Sunday morning, fight this, Carlyn. Every Sunday's, fight this day. What the fuck? That was pretty good, right? Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. It's Alex, and something is in the air. Everything is funny to me right now, and it's not funny. Even if something really fucked up happened, I would be laughing. I can't figure out if it's because I'm sleep-deprived. Last night, Matt and I laid in bed until I would say 2:33 AM, and we could not stop talking. And this is a big deal for Matt and I, because Matt, the traitor he is, is constantly, the minute his head hits the pillow, snores out. He's gone like a light. And I actually need to know this. Is this a man versus woman thing where it's like, the minute my head hits the pillow, mental warfare, all of the things begin. I'm like, Oh my God, what is my five year plan? And like, Oh my God, what will my third baby's name be? Oh my God, I haven't texted that girl from college that I wanted to reconnect with. And oh my God, I really should order this thing off of Amazon because I know that that nail is going to chip and I need to use the cuticle oil, but I don't own cuticle oil, so I need to own the cuticle oil, so I need to go on Amazon.

Oh my God. Then I'm on Amazon at 3:00 AM and I'm like, Oh my God, I need a white bikini. Oh my God, this pattern one is so cute. Oh my God, I needed sandals. Wait, the drawer that I needed to put in my bathroom to organize my perfumes. Boom, purchase. No matter how tired I am, most nights I lay my head to rest. And instead of resting, it's just the beginning of my mind circulating with every possible angle that I can go in my life. And Matt, the actual frustration when I look at that motherfucker and he rests his head down, I'm like, Okay, so are you Matt, you're already asleep. And I'll whack him with the pillow. And he's like, Alex, just because I can fall asleep and you can't, doesn't mean you have to destroy my sleep. And I'm like, I'm sorry. We're about to get married in no shape or form. If I'm struggling, you're coming down with me, baby. We're going down the drain together. If I fucking sink, you sink. However, if I fall asleep first, fuck right off. Suffer in silence, you little piece of shit. Okay? And so the point is, is Matt is always falling asleep so easily.

And So last night, I don't know what got into him, but we're laying in bed together. And I will admit, sometimes I try to sneakily rile him up. If we're talking for a little longer than normal, and I would usually be like, oh, he's going to fall asleep soon, and he hasn't. Instead of acknowledging it, I'm so excited, but I don't... I'm trying to think of a good analogy. Someone's doing something that they never do for you. You're not going to be like, wow, look at you doing it. You're going to let them finish the task, and then you're going to be like, I'm so shocked you did that, because you want them to finish the task. That's me with Matt when he is not falling asleep. There's something in me that just was rejoicing. And so I kept talking and I kept talking and he kept responding, and he wasn't snoring. And I'm like, this is the best time of my life. But something that Matt brought up that I was thinking about, and it made me... I really wanted to bring this up because the other day Matt went to this get together with a bunch of his guy friends, and some of the guy friends he didn't really know, but it was like a friend of a friend, and everyone was coming together.

And Matt came home, and he was like, This is such a weird, strange thing. But I want to bring this up because I never want to get to this point in our relationship and our marriage. And I was like, What? And he said, When I was with all these guys, a lot of the men were like, Oh, my fucking God. I need to get away from my wife and my kids. I just need to get away from my wife. I need to get away. I'm so stressed, and I need some guy time. And Matt was like, It made me really sad that I totally understand everyone needs time with their friends. Matt was like, I get it. Of course, I want guy time. I want to go golf. I want to whatever. But he was like, But there's no need to put down your wife and your kids or your family or your partner in the same sentence. Of course, it's really healthy to have a relationship outside of your partner. But he was like, I was just overwhelmed by how all of these guys were just like, Fuck, I need time away from the wife.

