Transcribe your podcast

Daddy gang, it is your father. Guys, before you start listening to this episode, I want to let you know that we are running a sale on all barstool merch, go to store, barstool sports, dotcom, and then use promo code podcast's for 10 percent off that iStore barstool sports dotcom promo code podcast for 10 percent off merch. Happy shopping daddies.


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Enjoy. What is up, daddy gang, it is your single father, Alex Cooper, we call her dad. Hello. Hello, hello.


Good morning Daddy. Gang, what the fuck is up? It is your founding father.


One for another episode of Call her Daddy. How are you all doing?


I hope you're feeling good. I hope you're feeling lighter. A.K.A. you took your morning poop.


You are ready to seize the goddamn day. I am feeling lighter too because I just shipped not shit. I just. Well I did. I just shit. I just shit and shipped a little something.


Something to Mr. Sexy Zuman daddy going. Last week Mr Sexy Zuman left for London and he is going to be gone for an entire month while I am back here in Los Angeles, California.


Naturally, knowing my history, I'm sure that Mr. Sexy Zuman, he's going to have his doubts, rightfully so, but me being the kind and the empathetic and the understanding and the caring, genuine, wholehearted does more for others than herself kind of gal that I am.


I wanted to do something to reassure this man.


So what I did is I wrote him a letter, snail mail to help baby.


I found a pen. So I went and bought a pen. I found paper. Nope, I went and bought paper and I wrote him a goddamn letter.


Yes, Hause she can fuckin write me and I channeled my inner Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, The Notebook circa 2000, whatever the fuck it is.


And I wrote a goddamn masterpiece. Ali, it's now. I love you. I love you, Noah. I love you. Ali and I sat there and I wrote a fucking masterpiece. OK, however, let me be very clear, as brilliant as this writing was.


I have to stay true to myself, and I do not want to be raising any red flags in Mr. Sexy Zoo Man's mind. Writing love letters is not a characteristic of mine. So if he receive a transcontinental letter from yours truly, Mr. Sexy Zuman is going to open that envelope, read this letter and not even get halfway fucking through it before he thinks that I not only fucked someone in his bed, but I fucked someone in his bed booty bumped a candle and burned down his entire fucking house.


It's along those lines that this man is going to be like picking up the phone and say, Hey, girlfriend. Hey, Big Al, what did you do? Hey, what's up? What happened? How's my house? Is my house OK?


And so me being the self-aware gym that I am, I knew I want to not freak him the fuck out. And I can use this as an opportunity to add some kink into this. Cue the chronicles of the traveling thong.


Yes, Daddy gang. I decided that it was in my best interest and Mr. Sexy Zoo Man's best interest that I was going to send him a dirty, worn song of mine.


Very sexual, a classic go to We Love It. And any single girl listening to this podcast. If you have done this before, you very well know the psychotic amount of thought and attention to detail that goes into concocting the most perfect specimen that is a quote unquote dirty thong. This is a well oiled machine. Step number one, the fucking smell. There is a criteria that comes with sending a goddamn dirty thong to no one. The smell. Oh, boy, oh, fucking boy.


On that spectrum, I want to be very clear to anyone listening that has never sent a thong.


Or if you have and you've done this, this is a big fat no, no, you are not sending this man a pair of panties fresh out of the fucking wash. That smells like a downy sheet. And he's like, thanks for the laundry. Like a I think you accidentally put one of your thongs in the envelope like it. Got it. Got caught in there also with the dryer sheet. Fuck no. But baby girls, you're also not sending this poor, poor, poor man.


You're crumpled up pair that's in the back of that drawer and has this period stains on it that you've been wearing a day too fucking long and it's fucking crusted over at the seam. We're not sending him skid mark ro ladies, we are not going Skid City on this one. No, no.


So let me tell you, Daddy gang, what worked for me that morning?


I worked out and I didn't wear underwear when I worked out so the scents could really get a brewing. We're really cooking in the kitchen here with these scent. And that way there was like a very nice, like sweat to aeration ratio, you know what I'm saying? So then after my workout, I did not shower. And then I popped the chosen panties on and I walked a mile in those panties to get myself a smoothie with Lauren. We're walking.


We're walking. And listen, I'm not going to act all superior here. I did get a little nervous that day that I did put the panties on and I took the stroll. It was a hotter day than I had anticipated for my panty walk. And I was nervous that I was going to enter Swanbank territory. That's no lie. That's a risk you have to take if you're going to decide to go in 80 degree weather and quickly go for your panty walk.


