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What is up, daddy gang, it is your single father, Alex Cooper. We call her daddy.
Oh, my God. Oh my god roast me cook me.
I didn't even start talking and here she goes. Daddy, mother fucking game. It is no stop. It is your fucking founding father. Back at it again for another motherfucking episode of Call Her Daddy. I am sitting in a..
I'm not tearing up. I'm not about to puke and shit myself. I'm actually like losing my mind. I'm just freaking out .
Guys I'm here with Tana.
When I just heard you say that shit in real life, I lost my fucking mind, I can swear. Obviously I can swear.
Are you kidding me? I'm like, how many dicks have you had inside of you at once? go!
Let's go. Not me not knowing if I can swear or not. Like I'm literally still a piece of shit.
I am so sorry.
Welcome. No welcome to call her daddy.
Thank you so much for having me. I don't know why.
Second time's a charm. Sweetheart.
Call her daddy's doing charity this month. For real. I feel like like a kid getting just like a special day. Like I'm like it's a treat.
It is a treat because
For me only
let's talk about this cunt and I'm going to use that word very strongly.
As , as you should
No no no
No as you should
Fuck you, um daddy gang listen to this. If you guys are not aware of how this relationship started,
I don't even know if there is a relationship. I think you just hate my guts. I, I think I think it should be like full like who just walked out of podcast or some shit.
No, yeah yeah it's true. we had a we had a rocky start. So about two years ago call her daddy started and the first guest that we wanted to have on call her daddy was Tana. So, right, there
still don't know why.
like, I don't either
wrong from the jump, however,
I am a fucking idiot.
And did you know that you were going to be the first guest
No I, to be honest with you. Like, I didn't realize
You didn't even know who we were.
No, I didn't realize until today the severity, the drasticity of how much of a piece of shit I was.
Until. Because I always heard other people's versions of this story,
and I really I sat down today and I deep dove I deep do- Can I talk to you about how i feel.
Yes, here we go. Because guys tana ditched us. She never came on the show.
Yes. And I think it's as I should start off with, call her daddy. I think I should just start off with an apology to you.
Wow This is big.
You're winning points.
Um No, I shouldn't.
OK, here we go. Here we go you're right.
I watched that video today, and it's this I definitely think that was during the time. Not that this is like an excuse for it. Where I was just the biggest notorious piece of shit for being so such a piece of shit, just late to everything, not showing up to everything, not whatever. And it came to a head like during that time as it should have. I deserve that shit. And I watched that video today
What video is it?
The like tana mongeau fucked us over, like the original.
First of all, you should have gone literally harder. Like you should have made eight videos. You should have. That's, I think what angers me the most about it, because I think back if I were in your shoes, that's what I was really watching it, I wouldn't have been as nice as like y'all were like
watching that like. Like, I just I sucked so bad and then you guys were still so classy about it and it's crazy. And then I was thinking, even at dinner, Alex and I went to dinner before this and we were sitting there and you were like, I look at it as a blessing in disguise because then we just like never had on any guests.And like, you know, now everything's like doing so well. As you have like the biggest podcast in the world. She's like it's like doing well. So humble, but like. Like, you're still so nice about it and I would be like, fuck that cunt to the grave.
Yeah. Well okay
So you're like I am
No no no but but it is kind of like, fuck you. But
it should be
what I was trying to explain is in daddy gang, you guys can. Now, if you are a OG Daddy ganger, you understand that as much as at the time Tana was hung over and sick or whatever.
No, we, we should dive into it.
Whih we're going to
as we should
I literally look back on that. And it was a blessing. Honestly, I know that sounds like I'm being a bigger person, but we ended up making the decision that we were just not going to have guests on. And we and because
I fucked these bitches up so bad,
No it really ended up being, I think, like one of the biggest reasons, like part of why it got so big is because most podcasts have guests on it and for so long we didn't. So it's almost a blessing that you were a bitch that day. Um
But just imagine,
let's explain like what happened that infamous morning, because you want to know what I remember. I kind of black it out because it was just like so traumatizing.
I really do. And I am so sorry,
No literally, like, fuck you. But I remember seeing your social media
No I know
You were hammered.
No I know
you were like Blackout
No I was
I was member seeing your story and I'm like in the studio getting ready. And we saw like three hours ago, she was like hammered walking the streets of New York City, like while the sun is rising, like blackout. And I was like, oh, this is like really good. Yeah. Like, I can't wait to see her today. Like, this is going to be great. Never showed up. We waited for hours.
That's the difference between me now is like I can't say I still wouldn't walk through the city of New York blackout drunk, but if I had an obligation A. I would know about it and B. I would still show up like holy, holy fuck.
But I we do need to get into, like, the logistics of this moment, watching this video, even that I was just like like Tana if you're going to be a fucking idiot, like do a better job and then even it's like watching it now. Like, I look back and I'm just like you, you fucking idiot. Like, I still feel that I'm happy to not be that bitch now.
But at the same time, like just it's one of the biggest L's I think I've ever taken. But y'all bossed up on me y'all said like, like, you know, like that's why now I'm like you shouldn't even have me on you should be like fuck this fucking cunt.
But you know what, there's a lot of people and so I'll explain that to you. So there's a lot of people that when we were posting out at dinner together that were like, why the fuck are you going to have this on your show
as they should
First and foremost I wanted to really go and get those drinks with you. And I remember, like, your assistant kept being like you can bring whoever you want. I'm like, I'm fucking going alone.
And I want to show up to this fucking dinner alone. And I really want to see, like, who the fuck is this girl? Tana and I wanted to go there because if I really felt as though you were a majority of the part of some what people think you are on the Internet that hate you, I was going to be reluctant to have you on the show because. But I didn't think you were going to be a dick. And I do want to clarify that meeting
Stop complimenting me.
No no no, I'm not trust me I'm not. Because I asked you like, three minutes into our dinner. I'm like, sorry, are you a narcissist. Tanas like sweating.
She's like, well, you know,
no, I'm sweating, puking. But you made me gain so much like respect for you because it's like like I mean, I've obviously I've always respected you.
What have you ever done to make me lose your respect?
Right right yeah
It's out here. I'm out here making you lose mine. But I'm saying like sitting there being like damn. Like she showed up alone to actually have a conversation with me and find out who. And the fact that even just like your time now is so much your money, like everything when you come out to Los Angeles, like the fact that you actually took the time to and I didn't I didn't know that either because I didn't know even this going into I didn't know like I was like, what does she want with me? Like, I suck.
Like, she's goated. Like like it's charity. Yeah. So I was like I thought we were going to get drunk
or you were trying to fuck me
or trying to expose me. God only fucking knows really like you know. And then, and then I went into it and you were like so intelligent like actually you were curious,
like you were like so why the fuck were you like this. Who the fuck are you now?
What the fuck is your life. Should I even have you on my shit
And it was like dope. I don't even know like breaking down that wall.
And I think that's where we can kind of get into this episode of when we posted those pictures on the Internet.
The amount of people
dude, the amount of people that love you, but and then the amount of people that fucking hate you.And like
my Twitter was
I saw I was scrolling through
Blowing the fuck up. my mom literally texted me and was like, so like, what is this drama like. Are you sure you're making the right decision? And that is literally. No but dude no, she was like being cute. But I was like, you know what?That's why you're like
you can still go no like but what I'm saying.
I can leave
No like that's the thing it's not made, it's not uploaded.
No no no, that's the thing. I don't give a fuck. I, I make my own decisions and I like to meet people and be like, I met you and I sat with you at a dinner and your past mistakes or whatever you've done in the past, like sitting with you for over an hour. I was like, she seems like a decent fucking human being. And that's why I want to talk to you about all of your issues or whatever the fuck. So do you have so many issues
A, you're going to be here for twenty four hours.
Yeah. Let's go
B, the fact that you did that shows a lot about your character. It's funny because it's like really like actually like getting to know you. I see why daddy gang is like they would kill for you. I see why they hated me for years, as they should have, as you still should. I think you should be, like, fully mean to me for the first 30 minutes, the fact that I ever even, like, made you so scared to not have guests.
Yeah it like traumatized us for a little bit
I traumatized the biggest podcast host in the like.
It's such a fat ass L. And I just don't even though, like, you know, like, she thinks I'm nice now guys like don't let me off.
No I don't think you're like the nicest, but I definitely do have like a lot of respect for what you're doing because I feel like you've been canceled so many times
even that's nice, too nice
we were saying you're still here, you're still here. Like, why are you still here? Calling you a cockroach.
I was literally just saying off camera to her like, I'm a cockroach. I never die. I don't know, like, I don't know why I'm so here. I wake up every day and I'm like, God, like, you can take it all away, like I get it right.
No, Um over editing photos we have to talk about because you made me fucking scream dying laughing literally. Right. Catch OK. And I look at tana and I go, Daddy gang, I have two things to bring up to tana. One, your apology video is literally dog shit horse shit like you're not talented because of that video singlehandedly ruined your. You are fucking awful. Quit now while you're ahead.
Dude I swear to God soon she was like your video is the worst thing ever. And like, why do you face tune like that.
I was like we needs and i felt like overediting tana.
I liked her. No really,
but you know what, Tana. It's funny because I have so much respect for you. You've talked about editing your photos, right? Like I got to go face tune that bitch, whatever. Or maybe I'm making that up.
Yes, deeply. I've been sponsored by FaceTune.
like I am like
You should get a sponsorship.
Oh you do.
Yeah. Like I, I did that.
Oh perfect. Do you edit your own photos.
Yes I do. Sometimes I don't. Now there's, I'm making such a surplus of content for so many different like, like the streams of shit that it's like I just took 500 only fans photos and like a brand deal for Instagram and then like something for this brand that's like ecommerce and then like a magazine cover. Like if I were editing that all, I swear to God I spent all my time facetuning there are days yesterday I spent five hours editing photos.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up
I just sitting there like smoothing because it's like a hundred and like the magazines will want all one hundred
Wait I love that you're honest.
And I think that's why people love you because you're honest about it because I'm like, OK, if you're fake. I don't understand.
To be honest though, I think that there was a point in my life that I took it way too far.
I talked about that too during college.
and even still I'll like Teater because like now I don't even know what's like right or wrong. I'm just like fucking like Bulwa, like drunk would take doggers, like reshaping my ass, like not giving a fuck with his back.
So I've had to chill in that sense.
And that there were there were like two or three.
It wasn't even one like big these student scandals where there were some it was like I posted fan edits that were just heavily edited and some were it was like there was a day where I.
