That would be the best fuck you ever had. You're like you're the only person I was like. There is no way you're wrong about that.

Hi, guys. Hey, y'all. Wow, we're having we're in Nashville this week, and so Trish is here. She can't wait to see y'all. What do I think of country music? Shall we? She'll be here this weekend. Y'all get ready. Welcome to another episode of Girl's Got to Eat. Oh, shit, sucker. You know, she likes to jump the gun. You know that. We're recording on Sunday. It's a whole new day.

I don't even know what's happening when they find out. Yeah, it's a great day. All right. Let's sing some of our partners. Let's talk about some Nashville stuff. Thanks to Ship Station for supporting girl's got to eat no matter where you're selling Amazon, Etsy, your own website ship station brings all your orders into one simple interface, making them really easy to manage from any device, even your cell phone use code JGI to get a 60 day free trial at a ship station.

Dotcom and thanks to Buffy for supporting girl's got to eat for twenty dollars off your Buffy comforter, visit Buffy Dacko and enter promo code GGGI. Yes, and thanks to Hello Fresh for supporting girl's got to eat. Hello Fresh. Let's you just cook, eat and enjoy. Go to hell for Ashcombe aguy and use code AOG to get a total of eighty dollars off across five boxes including free shipping on your first box. And thanks to look what I have for supporting girls got to eat.

It's so important to stay hydrated. Get twenty five percent off anything you order when you use promo code GGGI. Twenty five. I like what I've dotcom. OK, right. Couple of days in town and then we're headed back to Nashville exactly where we were two years ago. Like this week almost. Yeah. We were there, we were like, I was seeing like the tags pop up. I love Nashville. I can't wait to be back there.

I'm so excited. I miss Haddie because that's my first stop. Yeah. And you guys, if you're coming, send us any, like, crazy, wild, hilarious dating sex relationship stories. So just email us. Hello at girls got a podcast. Com and notate which day in which time you're coming. Because we are having two shows on both Friday and Saturday night. Can't wait.

Jenny Jones will be there. The icon I got ourselves. I'm not going to say what show because people like but if you're there you'll know. You'll know when you know. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to Nashville an extra day. And you did. And you were like Jenny Jones. And I was like, say no more. Say no more. We both like a fancy hotel because hotels are twelve dollars and have a nice little like, you know, low key dinner can be great.

I'm not going to be like hitting the honky tonks. I might though. I know you.

That's not how am I going to meet. We're abiding by all coded rules.

There's a curfew. We're not going to be at the honky tonks. It's my because Attridge are going to seek out of the hotel come I will put on her and not I five and she will hit the town. I'm going a cowgirl hat and cowgirl food. I have a new outfit. Oh my God.

Arina fucking cowgirl boots. Oh each other. I don't have cowgirl. I have combat boots. OK, you bring combat boots and I'll bring a cowgirl hat and we'll build out the outfit together. Build it out. But you're coming, you know, be safe. Behave yourselves. It's gonna be hard Nashville in a weekend, but please try to follow the rules or you get kicked out and we can't wait to see their. You know what I was so proud of and I forgot to say this last week.

All somebody that one of you, Ohio. And you said, as you said, your audience is so sweet. They always tip really well. They always behave really well. And I was really touched by that. I wasn't surprised, but always impressed by the people that come to our shows. Yeah, you guys are incredible. So just follow the rules and we're going to have a lot of fucking fun.

So we will see you there. We have such a crazy episode for you.

This episode is wild, OK, wild. It is off the rails. Our guest is a comedian named Oussama Sidiki. I was laughing so hard. I was like laughing. Like, there's these really funny moments that, like, you won't hear me laugh. And it's because when I actually find something that funny, I'm I like silent laugh. I like shake and convulse.

Raise your hand if you get it. Feel me. I'm raising my hand. He's one of my favorite kind of gasiewicz my favorite kind of guess where it is like lose your mind. Funny humor, but like so many profound ways, like we went on so many tangents but like it was with it. Oh my gosh, I am so obsessed with that. Sorry Shan, you're out. You never told me that Shan. He never responded to my dog tags.

I feel like she's out Osama is it. I used to be the one that was trying to fuck all the guests. And now you're just doing all of that. I'm a slide in that top spot. He's great and have a religion. And we're going to talk about finding your sexuality. What else do we talk about? Talking funny when supporting your parents?

We talk about that every week. That's the general theme. No, my parents are probably no one's more proud of me. My dad. Oh, yeah. It's a great it's a great one. So we hope you guys enjoy and we have some updates for you. I'll get right into it. Yeah, we're going. Well, we'll also talk about, OK, we even have we're going to keep me updated one of them. It's a correction to be.

Yeah, we need to issue a correction. I read The New York Times, yes, last week we talked about this guy that came to our show in Cleveland and said he was there for Rayna. And that ad is, as it turns out, he deemed me after the show and was like, bummer, you guys never came to the bar.

And you popped off last week about how he did it, that DMV instead of you. And that's he must have just heard you talk about all the nasty shit you talked about and then decided he didn't like you anymore. And that was our narrative. And that's fair to be fair. Like, if somebody you were offended, know if somebody heard the story that I told at that show, which, like, we'll do more live shows and you guys will hear it, I understand being like I'm all set.

Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. That's the kind of stuff she does with her vagina in her free time. I'm all set. So it made that attract. Yeah. So he listened obviously and he deemed me again and said I have Dragna multiple times, I don't know what's going on. And so I was like, if this bitch is lying to me and I'm also like, you know, I know Rayna pretty well by now. And I do know that she does know how to use Instagram.

So I'm just like, I can't imagine that she had his handle wrong. I can't imagine that she didn't see the D.M.. I knew that you were probably going to profile click in a messages seeing what happened, like it was coming up blank.

So I was weird, though. It was blank, as though he had messaged me like, you know, like somebody sent you a request. He was not in my requests. It was as though he had sent me a message.

I deleted the day on Sunday. No, because anyway, so I'm like, what is going on here? And I'm fucking caught in the middle. And I was like, you better not be trying to play me. So I was like, let me see the screenshot of you. I mean, right. I was like, I need evidence, I need evidence. Let me see the damn. Let me see it. So he sends me two screenshots.

One is him messaging you after the show at like nine. OK, which were honestly the show started at seven thirty nine. Twelve. Yeah. We got stage nine. He misses you at nine twelve. He was upstairs at the bar wanting to have a drink with you. The DM to me came through at ten thirty so he was one last ditch effort. Maybe I can get Ashley to get Terena, which we had already been drinking a lot at that point.

We weren't even going to go search out this, but I didn't see it till the next day anyway.

So maybe I would have been like, Oh, Reininger, man, let's go meet up. Also, we got be four thirty in the morning that time. Yeah, we did get about four thirty. So he did DMSO and then I see that he had again tried to DMSO with a screenshot of him diamon you like. He basically tried to prove to you again that he deemed you. None of the dams have come through at this point and I zoomed in and realized that this guy D.M. Ju in January of 2019 and said, I want to fly to New York and take you out.

This guy has got a crush on you coming up on two years and you roasted him. This guy has been trying to get in touch with you for a year.

If I can manufacture it, if I could manufacture a bottle up playing this hard to get with people that I actually like, that I know or messaging me, I'll be the most powerful woman in the world. And also, by the way, we were in Cleveland. It was the last night of our shows like we were staying this gorgeous hotel across the street from the club. And that guy has a full facial hair situation going on. Like I.

What did you hooked up with him at the hotel? He's very cute. He's Jewish. Yes. He's age appropriate enough for me. Not for you. For me. He's thirty, so he's way too old. But he like we honestly like I'm going to be real with you guys, like, great. And I had a moment of being, like, pretty bummed out that this didn't work out for you because that is a cute guy that's interested in you.

Watched you talk about sucking dicks all night and still wanted to see you. You had a hotel room all to yourself with a king bed right across from the club, like every single piece of getting late after the show, which rarely happens to us because because women come to our shows, we rarely get a single man. Nevertheless, a single man that is interested in us. It's like the unicorn. That's why I'm out here hooking up with venue staff all the time.

It's, Oh, men come to our show. Such an anomaly that it would even happen like last night of the tour. Like you would have fucked this guy 100 percent. He's capable. He's listening to this right now. He's buying a plane himself like he did everything he could. I know. And it was the last night of the trip, too. We were genuinely upset, like you and I had a moment of being like the wind out of our sales, like, how did this happen?

How to instead of do as this dirty. Also, normally we're on the road. We get out of a club at midnight. Yes. We're gonna have to do a million drive somewhere. I'm not drinking. I'm not like I'm not out of a club at nine p.m. ever.

It's it's so upsetting. Like, he did do it. Nine twelve. You still had tons of energy ready to go. You could have knocked him four times and still gotten up.

And we made our seven and eight percent said like I can't. Leave this happened, Zain, actually sounds like after all I've done for Instagram, I can't believe that Instagram did me this dirty. I'm like, I swear I know how to use Instagram. I've been on it for years. I know how to use Instagram was just like this is the only time you're not getting I get DM's from you bitches telling me that I need to lose weight. I need to change the things I say.

Do feel things political. This is the GM I don't get. Oh you're my fucking DMS. I don't want this is the GM. I get free of all the unwanted plenty.

You do and it's wonderful. Nobody actually gets unwanted gems we get and this is the one that just doesn't send 100 hundred percent of them on. Don't want people's boyfriends. You I mean scumbag older men that are like, I want to see your feet. This is the only GM. I don't get a perfectly good looking normally semi well-adjusted man in the Midwest pining for where you go.

No, you guys, I hope you're feeling our energy, it's real and it's true and we're upset, brought that body suit to perfect lingerie and his body.

Speaking of bodies, I know way better than my ripped. He's hot. I know he is.

I'm actually more attracted to his facial hair than I am to his body. Is that weird? Well, his hot body just I don't need, like, a six pack on a guy. And he's he's definitely he's got like a smoking gun some time in the gym. Yeah. What it seems like such a sweet guy. So he did he he's it's not been like to creepier thirsty, but he has been really wanting to reach out to you. So he's been going through me.

So here I am. Which is like single is a ringold. I can leave this guy like can you please make sure Rayna reaches out. So he did. He sent me his number to give it to you. And I mean you you deemed him so you're. And would you do this morning. This morning we're talking about what we're talking about today. And you sent me a full page long about how I need to talk to him because we're not going to make somebody a bit of a joke on this podcast.

Ashley has never had more empathy for another person. Such are her family members. Her closest friends is doing this guy. It's not like if you're into this guy, you should just. Oh, my God, he's not the butt of the joke. But my whole point of the joke we're using, if someone we're talking about is going to be material, we should treat them like a human and you should respond to him. He's trying to reach out to you whether you decide to date him or not, and let him come up here and impregnate you like he wants to do.

And he has a nineteen then whatever that's on you. But I did encourage you to just send him a message to encourage you before we recorded this. You didn't make me show you, my dear. You said I said I didn't know you were like, let me say, OK, I think I did the research.

