Happy Scribe
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Honey. Oh, honey. Oh, honey, honey. Hi, honey. Hi, honey. Honey Bunny. Guys, honey is going to be let me just say it now. Free, free. We always love a good little free. This is this is actually completely 100 percent from start to finish free, free. And it's going to save you money for free. So why aren't you doing it today, guys? Honey is a free online browser extension when you guys are online shopping for literally anything.

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Once you download it, you go to check out and honey is going to automatically apply any discount that it can find on the Internet for that place that you're shopping and apply it and you're going to save money without clicking anything. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. I don't know if it's just me, but I'm assuming it's a lot of people. There's something about covid-19 that is making me online shop like I have a problem.

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And honey, I think it was just yesterday I was purchasing workout gear and I saved twenty something bucks just because I had a lot of daddy gang has been writing and thanking us for this because they're saving a lot of money. So if you guys are on it, get honey right now, guys, it's free. So you're going to go to join honey dot com slash daddy again. That is join honey. Dot com daddy not using honey is literally passing out free money.

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So be smart. Go get it.

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Do you call him Daddy. Do I call her daddy. Call her daddy this morning. Good evening.

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Good afternoon. Who even knows what time it is.

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Welcome to the call her daddy show this week. All the days are blending, blend, blur. And you know we're here. It's us. It's Alex, it's Sofia. It's you, it's me. It's the daddies. It's the fathers. Back at it again. That it for another episode of Call her daddy. We are on alert momos. Are you on. I'm on three, but I'm feeling good. Me too. I feel like I'm ready to roll.

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Guys, as you know, we're recording from home. Yeah, this is kind of fucking amazing. It is like we get to just we got to be drunk while we're recording and I like it.

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KORONA The quarantine. It's getting to us. It's getting to us. And just before we get started, if you're going to get upset about Korona jokes, whoever's listening, turn this off, get the fuck out and move along.

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We're going to talk about it freely.

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Yeah, we are. We're in New York. As everyone knows, we are in the pit of the storm. Yes. It's we're actually kind of in the beginning stages.

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Yeah. But like people that are already going stir crazy, I'm like, you do realize you have weeks of this. Oh, right, right, right. I'm more so than like the location group. We're in the armpit of the world.

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No, it's fine, but I like. Yeah, so we're in the epicenter. I've been motherfucker. The big word. I know our big word. Big I'm getting word.

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And I just want to say something about New York actually. Oh yeah. I was talking to my mom and she's in Utah and she was complaining about being quarantined.

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And I'm like, anyone that's in a house means to shut the fuck up, because for a lot of us New Yorkers, what is social distancing? You're supposed to be six feet apart our apartment and Alex and I go to our rooms at night. We're not even six feet apart. No, literally. Yeah. New York is so fucking hard to social distance. Yeah, I love that you just said that because I think there's a lot of Meems online right now of Kylie Jenner.

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Kylie Jenner got on her Snapchat and was like, guys, I love being at home.

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I don't know why everyone is getting that, like, embrace being at home. But you live in a mansion. She lives in a mansion like she could have whatever she wants set up in her backyard. Thank you. She wants an amusement park. There you go. She wants a shopping mall. She calls someone. They set up a shopping, you know, an extra house in the back yard, set up for herself. But if you guys are in a house, you're lucky.

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Yeah, but I also have to say, I could have gone home to Pennsylvania and I was like, the thing is, is going home is scary, too, because it's like being locked up with your family, you know?

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I mean, you notice it during the holidays, like towards the end of New Years. You're like, I gotta go, I gotta go.

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And I'll see you around, Mom.

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So I feel like staying in New York, like you don't annoy me as much as like my siblings can annoy me. So I'm going to stay put. Yes. Also, we have to work.

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Oh yeah. Just pretending like doesn't even matter. Like I could go solo. I got. Yeah. No yeah. We have to work.

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I think this social distancing thing is really hard for some people. Yeah. Like my grandparents, they're obviously part of the demo that is the most at risk. Right. And they were out fucking shopping up a storm yesterday.

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Oh wow. My whole. Family got so upset. I feel like it's really fucking I get why you guys are upset because it's also fucking hard to tell old people to lie.

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You can't tell them what to do. Grandma, stay inside. And she's like, get out of going. I'm cruising on my school bus. Not to mention there high a scooter through her.

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You know, she actually could just walk.

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OK. OK.

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OK, but they are actually the last people that should even be getting stuck because they're Mormon. Oh, I thought you would say because of their age, what is Mormon has to do with this. The Mormon actually are more at risk. But what do you mean. No, because people from the LDS faith, they have already like a storage locker somewhere in their house with a year's worth of supplies of like essentials and food and shit. They've been ready for the fucking coronavirus.

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Wait, wait. I'm sorry. And I'm hoping that Daddy is on the same page as me. I don't know.

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We we we I don't know anything about that culture. So when you talk about it, I always think it's like. Really? Yes. So Mormons believe that there's going to be a second coming of Christ. Yes. Got it.

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And so they were they're told by the church to have like a year's worth of supplies in their house already. Why? Because you can't go outside of Christ.

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They think it's going to be like a type of apocalypse thing. Oh, they should be set.

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Oh, so they have magic. Yeah, they're hoarding. Yeah. They're fucking being greedy. I love ya. I got your grandparents on our podcast. This is going to be really fucked up and I don't want anyone to take it the wrong way. No, but a part of me during this whole situation is kind of glad that all my grandparents are dead. No, no.

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And that sounds fucking wrong. But I feel like if I like my nana, you would be I'd be so fucking scared. Yeah. So, like, I don't know. So grandparents, I got the silver lining up dead ground here.

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It's just you got to look at the bright side. Yeah. OK, what else. What else. I, I actually wrote down some notes because I was like, I want to talk about this. OK, but Korona. Food issue.

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I had issues with. Well my issue I have been preparing similar to your grandparents.

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I've been preparing like an apocalypse, like I feel like I'm not going to be able to go outside because you kind of can't. Right. So I'm stocking up. I'm stocking up on a lot of frozen food and then it will like be dinner time. And I'm whipping out my DiGiorgio pizza, popping it in and eating the thing.

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I'm eating all the food that I'm supposed to be keeping in case I can't go outside. DiGiorgio Pizza was for like week three. Yeah, I don't eat it day one. And also I just have excited about Korona, so I know I'm overdoing it. Yeah, I'm stressed eating and then I'm eating all the stuff that I'm supposed to be bullcrap on and saving. I just like really fun. Also I got completely fucked on my delivery order. That is going to be a little side note if people are still with us.

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I didn't order from Whole Foods and I don't know who the fuck Whole Foods thinks they are insulting my intelligence. But, you know, you order something and it's out of stock. They give you substitution. Yeah. Option. Yes, spring rolls.

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I literally they ended up coming to my house with maybe two items I ordered and eat things of fucking spring roll.

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We we we're like we're out of toilet paper, spring rolls out of pizza, spring rolls. I'm like, no, why is there like talk of spring roll?

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But no one wants to eat them. Yeah. Yeah.

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So it's you know, it's going well over here, guys. I think it's been like I think I've seen a lot of stuff on the Internet of people being like the scariest part is this is just the beginning. Yeah. And I already feel like I'm fucking losing. Right.

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And you know what? We realize that we are actually in a very, very good place compared to other people.

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I know we are. We're thankful, but we all just like to bitch. Yeah, no, I'm always going to bitch. Oh my. I said this the other day.

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There's a saying and it's like, of course that quarry the quarantine is getting to Arabs. She's getting more deeply. al-Said there's a saying and it's like let it out, let it out honey.

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Know there's a saying and it's like of course some people's pain is going to be like there's like things happening in the world that's like really hard for me.

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I don't know how you go about it, but it's like, it's like everyone's pain is pain, right? Like my pain, like may not be everybody else's others, but feeling my pain. So let me be in my pain. Everybody's pain is pain.