But to my satisfaction, when I got back to the house, when I got home, I ripped off my leggings, which I did strategically wear since I was doing it in a shorter, more condensed period of time. Just a mile, not a whole day sprey of me in these I wore leggings strategically to really seal the moisture of the sweat down there. OK, really get in the juices, really get in the smells. Protip don't go with shorts when you're doing a quick one too because you, there's too much ventilation and we're really trying to engage him in these aromas.


So when I took off my underwear I approached it the same as any girl. Would I approach optimistically but yeah, cautiously not knowing whether I'm about to sniff the glorious female aroma of my vagina or a little swampy shit. I just accidentally shot myself on my way to get a bucket.


The OK, but there before my senses was victory. Guys, I put that thing right to my nose and it was the perfect blend. Will salty, a little sweet little kick. You know, I'm a little zesty.


Perfect. Then I took a look with my eyeballs, OK?


And before my eyes I see a little dollop of Daisy. Every single girl knows what I mean when I say a little dollop of Daisy, you know, you know, and that's all I have to fucking say. Bon appetit, Mr. Sexy Man. So there I was, guys. I walked my ass into FedEx.


I put everything into an envelope and I stood there and I paid a whopping one hundred and seventy fucking dollars to send this pussy to London. Apparently this pussy ain't cheap. Now, I realize which is sad is the one hundred seventy dollars. It's worth it. But is it worth it when I know that Mr. Sexy Zuman is not going to be the first one that is going to get a whiff of this pussy? That's right, Daddy gang.


I first sent it to Slim Shady just getting basically when I was in London last month and in November, every single time that I received a package, it had on one of those slip saying like opened and inspected by TSA or like Customs or whoever the fuck. And so I'm realizing that some lucky ass TSA man is going to get some hardwood this morning because it's arriving today and he's going to open that envelope and get that nice fucking pussy with before Mr. Sexism gets the chance.


So although that sucks, I'm anticipating it unless I am the only one that's packages get opened. And that would not surprise me because in my mind, I probably am now on high alert list in London. Daddy gang, welcome to the show.


This week shit is about to get dark. I am about to tell you the truth about what happened to me last month in London.


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We're getting right into it. This was a story I didn't know if I was going to tell, but here the fuck we are. I was in London the month of December, the night before Christmas Eve. I was sitting in my cottage that Mr Sexy Zuman and I had gotten for Christmas. It's a long story. What the fuck was I there over Christmas with the man?


We'll get to it. I am sitting in my room alone and I am on therapy with my therapist and we are dissecting some really fucking deep childhood shit childhood trauma. Why the fuck I am the way I am going deep those sessions. You don't even know how the fuck you got there, but you're going fucking deep.


And in the middle of my therapy session, Mr. Sexy Zuman starts calling me and calling me and calling me. Now this man knows I'm on therapy, he's down in the hotel lobby bar. So I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Why is this man calling me over and over? He knows where I am. What is going on? Something must be wrong. I answer the phone and Mr. Sexy Zuman proceeds to tell me.


That the police are in the lobby and they are here for me. Now you're all wondering why the fuck are they there? How the fuck did we get here? What the fuck is going on, Alex? Well, welcome to the GoDaddy podcast and welcome to my life, bitches. I'll fucking tell you exactly how I got there. So let's rewind a little bit. I'm going to set the scene in the months of November, December. If you follow me on Instagram, you would see I was in London.


I am in London at the beginning of December. I'm with Mr Sexy Zuman.


All's well in love and war. However, London had been hit so bad with Korona that they were about to transition to Tier four, which is the most severe. Everything is shut the fuck down and Mr Sexy zoomIn and I had to face the hard facts that we're not going home to see our families for Christmas. So before London shuts down in tier four, we make plans to get out into the countryside, do something pretty romantic, get a nice cottage and go spend our Christmas there together.


Now, obviously, if you know me, Daddy, when I was a little fucking pressed him like we were spending Christmas together one and then two, I was pretty bummed. I'm not going to get to see my family, but that's just what it was. I'll spare you the fucking details of how I cried myself to sleep every night. No, I'm just kidding.


I was fine, but it fucking sucked. So before the City of London turns to tier four, Mr Sexy Zuman and I get the fuck out of there and we go to this beautiful, beautiful cottage that Mr Sexism and treated me to.


I will give the man credit. He did good. He did fucking good. Mr Sexy Zuman shout out. I felt like I was fucking Cameron Diaz in the god damn holiday. OK, I was living my best life. It was a miracle, especially just for the circumstances that we were having to celebrate the Holiday Inn.


So it's the night. Here we go. Here we go. It is the night before Christmas Eve.


