think the one thing that men have that they could be insecure about. Yeah. And it's like fuck. Well if it does work great. If it doesn't at least I fucking tried. Yeah.

And it's as easy as going to the store and buying it. So why not feel like if it works out well why not. That's true. It's like you're paying for convenience. I remember, I remember when we got home from that trip.

Oh we were, it was we were sitting in the apartment, we were talking about it. Zain went online and bought out like, do you remember this?

It was like 50 pills, 50 films. Because I was like, this is like there's like this I'm going to put I never use that. Never, never fucking used. But it was it was like like old old apartment candy.

I want to I want to try to go get some Samarai pills and then watch disaster artist.

You guys are all waiting for the episode of What about the Boner episode. It's like, you know, it's crazy. Like once like once you use you're like, oh my God, I need more of this because this is like this will just work so well. Easy. I know. But like, it's so those pills, those pills are so bad for you.

I guess that's why I like I think they're they're bad for you because I've looked it up. I obviously looked it up. I was like, hey, are these pills dangerous for you? And it's a very fucking day.

Just like central. Yeah. It's like it's a switch. So much easier. I'm glad to know that.

That's why that's why I bought it together. I was on a fifty different girls. I was going to hang and one was freed. I was going to say, what were you about these. Right. Well, I'm curious. I just I'm like, when I, when I'm, when I'm excited about something, I just buy a ton of impulse. That's. Yeah. And I buy a lot of things. So that's something that I bought that I never fucking use.

I wish I did, but I never used.

Whenever I think of you going to this place, this whole antiaging thing, I would never expect for you to leave there with this sort of like diagnosis.

I'm seeing you going in there and getting a recommendation for Botox and for things like that's what know, I think they do do that.

I think they did. But I didn't check. But the only reason why I went I mean, because I think I've been feeling like like it should be like overall wellness center or something, right?

Yeah. Well, I mean, wellness center. Good wellness center.

That sounds like like a YMCA or something, some sort of like YMCA. That's like an athletic ever, like getting like physical activity. And it's like a wellness center to.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Like if you, if you come out and you're like, you know, they told me I'm a sixty five year old, I need to, I need to rewind this because everything I'm looking at, everything I look about testosterone like it's very like it's very much so about you know, like it's about the penis and about puberty and about hair and about whatever, like there. But there are residual effects though that like help you maintain a normal mood, like a mood that you're more likely to be, you know, to maintain.

So it's like I it makes sense. I just didn't know anything about testosterone being like a sort of mood regularly and do some leg workouts.

I do a lot of workouts. That's all like squat. I do OK. I do a lot. I know that's what I'm saying. I'm doing a lot of workouts and I still did not feel good.

And lifting your legs and testosterone and seeing and seeing Todd Todd has been in a really, really, really, really good mood lately.

Like he's just been like waking up, energetic, ready to take on the day he works out a lot.

Just I just boy, he's just he's just he's just like Gulman like or maybe he's in love.

I don't know. He's just been in a really good mood lately. So I like and I know he went to the center and is taking shit. Yeah. So like in my head I was like fuck, I want to feel as good as Todd does because he looks like he's happy, like he wakes up, feels like he's just can take on the day and I'm like complete, I'm the complete opposite.

Did he talk to you at all about like because you obviously just went to this place. It's like how long before you see any sort of results, results or I'll check back in a month.

That's not so quick though, right? It does, because I could I could inject this for a week.

But like I know I'm not going to see it's like it's a slow process, just like any other medication. It's like a very slow process. You have to give it a fair shot.

You you're going to inject the shot, I know, to make sure I know that it works.

And if it doesn't work, you can rule it out. But like, you have to do the injecting exact whatever. And I also feel like I can't just sit there and let it work. I have to it's like kind of like I got to work with it. Yeah.

So I need to make sure I do my best to start, start energetic and wake up early and be ready to take on the day in my own head just so these this person can set yourself up for success.

Yeah, exactly. I think waking up early is a big big thing. Yeah.

Like try, try to get in the habit of that. Wake up early. Make your bed. Yep. Oh my workout. You come back home, shower.

I'm ready to go. I've been waking up earlier now, like the past few days, I've woken up like 839, which is wow early for me that's like fucking crazy for me. I would like to wake up an hour earlier, like, I want to wake him up.

I'm trying to get to the five AM club that's you see, that's not even fun because you're going to sleep knowing that you're not going to get enough for us when I'm at like six thirty right now and you're at six, six 1/2 hours now, I get up at six oh six six thirty.

OK, I feel like when I first got out here, like back in July, I feel like we were all more attuned to, like, staying up watch a movie. Oh, you want to watch another movie. Let's watch another movie.

Why not. Whatever, but like fun. It's exciting. Yeah. But I think yeah. I think lately you have been better about, you know not not calling it too late, you know, which I think is important because I my sleep schedule is fucked and I feel like I was totally on the same wavelength as you prior to all this.

Yeah. Testosterones I was. I'm still waking up pretty late. What time do you get up? I've been setting an alarm for nine nine thirty nine and then I'll hit snooze a couple of times. But like I will wake up at like. Ten thirty sometimes, and I will hit snooze and I will I will roll and I don't like it. It makes me feel like it feels when I get up is when I oversleep.