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OK, that's actually beautiful. I really love the title of this episode. Yeah. OK, what else is going on. I have a confession that I've never actively watched the news or been into politics, which I understand now that I'm getting older.

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It's like it's time. Yeah. Because we've had the news on around. Yeah, President Trump, I'm not getting into politics here, I'm not saying I like him, I dislike him. It's a reality show. It's like watching Real Housewives of New York City on the same level. I didn't know that I was missing. I know the best reality television to fuck the Cardassian.

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President Trump is out here putting on the best show I've ever. You know, it's the best shit I've ever seen is I mean, yeah, I don't want to get political.

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No, like, my God. But, my God, if you're bored, fucking turn on CNN.

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OK, let's do a quick personal update. Give it to us, Sofia. OK, well, I have a full blown stalker. OK, perfect. But actually it's Superman and me. I love that couple stalker. We're both dealing with a stalker and so much shit has gone down in the past six months that I've never talked about and I'm ready to talk about it soon.

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You're collecting? Yes, I'm collecting all of the info because there is so much shit that goes into it.

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Perfect emails. My mom has been contacted by the stalker. It gets why his father has been contacting law. So that's great. Just sit tight.

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I don't know who's living a worst nightmare. You were me. My update right now, how do I put it? How do you promise? Because it's kind of like does not make any fucking sense. It's really hard for me to explain it and I'm going to try to do it as best I can. We need a diagram. Here we go. You all know the Canadian a guy I'm fucking talking to regularly. He sent me a photo. There's three men in the photo.

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I am talking to all three of those men. How do they all know each other? How are they all hanging out? Why are they quarantining together? I have no fucking idea. Yes. I just want you all to picture yourself. What I'm trying to say is three of my side home side hoes are all hanging, all hanging out.

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How does that happen? Let's take a moment of silence. Picture yourself. You get a picture and three men that you are talking to that you didn't even know knew each other existed. You are fucking together. Yeah. Step one. That's the picture I got. Then it gets worse and they start group face timing me together all night, all all together.

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It's just a big happy fucking party. And I'm like the laws of physics. It doesn't fucking make sense. It doesn't. It kind of makes you seem like a whore like my guys are you fucking. But they all live. They all live in different parts. No I know. But for some reason during quarantine. OK, two of them have the same profession. Right. The third one is such a fucking outlier. It doesn't make sense. It makes no sense.

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But it is what it is. But and that's your reality.

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So I have to live in that. I have to live in that every day.

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How does Alex proceed? We don't know. Yeah, I just they keep faith. Timimi. I keep answering. Right. I'm I'm being nice and I'm laughing. Cheering I don't know what to do. Right. So we're taking it day by day. You're like, are they discussing my pussy? Right. Because one of them is fucked. One of me one of them has fucked me. The other two I have actually not even met. I'm in the beginning stages of talking to them.

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We're going to go ahead and put that shit on hold. Right. I'm so aware that I can't be texting all of them while they're quarantined in the same house. No taking with the Canadian. Obviously, it may shift when quarantine's over. But for now, for now. If you were texting all three of them, they are sitting down at the table and comparing tags. Oh, did Alex send you the heart emoji and the fucking square emoji, which.

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Yeah, also I am single and I can do whatever the fuck I want. I got to play the strategically so I don't kill off two men that I have even fucking met. Yeah, right.

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So that's only this. What happened to you. That's all I got to say. Thank you Sofia.

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On the topic of FaceTime, because I feel like during Korona a lot of face time has been going on.

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Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Up your data plans. If you don't have Wi-Fi, ramp it the fuck up. Yeah.

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The amount of men currently FaceTime me. Oh is quite an unbelievable, remarkable to say that the world I literally that sounded very conceited.

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But let me explain because it has literally nothing to do with what I'm doing. I'm not doing anything special over here. There are no sports. There is a lock down. Men are breaking by the motherfucking minute and all of a sudden bitches are getting text back from men that they have not heard from in a fucking year right here. Right coming out of the goddamn woodwork. Beautiful to see. Yes. It's like men are yearning for a woman's touch, and since they can't get it, they're doing the next best thing, which is FaceTime.

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So FaceTime. Yeah. And we wanted to talk about it because face timing can be a little bit nerve racking, guys. It can be really nerve racking, especially if you if it's like. One of your first time jobs timing a guy, so like, can I just give an example? Yeah, I remember and I was talking to this guy, you know who it is, and we would FaceTime.

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And every single time we would face time, I would set up my phone like at an angle where I looked hot and I would not fucking would if it was it was like I was paralyzed and I was like, oh, my God, if you move your face a little to the right, you look like a fucking God.

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You look don't keep it there. And he called me out on it at the end of the face time. He was like, does your neck hurt or something? Like you haven't even moved. So I understand that it's nerve racking.

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OK, so just what did you say? I was like, oh, my God, what are you doing? I probably just click. And sometimes you're like, what? So no face time. It can be really hard. And I remember we were talking about this the other day because I'm talking to this guy who lives in L.A. and we've been Keat. We keep saying, let's have a face time date, let's have a face time date. And naturally, I he's never seen me on FaceTime.

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So you want to look good, but you don't want to look like you just got ready for a date.

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And we talk about that because if you go to face time a guy and you have a full face of makeup, I'm talking fake eyelashes, eye shadow, a smoky eye liner to the nose.

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You look like a weirdo. You look. And especially during Corona. Yes. Why do you have makeup on? Yes. Like first place you look like you're insecure about the way you look and you're trying way too hard. So I think if you guys can maybe go light, you got to do the no makeup makeup can't wear the fuck out of your face mascara.

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But don't for a second make it look like you put me.

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Yeah, we don't need a lot of everything. Draw your face on, but don't let them know you drew it on type of shit, huh.

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Guys, it's it's. Yeah it's hard. Yeah. I think that, I think that maybe going light on the mascara is the way to go and maybe the eyebrows go light on the floor and. Yeah. So minimal. And then it's like all right. I was trying to figure out do I show tits, do I do minimal tits. Do I do a fucking hoodie. Like what is your first face time. Go to I think the first face time.

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You can't show cleavage. I agree. The first one is really setting the precedent for all the other. Yeah. It's like, are you a whore, are you not. And you can absolutely be a whore but you don't want a full blown let them know whore. Right. Not a first. Right.

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It's honestly kind of like dating in person.

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It is on the first date with a guy you don't want to just, you know, be showing your ass why you're showing up little tassels on your nipples.

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Yes, it's kind of similar. I don't think any girl goes on a first date like that.

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But here's one of my biggest FaceTime tips. When you're talking to like a new guy or a new girl, my strategy is to always have an out, which I mean by that. Like when I get on the FaceTime, I make sure he kind of knows, like, oh, I got to go do something in a life which I like. Very curious. What is your. Oh, during Corona I'm like the laundry is buzz. Buzz gotta go.

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Like do you just hear the dishwasher. Gotta go literally. Korona It's making it a little bit harder but normal face time. I'm always like OK, like I got to go like I'm going to eat with my friends or something. But in Corona time could a all that time in Corona time, I think it can be good where you can say like oh shit. Like I have to get on a phone call for work or something. Yes. You could say like shit.

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Sorry. My roommate. Yeah. I mean she needs me. I gotta go. Yeah. Yeah.

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If it's at night you can just be like OK my friend is actually waiting, we're going to play a board game. Yeah. Like we're going to drink wine. Like I'll text you always having an out because I think that there's this weird thing of like when the fuck does convo and it's awkward. It's awkward.

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Another tip that I have is like this is going to sound so over the top, but try it out like look at yourself in your phone and be like, does the lighting in my bedroom make me look, like, horrifying while you've been gone? Yes, I've been in your room. I've been on the balcony. I've been laying on the couch, on the floor, on the bar stools, on the chairs, in my bed, in the back.