Why do you need to put it that way? Why can't you be like, Oh, I'm so excited. I've been so stressed work, so much going on. I can't wait to hang out with the guys. And I feel like I've seen it everywhere. When I look back at some of even the men growing up around me, some of the dads growing up around me, I feel so happy and fortunate. I never saw my father talk that way about my mother, of I got to get away from her. And it makes me obviously happy that I chose a partner that's like, I never want to... I would never say that. But it just made me think, Daddy Gang. I want to be really clear. This is not saying that your partner should not want to spend time with their friends and to have some independence and alone time away from their partner. That's not what I'm saying. It's the fact that people feel the need to put down their partner and put down their life at home and use that as the excuse as to why they're so excited for their friend time. It's so I'm sad.

And then I sit here and I'm like, I feel like I've heard so many people say this before, and I agree with Matt. I never want to get to that point in my relationship. And I can imagine people be like, Girl, wait till you're 40 years into a marriage. You're going to be like, I need to get the fuck away from my husband. I don't know. Again, I know I've talked about it before. I feel really fortunate that I watched my parents growing up have a really healthy relationship. But I have never seen my mom or my dad be like, get me away from him. Of course, my mom is like, oh, he's being so annoying. But it's never like, oh, I need time away from that person. I just feel like if you feel that way, there's such a larger issue. And when I look I would talk at my previous relationships, oh, my God, I would text Lauren, I would text Chris, and I would text Jackie being like, I need a girls week, and I need to get away from him, because it was toxic, and I wasn't feeling good about myself, or I wasn't fully being myself in that relationship.

And so I think these men, it's like they're playing these roles with their wife, and they're looking at their wife, and they're just like, oh, no fun, don't want to be around. And that, to me, is terrifying. I would be so depressed if I found out that my husband was walking into rooms being like, Jesus fucking Christ. I can't take the wife this week. I need to get the fuck away from my kids. What? I mean, write in to me, Daddy Gang, if you've heard this or experienced too. But when Matt said it to me, it just like a light bulb went off of like, it's really toxic, I think. I think it's really unhealthy. Okay, so we're going to do a little thing that I like to call go to France and have a little question. We haven't gone to France in quite a while. I guess we should go to France in order to get a little something I like to call a questions. We're going to fucking France. Let's do questions. Here we fucking go. You guys have I've written in a lot of good questions recently. I feel like you guys have been really on your grind, and I've just been giving deadbeat dad.

So let me really turn this motherfucker around and let me answer some of your questions, okay? Your problems are my problems. Oh, my God. I have been feeling really insecure about trying new things in the bedroom with my boyfriend because I don't bleach my asshole, and I don't want him to be grossed out. Do guys expect that from you? Babe, I don't bleach my asshole. Should Matt be grossed out? Okay, my only issue with this question is it makes me feel like he's said something to you in the past that would make you feel like your asshole is gross. I have never had a man complain about my asshole. If anything, I've swotted them away and be like, please, for the love of God, let's stick to the vagina tonight. But I think if maybe this is coming from a place where your boyfriend maybe has made a comment about your asshole not being bleached. I bet he doesn't bleach his asshole. So I always think this way. If they're not doing it, why should we have to do it? Babe, I think you got to get out of your head. And if your boyfriend is ever making you feel insecure about the natural color of something on your body, it's time to break up with him.

My boyfriend's success rate in the bedroom has taken a hit. He only gets me off 40 % of the time now. It's gotten So bad. I've started watching porn when he's gone just to get off. I think it's so hot when guys are assertive and a little dominant and take the lead. But lately, he's been so passive. I've tried to hint at trying new things or introducing toys, but he isn't taking the bait. I've also been pretty clear that I'm not really coming every time. And while he feels bad, he still isn't doing anything about it. How do I get him to step it up? Okay, so I feel like here's the thing. Not to ever ever, ever, ever support a man blindly. But it is really the blind leading the blind when it comes to the penises and them downstairs in our region. And I feel like even you saying, I've tried to hint. No, there's no hinting. There's no hinting when it comes to men. Men need an instruction manual. Women are able to read the cues, to read the room, read through the lines. Men need a fucking start to finish step one through step fucking 10.