Yeah, I do too. If I just force yourself up and you'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah. OK, I don't know what it is and I can't figure it out but I wear contacts and I take them out at night, I wake up in the morning and my eyes are so fucking dry to the point where like I can't even open them because it hurts so bad.

Yeah. Like no matter what I'll wake up and I'm just like, like this and I'll just like force myself back to sleep. Yeah.

Because of how bad they think it's going to moistens within the thirty years.

But I have my eye drops next to my bed now and I'll just as soon as I get up I just pop them in and it wakes me up instantly like it helps a lot.

There was this like motivational speaker. I feel like I probably did a TED talk or something. I'll try to find the video for you guys later because it's actually really cool. My mom loves this video, but it's just a motivational speaker. Her name's Mel Robbins and she talks about this five second rule. And she was going through a lot like negative shit in her life. Like, I think she was going through a divorce and a bunch of, like, really difficult things.

And she had zero motivation to do anything. So in the morning, she would not be able to get up like she would just, like not feel the need. There was no drive to get up, so she just wouldn't. And she learned that there is this rule, this five second rule in your head, that it takes you about five seconds to talk yourself out of doing something. Whereas if you can just beat it to the punch and just do and not within that five second window, your God, that's so fucking because you will you will start telling yourself like, oh, well, I guess I could do this if I woke up.

Well, it's not that big of a deal like another to make it up in that time period. And that five seconds hits me when I'm in bed, I wake up. It's the hardest thing to do. Yeah.

So she's like she's like a rocket launching. You know how they have the countdown. Five, four, three, two, one. She would wake up in the morning the second that she opened her eyes and she would count herself down like a rocket launch and she would say five, four, three.

And they get up one and she will get up.

She would not allow herself to go back to bed. She would count herself down and she would force herself to get up, no matter how she was feeling. If she was feeling good, bad or indifferent.

I'm like setting off an alarm right now. It's so important. It's such a good method. Yeah, that's so good.

It's you literally tricking your brain because it's almost like we have these innate tendencies of like, you know, the five second rule to convince us not to do something. It takes like I think 11 seconds to judge somebody based on just their appearance or something like that. I don't know. Don't quote me on that.

But your brain does these things and you almost have to override them and trick yourself into being like, no, no, no, this is not serve me.

So I'm not going to allow it to go on like this. It's weird. And give yourself, like, something to wake up for. Like, that's what I've been finding. Yeah. Like this morning I woke up at six fifteen to go surf with Todd.

Yeah. It was like it gave me an activity like Mariah and I was like, if I have golf in the morning I'm fucking up, I'm ready. Like I just like. I know I have something to do. I have nothing to get. The only thing I have to get out for is working out, which is like scheduled the night before, but like weekends, I have nothing to get up for. So I think that's like a problem.

I just need to figure out something I need to do.

I've been trying to find excitement in the morning, like I'll get up and I've been trying this thing where I don't check my phone. I'll go make a cup of coffee, I'll go sit out by the fire pit and I'll read for like an hour. And then after that is when I check my phone, because I know if, like, I lay in bed, I'll reach over, I'll grab my phone, I'll scroll through, you're on your shit.

And then I'm just, like, stuck there in bed and then feeling lazy and tired, like, well, I guess I could like we're never active and we're checking our phones at any given time or jogging, checking our minds, calling.

Yeah.

Sitting. And that's helped me a lot. Just getting out, just getting a cup of coffee and like my activity that I'm waking up for is like firepit reading. Yeah. Something more. I will come out, we'll have coffee and just like sit there. You got like three thirty, right. I don't, I don't I literally don't understand you.

I know I don't get it either. I know everybody's different. Like especially with you, you, you count how many hours of sleep you're going to get.

You're like I need like the normal how like what is it like we need seven or eight hours like us.

Yeah. Zane's very adamant on that. Like I have to get my eight hours and I have to get it for me. I don't like staying up late. My body doesn't like it like I love I'm an early riser. But if we're up like especially like when we're working on the coffee and stuff like that, we were up at like four a.m. but for some reason, no matter how late I go to bed, I could go to bed at four a.m. I will be up at six or seven.

I naturally wake up as soon as my eyes open, I get ants, my pants on. I'm like, I have to get up and do something. I can't just sit here.

I was if I allowed whatever that is, Zain, it's the natural energy. Like, she is so energetic, like constantly throughout the day.

I think it's just like, do you notice I'm picking up stuff as I'm sitting here so I can't sit still. It'll drive me actually insane like that gets me anxious. Like I get a lot of anxiety from sitting. Like if we do the podcast for close to three hours, I'll start like panicking a little bit like we are. Yeah.

Whatever you have, I think I'm injecting my belly right now. I'm trying to get to that point. Yeah. Yeah. Motivation coffee. That's good.

That's good. Yeah. Oh. Now one of the things that she said to not do less caffeine, less caffeine, a lot of caffeine I've been drinking a lot of I feel like I drink a lot of energy drinks, I drink a lot of coffee.

So I drink water, I drink, I drink a lot of water, ice cold water.

