Daddy gang, it is your father. Guys, before you start listening to this episode, I want to let you know that we are running a sale on all barstool merch, go to store, barstool sports, dotcom, and then use promo code podcast's for 10 percent off that is stored up barstool sports dotcom promo code podcast for 10 percent off merch. Happy shopping daddies. Enjoy the episode.
Hello, it's me again, Alex Cooper. Nice to see you. Before you enter the psychotic world of call her daddy.
I have an announcement to make. It is a new year. And because it is a new year, naturally, that means that this show has new presenting sponsor and the presenting sponsor for 2021 is not foreign to the daddy gang. You know this brand well, you touch yourself, do this fucking brand daddy motherfucking gang introducing call her daddy's 20 21 presenting sponsor Adam and Eve bitches. You know the fucking drill. If you are listening to this podcast and you do not own a vibrator, what the fuck are you doing?
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What is up, daddy gang, it is your single father, Alex Cooper, we call holy fucking shit.
Is this thing on what the fuck is up Daddy gang it is.
Your founding father got in our car for the first call her daddy episode of Twenty Twenty One.
Officially a full fucking year of a single father era.
Fuck yes bitches.
How the fuck are you doing. I miss you guys Daddy gang. It's been a fucking minute. I'm not going to lie. I'm excited, but I am a little fucking nervous because I have a question that I want to ask all of you.
And I'm already feeling judged and I already know what you guys are going to think. But here we go.
Raise your hand if you started twenty twenty one toxic, OK, because over here I am raising both of my hands.
My toes are curled. I'm crossing them behind my back because although I won't admit it to my therapist, I will admit it to you. Dawdy going. I got right on it. I got right on the toxic deck and I got right on my fucking toxic move. And don't you worry, I'm very aware I was so close I was heading for Oprah status. That last episode of 20/20, everyone was like, Alex, we are putting you in.
The ballots are in health and wellness. No longer comedy, no longer toxic, call her daddy is officially rebranded. And then what I did is single handedly putting me all the way back to original call her daddy days.
Now, listen, I want you guys to all really remember, sometimes in life, people people make mistakes. People people really just swerve off the beaten road.
And sometimes you do things that you didn't even know you're capable of. You do something that makes you fully have to realize, yes, I spend a shit ton of money on therapy, but baby girl, it's clearly not fucking working. Hello, my name is Alex Cooper and I have a problem. And my problem is being so addicted to the toxic lifestyle that the minute that I sniff an ounce of health, I am disgusted, I am repulsed, I have acid reflex to healthy things has become one we remember.
I'm sorry, everyone, everyone that's more mature and you're like, God damn it, Alex, I get it. I get it. Fucking sucks. Shut the fuck up. You think I don't know. I feel like shit.
So here you go.
The regression moment that I'm referring to, the moment the old Alex was resurrected all comes down to one single thing. A night stand, a night stand, not a one night stand, you fucking whores. I'm saying a night stand like a wooden to draw thing that is next to your bed or in this case, a man's bed.
Ha ha ha ha, motherfucking daddy gang, are we back, baby, we're fucking back, baby. Sit back, relax and enjoy the fucking show this week, baby. We got a nice story. Time for you. Insert Mr. Sexy Fuckin Zoo. Man Five months ago, I laid in Mr. Sexy Zoo Man's bed.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the first time that we fucked.
I was laying there and in the morning he made the decision to go downstairs to the gym and workout.
Now, already I knew this man has no fucking idea who the fuck is in his bed leaving Alex Cooper alone in your bed or leaving a daddy gang member, let alone in your bed unattended for an extended period of time.
Big, bold ass move, buddy. I'm telling you. I mean, Big Kahuna is on this one, guys, because what the fuck do you think we're going to do, buddy?
Exactly what you think I'm going to do, guys. He goes downstairs, guys, and he goes into his gym. He's working out. I hear the music blasting. I hear he's on the treadmill. It's go time.
And like any bitch, would I go directly for his nightstand jackpot. And there before my my innocent eyes, I didn't ask for this.
He left me in the room alone is a picture frame face down.
You got to love it. What do you guys think it was? What do you think it was a picture of? It's a shrine of me.
No daddy can face up the picture frame.
And there, lo and behold, is a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend. Dun, dun, dun.
It's like, okay, you're not dating. And I know at the time I smiled. This is fun. This is drama. This is what Alex Cooper fucking signed up for. What girl wants to be with a dude that doesn't have any crazy exes, hot exes or doesn't have any shit. And imagine if I open that drawer and it was really a pen like how boring you want the juicy drama, especially in the beginning when you have no stakes involved, at least emotional stakes.
And again, it was the early stages. So I didn't know shit about this guy. So it was kind of fun to be seeing all this shit.
So then I keep cruising around. Of course, it doesn't stop there and I find a stack of cards, holiday cards, birthday cards, etc., clearly all from the same girl.
Oh, and the fingers start twitching. And for about two seconds I debate. Should I open the cards or should I just let him have his privacy and just be the good girl that my therapist prays and hopes to God?
One day I'll become naturally. As you can tell, this story is going south. I read every fucking letter and I'm not proud of it. Listen, I'm not proud of it, but at least at least I can own that because I do think there are a lot of fucking people in this world that would never admit, like I would never go through someone's medicine cabinet.
Shut the fuck up. You absolutely do. And at least I can admit it. Look yourself in the fuckin mirror, OK? At least I know I'm a monster. So I read everything.
I see everything. And then I just put it back in the drawer naturally.
Usually what I would do, I would usually take a picture of every single one of the cards in the picture, etc., just in case I need it as evidence later on in our relationship. But again, I had just met this man. I thought it would be the mature thing to give him his privacy and to not take photographic evidence of his past relations with his girlfriends. It's truly just it's unbelievable.
They keep coming back. You got to love it. So that was five months ago, Daddy going five months ago. I opened the drawer. And now fast forward five months later. Here we are, New Year's Eve, bitches.
We got back from London.
I am in his bed. It is the morning. And he goes to get me coffee and breakfast to bring back to me to eat in bed. The perfect man doesn't exist, Mr. Sexism. And you're pretty fucking amazing. And I over here and I am I am troubled.
I'm truly troubled because what I do is I lay there the minute he leaves immediately, immediately my eyes open like fucking Darth Vader.