And I know it must be annoying, but I do think it's like, if you are watching porn while he's gone and you have told him you're not coming, I think the next time that you have sex, be like, Babe, I've missed you so much. I'm so excited. I love you. Let's have sex. And then be like, I wanted to start watching porn. This has been getting me off while you're gone. I want to incorporate it into the bedroom. It feels as though he's probably like... It's like a dog with this tail between his legs right now. He's feeling insecure, he's feeling inferior, and he knows he's not doing the job. So you know what? What have we been taught, ladies? When a man can't do something, you can do it probably already fucking better and just do it yourself, okay? I think it's like, you got to just get your momentum back in the bedroom, even if it's you taking charge. Pull up the fucking Live stream it on fucking TV, watch it on the TV with him, get your vibrator out, start doing your dance, start doing your song and dance on your clit, whatever it takes.

I think sometimes we're too generous with men in terms of how kind we are when it comes to the bedroom. From my experience, men are not that kind when it comes to saying if they're not pleased or not, right? They'll make either an inappropriate comment to you at dinner, like, Well, yeah, you're not even fucking me, or, yeah, blah, blah, blah. They We have no shame to speak up when they're not getting their nut. And the most time, it is annoying, but we know most time men just get their nut, and they black out, and they don't even pay attention to you. If they're just having a hard time getting off, they can just black out and get it done. So we got to take a page from a man's book, like black out and get it done yourself. And even if he's in feeling inferior, then you can say, babe, I love you so much. I've shared with you I'm having a hard time getting off. I just want you to work with me. And there's some things that work for me when I'm masturbating alone that I think we just need to incorporate into the bedroom.

Whenever you are not satisfied, a lot of times, I'm not saying that you shouldn't rely on your partner, but sometimes you actually have to take things into your own hands. And I think when it comes to your own orgasm, of course, it's important that your partner can get you off. But I've done things in moments where Matt knows there are certain times of the month where I really like certain different positions. If I'm on my period, I like it this way. If I'm not on my period, I like it this way. If I'm PMSing, I like it this way. But it's because I've taught the man. I've He's literally been like, he'll be like, Let's do this. And I will say to Matt in the middle of switching positions, I'll be like, No, do this. And he's immediately like, fall in line and just does it. So I think you need to get a little bit more specific and take charge. And stop hinting and hoping. Just fucking do it. I was with my ex-boyfriend for eight months, And honestly, everything was great. We barely fought and seemed to be on the same page about everything until the topic of children came up.

He told me he didn't know if he could ever be a dad, which freaked me out because I know I want to be a mom one day. We ultimately broke up because we realized we weren't as aligned as we thought we were on some of the bigger issues. Now, I'm totally questioning my approach to dating. I know you shouldn't have huge conversations about the future early on into a relationship, but when is the right time to talk about stuff like marriage or kids? I don't want to come off like a freak, but I also really don't want to waste my time anymore. Please help. Such a good question. Listen, there's in my brain always two ways to do something. It's either so immediate or read the room in timing once you have gaged a relationship with someone. So what I mean by that is, a lot of times back in the day when I would go on first dates, I would joke about things in a way that I'm trying to get an answer for, but obviously I'm doing it in a funny way that is going to get me my answer, but it's not coming across like I'm being Clingy Psycho Bitch.

I just met you, Jeremy, and I want to have your fucking babies. What I will say to that, though, and I'm trying to think of a good example of how I would do that, I would say something along the lines. If he's like, We're drinking and we're hanging out. And I would say something like, Oh, my God, how many siblings do you have? And he I could say, Oh, I'm an only child. And then I could say something like, Oh, my God, would you ever want to have just one kid if you were having kids? Because I feel like sometimes only children can be freaks. I don't know. You're giving me serial killer vibes right now, John. And he'd be like, No, I know I want more than two kids because I fucking hated being an only child. Boom. You just got a little fucking context. I know I want more than two kids. Again, I think I sometimes in my flirt will lightly shit talk and then go back to flirting. If that's not your style and you don't feel like you could make a chill enough joke and land the plane in that way, I totally get it.

