Race to 270: Receptionist Ring Fingers & 6 Eggs on TopArmchair Expert with Dax Shepard
- 964 views
- 10 Mar 2021
Dax gets a drug test, Aaron reveals how often he checks out ring fingers, and Charlie discusses how much he plays along with scammers at his gym.
OK, so a couple of days ago, I came over, DAX was watching 60 Minutes and he seemed just like a tiny bit of tired whatnot.
So I had a little bit of suspicion as I do.
I didn't say anything now. And then that night, many hours later, he texted me and he said it seemed like maybe you were a little worried when I was watching 60 Minutes. And I would love to do a drug test. And I was like, oh, I was. But also I trust you.
But then he he took one. And there's lots of different levels. There's a THC, there's an opioids, there's what's the other one, cocaine and and then meth.
And so it's two lines if you are negative and one if you're positive and like it says, if there's a faint second line, it still means you're negative. So we looked and there was three very clear lines.
And then one line, one questionable, one very solid line didn't like really faint second line.
And it was the meth one, which I was immediately like, oh, good.
That's just a fluke because he's clearly not on meth. I think I would be aware of that. Yeah.
The thing that triggered your suspicion was that I was almost asleep on the lazy boy in the middle of the afternoon. So clearly not meth.
But then I started going like, this is crazy. What could it possibly be? I'm racking my brain, racking my brain. I realize, oh, I've been taking Zyrtec D for three days. That has Sudafed in it. It's that crazy.
And that has to be what made it faint.
I mean, again, it was still technically negative. It was it was totally negative.
But it is so funny that, like, even that little trace amount shows up, which is good to know.
It's no good. They'll get you they make you show your I.D. for that one. Yeah. Oh yes. They make you show your ID.
Where's that test from. From Rite Aid. There's a bunch of different ones.
I got the Cadillac one that tests for four things and then of course afterwards I was feeling like really good about it. Even when I suggested it, I had that feeling of like when you're sober and you're driving at two a.m. in the car behind you and you're like, I think, oh, every time I'm like, get pull me over, girl.
Let's talk about how sober I am.
So I was actually excited to take the drug test, and so I bought the one that test for the most amount.
But when it was all over, Monica goes, well, would that have shown up positive for Xanax?
Like, no, I don't think her benzo and I kind of felt like I needed to go find a benzo test till he got over on her.
Yeah, I did my own personal research. When you brought up testing, I almost bought a couple, but they were very expensive.
I think that one was like sixty bucks. Each of these were one forty. Oh wow. And they had them for ten things so I bet it did have those on it. I didn't buy it. I trust you.
I got to say, if I spend visqueen one forty on a drug test, I almost want the person to be positive. Yeah. I don't want it to be a waste.
You know, they have the drug tests at the dollar store by me in the checkout line.
Oh, my God. Oh, wow. In the checkout line. Yeah, yeah. Impulse buy and yeah.
Yeah, I've looked at them so many times and thought, God damn it, why didn't I never noticed this when I was getting high. Because they were just been fun to do. Yeah. For a buck.
Well also just to trust its efficacy because I it's at the dollar store. Yeah. Exactly right.
Yeah. Well you guys are getting coffee. I'm going to do a refill real quick. It's nice to have a little more pep in a step this week.
I agree. Who does. And. Oh yeah.
Because he was really dragging. He didn't feel good. He did not feel good.
OK, so last week you were dying. You were just barely able to sit at the computer, huh?
Yeah, I vaguely recall talking that day to be honest.
Oh, that was a sad day. Yeah. What a turn of events man in one week because I feel excellent now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love like seven out of ten or what.
Oh easy. Oh really good. Yeah. Hell yeah.
So it was like a light switch. Yeah. Yeah. A few days ago for sure.
And then you went and got tested yesterday right. Yeah.
I've gotten three tests in the last four days and yesterday I sat down with the doctor and she explained to me that for the timeline, if in fact I wasn't lying to her, which I wasn't because it was real, it was really easy to track the days when everything happened. And she's like, listen, you are not. Contagious, even though these tests were popping positive with all skin cells and whatnot, because they pick up every trace of that kind of shit, she's like, so these are the days we go by.
You are able to do your thing, though, as of today. And I was like, oh, my God, because I thought it was going to be Christmas alone, the whole thing. Yeah. So then I got for shits and giggles the rapid test. See, she explained to me too whether PCR test for somebody who has already tested positive with covid like myself, it could be months before I test negative on a PCR test because they're that accurate with all skin cells.
So she said if you hadn't been positive, PCR tests are very accurate, but in this case, a rapid test would be more accurate because you get the fresh shit right out and right into to the tester, I guess. And I tested negative, so. Oh, go, go, go, go, go, go.
It's crazy that they're like, I'm sure, learning this real time. Yeah. For a while they're getting the PCR and saying, oh, no, you're still contagious.