And I'm like my head creaks to the right. I make eye contact with the beloved.
And I wonder, are the items five months later, after all the things he has said to me, baby, your ba ba ba ba ba.
Are they still in the fucking nightstand?
You good? Granted, I've been like, yeah, I want to see other people. I'm like, let's fucking see, let's Buchinsky it's go time bitch. Show me your fucking cards. But this time is different. Daddy getting back in the day. I told you five months ago I didn't give a fuck about this dude. I had no emotional stakes in this. I didn't give a fuck about him. I had no morals. But then as time went on, five months, I got to know Mr.
Sexism, you even more. And he's even more perfect than I could have dreamed. And he gets me breakfast in bed and he buys me and he takes me on trips and he likes me and he's emotionally intelligent and he's not a fucking idiot. So I'm there.
And this time it doesn't take me point two seconds to decide whether to throw that door open and get down and dirty with it.
I actually and this is going to be a shock. I actually in that moment am overburdened with this little thing that maybe none of you think Alex could press.
My conscience and my conscience, my conscience, my conscience is like Big Al, listen to me. We don't need this. He's amazing. He's going to have you breakfast in bed like we're in this bitch. Like, just be happy that you're, like, fucking a good dick. Not a dirty dick, not a toxic dick. Like this one's a good one. So I'm not going to lie. Did I it did I take more time to come to the conclusion that I was going to go through the fucking night than you guys already know where I'm going with this?
I would like Alex, stop pretending like you weren't going to go through it. I absolutely went through, but I want to first put it on the fucking record that I did, in fact, for a few moments.
Consider no, I didn't consider not going it. It was more like, this is fucked up. How do I how do I justify this? And then I realize, rage, blackout, get the fuck over there, see what's up, falling back on the bed and then fuck his brains out later and then it will make up for it. So I head on over to the goddamn nightstand.
I do a little creepy crawly. I take my time, I really stroke across those Egyptian cotton.
She don't know if they're good God and my hand quivers. No, it doesn't. It goes right. Bulleit in open the drawer. And guess what, Daddy, you. What do you think? Did Mr. Sexy Man eject his past or were the items still there?
Let's take a quick commercial. All of you make a decision. Did you take them out or were they still in there? And I killed him. Noom Neum is a habit change program. Neum teaches you why you make the fucked up choices that you make and then it gives you the tools to replace your habits with healthier ones. Yes, God, we need that daddy going slow clap, slow clap. Newcomb's cognitive behavioral approach means you're not just improving your health, you're gaining knowledge.
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You guys can go to Neum dot com slash daddy and you are going to start your trial today again. That is nt as in nipple O as in Oscar O as in orgasm and as in Mujeeb dot com slash daddy news.com slash daddy. All right.
So what did you guys decide. Did he leave it all there or is it gone. Vanished. He bought an engagement ring in there.
Well, I will tell you, Daddy gang, I opened the nightstand and lo and behold, I see.
That everything is still there, just as I left it five months ago. Oh, Daddy.
Take your notebooks out. Let's go. You have to understand, Daddy.
Gang, let me paint this for you. The minute I saw this draw, I smiled again, just like I did five months ago. But the smile had a complete different meaning behind it.
It was more sinister. It was darker because now this filled nightstand had a completely different use. For me, it meant nothing. Back then it was a gold mine. Now, do you guys get what I'm saying? Five months later now where my relationship is with Mr. Sexy Zuman. The game has changed, folks, because now this drawer is ammunition. This drawer can be used for manipulation.
So it's OK if you're a little lost here, don't worry. We're going to really break it down because this could be used in your own life.
Here's the situation, OK? A normal human being that thinks logically normal and not a little off the beaten path, a little fucked up, a little manipulative, unhealthy would be like, wow, this is so upsetting. You know, I felt like we were on track and like, I just want to talk to him about this. And the minute he gets home with your breakfast burrito, you would say, hey, I know this is super unhealthy.
Well, actually, no, the girl wouldn't have even open the door, but they open the door accidentally.
You would say, hi, I'm really sorry, but I want to talk to you about this. I saw this and then you're saying all these things to me. Can we have a conversation about it? That's number one. Option number two option is a girl is going to internalize it and never use it and fall back onto the bed and cry herself back to sleep and just never confront him. And then there's option three and that's us study gang.
And what we see when we open this door is opportunity. And more specifically, this is substantial evidence that you save for a time when there is a fight, right.
Oh, why would you ever play your hand when there's no war? You put that shit in your arsenal and you hold it close to your fucking chest until that man one brings more emotional shit up and then you throw that in his face or to start to fight and you use it as ammunition.
Bitches, we do not fucking play around here on call her fucking daddy. You never give up your fucking hand if you don't have to. You save shit, you fucking backlog it and then you bombard him and you fucking catapult this shit out his face when he least fucking expects it. Is this what they call gaslighting? And it's like the number one fucking unhealthy thing to do in a relationship.
Yes, but. I don't I don't I don't have anything to say to that, but what I do have to say is let's keep it moving and let me tell you how.
And here you're not going to expect this one, how I severely fucked this entire plan and this execution up. Alex Cooper, how did you fuck up your preaching over there? You're telling us we've got to follow your actions and you're about to tell us that you fucked up? Yes, bitches, listen the fuck up. It's so sad because I had all the right steps up until my dumb ass forgot the most important part of the entire plan. That goes along with telling this fucking man, hey, I went through your fucking nightstand and daddy, pay attention to this because it seems small, but it's so fucking critical.
And you can use it if you find something on your boyfriend, if you find something on your girlfriend and you're snooping, you can use this. But again, don't forget to do it like I did because it will fuck you in the ass. Here you go. In my mind, I know without a doubt, whenever I bring this up to Mr. Sexy Zuman, there is one important thing that I have to remember to do, and it is to place a lie in front of me explaining to him what I saw.
OK, what I mean by that is I have to say, well, I was looking for chopstick or while I was looking for a charger and then I came across X, Y, Z, that basically takes all the blame off of me, like I was looking for a fucking charger. And I came across this, like, what do you want me to do?
Even though if he knows he's dating a psycho and he's like, not and I'll bitch like, he can't fully prove.
And then you'd be like, I'm sorry, I'm I'm not allowed to open a fucking door in your house. Like, what the fuck.