I want to be a nice person because I would hate for him to hear all this and and be like, that's fucked up. These girls just like, you know, I'm I'm material and she won't even respond to me. So you did DMM?

I didn't just read it, I, I don't know. Just when I just read it, we'll cut it if it doesn't pan out. But like let's just do this on this buy, let's just do this live. OK. OK, we'll do it. Like I said, I'm sorry I never responded. I don't have any messages from you. It's weird I swear. I not. I swear. I know how Instagram works. You said hey, hey, there you are.

I thought you were dodging me this entire time.

Well, hopefully you receive these and it's OK now. He's not that guy. That what I understand. That's it. Hopefully you received these.

What messages. That's the message. That's the message. What did you want him to say? What did he talk to?

These would be points of patience. He just seems like a good guy and I'm like, I, you know, me like somebody that's been obsessed with me for two years, like that's what I was like.

If I look back and someone had been asking me out for since 2012, I'd be like, that's my guy. You're obsessed with me. Say no more. I mean, you know, I don't want to date him.

Everybody likes me the way he likes, you know, what he likes about me. All they talk about is giving blowjobs. And, you know, I know I know exactly what he likes.

And I'm like, oh, I know exactly what he likes about me. You cracked the code. All I do is talk. I'll give you blowjobs. I don't know why this guy wants to see me. Oh, my God, he wants one of those Rhiner Greenberg blowjobs. She doesn't do it to completion, though, Adam. I did. Do you want to completion? Sort of recently.

OK, can we talk about how and OK, this is Cleveland night one, we were asking some audience members about like sex stuff and there was like those drunk girls were like, I have my master's degree, but I can suck a dick.

And it just turned into this like thing. We were laughing so hard.

This like wasted, I guess pretty smart girl with her masters from the rafters was like I was in a and then we were like, oh, shit, OK. And then it just turned into this like make some noise. If you're a doctor, that can suck a dick.

My real estate agent said people make some noise. If you're a lawyer, that can suck. Anyway, there's a fun moment.

Yeah. So we wanted to update you guys that I was wrong somehow. I mean, I was wrong. I just didn't have any messages from them. It is it's really weird.

I don't know how. I don't know. It's I can't believe it. All the messages I got from all these crazy people, that's the one I don't know. Yeah, it's like honestly, it's just like it's such a bummer to, like, miss, like, night of Sex because of Instagram.

Like, how unfair. I know it's completely unfair. I mean, you know, I love to have sex with you. Love your shows anyway. So what's the update on the boyfriend who's flying up here to make Jewish babies? He told me that he wants to have babies with me. That's what he said.

I think he meant like how much you guys talk little. I think. I think how many are you guys are. So he meant little sperm babies in your throat.

But, you know, that's really funny.

Well, we'll let you guys know if I decide to make Jewish babies with him. I do have one more thing to say to you. Oh, what is it? Well, it's not really for you. It's for everybody. But it's like it's about you. Oh, my God. Oh, God, no. I just want to acknowledge that this week is our three year anniversary of our friendship, and it's October 9th. So today is October 12th.

So October 9th, actually. And I met three years ago. If you guys don't know our, like, origins or I won't bore you with it. But we have only been friends for three years. And Ashley and I met on a beach in Aruba and actually came up with the idea of the podcast. And we went to business together pretty soon after meeting each other. Yeah, you can listen. The Origin Story episode, is it coming of age or what?

We did bonus episode, I think in January, January, February. So January, February. There is a whole episode on how how it all started. But yeah, it's called How Gigi came to be. Gigi came to me. We have a search company that is strong, though, if you want to go back and listen. Coming of age. Yeah, that was my faves. Yeah, they're our anniversary. What are we doing at this point?

It's Friday night. What are we doing? I was looking for like post something on Instagram called it. Oh, that's it. You're going to have to really work out together. We should go to Omaha. All right. All right. Well, we always get it.

We have got OK here. And it's going to man, I'm still her number one. I'm still her husband. So you guys are all today. We're the funniest, funniest interview coming in hot in a few minutes. OK, but before we get to it, we are just going to tell you about a couple of our partners for this episode. OK, so I am telling you guys about Ship Station. This is a company that does shipping for businesses.

So if you are an e-commerce seller, you understand the struggles of shipping before rain. And I even start our merch side of the business. I've been doing merch and e-commerce for that first conversation we ever had. Right. Words like, yeah, I was like I was like trying to tell you, like what I've been doing. So I've been doing like merch suffered too since January 15. And shipping can be such a thorn in your side. Like what shipping carrier should you use?

Are you getting the best rates? Shipping can be really costly. And then it's like, can you ship internationally or can you like what are the prices like? It can just be like a real mass. So they're trying to make it easier. It's the fastest, easiest and most affordable way to manage and ship your orders. In just a few clicks, you're managing orders pretty out, discounted shipping labels and getting your products out fast. So the result as the holidays come up, happier holidays for you and your customers.

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And then you're going to click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in JGI. So that is ship station dotcom. Then enter offer cogie that little microphone icon ship station dot com make ship happen. That's you. And I'm going to tell you guys about the thing that Ashley and I have slept with every night for years, and that's Buffy. They make super comfortable and sustainable converters, bedding sheets. We have both slept with their comforters for years.

I really can't say enough good things about it. What I've been using is the cloud comforter again for years. It's the perfect temperature controlled computers. So if you guys are like a hot sleeper, it is so comfortable. It's a perfect temperature if you sit with another person in a temperature controlled also. So that's great. You're not going to overheat from their body heat. It's ultra breather. Because it's made with eucalyptus fiber, I'm not a scientist, so I don't know what that means really, but what it means is it's softer than cotton and naturally soothes your skin.

It's also hypoallergenic. I just love sleeping with it. It's also made from 100 percent recycled water bottles and actually the hot sleeper as well. And she loves it. And we were really enjoying it. I love it. I both have the cloud comforter and the breeze and I had the soft hemp duvet cover. I'm obsessed. So my whole bed right now, I've been having, like, the best sleep in my life for a few things, a lot for our partners, but mainly what's on my bed.

And it is the Buffi cloud comforter and the soft temp sheets and pillowcases, obviously in the soft temp duvet cover this fabric. I'm just so obsessed with how it feels. It is like cool to the touch. It can be, but all winter and I still want bedding that is cool to the touch, but it's fluffy and puffy. I hate a thin blanket on top of me even in the middle of a summer. I want like a puffy fluffy blanket on me.

And this is just I'm it's the best my bed has ever been, so I can't recommend the stuff enough. You guys just go to their website and build your perfect bed and the packaging that comes in is really cute as well. So you can send it as a gift if somebody wants to gift my sister in, I just got one. So we're going to get a discount for twenty dollars off your Buffi comforter. Visit Buffy Co and enter the promo code JGI.

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It is time to get into it with our guys. We have a man in the house studio that's today. It's been a minute. It's not time for you to talk about OK breaking that fall like Oh shit, just get out of here. He is a New York City comedian. You might have seen him on America's Got Talent. Please welcome to the House studio, Sam Seddiqui. Roger Freekeh was freaky. Tiki's doing Sidiq freaks.

Do you say that as my fans are called freaks. Yeah. Really.

Oh better last name. Yeah. Greenberg heard.

What would you hasseltine the hasseltine hasseltine hasseltine guiltiness. Wait so but your podcast is Mangoma right. Do you guys call that Mango Bais or call.

We call it mangoes. Donnis So Mango standing's. OK, here we go. Do this in England. So I want to make sure I don't know what you just like your name is actually in your white girl, so I'm not sure what parkway. Pakistan. Oh. Oh like a stand. Like I stand that that's club. It's a place we like Sirius XM.

Fuck. Yeah. Well your fans are the freaky Tiki's really. I call them today freaks but now they're called Sidiki freaky. You know, freaky, freaky, crazy. Sidiki that much better than Sidiq freaks. I'm freaky. Sidiki Freak accident city guys let us know everything. Don't us just. Justman Are you dating anybody. I'm out here ok.

I like girls.

I want to dmso are you open the dorms.

I remember doing your show or the one that you live show all your friends came out and so I bet I've met your fans a little weight.

Aren't my little comedy club show of the new prepend I remember you had like that you were you were headlining the show on New Year's Eve. Yes. OK, that wasn't my show.

OK, that was actually where I mean, Hannah show whatever it is, when you get on stage, it becomes a show that so many fucking fans know. It's so funny. Yes, you are. You like, verify it. So it's your show. No, we had a lot of a lot of your fans came out and those are they're all like the same fans like Remi's and Hannas, but it was their show.

But yeah, I've been to a Kevin Hart show. I've been to Bilborough, I've been to all the comedy shows I've ever seen fans more rabid at and actually has heseltine's teeny little teeny.

That is, they've exploded. That was they exploded. They were like, well you could have just took a shit on the stage. They're like fucking when I started the year time. OK, so I just to tell people how I met you the day I met you, it was pretty funny. We did a podcast together that never aired. Yeah. But so I go into this podcast and I did it as a favor to a friend and I walk in.

I started talking to the guy. We're recording the podcast and he's like, so glad we've Rhiner Greenberg here from Girl's Got to Eat. So tell me what you do besides like the food podcast. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? And he was like looking me. I'll you. He never looked at what the podcast was. I just assumed it was about a cooking show. No laughing my ass out there. That would be very funny.

Like to have a cooking show as a podcast. Yeah. But also with Rayno doing it. Yeah. Hey fuck tart's ok. We're making Zaidee tonight. Secret ingredient. Come that's what mozzarella. Fuck that. Come we use liquid nitrogen and we freeze it and then we read it and then we put in the freezer and there's a drink you to.

Yeah but I was so glad that you were there because that guy sucks so bad. So bad. I remember you coming in super fucking fun and you jumped into like something about like like. Yeah. So like I fucked this guy and I didn't know his name was like me. Fuck him. I was like, whoa. Yeah. Comes the time. It was. It was. I was so into it because you were just such like you really didn't give a fuck about a guy in a way that women, you know, in a way that wasn't projecting any sort of I'm cool, like I'm bringing my own energy.

You were just yourself. You really didn't go far. I really didn't like them. And that's what I liked. I was like, this girl is not like is not trying to be someone else. It's not a hologram of you. Thank you. You're just a fucking well, you're like this is like so nice. Like you really like our compliment and us both like building us up. We haven't even built you to bring you down.

I trust that a girl loves to drink. Come and be like thank you. Yeah I do. Yeah. Because you made it sound like it was genuine. Actually, you know what? I think that the first time I saw you though, is I think maybe at the cellar where we gather, you may I think we were together and we were like, that guy is so funny so much. I don't remember thank you. That we were like, so stick with me.

Yeah, it's you.

I remember because I mean, you have you have, you know, a memorable name. Sure. I thought you were doing like a punk rock dance.

You know how you are with the actually. What are you doing. Yeah.

You know, you get going.

I don't know, you know, right now, you know, is that a joke or you say like, thank you. Come again. Really good stuff.

You're good that you're going to make sure you're like, where's the money. Oh thank you. I mean, it's a great room. So yeah, we just negotiated.

