Did you get a haircut?

I didn't, but I want to. I want to have your hair.

Well, I'm getting a haircut. You.

Are you getting a haircut this week?

On Friday.

Do you like your hairdresser?

Yeah, I love her, but she's expensive. Well, she's. She's a hairstylist. But I just have known her for a long time because of.

Oh, so you have a good price. It's free.

It's not. I pay her, of course, but, like, she doesn't really do haircuts. Oh, she just does, because we're friends at this point.

That's cool. You should start a hairline company. I would buy it.

I would be a cheat and a fraud, because I don't know any. Let's be. Okay. It's like when J. Lo is selling her olive oil and look, I'm not saying she doesn't do that. I have no idea. And I like her a lot.

Have you watched the documentary?

I did watch the doc.

As a lover of J. Lo, how do you feel about it?

I'm not, like, an insane lover of J. Lo. I'm just not like, this is gonna. This sounds so like Pollyanna, and I'm not. Oh, I'm really not. But I am, like, done hating on things.

Oh, okay.

I just am. I'm sick of it. I don't like this. I don't like trying to take people down. I know there is a whole thing against her right now. It's like, no one allows anyone to just be happy. I'm not for it. Okay.

You're not jumping on the bandwagon?

No.

Even though during the documentary, were there.

Parts where you were like, this is a problem? I actually. I mean, I guess I was sort of, like, half watching, to be fair. But no, I was like, that's fine. Whatever she's doing is she's doing it. I also liked that she was, in her way, telling us she was a love addict. I think she is a love addict.

Right.

And not that many people admit that or know that about themselves. And I think it's more common than we talk about.

That's true.

So I liked that it's not harmful. We're coming up on an election where there's harm, there's a harmful person in the mix. So I am super uninterested in just calling everybody else out for no reason.

So you want people to be called.

Out for causing harm?

Causing harm, not for just being annoying?

Exactly. Exactly. Like, just don't watch it or don't pay attention. If you don't like her or you don't like it. This Kate Middleton thing. I hope people felt like such pieces of shit. I'm sorry if you were so deeply invested in what's happening with this person. You don't know, slash her. Photoshop, whatever.

Like, okay, I'm with you. I think that we have to take into consideration the context of the royal family and the deception and the lies and the corruption of that institution. Like, we are used to being lied to.

Who cares?

Again, I didn't even indulge in Kate Middleton.

If people don't know, which I actually believe, it's possible that some people don't know. She was, like, not participating, participating in some events and stuff. And so a bunch of theories started popping up, asking, where is Kate? What happened to Kate? Is she dead? Did William cheat on her? Is she leaving? Like, all these conspiracy theories and all of this craziness. And then there was a picture that the firm put out. It was her with her children, and it was photoshopped. And people were, like, deep diving into the Photoshop and, oh, my gosh, this is so clearly ridiculous. And, like, she's definitely dead. And then it came out on Friday that she has cancer. Like, of course she does. Of course there's a reason she's not participating. And it's none of anyone's business. I'm just like. I feel like it's scary to be.

But isn't no one. Okay, I agree. I think we agree, like, 99%. I just think the, like, shaming of people who had theories or sort of expressing concern publicly.

Publicly, it wasn't concernless. It was gossip.

Yes, but sending a photo that's edited to the AP and, like, to journalists and claiming that it, like, they're not supposed to do that. And again, the royal family, it's not like, oh, this is just a random celebrity. Like, they're figures of state. They do represent something and are expected to take part in certain activities. I'm not saying everything should have happened the way that it did. I think the royal family should have, like, said something earlier. Like, it would have been easy for them to say.

She probably didn't want to say anything earlier. And she has that right. She has children, young children. You do have to remember that first and foremost, these are real people. I don't think even a president, which, by the way, is not the royal family, that's more of a position where they're ruling and in charge. I don't think they're obligated to immediately upon diagnosis, but say something and don't.

Send a Photoshop photo to major news networks. I think everyone is at fault. I don't think. It's just people are crazy and people are unwell. There were things that the royal family did that, you know, were not helpful.

Isn't every photo photoshopped, though? Like, cleaned up? But it was made. They were weird ones. But it was like her. It was a specific picture of her and the kids. Was it made?

I have no idea, obviously. But one of the things, like, the trees were, like, not the color. It's like claiming that this photo is recent when it's not. It's just stuff like that that you're like, don't do that. You know? And I can't imagine what it's like to go through that in that kind of public. But I just think also, come on, it's the royal family. Like, of course we're gonna be skeptical of what they say. Should it have gone that far?

No, the reason they did do that is because she just wasn't going to things. It wasn't that they were putting out a ton of Photoshop things. She had a surgery and she was recovering from, which they said that clearly she is recovering from a surgery. They did try to tell the truth, and she wasn't ready to come out publicly and say that she has cancer. So they did that out of desperation. And I hope people felt bad. I really do. Do not make people's lives your specific entertainment. Unless it's, like, reality. T. If it's a reality tv show, I think, awesome. You can talk about it. That's a buy in. People are choosing it, but, like, leave people alone. I just think it's gotten really out of hand.

Well, it's the parasocial. I think we need a new name. It's past that point. It's really that we think we know these people and we almost spend more time talking about them and talking about our own lives.

Right.