But I just what I did to my body this day in a truly shocking note, was so unacceptable. That was the day, not the not that day, but the scandal that I realized, like, if you want to do this, go to the gym or get ashot, which is better than like what the fuck this shit is. And I started, like, actually caring about like working on my body and shit. But there was a day where I was in Mexico, all my best friends.
I'll just get it because I'm an ass. I was in a bikini. I'd like a tie. It didn't fit me. Oh, my God. Paille just fugly, ugly, fugly. And I'm just drinking like pina coladas all day. Like just fat, like like what does a fat bitch cocktail like. Just walk the fuck. Can I drink to be a fucking beached whale on this shit in fucking Mexico. What can I drink. And my friend was like proposing to someone and it's like now I would be smart enough.
Oh someone's proposing. That means lots of photos. That means if you're going to face something that you're posting, at least look like whatever the fuck your face is you had asked. I've gotten to the point where I like if I'm going to act like that, I think accordingly.
However, at that time, my friend was like, let's take this photo on the beach.
I took this photo and I just I went, I look like a sea lion, broke blue.
I looked so disgusting.
I sat there on the beach and I was just like Richet to reshape, affecting her arm. Like she was like six inches from me. And because I was dragging my ass in, like, so much in areas, her arm was like out like that.
She literally reshaping, like, your entire existence, like, you know, and how scary when you do the before and after it, it's like, well, I screened, recorded and debated posting them to talk because it's like laughable.
It's disgusting. I must be doing that. I think this just inspires me.
This is well and so but anyways and then I just the face, you know, it was a whole reconstructive surgery moment, not even for hair, the nails city booty anthos, shortie, I've seen it all.
And then my friends like vlogger from getting engaged with live.
There is a screengrab of me looking like maybe like the Michelin Man, like, maybe like the Walrus though, you know, the disgusting exactly how I felt.
And then the face tuned side by side.
And then it was like like eight months later. It wasn't even time. It was an award show, the Getty image. And then I posted the fan at it and it was like, all I can think about in the before and after of that one was whatever was done in that edit to the bottom of my face. My face is like jumping at the geo, jumping up and down and I'm like, double chin, you like this notched perfect jaw line.
And that was the moment I realized, like, well, we're taking it too far.
Yeah. And they just went so viral as it should. I would clown myself. You fucking had us and I talked about face down but that was when the point where it's like your perception of yourself is no longer what it is you're trying to live up to this highlight reel, this image that you want people to think you are and all that, that this is the shit that is is crazy about our generation is everyone is doing it.
And like what I have done, I have seen everyone think of a celebrity as a bitch.
No, the famous bitch. I've seen this bitches before and they don't love and they're crazy. Right.
My favorite thing ever is when you become friends with a celebrity in the first time, you get to see their face before and after.
Oh, oh my God. Look. And like, have you had girls that you you take to like you take the photo and they won't let you post it until they face to every famous girl.
We really. Yes. They all just like that's the thing too is I think that's why I focus like Nikita and he is one of the only people with like her. And I became friends because it was like, you either don't face you like I like you and you're famous as shit and you don't give a shit.
And like, I could just tell I can look at a bitch and instantly know which one they are, you know, I don't at all. Or you're completely engulfed in it, obsessed with looking like this image you need to maintain, obsessed with like. Yeah. And I had to find this kind of gray area of like, OK, I realize a lot of people are looking at my share and people follow me on Instagram because they love perfect fun images.
And if I can make something better looking, I probably know and I get it. But when you're changing who you are completely, it's well, I think that's where it gets scary to then walk into a room if you don't look like I'm doing that. And that's weird. And then it fucks with you literally, because then you feel insecure like, oh, my body doesn't look like that. And like I'm embarrassed in Hollywood.
It's not even like I'm insecure and I'm embarrassed. It's like, how do I start to look like what I am I making myself the ideal to look like? And that's why you see little like Kylie Jenner was like she was bullied her whole life about her lips being small. And then it's like she editorship big. And then everyone's like, oh, my God, you're beautiful. And then she did it. And then everyone's like, oh, my God, you're a fucking big bitch.
And she's like, but you all fucking told me to do the shit. And then I was just trying to look like what I was doing.
And then it was like it fucked up psychologically till she dissolved them at twenty two, you know, like it like I think one of the biggest lessons I learned with Instagram and something that I try to teach people to because even now like the tick tock is like I said, like the old me, these famous tics, our girls were like six millions of dollars like I faced you just like you, like I learned to face by looking at your feet, you know what I mean?
So it's like I'm always saying to them, the comparison is the root of all evil. You're scrolling through your Instagram saying, why can I be this bitch? Why can I be this bitch? Why can I look like this bitch? Why can't. My hair be like hers. Why can I wear like hers? I can only date this guy like her. Why can I like you're always going to fall short in your mind. You like you know what I mean?
Like always remember, Instagram is everyone's highlight reel. It always will be your it's not what you want to show. And you can't compare yourself to people's best moments commercial.
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I feel like people always joke about like, oh, like you guys seem so similar, but I think we have such different lives, that's what's funny is that's that's what's so ironic is my my perception. You like when I first met you, you're saying like, my first impression. Well, first of all, I just want to say I came home and everyone, obviously, like everyone in my house is in the movie. I'm done like, so how did it go?
So how did it go? Like, did she hate you? Like what happened?
Just because, like, you're the president of this, like, world, like, no, you are like you fucking you are the president of, like, every bitch like me on this planet and like, I fucked on you. You should hate me like you should. And so all my friends were just like, did you fucking cut you? Like, are you friends? Like, what happened? And I literally was like, she is the most intelligent, polarizing, kind, like person I've ever met.
She's so smart. I see why she captivates the room.
I see why Logan Paul was in love with her and couldn't see why. Like, I'm joking. I was just I just don't care. I won't start with the dark jokes. Actually, she was too dark. That was just a joke to make a joke.
And we're not fuck all that. No, no, no. But that's that's cool that you said no.
But like you actually, because it was just like the way you carried yourself, especially about the situation you've shown me, like so much humility that I think someone in your position should not have shown you or wouldn't, at least in this industry and that were so different.
Yeah, that was another big part of my first impression is like everyone's like, you guys are so similar. You talk about the same stuff you guys are planning.
You guys like. Right, exactly. Twins like Dick thugging in twins. Like, that's literally what people say.
But ironically, like like we're so polar opposite anything. I'm so envious of you. There's so much about you that I wish I like because it's like, you know, you never moved here. You're so New York. You're so you you don't give a fuck about this scene. You didn't let any of the negative sides affect you. And you really just like stayed in what you do. And like, it's it's kept you so ridiculously authentic to the point that you stand out from, like, every bitch in the city.
And I think that shit is so respectable, you know what I mean? Like, I you. And that's something that I am now, because that's that's always how I, like, used to be in so much of the city in this world, like like I don't know if they took that away from me because it's decisions I made, but it just altered me in a way that made me not like so I see you and I'm just like, damn no, I appreciate that.
And I think that, like you like we can talk about your earlier videos, because I remember you being the Vegas girl. And I think that a lot of my fans are so terrified that I'm moving here and I see one to them, like I feel like had I done this when I was twenty one and you can just tell it, I went to college to when she talks, it's so high.
I'm just I'm like fucking how many books she read. That is one thing that I really it's like because I see why your fans are nervous and all fans because like yeah. Just time and time again we watch the every creator moved to L.A. and become a completely different person.
And it's like I now like I see why. Because, you know, like I moved I moved out here when I was like pretty much like sixteen, seventeen.
Well, let's talk about your childhood, because you and I literally can't explain to you, like, when when I think about the way you were raised and grew up, like and there's no shade. I think I commend you so much for where we're sitting on this couch together. And we are from complete different backgrounds. And I'm not making she's being so nice. No, I'm not I'm not making, like, any excuses for you, but like, I know how much my mom and my dad and my siblings shaped me.
Yeah. And so when you don't have parental figures in your life and so you. So you lived in Vegas. Yeah.
I mean, but yeah, it's like answer like I've always kind of like felt I guess alone in this world like. Yeah. And so you're right.
And it wasn't even till I was like eighteen that I realized like oh every other person is the way they are because their parents and siblings shape them. And I'm this way because I didn't have those like it was even just realizing that like just was. Yeah. Crazy.
That's why I think like listen, I, I hear my audience shouting, I hear you a lot being like, oh my God, stop having influencers on. And I do think like, unfortunately, it's really hard to explain to people that aren't in the industry, like how hard it is to have someone speak into a microphone like you're used to it. Like when I had my mom on for my hundred up. So it took 19 hours for her to even understand, like, how to talk into a microphone and get used to it.
Yeah, she makes my life a lot easier to talk to people that know how to speak on camera. Yeah. And that's unfortunately, that's just like what I'm doing right now because it's hard.
And she's like, unfortunately, I'm sitting on the couch with you, you know, but like, that's why most podcast hosts have.
Sorry to interrupt. You have like have fucking houseguests on because that's what makes it easier.
That's what makes it flow and that's what makes you stand apart.
And again, the go because you're like, I don't even fucking mean that she likes it.
Well, it's hard to because I think Korona like content wise, it's been difficult, but so yeah. I think that what I tried we've been killing. Yeah. Thank you.
What I try to do is have people on like you or someone that maybe people are like, I am sorry but I can't relate to Tania Mojo and I know your brand has been so relatable, but I think you've gotten a little towards L.A. that like after that Jake Paul wedding and all that shit. It's like all it looks like all you did was for click bait. And so I want to kind of like go back to like where you're from and like.
There's a lot of people that listen to my fucking podcast that come from broken families and like, I can't speak on that and so I'm sitting with you and I'm like, talk to me.
Like, she's just like, let's go, let's fucking go.
I 100 percent. That's why I started. Like, what I started because I was watching Shane and like he came from a broken home and I like I like I vividly remember years. I literally just keep getting told over and over again someone knowing I hate something like fuck, OK, you're fine, you got this, you don't know. But I just remember actually sitting in my house, I got like 12 years old for, like, every single day.
And like, I would be watching Shane's videos and Shane Dawson, if anyone doesn't know. Sorry, sorry, Shane. His videos in front of a computer and they're just screaming in the background. My family fighting like dishes, breaking shipbreaking, like my mom getting fucking, like, abused by my dad. And Shane was just playing. And I remember being like, if he can come from like this, like I can do that and help people like me, like that was the first thought I ever had about you do.
And you're an only child.