We had I mean that was a while ago. But we have wanted to talk about what we're going to talk about today if we ever got to it. OK, so you are here to talk about a topic. So we we haven't talked about this. And I asked you what you wanted to talk about on the show and you brought you brought up growing up Muslim and then having sex. So we're going to talk about that growing up in a certain I mean, growing up in Dallas, I don't imagine as a huge Muslim population, but you'll tell us about it.

Sure. And then do you men like funny women? Spoiler alert they don't. I'm single. And so actually. Oh, too funny to get a boyfriend. I literally care.

I have a lot to say about this and I'll tell you later. I'm so we want you to give people a little bit background and just to sort of connect dots between you and other guests. You are good friends with some of our former guests.

Of course, I love most of your old guests. Yeah. Name one. You hate them.

You don't Paladino. I hate that guy. Really is my best friend and I can't stand him. Are you guys Bess's. I love the guy. More so than Bryant Park.

Yeah. Bryant Park has no real friends.

Oh, I like it actually. It's like really rank them. It's true. No, I totally get it. It's like I'm Dylan's best friend Brian. I like Dylan's dad talks about you and your dad is like Oussama is my real son and I'm like, Dad, you're hotter than your own son.

What the fuck is going on? He looked at, hi, OK, last Thanksgiving. I will never forget this because I was like, do I send his tax juice? Matt Dillon. Oh my God. I texted. I was like, what's up with your dad's hands, dude, they're. Oh you dude. Forget it.

I'm done and done. I don't even like men that are over nineteen, but like Big Hand that is giant.

His dad's hot, very hot, very giant hands and Dylan gets weird around him like it says blushing. That's weird. Is he a younger dad. Like is he. No. You like fifties right. He's a younger dad but I mean I have a thirty six. He's in his fifties so you know, those ActiveX like people are eight like my age. You know, we're in our mid thirties. Like we could actually date Dylan or his dad.

Yes, yes, yes. You know what I mean. A good age I think. Thirty five is the hottest age we can go either way. I didn't, I didn't have thirty five and say, tell me more about us. What exactly do you like about us being thirty five. You're funny what you say. Thirty five which is the coolest thing. Well ok, I grew up in Dallas, very Muslim upbringing. No sexuality whatsoever. All repressed, all repressed.

I it came out in weird ways over the years because I never knew what Jack enough was until college. I took college. I have all Muslim friends growing up like and go to like Muslim school, some school type shit.

It was very insular and my hangout friends were all brown and Muslim and we were all like we didn't know. So we were all like, yeah, what sex. What we had no concept.

Did you have I mean, I mean is this your question? Did you have access to like normal cable television.

We did, but I never was a nerd. How what are you do you mind. I'm twenty nine.

OK, you know what I like. It's too old for me. Yeah. Well no I guess I was thinking. Yeah, you're too old. That's disgusting. About like ten years to. But you had a little more Internet than we did.

A little more internet. Oh yeah. You know what I'm saying. This makes no sense. If you're in your mid thirties, like if you're over thirty. Right. You could have kind of gotten by without a lot of like Internet porn. But you are even like I was. But it was very like repressed. I didn't have any interest because I was you know, I was living the life right. Even if you had the means, if you're in the scene of the Islam or the religion, you don't really give a fuck about what's on the.

If you're happy and I was fulfilled in it, so I wasn't like, oh, what's what's that? Did you know I was looking for, you know, a lot of kids just like type in dotcom and then it starts. Right. I didn't have that. I was just like, I'm cool in this life and I never would jack off it. Amberjack kind of we didn't have anything. What would happen? It would it would manifest in weird ways.

So in high school, I had a sexual orientation. I like girls, but I was be watching movies and be playing video games all day. So I didn't really find the need to, like, be like, OK, what is the next step like? How do girls look like whatever. But I have these weird things where I like boners, like boners. Let's start there.

But I would have a wet dream every night. So like every night I have what dreams because it is backed up normal kid who's been jacking off for 20 years by the time he's 20. The inclination never like I mean I genuinely just didn't know I was such a Muslim kid. Right. OK, I was so in it. And what what would happen, it was like, you don't have what dreams or I would I would like get up in the night like 2am.

I'd like go to my cul de sac and I'd like get naked and I'd run around in the wind, OK?

And it was like, I like you, like you are away from you. OK, well what's the situation right now. Why actually why are do you feel like herself. Oh so. So that was how it manifested in my, in my body. I didn't know how to even express my need to jack off, but it would come out me naked waiting for a stray breeze to come tickle my dick and I'd be like, OK, there's going to be a better way.

There's got to be a better way. I was just like thinking about that. I was like, how do I do the wind thing? But like, harness it.

Right.

You know, so high school, Muslim school, not bazooms was a normal school, OK, but I was very Muslim, OK, and then all the little jagoff thing to happen. And I was just in, you know, praying all the time, you know, that kind of shit. And then college started.

Still the Muslim wasn't as much, but it's still very weird. Couldn't talk to girls look like is going on. Where'd you go to college. Are you Dallas.

OK, and was there like a big Muslim community there. Yeah. OK, so you like slipped into that or the first Muslim you've seen in your life. Yeah, you are. Believe it or not, what is Muslim again.

It's like so Google it later. It's like, it's like Christianity but. Right. Oh my God. Oh one religion. That is real. Yeah. Oh no.

But we like I have a lot of Indian friends but not that grew up Muslim like you like so strict. Right. Probably Hindu like Hindus and Muslims or Hindus are like much more loose. Yeah. And I've talked to the my girlfriends a lot about how they grew up and religion and dating and things like that. But I've never interviewed my brown guy friends about their sex life. So let's get back to your sex life. All right. So you going to college?

Yeah, I'm going to college. I know. I I'm so invested in the story. When does it hit? I was freshman year. Where's fuck. Couldn't talk to girls then. What the fuck is going on? Because there's no like you know how you do it. This is how you talk. This is how you hang out like American culture. There's the energy of like how you talk to girls. Hey, it's prom night. Asked Girl.

There's there's like milestones of here's how you get a girl, get a guy. Right. None of that.

But I was also extra weird. It wasn't like every Muslim's like me. I was also like a super gamer type dude. I was never into anything like going outside of that, like a super introverted introvert. I had friends, but I was content in my world and we were content in your world you don't like. It's kind of like a cult. You don't you don't feel the need to learn anything new. So looking back and you're like, yeah, what the fuck?

Why don't you search up? It's Google, but whatever I felt no need. OK, you know, I said yeah. And I would like have dreams and I would have had this a little like winterisation outside thing, you know, and it'd be fucking cool as fuck. But that was satisfying to me. I was like whatever you know, and call started wasn't even had an orientation. Then I meet this girl, this Pakistani girl, and she's like, wild.

And I'm like, OK, what's that? I want that.

And even after, you know, being her boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, so then fucked for like three more years.

Well, how do we even get to be in boyfriend girlfriend. Yeah. OK, you're skipping ahead. Yeah. Because I feel like you're you're tall. How tall. Six ones up.

I thought I was little like six to you really stare deeply that she's eyes and you tilted your head to the side and you're like six one and then it didn't work at all. I was like, oh really. That's a poker face. You're already too old and you're too short. But you're you're you're not eight feet tall and nineteen. I don't think you can do this.

You're a good looking guy like so women. We're probably like interested. Right. Did this girl have to make the first move or. I was I was I was goofy looking though. Now I can see the chopped you know, I like bunch of that started like here please send us that photos because people want to see if the people want to do it.

I was I was so likable. I was just a really weirdo weirdo, you know. All right.

So how did you even to meet this girl and what how how do you, like, make her your girlfriend? Okay, so this girl is also weird. You know, she's also, like, equal. If you're old, you know, she's Lesco. I'm a. She's like that, and I'm like, what? But she was wild. She was just a wild person, didn't have any decor. It was also very Muslim.

So we're both a super Muslim, medicore, like there's no candles in our hearts. I read the Koran. I was like, oh, décor. She she had no throw blankets on her dorm room. She have like, oh, she fudge, you know, the. No, she's or am I right. I have no time for decorations. I take too busy fucking to get a candle. Oh.

Oh my God. Did you say to call for that. To comment on the decorum. And I came out to Karachi and I was like, I'm going to stop the whole I, I'm going to bring it up in the dorm room with, like, blank walls there.

You guys are just like straightjackets.

She's like, why don't you bring up the decor? There was none to call.

What is happening? Because I an empty room with Guy, so I'm in Bellevue and she drag it out.

And so basically it was OK because we're both very Muslim and so we kind of like Muslim doorway into like I like you. And then she was like, OK. And she's like not into me that I went to Bangladesh, came back. By the way, I like you too. And I'm like, fuck, yeah. And then we start like going out doing like very Muslim level stuff like like kissing, holding hands and nothing more than that.

First time I sucked her tits after I did it, I was like, I got to go. How do we even know how to do what? I just put my mouth on it and it's like, move my mouth. Right? And after I did that, I was like, I got to go.

And I left immediately, went to my car and started like heaving.

I was like, what the fuck? Oh yeah. Fuck is this? I couldn't take it. It was so wild until I even touch someone's nipples that it blew my fucking mind. And I just like to say that, like it's okay. It's okay. It's okay, buddy. It's OK. I prayed to God. I was like, well, we're good. We're good.

And I was like, freaking out. But slowly with more and more as much as her pussy I like almost cried.

It was a crazy I was like I was like undoing the Islam of my. Yeah.

And like I was this. Was there a thought. Obviously there's like guilt here, but is there a thought that, like, you're that's not what your parents would want you to know for sure.

Yeah, OK. But Mom found that out. She still thinks I'm a virgin, my mom. So she does. OK, so you haven't totally like rebelled against like my family.

I, I do whatever I want now, but my mom I don't tell anything. You mean my mom's knowledge is OK, you know, very parents. So one time she asked me, she was like, she won't listen to this. Oh she you know, you're on a podcast called Nepal has no idea how to open her own home page. OK, my my dad listens to our podcast on our website. Yes. OK, do you think you really are my dad's love their daughters as so much of the hear the other sex podcast.

I know my dad just my dad likes listening to the sound of my voice heard testimony and you see so many female comics like. So then I fucking like Sixty-nine the fuck out of him. Hi Dad. How are you OK with. Yeah I do a bit about. I fucked this guy that worked for my dad. I did it in front of my dad and he was like came up to me. He was like, you're so funny sweetie.

Like after the show our dads just don't care. They're just so proud of us. We make fun of my dad with her dad's different. My dad would never listen to this. He can see it on stage, you know, when he's drinking and there's people laughing. So I think he's like she's killing it. Like he would never tune into this. He literally my brother my dad would never listen to the podcast. My mom does every episode.

But it's very interesting. Rihanna's dad like cues up the episode like, oh, she sucked up like my dad.

My dad said to me, I don't care that you gave a blowjob to someone whose name you didn't know. I in fact, I love you more for it. I honestly, I think I improved his sex life. Right. Honestly, you are well-adjusted given the circumstances that that's happening. Right.