It sounds so fucking small, but it literally changes the entire dynamic and the entire motive behind your confrontation.
It's innocent and it's accidental and it's not planned and it's not calculated. And you're the victim as opposed to being the aggressor, taking advantage of alone time and opening the fucking door to find all the evidence and storing it and waiting and holding it for a perfect opportunity like I exactly did.
Here is fucking up and me.
Q New Year's Eve. Alex, the stupid bitch comes to life. A cocktail in one hand, a cock in another. No, I'm just kidding. I'm sitting in the hot tub with Mr. Sexy Zuman. I'm feeling hot, I'm feeling good, I'm fucking hammered, which was the epitome of my downfall this night and probably why I forgot to add in the fucking lie. But so we're sitting in the hot tub and Mr Sexy Zuman starts doing all the Mr.
Sexy Zuman things. He's looking all hot and he's looking steamy and he's saying all the right things and he's making comments and he's making plans.
I don't like fucking Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy. He's making plans, OK? And I'm looking at him. And any normal healthy girl would be like that is just so fucking cute. And look at what a romantic New Year's Eve. And instead, Alex Cooper, the fucking terrorists Tasmanian devil, is staring at this man. And all I hear is it's time to ramp the fuck up. Let's start a fight.
Daddy King, don't even come for me. When you tell me that you love to spice it up. It's fun to fight, OK? Sometimes when things are going too well, you need to just put a little wrinkle in the plan, do a little ripple effect and see if the two of you can weather the storm together, break them down to build them back up. I'm sure that's how he feels at all. He's like, I really hope you like.
I don't like drama. I like drama. Wrap it up.
So the night sadly takes a turn and I reach the point of no return. And what that means is when I am blackout. And two, more importantly, I know without a doubt I am going to drop this bomb on this format tonight.
It's like why? And I know why. And here's why. Because he was saying so many nice things. I had to address it. I had to be like, well, if that's how you feel, then why is that?
Why is that night stand over there? So here is the big fucking moment where I fuck my life up. We go upstairs to the bedroom and I forget exactly what he said, but he said something along the lines of like, I want us to also be your space. Like, I want you to feel comfortable bubble blossoming like Super Mushie, great love. And I look this man dead in the eyes again, completely forgetting to it how I wanted to preface it.
I just go right and I say, right. Well, it doesn't appear that way.
And Mr. Sexy zoomIn stares at me, such a straight shooter, he's like, What were you talking about, Alex?
And I'm like, your night stand doesn't make it appear that way.
Oh. His reaction, Daddy King sent me in to let me just all hear it speaks for itself. He stares at me, blinks and he goes. You went through my things. Now, in that moment, I'm a little defensive still, I don't really know where it's going and I go, Yeah, you don't bitch. Yeah, what's mine is yours, right, baby?
Oh, and he gets so stone cold and he gets this disgusted look over his face like his face, you know, when they get so mad, like I don't even know him anymore. We've never hugged. We've never fucked. I don't even know it like nothing. He's gone.
He looks at me and he goes, that's really weird. That is a full invasion of my privacy. I'm very uncomfortable. And then.
I slowly started to look around the room and make eye contact with the bedpost and envisioned myself being happier back, flipping and smashing my fucking skull onto the bedpost as opposed to sitting in the silence as this man looks at me so disgusted with my behavior, I am officially called the fuck out. I am losing. I am not enjoying this fight. This fight was for me. I'm losing.
I feel helpless. I feel exposed. I am uncomfortable. God God God bless me. I really it all I had to do was say I was looking for a fucking chopstick and there I was and I forgot it right before my eyes, my own game plan. I let it right go right out the fucking window.
And I think in this moment I was so mad at myself for how fucking sloppy I got because I have done this before to men. I have had such success with the nightstand ambush. It's a classic go to I've talked about it on this fucking show before. I've done it to Slim Shady and I caught his ass and he's been like, I don't know, like so crazy. Like, I don't even know where that came from. Like, I'm sorry.
Look, Paula, I have done this to door number three, and he didn't even know what he found. But he's like, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And leave it up to Mr. Fucking Sexy Zoo man. It makes him even fucking hotter than he is.
No bull shit disgusted with my fucking antics like that is fully fucking weird.
And I'm like, really creeped out.
I laugh, but I fully cry. I laugh, but I cry.
So in that moment and I'm going to be fully vulnerable and honest here, like Daddy gang.
I was so fucking embarrassed I, I honestly Concow I feel like the number of times like you, you feel embarrassed for men a few times in your life, like this was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life in front of a man like I just fully acted like a fucking child credit that I, you know, added a couple little saucy things that I had planned on doing.
It wouldn't have been fucking as embarrassing and it probably would have slid through like I had planned, but I fully fucked up. Don't do it when you're fucking drunk, you idiot.
But don't you also think for a second I didn't fully fucking rebound.
But Jazeerah so sorry is so fucked. It's so dark.
OK, so I sit there and I'm embarrassed and I quickly in my drunken state I'm trying, I'm inebriated so I'm like fuck like Alex get your fucking brain going.
Like what do we do. What do we do. Game playing, game plan.
And in that moment I'm like, if he's being so honest, why don't I lean into how I'm feeling? I'm feeling so embarrassed. Let's lean in.
So what I do is I continue to be a little bit manipulative, but I almost do it in a more authentic way.
OK, I start to be like playful pity party. I remember I said it with Hannah Burner on one of my podcasts.
She said it. She was like the best thing that you can do if you're in a pinch with the man fucking cry.
And this man has never seen me cry in his fucking life. So I knew, like, here we go, gear up the fucking tears and I become the cutest, saddest girl in front of this man. I'm like, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. I am so embarrassed. Like, I think I should go. I'm going to get a hotel tonight and like, I have no words.
I'm so sorry.
The drama, I start standing up, he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, no, I'm just going to go. I can't even imagine what you're dealing with. I'm going to get my stuff. He grabs me. He's like, Alex, what the fuck are you doing? And I'm like fully putting on the performance of a lifetime. I'm like, Broadway fucking Hamilton. Sign me the fuck up.
Oh, God, it's so dark. And so finally, I fully lean in. I grab the suitcase, I'm staring at him, tears in my eyes and I say, I'm going to go.