Yeah. So it was like and that was kind of the thing too is it was like there's no one in this with me, you know what I mean? You know, I wanted to help other people who felt the way I did. So I sat on my first video and that's why.
What was your first video, do you?
My first video was a daily vlog at the mall I worked at because I like worked retail. Like I was watching my dad. I remember my dad to that day that came, picked me up and I was like I was like an iPhone four or whatever. And he was like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, it's never going to fucking take off. Like, it's so fucking embarrassing. Go back to work in this mall in front.
All my friends, like my dad was screaming the shit at me and like in the beginning. So every time I would bring out a phone or anything, my friends would hit it out of my hand.
They'd be like, what the fuck? Oh, so they thought you logging was embarrassing, not embarrassing. They're just like, you're just old. They're like 60, like they just didn't they didn't understand. And I think people who are, you know, like ill in the head sometimes when they don't understand something like that's the way they are, you know. So it's like I don't I don't villainize them for that, of course.
So you will that is already, I think, relatable to a lot of people. So you grew up in a household that your parents were there was physical abuse and you're sitting there being an only child by yourself. And YouTube was an escape?
Well, it was my only escape was my first escape. I, I know for I hate saying this because it's so dark and they call her daddy, too.
They're like, we don't want to hear about her, like, look like 9000. We'll get there. Don't get there, don't worry.
But like, I feel like I wanted to die my entire life. Like once I realized the concept was like, I don't want to live. Right. Even just being like like eight, like in my household, like I didn't want to until I found you. Like, it was the first thing I ever found that was like an escape. And that's what really it was a long time of that for my co-workers, my friends like and I dropped out of high school, too.
So it was like all my friends were like, what the fuck is this bitch doing?
Like, she dropped out of school and is talking to her phone, like talking to I think about that, like that's like, you know, so like no one obviously like it comes with that.
But but I've also always been like the the weird kid, the little you know, I want to ask you, like, when did you start drinking and doing drugs?
When I was I in seventh grade is the first time I remember like smoking weed and wanting to drink. But I even remember being in like fifth grade. And it was like, you know, shit like. Right. I was friends with the bad kid, like the bad kids, you know, like it was shit that was being like my friends in middle school, like so like definitely like fifth grade.
And were your parents even my dad was an alcoholic his whole life.
So I was I was introduced to the idea he stopped being an alcoholic when I was born, but had far many other issues to make up for that. So, you know, thank God he was wasn't his own right. And I grew up in Vegas, which is like obviously a city where alcohol, drugs and gambling and like sex work are the only things that make that city thrive. So you are raised to think that the rest of the world is kind of like that even.
Right. It's like the normal to you. Yeah. Like I was like like raised in like this is what life is like.
My teachers were drunk. I remember my teachers because I remember it like not the best areas I think about in Vegas to what I remember being in like one of my first houses, like it was like I was going like second and third grade.
And it's like my parents were putting me to bed like I never had, like, it wasn't like bedtime bedtime story. I was like, oh, we're going to fight to like three a.m. and like, my kid's going to fall asleep. And then, like, you know, sometimes they'd be parents, like wake me for school and stuff. And it's like my mom was up, like making breakfast. Like, you know, my dad was like trying to cover up for her while screaming about it because he had to go to work and bitching.
I like it was always there was never structure implemented. And then obviously also just the turbulent like household and life style kind of made it to where it was like I was a bad kid, like, you know, staying up all night of my parents are fighting. So I was sleeping in school by like fourth and fifth grade. Like, it was never ending. Like I would get in trouble, you know? And it's like normally you go home to your parents who, like, teach you why you're getting in trouble.
Right. It's like my parents were going in, like trying to fight the teachers and shit and like. So you drop out of high school. Yeah. So by sophomore year, it's like a like I was just a fuck up in school my whole life. And problems manifested also obviously like how bad my childhood was like five years old was like far less bad than how it was by the time I was a sophomore. I like my parents fighting our wars.
The abuse got worse. We got poorer like the, you know, just poorer and poorer and poorer. So the fighting became worse. And it just which obviously affects, you know, like how you are in school. It affects your whole fucking life, you know. So by sophomore year, it was like, ah, my parents were fighting till five a.m. I was sleeping through school. They don't even care to wake me anymore because I was so like.
I just wouldn't go to school for weeks on end and then the school like reach out there, these people called like truancy officers who would show and I was so depressed and so sad because you look back and I know that all that ever was was just like being raised terribly and like extreme like mental disorders, chemical imbalances from like like I was just so depressed. I was sleeping all day. Couldn't even get up to go to school at, like a freshman.
And then my parents obviously weren't like, oh, she's depressed. She needs medical help. They wouldn't. I still am missing teeth from, like, the dentist appointments. They wouldn't take me, do they? Would they? I brought them to the doctor a handful of five times, like my whole life. So it's like they were going to get me psychological help. You know, they were fucking piece of shit. We have the worst fucking kid ever.
This is why you fucking suck. It's all your fault. Like, you know, like you should die. We should have aborted you.
Like, I remember my parents literally, like, just screaming match it. I mean, type shit.
And then because it's such a it's such a so they were stripped of your childhood essentially because when you.
Which is why I was reckless. Right. Right. Well what what else are you going to do.
Because it's like I dropped out, I started partying all the time. I fell in with like I was selling drugs, like I've done it all in that sense. Are you living with your parents? No, no, no.
I moved out at I moved out before YouTube like I moved out, then dropped out, then started YouTube. Like my home life was so bad at fifteen. I remember there was this day dark that my dad, you know, those like really Big Mac book bricks, like the MacBook Chargers, like we were fighting over some shit and he like picked one up that was mine and threw it at me and hit me in the head. He knocked me out and I remember waking up and I was like, I can't live here anymore.
I don't care. Like, if I'm fifteen, like, I'm not going to live in this environment. So I was like, I'm getting a boyfriend. I'm living with him. So I start dating this guy. He was so like like every guy was terrible, obviously. Right. About the environment and then started living with them. And then it was like, obviously I wasn't going to school at that point because of all the things that enveloped myself in and whatever.
And so then it was kind of like, fuck it, I'm sorry, because what do I have to lose? It was more so like there's something I'm passionate about. There's nothing I care about. There's nothing I have to live for like that.
Why it's so dark. But unfortunately, like when I look back at your YouTube days, because I remember watching one, it's so crazy to watch you like in your first YouTube videos. I think how you got also so huge was because you did have that like nothing to lose mentality you're talking about. You were one of the first people I remember on YouTube talking about sex, drugs, alcohol, everything in a way that, like someone like me that grew up were like, I can't get away with anything in high school.
I would look at you and be like, oh, I'm like kind of secretly jealous of this girl because she can, like, go drink and not give a fuck. Yeah. And so there was a line of like you had no there was no limit for you. You don't get on and talk about drugs at that age.
It was like, what? Not that anyone cares, but I don't think I've ever realized that until right now. So if I just am super revelation over here, like, no, I'm fine, but I don't think I ever realized that, like that. Was it like when people really were like, why don't you like, I've always just not given a fuck. But that was that was a layer that I had nothing to lose because it was like this was the only thing I've ever cared about, the only things I ever saved me, the only thing that could ever take me, the only like I'm at rock, but where am I going to go?
Like, it's Yesler up, you know, like so dark, but like straight up.
And I think, like, a lot of people always ask me about call her daddy like, oh, like how did you how were your parents reacting to it? I was yes. I was talking about sex. So it was like I had my parents in the back of my head, but they were so supportive. You're making those videos. You weren't like, I wonder what my parents are going to say when I go home to no.
Yeah, I was. I have. Yeah. 100, so it was kind of like, what, what? Why not 100 percent.
And that's where all the story times came from, because it's like I was so reckless I didn't give a fuck. I was, you know what I mean. Like I never like when did you get big.
Like how did it. Was there a big moment or did you just slowly grew over time.
No, I the way I like I remember it I guess I mean it happened very, very like fast. And it obviously wasn't something that I ever was going to detest because it was like this is the best thing that ever happened to me is my last name is all I've ever wanted. Fuck, let's go. I you know, I sat by. Yeah, exactly. I was broken. Yeah. And my parents going to pay for college. I can't go to college.
I'm a dropout like this. It literally was like the only thing that made sense for me to literally keep living like died.
And so I worked up, I worked multiple retail jobs because that was about fifteen after I moved out. That's what I did. Like the legal age of hiring Nevada's fifteen. So the first thing I did was like, I'm finding a job to save money so that I can get away from my parents because I can't go to school in an environment like this.
And he was like, maybe one day, like, I'll learn all the shit that I didn't want to do.
But I'm grateful that I did, like, get to learn all the and I created a world for myself where I get to, I guess. Right. But then when did you move to L.A.? Yes, I was working, like I said, like retail Plato's Closet Parkson for like two years, craziness, hectic. And then I started blogging and then like a month into blogging at Parkson, my first boss believed in me. I'll never forget if you're watching this.
I love my guy. He he was one of the first people to ever believe in me about it too. So I'll never, ever forget it.
And he was like, I just remember him always being like, I hope you get out of here like I hope you know what it is about to make negritude. And I, I actually remember him being like, I hope you get out of here. And like, when I hit 100K, I quit. And it was like so happy because it was, oh, oh, my God, we're crying and crying because it is crying you get out of this life.
No, but that's amazing. I wouldn't call it a great deal. If we're crying, give us a minute. I know that some dark shit, you know, so I felt very lucky to to get to get out of that shit.
There was no option because like Amauri, that's one thing. Like two is Imari.
Like almost like I hate to say it, like you heard a lot of the shit in my family with me that he would come over and fight with my parents like there was a point in time with my grandmother. I'm like, may she rest in peace. I'm like, really like that. And obviously, like, I don't even my parents, their ideals on everything were so fucked on the world and shit like that. They were prejudiced, like just racist, like shitty white, like Republicans like from Texas.
I'm like my own parents now.
They've grown a little with the world now and not that I really know again in the past couple of years, like whatever. I'm not I'm not here to talk my shit, but I mean, like I remember times in marriage, you know, growing up and coming over, my parents would be like just shitty, like the things they would say would be almost underlying prejudice. And I remember, like, there was a time when I was like I my grandma said some shit that was just like Texas, like racist.
Right. And I cussed her out. It was one of the last times like ever spoke to her. And I was like, I can never bring a boy around her again. I started never bringing him around my family. And I remember that being the moment that I was like, I hate you people because I love this kid. He's the only reason I'm fucking alive. And you think he's different than me. Like, fuck you. Like, I remember I remember that was mom that I was like I lived with my grandma is dead to me, like, you know what I mean.
