Everybody go, wow.

Wow, wow.

Can you hear us? Nice.

All right, everyone sounds great.

Awesome. We just did our bonus episode a few days ago, and it was so fun. I decided that the only way I'm going to be able to get through the public episodes is if I tell myself that it's going to be a bonus episode, and I'm going to have a good time.

The bonus one we did, we actually had Jordan come on. We had a bunch of really good stories.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. There were some things that I found out that- We probably should- -is concerning.

If you guys didn't notice Matt is not here. He is on vacation.

Baby, he took a three week break, so you will not see him for the next-.

Three.

Episodes. -three episodes. If we're counting this one, three-episodes. So I'll be here. So you know what that means. Mariah is back for a whole month. If you think about a whole month, which is amazing.

Foiled again. My plan is not working.

I don't know if you realize, Mariah, but we actually did have a discussion with Matt, and we just told them just book it.

Hey, take a few months off.

Take a season off. And that's exactly what he did. Yeah, take him on for the team. Once you're married, you just start taking all these the vacation. I just hope that you guys don't do that after you get married.

Let's have the wedding soon.

Actually, no, in that note, what is going to happen is that you guys are going to be worse than Matt. You're going to move. Then we have to quadruple record every time. We have.

A couple of years. Don't worry.

Yeah, that's good.

You won't even know that we live somewhere else because.

We'll-it's true. You'll be that good. Yeah, we'll be that good. You'll swing by in a moment's notice.

I was saying we already moved. We've moved for the past couple of years.

Yeah, we just flew in this morning. I got my pilot's license so that I could just fly.

Are you going to get it, though? -imagine that. You've been talking about it. You've actually talked about it in quite a few episodes that you want to get you.

I just think it would be so cool to have.

Would you do it with me? I would be like a worried mother if you got your pilot's license, because I don't think I could trust you flying a plane.

I probably wouldn't.

Be the best at that. I know I feel like pilots always say it's actually really easy flying a plane.

It's the-The landing.

-the takeoff and landing, which are tough, but still, they say it's easier than... We all fear for our lives on planes, but it's actually really easy in the cockpit. They know exactly what they're doing, and it's really tough to fuck.

That up. You know what's annoying? You have to really manually fly a normal plane in the beginning. There's no autopilot when you're trying to get your license. But commercial airlineers literally just hit autopilot the entire time in the middle of the sky. I feel like they should be the ones that are monitoring with all the lives on board.

It's crazy how you graduate to commercial airlines, fill with people, and it's like the.

Easiest place to fly. And then it gets easier. I did just find out that when a company that you're flying for gets a new plane or you get to upgrade and become a passenger pilot or whatever, your first time flying that plane is with people. You can't do.

Like a...

No, you do simulator tests to make sure that you can fly it. But your first time actually flying one of those passenger planes is a legit run. Why is that?

Is it because they need the weight?

No, it's because there's not just like...

A plane to use.

A 747 jet that's just...

That should be a little side job, like extras to practice, like hire people to come on the plane to be.

To be passengers. But here's the thing. The other pilot will always have more experience than the other pilot, though. I don't think they'll ever be a situation for both pilots. It's their first time flying with a plane full.

Of people. Yeah, you have your copilot that I would imagine they would at least pair you up with somebody that could take the wheel.

If you needed. Yeah. Imagine coming on a plane and seeing I was in the cockpit. I was one of the two. I'm just like, all aboard.

I'd.

Get off. No way. All right. This is such a lovely episode because it's our Christmas episode. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.

We just did our Christmas this morning, so it actually feels like Christmas right now.

Yeah. It didn't feel like Christmas.

Oh, we can help you out.

With that. Oh, yeah. We have a gift for you. You have a gift? Yeah, it's nothing crazy. Don't get.

Too excited.

After the intro. After the intro. Okay, all right. All right. I'll wait.

Okay.

It's coming soon, baby. It's coming soon, baby.

La la la.

La la la la la.

La la. Tis the.

Season.

To.

Be jolly. La la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la.

La la la la.

La la. La la la la la la. La la la la la la.

La la la la.

La la. La la la la la la. Zan and Heath,Unfiltered.

I'm Zane. I'm Heath.

I'm Ryan. This is our Christmas episode. Thank you so much for tuning into another Unfiltered.

Episode, baby. We love you. Let's go, baby. We can't.

Believe it. Five years.

Four years. It's our fifth Christmas party.

I want to go back to all the Christmas episodes and just see what we were talking about. What was like? Were we fighting? Were we friends?

What's happening? What did we get? I don't have a present.

Let's put Zane in the spirit.

Yeah. Are you.

Ready for Christmas? I'm ready. Close my eyes.

Close your eyes. It's not wrapped.

Please, is that a pet?

No, it's not a pet. We learned our lesson the first time.

Okay, all right.

Okay, keep your eyes closed.

All right, closed.

It's not wrapped. It's also not crazy. Carry it with two hands. Okay.

Why is it moving?

Whenever.

You're ready. Open your eyes. Merry Christmas.

Okay, it's a duffel bag.

With a bearded driving.

I got you. I tried to fake that. Sorry. Oh, it's a duffel bag. Okay, obviously something's inside. All right. Okay, I.

Got you. I got you. I got you. Let's see. Okay.

It looks like a pet bag.

For a-Dane, you're just traumatized. It's not an animal.

You open it up and it keeps.

Opening.

And keeps opening into-.

A garment bag. Wait, I think.

I saw this on TikTok.

You did see it on TikTok.

Wait, is this the one where you open the suitcase? It goes it's layer after layer? It pulls out like a-No, it's.

A suit bag.

Have you seen the one where they open the suitcase and it's like a drawer? Yes. Is that what it is? No. Oh, I don't fucking want it then.

Wait, Zane, you said this to me. You said this to me.

Look how cool this is.

Oh, wait, did I really? Yes, on TikTok. You put your suit in there, but then the shape of it is what makes the bag. Then you stuff everything inside of where... Do you get it?

I sent this.

To.

You? Yes.

Pull up the text. Can I please see the video? I think you were like.

This is so cool.

Show me the text. I got to start sending you guys exactly what I want.

Yeah. So you don't.

Want this? No, I do want this. No, I sent it to you because this was a cool thing.

It's so cool that it is the shape of the bag. And then you put your shoes into the side and then.

Stuff in the side. No, this is sick. So you can fit your suit, like obviously your suit. But can you fit.

Regular clothes in here, too? Yeah, once you fit the suit in and you close it, it's still an empty bag. Because the suit is on the outside of the bag.

I freaking love the holidays.

This is amazing. Zane, you had every emotion in the books opening.

This thing. Wow. Thank you, guys. Yeah, you're welcome. This is amazing.