Or again, even with this J. Lo thing tonight, I saw this TikTok that they made. She talks about being from the Bronx a lot. And then there's a part of the documentary that people are sort of poking fun at, where she talks about it again. And entertainment tonight took every time she spoke about the Bronx and did a supercut of it after that clip, almost feeding the sort of commentary that's laughing at her, always talking about being from the Bronx and people from the Bronx being like, we don't know you. That's the sort of discourse. But yes, people are participating in it and then get views and clicks. There's that element too. They get attention from coming up with the greatest conspiracy theory about, well, exactly.

That's why it's predatorial, because it's using somebody else for your own gain. Yes. It's four clicks. It's four likes. It's for, like, what's the funniest thing I can say right now? So I get the most attention at this other person's expense. It's a problem. I mean, I think it's a. I don't know. I just think it's bad. And I do think people who are, like, really happy are not doing it, are not posting, and are not taking a bunch of glee in other people follies. Anyway, that's my take on that. But I have a more important thing to talk about, which is I learned that Sephora has same day delivery.

They do? Yeah, they've always had it.

I don't know if they've always had it, but they have it now, and it's a problem.

Oh, what have you done?

I've ordered multiple things at multiple times, and I just learned about it on, like, Thursday.

I kind of have been on a Sephora.

Have you found any new products?

Should we do a new product, maybe wrap up? Actually, sure. But also, I have something important to talk about. But it's on par with Sephora. Same today. I can go into it later or we can talk about it.

Okay. We can put a pin in it. What's made you get into Sephora? Deep dive.

I kind of came across this video on my feed with this makeup artist that was like, here's how to do the lazy girl. Like, I needed that in my life.

Lazy girl.

The lazy girl makeup.

Okay.

What I have right now, it looks great. Thank you. It's all of her stuff.

Do you want to shout her out? Because I shout someone out. Oh, you don't.

There's no way I remember her. Basically, she said it was all about SPF foundation. Whatever that product is. That's like, it gives you SPF, but it also is like, a moisturizer.

Oh, you mean a little bit of a tinted moisturizer. Tinted moisturizer, yeah, that's right. Great. Great.

Thank you. So I've tried a lot of different ones, but she recommended this brand. Oh, my God. I don't.

Oh, no.

This is what's gonna happen. It's, like, purple and cute tatcha, probably, or Doctor Idris. No, I think it was that one you just said. Can we google it? What is it? Yeah.

Of course.

Of course.

This is important.

Tatcha's.

T a t c h A. Yeah.

I think that's it.

It's, like a nice brand. Was it expensive?

It's not that brand, actually, but I do love that brand. Damn it. Is it Doctor Idris? No, it's purple. It definitely could have a t or.

A D. Was it tower 28? I think so. Yes.

It's purple.

Yep. Is it this?

Yes.

We figured it out.

Okay. So I got that one. And I like it.

Okay.

It stays on, but it's not too thin.

It looks really nice.

It's great. And then she talked about doing brows. Brows were very important, and obviously you know that. So she talked about a few frozen brow gel.

Oh, sure. Anastasia again. Or Anastasia. Or Anastasia Beverly Hills. Yes.

So I got the Anastasia Beverly Hills brow freezer, and she talked about also how you laminate and then you put. Anyway, she had a whole little strategy technique, and then. Interesting. So I never had a brow pencil, but she said to fill out.

Yeah.

What were you doing?

Just leaving it?

Kind of leaving it. Like. I don't know. I don't know what I was doing, honestly.

You're going on that trip?

I was going, I guess, but now that I'm filling them out, it's so much more fun. And then she also was like, add a little line with your brow pencil to give yourself, like, a little bit of an eye lift. Like, I like those little tips.

Sure.

Because I would have never thought about doing that. And that's me. That's been my latest.

Wow.

Yeah.

You just stumbled upon it on TikTok or you sought it out?

No, she came up on my feed and she was just like, here's how to do it. There's a wealth of knowledge on TikTok about makeup.

Yeah.

It's a really. It's kind of incredible. Like, to think about how in the dark I was in my twenties, or, like, I didn't know what I was doing. It was word of mouth.

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, that was most things. God, the blue eyeshadow days. Were you a blue eyeshadow?

I was a white line eyeliner, which that. Yikes.

Although sort of recently I saw a white eyeliner in the waterline. That was really nice. It was very brightening. I don't know if I've tried it, but I did get the liner.

I do nude down there, and it's really brightening. And that was like, a makeup artist that told me to do that, and it makes a difference. What'd you get into?

I went down a huge wormhole. Hung Van Gogh. Do you know Hung Van Gogh? Have you heard of him? Don't he is a makeup artist here in LA. Well, I don't know if he's based here, but I think he is. He does, like, a ton of celebrities for red carpets and photo shoots. I don't know if you saw the Oscars. You did see the Oscars. And Jennifer Lawrence looks so good, right?

And she looked like she wasn't wearing makeup.

And Hung did her makeup.

Wow.

Yeah. He does Selena Gomez. He does a bunch of people. But he has videos on YouTube. He does tutorials. And every now and then I'll remember that he has those and I'll watch them. And it's so. It's like my cooking videos. I find it so soothing to watch. And he always gives the models, like, a face massage.

Oh, sweet.

With the moisturizer, and I want that. And he tries different products on different people. So I watched so many makeup tutorials yesterday of Hung Van Gogh, and then I kept buying stuff. Cause I was like, oh, that looks pretty. And I would buy it, and I don't even know what I did.

You don't know what? It was like.

I was drunk, but I wasn't. I was totally sober.

