Transcribe your podcast

Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse. Hello, Mr. Shepard. How are you? Oh, I'm great because we're talking about the most charming person ever.


Guys, we have never been put in such a drunken stupor by another human being. And it was seven thirty in the morning.


Our earliest interview, I'll be honest, I came in with a chip on my shoulder. I was like, it's too early for me. And then within four seconds, I was like, this was the best decision we ever made.


Her voice, Salma Hayek, Salma Hayek. She's an actress. She's a producer. She was nominated for Frida. She was awesome.


And from dusk till dawn, we get in a Desperado, my favorite movie she's in. And of course, Once Upon a time in Mexico, she has a new movie that is out right now.


It's called Bliss.


And her co-star is Owen Wilson, which is so exciting. I haven't seen Owen in a movie in a while.


So lovely to see him. I just adore him. Yeah. And also he should come on the show. Oh, my God, I love it.


I'm sorry, Selma. We shouldn't be using your intro to invite him on the show. But rest assured, we do use the fact check to invite Leon Bridges on the show.


So please enjoy Salma Hayek. We are supported by Batur Brand. Now that we have been in quarantine for several months, we're going on a year. I can't imagine going back to wearing uncomfortable pants to work.


I was thinking that today when I put on my pants like I'm never going to put on a real pair of pants ever again.


You should only wear better brands because Batur Brands collection of pants that look professional are incredibly comfortable.


Batur Brand combines customer experience with their expertise to make thoughtfully design clothing that's as functional, comfortable as it is inspiring as your favorite workout gear. Their customer favorite dress pant yoga pants are made of wrinkle resistant stretch knit fabric, making them perfect for literally anything you need to do.


There are a ton of different colors and styles to choose from, like boot cut, straight leg, skinny cropped and more Batur Brands new yoga denim collection is made from unbelievably soft four way stretch fabric that you can actually move in. In their new restorative collection features versatile pieces that are designed for living and working in. Right now, I'm sure you can get 30 percent of their first to brand order when you go to Bater Brand Dotcom DACs. That's thirty percent off your first order for a limited time at Batur Brand dot com slash decks.


I'm going to spell it for you because I'm a bad speller. BTR, A, B, R and D dotcom slash tax. Discover what it's like to be comfortable and confident all the time. Go to beta brand dotcom slash tax for thirty percent off. We are supported by him's a wellness brand for men that I myself use. I started battling hair loss at age 29.


I'm lucky I caught it so early. You did return to a medical solution. And by God, it's helped me since. And I now get that medical solution from him. Now, you've heard us talk about him and how they're helping guys look their best. If you haven't, it's time to see what they're all about. The problem. Sixty six percent of men start to lose their hair by age 35. And once you've noticed thinning hair, it can be too late.


The solution for him, XCOM, a one stop shop for hair loss, skin care, sexual wellness for men and much more. It's time to write a new chapter, one in which you have hair. Science can make baldness optional hymns helps guys be the best version of themselves with a licensed medical providers and FDA approved products to help treat hair loss. No more awkward in-person doctor visits or long pharmacy lines for him who can actually do a licensed medical professional online which will save you hours today.


Hims is giving you their best offer. Yet if you're not happy with your results after 90 days, hymns will give you a full refund. And right now, palm trees can get their first visit absolutely free. Go to forums, dotcom, dacs, that's forums, dot com slash DACS. Prescription products require an online consultation with the health care provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply see website for full details and important safety information.


Remember, that's for hims dotcom dacs.


He's in charge. I know, guys, I love getting girls to use these, I don't I like the big ones and try big ones. You have big ones because I hate these things. They got big ones. We have the big one. They resist the little. They always get the little ones to the Mexicans. Well, and misogynistic. Don't leave that out.


But she's a bad ass because she has them sitting with you.


Thank you. Yeah. You got to demand them.


But she also has a huge penis, so that's true. You can't see it. But it's you see, by the way, I'm sorry, but nobody told me. What is your name. Monica. I'm Monica.


I can say that I already see what's happened. Everything just became clear about your entire life to me. So I was like, where the fuck is Selma?


Get her over here. What's going on? And you sat down and looked at your face. I was like, take your time.


I don't give a shit what happens on a watch. You be sassy and cute now. I don't give a fuck. And I bet that's your whole life.


I love you already. But I was looking like this at five in the morning, but it's pretty infectious, you know, it's overwhelming.


Anyways, I'm going to try to jog your memory right now is about eight years ago right now. I only know because my daughter's birthday's coming up and she was just about to be born. And I came to Paris for a last hurrah. And we had a night out on the town. Yes.


When it was OK to go out in the town. Yeah. With groups of people and have nice conversations and you can hug at the end. Well, yes, I can. And my hugger. Yeah.


And kiss twice. You know, they kiss twice and then you go to Lebanon. It's three.


It is. What do you do. Cheek, cheek, mouth. No tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. When you cross the street you have to look left, right, left. OK, yeah.


We had a beautiful dinner. It started with a dinner. It was a very formal affair.


It was a dinner and then it was out to a nightclub and there was dancing. And we both like to dance. That's what I remember.


It was lovely.


Of course I remember you're not that forgettable because of the volume I speak at the height, the nonsense that comes out of your mouth because of the volume of your physicality.


Yeah. Yeah. You're quite unforgettable.


Well, you too. You know, my wife said when we first started dating, she would regularly go, where is your volume knob?


Is it in the back?


How do I turn you down? But you know what? Maybe I also remember you because you don't know this, but there's a lot of Mexican in you. Oh, please tell me.


I would love to hear how well the volume the volume was.


OK, you like your food, baby. Let's face it. I saw you eating. You enjoy it. Yeah. And we do something in Mexico that I love, but they do it in France. Do you know families eat the dinner and then you stay just having a conversation. We call it Soberon Messa. Mm. And it's really part of our culture and it's part of the ritual of having a meal at a table. Yeah. I love.


Yeah I know.


I think when you're American and you go to Europe and you notice people go to dinner and that's just like, like one of three hours at the restaurant.


And then I think restaurant owners from America that go there go oh they never turn the restaurant over. Everyone just comes and that's where they're at for the night. And it's really lovely. Yes. You felt Mexican to me.


Well, I'll take that as a great compliment, given that you're obviously were born in Mexico. And here's something I didn't know about you until I researched you, which I find interesting as your father is Lebanese. Yeah.


Or he's Mexican. Lebanese. Yes, my grandparents were.


This could just be my ignorance, but I don't think of Mexico as being a huge destination. You guys have a big Lebanese community.


Yes, we do. We have a huge one. But then you come to America. If you're Arab, Mexican, you're like all the way at the bottom.


It's a double whammy.


They still stab my brother every time he comes to the United States. You know, he eats eats like a double whammy.


And so your grandparents had actually come from Lebanon and your father was born in Mexico, in Mexico. And this is interesting. You were sent to school in Louisiana at twelve, almost.


Right? I was not sent to school. I demanded to be sent to OK. All right.


And they didn't want to I come from town that at the time was very small, but it was very strange also because that. Where they decided to build 85 percent of all the refineries for oil in Mexico during the oil boom. Uh huh. But the place was small, but there were like 10 families with a lot of money. And there was a girl that had been sent to a school Academy of the Sacred Heart. Grandcourt Louisiana. Uh huh.


And so now I just want it out.


I know. I know. She's a bird. She's like Delta.


I just wanted out of there. I just wanted out of there. I just couldn't take it anymore. So my parents said, no, we're not sending you to boarding school. You're too young. And so the girl came for holidays. I got the address and name. I send the nuns a letter in Spanish pretending I was my parents. They send me the application in English. I got someone to translate and let me fill it out. I sent it.


I got accepted. I said to my parents, please send me here or I will fail every subject in school.


Good luck blackmailing them. And they said it doesn't work that way.


But they were very moved that I had gone to that length to get myself in it.


And so at 13 they sent me, OK, I'm going to derail right now because Monica's right.


I knew it that night. We hung out. But it needs addressing. When you're as charming as you, you must love interacting with people. Right? It's so fun and playful.


Everyone's smiling.


The whole idea is exactly like, have you always found in life that it's just fun to interact with people?


You know, I've gone through phases and I have been very social in sometimes in my life. And I have to say that sometimes and lately I also enjoy quality time with only a few people instead of big social. Actually, I'm liking the crowds less and less because there's no meaning to it. Yeah, you. Yeah, they're small chatting in this industry. You go to parties, there's a lot of like bad food. Like wine. Sure. I'm networking.


Uh, I do like connecting with people but I do like I wake up at five because I like that hour when nobody's awake and you have that moment of silence and you can hear the words, oh yeah, I need that too. However, I have been an actress for thirty years and I've been doing press for that long actually more.


And I've gotten gotten sick of like it's like, oh my God, I have to do so many interviews. But after the lockdown I'm so excited you people this, this like a dog. So there's different people are the ones in my house. So I think that I'm enjoying it more than ever. Yeah.


This show has saved both of us because, you know, I have a six and seven year old daughter, so I super relate to waking up in the morning. If I don't do that, I'll never hear silence. I'll never not be answering the question or getting someone to drink.


Yeah, it's the only time is the only time you get to listen to your own questions.