Yeah.

The results just showed I drank too much so I got to tell them I know I'm probably going to have fucking kidney stones.

What's kidney, what's kidney stones again. Because if you drink a lot of like caffeine, you get like these rocks that you have to like pass through and oh fuck, now you're the really painful to.

And it's just like they're like they're what about what are they.

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I feel like food in the beverage industry is so.

Ridiculous lately, yeah, just like things good for you, just, you know, I'm sorry, what do you mean by that?

When you go to the grocery store, you can get organic fuckin fruits and vegetables. How is that a fucking thing instead of regular fruits and vegetables that have fucking chemicals and all sorts of carcinogens and whatever, and you pay, you pay, they charge you five dollars more to have something that doesn't have these additives.

And they're like, well, if you don't, well, if you want something that's organic, we can do it. But it's going to cost you more. And we won't add all this.

It's fucked up, but it's because they have to work harder to get it out faster. I think that's just. No. No, it's not. No, it isn't.

Because it's such a huge supply. They got to get so much that they have pools and pesticides.

Well, that's how they stay good for longer preservatives like preservatives is one thing. Yes. But like, I'm not on their side.

I'm just saying, like, I just think that that's why they're able to put out so much on the floor like that. Right. And take longer doing it. It's because of all the shit that they put on it. They're able to do that stuff to make it look pretty. To make it look like it's still fresh.

Because if you look at like like fruits or vegetables are grown in like your backyard, it looks like shit.

It doesn't it doesn't look that good. It looks better like when you see on the shelves and shit like the apples covered. Yeah. Oh wow. That's crazy. That whole like there was there were experiments that were done that like that actually extracted the amount of wax. Yeah.

He didn't have to make it look shiny like the years we made it this far.

Food should be real regardless and you shouldn't have to live, right. Well, yeah. I mean, it's like people people like the standard has been set before all this to be like. But this all this negative stuff is OK though. So like if you don't want it to be in your food, then you're going to have to pay extra. Sweety like everyone else is fine with us. But it's true. Everyone else is. Yeah. Like they charge more.

I think it's just because they got to, it's, they're working harder to get that shit out.

Something the other day like, you know, Pall Mall.

All the cigarettes, alcohol. Yeah, yeah, Paul Blart, that's the first memory, that was the first thing I thought of. I thought that was something I wish I didn't say. But you said it for me. You said it for me because I did it for us.

For us. To us to.

So I think I think I saw something like Pall Mall owns a bunch of different like food industry companies.

And I thought that was really interesting.

I don't know, probably had enough money to start a cigarette. Pall Mall owns like a bunch of like cigarettes and super addictive, like just nicotine, whatever. And I saw that they like own shit with like food and like they got to be adding something to make it more addicting and appealing to buy.

Yeah. They started a cigarette company. Yeah. Did so well. And cigarettes, so much money that they bought out like grocery stores.

Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't be where they are. They like an old brand, like they were like the only ones out there. Like the hot ones in the market. Big one. Yeah. I didn't know that. I thought like Marlboro and they were like Big Black owned by Pall Mall. Marlboro. Yeah. Is owned by Pall Mall. Pall Mall is like the. Big umbrella company. Do you think cigarette sales are good? Do you think cigarette sales are going down now?

I think they're going to start going back up. I think the electronic cigarettes were a way to get the younger generation addicted again in order to get them back on real cigarettes. I don't think so, because real cigarettes are cigarettes, I think. They'll find gross kids smoke puffs now because kids are into like they're starting to smoke, cigarettes are cool again now. Yeah, I don't see it. Make cigarettes cool again. Yeah. Normalized cigarettes. I think it was a way to.

Because because it was a thing like cigarettes are fucking stupid, are you crazy? Why would you ever do that? Try this electronic cigarette, then you get addicted to nicotine and then they're like, oh, well, we can't do flavour's anymore. Sorry, guys, no more no more flavored puff, joule, whatever. And then people are like, well, shit, now I have a nicotine addiction. I need to. Fuck, give me a cigarette, whatever.

I can see that because, I mean, honestly, to be candid, it's like I don't have an addictive personality, so I can't really say for sure. But yeah, I mean, like, the the vape things always appealed to me more because I never liked cigarettes. I mean, I haven't tried them extensively. I think the first and only cigarette that I've tried was with me probably at Dunkin in Florida. Billiard. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Billiards.

I went there. I know we talking about. Yeah I'd be very good. Yeah. That's my brother. But like you, you never pressured me or anything like that.

I probably asked, you know, why did you smoke before being smoked. Did you. Or he was on the road.

Twenty seven's. No, no I said smoking because of you.

He's such a really all day we met he was smoking cigarettes and I was like, do you want to go have a cigarette because you were smoking? He was trying to impress you when you first met. That's so cute. He was like, Oh, Heath, you smoke? I had no idea.

So you influenced me, Zain. Don't smoke. That's where those guys started. Yeah. Yeah, we I get into his car. He's got empty fucking cigarettes all over the floor.

Hey, look, OK, because because of you to you what was twenty were the ones that taste like, oh, your chocolate.

