Happy Scribe
[00:00:00]

Honey, baby, oh, guys, you already know it's free, so just download it. All right, honey, guys, is it online browsing extension that you download to your computer? I'm staring at my computer right now. It's in the right hand corner of my browser. And every single time I go to checkout, whether I'm shopping on Sephora, Urban, getting fuckin Pizza Hut, whatever it is when you go to check out and it automatically finds you the best discount codes and promo codes on the Internet.

[00:00:35]

I've been doing a lot of shopping through this divorce. I've been really fucking doing some retail therapy and it's been helpful. But what's more helpful is when I see the fifty dollars go down to thirty dollars, we love to see it. We love a good little discount moment. So guys, there's no reason not to do this. You're literally passing up free money if you don't go to join Honeycombs Lodge. Daddy, join Honeycombs, Daddy. Hi, guys.

[00:01:07]

So before I get into this week's episode, we obviously have to discuss what the fuck is going on in the world right now. I couldn't start this week's episode without acknowledging the reoccurring disgusting acts of violent racism. And just blatant disregard of human life that we as a country continue to witness. As a privileged white woman, I realize I may not even have a right to be saying something about this. People may get really pissed off, but it also just did not feel right not to because what I saw sickened me.

[00:01:48]

I'm aware as a comedy podcast, you guys don't come to call her daddy to listen to my political views, my religious views, my world views, I get that you guys go to the news and leaders who you respect for that information. But I also know I have a huge platform, and I think it's really fucking important that I address what is going on right now.

[00:02:14]

From what I have come to understand, people of all color need to speak out and unite right now more than ever. And during this time, from what I've read. In order for any of us to acquire an understanding of people who have experienced different lives than us, have grown up differently, are experiencing different pains in us. We're going to have to listen. We're going to have to learn. We're going have to unlearn. And we're going to have to do some serious fuckin self-examination.

[00:02:50]

In order to take any of the positive steps that everyone is talking about right now on the Internet, on the news. In order to do that and take the necessary steps towards eliminating racism, we need to be doing all of these things, listening, learning. I don't want to sound preachy, but. Change starts individually, and I'm going to take this time to figure out my part. I've been trying to take all of this in and I really fucking encourage you guys to find and do what is your role.

[00:03:25]

There are so many places right now you can donate, and even if you don't have the money, that's fine, you can donate time, you can donate your services. I think also I get it. There's like so many fucking links on the Internet right now. So I will continue to post verified links of places that you guys can go donate where I have donated. Because I know we want to make sure, obviously, whatever site we're donating, you're actually helping the cause.

[00:03:52]

So I if I get one thing across just in this indro right now, I'm hoping that everyone listening. Can understand we have a huge opportunity right now to be the change and to ensure the momentum everyone in the world is feeling right now is sustained. Let's not let this fade out in a few months or even in a few weeks, less and less post less on the news. I really feel our generation, the people listening to this fucking podcast, we can be the agents of change.

[00:04:28]

We can do it. We can do anything. We fucking put our minds to it. I also think it's so important. It's like especially right now with this whole age of like social media influencers that should have a whole new fucking meaning. Right now, if you have influence, you have a voice. Say something.

[00:04:47]

And I know so many people are so fucking freaked out, they're like, oh my God, I don't know if I want to say anything, I'm going to lose followers. I'm going to lose followers. Yeah, that's fine. Why the fuck would you want any of those people that are racist to fucking follow you? Be ready. Be ready to take the backlash that may come from it, because anything we take is no fucking comparison to what the people living it have endured.

[00:05:11]

Speak up, go donate, go participate, guys. Black lives matter, all lives matter, that's what we're fucking talking about right now. That's not what we're focusing on. It's black lives. This is a human rights issue. It's not a political issue. So with that said. I know you guys come to the show to hear we talk about sex relationships and dating and hopefully smile and laugh for an hour. And I'm here to give you guys just that, a kick ass episode.

[00:05:43]

We all have to continue to do our jobs, but this episode is not more important, not even close to more important. Then what is going on in the world right now? We have to all do our jobs, and I hope I do mine this week and I make you guys laugh and smile and cancel culture. Yeah, I'm against canceling individuals over superficial drama bullshit. But fucking cancel racism, and if you're racist, go fuck yourself. I don't want you to listen to my show ever again.

[00:06:20]

Do you call him Daddy? Do I call her daddy? Call her daddy. Happy one day weener hols.

[00:06:32]

It is your single father, Alex Cooper, blackbirded again for another lovely, lovely sexual raw dog episode of Color Daddy. So I'm in my parents basement right now and, you know, she signs a new contract.

[00:06:54]

She's moving up in the world back to the parents basement. I mean, you really can't make this shit up. My brother came over. He drove from Philadelphia to the suburbs of Pennsylvania, Amish land, and he walks in the door. Just made the trip to come downstairs and shit on me for the fact that I was podcasting from our parents basement. And and I get it. I actually totally agree with him. Like, this isn't exactly where I expected to be.

[00:07:22]

You know, she starts your show. She's she's doing her thing. She's a single father. I feel like a weirdo bastard. Sent me these two pictures that we have to put up with our advertisers. I'm sitting in my basement right now with two pictures of myself behind me and then me. So there's three of me down here in my parents basement. The whole situation feels a little bit off. And it's weird because. Being in this basement, I am staring at specific like landmarks almost.

[00:07:52]

That's definitely not the word. But like you can get what I'm saying. I have so many memories in this basement. My basement kind of was the party basement. I convinced I was that kid that convinced my dad, like, Dad, if you let me drink here, I won't get Rufi by the kids at the party and you give me the alcohol and he's like, bitch, shut up. But then I ended up having to party. So I'm looking at, like, the little corner over there.

[00:08:19]

That's where Alex gave her first blowjob. Terrifying. Honestly, one of the worst blowjobs I think that ever fucking come across anyone. The poor kid is little weenie is a little baby carrot sticking right up. And I had no idea what to do. Go down on it like corn on the cob. Not a clue. Pretty sure I had braces. No, I didn't upbraid. Did I have braces. It was awful. Then there's like this actually to my basement that has a carpet and I can still see these stains of the throw up that came out of all of my friends mouths at some point in time at a party from the Four Loko.