There's about twelve families staying in this cottage on the grounds. And to get into this place, it was very fucking hard. We had to send each three covid tests every day before we got there. If we weren't from the UK to show when we got there, did we quarantine? Are we coming from tier three and not from tier for, etc., etc. We fill out all the paperwork we get there. It's the night before Christmas Eve. Oh yes.


Here we go, Daddy. So Mr Sexy Zuman and I are putting on our sweaters. We're getting all cozy ready. Go down to the bar socially dist..


Put our glasses, put our goggles, put our face shields on and go have ourselves a nice night. We're walking down and all of a sudden I get an alarm on my phone and it says Therapy, you stupid bitch.


I usually never set an alarm for therapy, but because it's eight hours ahead in London for two consecutive weeks, I missed my therapy session. And you can see Mr I guess, my therapist, whatever the fuck you want to believe. The point was I was like, I can't miss another one. So as we're entering the bar, I'm like, oh fuck, I have therapy Mr Sexy you man. Go get yourself a drink. Relax, you're on vacation.


I'm going to go to therapy. I'm going to go see if the library is open or our room, whatever. I'll find a space. I'm going to go to therapy. I rush up to our room, my computers, dad.


I take my phone and I log on to zoom and I begin therapy. Now, listen, I'm not going to fucking lie. I love my therapist to death, but I wasn't in the mood. Everyone who's in therapy, you get it. I was not in the mood for therapy. I had just seen the alcohol. I'm ready to blackout. It's fucking Christmas time, baby. Let's rage. But then those are almost the best sessions because all of a sudden I didn't expect it.


And all of a sudden talking about this childhood shit that I'm like crying. I'm intense. I'm like, holy shit, this is unpacking some major shit.


I don't even know about myself really seeing the roots where I come from, why, and the way I am when you guys loved Fucking No.


And then I get a text from Mr Sexy Zuman. I ignore it, whatever, probably telling you what he's drinking. Then I get another text. I'm like whatever. It's probably a dick pic I ignore again. And then this is when the calls start and I'm like, hey, hold on. Sorry, I'm, I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm getting distracted. Mr Sexy Zuman keeps calling me and my therapist is like, well do you want to take the call?


And I'm like, yeah I guess I should. He would. He knows I'm in therapy. He wouldn't be calling me unless something is wrong. I pick up the phone and Mr Sexy Zuman says, Did you see your text messages? I say, what? He goes, Look at your phone right now. I go to my text, I open my text messages for Mr Sexy Zuman, and there are two attacks.


The first one says the police are here and the second one says, Where are you? In that moment, I could tell from his voice something was wrong, but I also knew, listen, I know I'm a degenerate, but I knew I didn't do anything wrong. So I was like, OK, why are the like, what's going on? Like, I'm so confused. OK, what what's the point of you telling me this? Like, what's happening?


Is there drama downstairs?


Like, are you OK? And he says, Alex, the police are here for you. Now, in that moment, my therapist's like, hey, big Al, you good? I am like shaking. I don't know, I'm in fucking London, I'm not in the United States. I don't know what's happening. I don't know why they're here for me. Why the fuck is the police here for me? So I say I'm a therapy. What you want me to do.


So I come down. He said, no, they just left, but they're coming back in an hour and they want to speak to you. I'm coming upstairs. Don't move. I will be back and I'll explain. Everything hangs up on me. Then I log back onto the zoo map and I look at my therapist's in the eyes, I say we're rounding up. We got a double session coming, sweetheart. Hope you don't have a full packed schedule.


I'm going to need you. She's like and she looks at me and it's so classic. Therapists are always there for you until the fuckin 50 minute mark is up and then they don't even know you. She's like, well, you know, we'll chalk it up to let's talk about it next week. But I may not be here next Wednesday.


I may be a fucking girl. She's like, I don't get paid enough. Goodbye. So Mr. Sexy Woman walks into the room immediately.


I'm like, what the fuck happened? Tell me everything. And he says, he was sitting at the bar. The manager came over to him and said, Sir, the police are here for you in the lobby.


He goes to the lobby and there are two police officers, a female and a male police officer, and they step outside and they have a conversation. They ask him, sir, are you here alone? And he says, yes. They say, Sir, are you staying here alone, Arthel? And he says, no, I am here with someone. They say, Are you here with Alex Cooper? And he says, yes, they ask where I was.


And he says, I'm not sure she's having therapy somewhere on the grounds of not exactly sure which room.


They they look at him and they say this is a serious matter. We are going to come back in an hour and she needs to be here.


Obviously, in that moment, Mr. Sexy zoomIn is like, what the fuck is going on? Like, what the fuck happened?


He's trying to protect me because, like, I don't know if I look what's happening and they look at him and they say and they keep it vague and they basically just say, we have gotten an exorbitant amount of filed reports claiming that she has broken the law.


