What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Brittany Snow. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.

I'm so excited to be here.

I am so happy we are doing this. I DMed Brittany, how long ago?

A year ago, I think. It was a year ago? Well...

I mean, you really made me work for it. I remember...

Well, I wasn't ready to be very be public about anything, really. I get it. And so I remember opening up the DM and being like, oh, my God, Alex. And then being like, no. Just not going to do that. So it took a while for me to come around.

Well, I'm so happy you came around because I have been, wow, I've been thinking about you for a year in the least creepy way.

It can be creepy.

And now you're here. In my merch, and I fucking love it. You look amazing. I didn't even realize how blue your eyes are until I'm staring you with this blue one, and it is fucking insane.

I'm going to wear it all the time.

You look great. You can keep it. You've been in the industry for over three decades. What is the most un-Hollywood thing about you?

That I've been in this business for three decades, and I have absolutely no chill, no cool. No tact. I do everything wrong. I am incredibly, incredibly awkward in front of most people. And I have this thing that I speak without thinking. Just like in this podcast, I'm going to say something that I will regret.

That's good for me, though. That's good for me. No, I'm just kidding.

No, no, it's going to be great. It's great for everyone because I think people instantly feel like, oh, this girl is an idiot. So I feel so much better about myself. Most people that I meet that are fancy and stuff like that, I think they feel better that someone is bumbling and is somehow invited to the party.

But I think it makes you more likable because I feel like everyone in Hollywood has a couple of sticks up their butt hole. And you're just like, oh, no, I'm just going be myself. And even if you think I'm wild and insane, it's okay. I'm right here.

Wild, I'll take. Not insane. Yeah. Brittany Snow, she's like, whoa. Crazy. Party Girl? No. But yeah, I think after a while, there was no going around it. There was no way that I could be anything else. So I might as well just lean into it a little bit because it was so much more painful for me to try to be stoic and classy and try to be, I guess, with the stick. I don't even know where you get the stick, but I couldn't find one. And so it just never went up there.

I am going to say, I think I didn't know you were this fun and bubbly. Not to say I didn't think you were going to... I'm like, Oh, you're going to be a weirdo. I genuinely thought you are a very prestigious actress. You are. You've been in fucking everything.

The Pacifier with Vin Diesel.

That's the one. That really sealed the deal. But I didn't know what to expect. And I'm sitting across from you, and I said it before we started filming. I feel like you're my friend from childhood, that you're just a very... You have a great energy. Thanks.

I need this pump up before I start every interview.

You're amazing queen. Slay, bitch. Let's go. How would your friends describe you?

I think the first word they would probably say is sensitive, empathetic, and probably passionate. There's no way If anybody can guess what I'm thinking, you know. It's always on my... My heart is on my sleeve, shoulder, whatever. It's out there. And I think that people either love that or hate that about me because I I'll always say what's on my mind a little bit because I'm just too sensitive not to.

I love that. I appreciate that. What role do you think you play in your friend group?

I'm a little bit of the camp counselor in a way where I'm like, everyone together, we're going out to dinner, and we're going to like it, and we're all going to wear these cute outfits. And everyone's like, Stop. We have jobs and husbands, and you don't. And I I think also, I am definitely the one that probably I need the most connection, I guess. I'm constantly in connection with my best friends. I want to hang out all the time. But lately, I think in the past year, I've gotten really good at being alone, which has not been my MO at all. Instead of being anxious about being alone, I'm actually very secure in it, which is nice.

That's growth. And that is the best feeling when you can get to that point. So I'm I'm really happy for you.

But I love being around my friends and doing activities.

You're like, answer my text, bitch. Where the fuck have you guys been? Let's go to dinner tonight, okay? Let's talk about a couple of the movies that you've started that are so iconic, and then we're going to get to a new film. But first, It's pitch perfect. Obviously, I have to ask about it. It is forever just the best, best, best movie series. Can you talk to me? Obviously, you had some of the funiest people on set with you. Is there any incredible, hilarious memory that you have from that movie that just comes to your mind when you can tell us a little story?

I mean, all those girls are some of my best friends in some way. We also became such a family because when you're doing a movie with so much rehearsal time, and then you also have to shoot after that, you're there wherever our location was for about four to five months. And we became really, really close. And all of us are somewhat similar to our characters in different ways. I won't give away how because that's blowing some of them up. But I think that we all feel very connected to our roles in that group and how it's showcased in the movies. So I guess to answer your question about funny moments, I mean, anything that Rebel does is funny.

When I interviewed her and she was doing an impression of Adam Devine, I was like, I think I actually for the first time just physically peed my pants in the middle of an interview, her doing the impression of him. And then I interviewed Adam, and he tried to imitate Rebel. And that was a fucking disaster. Sorry, Adam. And the two of their dynamics, it is like, you could just watch it forever. It's hilarious.

And I think that that was the cool thing about all of our dynamics on the movie is that we did constantly... We got along so well, but we constantly made fun of each other, which was a camaraderie that we needed because going into those movies, we had no idea that they were going to become what they became. So we had a lot of fun poking fun at the fact that, are we really making this type of movie?

And are people going to like it? I bet it didn't even sometimes feel like work because you're like, we're just like half the time. I'm sure there's some people improvising, and it's just fun. So John Tucker Must Die. This movie, I feel like we just have to... I don't know who hasn't seen it, but to anyone that hasn't seen it, first of all, I think this changed my life. It really formed me as a woman. I remember Being young and being like, Never trust a man, which I'm like, I learned so much from that movie. If you can describe to people who haven't somehow watched it because they live under Rock, can you describe the premise of it?