I've been there. I mean, online shopping. Sometimes, all of a sudden, it's just my cart is filled up, and I just close it. I just close the window. Cause I'm like, I don't know what just happened. And then I'll freak out. But you didn't. You did the right thing and got it.

Well, we don't know yet.

We don't know yet.

And it's hard to, you know, I couldn't close out the browser because what was happening is I'd watch a video and then there'd be a product. There's this Chanel blush on one of them that looked beautiful. And he said, the thing I don't like about Chanel is that they discontinue their products a ton. So, like, they're kind of all limited edition. And I was like, oh, fuck. So I, of course, bought it. And then I go back to the video and I'm watching more, and then maybe there's something at the very end, and I'm like, I want that. So then I'll go somewhere else and buy that. So I just don't know what I've done yet, you know? Cause it was like, all day long. It was just random at different times. Like, I bought this perfume. It smell unsmelled, unsmelled yeah. Inside, unseen.

Wait, did he talk about it, or did he?

Yeah. Oh, wow.

But I trust him. Like, I don't even know this guy. But just based on what you've told me.

No, he's very trusty.

Yeah.

Perfume is tricky. Cause, like, everyone has different taste, but it was like a blind trust.

Oh, no.

I have never regretted buying something. Me either.

Come on.

But sometimes you will go and you will leave. $300. Yes.

Poorer. Yeah, it happens quickly.

Okay, so one thing I bought. This is bad. One thing I bought were these shiseido cotton pads, basically. That's ridiculous, right? Because they're expensive, and they're basically cotton pads. They're just, like, a little nicer. They do feel really nice on the skin. But I thought I was buying single use. This is really bad. Single use towels, basically, for my face. And I was never gonna tell anyone in the whole world that I was buying that because it's, like, so bad for the environment. But then it wasn't that. It was just these cotton pads, and I was like, so I am still looking for single use towels. And the thing is, I'm doing it. I know it's bad for the environment, but I need that to keep my skin clean. Cause it's very volatile, and it's been very volatile for the past couple months. I feel like I'm coming out of it. And I do think it was related to egg freezing.

Totally. Hormones.

Same thing happened after the last freezing. There is this six month period ish of fine, and then I had a crazy couple months of major hormonal cystic acne flare up. And so the timing is adding up after my last retrieval for it to be the same thing. So I do think it's that. I think I'm coming out of it, but still, I'm so paranoid, using all these fucking products and doing all this stuff. And I need to clean the towel.

But what is a single use towel? Is it, like.

It's kind of like a nice paper towel, essentially. Single use. So there's, like, a box.

Okay, got it.

So then when you're drying your face or, like, patting it dry, you're not reusing your towel.

I also heard recently that you're not supposed to use a towel on your face. Also on TikTok, which might be a lie, but that it's too rough for your face.

Well, you're supposed to pat. Do you pat dry or do you smash?

Definitely smash. Liz.

Yeah, you're not supposed to smash. You're supposed to pat dry. And if you don't have very temperamental skin, which I don't feel like you do. You have beautiful, wonderful, pretty consistently, even skin. You're fine with a towel.

Okay.

And I'm probably fine with a towel, too, but right now I feel like I need it. And then I also remembered that I drink out of plastic water bottles pretty much all the time. So then I wanted to ask you, what are the like? Those are the two things that are sending me to hell. Right?

Well, not real. Okay. So as your friend, I'm always gonna defend you to this end of the world.

I know.

Eating meat, which you do.

I eat meat.

It's not.

You don't. You only eat it sometimes.

You only eat half the chicken when you make it.

So you waste it, which is even worse.

No, but you don't travel a lot. You don't go on private jets.

I don't.

Okay. You know, you could be doing far worse things. Look, I'm more worried about your health. Drinking out of plastic bottles.

Oh, no, but I use Zen. It's a specific water brand, and it doesn't have plastic leaching.

It doesn't have plastic, but still. Could you get, like, a water?

Yes, of course I could get anything. I have so many reusable water bottles and I won't drink water out of them. Yeah, because it's just, like, not happening.

Have you tried?

Yes, over so many years. And then I also, like, then I feel guilty and then I'll try again. And then no water drank all day. Mentally, for me, it makes such a big difference in my water intake. Oh, one other thing. I hate carrying around the huge fucking things of, like, Molly has this huge.

Water bottle, but that's not sustainable.

And where do you put it then? It's like you walking around with it. It doesn't fit in my purse.

What if we found you a tumbler that you really like? That's very stylish.

I also feel like there's definitely mold in these. Even when you wash them really well, if you smell them later, they smell. And I use a copper sponge. I don't trust it. But out of my coffee?

Yes. You always have a mug.

I do, I use mugs. I don't use plastic cups for my tea, but I don't like using the top because I think that's where a lot of, like, the moisture gets trapped and the germs happen. So I just, like, carry it in this cup.

But don't the germs get in then? If it's just open, doesn't that also.

Well, no, that's just like drinking out.

Of a mug, but it's like an open air container. If you're just concerned with germs, then.

Like, germs as much as mold, the weird growths that happen.

Your feeling about tumblers is how I feel about bottles of water. Like plastic. There's, like, a physical aversion to it.

Well, that's good, but that's what we could build for you.

What if we, like, found some data that showed that the plastic does something to your brain? Cause you're afraid of brain cancer.

I am, but. Okay, if it was, like, there's a direct and 100%, like, 100% causation.

Causation.