[00:08:54]

I mean, it was just disgusting. I'm actually really excited because Lauren, my childhood best friend, the infamous third roommate that lived with Sophia and me and the three, no one is going to come on next week. And that woman, she has done some shady, shady fucking shit down here in this basement. Mom, I podcasting. I don't know if you guys just heard that, I don't think Joe Rogan has these issues, you know, where like his parents are like Joey up or coming down, like I'm like Mom enough with the Dryer podcast.

[00:09:43]

So that's just been like a fuckin it's a oh, fucking. Yes, I'm in a dress that really quickly. This week's episode, I'm going to try to attempt to refrain from using the F word as much as I did in last week's episode. I am very aware that it offends some people. I hear it from my mother. I hear it from my nana cursing me out from the heavens above. So I'm really sorry about that, guys. I'm going to try to refrain from saying the F bomb so much in this episode and just just pick another expletive.

[00:10:13]

Roman swipes. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Roman Swipes. All right, boys, listen up. If you've got a wiener and you're listening to this ad, amazing. Every time that you are fucking her vagina or you're pounding his butthole, you are trying you're holding on for dear life, thinking about your grandma and you're like, do not come all over this human. But then you splurge and you look dumb. Roman swipes clinically, clinically proven to help you last longer.

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[00:11:11]

Again, that is get Roman dotcom slash daddy last longer, bitches.

[00:11:17]

So today is going to be a really, really special day because there is a man in my life that I am going to bring on this show. And I know he loves me. And his name is Dave Portnoy.

[00:11:30]

Dave Portnoy and I have a very interesting relationship. I know everyone on the Internet is like, oh, my God, Alex, are you so fucking nervous? Like, holy shit, this is so scary for you to go back to barstool. And does he hate you? I don't think so. And I know I could be so delusional in saying that, but I genuinely don't think that Dave hates me. I could be so fucking wrong. And he gets on here and he's like, oh, I, I literally hate you.

[00:11:57]

But in my mind and I think that's the best way to live life is in denial. And I think he likes me. And I think that it's all a ploy on the Internet. Yes. We had this minor minor setback of me trying to backstab him and like ruin his entire business. But aside from the minor setback, I really think Dave and I have always had a really good relationship. So I'm going to have him on. And there's a couple of things I want to talk about.

[00:12:22]

Obviously, you guys want to hear all about the drama, but. I think a more pressing issue, a more call her daddy related topic that needs to be addressed when Dave Portnoy comes on here. Is. Dave, Portnoy's Sextape. Wow. Well, Alex Hong, there are some of you that may not know this, but back in the fall, Dave Portnoy's sex tape was leaked. Now, was it a full sex tape? No, it was like eight fuckin seconds.

[00:12:56]

However, it was a sex tape. I remember where I was. I remember how many times I watched it. I remember his exact positioning. I remember the level of tan he was. Is it creepy? Yes. As my boss, I'm not going to comment it as the fucking call her daddy host who speaks for the daddy gang. We got to fucking grill him. I need to know if he released it. I want to know all the fuckin details.

[00:13:20]

So we're going to talk about a sex tape. I mean, I've always wanted to have a porn star come onto this show. I think who's better to have on is the first porn star than my fucking boss, David, David, David Jones. Also, guys, heads up. There are a few audio moments that truly make my heart hurt in this interview with Dave.

[00:13:42]

But it's his fault for being in Florida right now and not in my basement. So please forgive me. Let's get him on the man. The myth introducing David. All right. Dave Portnoy is with us. I am genuinely shocked that you have clothes on right now, that you don't have like a blunt in your hand and like a naked chick on your lap.

[00:14:07]

Dave's in Florida right now, everyone. Hi, Dave. Hey, what's up?

[00:14:12]

So he rescheduled me because he was hung over.

[00:14:15]

I was very tired. I was very tired this morning.

[00:14:17]

That's a really professional way to say you're so fucked up and hung over. So how's Florida? It's better than New York. I'm in. So I'm in Fort Lauderdale. So I have a nice house. I rented a house we rented like a fucking yacht last night. So it's been good. It's but that's why that's why I hung over it like a yacht yesterday. I was on a yacht.

[00:14:36]

Thank you for the invite. I'm in my parents basement right now in Pennsylvania. I really appreciate the invite.

[00:14:44]

Yeah, we got we got a ways to go. We.

[00:14:46]

Yeah. OK, ok, fair enough. OK, so I think it was funny because one of our first like jokingly personal connections that no one knows about and I feel like people love the show is like it was in the first few months of me working at Bar Stool.

[00:15:01]

We found out that one of your ex-girlfriends was fucking my ex-boyfriend. And we were like, oh my God. Like, this is such a cute connection. Like we're Eskimo cousins are like, I don't know what that makes us, but it was like a little Alex.

[00:15:17]

Well, your ex met her through me. Shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah, we I didn't know that, told me that. Oh, I do. I introduce. I introduce. We do a name. Well, I don't know who it is on my head. I introduce like you're a matchmaker.

[00:15:34]

You're like, I'm done with her. You can have her now.

[00:15:37]

And then I went to you. What, you want to fuck her right away. But right. For all I know, she probably did. I mean, she fucking was fucking everybody.

[00:15:44]

So it was a great story. So I was like, that's so fun because I feel like a lot of people it's like you don't get that personal connection with your boss to be able to be like, hey, like we've mutual people, we fucked in common. Like, this is so fun.

[00:15:57]

Separationist. Yeah, like what the fuck?

[00:15:59]

So my next question is, like so many people are asking us, are Dave and you prepared to possibly get sued by Sue and his lady? And will you talk about it as openly as you did the negotiations?

[00:16:14]

You know, it's been interesting because. Like, the one thing that happened when we talked about, like the bar, so proud to call her daddy crowd when I did the podcast, it combines the call her daddy and like barstool people for the first time, which, by the way, nobody has felt the full brunt like the caller daddy proud. It is like a child of looks like the same crazy mentality of like the commenter's and the fans. And when they combine go after somebody, it's like not so I'm a pretty much an open book, but if they sue me or us, it'll be so preposterous that I would be forced to, like, go bananas.

[00:16:58]

Yeah, no, I mean, we're going to have to say something. I think just because, like, there are so many people legally that are like, what? What are they going to sue you guys for? And I'm at the same I'm like, I'm about to get sued. Like, I don't know. And you and I joke about it like we don't know the legal terms of a bunch of the stuff that are like lawyers come at us with.