Know my mom would see you and call you Satan. I think I might come down to Dallas to visit my dad. I'll hook up with your mom and she'd love it. Probably she'll love it. Your mom's tits. She'd love it. She would love it. She's waiting for it in the cab, isn't doing the job, you know. OK, your parents are totally clueless. My my dad knows what the fuck is up. One day she was like I was like driving.

She was like, she's crying. She's like, do you sleep? You couldn't even say sex. She was like, do you sleep? And I was like six hours a day baby. And she was like, like, I'm like, Anyway, I'll see you later. She met the girl for like six hours a day. I like I have a question. OK, so with the girl you said you liked her. You said so eloquently you touched her pussy.

Yeah. Was there a lot of discussion between you guys? Like what I'm like with guys like white guys, they just do it. They just say, oh, my, you guys like talking about it a lot.

We had a discussion, you know, like boundaries, boundaries. I was like, OK, are you ready for this or whatever? Or like, no, but you're you're like, are you ready? OK, these two are going in in five, four, three, two Allegan. Those are good hands. I would get fingered by those fingers. Is there a fingering episode or do you think we do a little. At the end, where you finger up hello, Patriots fans, we got one for the next person from Maine actually figuring each other and you figure was right and I do everything together.

And then your doorman comes up and they figure all of us, OK.

Now, I know I walked into a substitute. We will not let Chris do it, Chris. It's so disgusting. I know, Chris. I really came up. I was like, Chris is hot. You're like no guy. The most beautiful dude I've seen all week. You're like, no, really. Do we have another Dauman for you? No, he's he's good looking. He's honestly, I wish walk out the door and walk into the sea because he's disgusting.

He's disgusting. He's good looking, but he doesn't have the right swag for the building and he can't join the boyband. You know, I walk into your building, I look in the courtyard and you're shining. There's a halo coming out of his head and he cleans up. And I look at the courtyard and this girl is like a leather tight ass leather Catwoman skirt, like looking at her email. What is going on? Yeah, it's a nice place.

OK, OK. This storm is coming out and she's like, oh, gmail indeed. What is going on here. I know. And it's it's like we're in the heart of the East Village. It's a real oasis. It's hot. Yeah, it's hot here. Over here there's a peloton.

Everyone fucks on it. It's a crazy peloton and fuck parties actually saw someone on the ballots on the other day and sat in the courtyard.

I mean, every 15 seconds turned around. I touched on a very important point. I want to find this out. It was I wanted to get on it and I was upset that he was on it. Still, she was like, I'm going to give this guy the stink eye every fifteen seconds until he leaves you. It's a problem that he's like existing in the world. In fact, if I saw him on the street, I'd kill him.

And there's another guy in the corridor. I mean, he's cute, actually, guys. Oh, no. Everyone in the building hates him. I talk about him with the doorman all the time. But this guy lives in the car. This guy lives in the common areas. Why is he the common areas? Every day, all day he'll play guitar in space time and he's on speakerphone. Oh, my God. I utilize the couple is an ad children.

Oh, my God.

Guys, we got to get back to this thing green anyway, so. Yeah, the pussy pussy. And we never fucked at all because it was an unthinkable thing and the unthinkable thing. And then we went out for a little bit. Then sophomore year didn't do anything with anybody. We broke up and I was like, no girls back to Islam go back into it. Then junior year I was ready to fuck, but I was too scared to actually do it.

So I use religion as a way to make myself not feel like shit.

So I would try to fuck girls but Muslim and I can't because Islam at that point, I was gone from that idea, but I was too much of a bitch to, like, act on it yet.

How did you come around? Like being a girl? Fucking basically took my dick and fucked it. No, no, that's I mean, wait, wait. I mean, it had a different story. No, no, no. We'll get to that. Yeah. I just mean, like, you grew up like pretty religious. You like to agitate, you hyperventilate. You panic attacks. How like in a year and a half do you come around to be like I'm done with that.

It was a lot of parties. I would be in a frat. So we just go to parties all the time.

We draw the road trip everywhere and Austin and just my party. And so I was like, I like party like people. And eventually I just met so many people in my life and I was like, OK, it's right. I know what I want. Slowly you get out of that sort of mental cage, you put yourself like it took a while. It took a long time. But in college you meet so many people that, you know, whites, blacks, Asians, whatever, you just lose that the cages starts to, like, just dissipate.

And so you don't realize it's happening until it happened. And you're like, oh, fuck, wait a second. I'm totally different than I was. Right. It just was slow burn. Right. Very slow burn. Well, let's take a very quick break to finish talking about our partners for this episode and we will continue this conversation I am telling you guys about. Hello, Frasch. We've teamed up with Hella Fresh Go to hell, a fresh dotcom slash aguy and use code aguy to get a total of eighty dollars off across five boxes, including free shipping on your first box.

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It cuts out stressful meal plan and grocery store trips. That's the thing that I love the most, is that everything is just pre planned for you. They send you exactly what you need. You need your pots and your pans and like salt, pepper, sometimes butter. And that's really all you need to make these incredible delicious meals. They have gourmet recipes like I love some of their gourmet stuff. I think when I was with my parents, I was cooking for them every night during the quarantine and we did like a lobster.

And it was like I think was like lobster ravioli with shrimp that was like one of the meals, another delicious one, the balsamic fig sirloin, they're going to be over 60 percent cheaper than an average meal out. So you basically have a restaurant quality dinner for everything that I have ever made has been restaurant quality. I post a lot on Instagram. You can always check out my hella fresh meals. And there the packaging Halifax uses to ship your food is almost entirely made from recyclable and or already recycled content.

So we love that streamlined supply chain means they get produce, do you, faster and faster than the grocery store. So I guess I'll just tell you guys what I'm eating this week. This week I had zucchini and tomato flatbreads. I'm actually making those tonight. I'm obsessed with their flatbreads. Obsessed. I made the zucchini in tomato once for you before we had a ricotta, lemon, ricotta, basil, honey and chili flakes. Earlier this week, I had Szechuan, broccoli and mushrooms.

Stir Fry said, I want to go Szechuan Sichuan, Szechuan one.

You said you are 30 and you say the word Schwann. I honestly I have one this week and I have an officer in charge next week, so I don't even know if I've ever said Shenzen. So I would say to the last 30 years you would say the wrong word is honestly that I can't recommend the Shashemene broccoli and mushroom stir fry it off. And then next week I have Szechuan noodles with mushrooms. I care and I actually have an Instagram post.

I write Faces Bread. I know you actually have a one, I think. OK, if you would just let me finish honestly. And Southwest chicken sausage and rice skillet. Some of the skills are so amazing. You just make this whole meal on a scale and you pop it in the oven and do the last two minutes on broil it. If you're listening this Monday. I have a post coming up on my Instagram feed post this Thursday and it's going to be me and some shows.

You just keep looking like every Chinese restaurant.

America is Sichuan Garden. I like Szechuan. I think it's a good thing you want to check it.

Oh, OK. I hate you. I'm like, honestly getting upset. I don't get it.

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How did that happen? It's S Z, Shenzen, the J as h e j chege. Wow.

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Rather I, I just going to pop out of the corner of Chege. I feel sorry for anybody that skips the ads.

If you hit 30, 30, 30 to the ads over, you're missing out pugilism to hit it like 15 times. Like why is this so long? Because the jokes are hilarious. OK, get in there guys. Schedule better be. All right. We need Mirch these spell shows what exactly how it s the shot of the J network. OK, I am telling you guys about like what I mean which I am loving as the weather gets colder, as the days get shorter, gets a little darker out.

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I mean, that's not my vibe, but I'm glad that they're doing that flavor profile because some people want that. I just love a citrus flavor and like a tropical fruit. So I love the watermelon and I. I love the guava. I have a guava is a deep cut of the flavor.

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All right, so let's back up. This girl took your dick and fucked it. Let's talk about this girl. Yeah. Tell us tell us everything about this girl.

So, yeah, this girl was a brown girl who was Indian, not Bengali. Some Bengali east of India. It's the brown girl.

And she was like, oh, fucking every brown group got that one brown ho. Like she is down, up. She is down. Her name is Pooja. We're fucking you probably know Pooja but one brownnose like she fucks up.

We had one of those, her name was we can't tell her you know what she called Pooja.

We'll call it Pooja which is her name and oh my God I'll call her Pooja concerning.

OK, Riza's Pooja and it is Pooja. So Pooja was this kind of like kind of like the known she like fucks and she likes to fuck. Yeah. Sad about because Indians, Indian girls who fuck are very ostracized mentally. Even my girls were also fucking like you know how girls do what they fucking like. Fuck you, you're a whore. Indians have that even more so like double of course you know this, right. And even the ones you fuck there's like a sort of how much of a whore can you be?

How much do you are you like presenting your sexuality? Probably. Right. Right. It's not so much that you're getting penetrated from time to time, but are you like a. Actual being in public, yes, intermittent penetration or like, are you sexual, like in your in your view, a fucking slut? Are you fucking slut? So she was a slut, right? And then in the best way. In the best fucking way. She loved herself and she did what you wanted.

Off you go. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. But with her Pussy Riot, I just get a shout out to all my ladies who are just slotted up to love themselves, you know, like you do it like listening to test out do, like being, you know, doing the thing that you have been doing. Yes, yes.

Yes, yes.

That would ever be a brown song because you get married by the end of the song, although you're married now. Oh so she we in a frat.

And so therefore I was kind of like, dude, we're fucking we're in that frat. And we had this one day at a party and she came up to me like I'm like a fucking like weirdo again. I'm still like weird guy bunch jobs and but it was known that I was funny at that point. So by that point I was a funny guy. And so she liked that. And she came up to she really walked up to she's like, listen, I'm busy right now.

I'm going to be the best fuck you ever had. Oh, my God.

Nineteen year old Pugin, 19. She was starting freshman. So I think 18 and she and I won't be the best fuck you ever had.

And you were like over the only about I was like, there is no way you're wrong about that.

But like, I'm feeling like anxious for as you is like a virginal. Yes. Yes. And she came at me with a very, very sexual energy. I was think I had to be like, yeah, me too. Yeah. Well for sure. For sure. Listen, Pooja, there's a lot of competition for that role, but I'll let you. Why do you have to call you?

Are you decorous. OK, I you she comes to me, she's like I have the best Vezzali ok. Theropods, tchotchkes everywhere. Driftwood on my wall that says love you even know exposed brick you know gorbea pine cone strewn about cinnamon. He's she's. I will do this. I will never have more to say. But like I just remember who I saw on this morning. I was a trader and I bought ten ok. Broonzy's as fuck in Christ Jesus Christ.

Oh my God. That was so fucking white. Just like rain is white but Ashley is on some other shit. Trader Joe's got a sitting member already like Trader Joe's straight into Puerto Rican. You are so white. It's like illegal bro. What the fuck. The podcast is over. I will never do it. I was I realized after all the stuff that I had no idea actually.