Sure. So John Tucker Must Die, which is I'm serious because he doesn't die. We don't kill him. So anyone who wants to know if it's a horror or something or a thriller in any way, it's just about this guy who is the high school man, and he's dating a bunch of girls at the same time as you do in high school. Not anymore. And all of us are in different cliques. Well, why did I just put myself in there? I'm not in the cliques. I'm not dating him. All of them are in different cliques, and they all somehow get together by circumstance and find out that they're all dating him at the same time. So then I devise a plan for them all to get back at him and teach him a lesson.

It is like... No, because honestly, it's like something I would have done in high school. This is literally me. I think that's probably That's why I connected with it. I'm like, I would be the mastermind that's like, Listen to me. This is how we're taking this man down. This is how we're going to kill him, okay? Figured it, not literally. What is the pettiest thing you or a friend has done to get back at a guy that you've broken up with?

Well, to be completely fair, and this sounds so lame, because I had just done John Tucker Must Die. And while I was shooting that movie, my boyfriend at the time, who was the first love of mine, and I still have such fond memories for him. But at the time, we were on a break, Ross-Rachel vibe, and he was dating this other girl, and I found out about it. And so me and her, right after John Tucker Must Die, because I don't have any good ideas of my own, show up at his house together.

No.

Yeah. And he opens the door, and I remember saying to him, I think you owe us an explanation, or something like that.

You really took your character too far. Yeah. He was like, let me really method act right now. Let me just get into character. Here we go. Oh, my God. What was his reaction?

I remember him being shocked, but it didn't really help or work or anything. And then I remember saying bye to her and being like, That was weird, right? Why did we do that?

What was the plan? What did you want him to say?

What after was going to happen?

What was the goal? Honestly, when you are young and in love, you do some crazy fucking shit.

Oh, yeah. There were things that I definitely did. Even up to probably the point where I was, I think 27 is when I got my shit together a little bit. But until then, I look back and I am traumatized.

Yeah, there's actually a really good age, I would say. I feel like at 27, I really started to refine my craft. Just tweak it a little bit so that if someone told the story of me, it wasn't giving... She's crazy. It was giving... She's passionate. But it's not level of crazy that I used to be.

Unhinged comes before '27. Yes. Not after.

Not after. Anyone that's 28 right now, losing their shit, stalking their act, just keep going. Maybe put your benchmark at 30, you're going to be fine. Now onto your new movie. This is the first movie that you have written and directed called Parachute. First of all, just congratulations. Thank you. That is so incredible as someone that's been in the industry to take this leap. And also just I love it as woman, showing people you can fucking do everything. You can be in front of the camera, you can be behind the camera. So congratulations. You've said that we all have our own parachutes or things we use to avoid addressing our feelings or confronting difficult situations. In your own life, what hardships have you tried to run from?

Okay, let's do it, baby. Here we go. Well, I think my The naming of the movie, It Being Parachuted, is that I really do think we're all trying to lessen the fall, as cheesy as that sounds, lessen the fall of just being with ourselves and feeling our feelings. I think now more than ever, we go on Instagram or we go on TikTok or whatever, and we scroll to numb the pain of just being with our own feelings. Or we're trying to hit a dopamine hit in a way to make us ride the wave to the next moment. And I think that comes in all sorts of facets. But I think that they're very intertwined and can be subbed out for each other with social media, sex, alcohol, all these different ways that we're trying to lessen being with ourselves. And I think for me, I came from being a child actor that was very based in growing up with validation coming from achievement and coming from, you did really well on this, you get a reward. Not only from my parents, but from just people on set or things in general. And so I started to become really addicted and connected to the feeling of needing to get that hit.

And when I wasn't, I didn't feel like myself. And so I think probably I would have been addicted to something. It just so happened that I went on a diet before someone gave me drugs. I've never had a problem with drugs, but I think if someone would have given me drugs, it just one is before the other. And so I think what I was always trying to run from was the just normalcy of just being and not having to achieve anything.

You're so right. How many things we do to distract ourselves from being able to sit in silence and be okay. It's like, what's going on? Why are you sad? What happened in your childhood? Why are you like that? And everyone's like, no, quick. Social media. Oh, my God. Let me watch this YouTube video. Oh, my God. Let me watch this person. And it's never-ending. The main character in the movie deals with body dysmorphia and eating disorder. And you just opened up about, I know you struggled with that in the past. That's why you wrote this movie. When you were younger, How would you describe your relationship to food?

It was very based on a connection to achievement, which is a weird thing to say, I guess. But I got a milkshake if I did well on an audition, and I wouldn't get a milkshake if I didn't do well. And I think a lot of parents do this unknowingly in terms of, you do well in your soccer game, we go out for cheeseburgers, or if you lost, we need to go practice more. And so I think my reward center got all mixed up. Then couple that with the terrible amount of societal norms of how you look at yourself being a woman. I think that was a culmination that was hard. And I think I had to redefine how food was not evil, and it was also not something to be earned.

Yeah, because I'm curious, did you have anyone in the industry ever make comments about your body Or was this a very personal internal thing you were struggling with?

There was a movie that I had just gotten help. I'm very young at this point, but I had just gotten help. And I gained a bunch of weight during that time. And it was half because I was healthy and half because I didn't know how to balance. And I think a huge part of my recovery has been balanced. But I got on set the first day on set. They said, You're too big. We need you to lose weight. And so they put me on a diet. They got me a nutritionist. They got me a trainer. And the other people in the movie got to go to set normal hours, but I had to work with a trainer at five o'clock in the morning. And it set up this belief system, I think, that it doesn't really matter if you're... This is a long time ago. It doesn't really matter if you're healthy. It matters what they're going to see.

But do you remember sitting in that room when you had just gone through recovery, you're feeling better about yourself, and then you sit down and they say that to you? What did you feel when they immediately said that to you? Do you remember?

Yes. This is how fucked up it was. I thought, they're right. Yeah. Which now makes me want to cry because I think there's no way that that was correct. But I think I'm so hard on myself, and I wanted to be great, and sexy, and beautiful, that I thought, okay, this is a goal for me to get right.