It can't be a correlation. Okay, I might. I've looked into this. Like, it's not. It's not. It's fine. Or it doesn't necessarily have to be. Like, it could be liquid death, which is a can, or it could be box water, which is paper. I just won't use a reusable. It's single use. And so the single use issue is going to, like, you know, it's gonna send me to hell. And look, I guess I'm gonna be fine with that.

Well, a lot of people are gonna be there, too.

All my friends are gonna be there.

Yeah, I'm gonna.

Hell. We are supported by Vegamore. My hair is really, really long right now.

Beautiful.

It is definitely longer than it has ever been.

It's growing. I've never seen your hair grow this fast.

It is growing really fast.

Really insane.

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You don't want to be putting so many chemicals in your hair. I've totally switched. I used to put all those, you know, those shampoos that I knew were bad for me. I've totally switched to Vegamore, and I just feel like my hair is fuller, but also healthier, too. Elevate your hair wellness routine this year with Vegamore. For a limited time, get 20% off your first subscription order by going to Vegamore and use code synced at checkout. That's vegamour.com synced code synced. To save 20% off your first order, vegamour.com synced. Code synced.

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Oh, that's such a good question.

What do you do? Like, things like this that are very problematic. You know, they're problematic. You know, you're not supposed to do it, but you do it. Like, do you leave the water on when you brush your teeth?

I do.

I do, too.

Cause it makes me feel like it'll end quickly.

Me too. Me too. Me too. I'm like, come on.

I anticipated ending cause of electric, but then it, like, keeps going, and I'm watching the water, but it's over. It's over. It's over, and it's not.

And the temp, I need the temp to get warm for them. My face wash. So it's like the time I use for it to get warm, but I'm sure it's too long.

We're so lucky. I mean, I have a fireplace in my room. It's an electric one, and I use it in the summer. I put my hotel room at 80, and I don't put it down when I leave because I don't want it to be cold when I come back. Like, that's not good. That's going in my file.

Well, I guess it's true. We are supposed to energy save.

It's very bad. My dad definitely thinks I'm going to hell for that.

I know, but dads are like, yeah, that's too conservative about it.

Do you think that if you're a single mom, you take on that role? You're always monitoring the temperature to take it on because there's no dad to do it?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, you have so much on your plate as a single mom, maybe you just say, fuck it, but also as a single mom, you're paying for everything on your own.

Right?

So the waste. Ew. What is on my hand?

There was mud out there. I kind of almost. Is that mud?

Probably. It splashed, I guess. Oh, yeah, there's mud all over my shoes. The fuck?

No, there was, like, muddy. I didn't. I don't know. Did it rain? I don't know why there was rain yesterday. It did.

Anywho, so that's it?

No, there's stuff.

Say it.

I feel like this is bad. In my twenties, I wasn't a homewrecker, but, like, there were situations that I was in that I sure, sure. It's dark because it gave me such a bad outlook on marriage, too. I was like, married guys are dicks. Like, yeah, pigs. Because they all want to fuck.

Yeah.

Not all, obviously, but, like, so many of them on a dime. You're like, wow. And so I regret just being, like, a weird participant in that. I think I'm going to hell for that, for sure.

Now let's turn the tables. I think that's, like, something to learn from, obviously, in life, but I don't think you're going to hell for that. I think that's a very human learning lesson. Not for everyone. Not everyone has to learn it, but a lot of people do of, like, this approval feels really good, and it feels really good because it's like, well, if they like me and they really shouldn't like me, I must be so likable and lovable.

Right? That's a good point.

You only need that if you feel so lacking in that.

And there was an element where, like, it was also perfect for me. Cause I was like, I'm just this thing you can't have and, like, this, like, thing of desire. And I don't have to, like, hear about your problems with your mom and see you take out the guard. Like, it was a very. It allowed me to kind of avoid intimacy. I didn't do it. Like, yeah, but I did it more than I feel proud of or I feel proud for zero of it, but just allowed even flirtations to go.

Right.

Like, even if nothing happened, like, ew, that's low quality, Liz.

Yeah.

We do things in our twenties that are dumb. What's the dumbest thing you did in your twenties?

That's such a broad question. I was in college. Like, we did so much crazy stuff. Stuff. I don't know, other than, like, the usual. Just, like, drinking a ton and driving, I'm sure. Although I actually think when I was in my twenties, I was much more cautious of those types of things than I am now.

Interesting.

Which is weird. Drinking and driving was instilled as the worst thing. So when I was early into my drinking days, and because it was always binge drinking, so there was no option to drive. Or I guess some people did, but it wasn't like, oh, maybe I can swing it because we're so drunk. Right? But now there's a weirder fine line where it's like, well, how many drinks before I'm drunk or not even drunk, but before I'm, like, even crossing a legal limit? I don't know. I do want to test that, actually. I want to get a breathalyzer. Oh, and see how many glasses of wine before I am past the legal limits. I don't know that about myself.

And you're so little.

I am little, but I have a high tolerance.

It's true. I've never seen you. Wait. This is crazy. I've never seen you drunk, actually.

Really?

I've never seen you drunk. I've seen you loosen up.

Yeah, but I'm happy.

But I've never seen you drunk. Even on your birthday, you weren't drunk.

What do you qualify as drunk? I mean, like, sloppy.

It reaches, like, a limit. Like, you're just being goofy. I feel like I've never seen you, like, goofy, silly drunk. Or maybe I was drunk too, but I don't remember.