He's staring at me like blinking like he's like, OK, Alex, hold on.
He says, I'm sorry if I mean, I. There it is. There it is. Fucking apologize. I was like done tonight. Actually I'm going to stay tonight. I'm actually going to curl up in a little balcony. Can you get me a water and some Tums. My belly. It's like, oh, I got it. That's all I needed. He was like, but I you guys see I say I, I worked it enough that he was like, I'm sorry.
Like I didn't mean to make you feel like I was like mad at you. It's cause I was like genuinely concerned. Like that's weird that you did that the minute he said the words, I'm sorry, I was a new woman. I couldn't hear what he. He was saying, I got under the cover because he covers and I was good. All was good because that's all I needed, I somehow turned it around, not on him fully, but I was back because I was back.
I wasn't embarrassed. I leveled it out a little bit. I had been in a situation. I was in the gutter. I was in the ditch. I was a rabid rat. I was a rabid rat with rabies running around grasping for anything. Things were low and all we needed it. We didn't have to get high. We just had to get a little more back to even. And that's why I did a little manipulation goes a long fucking way.
And I will give the man a kudos because not many can handle this type of psychosis. He did bring it up the next day and kind of grilled me, which was totally fine. I actually respected him more for not letting me fully get away with it.
But I do think at the end of the day, when I'm sitting here himself reflecting this, I'll never talk about this with my therapist. Obviously, you won't get a whiff of this one. I definitely was fully a little embarrassed of the way that I handled myself. But that is also just a result of me being not on my game and not using a charger or a chopstick lie in front of the situation. Because had I done that, well, the story is everything would have been OK and he would have been the one first apologizing, not second.
Now, Daddy, going just to quickly fill you on on the conclusion of the entire story, the man is truly you know, it's as if my mother would die if I had ended up with a man like this.
Mr. Sexy Zuman. The next day, after we had after we had finished the conversation, we decided we would not we were going to close that chapter.
I go downstairs to the kitchen and he is fully throwing out everything. And I'm like standing there like, what are you doing?
Oh, God, oh, god. I've sent him into a spiral. And he just looks up at me, goes, I'm just getting rid of it. I just it doesn't mean anything anymore. I just had put it in there because logistically I had no idea. Where do you put that charge through in there. But it means nothing. And I want you to know, like, it doesn't mean anything.
So I watch as Mr. Sexy zoom and ejects his entire past into the trash.
And in that moment, again, this is where I'm going to log right into therapy after I upload this episode.
In that moment gang, I immediately regretted it and the committal issue began and I wanted him to take it out of the trash and put it back in the fucking box because I was like, Jesus Christ. Now this is too much fucking pressure. So, you know, you can ever win. You want a little bit of like, oh, well, like, don't say these things to me if she's over there and then he throws it out and like, we put her back.
So I'm definitely a little bit of a moment where I truly had an internal battle of like I don't know what I was doing, but now I'm here and everything is gone and I'm still single.
And I definitely suggest doing exactly what I did. But just add those little details.
Commercial. Hello, Fresh. I love you. Oh, my God. Alex, what are you talking about. What's hello fresh.
Listen, bitches, if you know Alex Cooper, you know, there's one area that she doesn't go into and it's the fucking kitchen unless. Hello, fresh guys. Hello. Fresh is America's number one meal kit. Listen, you bitches think I want to go to the fucking grocery store one ever two during Corona?
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Daddy King, are you feeling inspired. Are you ready to troll through every single fucking man's nightstand? I don't give a fuck who it is. Your husband. Get in there, your boyfriend, get in there, your end date. Get the fuck in there, bitches. We go to the extreme because, you know, again, like I said, fighting. Makes us closer. So, daddy, gang, I just gave you a little nice moment to really understand where I'm at, is Alex Cooper the toxic bitch?
Is she back? Is she fucking back? Well, this is what I will say as I am recording this episode right now.
I am sitting in my new home in Los Angeles, California.
One of the biggest questions that I am getting from people in my DMS is, hey, Alex, did you moved to Los Angeles for Mr. Zuman bitches? Do you fucking know who I am? No, I did not move to California for a fucking dick. However, was it nice to know that I would have a nice thick dick line dried up, absolute fucking Luly.
But here's the deal.
Here's the true rundown. I'll give it to you quick and I'll give it to a dirty, dirty gang. Lord and I just moved out here and we don't know a fucking soul. Obviously we know like acquaintances, but we don't have any, like, good friends out here, family out here. We're on our fucking own. And it's an adventure, survival of the motherfucking fittest.
But what I can tell you is there is one thing we are not lacking, and that is an opportunity to sit on some fucking dicks. We haven't hooked up with the men of Los Angeles, California, but we are here.
It was kind of just sorry, OK, call me.
It was kind of so beautiful because the other day I posted on my Instagram story, basically Lauren just got on to the first ever dating app she's ever had. She's never been on a fucking dating app before. The girl's been living under a rock seven year relationship, gone out the window and she's, like, ready to get dark. And so we're signing her up on her dating apps are getting all excited and she goes on a date. It was beautiful.
I dropped her off. I creeped around. I followed them on their day. It was beautiful. I'm like, literally her mom. I'm so creepy.
But this is what I realized as I followed Lauren around, as she walked around with a new man, OK, Big Al misses the fuckin game. Listen, my roster has gotten very small. I haven't been fucking around on dating apps. I've kept a close little knit circle. We love the consistent dick. But you know what I also love? I love the new dick. And when I saw Lauren, I cannot explain to you why are you getting this second hand adrenaline?
I felt as Lauren's like texting these dudes and I'm like semi helping her. I was back. I was like a fucking back bitches. And I swear, I feel like quarantine makes you ebb and flow.
One minute you want to only have like two or three guys. The next you're like, fill me up, fill my fucking tank up. And so as I watched Lauren, I felt like a sideline player. And I'm not a sideline kind of bitch, baby. I want to be in the fucking game. I'm like, coach, put me the fuck back in. And thankfully I am the fucking coach, so I'm putting myself the fuck back in.
And all I can say is to the men of Los Angeles, this is an ode to you. This is a warning sign. A signal. Hello, it is Alex and Lauren. We live in a home. We have a pool, we have a yard. And I promise you, the minute we get our backyard furniture set the fuck up, you'll like what I know.