Yeah. Yeah. OK, so really quick. You already kind of answered it because you knew a girl who had gone to the same school. But when I read that you went to Louisiana to study abroad, it's a little funny to me. Of the many places you could pick, no dig on Louisiana. But if I'm you, I'm probably going to try to go to New York or Los Angeles or I don't know, when you got to Louisiana, was it the America you were expecting?


It was Cajun. There we go.


I just I just wanted to get out. And yes, it was amazing. It was amazing. The school was big. You have to remember, I'm in this town. I was going to a school. First of all, it is so hot and humid in there.


Santa Claus used to faint every time Christmas comes with the heat and the beer. And, you know, there's no air conditioning in the classrooms and there is no art class or music class or none of that fancy stuff, fancy school stuff. And there's only a couple of them. And then I go to this castle and I loved Louisiana. I love the people. I love their food.


All the food's crazy.


I love their spirit. I love the jazz. I became a cheerleader at some point. Oh, you did? Yeah. So I would go to all the different towns.


All right. For four days for the games.


And I loved it. I loved it. It was better than the America I thought. Very spirited, lovely people.


How was the speaking English part of it. Challenging. Very challenging, yeah. Were there a. Spanish speakers there. There were other Spanish speaking people, and it was during really rough times in El Salvador, so there were a couple of girls there from El Salvador. There was a lot of people from Miami. They all speak Spanish. Yes, true. True. All those Americans, you know. Yeah, there were a couple of other Mexicans and Argentinians.


We had a little gang. And I did something terrible. I'm just remembering.


Oh, good, good, good, good. That's what we trade in. Terrible, regrettable stuff in this time where people don't judge.


I'm sure it's very safe to say I've never felt so safe in my life to open my mouth. Oh, I know. Also, we can yeah, we can do anything that would get us canceled.


Monica, you've got my back, girl.


I'm only sitting here because Monica has kept me here.


So I remember, you know, I'm very messy and they like it to be very neat in the dorm. Sure. And there was a girl from El Salvador who had OCD and her family was going through hard times.


So she needed to clean constantly. Right. Just to keep herself, you know, sane. So she was older than me, too. So she would always come to my room and say, oh, my God, this is a mess.


Please let me organize it. And I'm like, be my guest.


So but then we used to go out on the weekends to the mall.


Oh, yeah. Yeah.


And you take your money that your parents send you at the time. I'm so on and twenty dollars. What I did in the mall every time I go to the movies I would go to the movies while everybody else is shopping or whatever. Eating at Taco Bell. I'm like, I want to eat this tacos my popcorn and watch two films, you know. Yeah, but she stopped getting the money and so she couldn't come. So I said to her, I have an idea, why don't I give you twenty dollars a week as a gratitude gesture, uh, from the cleaning you do.


Because she was doing it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you're doing my dorm and then you can come to the movies. Yes.


Because I had no friends and she said no, no, no, I don't have the money. I got a lot of trouble because they noticed that my room was never messy.


I mean, they realized she was cleaning in the realized I was paying her and they said, you cannot hire remain inside of the dorm.


It seems like everyone was already. It is a really funny concept, though, if you think that one of the students has a housekeeper, by the way, she was sobbing when that she didn't feel she was much she was my friend.


But ethically, you're you're fine. You're totally ethically there's no dilemma here. There's no dilemma. She wanted to clean your room.


It's an interesting dilemma. I'm going to tell you why. Because we're so quick to judge everything. Oh, yeah. To put it in a box where we can have an opinion that it's already prefabricated without taking details into consideration.


Yes. In the order. What makes the story fine is the order. So she cleaned your room because she wanted to and then you decided, hey, she don't have any money, let me throw some money so she can have fun. So that's the order. There's no problem there. Not because she wanted to.


It was a psychological thing. She needed to be organizing and cleaning.


She needed to control a space because her life is completely out of control. So but the order is she cleaned your room. You gave her some money. But if the headline says you gave her money to clean her room, that detail is what changes it all.


What order I tell it in.


Yeah, I understood it even better later on in life. I had a boyfriend who was again had kind of the same problem. He has to be in control. Everything has to be perfect. And he was always complaining about my mess. Sure. Nonstop. And I remember once we broke up and he was saying, I miss you so much. I even miss your miss. I have nothing to pick up. I'm going crazy.


I would love to see you and Monica's roommates because you guys would have to go out and find two people who love the crowd.


I'm gonna go, you're like me and I've got to go. Now, when you have children, you pretend you've always been organized. Then you have to create a role for yourself.


Yeah, you got to model the behavior you want them to have. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I'm not there yet.


So your daughter is she may be thirteen now or something. She's thirteen. Oh my goodness. Is it so exciting for you to watch that.


Well A when you were thirteen you were in Louisiana going to the movies, you had your own housekeeper. Everything was great.


Don't say that. Don't say I was my friend. She was my friend. I was inviting her over for the weekend.


Yes, I'm totally teasing. But do you remember that time in your life you have to have such fondness? Because you were like, what, a tsunami to leave the little town and to go be your own woman who goes to the mall and it has to have a special place in your memory.


Are you excited for her to be in at that age? I'm terrified. OK, I'm shitting myself. I am excited at the same time.


But by the way, the image of the autonomous woman going to the mall and thinking of getting in that school was that the Academy of the Sacred Heart and you don't want anyone to see you. That gives us a cute guy later on in the month. You don't want them to see you coming out of the malls with the Nuns Academy of the Sacred Heart. Do you? OK, but anyway, she's amazing.


She's amazing. I'm super excited to be living the spirit in her life and kind of heartbroken that she has to go through it in the Times of Korona.


Yeah, what a bummer.


Yeah, I love In The Time of Cholera. It's an amazing book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And I wonder if he would write love in the time of Katrina if he was still alive now.


Yeah, you're right. When I get excited for my daughters, I think, oh, my God, the first time you kiss another human being, what could be more exciting on planet Earth? I'm so excited for them to have.


You are excited because my husband is always very nervous about this.


But, you know, it was my it's my favorite part of having been alive. It's the greatest joy on planet Earth.


It is the greatest joy. But, you know, I have a husband I can kiss at home. These Korona socks for love life, single life. I mean, all my friends are like, what are we going to do?


I know I was talking to a friend who's recently single and she said, you know, look, I'd be fine with someone having an STD, but I cannot risk your own.


And I thought, oh, that's wonderful. That says it all. Exactly.


And it can kill you. Yes. A kiss can kill you. Yes. Yes. Or your in-laws or your grandparents. Or your parents. Yeah, I know. To have that responsibility on your shoulders at that age is unfair.


Yeah. Can I say something about your husband really quick? Yeah. He's the best. What a fucking nice, fun, generous, kind, warm guy. But beyond that he's super sexy too. So I got to be honest, I didn't know who he was. I didn't know who he was. Well, I'll tell you, I'm admitting to something. I didn't know who he was. I just heard or maybe read in the headline that you had married a very rich guy.


So I was like, OK, you married a rich guy. Maybe that's why she married him. I don't know.


I meet him and I'm like, this guy is so foxy. He's oh, my God, the confidence, his eyes. He's so good looking and charming. And I was like, oh, this motherfucker could have been broke. He's a bombshell.


You know, the thing is that in pictures, you cannot begin to guess the magic in him. Oh. And he's made me become a much better person and grow in such a good, healthy way. And, you know, when I married him, everybody said, oh, it's arranged marriage and marriage. And for the money, I'm like, yeah, whatever bitch you want. Fifteen years together and we are strong in love and I don't even get offended.


I'm like, yeah, whatever. But that's such a dumb thing to say.


Yeah. You got your own money. Yes, of course I would.


You know, because there's a lot of people that do it. They are. But I think it's a patriarchal thing to be like, well she maybe did it for the money when it's like you don't need to do anything for the money. You've made your own money.


But you know, Monica, we're touching on a very interesting conversation. Yeah, there is a discrimination also to rich men immediately. You think because somebody rich might not be a good person? I'm sure that's all they got.


Might be somebody materialistic, might be somebody that doesn't have values, might be somebody that is even stupid or that doesn't deserve it, or that they did it in order to have a lot of money. You did it the wrong way. There is all these preconceptions. And I had them, by the way, it was the last thing I wanted. It was not my type at all. And I came in with the preconceptions and he Melton all the way.


And they're controlling and they're these are their dad. And that's all they think about. Or they're workaholics or. Yeah, my guy finishes work no matter how hard it was. And trust me, he has a lot of responsibilities. Big smile on his face, happy to be home, happy to see me and the kids make us laugh. Yeah, I'm still stressed out. We go on vacation. He completely shuts off. He's in the moment. And so it's not just an insult to me.


I'm not the one being judge only. Oh, she's an actress. She's known for the money.


Right. They cannot begin to imagine what a journey. That human being. Yeah, you're right. Oh, he is Monica, you know the feeling we're getting looking at her. He has that. But you're right, you know, and I think it's more humans love characters. We like archetypes. We like story. I think we like to just think in archetypes. Oh, rich guy controlling workaholic actress wants to be a billionaire.


And you know the Greeks. You know this archetypes. Yeah. All the different everywhere. You know, for ever since we exist, it gives us comfort to have the archetypes.