Right. So I like that.
And then I instantly nobody knows who Amari is. It's Tanne. Yeah. Oh yeah. He's my best friend. And so then I instantly just started going to his house every day and his family. And it's funny because, like, his mom is like she's like a mom with her head on her shoulders. I remember me just storming through her door and her being like, what the fuck is this kid like?
Who is this? I commend her so much. I think any other parent would be like, get that fucking thing so far for my kid.
Like, I would like, oh my God, I would be like, get that stupid little bitch so fucking far away from you. Like she's going to ruin your life. And I'm sorry, Mom, I feel like I was like this girl has no one and spent her time, like, you know, being like a mom to me and making my siblings like mine and his dad like and even that like his dad, you know, being like a black African-American man.
I come from these fucking like, terrible just like shit like. Yeah, yeah. And it's like and his dad taking me in and seeing like not like she doesn't know any better and like worked with me for so long on that like type shit, like just I commend them so much for what they did for me be without them.
Obviously there's so much shit on the internet of people being like ten. It's fucking racist, it's fucking racist. And there are things in the past that maybe you did.
Yeah, there are a hundred percent. So I mean the past I did not like that was fucking like those words you're tweeting like that. I was racist. I don't care. Right. Right. You can blame it on all the shit we said, but it's still obviously always like anger. I mean that I even ever put it out like dumb ass tweets and shit.
Right. But I also think about things that I did in high school that like when the shit that I put on the Internet and I'm like the shit that I did when I was younger and I had the parents. I have the shit that you were doing. It's never OK. Yeah.
It's just to then for you to make sense, you does well also to see your parents and then like but I didn't know that story about Jerry and his family and his dad and all that shit. Yeah. I don't think anybody knows everyone's full story. So I just I think everyone deserves second chances. I'm not saying what you've done in thirty eight. Yeah, literally thirty eight chance you cockroach.
But you, you've made, you've made shitty decisions, but you also have owned up to them. However, in your apology videos at times. Yeah. I'm going to call you out here.
We ate dinner. She literally I down and she was like that video was the worst fucking thing I've ever seen. It was so shitty and I know. But you know what's funny is in my head, I was like, damn, I love this bitch. You said that was the first moment because I was like, she's real shit. Yeah. Like, because you don't like I love that.
And I said, Tana, this is the thing. There is a lot of people on the Internet that are super formulated and perfect in all their responses. Like, no offense, but like a James Charles.
It's like, yeah, he's like a robot. I'm not that you're not. And I tried to be and I see now. Exactly. So you put out your videos. You're so authentic and you're Tanne. Yeah. The minute you put out your apology video, we're like there's two hundred cuts in it and you look like you're being scripted. It doesn't play for you at all because you're the complete opposite that all the time. So unfortunately for like a James Charles, he can get up there and look scripted because he always does.
I don't know why I thought I could, you know, I really did. I'm going to be real with you. I thought that people would be like, oh, yeah. She's like, you know, no, we got to come together. For one, it was the worst thing I've ever posted. Right.
But I mean not I mean, I guess it's not what you were just saying to the people that tweet me, like saying like you're racist or you're. That's right.
Like, whatever it is, I I stopped trying to prove myself because I was like, you know, I've done so much shit that it's like there are going to be people who hate me forever, rightfully so. And I'm not here to be like, please don't. Here's my childhood. Vindicate me like like we said you like canceled culture isn't a thing. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and still be a person. So for me, at that point when I was getting all those tweets, it was more like, OK, let's reflect, how can I be better?
What did I do anything wrong? I'm going to apologize and then, like, figure it out from there. And when it came to that video, now to the. Respond to that. Right. Right. Such a bad decision when it came down to it, I was like, I, I thought about it for months, too. It was just like, what do I do?
Because it was like we we talked about this a lot off camera, but it's like I grew up in this industry completely wrongfully thinking, you know, the right thing to do whenever you're in trouble is just to not talk about it. So I waited so fucking long like an idiot, which now, like, I'm grateful to have learned that. But like, when it comes to video, I was just like, I don't know how to do it.
And I felt like I wanted to like James, Charles Totti, whatever the sit down and be professional. So I wrote out how I felt and then just like read how I felt and then cut it and posted it. And I'm like, and it was because it was like everyone around me was kind of to just like at this point saying something and that's true or saying something was better than saying nothing. But it's like looking back now, it's like, go live, bitch.
Yes, I do. I'm like, do this. Like, I put a my car daddy.
And it's like like, no, I'm not real. And I know I made mistakes and I know I have to teach it. I know I made awful videos and people make mistakes. And unfortunately I think that and I executed it.
So. Yeah. And it really it fucking sucks. You were literally piece of shit loser. Awful. I hated every second of it. You should have called me and been like, can you please help me? And like, look at this.
Did you cancel? And you went on it kind of sucks.
But like, I also felt like to be real with you, like and this is like dark to say, but it's like I spent so much of my career every time I was in trouble, like consulting people with you people.
And I'm not saying that because I didn't consult as many people that this was right, because it was it was always the guy I should consult to be right. But I'm saying, like, I didn't you know, Tantallon like Shane saved me like every apology video I called Shane. Yeah, Jordan. I called my friends. And it was like at least like I can say from the bottom of my heart lie detector that every single thing I said in that fucking video, like I wrote it down, I feel that way.
It came from my brain. I mean, like, you know, what else do you do?
It's not like I ever knew what to do in those situations. And you're right, I slowly, like, I had nothing.
I went from having nothing to lose to slowly having things I didn't want to go on trying to keep what I built because it's all I have. I have nothing to go back to, like, you know what I mean? Like, I love this thing more than anything. And it's like I look back and so many of the like cancel culture, movies I made and videos I made. And I'm just like you stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
You're growing up like on the Internet in front of everyone making these decisions. Yeah, I'm sorry.
And again, no, I'm not like I'm not defending I'm not defending you at all.
But I know I really want everyone listening to this podcast picture yourself like something happens in your life and you have to get in front of a fucking camera and you make your apology video. How's it going to sound. I bet a lot of them fucking B shit.
I have never thought about it. It's not easy. It's not fucking easy. Yeah, but I'm not going to the worst at it. I know most people are like really good at it. You know, for like James, I was a big girl, like, you never know. I was like, yeah, like you can slap in like he does as well. But it's just something to consider. Like, I don't I do want to break the third wall where it's like everyone listening to this.
Like, if you want to make a video for your friends in your family and it's apology to them, like, how would it sound?
Yeah, like I think that it's a double edged I can be signed up for this life, but it's all yeah, it's a double edged sword because it's like people want you to tell them everything about their lives.
And if you don't, you're inauthentic and you're dishonest and you're hiding shit and you're a liar. But the second you do, you've now given them everything to pick apart, scrutinize and hate you for. So it's like, which side of that would you want? Do you know what I mean? There isn't a and then that becomes sitting in the middle and trying to find a level of acceptance because that's the life that you lead as this. But it's not like you're going to come online and bitch about that either because.
No, like I live that life from a fucking mansion. I used to cry over far worse things with bugs, like I'll figure it out and do what the fuck I have to do to, like, help people, I guess, like with this now.
But it is like, no, it's dark.
I remember like seeing for the first time because I've always watched drama on the Internet, but I was having my own it was recently something happened. I was reading DBMS of people are like crazy on the Internet, like they wanted me to continue to fuel the drama and they wanted me to spill more tea.
And I'm like and so many people do, I could keep it going but yeah I don't want to do that.
I will go make my money, make my show, make my fans happy. She's content. No, because there was a time where I was like, fuck, yeah, the drama's fun, like when it gets clicks for a certain amount, but then it's like, well yeah.
Are you literally selling your soul?
And that's like where I feel like I found that I got to the like the gates of that and I was inside of that. Right. What it is like to have the option to walk down the path of absolutely. Like selling your soul or not.
Well, OK, Tenno we can quickly which is. Yeah. Yeah.
I think your career like when you look back and this is unfortunately what happens to everyone, it's like you were getting famous because of your crazy degenerate life and then all also now you are in a mansion and you're living you lose the relatability.
Yeah, I know that your family affects you're this family. It's like so fucking normal with your baby that everyone loves.
And now it's like you're complaining about like the eighth landscaper didn't show up at nine a.m. and you're like, it's hard and it's like what like but it's crazy because it's like realizing that it's like I don't want to say, how could that not happen? Because there are all these there are people like you who say. Out of it, you waited till you were 20 years old to even consider moving to L.A., there are ways to avoid letting this industry change you.
And that's what makes people like you the goat, because I think that the average viewer don't viewers don't realize it's like my Miley's the goat, like, you know what I mean? Like that the punches you have to throw at all times to not let this industry change you. It is easier to walk down the gates of selling your soul because that's what everyone's doing. You look to your right and it's every fucking famous person you've ever seen likes doing that.
They're telling you that's what you should do. They're saying here's the money in the cars and then no problems and everything you've ever wanted.
If you do this with anything, when you decide to not sell your soul is when your life becomes hard, because now you're going against everything this industry is like, if you know what I mean.
Like, I couldn't have said it better myself. I think that's why. Especially the go.
No, but I think that's why I get so hypersensitive when I see people, my dreams being like, oh my God. Like, I feel like you're changing. And because you bought a nice couch and all this shit and I'm like, if only you knew how far. Like, I really could be taking it.
And I don't I don't want to live that life like I want to move here and like, be normal.
I will get suck your cock right now until, like, top you up and say she's like most normal, like famous people I've ever met. No cap. That's why you're here in this position.
I shouldn't be on the show. Should I walk away? You get to go.
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I literally straight up asked Hannah when we were at dinner, I was like, are you a narcissist? Which I know a narcissist would ever be like, yes, I'm a narcissist. But like talk to me about like who are you? Like, what do you do you worry about OK within yourself.
Yeah. I mean, the narcissist, obviously. I think I said this to you. I know I'm not a narcissist, but I do think that anyone doing what we do, even just sitting down back in the day, I've never I struggle with self-love, especially back in the day.
So it wasn't like I was sitting down being like, I love who I am. It was more so just like I know this life isn't normal now, so I'm going to tell the story. Yeah. But I do think to maintain this job for six years, you're going to have narcissistic all social media. We all every single one, because it's like you, you're talking about yourself, your life to millions of people.
All you're thinking about is how millions of people care about you and love you.