It's a whole situation. You can't go back. Once you go back, you to sit on the pavement cause there's nowhere to say. But I promise you, the minute we got that daybed imported into our back yard to Bloom. Who? Miami who? Alex and Lauren's back yard bangers.
Holy shit. OK, I'm sorry. You guys understand where I'm going with that. It's going to be a nice time. OK, Daddy. Gang, I love you. It's going to be a fucking hell of year 2021.
What is in store? I can't wait to see.
But more importantly, let's get on to a little thing that I know. I know you all have your dirty ass wet dreams about.
It is without a doubt your favorite segment. Drum roll.
Please do it wherever you are. Give me a little top. Top. Chuck. I'm nervous. Serena, why why are you nervous? Because I'm afraid they're going to judge me. Dan Durrow, Dorota, get over here, I'm telling Chuck that I'm nervous, Sarena, Mhairi, you know, why are you nervous?
Because Shufflers Tronc give me moral support. No, Sorina, you can do this.
But what if I can't choke down?
Dorota Sarena first us all to all the silent sufferers that I've missed me.
It is twenty, twenty one and I Umbach I, I'm not nominated. Let's go to a little place. I'd like to call France with me.
You do do do do a little thing that I'd like to go.
Oh Orquesta you.
Look like all who quiets down the Muwaffaq and what Bibo question vulval was like, oh my oh oh oh oh we're fucking back bitches. Questions of the week. How the fuck are you guys doing? It's going to ebb and flow. Some days I'll cater to the Cylons and sometimes I'll cater to the people that just fucking like me for who I am and annoying ass son of a fucking bitch. And guess what? Suck my clit. You listen to my fucking show, you got to listen to when I fucking rock out with my cock out for a little thing that I like to jack myself off to for questions of the week.
OK, guys, I just stood up to do that one.
I just need a second to sit back down, OK, I'm down or down.
Let's just get fucking into it because there's so many questions. Happy New Year, Daddy gang. Let's get right into it. First questions first. Is my boyfriend a fucking dick? Probably, sweetheart. Let's read.
We have been dating for over a year. Mostly things are great, but he occasionally does things that make me uncomfortable. I don't think he's ever physically cheated on me and I don't think that he would. Here's a few examples randomly. He followed his ex on Instagram over the summer. She lives in a different city and liked all of her pictures from a few months for a few months. When I found out we had a huge fight, he unfollowed her and I moved on.
I recently realized he still follows her friends and he only likes pictures that the ex is tagged in.
Anyway, the main topic of the story, he asked me if I would be mad at him for going to Florida for New Year's Eve to visit his cousin.
I was not invited. We didn't have any plans besides just chilling to to covid and I didn't want to be that bitchy, controlling girlfriend. So I said I was like a little bummed, but I wouldn't be mad and supported him. Going New Year's Eve night, his cousin posts several Instagram stories of a big group of twelve girls and seven guys in a party, bus and club. The girls are all dolled up and dressed like sluts. I will note that my boyfriend was on the complete opposite end of the bus between two guys and not near the sluts.
Meanwhile, I am alone in a different city again. I don't think he had any intention of hooking up with these girls, but the manner in which he left me behind to go to a party with a different group of hos did not sit well with me. We got in a huge fight and talked on the phone until five a.m. New Year's night. I think he has ego issues and I feel like he had just I feel like he had to go fulfill it by flexing on Instagram instead of caring about my feelings.
Dump him, questionmark.
Dump him, Daddy. This is the thing, as I'm reading, that I almost feel bad because I'm like girlfriend. You just sat home on New Year's Eve while your boyfriend went to Florida. And it's not as much about him going well.
It is about him going to Florida, but it's more so just like how sad that your boyfriend doesn't want to be with you on New Year's Eve.
Like, if I was dating a guy who like, listen, babe, I got to go. I got to just enjoy being alone on New Year's Eve. I'd be like, enjoy being alone for the rest of your fucking life and you will never see me again. Again, I get it. New Year's Eve is so hyped up and everyone wants to have plans. I think it'd be one thing if you have plans with your girlfriend, you don't have plans by yourself.
Couch potato watching his his cousin's Instagram stories. That is miserable. I think that you can say if he has insecurities or ego issues, whatever it is, all I'm taking from this is he makes you feel like shit re following his ex liking certain pictures. These are calculated decisions. He got on a plane to go to Florida to see his cousin and party with a bunch of bitches, or if he's not cheating on you and he's not getting to fuck one of them.
At the end of the day, why is he not just staying with you and fucking you and hanging with you? What's the point of going and partying with girls when he has a girlfriend?
I would personally say dump him only because there's been so many instances. But other than that, my advice to you would be don't sit home, obviously, notes covid. But if you do not like another friend that was quarantining, don't let your fucking self waste your life away by watching your forever.
Anyone listening? It doesn't even have to be a boyfriend, a friend, an ex friend, an ex lover, an ex. Fuck whoever. Let this be a sign.
If you find yourself sitting home and watching creeping on someone's Instagram, whether it's from your real account or your fake account, more than you're enjoying your actual time in your life and you're actually like fully spending your time focused on their life.
You need to get a grip and you're doing something wrong and you need to re-evaluate and you need to fucking stop and you need to start living your life. King Live, why are you sitting around bitching about someone else go have fucking fun for yourself, Bill. So I was talking to a guy a match on Bumble with, and we started talking about meeting up and stuff, and eventually it led to us sexting. We moved things over to Snapchat, my first mistake, and he asked me for pics.
I ended up sending him a few pictures and videos from my stock and then he said he would send his after I sent mine. I usually have a rule to not send pictures to a guy until we've met or hooked up in person, but he seemed trustworthy, so I let it slide. But wow, I have never seen this one before.
Daddies, all of a sudden I go back to Bumble and our conversation is gone. AKG unmatched me and then he stopped responding on Snapchat and it said I couldn't add him as a friend because I couldn't find him, a.k.a. he blocked me on there as well.
I did a bit of digging. I found his Instagram and I told him off to which he read those messages and then blocked me on there as well.
I mean, I know there's nothing I can really do at this point, but I just I'm a bit nervous that some rando has my nudes and what he could do with them. I don't know if he screenshot it or scream recorded them. What the heck has anyone else had an experience like this before?