It's also just so sad as women. You can do so much work, but it's like we're fighting against a system that has conditioned us since the beginning days to believe there is this one body standard that is you will get treated differently, you will get different jobs if you look this way. If you're thin, you get X, Y, Z. And so as much work as you can do on yourself, and like you said, feel healthy, The minute someone looks at you and makes a comment, especially to a woman about her body, it is so fucking hard for us to not immediately internalize it and be like, I got to get skinnier. You can do so much fucking work, but it's also just so fucked up how people feel so comfortable to even say that. But at the end of the day, it's like, oh, yeah, they think they know they're going to make more money if you look a certain way.

And so it's just like, it's a societal thing. It's in the workplace. It's on social media, to be honest, the most. Is that this is the norm and that we need to adhere to the norm. But the norm is ever-changing and so different person to person. So I don't know.

When you look back, I'm curious Do you remember a specific moment where you realized that your relationship to food was different than your friends around you?

Definitely, because I remember thinking, I remember thinking that I was obsessing about something that other people could take or leave. And as a teenager, it became such an obsession, which now I really understand the obsession of that was a way to leave my body. So I I wasn't even connecting to this thing I thought I was solving. I was actually disassociating. I was becoming obsessed with something that was this goal over here. And I think a lot of addicts, in general, become connected to the obsessing. More than they become... I mean, that's a generality that I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but I do think that that's a part of it. And so when I was a teenager, I would collect magazines and fitness magazines, and all these different things to try to get there. And my friends would look at them and think, Lena DiCaprio is not in this magazine. Why are we reading this?

Like, Brittany, where is Brad Pitt?

We want the fold out of Leo.

So to go up on the wall. And you're like, no, look at this woman. Yeah, yeah.

Got it. And I think that was the first time I was like, oh, why am I so into this? What is this going to solve for me? But I think it was useful in a way. And I talk about this with my charity, September Letters. There was an article in a magazine, in a fitness magazine, intermixed with all of the do this in pilates and eat this. There was a story about a girl with an eating disorder, and she was explaining her OCD with the obsession of it. And I ripped out that magazine article, and I thought, this girl has what I have. She's doing the same thing. So I put it in my back pocket, and I wanted to keep it as a It was a way of a hope that there was something in someone out there that had the same thing that I did. And then later, it came full circle because I did a magazine article for people, and I shared my story. And I talked about how I found that magazine article. And there was a girl at a coffee shop who was behind me, and she started crying. And I turned around, and she pulled out my magazine article from her back pocket.

And she was like, I carry this around as an example of hope. That I can get better. And I was like, okay, well, I did it. Maybe not did it, but it mattered those- Of course.

No, you did something that ended up how you felt about the magazine that you first saw. You ended up doing this same exact thing to affect another woman, which I think is so beautiful. And it's so sad because I do believe there is good in social media in us doing this. I can't imagine so many people are going to listen to this, and so many women are going to be like, oh, my God, I needed this episode. I've been doing this. I think there's so much positivity that can come. But unfortunately, I do think there's more negativity because of how oversaturated and over I feel people have gotten on the Internet to just sling shit out. It's just like, we're not thinking before we post. And I think it's really harmful. What was your rock bottom moment where you realized, I need to get help?

I Well, it's in Parachute. It's what Parachute is about, the movie. And although it became many people's stories in this way, there was a moment that I... I mean, people are going to see the movie, so I guess I should get comfortable talking about it. But I thought that it would be better. This is a lot for Call Her Daddy. This is trigger warning all the way to hell. But what I tried to encapsulate with the images in it as well is that I don't even think sometimes it's about the act of wanting to hurt yourself as much as you just want your brain to stop. And I just wanted my brain to stop. And so I think that at that moment, there was a thing that happened in my brain that said, yes, Yeah, but it'll be okay if you're skinny. And that was the moment I said, no more. No more is that going to be the thing that solves anything anymore. But this is not just me. I would be hard-pressed to find many many people who have been through something like this that haven't had a moment like that or felt like that was an answer.

And it's not. And there are so many people that have gotten through it. And I sound like I'm being really dramatic, and I'm hoping that I'm not. But I think that hopefully I can be an example that it does get better.

I hope I can ease your mind for a minute right now. First of all, this is not too dramatic or heavy for Call Her Daddy. This is the exact place we should have this conversation because of how many women listen to this podcast and how many women look up to you. And you have a voice and you do have a platform. And you're so talented. And to put your experiences into a movie that so many people are going to be able to watch and connect to. Full stop, this is not dramatic. This is real life. And you experience this. And also, I think it's so incredible to talk about this. So someone watching this is going to be where you were how many years ago and be like, wait, maybe tonight I don't have to harm myself. Maybe I should go to someone and ask for help. That's what this is about, right?

I think so. And I think that's what I guess people keep asking me, why did I do the movie? Why did I make the movie? And I think because I didn't have a movie like that when I was going through it. And I didn't even think what I was doing was necessarily... I thought I was very alone in it. So if that helps, if this helps, people really look up to you. And so I just hope that, yeah, there is some... Not that I'm some martyr either. I don't have all the answers, and I don't have a guidebook, but I definitely know that it's possible.

What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about eating disorders and body dysmorphia, and body image issues?

That it's self-indulgent, or vain, or about food. It's not about food. It's not about how you look I mean, topically, maybe. But I think underneath, it's really about an obsession of trying to disassociate and not be with yourself, actually in your body. It's better to just obsess about something else and the achievement and the dopamine hit you get by losing weight or something like that. That's so much more of the of the intric than it is about just not eating.