[00:17:16]

But I think at the end of the day, you and I are both content creators and like it is going to be content if you and I are getting sued by the two of them, like we're going to fucking talk about it.

[00:17:25]

And I mean, I really don't know. I told you I kept telling you even before this happened, I said to you like a million times, like, I want to meet this. Oh, my God, Daddy.

[00:17:35]

Going every single time. I, like, literally talked to Dave, he would be like, I want to meet this guy. I'm like, no, trust me, you don't like you guys are literally are two different breeds. Like he's going to show up in his suspenders, like he's going to offer you ballet ticket. And Dave was like, no, I want to fucking meet him. Like, I want to get in a room with this fucker.

[00:17:53]

Because everything I was hearing and knowing how it's going is like this fucking guy thinks he's like the smartest guy in the room and he's just like bulldozes. I don't know. I said it. I did a rant on him the other day. It's like enter the other way. And I said it to you and Sofia out on the rooftop. I'm like, if you guys leave and just quit, it's going to be World War Three now. Yeah, I think I don't know what I was figuring was going to happen.

[00:18:18]

It was going to be he said he said and I don't think the daddy game was going to believe like my version, even though it was the truth. Yeah.

[00:18:24]

I mean, I think it was pretty brilliant that you came in at the time that you did. I'll give you props for that, because I think at the end of the day, when it turned that Sofia and I were so on different pages, it was going to be Sophia's story versus my story. And the fact that you came in as a third party and was able to tell the truth I think was super critical in telling, just like the entire overview of the story with no opinions involved.

[00:18:47]

OK, so people want to know, like just in your opinion, what is the vibe that you're getting from everyone at Bar Stool? And like their opinion of me, you obviously don't have to name names or you can, but like, do people hate that I'm coming back to people? Are people OK with it?

[00:19:02]

Like, what is your temperature you're getting from them? Yeah, I think there's a vibe of like you're welcoming back a malcontent that can very much like help us, Wingates, of using like a sports analogy. And I've been saying, I don't know if you're on it. I said like a company. Well, I when you're coming back and you made you guys made fun of it because we were like, didn't trust you.

[00:19:26]

So like, no, an email, which probably means that probably we're also bad at that.

[00:19:32]

I like we got people still fucking who got fired like years ago. So yeah, I sent an email that was like, hey, we've worked this out, Alex. I know some people maybe like she's been kind of an asshole to the bar crowd, but like, let's start fresh.

[00:19:45]

I think that's another question everyone was having was like, what are the chances of the barstool deal with me being extended after one year? Like, would Alex consider staying? And would Dave, you be even open to continuing or like, what do you think?

[00:20:01]

Yeah, again, I could be wrong. I would totally be open to it. My instinct is you will be here more than a year. I think we'll extend, but I have no idea. But that that's my that's my vote.

[00:20:13]

Yeah. I feel like it's almost like a new chapter and a clean slate. And I obviously know it's like it's like a relationship, like trust has been broken and we need to work back up. But at the end of the day, I do think that, like, will be able to figure something out. OK, so that's like all great. And I'm really happy we covered all the business aspect of things like I really think we got to surface level now.

[00:20:36]

We're going to get really deep. Dave Portnoy, you have your own sex tape and I just am so proud to have you on. And I've never talked with you about it. So like we're here. Are you comfortable? Are you nervous?

[00:20:48]

No, no, I don't care about it at all. Like, I don't know who released it. I have no idea to this day. It was an old video, OK? And the girl in it, like, has a boyfriend or whatever, so she doesn't know. So that's the only reason I like to be honest. There were clearly trying to get at me for whoever released it. But if I was happy with how I looked and I don't know why they would release it like that, it was just a.

[00:21:18]

And I'm not performing at that level for all fucking time, so I don't know why they released that eight, I would I am so proud of you that you as a man can just, like, own it like this.

[00:21:31]

And that's not what it's like the whole time, because those eight seconds were extremely vigorous. Eight seconds.

[00:21:38]

Those two moments, the sex tape moment. And I've become like ingratiated with the daddy game of my dreams went like bananas.

[00:21:47]

I was going to say so. OK, so everyone that didn't see it. So you're telling me that the sex tape was longer than eight seconds, but somehow there was only a clip released that was eight seconds cut for OK.

[00:21:58]

And it was just very interesting that through that eight seconds you were performing top notch and her face was not in it. So you did not release this tape.

[00:22:13]

Now, so to clarify, her head was going up for a second and like, you pushed it down the track.

[00:22:19]

Oh, Dave, I watched it. Yes. We love we love that. That was very commendable of you. You really took the aggressive, assertive approach. And we love that you're on call her daddy. I think we encourage men to do that. Obviously, you have to ask the woman if she likes that kind of stuff, but she looked like she was enjoying it. OK, so her face isn't in it. You don't know who released it, right.

[00:22:41]

And you're telling me that you didn't release it?

[00:22:45]

No, it wasn't. The night of it, I went to a selfish game with, like, my ex-girlfriend that that that night up. And I don't know what the Celtics were doing. They'd never do this like I was on courtside or sitting next to me. They took a picture of myself with my ex who were still friendly and like, you know, we were on good terms. And I and I liked her. And they put it on the front page of Celtics dot com.

[00:23:10]

So it was everywhere. And she didn't really want to be like, you know, because we broke up. It's like she wasn't sure you want to be seen with me necessarily because. OK, hold on.

[00:23:18]

She went to a fuckin courtside Celtics game, but she doesn't know if she wants to be seen with you to her defense.

[00:23:25]

She's turned it down a bunch, but we want to hang out. And I was only there if she was telling the truth.

[00:23:30]

Right, right, right. Like only want to go courtside, but like, you couldn't have done like a box or anything like courtside, but like also keep it low key.

[00:23:36]

So best I would never.

[00:23:38]

I know, but I also know if I'm going to be courtside, I'm going to be fucking photographed. So I'm sorry but no. Keep going.

[00:23:44]

Keep going by the Celtics. No, because we are going through a ton and never have that happen. So.

[00:23:48]

Right, right, right. OK, I took the picture and put it on the front of Celtics dot com and she's like, oh, it's blowing up that I'm here, whatever. So we were in bed that night and I got a text around midnight from the barstool hotel and it's like this is going this is going viral. And I was like, oh, it's like, what is that? As I don't want to show you, are you talking to girls?