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You never know. You set up a ring like now's the time to buy a ring. No, like straight out. But I, I agree with you. If you I think every girl does, but like practice your best lighting and fire not lighting so that you can look bomb and confident when you get on the face time totally. Maybe go as far as fucking like face timing your friend first. Yeah. And asking them like how do I.

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Yeah.

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And another one that I just thought of, it sounds kind of stupid, but maybe you want to not start the face time, like sitting at like an office desk and just be like, Hello Bradley. Hello Brad. How are you today? Like, maybe, maybe with you answer face time or face time, bam, be walking around like pretend to turn the TV.

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I have light music playing in the background. I like, you know, how you're so right.

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Like, how awkward when you call someone and then like it looks like you've been planning for the first time your whole life, you know what I mean? There's a candle burning, a glass of wine and like that stop. And you're like, Hello, Brad. Yeah. And it looks like a little like it looks like when you're going for like an online interview. Yeah. Like let's knock it off. And because I'm a little perciasepe. Yeah.

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If I'm feeling like the face time is awkward and there's like an awkward silence, sometimes I will literally put them on par.

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Oh. And I'll be, I'll just be like, oh my gosh, sorry.

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Like my roommate just texted OK. And then I'll come back to the face. That's actually a really good point.

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You bring up the thing about face time, especially if you don't really know the person and you're not like fully comfortable with them. Yeah. Is that when you are in person on a date, there can be awkward pauses. Right. You pick up your drink, you look at them.

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Menu is weird. Yeah. Like you can people watch like you can comment on the people around you on FaceTime. It is you and me Bruno and we're in this and if there is an awkward pause, it can be really fun. So awkward because it's rude in your face timing and you're doing other shit. Yeah. Yeah.

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You know, so I actually think that sometimes, like you and I have done it with the early stages of the Canadian, but like when he would FaceTime me, I would always kind of like walk out and hang out around. So yeah. And she would come on for a second. Yeah. She would like incorporate and then he would be like, wait, Sofia's hotter. Like I want to fuck Sofia.

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Right. And then I had to grab her phone and be like, here's my clit, the whole thing, like keep them interested in any way you can guys like who are your friends now. But no. Yeah I mean FaceTime is awkward but during this time all I can say is the amount of FaceTime I'm doing.

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It's so fucking next level because of Korona. Like we literally you can hit someone up and be like, hey, what do you do?

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Where are you quarantining? What are you doing? Yes. Like, what are you doing right now? Face it's like speed data. You just get on, you get off, you get on, you get off and you hop in, you hop out and there's no loyalty anymore. Right. Wow. So you know how well everyone get excited.

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Get ready. FaceTime is the way you do is the Romanoff's do fuck and fuck them good.

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[00:23:27]

So I was reading listener questions from the daddy gang guy and there is something happening and it's not Corona. Oh, but it has to do with Corona. I love it. The amount of girls writing in saying that they have been laid off from their jobs and because they can't obviously go out and try to get another job, they have to make some type of income from home. There is about to be a surge in sugar babies.

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Oh, like so many girls were writing in and saying, I'm getting on seeking arrangements, I'm doing this, blah, blah. And so there's always seeking arrangement.

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Oh, the old J bill. The ogee seeking arrangements.

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Again, not an app, it's a website. It's a place for sugar daddies and sugar babies to me, as in arrangement of mangement.

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GADHIA Oh good one. Obeah So everybody that is joining needs to be verified. Before that they can make a profile, meaning that you have to submit a photo I.D. to make sure that you're not like a scam artist. Right. Obviously though, once you get accepted girls, you don't need to like freak the fuck out, you can use a fake name. So it's not like your ideas on your profile.

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I've had a lot of friends make profiles on their my. Aha. So, guys, Alex does a little story time for us.

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Oh, but before we get in time, I've had other friends do it and they have told me that a lot of guys are full of shit. You have to be careful. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the sugar daddies have to put their networth right. And there's like no way to really verify that. Right. You know what? So it's kind of like a lot of trial and error.

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There's like a few hobos that you got to, like, weed out, you know, before you get, like, the millionaire.

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Right. And then I have a few quick tips for girls making profiles. Don't put your face in these pictures. Oh, a lot of girls literally do like neck down nudes and. Well, you know, that's the only thing guys care about.

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So they don't even go fuck. They don't even do the makeup. Just fucking neck down, honey. Yeah. So, yeah, I think it's good to protect yourself. Don't put your face in the pictures because at the end of the day, if you just show your body, then you're good. And I think that listen, at the end of the day, every girl's dream would to be to find some guy that's willing to shell out thousands of dollars for pics.

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I think that's the easiest fucking route.

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That's really every girl's dream at the end of the day is really just the gold chain. Laro up FT pics, Shulem.

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No, but I agree with you. I think for every girl, it's like the less she can do for the most amount of money. That is it. Yeah.

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So I think that if you put in your bio beautiful pedicured fit, beautifully curated twinkletoes search for you are four days Pagliaro Bunyan's and just all around a good time. So what you like literally about your toes.

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And so obviously the feet pictures. And then as I've been doing more research about this, the whole financial dominance thing is also something that, like every girl's dream. Explain what financial fandom situation. Yes.

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And it is so fucking common. I don't really get the allure. But I remember a guy got my email.

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I have no idea how you remember that. I remember I remember also how because of you, the fucking moron. And for like a couple of days, Sophia's email was like literally full blown on Instagram with her, also her phone number.

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So just like I was wondering, I was what I was getting, like so many e-mails and random times, like Sophia, your shit. Oh, my God. All over the world. Yes. Well, now it's hidden, so don't even try.

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This guy got my email because I had it posted for the world and he started emailing me and he was like pretty much asking me to treat him like shit. And I didn't understand. This is what I was like, young and naive. And I was like, wait, why? And what? And he was like, I remember he kept saying, send me your Amazon wish list is such a big one. He was like, send your wish list, treat me like shit and make me buy it and send it to you.

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This seems Santa, you really use it to buy me gifts. Dude, it's true. It's like what? Why, right. And here's a little vocab for you guys.

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These men who want to be dominated, they're called paper bags. Yeah. Hey, pay. The guys are called paper bags.

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And what are you you're a farmer. Oh, well, I was going to say, what is the equivalent of, like, a baby pig.

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A pig lingling. No, I know you'll be a farmer. Yeah, you're the farmer with the fuck. And there you can you fucking OK.

[00:28:49]

That was like the worst analogy I like. OK, so they're pigs. Yes. OK, so we put on call her daddy because we were like I feel like obviously the daddy game probably has like mad stories. Tell us about their experiences and some of this shit is fucking wild. Alex is going to read us some shit. Yeah. So this girl wrote and she said.

[00:29:09]

Oh, my fucking God. Where do you start with the sugar daddy stories? So basically I went to college in a Buji as part of SoCal. Right. Me being a hashtag girl who was couch hopping decided to go on seeking arrangements. So I was filtering through these dudes and I came across a message that says, I'm not interested in sex, I just want companionship.

[00:29:33]

But I being available. There you go, girl. She says, OK, cool. I share my location with a friend and I head out anyways. I go to his place and I figure out why he doesn't want sex. He has a choking fetish. This man, dead ass, paid me one hundred dollars for 30 minutes of stepping on his neck. 500 if I made him pass out and one K if I broke his Adam's apple. What do I look?

[00:30:10]

Why? There's no way.

[00:30:11]

But like there is the like low key. Would you do it one cage just like all that fucking shit.

[00:30:17]

It's OK to be on it. You would and that's fine. And I respect you for that.

[00:30:22]

I would curbstone I would curb stomped out bitch. No. Right. Want you to just fucking pop that shit. I stepping on his throat for a hundred bucks for thirty minutes stepping on the throat just to break his Adam's apple and potentially kill him. I would be like I need to know because literally what do you do. You just stand there while he's screaming you like pop your iPods in listening to some fucking music. Oh, boy.