That's when we're talking all flavors, all like they did the flavors and cigarettes. They had mint and chocolate. Oh God.

I never like I never like like OK, I will be completely honest.

You like cigarettes. Look pretty cool. Cigarette. Oh they look there they are.

Yeah. But like a upon trying one with you. Did not understand the appeal of smoking. I like to look at it, I hold joints when I smoke weed, I hold joints like cigarettes, you know, I hold cigarettes like joints.

Oh, yeah, you do. That's where I think the look of a of a little peace sign kind of holding a holding a thing with a peace sign. I think that's cool. But I upon trying a cigarette I was like, oh yeah.

This is, this is nasty things. I don't like it.

Zain, I never talked about remember remember when I went to Florida for my brother's wedding. Yeah. So I had the best man speech and everything, and it got filmed, I didn't know people were filming it, of course, and of course it got filmed.

I don't like it. I'm willing, but you got to have at least 15 different angles.

It's on YouTube. I don't even know about it. It's my last video. So, yeah, it got filmed and I saw it in, like, the drop box that everybody was sharing, but I didn't watch it because I don't want to watch it because I know I was a mess like dude.

The entire day, I was so emotional for his wedding, yeah, I was bawling my eyes out when we had to walk down the aisle, like all all of like the groomsmen and. I was I was he's getting emotional, bawl my eyes out. Let's see, honest. So I've never I've never watched my speech.

Well, it's a big day. Your brother's getting married. I don't know. I don't know what to expect.

Oh, my God. You look like. You look like you sell cigars.

Dapper like it's funny. I actually always felt like you were the best brother in the family. And I look up to you in every way possible.

You were an incredible athlete for the body of a Greek God, this beautiful long blond hair sitting here today with none of the above. Can we have some of them like? Many smiles and happiness rubbed off on him. Pretty sure he broke off a year. I love you both so much, James. I'm so proud of you. Well, I think I'm happy we call you my new best sister.

So we are too hard on yourself like he did not want to watch. And I told him I was like it was those good amount of each emotion. Yeah, there was crying. There was laughing. Crying. I know. But all the jokes came across like you pull yourself together for the jokes. They laughed for a long amount of time. Then you can breathe and then you would cry like it was like everything worked out perfectly.

I was going to say, I imagine you're trying to deliver a joke through tears, right? Maybe. Yeah. You have time to, like, breathe, get the joke across with the most scared I've been in a very long time.

Really. It was worse than doing like like a project for school holic presenting because it was your family that was there. Right. It's also Leah's family.

Friends. It's like, yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot about her family. Like, if it was just my brother, like, it's one thing, but also like knowing like how big of a day this is, like it's like a family member.

Like a brother's wedding. Yeah.

There's high expectations. Yeah. It's like literally doing stand up comedy. It didn't mean the things. I didn't know how big it was before they gave me the mic.

There were like the most anticipated speech of the night is the best man speech.

Here we go. And I was just like, fuck. And you told me to read it all.

So Zain, everybody that I didn't know from the wedding, like just the other people that were invited, kept coming up to me. They're like, oh, my God, you're Shane's brother. You're the comedian. Oh, very good.

They kept saying, like, oh, yeah, he's a comedian. This is going to be the speech. Yes. Before they even met me, like before they like you looking at people who are stand up comedian, stand up comedian. They're trying to find me standing up drunk.

All we found was just drunk videos of you. Where's your your. We're going to stand up.

Do you want to talk about when you were taking the wedding pictures, that car.

Oh, my God. Your car. Yeah. Yeah. So we pull up to the venue that Yeah. This was at and I rented a Rolls-Royce for my brother and his wife just to like have and like take cool pictures like well I just thought it'd be like a fun thing.

Like a fancy thing. Fancy thing for you. Right. It was a special day.

I wanted them to like pull up to the spa in this car, like, really enjoy the day. Yeah.

So I rented it and we like drive over and like I ended up pulling the car in the front of the venue. Yeah. So the bridesmaids could all take pictures with it and everybody would just like be like this cool like photo shoot. Yeah. Opportunity. So the girls are all in the car taking pictures and a parking enforcement car pulls up.

So at the end of the spot, like it's like a dead end at the end of it is like a loop around a median. Yeah. So you loop around and then you can drive back out. Yeah. So we looped around and parked here. OK, right. So we're parked, the guy pulls in afterwards after we started taking the pictures and parks right behind the car and it's like getting in the shots and he's looking at me like there's a wedding going on and he's looking at me and I'm just like.

You need to move the car, and I was like, I totally understand, they're almost done with the pictures. As soon as they're done, I'll move it out of the way, like, I'm sorry about that. We're almost done. He goes, I need to get out. Why don't you try going around the car like there's plenty of room to park because you can get around it? I was like, why don't you try going around? He's like.

And he's giving me this nasty look, I was like, come on, I was like like, he must have just broken up with his girlfriend or something that he was so upset about. I don't know what you want me to do. You want me to get all the girls out of the car so I can move the car up five fucking feet so you can.

I was like, I don't know what you want me to do. Yeah. I was like, you can easily go around the car. This will be completely fine. And I was like, moving towards a parking enforcement.

