So then I was like, let's go back to your place. I was surprised, like I didn't like I'm going to Eagle your whole you know, this.
Hi, welcome back to another episode of Girl's Got to Eat. Welcome back. We are a comedy show about dating, sex and relationships. Today, we have four comedians on. So if comedy's not your thing might not be for you. I came out of nowhere. Have you? I can't stress enough guys. Comedy, comedy, comedy. We're that's the category jokes joke. So if that's not your thing, you don't like jokes, go to the show.
Well they don't tell jokes.
It's a lot today. A lot of jokes. I feel great. I look great. I feel good. Look good. Feel good.
Certify my vibe. I have new eyebrows I've taken I've been taking collagen, my skin. I say we look great. I just took a meg in this stallion peloton class. I was breathless because I was singing and dancing so hard and I my ear, I like air pads. And so I was like, I am singing at the top of my lungs.
Good for you. You have your own workout studio. I'll tell you guys about the new studio soon. Right now it's just Ashlee's. Whilst I am I am hoping for actually it hasn't worked out, but you do. All right. Let's take some of our partners up top things to ritual for supporting girls. Got to eat. You deserve to know what's in your multivitamin. Get 10 percent off during your first three months. Visit Ridgewell Dotcom Syzygy to start your ritual today.
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Yes, ok, little housekeeping up top a little live show update going back to Texas only. Sorry guys. Also this Mississippi, the Florida, South Dakota. Anywhere I get wild that's what we're going to be like. Have you guys been on our website recently? You've noticed we took the the shows down. We're doing everything we can to reschedule everything, manage capacity restrictions, go to places we can. So we will keep you guys up to date immediately as we have new dates, probably new venues, we're not sure.
So nothing is definite. But we will have a specific update for you guys next week, the three fifteen episode, if you want an update this week ahead of time, we have a newsletter you guys can sign up for. We promise to send it out of the newsletter first. You can do that at our website, Krakatit podcast Dotcom. There's a pop up when you come in. And also at the bottom of the page, there's a little newsletter place to put your email.
Yeah, you'll be getting that news first from the letter of the news of the source of the source, the letter of the news.
So stay tuned. We'll send it out this week for you guys. And then obviously we can keep up to date on Instagram social media as we know more staff. We will let you guys know more stuff.
All I got to say is Cinco de Mayo is going to be let hear me out.
It's going to be I can't wait, Kolache. I might drink on stage. I take my titties out, go off. You know, we're taking our titties out of all the shows, tequila shots. I want you to take a tequila shot out of your titties. Do you do that?
I like an audience member to take a shot at him. I can do it yourself. I'm going to run around porn tequila for my titties into your mouth. Did you do stuff like that in college? I did everything in college. Did you like a bottle in between your titties and drink? It seems like something you'd probably if it was trashy. I did it.
I mean, I also went to college in Indiana. There's no rules. Yeah, I watch Miller High Life. My sister in law sent me this photo the other day of me in a bar with her in New York City eight years ago. There's a man standing on a bar just sweaty, filthy, pouring tequila into my sweaty, filthy mouth. And I was like, oh, I'm like, oh, I miss it so much. We had the most fun night last night.
I just got to say, I feel like New York. It's it's coming back. The energy is great. I've said this so many times recently, I'm just going to say it again. I just feel like the spring in the summer, New York is going to be like the best energy. I cannot wait. But we went to this outdoor we were like in a bubble, really in a snow globe. Britney drag bingo. So the drag queens were inside.
So we don't really get to experience them. But at a magic bar, at a magic bar. So there's like we had like cauldrons of drinks. It's called the Cauldron NYC. It's it's an FYI. And we had our own speaker in our bubble. They played Britney at a very loud volume. So all they were just screaming and we played bingo with just Britney playing. And there was a Britney drag queen just like bopping around on what happened.
And the party fever was banana flavored. Kind of. Yeah.
Which I have a question. OK, why are they are people sucking dicks with condoms? Are they there licking the condom? So I don't want to shame safe oral sex. OK, is that what it's for. So so, you know, I want to, like, make sure our safety I wouldn't such a dick with a condom on it, but that's what that's obviously what it's for. Flavored condom is definitely for that. My pleasure. Right.
I would do flavored like lube maybe. But I personally, you know, probably not going to put a condom on then suck a dick to somebody personally. But if you want to do that, like, you know, look the truth, they had a mint flavor as well. If you want a minty dick, it was chocolate mint, which is just like my doctor.
You came up with that kind of idea. That was my favorite palate. That was my daily harvest Monday. Tradition is just Mint and Kakao. Can I open your condom? You can have mine. Yeah, I'll give it back that the mint chocolate is the banana split. I just want to smell it just here. Just lick it. I'm not using it.
OK, it stinks. It smells like a. OK, guys, I want to put in my mouth. It does taste like banana. Are you trying to get in there? Look the other side of that on their side. Oh, my God.
That is taste so bad that this is the most, like, artificial. It's artificial. But I don't want this anymore. OK, now my whole mouth tastes like artificial bananas. Like it tastes like like a lollipop with artificial banana. I'm building it down with, like, artificial flavoring. But it's subtle though. Yeah. I mean, a banana is appropriate, a banana flavored dick. But we were there with Casey, Belsham and Grace and back up and bad on paper podcast's all have been on our show.
We just had the best time and you know, free Britney. But it's just bad to listen to her whole catalog. Like, you just I mean, I know we all know. But when you just hear it, that's all that's playing in like a three hour night. You're just like, what an icon. She just Bangar after Bangar, they've got Britney, the crazy Rubiks.
And I like lifted up the chair. And I did like a whole dance routine that I remember from being a cheerleader. Senior year in high school, I was sexy for a cheerleading routine. It was sexy. And letting cheerleaders do that. We wanted like we we all had a chair, like it was pretty like we like our legs were spread. We were like straddling these chairs team. I mean, I was I was I mean, girls were 16.
I was just like I was an adult. I was 17. I was 17 prematurely. I actually can really move our bodies someday. When I grow up, I'll be able to dance as well. As Ashley said, that was. All right. Well, that's a lot about our social life. Today is also a special day you want to pop off. So today's International Women's Day, March 8th, if you're listening to this podcast, comes out and it's every day is Women's Day on this podcast, like the whole everyday life and on my Instagram.
Yeah. So, I mean, the whole point of Women's Day, obviously today to celebrate women and focus on women's rights and equality. And, you know, I think it goes out saying that's what we do all the time around the clock. But I just wanted to take a moment to encourage you guys to reflect on being a woman and also think about how that experience can vary across the board for women of a different race background, sexual orientation, gender identity, et cetera.
That's other than yourself. And consider reading, listening and learning more from those voices and amplifying them.
And I mean, I think this is stuff we should always be doing and we know you guys do. But I felt like today was a good day to bring it up and just talk about some of the things that have been on my mind personally. If anything speaks to you that you want to, like, look into more lately for me, one of my followers brought to my attention the crisis of missing and murdered indigenous women. You can Google MTW for more info.
I posted some resources on my Instagram. There is a vice video that you can find on YouTube. There is a brand new podcast on Spotify called Stolen The Search for Germein. There's a movie that's been recommended to me called Wind River. And I can post all this, my Instagram story this week. I'll go and do that. But this stuff is all it's devastating and especially to know that indigenous women may feel scared that this could be their fate.
And so I think it is so important to bring awareness to it, talk about it, see where you can help, and just wanted to use our platform to bring awareness to it. I have been reading more Asian-American news and reading more stories from Asian women in light of the violence and the hate crimes. I'm talking to my Asian friends about how they're feeling and just trying to understand how everybody is feeling during this time and how we can help. I've been feeling enraged at the whole bachelor situation and how Rachel Lindsey has had to disable her Instagram account because of hate comments and threats get.
So many people are so quick to forgive. Chris Harrison, if I could, I could go off on this forever. But those are just a few things that are on my mind. They obviously do not encompass all women and all issues women face by any stretch.
But I don't know, I read a quote that said, we're not equal until we're all equal. And I just think that the more we all can learn about other people's experiences, the more empathy we will have, the more we will want to use our voices for good and the better off we'll all be. So it's just something to consider today. I'm sure most you guys are already doing this. You guys are amazing. But I just feel like Women's Day has always been a really uplifting day.
So I just thought, like, let's gas each other up but be intentional and inclusive about it and just know that women are so strong, obviously, but like, we are so much stronger together. So that's my International Women's Day soapbox. I love that. Thank you for saying that. And yeah, you know, we say this all the time, but, you know, one of the greatest gifts of this podcast is all the different women that we've been exposed to in the different ideas.
And I feel like I'm 100 percent a better person today than I was three years ago because of all the amazing women that listen to our show and give us feedback. And we've traveled all over the country, met people in every type of race age. I am. And so I feel really lucky. The show has introduced us to so many really incredible women. And we love all you guys to be our audience. And we thank you for sharing your stories with us.