[00:30:48]

If you had to drive him to the hospital because you want to just let him bleed out and die on the floor, what the fuck do you say?

[00:30:55]

I found him on the side of the road. Someone curbstone him. I don't know what's going on. No do that is like fucking awkward, but also amazing.

[00:31:03]

Good for you girl. For like getting that cash because she ended up saying that I literally paid her bills. Wow. That's some amazing shit. Like maybe it's an awkward for a second. I like where the combat boots over there. Right, right. Right.

[00:31:15]

And maybe if you want to spice it up next time, like bring those stilettos really show that Adam's apple juice. OK, ok, hang on.

[00:31:23]

But the other people that were writing in, I mean we got so many different comments. If you guys want us to read more, we can on another episode. But this person was talking about how she was in a situation. It was a financial dominant situation and the guy loved her to humiliate him in private and in public. And she would straight up put him on a leash and walking around and walking around like a dog and go to the ATM and make him take out cash and then slap him with the cash.

[00:31:54]

Like, you can't make this shit up.

[00:31:55]

She's walking him in public, in public. Please let me tell you the most outrageous part of all of these from the beginning that I thought was the most. Well, no. Yeah, obviously, that's very interesting. What I just said. One of the craziest parts of most of the Dems that I got was that a lot of these men are well known.

[00:32:16]

Men are like, hi, I remember that, like, this one girl was like, do this guy is a VP of a pharmaceutical company.

[00:32:23]

And like, pretty well known, the one girl, the one girl who wrote in.

[00:32:27]

Let me just take over. Here she comes.

[00:32:30]

This girl wrote in and I was shocked that she even included the man's name to this guy, Daddy Gang. I want to say his name so fucking badly because he legitimately is one of the richest men in the world, literally not Jeff Bezos, but in the same crew. Yes. Like these. He's been on Bezos is your type is. Yes. And we were going to say his name because we're because that little reckless right. Kind of loud side.

[00:32:55]

And we asked a few people and they were like, you girls are fucking dumb. I thought you were done before and now you're really dumb. This guy will come after you and you will have to enter the witness protection program.

[00:33:07]

We're like we're like, well, we make it so much better. Do you understand? Like saying his name will elevate it like no one on the charts. Come on. They're like, yeah, that's fine. And then your life is ruined. All of a sudden we like put his name in here like we're never seen again.

[00:33:21]

The first name rhymes with schmeer. Oh, okay, good. So marry.

[00:33:25]

Yeah. But anyways, it was actually also kind of like a crazy story because the girl didn't believe it was going to be him and he showed up and it was him and he's literally in his 70s and this girl is nineteen years old just like that with you on your journey.

[00:33:41]

Moment of silence. Yeah. He's, he has some issues. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just put it up but good for her. She may be mo money. Mo problems. I swear to God the rich or the guy like the weirder kinky shit he want. Yeah. We've been telling you.

[00:33:55]

OK, moving on. There's someone who has a story of their. Oh I remember it like it was yesterday guys.

[00:34:04]

OK, our very own Alex guys.

[00:34:07]

I was there when you got laid off from your job. Yes, yes, so Alex was a little desperado. I was like, I want fucking cash and I want cash quick. Yup. I was sitting with Sofia. I remember it very fondly.

[00:34:21]

We were sitting and I was like, Dude, you have so many friends I feel like that have been on seeking arrangements like, should I get on it? You were like, absolutely got that cash because I was the voice of reason and I really pushed for her to make the.

[00:34:34]

But we actually had like a lot of fucking so far so fun. Like coming up with a profile like coming up with my name. Yeah. I use the word. Like like the name. Oh yeah. Was it Alexis or Blake. I think I remember I remember you turning to me and being like, what do I look like?

[00:34:51]

What I mean, I'm like, you could literally say your name was like fucking Candia hands in Kansas. But I think I went with Blake, so I got on seeking arrangements.

[00:35:04]

This is big. You know how many girls would not admit that they got on there? I know. I don't give a fuck. I'm begging, Carrie, OK, so I get on seeking arrangements. I've never been on the app. I had not really heard about it until Sofia.

[00:35:19]

You brought it up. So I'm like, OK, great.

[00:35:22]

So I'm perusing around and I have like, Randle's messaging me.

[00:35:26]

And it's weird because I'm pretty sure I had to give, like, my phone number to transition off of it.

[00:35:32]

And I didn't want to do that, but I did anyway.

[00:35:36]

I remember guys, this literally sounded like this, like he was in his 90s.

[00:35:46]

OK, so this guy I will never forget, this guy messaged me and he was like, I do not want anything sexual. I'm looking for companionship.

[00:35:53]

And you're like, I thought about him buying about a boutique here. I can watch Gossip Girl and this old dude. I'm so fucking mutely. Let's go, Harry.

[00:36:02]

Yes.

[00:36:03]

So Harry calls me and he is, I think, pretty much sounded like he sounded like he was in a hospital.

[00:36:15]

He Christian, you call it normal. And I get a call from him.

[00:36:18]

I start screaming. I run into Sophia's room. I'm like, holy fuck, he's calling me.

[00:36:22]

What does this dude this motherfucker had to have been pushing eighty like, oh, sorry, I'm pushing eighty.

[00:36:30]

I'm going to be pushing ninety literally to conk out at any moment.

[00:36:35]

So he's like, Hi Blake. Like I love the sound of your voice was I remember you.

[00:36:40]

I love how it's pretty much like I recount he I remember him saying he wanted to take care of you. And this is another tip. Yeah.

[00:36:48]

These types of men love when girls play it off like they're just trying to get a good education. Yeah. And like just need a little help like getting their diploma. Yeah.

[00:37:01]

I was like I'm living in New York and it's really hard and like I'm a college student and he got his dick hard when you said I literally started masturbating on the phone. Yeah. So he starts being like, listen, like this is this is going to be agree like, you know, companionship. And like, I would love to talk. You're like, yeah, but like buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.

[00:37:25]

So it was kind of a strange arrangement. I'm pretty sure I'm I'm actually pretty sure he had told me that he wanted to mentor me.

[00:37:35]

OK, that is such an old person. Fuck.

[00:37:40]

You could say that one of your mentors like mentorship program. Yeah. I'm like, oh but like you pay me I don't pay you for that program. No, but he the point is also like he didn't, he didn't want anything sexual. No shit, he didn't want anything sexual like his dick has not worked for the last seven years. You really can't even get it up. If he tried ten Viagra's and it's like a little baby like his dick has not worked since he fucking got a Purple Heart in the Vietnam War.

[00:38:12]

Like this guy was old. I don't know if he was 90 years old, but he was pushing, he was pushing, he was pushing towards the light. And he and I felt I felt comforted by knowing that I felt good, knowing that like he couldn't do anything right.

[00:38:29]

So that was like not an issue. But then I remember him being like, well, I actually have like an apartment in New York and I would love for you to just come over. Right. And you're like me and I'm like me going over to my grandpa's house to warm embrace my grandpa or my grandpa. Hold my grandpa. I don't think so. I, I feel like he's like, honey, I just need a sponge bath.

[00:38:56]

I need to get over here. I'm like, Gramps, do you would like that would be one instance, Bill, that I would feel perfectly safe with you going over there. Like if you guys got in a wrestling match, you like getting in a wrestling match, you can't move a limb to this guy's literally bed ridden. I show up is like a nurse and I go sit in just like we hold hands, like, yo, you could steal this guy's fucking walker deal.

[00:39:26]

I, I don't walk out. You could have hit his walker and stole his wallet and just been like these hairy dude, I'm not kidding. Guys, guys, this guy really is about to crow.