They get back in their car and they leave. Now, Daddy King, this is where it gets really, really, really fucking dark because there is a different player in this game, but I haven't brought onto the table yet. And you're about to find out who if I can is.


When Mr. Sexy Zuman sitting there and he says, do you have any idea what they're talking about? I pause and I get this like overwhelming sick feeling that comes over me because I actually know exactly what they're talking about.


A few weeks prior, as I was sitting in London, hammered one night going through my DMS, I got a D.M. from a daddy gang member and I opened it.


And usually daddy gang members don't be like, hey, Alex, like this person's talking shit on you, they're more.


So give me a heads up when, like, yo, this shit's dark and I think you would want to know I opened the door and it is a screenshot.


Of a at feed. And the subject line of this Reddit feed. Says something along the lines of. Sign this petition. Let's make sure Alex cannot get back into the United States. Crafty. Oh, give it to them, very crafty. Sadly, it would be that I get kicked out of London.


I can't not get back into the United States, you fucking idiots in not drunk momen. I didn't think twice about it. I get shit like this every day, all day. People send me shit on Reddit and that's just what my life has become, the totally fine. And even seeing that I was like, whatever. But what I remember is underneath in that forum. Is a link where people can go and can click and they can go report me to the London police.


Claiming that I am breaking protocol, OK, so I'm sitting on the bed with Mr. Sexy Zuman and I say, oh my God, I literally know exactly why they're here. I explain the entire thing to him. I say I remember there's a fucking petition for me to get back into the United States of America. And there are literally having thousands of people that hate me are going on and reporting me. One poor Mr. Sexism. First, he was just baffled, he's like, we I'm so I'm sorry, I'm a little confused.


You're saying people hate you this much that they're just reporting you? I'm like I'm like, baby, you know, the thing is, is it sounds crazy to you, but it's actually quite normal to me. Yes. That's just what it is like. I don't even hate it anymore. I've accepted it. It comes with this career.


And so he looks at me and he says, well, then you need to tell that to the police because they are very angry and they are coming back.


So basically, I sit there with Mr. Sexism man for a couple more minutes and I'm just like, damn, like I'm not going to lie. I was fucking I was upset first. I was a little fucking before I remembered the Reddit thing. I was like a little nervous. I'm like, I'm in fucking London. I'm about to get fucking thrown in jail. Like, what is going on? What did I do? I don't quite remember what I did, but I was pretty certain I didn't do anything wrong.


So finally, Mr. Sykes, Newman and I talk, we talk with the managers, we talk with everyone, and everyone is like we you literally couldn't be here had you not gone through protocol. You're fine. So Mr. Sexy is man like the amazing man he is, is like he's like, listen, they said they're coming back in an hour. It has now been an hour. Let's go fuck and enjoy our night. You know, you did nothing wrong.


We have submitted multiple covid tests. They have your flight information. They know that you quarantine. We both quarantine. We left before it turned to tier four. We got here to a tier two. The hotel would be in trouble if they were letting us randomly fucking be here. We were breaking the fucking law. We're going downstairs to the fucking bar. Let's have a fucking drink. We're drinking. We're drinking. There's no sign of the police.


An hour has gone by and Mr. Sexy Zuman starts to get annoyed. In the place that we were staying is connected a Michelin star restaurant. And we had a seven course meal dinner coming up, a nice, expensive dinner that Mr. Sexy Zuman plan, nice and romantic. And he starts to get annoyed. He's like, I want to go have dinner. But I also don't want to get interrupted by this, by the police to be like, oh, hey, can you step outside?


We're all like our fourth fucking course, because at this point, again, he knows like we did nothing wrong. Fucking fine us for what? Nothing. Finally, we're like, fucking let's go to dinner.


We go into the dinner, we reach our third course.


What do you guys think happens?


Our waiter comes over and they say, Miss Cooper, Mr. Sir, Mr. Sexy Sir, the police are back at that moment.


We had had so many cocktails we had gone through that I had done nothing wrong. We're like, let's fucking go. We get the fuck out. We're like storm charging to the police. We're like, let's fucking go. So we step outside. And immediately I knew the vibe is off.


They don't look angry and scary like Mr. Sexy Zuman had described them. At this point, they look uncomfortable and like awkward, like their shoulders are like half of their body is turned to their car like they want to fucking leave. And so I approach it. I'm super respectful and I just say, hi, I'm Alex. I'm so sorry for the drama that's been caused. I would love to understand what the situation is. From my understanding, I have followed every single protocol to be at this resort.


Can you please let me know, like why you guys are here and what's going on?