Those of you who have, we just want you guys to feel seen and. Represented, so we're going to continue to try our best to do that. Yeah, and I know you guys count on us to do stuff like that and give a voice to other people. And so we're always going to do that. If you guys are interested. We are on Cheder TV today in honor of International Women's Day of Programming all day long. I'm not I'm not sure who else is on it, but they have programming all day long in honor of International Women's Day.
So we're being interviewed. So if you guys have time to tune in to chat or to check us out. Oh, yeah. We're we're if you're listening this early, I mean, we're I think we're live on Chatur like eleven twenty five or something, but so if you're listening later that might have passed. But we can probably post the clip. Yeah. Yeah. We'll post the U.S. and watch it. Hopefully don't call them on. Yeah.
We'll say ok. OK. We have a big update for you guys from last week's episode with Neil Shulman about cat fishing. I'm really such a phenomenal episode. He has so much empathy for others. I was really like grounded and really floored by him. But I said to Ashley in the morning when this episode came out, a two second synopsis of what happened before I got catfish by somebody who sent me a text and a photo of somebody. And then I allowed him to talk to me all day long.
I'm a catfish, whatever, whatever happens to the best of us. But the verbiage was like very specific. And the method of, like, sending this like kind of salacious text with a cute guy in the photo and then being like, oh, shoot, I have the wrong number. It seemed like Nieve was like, oh, that's like like, you know, 101 like that's so methodical. That's what people do. So I said, Ashley, in the morning, how much you want to bad.
A bunch of our listeners had the same experience. I promise you, something's going to reach out to me. And they did. Multiple women have reached out since that episode came out. Same exact identical text from the same exact guy. Different photos. Yeah, but identical verbatim tax. And our listeners are caught. They're also smart. Every person, like, asked for a LinkedIn or asked for an Instagram and like that person, why do I let him talk to me all day long?
But all of you guys did better. I'm proud of our audience for being smart and safe. Yeah. Not as safe as I was. So good for you guys for asking the important questions. And it was different photos. I guess this guy had gone and found somebody else's photos. I found that guy on that guy. I found that girls, guys, girlfriend. I mean, she was communicating with one of our listeners as well. That girl said this has been happening for years.
We contacted the police. We're trying to get it to stop. So a pretty crazy story. I'm telling Ashley about this. Are you just tell what I what you told me. And it just like jogged my memory when Raynaud's showed me that I like Dick Pic, he sent it. Did sort of low-key remind me of, like, the photo that I got and the message I got back in twenty eighteen that we talked about in the podcast and read and I were just joking about the difference between us, like how she leaned into this and talk to this guy all day and how when this sort of happened to me I just pretended to be an old lady and said like old lady aspects and the episode, if you guys want to go back and listen to the original where we talked about this, I looked it up.
It is called Mo Money, Mo problems. And it was on July 9th, my birthday. Twenty eighteen. So if you wanna go back and listen to the original story, that's where it is. And I, I just, I remembered it and then I went back and found those screenshots and was like shook because they felt similar. So I'm going to go back and read them. I got this photo of this guy and it was this like model body.
He his dick is not showing. It was like this, his perfect body and then like a blanket kind of covering. Right, right on top of his dick. So his dick is like almost peeking out twelve pack abs. And I said opened with Come Cuddle sans PJs please. It's very warm and then the picture and then this is more of a demand than a request. And then immediately after because I got this in real time you know. So I do the time stamps right after that.
Fuck I am so sorry and embarrassed. Met someone out last night, agreed to exchange numbers and realizing this is likely the wrong number, please disregard same same verbiage, same verbiage, same exact. And this guy has used the identical verbiage on every single girl that messaged me. It's the same guy, two and a half. Do you think the guy guy's the same guy? Like if you were to guess, like, is this like a thing?
Is this just like the format of the catfish thing or is could this be the same guy? I think it's the same guy. If you and I Kabbage is so specific. But don't forget that I can't fish him back. And I pretended to be Esther and I said I was in town visiting my granddaughter and he still was like, OK, well, I'm still into it. And then I said him that I just Googled like old lady ass and sent him a bitch.
I knew this is such like the indication of how different we are. Oh, that was like actually I have a new boyfriend. Oh my God, you're really not true. But it's weird.
Like, I think it did, like, go through my mind for a second that you did that one night because when that guy messaged me, I was like, well, this is what I'm doing today. Like, I'm just going to talk to this person on the Internet all day. Right. And like, I that's what I did that night. That's what you did. I'm kind of I'm not disappointed because I barely remembered. But I'm surprised one of our.
Listeners didn't say, guys remember Esther, like I'm surprised, like I feel like they're so on top of it. Do we know did we think it was somebody's catfish or do we think that it was like we never thought it was a catfish? We thought we didn't look too much into it. I don't think that we talked about it in terms of it being a catfish. Yeah, but I remember that guy, like, remember, he was like super into it and then, like, it ended with him being like, good night uster.
Like, he was like not that I was like, OK, as you said, we're social media.
You were like, I work for the government.
I just feel like if that if that guy was either the same guy or just another catfish like him, he was like, this bitch just beat me at my own game. I can't believe that this is like such a tactic. Like, it's so obvious to me. I'm like sound like a semi salacious text message that anybody would respond to. And then a photo of a hot guy that put it was almost too obvious. That's like a perfect, perfect, perfect photo of the guy get sent me was like a cute guy with glasses and a know you're.
Yeah, you're the the the pictures you got set up until the dick pic were a normal looking guy.
So Raina and then one of our listeners found the guy that he's been using his picks and he's also using his first name as the third girl actually gave me his Instagram handle because this guy had given her the Instagram handle of another of a real person. That is insane. So let's just say the guy's name is Jeffrey. It's a more it's kind of a it's a it's a different name, but words means Jeffrey. And he's like, hey, my name is Jeffrey.
Here's my Instagram account. So he's saying like, hey, I'm Jeffrey and here's my Instagram account. And he's sending people an Instagram account of someone named Jeffrey who has a girlfriend who was like, this guy's been doing this to me or girl you'd ever know.
You never know. And I don't buy any of this like this could be this couple that's doing this to other people. Oh, actually, listen. Oh, no, no, I've been burned, OK? They've stolen my innocence and I don't trust anybody. OK, what is it like? Once bitten, twice shy. That's me. OK, no one's camp can't get fooled again. Well, what's the thing? You always say three to four months before people try to forget about a guy that had failed her 12 times.
I hadn't even thought of it.
So, you know, like you get like deputized by somebody and you're like, I'll just keep letting have your dog that is dictated by someone.
You haven't even seen their dad who has a broken back, whatever.
I don't care what it you let me know if we're going to cut that. No, we're not going to buy Sunday night.
You know, if I told you Sunday night to cut something, you would be so mad at me. Oh, my God. OK, but yeah, that was crazy. This guy is giving a real person's Instagram handle. One of our listeners reached out to the guy's girlfriend and she did the right thing. She was like, either your this is your boyfriend actually doing this cheating on you or I just want to let you know this is happening, which I thought was like so cool and smart.
And that girl was like, oh, no, this has been happening for like years. We've been trying to get it to stop. So, wow, I'm just like, stay woke out there, guys. You just never know. I've been like a ball of anxiety, like in terms of like actual safety, like really just like protect yourself, don't be stupid like I am. And obviously don't give any details about your life to somebody doing this.
Yes. And to anyone listening. If you get a message in this format, you know, one hundred percent, it's not real. Like whether this is the same guy or this is just like what these people are out here doing. Like we're telling you, it's fake. It's fake Olina and or lean in and do the Easter lesson. Don't spend the whole day telling all your friends you have a new boyfriend. Oh right.
Every time you say said I put my head over heels. Oh my gosh, I still like that.
I said, should we talk about who else I communicated with today? The seamless customer service. Oh my God, I'm so excited. You guys, this is you tell them. You tell them what happened.
Listen, I don't want to drag seemless for this because it's like, are you seemless? I use Postma. It's like we use all these different ones. And this was just one random person probably to lose his job. So I just it's not you know, I don't want to drag a company over like this one interaction because they they did take care of what happened. I also I like Seamless and GrubHub and I have it. Yeah, you experience it.
But so you and I were like doing some stuff, something happened. And then I just lost you for like a half an hour. You were in it. Yeah, yes. I was talking to a customer service guy, so I ordered a salad and I they bring the salad to the lobby. I have to go to pick it up. So I go pick up the salad and I look in in the bag and it's just the salad is spelled out in the bag, like totally in the bag.
I mean, maybe a little bit salvageable, but still like, totally unacceptable. It's like, you know, it's still a pandemic. I'm not going to eat food out of a bag, you know, I want to be sealed up. So I like I message the chat because I'm like, I want a refund or I want you to bring me another salad or, you know, whatever it is. Yeah. And it just took a turn.
You also were so serious and I didn't know what was happening. I'm having a conversation. Somebody else. You looked so serious.
You were. I was in it. I was really in it. And this guy I'm talking to on Seamlessness Chat, he basically was like, I can give you I give you 20 percent off.
And I'm like, no, I can't eat this, you know, like, look at it. I said. Photo and he's like, basically like, OK, how about 25, I'm like, this is insane, OK? It just it started to feel like somebody was fucking with me. And so I'm like, no, I need more than that, you know? And he writes, I know it does not satisfy you, but think about it.