That's your outfit. Oh, my gosh. He looks like the duffel. Look at him.

Oh, it matches perfectly. Wait.

I just got really excited about this because I really need this.

Right.

We know. I can't wait to put that for you guys' wedding weekend.

But what's cool is the side two, this slides over the handle on your suitcase. So you.

Don't have to carry it.

You don't have to carry it. The handle goes through there and it'll stay propped up.

I love it. Thank you.

We couldn't tell you first. Anyways.

I wish your gift was here. It's taking a little bit.

It's all right.

Do you want to...

Oh, go ahead.

Oh, no, you're good.

Mine's long.

What's long?

What I was going to say.

You have a monolog.

Yeah, I have a story.

She's auditioning. Oh, you have.

A story? I love stories. Should I slave? I don't know if it's interesting, though. Do you want me and Jordan to tell the story about my Instacart thing. It's funny how we went about it. That's the funny part. Jordan, come join me.

Were you trying to see if he was inside?

Well, I was like, do you want him? Can we.

Share Mike? Come on, Jordan. Come on down.

Come on down, Jordan, to the couch. This really is a holiday episode. We're bringing the family. We're bringing the friends.

Oh, Jordan.

Bring in the cheers.

Oh, your mom's not going to see this episode before.

Jordan made this shirt for his mother, and it's really sick, but he hasn't taken it off since he finished it.

Wait, you made that for her? I made this for my mom. Mike, Mike, Mike. You made.

That for her? Yes, I made this for my mom.

Wait, can you make me one?

I can. I can make you one. It's really nice. I just bought this fabric at Joanne's.

You actuallyso... This was a blanket.

These were both blankets, the body and the arm.

He put him to work. He can make her merch. Oh, my.

Are you serious? All custom.

Imagine he has to do each order by...

Okay, Betsy Ross.

Jordan, we got 5,000 orders.

He sued us for labor laws.

This took me four hours. Four hours and 30 minutes.

That's really thoughtful. I could never do that for.

My mom. This was a Kromota hoodie.

What? Yeah, he cut the stretchies.

It's so funny because I told him, I was like, Go grab a hoodie that you don't wear and cut it up and take the cuffs. Kromota was the first one he snatched. That was what he grabbed. It's just so funny that you haven't taken it off. Every Christmas, he does this where he gets a gift for somebody, but he really likes the present. He did this for his brother. He wore the jacket he was getting his brother for Christmas for a month leading up before giving it to him.

Because he loves it so much.

Stop wearing it. I think that one of my family would wear the same size things. And I also.

Like that. That doesn't mean you...

Same. But I also like that this is going to smell like me.

I think there needs to be a study. A case study on all of you guys.

You don't think my mom is going to like... It's like, Oh, it's my son.

I don't think so.

He loves breaking in the gifts before he gives them.

I do.

It's interesting. I've never heard of someone liking to the gifts that they're giving somebody.

I didn't break in yours. I could have, and I really wanted to. I wanted to so bad, but I didn't. If you.

Would have broke that present in, I would have been very upset.

He was proud. What was it?

A spetoon.

What is that?

You know those metal bowls that have the... It literally goes on the ground back in the old West days, where people that are chewing tobacco will and spit on the ground.

Well, that's why he got you it. Look how good that... How good that sounded.

And there's spit all over it because it's a real antique one, and there's rusted spit marks everywhere.

No, Jordan just broke it in before he gave it to you.

I thought it was an old urinal.

What is that shape? It's making me uncomfortable.

It doesn't topple over if someone runs into it. Because then you get spit all over the ground.

A spetune is an actual bowl you spit in, though. That's what a spetune is?

Yeah. For tobacco spit.

For tobacco, wow.

They're not used anymore, so people have them as collectibles, and you could put flowers in them. You can trash can.

Yeah, that's good. They used to be everywhere. You would walk into a bank and they'd be on the ground and you'd walk by because everybody was chewing and they would just be like...

But what about the garbage? Garbages don't work the same.

Like a garbage can. Look at it in the courthouse.

Imagine that they're doing- Wait a.

Second, garbage cans. Did they not exist back then? Just put a garbage in the corner, you just walk into it.

It's because everybody smoked and chewed tobacco, right? Everybody did it.

Literally.

Spitting.

But I would have tripped over every time I went out.

Imagine spilling it.

Imagine spilling it.

Well, don't you step on Dean like every.

Other day? What?

Huh? But can you please tell us this Instacart story? Or is this Instacart?

Yeah. I ordered a spatoon to the house.

Okay, so-I thought it was like a sponge Bob reference. I'm so sorry. The spatoon? Something The salty Spatoon. The salty Spatoon. Nice, Zane, you're on it. I thought that was a made-up word for a.

Sponge Bob. Zane, you are on it today. You forgot your medication. I did. Why is it not the shape of.

A spatoon? Wait, you all should have known this. The salty spatoon.

Yeah, but I didn't think of that.

I did not.

Think of it. Oh, that's strange. That's mad.

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Thank you.

All right, sorry about that. That is really funny.

Instacart. No, I have something to say first. Okay, guys, before we continue, it's the holiday season, and we have a very special little treat we wanted to give you all people watching.

What? Yeah. Oh, sorry. We do.

We want to let you know that we have a special deal going on right now for our patron page. We've had this patron page for the past, what, two years? Yeah, just about two years now. We post bonus episodes. We post exclusive content. We have live Q&As every month.

Early access, a couple of days early. You get an ad-free. We get these cameras. We keep them rolling after the episode. It's like an extended cut for an extra 20, 30.

Minutes or whatever. Hey, and don't skip. We're not just promoting our patron, but we have a special deal because it's a holiday baby. We want to give.

You all something fun. Happy holidays. Actually, right now we have our patron. It's free for seven days. You get to do a nice little trial. You get to go through, check out all the content we've posted. We've got a whole bunch of stuff on there. You can watch all the bonus episodes with the guests that we've had, different drunk episodes, high episodes. It's all going to be available for a seven-day trial. If you like it, amazing. If not, maybe.

Just binge it right through it. Or you just binge it for seven days, exactly. But yeah, we just wanted to do that just so you guys got a little taste of it without having to put it in the $5 first. If you like it, you guys can stay with us. If not, binge on it. Finish up in seven days. But yeah, we just want to say that. I want to let you guys know that our link for the patron will be in the description below. Enjoy.

Hang out with all of our cousins on there.

Yeah, we call the people on our page as our cousins now.

Because it's family.

All right, Instacart story.

I'm going through my notes.

I'm going through.