[00:39:42]

So one of the cutest things he actually offered me during our two days of speaking was he was like, and listen, if you have a car in the city, I have a car spot in two years.

[00:39:59]

I have a parking spot in a lot that you could use.

[00:40:04]

I'm like, Henry, Henry, you're out here. So what? Oh, my God. I got I mean, to be fair, a parking spot in New York is like an expensive car right here. You don't have a car like you want to buy me one, right? So that was that. And then I ended up just blocking him because I was like getting grossed out with how old he was and the whole sponge bath. I'm like, oh, Harry.

[00:40:26]

Harry almost wanted too much involved. He did like he was the type that was like, let's talk for four hours on the phone. And I wouldn't get off like at times. I'm pretty sure I made you speak at one. I think the difference between I think you did make me on the phone and I was like, listen here. And you're like, Harry, just fucking baby. You're not going to Venmo me. Now, companionship has to take a seat.

[00:40:51]

OK, terminated. So that was like my first experience and I was like, well, this is off to a all right, Harry. There's no way he's still he's been with us for no.

[00:41:01]

No. Bless his soul and his little heart. No, no, no. So that was my first experience on seeking arrangements.

[00:41:09]

Round of applause. What a kick off what. Harry, I will always remember you broke in. I really got you. I got started. I also think Harry kind of scared you a little bit.

[00:41:23]

Then you got way younger with the guy.

[00:41:27]

I guys, we're not going to talk about on this episode. I'm going to tell my full seeking arrangement story when the trail is revealed because, yeah, then I was like, I'm not fucking around and talking to these nine year old.

[00:41:41]

I don't need a companion. I want fucking cash and I want it quick. And so I'm going to tell you guys, because there's a situation and I did meet up with the guy and Sophia did come.

[00:41:53]

So I escorted her seeking arrangements and she was there and a lot of shit went down. So that's an exciting story. We're excited to tell you guys. Yeah, but I was like, that was fun. There's something really special about staying at home and it's playing at home.

[00:42:08]

And when I say playing, I mean playing with yourself, playing with yourself, but more importantly, playing with yourself, featuring your toys, featuring Adam and Eve, Adam and Eve bitches.

[00:42:19]

All right. You're going to take advantage of the downtime. We're all fucking stuck inside. You guys can choose almost any one item and it's going to be 50 percent off on Adam and Eve Dotcom. Plus, when you guys order off Adam and Eve, you're going to get ten free boredom busting gifts. OK, six movies, three piece bonus kit, plus all of this is free shipping and it will be delivered discreetly right to your door. Yeah, I think the discretely is a huge point.

[00:42:46]

Yeah, I know a lot of people are at home right now and you're freaking the fuck out that your mom or dad is going to see like an Adam and Eve package. No, you're good. It's just. Yeah. So guys, you're going to use offer code. Her daddy, that's her daddy at checkout. They also have thousands of products. So you guys can, like, really shop around and pick what you want, maybe try a couple of things.

[00:43:07]

So guys go to Adam and Eve Dotcom and use her daddy's. OK, let's talk about sex.

[00:43:14]

Finally, I'm like I'm like, what are we doing, dude?

[00:43:18]

Quarantine is like making me horny. Like, I feel like I have cabin fever.

[00:43:23]

I feel like I wanna have sex more than I've ever wanted to have sex. It's like a weird time because you have all the time in the world. But it is kind of funny the hugging people buy because listen, I'm you're going in occasionally trying to see suit man, but you're not quarantined with him. And all the guys that I'm talking to, I'm not obviously with there are so many people that are driving us being like I actually thought that, like my girlfriend was the love of my life.

[00:43:52]

We were going to get married and I now I still need her. Yeah.

[00:43:55]

And it's like, holy shit, people being quarantined together. I thought for a minute that I wanted to be quarantine was Slim Shady. And now I'm like, blessings on blessing. Yeah, we're just doing FaceTime times. Yeah. Because, my God, I totally get you're going to get so sick of people. Yeah. Anyways, so Sjaak so Alex and I, we had all these ideas and we were like these sex moves are so good that people are going to want to leave their house and not practice social distancing and hop on the deck.

[00:44:25]

And we don't want to do that. We want to give you guys a tip that you can do from the comfort of your. Home quarantine, Ed.. Yes, because we're always thinking outside the box here, so let's just say you're in the middle of sexting, OK? OK, everyone envisioned you're sexting your guy or your girl. You're in your Neurontin pants, you're in quarantine. Get up. You look terrible, but you're spazzing. And you sent him nudes before and you want to spice it up.

[00:44:52]

Yeah. Or you haven't sent him nude. Yeah. You want to just it. OK, so we're not all whores over here, OK? You can be sending a voice memo.

[00:45:04]

It sounds kind of strange, but it really is so underrated.

[00:45:09]

So the way that let me give an example, because people are like, what do you mean a voice like, hey, what's up, babe?

[00:45:15]

I'm horny debater.

[00:45:17]

If you're in the middle of sexting and you guys are getting to the point where it's been established, he's winking in. You're touching yourself. Mm hmm. Out of nowhere, you can send him a voice memo and you could in your sexy voice. I can't emphasize that enough. Yeah, you can say something like, oh, my God, I'm touching myself right now and I'm getting so fucking wet. I think I'm going to come soon. Boom, something like that.

[00:45:47]

Something that was a rough that was a rough draft. That was a rough draft of what I actually said.

[00:45:53]

So the point, though, is this man is sitting on his couch and he has a voice memo from you and he misses play and he hears you saying, oh, my God, baby, I'm so I'm sorry any man is going to freak the fuck out. That is so fucking hot. Again, emphasis on the sexy voice. That's that's the key. And you could even throw in like a slight moan. Yeah. You could say, oh, my God, my fingers are going all the way and oh my God, like, I'm so horny, babe.

[00:46:26]

I can't believe I just you get the idea. So the point is and I want to specify to you laid out the scene of that they're sexting. I'm going to go ahead and say that you guys can do this also when you're not sexting your partner. Yeah. Catch them off guard. Catch them off guard. Little morning audio message to your man. OK, you're going to wake up and you he has no idea you're going to even hit him with it.

[00:46:53]

And you're going to be like, oh, my gosh, babe, I woke up so horny this morning I had to touch myself. I'm so wet right now thinking about blah, blah, blah, your Hardtalk, whatever. Right. Go hame one.

[00:47:04]

I'm telling you, no bitches are doing this, you know, because they're not going to stand out. And that's been something I think a lot of people have anxiety about right now. You can't see your hookup, buddy. How do I stand out this fucking voice memo. You guys just waking up and sending him a fucking voice memo saying you're so fucking insane and your voice just sounds like you are a little sex and its breath, the moaning, it's you're horny, you're wet, like you're giving him the details.

[00:47:33]

And he's going to be like, what the fuck? Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[00:47:37]

We underestimate the power of our voice. Do we like a metaphor for a bigger thing?

[00:47:44]

We I am now just. Yeah. A woman's voice.

[00:47:49]

God can get a guy heart. Oh, so hard. Can we discuss just quickly, Azamara. Yes.

[00:47:55]

We're not really going to get into it, but the whole Asmar porn phase is really ramping up. It's I've talked to men about this and they're one of my friends that the guy. Yeah. He said that he will watch some erotica and that's how he'll get off.

[00:48:13]

Dude, we we need to talk about Asmar maybe next week because I was visiting Slim Shady and I wanted to see if he would got turned on by it. So I got on PornHub, I pulled up a video of this girl doing Azamara Erotica.

[00:48:29]

And as we were laying there listening to her and watching her, I felt my underwear move to the side.

[00:48:39]

It was a ghost. What do you mean you felt your own the most? My underwear slid to the side. What do you know?

[00:48:50]

So, so slim.