No, we've never gotten drunk. Yeah, we've never seen you drunk. But you stopped drinking, like, quickly.

No, I ruined it for you.

When have we drank together?

Well, we would drink a lot with dinners and stuff like that. We would go for wine.

Oh, yeah.

When I was drinking, we would. I was like, when I'm with Monica, I'm drinking. We would drink. For me, like, two or three glasses is a lot. Cause I'll feel it the next day.

I feel like you never even when we. When you were drinking, you never, like, really drank more than one.

I would try and keep it to one or two. Yeah.

Yeah.

But I would often drink more than one because I was with you? No, but, like, it was fun.

I feel bad.

Don't.

Maybe this will send me to hell. But this is actually. It won't, because I think people are making their own decisions.

Yes, of course. Dudes. We had this running gag of, like, when I would look at my bank, I knew how I was with you. Cause I would just be like, oh, my God. Oh, this is funny. But again, like, it would be so fun. And I would love the time we spent together. I think we should get drunk together. I think you should know I'm pretty fun. I think we should do it.

Well, you tell me. You're the one who's not drinking. I drink pretty regularly, so this is really on you.

How many drinks does it take to be drunk?

I think it depends on the alcohol, and it depends on how long I've abstained. Okay, I'm trying to think the last time. I mean, like, I've been drunk with Anna and Jess many times. Like, when we go to Foreman's and play poker, and then we go to Don Cucco's and have burrito. Like, it's a whole thing. I'm definitely drunk by the end of that often.

And do you ever get impulses to do things? Like, when you're drunk, do you ever impulses do bad things?

No. Like what? Like, jump in a hole. Like what?

Text someone you're not. You're like. Or, you know, say something that has been on your mind, and then it comes out.

I actually do think when I am drinking, I think I've hurt people's feelings. Well, I know I have. Like, yeah, one time was a full disaster. Not that long ago, actually. Well, it wasn't a full, full disaster, but time it was. I just said my truth. Usually not a good thing. Yes, it is, though. My truth. It is a good thing. This person was also drunk. That's the thing. Everyone's drunk, and everyone's drunk in a different way. If I'm in, like, I'm gonna share my truth, and they are in a, like, emotional headspace. It's not a good match.

Right.

But there were other people there. That validated my thought. My.

What did you say? What'd you do?

Oh, God. Okay. This is so bad. And it's extra bad because I don't feel that bad about it.

Okay.

Okay. It was somebody's birthday. God. Me telling the story is complex because there's a huge history. Got it. There was an ask of me that I felt was too much, and it wasn't too much. But it was a part of this history we have where it was building for me already. Where I felt like the asks were becoming too much in general and that there was a little bit of a. I felt a little bit of an entitlement around me and what I was giving.

Oh.

So then I, like, snapped in that moment, because when you're drunk, you can't really control yourself. And so that's how it happened. And then they cried. And a couple other people were there and they were also kind of fighting amongst themselves. Yes. And so the whole, like. It was a bit of a disaster. Wow.

It was like a. Like an eight year old's birthday party. Like everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or a. Ew. There's a dingleberry on here on the mic. Why is dirt everywhere? I don't understand.

So close to that dingleberry prison. Ew.

Why don't you tell me?

I can't see that.

Okay. This is another reason I'm going to help. This is for sure.

What?

Not tingle berries.

I don't tell people when they have.

Something in their teeth or on their face or I don't. I just look down. If you see me looking down, there's probably something going on with your face.

You wouldn't tell me if I have, like, a green.

I want to, but I can't.

Yeah, yeah. I say it one out of four times. If there are other people around, the responsibility is completely diffused.

Yeah. It's not on you.

Okay. If I'm about to go somewhere and I have something green, would you tell me?

Oh, Monica, I hope. I hope. I don't want to promise you because.

I'm just not so sure if I was going on a date.

Okay. I would. If you were going on a date. Pretty sure I would. Come on.

Okay. What if I had, like, period blood on my pants?

Oh, going on a date or reg? You know, regs. I probably wouldn't say. Monica. What? I know. I don't know what it is.

Dude, that's like a feminism faux pas. You have to tell any woman, even if your arch enemy has never.

My nemesis. I'm never telling my nemesis.

I'm just kidding. You must. That'll get you straight to hell.

I know. You know what? This is horrible. I'm probably more likely to tell a stranger.

Interesting.

Or a nemesis. I think there's something about, like, I can't have you feel embarrassed right now.

I get that.

And I don't think people feel that embarrassed around strangers. You feel more embarrassed around people, you know, interesting.

What if it's a family member.

Like, if it's my dad and he has food in his teeth. Yeah, I'll tell him.

Okay. So it's just the friend zone, I guess. Wow.

My God. You wouldn't tell me. Maybe I would. Maybe I would. Maybe I would. I've never been in that position, so I don't know. Maybe I would. How would you say, let's role play. It's me who has it.

Okay.

Plop, plop.

Monica, you appeared. I would. There would be.

No. You would say it like that.

I would be like. I would.

Because it's wanted. Get it? You want to get it? Set. You.

We need to have you changed right away. We gotta find you pants. We're gonna figure this out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's like, we got a situation.

Would you say period blood? You would say it like that? Well, if it's.

I would say there's blood on your pants.

Oh, that's better.

Yeah, there's blood on your pants.

It could belong to murder or murder. And then I say, okay, I guess I should tell you.