My notes. I can't tell if this was a you had to be there moment, but I can try. Okay. It's not a crazy story. It's just funny the way Jordan and I were trying to solve the mystery and our ideas to get to the bottom of it. Last Tuesday, I got out of dance class, and I started getting notifications on my phone from Instacart. I didn't make an Instacart order, so I thought it was just like, Hey, we miss you. Come shopping, whatever. I thought it was a ploy. I thought I was getting fake notifications because the notifications coming in, the names of the shoppers were Princess T and Dawn D.

I'm not an Instacart user, so I'm trying to- It's a picture.

Like.

Doordash. Postmates, DoorDash.

Oh, okay. Wait, is Instacart to where you get groceries from?

Yeah, you could do groceries, food, whatever. Oh, okay.

Yeah, any shopping.

Any store, like I can get makeup from Sephora, whatever.

Yeah. You could get Instacart, like a laptop. They'll go to the Apple Store and get you a laptop. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow.

2023.

They'll put an offer on a house for you.

-wait, what? They're asking me for your ID.

I remember Scott really wanted an Apple Watch, so he had somebody go pick it up and.

Buy it. Wait, can you get a new passport from Instacart?

I bet. Them.

Make it happen.

Someone will.

Someone will. So I start getting these notifications, and I haven't used Instacart in a while, so I thought they were just sending fake notifications to get me to click it and start shopping. Because like I said, the shoppers' name were Princess T. And Dawn D. And I was like, Why are there two different shoppers? Why do they rhyme? Yeah. I was like, There's no way. So I ignored it for a little bit. And then I started getting... So in the app, you can message the shopper. So it seemed like the notifications I was getting were messages. So they were like, Let me check on that. You can't pay that way. But it was very robotic sounding, so I really didn't think anything of it. I was like, I think this is fake. So finally, this was actually the night we went to Remy and Alicia's to hang out. So I get there and I'm checking my phone, and I click the notification and I'm logged out of the app. And I was like, What the heck? So I went to log back in and it claims that there's no email or phone number under that under an account.

I was like, what the heck? Because I'm getting text messages from Instacart. So how are they saying my account doesn't exist? Whatever. Those notifications started at 8:00 PM. These are going on to the morning, okay? At 7:00 AM, I wake up to a notification that my Instacart is trying to get in touch with me and they don't know how to get to the house and blah, blah, blah. So I heard the doorbell ring. I woke up to the doorbell ringing at 7:00 AM, and I was like, Who the hell is that? And then I see Jordan walking to the gate, and I'm like, Oh, all right. I was like, All right, Jordan's walking out with Princess T. So I was like, oh, I thought maybe Jordan ordered coffee for himself. I didn't think anything of it. So I'm still not putting the pieces together that it was the same time. So Jordan just so happened to be walking to his car, and he saw the Instacart guy. And I have an Instacart thing. So he just grabbed the bag from him. It was a CVS bag. He just grabbed it from him, said thank you, and then put it in another room because he just assumed it was for me.

Yeah. So then Jordan texted me and says, did you get something from CVS? And I said, no. And then now I'm like, wait, this was a real Instacart thing. I was like, Oh, they just went to the wrong house. I don't know. But Jordan and I bring the bag to the guest house and we're like, Let's just dissect this and see what happened. Because I went to my bank account and there was $200 taken out, but then immediately put back in from Instacart. So I'm like, what the heck is going on? So Jordan and I take out the bag, and it's Mercedes perfume or Mercedes cologne and a candle number two and a candle number three.

Is Mercedes just a brand? Like a branded- The car.

-the car brand. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's like having a Porsche candle or something.

But Mercedes cologne?

Mercedes cologne.

It's expensive. We need to open an investigation. This is getting really creepy.

But it's weird that she was logged out of her account, but the orders were.

Still going through.

And got delivered to.

The house. Well, when the package first got here, remember, we thought the address was a number off or something like that.

We were thinking it was a number off. But then I was like, if I'm getting text messages, maybe this person put in the wrong number off by one. I said, if it's my area code, this person is on the East Coast. If it's the wrong address number, it's here in this neighborhood. I'm trying to get to the bottom of who this person is to try to get their package back.

But do you know why? Because it is clear that this is a birthday present. It's a birthday present. These are birthday candles because we have a two and a.

Number three birthday candle. Jordan and I are being so funny, and we're like, we have to get to the bottom of this. We take the candles and we're like, Is it or three or 32? Then we put the Mercedes perfume in the middle of the numbers and we're like, 302, 203. We're just trying to put the pieces together.

Jordan- They want-.

Yeah, we want something really bad. The guy that dropped the bag off told Jordan this is for Michelle. Jordan was like, Oh, yes. You thought it was for my friend Michelle? I thought the friend, Michelle ordered on your account. Yeah, my best friend is Michelle. He was like, Oh, all right, it's for Michelle. He brought it in. Then he goes, Do you have a package from Michelle? I was like, No. He was like, It's for Michelle L. The guy just dropped it off and he didn't seem interested and he left. This guy is a totally different driver than the two notifications I was getting. His name was Kahir. Kahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir.

Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Zahir. Everybody's got D.

Princess D, Zahir, D. It's a door-to-door thing. Zahir came to the door, dropped it off and said, Not my problem. Here's your stuff.

What the.

Hell is going on? This was a $200 cologne. I'm like, we got to get this back to this person.

I don't know why you're fighting for it. It came out of your account.

I know, but it got put back in and it was somebody's birthday.

It was somebody's birthday. And he was turning 23, 32.

I think the problem is that it didn't feel like someone hacked her.

It didn't feel malicious.

It didn't feel malicious. Yeah, because we got a package of cologne and two birthday candles sent to the house.

Yeah. It didn't.

Feel on purpose. Yeah, in our perspective, it's like someone's about to have the worst birthday ever.

In't imagine. Wait, Jordan goes, We're going to go to CBS right now. Go to the cologne section and wait for Michelle to walk in.

Because she's like, We're.

Going to package and probably went to CVS herself. I said, Who's having a more confusing day? Us or Michelle? He's like, Definitely We were going to go to CVS and wait because obviously she didn't have the package. This birthday was obviously for this day because she's been trying since the night before to get this package and two people canceled on her. Zahir picked up the slack and got the package but delivered to the wrong house.

House is happening.

In your account? Jordan and.

I- It's all in her account.

There is our street name. There's another street on the other side of the main street.

I've messed up before.

Yes, that's the thing. When people type in our address, sometimes it takes them to the other neighborhood. I'm like, Jordan, let's go to the other neighborhood. I know that street is like only one block long. Let's look for a Mercedes in front of a house and just feel.

The vibe. No way.

And just feel the vibe.

Feel the vibe. Wait, let me just.