Yeah, the people are predictable and we don't have to be worried. We know what they can understand them. But it's back to putting things into boxes. Yeah, I don't like that. I'm a rebel. You are. You're the ultimate rebel and I want to talk about that. So first of all, I just want to walk through one or two things. So I became aware of you on Desperado. That movie blew my fucking mind. You blew my mind.


Rodriguez blew my mind.


It was just like Antonio Banderas blew your mind. Third on that list.


Yes, it was. It was it was you Kristen's mind. Oh, Kristen had a poster of them above her bed. Yeah. This is really not above her bed, but on her wall. And then so I with help, got an Antonio Banderas poster and I put it above our bed. Oh, my God. That's a couple years ago. Yeah.


And it's an amazing poster because it feels like he's staring at both of us no matter where we're laying on the bed. It's a really good poster. I guess that's his magic. But that movie was so original and the snippiness of the action and the choreography in the art form, it was just so wonderful. And I guess I just wanted to hear two seconds. Unlike you having been in that movie, was it so exciting to be in a movie with Antonio Banderas and work with Rodriguez and all that?


That was a big first dish.


Just so excited to get a job. I remember this is a time where it was almost. A scene, an illegal to hire a Mexican in a leading role. Yeah, yeah, he was an impossible, impossible. And the way I got it, it was kind of a miracle because Robert Rodriguez had done that mariachi with seven thousand dollars and he couldn't sleep at night. And he's watching TV flipping through the channels. And there is a rerun of an interview that a comedian did of me called Paul Rodriguez.


And it was a rerun at like 1:00 in the morning or something where he's interviewing and he's making fun of me because I was a big soap star in Mexico. And so I was very famous in tourism and that 60 percent of the entire country was watching these soap.


And then I had been in a really acclaimed movie, too, in Mexico that had won new nominations and stuff now. Yeah, not quite.


Not yet. OK, sorry, sorry, sorry. But thank you for memorizing my, my Bible because I'm impressed. Yeah, but I left, went to the States, tried to learn English and I'm still trying and went to school with Stella Adler. That's how old I am. Yeah. But my God she was in her 90s. Let's accept that. And started again as an extra wow.


That is very humbling and takes such bravery. I think I would have maybe just stayed in Mexico as a star.


Of course, it made absolutely no sense. And I was the laughingstock of my country because I was playing extra roles, the prostitute or maid or my maid, the wife of a drug dealer, two little scenes. So everybody was laughing at me in the press, the people you know.


Yeah, I was laughing.


Now he says, why? Why would you do that? Are you crazy? Somebody said that I was the lover of the president and had a fight and had to flee the country and I couldn't get a job. I mean, all kinds of stories. Oh, those are that's all kinds of juicy stories. Yeah.


I explained to him, I don't want to do telenovelas. There is no film industry in Mexico. I want to do films. I've come here to do that. But they're not going to hire you, you know that.


And I said, no, I don't write. And he said, but it just doesn't happen. They don't write the rules. There is no place. It just doesn't happen. And I said, well, then I'll have to make it happen.


Yeah. And by God, fiction.


And one of the things that I used to say and gave me strength, it was just simple mathematics. If we're forty million here, somebody of the thousands of producers and executives we're talking about. Thirty years ago. Yeah. Let's think eventually somebody has to be smart. Yeah. There is a whole huge audience that by the way, I had. Yeah. Unfortunately they were not that smart for a long time.


Well in the business has evolved. So now the total receipts of any movies going to be far more global than it is domestic. But back then when you were trying this, it was pretty lopsided. It was still like seventy plus percent domestic and only twenty percent.


They were forty million domestic Latinos in the United States that had watched my soap.


Oh, OK. I'm out to the United States. Oh my God.


No one that maybe that was an industry there that there was no money to make. I know they were racist, but I'll tell you something about racism. It gets erased with one color green dollars.


Well, yes, yes, yes, yes.


Especially in the industry in any way. Robert Rodriguez saw the interview and he found me that movie.


When you're making it, I mean, are you getting a sense that it is what it is?


It's just so I mean, Monica, you haven't seen it, I assume? I have not seen it. They have a lovemaking scene. And it's also when all the bad guys show up to kill them and they are making love and killing people. And I'm like this. This is unbelievable. Well, that was another thing. Oh, God, I'm going to be in trouble. They love scene was not in the script. It wasn't. No, it was demanded by the studio when they saw the chemistry.


Oh, they had a really, really hard time with oh, welcome to my world.


I know after he discovered me, I had to audition maybe six times and screen test and Robert wanted me on that at the time. One of the people that they wanted who I thought, oh my God, forget it, it's gone. My one opportunity because she is so beautiful and so charming and such a great actress is Cameron Diaz. These children speak Spanish, but there was a Diaz in the name Shah that was Mexican enough, even if it's not Mexican in there, maybe I could have been in there.


My name is DAX Hector Shepard.


You have to have the you you could have been the part of that attack or you could have been that it's going to be probably six at the time. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.


Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. We are supported by sleep.


No, I slept on a sleep number last night. My sleep number is 80 in my sleep. I.Q. score was eighty eight. I had a little dip. That's still nice.


That's still real nice. I'm going to add something Kristen wanted to knit in bed while we watch TV, so we jacked up the left side, her side of it, which is so darn convenient.


If you don't know, you and your partner can have completely different settings. So if you like it firm and she likes it softer, he likes it firm and you like it soft, the sky's the limit. Quality sleep is more important than ever as we balance life and health in 2021. Get almost a hundred hours more proven quality sleep per year with a sleep number three sixty smart bed as we all adjust to a new normal. This past year, quality sleep became more important than ever.


Since last March, Sleep IQ sleepers gained an average of 53 hours of more restful sleep. Proven quality sleep is life changing sleep and now you can save 50 percent on the sleep. Number three sixty limited edition, smart bed plus special financing on all smart bets only for a limited time at sleep. No stores and sleep. No dotcom attacks subject to credit approval. Minimum monthly payments required c sleep, no dotcom for details. We are supported by better help.


If you're having trouble meeting your goals or difficulty with relationships or trouble sleeping or you're feeling stressed or depressed, better help is available. Better help offers online professional counselors who can listen and help. It's very simple. You just fill out a questionnaire to assess your needs and better help will match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can start communicating in under forty eight hours. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is secure. Online professional counseling.


Better help counselors have a broad range of expertise which may not be available in your area. You can log into your account any time and send unlimited messages to your counselor. You won't ever have to sit in an awkward waiting room again. I'm a big proponent of therapy. My friend Monica is as well. Without our therapy sessions, this thing would have imploded months ago. That's true. Better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, so it's easy and free to change counselors if needed.


It's more affordable than traditional online counseling and financial aid is available. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help in Armchairs. Get 10 percent off their first month at Better Help Dotcom DACs visit, better help l.p dotcom slash tax and join the over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced, better health professional.


So interesting, right, so, of course, now that you say that, like you've signed up, you've agreed to do a certain thing, you've filmed it, and now they say, no, no, you've got to do a love scene.


It wasn't in the script, but they said it right at the beginning of the dailies. OK. Like when I did that, I said, oh, my God, I'm doing this amazing movie. This is it.


Hell, yes. I said I made it.


They paid me very little money, but I spent it right away because now I'm a I'm a Hollywood star. You know, I went really fast in Banana Republic, be like one shopping trip.


And I had no money for the rent, but it was OK because, I mean, now the phone's not going to start ringing.


And I learned really fast that it does not work like that in Hollywood. Save your pennies because you know, no one is going to the next one's going to come.


Yeah, it's always a rainy day in this Pinelake. Yeah. Even though didn't rain. So do you when you see that scene, can you enjoy it like it's so. No, you can't. OK, now I feel bad that I love that scene, you know, I like it. It's not that I'd like to know what I'm seeing, but it because you guys are killing people. Here it is. Is this OK?


I will tell you a little bit of background on the scene. The wife of Robert Rodriguez at the time became my best friend. Yes.


And she was so elemental. Right. She was the production designer. So she was the producer. Yeah. Robert Rodriguez, thank God, can also do everything on a film set. Yeah, he can do the sound. He can do the operate the camera. And he was like my bro. So they closed the set and he was Robert, Elizabeth, Antonio and I. That's nice. That's nice. Except that I have never done anything like that.


So when we were going to start shooting I started to sob.


I don't know how I got through it. I don't know that I can do it. I don't know that I can do it.


I said I'm afraid. I'm afraid. One of the things I was afraid was Antonio because he was an absolute gentleman and super I and we're still very close friends. But he was very free. Right, right. Right, right, right.


So it scared me that for him it was like nothing. And that scared me because I've never been in front of someone like that. Yeah. That situation was like, OK, what are we doing? And I started crying and it's like, oh my God, you're making me feel terrible. So now I don't even Antonio, who's the most free person, you know, very proud. And I was so embarrassed that I was crying and they were great, but I was not letting go of the towel.


And they would try to make me laugh and things and take it off for two seconds. And then I started crying again. But we got through it.


This is horrible. Sad. Yeah, I know. I don't like it. They were amazing, though. They were amazing. We did the best with what we could do at the time. You know, they were so magnificent. This group of three people. He was amazing, Robert. And the few moments that I was able to take the thing it was getting in the character and he was walking me through it and talking about the story of Carolyn and what it took for Carolyn, what it means to Carolyn.