All you're being told all day, every day is how fucking perfect you are and how much people love you and blah, blah, blah. So like this life breeds a narcissistic thought process.
But I've always been such a depressive person that narcissism was never something that was really like. Right. I guess like I mean, like, obviously, like I'll make jokes about being like a hot ass bitch and like loving myself and I, you know, I like that.
Are you. But like insecure or are you not or did you used to be like, what's your biggest. Yeah. So I well I mean I've definitely wanted to kill myself a lot in this life. So like that is true.
Like I like you wanted to but have you, are you like I've tried but I mean I don't I don't want to say I've tried in like a general sense. I've never but like I thought about it. Well, I've I've taken drugs hoping they kill me, you know, taking a lot of drugs, hoping they kill me, hoping I don't wake up. Like if they don't kill me, I don't get what is right. I mean, that's suicidal ideation.
It's not technically like wanting to attempt suicide. So I want to always clarify that, like I'm you know, but.
Yeah, I've I've struggled with Will to live a lot. This is the point in time where I definitely want to live the most I ever have. Wow. Like I'm definitely the happiest and like LEVEL-HEADED and like my will to live is higher than it's ever been. It's amazing.
I want to read I wrote this down. I was looking at some of your videos and I said, you describe from January to December 2019, I crumbled and by December 2019, I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself.
And it only gets worse if you really get all your Saturnalia, you know, literally, literally that stupid bitch when you did the December twenty nineteen and March twenty twenty videos about mental health, the MTV show The Depression, you fell into your past experience with abuse and the trauma from that.
You were basically saying, like at first the industry was your way out of your childhood and.
Yeah. And then and realized how corrupted that. And then you're in the industry and now it's like, what do you do now?
Because now this is the corrupt part of it. How do you feel? Like you're fucking like what do you do you even know who you are anymore?
It's it's even funny just to touch on what you said to even that, like by January of 2020, my titles were like how this fucking industry changed me.
And my titles used to be like I did get a casino yesterday, like, you know what I like. That's like that within itself, like just visibly seeing how much pressure is like really, really wild.
You know, but that's, that's why twenty nineteen at that point was such a frustrating thing. That was the year that I say I really like realized like you can either go this way or this way. And it was at that time where in the beginning when Jake and I like started everything. I hate to reference it to Jake, but that changed my life, like who I was before that.
And like who I am now is polar, like real Tirelli, because I, I went from, like, more of just like a normal Vegas girl who lived in L.A. and like, you know, I've done some L.A. stuff like this with Bella and stuff like that or whatever. But I had I'd still.
It hadn't affected me and like the terrible, terrible ways I hadn't seen the terrible and I'm not even saying it's Jake, I'm saying the fame of what that relationship did. So in the beginning, it was very like, you know, just wholesome fun. Like we were hooking up, obviously, just like off camera, like we had been for like a minute and other times and whatever. And then we got, like, caught and like which people thought was fake to which I will say to this day, like I mean, I don't know if I change it all, if I could go back in time.
But like that she wasn't I wasn't doing that for that to happen.
And so it started off as fun. But then it became like, everyone loves this more than anything in the world. And then it was like when everyone loves what you're doing as a YouTube or all you also know is to keep doing, keep doing it will love. And if you love doing it, why like why wouldn't you like I was at that point that was probably the happiest and most carefree I'd ever been in my career and ever would be because it was the most amount of success it was before.
I know it was almost a year before the industry had, like, changed me in any way before it experienced so many things like that. It was before. People always say that you you either, like, live long enough to to die a hero or to see your heroes become the villain. And that was I that was the point where, like, I hadn't seen all my heroes become, you know, and that was a point where I hadn't seen the darkness, like in that sense.
So you were just really wrapped up in. Well, then we just started doing it and life started changing. There's paparazzi everywhere, fans everywhere, like fans coming to my house, like fans like I don't know if it's Jak's cult following or people liking the relationship or what it was, I don't know. But it was just like my whole life became like. Overnight, like, it just absolutely fucking changed. Well, I'm going to be normal anymore.
No one treated me normal. No one talked to me normal everywhere I went. No one I couldn't go anywhere without a phone in my face for, like, six months. Like, it was like I wasn't a human. I felt like. And then it was like to when you're being pushed into that and Jake to like, Jake couldn't go anywhere without it being Tanne where Stanner Janša this really when you're both being pushed into that, you gravitate towards each other because like no one else, that sounds fucking miserable.
And I get downtown miserable because I feel like you're it's almost like it's like when people are bipolar, like you're on a high and it's about the fucking end, you are going to go to the lowest.
You see all of your self validation and worth becomes in. And that's just what being a you is in general is also the manifestation of years of that, but becomes in Basten if people like you or not. And that's, you know, like you, you sort of validate yourself in that. And then when you're doing it at such high caliber like that and, you know, with someone else who like is you know, you're thinking in the same ways because of this, like you're like, you know how like, what can we do?
Let's keep doing this shit.
Let's, you know, let's keep still when it ended. But then, like, the point of that is, is it just eventually, like no matter how happy the shit makes you the downfall? Like we were just into deep it was like this. I miss sitting in your bed and not having the right people and lied, lied about it and make a fucking video.
Yeah, yeah. And just like people picking apart everything, too, like so many of our fights were literally just caused by other people. Like it wasn't even between the two. Yeah. Like saying should I said or saying should he said or saying or you know, like I'm, I'm upset at you because you did this and you didn't mean to hurt me, but the whole world perceives it in this way. And it's like, well, I didn't mean to hurt you.
And it's like, OK, but like the whole world thinks right now. So now I look like an idiot. And fuck, right now we have to address it now with to make a video about it. And it's like, yeah, your relationship is worth more for the world. Yeah. I actually didn't even have. Yeah.
Have your own relationship and I just it came to a point where it was like I I'm Tanne and like I, I didn't want to be someone's anything because this is the thing, Tanne.
I think a lot of times like your life for so long, you were relatable.
And then I think a part of it was like, does now everything she do is it for click bait is a real because you kind of is like the head of the click bait world. I'm just doing stupid shit to get clicks. And I feel like you weren't in it until then. You got so big from it. But now, especially with the wedding, she got to the wedding.
Shit. That's when it was kind of like it almost became like a joke. It that that's what I'm saying.
People are like, what the fuck are you guys? And there was so much real life mixed into something that was all, which was just a fox it fucks with your head so much.
So it's like it got to the point where I think that's when people I think the wedding was when people were like, what?
Yeah, I think how far I took the public side of my relationship with Jake. Maybe you made me lose a part of my credibility forever.
Twenty nineteen, I realized, like, I don't like what this can turn me into, I don't like what I've become up until this point. I don't like in a lot of ways who I've been for the last nine to 10 months. I think a lot of the ways I am and have been for the last nine to 10 months are a culmination of the way I was raised. This industry, like a lot of the scandals and mistakes I've made in the way I have come from lack of structure and responsibility and timing and, you know, like it.
But that doesn't excuse it anymore. Like, you're fucking you're 20 years old. Now, at this point, I think I was twenty one and so almost two years. Yeah. And I was like. Fuck, like, I can't I don't want to live the rest of my life like this, like what was your everyday life like? Like how many drugs are you talking about? Like, what the fuck were you doing?
Well, all it's it's crazy in the celebrity lifestyle, too. That's another thing is it's like especially me, I grew up like with the party girl image. So it's like my whole life to this day, it probably always will be people coming up to you with cocaine on a car right in front of you and Molly next to you and ten thousand dollars cash, if you take it all and you know, like and do a public, I want it like it's the lifestyle does nothing.
But that's why all child stars, Hollywood stars turn into addicts or die young ages.
Because because it's like like like Amy Winehouse. Like, you know what I mean? It's everyone in the world giving it to you because you're making everything. And that's to it's like all my content and shit comes from the party aspect. So even then, even at a party, they don't even know how many drugs you took. And you have to take and even the businessmen of the industry are like, give this bitch drugs to go tour.
So she does better. Like it's like no one's on the side of you being sober. So the first like six months of that like that of twenty nineteen like shooting MTV because it was like we would shoot the show for like 12 to 18 hours all day every day where you know, it's a million people telling you how to be, what to say, what this should be like. And it's and it's your real life. So it's like staging fights with your best friend.
They are the producers and the people with your best friends, with your family, with your but your management, your boyfriend, with you, whatever, so that they get this great show they don't like, you know, why would they care about. Right.
You know, I'm not here to whatever, but if you like, I was doing that all day, I guess. And then at the end of the day, every day I was taking a Xanax that I'm getting is fucked up is I could, you know, hanging out with just the wrong people, the wrong like rappers, people who endorse that lifestyle, people. And, you know, and and then I was waking up every day and sobering up from the drugs, sitting in the makeup chair just like fucking crying my eyes out, hating what I was doing, hating my life, hating life, but but hating myself because it was like I did this, like I chose to do all that shit.
No one else. Like, I don't like anyone but myself for this. So then it was like crazy. But anyways, like after it was like over, I'm surprised I lived through it like being really realistic like it, which I hate to say, like it sounds you're pushing your body to do that much shit.
Yeah, like I am like the way benzoin work on the brain. Now I'm studying the brain so much I know all about why I like it's crazy. But the way Bendel's work on the brain is they take away your REM sleep entirely because they it takes away the ability to store memories because it's like the first thing it does and that's what happens. And you're like REM sleep. Sorry, call her daddy.
I know you just want hear Mo Dixon know what we're getting now, I promise people. But so I was getting no sleep like just exhausted the way it fucks with your head. So then when I finally decide to get sober, it was just like, like withdrawals were terrible and it was like all in the public eye. It's like I'm going to be like, what, a Hollywood withdrawing from Xanax?
Yeah. My Xanax addiction that I've been doing like or just whatever, like, you know, like I just gotta go that life.
I've seen it. Yeah. Yeah. You were telling me. Yeah. It's like dark close as fuck to you. It's, it's so dark and working in that environment it's like OK close to impossible.
One hundred percent. And then I was still like trying and then it was like I would put on the face kind of and do it. But then every day like break the fuck. Did it affect your relationships.
Not romantically but like your friendships. Like yeah.
Everyone was miserable. Yeah. I hate to say it again, I don't blame them but I'm saying even just to marry and actually were miserable seeing my best friend's miserable and being like damn like they wanted to do this. But did they know and that was the first time I to like seeing, like we just said, all the negative effects of fame, like seeing them now affect these people that you've known from your childhood, like that shit broke me so hard to like, see.