Yeah, certainly. And she ran through it. I was going to a different doctor and getting these tests, you know, and I thought, well, this is insane. And I felt like nobody was answering the questions. And that's why I kept calling Christine, because I'm like, I'm going to need someone to talk to me about this because I don't feel like my questions are being answered. I felt like this particular place I went to, they have a hundred people an hour that their testing is just such a fucking money cow.
Yeah. For them, they don't seriously could give a shit about answering questions. So I went to a different place and it was a 180.
Give me a shout out. Give me a shout out. Who was it.
Southfield Urgent Care on Southfield Road. OK, and I gave them a big Google review and everything.
Oh. You really went the extra mile? Yeah, they deserved it, man.
I would first have to Google how do I make a Google or I call Charlie and ask him because he's the king of review, you know. Yeah.
You know damn well I wouldn't have known how she I was thinking the girls so much, you know, whatever. And she's like, I e-mailed you a review thing if you want to give us one. I knew she saw that coming a mile away. Like I was like, oh yeah, I can't wait. Or he wrote it might not normally do it. I was like, seriously, you guys from the girl at the front desk to the caregiver and in between the nurse and I was like, oh my God, thank you guys so much.
And she said, they're working on real time. She's like in July this was different. And August it was different. And it's different now. And she's like, and you don't need the two negatives and you don't whatever she's like. But we find all this out as we go along. And I was so fucking ecstatic. Do you get any phone numbers?
I thought about calling calling back. You know, I'm always looking for that. Well, I ask because Aaron has a history of doing that, and that's not out of the blue.
So I was looking and I did see the ring and the one girl and I'm like, damn it, we don't wanna go.
Just really the two minute version of you went to an appointment and you had a really long wait. You struck up a conversation with the receptionist and Erin's just so cute and smiley.
And then he gave her a ring. A ring?
Yeah. Later. How well, a call. Yeah. Yeah, OK.
What would a ring. A bell. Oh yeah. I didn't get engaged then I proposed it was all.
What if you carried around pocketful of rings. I'm sorry.
He called her on the telephone and gave her a ring.
How many days later was that one. Oh yeah. I guess you needed to be in her memory. That was actually I think so too. I love her.
Otherwise I would never be giving him this leeway. I know because.
Yeah, but listen how this went. I think when you hear how it turns out, you'll be all right.
So tell her what happened.
I said, hey, this is Aaron Weekly. Yes, I was in there yesterday, said I didn't want to put you on the spot in person because there was, you know, other people in the waiting room. I said, but, you know, I'd really like to take you out and you're gorgeous. Oh.
Oh, man, I love this. I love and I told her how nice she was and she said that she actually just got engaged.
Well, that's OK. Hold on. Hold on. There's a there's a nice punch line comment.
She goes, but I do have your number here. And if this doesn't work out, I could call you.
I got a little little back up plan to delay my engagement. They don't all work out.
Monika, you watch The Bachelor, cause I just watched it today. So many episodes. Yeah. So I immediately felt a little better. She was engaged, too, but. Yeah, sure.
Oh, see, I think that's a huge victory, that story, because she was engaged and she said, I'm going to keep your number.
No, that's bad for the guy.
Oh, I don't think so. I think you would just go like all that. I'm so flattered. But I'm engaged. Boom. Done. You've been nice.
But to then say I'm going to hold on to your number if this doesn't work out, I think that's sincere right here in the.
But he's saying for the fiance say I feel bad for the guy she's engaged to. I'm sure. Sure. Oh, jeez. She's already she's ah, you know. Yes. She's already thinking something else with. Yeah. Yeah. What do they call it. The breakup.
Like when you break up and you hook up with someone right away rebound.
She already put you under a rebound and a weekly rebound. Yeah. I don't even think the ring was ready because she wasn't wearing one.
Because I look for that you know you're all over those hands. I don't think I've ever looked as if someone was married.
You have to be. I mean, I'm forty five years old. You know, that's true. Most potential customers are probably already married.
I mean, sometimes that doesn't stop me if I get the vibe, you know. Sure you don't know whose marriage is on the rocks.
What do you say you want to go? Nothing. Tell me. I want to hear. I just said I'm not married. And then Charlie and I laugh.
Oh, and I'm even I look at that left hand every time I see you.
What have you always got Aaron staring at you anyway? Such a naked family who's so open for business.
Also so ironic that you say you noticed that because we have a best friend in our circle, two of them who got engaged last week and Laura married, you know. Yeah, Laura and me.
Yes. And I sent him a congrats yesterday.
Oh, sweet. And they they did multiple rounds of telling different groups of people. And Laura is like rubbing her hands through her hair so people would try to catch a ring. Nobody is catching it the whole time.
She has to tell every single person. So we're engaged. Nobody's out except you in spite of that and say, oh, I know you're opening the door, Laura.
You're engaged. Oh, yeah. How long have I been gone? OK, and now just one other story. I would love to have Charlie. Now tell if you can tell the Reader's Digest version, because I just referenced that you're really good at reviews. And in fact, we had a bad experience at an Airbnb.