That's what is frustrating. It's like when people, you're so right, think it's vain, whatever it is, it's all a control mechanism, like you're saying, because you have a lack of control in your life and inside of you where you're trying to dissociate. So it's the one thing that you're like, I can handle this here. And you don't have to think about what's going on upstairs. Like you said, this movie is about talking about these distractions. Sure, to some people, it's food. To other people, like you said, it's sex, it's alcohol, it's drugs. It's hurting ourselves in some capacity to not feel what we're actually going through.

Or even lesser known ones, gossiping, or just being about drama, or just being the person that's in everyone's business. You're doing these emotionally unavailable things because you can't just sit with yourself. So it's better to go over here, go over here. And I think that a lot of people get that misconstrued because they think, oh, eating disorders are one thing. Alcoholism is one thing. And they're really quite similar. They're just using a different mechanism.

When I mentioned, obviously, recovery is not just this clear path, where are you at in your journey?

I mean, I'm better than I ever have been, which I think is such a marking of how I was able to do this movie and write about myself and have this conversation. I think I have a lot of perspective, and I'm a lot more able to sit with myself. And I have this really cool new voice in my head that I'm like, hey, girl, where you been? That started, I think, probably 10 years ago that I pretty much always see the different perspective and things, which is huge. Something terrible will happen, and another voice in my head will come in and be like, well, let's think about this from another perspective. Maybe it wasn't that, it was this. I don't really have black and white thinking anymore. I have very gray thinking, which is such a huge A huge marking of good recovery, I think. And not in a polyana way either. I just see the good in things a lot.

It's amazing. How did your relationship with your body impact how you approach coached sex in your life?

That is a great question and so layered because I think in my earlier years, it was difficult to be in my body. And I blessed my ex-boyfriends when I was in my early 20s before recovery. Truly blessed them because it was really hard for me to understand sex in the way that was healthy because I had to actually be in my body, and I was letting people see me. And that was really hard for me. And then more and more, and especially now, I have so much recovery and autonomy and confidence confidence in my body now that I've never had before. I mean, I was naked in X. So if that says anything.

But that's a huge step, I feel like, probably for you, right?

That's why I took it, to be honest. I was scared shitless, but I think it was such a It's such a goal for me. And I hate to use the word goal since I've dragged that through the mud this whole podcast. But what I wanted to do was be able to have that confidence of playing a character that was brazen in her body and in, bold, and it not get into my head. And it was really about balance. You did it. I did it.

What guys growing up and during this time of your life, were you going after? Who were you pursuing, Brittany?

What were you up to over there? Have you seen a side by side of all my exes? Because I have.

I have, too. Why don't you explain it to people that have it?

Well, you can go on Google and I I definitely had a type. God bless me, Brittany, for when you were young. I think I've had a lot of therapy. And I think that I was going after people that made sense in my mind. And that were lovely and very kind to me. And I've never dated anybody who was an asshole, which I know It almost seems weird when you look at my dating history, but they weren't. They were all lovely. But I think I went for a type of guy that made the things that I thought I was lacking make sense, if that makes sense.

So trying to almost fill the gaps of where you were like, I'm not feeling great about this, but they bring this to my life. So they feel that for me. Exactly. But when we get into therapy, as we know, Brittany, it's like, no, you've got to be a hole on your own because then you'll pick a complete different Completely different. Because no one will have to fill any gaps. They can be an individual, you can be an individual, then you just come together. Exactly. Okay, fascinating. I know a huge theme also in this movie is codependent relationships. Have you ever been in one?

Well, it's The movie is about what really happened. I got into a codependent relationship with a guy who is still a friend of mine. And I think it was I think all relationships, especially before therapy, are these microcosms of what you dealt with in childhood because it feels like home. And so it feels like, oh, that thing that I was missing from my mom or dad, I'm going to somehow recreate in a relationship. And I know I'm not talking about anything that people don't know. But I do think it's really interesting with codependency because I never had someone really unconditionally take care of me in that way. And so I got addicted to someone saving me a little bit. And I thought that that was love.

Can you talk about that? Like your childhood? What do you mean you weren't taken care of?

I love my parents and And I won't even talk ill about them at all. And a lot of parents were like this in this generation, too. It was very conditional. It was very I got an anxious attachment style for a good reason because I got a reward system, like I was saying. So I think that when I had someone who was just like, anything you do is great, and I'm going to be there for you no matter what. If you fail, if you win, it was just gold. You're like, whoa.

I don't have to do this. And then if I don't do this, I get punished or I don't get attention. Wow, that is interesting.

But then I started It started becoming very evident that it became codependent in a way of being addicted to that savior, saved cycle. And I think that was the relationship that got me into recovery.

Yeah, because while you're saying that, I'm thinking about it. It's so hard to spot. But then when you're in a codependent relationship, all of a sudden, you do eventually, I feel like most people to get to that point, where you feel like you've been saved, the person's there, and there's still this void. And you're still like, Wait, why am I not fulfilled? Why am I not happy? It's because a partner cannot actually not solve what you're lacking and what you're missing. You have to solve that. And so it's a bandaid. It feels good for a minute. Like you said, they would come in, you're like, oh, this is fucking good. But really, it's just they're covering the tracks of what your parents didn't give you. And then once they do that, then you're feeling cozy, and then you're like, wait, but I still am feeling shit on these days. And then you realize it actually has nothing to do with the person across from you. Of course, a partner can influence how you feel about yourself. But when you're looking for someone to fill the gaps, once the gaps are all filled, then it's like, why do I still feel empty in moments?

Yeah. And no person can... They're all just going to bring out these things in you that you need to go and look at for yourself?

Well, I do have to ask you. Okay, first of all, here we go. Let's do it. Here we go. Let's go. Well, first of all, are you single? First of all, are you single? Yes.

What? I am. I am. Wait, that was like... I am.

You are? Yeah. But are you talking to people? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you were single, single, you'd be like, Absolutely. I saw a little like, yeah. So you're dating?