Say before we finish, we did not get to the bottom of it. This is anticlimactic, but it is funny. Hold on.

No, no, no. There is a bottom of it, and the bottom of it is that we did everything in our power to give someone a better birthday. We don't even.

Know that. We posted it on the neighbors app. I took a picture of the package.

Oh, my God. Over it. I took a picture of.

The package and I said, Emergency.

Code red. Code red, 911. We also.

Drove to CBS. You drove to CBS.

Wait, but- There's people dying on the app. There's people that are getting murdered.

There's people turning 23 or 32. Okay, respect. Jordan and I go to the neighborhood, and there is one house that had a Mercedes.

And a guy that looked like he smelled.

But we're trying to feel out the house because we're like, why? We said if Michelle was able to get to the store, she would have just done it herself. She must be handicapped. Right. In front of the house was a handicapped van. Oh, okay. We're like, okay, this looks like it could be. We were looking at the numbers to see which one was our numbers, but flip flopped, and that was it. So it was our numbers flip flopped, and there was a handicapped van because I was like, she's been trying for two days. She would have just ran to the store. I said, What if she sends her husband, Can you just run to the store and get it? So now we're waiting for a Mercedes. A Mercedes pulls out.

Beautiful, beautiful Mercedes.

Beautiful Mercedes pulls out of the driveway, and we're facing the wrong direction to follow them. We make a U-turn. We're already in the cul de sac. We make a U-turn for what? It took us five seconds to turn around. We go to follow the... The ladies, gone.

Abbey Lee Miller. Disappeared.

And then I said, Florida to CVS, we're going to beat them there.

Yes. So we go to CVS because it's right around the block, and we are up and down the lanes, and we cannot find this... I swear it disappeared.

They were probably trying to get away from you, psycho. Yeah, there's a crazy... Keep chasing me. And she's probably calling the police because she's trying to figure out. Not only have they stolen her property that she bought, but they're following her now.

It completely disappeared. Not a trace. And this neighborhood is all stop signs. Gone. Gone.

So then- This is what happens when you're like, Sherlock what are.

You wearing? I think, Jordan, what are you wearing? The new Mercedes gold ball. Is that the new Mercedes? Oh, we should have brought it.

For show and tell. We'll bring it next time.

Wait.

What's also really weird, though, it's still a mysterious order. The night before when she was trying to place the order, she ordered a birthday gift bag and a Dolce & Gabbana perfume. So I said if that item wasn't available, why would she replace it with candles and a cologne.

From men? She's a mistress. What's that? She's a mistress.

You think? Yeah. With Princess T?

Yeah, something's going on. It's Fishy, and it's not Mercedes I'm smelling.

It's something else. I don't know. So then the last thing that Jordan and I did was we did go online. Broke in her house. I typed in Michelle L, her bank. Oh, my God. And one Michelle L. Came up at Heath's doctor's office, and we were going to go in and be like, is Michelle...

Happy.

Birthday. Michelle, have.

You been looking for this?

The next time she has an appointment, give this to Michelle L.

You want to be in a movie so bad.

The two of you.

They just want to solve a crime. I just want to help. I just want to help. Sue me.

Help your sofa once.

Sue us. I posted on the neighbors app, and it got... I went viral.

Jordan doesn't.

Know this. We have eight likes and comments. Eight likes and comments, but nothing helped. They were all like, You're an angel. God bless you. I was like, Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Wait, is that like crazy on the app?

That's.

Like.

Top TikTok on the app. It's the app I found Dean.

That's trending on the For.

You page on there. And guess what? Someone's looking for the cat right now because he probably fucking stole it. He's just taking everybody's property.

That's pretty much... Oh, this was funny, though. We went to the note. Look at my notes.

All of this happened while I was sleeping.

Oh, yeah, Keith was sleeping because we went out at 7:00 AM. We were like, get in.

The car. I opened my eyes. She was like, You're not going to believe it. He was.

Like, And? He goes, Did you figure it out?

I'm like, No. I was literally like, Did you get your money back?

Yeah, of course, he was like, You got scammed. Just call the bank. He was like, Call the bank. Stop driving around.

She's like, Oh, by the way, I lost my ring. I was in the neighborhood and I was trying to find Mercedes.

I could have sworn this lady was Michelle. This was actually funny. Before we went, we were like, Let's get coffee and start driving around. We went to the coffee shop. We park in a section of the neighborhood that is just unbothered every single time, and I don't think anything of it. For some reason, we park in the spot. I get out and then we start walking and I'm like, You know what? Does this street even have street sweeping? Before it came out of my mouth, like a monster street.

Sweeper- Turning.

-turning, full speed. Jordan was like, He was not stopping. He was not... So Jordan's screaming, I have Dean. I have the CVS bag. I am locked and loaded. Jordan's like, Go, go, leave me. Just go. I hop in the car, my doors are still open, and I fly around the corner. I'm not kidding. Probably an arm's length from the street sweeper.

He didn't stop. If we did not move, I think he would have went over.

I don't know. I don't think it was like, monster house, just like...

Yes, it.

Was- What he saw from his windshield is a guy running to his Jeep, getting in going, Hurry, hurry. And then a crazy lady with a cat. And the key just felt it felt like, like faster.

It.

Probably.

Felt like the Michael Myers challenge where you're trying to get the key in the door.

Yes, exactly. I'm sweating thinking about it. Exactly that. I thought that intuition was really weird. Dean doesn't get car sick and he was gagging. In front of the Mercedes-house. It was the.

Mercedes perfume.

The handicapped house. Yes.

Stop. She was hoping that would bring that.

If anyone can help us get to the bottom of it, if you had a CVS bag... What's also.

Interesting-also, the birthday passed. Oh, maybe.

You turned 32 or 23.

Last week. We were about to save your life.

Okay. But we didn't.

And Michelle L, I have your doctor, George. Just to.

Conclude this, I really need... Why is it coming from your account?

This perfume- Zane, I still can't log into Instacart. We called Instacart.

Oh, this had nothing to do with the two notifications that you got.

It did. It did. Because the night before she tried making an Instacart, but two people couldn't find the item, so they canceled on her. The here picked it up in the morning and said, I'll go get it.

This is my thought process, right?

No, come on, stop. It'd be nice.

It's her birthday. I think they got in. Her credit cards are linked to it. This person is just ordering shit.

I think that makes more sense. Trying to get free things.

Candles, Mercedes perfume?

Yes, to throw you off their trail.

Yeah, but they haven't done anything since. My account is still.

Up for.

Grabs if anybody's interested.

They deactivated it because she finally did call and deactivate it. But I think they hacked it, got in, they changed the email, which is why you couldn't log in. They changed the phone number, which is why you couldn't log in. But they still had your card on file. They were just ordering whatever they could because some of the messages she was getting was like, You can't pay for it that way, or something like that. I'm wondering if.