They they stare at me in silence for a minute. It's like awkward. And also, by the way, guys, this conversation is less than two minutes. They're staring at me and they say, Miss Cooper, I appreciate you coming and meeting us out here. We're really sorry to take you out of your dinner immediately. In that moment, I knew they realized there's nothing I did nothing wrong. And this is now awkward that they're pulling me out of this dinner.


But I'm against the group. So I continue to be super respectful. And I'm like, well, what what do you think is going on? And they say, I guess we're having a really hard time right now because what we just showed up, we had hundreds of reports from people submitting, saying you were breaking quarantine protocol.


And then an hour went by an hour. And on our way back here, we got another substantial amount of reports. And we're trying to understand why this many people in influx are flooding in and reporting you, because from what we've seen and what we've spoken to manager you, Mr. Sexism, sir, there is no issue here. And I looked him in the face and I said, can I ask you a question? Like, sure, I said.


Have you ever heard of it? I'm not fucking kidding you, Daddy. I literally look these people in the eye said that, and the man looks at me and he goes, No, I'm like, sir, just stay with me for a minute. I understand you're frustrated and you're very confused, as am I.


But I think I have your answer. I have a show. It's a podcast. I don't know if you a podcast is, but I have a podcast and I have a public platform. And on that public platform, I have people that like me and I have people that hate me. There is a forum on the Internet right now that people are currently actively still signing a petition.


To try to make sure that I am not able to get back into the United States. So, Daddy, again, when I told the police this Mr Sexy Zuman, the male and the female officer, all look at me like I am fucking 19 heads. They're like, excuse me.


And in that moment, I think first the female officer was started to really realize.


We're in the middle of fucking Internet drama, you've got to be fucking kidding me, and all of a sudden it fucking clicked and these officers looked at each other and they were like, we are so sorry that we didn't look further into this. I am sorry that we took you out of your dinner. Please go back inside. Please have an amazing night. And I literally go as far to say if it makes you more comfortable, I will stop posting while I'm in London for the time being.


And they literally go, No, man, keep doing what you're doing. Duly noted. What's happening here. Enjoy your night. Goodbye.


They walk away and in that moment digging, well, when I look over to Mr. XXXI, zoom in and I think it's all really starting to like him, like this is I guess this is the chick that I'm fucking seeing right now. Like, what a fucking time. I mean, this girl's fucking life. But he was cute. We get back to dinner, basically. We walk inside and he stops me.


And he was like, hey, like the way you were talking about the way these people hate you. Like, I just want to make sure, like, are you OK? Like, it's pretty intense. And I think he kind of lost me where I was like, listen, I know this is going to sound really weird, but at this point, this is actually really normal to me. And in a strange way, like, I don't fault these people.


I don't hate these people.


He's like, OK, I'm losing you a little. Like, no, I guess the point is, is like I understand this is what comes with having this show and having a public platform. And in a fucked up way, I've gotten to the conclusion that there is no difference between a hate view and a like few views or views. And so in a very, very convoluted, fucked up way, I have to love these people. I have to at least support these people in some way because they they technically are supporting the show maybe in in a negative way.


But they're making the show money. They're keeping the fucking lights on. As much as they want to hate me, they support the show. And so that's how I look at it. And it doesn't bother me. And I lean and I'm like, but I completely understand if it bothers you. And he's like, I'm fine. But like, I'm just a little fucking rocked. Like, I just let's go drink and I'm like toners and let's go back to drink and sort of wrap it up.


And I know this is going to sound really fucking weird, but it felt like I'm not going to say a bonding moment, but it was very like invigorating and it felt it was it was a full adrenaline rush. I think the rest of the night, the both of us were like drinking heavy. We were fucking partying. It was like, damn, like, what the fuck just happened? You know, when shit goes crazy, like a party gets crash, like some wild shit happens and you're like, what just happened?


Yeah, we didn't do anything wrong, but it felt bad. Like it felt dangerous. God damn. Bonnie and Clyde fugitives on the run. Oh, the cops are here. And then we fucked like rabbits that night and I was on a high and it was a fun story. We like told my parents, my parents, I decided to my parents like a couple of days off to the fact because my mom would have had a heart attack.


And he told his family, surprisingly, they didn't care. And our friends and now here I am telling it on the Colorado podcast.


And I knew the minute it happened, I'm like, here we go. This is a perfect fucking segment for the call her daddy. So, so sadly, as much as it was in a negative spirit that the petition began, the petition led to us, led to bringing us here. And I think we had a good time. I hope you guys enjoyed that story.


But I think I'm going to I think I'm going to chill in London for a little bit. I don't think I'm going to be going back there for a while.