Well, first and foremost, I just want to say I'm sorry, that fucking sucks, and I'm sure you feel a little scarred from that situation because it is a big book in my book.
What I can say to you, though, is sadly, I think this is extremely common.
I think a lot of people get fucked over for nudes. You don't even they they make a fake account or they're real and they're just fucking around and they just know they're never going to run into you. They're never you're never going to find them. And so they fuck with you. To put your mind at ease a little bit, I would go as far to say, I think you're OK with regard to like I think the dude just probably took your nudes and just wanted to get free nudes and he's like now jerking off to them and his fucking little parents' bed.
So you don't have it's not like he's going to go and, like, upload them somewhere. But but what I will say is Daddy getting the first you right, you said it, the first mistake was going on Snapchat and sending the nudes. Listen, I know better than you. I've done the shit before, but it is just a matter of like, what's the what is the point of pleasing them before they please you, you know what I mean?
Like, did he send you his dick? No. So my rule of thumb is like I always make the guy be more vulnerable before I become vulnerable. Why are you putting yourself out there? You have the keys to the fucking kingdom and it's called your fucking pussy bitch. So you should never go first in sending a nude ever make a man fuck and send you a dick pic. As I've gotten older, that's what I do. And they're like, oh, send me a picture.
I'm like, yeah, no, God, send me a picture. Like guys are so weird about it.
They're like, oh but my dick like some dudes won't do it is like we. Well Jeremy then why would I send you my pussy if you won't send me your dick or that. What, what am I missing here Jeremy.
Oh you just want to use me and I don't get any of it again. Maybe girls don't care for dick pics as much. Doesn't fucking matter. Make the bitch put out. Make him fucking come to you first, ladies.
Make the man always send you shit first, even if it's a fuckin selfie or one with his fucking shirt off. I don't care because once a man does that and I am telling you, once a man sends you something, he gets insecure that you have it and it will be on his mind and he will not fuck you over.
One of my exes recently did that as we had reconnected, he sent me a video of himself jerking off and immediately regretted it when we got in a fight and he was like, delete it, delete it, delete it. And I was like, what do you think I'm going to do with this? Like, upload it onto the fucking Internet.
But the point was, in a strange way, not that you're holding people's news over, but he kept asking me for shit.
And I'm like, hold on, we just reconnected. Obviously, you've seen me fucking naked before, but like, why don't you send me something? And so he was desperate as fuck. And he sent me that because he's like, I need the nudes.
And then he regretted it. So in a strange way, girls, I think, get a guy to make the first move, not just in sexual terms, but online.
Send me your fucking dick bitch, and then maybe you'll get a fucking glance of my areola commercial.
Raise your hand if you were heavily drinking in 2020. Yes, I just raised my hand.
Raise your hand. If you're going to continue to drink, you kind of want to just, you know, like, reel it in a little or maybe not real at but just feel a little better about yourselves.
Well, that's totally fine. And you can continue to do that because guess what, liquid I the guys, you use one stick of liquid IV and 16 ounces of water and you get two to three times the amount of hydration as plain water. Listen, it's sometimes hard. You're taking the tequila and you forget, oh my God. Water, water, water. Have no fear. Liquid ivy is here. Basically, guys, you take one stick of liquid ivy, you put it into 16 ounces of water and it's going to give you two to three times the amount of hydration.
It has incredible hydration flavor. So it's not like grossetête. You can do watermelon, lemon, lime, passion fruit.
And they recently just launched some strawberry. We love a good strawberry little mixture in our water.
It contains five essential vitamins, more vitamin C than an orange. I know sometimes. My God, I got to put some fruit.
My body. You can just go with liquid ivy. It's healthier than sugary sports drinks. I know when I wake up in the morning after hangover, I'm like a blue Gatorade to the base.
It's like, no, sweetheart, that doesn't help you. There's no artificial flavors or preservatives and there's less sugar also than an apple. So because we're better than fruit over here and look what I've learned. So if you guys want because, you know, 2021, it's actually kind of the same as 2020, we're on a downward spiral. We're going to keep drinking.
Donnegan, you are going to go to Liquid I the dotcom and you're going to use code daddy at checkout for twenty five percent off anything you order when you use code daddy get better hydration today bitches. Go to liquid the dotcom use promo code daddy. Please keep this anonymous, father, I hope I'm not the only one asking this question, but it makes me feel a little weird and I'm not sure what to do about it.
My boyfriend officially of three months never offers to pay for me because of the virus. We are rarely going out.
But on the occasional night when we pick up food or try to do something fun, he always only pays for himself or asks me to split it with him. This is now the second guy that has that I have been with that has done this to me.
And I'm not trying to sound spoiled, sweetheart, you don't sound spoiled, but it would be really nice to have a date night every so often that we are not splitting here and there. I will buy him little things to show I care literally just a piece of candy or surprise him with lunch, but it's never reciprocated. I'm an independent woman. I do not mind paying for myself, but I feel like this needs some attention being born listening to the podcast in the beginning.
Love it. Keep it up and please send some help. Oh my God, Daddy.
Wow, wow, wow, OK, I remember Lauren dealt with this, and it's such a situation, like it's awkward as fuck because one, if the guy's not like rich as fuck or he doesn't have money. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter. I've had friends. I've had guy friends that don't have that much fucking money, but they are fucking putting the money up when they're taking a girl out or when they're ordering and it men it doesn't have to be every time.
I'm not saying that, but what I'm saying is it is fucking nice. Sorry if it goes back to societal standards, don't give a fuck.
If a guy isn't going to pay for my fucking dinner ever, ever, then I'm not fucking you. It's just the gesture. And it's a nice thing to fucking do. And I agree. I don't think you're being spoiled. I think it's fucked up.
So I guess what I would say is I think maybe that at a time what you could do is you could plan, OK, no, this is what I would do.
I would plan such a cute date night for him. I would go all out.
I would go get I would get delivered food before he comes out, put it on plates, make it all nice, get candles, flowers, the whole fucking thing, OK? And have such a cute night, who knows, maybe go the extra length and like put on some fucking laundry and fuck his brains out later.
That way you have fucking leverage bitch. So then when a week goes by and he doesn't buy you fucking dinner, you sit his fat ass down and you say, can we have an open and honest conversation? I love you.
