What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Dave Portnoy, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thanks. When's the last time you were here with me?

I haven't been on... You haven't invited me on your show since you've been on your own.

My Spotify deal.

I did.

Since I own my IP?

Yes, correct.

Which we gave you. Yes. So we're at the Kentucky Derby. Yeah. You brought your new girlfriend.

Not my new girlfriend.

We have to get into it immediately. You went viral because you were at the Celtics game and you brought a date. And you idiot. I show up today to do this interview with Dave, and he... What is her name? You're not going to say. Are you going to sit in silence the whole episode?

If it's going to be with that, yeah, I am.

How did you decide to bring this amazing, beautiful woman here today in my presence and think I wasn't going to bring it up?

Well, because It's like, well, we're friends. Are we friends?

You and I?

Friendly.

How would we define our relationship, Dave?

You didn't invite me to your wedding, but I guess you didn't invite any of the crew either, so that's fine.

Okay, it was a small wedding. Yeah. Would you invite me to your wedding?

Absolutely.

Are you ever going to get remarried?

Probably not.

You would invite me to your wedding? Absolutely. Really? Yes. I don't believe you for a second. I would. You're saying that because you know you're never going to get remarried.

I My hand to God, if I get married, you will get an invite.

You like me.

Yeah, we're friendly.

Do you miss me at Barstool? No. You miss the paycheck.

Yeah, sure. Call Her Daddy made us a lot of money.

Okay, so I feel like there are so many celebrities here. Who have you randomly hung out with that's such a random celebrity?

The first time I met Tom braided was here, so that was big for me. Guess what I found out last night?

He's not coming. Tom braided was supposed to come to the Unwell event last night, and then he canceled his entire trip. Why? I have no idea. He had 10 tickets and he canceled everything.

To the Unwell? Where was it? Or to the derby?

To the whole derby, but he was coming to my event last night.

Well, yeah, he's like- Did that make me cool?

Give me like- Well, no, he didn't come.

I mean, could have, would have, should have. You get no credit for he could have come.

But he was going to. Has he ever come to one of your fucking parties?

Has Tom braided ever been to Super Bowl parties? To one of our personal event parties? I don't know that he has, but I don't care. I remember the last time he threw a party.

Okay, let's circle back. Are you a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio?

He's a good actor.

What else you have in common, though? If you have anything in common. Any similarities, Dave?

I think more outgoing, probably. He hides himself.

Well, you also have something in common where you like to date young women.

Well, I don't know if that's always the case, but I mean, I was married for a long time. You are married. No, I was.

Did you get a divorce? No.

That's true. That technically is true. We tried. To our defense, we tried, and it got denied.

That is the biggest crock of motherfucking You said that to me on tour, and I don't believe you for a second. You're like, I tried to get divorced.

Hand to God. You want me to text her right now, say, Did we file the paperwork? Did we go to the judge? And the judge looked at it and said, Nope.

Yeah, call Renee up. Let's go. I don't fucking believe you for a second. This was a ploy for you. No, you're not actually doing it. This was a ploy that you tell girls so that you can't marry them. I'm convinced. There's no fucking way. Let's call Renee. Text her. I'm on a show right now, and I need to clear my name. Alex Cooper wants to... Why would you not be able to get a divorce?

Clearly, you don't know the first thing about law because it's the truth.

Okay, explain it to me, Dave. Why aren't you divorced?

Because she and I have a great relationship. I don't know why I'm holding this like that.

You don't want to give her your money?

No, we have the perfect relationship. We're best friends. The judge looked at it. We didn't want to split. We didn't want to change how we were doing things. We just want a legal divorce. The judge said, No, he has too much money and wouldn't accept it.

No, literally, play that back. You have too much money, you can't get divorced. Who the fuck ever, you little piece of shit.

Because they're like, he's trying to screw you, and I wasn't.

No, this It doesn't make sense. Go ahead. I'll give you a minute. Text her. Wait.

By the way, I just got a text from Tom Brady's people. Was braided actually going to the show to Alex's unwell event last night? Laught my ass off. That's one of the funnier rumors I've ever heard. Alex is swearing by it. He was 100% coming cancel the whole trip last minute. Where'd that come from? I mean, I know she's well connected, so maybe some mutual friends had told her something I don't know about. But no, he had an F1 event last night. You better come stronger than this, Alex. We have connections, too, my friend. This better not be on the cutting room floor.

Who is texting you that right now?

Tom Brady's right-hand man used to be my right-hand man.