They.

Tried to.

Do something. They said, Your way won't work. You'll get declined.

They were probably like, I don't have a pen. Can you run it as a credit or something like that or whatever it was.

Sure, but what cruel person fakes a birthday, fakes birthday candles?

I just don't get why it got delivered to our house still.

Because the address is connected to her account.

I was thinking that they were trying to get to our house before because Jordan just happened to be at the front on accident to grab the package from outside.

Did you check the cameras to see who else was on the street?

I'm going to find her. Michelle L. Still looking. Michelle L, we're still looking.

God.

Help you guys.

Happy birthday. Also, the charge didn't get refunded. It still came out, so we paid for this.

Oh, so it's yours.

Yeah, we do have it. I was going to gift it for Heath.

You should have given it to me.

I should have put it in the duffel.

It was a present to all of us.

I think it's still going to be solved. Let me see if I'm still.

Going viral. That's a honestly wild. Shit like that gravitates towards you, Mariah.

I agree.

We just wanted someone to have a nice birthday.

No, I loved your guys' effort.

So on Instagram, we're giving away the Mercedes perfume.

Oh, good idea.

Yes. That's expensive. Yeah, that's pretty much it. So there's no bottom of it, but it was fun. We had fun.

Awesome.

Okay, okay. It's the adventure that makes it fun.

Yeah, we just like the adventure. Nobody gets up as early as me and Jordan were like, Let's go solve some shit.

Second that sun startsing shown in.

The sky.

I'm up. Sun's up. I'm up. They're literally Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. We shouldn't do that next. We're not done for Halloween. We're just trying to solve everything.

Oh, my gosh, that's good for Halloween. I am.

Always looking for my keys.

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Didn't something else happen in your neighborhood?

Oh, yes, at our engagement party. We're engaged. We got engaged. We got engaged.

Had a little dinner. It was cute. I couldn't get any of the pizza or anything.

Oh, you missed it. It was- The fact. -the fact.

Yeah, I know. I could smell it.

Towards the end of the night, we were out front down the street, and one of the houses has a rope swing type thing out front on the Swale where the cars park.

I.

Walked out and there was kids swinging into the street, pushing each other hard. I'm watching and all of a sudden the kid is slammed into the side of a car. I was like, Oh, my gosh. I'm like, That's not good. Then I'm looking at it. I was like, Oh, my gosh, that's our friend's car that's inside, and they just hit the car. I came running inside to tell our friend like, Hey, you need to come outside right now and move your car. These kids are on a rope swing and hit your car. I didn't think it was bad.

The rope swing is on the... Oh, you know what? I've swung you before.

That.

Colorful rope swing.

Yeah. It's like a tiger rope swing type thing.

Why is it there? Why is it there?

It's not on their property. It's on the sidewalk.

I know.

They can get in a lot of trouble.

It's literally right next to where cars park. Yes. She goes running outside to see what's going on. As she's walking up to her car, the kids took off running. She walked up and she was looking at her car. It is dented.

It looks like a car hit it.

There are scratches all down the side. The car is beat. I didn't think it was this bad. I thought they maybe bumped it while they were just winging. Kids playing, but no, it looked like these kids were like, Yo, pull me back. Swing me into it. I'm going to smash the side of this like a wrecking ball.

In this neighborhood?

It.

Was crazy.

There was scraps all down the side. The doors were like... It was bad. They go up to the owner of the house that put the swing up and they're like, Hey, were these your kids that were just outside? My car is literally wrecked right now. They're like, Oh, my gosh, we're sorry. That's our swing. But no, we don't know who those kids are. They've been here before using our swing, and then they run this way. I think they live at this house.

Right there. They said, We've been having a problem with these kids because they'll leave trash in front of their house. Then when they come out to confront them, the kids run. They found out which house the kids live in. Let's go. They asked for our friend's number, and they were like, I'll text you the house.

Wait, this all happened when I left? Yeah. Why do I always leave?

Well, the best part is we have another friend who's an ex cop. We have a friend that's an ex cop and his girlfriend's an attorney. They march their ass over there and we're trying to get to the bottom of it. Zayna was exhilarating.

I love that. They walk up and then they go to the house that they think that this kid lives in now because they were pointed towards that house and they see a kid run by the window and they're like, Oh, we got them. We got them.

They rang the bell.

People were home. They rang the bell and they.

Didn't answer. They kept ringing the bell and nobody came out.

Is it because the kids were by themselves?

They were either by themselves or the parents.

Just-no, I think the kids were by themselves.

Well, we went to go out and take pictures of the swing for proof and they took it down.

Seconds later. Because technically that house could be in trouble if something happened. If the kid got hurt. Say somebody walking by went to just get on the swing because it's right there on the sidewalk and fell, crack their head on the curb, the homeowners were liable.

Yeah, because they put it up.

It's on there. It's nice that the owner of the house was trying to help our friend out, but they could get in a lot of trouble, so they ripped it down. It's like they went inside for two seconds, came back out and the swing was gone. We have before and after pictures of the swing there and the swing.

Who's liable?

We don't know. She's trying to figure it out. But she asked us for pictures today because she's talking.

To-she does get so unlucky sometimes. I felt so bad.

I know. She doesn't deserve that. Even though we didn't do anything, it was like she parked at our house. I just felt almost liable.

I felt bad because how lighthearted I came in not thinking this situation was that serious. I was like, hey, these kids are swinging. They just bumped your car. I thought to just get her to move so the kids could keep swinging, not the fact that her car was trapped.

You saw? We did not think it would be that bad. He said we just thought we were going to send her out there and be like, hey, stop kicking my car. But it was damaged.

Are you ever on TikTok? Imagine something's trending, everybody's talking about this certain video or something, and then people are responding to it by they'll just post a video of their face just.

Like that, and they'll put a caption. Yeah, and.

You're like, What is it? What is the video? It has barely any context. There's like a million likes on it. Everybody that likes it obviously knows what that video is. But I saw somebody post a video just like that talking about something inside a Senate room. I was like, What is everybody talking about? I go to Twitter. I always go to Twitter. That's the best place to chat. I just type in Senate. It's trending, just the words Senate. I'm like, What is going on? I clicked the trending tab and I just see screenshots of a video where it looked like a porn, like people fucking. It's in this congressional room. I'm like, Huh? I'm looking more into it and seeing people's response, they're like, There's no way that these people did this in the Senate room. I did more research, and it was like an actual congressional-like staff member that fornicated with another person inside the Senate room and filmed it all on his phone, filmed him having sex in the Senate room, in the congressional center room, and everybody is like, What? How did that happen?