So yeah, I went to together. You said you came out with me on the court. So listen, just let me live. I've got candles this morning that are wrapped in white. Yeah. Oh my gosh. OK, guys, I'm so hot. That is the problem. So sorry. I was bad so she hit me. She's like, hey, this is my dorm, get over here. And if you don't bring some cinnamon brooms, you bother coming.

OK, so literally you can rub your dick with the wind right around.

Yeah. Yeah. Go catch a break. Quando catch a breeze bitch. Hey, what's the barometric pressure on the deck. Jesus Christ. Oh.

We will get one more story out by the end of this hour and a half. We promise you guys.

Oh my God. So I'm terrified. And I was talking to my all my friends knew I was trying to get laid.

And so basically they would do that thing. We're like as you're talking to a girl, they're like humping from behind her.

You know, I'm saying like, I think that dudes do that, like you're talking a girl and then. Yeah. And then she turns around. They're like they always they stop one second too late. So you see, like, two idiots, right. It's extremely American, right. It's good. Were you drinking, by the way? Do you drink? Did you drink and I drink. I was back then. I was drinking. I drink enough.

So either Ian MacDonald before I had never even done that. So you're a virgin who doesn't drink. I don't fucking drink.

So then I go to a 7-Eleven because she's like, OK, I'm going to go to my dorm, come whenever. Right.

This is like a dude's fucking dream. It's just a girl. I'll be like, hey, you suck. I'm going to get you right. Yeah. And so I'm like, yeah, sure. Yeah fuck. Yeah. And then I like I run to my friend. Where do I go to buy condoms and I go to 7-Eleven, I'm like, OK, so I go to 7-Eleven and this Indian guy there, obviously, and he looked at me with such happiness like it's an Indian guy and like, yes, yeah.

And I'm like, you have no idea what's about to happen. So then I go, I'm like, OK, I heard the word Trojan before. I'll buy a truck. So I get that that black the gray box. So OK, if I can him I got the Trojans and then he looks at me like, oh, you're one of those Indians who fuck. And then he's like, so sad and I buy the condoms. Oh get out of here.

I hated the guy. I almost cried seeing buy condoms. I don't want to put on condoms, so I'm in my car practicing practicing.

So I'm in the parking lot. In the parking lot. Right. But I'm it's a middle of it's a middle. You don't like the parking lot. Sort of like rows. Right.

We've been to them before, you know, parking lots. Yeah. So I was daylight and the daylight it was like seven p.m., right. Yeah. They were at a party at seven p.m. 8pm for from party. And so I'm at the 7-Eleven parking lot and I'm trying on the pants were off and trying on. Right. I'm doing the roll up roll off thing like OK, I heard you could roll up and roll off to see which one, which side of it as some do that as I'm doing that a car just comes headlights and then it's like my dick is like right above the steering wheel and they just see it and then they're like, oh no, they literally just back out and just leave it on stage, whatever.

They're at the bar. So they just like they saw my dick, they back out bounce. I'm like, fuck, I lose two condoms in the situation. And I the expensive for college kid. Exactly. So I go to this girl's dorm and she's like, ready. She's like, I mean, I'm blown away. That's the terrifying thing. She's a little drunk. She's like drunk as fuck. And then she is I'm like skinnier than I am now.

I'm very, very skinny like board. And she she's like, hey, wait, like making out.

She'll stop it. She's like, wait, you're not a virgin, are you? And I'm like. What? No, but I want to leave room for me to suck, so I was like, it's been a long time, though, you know, I was on the move. OK, feel free to steal that line. Yes. Yes. It's been a long time, though, even if you suck is OK. Not a fucking virgin.

Is that weird? Yeah. And she's like, I got you.

I got you. She gets on top and she does two pumps, three pumps and then she passes out on me. Why she's so drunk.

Dick inside. Dick inside. Right. Passes out. Passes out. Right. And she's I'm skinny and she's very not as skinny as me. So now I'm like suffocating under her body. I can't breathe and I'm like under her left it. I can't literally say suck it. Oh. So I say a little bit, I'm like, OK, I still got it. He's still got it. I don't know. I think it's Thai boys in a cave fucked a little bit, you know, like they had a little moment.

So yeah I was like, OK, Papa, can I get a little squeeze in? And obviously not. Obviously not. I was terrified. I was like on me and I was like, I couldn't I can, like, literally, like, not breathe. I had to push her off like one boob at a time. Right. I finally got off. Right. And I was like, wait, this is sex, yo, this is I'm going to hell.

So then what I did was like as I was still like calm, still like on my dick, I started praying like immediately.

So like, I have a come dick. And I was like, OK, which way is OK? Oh God. I was so freaked out from sex. Yeah. That I just started praying right there and it was little McConnells hanging out. I was like freaking out. Yeah. She's dead on the bed. She is your naked body bloody, you know, and you're praying and I'm praying like I'm her father.

Someone walked in on that. That would not be a good luck.

It was it was fucking crazy. Right. And then I stayed over the next day we woke up and she we fucked together was fine. Why? Oh, you just. Oh, in the morning. Yeah. This is like a profound experience.

Very intense. Very intense because I'm very elastic. Right. So I can back then I was very rigid. But once I went past, you know, crossed the Rubicon, I was like, OK, let's go.

OK, so once I had that that first inside moment, I was like, Holy Week has really took a turn, though. Like you were like praying all night long and you just woke up more like, fuck it, let's do it again. That I woke up again.

I was you know what this is? I'm already going to house. And it was very much a fucking stupid. Is that really how you felt? I'm just making fun of you. But is that really how you felt? Like like I'm already going to go to hell, so like I keep doing at this moment. But then I was like, I didn't think about it. I was like, OK, this could be bad later on, you know, I'm saying, you know, judgment day that a show might come dick praying like, what's this?

I remember remember this before you come, Dick Brain.

And I was freaking out. I was like, whatever this is. So it was such a good feeling.

She was so like a pornstar like it was like like a girl that sexually realized with a guy that not sexual with such a fucking gift to that guy. And I think girls, when they do that, it's like really didn't realize how cool they're being.

That's so great. You know, it's so crazy. It's like to be sober like. Yeah. And like lose your virginity, you know, to like a stranger sober. I mean, it's just so wild to even think about because like how many like, you know, most people you just you got to drink your way through your early life. Right.

Right. It was it was crazy. Was wild. I was terrified of the of the Dorking. So I was like of the what, dorking the dick into the pussy getting in there and do I get it in?

That was a terrifying thing. So you get on top. It was like a godsend. I was so scared. I thought I thought it was like you had to Treis that if you didn't work you were just yet.

You can fuck because you're like not watching it on a porn at this point, right. Oh yeah.

Like did you guys like what happens day to you keep like fucking or we then it becomes one of those like fuck situations where it's like we fuck every once in a while, you know, like every couple of days I just go to dawn we fuck.

And then she hit me with the what are we? And then we stop. But then I meet a girl you want to be with, kind of a girlfriend. And I saw going out with her. Then I meet her the next day, the first girl on a bus and she sees me with the girlfriend. Oh, no. Oh, well, who's this bitch?

All of a sudden you turn into a player. You were like, you know, he's like, I changed your whole life and this is how you repay. I know I come in like a purple hat and like, feathers. Yeah, I don't pay up now. Thanks for everything. Everything you've done, which is not your real name, which it is so xao so XO goodbye. And since then been such steadily coming up in the ranks you know.

OK, you know the been trying to make up for lost time ever since. Do you have siblings. Yeah. And is this something that you discuss with your siblings. Oh no I would not, I don't give a fuck. How, how old are your siblings. Four years older and then once they're younger.

I was just curious because I mean, like I'm I have an opposite sex siblings. So, like, we would have talked about sex growing up, but I didn't know if you like. It's so interesting. Who do you turn to? I mean, obviously good friends, but you don't talk about that. What they are they still on the track that like conservative. No, no, no.

They're only my brother's married. My little brother is. He's fucking this white girl. That's all good. Oh, OK. It's all good. Oh, OK. I just wasn't sure we all came out of it. You know, I was the most Muslim at all. I was really like in it, but. Once we got out of it, we got up. When you go home, do you still, like, pray and adhere to like those things with your discipline's gone, you know, like a spiritual bent to it.

But that's about I'm not codified like that.

So you date white women. Sure. What do your parents disapprove of that?

No, they don't know. I know. I know. But if you like, let's talk about down the road. What do you wanna get married one day? Sure. Sure. OK. My brother's dating my one, you know, and he bought that white girl to like a family thing. Oh, OK.

But he wasn't chill. It was like my mom was cool with it. She was like, OK, I'll deal with it.

My dad was kind of like, what is this? What the fuck? You know, and kind of like, not OK.

But, you know, I just didn't know if it was like like we won't she won't, like, actually support it. So I didn't know if that was what you were dealing with. Yeah, no, it's much more it's the don't talk, don't tell kind of thing. I mean it's like whatever. Right. And New York is so fucking chill, you know, like fucking everybody to that.

Absolutely. But OK, so you're like twenty you start dating somebody. Like how did that affect your ability to like sexually experiment and ask for things you want? Sure, it was.

I mean, the day I kissed a girl for the first time, y'all were doing anal or something. You know, I'm saying like, I was not doing all that. I don't know if I might have been getting, like, my asshole. Like, listen, I didn't do anal to 2012 really well, really late bloomer. And my my anal did not blow. I'm no 2011 is the first time right after the dinner. Yes. Yeah.

That's how much it costs. And it's down in this town and that's what but that's not adjusted for inflation. I feel like twelve hundred for that. Yeah. I don't know where to muster, I don't know during co but it might come back down. Right. Chester, what do you ask market these days. Are you, I mean how much would it cost at this point to buy. How much you got.

Oh I have a wink and a vibe. I got a buy and I got some cinnamon brewed in the back of a brew. We can work with that. How many sit in a room so we videotape inside it to daylight and maybe, hopefully we're going to head to Bryant Park to get some friends. That's how you make friends. All right. Yeah. You make friends. Friends, Brian. Don't even focus. So where so did you have to do you feel like you had to overcome a lot of this of like the guilt stuff?

Like, I want to I want to finish that about like asking for stuff. Like, it's the same question.

Same basically the idea is here.

OK, so when I started talking, I was still kind of like locked in a little bit once I got to New York to do stand up. Right. I'm going to go to med school and we got to talk about that sucked. I was like, fuck that day before I leave, I just came to New York to comedy. Right? When I came to New York, that was the moment I was like, OK, let's lay on the other side of this.

Let's do let's take off everything that was holding me back and go that much more sex positive. So that's when everything opened up. That's when assets were being licked, you know, rods were being shoved, you know, everything was down.

Sixty nines fucking. I see.

What else is crazy fucking mask shit. Yeah. And I have a kind of more serious question. Do you still believe in your religion? Sure.

Yeah, but it's not it's it's less form, less codified. It's not. Is like, oh this is what's happening. Or like this is that it's more, it's more like universalised kind of it's more like Macra.