And I'm sure a lot of people will be happy to see that, including my two little police friends shout out wherever you are now, a function of beauty.


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You're welcome. Commercial men. Hello Ramon. What is Robynn do. Alex guys, you take Ramon. He's a little swipe and you swipe it on his dick and he is going to pound that pussy until the sun rises are men. If you're listening and you're like, oh fuck, I wish I could bucker for an hour. Well, you can. Romeyn swipes. They are clinically proven to make you last longer in the bedroom, guys. They are effective, easy to use and fast acting and they don't require a prescription.


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Have you ever been in a relationship that you stay out of comfort, that you stay because of time invested in that person?


Have you ever been in a relationship where you wish that person would literally just cheat on you so it would make it easier to just have a clean break and break up with them?


Have you loved someone's family and friends so much that you can't imagine not seeing them again, so you just don't break up with them? Have you been dissatisfied with your sex life? Have you been dissatisfied with the emotional connection?


A commonality is it's easier to just stay in these situations. I didn't name any crazy toxic things.


You're comfortable. You're safe. The sex life isn't great, but I love him. I love her. And a lot of times people just stay. And the idea to leave is like it on your mind 24/7, but you have no fucking idea how to do it.


The reason you're all like, Alex, please stop calling me out. Thank you very much. Go fuck yourself, Daddy.


The reason I'm bringing this up right now is because I have been getting an overwhelming amount of DM's recently of people in relationships coming to these huge, huge conclusions during quarantine, specifically about the relationships wanting to break up with their significant other and having no fucking idea how to do it and don't even know if they can do it.


So as I'm reading these DBMS and I'm like, OK, how do I talk to the daddy about this? Because I haven't gone through a breakup in quarantine. I do know someone that has gone through a breakup in quarantine and she happens to live with me.


Lauren, hello. Hello.


Lauren just went through this and she did it. She broke up with her boyfriend of seven years during Corona.


And so basically, Lauren and I are sitting here, we're eating sushi. We were drinking tequila. And I asked her if she could quickly come on and just tell her experience quickly, because I'm very aware if I'm like, come on, you can do it.


It's going to be so easy, like, Alex, shut the fuck up. But I have someone in person right now that has gone through it.


Lauren, quickly exploit your life for us. Thank you for coming on. Can you talk to us about this breakup?


Yeah. So I'm just going to jump right into it. I think it was the like face slapping realization that this just isn't the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.


But I've invested seven years into this. We have all of the same friends.


I'm checking those boxes that you were just talking about. And how do I tell this person this? How do I just one day we are living together, we are quarantined together. How do I just one day turn over on the couch and say, hey, I want to break up, I'm not in love with you anymore?


That is fucking terrifying.


The hair of our dad scares me. And like, maybe that sounds less juicy than this giant cheating scandal and this giant blow up or blow out.


But I think it's a lot harder to leave with just these emotions in these feelings. I had no anger. I wasn't running out the door and slamming the door on me like I'm never speaking to you again. This is the person I care about, who I considered my best friend. And I think the thing is, it was by no means a toxic relationship, we had all of the same friends. We did everything together. I loved his family.


My mom, my brother knew him. Like our lives were very, very ingrained at this point at holidays together.


Right. But he just wasn't the one. Yeah, but, yeah, he just and I think just to give you guys a little context, Lauren met this guy when she was eight years old in college, her freshman year of college. It's like you go through college and I think it really sucks. But anyone listening, if you are meeting someone in college and now you're 26 years old, Lauren, you both grew individually, your careers. You're at Columbia.


He has a great finance job and you grew individually, but your relationship didn't grow. And you're like your emotional relationship, your sex relationship. Every aspect of your relationship didn't grow. You didn't nourish that as much. And so then you sat there at 26 and we had a lot of conversations about like, he's great, you're great. He's not a bad guy.


He's just not the one. And I agree with you, like, anger is the most primitive. Go to response that's so easy. Like, oh, fuck you, you cheated and you can have that to leave. How the fuck do you have to grappling with just being like.


Yeah, so like he can't change one thing here that was that was that was so hard that like he did not like there was no specific moment where he did something wrong, where I was like, now I know. Right. And he couldn't change.


It was just who we were, who is and who you are, who I am, what I had become and what I was feeling in that relationship. I, I didn't feel high. I didn't feel desired. I didn't feel sexy. And yeah. I think like. A defense mechanism that people use often is that, well, I know he loves me so much. I know he thinks I'm so hot or I know he would never cheat on me.


And yes, I knew all of these things.


But these things aren't substitutes for in the moment passion and in the moment desire and like actually feeling it.