It is still a good offer. So let me ask you a simple question. And I read that I'm like, what the fuck? I've never been spoken to customer service rep at his job in writing. He goes on a scale of one to 10. How much do you like my offer of twenty five percent off?
You know, anyone ever said this on a scale of one to 10, how much can you imagine trying to get this guy tried to fuck you.
He's like a scale of one to ten. What makes that. What is.
So I know it's not acceptable. I received food I cannot eat. He goes, I understand. And that's why I'm trying to get this solved. So would you please tell me on a scale from one to ten, how much do you like my offer?
I go, I said, please refund the meal, I cannot eat it, it's food spilled in a bag during a pandemic like I'm sorry, I am going to bring the pandemic into it. Like, maybe I would have scraped the food out that bag in a normal non covid world, but I just didn't feel right about it, which is not how I read the tags. I read the tags in my it's a pandemic. I've gone through enough already.
No, I just meant like you guys like your argument was better food. It's food safety. I thought your argument was just like, listen, we've all been through enough.
Seemless, you should be mortified. You mean you want to ease out of the bag, you put a fork in there, eat it on the bag, so he goes because I said, please refounded.
I can't eat it. It's Bendemeer. Sorry, I cannot do that. I would appreciate you answer my question so we can have a deal done.
I feel like Donald Trump just being like I feel like we can get an excellent deal done, but we'll get it done. And I have offered you the best deal. So I was like, this is so funny. I want to post it on Twitter. And so I just posted on Twitter. I posted the picture of the salad in the bag and then like, here's what happened. And he goes, Hello? Immediately Seemless responded, Hello. We're terribly sorry about this.
Please DMAs. We'll be happy to assist. This was from Rainer Anatolyevich. Respond. She was like, tell him you got a better deal.
So I responded to Steven Seagal. I actually called and got a better deal than Marcello offered because I called them and they they refunded it right away. It took me two seconds. Look, I'm not out. You're trying to be a but I'm just like, hey, guys, I didn't spend time pandemic. You been through enough to try to keep sealed because if they forget ingredients, you know, I get they forget dressing sweet green specifically. They forget the shit all the time.
I just deal with it. I hate it. It pisses me off a salad without dressing. But like I have dressing in the fridge, I deal with it. People make mistakes but spilled in the bag. No. During a pandemic on these New York City street, a scale of one to ten. How would you rate the three times he like wouldn't it. He was like, you have to just tell me how you like my deal. That guy.
I want to know that guy's return rate on fucking girls. I got to know like you will. You just said, I think that he's trying to get fired. And you know what? If I said a three, what would he have said?
It's the most like senioritis response you can ever give to somebody. That guy's out the door. Next week. I got a different job, a postman. And he's like, I'm just going to talk with people so bad.
Postma, it's if you're listening to not blow or hire him, I don't know. That was the funniest interaction I've ever seen with the customer service rep. I just want to know what what was the game plan? What if I was like, what was he going to do? And if you said it was a three, he would give you a 30 percent discount. Do you think that was another? Yeah, I think he's like, if you are four, if you are four out of ten, excited, I'll give you a fourth.
So does he know me? Because maybe he knew who I am. Maybe this is the podcast. He was fucking with me and he wants to be on the podcast and exactly like his goal has been achieved because what about calling from Verizon your data? I remember I was talking to I was talking to a customer service agent. I'm calling it's probably a year or two ago at this point, the Internet, when I was chatting with them, they, you know, super normal conversation.
He was trying to get a fix. And then he was like, love your Instagram post today, Ashleigh.
But here I woke service rep.
All I would do is Google people's names, especially a name like Hasseltine, because like, if somebody was John Smith, I'm not looking to like Raina Greenberg. Ashley Hasseltine, I would look you up. What else am I doing all day? That's fair. But anyway, so amazing customer service interaction. OK, is that all we got? That's all we got. OK, I have dating updates. We'll do it next. We're doing it next week.
We have we have stuff to talk about next week. Really quickly, guys, we're going to get into our interview with Hannah Burner and Des Bishop, who was her new fiance. Hannah Burner is a friend of ours. She's been on the show before. She is also on the show Summerhouse on Bravo, which we watch religiously we love. It's the only show on Bravo. I watch. And I wanted to say one thing just to give you information before we get to the interview, because when I was listening back editing and I was like, I just wanna make sure this is clear.
So Hannah is on a show called Summerhouse in what is six season maybe. And they did a quarantine version. So they usually the show takes place in the Hamptons. They go out, they party. They went all into the house, totally quarantine for sick for seven weeks. So, like, they all got tested and they kept it really safe or whatever. So that's the premise of the show. If you don't watch the show, we just want you to be able to, like, understand the stuff that we're talking about.
So Hannah went into the summerhouse show in July, the house, and had and still had kind of had some stuff going on with a guy that she had dated, kind of previously named Luke. You'll see it if you watch the show. This is not like a secret, but had met Des like two weeks prior. And so they'll talk about it. They'll talk about their first date, their second date. They had met two weeks prior before she left for this quarantine house.
And they had, like, gone on like five dates maybe. And then she went into this crazy situation, which is documented on TV. So if you're listening like that's what happened. I just didn't feel like it was totally clear when in the interview because, you know, we're talking to them as friends and people who know what happened. So anyway, that's just kind of the timeline. And so you guys have the the back story and they're so fun and funny and we hope you guys really enjoy our chat with them.
Yeah, I'm so before we get into with them now, you guys have all of the deets up top. We're going to thank a couple of our partners for this week. OK, I am telling you guys about Hello Fresh. We love hella fresh so much. I cook it every single week, at least three meals a week, and it just makes my life so easy. And I have these incredible meals and it lets me skip those trips to the grocery store and I.
I feel really good. It's like it's like high quality food. It feels really good. It's something nice I do for my body and we were just having so much fun cooking with America's number one meal kit for reason. And they are offering 12 free meals, including free shipping. When you go to Hello Frasch Dotcom EGI 12 and use code JGI 12. So I mean, what can we say? You know, you guys know we use this, it cuts out stressful meal planning.
They have incredible meals. They offer you twenty five plus recipes every week featuring a range of flavors, cuisines, ingredients. You'll never get bored. Hannah mentions them shooting an episode and episode. Yeah. So she realized, well it's kind of funny. So I don't want to, I don't want to spoil it. But she, she uses that she cooks for does her new fiancee. Maybe that's how she got a fiance. She was cooking a belfrage.
We'll get to it. And I cooked too soon. I Beeb's you soon you too soon. Amazing flexibility. And they also have an app that's new for me. I've actually been using the app. I love it. I love that everything, my orders and everything just like lives on my phone. I'll tell you guys what I have been making. This was so that you're listening. This is what I made last week. But I did the sun-dried tomato spaghetti.
I always got pasta. I make it at night and I have it again the next day for leftovers or I have a friend over whatever the Moroccan chicken sausage tagine. I cannot with dried apricots and chickpeas over couscous is one of my absolute Ariels. I knew it would be because I made the tagine before tagine and I was like, oh my gosh, I love their chicken sausage. Their meats are so, so good. So that was one of my favorites.
And then the zucchini and mushroom bibimbap. You guys know that the first time I ever said bibimbap on this on this show. Right. Let me up. And I just forget you don't have the culinary background that I do because you seem like you would. Yeah, but I can say bibimbap now, but bibimbap has been a joke of ours. And this week I have a post coming up. It's going to be either Tuesday or Wednesday of me and the bibimbap.
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There's a ritual dotcom eager to start your ritual today. OK, guys, we are so excited. We have a couple in the house studio with us today, one returning guest. She is a New York City comedian and the star of Bravo's Summer House. He is also a comedian and the host of the Des Bishop podcast. I forgot her podcast. It's Burning It. How Ashley and I both been on it multiple times. Please welcome to the show Hannah Burner and Des Bishop, our first ever podcast together.
Oh, my God. It's the first time we've done a podcast on our own podcast, but we've never been a guest on somebody else's. Also now we say we. Oh, my God, you guys are we also you're sharing a set of headphones, which I guess you get engaged and you just have to be so close all the time. Yeah, no, it's just things aren't going that well for us. Like, the thing is, many from Amazon, it's a splitter.
She had she had a splitter and she lost it. You lost the splitter. Honey, tell me where I was I. Mention also that you're newly engaged and this is your first interview and congratulations, guys. Thank you.
No, we were saying earlier we want to do just like a game show where whenever you get engaged, you have to go on a podcast and get really hard, difficult questions and see if you survive. Then gave the engagement so well. And I said, that's what we're doing today. And we're filming a pilot and we're going to pitch to Bravo and it's going to air right after summerhouse.
So it's just like a rose and it's just me crying. I mean, well, let's talk about your pandemic romance and talk about how you guys married. And then you went off to film Summer House. I'm going to start with that. Yeah. And also, I'd like I just you know, this is three three against one women versus Dez. So that's that's fine. This is this is a very slow evening up of the dynamic in our industry over a long period of time.