But the other night that I went the extra mile, I bought you dinner. I made us a cute date night. Do you realize that you never do that for me? I don't know if you've ever bought me a meal. And it's not about money. It's more about the gesture of it and it's more about what the meaning behind it. Like do not want to wine and dine me. I feel like guys love doing that. I feel like guys I've dated like get off on buying you dinner or buying me dinner and then getting.
But I guess it's just the way of payment. You get me a fucking steak, I'm going to fuck you a little better that night. And then if you give me fucking McDonald's, maybe you'll get like a little finger in your asshole. So maybe that's a weird way to go about it. But I think I would do that basically a little unhealthy.
But get yourself some leverage and then go right for the fucking juggernaut. Hi, Daddy. I'm sending this question in twice because I really need an answer and I'm too shy to ask any friends.
My boyfriend is very aggressive in bed.
I have been craving more passionate sex. We haven't been having much sex. So I brought it up and he got mad. Finally, we did yesterday and it was so fast, literally such a bummer. We tried again tonight, but he was calling me a slut, which I've definitely before told him that I'm not into. I think from my past trauma of feeling used and adored and like a dirty whore.
I don't want to be called those things. After I asked him why it turned him on, because I don't really understand why he wants to view me as that. We've been together a year and I'm pushing him away because of my trauma and my inability to feel connected during sex, especially because of our very different fantasies, which his haven't always been this way until the past few months. What do I do to communicate without offending him and without just pushing aside my own desires?
This is a really good question. OK, my first reaction is, if this is just recently that he's been fucking you and calling you a slut, he may be watching more porn as a result as a result of you guys, not fucking as much.
And so he's watching dirty and then like, that's what porn is. He's watching dirty ass porn and then he's fucking you and calling you a slut because, like, that's what they do in porn.
I think it sucks to say this, but.
I am speaking from experience, it just kind of going through my brain right now. I have never had more like passionate in love making sex. In my life than I have ever had with door number three, and it was a good balance because we could get dirty, but then it was like there were moments where it was like, whoa, like it was like super passionate.
And listen, I can be the color daddy podcast host. I don't give a fuck. I will say as a girl, when a guy fucks you like that, not obvious. Like weeping, like crying his eyes out like I love you so much but like fuck you passionately and it's like fully making love to you and is like slow stroking you and rubbing your clit and kissing on you like it's fucking hot. Like I have had so many orgasms with that man because I'm like, whoa, just watching his face turns me on because I'm like, oh fuck you love me.
This is hot. Unfortunately I have also had sex. Is that the passion wasn't as much like were in love.
It was more like a physical like oh yeah, fuck me, I'm your slut kind of shit. Some guys just can't like get there in a weird way. And I know that sounds really sad, but like some guys physically and emotionally are never going to fuck you passionately because, like, they're their bandwidth of like their emotions connected to sex are just not like that.
And I have had guys that it's almost a deal breaker for me when I'm considering like a boyfriend, more so of like I need that.
I know I need my partner to be able to do both. I think my advice to you, because it seems like you've brought this up to him, is one I think it's concerning that you've said you don't like being called a slut and he continues to do it.
I think you should have kind of like sex with Emily had said on one of the episodes, I think you should have a conversation with him during the day specifically.
Don't do it during night. I don't know something about during the day.
It's everything's just like more woak. It's like, well, like you're in the middle of the day, like someone just ate like a breakfast sandwich and we're talking about this shit, you know what I mean? It's just like daylight talking about sex, like we're having a fucking serious conversation and you're going to be uncomfortable.
Let's go sit the fuck down. And I think I would I think I would lay out everything you're saying, listen, I love you so much and I really, really have enjoyed our sex. But recently I have tried to communicate with you specifically. You calling me a slut during sex is such a trigger for me and therefore a turnoff. I don't enjoy the sex.
Now, again, you have to find it within yourself, are you down to fuck and be nasty and wild, but maybe if he doesn't call you a slut, so then maybe you find them between, like, I would be totally down to have some rough sex, but I kind of want to find a good balance of also like you fucking me slower and like you rubbing my clit and like focusing more on me and me getting to use my vibrator and just doing more foreplay and really working me up.
So I'm actually turned on and not you just spitting on your fucking hand, putting it on me and fucking me dog for ten minutes and coming on my back. That does nothing for me, dude.
And I think if he doesn't reciprocate, then you have to make a decision with regard to your relationship, are you down to be in a relationship with someone where you're essentially not going to have sex? When you do have sex, he fucks you like you're a porn star. Clearly, that's not what you want. So but I would have an open conversation with him and try one more time. Sit down in the fucking daylight, bitch.
You got this. I love you, Daddy.
Oh, I moved to a new state a few months ago, and my neighbor across the street is literally one of the hottest people I have ever seen. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
I want to go out with him, but I don't know how to go about it because obviously, if things don't work, I have to continue to live across the street from him where Facebook and Snapchat friends. Oh, bitch, they're already in.
And we recently started following each other on Instagram.
There have been a few conversations over social media, but nothing in-person. Please help a girl out on how to move forward. I have asked him if he wants to get drinks and he said yes, but he hasn't made a move of asking me out. I love the air of the single father and I'm so excited for the new year of call her daddy.
Love you. Love you, Daddy.
OK, with covid right now, shit is definitely slower moving if he is a living across from you. No one. My advice to you is who gives a fuck if you have to keep seeing him put out the window, he has to live across from you too. It takes two to tango, two to be awkward. So if it doesn't work out who the fuck make him move? You're not moving. Who cares? Close your fucking blinds. We don't give a shit.
But the opportunity, daddy, that you live across from a hot man.
I'm jealous. I'm horny. Let's get it. I think you get right in there. If he hasn't made a move on you, I think what you do is you fully set up and I'm like, hey, I got tested the other week. I'm covid free. Like, if you want to get tested your down.
I hope that this is our new norm. Like, hey, if you want to go get tested for your OCD. Oh no, sorry. I mean covid like what.
But why don't you just be covered safe and be like if you're, if you've recently gotten tested like let's do something this weekend, do you want to come hang out my backyard. Like let's have drinks, you initiate it.
Who gives a fuck.