Yeah, it's one thing to know it. It's another thing to actually feel it. Yeah. I think that's so huge. I think there's I know there's so many people in my being like but I love him but like this isn't I loved him.


I still have love for him totally. But I wasn't in love with him anymore. We weren't in love with each other anymore.


I would go as far to say I also think that it to clarify, it's not like quarantine made Lauren have cabin fever and want to like, go jump someone else's bones. Like you had been thinking about this prior to quarantine, but quarantine height in the spring.


Yeah. It takes away like all the external noise. We're not going out with our mutual friend groups anymore. We're not doing these fun trips. We're not going to dinner. So I think I think that was definitely the catalyst. And like, oh, my gosh, the feelings like leading up to the moment do let's talk about the break going through those feelings during quarantine.


That was like that was that was almost the worst part, maybe that it wasn't an overnight decision for me.


And when I finally, like, kind of like it was like, oh, like I think I know this is what I have to do now.


It was a few weeks before I actually did do it. And we're continuing together now. Neither of us are leaving for work.


And I feel this huge, huge amount of guilt. And I'm trying to act normal, but I'm trying not to act fake. And it was awful.


It was you hearable I was losing weight. I couldn't eat. I was losing hair.


No, it was not it's not funny. No, it was so shitty. And that's why I'm laughing about because I'm like, yeah, it was awful, you know.


It was and Lauren I remember it that was crazy because and people probably almost remember social media was like that was when you started. It was before you moved in. But you really started to come to my house a lot or my apartment because we were you were just trying to get out so you could clear your head because you're in that apartment with him.


So basically, I think we should go through, like.


They'll try hard things like that.


So I want to talk about the breakup, because I think you and I rehearsed this breakup over and over and over because you had to get used to even saying those words.


I couldn't even look at you and say them at first. You were scared fucking shitless, rightfully so. And so Juan and I would sit in my apartment and we literally did roll plays together.


No, this is like the best thing that we could have ever done is silly and stupid, as it sounds right now. Like I am so glad we did that because I went into this conversation and like, if you were preparing to have one of these conversations prepare to blackout and prepare to lose, like every bit of logic or rationality that you have will go out the door.


I remembered one line, though, the first line.


Hello, I am so sorry to tell you this, but we have to break up.


That is the only thing I remembered. The only thing I could say for four hours. Yeah, I'm not going to sugarcoat it either. Like during the four hours. The entire four hours was torture. Not like a minute was easier.


And I definitely like throughout this for our conversation had moments, moments of being like I think it's just easier right now.


Like I almost just want to say, like, OK, ok. Yeah. Like let's just try to fix it or like let's try to do this and this and this.


And that's why I'm saying that you were going to blackout and you were going to lose every single ounce of rationality that you have. And you have to go in being like no matter what either of us say, no matter what either of us what happens, I am remembering how vividly and strongly in, like, resolute I feel right now. And I'm going to hold to that. And if later down the line I want to change my mind, I will.


But this is what I have to do right now and see how this makes me feel.


And I know I was doing the right thing in the moment. Absolutely. The fuck not. Do you have to elaborate on that, Daddy?


Getting the amount of conversations we had leading up to this where Lauren kept being like, am I making the biggest mistake? Like, am I find where I am? Should I just stay? So many people have that thought, am I going to give up something that's good and able and stable?


I be alone the rest of my life, like being stuck in shitty relationships the rest of my life and look back and have this like the biggest regret of my life. Yeah, you have to be OK with that uncertainty because right now you're uncertain and you're unsure. So what's more uncertainty and right.


Why not fucking go take a jet that take a chance on yourself and have confidence in yourself that you know that you can find better and deserve better.


And if you are feeling that uncertainty, there will be better out there, because I'm promising you, every single person you will know when you found some someone and you couldn't be more certain. And that is the best fucking feeling. And it is worth being single for an extended amount of time to then find that person as opposed to being in a relationship that is stable and just blah and OK. And oh, it's fine. It's fine. I mean, I love him, but it's not.


No, you want sparks, you want to fucking feel it.


You want to wake up and be more in love with that person every single day. Yeah.


Now wrapping up where we are here, it's like coming to the realization that breaking up is the right decision sucks. Having the conversation sucks.


Now you do it now you basically are entering the stage of mourning something, mourning that seven year relationship.


And to get deep for a second, this was more than cutting ties with a seven year relationship. This was cutting ties with a very, very deep part of my life.


Yeah, I went through a trauma in college that was the worst experience of my life. And he was there for you. He was there for me. He experienced it with me. He got me through it.