[00:24:12]

Because I have fucking leave. If you're talking to girls, I promise you I'm not.

[00:24:17]

And she's like, really hard. It's way worse. Yeah. I'm like she's like, show me. I'm like, I don't wanna show you that either. Well, I don't believe you. I'm leaving. So I showed it and she left anyways.

[00:24:25]

OK, so you both were aware you were filming it at the time. So that was an old video. Whose phone was it filmed on.

[00:24:32]

Can you tell me that mine OK.

[00:24:34]

Mm hmm. David Mm. So who had that video other than you and your ex? Well, I don't know. I mean, I've no idea. It was very open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know either. So I think it's so funny because at the time I remember where I was when my boss's sex tape dropped, which is such an interesting situation. So I should have been at the office. I was leaving this guy's apartment in New York that I had just reconnected with and I stayed at his place and I'm in bed and I'm getting up to go do a walk of shame.

[00:25:13]

And I have so many fucking texts that morning, like, yo, did you have sex tape? Sex tape? What the fuck?

[00:25:18]

I am literally doing an uber ride of shame home. I have a dress on no fucking underwear. My hair's a mess and I'm sitting in my uber watching my boss's sex tape. I get home, go to Duane Reade, get some sour patch Cheetos and I walk upstairs, watch it like one hundred more times. And I'm sitting there.

[00:25:37]

I'm like, is this like kind of fucked up and inappropriate that I'm watching it this many times?

[00:25:42]

And I said, yeah, like federal crime, like Alex is like, fuck off. But I couldn't stop watching it because I'm like as my boss. No comment. But as the caller daddy host, there's just so much going on there that needs to be discussed. I mean, your stance and your performance there in that eight seconds. Yes, they were. They were eight seconds, but they were a brilliant eight seconds. I'll give you that.

[00:26:03]

Thank you. Yeah. And you know that when I when I was when that was released. I can walk down the street like everybody, like everyone's like, hey, sorry, sextape, so I mean, it was a number one, somebody in the box. And something like a framed picture is the number one search term on or not.

[00:26:22]

And kind of like, fuck you, because I feel like there's so many sex tapes out there that, like, it's such a full sex tape and there's going to be like a shitty moment people make into a meme. You are the motherfucker that got the nice little eight second highlight reel looking nice and tan. And your position, what do you call that position like?

[00:26:40]

Do you have your bag at the bag where it's been nicknamed the bag? Well, it's like an old baseball player out of a stance similar to that.

[00:26:47]

Oh, wow. OK, so but everything went fine with the APTA that like you guys did you make up and like it wasn't that big of a deal.

[00:26:54]

Yeah. Well we what we got white like I was there's nothing that can be said or done about me that bothers me at this point I'm putting out. So I didn't give a fuck. I care very much for the girl. I didn't want her name released. It was all about trying to protect that. Everyone was trying to figure it out. So we wiped off the Internet.

[00:27:13]

Oh, really?

[00:27:14]

Oh, we the last question I forgot to ask you was, what did your parent because I know you're like close with your parents, what did your parents think about your sex tape?

[00:27:22]

So they didn't say anything for a while and they were mostly with me. We went out to dinner and finally came up and they thought I released it to be like Gymkata. So, oh, my God. Are you talking about like, why would I ever do that? Like, we're already. So once they found out it wasn't me, they were happier.

[00:27:42]

But like I could also see because I thought the same thing. I was like, he looks to put together did Dave Portnoy do a little post post to, like, bump the ratings?

[00:27:54]

I don't why? I wouldn't hate you for it. I really hate you for being more like logic to that.

[00:28:00]

If it was like a recent video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel you.

[00:28:03]

So we're going to talk about dating now because I think that, as you know and I can only fucking imagine your confidence in your head was getting so large when you had control of the Colorado accounts, I think you felt like the most powerful man in the world.

[00:28:17]

You would began to abuse it a little bit like and you know, well, you were killing it at first and then you got a little greedy and then you like, we're getting power hungry. And it was perfect for me because then finally people were like, OK, Alex, we need you back. Like, he's funny, but like, fucking relax.

[00:28:34]

I think people are getting tired. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions, just like people can get to know you because you are single right now. Yes. Yes. OK, you are an eligible bachelor and you talk about all the time, you're extremely rich. Are you nervous? People are going to use you for your money, Dave.

[00:28:51]

So the first girl, our mutual friend, any back then I didn't have the money. I know, but she she definitely used me. And that was the first time I was out of my marriage. So I learned a lot from that. Like, my parents are basically like, what, you lose your brain. I'm pretty good now. I feel like scoping it out. The oil is weird is like a lot of people, girls like they think they know me already because they follow me or whatever.

[00:29:20]

So I don't need somebody like fresh. We went a boat yesterday. There was a girl who was nice, pretty. I was like hanging out with her and then like she took out her cell phone and let me face time with my fucking friend, like, I don't wanna do that. And then I walked away. Then she's like recording me. Like, Jase actually fucking kicked her out. I'm like, yeah, you got to go. Like, so it's just weird, like like why would you just like I'm not a clown.

[00:29:46]

That OK.

[00:29:46]

Yeah. You're not like a carnival and like anyone listening to this podcast, like you pulling out your cell phone makes you look like the biggest fucking loser at the party. Like, I'm sorry, but you trying to FaceTime people in and I know that's like being really blind, but like Dave tell me that's not the most unattractive. You ever going to fuck that girl? Never.

[00:30:07]

I never want to forget. It was like it. It's the number one fastest way for me. Like what? What like what do you fuck?

[00:30:16]

You can be freaking out inside bitches like you can be texting away, but don't fucking let anyone know if they're like if you act like I don't give a fuck if I go on like a couple of days with the girl.

[00:30:27]

Do you mind if I like this time. My best friend. Like I don't care but if I just kind of met you it's it's an insane ass.

[00:30:35]

OK, do you take girls on dates or do you just invite them like to come hang out.

[00:30:40]

That's really really what. Yeah. Mostly dates. What do you mean. Like hanging out a group or like want.

[00:30:47]

I want like just have them come over to your apartment and put your penis in them.

[00:30:51]

I don't know. No I don't like doing that at all. Oh.