So you would tell me in a murder situation. You don't want to tell me if I had fury blood on my pants?

No, I think. I think I would. You would?

I think you would?

I think I would. But I am being very honest with you. I won't. About the food. Unless you're going on a date. I guess that's, like, a different scenario. I've never been in that position.

Right. Okay, tell me.

I feel scared to say it.

Say it.

But I was in a situation sort of recently that's been haunting me where I was with a friend. And.

I feel like.

I can't say it.

You have to. You did your lap face. That's like. I know. This is gonna be so good. You're gonna start crying.

It's really bad. Okay, this is a friend. And they were a little sick. No, don't take pictures of them. And this person coughed. Oh, my God. They, like, turn to cough. It's not.

It's like with the v eight.

There's no reason to be laughing this up.

Monica's crying right now.

Okay. So when they turned back around, they had, like.

No.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. You didn't tell? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay. They had something. They had something on their face. Oh, like phlegmy. Phlegm on their face. But also we were eating, so I didn't know if it was phlegm or if there was just like, food. Oh, my God. There was Thomas. Oh, my God.

No.

Anyway, I didn't know, but I just went to the bathroom. Oh, that's helpful. Yes, because it was helpful. You know why? Because I went to the bathroom. When I came back, gone. Wow. I think that was the best thing to do because that person can go on in life thinking maybe I never knew and that they themselves caught it before anyone saw.

But, okay, what would.

It really has. Cause I keep thinking about it. Like, I get, like, I have, like, PTSD from it.

Yeah. War flashbacks.

Yes. I'll get, like, a flash of their face with the thing on it. I know I should have said something. I think so. It is haunting me.

It seems like it ended.

Well, it did end, but, like, was it the right move? I don't know.

Okay, where was the phlegm?

It was on their face.

Like, on the cheek or something. Like, right in the dip on the cheek. Really embarrassing is.

It's so embarrassing. Like, I couldn't handle. I couldn't handle that. It was just like, I gotta escape this right now.

Right, right. Okay. This is what I would do. I would grab a kleenex or, like, a napkin. I'd be like, oh, you have a little something. That's the move. You have a little something here. Means you have a booger, like, in the middle of your face.

Oh.

Because if it was hummus, I would say, oh, you have hummus. But if someone says, you got a little something here, and they do it, that means there's something embarrassing happening. It's like a euphemism.

Okay, but then are you just handing them a tissue?

You could do that. You could be like, oh, you have a little something. But I would probably just wipe it.

That you would.

Unless it's like a work dinner or like a work lunch. If it was you, I'd just start laughing.

No, it's so funny.

You have a border on your face.

No, see, this is why I'm going to Helen and why it's hypocritical, because I, of course, am like, you better fucking tell me immediately. We're not friends if you don't. So I understand being on the receiving end and feeling like you've got to, but I don't know what happens in the moment. I feel paralyzed.

Yeah, I get it. That's why I asked about your parents, because I feel like that was a big trigger for you being embarrassed. And so it's probably that. But you don't have with your parents because you're close. But maybe there's remnants of that feeling, maybe.

And I hate embarrassment so much, so maybe I'm projecting it. Well, you're feeling embarrassed because also second hand embarrassed.

You're second hand embarrassed, and you are now part of the phlegm like situation. Like, because it's a two again, if there's more people at the table, you can diffuse responsibility. Like, okay, someone else is gonna tell her. But you, in that situation, it's on you.

The flam zombie.

You've been involved. I mean, you're implicated. You're implicated. You're an implicated agent. And so you are put in the situation where you're like, neither option is good. Right? You're either sitting there while they have the phlegm on their face.

I know. That's why you go away.

But what if you had come back and it was still there?

I know. Well, I was so worried about that. I was like, what am I gonna do if it's still there? And if it was still there, I think I would have had to say something, but it was, like, probably a full minute before I went to the bathroom. There was time where it was sitting on the face. Oh, my God. And I thought, maybe they'll figure it out. And they weren't. So then I had to go to the bathroom.

That's why, like, I get so stressed with swimming with people. Oh, because there's boogers. There's like. Or, like, it'll happen to you and you don't know it.

I know. I know. At synchronized swimming, did you guys just have boogers everywhere?

We had nose clips at all times, which, honestly, how.

Breathe.

You don't. That's why it's crazy.

Wait, what?

You didn't know this?

No.

That's the whole of sport. You go underwater, you're not breathing. You come up, you breathe with your mouth, but you're not breathing with your mouth at all.

Underwater.

No. How did you think we breathe underwater?

You do breathe underwater normally. When you swim, you breathe out your nose until you need more air.

Breathe out.

Breathe out.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You breathe out with your. With your mouth, if you want.

With your mouth how?

Like bubbles. But you don't really. You're not really breathing out. Cause you're fucking.

Oh, my God. Is your. How long can you hold your breath?

Kind of a long time. Wow. But it used to be way better.

Wow, that's cool.

We could do it together. Okay, wait. Before we go into questions. My pin.

Oh, your pin. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

No, there's been a lot to cover so my dad discovered a new relative. That's my dad's favorite hobby in his retirement, is discovering relatives and guests, like, from history. From history. This is all he does all day. It's crazy. We laugh at him. Like, I talk to dead people. Like, that's my dad. He's just, like, constantly talking to dead people and interacting and discovering them and learning about them. And there's a new relative, and her name is Monica, and she is a therapist.

Oh.