Yeah. Everybody everybody's like, yo, you can't talk to me like that. I was like, I don't give a fuck. Like, he can easily go around.

Yeah. And then like, if you want to give me a ticket, cool. I'll pay the ticket, let them finish their fucking like this is their day. Yeah.

But you could tell like the look in his eye the way he was sitting there, he had nothing, he just had nothing else. He just wanted to fucking ruin somebody's day.

Yeah. And I was like asshole. And then I said I was just like I don't know what to tell you. I was like I'm not moving nothing.

There's a bunch of people like or his team looking like he could easily just let that slide. And it's not like there was traffic. It's not like there was anybody coming.

Teenagers like hanging out, skateboarding and smoking a cigarette, being cool, destroying property.

Right. To be an asshole, whatever is a busy intersection.

And I was really fucking up traffic. Cool. I get it. But he ended up driving around and I was just like, OK, and the person at the venue was like, I can't believe you just talked to him like a parking enforcement person like that.

I was like, I mean, but like, really. Yeah. Be a human being for a second.

Yeah. I mean, like, we were just like, OK, yes, there is like laws and there's issues. We understand that there's common courtesy. Yeah, there's human decency. Yeah.

Like read the room, be able to know that like there's a wedding going on and you guys having a good time. I do this right now but like just like just hurry this up and get moving. Yeah. That's all the right thing to do.

And that's what you're supposed to do if that's what you're supposed to do. Like his job is supposed to just and we're supposed to follow the rules.

We understand that nobody else is around. You're the only people at this parking lot. It was a parking lot. There's a parking lot.

Like, it's funny because like as a whatever he is a law enforcement officer. I know he's not a police officer, but I was like, as somebody that's enforcing a law or a regulation step above a safety patrol.

Right. But it's like his job is to make sure that not a lot of people are inconvenienced or whatever. He would be inconveniencing more people, your group, by trying to force you guys to move than he would be like if you just like like just let it go. Like, it's fine. You're like nobody's inconvenienced by this. Yeah. Like as long as you let them know that, hey, they can't you're not supposed to be here and then that's it.

Just let them finish up real quick. We should take another minute. Right. If you guys could just run just like like he's making himself aware. Hey, guys, this is has been happening. But like I see you're having a wedding. Have a good time. But like, just wrap it up real quick. Like, this isn't actually happening. That would be. Yeah.

You didn't have that experience with your safety patrol, your safety patrol like that.

You have a safety patrol. No, like to me, parking enforcement people are like you remember, like middle school where there was a safety patrol.

They were the fucking orange vests. Hey, hey, hey, hold on. I was the captain. I knew you were captain. I was in elementary school.

Yes, I was. But you're also the tallest. So I was intimidating by height.

But like, yeah, I mean, I just don't understand people that are like I the other day I got a ticket, I was grabbing my coffee, which was walking distance. But it was one of those moments where, like, I had preordered my coffee. I was like, oh, is that the point where it's going to get kind of like grow some water? Let me just swing in my car and just pick it up? I've done that multiple times.

Yeah, no issues. Everything's fine. Everything's cool. Whatever night may not. The day I parked in a spot for and it wasn't red or anything like that, it was just that there was street sweeping within the two hour window that I was parked that it was nine forty five in the parking window at 10:00 a.m. for picking up, you know, for, for all that first sweeping.

Oh, and most likely they most likely already finished, they most likely already sweeping.

I was going to say it looked like there was no way a sweeper was coming within those fifteen minutes like it was already done and it only took thirty seconds to pick up your car.

Right. The coffee was ordered. I walked in. I swear to God I was in this spot for less than two minutes. It had to be less than two minutes. I got out of my car. I walked in the same block of my coffee shop that was so close. And I walked out and a guy was in the front of my car and he was and he was looking at whatever the front of my vehicle. And I saw that he was in uniform or whatever his fucking safety patrol vest.

And he was kind of hot in his uniform, whatever. I thought I should point.

But like, he was sizing up, he looked like he was just sizing up my car, just looking at it like and I go, oh, hey, sorry, is there a problem? And he goes, Yeah, you can't park here. I said, Oh, I'm so sorry. I was just going in to get my coffee, like I'm leaving right now. And he ignores me. And then I said, Have you started writing a ticket yet?

And he ignores me. He goes and he laughs and then he has a device that he starts punching information into. And I said, excuse me, have you started writing a ticket yet?

And then he looks me dead in the eye and goes, Unfortunately, yeah, now I have. Oh, and I said. OK, well, I'm trying to vacate the spot, like, if you I'm so sorry, I live very close by like I was whatever, and you just ignore me. He starts walking out of the back of my car because since I have Florida plates, they're not in the front and the back. So he had to walk around the back and then he starts trying to take pictures of the car.

And he probably did get a picture of the back of the car. And then I walk in front of his shot and I go, OK, excuse me, I'm sorry.

But look, you're probably in these pictures. Yeah, I literally am probably in the pictures that you took because I'm like they're trying to be like, look, I can leave the spot. If the problem is me being in the spot, I can leave very.

You're keeping me here in this illegal spot longer than. Exactly. That's my biggest thing.