So I'm happy to be part of the rebalancing. But at some point I do kind of want to just like gas dez up, like let's give people our audience. I thought and say Gaslight. I was like, yeah, that's what gets me up. You know, I'm a Gen X like R Gen X is the forgotten. You know what gets me up mean. What is gas me. Oh he doesn't know what. He doesn't know what it means.
Oh this is so embarrassing already for him. It's language barrier does is like I'm Irish. I know it just like build you up because I think that our audience knows Hannah and they know you as a.. Boyfriend, but you are this really incredible international independent comedian. Oh yeah. So like it's own career, we just get like a minute, stop speaking for me. I get like a minute of like Des's life right now. Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, you know, I'm from I'm from New York, originally from Queens.
Went to boarding school in Ireland when I was fourteen. I think that is St. Francis Prep in Queens, not had a problem with alcohol. My mother had this ingenious idea to send me to Ireland to go to boarding school of all the countries, if you have that problem and I mean quick version. And then when I went to college in Ireland because it was free, you know, Bernie Sanders is a radical over here in Ireland. He's like center right.
And I went to I went to college for free. It's totally. And then while I was in college, actually, I was in college with William Murphy. If I can drop a name from Peaky Blinders and somebody pushed me. That's why I married him. Yeah. So she's just she's literally engaged so that Chilian Murphy will come to our wedding. That's like the whole AGGRASTAT stuff. That's the whole thing. Great. Then. Yeah, no, I got into stand up when I was in college.
I was twenty one and then I guess because they, they really saw me as a, as an American. But I knew a lot about Arlen because I was educated there. I had a quick enough rise and then I'm quite well known and I've done very well in Ireland and I've done well on the international comedy scene. But as far as the American side of things goes, I kind of forgot that you actually were born here. Like, I feel like you're like a Hilaria Baldwin where you're like people like people like you call yourself Irish.
It comes out. It's like, no, I don't actually call myself Irish. People do that like I feel like everybody else is. But I'm just Irish American comedian. I have very much like a hybrid life, you know. You're a Laria. Yeah, but he is he does have a right to actually speak the other languages. You do sort of switch into an Irish accent. Some I'm a lot more. I'm a lot more confusing than Hilaria Baldwin.
I can promise you that. al-Attiya say it, right? Yeah. Yeah. You just lived an incredible life. So we wanted to, like, build you up and your, you know, hear your story. And we know it starts with a scene. You do comedy, right?
Yeah. Well, I feel like the last time first of all, I just wanna say I'm so happy to be back and girls got like you guys are podcast royalty and but you've also become like such good friends. And whenever you guys ever mention my name on this pod, I always get a ton of messages. And I just I just love you guys so much. But I think the last time I was on, I was going on like a huge rant about how you should never touch comedians of the ten foot pole.
So this is ironic. Yeah, but yeah, five years ago I was at the cellar with the my, you know, marketing team and we were like a super fun, crazy night and see some sad clowns make cocktails on stage, clowns, sad clowns. And she's been with numerous ones since. So I started this that that night. But he comes on and like, I just loved his, like, low voice. And I just remember thinking like, oh, my God, this guy is so cute.
But his whole set was about how he lives in Ireland. So not like I was going to be like that bitch and like walk up to me and be like, hey. But in my head I was like, oh, I guess I'll never marry that man. Yeah.
And that was that, that was I was oblivious to that time. I just got to know her because I think she showed up on Nikki Glaser story. OK, and truth be told pic that I am, I was like, oh good looking comic. I'm going to follow her. And we didn't have any interaction. I just followed her, didn't even realize that she had followed me back. I followed him back because I was like, oh, maybe he wants me to be on his podcast or something in the lab you just insulted by.
I'm like, why are you following me then? But I remember thinking like but I also have never been with an older guy.
Ladies I was with was like 30 sex, and I've also never had, like some kind of silver fox fetish, like I have daddy issues, but like pretty like standard. I'm not like looking for I don't know what's the age difference so that people now. Well, the age difference. What does it. 15 years.
Fifteen and a half years. I went. Sometimes some times of the year. It's 16 years which is the the less appealing time.
I actually did an interview and the people were like, so what's it like dating a 45 year old man? Like I was like, I'm not 22, I'm twenty nine, no spring chicken.
But I just looked at her and I go every day. I'm scared he's going to die.
And the title of the article is Hannah Burner, afraid her boyfriend is going to die, which then does reposts and says Prenup alert, prenup alert.
She takes all my jokes. She says she does all my material for me nowadays. I told her that I saw that headline. It was just like, I know that was just a joke. Like, it's so funny. But of course, they're going to take it out of context. And it's like Dez has terminal cancer. I'm a cancer survivor, too. Just to add to my my little about my strange curriculum vitae. I did also have cancer when I was 24.
Well, of course you it does your to the things I've done for material. I mean, I've learned of everything.
OK, so you saw her on Nikki's story and you guys start following each other and then like a DM slide the summer, like give us this rundown.
Well, like all great Bravo love stories, there's a Real Housewife involved in that. I was following Hannah. I was very aware of her. She was definitely in my algorithm. She's popping up a lot and like and I even remember before we ever chatted, I remember her tick tock from the early part of the pandemic when we were all doing tech talks. And then at one stage, I guess in like late June, early July, she pops up with the Countess Luann on my thing.
And I see that she's in Shelter Island. And I'm like, oh, she's actually nearby. And even though can I just go backwards a bit, she popped up on my Rhia numerous times and I liked her on my Mireia every single time and never matched. And I was quite offended by that because she kept popping up on my stories. And I'm like, this bitch is not like me on the fucking radar. But then I was like, I'm going straight to the source.
So I was like, Oh, are you out east? And she messaged me back very quickly, Yes, I am. And within, like, three messages, we arranged to meet for coffee in SAG Harbor. Oh, my gosh. It's wild because, guys, I was alone with my parents and five cats. Yeah. If you could write a worse, sadder situation for a single girl, I was living in it. I mean, I loved having my mom.
Zoom warned you. That was great. Thank you, Mom. But like, we were on these walks, a mental health walk every day. And she was kind of like, so what do you think you should do differently? You know, like what's what's going wrong here? What do you think you work on within yourself? And I'm like, Mom, I'm it's a pandemic. You know, the AIDS epidemic being like no one's gotten away.
Like my parents got engaged I can for months. And I just had this love story in my head that, like it's like friends, you know, like we met the first day we met at that spot. If I think we were like, done like we got along. So we like to. But I just feel like you just know when you meet someone if it's going to be easy or not. And I remember getting his dream and it being so straightforward, he was just like, are you out?
So I said, yes. He goes, one, go grab coffee. I said, yes, here's my number. And we did it. And that was also it's also another benefit of dating at Genex.
We still have PTSD from like texting with, you know, like the Tuesday night. So we our messages are very much exactly what I mean, not dirty. Great. I said stop using the period because it makes you look like a sociopath. Yeah, I know. Grammar is so offensive. I see you soon, period. I'm like, OK, like it. And then you guys me did have sex on your second date. It's, it's, it's funny because on our first date she was like very physically standoffish.
I mean we hit it off straight away and our first date was, was great. And SAG Harbor had some food, walked around connected on a deep level. You know, I know we have mutual friends, but then at the end and even like we had one to remember one stage, we were like on the pier. And it was definitely like a first kiss type of moment. And I was thinking about doing it. But I could just I could just feel like a don't.
I wasn't giving him an opening. I was like, OK, because I'm just, like, so hard to get. Are you a little prickly like that? Like, what do you like normally on it? So there was a reason this was like the pandemic. So I was like wearing a mask, trying to look hot. I got sick. I wouldn't have been able to film. So I had I was like a hot man. Career, career.
We agree to that. But we're going to continue this conversation.
We're just going to take another quick break to talk about our other partners for this episode. And we'll get right back into it with Hanon does. I want to tell you guys about Buffy. Buffy is betting, right. And our obsessed. We have all the Buffy stuff on this Buffy stuff. Remember that we have all these Buffy stuff run out of the top of Buffy stuff on our beds for years now at this point. They're they're betting a super comfortable, super sustainable, they use pro planet fabrics like water saving eucalyptus soil and proving hemp and recycled plastic fill.
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Dotcom SGD name is spelled Amee. Go to DM products. Dotcom Sluggy. Hey ok so let's just jump back into it and Hana. So talk to me about what's different about this relationship than previous ones. One thing I did differently with Dez and other guys is other guys. I am guilty like most girls have, kind of like trying to be the perfect girl in the beginning. Like I'm so Chele, I have no boundaries. Everything is cool with me.
I don't really have that many wants and needs. I'm just go with the flow and with him. I had gotten in a big fight with my my dad right before we got picked up because my dad had a fucking tee time, right when he was supposed to drop me off. And I'm like, Dad, I've been on a date in six months. I'm sad, I'm single and you can't prioritize your golf. And he's like, well, you know, Jerry hates when I'm late and I'm like, Jerry can go fuck himself.