But I couldn't stay on it. That's why it's little clips. It was never. Yeah, he was OK with that. He decided that moment because he's an editor also. Yeah. He was going to do it like that. Never put pressure on me because I was thinking I would get into Karoliina and then you can do it when you're not you, you can do it.


But I kept thinking of my father and my brother. Yes.


And now they're going to see it and then they're going to get teased. You don't guys don't have now we have the father. You father will be. Yeah, yeah. That's my son.


You know, you don't have that. I know. So there's like the other layer. There's so many layers. So even the thought that women have to protect the ego of their fathers and their brothers and you're super close to your father, right? As I understand it, yes.


And he was great. And I just said, you can never see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


You have to watch the film. And then I'll tell you, when we walk out of the theater, I escorted my brother and my father, and when it was over, we went back and sat there and they were very nice to me. They were nice. But it's not like my father is a tyrant. Is that you want him to be nothing but proud of you. You know, you don't want to.


But this is a pressure that is on women that is so fucking unfair. Can you imagine your own daughter having to worry about how you're going to be impacted or what issues you might have in something she wants to do? Express?


You know, what I hope she does takes that into consideration, OK? Because it's a nice quality. It is a nice quality. And then you can talk about it and overcome it together. Yeah.


Yeah, that's true. You know, I guess because I have daughters and I love them and I want them to just. Blossom into whoever they are meeting, the thought of me being a roadblock to that is not one. No, I don't want that at all. I want to be a highwater.


And by the way, my parents were not a roadblock ever. But I just think it is important, especially today, because before your parents were your source of information. There's a level of respect. Now it's the phone. Yeah. I can't compete with the technology. It knows more than me. Oh, yeah. Therefore, they know more than you. They said detachment of this sense of what my parents say or what my parents think. Yeah.


It is important that the respect stays and we're competing with a lot. Now that your opinion is heard, that your perspective on things is not having to compete with bloggers or look at how much this information we have right now in the Internet.


But you're right, we've lost that role where we're going to educate them on everything and answer every question for them. They now can get it answered incorrectly.


So, yeah, all I got to hope that they believe is that I do have some experience in navigating the emotional life on planet Earth and that I've learned some things about that. That's what I hope. Yes.


And he cannot get it better than anyone else. And even if they disagree, you not just the respect of hearing it out. And we need to teach our children to stay thoughtful. Yeah.


Because even if they are not thoughtful of their own parents, they're not going to be thoughtful of anyone else.


Not for real. That's very true. That's very true. I want to talk about bliss, but I just want to ask you one more question. You are very strong. You're very powerful. You are not afraid to be outspoken. When you became a producer and you made Frida, you hired a female director like you are a feminist in all the ways that I would hope my daughters are. And also, you're sexy in your own magazines. And I just wonder if it was hard to navigate owning your sex appeal while also being a very vocal, outspoken proponent of women being empowered.


And let me ask you confused or wondering if there is a contradiction.


I don't think there is. I don't see those as in opposition. And in fact, I think a power of a woman should be whatever she is that could be sexy, that could be not sexy. It doesn't matter to me. But I just wonder if he has.




He said at the beginning of my career, I had to embrace it as a tool in a protective way, because there's one thing that at that time, at least, I'm still a little bit today. They did not like smart girls. Yeah, yeah. This is was something really, really threatening. They were very confused by me because I had the opportunity to have a very good education and travel the world. Well, you're very smart.


You're just smart.


You are and also have a level of sophistication that they didn't associate with my race. I like I the remember that my first big meeting, I was wearing Chanel and they're like, is that a fake Chanel? I said, I know it's real and immediate. These like they probably they would have thought, oh, she's dating some rich guy. Right. You know, they couldn't think that maybe that actually I could afford it with what I was making as a substitute in Mexico.


Yeah. And so, you know, I didn't sound like what they were expecting, even if I had the accent and they just they said, go back to Mexico. I mean, you're a star there. We don't have anything for you here. And then I understood that my choices were to be either a servant or the drug dealer girlfriend. But the one thing they could accept is if you were not very smart, but you were sexy, their neurons would start disconnecting and creating new connections with this concept.


It's very interesting. It was something that they could relax into that. Yeah. So I understood it. Uh huh.


And I said, OK, you know, slide into it. And so then what happened is that later on, like, I can be myself now, but at the beginning, you're disappointed that that's all they can see, you know, in your 20s, in your 30s, in your 40s. It's kind of cool.


Yeah. 50S. 60S, yes. Yes. Yeah.


Why not?


You know, in your fifties, you at the beginning is like, well, can't they see beyond that in the twenties it's like, yes, they still notice, you know, you're so honest.


That's so true. We interviewed Amy Poehler yesterday or the day before and we're really old friends. And I said, Baber's, can I tell you? Looks so beautiful, she goes, I don't care if you think I'm funny anymore, just, yes, I'm into it now and I'm like, me too. I just want to be hot.


Just say I'm I'm getting older also because there is a stereotype that older women are haggard or they lose their sex appeal or they're not beautiful. So it's still combating a stereotype, which is you're right. I feels so good.


You know, Monica, already nature gives us one expiration date, which is motherhood.


Yeah, but then society has put all these other ones on top of it. And exactly. We're revealing against dads. We're like, no says who.


Yeah. I don't think anyone's going to argue with you currently, though. No, no.


I think you're harder now than you were in Desperado.


Oh, well, at least I got better at creating the illusion.


Nothing a sinister eyes and know there's a lot happening. OK, Bliss. I watched half of it last night and then I fell asleep because I did wake up so early to interview you. So I only saw half. So forgive me, but it's you and Owen Wilson. It's an amazing movie and it comes out on February 5th.


That's right. February 5th, unprime. So everyone can stream it, which is so wonderful that you're in a movie that we can just watch in our houses. It is about something that Monica and I are obsessed with. We talk about endlessly, which is a simulation. And I just want to hear your thoughts on it because we have a trillion.


Oh, my God. I want to hear your thoughts.


OK, my first thought is I think if you notice who believes in a simulation or who is inclined to consider it's real is generally people like Elon Musk or myself, people who have been who've gotten way to luck. Won the lottery. Yeah. Won the lottery where it's like feel suspicious. This can't you know, and I always say I doubt there's someone shoveling coal that is like I think this is a simulation. Like if you're miserable, you're not thinking this is too good to be true.


No, but you could think this is too bad to be true. There must be something else to life.


Well, I think that's where the simulation of religion and God comes in and has historically always been kind of that version of a simulation where it's like this can't no way. There must be another thing.


I think there must be another thing. I just don't know if it's a simulation. Mm hmm. But before this, I'm more fascinated with string theory than simulation.


OK, great. So break string theory down for us with the possibilities of realities happening simultaneously in other dimensions that vibrate at a different frequency. And when you're going to the subatomic particles. Yeah, into the quantum realm, these particles don't follow the laws of physics. OK, so you cannot do like an experiment and it's always going to be the same result with them. Yeah. And sometimes they disappear and go somewhere else but they reappear. Where do they go.


Right. And tell me if I'm wrong. But my understanding of string theory is there are these particles that are married together basically. So if the polarity of one of them changes, the other one will change and they can exist still paired and string on opposite sides of the universe. And if you do the math and we believe in stone in a Newtonian physics, that there's nothing faster than the speed of light. The polarity of these two things switch at the exact same time.


And it would be impossible for that information to have traveled at the speed of light to tell it to switch. So we know something's happening between somewhere else that is faster than the speed of light. And it kind of breaks down everything we think.


Exactly, but it doesn't because once they become atoms and then they become molecules, then we enter the Newtonian, uh, realm where it's mass that you can touch and that you can see. And we're living with those laws. Yeah. But before those laws, there's somewhere else.


What's really interesting is that they know now that depending on the observer that it's observing the molecules, they start creating certain patterns when they do the experiment. So if someone else is observing them, even if it's the exact same experiment, it's completely different patterns, which means somehow you affect the subatomic molecules that create the atoms, that create the molecules, that create the mass, that creates everything that it's you perceive is real in your reality.


So maybe we create our own simulations. Yes. I cannot believe this conversation started off.


You still want to talk about the work? Of course we're going to win. No, well, you're not going to get nominated, but we're going to win a Nobel. No, it's fine. It's fine. The possibilities, you know, it's cool. Well, I agree with you because you can look at it in so many ways and on so many levels. So I have become overly aware of that. Whatever story I'm telling myself magically comes true and generally for the worse.


Right. So if I tell people, I always tell people I'm an insomniac, I can't sleep. I'm a terrible sleeper. Well, guess what? I was I was a terrible sleeper last year. My New Year's resolution was to stop telling. I couldn't tell anybody that. And guess what? I can sleep way, way better. I mean, like a light switch better. Like, I'm not confirming my story anymore because that's not my story.


And so on that little level, I think my reality is very flexible.


It's very open to change because you are open to change.


To your point, I'm observing my reality. So I guess you have to observe in your reality.


But the thing is that a lot of people say and they're right, it doesn't work because I always think of one thing and I don't manifest it. And you know that I keep repeating the same thing. How come it doesn't manifest to me? But the one thing that we have to take into consideration is that our brain, which is electrical, you know, in a way, has a lot to do with this. And we're not using all of our brain.