[00:30:56]

Like you're inviting somebody like sight unseen. Yeah. Like if you're going to meet them for the first time, like where are you meeting a girl out.

[00:31:04]

Because what if I don't like them. True. But like you're taking her on a date to dinner. I mean, maybe a drink, dinner, like I have a good enough personality, I feel like and I'll talk to where you have to absolutely suck for me to, like, be miserable forever. I can get. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:31:22]

Dave, you love yourself enough that you can talk to yourself and fucking a plus in the living room personality.

[00:31:31]

Anyways, so what is the most expensive thing that you've ever bought for a girl?

[00:31:36]

Oh well, I mean, you know, it's an easy one. A wedding ring. I mean.

[00:31:41]

Oh OK. Oh OK. After that. After that. It's probably. My contract, you know, it's probably like a sleeping bag for that idiot. Yeah. The one that we mutually know, yes, you bought her a sleeping bag. Oh, David, you've got nice taste. Did she pick it out or did you? We went together. The good news was the good news is we got in a fight like and it ended shortly after that and I just always kept her the fuck out and the whole bag was at my house.

[00:32:26]

So she doesn't get it. The next girl I hung out with. No who came over and I didn't hook up with her. Oh, no. You know what happened? She's like, when's the last time you had sex? I was like, last night is like, oh, well, I, I got to wait. Is like, fine. And then I just gave her the bag and she left.

[00:32:44]

You gave a random bitch ethylene bag. Yeah. I didn't want it. I wish I had the rooftop meeting then. That's wild. Oh, wow, OK, ethylene bag, like, that's pretty impressive.

[00:32:59]

I'm an idiot because I've got a lot smarter. I mean, I'll spend a lot I guess if I'm like seeing a girl, like, will go away or do whatever.

[00:33:08]

But what catches your eye in the dorms? Do you look for someone that's like funny? Do you not give a fuck what they write? You're just like going to go, obviously. Look, because you're trying to like, fuck, I don't like generally.

[00:33:19]

Like big Instagram followings, because I feel like they're just cloud chasers. Oh, so you oh my God, this is great for the dating game. So if a girl has like a thousand followers, that is like a check plus for her.

[00:33:34]

You mean because that's not a lot, you mean right? Yeah, OK, OK, I would be like normal. So I'm like, do you usually like it? Does it bother you if you see a girl who has like a shit ton of bikini pictures or do you stay away from those girls? No, I would say, yeah, I would.

[00:33:50]

OK, I'll never say. Okay, guys, are you going to be upset if a girl puts a finger up your butt?

[00:33:57]

No, definitely not. We're really getting places today that, you know, I hate.

[00:34:03]

When dudes say they can't, they're like, no, fuck that. I'm like, no, you've been absolutely fucking like that. Like, I, like, suck my toes. I want no part of that. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, I let her try. I did not like it. She's like that does like fine but I don't like OK and you didn't get hard. It wasn't hot. OK. No.

[00:34:21]

Said what is your least favorite sex position.

[00:34:26]

Maybe girl on top maybe. Really. Why. They don't know what they're doing. No more like a kind of like a control guy. OK, boobs are bucchi but dinner or drinks. I prefer dinner. Oh, are you just, like, completely repairing your reputation right before my eyes?

[00:34:52]

I don't know. I just mean, like, obviously on the Internet, people are like, he's a fucking pig. You're like, I like to wine and dine a bitch before I her. OK, blonde or brunette.

[00:35:04]

I don't think everyone says everyone thinks I'm blonde, but I'm not I'm equal opportunity.

[00:35:09]

I mean, I like to do OK over 30 or under 30. I honestly don't care about age a lot. Most of the girls I find who, like, slide in my jeans tend to be young, but and I don't give like personality is personality. Looks are way more important. I don't care about it. And I'm always way older. So how could I care. Right.

[00:35:28]

Right, right. He's a giving man. Listen, if you're in your you know, you're 20 years old, he'll give you a date, you know, like even if you're 18, OK, will you eat a girl out on the first hookup?

[00:35:43]

I have no rules on any of it. Yeah, sure. Oh, that's great. You're such a giving man. Do you like eating? Like, do you mind eating a girl out? I saw my favorite thing, but I know girls are into it. So what are you going to do? Right. Right, right.

[00:35:55]

Yeah, I have no problem with it. I don't know if I'm good at it. I just close my eyes and fucking.

[00:36:00]

Oh right. Right, right. Well I think that that's like, you know, you could listen to my fucking podcast. You know, there is an episode. It was, number one, How to eat pussy. And it's, you know, on your network. So you could fucking listen.

[00:36:12]

Yeah. Still, when the lights come on, it's a different game, right?

[00:36:16]

Oh, that's actually a good question that I didn't have written down. I think a lot of girls are like super self-conscious about their vaginas. And like, you can be totally honest, like, do you stare at a girl's vagina? No, he's shaking his head. No, he's like, no, a pussy is a pussy. And I'm diving in there with my dick. Like, that's it. That's OK. Thank you. Because I think a lot of girls are super self-conscious.

[00:36:37]

Obviously, we have like the porn star hot dog in a bun situation. Other girls have like more situation going on.

[00:36:44]

OK, I don't think I've ever walked out and been to a body like that girl had like a disastrous pussy ever. Right. Right.

[00:36:51]

You're like, no, I just fucked it and it was great. Do you think you've ever received the Glock Glock?

[00:36:56]

You. Oh, yes.

[00:36:57]

Oh, definitely. Oh, my God. That's great. That's really great.

[00:37:02]

I'm really having a lot of girls even before all this. That's like readying that girls will say to me, yeah, yeah.

[00:37:10]

Like I'm pretty disgusting. Sloppy blowjob. That's great. Have you ever seen this slide in?

[00:37:14]

Was like, I want to give you a clockwork. Wow, and you've taken them up on that offer. But you're not thinking about me while it's happening, right, anyways, for all of times, like if I hooked up with either you or Sophia, all we need to address that. It's like I fucking hated them so much. They might as well have been like the two grossest humans like in the world. Dave.

[00:37:41]

All right. Relax. No, I agree. Like, I think there's we have to address it because there was a screenshot posted, did you see it? And it was like, so, yeah. And Sophia was talking to her guy, best friend. And she said Dave forced her to do a show with an employee.

[00:38:00]

He was fucking.