Who lives in London. She's divorced, which could be aspirational for you.

Oh, God. Is this my future? Is this another rip in the time space continuum? I do feel weird.

It's Monica. Cause it's, like the hungarian way. My dad was like, it's Monica. Like, he, like, said it. And me and my sister were just laughing. We were like, it's Monica. Like, that's so funny. Like, you're not acknowledging how funny this is.

How do you spell it?

That's a good question. Oh, my God. 1111 stop. And my texts. 3333. What is happening? Monica with a k. Bakoni and her mother, Irene Ergebet Planck. Ergebet is still Elizabeth.

Oh, is she dead?

Monica's alive. Her mom is dead. Elizabeth is dead.

Oh, no.

It's all good.

Okay, so she's a therapist. Is your dad reaching out?

Of course he is. That's all he wants in it, really. Writing emails back and forth with Monica. And that's all I know so far. It's very new.

Oh, my God. So do we think we're gonna learn about my future based on her?

For sure. I think there's gonna be a lot of information coming through this channel.

This is so sim, because Kali had a dream a couple nights ago that I ended up with a british person. What? For real?

No.

Yeah. Wait.

I love this.

I know, but, you know, I notoriously. I love London. It's one of my favorite cities. But a lot of Americans are obsessed with british accents. It's true. A lot of american women are obsessed with male british accents. I mean, of course, like, immediately attractive. Immediately not me.

Wow.

I don't have that. It's not my thing. Normally. I told her, you know, that's not likely for me. And she was like, I know, but it's gonna happen. Then I thought maybe they were born in London but moved to America.

I feel like that's what's gonna happen for you.

That'd be cool.

That makes a lot of sense.

But then we move to London together for a fun country home, and then we get divorced and I become a therapist.

Yes. I mean, would that be that bad?

And that sounds cool. Pretty great.

Or maybe it's not your future. Maybe this is who you could have been.

Or another.

Another life. Yeah.

Just like the girl in the indian restaurant.

She's also you. Wow, that's so special. I want to know more about her. I'll find out everything. This is my dad's entire love language, and I never care. But now I'm invested and in this other.

Are you my mom?

Yeah. That's a weird one. Why is your mom Elizabeth?

I don't think that's our relationship. No.

At all. I think the other way around. I don't think anyone's the mom.

I don't either.

But you're definitely the bigger sister, even though you're younger.

Oh, right. Yeah, I think that's right.

I'm glad we don't have them. That's a dynamic that I feel I've been in, and it's creepy. It's bad.

Yeah.

And even with boyfriends, one of my ex boyfriends, I was like, okay, this is getting dad territory, so I'm glad we're.

This starts to feel unequal in a way. There's a power dynamic.

There's a person that's in charge. There's a person that's.

That's calling all the shots.

Calling and de facto is the authority. A little bit, yeah.

Oh, that's interesting.

You know, but I think I indulged in. I'm the kid too.

Everyone played their part.

Exactly. I think I liked that.

I've had that too.

You have?

It can be not great.

Yeah.

Also, I think the times where it's not great is when you break the paradigm when you're the kid, but then in a situation, you're like, well, not a kid. Like, you break it, you become real life. That's hard for the dynamic, and that's hard for the other person. It is.

And when that happened with me, explosion. And mom is mad.

Fuck.

They did something bad. But thankfully, I think when I saw it, I mean, it took me a while, but got out of it. I look out for it when I'm playing that part. I'm like, why am I. Yeah, what's happening?

I do think because you are so nice, you defer a lot to people.

Sure.

So I would see that being a common trap for you.

Interesting.

You often give people not power. I mean, I do think sometimes you give people power, but you're just easygoing. I think you just defer. Yes. A lot. That's true. It's a great quality. Honestly, you're very, like, at your birthday dinner, someone said you lift everyone up around you. And that's very true. Like, you're kind of constantly trying to lift people up, which is so lovely. But then I don't know that you necessarily get all that back. Cause that's not everyone's mo. Sure. But you deserve to get it back.

Thank you. But I hope I don't expect it back. I'm not, like, doing it so that I get all this validation.

It doesn't feel like a transaction. It doesn't feel like you're saying it in order to hear something, but you might be doing it as what you think is your value add.

That's true.

Even though it's not.

Thank you. And again, I think it attracts a certain personality, people who like to feel elevated.

Yeah, elevated.

And I'll probably be a good foil to that at the beginning, at least.

Yeah.

Oh, wowie.

Okay, well, we gotta do questions, and we don't have much time, per usual.

Oh, my God, the booger stories. I'm gonna think about it tonight.

Oh, my God. I feel like I just, like, laughed and, like, snotted.

No, you didn't. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God.

Would you see it?

I would tell you, and you don't.

Mm. Okay, let's try. This is the best sex of my life. Worth forcing a relationship with. This from anonymous. Hey, ladies. I've been casually seeing this man for just less than a year now, and it is truly, by far the best sex I've had in my life. Not only is it satisfying in a way I've never experienced, but I have some sexual relationship trauma that makes it really difficult for me to feel this level of trust with the man. Basically, it's so good that I'm afraid to lose it. And because we're essentially just fuck buddies, he could meet someone else tomorrow. He's also perfect on paper. Gorgeous, amazing body, med student, soon to be doctor kind, hardworking, silly. And we're both children of asian immigrants, which is just exciting for the parents. Lol. But also, we share a culture. Unfortunately, we just don't click in regular conversation. It's almost awkward before we have sex, but then the sex is amazing, and then the vibes after sex is great. On top of that, I don't feel ready to get back into a relationship quite yet. But I do feel myself catching some feels. Do I try to make this work or do I chill?