There's also the subconscious part of your brain. So let's say the people that say money, money, I'm going to focus on money because I'm going to manifest money. If you grew up poor and you experience that. You brain, when you think of money, has created a neural net connection with lack and fear and fear and what I don't have and what my parents have to struggle with.


So every time you think money, your neurons go to do. And so how do you bypass your own programming? Yeah, that life has taught you.


You have to be completely open or know how to trick your own subconscious and your brain.


Well, can I tell you, my own experience was just I grew up broke and we coveted money and my mom worked her fucking ass off to support three kids. Single mother and I have this great fear of financial insecurity. So I in my mind said if I have X amount of money, I'm going to finally feel safe. And then I got that X amount of money and I didn't feel safe, but I said, oh, it's because I miscalculated.


I might live till 80 I need. And then I got another number and then I got to that number and my wife said, Do you notice you don't feel any safer. You've gotten to these two numbers. I realized there isn't a number because it's you're operating with that program.


Yeah, so you have. But it's interesting because you're able to manifest it with, like another program that you have that has to do with something else, like I'm a survivor, I can get what I want. So that part gets the other part makes it not enough. It'll never be enough. Or unless you change that to. Yes, a disconnect that neuron made the way you might realize that you will be happy with half of your first target.


A thousand percent. I just admitted to myself, oh, it's not an objective number. It is an emotion I have about this object money. And until I unplug that emotion, I can't get enough money to feel safe. I have to tell myself I'm safe and that's how it'll happen.


Have you realized that you don't let Monica talk?


No, no. It's great. My dad's simulation anyway, so I'd have to kind of sit back. This is what we discover. Yeah.


So what we talk about nonstop on the podcast is Monica's father moved to the states from India and married Monica's mother, who came as a baby to the states. And so we have figured out that he bought this simulation because it's just such a good story.


So he came to India. He does well. He makes a claim for himself. He's an engineer. They grow up very comfortable and his daughter goes and becomes famous. It makes a bunch of money and it's too good. It's such a he bought the simulation. We finally figured it out. And I'm just a character in it.


And so are you. And now you are. Yeah, for me. Yeah. I'd tell him I love my part.


I was thinking about that the other day, OK, because you know, the coal miner issue, those are people in my simulation, so really they wouldn't be real. So those people in their own simulation are not doing that correctly.


So in that way. But there's two different conversations playing parts. One thing I'm saying is let's say there's no simulation. I said we're all just on planet Earth. Right. What I'm saying is people that are really lucky are thinking this might be a simulation and people who are uncomfortable in their labor aren't thinking, yeah, if it if or not it if we're not.


And what if there is simulation, just everyone is you there can also think that.


But I don't think the position that you have can offer you happiness, like through profound happiness, more than the position than the coal worker has, because maybe you are happy and of course your life might be easier, but some people can have an easy life. I'd have no joy in any of the things they have and that means they have nothing. I agree with you.


I am not in any way making a claim, but I'm not I'm not rich. Oh yeah.


That's my position. Just to be clear, isn't that there's someone who's very happy, who has a purpose, who feels fulfilled, that has all those things. I'm not saying that. I'm saying if you are in great discomfort and as many people are, but yes, billionaires commit suicide, obviously it doesn't equal that thing.


It's also a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like once we made the joke on here that we're living in my dad's simulation, but we talk about it so often that sometimes I really get in my head about it like, are we all right?


Because the good things keep coming. And then the simulation is reinforced, right? Like, I'm like, oh, wait, that's happening. We're definitely in a simulation. Oh, we know this is happening. But really, I think it's just manifesting like good things are coming and then you're not letting them.


But Monica, in your case, you don't want to take control of your own power because you are willing to accept a simulation, but not that you did it. You. Your father got you here, got you to this place of opportunity. So that's where you learned it's coming in and deciding what is your reality? Yeah, it's super interesting.


But what's interesting with Bliss, as I understand it, the simulation is actually rough, weirdly, in that reality is quite beautiful and abundant. Oh, let me tell you all good. Because I have to tell you what happens. The thing because you think it's about where my character as a scientist explains it. So what happens is that she is living in this bliss world where everything is perfect and beautiful.


But people have lost appreciation. Right. They don't appreciate anything. So she creates these brainbox that can send you to a simulation that it's an ugly world with a lot of problems and a lot of conflict so that you can then come back and appreciate and enjoy. Yeah. The Bliss world. Yeah.


Well, what a metaphor for the time we're living in.


Absolutely. In so many ways, we think that we're living in an ugly world. We complain about it nonstop. Yeah.


Yeah. We go to lockdown and all of the sudden those little things like watching people on the street and knowing if they're smiling is they're sad, wondering what's their story. You can't.


Yeah. Can't see their faces. Yeah. Going to a restaurant with friends like you and I did, you know, just going to the cinema corner, micheel the cinema and turning that dark space with a bunch of strangers waiting for a window to open up and take you somewhere else where you can have a collective experience. But at the same time everyone is in their own world.


In this one room, in my chelate, we have to fight for cinema, you know, because we're too comfortable in our houses. Yes, but having the date, going to the cinema for the first time with a girl. Yeah. Fellowman the leg next to yours, you know.


Do you mind if I time traveled back to Louisiana and met up with you at the mall? Are you opposed to this? I have a lot of time traveling ideas, but I'm going to add this to the list. OK, can I tell you what I'm doing with the time machine?


First thing, I'm going back to woo Monica's grandma, who is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life.


She's staggeringly there is a picture of her on her wedding day. It must have been in nineteen sixty ish before fifty.


I don't know. Whoa. So I'm going back in time to woo her grandma. That's step one.


But then you said you're going to go get Brad Pitt. I've decided it would be actually be a shame if I would or because I'd actually want to see the most beautiful man and her together more than me with her. So I'm actually going to kidnap him from Legends of the Fall, take him back to the wedding day, see what happens.


Good. I like this machine. Let me ask you this. What do you think Monica would look like? That's what I said. I'm not going to exist anymore. It won't be me. You'd be identical, but you'd be five eleven.


I live with blue eyes, with your eyes and a soldier and even more stubborn.


Oh, I don't think that's a oh, my God.


Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.


We are supported by Squarespace Gang. If you've ever gone over to be the armchair expert pod dotcom, what you will find is a beautiful and elegant Web site that will be made with Squarespace could be easier.


It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous.


They have beautiful templates created by world class designers. Powerful ecommerce functionality will let you sell anything online and you have the ability to customize the look and feel settings, products and much more with just a few clicks. Best part, everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box, and it's a wonderful place to buy domains and choose from over two hundred extensions. They also have 24 seven award winning customer support. And you know, there's a million reasons you might want a website.


Maybe you want to showcase your work blog or publish content, sell products and services of all kinds. You could promote your physical or online business or announce an upcoming event or special project. So I really urge people to get out there and get themselves a website. Head to Squarespace Dotcom slash tax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer codecs to save 10 percent of your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace Dotcom slash tax enter code tax.


We are sponsored by CarMax.


Learn about the new love your car guarantee from CarMax at CarMax Dotcom. There's nothing quite like the joy of finding the right car. You know it when you feel it, but that takes time. You need more than just a twenty minute test drive around the block. Well, with the new Love Your Car guarantee from CarMax, you can take your time to get to know your new. So you can be sure it's the right car for you, starting with a 24 hour test drive at CarMax, you can take it home and try it out, put in the car seats, get the dog and go drive to work, to school, into the grocery store before you buy.


Make sure it fits your garage and your lifestyle. And if it feels like true love, you can buy with confidence because CarMax has you covered with a 30 day money back guarantee, you can take a full month and up to 1500 miles to love it or return it for a full refund. So don't just buy your next car. Love your next car at CarMax. Learn more about the new love your car guarantee from CarMax at CarMax Dotcom.


I just want to say one more thing about bliss, so Owen's character, he's just at the pit, right? He's just got divorced, he's on pills, he gets fired. It's just a mess. There is a wonderful metaphor in there, which is like if you can have the presence of mind to actually appreciate the struggle, appreciate the inconvenience, because it is the thing that allows us to experience the bliss I think is very true and hard for us to do.


It's really hard when you're in.


It is really hard when you're in it. It's not in our nature. There's another aspect of the movie that the director wants to make. This movie that either you saw it as you saw it, sci fi or completely in a different direction.


The drug addicts are so something fascinating that he said to me that I said, am I going to have to do this movie before even I read the script?


I was like, I mean, he said, you play a drug games, you play a drug addict that is at the same time a drug. You're the motor that is telling him where to go, what to do. And you can see it as two people that have created a parallel reality through substances to escape.


Uh oh. I can relate to that. You can go both ways. This is awesome.


I'm I'm really looking forward to finishing tonight. And of course, I love Owen Wilson. He's I feel like my spirit. Oh, he's the best. Oh, what a smart motherfucker, huh?


Isn't he just so interesting.


He is so weird. I cannot love him more. Yeah. There's stuff. I mean, he is such a roller coaster, exciting and joyful roller coaster just to follow his thought process.


Can I tell you, I've never memorized an interview in my life, but I have memorized his Playboy interview from fifteen years ago.


Oh, please tell me about. I didn't even know. There's so many juicy things in there. But one of them I want to tell you is the interviewer said, do you have any tricks for getting out of speeding tickets? And he said, well, you know, if I get pulled over, the thing I'm probably trying to do is what you want is you want the moment where you look at the cop and the cop looks at you and you both kind of shake your head and say, look at both of us out here on the side of this road in this crazy game called life.