[00:48:54]

Slim Shady was getting turned on and he started fingering me. OK, not a ghost. Slim Shady was getting turned on. He starts fingering me. One thing led to another with the Asmaa playing. We started having sex and while and it kept playing on the bed.

[00:49:12]

The sex was so fucking good. You guys, as I think having that Azamara elevated the whole experience. I mean, imagine hearing the moaning and this girl saying slutty things and making like the smacking sex noises into a microphone. I could tell it surprised him. It was like turning him on. It turned me on. Right. I was doing the fuck out of I logi. He would be jealous.

[00:49:34]

And I'd be like, you just want to, like, watch her. But of course your mind goes right. No, Soha, I'm kidding. I could totally see that like a man could not get away with it.

[00:49:45]

Men don't even fucking try to send a fucking voice message to your girl. Please don't.

[00:49:53]

Can you imagine Rebecca. Good morning, morning, Woodforde days woke up with the biggest hard on no, no shit, Johnny, we already know that you're fucking hard 24/7. Rebecca doesn't need a fuckin voice memo to remind her. Yes, this only works with girl. No. And when we say voice memos, what we mean is the voice text message option that you can send on an iPhone where you hold down the recording button and then slide up to send.

[00:50:21]

Mm hmm.

[00:50:22]

I mean, you're welcome. We got to get creative. We do. And I think that's like one of the most creative things. Also, I do want to bring up because I was listening to one of our episodes and I forgot about how underrated this is, too.

[00:50:33]

If you guys aren't using if you have an iPhone, sorry for all the fucking losers with galaxies. I'm just kidding.

[00:50:40]

But if you are not using the invisible ink yet feature in your text messages when you're sexting and texting your significant other your partner, you're missing out. Yeah, I always forget to use this feature again. Guys, if you don't know what the invisible ink thing is, it's a feature that sends your text message completely blurred up and you have to press on the message to reveal what they're saying.

[00:51:09]

You can also do invisible ink on pictures and videos, which I learned the hard way.

[00:51:15]

I was.

[00:51:16]

I was sexting Superman and he was working like he was like with his colleague. And I sent him a video and I forgot to put invisible ink. And he literally wrote back. He was like, invisible ink.

[00:51:31]

Next time, please give me Alwi. But that's amazing that that means that you guys use it so much that. Yeah, that when you get an invisible ink, they know it's actual, it's practical and it's exciting.

[00:51:44]

Like when you got that invisible ink, you know, they're getting nice. You know, it's about to be doing so. You guys. Oh, guys, Laurentine does not stop this next game. It should only heighten it and like, maybe make you guys almost closer because you're going to try new shows.

[00:51:58]

Yes. You're going to need at least seven go to outfits for when this Corona's shit is over, because you're going to be going out back to back to back. And I know a lot of people listening do not have personal stylist. And that's why you need stitch guys. Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service that delivers your favorite clothing, shoes and accessories directly to you. They have really well-known brands that you love and exclusive sales that you won't find anywhere.

[00:52:24]

Also, your personal stylist is going to talk to you about what your style is, and they're going to pick handpicked items, put them in a box, shipped them to you, and then you keep whatever you like and send back what you don't like. There's no subscription required. Also, you can pick between automatic shipments or only getting new pieces on demand. Shipping exchanges and returns are always free. Plus, the twenty dollars filing fee is automatically applied towards anything you keep from your box.

[00:52:51]

And they have solutions for women, men and kids all over the U.S. and now the UK. Yeah, guys, I know a lot of men have written and been like, oh shit, thank you so much. That was actually really helpful. And women also and Sophia and I are thankful for that. So you're going to go to stitch, fix dotcom slash daddy and you're going to get an extra twenty five percent off when you keep everything in your box.

[00:53:12]

Again, that is stitch fix dot com slash daddy. Wow. Korona What a time, what a time to be alive. I want yours. I think that another time to be alive is when we enter a little region. A little region.

[00:53:32]

I like to call a guy who is sure the questions of the mob of black and white live on the like questions of the week.

[00:53:49]

OK, guys, this is exciting. Look for you. The questions of the week.

[00:53:55]

OK, I literally thought, oh, my God, you forgot about questions, bitch. This is a story time. So this girl wrote in and said, I used to sneak this guy into my basement to hook up in high school.

[00:54:11]

My older brother was always home. So instead of letting him go upstairs to pee and expose my top secret mission, I would make him pee in a water bottle and then hide it in the storage closet. One day my mom was going to take Christmas decorations out and came a good two centimeters from kicking the bottle of pee every day.

[00:54:36]

I wonder how I would have explained a bottle of pee in the basement. Oh, I thought I was going to say there's like multiple bottles of. Well, I think there might be. But she said every day I wonder how I would have explained a bottle of pee in the basement.

[00:54:49]

I want to applaud this girl. So good. It's so good. And I'm trying to think of. The lengths I've gone to to like, oh, hi, my pickups, but I also just want to point out once, why can't you just take the bottle of pee to the bathroom with you? Yeah. Why doesn't she like our. Is your brother, like, on high alert and just watching you at all times? When you come up from the basement, he's like, what's in the hands, right?

[00:55:16]

Show the hands. Show the body. Is that hands up, legs up? No, literally, no. I think that maybe like you were so brilliant up until the point, really, you could have gone down. He's gone and quickly grabbed it and shoved it down your pants and then like, poured it out somewhere. Yes. Or even poured it out your window or something. I guess maybe this girl was sneaking him in so frequently and there were like thirty boys, like, too much.

[00:55:43]

It was like a full blown case of Poland Spring at that point, all yellow. And it's like, whoa.

[00:55:47]

Also, you know what you need to do, instruct the bitch boy to pee before he enters the house. Fucking wrap it up, get it done and then come home. You're allowed to urinate and then come in through the window.

[00:56:00]

OK, and some rules in place when you're in high school, you think you're brilliant. Oh, my God. And you're not the amount of times I snuck out and left the window wide.

[00:56:10]

Oh, my heart. I have my my dad's credit card. Yeah. I this is like pretty fucking pathetic. My bedroom in my house goes down to our like patio deck thing. Oh my God. You ordered a row. I bought one of those ladders that you could throw out your window and I literally plan to escape multiple nights. And my dad was like, hi, I just saw that I bought a rope ladder. So, like, you fucking moron, I like I'm going to put up Christmas lights.

[00:56:41]

I'm like, Dad. So you do shit when you're younger and you're like, Yeah, wow. How would you explain that?

[00:56:50]

I would be like I had the worst UTI, I couldn't even make it to the bathroom, I literally was actually not that bad or literally just like I have no fucking idea.

[00:57:00]

Yeah. And then you blame on your brother. Yeah. And I are. George. Yeah. Oh, I have one that is for normal life.

[00:57:10]

But you can also do this in Corona time.

[00:57:13]

OK, ready. Yes. Hi Daddy. I just wanted to share a trick to make your man feel insecure. Oh, I love it.

[00:57:23]

We love that. OK. Order flowers to be delivered to your house to work. So house right now because Corona right in the no like for someone special or something flirty act super grateful like oh my God babe, thank you so much. You're the sweetest. And then he's going to get confused and insecure because he obviously didn't send you the flowers and he's going to think some other guy must have wow, this is like make them insecure. One 101 one.

[00:57:54]

Women have been doing this for centuries. This is so good. During Korona time, if I fucking send myself flowers and I send a little pick. Yeah. The Canadian ursu man. Yeah. I'm like, babe, you shouldn't have. He's going to be like I did in. Right. What's your address. Yes, I know it's about Baker. OK, yeah. I think that's like pretty fucking brilliant it guy spice it up with a little fucking thing.

[00:58:22]

We like to call in security in quarantine. OK.

[00:58:27]

So this person wrote in, and I know we've talked about this before, but I feel like I had a lot of girls recently writing this in. So Sofia, this relates to both of us. Hey, fathers, I am a junior in college. Talking to a 27 year old law student.