That may not be your style. So then don't do that. And be self-aware enough to know because, God forbid, you're like, Oh, you're a freak. You're an only fucking child. Do you want more than one kid? And then he's like, Okay, you're an asshole. Just read the room. If you can be a little punny and funny, yes, take that approach. If you are like, That is so not my style, Alex. I'm not making jokes like that on a date. Totally great. Fine. So then what I would say is you can say something along the lines of, If you're doing it on the first date, again, to be chill. You could say something like, How many siblings do you have? And be And if he again says, Oh, I have five. I'm like, Oh, that's so interesting. Do you want a big family one day? Or was that such chaos growing up in that house? Do you see how I'm like, you're making it chill. You're relating it to something that they went through of like, Oh, cool. Oh, my God, you have five siblings. Would you even want that many kids? That's cheaper by the dozen.

I feel like that's so many because I have two siblings, and it's already so much. You know what I mean? Being chill. Again, someone could say you could be super direct, and I don't hate that approach. I I just think, here is my opinion. I personally would never ask someone how many if they want kids on the first date, because I don't even know if I like you on the first date, is my personal opinion. I would never ask a guy that just because I'm like, I need to even see if I want to fucking watch you down another steak in 48 hours, because I may get home and be like, I fucking hate that guy. That was an ick, ewe. And I don't really care if he wants kids or not. So I would say, if you Date a little bit. I don't think you're wasting your time if you go on four dates, okay? And by the fourth date, then you could maybe say, Oh, tell me about your family. When naturally, I would say, when their family comes up is a way for you to not awkwardly be like, Do you want kids?

Do you want fucking kids? And again, I know some people would disagree with me and be like, Oh, I would just say, Hey, listen, I'm dating, and I know I'm getting more to that point in my life where I'm thinking about having a family. And when I say that, not to be a dick, but I'm not looking at being like, have my babies with me. I'm more so just trying to gage, is that something you're even interested in? Because I don't really want to waste each other's time. You can totally, totally do that. I think if you're doing that 10 dates in, that's totally appropriate. But I think just on the first date, be self-aware enough to know, you can't even know if you like him, so why the fuck do you care if he wants kids? First, figure out if you even like the man. You know what I mean? But yeah. And then I think if you want to be really direct, there's a non-creopy, crazy to do it. Like I just said. Hey, this is always my go-to. When something is awkward, call it out. This is my least favorite topic, but I do just need to say it so that I can go I can leave this date and know I asked you because I don't want to be a freak.

But I am looking at some point, not tomorrow, but of course, I want to have a family one day. I feel like I've dated guys in the past that are not interested in having kids, and I totally respect that. But I just wanted to gage from you, with me or another woman, one day, are you thinking that's something you're looking for? Just so I can gage. Okay, next. Hi, Daddy. I just broke up with my long term boyfriend because I started to spiral about the fact that I've never really had the chance to be single. We ended on great terms and decided to try being friends with benefits while I explore meeting other people. I still love my ex and I totally see a future with him, but I also really want to live in the moment and have new experiences now. On paper, it seems like everything worked out perfectly for me. I get to stay close with my ex and I get to date other people, but I'm scared this is a recipe for disaster and When someone is going to get their feelings hurt. Do you think this can work? Can I make a mistake?

This is a great, great question. And I actually think there is something really healthy about what you're doing right now. Number one, I want to commend you because the amount of people that write in freaking out, saying, I have only been with my boyfriend. I do love him so much. But I also like, I want to live a little, and I do want to have a single phase. And I do want to just see what else is out there. Not that I don't love my boyfriend, because it's like, I haven't lived. Again, it's so hard to be a human being and to find something incredible. And I empathize with everyone going through this. I can't imagine finding essentially what you can deem the love of your life at an early age. But naturally, as a human being, we crave experience and new beginnings, and we crave feelings with other people, and we crave connection, and we crave the feelings of the unknown, and you just want to experience life. And it's the same thing when you're with your parents, but you have to move on from your parents at some point when you're going to college, or you're going away, or you're moving to a new city.