Dave, I haven't said this publicly yet. I haven't even said anywhere that he was coming here. So who said that? Someone over there?

What do you mean? You just said it me.

And so did you text someone?

Yes. No, it was texted over there.

So you motherfuckers texted someone to see?

Yes.

You little piece of shit. I swear to God he was coming.

Direct from Tom braided. Not true.

Tom was coming to my party, should've, could've, would've. You were going to get a divorce, should've, could've, would've, bitch. Fucking bitch.

I'm going to get it right now.

Okay, let's talk about the Celtics.

All right. How old are you? I have... Don't answer that. Twenty- Don't answer that. Two. Way young.

Twenty-one.

You're way off.

24.

Way off.

Give me a little nod. No. The girls stick together. No.

Your girls do not stick together. We're not talking about it.

25. Thank you. My girl over there gave me a little So I'm on a date.

Who cares?

Okay, I have a question. So you go to the Celtics game for anyone that lives under a Rock. Dave was at the Celtics game, and he chooses to bring this gorgeous blonde woman right on his arm to the game, and you sit directly behind the announcers, and you look like you're going to shit your pants when it goes live. The guys are like, Here we are at the Celtics game, and Dave is like, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Correct. Why did you bring a date to the Celtics game if you didn't want to be seen?

I've already explained this.

But no one listens to BFF.

Yeah, that's not true. Everyone listens to what I say.

I'm just kidding. Love you, Josh. Here we go. Okay.

Usually, if I go to Celtic games, I sit on the court, like center court. I'm very Very vocal. Yeah, it is a flex. I always go to Celtics games. I'm from Boston. I'm a diehard Celtics fan. Celtics ended up playing Miami, play-offs. I live in Miami. I did not take courtside seats. I turned them down. I bought seats in the corner. Such a martyr. Yes. I bought seats in the corner. They fell through. Mb, who works for us, bought replacement tickets. It was a deal. Game time, bought the tickets. I had no idea where they were. Walked in, you show the usher, where are we sitting? We sat down. I said, Oh, fuck. We're right behind here. Two minutes later on TV, we got up and left.

Okay, question. How many dates have you had to have been on with a woman to bring her out in public to event like that?

How many have she and I been on? Yeah. Be honest. We've hung out a decent amount.

Okay, what does that mean?

We've hung out a decent amount.

What does that mean?

I've hung out a decent amount. She lives in Boston, so we do bursts. She was here for the week. That's why she's here now, which I thought you'd have some decency and not bring it up.

But we got to entertain the people.

This isn't entertaining.

I think this is so entertaining. This is amazing. If you were on a first date, would you ever bring a girl to a Celtic date? No. So this is serious.

No, that doesn't mean that either.

You said you hang out in bursts.

Correct.

Who says that?

Well, if you don't live in the same area. I've known her for a decent amount of time.

Okay. How would you describe your type other than young?

Who said it was young?

I don't know, Dave, your track record. It'd be like saying I liked athletes.

No, listen. You are attracted to who you're attracted to or hang out who you hang out with, but I'm in a young world, so I tend to meet younger people. I I love to. Listen, if she was 35 or anyone was 35, I don't discriminate.

Okay, I'm going to play a little game with you. I'm going to give you a scenario, and you're going to tell me-I thought you were going to be a lot nicer.

We were talking before. I'm like, maybe don't come. She was a fan. It's like, no, trust me, me and Alex are friends. She won't mention it.

This is good. People will love this. This is good. You guys hang out in spurts. This is one of the spurts we got to capitalize. I got to get those views. And who better to use for views than you? Okay, I'm going to give you a scenario, and you're going to tell me how you would react. You walk in on the girl you're talking to going through your phone, what would you do?break.

Up with her.

Immediately? Yes. Would you say something? Get the fuck off my phone.

You're like, What are you doing?

Oh. We'll see you have something to hide?

No, there's no trust.

Yeah. How do you think she got your password? Do you have an easy password?

Yeah, I mean, I get hacked all the time.

Is it zero, zero, zero?

I don't really try to hide things. So Yeah, I'm easily hackable, and I've been hacked many, many times.

Yeah, we've seen. Okay, she asks you to buy her a Chanel bag after the seventh date.

She asks?

She asks you.

Break up.

Really? Yeah. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought a girl? A G-Wagen? The G-Wagon? Yeah, the G-Wagon.

That was fucking crazy. But for that example, she never asked for that.

You were just so generous.

Well, I want to get her something nice. Yeah.

Good boyfriend. She asked you to hire her as Barstool talent.