And I was consulting you on what review I should write because this is really your genius. I got to say, I love doing it.
It's more response to negative reviews in my experience at a different counterpuncher.
Yes, it's the most passive aggressive way possible. But at my gym, we had a little parking issues. We had reserved spots where people came in and they'd park for lunch. They do all these things. They normally wouldn't care. But sometimes I'd have members come in and they just block everyone in. And so in this, a patron would come out from lunch next door, whoever they want, their car moved and we're in the middle class. And so I'm like, well, you got to wait another 20 minutes till we're done.
There's signs posted everywhere. It's on you. Yeah, it's on you.
Yeah. And often they would leave a scathing review about the gym, the service, anything. So I'd always write back and just the nicest way, you know. Thank you for taking the time.
Well, really quickly, there is a there's one gal in particular that wrote one, and she acted like she had gone in there. Right. To potentially get a membership. Yes. When in fact, she was like pound in some grapes on the corner.
Yeah. She acted like she tried to come take a class and no one attended to or ignored in this whole thing. I don't like this. It shouldn't be relevant. I'm going to throw it out.
There she was. She also blocked everyone in in a Mercedes, right? Yeah. Yeah, OK.
I just feel like that shouldn't be relevant. But we all know it's fucking relevant today.
Yes. Yes. Of entitlement.
And so I just wrote back. We'd love to have you in. And when you do come in, just rest assured, you will to have this what's available. And there's plenty of parking in the back for you. And we'd love for you to come and give us a review on our service.
It's a masterpiece.
Does it feel good when you write something like that? I had a similar experience recently where you're kind, but you're explaining yourself and it feels really good when you know you're 100 percent in the right.
Yes. So you could say anything and everyone's going to agree. And the nicer you are, the better. You know, they're just if they ever read it, they're just what I'm always trying to get to in those situations.
And this often happens even just in a confrontation where it's like, I don't want to give them a single sentence they can repeat that will bolster their argument when they're telling it to somebody exactly like as long as you can get out without any obscenities or any you shouldn't have, then it doesn't sound that bad when they repeat it to their friends. Yes, yes.
I go back and said, can you believe this? A black man? And they're like, well, what happened? Well, I blocked their spots and oh, my God, you know, like, there's no way she could come out.
And he had the audacity to say, if I joined the gym, that I could have all the parking I wanted. And he would love to help me get in shape like he will leave it even believe.
It's another amazing thing about this gym that Charlie ran for years is that there was a very common scam people would try to perpetuate. Just break it down really quick.
What they would do probably six times a week I get an email saying, hey, do you offer personal training in broken English for my wife and three daughters? How much dates, whatever ages of the kids, all that. So this game is they get you to say, yes, they they wire you money, you charge your credit card, you wire them money, they cancel the transaction, you're out, whatever.
But the reason you're wiring money is for their driver to bring everyone because this guy is somewhere else and his wife is visiting on and on.
So and they're promising to basically book like twenty five grand.
And what I mean, for three months you're eating the cost of the driver. Right.
So they basically say like, hey, well, we're going to you know, we're going to we're happy to spend twenty five grand on all this training. We have the weird glitch with our driver. He doesn't accept our thing. If you wouldn't mind. We'll pay you extra in the transfer if you could shoot the driver some money just right. Yep, exactly. And I learned you could you could tell him it's 150 grand. They don't care. That's a big red flag as long as you're wiring the two grand.
Yeah. So a. Couple of times I've gone along with it for far too long. Sounds good, 40 hours of my week dealing with it, but I would offer all kinds of service.
I'd offer dating services to his wife. You know, we have a we have a dating service at the gym. And she'd like to pay to be a part of a personal shopping, you name. He's always like, yeah, sure, sure, sure, whatever.
Just wire this money. And then another one I found there's a car for sale on my street. So.
Well, really quick, you've got to the point at this juncture, you've been dealing with this guy for three or four weeks. He has put in a ton of time and he's gotten to the big payout or he has said it's time for you to take two grand and secure this driver.
And he actually gave me his credit card info. And I I found online I doctored up a fake deposit slip that I sent to him. Charlie Smith. Three thousand.
Yeah. I was waiting in line at Disneyland on the phone with this guy, you know, so I doctor that this fake deposit slip.
So he bought it for a little and he's like, OK, you need to wire. So I told him that I found a car. That's a better deal for all of us.
And then instead of the two grand, I was going to purchase this car that was originally five, but I'm going to get it for two and we can resell it for five.
I'll pick them up. I'll do the driving. And I sent him pictures of the car that was for sale. It was a charger. It was a charger. And he was human. And he calls from, you know, where he calls furious. I don't want your car.
And he was yelling at Charlie. And then Charlie said, I'm scared of you. Yes, you're scaring me.
And he hung up. And then the guy called back in, apologize.