And he was just so rude about it, really. If you really cared about street sweeping. Right. Which he clearly did. And he was he just goes and I go. I go. Clearly, you have started issuing the ticket. He goes, actually, we start issuing the ticket before we take pictures. I said, OK, well then would you mind telling me the repercussions of me parking here? And he goes, What do you mean you're getting a ticket?

I said, what are the repercussions of the ticket? And he goes, It's a fucking ticket. You can't park here. Like getting really like just uppity and like belligerent. And I'm just like, there's no reason whatsoever.

You're yelling in your car. This is the problem I have with these parking ticket fuckers that drive around their job is to get people as quick as possible. They wait, it's they wait. They sit there and wait as soon as they see it, boom. Done. Like, I feel like that's such a fucked up thing to do. It's like as soon as a meter hits read, give, give and take it fucking put it on the three meter tickets where it was a minute over my time.

One it literally says one ticket zero zero. What, like one minute.

Well like you said you, you were like, you were like what if you were just pulling like that's how quick this interaction was. I was genuinely inside the coffee shop for a minute. Maybe I said, what if you had garbage, right.

Want a litter? You pulled over to throw it out and he was there giving you a ticket. Like it's just like it's so it's I understand rules. I understand it like we're not like I feel like we're going to be like, oh my God, they're such brats. Just follow the rules.

Have you never seen a fire truck that needs to pull into an emergency situation like like anybody would be upset in this situation?

Point of street cleaning is that you're not there when they need to clean the fucking street. If they've cleaned the street already and there's fifteen minutes left and they're long gone, why the fuck are you giving a ticket? Because they can. The law is that you're not there for the for the fucking machine to come clean the streets. It's not there.

How about lies bitches. Don't be fucking littering in the street. Yeah. Be clean and we will have streets waving.

I is just. It's like it makes no fucking sense. Hey wait. It's insane how quick they are.

It's the way they've gone about like I was fully I'm not trying to pretend like oh my God, I was such an angel and I approached him and I fucking kissed his feet and whatever. But I was like, hey, is there a problem? And he told me the problem. I said, OK, well, that's about to be solved.

If you would just let me leave.

And like, he he didn't he and he and he literally tries to tell me. I said, OK, well, I'm going to get your information after this and we'll you know, we'll do whatever we have to do after this, because I really felt like it was just unjust. I was it was less than a minute like, I mean, come on. But and he was like, well, you don't have to stick around. All the information is going to be sent to the address we have on file.

I said no. So I said, you're you're keeping me here because I want to make sure that I get all the information that I need to do what I want you do. And I kept asking him, I said, what's your name? And he goes, all the information is to be on the ticket. I said, OK, then I'll wait for the ticket. He goes, You don't have to. It'll be made available to you.

I said, No, I'm going to wait for the ticket. So I waited for the ticket. It's printed out, it prints out. He gives it to me and starts walking away back to his car. And I look at the ticket. His name is nowhere on. There I go. Excuse me. Your name is not on here. He ignores me. I said, I'm having to follow him to his car now.

My he's he's making the way without without like you didn't give me your car still parked in the illegal spot as a result of him. And I said your name is not on here. And he points to the serial number of the ticket and said that's all the information that you need. And I said, no, I need your name.

And then he hits his chest because his name is, like, embroidered on his vest or whatever, you know. Yeah. The power trip.

He literally did not give me his name. He's a parking ticket to person. Let me let me let me bring this up.

So say you got your ticket. He drives off. How long are you allowed to have your car sit there with a already printed ticket about.

My mom said she doesn't know you should have ran errands in an area because you want to write you a ticket. They yeah. You can just leave it there for however long.

You got so many tickets I could just put on my dad's. But it's it's crazy. It's like if that's the case then what's the what's the point then. Right. What's the point. You're clearly not, you're not, you're not doing it so that I vacate the premises because this ticket will ensure that I can stay at this point.

It's no safety for safety.

Right. You're doing it because I can I if who is above you, if it was a problem, you would have had a tow truck come in, tow the fucking car out of there. But you have. Yeah, because it's not that big of an issue.

I that and that's on me in a cash grab it. I take it I got a ticket once outside of my apartment and I actually won this one. I got fight this.

I did I, I usually don't, I'm like OK, you're right, I'm wrong.

I say I'll pay whatever.

I got a ticket and I looked at the entire block. It was a really long block. I look. There's not one sign for anything, and I'm like, oh, my, I won, this is it, like I won and I grabbed the ticket. I took pictures that there was no signs anywhere. I online, they said, like submit pictures or whatever you want to fight it or whatever.

I sent the pictures. And to this day, like, I haven't had a confirmation that it went through or anything. They just like didn't have me. They dropped it. Yeah. They didn't know when.

They got nothing to say that they dropped my I got a speeding ticket when we we're on our way to San Diego and never heard back.

I never got it. They printed like I got stopped by the car. We were yeah we had a little road trip at night and I just was going a little faster than I was supposed to. And he saw me. He gave me a ticket. And I never I never he never put it and he never put it in.

So that's probably the beginning of the month. No, no, no.

It was it was it was a month ago. It was about how long.