OK, right. Like well I like my parents are Unitarian Universalist. They're kind of like yeah, there's higher power but we're like the other. We grew up Christian, Methodist, like not Superstruct ever but they've kind of like yeah we are, we're spiritual. There's a higher being. But who's to say so I was just curious if you ever rejected it. Like this is bullshit. Like I'm I can live my life and have sex and do these things that are like I'm not supposed to do and still be like a good person and not go to hell should.

Also, Islam is not a monolith, you know. So it's not like it's like every Muslim guys like that. I just assumed it was like that.

So that's why when I left it, I was like, oh, thank God I'm gone. But really, you go back to it because you realize it's there's so many types of Muslims and there's so many. It's a gradient of thought and how people, even the most Muslim Muslims, have differing ideas on the highest level of sex or drinking or whatever. So at that point, you just to let go, you're like, OK, I can be Muslim and fuck, it's OK.

OK, everyone there are. I still get death threats on fucking Instagram from like random fucking Muslim. My gosh.

Like don't know how to fucking like do grammar but they'll, they'll, they'll do death threats but like yota grammar.

Yeah. Like kill you. I must you know, but they feel like you're somebody that has a platform and you're not using it for the leadership that I'll get random dudes right here try to like subjugate you.

All right. Everybody has an opinion about how you met women like y'all like yourselves, you know, so that is so scary to a dude, you know, like Justin Rain.

I'll be like, yeah, like if I was a beta male, they would freak me out.

There's a dude that, like DM's me like really like insulting stuff like like once a week probably. And I just like let him live in there and I will never block him and I will. Never look like I'll see him every once in a while, and then I go in and he has been having a conversation with himself, insulting me for months.

I'm like, how pathetic and obsessed are you? Blind line that y'all fuck as much?

We all do because we all see positive qualities in that many men. You know, I'm saying like you, how do you get through all that personality to fuck? Oh, it's a special kind of person that sees something on the Internet. I don't I'm not out here. I could be fucking more. I think it is a special kind of disgusting person that sees something on the Internet that stops their day, sends a stranger a horrible message. Are you insulted me and my personal beliefs when this that has nothing to do with you.

And that is like a sad, pathetic person. And those that person's not having sex. But here's saying, it's like in this patriarchal society, right. It's still very much like someone who is unapologetically themselves, especially if they're a girl. It is like not lauded. It's like, oh, you know why you like being so yourself. Yeah, possibly because those dudes are scared to be themselves.

So when they see you being like completely one with your energy, they're like, oh, fuck, I suck guys, because you guys the right guys love.

Yeah, that's even cooler. You know, I'm saying like I a lot of it in New York, like Adam and I have a question about your sexual exploration because you brought something up. We were talking about we were in talk about today and you brought up open relationships. Is that something that you felt like I have been, like, stifled my whole life sexually, and so I'm not going to tether myself to one person or you. You do that?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't do that back in. She's back. You know, I wanted to be monogamous. I don't know if I'm there now. He has America now. Now, you know, we use it. I do that. And then we like rock, paper, scissors. Who gets to fuck them? Yeah, girl's got to eat. But we're going to wait till we're going to wait till the fingering to the side. Patreon But the open relationships have you brought up and I don't know if you've ever been in a relationship, you brought it up.

So did you feel like I can't be like tethered to one person because I think Stifler's I'm making up for lost time together. Yeah, I, I didn't fuck for a long time. I definitely had that vibe. I was like, OK, time to fucking let's make it happen.

And I just New York is the place if you're trying to like be a not Muslim guy who fucks a lot like New York. Right. So that was going on for a while. I met this girl who's super cool, European, and she was like, hey, I want to kind of be with you, but, you know, I can't fuck other people. And I was like, oh, OK, OK, yeah, let's do it.

And so it was like it open with it, just like one of those things. I'm like, I'm not seeking it out, but I'm open to whatever comes. I love that.

OK, so so it was like someone else that kind of like opened our eyes to it.

We may have taken me on this journey. It's not really me doing anything. Women have been like, all right, all right, all right, all right. I love to hear like that. You lean into it, you know, in. And so it was just sort of like open rules, like if you were out for the night, like if you did a SAT, you got off stage and some girl was like, let's go for a drink.

Like, was it cool if you went on a date with somebody else? I'm always curious what people's parameters are in open relationships.

It's all about people think it's it's like you just fucking high five and it's all good. They're all different. You know what? I think they're all different. They're all different. The real every single one, in my opinion, has to have dialogue in it. You have to talk about the rules or else it's not going to work or else the ego comes out. So that's the main thing. It's not about just fucking it's about talking all the time about what's good.

You good. You're good. You're good. We're doing this. I'm going out. But you're good. Our thing was OK, don't talk. Don't tell, don't bring her into my life now. Don't bring them into your life. But just like you know. But I'm your girlfriend and you're my boyfriend, OK? And so like you, you help me and you support me. I support you all that is there.

But we can fuck and when we want that sort of fraying, when I started like going to my phone sometimes and then saw like some black tits and she was like, the fuck is this guy?

And I was like, yeah, it's whatever, you know. And then she's like, no know. But then it was the worlds were colliding.

Are you allowed to go on dates of people and have sleepovers or people sleepovers? You mean like fuck them in their house?

I just like I always am. And I always said about what people's boundaries are because every open relationship that we've talked about has a totally different parameter, like with Malcolm X, the like on the road can fuck somebody. But at home, you're my primary partner, whatever. Yeah, you can stay over. It's all good.

But just don't bring her to my life. I don't know about it. I don't want it. Yeah. I mean, for me it would be like I don't want to know anything. I don't I want to actually believe that like this is a monogamous relationship, even if I am fucking even if I'm seeing other guys too, like just it's completely don't want to know and it wouldn't need to be more like if I had dated somebody that traveled, it was like, do what you got to do on the road.

But like, I hope that you don't like start to really develop feelings for this person and like, yeah, whatever. Go get a blowjob. Fine, that's fine. You know, but as opposed to like you're texting funny stuff with this.

So that's what would hurt my heart. Like I've always said that like sure. If I were dating somebody and it was like I found out that they got their dick sucked or whatever by somebody at a bachelor party with lust, for example, as opposed to I see something of them like flirting and being funny and sharing inside jokes, I would hurt so much more. I got you. I got you. Same with you. Same shit.

One hundred percent. I mean, I always sort of liken it to comedians because like I think about like my man was like on the road all the time, got up stage in like Kansas City and somebody wanted to blow them like go off like go for like get off and go out.

I looked at your text messages and I saw you guys had, like inside jokes, you know, when I got it right, her heart break my heart like this and it's like a Sponge Bob.

Me? What the fuck? No. Laughing I mean, you talk about funerals. That's fine. You can talk about sad stuff, but yeah, I don't want any prolonged. I mean, but that's hard. I think that's everybody's concern is that it's a slippery slope. Like the next day you do text the person you're like they said blowjob. That was great. And then like they make you laugh and you say a funny thing. Exactly. You know, and that would that would be my bar, too.

So no other funny women. I got you. So if she's in your life. Yes. Got you. Right. Got any tells a joke. You can't ever talk to her again. OK, that's insane. Knock, knock, bitch.

I'm gone. I'm gone. Not not because you are.

Or you know, what would be ideal is that she tries to be funny and she's not so that you can be sure. Oh God. That and then you just like look over dead fucking corpse like you saw the stock. But thanks for blowing my boyfriend. I didn't really want to last week, honestly. We're going to go to a Dave Chappelle show and you're not in bed.

Thank you. Note for vote. Thank you for taking care of that blowjob. Sincerely. Is Tyler really needed one? And I just wasn't sure if I was writing jokes for when he got back, I, I forget who this is not my joke, but this was a comedian back in Atlanta and I loved his joke about him saying, like, Hillary was smart to like outsource the blow jobs to Monica Lewinsky. Like, of course she was like, yeah, let the intern blow you out on time.

Like, I, like, love that joke. Like, I think Hillary didn't know you think he was like going to Libya and blowjobs. You don't say like Hillary. I don't. For the Benghazi and Monica and Monica, speaking of like who took that shit to the next level, like she is on a tour. That woman is on a blowjob. We have her on. She would kill. Oh, she she's actually like she's out here.

She's on the streets right now straight. And she just like opening jokes about it, too, like I remember you got to own it. She's like, so Bill was at my place. It was like I go up. It's like Monica owns it in the coolest way. He's definitely got ass. But yes. Yes, she's she's got those she's got men in the Dems ripping her apart. But go off Monica. So she said if I was if I gave the most famous blowjob of all time I would never stop pushing it.

Honestly, she should have like a collab with Kmart, like blue dress, like the blue dress, the blue dress line like that would crush. I've one more thing to say about the relationship. So I just I always find old relationships interesting because, like, it sometimes seems like one person wants it in the or the other one doesn't or like they're doing it as a last ditch effort to save the relationship, which someone once gave us the advice.

I think that's like the worst time to do it is when things are bad between you. And I thought that was interesting. It's all ego based. You know, the ego comes in. That's when the thing starts to derail, when you can do an open relationship.

And both partners are have no ego, like they're just like I respect you and love you.

You respect and love me. And your actions do not reflect on me. And my actions reflect on your dad's power. Now you're cooking with some fucking guys when the moment you try to have the ego towards it like you belong to me. Any sort of property energy of like your mind, that's when it goes off. Well, but that's like doing work and like being really involved, like because I'm the first person to admit, like I don't feel like I'm quite there yet.

Like a little more territorial. Yeah, no. But you never know, like that's just like inner work and shit like that. I feel like, like the gasoline. If I found out you slept with somebody like I'd burn your house. Oh that's right. Gas making a to with that. Yeah. Well I wanted to move on a little bit from like sex and relationships and talk about the fact that you're a comedian, your parents want you to be a doctor.

Sure. Because I think that's probably what a lot of people deal with. Muslim aside, anything, you know, white parents like whatever, like this is what you're supposed to do in life. It's just to be a doctor, lawyer or a politician, whatever. And you just like are like, no, I'm going to do something else. Like, was it was their contention?

Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, because when you when you're a when you're like American, like American, can you find your thing? You're like, oh my God, I found my thing. This is amazing. I'm doing this for my life. Yes. If you're like an Asian kid and you find your thing, you're like, wow, what an amazing side hobby I just found to supplement my actual income. So you had that idea for like years.

Right. And even I when I started comedy in junior year of college, I was doing it once a month. Maybe like you really knew I was know. You know. So I was like, I don't know. And even to the very end, I was like, I'm going to med school and get into med school. It's all good. I saw this one documentary. Have you all seen this one documentary, Zero Dreams of Sushi? Yes.

It's like the most famous documentary was like it's such a fucking famous documentary about Jiro. He's a famous sushi chef in Tokyo. I went to the restaurant. I went to Tokyo. They went documentaries became like really hot. I feel like super hot, like five, six years ago. And that was like the one everybody was that one. I love how, like, you were like blown away that I even asked you if you watched it. I'm honestly kind of offended.

It's like, yeah. Memory fucking from Tokyo. So Jiro was dreaming of sushi. What happened?