He was like trying to get the deal back on the books. And I'm so sorry I lost my temper. And Charlie was like, but you scared me so much.
And now the guy begging Charlie to come back to him, that's. Come on, man. He was into it.
It's so great cause Charlie's basically like these guys waste other people's time in and I'm just going to waste a ton of their time. I'm going to make them work a hundred hours for this too grand they never get. It's kind of a beautiful poetic justice.
And and I'm to waste 200 hours of my own time. But but fair. I got so much joy. Yeah. Yeah, I got it. And then by proxy, I got so much joy because you were keeping me updated all the time. You're 40 me, the tags, the emails, the picture of the car.
I mean, what a good twist. Don't worry about it. All the joy. We don't need any driver about this car.
You I'm going to ask them, why are you like another grand?
I got them down to three grand. I've got another three grand. That's great car.
OK, so now, Aaron, you were completely out of commission the last time we talked and you haven't done any exercise. Understandably, you would have been impossible, might have killed you.
And by the way, you look great. He does really, really good.
Kind of sexy, right? Yeah, I was I was watching what video was I watching of you?
And I guess somehow in Texas the first time and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was like, oh my God, you look so different already.
You look really great. You do? Yeah. You're circling that fucking devilish fox that I used to prowl the streets with in the nineties.
I'm nervous for every receptionist in the metro Detroit area out here after.
If you don't want his attention, you just keep a ring in your pocket. Yeah. All right.
I hope word doesn't get out any time soon.
So you slowly have crawled your way back to some exercise. Yeah, yeah.
I worked out one time with weights and I've been walking every day, but I slowly coming back with the walks and then I felt so good. I don't know if it was. Yes, I think maybe yesterday. Yeah, I just tore it up. I would have never stopped. It seemed I was like, Jesus, I was just going to go and go and go. And even when I was walking yesterday to am I I didn't have this fucking dog with me, I would just keep going, oh, you out and turns to dog with the concerns of any animal.
The planet. Yeah. A yeah. Did you have the same juice. Yes, I had the vein juice just the once when I worked out. Now I was hoping to get this going again and it's been a little harder because I finally got my kids I picked up last night and I didn't work out today.
Anyway, I feel it. I'm going to get back on it. I can't believe you picked your children over five thousand dollars. What a terrible day.
I'm good. Yeah. Yeah.
And then I thought and I thought, should I like, sleep with a garbage bag? And I'm like, oh I'm like, well we did.
Decided we wouldn't cheat. Oh, I don't think that's a cheat. You should see Charlie eating right now.
Well, my fear is that he was only five and a half pounds, I believe, if I'm right. Yeah. Last week.
And I'm like, he's totally had to hit it when we started two months ago. Remember I said this was going to come right handy for Christmas. Yeah. And you're like you think you you think you'll do this by Christmas? And I was like, oh yeah. And that's that was always the date I had in my head. And I'm like, fuck, Charlie did it, didn't I?
Yeah. This is a scary episode because it might be over, right? We don't we don't find that. We don't know when the show's going to be over. I know it is. It's exciting.
It's kind of like Game of Thrones where they kill your favorite character every episode.
True. Yeah. You just don't know if it's just going to be over once again.
So a couple of things could have happened. And I bet your head's in the same spot. Charlie Aaron's got a ton of muscle. He's a fucking beast.
Those legs, that ass, those shoulders. I would never normally say this, but I hope you lost like eight pounds of muscle this week.
That's possible, right? Very true.
And I just based on how you looked last time, I can't imagine you're getting up to go prep food very often.
Well, I guess that could be good or bad, though, because you could just go on ships. True. It doesn't look like you did, though, based on what I'm seeing in front of me. Yeah.
Yeah. Have you been lifting? You could definitely lose a few and muscle for sure. Yeah.
Doing nothing. Can I tell you a real what I did after we recorded last week. Yeah. This is getting silly. I was depressed, I was not feeling fucking well at all and I thought this is where the shit gets real, the fucking struggle.
I'm like, who gives a fuck about the stupid shit? I really want something to make me feel good.
Yeah. Yeah. And I know it can't be fucking booze or drugs.
I'm glad you said that sentence. That's good. That's already a win.
Yeah. So I ordered a large pizza. OK, good for you. Yeah. Everything on it. And the kitchen sink. Yeah.
Whatever it is called, you know, I don't know, it shows up and I fucking sit down at the table and I was like I'm going to eat a large pizza and I open it up dude. It was, it was so gross. Oh no it wasn't piping hot or anything. I don't know if I fucked up the time and still sat on my boards for too long. I took a couple of bites. I'm like, it's fucking gross.
Oh my God. Your higher power made the pizza. Yeah. So I, I think I ate two pieces. Then I ate the crust off of the rest of it and left the rest.
Left the pizza. Oh my God. That's got to be them. That's a terrible pizza because that's the opposite of what always happens.