Oh, what? What? Yeah, he only he would think that, like, you're getting to the point where you guys both acknowledge, look at this silly game we're playing called life.


Listen, there is one really dramatic scene in the movie at some point, and I'm talking to Mike, by the way, we have a strange dynamic that in a normal reality would be that we would hate each other, OK? And instead, we just thought it was hilarious, which is he's ballsy and I'm bossy. And he was telling me all the time to tell me what to do, which gave me the permission.


OK, so we spent the whole time telling each other what to do. Very different styles. Me, I'm direct and he thinks I don't notice that he's bossing me around. The other people don't notice what he's doing. Right.


I'm like doing something I see right through you. But it was so it was hilarious.


So in one scene he comes up with this idea and he gets super excited. Oh my God, I had the best idea. The best idea. I know how you should play this. Oh, and I go how?


And it's like a scene where I'm confronted with the police and you shoot them, said, oh, wow, wow, real big swing.


I got what I come out. And if you consider dancing through this thing and I go, Why?


Because how fabulous would that be? Oh, no, no, no, you crazy.


And you start like you think she's stubborn, looking at you, talking at you. And there's a moment when I say maybe it's kind of fantastic if I do the then do some karate movements like you show me, you know, messing around. I showed him that I can do stand him up like crazy karate movements over what is crazy. But this movie is crazy and your character is crazy and you have to be careful with him because I you do it.


He can't talk to you and it's madness. You and I said get away from me, from me.


Until I finish this. I don't want to hear your nonsense. Oh, my God.


He sucked you into his reality for a moment.


But no, I came out OK. Well, you're strong. You're strong. The last thing I just want to say is it made me think when we were talking about that we as the observer have an impact on the data on the molecules. I just want to point out that when. Yeah. When you arrived, they did not put Mexican actresses in the seats, that was the reality, that was the Newtonian reality. And then your observation of it and your participation in it went into the quantum world.


Yeah. And pulled the rabbit out of the hat. Yeah. You have a real life example. All right. I adore you. I think someone's tweeting this.


It's probably time we had you too long, but it felt good, right? Oh, my God.


This was I'll tell you the most interesting interview I've ever done in. Wow, what a win. Oh, so the other thing I saw that you have coming up this year. Well, two things. You are going to be in Eternals, which I'm so excited about, because we love Kumail. I don't know if you worked with him or not, but we all.


I love him. We love him. I love him. I love him even before this movie.


Oh, one more thing. We're both dyslexic. I learned reading about you and I just got excited about that because I think it's a superpower.


Once you it is coming up. We have to do a whole other hour. I know some other time we have we're not done, you know.


But you know why I can do this job is because we retain things in a different way. You learn to retain things. And so I can, like, learn about you and then I'm good. I can do that, you know. And that's only because the dyslexia anyways.


OK, the hit man's wife's bodyguard got.


Yeah. First of all, great title, but it's a sequel to the hit man's body. Going to sample the dyslexic have a dyslexic friend that thought I was doing a movie called The Wife that hits the Man's Body.


The hit man's wife's bodyguard is rare. You see too possessive apostrophes in one title and it's exciting.


It might be the first time Ryan Reynolds, we love him to son Sam Jackson, best swear of all time.


And so my character is his wife, so she doesn't too. I love them. I love them. I love them to death. They are geniuses. Both those boys machines, both of them. And you know what? How exciting that I did the first one and I had foreseen and now I kick ass with the boys at the same level, same screen time.


A proper action star at fifty four Mexican.


I love 54. Hurray for middle aged women. Yeah. Do you credit yoga. Yeah, a little bit of yoga. I trusted meditation time. I do something that I kind of invented myself. OK, ok. s.M which I'd love to talk to you not on camera about some other time because it really affects your body. You can get super powers from this meditation.


I believe that, I believe that we did TM religiously and then we had kids and we've fallen off. But I do it occasionally and I just don't know what's the end?


What's the transcendental meditation? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.


And I find that to be insanely effective on a cellular level, like I feel like when I do that, every cell in my body calms down and cortisol drops and we hang out some of time.


Yeah, we will. We will come to London now instead of Paris. I'll come wherever you're at. If we can have a meal again and go and do some dancing, I can stare at your husband's and your the kids. Yes, I would love to.


I would love to. OK Monica you come too. But don't bring your father. He's too intimidating for me.


I want to see you two are so fucking powerful and tiny. I want to see you guys just clash like little badgers. Oh it'll be so fun.


Yes. Let's go for one room. All right.


Well, we adore you. Oh, one does hit man's wife's bodyguard come out. It comes out in the summer. I get ready because it's fantastic. I cannot wait. Lots of action in it. And of course, you told us, which is directed by this brilliant genius, this woman going, oh, my God, she just got nominated. She did. Director Yeah. See the movie with Frances McDormand. Oh, yeah.


Oh, no. Mad Land. Yeah, that's supposed to be so good. And she directed The Turtles and my God, what a privilege to work with that mind.


Well, you have three awesome things coming out this year, so congratulations. Thank you so much. I adore you. You're so fun. Nice day for us. No, no.


This wine is just getting more and more valuable by the hour. All right.


We enjoy your simulation, guys.


And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soul mate, Monica Padman. You can come over. I know you're shy. You can be shy with me.


So your new favorite song. I cannot stop listening to Leon Bridges.


Lovely hamburger. Who love them. Why won't you come on our show?


Have we and I don't know if we've asked or and will you please come on our show, my friends Lizzie and Joe shout out that roll call. They got married last year, two years ago, and their first dance was the issue for our river.


Come on the show and please don't see what's going on, because this is in honor of you not stealing from these charities. Asking for some, you see thousands now. I want to copy and everybody I think in these situations, we should just have to play it, you know, you'll get the real good sound, not from my oh, this feels less steely. Yeah. Yeah. More plausibly deniable.


I love yours myself. Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. It's too sexy. Right out of the gate. Oh, he's so sad. Oh, he's a sexual creature. Staggering at the ballot box, anything about. Oh, I've been crying and feeling that, you know, oh, you know, get started at this time of night time in my dreams, right. I don't know by. Give it to me, Leon.


You can come home when I'm on your side, you know, and I'm like, I know you can do this. My God, if you're not already making love with your partner or masturbating on the side of the road, you've missed a great opportunity.


Something weird happened. What? OK, so I was about to play another song.


Oh, this is a backchat because so Lizzy and Jo's wedding river, it was so beautiful and it was such a great song. They also it was a Sunday. It was Labor Day. OK, so the wedding was on Sunday. And right before she came down the aisle, they played Sunday Candy, which is a chance the rapper song that is so good.


So but but what what's the problem now? When I just pulled it up on my library, it says Sun CANY Doney Trumpet and the social experiment. Is it a remake? But how could it switch all of a sudden? Maybe he removed his.


I have no idea. So this is a musical mystery. Exactly. The musical mystery tour.


I'm so confused. Oh, my God. Are you OK? No. Here, I'm going to have to play it from YouTube.


I hope somebody can explain what's happening in this chance. The rapper is. Take our viewers away as well. Go ahead. And nieces and nephews, he says he has only one she loves as much as me as Jesus Christ and Taylor, I got to insist on seeing it for my grandma, you seeing it to my my grandma, my mammy, Panerai sun-dried south side and beat the devil by playing with his time on my hands up and told me I should be my.


So my body, like it's holy for you, for the public. I've been praying for you. So what's the name of it? Sun candy.


Sun isn't a good word, Candy. Yeah, I think I'm going to add that right now to my library.


OK, and tell me I'm going to ask my friend Joe what's happening. Yeah, he'll know. Can I tell you something? Yeah. Monday I'm going to Utah to drive cars at excessive speeds on your favorite job.


Well, my favorite job with my friends. And the faster I drive, the happier they'll be. Oh, my God.


And I'm going to jump a truck. There's already a jump designated for the jump. I'm going to jump to try to break a world record.


Wow. That's not really the premise of the episode, but I'll personally be trying to break a record.


This is such a ding, ding, ding. OK, because Top Gear is proof of the simulation.


Oh, big time. Big time. It's impossible. Yeah, it's not possible. But anyways, I'm going back and I'm so excited for season two.


I'm so glad we're doing a season two. I know I'm going to remind people because I want to do like seasons one through 100.


So I really want people to sign up on the Motor Trend app, which they have a free trial right now. I want people to sign up at Motor Trend Motor Trend, Dotcom T.G. a twenty one. There are new episodes weekly. You could start your free trial today. Of course, it has Rob Corddry in the very sexy Jethro Bovingdon Grammaticus all aflutter four.


And we drive around in super cool super cars and pieces of crap that we try to climb mountains with and cross creeks with. And it's so much fun or also opinionated. And Jethro and I challenge each other to kill each other and it could not be more fun. So I really hope people will check out Top Gear America on the Motor Trend app and you can sign up again, a motor trend dotcom slash TGA. Twenty one.


I'm going to do it. Do it, do it. I did it. OK, OK. But OK, I'm going to transition seamlessly into the simulation.


OK, I have stuff to say, I'm sorry to say, which is things are getting urie out there because there's so much proof of the simulation for me that OK, I'm going to tell you a couple examples, OK, that are really crazy.