No chance.

No chance? No. Not even if she was so fucking funny.

I have a lot of girls who, in my DMs, at one point, waver between wanting a job and wanting to go on a date. I didn't say sex as a date. That's never good. I said sex. Yeah, separate business pleasure.

Okay, She's really into toe-sucking.

No, not my thing. I won't break up. I just paid no, thanks.

You're sucking your toes?

No, I don't like any of that.

Would you suck her toes?

I'd rather not.

She has a passion for making sex tapes and says, Come on, one more won't hurt. Would you do it for the love of your life, even if you knew it was going to get leaked again?

Oh, yeah. I don't care. I don't care about being leaked. That's not me. I care about the girl. If the girl is fine with it, I don't care.

Okay, let's talk about Taylor Swift.

Lover.

Okay, you're a huge Swift- Huge. When did your love for Taylor start?

It really started when Kanye and Kim fucked her with that, editing her voicemail about the lyrics. I always liked her music, but that really made me team Taylor. Then I really hate Kanye so much that the more I hated Kanye, the more I started liking Taylor, and I hate Kim. It all played together, and then I just became a bigger Taylor fan.

Would you say that you're a big Swift because of the personal shit rather than the music, or you do like- It's a combo, but I feel like a lot of...

I feel like I've had a lot of... I can feel for her message of when people are lying about you and making stuff up. I feel like that's happened to me quite a bit. So I resonate with that, and I am a very vengeful person.

Okay, aside from Kim, if you had to pick who would be your favorite Kardashian?

Well, Chris is a savage, right? Baller. I mean, she basically horde her daughter out to start an empire Fire. Now, just because you make a sex tape, me being example, doesn't guarantee you endless success. Lots of people have had sex tapes and turned nothing. She's brilliant, smart, savage. She's an interesting one. She may be the one I'd, from a business side, really be like, Man, how'd you do that?

I would like to have a martini with her.

Yeah, she's brilliant. People, I don't like them.

You can't-Deny it.poopoo.

Their brilliance, their business geniuses.

Okay, so do you feel like I'm shitting on you too much? Did you tell me a sad story from your childhood?

I don't think you're shitting on me.

We're just having a little fun.

Yeah, I mean, listen- Did you want the Caller Daddy treatment?

Dave Portnoy, welcome to Caller Daddy. Let's go back to the beginning. Tell me what happened in your childhood that fucked you up so hard.

I don't have anything like that. Yeah, you do. I was actually wondering what you were going to talk to me about, and then I gave you. But I did think you would not talk about her.

Why? I don't know. You're making me seem like a bad person.

You've never had an ex that it's like, well, you don't want to make them upset.

No, for sure. But I also like, we're in the public. You got to fucking... She's not. Yes, she is. There's 19 cameras in this room, and she's sitting in the room.

They're not on her. They're not on her. Well, we're going to leave her in the rain. It's pouring rain.

Leave her out there on the racetrack. But you know you're going to be filmed here.

Filmed? Filmed. What do you mean, filmed? I've come to the Kentucky Derby Wow. 6-10 times. I've never been on TV. Never nothing at the derby. Tv. They're treating you guys better than they treat me, which is bananas, because I'm the biggest horse fan in the country.

First of all, filmed as in, no, TV. No one gives a fuck about TV. Dave, iPhone, Internet.

I don't care about that.

Okay, so then you don't care about being seen with her. So why do you care about me talking about it?

There's different platforms, like being on the Celtics game.

And call her Daddy.

She's not on the couch.

She Did we bring her over?

No, definitely not. She didn't. No shot.

When did you lose your virginity? Can you tell me your virginity story? Late.

Late? Yeah, it was freshman year of college.

Okay, tell me the story. No. Yeah. What the fuck?

I'm not going to tell you the story.

Tell me the story.

It was my girlfriend. We had sex. That's the story. It wasn't anything crazy.

When do you think you turned kinky? Oh. Anyone says not watching. He's fiddling his toes at that question.

I'm trying to think about- Take your time. Probably, I don't know, after my marriage, maybe. Oh. We weren't overly kinky, yeah.

Okay, so you don't have any sad stories you can tell me from your childhood so we can really make this a full 360 episode?

I'm not one of your sad rehabilitation guests.

Yeah, we got to do a little therapy.

I have not. No.

You never sat alone at lunch.

I was I wasn't popular all the way throughout.

No, you fucking weren't. Of course I was. You were popular in high school.

With this personality, no shot. Always a funny guy.

And you didn't get bullied in high school? No.