How is it leaked?

I just don't understand how... Because when you saw that, you're like, Okay, obviously it wasn't a random person. And a random person can't just get into this room and film something like that. This was somebody that had access to this room. I just can't believe that that happened.

Oh.

My gosh.

Big security concerns.

Are being raised on Capitol Hill after an aide to a Maryland senator was allegedly one of the two men seen in a sex video recorded in a Senate hearing room. That aide is now fired, obviously.

Oh, obviously. And people are asking how this could happen. It's one of those stories that everyone on Capitol Hill is talking about, but nobody is talking about it on.

The record.

Oh, my God. When news broke Friday that a Senate staffer was alleged to be one of the two men in a sex video in the Hartt Senate office building, it raised eyebrows. But now it's raising questions.

There's no way.

Wait, was it like a revenge thing? Was it like, you know what?

I don't know.

Did he just get fired? Oh, my God. Was he celebrating a promotion?

I don't even know what to say. That's like, disgusting.

Everybody's talking about it right now. It's insane.

I'm sick right now.

We're starting to spin.

Who banged in the center room? Used to. Used to.

How did they know no one was going to walk in?

Maybe it was on a weekend. I think he just had to act so he can.

Go in whenever he wants. Did you see the other person that got busted? She was in a movie theater. She works in some political position or whatever. In a movie theater, got busted doing stuff.

I think I know who you're talking about. I don't know who it was, but I remember seeing something where she was getting fondled with in a movie theater.

Got busted and exposed for that.

But wait, I didn't even know there was cameras in a movie theater.

She's truly sorry, guys. Come on.

I mean, we've all- Oh, yeah, I think Matt did bring.

That up. -politicians ejected. -look, we've all done a little fun laying on.

The movie theater. I love that.

I know I did it back in grade school.

Zane, politician ejected from theater.

Pull the lever.

-she's strutting out. Look at her. She's hot.

Look at her. Yeah, I did that.

Yeah, I did that shit. And I'll do it again.

-and I'd do it again.

Wait, that looks like a Webcast. There's cameras in movie theaters?

There's got to be, yeah. I would imagine.

That's not good. If that's the case, you'd see me.

All.

The time. I cannot wait. Yeah, I do it the whole time in a movie theater.

Yeah, that's pretty crazy. That's like night vision.

They should have cameras in movie theaters. It's like the one place where you can really get away with anything. Yeah, it's dark. It's a great place to get to do it like a drug deal, to do fornicating acts.

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Do you guys like how I'm matching the chair today? I'm glad.

You went in stripes the other way. Dude, check these out. I got these for Christmas.

These are my -Those are sick, I'm not going.

To lie. -my Ugs that look like they're.

-can I try one?

Ugs and Crocs have got to be the most comfortable shoes. They're ugly, but they're-Wow.

-they are so soft. Oh, my God. Stand up. They're really nice. Get in there.

That's amazing. Yeah.

They're cool.

Whoa, those are sick. Thanks, man. You need to get me some. I went in my closet today because today was a Christmas episode. I was like, Oh, I want to dress Christmasy. I swear this was the closest thing to Christmas I could find.

We got to get you a sweater that you just wear every year.ugly Christmas sweater.

I usually have one. I don't know. Usually, it's sitting in a drawer somewhere. I just couldn't find it this year. I couldn't find anything.

You thought that was Christmasy?

I was thinking the brown was for gingerbread and the red was the candy-cane. Okay.

Yeah.

Fall colors. Oh, no, fall is not Christmas. But you know what I mean?

There was something else that I had that I wanted to talk about.

Well, you should probably get it out on this episode. Give me one second. I saw this pop-up on my feed and it just made me realize how old I am. Very scary. Forty-seven-year-old actress, Melissa Joan Hart, is playing a grandmother in a new movie, making some fans feel old. Do you know who that is? That's Sabrinah? Sabrinah, the teenage witch is playing a grandmother. What?

Wait, she does not look that old, though. In a new movie. But she does not.

Look old. She's getting old.

Wow.

I just messed up that they were like, Hey, can you play a grandmother? Yeah, how would you feel? Being 47?

She looks good for her age. She must have been like, Do I not look good for my age? How old was she? How old was she in Sabrin and the teenage witch?

Technically, a grandmother. She probably was 25. Probably. We thought she was 16.

Yeah.

A grandmother at 40 is not absurd.

She was 19 for Sabrin and the teenage witch.

Well, she had to be a teen, right?

That is crazy.

I always thought she was much older on the show. She just seemed so mature, mature.

Real mature.

Oh, that's real, real mature.

-real, real rich, real mature. -real.

Are you guys trying to think of something to talk about?

No.

Obviously. We're good. Oh, my God, we have so much to do.

I'm looking at the notes right now.

The LAX Metro thing is supposed to be done the.

People mover. Yes. Wait, what? I'm hoping that changes a lot of the traffic issue over there.

Wait, what's.

Happening again? Do you know the Miami airport has that train that goes from terminal to terminal? You can just hop on the train. They have one in LA now, but it's not open yet. It was supposed to open 2023, but it's supposed to be summer. Oh, wait, no.

Wait, a train to go from one terminal to the next terminal? Yeah.

I think it goes out too to the hotels outside of the airport. It's that huge thing that's been.

Under construction. Okay, but how does this help us, locals that just want to get to our terminal? No, it doesn't help you at all. It doesn't help. Okay, so what's the point of that then? Is it to maybe the traffic is going to be...

It's hard to explain.

Interairport transportation will be easier. If you have a connecting flight, you got to go to a different terminal for...

But, bitch, we don't have connecting flights in LX.

I can tell you guys, it takes all the people who Uber and stuff, they're going to get rid of the bus system. They're going to have that thing take them to the Uber drop-off.

There will be no busses.

On the- The busses should go away, so.

Traffic should be better. Those fat ass busses do take a lot of space.

They are all over the road, too.

I.

Know. They will literally drive you off the road.

They got to do it every day. -off the road. The thing is, I'm not surprised. I probably would do the same thing if I had to drive a bus around the terminal every single day. They're just doing loops. They're just doing loops. You have to be an asshole to drive that bus through that shit every single day. Who's driving this bus? Because you have to get people to their... Because you have a bus full of people trying to get to their flight, too.

Damn.

Everyone is just trying to get to their flight as soon as possible and just put everybody in one area trying to do that.

Sorry, is a bus the only thing with a horizontal steering wheel? You drive that bitch like this.

Oh, yeah.

That's true. That seems nice.

What do you mean a horizontal?

Instead of like this, you drive.

This. It's like a plate.

It's like flat. You drive like this.