I saw the I saw the film and midway through the film there's a scene and you remember it. It's like where he's talking about. All he wants to do in life is get better at making sushi, that's his whole purpose, and they place a mass murderer behind it, some fucking beautiful orchestra, and he's slowly, slowly slicing the fish on the on the video. And he's just like, all I want to do is create all my life, you know, he's like, so I want to do and I want to do is like upgrade and just keep going higher, higher, not reaching the top.

But just the idea of me going to the top is the life that blew my mind. The idea that you could live not on some acquisitional shit, but on some day by day is the purpose that as an Indian kid or Bengali kid, especially for an idea, everything you're living to acquire something, a job, a life of marriage, kids, that's your entire framework. Then Jiro comes in, he's like, listen, doing is the thing and that and just getting better at that thing is the thing that blew my fucking mind.

And from then on, I was like, I'm doing comedy. I have to do it. Oh my gosh, I have to go do it. It's such a you know, I love you like in comedy. I love you cooking. Because when you said, like, you know, that people pick these things, it's outside the room. I thought of cooking because it's like not what you dream of. Like is your your child's going to struggle and, you know, be in this industry where there's no clear path to success and there's no, like, climbing up the ranks, like with comedy and entertainment, things like that.

And so I don't think people dream of their children doing it, but like what a great special thing to do and how brave to do. Like the creative thing.

It was a crazy thing to even think about. And if I was if I look back, I was naive as 23, so I don't really know what was coming.

If I had known, maybe I would have done it. But like, the level of hearts that came right after was so gargantuan that I was like, OK, wow, I'm really living it now. But that moment, that zero moment, I was like, OK, there's no other choice I have to do the thing that is going to make every day have purpose or else what's the point? And I can't think of one other moment in my life watching a documentary that if I'm not going on saving whales, Blackfish, I didn't fucking hell be save killer whale.

But here I am living exactly how she was living.

So it was formative. But sometimes it's not it's not a documentary. It's someone could say that or you could hear it on a podcast or you could read it in a book. Like it's just the concept that you never thought of, like no matter where it could have been fucking the artist's way or whatever.

Right. It hit me at the right time. Right. It's really the right time, like one more day. And I would have been in med school. So how crazy is it is. Wow. That is really crazy. So you like called off med school and like, how was this telling your parents, I want to be a comedian?

Are you going to like pots and pans thrown at my face? Oh, my God. My mom was like, OK, OK, smiling.

That fucking smile thing. OK, yeah sure. Sure. But I just want to throw in Oh fucking D'Annunzio but like no other way like really bad like minor chords you know. And my dad is the single dad here you know, he's like all I wanted to do was to help people and I'm like Dad, I can still help people. Yeah. But there's not a concept that you can help people without. OK, for jobs are your brother's doctors.

My brother is a data scientist. My older brother is a accountant. So I was the I was the one that was to see the doctor. Oh. So that's why the tier was for my journey. Yeah. I was tough. It was tough. OK, how is it evolved in the last six years. Now they're still so over the years I stuck to it. I got a couple credits. If they see you on TV you're in one hundred percent because then they understand that, they understand what that is, you know.

So once they saw that they were like, OK, we're good.

I think it's really inspirational, like a beautiful message. And we like joking around a lot. But like you, when we started the podcast, like explain it to my 73 year old father podcast, I think it's kind of like the radio and like you can explain, like, how you make money. Like my parents had like a hard time understanding, like I worked at Amazon, I worked at big tech companies. I made a ton of money trajectory to like be like sales, all this bullshit.

And it's like I left all that do creative things. And I think that's scary for a parent and like but then they see you like on stage or succeeding. And I just like that message of, like, just put your head down and do it, I think. And also people think in America they like, OK, you find your dream. It's looking good now because so much it's such a romanticised thing. The dream really the problems start when you start your dream because now you give a fuck about something and you're clicked into life and now everything means something.

Every moment has meaning, which is kind of a curse. And a lot of ways you can't be like fucking you are Vikings. And then just like watch football and that's your life, right? That's a that's a good life. It's not a bad life because he didn't have engaged in his life. Every moment everything matters once you find your thing because life is just locked and then you're not ever separated from your thing. That's what it is like.

It's all your it's always it's you become yeah. You become your thing. You hang solo encased in your thing. And it's such a fucking you don't realize that it's like kind of a double edged sword, like it is beautiful. But, you know, you're taking on the world's weight every day because now you can't disengage from your own life.

And it's and it's purpose. Right. Well, if you go to med school, nobody can take away being a doctor from you. But if you decide to be a comedian, you sit at home every day and don't do anything like everybody can come and get in front of you and take away from, you know, like you got to hustle every day for what you do. Yeah, I was I used to fucking Jesus Christ, like in New York.

You like comedy. So fragile, right. Like just idea of it. And there was. A time when I was like starting, I was really hustling and going for it like four times a day, but like started fucking some comics and I was like, even even fucking a comic or two can, like, undo your dream. And you forget how volatile this dream is. Oh, my God.

Let's talk about it and let's talk about funny women. Yes. Oh, fuck. Or pivoting. This is the perfect segue. Yeah, you nailed it. OK, funny woman. He did a great job. Well, what do you mean? It could unravel because you've talked to some comedians and named them all. Last name, rank status as one more final question. This is deep again. Do you think do you feel like your parents are proud of you?

Yeah, OK. Yeah, I like that. I want to be all I ever want in life is to make my parents, you know, so I'm glad they're proud of you now.

It's great. Thank you. Yeah. It's a wild thing and it took a long time. No more pots and pans your head, which is great for you. And then another question. Do they think you're funny but a generational gap for laughing? OK, you know, but there's no laughter in my mind.

No, we would never.

Why someone laugh like he's never laughed before. What's that about? We're not hanging out like a daddy band, but I'd like to butt up. But do you try to do humor? They would laugh at you don't care. My mom is like my mom. My mom is like wanted to you do comedy about being a good kid.

What what about your comedy about helping around the house, which was held back, you do comedy about how you're the worst?

You know, I think it's like seriously like there's just no concept, you know, like because comedian was a term used for the word drunkard.

And so it's like there's no concept, like you think you're a comedian, OK? Like your funny skits I love Rachel Feinstein is like, are you going to use on your skin? Yeah, but are we in camp right now? All right. OK. So you forget all these comedians.

Yeah. I mean, you know, you realize that it could be dicey until you're like in it. And this thing you care about so much of comedy. I want to be comedians and comics are hot. You know what I'm going to do?

You know, when you're around them, around them and they're chill as fuck and they appreciate that you're funny. You sure you eat, man? But we all do. A girl's got to eat, you know, you get her. What's the name of the podcast and every podcast.

Now, I would always try to do that if my podcast we don't even like, introduce each other like like we feel like I've been listening for years. We've heard other podcasts, which I think is great in. They're like, hey, I'm Ashley and I'm right now we like never do that. The people just to listen, try to figure it out. So I think it's like anything else, like it's you gravitate towards people who have similar interests to such a great time.

And there's a lot like a funny woman who's like got command of the stage and she's doing like he's owning the room. It's like a hot thing to see. It's like, whoa, you are you are alchemy, you know, it's like fucking like creating something from nothing. And there's no you're not under any gaze, you just are. That is not seeing someone in their actual is like that is purpose that there's living it out. What's harder than that.

And so when you see a girl kill it's like fucking hot.

And that's happened like twice, you know, in history you think it's hot.

But let's talk about why men don't want that, why men are not seeing, like, funny women, not all funny are on a stage commanding a room, sallyanne a theater like just a regular funny girl. Do you men like that.

Men do not like that. Most men. OK, a lot of men. A lot of men. Right. Well, that's the end of the discussion. OK, coming.

Here's thing now I want to unpack why I say because most men have been inculcated with very fragile male values. Be the man you know, you are the king, et cetera. Right? It's like you have to keep your space right. And you were above. So when they see a woman who is, again, herself and it's not her existence isn't affected by my existence, like the male existence that freaks them out.

So, like, why is my presence not making you weird or making you, like, different? Wait, you don't need me in your life.

Oh, fuck no. You that you're excelling without me. Even scarier, the idea that I am not the top of the society I might not even be required in the society is so scary to a guy because he's been fed this idea that he's the king of all the chimps or whatever you see, I'm saying yeah.

So a girl, it's I think it's hot to be funny because it is unda, because funny is one of those factors that creates the king, you know, tall, hot center of attention body funny.

You're the alpha, Fania's Alpha as well. Yeah. So is an alpha quality. If I don't have that alpha quality guy can be like oh no.

Well and I think that's what you said. I watched a clip of you on Remi's podcast of saying that. Like what? Whether you're on a stage with a mic in your hand or you're just out of party and you're making people laugh like you have become the alpha in the room. Oh, yeah. And that is what a man can't handle or why he's not interested at a New York is way better about it.

Like New York. It's a lot of cool people on both ends. You go to fucking Idaho and be funny in the in a bar. That guy is like what? You know, in New York.

It's so cool because people are chilly that a lot of alphas are here in New York a lot. Alfa's so and once you become an alpha, truly see an alpha woman kill, it would turn you on even more so. And that's like now you're playing with some real hot shit where both people are like can feel as hot as they want because like I hate when I see on a date I hate the shit when it's like hot hot girl.

I we're talking like, oh and then this dude who's like just talking and this goes like, yeah, yeah.

Right.

And she's going to be like for you here with this guy. So like he'll think that she's hot. I'm a girl, you are fucking so hot.

And this guy just like so it's you know, Nasdaq and you know the Triple Crown or you bet on it. And then they're like, oh, and it's like all this is wrong because he sucks on both face and vibe level and you're better than him on the both like a vibe anaphase level.

What are you doing right. What are you doing, what are you doing here. Yeah. And so that's why we're going to see a hot girl like kill it. I'm just done. I'm done. Yeah.

That's cause you like yourself. It's like, it's like you're like funny by her. Yeah. If you're like a funny girl and like you're like do guys like funny girls like you got to find somebody secure enough to like sort of take the backseat while you are being funny. Fuck a person that doesn't like you because you're funny and you want more fans of this podcast, do it. Not only do I like funny girls, I will only fuck funny girls.

OK, bye. Comedians, are we done with comedians because we we didn't really tidy that that talk up. Sure. So because there's funny girls and there's girls that are in your space competing with doing standup. So are you. Do you still do that or did it get too messy?

Well, it was it was mostly good. Mostly good. And then one or two the dismount was off. You know, I'm saying like, I feel like if you if you fuck a comic or if someone in your professional world, it's fine. But that first hang out afterwards got to be the coolest, coolest thing because she's looking to you.

You're looking to her like to be like, OK, what's the vibe now? Because we changed it. What the fuck. So now the second we see that the show, it's you got to go extra to be like it's all good. Don't worry, most dudes don't do that when they fuck comics and then it all becomes weird and all it derails. And I think that it can maybe best case scenario is that you're both quote unquote comics, but maybe you have a little bit different path.