Yeah. You know, like that shit really put them through that. Right.
I'm struggle with substance abuse and I'm struggling with, like, you know, just like what it did to everyone. My manager, I think it changed everyone's lives for the better and the worse. I mean, obviously, it's the same thing as what we just said. It's the same Hollywood bullshit, MTV and so many great things for me, but also so awesome. So much darkness. Yeah. Like mentally.
But it's like so I but I asked you, I was like Tanne like do you ever just like are you ever by yourself like you know who you are like can you be alone now.
Are you happy alone now for the first time ever.
And that's, and that's why I think I don't want to kill myself for the first time.
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OK, I want to talk about your sexuality. Oh my God. Fun. OK, so let's talk. Let's get like more like disgusting. Here we go.
Wow. I'm excited. We're finally moving on. Finally.
OK, so you're fucked up. You've trauma. Exactly. Yeah. But you are really dating.
I think you've dated more girls almost than guys at this point. Recently I wanted to hear what is your advice. All I've ever wanted. What are you doing like are you bisexual? I asked you if you were bisexual. You said you're pansexual. Yeah. Can you explain to everyone the difference between those?
Yeah, it's interesting because again, I didn't even like again, like, I never thought I'd be a I'm pansexual. I never thought be like that person. I don't know what the fuck that even meant for like, so long. Right.
It's more so like I just again, I, I credit everything the way I was raised, but it's like it's not like any family values instilled in me.
So I kind of looked at the world with my own open perspective. And then I was born and raised in Las Vegas, which is a very sexualized city. Like I mean, like I was like hooking up with like four people at once. Like young Ice Age is like probably which isn't good. It's what made me the way I am. Right. I mean, like, you know, like I was fucking crazy. So it's like I was always just open and crazy.
And then it wasn't I was never like attracted to girls. I thought I could date one literally until, like, Bella existed. Right. Would just so like weird.
But it was more so that like Bella had never dated a girl. You're kind of in like a similar boats were like talking to you, you know what I mean? Like, wow, I and I figured it all out very like real time in front of everyone. Right.
That seems like it keeps happening in your life a lot. That's all I really know. Yeah.
Literally that came with so many people obviously scrutinizing it because people scrutinize what they don't understand. So it's like you're not gay, you're not this, you know, and I didn't know what I was. And then I, I obviously came to a realization after dating girls and after these relationships, kind of it was more or throughout them like it's not a girl. It's more human, like like it was I loved Bella. I felt for Bella because I was like, you know, I was physically attracted.
Obviously, I'm like the baddest fucking bitch on this planet. I don't know why she did the charity work of looking in my direction. She probably doesn't either.
She's like, I still don't really know either.
But so you started actually having, like, sex with girls and you were getting scrutinized because people were like, are you doing this for clicks and are you doing this? I don't think people but I mean, rightfully so.
I'd been like very straight public up until that point other than to talk about, like threesomes, foursomes. And it's not like I was like divulging into anything with girls or talking about anything with girls until that point. And the first bit you're going to say is Bella Thorne.
I see why everyone is like, you know, so then it kind of over.
But that along with everything, especially when it's the truth and it's who you are, it's like over time people will see. So it was just like I knew in my head, like if this I feel I'm going to continue to do whoever I want, which I'm sure will probably mean other girls. Right. You know, and even Bella and I were like it was like this whole thrussell and I was dating other people. And like, I've always just been the way I actually am in front of the world.
Like, tell me about your blowjobs, dude. We're sitting OK, Susannah. I'm like eating out of my head. I got everything I feel like I could tell.
Like, you're giving sloppiest, which is one of my better assets. It can't talk. It can't make apology videos I get I might as well be able to suck it. Yeah, it's for real. Honest God. I think it's all about the spirit and where the spirit, what the spirit is. You know, I was I always think about this when I'm giving it to you because it's like I feel like with a guy, it's about getting to the goods because you're not starting with the goods, with your mouth is dry.
It's like normal. You're right. Almost throw up. Like, I feel like you really like it. They're literally like you, your me and then you're then you're golden. I put that shit in your neck bitch.
No I waited. I am so proud of you because I can just tell like you give good head but I all eat your pussy, you know, after this.
Oh we have to talk about that too. That was a serious pussy too, you know, like I was being dead. I'm like, oh I thought it was a joke. OK, I'm like stop sexually.
I won't I won't eat your pussy. Are you, are you do you think you're good at that too.
Yeah, I think I just all over all my head overall is like, wow, interstellar OK into it.
Maybe that's what people say because really what else is there to be.
Right. Yeah. You're annoying. I'm fucking annoying. You're not dating me too like unreliably. Shit like that through throughout that time, too, I think that's why I wasn't in a relationship where you're a nightmare, who would one day exactly make up for it. You learn to really dig. That's facts. I'm like not even joking.
Like, it's like literally like I can make you craft magazines and suck your cock, but I am going to make your life a living hell like you guys are going to be like. I love the way that she sucks my dick, which is if that's what daddy gang needs like. So OK, so let's talk about first and foremost, we need like we need more specifics.
So like when you are going in approaching a dick, OK, you're I think it's all about your vibes then too, you know, like it's just like I think it's the little things because it's like think about how blowjobs or just head in general that anyone's received in their life. So it's about the things that you're doing differently.
And it's like the little accessories that you bring to the table, like literally, literally, literally. It's all about the accessories. OK, tell us about your accessory. No, but that's what I think.
I think it's what I think of taking up that he or she comes, I think, to taking it and taking down taking pants off with your teeth. It's always like that's what I mean. Like shit like that, like back arched ass in the air, but not taking their pants off with your teeth. Bitch about that. Right.
Like looking on the opposite. I think that's what I'm saying. Looking at your soul. Yeah.
You're afraid of me like I that you're more. Yes, hello. Honestly, Tina and Alex talking about blowjobs like this is what the Internet, one mental health soften the blowjobs. How this episode started, I knew it was going to be like, you bring that chick down your throat. I told every single person it's going to be like 30 minutes of me, like literally probably sobbing and then 30 minutes of me, like, literally dying, talking about talking.
And that's what I said. But that's what I said. What are the people really expect this one? Because we need to serve them what they didn't get. No, it's true. Then they all started going to sleep and now they're like, oh, wait, now Tan is talking about psychedelic.
Let's get like, Good Morning Glory for the person you are. I love that you're saying like you approach it like very sexual, like do something different, like leave your fucking someone to.
It's like if someone fucks me, I want them to say it, like, change their life.
Will we let me ask you because that's interesting. So obviously you kind of remind me of me in the bedroom. I like really want to. And it's not that I know.
Shut up. And she's like, I don't I like hate the thought of like listen I love to I want to have an orgasm, but I also am like a fucking psycho where I'm like, no, I want you to come and literally be like, I will never forget that specific almost better than an orgasm.
It's like a mental organ. No, it is.
Because you're like straight up like watching him. I'm like, remember that you fucking bitch. Like I own you. Oh my God.
I've never worked in Psycho for sure. I get you off by watching porn. That's coming. You're like, I know. Literally the last person I fucked was like like I want to make you come to like I want to make you come in. I was like, I could go to bed because in my head I was like, I like I served. I don't even care. Like, I'm tired. Like sleep would be more of an orgasm to me because I'm you watch it yourself, take him down and you're like, I don't even need to come.
I already came in my mind because I just fucked you.
And that basically were the devil who me are do we are like we're like anyone's worst nightmare.
But it's fun because then you kind of like can own them if you're able to do that.
Can I ask you this is people crazy, though. It makes people fall in love with you. It makes people crazy.
And then it's like then you have to have this level of transparency to where it's like just because I fuck you like this doesn't mean like I want anything other than that which like you'd be most guys, like, they don't you know, you don't realize that you guys don't realize it.
And half the time it's crazy if you're acting like that and if you're like fucking them, like it's theirs and all of a sudden they get addicted to you, but they recommend that it is good.
It's a proven it is proven method. We so you need to explain what was your friend that you give? What was she saying? She's like the no teeth. Why would hope not.
But know. Have you ever had them be like I love when you bite my dick. There are some guys like like a girl to bite their dick.
It's so strange. I don't understand it. Mike drop. What are you doing. Pick it up. What are you doing.
Why are you dropping it? I've never asked you. So I've had anyone ask me, usually pretty much anything, and I've never had any. I have had a guy asked me to do that and I literally looked up and I'm like, Did I hear you correctly? I'm so sorry. Like, what did you buy today?
Yeah, I love you. And I, I'm like the dick and I and then I was like, God forbid I like, keep hooking up with this guy and get used to biting dicks. And then I go to the next day and I'm like biting this dude saying do can you. Awful. Awful. So you've never been a guy's dick.
Yeah. Well, I'll leave as Alice Cooper too in the first ten minutes of sex. Finally got one thing right. Tell me about your blowjob. Why were your friends calling it a specific thing. Know I know this.
No, in my friend group it just became the way you talk about Dick almost. It's similar to look nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost just a term for giving proper head like it's hard luck.
Luck. Oh. What do you call like. It's a toothless gargles throwback.
Hold on. We. I said, toothless, toothless tiger, unless you like to bite that fucking cock, you see what we really is all about, a toothless gag. Let's throw glass. Yeah, unless the gag is fake, you know, and then it's like a hot noise when, you know, struggle, we we know struggle.
But also I do OK, we hold on toothless. Yes.
Gag loose and then throw fuck off sometimes but then it's you know, but then it's about the hands. It's about. There's so many vibes and every guy is different. There's like that asshole singer ones. There's a football grab. One thing on my hands. I love you like right with your hands on that one.
There's like I'm going to fuck you, you know. So then it's about assessing the vibe, which is also a blowjob because it's like what's the best job in the world that someone else might be the worst blowjob in the world?
Dude, it is the truth. And this is what I'm saying. Dekalog Nine thousand in the toothless God, whatever the fuck this thing is, it could not work for specific men. And you have to really try it out because I've had a guy wallaga dry actually, and like preferrable low as far. Yeah. Then the guys that are like you're about to literally throw up on their deck because they're like pushing your head down so fast and like I really can't breathe.
Like, give me a bagla. Here we go.
Where did you go in.
And you're like, I'm going to literally go so hard and like no I think it's all over the blindside. It's like, oh, I like I probably shouldn't suck.
Yeah. Like I can't even get it out. No.
Like it was like my that's so like no you're like no I know my mouth is huge. Fuck I can't even front look at it. Oh my God. But how great.