This is mixed messages.

Yeah. Cause the vibes are good after, but not before. It's not like the vibes are off, period.

And he sounds so great. But look, it doesn't matter on paper.

That's true.

As we've learned many times. It's not just that they seem great. They are great. But if it doesn't click, unfortunately, it's just not a match.

It's frustrating, but you have to listen to how you feel.

Okay, here's what I'll say. I think don't force a relationship just because he's, like, ran on paper and the sex is good. But keep hanging out with him and having sex with him. See if that changes. And if he does get in a relationship, what I would do immediately is like, oh, fuck. He was perfect for me. He was my person. He was the one, and I fucked it up. And that's not true. You have to remember this, that you guys didn't talk well together. Talking is the whole relationship.

A marriage is a 40 year conversation. Right. It's just, I would do the same thing, and I've done it. And you can kind of gaslight yourself, but it's not true. And also, if the sex is there, that good and you're not, like.

You know what I mean?

Then you were really not into. Because that should be filling up a lot of the condo.

I agree with you. If by now you've had a lot of sex with him and the conversation should follow easily. And so I agree with you. If it doesn't, and if you want.

To find out, try and go to brunch. Try not to have sex once. Do something that's not sex related, and then you'll know immediately. Like, seeing this guy once and, like, same similar thing. And we just went on a hike or something and just being in a car with him for like 90 minutes, I was like. I knew in my body, I don't like this person. It was the same thing where on paper, he was. I mean, it was kind of nuts. I still. Sometimes I go like. I feel like that was supposed to be my husband.

But see, you're not. Don't do that.

I know, I know, I know, I know. But there was, like, a disconnect that was just not overcomeable.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. You know, there are people you meet in life, like you to me, where relationships are work, right? But the initial part is not work. It's immediate connection towards points.

That's true.

What it's like to have a connection with someone. And so in romantic relationships, we do so much mental gymnastics to try to make it work. And we're like, well, I'm gonna go on, like, six more days with him and then decide if I have all the other areas of our lives we aren't doing that. We just know. Yes.

And you just hang out with people that you like, and you don't hang out with people that you don't like. It's like we put it in a separate category and we treat it completely differently. And my therapist has done that with me where she was like, this sounds like a lot of work. Think about the relationships in your life that you really enjoy. Do you feel like you have to do so as much work in a like, no, that's a really good exercise. And it's been a long time. This isn't like it's been a few weeks.

Just keep having sex with him until he or you get in a different relationship.

Exactly. Enjoy him. Sounds great.

And remember that thing Esther Perel says all the time, like, people serve different buckets for you. This person is filling a sexual need.

Which is great, very important.

Doesn't have to serve anything other than that.

Women like, we have a tendency to want to. It's like, almost like, I don't think it's nature necessarily. I think it's both where you want to turn sex into. You're like, oh, but you don't have to. And men's brains don't work that way. They just go like, great. Sex is great.

Oh, no, this one's hard. Okay, I'm gonna save this one. Cause this one is more intense. Are we 1130? Yeah, but he's still pumping. It sounds like. Yeah. Okay, let's try. Okay. Going on a girls trip without one of my friends. Should I tell her ahead of time? This is from mcKenna. Hi, Monica and Liz. Longtime listener, first time caller. I've talked to my mom, best friend, and therapist about this, and I still feel conflicted. So I'm hoping the sync squad can help. I'm 29 years old, and I'm from a small town in central California. But I moved to Montana for college, and I've lived here ever since. I've made a really amazing group of close friends here. And next month we're going on a trip to my hometown in California. I'm really excited to show them where I come from, introduce them to my friends back home, and generally give them a better sense of who I am and that part of my life. I just have one problem. Uh oh. Okay. We'll see. We'll save it. Cliffhanger?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Cliffs are fun. It. Okay, I like it. We have to go because we're on a tight schedule today. And we're about to start a fact check. And then we're recording. So that's a cliffhanger for the sink squad. Sorry, I hate to do that. That's a good one. And there's another really good one that we can sink our teeth into. But we had a lot to talk about. Phlegm. What's sending us to hell? These are all important topics.

Your double slash future. We don't know what we'll learn more of.

I'm scared of her a little bit. I'm scared of her.

I mean, if Elizabeth is her mama, I would be scared, too.

She's not related to this story. I don't like that. Because she died.

Who died?

Elizabeth. Elizabeth.

So I don't want her to.

You.

Okay? Got it. It's hungarian. It's not even my name.

When you said it didn't sound anything like Elizabeth. Say it again.

Her. Jabet.

Right? That's not the same as Liz at all. Okay. We also didn't pick our new challenges. And I haven't reached out to Adam Grant yet. Lots of homework. But we will get it all done, I promise. Take your time in life. It's nothing's that urgent.

Exactly. If it's important, it's not urgent. If it's urgent, it's not important.

Wow.

Wait, I said that wrong. If it's important, it's not urgent. And if it's important, it's not important.

Yeah, you said it right.

Okay, I did.

And I've never heard that.

It's a really good one.

I like that.

I, like, wrote it in my notes.

WhatsApp.

Because I was like, that is so true.

Cool. Okay, well, this was really fun.

I love you.

Love you. Bye.