So we got into it. He dropped me off. And I'm like, you know, I don't want to be mad because, you know, like, you want to be good for the state, but I'm just fuming. And then he picks me up and says. To being like, hi, I'm doing great. Yeah, my life is amazing. I was like, my dad's a fucking asshole right now. She started ranting about her father straight away, which when you're six years older than somebody, is like, bingo, this bitch has got some daddy issues she's got on the third day jackpot, jackpot.
But he responds and I'm just like, my dad is pissing me off. We just met. Right. So she's complaining about her. Would complain about your parents, not just her father. And when she finished her little sweaty rant, I said, well, at least your parents are alive in terms of risk. But I just had a feeling it was a risk that would be her sense of humor. And we both died. We lost it.
We all we both died laughing. And I was like, he's making dead parents jokes like three minutes in. And I immediately were just like I just felt like I liked how his brain worked. Huh. But a pin down kind of weird. But I also was like, regardless if I like the guy or not, he's a comic. Like, he's just it's going to be a good conversation. I know that for sure. I love all this.
I especially love the connection over the dark joke. It's so important. I know we make we are joking about it, but like it is exactly the moment where, you know, you like somebody. I can pinpoint that moment with everybody I've ever had a significant relationship with where it's like they say something really fucked up and like it surprises you and makes you laugh and you're like, this is it. This is the thing. Like I can you I be like, we're the same age.
You're going to die when I tell you this. So I got catfish recently and the minute I decided to keep talking to this guy for the rest today, I made like a super fucked up joke about babies and it was so fucked up. And he said something like pretty fucked up back. And I was like, OK, I'll just keep talking to this guy. That's the test. It's the moment I knew I was going to let this guy catfish me for the next ten hours.
So he didn't catfish me with his looks.
He catfish you with a sense of humor, see photos and dick pics. And it was a whole thing. We did an episode with Neve Shalom Catfish last week and unpacked. Yeah, well, you said that you didn't want you said you had issues with dating comedians in the past, which we don't have to unpack that. But when you learned that he was a comedian, you're like, oh my God, I don't want to do this. Or you're like, what feels good to me is what feels good to me.
And I'm leaning into it.
Oh, I had walls the fuck up. I did not come in like he is my Prince Charming. I just was like, who knows what's going on in Ireland with him. He's a good looking comic, which is so dangerous. But I, I love that he was older because I felt like there wasn't a competitiveness in terms of like he's had a lot of stuff happen his career and he's not like comparing us. It's more like we're two different people doing different things, but with similar interests.
And he just so just like a fucking kind person. OK, I just I was wondering about, like, breaking patterns or leaning into patterns, but it feels like you picked the parts of the pattern that you like and found somebody that fits into that better. You're so right. I think like every guy I've dated, it's not only Glycomics, it's there are things that I liked about these people and things that I didn't like about these people. And I really think your twenties is about dating people and literally mess up like make the worst decisions, find those red flags.
Because when I saw him, I was able to really know what was going to make me happy and what I wouldn't like. And I was just way more prepped. And when he was he was a little more like sure than I was in the beginning. And that first scared me. And then I was like, no, like, he's letting you fall, like, be vulnerable. So I did have a lot of walls up, Raina, because of my past.
But also I kept seeing, like, OK, he passed the Narcissus test, I think, OK, he passed the like, having no boundaries check. He passed the like the way he speaks to the people around him. Check. So I just had all these subtle things I was doing in my head.
I think I should actually just met me at the right time. OK, well, I wanted to ask does too. I mean, we're we're focusing on Hannah dating an older man. But I mean, does your dating like a younger woman and she's getting involved in this reality show world that is kind of like designed for drama. I mean, I know from Hannah's end, like, weren't you kind of like, hey, I don't I'm not I'm not I don't play games here.
This is this is what it is. And it's, you know, I mean, all that all that early initial stuff was very straightforward. Like, I don't play games, I'm into it. I mean, you know, listen, it's an interesting time to meet somebody when you've had this forced months of reflection of literally doing nothing, you know? So I feel like you're in like a little bit more of an emotionally sort of calm place. So I was very clear I was into it.
But I very quickly in the when she went into summer house, I was not into all that drama. So I was really just waiting for that to pass because I felt like this was special, what we had. And I felt like the summer house stuff was just a distraction, just noise. I mean, I appreciate it's her career. And listen, I've been in relationships before our life. All of us, all four of us, our lifestyle.
It can be like a conflict with your partner. Sometimes it's all consuming. It's very public, you know, also. So I understood the pitfalls of that. So I was able to just try to compartmentalize it in my brain. But I will not lie. I. Didn't love it, you know. Well, he and I, I feel like your history track record, you know, you've dated plenty of emotionally unavailable guys like fuck boys. You know, we've we all have.
And I like what felt different about Dez in the beginning phases.
I feel like I've gone for an emotional, unavailable man because I'm also emotionally unavailable. And sometimes I can be like kind of competitive or it's like a game and like I don't want to get hurt. And I'm very like aware of the signs and I feel like anyone's pulling away. And then I just like, pull away immediately. And with him it just seemed like immediately we're on the same team. We both had like a common goal of like, let's make this work, which is which was very, very simple.
And I remember him just being like, yeah, I like you and me realizing, like, wait, I could just I'm not enough to pretend I don't like him or like pretend I'm busy, like all he wants is my love and can I give that to him. And it was just so, so simple. And I feel like I just could always be myself with him. And he it's like the little things like he laughs at stuff I say we laugh together, we just kind of bond over laughter.
But her dad, her dad said that to my brother. My my brother met her parents and her dad said that's my my brother told me afterwards that the first time Dez came to the house, it was the first time Hannah ever showed up with a guy.
And she was herself, which I guess is my own job.
I think I can I'm a big people pleaser. And in the past, I just was like looking at what society teaches. I fucking desire to please me nothing. I just changed. I was like, fuck this guy. I don't do shit on his face, fuck you. But like, you know, the whole concept of like this Prince Charming, you want to be with this rich, this famous, this good looking guy. And you just have to be this type of way where and I've had guys tell me I'm too loud and like, I'm I'm annoying or I'm I'm too independent or I'm to work too much.
And it's like I'm just myself.
These things aren't true, by the way, but they're all the things that I love about her, right. Oh, what does is there are some so it sounds like Hannahs are like mirrored that you were into it and she was they were like, let her walls downwards or something about her that you were like, OK, time to let mine down to. I actually had my mind made up before she went into the house. The house was like the house was like a distraction, but I wasn't going to let it bug me.
There was once a chance we had one or two moments when she was in the house where it was like, is this fucking shit scenario going to ruin it for us? You know? But it didn't it didn't last too long. No. I mean, for me, obviously, meeting, like, you know, whether there is a thing of, like, destiny and you meet the right person, I you know, I definitely feel like I met the right person at the right time.
And I think the pandemic had a little bit to do with it. My you know, my mom died like it was a year like a year and a half before it. And I'd been through a lot with that. So I was just I was just in like a better place. Like it was such a good time for me to meet somebody like Hannah. And, you know, I don't I don't know how to describe it for me. It's very hard to articulate something that you just know.
Yeah, it wasn't like I wasn't like going through the list in my mind for sure. But that's something you do in your 30s. When you're forty five, you're like, yeah, let's go. He's like, that's so many of you to ask me that.
And Sharon Horgan, another another comedian buddy of mine, she was saying one day we were chatting about like men. The difference for men and women, it's like, you know, women are always like hunting for this, like perfect guy. Whereas like with guys, it's just like you meet a guy like this little window, this little moment when they're ready and it doesn't matter who you are, you're in the fucking spot at that time. He's just like, you ready?
I'm ready to stop. I know. Like, I wish they had, like, some sort of blinker. Like a taxi. Like, I feel like there's a glass ceiling with dating, though, where you're like you've dated enough people. You have to get just annoyed with dating enough that you're not like bad at it and giving up, but you just over it. And that last person, you're like, yeah, this is it for me.
Yes. I'm not romantic, but it happens. Well, sometimes we just like to hammer home to people that like sometimes you meet people and they're not into you. And it's not that you're ugly or stupid or not funny, it's just it's the wrong time. You're not the right person for that person right now. And it's not that we had fun from the get go. That was a big part of the physical attraction, all that was there and the sex was good.
We had like a good sexual connection. But but I think really the biggest thing was that we were having fun from the get go, like we were having the crack, as we say, in our land from the start.
We make we make fun of each other. And that really is our love language. He was fostering pit bulls. And when I first saw him kind of like train this pit bull, it turned me on so fucking much because I was like, if he could train that pit bull, he can train a wild girl on reality TV who needs like, I love it. He calls me out of my bullshit. And it's not like in a controlling way.
It's just like he understands me. And I, I can't let someone like I can't walk all over someone that's not a long term relationship. Like, it has to be someone who calls you on your shit and you respect their opinion, but then you can call them out on their shit like you need someone who's your fucking coach in life a little bit, too. Yeah. And I respect his life experience and stuff. And a lot of pretty boys I've been with, I'm like, you don't know what you're fucking talking about.