Clearly if he is having conversations with you and he follows you on all social media, this bitch is down and you said he was down. Hang at some point. Guys sometimes suck at initiating, especially if he's fucking in there playing video games or doing whatever the fuck dudes are doing in Korona.
Initiate it, get him in your fucking backyard and sit on that man's fucking dick. Boom. Hi, Alex. I am currently a freshman in college and I have zero experience with guys. I have I have had small things in high school, but nothing really ever happened and I'm still super inexperienced. I thought when I went to college it would be easy to find guys, but for some reason I am terrible at flirting at parties and Tinder seems like a lost cause.
Do you have any tips on how to get out there and more flirting tips? I'm seriously struggling.
Sincerely a nineteen year old virgin. Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. Of course I have tips for you, sweetheart.
That actually is such a good, good observation, though.
You think you can go to college and unless you have an initial sports team or maybe you're in a sorority, if you don't have an immediate group of friends, sometimes it is hard with guys to connect because you need to have a friend group almost to enable yourself to be infiltrating male groups.
My biggest suggestion for people in college that are having a hard time. What I did is freshman year, I will never forget me. And this one girl, my soccer team, who is also a freshman, we had classes with the BYU hockey guys and immediately she was so outgoing, like so outspoken. I'm obviously very outgoing, but she was even more than me. And she walked up to the bu hockey guys after, like, our second class together and was like, What are you guys doing tonight?
Do you want to come over to our dorm and hang? And I was like, oh fuck.
Like, Go girl. All of the boys came over and we fully had six freshman hockey dudes chillin in our fucking dorm room because they don't have anything else to do.
And we were the first girls to approach them and I ended up dating one of them because we did group hangs.
You have to be down for the Hanks parties.
You're just going to go to fucking party and maybe have a drunk and make out that sloppiest fuck. You're not actually having real conversations with dude until once you get like a little bit older.
You're not a freshman. You're not, like, floundering around just trying to find a drink and like you don't know anyone in your freshman year. If you can find a group of your girls to then infiltrate and ask certain groups of guys if they want to hang, that is the bull's eye. That is where then the hangs you start to have one on one conversations. It's not awkward. You're not on a date.
You can get up at any time and go pretend you're going to get a new drink. Oh, I got to go to drink. Like, I'll be right. I'll be back. And then you start having conversations and then by the end of that night, your goal should be to close. So, OK, this guy not vibing with and never feel fucking bad for being like, I'm going to get a drink and get up and pretend to be partying with your friend and be like, oh my God, Bridget, let's go take a shower and like, leave him in the dust if you don't like him.
We don't waste any time, bitches. It's fucking college. Nobody gives a fuck about anyone's feelings. And so then you go, you do your rounds, talk to some dudes, and then once you sit down and you start talking like, oh, like what? Where do you live? Cool. Like, what classes are you taking? Whatever, yada, yada. Where you from. Dope smile bunch drink. Let's go take a drink together.
Do you want to play beer pong together. Make him your partner and then by the end of the night, if you are giving you enough attention, he's giving it back. He's going to get he's going to get your number or he's going to give you his number and then you plan to hang out alone. It's really all about the grouping's bitches in college.
I swear, Daddy, I started dating this guy while at college and we got on super well and slept together a few times. He was telling me how I fuck like a porn star. And I gave him the best head that he's ever had. Thank you to the glug glug. But he started leaving me on, delivered for like three days at a time and then randomly snap chatted me to say that he is back together with his ex. How do I deal with the rejection?
Because it made me feel so insecure. Daddy.
This has nothing to do with you, Daddy. You should not feel insecure at all about this. Well, no, I take that back, obviously. I get it. Why you feel insecure. But let me.
He's your mind, sweetheart. You should not feel insecure. If anything, you should know you fuck. Good. He told you you fuck good. This has nothing to do with you.
Sometimes guys just go back to an ex and they need to get back into the relationship stage. That's all it is. They crave the relationship stage and they go immediately back to the ex. And guys do that a lot.
I think especially now in quarantine. If a guy started single and quarantine and he's been doing his single thing on dating apps fucking randoms, a lot of those guys by now are reaching back out to their exes and they're now getting back into relationships because they're like, OK, I'm bored. I fucked around enough. Now I want some comfort and a bitch to make me fucking cheese.
Pie is cheese viremia thing. No, but you know what I'm saying.
Guys are fucking weird like that. Immediately something goes off in their head. They're like, I need to go back into a relationship.
All you need to know, sweetheart, is you fuck like a porn star and you sucked the fucking living shit out of his dick and you did nothing wrong. If anything, he's probably fucking his girlfriend and he's thinking about you.
I think everyone in quarantine, me included, I've gone through so many different waves where I'm like, I want to talk to every man on the planet.
And then you're like, OK, I'm bored of this.
Even in life it happened not just quarantine. You fuck around and you date a lot and then you want a relationship and then you're in a relationship and then you're itching to get back to being single.
It's just the way the world works. Daddy motherfucking gang. It is going to be a good fucking year. That is it for this week's episode, but it is the beginning of this year. I urge all of you to almost use this episode as a sign. Listen, I fucked up at the beginning of 2021, and if you did, too, I know that.
Listen, I know that in the religious sense, I'm not a father, but I am a father. And that's got to give me some type of credentials and legitimacy. And so I'm going to use that legitimacy to let you know that I have abolished myself of my own sins, a.k.a. the nightstand situation.
And I abolish you of your sins. Daddy gang, if you fucking texted that dude and you got in your fields and you told him you liked him and 2021 already, you already fucked up. No, you didn't. Oh, you texted him that and you were embarrassed. No you didn't. Or you cheated on your boyfriend already. No, you fucking did. And Daddy gang, I absolve you of your sins. Go in peace. We are fine.
This episode is officially now the start of 2021.
Let it be known the last few weeks they were just a trial run. They don't count for shit. But Daddy gang, I am so excited for this fucking year. I am so excited to roll out for you one specific thing next week.
What would 2021 be if Alex Cooper didn't start the first sexual segment off? Talking about taking what, taking a fucking dick to the back of her throat, Daddy King, something happened to me and blowjob Central and it was actually the complete opposite of what you would think, gagging throwing up the whole situation. I will be back next week. Motherfuckers with a nice skull fuck story. And you know the fucking drill. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.
Six, six, six.