Yeah. I've been, let's use air quotes here, single, weirdly. I'm not saying weirdly, it's so weird for me to be single. I'm saying weirdly because it's very easy for me to get relationship. Got it. And I've been actively trying to be alone and be with myself and just feel the feelings and not have to bandaid it with sparkly, shiny emotional thing. Totally. And so, yeah, I've been in and out of things a little bit, but nothing concretely. And so until... We'll see.

Okay. So last year, you went through a very public divorce with your ex. Your ex-husband went on a reality show, and there was a situation with another woman that just played out, and you had no idea what was happening until it aird for the world. What did you feel when you saw this play out for the world to see?

I will preface this with, They've taken up, and I'm collectively calling them all they because I don't know any of them, except my ex-husband. They took up a lot of energy and emotion and time and- Real estate? In my head. And I don't want to give them any more time and energy because then they would win and they would get what they wanted, which was getting my time and energy and attention. I was not aware of a lot of things. And I'll say that. So I will say what people think happens, And I think that there's also in my experience with this and how I processed it, there's a lot of grace that I give myself and also I can own. There's a part of this that I don't have a part in. They messed up. But I tried very hard to see it all from every side and release that anger because it doesn't serve me.

At some point, when you're moving on from something, it's like you don't want to give things air. I think as a woman watching it, I got triggered because I have had a not exact same similar situation, but I've seen things online of someone I was dating in the past, and I was like, Sorry, what? And it warps your perception of how can you trust people?

It's such a- Or how can you trust yourself? Which I think was, I think, the The saddest part about the whole thing was I didn't see any of... I was... What? And to trust yourself after that and be like, I have a good sense of character. I had instincts, and I think because I was in love, I didn't trust them.

Yeah. That's what I feel like, which is the worst is when you get a little space from it. We always know. But there's so many reasons we don't want to know because it looks all good and most of it feels good. But there's a tiny thing in your head that's And you're like, no, get out of here. Everything is fucking good. We are thriving over here, but it's not. And I guess I just now thinking you're fabulous and getting to know you, I can't help but just ask, I feel like you're a private person.

Specifically with my relationships, 100 %. Yeah.

So how did you just handle... Fuck him and all them for a minute. How do you handle in internally people fucking coming at you and wanting to know something so personal that this person betrayed you. They took it so public and you didn't have a say in it. How did you recover from that? And how are you recovering from it?

I think that was the hardest part was the not being able to... Not because anyone silenced me, just that I was not going to play that game. I don't have the anger that I think people wanted me to have in terms of I wasn't... It was so like, what? I just didn't even want to go there.

I get what you mean. You're like, I know people want you to put out this big statement. I saw it. And you're like, the fuck?

Yeah, of course I saw it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Watched it with my dog. So by yourself? Mm-hmm. Whatever. Now I can laugh about it because I think it's so- It's insane. It's insane, and it's so funny. It's so crazy.

Is there anything closing out that chapter of your life that you feel was very misconstrued on the Internet that you could clarify right now?

I think I would say that, yes, what happened, happened. And I think what people, what it's alluded to in the press is true. But what I do think, which the press can't do, thankfully, is the intric of there was love there. There was a marriage there. There was so much love. And I think that that gray is hard to understand because it's much more salacious and interesting that it's just like, he did this and she did this. And I think that's what I would want to, I guess, put out there is that I think a lot of people go into relationships where someone hurts them. But I don't regret it. I don't regret anything that happened because I loved that time that we had when we had it.

Did you know her?

Which one? Well, any of those? No.

You had no clue. And then it slowly just bomb.

I did not know what was going on. I think as someone who's so hands-on with my career. I think I was just completely shocked that I didn't have a handle on reality in that way. That was I'm not even talking.

Who did you call first?

I went over to a friend's house. It was the worst day.

It's more the situation that's like, So relatable for women when it happens and it's like you feel like you've been hit by a truck because your reality has been completely distorted because you're like, everything I believed is changed. And you have to basically pick the pieces up by yourself health. And it's a really, really fucked up situation. If anyone is listening has felt it, you know what I mean of like, you want to say, fuck you to the person, but you're also like, wait five seconds ago, you were my person. How does it change on a dime? It does. And so the picking up of the pieces by yourself when 48 hours ago, you had this person and a life together, it's really disorienting. But I feel like if you have Any closing advice for women right now, generally, of just like, when you experience someone betraying your trust and disrespecting you in a relationship, relationship? What have you found has given you strength to move forward and trust yourself after something like that has happened to you?

It doesn't happen right away because I think the shock and the nervous system and the breakdown of the familial system of safety is destroyed because this person is your home, and your home is burnt. So I think what happened for me, which is, and I won't speak about this specifically because I think this goes with a lot of my past relationships or things that I tell my friends, which is to actually start realizing and seeing them as real people and not this idealized version of what you thought or what you built, but who they are really and the intricacies of taking the shine off a little bit And really getting into the brass tacks of, did this really work? Because if it did, it wouldn't have happened. And that's really hard to hear because I think a lot of us want to be like, it's them and blah, blah, blah. But it is. But I think that there's nuance in the fact that they must not be happy.

It's so true. And you're so right Brittany, it's like, I know it's so hard to hear, especially if there's someone like, today you found out and you're like, oh, my God, what do I do? There is something to be said of having enough respect for yourself to know, if this person did this to me, why would I want to be with someone that could ever disrespect me?

And that has been such a gift for me. People keep telling me, what did you feel afterwards? And I'm grateful in a weird way because it was a neon fucking sign. It was bigger than the.

You're like, and double, triple.

So I didn't ever have to worry if I'm You'll never doubt.