And I'll be happy because I've never opened up a pizza crust in fucking full. Oh wow. I, I was so mad about the money I spent every day. I was like, oh like you fucking I finally decide, let me just feel good. I need some comfort food and it was a pile of fucking shit.
I can't believe how that worked.
But did you feel like your higher power was in the mix.
I mean, that's mensches or my dad's simulation at the very end. Oh yeah. That's I mean, now my dad's getting more invested in Aerin.
Yeah. Shok probably added like ten coin's to the simulation exact to protect area.
Exactly. Yeah. He was struggling and he saw it and he said this is taking care of everyone. Yeah. I love you show.
OK, so look, the race might be over, but your weight this week on Sunday morning. I'm pessimistic about it, of course, given what you went through. But again, I have fingers crossed that you lost a good deal of muscle.
I'm sending you guys the picture right now, OK?
And let me just I'm going to reiterate what it was last week, and we were all really scared for you the next day. And we were all on a group text figuring out how to cheer you up. I saw a picture of myself as a four year old baby. Oh, my God, that worked.
That was I mean, all of you here, your picture that Charlie sent me some food. And then I think the next day DAX made some food and. Oh, but the picture, Monica, I thought, how? How can I blow this up? I want this hanging on my wall. I do, too, I love the baby in that photo more than my own children. I do too, I think. Yeah, I think I would have to put it somewhere where my kids couldn't see it.
I don't think I've ever seen a cuter picture of a baby in my life being either. Oh, my God.
I just want to rush home from work and play with her bouncer on your knees, give her ice cream, whatever the hell she wants.
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OK, so last week, Erin was two eighty two point nine and Charlie was to sixty three point three, Charlie had six point seven pounds to go and Erin had twelve point nine.
Right. Let's see where we are. Let's go, Erin, first, because I do think there's a chance Charlie hit 270 because he looks like a fucking or by the way, why would read in and it's gotten off the charts. He sent us a video of one of his meals. And I was like, fuck that meal.
I can't all I can think about is some food. It was like this, you know? And I watch that video. I heard it. And I'm like, I'm just going to shoot this. And that's the first thing I said, I don't care about the food, but I'm not the old man breathing new video, COPD.
You know what he's doing to you? I like you.
Like, I feel the least bit guilty because my son was at home dying and I thought, well, OK, but you're forcing his death.
I know. I know. I know. Maybe two. Maybe two. I don't know. Maybe if he had been really eating a lot, he wouldn't have got grown.
He's got full strength. I sure didn't help the food. I said it was a stack of waffles with peanut butter and. Sure.
Oh, I got there in the old staple, which is a Greek salad with fucking hero meat on it.
Oh, so two of them. I hate it the next day too. And some chili. Yeah. And some chili. The chili was fucking to die for you.
I'm so sad. I can't eat that meal here in L.A.. That's all for me. I couldn't live on that. So that Greek dressing in Detroit that's available at every restaurant in Detroit is like uniformed Greek salad dressing, right, Aaron? Yeah. Yeah.
It doesn't exist anywhere else in the country, nor does it exist on the shelf at a grocery store.
So, yes, I one time while I was still broke and living in the one bedroom apartment in Michigan, I gave Chef twenty dollars at the Mitch's carry out there at Bay Point, and I remember that place Mintz's to carry out.
I tipped the twenty dollars to write down the recipe for me.
First of all there's so much energy in it you wouldn't believe it, but the recipe yielded five gallons and so yeah I cut it in half but there was a point where I couldn't use half an egg or whatever the fuck it was, so I ended up making two and a half gallons of that dressing and putting it in these big canola oil jugs.
You know, it's not an ideal result. Was it good?
Oh, yeah, it was. Exactly.
That could make it just I shouldn't in fact, I should find in my I have a little recipe book for my bachelor days that maybe it might be in there.
Yeah. That me on a mission and I'm glad I don't have.
OK, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. In fact I'll do a five gallon yield gallon.
Yeah. And I'll just dole it out to the park. Yeah.
When I was in the MSG and I was like oh my God, this is a lot of fun. Oh yeah. I'm like with a shovel you're shoveling and I got a five gallon Home Depot bucket.
That's what I made the dressing because it was two and a half gallons. I had to use a bucket. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God.
He kept coming in the kitchen, like, what are you doing? Like gallons and gallons of oil and vinegar and pounds of MSG.
Oh, I was hoping.
OK, OK. So, Aaron, what were you, Sunday morning? Two seventy five point one dog. No. Two seven nine oh, I knew no death, no, no to seventy five point one.
This competition competition's insane to so close to seventy five point what, one oh oh oh, my God, Aaron.
Some quick math here.
You were two eighty three eight pounds this week. Shit. And eight pounds minus eight fucking pounds.
Now, I am so sad if this contest was over now with a game like that.
I know, right. So it's a win win. Well, and let's try and it's a win for us. It's a win win.
Me and Charlie, I thought when I saw that, you know, two seventy five point six, of course, with my phone when I took the picture this I was like, oh my God.