It has to be because of the suspension or something.

I don't know because-Yeah, they're very flat.

Yeah. That would be nice. They drive like this and their arm is touching the wheel like this.

Yeah, I like it.

I'm going to look that up. That would be really nice, actually.

It makes sense for a big vehicle that you have to drive. Think about a boat.

-like that, Zane.

A boat would be.

Really nice.

-yeah, look at that. Why are they like that? Why are bus steering wheels flat?

All right. She tried to go, Why are they like that?

This.

Feature has changed over the years and varies in vehicles. But initially, the large steering wheels on busses sat almost horizontally. The driver sits directly above the tires. So for the steering column to correct the tires, the steering wheel needs to be positioned at a different angle. That's why there's that weird thing where it's like the bus is so wide, but how does it fit in the same lane as us? It's because they're sitting on top of the wheels. Wait, so are we. Wait, what?

Mariah coming in with the knowledge.

The juice, the funny, and the knowledge.

A triple threat.

Wait, what do they mean they're sitting on top of the wheels, aren't we all? I know they're on the side.

Wait, don't the wheel now... Okay, so listen.

The wheels on the bus go.

Round and round all the time. No, but the windshield, the wiper is on the bus goes swish, swish, swish. Wait.

Allegedly. All through the town. When you're driving a car, the wheels are out in front of you. So as you're turning, the wheels are moving like this. Okay. In a bus, the wheels are literally underneath you.

Oh, right. Oh, my God.

So in order to make the angle to get the wheels to pivot, it has to be like they're directly down.

But the real question is who's driving this bus?

Yo, enough. Who's driving this bus?

I just want to know who really got the.

Bus moving?

I don't even know that.

No, seriously. Seriously, who really got the bus moving? Who got this bus moving?

You all really.

Thought it.

Was going to do this. Guys, it's not funny. Who really got the bus moving?

You know what else is shutting down?

This podcast. Thank you, guys, for everything.

Thank you, guys, so much. Thank you, guys, so much. Zane, you ever seen the Volkswagen bus that they make and it's completely sideways and it rides on its side, but it looks...

No, I don't know.

I don't know. All right, pull up the Volkswagen bus that rides on its side. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.

It's just going.

To show. No, it drives like this.

That's correct.

You got to pull up a video of it moving.

Is it on the highway?

Yeah. That's crazy. Imagine seeing that going down the road.

Did you see the two kids that flip a truck upside completely backwards?

Yes. I saw another really good one. It was a guy who got a ticket. They were giving out tickets to people if you back in parked. It was illegal to back in park in the specific parking lot, and they gave a ticket. He took a car and cut it in half and welded two fronts together. No matter which way he parked, it would be technically backwards. The guy didn't know what to do that was like riding the ticket.

His title is so good. Back in parking prohibited, so I made a car with two fronts.

That's the title. That's so good.

It's genius. Where did you get your mom for Christmas?

I'm getting my mom and my brother both checks.

Go.

Off. Just use it for what you need. Bills, buy yourself something nice.

Weed.

Anything. I'm such a big fan of just giving somebody cash.

Everybody could use cash.

Amazon, it's right on their phone, right? They put it in their account and you buy whatever you want.

Right. It's the time. It's the time where you just give money and you let people get exactly what they like. And my brother is a building house, too, so he's almost done building house, so it'd be nice to just help him out, invest in his house.

Do you think most people break even with the holidays? Is that.

Like-no, it all depends on-.

Break even for spending?

Yeah, like the amount of gifts that you give versus what you get. At some point, somebody's got to be on the positive.

Mariah is in the negative every year.

I know that. 100 %. I'm bad.

You know what I mean? Somebody's got to be raking in like-I'm going.

To give up. Because she's gotten me three Christmas presents this year. I've given her one, just attitude. That's all I've given her this year.

Yeah, you've given me a lot of attitude. I love a challenge. That's a good gift.

There's people that are just like that love giving gifts. They love spending money on other people gift-wise.

It's.

Fun to give. It's fun giving. It's the best. We gave our male lady, we gave her a Dunkin' Donuts gift card, and I chased her down.

What's up with you and chasing.

People down? I actually did chase her down. I was backing out of my driveway and I had the gift card inside. I was like, okay, if I see her on the ring camera, I'm going to run out. But I had to go. I backed out of the driveway and almost hit her. I was like, Oh, this is perfect. I pulled back into the driveway. I ran inside the house, grabbed the gift card. She was a couple of houses over at the front door, and I chased her to the front door.

How much was on the Duncan Donner's gift card?

Seven thousand.

Seven.

Thousand? Imagine walking in with a seven thousand dollar Duncan. I'd be pissed if someone gave me a seven thousand dollar Duncan gifts card.

Seven?

Thirty thousand? I'd be pissed.

I don't know if I would be. I think I would just be like, Guys, it's on me. Anytime I walk in...

That'd be so fun. -i know that'd be so fun.

I would want to be like, Everybody behind me, I got them, and.

Then just hit it. Hey, whoever comes in today, I got it covered. That would be really fun. Anyway, sue me.

All right, we got to pack.

-that was good. Yeah, we do have to pack. I don't.

Want to go. We leave at 3:00 AM.

For the airport. I thought you said it was 5:00.

That flight's at 5:00. What time do you think we have to leave? We have to leave the airport at 3:00. We got to pack the cat.

Then we got to clean the house after the party.

We got to clean the house.

Red eyes suck.

I love red eyes.

It doesn't feel like you're losing a day. Red eye would be like taking off at midnight, sleeping through the night, and then you wake up in the morning. We're losing the entire...

To me, if I'm able to sleep on a flight for at least eight hours, that's good. I'll do a red eye every single time I fly because I don't like flying in any way, so I.

Just sleep the whole time. Yeah, I try to knock out.

But the fact that it's like 5 hours, it's right under the amount of sleep that you need, and it just kills the rest of your day.

You got to think like-.

I had the worst day that day.

45 minutes after takeoff is like you're still getting settled in your seat. Yeah.

By the time you fall asleep, bang, bang, lights come on.

Guys, you're going to be coming through.

I don't know. Into Fort Lauderdale Airport. Make sure your seats are up. Why do I have to put my seat up when we're landing? Just let me sleep. Let it- What.

Happened in the past that we have to keep our.

Trays up? Nothing. Nothing has happened.

I don't get what the difference of having my seat an inch back during takeoff is going.

To do nothing. Nothing. It does nothing. Because guess what? If that plane was going down, everyone's up anyways in their fucking seats. Make it make sense. Everyone's up. Imagine everyone onboard dies because everyone's seats are just reclined back two inches.

Yeah.