You'll never doubt. That wasn't meant to be. And that's what I think leaving that conversation, it is helpful for women to hear someone that has just recently gone through something that is, unfortunately, really fucking relatable. And we all go through it, probably at some point in your lifetime. If you haven't, fuck you. You're lucky. It is staying really, really clear on who the fuck you are and what you deserve and not allowing yourself in the wake of the loss in the first couple of months to romanticize something. Being grounded of like, no, no, no, hold on. Listen to what this person did to you. This person is like, you know what I mean? You just have to, you're right, be realistic and you can cry. I feel like sometimes people are like, get over it. Make sure you surround yourself with friends that are like, cry, snot in the fucking tissue. You should be sad because you're more learning something that you didn't have control over the ending of. But then move the fuck on.

I really, really shout out and give such thanks to my friends who just laid there with me. And they didn't They didn't try to fix it, and they didn't try to... Because there's nothing to fix. There's nothing to change. It is what it is. And they just let me just be. And that's what I needed at that time. And I listened to a lot of Two self-help podcasts. But a huge part of changing and growing is what I think is just sitting in that pain and not trying to fix it, in trying to... And just, I don't know. It makes resilience possible.

I do want to know, though, with divorce, because I do think women, there's such a stigma of like, oh, God, you got to start over. And like, how are you going to do that? And men have it so much easier, and it's such fucking bullshit. What have you learned about yourself through this divorce?

So much. And honestly, I'm not this type of girl, so I will preface that with that blanketed statement. But I'm so proud of myself, and I'm never proud of myself. But I think that it was really, really crazy for a minute. But I think like anything, I just... There was this one time that I texted a girl from Pitch Perfect, one of the Bellas, and I said, what do you do in this situation? How are you handling? How did you handle this emotion? Because it's so much pain that I didn't know I could do it. And she just said, you just sit there. You just sit there and you just take it and you just exist. Just exist. And I just remember sitting there being like, okay, I'm just going to exist. And I'm just like, And it passes. And then you just realize, oh, this stuff is so ephemeral in a way. It does hurt, but it comes and goes. And I think that that impermanence can be an example for so many things in life.

So true. That's like, again, it's the hardest thing. And it's like what we go back to when we were talking about struggling with an eating disorder where you're like, oh, my God, if only I could just get out of my head, but it does get better if you do get help. It is the same thing with everything in life. You're right. There is this impermanence where in the moment it feels like, oh, the ship's going down. We're fucked. How am I going to get through this? And then one day you fucking wake up and you're like, I feel better. Right. And I don't know how. Then one day you're sitting on Call Her Daddy and I ask you if you're single and you're like, well, let me talk to you about my roster, bitch. And it's like, life goes on. Had you ever been cheated on before? Yes.

And oh, do I love dealing with that in therapy? Girl, because here's the thing, fuck them for doing that, to be honest. But underneath that, I can't control that. And what am I going to be angry for the rest of my life and draw holes in their eyes with the pictures.

Like a little voodoo doll, fuck you.

But what I can do with that is look at my part of, I've picked them. And maybe that was something that I should have looked at because maybe I was doing something for my childhood of needing that validation or that conditional love and the fighting for the, are they going to think I'm hot? Whatever. And it's like, I don't do that anymore.

What is something that you put up with in the past that now that you've become centered with yourself and you can look back at past relationships, You're like, I will never put up with this anymore.

I had an ex tell me that I couldn't wear sweat pants.

Sorry. What? He would fucking hate me. Holy shit. Who is this man?

I will not tell you, but- What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That they signified giving up, which I love the description as well.

I'm just getting started, bitch. Giving up?

Giving up.

Relaxed, cozy, comfortable. Thriving. Thriving.

I I was like, I can look hot in sweat pants.

You can look so fucking sexy in sweat pants. Let me be the first to tell you.

So I think that guy in general, although young, like a young soul. And also we're friends now, so it's fine. Right, right, right.

And you wear sweat pants every time you see them.

Oh, my friends got me a ring that is engraved sweat pants. No. Yes. When we broke up because they were like, Girl, wear your fucking sweat pants.

Well, it's also just so sadly indicative of male-female relationships where it's like, why do men feel fucking comfortable saying that shit to women when it's like, We would never say... Oh, don't wear... Well, I would say, Don't wear your fucking khakis, bitch. But it's like, why? You know what I It's such a demeaning statement that you're like, why?

I think he had an idea of what sexy bed time-ness was, and it didn't incorporate sweat pants. I don't know. But I think that's marketing and also shitty things given to men as of this is what a woman is supposed to do. And I think that bleeds into a lot of relationships, too, is that I think men think that there's this generalization of what women should be like. And I'm sure you dealt with this a lot, too. But I think a lot of times I've dealt with in relationships where a guy thinks they want a boss. They think they want the girl that comes in in a suit and then changes into sweat pants because she's fucking tired. But they don't really sometimes because they want to provide and they want you to have dinner. And all this stuff where you're like, Are we in 1940? Right. And I think changing that and actually having guys pull up and be like, If you want a boss, you're going to get a boss, and she's going to wear sweat pants because she's been working all day. Right.

And she's paying for this fucking dinner in this fucking house, bitch. So bow down, okay? Yeah. No, I appreciate that because I get we're talking about sweat pants.

It's indicative of other things.

The theme is... No, and I agree with you. I think there's a lot of men... It also goes back to porn. They see this And they're like, oh, my God. It's not realistic. Every porn star I've ever talked to is like, it is the fakest thing I've ever done in my life. I am faking it. This is fake. This is what you see is fake. What you see squirting out is fake. It's all fake. And so it's like, I think men have such a warped perception of what they want women to be. They need to educate themselves and get up to speed because I'm exhausted seeing men treat women like, why aren't you acting like a Barbie Why aren't you wearing linger to bed? And it's like, You put on a fucking G-String, bitch. I'm done with this. It's exhausting. Okay, so you've learned that. What else are you going to take away from you're never going to deal with from past relationships?