So maybe one person is a podcast or like Rayna and I do. Or maybe the other the the other partner is like just really trying to do stand up and like really trying to get a special and take that route. So I think it's kind of good when you maybe if you're in the same space but different ultimate goals and you're not just like directly competing all the time, which also can still work 100 percent. You can still do that and it can work.

But I think it's nice when you're kind of like this person works in this thing and this person's more their TV writing than the you know, I don't know when it complements. Yeah, it's complimentary. And then you look up to each other in those spaces, like I dated a comic that I felt like he was was funnier, like I had just been doing comedy and like I looked up to him. I think he looked up to me for what I that I was more successful in doing that.

But the business side, so do you both just, I don't know, ever go down this road like you have to kind of I know I could look up to each other and not be like, I'm so much better than this person in every way. That's not a relationship that would ever work in the first in any in any world. I just think that applicable to most job and all people are always like, should I fuck my coworker? It's different in like an entertainment industry where you are actually competing for the same things, the same opportunities.

But yeah, I mean, people ask a lot of times and I fuck my coworker and it's like, I don't know nothing else with the idea that you can't do it so much now fucking let's go. You know, and so we didn't gas you up enough when you said you only date funny women. So let's like do that like.

Oh, I don't even believe that that line was I only if you dropped it and we didn't really go with the whole thing that I believe it's like I think it's funnier. It's like nicer if you're funnier. I like I like when you're funny. It's not a requirement.

Have you gone out on dates with people that weren't funny? Like, what is that like because that's torture me funny. There's a funny then there's also just like interesting challenge like sense of humor, his sense of humor, joke, punchline, joke punchline. But I need somebody that's going to banter with oh you need to banter is huge, banter is everything.

Actually we couldn't agree more but we know you have to go allegedly. So we want to wrap up with you. We have a little segment that we that we're going to do right now. I want to talk about it. So we're going to play a little game with you and then we're going to tell everybody where they can find you. But and we like to do this game. We used to call it mansplaining, but I'm a listener of ours.

Submitted a new title and that's the title now. It's called Mentalizing. And we ask our listeners to submit things. They want a man to explain to them just like funny, silly stuff. So it doesn't really get so deep. But some silly, funny things and some things. I just want you to like, you know, give the hard truths to so you will explain them to us. I may start. Yeah, OK. Someone wrote and I don't know, like what this means.

What is a first down.

Is that a sex term serious or is it just for you. It was a football thing. Oh I got it meant like OK, first down it's just literally football just. Yeah I was joking. You are just one girl was like I thought it was like a sex thing like first base. You keep this.

I don't got this and make our part louder. Actually make your audience was like, oh my God, is this like a sex thing.

You know, when they get ten yards and so on the first try, OK, let's create a real one. OK, you can read that. You know how this works.

What do you guys think when a girl gets blackout drunk on a first date and can you redeem yourself?

It's not hot. Not hot. OK, but because now it's like unless you're a fucking weirdo, you don't sound like you have excellent my plans, you know, unless that it's not a hot thing. It's like also dangerous because we think you're crazy, you know. So it's like, OK, this girl's crazy. She's fucking out of control.

This happened we fucking read recently. It was like this one girl looked like a nice hot white girl. All very good, right? She's like, yeah, what's up?

Then we should get started drinking because more and more, more and more she's like, yeah, it's like let's go back to my place then we like she's like blacking out. We get to a place and they're just nine lines of coke that are just there.

She's like, oh so like just in case she's like if you don't do coke I'm not going to fuck you. Right. And I'm like, I don't want to go because like fuck you, I'm not going to fuck you. It's fallen too far. She's like, I'm not going to fuck you. Just took a turn. Give me your dick. All right. And then she pulls out my pants are sucking my dick.

That is crazy. OK, OK.

So don't do that. Don't do that. Maybe. No. I don't know, you do. Yeah, we didn't get into that. Where do you have to go? I have I have tutor. I tutor a kid. OK. I pay you for the lesson. Dumb kid. His his education. So much. So much. When did you start drinking. I was like never going to drink. Never going to drink to New York. This girl was like I only did guys who drank and I was like.

Yeah ok. I know this guy, he has a girlfriend but he snaps me occasionally and tells me I'm really important to him.

Every so often that dude is a bitch. That dude is just trying to keep a stable.

He wants to just in case things go wrong.

He wants to have a back up stable of women. OK, I think metastable relate because I think sometimes people like like they'll be they'll be like monogamous with their partner, but they just want to know, like for their own ego, there are options out there.

And that helps you stay. Yes, 100 percent. Also, there's like an energy of like, well, I want to make sure that I'm still wanted in the scene, in the scene, in the marketplace. OK, so he's not leaving his girlfriend for you. He's just building up his ego. He's a future cheater for sure. He's got your cheater. OK, here.

OK, this this one could go for you or men in general. What's the best way for a girl to successfully slide in those dorms? She could say literally anything. OK, there's not wrong if you're hot. That's what I do, is that if you're not a ten, it's sexual assault, but also be funny and be funny.

I will say this, though, on bumble girls always had the hilariously bad every girls pick up line is high with ten eyes. That's the high with a bunch of eyes means I want to fuck.

Usually if you if you get a high with a bunch of eyes after 10 pm you're if someone had me back with three wise the other night, I was practically y axes with current live in girlfriend. Still call you at one a.m. and tell you they love you. I wrote this one.

I know I did not read it again. This is actually problems the podcast. But I'm glad you did this because I'm going to have to answer one of my next. No, I do know I because they stole.

Yeah there this and again it's about, it's about keeping a lot of options open, but it is a guy's lot having options open.

OK, well I love you're going to have the same exact answer to this actually. Like we talk about the whole time, I need as many men as possible to tell me the answer to this arena. Why do men keep texting you all day, every day, but never make plans like as though they want a pen pal?

OK, it's a good question. I don't ever do that. I don't ever do that. I can't relate. I hate texting.

So if I'm texting you, then I want to fuck or hang out or whatever I hypothesized. But you're out, you're somebody else. OK, you've got to do with the prize with texting. You've got to want to the person you get into this scenario where they're texting you all the time, not making plans. What's going on?

I want to I want to know my my heart is saying stable again. I want to keep a stable like a guy. Like keeping is a thing that they don't tell you about. They like keeping girls that they know are into them, that they can keep kind of at arm's length in case shit hits the fan.

OK, that is the thing that happens way more in the budget for you because it like what, the blowjob alley oop like they just want to keep like that chance one day for the future blowjob. They're setting themselves up for the future blowjob you one day. They don't want they want to have sex with you without going on that next date. So they're putting a foundation down. OK, great. Thank you for only one final one. OK, I slept with my guy best friend twice and I caught feelings.

How do I know if he feels the same.

Oh God. There's no answer that question, you don't know, you have to talk to him, you have to talk to your best friend, your best friend, talk it out, talk it out. But dialogue, I mean, every person is different also.

So, like, you know, some people just don't know. My friend told me I had a sex dream about me last night and he has a live in girlfriend. OK, I'm not going to I'm definitely not going to say this, but anyway, it was pretty wild. Ashley was like, I won't tell you. It's about two seconds later. So this is exactly why it's about. No, he said he said, is it weird if I tell you this?

I said, it does mean that you are hitting on me. Just so you know, there's no platonic sex.

Yeah, you're not like my brother not saying that's me, you know what I mean? And if he is, it's fucking weird. Are we? I have one last question for you guys. This is my last one. Why does he answer my DMS but not my texts?

Oh, God, of course. Why do I do that? Okay, well, D.M. is more arms length text is more intimate, right? D.M. you don't. You can you can. D.M. someone once a day. It's fine, right.

No one. No one's feeling weird. You Texasville once day it's a little more different. It's more intimate. So that's why I get arms length. Try to keep you maybe in the space all the just the same. I know, but that's really what these people are doing. It's just like keeping my blowjob. Altuve is a great way to describe it. We dudes are like just investors we invest in like but we spread it. It's like Nasdaq.

It's not one stock we put on Nasdaq, the fucking main index. So you're right, it's all the same answer. It's like it's like that quote from Maria WSP. If you like him, if he likes you, you'll know it. And if not, you'll be confused. There's all these things. But I will say, if the guy likes you and he's just Demián because he's like always on Instagram and he's just being a little bit lazy about it, if he likes you, you can pull him out of it because I've done it.

I say this every almost every fucking weed out. Like I was just jamming me and I said, hey, here's my number, unless you want to do me forever. And he immediately texted and then I still continue while I dated him, would still make like little funny, like comments here and there of like I'd rather text or do this and he'd like, listen. So sometimes it is just that it's more convenient and also leave him on read and may force them to text you.

So you if a guy likes you, you can pull him out of it. He doesn't text you and he's only daming you. He's he is trying to keep you more at arm's length. Same answer I think for that he's texting me all the time, will make plans. I mean, you can simply stop responding and you can say to the person you care about whatever and then just shut it down, see what happens.

Leaving on a read is like the ultimate move as a dude, if you get left on, read it like ruins your whole day. Good. And you. That was the intention of me, bitch. Oh yeah. Like I'll read, I'll read at eleven or nine.

That is like your whole days like what the fuck is this. So that I like this guy tried twice this week. Now he hates me. He literally wanted talk to me. Oh you don't know the whole backstory. He deserved it. OK, I'm sure, I'm sure somebody like Turgut is like I don't know each other so we're not going to go down this road. We're not getting another run. We're not going to drop sweating. Well, this was really amazing.

We don't have to go. So we want you to be able to unplug everything that people are going to want to find your DMS. So I'm just going to say all the fucking fun as fuck. I knew this would be a fun time. Y'all are hilarious. I love seeing your comedy. I love seeing you in real life. You were. You turned on. I was turned on. Are you going to sex dream about actually and then run around in the wind.

I've already had like three.

So something turned on comedically is now so fucking worried about outfit that I have like a money fucking Telecomix comics.

I can't fuck more people. It's fine, it's fine. Say oh just like Trader Joe's. That was largely 2008. It was the last day of development. If I see you in the same frozen aisle, we're going to fuck for sure. OK, fine. But I'll give Instagram stories and then have you list out all the comics you fucked. So let's wrap this up. Wrapping up. Wrap it. OK, love you. I love you.

I love you. Follow me on Twitter. Instagram at Oussama stands up UCM stand up. Follow my podcast you man go back at while you are mango baby we mouth off. It's a good time. It's crazy. Thank you so much. Love you all. Have a great day. Enjoying the freaky Diggnation Freaky Biggera. Meet me at Trader Joe's. I just going to be there.

Do not come to Trader Joe's. It's just going to be at work today by ourselves. Do not have if you do not approach the East Village Trader Joe's I three. I own the soybean aisle here and will be fucking with this in a row. And guys you know where to find us girls got a podcast, dotcom girl's got a podcast and Instagram Ash written down Greenberg on Instagram Girls in our score. Got it. Eat on Twitter and YouTube. Dotcom slash girl's got to eat.

We'll see next week. I said have a good week I.