[00:38:01]

And people think you and I had sex and then people were damning me. It was my favorite. They were like, do you and Dave have secret sex? Dave Portnoy? Have you ever had sex relations? OK, and we've never had sexual relations. No. And that fucking a.m. it's like a force and you fucking shit.

[00:38:20]

I think also it's funny because I was thinking and I'm like, I think the only time we've ever touched skin is when I shook your hand the first day I met you. And then after that, I don't even shake your fucking hand. I wave at your head.

[00:38:30]

Hello, Dave. Goodbye, Dave. So the last two questions was, what is your favorite sex position? Doggy. Classic, I could have called that from a mile away. OK, so I think that's like basically I think I just wanted to ask you like.

[00:38:50]

I personally feel like we're kind of like ready to put this drama to bed, you know, people made their own decisions. People date who they date, love who they love, make business decisions. You and I are in business together. I think that we're working on a healthy, open, honest relationship. No sex involved. And I think that, like, the drama's over, you know what I mean? Is there any last things you want to say on it?

[00:39:17]

No, it's what I mean I'd say to you privately, I'd say to you publicly, and I think I've said it, I said it on the podcast. I said to everybody who has worked with us, there's plenty of people like don't like me, but I will never truly hate anybody, no matter what happens, if everyone is just honest with each other. That was the thing that drove me crazy. So I think we're on the same page now and I'm excited.

[00:39:41]

Oh, yeah.

[00:39:41]

That was one of the last questions was what's your opinion of me now, if you like?

[00:39:47]

Honestly, I'd be a total fucking moron if it's just like, yeah, we're going to be great and ready to roll. It's like, let's start building it up and get the trust back. And hopefully it works exactly like how we want to work moving forward.

[00:40:01]

But are you going to still tell the girls that you hang out with that? I'm a fucking idiot. No, no, no, no, I always say it was it's like, well, a lot of people saw very different side of you, too, in this video. That is the side that I knew existed, like, forever. So, yeah, I wanted it. It was more like, I fucking hate these girls.

[00:40:21]

Yeah, but you don't hate me now. No.

[00:40:24]

You never really hated me. No, I hated you.

[00:40:27]

Yeah, I know.

[00:40:30]

I can see that. And I think I think that's a good point that you just said. Like I a part of me is almost there's obviously good comes out of bad situations. And I do I said it on my first podcast. I was like, I do feel like there was a side of me that I couldn't show the Internet just because it wasn't on Brand. And I do feel like this is like a new era for me to be able to actually incorporate the Alex that you see in business meetings and behind closed doors, because I think people were so fascinated prior to this entire situation.

[00:41:01]

Like what is it like being in a business meeting with Alex Cooper? Like, does she not have a brain? Right.

[00:41:06]

One of the things that I always get and I would say even when I hated you, it's like. What people are trying to side with us are still there to get is anybody can do it or to cause up their album, that's just wildly inaccurate. We've gotten so many submissions, ninety nine point nine percent of them are bad, like, yeah, your success was not a fluke. So it is good to be able to show that side probably to a degree.

[00:41:32]

All right. Thank you for coming on. All right. Bye bye. Calling all Kalki addicts. If you are someone that wears khakis or you wear jautz. Hello, motherfuckers. And listen up, guys. It's an online personal styling service that delivers your favorite clothing, shoes and accessories directly to you. Also, they have a shit ton of brands that we all know and love and exclusive sales. There's no subscription required. You can pick between automatic shipman's or you can only be getting like new pieces on demand.

[00:42:05]

Shipping exchanges and returns are always free and the twenty dollar styling free is automatically applied towards anything you keep from your box. It's amazing for men if you've no idea what to wear on a date. And I know you don't because I've gone on dates with men and I'm like, God damn it, why are you wearing floods to the date? Like, let's get it together. Why are you wearing khakis? Stitch, fix, dotcom, slash daddy, you're going to get an extra 25 percent off when you keep everything in your box.

[00:42:34]

Again, that is stitch fix dot com slash daddy.

[00:42:37]

OK, I said.

[00:42:38]

So before we move on to the last segment by segment, I wanted to clarify something for you guys, for the daddy gang. So I know I told you guys that moving forward I'm going to have daddy gang guests. Come on. I am planning on having Daddy gang on, but it will most likely be in two to three, four episodes. Why that is right now is I'm trying to figure out how to organize this. We're having people submit their stories.

[00:43:13]

And the first issue, and I've I'm very aware of it, is I want to make sure these are real stories. We want to make sure that people aren't just like making shit up to come on the show.

[00:43:23]

So it's almost like I was about to say we have to do background checks. We're not doing like background checks, but every show has to take these measures. Just bear with me for the next few episodes. I mean, I've learned on and a couple other people on before we can have daddy gang on because I just want to make sure that when we come on, it's really just shit.

[00:43:42]

And you guys don't hate me for someone coming on and be like, well, I fucked Bradley Cooper and it's like, bitch, that was a lie. So we just need to, you know, tighten up the screws a little, screw it up, and then we'll have daddy going on. And I'm really fucking excited. I'm also really fucking excited for a little thing I like to. Good. Well, I was Jones, although I questions, although I consult behind all the questions of the Weich guys questions of the week, I understand I lose followers every time I do that.

[00:44:27]

And, you know, it's a risk I've gotta take. OK, first question, Alex. Sending love. I also had a best friend break up this year, so I totally fell everything you said in the last episode. Thank you. So I fucked up and did the opposite of the daddy thing to do and got so clingy with a guy I met on a dating app over quarantine. Can I come back from this? We were messaging all day, every day for a month until he literally said it was too emotionally draining.

[00:44:57]

So I fucked up and I know it, but I want to slide back in and fix things, do the dip and dip out method, etc.. Do I address the fact that he was right and it was too intense, or do I just come back with a snap and pretend like nothing happened? Do I just forget about him anyways? You totally have my support dating forever, even in the single father era. All right, listen. Men hate talking about shit most, most men hate talking about feelings, hate talking about emotional shit like this.

[00:45:27]

So I think you sending a text addressing the fact that you are a little too fucking aggressive and too forward is a no go. This happens a lot, but men have very short term memories. They're like little puppies. All right. Especially when you post a hot picture or something to the Internet. So there are two ways to go about this. The best thing is to send him kind of like a hot picture on Snapchat, see his temperature.