I think I fall in love with And this is before, not anymore. But I really fell in love with people who had potential. I saw it in them. Let's go us against the world. We are a team, baby. And there wasn't evidence that that was true. Sometimes, sometimes there was. But I think I won't put up anymore with just potential because it's an idea. And Although I think it's different than believing in someone and their ability and their drive, because I think that's sexy. But I think that there's a difference.

Yeah. I feel like it gets so scary, and I've had that before, and I bet it's very relatable for women listening. When you have a guy in front of you and you have all these ideas of what they can be, we need to start being more accountable with ourselves. It's like, what is he showing you? And it's like, well, no, no, no. But no, no. Look at what he's saying and what he's doing every day. Get your head out of the clouds. But it's hard. And I think that's also just coming from the standpoint of being a woman. We've been taught to just make everyone comfortable and look at things I don't know. I feel like we just have moments where we try to make the best of things. And instead, it's like, girl, what is he showing you? It's hard. What we're talking about is us, also as women, just trying to get validation. It's all we know. It's like, did they tell you you're pretty? Did they tell you you're thin? Did you do a good job? It's like, we're constantly just fighting to be validated because we already are starting from below zero as women.

It's like, we aren't men. We're living in a man's world. You're already at disadvantage. So we're looking externally for all these things. And then when you start dating, it gets fucking psychotic because you're like, do I like him? Or do I just really need that? Like, little validation tonight at that date. Like, Which is it? But eventually- Totally. It's exhausting. But then I found once you exhaust yourself enough.

Well, I actually ended up having to really start listing it out in my head. I'm like, he yelled at a waiter once. Brittany. I know. And I was like, that wasn't the like, bye. Peace.

And you can pick up the bill. Okay, goodbye. Good day, sir. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And then I snapped out of it and I was like, I'm like, whoa, where am I?

But we can avoid those things and we can pretend it didn't happen. I have done that before, and this is so fucking embarrassing, but I've done something similar where they do that. And then I pretend I didn't see it. I'm like, oh, my God, where's my hair tied? And it's like, I just saw this man be rude to fucking waiter, but you don't want to see it because you have an agenda in your head, and that didn't fit the script. I'm like, I want to go out with you again because you're filling this one thing that I'm liking right now. So that waiter issue never happened. But then eventually, you look at yourself in a couple of months still talking to him, and he's doing it now to you, and he's doing it. And you're like, okay, well, I saw this fucking five months ago, but here we are.

But I was listening to your episode with Camela Caballo, and you guys were talking about the slow burn as opposed to the fire cracker thing. And that is something that really, really has been hugely helpful for me lately. Okay. Is just slow and steady, baby. Just really slow and steady. And I do think that it works Because you're gathering information. You're just gathering slowly.

I think it's also so healthy to think about it in that way, because slow burn doesn't mean we're fucking flat line on the first date. It's not like, oh, my God, you You are so boring. I'm going to fall asleep. But let's go for a second just in case. No, there is a spark, but it's not to the point where you're leaving so overwhelmed because, again, usually that means- Chemical. It's chemical.

It's chemical. It's something in your... I forgot what podcast it was, but it was saying that if it's chemically and it's fizzy and it's nervous and your nervous system is going, then it's triggering the child in you that found something in the child in them. And you guys are like, doing that nervous energy thing. And that's not real. That's not safe. That's, oh, my God, this is my mom, and I can fix this.

You're like, I love you. Let me solve all your problems. Let me do my savior complex right now. Put me in, coach. And it's like, oh, my God, no. What you want is a mature relationship where you can look at the person and be like, I actually see we have similar interests. We have a very values. Like, That is what you need to focus on.

Don't yell at the waiter.

If you yell at the... What was his name? I wish I'd get Ricky. Knock it off. The waiter deserves better, okay?

And of course, I did the thing where I was like, I'm so sorry. It's totally fine. He doesn't need the new... It's not for you. No. Yeah.

And then you went on another date with him. Oh, my God. So many. No. Who am I? But you needed to learn it yourself. And then did you what? Did you eventually just not talk to him again?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Or no, you're like, No, I have a date tonight.

No, no, no. Nope. No, it's over. No. Okay. We are. Okay. Dunzel Washington.

So what is- Thank you. What is your approach to dating right now? And are you, and I know this is too premature, But are you open to getting married again in the future? Or are you just not even thinking about that right now? Are you open to getting married again in the future? Or are you just not even thinking about that right now?

That's a good question because I vacillate a little bit because I think it's a huge... You're getting married soon, so I can't destroy this too much.

Like, marriage is fucking off. Alex, run. I'm like, No, okay. Fuck off, Matt. We're done.

No, you're already married, right?

No.

Oh, I thought you got the license and everything. Oh, what?

Oh, you're right. Oh, I am legally married. Do you not? No. Oh, my God. I'm like, Am I married?

Wait, did I get that wrong? You're right. Oh, I love that I'm telling you about you.

I love that you're... Matt, it seems like, Alex, I am married. Well, no, to be fair, I was waiting for the 90 day thing. I think by now I think I am legally married, but my wedding is coming up.

Right, right.

Those are different.

That's what matters.

Yeah, Yes, you're right. Weddings matter, marriage matters more. And I am married. And this is good to know. Note to self, Alex, you're fucking married, you dumb bitch. I am married. I think so. Let me check.

It's like a technicality. Yeah, yeah.

Technicality. Anyways, back to you telling me I shouldn't get married.

No, no, no. I'm not going to tell you because here's the thing. Marriage is fucking awesome. And I love to be married. I really thrive in relationship. I do. And I think that there's something so beautiful about the You know this, the coming together and being like, we got each other, partnership, teammates. I love that idea. I vacillate a little bit of like, can you have that without paperwork just because I've been on the other side. But I also am a hopeless romantic. I love love. I can't help it. And so I would love to be able to believe in marriage again. And I date to I'm dating to find my person.