I was the kid growing up in recess. I pick who plays recess in elementary school. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I was a cool kid. Okay, back to Taylor. Do you think she knows you exist? Yes. Really? Yes. Really? Yes. Why?

I know she's seen videos that I've made defending her. Really? Yeah. Travis Kelsey runs in circles that aren't too different from some of my circles.

Okay. Does that make you excited?

No.

Why?

I want to meet her, but I want to say it makes me excited. It's more like As much as I talk about her, I love to meet her, and she's so talented.

But no, don't make me excited. Okay, do you think Taylor and Travis are going to get engaged? Yes. Okay, what's the timeline? When are they getting engaged?

Year, within a year.

How do you think he's going to do it?

Well, I have no idea. How did you do We went to a resort in Cape Cod. I had a nice little thing.

Was it a nice ring?

Yeah, I was broke then. I actually bought my buddy there. One of his friends, family friends had a ring store, so I got through him.

Okay, what do you think they're going to name their first kid? Do you think they'll have a kid?

Travis and Kelsey?

Travis and Kelsey.

Travis and Taylor. I have no fucking clue.

Amy? Amy? That would be great. That would be fucking crazy. That would be great. Let's guess right now.

So what if we get it Just pick names out of a hat. Is it a boy or a girl?

It's a boy.

It's probably going to be like... What's Mahomes' first? Patrick, probably named him after Mahomes.

Shut that. That's fucking weird. It wouldn't shock me. Isn't that a little weird? I think Taylor has more class than that. She'd be like, We're not...

I mean, she's into... Travis is a meathead. She's into the whole meathead thing right now. Everything she's doing, she hasn't done before.

Do you like it? Do you think it's good?

I like her whole story. As I become more of a Swift, the latest album and Swift's go crazy, which I don't know as much of her, but every lyrics, everything has a story to it, which I like. I agree. It's not It's the music. It's her storytelling, the lyrics.

Oh, my God. The Smallest Man That Ever Lived.

Yeah, I like that song.

Do you think an ex would ever write a song about you that bad? Have you ever fucked over someone that bad? That's a really dark song.

I don't think I've fucked people over I'm sure maybe other people think. I don't know. I feel like I'm pretty straightforward. You know that. People can say whatever they want about me. I'm pretty honest and straightforward.

Do you think a lot of people hate you? Hate?

No.

Do you think anyone hates you?

Yeah, I know some people hate me for sure.

Who?

We have some mutuals.

We have some mutuals?

Yeah, we have some mutuals.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Which is your doing, not mine.

That was your doing.

They fucking hate me because that was my doing.

That was your doing.

How was that my doing?

That was your doing. Nothing is ever my fault. This is all on you. How is it my doing?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Are we talking about the same thing?

I don't know. Are we talking about the same thing?

I feel like we are.

Are we talking about a little...

No, there's two people.

Oh, a man that wears a suit like you?

No, not him.

Oh, fuck him. You. Fuck him.

All right.

He actually is- I met you.

Who did I meet? Who did I meet? Who did I meet you? Who brought trash into my life? You. That's a fact.

Okay, I did bring trash, but then You took the trash out, and you tried to get rid of me, too. No, that's a lie. I'm just kidding. That's a total lie.

I'm just being dramatic. Yeah, that's a total lie.

Okay, I did bring trash into your life.

I sat in a room and looked at it.

A room? Oh, my God.

I don't like him, but I guess we have to bring him along. I was right because I have good character judgment.

Okay, you were right on that, and I actually regret that to this day. Yeah. I vouched for him, and then he shit on us. Yes. Do you think people know what we're talking about?

I don't know. Probably not make the- Are you still looking for your court documents? I'm going to just text her.

Okay, let's take a pause and you just text her really quickly. Why am I so obsessed with your divorce? Probably because I think you're using it as an excuse to not get too close to women. You use it as like, Oh, I'm sorry, I can't move forward with you because I'm still married.

That's just not true.

That's your trauma. Let's dive into it.

Did we We tried to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge, divorced.

And please explain why we got denied.

I was trying to buy a house in Nantucket. Most expensive house ever sold in the history of Massachusetts.

Okay, your dick is so fucking big.

The judge wanted me to give her half of everything I had.

And why wouldn't you?

Because we have been separated for 10 years and we exist. And if she wants something, she gets it. She has access to my bank account still. So she has access to it. If we do that, it changes everything on how we operate our lives. She didn't want it.

I didn't want it. So why didn't she tell them that?

She did. And they said-No, fuck you.