At some point, if you've been with someone for so long from such a young age, developmentally, when you're growing, you're going to naturally be like, oh, what else is out there? And that's normal. So the fact that you were able to end something with your ex and be like, I want to go explore. I commend you because I know a lot people that don't do that. And then they get married, and then they're like, fuck my life. I never had a ho phase. I never got to go out. I never got to be single. And now all I can think about when I'm fucking masturbating is that, or now all I can think about when I'm fucking sitting alone is that. And it doesn't mean you don't love your partner, but it is normal. So what I will say is this, I really do believe in breaking up with someone and you could find your way back to someone one day. Do I think it's likely? No, because I feel like if that really was potentially the love of your life, I don't know. I guess that that's contradicting. I know you want to have experiences, but at the same time, I think this is what you have to do.

You have to focus on what your body and your mind are telling you in this moment. You want to experience life outside of this one partner that you've had. You want to meet people. You want to date. You want to have sex with other people. You want to be intimate with other people. You want to flirt with other people. You want make out with people. That's normal. And of course, feelings can get hurt. My advice to you would be, I think there is a healthy balance of not sharing so much if your ex is asking you things. You guys could maybe have a rule, when you're together, if you ever are hanging out, we don't really need to talk about what we're doing outside of our own chill, friends with benefit relationship. Because what I think would end up happening, and this where you're going to have to prepare yourself is he's being chill, and then maybe one night you say, Sorry, I can't hang out, and he's like, Why? And it's like, And you're going to probably say, Because I'm going on a date. And I think that's healthy, to be honest. He needs to know the reality is, yes, of course, you are dating and you're allowed to go date other people.

But I think getting into too many details too often could really create this animosity and divide. So I think sparing details where you can. But I also will say this, you're in the position of power right now, and I need you to prepare yourself because I've had this happen to me before. Right now, he's following your lead, and you guys are still hooking up. How are you going to feel when you ask him to hang out one night? And he says, Sorry, no, I'm going on a date with someone. So I personally think in order for you to actually get your full experience and lean into being single, I never think it's smart to have an ex around. I get it that you didn't end on bad terms. It's really hard to not just have your person in your corner and be able to go to that safety net and go to that comfort. And after going on five bad dates, you get to run back to him and have a little date night and have that familiarity. I so get it. But I think if you're really going to actually enjoy the uncomfortableity and the perks and the lows and the highs of being single and dating, you're not going to get that full experience if your ex around.

And maybe you should just say, Hey, I love you so much. No, don't say, I love you so much. Oh my God, what? Just say, I appreciate that we have been able to find such an amicable balance of breaking up and not yelling and screaming and fighting. And I know there's such love there for each other. But I do think maybe it's healthier if we're not as active in the way that we talk. It doesn't mean we can't ever talk. If you want to text me and something's going on, of course, text me. But I think you need to trim down the regularity of having this person in your life, because there's no fucking way then that if you're going to put yourself in these positions that you're full 100 % single because you have your safety net right behind you. And I know it's really hard, but I have found, and I remember this one guy that I was talking to that was always that guy that I would go back to when I actually cut things off with him and I stopped using him as in the back of my head like, oh, whatever, I can just go back to him.

It then raised the stakes for me, and it made me more present on dates, and it made me more picky, and it made me feel more empowered of like, shit. No, I actually don't want to go on a second date with that guy. Not because I'm going to go run back to my ex, but because I sat by myself for the rest of the weekend, and I thought a lot about how he made me feel and what that conversation made me feel, as opposed to, I'm sure there's some fucking nights where you finish a date and you're running back to your ex and being like, Oh, do you want to cuddle and watch a movie tonight? It's not healthy. It's not making you feel the highs and lows of actually being single. And I know it doesn't feel that way in the moment to all the single daddy gang out there. But I'm telling you, Some of the best parts of being single are the really, really low moments when you are crying, when you're finally realizing, Fuck, I'm going to start writing in a journal because I have so many emotions pouring out of me, and I cannot handle the weight of this emotional roller coaster.