I think that's absolutely the right way to look at it. Of course, you would love one day, maybe. But I think a lot of times we can get... Dating is exhausting. Oh, my God. And it can get infuriating. But I do think everyone who has been in love at one point, and we don't even need to take away from past loves. It's like that feeling is amazing. When you are with someone you love, and then even if If they become a piece of shit later. You can just remember those good moments. When you're dating, it's like you are dating to find the even better version of that feeling. And I think that should make people feel hopeful of put in a little bit of work for a year to two years to three years to five years to then have a lifetime with someone. It comes. We just have to be fucking patient. But it is annoying. It can be annoying, but then it also can be really fun.

I think that some of my favorite women right now are still dating after heartbreak. I mean, that's huge. It's so strong to be able to put yourself out there like that again and to believe that you are worthy after totally something bad happens in that way. That's fucking badass. And you have to believe in yourself in order to know that you can withstand your own mind in the battle of that.

I agree. And I think because women are so judged based off of our age and our looks and all the things. And society tells us, you're dead by 30. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm feeling my best as I'm entering this new era. Fuck you. I think we can also just start to say, fuck it, and just do what makes you feel good. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Date. Have fun. We're alive once. Give it a fucking try. Meet people. Connect with people. If you can change your perspective on it, I think when people look at us like, oh, have you found the one? No. And that's so exciting because that means they're out there and you're going to figure it out.

There was some great advice that someone gave me where they were like, if you're looking for them, they're looking for you. And it was so simple. So true. But I thought, oh, yeah, if you're out there and I feel like I'm pretty cool, then someone's out there that's pretty cool, too. That's like, where is she?

Where is she? And one day you're going to walk in and they're going to be so nice to the waiter. You're going to be like, oh, my God, this is totally the right guy for me. What is your best quality that you bring to a relationship?

The more surface one, I guess, is I'm pretty fun. I'm a good time. Whether or not you like me or not, you're going to have a good time. Love. Not sexually, or maybe. Maybe. I meant more on the date, good banter, good conversation.

You're going to have men clip this when you go on dates and then be like, I want this. What is this? You're like, oh, let me take you for a ride. Not sexually, but maybe.

Just a good time means so many different things nowadays. Yes, it does. It does. But I had to explain that. But I think But emotionally, I am extremely... I really, really get into the nitty-gritty with somebody. I go hard for them. I am super passionate about what they're passionate about. I really am a great partner because I just love that teammate aspect. I love it. I think in relationships, too, we don't listen enough. And I really like to listen when I'm in a partnership.

What is your take on if you don't fight in a relationship, it automatically means you're in a healthy relationship.

I completely disagree. And I know this from experience. Because I think men, and this is another generalization because it's not true for everyone. I do think men have learned that having that emotional fight is much more of a woman's thing, saying what you feel and let's fight about it now. And they've been trained to stuff it down. It doesn't really matter. Let's talk about it tomorrow. And I always think that sometimes isn't detrimental to a relationship sometimes, because I do think that there's a lot of love and companion relationship and collaboration to be had in the normalcy of good fighting, not yelling at each other and throwing things, but coming from two perspectives.

Yeah. I feel like it comes down to communication. I feel like there are so many relationships that people can look back and be like, we never fought, aka, we never really talked. We talked.

Aka, you probably never had sex. Because intimacy, conflict is intimacy. And so is really talking to them, and so is sex. And so it's so... I think it's intertwined.

It's a good point. Or it's the most disconnected sex, and you're literally thinking of someone else. And you're like, da, da, da. And then he's like, do you like that? You're like, oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, keep going. You're literally out of body thinking about someone else. If you really break it down, and that's why it is beautiful when you get out of relationships and have a little bit of time to reflect, it all comes together for you. Everything that you were blinded by in the relationship, you're like, huh, that is fascinating that I put up with that or we both put up with that. We both got okay with that situation. Totally. It's a really weird cycle that you can get into and you don't see it until you're I'm glad of it. You're like, yeah, goddamn.

And I'm glad that's why I've waited a year to talk to you, to bring it back to the beginning. I love it. Because I do have so much more perspective on... I think if I would have come here a year ago, I would have been so angry and I I would have not been able to see also my part in things of who was I there? Because I was there, too. Totally. And I think a lot of times we get so bogged down on the situation and what happened that we don't look at it from the other side. And I know what I need to change going into my next relationship of who I want to be.

So true. Let's close out one more time with your movie, Parachute. I'm so inspired by you and what you are doing with the themes in this movie. Can you just give a little final pitch to the Dottie Gang? I feel like men and women, but specifically for the ladies listening? Why should they see this movie? And what do you think it will do for women when they watch?

I hope it's a combination of being incredibly romantic and a beautiful a full love story, but something that I feel is connected to everybody and something that maybe sheds light on a feeling you didn't know how to put into words. That would be my pie in the sky hope is that you maybe feel like this, but you didn't know how to formulate that until you saw it. And I think my biggest compliment that I've gotten from people seeing the movie, specifically men who don't have to have these issues as many women, they say to me, wow, my sister has this, my mom had this, whatever, or guys, too. But I didn't understand it. And now I have a little bit more context of how painful it is. And It's changed my perspective on it.

It's fucking amazing. That's what I would hope. Again, I think what's fun about having conversations like this is the struggles that you've had through your life and everything of you sitting here earlier being like, there was a point where I didn't know if I could keep going. Going through something that's also so relatable and heartbreaking and divorce and all these very humanistic struggles that we all can relate to. I think it's encouraging to see you sitting here right now being like, I'm figuring it out. Because you know there are someone that literally one of those things is happening to them right now. And this interview could be something that they're like, all right, I'm going to keep pushing because I just watched Brittany and goddamn, look where she's at. And that can be me in a year. So thank you so much for coming on and talking with me. And you're the shit.

You're the shit.

Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you so much for having me. This is awesome.

No, seriously, thank you.