So I've got a lot of gas right now.


I just want to warn you, that's fine. And we know about yesterday's mishap, so I'm very nervous right now. OK, do you want to tell people OK.


No, I don't want to but I will. OK, yesterday morning go to get the girls on Zoome. There's no internet at her house, but there's internet at the new house which we don't live in.


So immediately throw the girls in the car, grab the computers, schlep them over to the new house, get them set up. There's a huge fight about who's going to go where. Right? It's chaos. Sure. I'm also trying to research this gas, so I'm trying to read about this person on the Internet while listening to their book on tape.


And it's it's just pandemonium. And then all of a sudden we find out Delta didn't bring paper and it's a crisis. And I'm on the couch and she's screaming, I need paper first on paper and I'll get home. I'll guess I'm in as I'm I'm I'm getting up the nerve of a little too.


Yeah, it was tiny. Yeah. And I stood up and I was like, hmm, I, I went to the bathroom.


Yeah. There was put me on this was trashed. Yeah.


So I had to take me on these off and it was one of your favorite pairs.


It was my favorite pair. It was a pair of me. Mondays I call my cheap beyond's because they're so lucky. I wear, I'm doing ok.


I don't like when you're saying this. It makes me really nervous that you've ruined good luck. Some things.


Well per year. OK, so, so I take off me on these and I'm walking through the kitchen to throw the milanes in an outdoor trashcan.


Right as my sister walks in and she sees me holding balled up me on these and she goes well that can only be one.


Oh so totally busted. It is a rough start to the morning anyways. I come up to the attic and then I tell you about it and then you learn that I've thrown them in the garbage, in the garbage.


And you're rightly concerned because they're my lucky on the. Yeah, yeah.


Throw them out I you need to clean them and keep them.


So I took a Ziploc bag and I went to the trash can and I recovered. Oh OK. Good. Oh my God. This is too gross of a story. So I get them home and it's like, now what? Because you cannot throw them in the washing machine. So I took the me on this. Oh my gosh. And I tilted the Ziploc bag so they fell in the toilet. And then I grabbed the waistband, I slashed them around a ton in there, I kind of gave them like a horse bath splashing around, splash them around, and then with the waistband, put it back on the Ziploc bag, then took it to the washer.


OK, this is great. And then they come out clean. Yeah. Yeah. This morning I said, can you imagine if you had thrown them away? You're right. Today I'd be pretty panicked.


Yeah. Good luck. And like the metaphor. Like you shit all over your good luck. Oh, Christ. Well, it wasn't a full ship, but you know what I'm saying. It was enough for it was enough for me to ditch them. But I was also panicked. I wasn't even to my right. I was in my reptilian brain. I was panicked. You can be sure. You can come over.


I'll shit my pants. OK, why do we say this again?


The simulation. Right, is getting crazy for you. Yeah.


And I don't remember there was a reason. Oh, I tutored. That's why you have gas, that's what it is.


You have gas currently and you and I warned you, you're warning me and then also saying I'm pretty nervous because of the events of yesterday, which, again, it had been years. And I actually thought I was past this point in my life. I really do. You got cocky. I didn't.


It's not like I even planned to toot. It was like in the pandemonium of getting up early.


Right. It was an accidental. Yes.


It wasn't like I was like, fuck it. I'm going to see if that was not it. This was a very innocent escape. Again, did not even feel like anything happened.


It wasn't until I was completely up where I was like, you know, Aaron had he agrees with me on these in the race to 270 and know was discussed at length. And I even remember in that episode, maybe that's why it happened. I was like, you know, it's not my story anymore like that. I don't do that anymore.


Oh, that is you getting cocky karma.


I'm right. Yeah, you're right.


OK, back to the simulation. Yeah. Something a little less nasty. Things are hairy and these are some examples. So I got an email about Kristen Wiggs new movie, and it was late at night and I was like, oh my gosh, we should try to get her on the podcast to talk about it and to talk to her. How cool. So I sent an email to myself. Kristen Wiig. Yeah. Then the next morning I wake up and the first email is from your publicist and he said, hey, would you guys want to have Kristen Wiig on?


Oh, will you be honest with me? You're really good at being honest with me. Yeah.


My pulling this off when I think of other actors, I think about another actor talking about their pants and I don't like it. Like when I think about let's think about Zach Braff. He's telling a story about putting his pants. I don't know if I like it.


I don't mind it. OK, I think if you.


Don't like stories about it, you don't like them across the board, but if you're like, fine with those stories, then you're fine with that. OK, so someone's pulling them off and someone's not. OK, all right.


They are pulling their underwear off because.


Well, that's no choice at that point.


OK, so last week we interviewed Samantha Power, Kristin and I interviewed Samantha for your new show, Shattered Glass, and she is married to a man.


He's a you also he's a person. He also worked for the Obama administration. And, you know, but I've never heard of him ever. And I just saw his name pop up when I was doing my research on Samantha. His name is Cass Sunstein. OK, and we interviewed Samantha Kass, came up like once.


And then the next day I get a book in the mail today from Go On Danny Cornerman de Hardiman's new book, because we're going to interview him.


We're so excited.


And the book is actually three authors, Danny Kahneman, someone I didn't think about, and Cass Sunstein. Come on the next day, suspicious.


It's suspicious and then. OK, yeah. Yeah. So nature versus nurture. Yes. Wendy Moghuls, new podcast under Sure umbrella. That will be coming out soon and is so good.


It's much better than our show. It's incredible. Just going to say that it's way better than our show.


It's therapy. You get to listen to a live therapy session with parents and it is truly wonderful. So I was editing an episode on Sunday and it was with this beautiful, wonderful family who is a farming family.


And they were talking very specifically about the type of farming they do, I think, called permaculture.


Then that night I am doing the New York Times crossword puzzle and one of the answers is permafrost. I would not have thought of that ever if I had just listened.


Listen, that could be the simulation or it could be your favorite term data off frequency illusion.


I've been struggling with this. Yeah. Is it better? I think you're more a believer in Batur Minoff.


That's more your religion. Better Minoff frequency.


Oh I'm starting. I'm questioning my religion.


Well that's fun. Yeah. Don't ever stop questioning, you know, it's just starting to get so suspicious. We don't like it like we both agree.


Right. We don't like it. We don't want it to be a you.


No I don't want to know and I'm scared of it being a semi too because it'll mean nothing. It's just so sci fi and scares like Liz.


And I'm scared now because me, you and Eric, we're having this discussion about this topic. All we talk about. Yeah. And we decided that if you figure out it is a simulation, you die, you get you leave the simulation.


So I was like, we got to stop talking bollocks to feel like we're getting too close to cracking it. And I don't want to leave this simulation.


So now I'm really scared. Yeah, we got to put a pin in simulation for a while also.


It's just really fun. I doubt your father would have any idea how often he's talked about, which I think is just wonderful. Yeah.


Because we acknowledge it's his simulation. And in all these conversations with you, Eric and I, it's mostly about your father and what he's experiencing or where he's where his physical body is. Where is he?


He's you know, he's in a very comfortable chair in an office building. An article? Yeah, he's an article chair. He's very, very comfortable.


He's a man. Oh, good. He's snuggled up with a Brooklyn and. Oh, OK. Question.


Yeah. How does he use the bathroom. They have tubes.


Yeah. He's hooked up to a catheter and in a poop tube, whatever those are called that goes through this man. You see that.


Oh come on. This is one episode. It's been years, years. He's very comfortable and he's getting a liquid diet. That's like everything he needs.


Yeah, he's very happy. Always so happy. Look at his daughter. Yeah, she's doing so well. He's great. OK, what if he's like a six foot four lumberjack? Well, he looks different. We don't know. Oh, my God. Oh, I don't like that. I want to be my dad, OK? My dad's my dad. My dad was my dad.


OK, so I've gotten an answer from Joe. Oh, great. Donald Trump. It released an album that heavily featured Chance. But Sunday Candy is technically a Donald Trump song.


OK, so he's featured on it. Yeah. Yeah.


Let's get to some facts about Salma. Let's do it. Let's first start by saying we've never been so bowled over. It was hysterical.


That's the only time I ever wish we had video. I don't like video. I love that this is a listening experience. But that is the first time I was like, I wish anyone listening could experience what we experienced and mostly look at your face because I looked over.


I was, of course, assume I'm going to be intoxicated by her, of course, with her feminine wiles.


But I looked over at you and you were all atwitter. Oh, yes, she had you so charming.


I've never met anyone so charming. I don't know. Yeah, I don't I don't think I have either. She had us on the run. Yeah.


It was great. She also was really kind like she was really inclusive and cool and she's just cool.


I liked her so much, so confident, so confident and awesome. She earned it. She earned the confidence. Yeah.


I think that's this is an interesting thought. Oh, good. Manufactured confidence versus real confidence.


I think one can become the other.


True, though, I think the reason her confidence is so genuine is because she she really did earn it like she left Mexico after being a huge star and came to be an extra here. Yeah. And and made it all happen again twice.


Exactly. She's just cool.


Yeah. I was so attracted to her in Desperado.


Yeah. What do you how do you feel now. That story really enlightening.


Like it sounds unhappy. The experience does. It was crying the whole time. Yeah.