And I'd go do whatever I. Be doing. Yeah, you are a pit bull, I got that pit bull a couple too many times. Sometimes I give us some treats. I like to think she's been she's been trained. It's how I get it to come now. You know, when it seems like it's good, I start clicking and then she makes positive. So we. Can I talk about our second date? Yeah. You know, they tried to get you to fucking talk about it a half hour ago, and you went off on some other tangent feelings right now.
The first time we did our fucking podcast, it was drive me insane. She can't fucking stay on point. Right? That's that's one of my OCD.
We're almost we're almost surviving this. But you're on his podcast. That's what you got to get the click click. You know, a lot of tabs open in my head. And he's like a one trick pony, but he invites me to go golfing, which is not like the sexiest sport to play. Like, I remember being, like, try to not look like a like old gym teacher.
But either way, she told me she was into golf. I didn't just say let's go golfing. She told me she'd like to go, OK, but I'm worried that somebody will ask me to go. And now I know how. No one's asking me to golf ever. No, he was like, I just like being golfing and I was like, I'm basically a retired old man. So like, let's go. So I go golfing and go to his little club and there's all these, like older guys staring at us.
And I'm wearing my little outfit and I end up golfing pretty well and I go, I did win with the handicap and he handled it quite well. This is when I actually knew that he's a keeper because I got an eagle on a whole eagle. The sixth hole part. I don't know. At the end we don't know. But thank you so much for coming. She did is exceptional. It was a good thing I did something good and most guys would be like embarrassed.
It was a touchdown on the sixth hole, but he walked around and bragged to every random person in the club going. She joins a group of six who she just called the sixth hole. And I her thinking like we he's my cheerleader, like he's proud of me. He's not, like, insecure about his own shit. So then I was like, let's go back to your place. I was surprised. Like, I didn't like I'm an eagle.
You're a whole. She know she wouldn't kiss me on the phone. She was like, no, I'm not going to kiss goodbye. Let's go back to the beach. I was like, shit, I didn't like clean. I didn't do like I didn't do the prep. And I heard he had a beach house. But like, we need to know what kind of beach house I want to know, like the vicinity to the water, the heart of the sand, you know, are not all created equal and also not drinking on the first or the second date at this point.
Right to soberness. Great to drink anyway. So that was that was great. And I love a sober man. It's like my thing. I was so ready to the part of my story anyway. We won't get into it. Save it for a future.
Your dark shit. It's not about your dark past right now. Yes. So we get to the beach and I think we end up kissing sitting on the towel.
Yeah, we were lying. Lying on the towel on the beach. Always good to sit on a towel if you're gay. I just thinking, like Corona, you better be fucking worth it. This guy better be good for it. So we're kissing and then I think he put his finger in my bathing suit. So that got graphic.
Maybe we just make it on the beach. You put his finger on the trigger to the beach. Oh, my finger on the beach. I tried. I dropped the hand. Yeah, yeah, you should have. He dropped the hand and I have not been touched in about six or seven months by then. So I was spewing. That's why you needed the towel. That's why we were sitting in the towel. So I was like, let's go back to your place.
And I'm soaked like my bathing suits wet. So there was no like cute little striptease. I just was like tore that shit off just at. But I was naked and it was hot. Like it was like it sounds hot. It had meaning. I feel like yeah, we had a good we had a good sexual connection straight away. It was good.
And then I remember looking at him and of course I had to do the whole like I know this was kind of early and I remember him saying, don't even like that, don't even bring that up, like don't bring that up. And I was like, it's a pandemic. Like, I just like you. I just feel and he's like, I'm not I'm for I don't care. Yeah.
I don't have any judgments. But I used to have routines about that actually years ago about Irish Castle. I was like, you know, I don't normally do this. And I'd be like, well I do. So if you're uncomfortable with it, don't do it. But I'm really comfortable with it. And I was serving that like I don't normally do this energy. And you're like, please let me stop you right there. He was like, this is me.
This is my preference. But also I also knew that I wasn't speeding. Obviously, some guys are like, you know, deceptive and manipulative and like they they make it seem like it's worth doing because there's more to it. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't putting on any deception, but I also knew that it wasn't going to affect my feeling about her. I'm sure I'm not somebody that's going to lose any respect. I mean, had stuff is insane.
We had like two four our dates by that point. She's trying to make yourself feel better. I mean, it was the second date anyway, you slice it. It was the second day. I was tried to tell her that since the beginning, who cares? So I'm trying to elongate well, it was actually about eight hours we'd been together and a half hours. OK, yeah. It was like a workday. Was the sun out. I just just curious.
Yeah. When you have the midday moment, it was it was a beautiful day. It was great. I mean, the early those first five days, they were quite idyllic, you know, like middle of the summer pandemic. We just have time, you know, it's nice. And then he told me that he didn't face time sex. No, I said I. That's more to do with the fact that in Ireland I'm pretty well known, actually.
So I have a bit of a resistance to anything that can show up. I get that context later on. OK, we did end up doing that, by the way, just so I just want to make that she broke down and face time now. So, you know, I would think that maybe the boundaries are left of center. It's hard to worry about face time sex when she's in a house that is literally equipped with more cameras than any place I've ever seen.
I can't wait for that to happen. Face I got. Laughs Yeah. Do you wait?
Do you want to get people face time? Sexy tips. My advice with it is it's like jokes are funnier. You know, when you say the details, like I say, don't be like, oh, I spilled ketchup on me, say like Heinz ketchup and it's like funnier. Yeah. So I think writing workshop here, guys, pay attention. All you aspiring comedian did take a master class, but I do think. It's the same with with sex, with face time, sex is like everything has to be described and elongated, like you're writing an essay that you're trying to hit to like 10000 words where it's like it's not just his dick, like it's his like curved heart or strong like as many adjectives.
And then and then it how you feel about it, like, oh, the curve. It's like you're your. She always looks good on that. I have a curvature in my penis. Don't talk about curves enough. No people. Because to be so big that it has to bend because it just hits the backs like the cyclone. So you spot really nice sometimes though. I for my I dated somebody with a huge curved deck and it's almost it's kind of nice.
Oh my God. Yes. But I like details. Details are important. I love like a jealous curvature. Let's not get too into you know, we're not going to have like people like messaged me about Peyronie's disease. You know, it's just like a gentle thing in Australia that they throw in and had some boomerang. Yeah, it's not a boomerang. So did Hannah fly in your curve during the pandemic? That was good, I think. Yeah.
I also think there has there's like a tone in the voice. It's like podcasting, like, you know, you like the tone of someone's voice. You listen to it, it's like get a little soft and like no emotion behind it. Like because you can ruin any good line by, like, not delivering it well. So I like comedy. One hundred percent. Look, maybe that's why we loved FaceTime.
So it's a lot of the details and it's like, yeah, I want to like take my finger and lightly put it up your thigh and like feel you starting to get harder like that, kind of like slow, soft, detailed, and then it's just like you bounce off each other.
Yeah. I mean that's what happens into I'm more into like I want you're my fucking asshole right now. I'm just. I'm just kidding, just kidding. I'm just sitting on her like, gentle, like, OK. She told me all about it. Oh, yeah, we know. We know. And we'll get into that. But also, one thing I do advise if you're in the bathroom because you're like in the pandemic with your parents, I put the first time on the toilet, make sure you shut the toilet big important.
And as it's facing up, like stand over it and your ass will look. It's like literally what, the toilet seat when you're about to sit down to take a shower. But like, your ass looks so good and you don't even have to open up that much. Like just let him see like the curves of your ass looking up at it like, OK, so we put the phone like face up on the toilet seat and just stand over it.
Yeah. And then you could be wearing underwear and around like that skirt. Uncomfortable. I like that. Yeah.
So that was because also like well our early face phase times were in the bathroom because she didn't know there was a time where she didn't want to cover the camera, she didn't want to get in trouble.
There's just so many angles and you can feel insecure with a face time, but like up up skirt is always just like no guy's not going to be flattered by that. For me personally, the thing that I love most about the phone sex is actually the sound of the the the current pleasure rather than the fantasy of what I want to do. Do I actually get most out of the fact that you're playing with yourself, playing with myself, and it's actually like we're experiencing this pleasure together.
So it's actually the present moment that turns me on the most rather than the this is what I want to do. I like all that titillation. But in the end, the thing that I like most is just that both of us are doing this. It's not just once a one sided show and just just like the sounds of the pleasure, like when it really happens, like I think eventually what happens is you stop fucking talking because you're so focused on getting the job right.
And actually, I find that the biggest turn on it's just like you're just with each other in the masturbation session. But for somebody who's not so creative and isn't going to say like juicy pussy or things like that, like just to hear somebody moaning and like the cadence in their voice, like, I think that's great advice. I don't I haven't had face time sex. I've had phone sex. Are you hold you just hold it like your face timing like are you like it seems like a lot of work.
Like I said. Did your arm decide that in between your legs labia out like just like you keep moving around and like you know, you, you crumple up your quilt and like, you know, leave the phone standing there, then you change around. What are you guys. Oh, comforter. You guys pull up your floor. Because I was I was doing this. I was going to say having an eight year old boy. I mean, what are you talking about?