[00:58:44]

Is a six year age gap too big of a gap? I think it's too small of me. Me too.

[00:58:53]

I want you to really push your limits and, like, get up there. No. So Sophie and I have both dated older guys. I was in a relationship with a guy that was 13 years older than me. Yeah. I was in one where they were 17 years older.

[00:59:07]

He was 17 years old. And then, yeah, there was someone I dated.

[00:59:10]

And he every time I say that, people are like, oh, so like sugar daddy and oh, no, no. I said, no. You paid for mom. Yes, yes. So I don't know. I think there's a lot of people that are super insecure about dating and the age gap.

[00:59:28]

And I unless you are literally 19 years old, dating a 60 year old. Yes. Or like even a 40 year old. Like, I get it.

[00:59:37]

But when you're in your 20s, once you're in your 20s, you can you can really have the room. Yeah. You can really push that roof high and above.

[00:59:47]

I, I can't believe she's I mean, she's worried about six years.

[00:59:50]

I don't think there's an issue with that at all. And what I do want to say is it's true women mature way faster than men. Yeah. So like when you're dating a 23 year old guy, you're dating someone with the mentality of a 17 year old. No, straight up. So high up, I almost think can be good. I also just want to point out I have never gone out of my way to try to date older me to it's just happened that way.

[01:00:18]

And I think it's partly because when they're in their 20s, they don't want to fucking settle down. Right. Not that that's what I was looking for. But I you end up being in a relationship with a guy that's looking for a relationship. Yeah, that's such a good point. I feel like it's like we we are attracted to guys that are a bit older because, one, they're more mature. But two, yeah, if you wanted something like they're kind of the guys today, you're going to end up being in a relationship with someone that wants to be in a relationship.

[01:00:47]

And a lot of thymine guys in their 20s don't exactly do. Do you remember when we used to live in the 3001? We were like, our mission is to fuck a couple college because they'd be eager to please.

[01:00:58]

But you don't need to like you don't need to get nervous that they are going to think that we'd be in a relationship with them.

[01:01:04]

So, yeah, I don't know. I don't think you should ever be insecure about an age gap unless it's visibly obvious that this man's about to croak out. Yeah, like young and fresh and young. Six years is nothing. Really, really isn't.

[01:01:20]

So you're a good girl, OK? Yeah.

[01:01:23]

Well, this is drama. Take a little sip of that coffee and that memo. So here we go.

[01:01:30]

Whoa. So I dated a guy for two years and I broke up with him because things just weren't working out anymore. We blocked each other on everything and moved on about a month later, drunk at a party. I fucked one of his best friends. My ex doesn't know about this and we agreed to keep it a secret after having some time apart from my ex, I want to get back together with him. I'm afraid his best friend will rat us out to spite me for getting back together with him.

[01:02:01]

Should I get back together with him and tell him that I fucked his best friend, or should I keep it to myself and hope that his friend doesn't rob us out, help me die?

[01:02:09]

Oh, my God. Oh my God. This is so. Oh, I feel so bad. Oh, because it's like they had a drunken hook up.

[01:02:22]

She was broken up. Right.

[01:02:25]

But imagine if you broke up with a guy. Yeah.

[01:02:28]

And then he fucked me and then I'm already I'm getting married and he wanted to get back together with you. I mean, could you ever get over that. I don't think I know. I no, but girls are also different girls and also think guys are almost worse. Different some sometimes because I do.

[01:02:45]

This is a thing and oh, this is fucking hard because men we kind of have talked about in the past, men, if they're just trying to fuck you, they don't care if they're boys have usually up to date you is a complete different topic.

[01:03:02]

And if you have fucked one of their boys, like I've talked about the Canadian about this, he's like, if you fucked one of my really good friends, I hit bottom, but I have fucking.

[01:03:12]

Yeah, yeah. But he's like, if you fucked one of my really good friends, I would be really annoyed and I wouldn't want to date you. So I need to keep that in mind. But but it is different for men. Yeah. There's something about they don't give a fuck if they're fucking around, but the dating thing for them they like. They're precious little cargo. Yeah, so I could see your ex literally never wanting to get back with you because of this, but but you have to tell him.

[01:03:38]

Yeah, because, yeah, there might be a slim chance that he decides to be like she was honest about it and they were drunk. Whatever I'm going like, look past this. There is a chance.

[01:03:50]

Yeah. If you don't tell her you're going to be living in fear, you're going to be living in fear. If the best friend does rat you out so completely, fuck yeah. You're going to be so cut off and you're going to be getting the text of like you're such a fucking whore, you're right here. You're a slut.

[01:04:05]

You're like this or that and like, no, how do you how do you realistically move forward without saying anything?

[01:04:12]

Like, imagine if they like get engaged, like at their wedding. The best friend is like the best man and like has been inside and like, rearrange your God. Right. Yeah, that's what I'm. So there's no win win here. You just got to tell her. You, you. Yeah. Unless you 100 percent knew, without a doubt the friend would take it to the grave. And that's the shitty thing is let's say he does take it to the grave, like you just said, the wedding thing.

[01:04:38]

But like there is a part of me that just doesn't even feel like that would be good for your mental health, because to live in fear and to have that hanging over your head, you would lose your shit. Yeah. You would eventually, I think, end up wanting to tell him just so it's off your chest. So if you want to get back together with him, you have to tell him. Yeah. And then, you know, he may not want to get back together with you, but it would it's better you tell him now than later in the relationship, because I'm telling you, will be ten times better reaction if he finds out that you led him to date you again and failed to bring this up to him.

[01:05:16]

Right.

[01:05:17]

And that's going to completely ruin his relationship with his best friend, actually.

[01:05:21]

Either way, it probably.

[01:05:21]

Yeah, so. Wow. Hey, guys, story time. So the other weekend, my boyfriend was eating me out and I happened to have my phone next to me for some reason while he was eating me out, I got on my phone and looked up lesbian porn. I watched about forty seconds of the two girls eating each other out before I had a crazy good orgasm, after I went to the bathroom to pee and left my phone in his room.

[01:05:49]

And I'm pretty sure he opened up my phone and saw the lesbian girls going down on each other. Do I bring this up to him? Help. Oh, wow, OK, we I'm a little confused how he didn't notice her, right, grabbing her phone, but I mean, I guess I guess sometimes guys really go swimming in there and they get deep in and like they don't make it. Yeah. I mean, we tell men don't make I don't look up, but I feel like I usually every time I'm looking at the guy eating me out, but I, I really do think I could get away with grabbing my phone and looking at porn.

[01:06:23]

That's actually a really good I do think I could get away with it. A I kind of just want to do it because I feel I would have an orgasm. Yeah, I really do think so.

[01:06:35]

But that's not the point. The bride found her phone.

[01:06:39]

OK, I you need to bring it up if you will, if you think he opened the article, you know, but I kind of feel like a part of me is like. It let him be a man and bring it up if he's not going to fucking say that's true. Why the fuck are you? Why? No, I'm not going to bring it up. I got off. I had a good time. If you have an issue with it, bring it up to me.

[01:07:00]

But like, I shouldn't know for sure if he opened the phone and if he did, why the fuck is he saying something?

[01:07:05]

Right. I mean, it is his fault for grabbing your phone.

[01:07:08]

I guess I'm just trying to understand. And I would kind of feel bad. I feel a little bit. Yeah, I loved my five.

[01:07:17]

Some shady would be like I never eating you out again because like, what the fuck. Yeah. What is that about.

[01:07:23]

And you want him to eat you out again.

[01:07:25]

So with that in mind, maybe just bring it up and be like, OK, you opened my phone and then just make a comment and be like the way you eat me out is the biggest turn on.

[01:07:35]

You're so good at it. I had this porn open from like last night when I was watching it, and I just thought it would be kind of fun and hot and I had the best.