But also she also says it was lovely like the way they were handling it and I and I think she. Right. Maybe I'm wishful thinking but it sounded like also she recognizes the scene was incredible.


She says she still can't watch it. Yeah, we didn't ask her, though, if she can watch, maybe she doesn't watch anything. Listen, I want to salvage that scene so bad for myself. I get it. I get it. But also, I think it's just it really was a different time to now.


I think if somebody was like, no, they I really don't feel comfortable, like immediately it would just be like, OK, we're not doing it.


And most certainly if someone's crying, it would all get shut down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.


So it also shows, I guess we're making some progress, I think. And it made me so sad for her. The main hang up was her, her dad and her brother.


Like she kept thinking of that and like there on Earth. And that was so interesting that you brought it up like this extra layer that I've not even thought of. Women have to be something for their dad, their dad's honor.


Yeah, they're my natural thought is, well, did she have no problem with, like, personally of her mom, her dad and brother didn't exist?


Would she have been like maybe she doesn't have any problem with being nude on camera? I don't know if she doesn't want to be nude on camera. I don't I want that to happen. Yeah.


If she's just upset because she's worried about her dad, I get mad at the system at that point.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it was also the first she said I've never done that before. It wasn't in the script.


None of it's ideal.


Well just imagine like you're I don't know, we interviewed someone from Good Will Hunting and we find out that like Matt Damon totally hated the scene with Robin Williams and went against his moral code.


It would just be hard for you to be like, fuck, it's such a beautiful love of their heart.


I'd be very happy. Yeah. And that's kind of what I'm experienced. Yeah, I get it. OK, so the year of the picture of my grandma is nineteen sixty.


Great. Now I know where to set the the time inm. That's right on the first plane.


OK, one thing at the very beginning I left this in because it was again so charming, but it kind of makes no sense to the listener because she was talking about big ones and little ones.


She's talking about headphones. Oh it was so funny and cute. So I left it. But I also am aware that probably no one understood what was going on. She's talking about earbuds versus our headphones.


Right. And she wanted big ones. She doesn't like earbuds.


Oh, OK. The percentage of Lebanese people in Mexico is forty five percent.


No, no, no. That can't be right. No, I can't deny half the country just been there in. Cities of Mexicali in the Imperial Valley, US, Mexico and Tijuana, across from San Diego, with the large Arab-American community about two hundred and eighty thousand, some of whose families have relatives in Mexico. Forty five percent of Arab Mexicans are of Lebanese.


Their yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.


OK, so 45 percent of two hundred thousand is ninety five thousand out of a country that I think has 120 million.


In 2017, 400000 Mexicans of Lebanese descent in twenty seventeen.


Four hundred thousand. Yeah. OK, yeah, they have one hundred wow, I got a pretty good one hundred twenty six million so it's four hundred thousand, OK, and we're going to divide that by one hundred and twenty six million. There it is. That's a big number.


Forty six percent point zero zero three one.


So a third of a percent point three percent. All right. That's not extreme. It's not. So I don't feel bad now that you didn't know that.


Yeah, yeah. But maybe in her town it was high.


Yeah. No, you just never know there's these pockets or pocket pockets. OK, I have a fact here, OK.


And already I'm afraid to say it, it's not a pronunciation.


No I know I can just I always known it's um. I'm about to get corrected.


Yeah. And in that you're going to be upset maybe. Oh boy.


Well I hope you're not upset. Bring up the topic so I can guess one again. OK, it's just personal. The topic is Antonio Banderas poster.


Oh, you put it above the bed. No, I bought it. You bought it. I hung it above the bed. So I surprised Kristin within Antonio Banderas poster. I brought it to her trailer and I put it up for her birthday. And it was a surprise gift then. It was a hilarious joke. Yeah. For her birthday. And then she bought a home, obviously. And then there was Antonio Banderas poster in your house and then Coralee put it above the bed.


Oh, she did.


Yeah. OK, I can live with all this.


OK, I'm glad I reattached it enough times that I have a memory of it on the ceiling. And I guarantee I totally believe that whole chain of events and I apologize for taking credit for that.




I just I was really excited to give her that present. Yeah.


This is great press. We talked about it for years. Yeah. We did the Tony B poster.


OK, you said your name is DAX. Hector Shepard. Yeah, it's Max Randall. Oh right. Like Justin Randall. Right.


What if that was your thing on every episode you said you had a different middle grade.


Should I start doing this kind of funny. Yeah. DACs Lily Shepard.


That's what I would say right now with my current guest.


OK, Cameron Diaz. Yes.


I wanted to see what her her father is half Mexican, I believe, a Cuban Cuban course.


Her father is Cuban, maybe more than half a million. Diaz, her father's family is Cuban. OK, OK. Her dad's Cuban. So that's why.


There you go. By the way, she would have been great in the movie. She's a great actress. But Salma boy, did she bring something to it. And not just that scene.


The woman who directed No Mad Land, her name is Chloe Zow Z H. Oh, I might be mispronouncing that, but that is the director of Nomad Land, which is supposed to be so good. I'm dying to see it.


Me too. And that's all that was it. Yeah. That was an abrupt ending.


I'm so sorry. Are you wearing your lucky Mandi's again. No.


Well, they were clean. That's true. I kind of know I'm wearing them, hurt me and. Oh, it's hard to tell because it's almost Valentine's Day. I hadn't made that connection. But you're right. And tomorrow.


Today is Valentine's Day is Valentine's Day.


I thought Valentine's Day is the Wednesday before Valentine's Day. It's like celebrating your girlfriends.


Oh, fun. Yeah, it's fun. Oh, I wanted to do one thing for you. Oh, I'm so glad I just remembered.


I forget these. It's going to require you to close your eyes. Oh ok.


OK, good. Off my plane. Harrison Ford. Thank you. OK, great. Oh can I open. Yeah. Oh that's the one. I'm back. Yeah. Harrison's gone and I'm back.


Oh my gosh. Can you do a Valentine's Day themed person and I'm going to close my eyes.


That is so hard. I know. I'm trying to up the ante.


I got a Valentine's Day. You could come over. I don't want your problems, Ralph. You have your eyes open.


Yeah, but he kept me from really getting. Oh, sorry. Alcoholism or.


Oh my gosh, Elvis. Yeah, it was a romantic song. Yeah, sure. What would you think is a valentine?


I guess I would do like to pink like, you know what you could have done like Matthew McConaughey in How to Lose a Guy in 10 days because there's a Valentine's, you know, it's just romantic.


Not not Mancur. Oh yes. What date is this? February 14th day for lovers. You and I are going to be lovers. Oh, my God. I love it. I've spoken to my wife, Camille.


Oh. And she said, go crazy. Oh, my God. So we're going to do this in your sheets. Oh, God.


All right. That's great. Oh, look who's here tonight. Mr. Baxter. Mr. Baxter. I got this covered. Yeah, but I just I don't know that I approve.


This was not up for you to approve. That was Camille. That was Camille's position.


Well, did Monica say anything? No. She seems kind of gobsmacked by the whole proposition.


Well, yeah, because you just barged right in.


Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She gave me a key. You know that. Oh, look at you're turning red now. You're all aflutter, aren't you?


You know, I'm really taken on a life. This is OK. See you in. Matthew had a key. Did you advocate for everything.


Oh, OK. Wow. You wrote a full script. Thank you. Thank you. I did ask you to do it so I should say thank you.


There's not a famous Valentine's song or anything, right. Well, there's a good jellybean romantic song, but none that explicitly state. Um, yeah.


Like oh isn't there something called Blue Valentine or. Oh yeah. Elvis. No. Right. Uh, no. Funny Valentine. Funny Valentine. No.


You know it. I'll play it. I can't I'm not going to sing it.


Well this is ding ding ding. Very musical episode.


Exactly. It's Frank Sinatra. Oh OK. I can do him. I mean I can try to do him. You know this, my funny Valentine, you've never heard this comic valentine. You make me smile. With my mom, well, playful, very playful. You haven't heard this before. Oh, sure. Laughs But her looks are laughable. Oh, it's taken a turn. Oh, my goodness. Oh, this is taking a real chance.


You're my. He just said she's a dog, but he likes it if you mess with your mouth full of your mess, you're just.


Is your figure less than Greek? Is your mouth a little weak when you speak? Oh, boy, are small. Oh, my. She's done, too. Oh, my gosh. Even though it's fucked up, if you can stay. Oh, oh, yes, it is rough. Horrible. Yes, a nagging sore. Yes, it sounds like he has her captive.


Oh, shit.


Your hair is Futrell Little Valentine. Your teeth are bugged, crooked in brown. But don't try to get another guy because I'm the only one who will love you, you dirty mangy dog Valentine.


OK. Wow. That really took a turn. It started off so. Oh my God. It's like the ding ding ding. It's like the scene in Desperado I loved.


Oh, he's like your your mouth is we.


You're not even smart. Don't change a thing. You're perfect. Oh you are flawed as hell.


My Valentine.


Oh wow. Oh wow. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's is just for me after Valentine's Day.


Oh, that's the 15th. Yeah, that's OK. It's still Valentine's Day. Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Yeah, yeah. Right everybody. Yeah, that's fine. By the way, we didn't record this even on whatever. Don't worry about how the sausage is made.


Just eat the Valentine's Day sausage.