That was a moment of translation because in Ireland we say duvet. But I realize people don't use a duvet here right now. What do they do? You dictate on your duvet crumble. Well, what else do you probably quilt if you find a spot in your comforter, but also actually what's what's hot about it, especially if you're into yourself is like while you're looking like look at what turns you on about yourself, like show him the parts that you're proud of, like that angle of your side boob, like turn yourself on.
It's like, look, your Instagram from the perspective of your crush and it's like fun to do. It's like look at yourself like he's getting turned on looking at you and it's just like kind of a confidence booster I love and I like moving it around. So you focus on the titties and the vagina and everything. I actually just want to watch somebody jerk off. I don't even need to see your face. I don't care. Oh, you.
So that's the thing. It's like if if somebody is really into like watching the guy jerk off, I guess that's great. You know, it's funny because as a guy you just think like, how can this be absurd because it's just such an attractive action. But of course I'm only thinking through my fucking hetero brain. But like, I just I just never understand, like, why somebody wants to watch, like, my blurry hand do what it does because it turns me on to see somebody else be turned on like that with your physical expression of that is a hard deck and watching somebody come and so with you really turns me on a lot when it's like I'm turned on, if you can tell sometimes sometimes when we're chatting, just as I was, we'll tell stories of other you know, we can talk about it.
You guys are podcast this week. I just you know, I want to ask you guys about as you moved in together, like, immediately. Right. Pretty quick. We say, like the first day to just be like going to HomeGoods and see if you just survive smelling all the candles, like if you guys can deal with that shit, like, why wait? So a lot of people don't move in because they're like, oh, I don't think we're ready.
Well, then when are you going to be ready if it's not the honeymoon phase? Like, I don't know. So I think the pandemic was just like, let's see if this is going to work and let's put together IKEA beds together two weeks in. And if we don't get in a fight, this might be something long term. Yeah. I mean, also, like, if you're going to fail, it's fail fast. And we had such an intense longing with the separation period that once she was out, I don't know, just very quickly.
But don't forget, she was there with her parents, like we're still in the middle of pandemic's. I have this other option, you know, did the whole honeymoon period thing is a real thing. I actually think it's not a bad time to move in together because the sort of fog of love covers up a lot of shit that annoys you. Whereas if you've been together a long time, you move in together very quickly. It's just like I like the.
Walks the other way, that's smart how it eight weeks you guys have been together like six weeks of summer house and then six weeks summer, seven weeks of summer house and then like and then like two weeks, because immediately we were just like trying to spend much time together as possible. And Shelter Island in West Hampton are kind of far. And it became this like he has to drive all the way because I don't drive. He was driving everywhere.
And finally, it was actually such an nonromantic moment where he was just kind of like, do you want to just stay? And I was like, I was like, are you are you asking me like, do you actually want that? Or do you think I want that? Because I don't know.
She's actually just going to call you. She's making up this conversation with the whole living together thing was just like a very quick evolution. It was. But it was a quick like not it wasn't like here's the key to my heart, like it was. But I couldn't tell if he was just being nice or if he actually wanted it because I kind of wanted him to be like, Babe, I can't live without you. But he was like, you should probably move in.
And I was like, how bad do you want me to move in? He's like, just move in. Like, shut up. She moved in with her cat, which was a problem because the second night she lived with me. So the second night after she moved in with a cat, first night we slept together. Second night like the cat comes in like fucking waking me up like like all night. And the cat was meowing. Yeah.
So eventually she slept in another room with a cat. I was like, Jesus, Hannah, this is going great. It's fucking night two of our living together. And you're in the other room. I mean, a girl has priorities, OK, but who's number one? You're number two, you know that. Go off queen. But also, guys, I'm straight up turned into a suburban mom. Like, I kind of love that your listeners have heard me from before.
Like I walk a dog, run into, like, other moms.
They're like, oh, my God, what kind of dog is that? Isn't the weather nice? That's my life right now.
And I'm kind of like, OK with it, which is weird. Also, I like cook. I do how fresh I cook for him. That's the way men love food so much. I should have just done this a long time ago. Take right about this one here and take. She's like, have you guys ever thought of cooking for a man? Like I've literally never wanted to cook to do anything nice for a dude.
I don't know why that was my own issue, but for him I'm like, I will make you a sandwich and I will enjoy watching you enjoy. It helps when you cook for, you know, just how many sandwich sandwiches has he made for me?
I've actually made I'm not big into cooking, but I've made to hand out quite a few sandwiches. But she has different cooked more dinners for me. But I've, you know, ordered plenty of food for us. You to you use it has great food for her. Wow. You really pushed your boundaries for her dad when you were eating Westhampton. It's like it takes him two hours to come. This is the most I've ever driven him on. I did everything by the book that you shouldn't do, like, you know, sex early crying on the phone with him because of other drama living around.
You want to live with the next year. And then when I got to his house and talk to me about it, when I got to his house and then, you know what I did?
I said, get a dumpster. We're throwing it all away. Like literally say good bye to you, Britney, when you're on a dumpster, when you're not getting harder, when you're on the podcast, you can do this. Like, I'm so fucking tough talking about a burger, but I'm with you now. She's at work. Then we have to throw a lot away. No, you're right. I was very basic, but we got trash can.
We got to get it done. We got a dumpster. If something I wanted to do. And I was very motivated by how to move again. And I went with the motivation. But she wasn't like focus groups to go to go down.
But then when the joke is good for you personally, it's going to be like my girlfriend moved in over Dumpster. No, like I just said, when your girlfriend moves in because of one thing I learned from you, it's how to do a fucking meme, OK? And that's a positive. And we all live here, and that's called a healthy fight. I love I love how and I guess unconventional, quote unquote. You guys, are you fucked right away.
You fall in love right away. You said, I love you like conventional medicine. So they have like people come over every night and swap around you just like I mean, there's nothing that unconventional. So many people are like there's all these rules for getting a man you to play all these games. You got to set it up perfectly, got tee it up in a certain way. And I think that they're just there's no one way to get a man.
You just did what felt good. Ranna, do you know that I cried after he proposed to my parents and I cried and something just came out and I just said, this is something that I've worked the least in my whole life. I feel like my whole life I I'm such a fighter and I'm a hustler and I grind and I just I'm going to work as hard as I can to get something. And I've never worked less on something that just like me, I got the fucking lazy version I would like.
You're talking to me like I'm so lucky she didn't do anything. OK, she said she said, OK, we want to we want to hear about the proposal and then we're going to. Then we are going to move. I'm just like, all right, we're going to move on and talk about some. We got some funny stories from our listeners have like covid Engagement's pandemic proposals. We're going to, like, read them to you guys and make you laugh.
But just tell us about yours. Oh, our proposal. Mm hmm. Well, I was trying to get there.
I wanted to do it on Valentine's Day, but the snow kept fucking me up. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I was supposed to go into the city, like, on two two times the snow got me. And then I'm not going to say where we got the ring, but just to say how romantic jewelers are. I mentioned that I'm probably going to do it on Valentine's Day. The jeweler was like, no, you know, don't take this the wrong way, but if you give it on a holiday, then you can never get it back.
Just so you know, legally, this is not the ideal date because it's a gift are like a holiday gift. So that's a legal thing. Yeah, it's a gift. Know what? Yeah.
Yeah, that's a real that's a real thing. I had known that before. I had seen that before. Like on some, you know, if I did this because if it was your birthday or Christmas, you could be like, where's my Christmas? I mean like if you, if you accidentally do it on Halloween and it doesn't work out, like legally, they don't have to give it back even Halloween. OK, so don't propose on Presidents Day or July.
Don't propose on president. That's how you know it's real if they propose on a holiday. So then, you know, I really, really don't know because this. No, I want a holiday now. Like, why is this a holiday? I don't want to burn a holiday now. I want to have a specific holiday just for the engagement. So then for a Valentines, because I wasn't going to do Valentine's card or anything, but for a Valentine's kind of intro, I made her like a little song which goes back to the early part of our relationship, particularly when she was in the house.
I used to make her like these funny songs, consumers like a great big part of our relationship. And I said I would make like a little Valentine's song to kind of tee it up. And then at the end of the song I say, I have a surprise for you.
And then, well, but I woke up with him like, I guess he's practicing it or practicing it. I was improvising. I was improvising it and not have so I'm just hearing him singing in the other room. And I'm like, why is he doing by the way, I use these dumb apps. I wasn't just like it wasn't like me coming and being like, Baby, I love you. It's like it's like an auto tune, you know, it's like a funny it's a funny, funny auto tune now, but it's like singing.
And then he text me and it's the video and I kind of watch it and then he's like, whew, we play together. We watched it while I was fucking taking off. First of all, I didn't know she was awake yet. I didn't know she was awake. So then I'm taking the piss and she's like she's like, I got your video. You know, I sent the text would be on her phone. I was going to sound like, is that what I sound like?
I'm telling the story of our proposal. Don't fuck it up like you did on the day. So anyway, I came in and she she watched it again. We watched it together. Then I proposed. And actually, the funny thing about proposals is there's so much like prep that goes into it. It almost like took me by surprise the the magnitude of the situation in that I did it. And then she was like, are you joking? And I was like, no.