It's insane. By the way, since we're on this topic, how do we feel about people reclining their seats in front of you?

If everybody reclines, it's the same anyways.

There is this video- It does.

Go back pretty far into your lap, but I don't.

Really mind. There is this video online of somebody freaking out on this lady that reclined her seat. She turned around and she was like, Are you kidding me? You're really going to yell at me for reclining my seat? Why is there recliners on the seats? It was a whole thing, a whole debate on should people be upset about people reclining their seats? It's like, we're all on this plane and economy sucks anyways. You get no space. The only good thing about these seats is probably the one thing that we have on the planes are those reclining seats that we all need.

Just let's do it.

It's.

Way too up straight. It's way too straight.

It's way too vertical. It's a 90 degree angle.

The fact if we could just recline a little bit, our necks don't hurt as much. But there's people that always complain. I'm not going to lie, as soon as that seat goes back, for a split second, I go, But then I realize, Oh, this person is just trying to be a little bit more comfortable.

Their back hurts. I'm okay with the... It all depends on the duration of the seat coming back. How quickly they come back into my space is how okay I am. Hundred %. Because every time I push the button and I go like this.

Heath, I go.

Slow too. I go slow too. I slowly ease it back so it's not like a jolt in front. There's people that will be in front, they'll hit that button and just go, boom, and.

Throw it back. Don't care if.

Somebody's eating that. Before I do it, I write the person behind me a nice letter, and I let them know what time and how far back I'm about to go.

And if they accept-ETA, 30 minutes, I'm going to.

Be-i'm about 35 degrees.

Thirty-five degrees.

Circle yes or no. You said not to use the toilet paper in sketchy bathrooms, right?

Oh, because they clean their needles.

With it? Yeah.

They stick the needles into the rolls.

Don't you see the.

Little-like the blood and the stuff in the-.

That's so gross.

I just avoid public.

Restrooms to be able to-Yeah, that's why I don't do it.

I can't. I don't leave my house.

I don't even go to the.

Bathroom in my.

Own house. I don't want to step on a needle, freaking needle walking out of my house. Are you kidding me?

You know what I want in my own house? Those little sheets that you-.

Those are nice. The seat covers.

I'm sorry.

The toilet covers. The seat covers.

Oh, just wherever.

You go. I just want them in my house.

They should have something where... Because I never want to touch anything in the bathroom or anything in the gym. I just don't want to touch it. I feel like they need to come up with something where it's just so simple. You just take it out and it's almost...

I feel.

Like that's-It's a futuristic type of invention. It's not going to come out ever. I wonder why they.

Don't make the toilet paper like the paper towels where you could just and it comes out.

Yeah.

Say that again?

You know the paper towels where you just wave your hand across it and it comes out. Why don't they do that for toilet paper? Thank you, Jordan.

I like it.

No, it's crazy because there hasn't.

Even been one made. Yeah, I've never seen one. Let's see. Amazon. As the years go on, I'm getting closer and closer, I think, to becoming a deliner. To becoming a germaphobe.

Oh, okay. Oh, we got it. Touchless toilet paper dispenser.

That looks like a printer.

It does look.

Like a printer. It's a Hewlett-Packard.

A fax machine. Oh, my goodness.

That's beautiful.

Touchless toilet paper.

Right, you should just get.

One for the guest bathroom. $239. Oh, it shows up Christmas Eve. That's great. That's really cool.

Shows up at Princess D's.

Princess T.

Princess T.

Fully automatic touches to it. You know a new bathroom invention that is pretty recent that I'm very surprised, but it's my favorite one.

We almost made it without bathroom talk.

The little foot, spike grippy thing on the corner of the door, you don't have to touch the handle. Because at first they went with where you could use your forearm to pull it. Now they just got the little thing on the ground.

Oh, yeah, I love that.

Why was that not around for decades?

Such an easy fix. Look at that.

I love that thing.

They should just have that everywhere.

Because we weren't afraid of germs growing up.

Now things happen. Honestly, I eat shit off the floor. I don't know.

What I'm saying. Honestly, same.

There's no five-second rule for me. It's the blow rule.

I can't do it anymore.

Even blow, if I drop a steak bite, like a steak-No. -i'm just thinking that.

If it's something that's moist that could pick up dirt.

I can't do it. I mean, just a little crunch.

No, absolutely not. That's disgusting.

It reminds me of Grownola.

I said, Girl, no more.

You know what? This is really bad. This is really gross. I'll make my protein shakes, and I'll scoop it, and then I'll put it in, and then a little powder gets on the counter, right?

What? You snort it?

What? I'll scoop it off the counter and just whatever comes along the way on the counter just goes right in my cup. I mean, that's not bad. No, but there's just obvious crumbs. There's dust, just.

Any sorts of debris.

Just everything. Hey, it builds immunity. To me, that's more gross than something driving on the floor. Like when you're scooping off the counter.

You're collecting with it.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah, that's bad. I admit it.

You don't wipe the top off of a mustard bottle, do you? Like crust?

Well.

I make sure that crust doesn't come on my plate. I don't care if it's on there, but there's no crust coming on my shit. No way. No way.

Okay, I'm on the edge of not talking anymore.

I'm on the edge of glory.

I'm about to.

Stop talking. I'm about to blow.

Come on.

I'm about to smoke some...

Lord have mercy. I'm about.

To smoke.

All right, let's close this out. Thank you guys for watching. I'm going to close your legs. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Happy birthday, Jesus.

Good to check out the podcast, episodes, audio, every single platform, Pandora, Spotify, Apple, however you do it, and the video version every single Tuesday, YouTube. Com/zane and Heath.

You all bitches, go check out our page, patreon. Com/zane and Heath for five dollars a month. You can get all this bonus content. You get bonus videos. You got drunk or high videos. We got videos where.

We- Extended versions of the podcast. We keep these puppies rolling, early access, ad-free.

Yes.

Sure. -live Q and A.

You get all that for five dollars a month on page run. Com/zane and Heath, baby.

Or free for a week right now.

Oh, free for a week. Seven-day trial, baby. Again, this is our last episode of the year. Thank you so much for being a part of this family. You guys mean so much to us. Just for the fact that you're still here after four years means so much. Let's have a kick-ass 2024, baby.

Let's get it.

Happy holidays. Happy holidays.

We love you all. Bye, merry Christmas.

And Happy New Year. Jordan just had to let out one little fart.

Jordan, we were still running the outro.

End the year off with. All right, we love you so much. Unwinders, we'll see you in five seconds, baby.

Peace.

Bye.

That was awesome. Jordan, you couldn't wait.

I moved weird and it came out.

He moved weird. What are you, 90? I think him moving in general is weird.

Jordan, have you ever tried on Depends?