If you pull your you do that where you pull you like your mouth to the side. I think that guy thing that's so cool her daddy listens.
You don't realize how lucky you are because like that that's not a tip like that the average bitch is ever going to give you.
Open your fucking mouth with your cock in your throat. So that's like life changing advice. And that's why that is why I like the best in bed type B, they are psycho. Are you dedicated? Can't even see what we're doing with our money. You like bread?
A generation of bitches giving just the best blowjob. The manipulation tactic to a man like almost is a blowjob. Yeah. OK, wait, do you have like I know that you've fucked athletes now are they going to take a person. She's like Addison Ray I know that you fucked up. Let me bring up my list. You fucked athletes. Yes. What are you experience with that?
Well, I mean, that's my like everyone like jokes that that's my forte. Oh, my God. See, I'm not.
And that's also why I think athletes of all the calibers of men, athletes are one of the harder ones to get. Athletes like don't want to bitch like that. Yeah, Pauline's like, bro, like, you know, it's such a crack athletes. You have to be a special bitch. So that says a lot about her. That's actually probably the genre of men that I like. I like a rapper like they want to bitch. Like it's easy, like, you know what I mean.
I'm like, it's fucking easy.
I've never fucked a rapper like dude, your face. When I just said that, I was like, wait, what's wrong? And you rap caviare. Listen, it's just like my sex. Stop, wait, stop, wait. That's straight up. You fuck a lot of rappers.
I feel like if you had to think about what I fucked like most, it's probably rappers 108 be.
Why do I feel like they're like not treating right. Not that like athletes are treated like the problem is that I probably left like that. You're like I love. Yeah. Oh my God.
And that's a problem too, the way I am. I love like talks. You're fucking crazy. Fuck. Rappers are crazy. I got to like, you know what I mean. Yeah. Like right. Well let me be fucking crazy. Whirlwind romance. You write an album about me.
Oh I like, I like that. I'm just joking. I like really aggressive sax. Like are you like asking guys like choke you. Admire you. Oh my God. Yeah. Like beat the fucking shit out of you.
And that's the difference too is the difference in guys and girls. So I don't want to bitch to be like I'm not a bitch. Sorry. Like women. Yeah. I always say, I always say bitches here bitches that a term of endearment here on her that to me. But I don't I remember that the public doesn't always think that way.
That's why I called you a cunt and then like you're not a bitch. You're not. I'm not.
I don't love you. I think that's so true. That is so I think she's call me bitch. Why don't you really know? I don't fuck with you at all. No, I'm just kidding. But I agree with you.
There is a difference between, like, loving when a man like kind of like not beats the shit out of you during sex, but like I do like a guy that's like dominant. No punch me, but like have you know, but literally, like, punch me in the head. But have you ever had it go too far?
There isn't really too far from having you literally knocked me out and I'd be into it. Oh really. Yeah. This one time ago. I think about this one time, all the time with this guy was fucking me and he was like slapping me.
I was, I was vibing and it was a vibe I that I was firing while this guy was hitting me. I love a good song. Right. And again, this is us like giving permission. We're saying they can do that. I don't want to that. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much, very much for people. Fastforward Yeah. Oh by the time code. But ever think about they know is why I'm more scandalising.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. You're going to.
And so I was like, I was like punch me fucking punch me. And I don't think I've ever been punched or exults at this way. And this is the was introduced the idea of punching me. But I'm not going to say I like punched in the back of that.
I'll go. So Teramoto, Teramoto, Alice Cooper. I'm like literally the hottest thing, like the biggest hernot in the bedroom is when the guy literally glancy the fuck out right when he's about to come and I'm going to come. It's like a perfect moment in time when you get donkey punch in the back of the fucking head. This is so funny, so dark, the levels of this.
But this is by far out of anything I've ever recorded in one sitting.
Maybe the dark is like waves, but I just give you for honesty. I love it. I love it. He's going to hit you. Yeah. And I was like, punch me, punch you, punch me. And then he was like, no, baby, I can't, you know, don't like my normal boyfriend. He's like barely probably slapping me because I don't have to do that.
That's so mean. You punch me like it hit me legs in the air.
And so finally he's like, OK. And so then he punches me and it's like hot. And then we keep vibing, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm sorry, I'm going to pee my pants. And you keep saying I tell him to punch me and we're like vibing.
The fact that you're saying, baby, I remember the first time it's a running joke between Jake and I do because he's like, I'm not going to be like. I know. And so finally, he was to be harder and harder.
Each time we he's like punching multiple times. It was probably like four. And it's like fist to like side of head or like face like a face like like this is like before I even thought about the body really.
And you're like, wait, like don't fuck with my fillers.
Like oh my God. I people like literally fucking my flesh sexually. We could talk about that. We stopped. Hilarious. OK, so many things have fucked up.
I feel like I can still show you like all the things I've OK punching you. I start gushing blood.
He punched me in the tooth and one of my teeth like by accident like he doesn't mean to it's like right here, like it's like one of these teeth and your tooth falls out of my teeth, start bleeding, but I'm in it when I grow up.
So my mouth is gushing blood and I'm like he's like, do you want me to stop my baby?
I'm scrambling like I don't even care. But you probably also don't realize how ugly it looks because like blood coming out of your mouth and you think it's hot. But I'm sure like the site Midnighters I get. But I, I would have had like yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, like I'm bleeding, I'm dying. I would think that that's horrible. Right. Right, right, right. Probably the whole core issue of it. And so then he's like grabbing my blood and just like smearing it like all over you fucking with his foot.
And to the sound like that was hot. There's a lot of people that are like I that's that's the line. That's the draw.
Minding your own elbow to someone else is so hot. And then you're like, look at your blood. Perfect little mix of a bloody Mary in your mouth. Get your blood into his mouth, spit your blood back into your problem. You swallow his cum with his own, spit your blood mixed with his spit back with his come come on Great Dane or figure combination.
We love it all.
Honestly, I don't want it any other way now, but it's not an everyday thing. I don't know how we started talking about this live.
I asked you if you like it rough and then we slowly it got to dinner was blowing out of her. Oh well I guess you could say I'm someone who likes to like picture you like they're like but I love it rough.
But like I've never gotten to the point of like blood ever massacre. Like I am so fucked up. I'm like I'm slurping back like my you know, I have never drank my own blood basically during sex and been like, this is it.
It's not a daily thing. I swear it was one of the first moments or I was like, OK, so I like it. You're like this. That was the moment where Tenno was like and now I need it every night instead of most girls would like it got went too far. Hannah was like, how do we make this happen all the time?
I don't know if there even is like too far in sex to me. Like, I would try. I won't do that again, I guess.
And I think guys, though, it's hard as fuck to have these conversations with guys, maybe not your SoundCloud rappers, but like, yeah, that's why I go for them, I think because they're Naum is just sex like that.
Yes. I mean, the first time I forclose and and I was just like his like absolute norm and I was like, I love you.
And then we literally started dating. Like I said, I suck. Definitely need to look into, you know, I have never heard this shit right now.
Oh, my God, Hannah. No, no, we don't bleed. We don't associate hot sex with blood. No, like one hundred percent. He would be like. And so your trauma with this, this, this and this is why you're nothing but like, literally, dude.
Yeah. Today I was. What are you telling him about? Like Ashley and I walking past like an orgy like with her hair girl. And I was like because I'm so fucking sorry.
Like closure is like we do you like having like threesomes, foursomes or. No. Can I actually I like I feel like I've never really had a threesome, like I've technically had a lot of like threesome vibe. Right.
But it always comes down to actual fucking it's always been more than three people like oh I think it's always been this one having to do all my jokes.
I'm like, oh, you've never had a threesome. That doorman like, no, Alex, it's always five or more. So you've had like multiple orgies. Yeah.
Like, like probably a lot of like well there's an orgy. What's an orgy about for. Yeah.
It seems like a decent amount of foursomes and maybe like some five sum's I don't think over like but I've seen for some almost just debated on a giant orgy though, like in Florida, in Miami really recently, a couple of weeks ago.
But I was like all my best friends and I was like, I don't want to be like. I am literally my video. The video guy over here was part of the org and here that the theoretical org we are. How do you put these together? You're all in a group. How would you guys be down for an orgy or. Words are like a reservation. You got an RSVP to the orgy in Miami. There's been so many different scenarios in my life everywhere.
I know differently. Like I don't want an orgy. My cover is not like most girls almost.
But there's been like relationship ones.
You know, your fucking other couple that was going to ask you, have you done like swinging where you're like dating someone you've fucked another couple? Yeah. Hell, hell. And you like that?
No, I mean, not now. Like now I haven't in like years. I was in some relationships where I was. I feel like it's more it's it's probably not more normal. And I guess that's a weird fucking right.
But they Vegas sex like seriously that shit was more normal in Vegas. Like now like couples don't just all fuck each other like all the fucking time.
No, I agree. But I also think it's like a really hot concept. And that's one thing I've never done is like had a boyfriend and fucked another couple. I would want to do it, especially when it became normal.
If my boyfriend, hot friends and I wanted to fuck his friends, I would purposefully select my friends and then just like all these fucking their girlfriends.
But like what I really, really can't to this guy. Oh, my crazy shit. What happened to you? There's been people I've had forums with like I'd break up and then after I ended up like fucking them and shit and they like broke up with their wee that's all.
No, dude, that's where I think it gets so dark because I've known couples that have done threesomes and then the other person gets shady and goes and fucks the other person without them knowing that you risk because it's all dependent on like who you're dating to, like you have to trust.
OK, so are you into cuckolding how the basically cuckolding is like watching your boyfriend fuck a girl.
Yeah, I've never like thought of the term I, I'd vibe with that shit. That's why of course it would be Haidian wrong. But if it's like a vibe like oh I think, I think she just shrugged her shoulders.
She's like, I mean, you know, whatever, we all do it. I think that hooking up with a guy that is like wanted by other women is super hot. I agree. I like of that. Yeah. I do want to be with a dude that like nobody wants to fuck one hundred percent. I think it's the hottest thing ever. But are you a jealous person. Not really.
Someone has to be really crazy to even raise my attention. I'm not even really know. Right.
This person really like at all. And if anything I think it's it's become more that way by nature because I've realized that I need someone who is so not jealous or jealousy is one of the things that almost feel like will ruin every relationship with me no matter what and where I live, like in the lifestyle I live. I mean, like. Right. Jealousy breeds insecurity and insecurity breeds tumultuousness.