And then she just thought I was like, I thought this whole thing was a bit I thought we were joking, bawling, crying. She just, you know, she started crying like it was like a cry. You know, people cry when they get proposed to I'm like, that's real fucking happiness. Like crying. Yeah, I did it. I don't cry. Like, I guess I don't like him. So I was like, trying to cry.
Well, we had a shot. Come on. Now, that is not what happened. You had a spontaneous emotional moment. Don't act like you were in control. And that is all. But it is like I kind of can understand thinking for a second that it could be a joke and then you're not emotionally in that space and then you're like, what am I what is going on? Oh, no, you're right. That was when I got proposed to I thought I was like, what is it?
Caught me by surprise as well as you did a great job. Yes, we are. We love it. Well, we just want to run through a couple of these of our listener submissions just to, like, make us laugh and we can chat about him after. But is that cool with you guys? Tarago Yeah. Let's do it without laughing at other people. So these are we asked our listeners just we left it pretty open ended because they said they always deliver just like covid engagements, pandemic proposals, whatever you want to call them, give us like the good, bad, the ugly, all the things.
So let's just kick it off strong. I got married in May, just filed for divorce today. I saw a cute sunset proposal and then they proceeded to put their mask back on and kiss the mask on, kissing photos. What the fuck? My now fiance proposed at my family's cabin in northern Minnesota. All caps while I had covid. That's not what you want. I cheers you up. I guess that's the cure. Love is the cure.
I decided to propose to my fiance and he is the one with the engagement ring. We saw a lot of this. You guys like we had hundreds of responses and I would say I saw, like, I don't know, five to ten of women proposing some like. Off, yeah, my friend eloped and lied to us about it so she could still have her bachelorette party, but it's fucked up. But we support for you guys. I got engaged in the woods because where else is there to get engaged or in covid?
My gate broke off my engagement because my man fingered a 40 year old woman in the basement while I slept. Nothing wrong with 40 year old. I love getting married. So what's the context of the 40 year old? I know she's probably like twenty five, but she's like this old lady and four year olds know what they're doing. That's why I love getting fingered. Can't recommend it enough. I witnessed a virtual wedding in which the groom's vows included the phrase it hit different shit and then this one is my favorite.
You'll like this guy, propose to it with a cameo of Countess Luann. Oh, that's nice. We like that. I like it too. I got to tell you, I saw Countess Land at an airport in Pittsburgh once at the Fris at eight a.m. recording cameo videos, but it would seem careto for lack. Good luck, good for hustling and spreading love. And that's how it is, buddy. And Countess Lohan is the reason why we're together.
I know it's always comes down to the countess. I hope she's saying it OK. I was proposed to while naked and bent over the tub clipping my toenails. Romanow, my cousin, scheduled her wedding for the same day as mine, which I had to reschedule due to covid. Wow. She's like, So your dates open is what you're saying today. She took all the vendors.
I know someone who got engaged, married and divorced all within the pandemic. That is impressive. This one. I feel like the ring story you got. This will resonate with you guys. My poor fiance ordered the ring on March 13th lol. Twenty twenty. Couldn't pick it up for months. The store closed and when they started allowing pickups, they left it hanging on a tree branch outside for. Oh no, it's cute. But he couldn't even get it for Mudlick.
It's just like the store's closed. Sorry. Sorry about your also it sounds like a Starbucks order there. Just leave it out for people to pick up on. Really, it's on tape in second oak tree to the left, I literally watched my ex live stream his awkward ass proposal. I'd love to see it decline my ex's proposal in April. Maybe it was the pandemic. Maybe it's because I actually hate military man. And a guy from high school proposed his fiance via Zoom with an empty ring box.
I have receipts. Oh my God. He's like TBD. We saw so many proposals and I'm like, I get it. If you're, like, deployed overseas, like, I understand. But it's just like that is not what anyone I don't know.
I just can't get over engaged, married and divorced. All I did, they move that. I feel like the pandemic really sped up everything in terms of relationships. That was you fall in love quick. You realize you hate somebody quicker. All you know you guys know some people New York City, you're literally they won't break up because they're just too busy to break up like he has meetings all week. Then I'm going to Mexico with my friends and then next week, it's crazy work for me next.
You know, it's been six more months and you're a break up, but now. Yeah, but it's my cards for that. But you really now you you just can make life decisions because life has kind of stopped. And I think it's beautiful. I know some girl who got divorced after eight years the day before shut down and then she was kind of single for the first time. But I think, like, everyone's figure it out, we're doing the best we can.
Yeah. And I I hope someone who felt similar to how I felt a couple of months ago has some hope that you just be yourself and see what sticks. I hope that that is motivational speech. Sorry, I just decided to go on. No, we have to wrap up and I think you guys are inspirational. I think you, like, bucked the trends. You did what you wanted and it moved fast. And who cares?
You know, I still don't do male comedians. I just you know, it's funny. Nobody from my side says it went fast. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, when you're caught, he's probably like, how the fuck?
Yeah. Like, he was way behind it with no rap. Yeah. I just like, thank God, let it go. But also the reason that we didn't match on Reya is because he was out of my age range just coming back, which was reassuring to me actually.
So guys, change your injury just like stop trying to envision this like materialistic person. I mean, make sure there is. What should I go? I actually go back to what is right now. I did take it down a little to twenty one. No, I did because I was saying I was only going to date guys over thirty in the new year, but then I was like this is it working out. So I did. I went down to twenty nine.
But your youngest. Yeah but I'm not right now I'm literally talking to someone even younger than that. So it's like I don't know, you've got to make a younger. I made mine older. I was like I saw thirty two year old in there and I was like know like twenty nine to forty one or something. I like that age range. I that's a perfect age range. That's a perfect age range or you might be missing out on.
That's what I'm saying. OK. How about we do twenty one to 50? But I think you should get up to 50. There's a couple of like forty nine year old gems in there. I'll tell you that there's a couple songs in there in that age range for the rest of your life. So you could do well with an older dude because older guys love a confident woman and they really can handle it. And I think a lot of guys my age were very competitive with me and like they would be insecure about their own shit.
So I see. Is that for you guys? Yeah, I just like I do actually listen to your podcast, like, I just feel like I have a younger energy just because of what we do for a living and the way that I live my life. We have a lot of freedoms. You know, my mom is a young energy. It's just, you know, runs the family. Our listeners keep us young. So I'm just kind of looking for a partner who has that same type energy.
It can be at any age. You know, I think that there is like 30 year olds I wouldn't date because they're like kind of like old and boring, you know what I mean? And then there's going to be forty five year olds like does that are just like finding a second date that you're on? We love each of you. Can you guys tell everybody where to find you both. Obviously we'll we'll tag the podcast and everything. But how to find you guys.
Your Instagram's your podcast. How we can follow along on the wedding registry. A joint Facebook account. Yeah. And if and before we're pregnant, we're gonna have a baby's Instagram. That's a big thing that the celebs are doing. Just Instagram. There's been no baby discussions. Everything's been first. But Hannah just said that like as if a baby is on the way, there is no baby. She just went full Clarin Dale on you. Yeah.
She's like, we have to have a chance to have fun at this. Bishop, it's Deetz. It's Desmond Bishop. But don't look up Desmond Bishop because he was a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. So it's Dez Bishop D. Yes. Besides, my Instagram is at being burned and you guys should definitely watch Chat Room. It's my new. Oh yeah. Show that I have every Sunday. I talk so much crap with Jason Porscha Sundays at 10:00 p.m. and watch Summer House Thursdays at 9:00 p.m. Eastern.
It is Espacio and I don't watch it. There was actually a very early question in our conversation, which we never got into his budget because I cried to him about it every night and he doesn't like the show, like I would tell you to watch it, not to mention it like the first. Like I actually I was getting weak at the beginning. It was getting exciting. The season was coming up. And I was like, you know what fucking I think I'll watch a bit.
And like within the first two minutes of Hannah being on, she's like, I'm going to hop a tree. I'm going to I'm going to help Luke. And I was like, you know what? I'm fucking out of here with this Instagram story of her. I'm so sorry. Oh, no, I know it wasn't. Then I watch it myself. And then I was like, I'm out. Like, I am just so not dealing with this.
I got it. Yeah. We love you guys both. You're a great couple. Congratulations, Dad. It was great to meet you. I'll see you tomorrow. And then we'll submit this to Bravo for the whole, like, breakup show. We have played love.
So wait, did we get the girls got to eat. Stamp of approval for what? US just. Yeah, I was a couple. Yes, actually a little late but yeah, that one fight I was like on the fence. But you guys really couple those fights. Those are jokes for sure. I know. Totally. Totally. Yeah. Thank you guys. Guys, we love you. Bye bye.
And you guys know where to find us girls.
Got you. Podcast Dotcom. Remember to sign up for the newsletter if you haven't already updates coming soon. We are at a girl's got e podcasts on Instagram. Ash has Raina Greenberg on Instagram. Girls in her school got it on Twitter and YouTube. Dotcom Serzh girl's got to eat and we will see you next week. Thanks guys. Have a good week. I.