Two seventy five point one. I was like, well, I officially lost over thirty pounds started. Yeah. Oh yeah.
You've lost thirty one pounds. That's so amazing. Yeah. So I was pretty happy and realized that the contest could be over and I was like, oh you know what, it's, it was fun. Oh my God. Oh my God. And I feel good. So.
Wow, you're morally compromised right now aren't you, Monica. Because you're the team leader for Charlie.
Well you forced me to be. So I feel fine about all this. I want to be as healthy as possible, which you lost over thirty pounds so I feel wonderful about.
And he looks so sexy. He looks amazing. Yeah.
And I want Charlie to have one. Oh wow. Yeah.
Oh but I bet if you didn't it's also.
OK, well really quick before you give us the number Charlie, how is your week of eating. We got to share a gluttonous meal of hamburgers three nights ago. Yeah. Yeah it's been good. I feel good with it. And you know, challenge is not too much.
It's still just I have to always be eating. What's the grossest meal you've eaten so far because you've really gotten into the sweets.
Now you're really that shake at the birthday party. Yeah. Any sweets.
I mean, at this point, every food I eat has six eggs on the top.
Oh baby. Oh oh six cereals, cereals with a half dozen double.
And those waffles man I'm taking down those waffles and peanut butter. Oh my God.
I'm scared. I'm really scared. Oh God.
I'm scared for higher to ninety nine and twenty eight pound game. Oh ok Charlie we.
Well it's not over. Oh thank God.
Oh thing. Oh my God. Oh thank God. Aaron you are still in and still in it.
You need a big twelve round Aaron to sixty five point nine to get any closer.
Oh my God. Holy fuck. Four point one. Five point one. Oh my God. This is impossible. This feels like we scripted this. One of the lead characters got a disease.
Charlie, your prediction was right that it gets real hard for you after two sixty because that means last week you had a gain of two point six pounds.
Yeah, when I stepped on the scale, I thought I was going to win.
I was really I was like looking it so much. He's done it. I felt heavy. It felt easy to eat like this. I got it. And it was OK. I just had my first true pang of guilt.
OK, yeah. You know, because now it seems. Yeah. Now that it seems conceivable he could lose if he is at sixty nine and he fucking had to go through this and he's not better for you.
All the money you know, like you can't lose there. You, you're gorgeous. You're right. Now I, you know, I feel bad.
Yeah. Oh. Like should I switch team.
I feeling I don't like any of this you know. I mean I like that Aaron's a lot. That's the part I like. Uh huh. Well I don't like this part. OK, but we're ready for Charlie to win. OK, hold on.
Hold on though Charlie. You've had to have enjoyed the attention right now. From who?
The boys, when Charlie walks delivered. All of us boys are just like, oh, my God, look at Charlie there.
We're looking at it back then. I feel in your thighs. I mean, nothing fits.
There is not one of my four deltas.
They're supposed to get dressed up. Yeah, I'm going to throw on a pair of slacks.
No, and I mean, no.
Try to get dressed up for your daughters, but they got to my. And nearly ruined my daughter's birthday because they ruined.
You ruined your daughter's birthday, and just for the hell of it, I threw on a dress shirt to see and not just not even close, could not.
But again, I couldn't keep my fucking eyes out of you is my daughter's birthday party. But all I looked at was Charlie the whole night.
OK, predicament right now. OK, because DAX thinks that I shouldn't be protecting everyone from him.
Huh. So now I have to try to police when and how I'm doing that. Right. Well, how about this though.
In our show life, you can do whatever you want. You say you don't like it on the show, too, but that's fine. You just said it. But I'm very nervous about Charlie.
What are your fears? And look at this big boy.
He can handle anything.
Oh, I think I know it's another five pounds. Look at him. He looks gorgeous. Well, are you worried about he's going to get too gorgeous? One hundred percent does. There's no question about that. But I don't think he feels good in his clothes.
OK. He wanted to make his video and that made me sad.
And I don't want you to go through war and I want him to you know, I hear what you're saying, but, you know, the term punching up and punching down, like, how can you feel bad for this fucking Adonis over?
He goes through all of this and then doesn't win again. Got right, Aaron. Aaron is in a when he's in a win win. Yeah. Yeah.
Charlie's basically like when guys have to wrestle girls, you can't win.
You can't you can't win.
Either you get beat by the girl or you you show her the respect and try your hardest. And then you have beaten a girl. Not both scenarios. The guys are going to fucking like yap about it.
There's just no I did wrestle one here was awful freshman year and refused. Every time there's a guy that was like eventually an Olympian above me. So I wrestled all the girls in the weight class, OK? And I refused every time for one. And it was a loss.
Yeah. And one I was going to lose most likely. And two, on the slim chance that I did win. Right. It was a lot worse. I'm going to sit this one out.
Yeah. Look at his integrity.