Yeah. You're not jealous in relationships. Yeah. Because it's like I feel like if I am jealous now especially I'm a hypocrite because I need a boyfriend who I'm like yo my ass and titties are on only fans. With Lana Rhodes this week you have to be fine with. I used to be fine with a thousand people fucking jacking off to me. You have to be fine with everywhere I go, guys hitting on me. You have to be so secure with yourself that you don't care.
Which is almost why I probably go for like narcissistic people by nature, because I. Yeah.
So much that they're so in love with themselves. Yeah. Like you're both just in love with yourselves. That's why you're nice. I wish I loved exposed. Here we go. They're all coming full circle.
The answer is yes. Danimal. Joseph, fuck you. That was the whole thing. Every single question was just a plot to somehow get that maniacal. The Alex Cooper maniacal laughter No, I'm going to make sure my ring tone is actually amazing, OK? I still hated myself for most of the time.
I've only gotten to the self-love like, no, no, we're getting there.
We're getting there. So I hosted a podcast. This brings me to my entire point.
No, no, we go, yeah, no. I'm actually just here to not only try to get you to forgive me, but also my brain is really fucked up here, like you might like me to co-host.
So having me on. Oh, she was. And that's my whole pitch this whole time was just to be your co-host.
So now that we're here, it's pitch.
Hannah, why would you why should I pick you to be my next co-host pitched me give me a reason that you fucking slut and I actually have no reason to go over. You're like, so my work ethic is a zero. We're getting zero. I'm like, no, no, no. But I already blew it. You know, I could have know. Not going to probably replace the co-host then. Wow. I showed up back in the day, but like now.
Oh yeah. No, I just know it's a dream. It's a lifelong dream.
But I do think you're you're doing way better at podcasting than I expected you because I said to ten in the beginning, I was like, you're so ADHD. All I want is you to just please, please. I can't wait for my videographer's to get what ASRM Torkington is just Deep Throat and your fucking fingers. Okay. I mean, I should practice what I've been preaching about you. Should you tell me just before I go on, call her daddy.
You're like and just so Alex knows, put the whole listen to me. Do you think you'll ever come out with a sex tape?
Oh, my God. Finally you asked. Oh, yeah. No, right.
You're like if the money's right, which would be right. That's the thing is realizing how much that was the thing. Only answer me is it was like I've been sexualized since I was like really fucking fifteen.
So why not fucking. Profit off of it, like, and I'm such a sexual person where it was like, fuck that shit, like I do the shit for free on every platform anyways. So it was and I'm and I'm losing the only money I make because of that, you know, I'm getting right. So only fans will like it.
Nothing's ever made more sense for me, probably my whole life.
Like which is maybe bad just but then only fair like all fans and I really are just waiting for each other. So you're making a shit ton of money on only fans.
It changes. It's life changing money. It's life time. And just like for me, it changed my life like. And then when I saw that, I was like, I'm starting and only fans agency. I'm signing girls, I'm doing the whole thing. This is this is how I'll like retire probably. I think it's like that.
So, like, not only is the money dope I got like yeah. But like I said would also just be fun.
I often do you post on only sounds I on your calendar. Tennis calendar is like post only or like take pictures or something, you know, people to make more money than anything else.
On the whole the body could fuck my asshole with this water bottle right now and I would make less money than if I fucking took this shoe off and sold the stock picture.
I swear to. But like, no, I don't think like, no, I would not suck my own toes and I'd be sucking toes. We saw you posting the pictures like mad us.
Oh, my God. Yeah. And how does that work? But now it's like when I ask you for it.
Yeah. So it's like what's crazy. Our only fans too is there's a certain amount of money that is like made in messaging and a certain amount and been posting. So it's like there will be people that are begging to send you like ten grand for a pick. And then it's like you're figuring that out, navigating shit like crazy shit like anyone like it doesn't, you know, like. But I think another reason why I would want to do a sex tape is because I never want people to think I'm like discrediting like sex.
Yeah. Anyway, yeah, I porn stars have always my favorite people too.
In the beginning of this industry, the first people to ever show me kindness before I had any level of fame were like really read the file on the plug like and it's maybe it's because people are so shitty to people who are in the sex industry that they develop like Gina Valentina, Kendra Sunderland.
There's some of the nicest people I've ever met. They develop these levels of like compassion and shit like that. So it's like I the way I look at sex workers is like, y'all are God. Y'all found a way to become rich ass fucking bitches capitalizing off these stupid ass men. Let it all back to, like, why you talk about blowjobs on the straight up because you're like this dumb ass, like sucking dick. This dumb ass thing is like how you can control the mind of a man, you know what I mean?
So I just think sex work is like, so beautiful.
So I think even that, like, dabbling in that would be like fun. And how far is it from, like, what I've really done?
What is your biggest insecurity? Great question. Yeah, she's like I know.
That's why I have the number one knowledge of the world.
No shit, bitch. Adam and Logan says that shit about him positive too, because you just know you do better. I like you're literally pathetic. I don't see you up there, bitch. I see Michelle Obama, me and Joe Rogan. Where you out, Logan?
Come for me again. Why did you say I should? But if you fuck, I want Joe Rogan, not fuck him. But I want to be on top of him on the charts. Not in real person. Oh my God.
OK, see I love look at me just looking like woman. I'm like I couldn't go far as to because I think I'd fall in love with you like that. I was like oh my God no.
You would just be so ADHD that you're like going everywhere with me. Always literally. Yeah I know. Yeah. We couldn't stay on topic.
So biggest insecurity here. What do you say is the biggest insecurity.
Hey, I'm thinking I thought you said it quickly and I missed it. I'm like, what is it. No, no, no.
I think well you we were talking about this a little bit at dinner and I think I always say this is is not it's not one. There was a point in time where there were like physicality insecurities, like I didn't like my nose. I would never turn my head to the side. I hated the profile more than anything. Right after the surgery, I was like scooped up a job. Make it as cute as you can. I'd get another one now.
But like, I'm but I'm saying, like, I'm lucky to be in a place where I got to rid of some physical insecurity.
So it's more so like obviously physically I'm still comparison.
I'll be like I could look better. The bottom could be wider.
My fucking nose could be this or there's always that shit, you know? But for me, my biggest insecurity is more so that like I pick apart myself, in my opinion, worse than anyone else ever could. I think it's a it's a my biggest insecurity and one of my biggest strong suits, because it's created a level of resilience that most people could say things to me. And it's like I have several in my head. One minute before you just spoke at all times, I'm with him in the mirror saying, like, they innately, naturally thinking like, you know, the worst things anyone can ever say about my appearance with sound, the way I look, the way I walk, the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I date, the way I act, the way I do everything.
Because that's what my job has made me do, because it's everyone scrutinizing all of those things. You start to do it yourself. So it's more so like my biggest insecurity has been on training my brain from, like, innately thinking that because I've always been self deprecating too. Like my first, like, catchphrase ever was really just me saying I hate myself and fans just being I say it because you and it was like me being like that was your first coach ever.
I would just be like, I fucking hate myself.
And everyone started doing it. And then I was like, oh my God, like my world.
And then you're like, wait, now I really need to stop and I hate myself are doing it.
You mean I hate myself, Mirch. Like I'm better now the.
It was a phase of judgment for me. You're 15 years old, they literally had us like like where do you get the word Hadass? I've never heard this. Vegas. It's like a Vegas that's had you say had I had a lot of Hadassah's everywhere, though. I think it's like maybe it's more West Coast or East Coast. So I probably like hello wasn't something that was like a part of character, but like maybe in like a rap song.
Yeah, but whereas like I like everyone I know says hello like every other word, like type shit.
So do you still feel like your Vegas roots are strong and living. You're not to L.A. yet.
I never will go more L.A. than I was. I was the most L.A. I think I will ever be at the point of like Jake Paul marriage.
And you're edging back. Yeah, like, yeah, exactly. And if anything, I hope to only do that more and more because I've seen what the city does and I think it's.
Yeah. And I think like in the ways I am in every way, like I'm Vegas. Like I yeah.
Like I think and I also think when you lean more into it, it almost makes you more likeable because you do have that like. Yeah. Part of you that is different than that. And I forgot that, like I really forgot that. That's like yeah. Yeah.
You jokingly are outwardly like, oh, I'm ratchet, I'm business. But when you're like I'm from fucking Vegas.
Yeah, I'm actually like I live. I don't know how to live any other way. And if you tried to make me a fucking prim and proper like I could never like that.
It's who I am like to the core. Yeah. Do you think you're good. I wouldn't, I wouldn't discredit any of it like that.
All made me this now. So I'm thankful for all those things because it's like I needed to learn all those lessons like first. Yeah. Yeah I'll probably be. I'm pregnant right now.
Like you said, it's like chigger people. They're going to cut it into specific. I'm sure everything I said pissed off people and then of course, they did it pretty well.
It's weird. I'm not even that's like MTV made me realize.
I thought you could say anything in the world and people cut it off the fuck you want to fuck matter any of that.
I can't I shouldn't even be saying this. I'll shut the fuck up.
No, no, no. I think it's cool. I like using my job to get to know people because I will say, like, you're kind of exactly what you are on the Internet, which I do appreciate.
I never thought I'd get that sentence out of Alice Cooper. Do you know, I don't know if it's good or bad. I'm just kidding. Oh, sure. You're Vanselow. You're very I did. I still stand by it. You are smart, narcissistic, smart and good.
You're like chutzpah. I take her to the brain scan place. I'm like, you know, is going to be tomorrow is kind of a funny angle, like the change in social promotion with the North Star.
But it's Skydeck I, I can't thank you enough for coming.
I don't think being up about your life I can't thank you enough. Thank you for making a wish on me today.
I wish I a monkey so much wear whatever the fuck this charity work was.
It's crazy because normally I'm like I love picking people's brains and I've never, at least in the last few years, let someone pick my brain the way you just did in a public way at all. And like people going with this fucking narcissistic bitch, it's going to be it's all going to work.
It's all going to come out mail. Vanimo Majo Exploited as a Narcissist by Alex Cooper. But I think that I want to get to know you on the next podcast because I'm trying to be oh, by the way, I'm leaving done.
I cannot thank you for coming on.
I'm sorry for not going on two years ago. Still, you know, if we don't come for her studying, come for me, but also come for me. For me. Oh, OK.
Fine. Right. Oh. The best thing I've ever done in my life, I was taught that, oh, no, no. Oh. Oh, I hope this is the one. I wish I would have a few hours of your time and your time. Thank you.
Six. Six, six.