No, no divorce. Why don't you just give her half your money?

Because then we both want the best for each other. I couldn't get the house if we did that. I couldn't do this. We didn't want it.

How much was the house again? 40 million? Yeah, 42 million. How much are you worth? A lot. A lot. Yeah. Do you think I'll get there one day?

See how your Barstool Junior for Women goes. I mean, that's what it is, right?

I can't believe you just made fun of me. How so? I'm doing a great job.

How did I make fun of you? I'm running a fucking company. How did I make fun of you? I said it's Barstool 2.0. That's what I did.

Okay, you're a swifty. I haven't seen these. You're right. No, I actually haven't. I haven't. We're about to play game. I believe you. Yeah. Okay.

I don't believe you. Why did you get me this one?

I don't know. Do you want a different one?

Just want to make sure you give me-Pick a fucking card date. No, I got it. I'm good with this.

You're good with yours? Do you want to trade? No, I'm good. Okay, so we're going to Read a Lyric to a Taylor Swift song. Let's see who knows the lyrics more.

Oh, this is going to set me up for failure.

Yeah, well, fail. Okay, so where it says read, we're going to read it, and then the other person has to answer what they think the rest of the Lyric is from a Taylor Swift song. I'm going to suck. Okay, ready?New Money.

I'm not a Lyric guy. Everyone knows I can't do this. Shut up and just guess. This game sucks.

Just play. Just have fun, Dave.

I can't have fun if I'm not going to be good at the game.

You were that kid on the playground that was like a little fucking shit. I didn't get my team, so I don't want to play.

I'm Andy Bernard. I don't play games that I know I can't win.

New Money, suit and tie, I can read you like a magazine. New Money, suit and tie, I can read you like a magazine. Take a guess.

Blank.

Actually, that's the name.Blank.

Space.blank.

Space.

Yeah, but I don't know lyrics.

Take a guess.

I don't know lyrics.

Dave, you have to play. I have nothing. Okay, read me one. Let's fucking see if I can get it.

You'll be the Prince and I'll be the Princess.

Oh, that's easy. You'll be the Prince and I'll be the Princess. It's a love story, baby. Just say yes. Right.

So you're a huge swifty?

Yes. Dave, what do you think I was doing? Crying in my bedroom when I was in high school, crying in my bedroom when I was in college.

I'm absolutely... I'm glad you brought that up. Okay. Because I was part of your live show. I am calling absolute bullshit that you were the ugly girl crying in your room in college. I was. No, you weren't. You were pretty. You put up these pictures, you're like, I was the ugly girl. And then you put up a stunning picture of you. She wasn't. She was crying in her room in college?

Not in college. College, I was hot. College, I was hot. End of high school, I was hot. It was like, elementary school was really tough for me.

Elementary school?

Elementary school and freshman year of high school. And then I got to glow up.

Okay.

But you had to glow up so you know how it feels.

I said I was always immensely popular my whole life.

But you weren't cute.

No, but I wasn't being picked on.

What age did you get cute?

When I got money.

Yeah, you got that new hair. Your hair looks so good.

This is not new hair.

Well, how long have you had it?

My life.

Fuck you.

This No. What you're looking at is my hair.

No, but you reimplanted it from the back.

Not on the front.

On the front.

No.

Where?

Back. Oh. This is my real hair. I was ahead of the game. This is my hair. You were ahead of the game. Nothing has been touched on the front of my head at all. Really?

I don't remember that hairline in some old pictures.

You know why? Because I was working 100 hours a day eating baguettes and sitting and grinding, so you could come in and be like, I want more money, five seconds into it when I had been doing it 20 years. That's why you don't remember.

Okay, but you weren't good-looking either.We're.

Both little fuckingBut I never have complained like, Oh, woe is me.

Yeah, but you got roast online for it.

Yeah, I don't care. I still get roast online for it. People don't say I'm good-looking now.

I think people think you're good-looking now.

Hit or miss.

Better. Better.

Well, it's not saying much.

See, same with me. They'll try to find pictures and be like, Look, she was busted. Yeah, I don't care. They're like, Look what money can buy you. I'm like, Exactly.

Yeah, I have no problem with that.

God fucking bless. It is what it is. A little bit of... Have you ever had Botox? No. Would you ever get it? No. Raise your eyebrows. You have a good-size forehead. Thank you. Okay, back to our name.

That's very nice. No, that is.

I know. Okay, now I'm down. Oh, okay. You fucking know this. This is from the new album. Now I'm Down Bad, Crying at the Gym. Now, I'm Down Bad.