Daxter Remember that third place karate trophy and oh my God, you and I both had the least impressive trophy collection. I had a second place BMX trophy. You had a third place karate trophy.
Yeah. So and then karate tournament. I think I was ten when I was in that, but I had to fight three people total and the second person was a girl. Oh. I remember thinking what do I do. Sure. Because yeah this is not my style.
And, and I looked over and my dad was there, he had came to it and which was outrageous in itself.
I was going to say that must be the only thing he attended. Yeah.
So I don't know, I don't know how he got word of it or anything, but he looked at me and was like, you know, shook his head like like you can get her take her down.
Yeah. So I remember her in the stomach so hard. Oh she buckled over. Oh Jesus.
Oh. So that was the first point.
And you had to get three points and one. So then I then I like kicked her in the stomach.
For the second point I really went for the stock. Well if I didn't have that fucking heart to hit her in the face. Oh wow.
Anyway, so I won, I won all three points and my dad went like he gave you the fist.
Good job. Yeah.
Like all right. Oh I got my fucking ass kicked on the next round. So someone who is pissed that I beat up a girl or a brother. Yeah.
That was that was that exact lose lose situation.
Oh, my God. What a terrible scenario. It's so complicated because of course, if you're a girl and you want to compete in that, obviously you should be able to. And obviously you want them to give you their. Yes. And then again, for the guy, it's just it's a lose lose scenario. It's just there's no winning complicating. It's very, very complicated.
Important in this scenario you just painted. It's kind of like your dad was the sensei of Cobra Kai. Yeah, yeah, I know. Mercy show no mercy. I don't care if it's a fucking baby. You kick baby in the stomach sweeper fucking leg. Oh, my God, you were in the papers somehow for that, weren't you?
I sent you the picture and when they spell wrong, they didn't they spell your name wrong or.
Yeah, it was like Sharon Beasley. Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're such a complicated child.
Even your big third place, vitreous room is a clean, dirty. It's very dirty with your water in the stomach. Oh yeah. Oh boy. I mean, thirty five years later, you owe her an amends to look up that newspaper to go see what her name. You got to tell her that you were trying to impress your dad and he wasn't in the picture. What if it's a beautiful loves her?
She doesn't have a ring on her finger here and notices and they have a whole. She's got to be a receptionist, too, though. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, man. OK, well, man, what I can't believe what I just learned on here.
This is making it so stressful. The two of you. It's as crazy as it gets.
Unbelievable. Four point one pounds to five point one pounds. Holy shit.
Wow. Wow. We got to eat, Charlie. Yeah.
You just you fell a little bit behind by recording this and that and that coffee. Oh yeah. That coffee bar, 30 calories right there. We got the metabolite.
Aaron, do you have Christmas food that's going to be hard for you to resist? Well, I got to tell you this morning that I was just talking to Adrian yesterday. She's like, will you pick up some shrimp cocktail and whatever? I was like, yeah, fuck. Yeah.
And then she's like, OK, I have a Dearborne ham or some big fucking delicious ham.
And as he's like, and I bought all this stuff to make cheesy potatoes, which is about four million fucking anyway, it's like my favorite food.
OK. Oh and she got this, someone from her work sent her this hundred dollar pie cake that it looks fucking insane.
It weighs ten pounds. Oh my.
Oh my God. That's all I need. Oh pounds.
OK, so all the excitement of me getting cleared to be around and Christmas and I'm like OK and this is going to be my first sober Christmas with my family. I was sober last Christmas but I was in rehab anyway. It's very it's all very exciting. Right.
And I thought in my head I was so sure Charlie was going to bang the rest of this weight off, you know, eating all those cakes and stuff at the party.
I bought a couple of high dollar pecan pies that we got into and I was home the and similarly, it had to be a six pound pie.
And I thought, well, fuck me. And here he goes.
Just put them in his pocket and he'll do seventy. Right. So I thought yesterday that I think I'm going to fucking eat all of this shit.
Oh, yeah. I said, if there is ever been a time to celebrate, I go, well, I wait in a couple few days ago. Let me try to hit 270 by eating time by Christmas morning. And I'm guessing Charlie's going to funkin already hit it when we talk on Wednesday. Anyway, I had the whole thing in my head. I'm like, if Charlie hits it, then I'm definitely eating and then I'll get back on my regiment.
But now I'm fucking torn. Now I can't. You can't go there, dude.
It's the last mile of the marathon. This is more proof to my simulation. When I pick up the shrimp tomorrow, I'm going to probably pick up a few other things for me to eat in place of the potatoes and ham. I have to.
Well, as your coach, this is what I was going to suggest. Two things, because this week could clinch. It is a big week, not just because the baby Jesus was born, but other reasons. Don't lift any more weights. Yeah, OK. No more weights. I mean, I think that's part of why you went down. So I went down. Yeah, I see no weights just walking, lots of walking, too much walking.
Don't you say that because I can tell, I think I text to do that. I'm pretty sure I lost a lot of muscle mass.