[01:07:44]

Or I feel like what I would probably do if I was worried that he was going to get insecure. I may not even bring up the fact that he saw it later in a conversation. I would be like, babe, like I don't know what it has been lately, but like I have been like masturbating to lesbian porn and it's so hot and like, I want you to eat me out and I want to watch it and like, let's watch more porn together and maybe next time you do that and that.

[01:08:09]

Yeah. So that he then is like, oh, because if you kind of explain it then maybe he's going to feel better about it. Guys are weird with some. I was about to say this like they get insecure in in their own head and so you have to be kind of careful. I was out to say I think a lot of guys don't understand that for girls, even if they're straight. Yeah. It's a turn on for them to watch girl on girl.

[01:08:31]

And he might be like, yeah. Am I low key dating a lesbian?

[01:08:35]

No, it's so I'm like shocked right now because of heart of music. I almost like want to do this.

[01:08:40]

Me too. Because I, I really enjoy girl on girl porn like I. Yeah, me too. Sometimes probably more than a humble porn and I think that like that could height in total orgasm, especially girls. If you are masturbating to that kind of porn and then you are able to bring that into the bedroom. Any girls that may have issues coming. Yup. Maybe you should try this out and literally explain him like, oh my God, I want to watch porn.

[01:09:10]

Well, yeah, yeah. Like, I think it will like ten fold, make my orgasm that much stronger, babe. And then he's going to do whatever the fuck you. Right. And then just don't do it every fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then no then he's going to like. So you want a girl eating your pussy right now. Right. That's so good luck.

[01:09:26]

Wow. Maybe bring it up. Yeah.

[01:09:29]

That's fucking good. Woo. Hey Daddy. My husband and I love your podcast and need your help. We've had a threesome before with one of my coworkers but it wasn't planned. We were out of work event and she got a little tipsy and I asked if she could come back to our place and spend the night. Long story short, we really enjoyed it and had a great time. Since then, we've been looking for another girl to have a threesome with and tried going to bars and clubs, like you said, but I haven't had any luck.

[01:09:59]

I downloaded an app called Third or it's the number three are DSR that some couple friends of ours used, but I have no idea what to put in the bio. Any advice on how to find a girl who's down to be with couples? Also, what should I put under info on the dating app.

[01:10:19]

Thank you. We that is like I did not even know that existed and that's so amazing. I didn't know that either.

[01:10:25]

Third or so I think that this guy's question is like he was actually the girl, OK, but the, the fact that she's asking, like I don't know what to put in the bio and stuff, the fact that you're just on the job, everyone, we are a third so you can be blind.

[01:10:43]

Right? It's not like a secret what you're looking for.

[01:10:45]

Right. Right. So if anything, I think that you could be specific. If anything, you could be specific. But I think that what you should do, because the third person that you bring in, sometimes they can be a little bit scary. Right.

[01:11:00]

You're like, I'm about to enter a home of not one, but two people that I've never met. Right. I would put something in the bio that kind of made it more casual, like I would say something about just looking to hang out. And if things if we hit it off, then like we can go from there.

[01:11:19]

I don't know exactly you would find the bio, but well, a part of me is like but again, they're on everyone is on the app to have a threesome. Yeah. So I bet you people are still hesitant. Yeah. So I think you can also just maybe like give a little explanation of like you and your boyfriend. Yeah. I'm like what you like about you guys, that the person feels more comfortable. But this app is pretty fucking brilliant is I, I would almost encourage everyone that's always been asking us like where the fuck do I get a third.

[01:11:47]

Yeah.

[01:11:48]

Yeah. Like. Look, the op up, I've never heard of any two, I want to go out there, OK, this is interesting, Sophia with an F and Alex with an I think you think know I need help. I am juggling two guys, one I am just sleeping with. We'll call him Jay. And then the other one I want to date.

[01:12:10]

We'll call him Ray.

[01:12:12]

Hey, I don't answer Ray, the guy I want to date when I'm with Jay and hooking up and he's starting to get suspicious and I don't know what to say back when he calls me out, Ray, the guy I want to date will also say, like, do you not text me when you're with other guys? Like and he's obviously saying it because he doesn't want me to be seeing this other guy. And I always have to come up with a lie.

[01:12:36]

And I suppose I could get rid of Jay, but the dick is too good and I'm not really sleeping fully with Ray yet. I just want to date him and I know there could be a future. What do you guys think? How do I keep Ray around but still continue to fuck Jay? I remember when I first started fucking Slim Shady again and I was talking to the Canadian right and in the very beginning I would go over to see Slim Shady and the Canadian and I before Slim Shady and I had started talking, would face time every single night, without a doubt.

[01:13:08]

Got it. When Slim Shady came back. Yeah.

[01:13:11]

All of a sudden Alex wasn't around, am I right? For five times. Then it the same situation happened to me when I went and visited the Canadian Slim Shady was like, why aren't you answering my face time. Right, juggling two men. Is it hard work?

[01:13:27]

It is. It really it is hard work.

[01:13:30]

What I have to say is like, this is fucked up, but when you know you're going to be going and hanging out with that guy, yeah, there's two things I would suggest.

[01:13:42]

One is come up with a lie before you get to the hook up with a guy as a reason why you're going to be MIA.

[01:13:50]

Hey, I'm having a girls night boom or to lie and be like my mom came to visit. Like I've said that before, my mom's in the city. I'm going to dinner with her, like, I can't really talk tonight kind of thing. Yeah.

[01:14:02]

Or what you should do is that day, take each time you're texting, take like hours to respond.

[01:14:12]

So it's not that random out of nowhere. Like just say sorry, I've been like super busy today. You can say that the next day but so then he doesn't know like we was it just at night she went missing.

[01:14:23]

It's more like oh the whole day she's been a little distant. Yeah it's hard but I do think you can manage it. Yeah. And I just think that even if you are with Jay.

[01:14:35]

Yeah.

[01:14:35]

You can go into the restroom and do prioritize and just make sure that you like him. Read the time.

[01:14:43]

I actually think that's so true. There's multiple times that I've been with one of them. Yeah. And I and he like goes to get us water and I quickly sounds like a little question or something. So he thinks that I'm right being shady. Yeah. So not that I owe them anything but like it is it does get a little dicey when they know you're like oh you're fucking another dude. They get guys get annoyed territorial. Yeah.

[01:15:06]

And also maybe this is the time to like explore with Ray like OK, well what are we doing. I was just going. Yes. What do I owe you. Big like.

[01:15:16]

Oh well why do you care. Like maybe use this almost to kind of fuel like a progression of the relationship, because I know that that has really been I've almost used my relationships with the others to help fuel, like getting answers from the other ones. Yeah. And and it's a good tactic. It is. You just got to be very strategic.

[01:15:35]

Yeah.

[01:15:37]

Oh I remember those days juggling. Oh it's hard but it's fun. It is very fun. It is.

[01:15:44]

OK Daddy. Daddy's on the trail. That trail the trail is going to be taken off paths soon.

[01:15:54]

We're going to keep chugging. There's going to be a finale to the trail. Yes. And we want you all to just get excited because I think there are some people freaking out with it. Just tell me.

[01:16:03]

Oh, my God. Is it really. What is it? Oh, it's just the beginning will become here.

[01:16:09]

I just love you guys so much. The Corona time, the quarantine. I mean, I know you guys are probably struggling over there, so, ah, we know that you're not alone and listen to old Colorada episodes and enjoy share with your friends. Fucking start a Colorado book club. Yup. Take notes. We're going to be recording from home. My buzz is getting a little too strong.

[01:16:28]

I need to go lay down. I love you all guys. Go follow us on social media. Alexandra Cooper, Alex with an eight, Cooper with the C, Sofia Franklin, Sofia with an Franco in the way.

[01:16:40]

All right, daddies, we love you. We love you every fucking well. Goodbye.