Down Bad. I'm Down Bad. That's the name of the song. I'm Down Bad. Down Bad. I'm Down Bad. Finish the fucking lyrics. I don't know lyrics.

Just guess. Okay, you actually have to say this one. Now, I'm Down Bad, Crying at the Gym.

I'm Down Bad.

You think that's the next line?

I don't know what the next line is. I just know the song is called Down Bad.

Okay, just try.

Down Bad.

You think the next line is Down Bad?

I'm Crying, I'm Down Bad. I don't know the lyrics.

Everything comes out teenage petulence.

I don't know. I'm Jimmy Buffet fan. I've listened to a million, zillion times. I still sometimes don't... L lyrics don't work in my head.

Do you like Pina Coladas?

Getting lost in the Rain.

Is it getting lost or getting caught in the Rain? Getting caught. Oh, you're really fucking bad. Yeah.

Like, music can't carry a beat, can't do anything. Mr. Bajukas told me I had to lip sync in my elementary school graduation.

The trauma is coming out now. Mr. Bajukas?

Yeah.

He told you you had to lip sync? Yeah. Isn't it the antithesis of what a music teacher is supposed to like?

No, because I'm loud, too, and offbeat.

Give me a beat. Go. Sing, Do you like Pina Coladas?

Do you like Pina Coladas? Or getting caught in the rain?

Yeah, definitely lip sync. I'm not good at that. Okay, give me one.

I stay out too late. Oh, you're getting the easy one.

Okay, I haven't looked at this page. Read this.

All right, this one's harder. Okay. Sometimes you just don't know the answer until someone's on their knees and asks you.

Oh, man, this is from Evermore or folklore. Someone's on their knees and asks you, You would have made such a lovely bride. What a shame she's fucked in the head. So you're used with it. But you'll find the real one instead. You'll pack up your tapestry that I had.

Hold your hand, my man. What swithy are you to be like, I want Kim on this show. Bang.

No, I was thinking. I rarely pause. Let me think about that. You have me speechless.

Yeah, because if you're actually a real swifty, you know how she feels about Kim.

This is the thing. I don't think I'm intertwined in Taylor's personal life. I love her music. Is that fair? Yeah. I feel like you're intertwined in her personal life, and you don't know as much clearly about her fucking music.

Well, I'm bad at lyrics.

No, that's not fair. You're bad. You don't know her songs.

No, I know her songs, but not as well as Hardcore Swifties, for sure. I'm open about that.

Okay, if you are an actual Swift, you can get this one. I want to be your end game. Go. I need to hear- I picture Taylor's in the room right now. I need to hear beats and stuff. I want to be your end game.

No.

I want to be your- Wife. Dave, you're so fucking I'm bad at this game.

I could have told you I'd be bad at this game.

Do you think that's problematic if I would want to have Taylor and Kim on the show? Imagine if I got them for a sit down.

I would call you the greatest to ever do it if you did that. If you got the two of them together, Now, it'd be, You can't top that.

No, and I know I could never do that because they would never do that.

If you can do that, you can do anything.

Are you having fun?

I don't know if it's fun. That wouldn't be the word.

Are Are you feeling entertained?

Yeah, it's entertaining. Let me see if I got the text.

Yeah, text. Did she answer? Is she awake?

All right.

I have a ridiculous question. I'll explain later. Did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge? Yes, twice. Can I read your text? Ms. Pisha's paused up when she answered the phone. So cute. Awesome video. Oh, you two. Would Did you ever get back? I feel like you guys are end game.

No, she's got a boyfriend.

I ship you guys.

I don't have a girlfriend. She has a boyfriend. She's had for a long time. We're best friends.

But maybe she's waiting for you to come back. Be done with all the youngs, come back.

Are we just going to ignore the fact that I was deadass right? No, that's it. I was just going to pretend that I was just deadass right.

Because she's your fucking wife, and she knows you're always up to weird shit, so she knows the game.

So no matter how that was answered- Show me the fucking documents, motherfucker. No matter how that was answered in the exact way I described, I wasn't going to get crazy.

No, I need to see the documents. That would be like if I texted Matt being like, I'll explain later. I didn't kill someone on this day. He'd be like, Absolutely not, babe. Love you so much.

I'm sure I have the documents in my phone.

You'll find it, and then I'll post it on social media, okay? It's crazy. This is my first derby. Can I go bet with you?

Yeah, if you want. We bet a lot.

How much?

Hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Do you have a gambling problem? No. Do you think you'll go into debt?

No. Gambling has made me all my money.

What's the most you've ever bet?

On a single game, million dollars.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What? We won Michigan beat Alabama.

Wait, you went viral recently for that, right?

Or was that a while ago? I've won 5.4 million dollars this year.

Were you literally clenching your asshole the entire game?

I was with my mom. I went to Michigan, so I'm Michigan grad.Oh, you went with your mom? So it was the Rose Bowl.

Were you holding her hand, squeezing it?

We were tight. Yeah, it was very exciting. And I have a lot of money, so it's all relative.

Have you ever given someone a million dollars?

Yeah, we just gave a cop who got killed in Line of Duty, 2 million.Oh.

My God.Yeah. Wait, that's fucking amazing.

And Sully's raised half of it, I matched.

What are you worth, like $400 million?

No, not that much. I wish.300. 200.

Probably, yeah. Probably a little... No, more than that. Probably like 250, something like that.

243. I don't know. So how much money should I bet?

Are you cheap?

I don't know. What is cheap?

Well, do you care about money? I'm easy. If I lose 100 grand today, I don't care. What the fuck? I mean, I care, but I don't care.

Why don't you care?

I don't know. It's just money.

Did you grow up rich? No.

Middle class, but not rich. My parents, when they walked in the first time they see me, they cry.

Wait, when your parents see you, they cry?

No. The first time they walked into my house, Miami, Montauk, My mom just starts crying.

Because she's so proud of you.

Yeah, it's just you can't really imagine it.

It's like a crazy-Well, no. I'll give you credit for five seconds and stop fucking around for two seconds. I think what you... Everyone can try to discredit what you do, and people can be like, Oh, he's a piece of shit, and he's a misogynistic fuck, and he's crazy. None of that's true. He's a piece of shit. But I think you're really smart, and what you've built is no one can discredit that you're really fucking talented.

You may want to discredit the misogynist stuff since we've had the most female success of any company like ever.

Ms. Peaches.

The best. She's the best. She's the best. She's also wildly famous.

Okay, do you think she's more famous than Henry if he had an Instagram?

Is that a real question?

Oh my God.

You don't think Henry's nearly...

Oh my God, Dave, I can't walk in New York City when I'm there without every five seconds being stopped. People are like, Oh, my God, Alex, I do love you, but sorry, I want to say hi to Henry. Same with Ms. Peaches. Okay, so we should walk around the block together.

I would quite literally put my life on Ms. Peaches.

Okay, Henry's cuter. Sorry.

Absolutely not true. Absolutely. Ms. Peaches is more popular than you guys were at your prime, at PMT was at her prime, at me. She's more popular than anything we have.

Are you monetizing it?

Everything goes to charity.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay, do you think Ms. Peaches and Henry could date at some point? No. Why?

Because Ms. Peaches had a life of too many men being forced upon her and multiple litters, so She's not dating. I'm very protective of that.

Are you going to go get another one?

I'm thinking about it.

What are you going to name it? I don't know. Are you going to do a girl or a boy?

A girl, probably. It's up to her. I got to see how she'd be with other. It's up to her? Yeah. If she wanted, it's not for me. It would be for her.

But doesn't it make you sad when you leave her at home? Very much so. When we got Bruce, it made me so happy because Henry fucking hated Bruce at first, and now they're best fucking friends. Right.

That's why I would think. I really don't leave her very often. She comes with me almost everywhere.

Who's watching her now?

Danielle, my assistant.

Okay, as we're wrapping up, I want to talk about my wedding really quickly. Which you didn't invite me to. You were the biggest hit at my wedding. What? You were the biggest hit. I wasn't even at your wedding. Yes, you were.

What does that mean?

No, you were the biggest hit. What does that mean? Okay, let me explain. You're going to fucking die at this. I died. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner, and we're sitting outside, and all of our friends are giving speeches. Then everyone's coming up and they're giving speeches. Then Matt's best friend was like, Okay, we have one final surprise. And we have one person that couldn't be here.

You AIed me?

No, Dave. Yeah. Yeah, we played your- I don't know the way it was going. We AIed you. No, listen. So it was the biggest mindfuck I'll show you. It was actually really fucking cute. So he brings up this giant fucking television onto the lawn. And I'm like, What the fuck is going on? And your face comes up on the screen, At my motherfucking wedding, Dave. Okay? And I'm like, Why would Dave have made me a wedding video? Like, what the fuck? We're close, but we're not that close. He can text me. And your fucking face pops up, but it was like a joke. And you start talking for two seconds, and then it cuts out, and then Matt's grandmother, who's 100 years old, comes on. But look how funny this is. Imagine my face when I see you pop up.