Yeah. That's the dream in this, in this scenario. What is the point of this.
No muscle. Glory, let's bring you go, right, Gloria, bragging rights for a year's championship belt. Maybe I should throw the bell.
Oh, my God, I'll make you a trophy. If you win, it'll be your first first place.
Throw what I love.
About 100 percent of Aaron's stories is at any point, if he stopped and you had to guess the end, it'd be impossible. Yeah, you could bet anything.
You're like, OK, so he's saying this, what's going to happen? And I'm going to eat all of it. You're like, oh, that's where that was going. Same with the pizza. I never thought he was going to say he ended up eating just the crust. Exactly.
Completely unforeseeable. OK, so no, no weight lifting, tons of walking and low salt so that you're not retaining any water. I think it might be time to get on some diuretics.
I hate to say this. Oh, is he allowed to do that? Well, if Charlie's allowed to eat of super rich sodium diet, then Aaron should be allowed to take some diuretics.
What do you think, Charlie?
I don't know about that. That's real food versus like a chemical.
Are you on creatine right now, Charlie? I think there's a little in my protein. That's a maybe a little. Yeah, that's what he's on.
Creatine, which puts water in your. But I always have been.
Yes. Yes. Not different. And always takes diuretics on Saturday. Yes. That's his Saturday ritual Saturday morning. Well, whatever. OK, so that's not that's not been decided anyways.
Just stay off the salt and use the method that we used to use, which is you're low on money, so try to drink eight, 10 beers before you get to the bar so you don't blow a bazillion dollars.
So no, make yourself sick with with sliced turkey before you even arrive.
You can't wait until you're there to eat the turkey that you brought. All right. Because if you're hungry and you smell it, you're fucked. Charlie's walking away with all the gold, so you got to eat.
I think in this scenario, look, we'll have plenty of honey baked hams and pies when you win. Right.
Right. Yeah. The thing is, I want to keep going, but I do I would like a fucking big meal when this is over.
But I'm just Charlie and I going to weigh in as planned on Saturday night and Sunday again and not. Not before that. Right? Correct. Correct. Right.
OK, Charlie, as your coach, I want you to do a ton of muscle stuff, lots of sodium monaca.
I know. I'm helping you lift heavy, low reps.
Lots of muscle stuff. Yes, lots of salt. Just eat everything on Christmas like every single thing. Clear every pore plate.
Take your kids food out of there with this or now are you with the fam?
We've got fam at least for now, a portion of it. OK, well maybe you can have two Christmases and then your next extra.
OK, I'm almost glad you won't be here for my shit on the shingles. Oh man. Oh baby. I'll make them for you when you win. I make it every Christmas Eve. Smuggle you some.
It's the most amazing thing you can imagine. In fact I got to get my ingredients tomorrow. I'm Phuket's tomorrow.
Tomorrow. No, not we're going to. What are you talking about. Supposed to know we're getting McDonald's tonight, but don't tell Aaron. Oh oh dieting.
Went to the Wendy's drive thru for the kids earlier, so.
Well, that's fire right there. I know that hot bag of fries in the car. I did.
I did. Did did you do nothing you can eat there?
No, no, no. There was. And I thought I was in line. It was a big line fucking wrapped out to Woodward Avenue. And I was like, maybe I could order a grilled chicken sandwich and then take the bun of no mayonnaise. Then I'm like, fuck is the point of this.
Like, Yeah, yeah, it's going to be the worst. You're going to find out in the short order how shitty a fucking chicken breast is from Wendy's. Yes, I know. So I know without the mandate and all that. So I talked myself out of it. By the time I get to the window, I was like, I just fucking get this food on. And then I ate some chunky soup for lunch, which had to go to because I can get meat and potatoes, I realized.
And the chunky sirloin, burgers, soup and that's two hundred and ninety calories and it's a fucking pretty good lunch meal. Sounds great. I'm suspicious of that caloric well I'm suspicious of the meat.
There's like seven thousand grams. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a bag, we got to throttle off of that soup as we lead up to Sunday morning.
I totally get your hands on a lot of that soup. I need that soup in that ten pound.
I think there's a warning label on it for the soda. I really was expecting not this big of a drop so I could Yodle back a little bit.
I know it is it's a shocker.
I felt like I gained. So I was like, I have a little cushion here to coast, but now I feel bad.
It's not that I gave up on air, but just wanted terrible 14 days.
He's had it just there's no way there was good news coming at the end of that fucking it was like the depression can go either way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I love you.
I'm rooting for you. I'll be there with you every step of the way. If you start smelling that twice baked potatoes, you know, let's face time. Oh, yeah.
That's you know what? I'll deal with it in two days. Oh, boy. All right. Well, I love you boys. And what a what a wild ride this has been.
I got to say, I did not predict the current standing man. It's neck and neck.
Mm hmm. You guys are putting on a good show. Almost there. All right. All right. Love you. Love you. I love you guys.