And I'm so exhausted, and I'm so sick of meeting these people that don't fulfill me. And I'm so anxious of watching around me my friends find their person, and I haven't found my person. Those are the moments I really felt like I found strength within myself, and I found that I was able to rely on myself more. And there's no doubt. It's life. Going through hardships makes you see things in a better a better perspective. Not that I want you guys to fucking suffer, Daddy Gang, but you know what I mean? If you just go along and you don't have any awkward dates or you don't have any... Because you get to just, what, run back to homeboy, it's not going to be as impactful for you as an individual, you need to go on this journey alone. And if you end up back with him, if after a year of doing this, you miss him and you want to go back, then go back. But let yourself be free and let yourself actually throw throw yourself into the deep end of being single. And don't rely on anyone to catch you because even if you fail, you want to catch yourself.

You want to cry by yourself after these dates. Because I'm telling you, I can so see it. Sometimes when I would go on really awful dates in New York, and I would call the guy that would be my safety net, I would instead of crying, I would get home, I would quickly make a late night snack after drinks, and I would go into my bedroom, and I would FaceTime him. And instead of crying and sitting with my feelings, I would go to my safety net, and then he would make me smile, and we would talk, and I would forget about the date that I had. And it's like, no, sometimes you need to feel that pit in your stomach. Sometimes you need to feel so low when you're single. That is when you gain the best fucking relationship with yourself. And I also think that it gives you a false sense of your relationship with your ex. All of a sudden, he is becoming the savior. Love you, but there's a reason you ended it with him. There are clearly things missing in that relationship that you're craving and you're looking for through other people.

So you also need to give yourself and your ex a chance to know, is that the love of your life, and are you going to go back to him? The only way you're going to find that out is if you, in a moment, go cold turkey and experience other people, and then you can recognize, Yeah, no, he is my person. But he's going to start to look like fucking Prince Charming every time you go on a date with a dick and Brian's like, Oh, wow, your tits look amazing. Or like, Oh, yeah, are you going to split the bill with me even though I asked you on the fucking date? Or, Oh, yeah, you can get a fucking Uber home, and he drives himself home. You know what I mean? It's little things like that. Then your safety net is going to make you feel less upset about it. So, yeah, I get it. It's hard, but I think some of the hardest moments are when you end amicably with an ex. There's nothing more confusing and conflicting than ending with someone that you love. But sometimes it's better when you get hurt and fucked over because you're like, it's a clean break.

I would give yourself the clean break so that you can move on and that you can actually give yourself a chance. Because what I feel like most of the time happens, and I know people hate to hear this, when you actually end something fully with that ex and you give yourself a chance to go out and date, sad reality is you're probably not going to go back to that person. And I know people watching, you may be like, no, we ended up getting back together in my high school. I feel like that's pretty rare, and I feel like it's so cute and it's such a good story. But I think when you meet people at young age, you're such a different person. So give yourself that chance. You're clearly someone that's not wanting to stay with that high school sweetheart or college sweetheart. You are yearning for something different. Lean into it. Don't ever fucking do something half-ass. Nothing ever good comes out of doing something half in. Either you're all in or you're all out. And so I hope that gives you a little bit of motivation to get out there and explore and have fun, and don't be too hard on yourself.

So I love you, Daddy Gang. I hope this was helpful. And you don't need to bleach your asshole to be beautiful. I hope this was helpful, Daddy Gang. I love you so much. This was so fun. Honestly, Sunday Sessions, they just hit right. I'm also building a new Sunday Sessions studio. I'm currently in one of the rooms in my house, but I'm really, really excited. I hope in a couple of weeks it will be done so I can show it to you guys. I just love things looking gorgeous, gorgeous for the girls. So Daddy Gang, look out for a new studio in a couple of weeks. But Ily so much, and I will see you fuckers this Wednesday. Goodbye.