[00:45:53]

If he opens it, if he responds, if he doesn't respond, then I would let it go for a little bit and then you really got to give it a few months. But if he does respond, what I would do is make a joke somewhere in, like, your second, third conversation and throw in there making a joke about like, yeah, well, I used to be a psycho, like promised no emotions this time. L'Oréal.

[00:46:19]

Saying something like that, but not having a conversation about it or addressing it and the man not having to comment is is like a guy's dream when girls think that they need to address it and be like, OK, hey, Jeffrey, listen, I understand that I was like way too much last time and I'm ready to move forward and really take things way slower and not be too aggressive. Are you OK? And then he's going to be like, bitch, I don't want to talk about this.

[00:46:43]

Men want to know that you figured your shit out and they don't have to deal with it anymore. So if you can send a hot, snappy answers, two to three combos in drop a joking line about how you're a fucking psychopath and you're aware of that. And like, I woke up and I don't even know what fucking came over me, like, sorry. That is way more the kind of tone I think men like to have. Figure your own shit out and let him know you figured it out.

[00:47:07]

But you don't need to have a conversation with him because men and emotional conversations with women that they're not even fucking dating, they're just fucking and hooking up with it's like a no fucking go, OK?

[00:47:19]

I have been dating my boyfriend for five years and I don't want to have sex with him for like the last year I have had to force myself to have sex with him and focus so hard on coming. I love him and I don't want to break up, but I don't find him attractive. I've told him thousands of times to fix his bad game, change his style, be more attractive, literally everything to try to make him more attractive. What do I do?

[00:47:45]

Do I dump him or do I stick it out? OK, wow.

[00:47:49]

Here's the thing. Everyone is different. And I think it's really important to focus on the fact that there are some people in the world. As much as we joke on this podcast about how everyone's sex drive should be 100 percent, you should be wanting to fuck like rabbits 24/7. There are some people that sex is not a huge driving factor when they are entering into relationships. Shocking? Not really. OK, there are some people that don't have that height of testosterone or don't have hormones that are like, I want to fuck 24/7.

[00:48:24]

So if I was personally in a relationship and was not attracted to the guy anymore, which has happened, I think you need to end it. And I don't mean that in a superficial way. Like, oh, I wasn't attracted to his looks anymore. No, everyone knows that point. It's a turn in a relationship where all of a sudden just everything grosses you out about that person. Like they're annoying, they're irritating. The way they fucking breathe is annoying.

[00:48:49]

Just the way they look is annoying the way everything they do is annoying. And if you are no longer attracted to them, I think personally for me, then I would get out of that situation. But if you are not an overly sexual person and you are OK with not having a lot of sex and your partner is more so like your best friend, that's a complete different situation. And I think everyone has to be aware of, like, who are you?

[00:49:16]

How how important is sex to you? And it seems like sex to this girl writing in. It's really important to you. So if you're disgusted with your boyfriend and you've been trying to tell him to somehow be more attractive and it is not working, I would say move on. You seem very unhappy and I think that you better cut the cord or else like, what's the point in staying in a relationship like that question about my ex girlfriend. So I met this girl on a dating app.

[00:49:41]

We dated for four months and during the beginning of quarantine she FaceTime me and she told me that she wanted to remove the title and just be friends. Basically, we broke up. I unfollowed her on Instagram and then she blocked me after being blocked for like one month. She unblocked me. Both of our Instagram accounts are still private and we don't follow each other. She still follows my family members on Instagram, though. Should I try to follow her on Instagram?

[00:50:07]

Why did she suddenly unblock me? What do I do? Oh, man. What it's like to be a man. Listen, women can be fucking crazy batshit. If anything, what you have to understand is a lot of the time if a female is pissed off, she makes emotional decisions in the heat of the moment that do not hold for shit in a few months, let alone a few hours. OK, so I mean, I hate to fucking expose us, but it's the fucking truth.

[00:50:36]

So the fact that she told you that she just wanted to be friends and take the title off and then you followed her. Oh, bet you unfollowed me. Well, now I'm going to block your ass.

[00:50:45]

I'm going to wait up your ass like that sometimes how women think in the heat of the moment.

[00:50:48]

So the fact that she unblocked you and she still follows your family, I don't want to hype you up too much, but that's a really fucking good sign. That means that she's still holding on like I wouldn't follow a guy's family members still if I didn't think that there was any chance in the future that I may potentially get back with that guy. So if I were you, I would either follow her if you really want to, or you could just send her a snap or you could slide into her DBMS with like a.

[00:51:17]

Funny video or gif or something and not fully follow her yet, but I think it's a really good sign. This is so weird. But ever since the call her daddy drama, I've been having fantasies about Dave Portnoy. I'll be masturbating and he pops into my mind and I come immediately.

[00:51:36]

What the fuck is wrong with me while Dave is going to be so fucking happy this episode, he's just going to be fucking having the time of his life, you know, girlfriend, whatever, teachable. You know, I personally, I don't masturbate to my boss, but, you know, if that's what's getting the job done, a lot of women can't even come. So if you're coming and it takes my boss to make you cum, then, you know, more power to you, sweetheart.

[00:51:56]

Like, I'm not going to get in the way of you and you're fuckin. Oh, OK. This girl asked. So, like, I can't come without my clit being touched, except I feel weird touching it myself. And guys don't seem to understand that. And it needs to be touched the whole time of having sex. How do I say something without it being awkward. All right. I think that there's a lot of this comes from insecurity and girls are so in their head when they're going to have sex.

[00:52:23]

And the thought you're like laying there and you're like, put your hand down there, put your hand down there, rub your own clit, bitch. Fucking do it, fucking do it. And there's a lot of girls that are so in their own heads and they won't do it. You're like paralyzed. You're like today is the day. I will rub it and then he's fucking you and he comes all over your fucking belly and you're like, so like I just got fucked but I didn't fuck.

[00:52:46]

And it's like, no, no, no, no. On call her daddy. If you are not rubbing your clit while you are fucking you are not living. And I'm telling you, men think it's so hot too. So it's like a win win. It feels good for you anything. It looks hot, you know what I mean? So it's like I understand that it's a little scary and I understand there are people listening to this podcast and we make sex sound so easy and everything, but it's not it's not easy.