So we were we were running down to get last minute stuff for Cremata. So we had to run down to San Diego. Yeah. And on the way down there, we were like ten minutes from being there.

Dude, it's it's always like that you're on a road trip. It's always a last. For a few minutes I pulled up behind us.

He was hiding. Oh. There was another time where I was going to see Jersey Shore. I was going down to seaside with my family. I had my brother and his girlfriend in the car with me and then my mom and my sister doesn't matter. Anyway, I was following the car in front of me to go to the beach and I'm driving down. I don't have the GPS she does, so I'm making sure I'm following her. We're on the freeway and I lose her for a little bit and I'm trying to figure out if she exits or not.

And I'm like, oh, I don't know if she was supposed to exit here. I don't know like where she is.

So the I didn't want to miss the exit, so I pulled into that little like, you know, when it merges, I pulled into there because because there was a cop, I felt safe, OK, my father was you know, that was the first.

No, but I felt like it was OK. Like he was already pulled in. He was doing whatever I pulled.

But if he does, though, you can't pull. Right.

I just decided to call my mom. I'm not going to do it while driving, like, obviously. So I pull behind him. I go on the phone and I'm like, I'm like calling my mom and he finishes up what he's doing, come straight to my window and like starts just like being such a hard ass.

And I'm like, I'm literally following my mom. We're like five minutes from the beach. I'm like, I'm following my mom to the beach. Like I have my brother in the car, like I didn't know where she was like. And he thought that I was trying to cut the line on to the exit.

And I was like, I'm I'm on the phone with my mom. Like, I'm following her. And he and I gave him the story and I was like, so nice about it. And even like my brother's girlfriend was like, we are. I was like eighteen. Like I was a kid. I was young. And he like didn't give me the time of day, wrote me the ticket and he was like, you can't even take you know, I had to pay a ticket.

Yeah. Oh my God. Wow. It was crazy.

I also had a cop situation where I was following a cop because because I was following a cop on the highway and I was going the same speed as him because I was thinking, as long as I'm going as fast as the front of me, I should be fine. He didn't have his sirens on, so he should not be on his way anywhere or like there's no emergency.

So he's just driving. Can't be that fast.

So I'm going as fast as him.

And a cop goes behind me and pulls me over and pulls me over and goes, You're going too fast.

And I went, I'm going. I was going just as fast as a cop in front of me. And he didn't have his sirens on. He goes, You're not it doesn't matter. You're not you shouldn't be going.

Cops think they're above the law. And he didn't mention that he was on his way out. Well, he was because the sirens weren't on cops when they don't have their sirens on, they're not on their way to anywhere. I don't even need to look that up because that's fucking true. If you don't have sirens on, you're not on your way anywhere unless it's an emergency and they never use their turn signal makes me.

So they're very dangerous drivers. It's crazy, dude.

Oh, I don't know who was in the car. I lit the fuck out of the cop in front of me at the red light when it went green. So the call was out the light and it turned green. And he was and it was I was way. Oh yeah, yeah.

This is yesterday and I. He was in a car, he wasn't going, I didn't give a fuck. Oh, you're not paying attention. He didn't go.

It was a good like he was sitting there for, like, six seconds showing your true emotions in front of in front of police, right? Oh, I would not get a call, I don't think No. 12, but also was funny. There was a car in front of the cop in us. So we just pictured, like, sweating like, oh my God, like we have a warrant for the arrest and there's just between oh, this car between you know, there was a little like little red car you might have on it.

Then you're like, I have to get to Kylie Jenner's high safety thing.

And it's like I remember the first time this is one more pullovers or the first time I got pulled over. I had just gotten my license. So I took my brother and sister to like Wing Night on a Tuesday night.

And I was driving back and I was in my parents' minivan and I was going slow because I had just got my license, I was being safe and somebody was riding my ass. But for a really long time, like over a mile, a really, really long time. So I was like embarrassed. So I, like, started speeding up the second I sped up lights on and it was it was it was a car under cover up my ass.

And I'm like, do I go faster? So I just started going faster.

I was above the speed limit by like any normal person would go faster when someone riding around, that's anybody. I was embarrassed.

And I bet you, Mariah, it was the end of the month because I had a fucking quota and that shit is bullshit that they had got quota every mile did get a warning because I was like I started crying right away because I was so scared. I never experienced anything like that. I started crying and we were only ten minutes from my house. So he had me call my parents to come get the car. And they were laughing at me and they were just like trying to like, laugh with the cop and he just didn't care.

He was just like, there's a warning, like didn't care at all.

My parents were like, oh my gosh, you have those motherfuckers have a power trip and it's so bad, so bad. It's I will say, like, I've had a lot of bad experiences, but I have had a lot of good ones. Me too.

I've had really good ones and really fucking bad ones.

Yeah, it's it's just the person. Yeah, it's the person. It's like you don't know what they went through that day. I understand that like the whole like wedding thing or whatever, you know, if he just got a divorce, he's all right.

I was like, oh yeah I know.

I've been, I've been like honestly I've been like when I see people like Freak Allahabad, like now I'm just kind of like, yeah, I'm understanding of it.