All right, I'm on my hot boy walk here, sweating, bad head. Congratulations, Matthew and Alex.

And then she comes on.

So I was at your wedding.

You were at my fucking wedding. I knew that. Does that make you happy?

I don't know what that makes me, but it shows that I'm still relevant, I guess, that I show up at the wedding. I think that's- Your husband's ripped, by the way. I told her to invite you.

Matt did say to invite you.

It was a no-brainer.

Wait, did you have a wedding?

Of course.

Tell me everything.

You're going way back in- Wait, this is fun, though.

Picturing...

Oh, my God, you walked down- I was poor.

Oh, wait, where was your wedding? Newport. Was it nice?

Yeah.

How many people?

It was small, like 100.

Are all those 100 people still your friends? Yes. Okay, that says a lot about you. Yeah.

How about the fact that I'm still best friends with my ex-wife? Yeah. That may say something. You want to keep looking at down, but it actually may be like, Hey, maybe he's a good dude.

I think it's amazing, but you didn't really say anything when I said, I think you use it a little bit to keep women at a distance.

No, I did. I actually said, Well, I tried to get the divorce and it got denied. And then it was verified Why did that that happened.

But before you tried to get divorced, that is a cop-out. You would be like, Oh, I'm sorry, I can't take it any further because...

No, I haven't even had... I've had one serious relationship since then. That's not true. What do you mean it's not true?

Didn't you have SoulCycle?

That was not serious. And that wasn't even family relationship.

You were devastated that she she did on you.

I liked her a lot. I was a young pup, just out of a marriage, dumb. Young pup.

Yes. Now you're an old pup. Yeah, now I'm an old dog. I have wedding merch for you. Oh, He's blushing against me. Should we give it to your crew? Okay, I think I'm like, how do you feel? Do you have anything left to say?

I have nothing left to say.

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm great. How do you think this went?

I don't know what your crowd will think, but your crowd loves me.Okay.

Hold on.They do. They do? Yeah, they do. I think they like you. No, love.

Oh. They love.

Why do you think they love you?

I'm not quite sure. Me neither. Ever since I hijacked your No. Your stream.

Oh, you got so off on that, you were like, oh, my God. You fucking grew an inch. You were so fucking happy. That was fun.

No, that was a good time. Oh, your ego was out the wall. And then I was on when I did it after. And you saw the reaction I got at your show. They loved me.

Oh, people fucking freak out. I got some messages. I felt bad. People were like, Are you fucking kidding me? Like, they got Dave.

I loved it. That's like the Swifties when it's like, Oh, those two songs she played, that meant like Night I was reading all the comments like, right.

Because wait, you came to Philly? You were in Philly. Did you enjoy my live show?

Yes, it was different than what... I didn't know what to expect, but it was more like a Broadway show.

Were you impressed?

Yeah, it was very well done.Thank.

You.yeah. I appreciate that. Raunchy.

I thought you left the raunch when you left Barstool.

I had to stay true to the beginning, and then we started in the raunch, and then I sat down and did an interview. Yeah. Also, it's fun to be raunchy and have fun.

No, I I do appreciate it. I've seen interviews for the most part, not as many when people try to trash us to you. You've defended us for the most part.

I always defend you. I always remember where I came from. I'm never going to be like, Fuck Barstool, although I have a couple of quam still with my data and my bonuses. But other than that. Do you still owe me money, you think?Fuck, no.Why not?

What were you doing before us?

I was unemployed. I was on unemployment checks, blogging it up. Yep. Okay, do you want your wedding merch? Sure. Dave, thanks for coming on Call Her Daddy. Wait, rate it one out of 10. What am I going to do with this? I'll give it to your assistance.

Am I just going to hold this for two days straight at the track?

Never mind. Never mind. Don't give it to him. Ungrateful.

Okay, rate this interview.

Were you impressed? Yeah.

The lyrics thing-You really fucking flop. I can't do lyrics, so that was an F.

Clearly, lipsynced.

It was like A minus B plus.

You have trauma. I'm going to find it next interview. Next interview, we're going to do Dave Portner, your welcome to Colorado.

Took you long enough to invite me on. What, you have no one else here? I thought you were going to do a whole thing of interviews here.

No, you're the only person I'm doing.

No. They told me.

I think you'll do good numbers. Thank you. All right. Bye. Bye.