[00:53:08]

And I it's not like you're going to do it. And he's like, what are you doing? Hey, stop touching that. What are you doing? So he's going to be like, God damn, now I'm just going to come faster. So, like, I think that it's all a lot of this is every woman is so in their heads during sex and fuck men because a lot of men just get to just cruise through life with regard to sex.

[00:53:28]

And they barely have to think about anything other than fucking not splurging too fast. Women, we are thinking with our heads the whole time during sex. And if I can give you any advice, it's practice with yourself, practice by yourself, and then do it when you're having sex and let all your inhibitions go and just enjoy yourself. I would challenge every single woman listening to this podcast. The next time you go to have sex, do not focus on how hot your body angle looks.

[00:53:56]

Don't focus on even pleasuring the man. Focus on making sure that you either achieve an orgasm or you just get as close to possible to like feeling like you are so turned on. You're so enjoying yourself. Because I promise you when you do that, you don't even realize it, but the man will notice it and then you literally are going to look ten times harder because he's going to like, oh, this fucking bitch is in it to win it and it's going to be better.

[00:54:27]

So I know it's easier said than done, but I would really just encourage every single woman listening to this podcast. Next time you go to have sex, have sex for yourself and not for the man neum. OK, guys. Neum is a habit change program that uses psychology to teach you how your mind works so you can understand why you make the decisions you make and feel empowered to change for good. So Neum, you basically pick a goal. Do you smoke, do you overeat?

[00:54:58]

Do you bite your nails too much? You pick something that you want to work on, even whether it's like feeling better in your clothes, like having stamina to like get through a day and like work on your busy lifestyle, your body needs, etc. basically self care and feeling confident. Neum personalizes a program to help you get your aspirations to become a reality. I think it's a really healthy opportunity for anyone. It does not take a long time at all.

[00:55:25]

It's literally ten minutes a day that you dedicate to yourself. You are a sign, a goal specialist, and then you can also discuss in a community of people on this new program. So you have a lot of support and people going through similar things as you, 80 percent of people that get on to Noom finish the program. So I think it's an amazing opportunity for anyone that wants to work on their mental health, personal goals, etc.. So, guys, sign up for your trial today.

[00:55:51]

It's Neum Dotcom slash daddy. That's N as in Nancy O as an orgasm is an orgasm. M as in mom dotcom slash daddy news.com slash daddy. OK, this is a really serious question and I think it's important that I read this because I don't think that we've fully touched a lot on this with call her daddy. Alex, this story is more serious and kind of long, but my friends told me to go ahead and submit this. I've been a daddy gang member since the beginning, so I felt it might be important to share in case other dads have similar experiences.

[00:56:32]

My senior year of high school, I was in a really toxic relationship that completely screwed with my vision of what sex should be through sexual assault and coercion. I was at my lowest of low and through this rough period, I looked forward to hearing the show every week after getting out of the relationship and be getting weekly therapy. I started to work on myself, which was really hard to do because I had to see him every single day of that year and the following summer because we worked at the same place and no one knew except for a couple close friends and my therapist.

[00:57:04]

And even though I couldn't even sit close to a man without having a panic attack and the idea of sex disgusted me for months following, I still listened to call her daddy every single week without fail. Over the course of that summer, after my senior year call her daddy helped me come to terms with sex and what happened? The show helped me so much to get to a better place with myself. It's now a year later, and I've become so confident and empowered in myself and I have made amazing friends in college.

[00:57:37]

I want you to know I look up to you for celebrating your sexuality and sharing the relationships, friendships and hookups that come along with it. I am now so secure in myself and I definitely wouldn't have been that way without your help. I love you, Father. No one really knows about this still, so I'm scared to submit this. Please keep anonymous, but just wanted to share with the daddies. OK, this is amazing, first of all, this girl is so strong for speaking out, she's now a freshman in college.

[00:58:06]

There are so many people that endure trauma, whether it's sex related, mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. And I know at the surface this show is to make you laugh and be wild and crazy, but this story I wanted to share because I want every single woman and man who listen to this podcast to know if you have had a negative experience that has affected the way you look at sex. If you can speak on it, speak about it, then you can manage it.

[00:58:43]

And that's why I'm so happy. Like this girl saying she's she got into therapy. She shared with some close friends. I think there is such a negative stigma around therapy and mental health. It's like when you start a new job, you go through orientation because you have to learn new things. What is it people think you shouldn't learn and continue to learn about your mental health. It's your emotional I.Q. It's one of the most important things we have.

[00:59:09]

And some people think you shouldn't continue to be educated on it. It's the same thing as like you can physically have sex, but that doesn't mean you have intimacy through that sexual experience. It's the same thing as anything else. There are different levels to it. So focusing on your mental health, never, ever let someone tell you you should feel ashamed for nurturing that relationship with yourself in that connection. I think this girl is so fucking strong for coming forward.

[00:59:37]

It's like anyone that's ever experienced that kind of abuse, there is hope. It doesn't mean that sex will be ruined for the rest of your life. But I really do believe the first step is getting help and therapy is not a bad thing at all. I go to fucking therapy. I gladly admit that. I think it's a healthy thing to talk about. I'm so fortunate having a mom is a psychologist and she's always normalized it to me. But I am very aware that there are some homes that people are raised in where that's taboo.

[01:00:10]

And and it's don't talk about your feelings, don't address these things. So, I mean, I think that obviously we could have someone on this podcast even to talk more about it with me. So I know it's a little bit more deep of a question, but thank you so much for sharing. All right, Daddy gang, that is it for this week. I am so fucking excited because Lauren is coming on this show next week. She's actually going to come downstairs to my basement.

[01:00:36]

She came home to Pennsylvania for the weekend and we are going to get wild. We're going to have my dad make us some margaritas. We're going to get a little frisky and wild. There's so many fucking stories that need to be told. I know that for so long, everyone was like, OK, you and Sofia have a third roommate. Like, who is she? What is she doing? And why the fuck isn't she on the show?

[01:00:58]

There was a reason she wasn't on the show for a while. And I was shocked when she was like, Y'all come on.

[01:01:02]

I was like, oh, Lauren Larin. I call her Laren.

[01:01:07]

So she's super excited for you guys. Make sure you ask me questions that you want us to address with Lauren. I love you guys, you dirty little slutty whores. I fucking love you. All right. Go have some sex, be safe, wear a mask. And just remember, I'll see you fuckers next once.