I've been really understanding of people. The benefit of the doubt. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

The best thing you could do ever in life is just kill people with kindness. Oh I was like, where's that. You should have spent all of this going to kill him point blank and kill them with kindness.

Just. Yeah, I completely understand. I was more like, yeah, I've, I've done stupid shit in the past that I should have been in a lot of trouble for.

And I was just like, honest, like I've been like, you feel lucky. Oh yeah. Yeah. My I could have been bad. Bad but just like yeah I did this. Yes I agree it is wrong and I shouldn't have. That's why.

And even if you don't it's just you just do it. Just do it. Yeah. It's like it's just taking the high road for sure.

I think that's why it's extra stings extra when like you do lead with that. Like I totally left, I had totally led with that. I was like, hey, I'm so sorry, is there an issue? And he told me the issue and I said, I'm so sorry. I'm leaving when you open not being nice, right? When you open up being nice and you're just and then you still in your like and it's not a person, it's the person like that's just the type of person that.

Yeah, yeah. It's not even in a nice way of like Yeah. I'm so sorry. Like things happen, like I'm going to have to give you a ticket for this, but he wasn't even trying to like be nice about it. I was just like your because yeah. It's hitting his spot because they're going to leave it there guys. They're going to leave. Not like in the end of the day, whether you're nice or not nice, they're not going to feel leaving, but no, they're not going to leave feeling that they're going to feel leaving God.

Right. They're not right. They said the first time. Yeah, they're good. I wrote that down.

He is going to leave feeling like he has just the biggest dick and he is like the biggest man, like he's on a fucking samurai pill. He exactly like he just popped up, you know, what do you feel like that shit?

And that's why I bought a whole box and do make you feel like that bitch like get over the pill in the back says do not exceed.

Do you want to feel like you just wrote somebody a parking ticket?

Do you want to be like a meter maid in power meter maid?

I want to feel like you're as big as a meter order now.

Order now. Order, order, order. 50 of them. Order! OK, I'll like I was in my head, I was like, do I take them all?

So we got some callers, guys.

So let's do a couple. All right. First question, koala's.

Hi, my name is Akela. I'm in Staten Island. And I just wanted to start off by saying my friend Olivia and I love the podcast and look forward to new episodes every week. My question is for everyone. What holiday traditions are you guys most excited for a. Holidays begin to approach. Just want to say thank you for this opportunity and love you guys. Love you, too, Mikhaila. Holiday tuitions, tradition, traditions, one holiday, two wishes.

That's what I heard. That's why I heard that the song was like tuition. I heard you got to annunciate more. Just kidding. I'm like, very good question. My favorite holiday tuition is college tuition. I have Staten Island. Yeah.

I don't. I'm listening. I don't have any. And I know that sounds so fucking boring. We don't really have any more. I want you to have a listen.

I was going to say when you lived at home, you didn't have any either. No.

And growing up, our whole family used to get together for like Thanksgiving and Christmas. And that was like what I would look forward to all year.

Oh, I mean, we do that, too, is a decision. Yes. We used to go to my grandma's house every year and that was like really fun for me. I love being my grandma's house because, like, my grandma's house is like almost like it looks like a cottage. Oh, I don't know, like it like oh that that is well felt like Christmas shopping being in the house over to you.

So that was like something we did as kids and then we like kind of soft. It sucks getting older because I feel like traditions just die.

It's just. Do you think smaller? Do you think little kids right now are getting Christmas like we used to?

I don't think so. I don't know. I wonder that, too.

I'm one I wonder if like because parents could try to just be like, oh, God, whatever. It's this it's this time of year. It's not going to be great. Or they could try to come back with that and be like, I'm going to try to give my kid the most magical Christmas.

I know it's you how you make. I think twenty is definitely different because of like covid obviously, like people aren't getting together like normal. I heard there was this it was probably a Facebook post. I don't even know if it's real, but there was this kid, apparently, that was like asking his parents like, OK, but mommy, daddy, is it safe that Santa is going to all these houses? Because what if he gets cold and brings it to our house?

That's so sad for him to have to think about that. Yeah, that's why you have Santa coming in a hazmat suit. Yeah. In a red and white hazmat suit. Abiquiu, his his uniform needs an update.

Honey, a little big, fuzzy math. That is the only thing is fucking Santa on the fire truck.

That's all I had where it happened. Yes. And it came on the fire truck for us on a fire truck down the street. Candy canes, right? Yeah.

I have never heard of this. Not every town does it, like not every neighborhood does. I think it's certainly your mom's a firefighter.

I know. Can you I mean, can you call it she's 101 going to be like. Have you. She's she's she's sleeping. She's three hours. She goes, I've played Mrs. Claus for the past seven years.

All right, guys. Well, that's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for watching. If you want to listen to the audio, it's going to be on Spotify, an app or any other playlists you guys go to. And the video is every single Tuesday on YouTube dotcom slash Zane and he thank you.

And make sure to check out our coffee. We our priorities are out right now. I'm at Cremata Dotcom, so make sure you check out. We have three flavors you have to lock in your spot, baby and houseplant.

Anything you guys want to say before we roll out? All right, all righty then, I guess I'll see you next week. Guys.