And like I had moments of thinking that any future partner that I'm going to have, I'm going to have to tell them about this experience of my life, this formative, formative, dark experience of my life second hand. And no one will know it like he knows it. But that's no reason to stay.


I mean that to that I. Couldn't agree more. I have nothing to say to that, Lauren, that was beautiful. I mean, I think you and I, we have had so many friend conversations about like it is so hard to leave someone that was like supportive and loving and is safe and comfortable to you. That's a safe and comfortable, especially what you went through.


So to get rid of someone in your life that represents like safety and like the most stable thing I had in my life for a few years.


Right. To get rid of that. It is like cutting off a part of your life and part of myself. Yeah, that's almost. Yeah. And so.


I'm so thankful that you had him during that time, but you were in no way and no one is you are no way indebted to him for being a really good person when you were going through a really shitty time.


And I hope everyone here is that. So, yeah, Warren Buck, I guess I just thank you for coming on, I think the dogging is going to love you sharing this side of yourself. I think to wrap this up, Daddy gang, anyone out there that needed a sign, you are like, holy shit, I love him, but or, you know, I really love her, but I want hook up with someone else or I want to experience life without them or I feel like I have X, Y, Z, whatever, if there is a but.


That's really your answer right there. Any doubt in your mind let this be a sign that you have your answer?


And I feel like a part of that is I love him or I don't want to hurt his feelings. You have to put yourself first.


And I am so grateful and so fortunate that I was able to pack up my bags and follow you across the country because it would be fucking hard right now doing this alone in New York City, one mile down the street from him. But I feel like I'm starting my life over.


Dude, that's some deep shit. We didn't even I mean, we could get into the whole thing of, like, the fact that you and I had such a crazy moment where, like, I wanted to come to L.A., Lauren broke up with her boyfriend. That's why we say this move was so much bigger for us, because it's like. You literally were in a situation and daddy, again, you can relate. It's so hard to break up with someone and you know, you're going to see them at the same bar.


You know, this was an opportunity for us to get out of town and literally give you a chance to.


I'm literally starting my life over right now. And I think it's amazing, and that just gave me chills, but I am so happy for you and I'm so happy to be a part of that like you're able to.


I'm so happy to be in L.A.. Yeah. I'm so happy to be living with my best friend right now there.


If you're going to do a breakup, move across the country with Alex Cooper.


No straight up daddy going by your best friend and be like we I need in. Let's fucking go. Let's get out of here. Or again, if you don't have the financials like there is, there is always a way to surround yourself with friends and with love and.




And be supportive because. Be supportive because at the end of the day you're going to feel alone. But the moments that you feel alone, it is a lot better.


You have to be comfortable with feeling discomfort. It wasn't easy. It's still not easy.


But it's worth it. It's worth it. So if you needed a sign, if there ever needed to be a sign, what you needed to do, if you're listening to this episode, do it.


All right, daddy gang, what an amazing episode, I really feel like we showed a lot of different themes within we had the panis, we had a little police action, we had a little oh, my God, I'm not in love with him anymore.


Break up with your fucking boyfriend. It just really always ceases to amaze me the different levels we can go. Do you guys remember last week when I said I was going to be toxic? What the fuck was this week? I'm pretty sure health and fucking wellness bitches you I'm going to read you something because you're like, wait, no questions the week.


I'm going to read you one.


Damn that I got. Here we go. Hey, Big l love you a bunch.


And I'm actually a fan of Questions of the Week, but I was just wondering if you're OK after last week's questions of the week in trouble.


Just making sure you weren't having a stroke. Love ya. Hmm. Oh, sweetie, this is from Maddie.


Maddie, you know why that DMC single handedly made me go back and I never go back and I listened to what I blessed or Marzo curse your ears with. Last week, I little I did a little Gossip Girl Terminator twist to the fuckin French Alps. And I was so deep in that questions the week. I think I truly scared people that enjoy it. So my decision has been. Let's take a minute. Let's take a minute. I'm going to do Questions of the week next week.


We're going to take a break from this week and we're going to end on that beautiful, beautiful message that Lauren just preached through our souls. I'm feeling healthy. It's making me want to break up with everyone.


I guess that's not healthy. Daddy, listen, and I love you guys so much. If you guys pay attention to the ends of episodes.


I told you guys last week that I was going to give you a raunchy doll. She disgusting blowjob technique story slash horror story.


But I decided to tell you the police story and said, so what I can promise you is next week you are going to hear what happened as I laid my back on a bed and dangled my head off that bed and the things that came out of my mouth were truly so fucking shocking. Daddy gang, I have told you content is spewing out of my asshole. And the L.A. saga has only just begun. You know the motherfucking drill. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.