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You sat him down, walked around the stage, we did a toast for everybody, 1500 screaming fucking people, and he just sat at our theater at our feet like a king. The king, he is unbothered. Dog barking. He was running up just to touch him like he was Jesus.


Hi, guys, welcome back to another episode of Girl's Got to Eat. Welcome back. Coming to you from the tundra. What do you know? I thought of something you said earlier when I said I fucked up. I can't say it.


So you I know it's probably fucked up of.


Yeah, it's a blizzard. It just kept snowing. What? I'm sorry. And it's still too fucking long. All right. Any weather weather? Well, you know, I like I love a blizzard. I had a great day yesterday. You don't love being alone. As much as I love being alone. I love it. I, I love the snow and it's falling. And then after that, it's just like mountains of dirty snow on the street.


New York is pretty for one day tops. And then it's like pretty terrible. Oh, yeah. There's just it's just dirty heartache. New York is disgusting.


I love it. I love it. You just had your anniversary. Yeah, I did the most popular Instagram post ever. I to get naked just to get that many likes and followers. Great city line. It's like new Instagram and he didn't like it. It's trying really hard to get like mostly on tech.


Talk about that actually. OK, it's OK. We're going to just thank our partners. We're quick thanks to all of us for supporting Girl's Got to Eat and all of Ashley's dinners go to hellebore dot com, slash ten degrees and use Code Tanguy for ten free meals, including free shipping. And also thanks to Buffy for supporting girls. Gotta eat for twenty dollars off your Buffy comforter. Visit Buffy Echo and enter the promo code. JGI Yes, and thanks to calm for supporting girl's got to eat.


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What's the thing that you say that I like hearing you say it's in the ads. I don't know. I'll think of it later. Oh and you spray your but clean.


That's OK. You know why we're here, why this thing happened two weeks ago. We're still upset about it. I think about it every day.


So we were doing the ad read and Raina, she brought up that. She says all the time, do something nice for your body. Have something nice you can get for your body. My between all of our. And you say you actually say it in the ads a lot. You say do something nice for your body, a minimum of 13 times an episode. And I never said anything about it because it's cute and I don't care. But you brought it up and then I was like, wait, you know, you do that too.


And it turned into this whole thing and we had a glitch with the audio. And it doesn't it's not important. But we lost that audio and we lost the audio. We didn't record the video. We lost this thing completely. It was one of the funniest things. I don't know how to describe how funny it was. And there's no I tried for an hour to, like, figure out how to find it.


We can ever find it like I had. I didn't know that you knew. You say that all the time.


You know, it's funny because you listen to me so much more than I listen to me. Like, yeah, I record the episode and I listen to the episode on Monday mornings. When I listen to episode three, you edit the podcast. You you probably know me like ten times better than I know me. True. I think about that a lot like, oh my God, I had to listen to somebody as much as I do. It's really so true.


And like you and I don't really like fight or a lot. We would fight once, once a quarter, but like we don't really have like got attention or like, you know, I can't imagine having if we had like a more strained relationship, how I would edit your voice for hours, I would just sit there like pissed off. This is why I get along so well one time or not one time and three years of this podcast where I feel like I was like we were annoyed with each other and I had to edit the show and I was like, I fucking hate this.


It's so funny. It's it's just not something that I have to deal with. The fact that she is only you can do for your body, not like not listen to somebody for hours that you're pissed at. I just lived rent free in your ad. You did. You're like, oh my God, we do a couple announcements. We have a couple of things. Yeah. You know, your job is OK. It's the week of our Valentines Live show.


Virtual Live Show. We are so excited we cannot hype this enough. Get those tickets, girls. Got Epoch Click on live shows. It is this Thursday, February 11th, 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time. So whatever time that is in your time zone, you can watch it live. If you can't make it live, you will have access to watch show afterwards. But we recommend you watch a live. It's going to be so incredible. There's something that's happening that we really both don't know about.


It's going to be a surprise. You're going to see our reactions to it in real time. We had these. Incredible guests we have. I just want to say their names, but I just want you guys to be surprised. Obviously, we have a hot opening performance.


Oh, my gosh. I like the opening performance. I was going to crying thinking about it. Oh, it's going to be bigger and better than all of our other shows, even though they were incredible, too. But we just want to keep outdoing ourselves. So get those tickets. You guys can watch the people in your household or your partner or your dog. Watch it virtually with your friends, have a little watch party, get your shakuhachi boards and your drinks and whatever else, your chocolates and spiraling.


It's just be incredible. You guys have had you made this such an event, and that's why I think is so fun about our virtual life choices. You guys get together girlfriend safely, but you make all these dinners and plans and fine drinks. And my favorite thing is like watching all the tags come in throughout the day of everybody playing a game. Yes. So you guys can get tickets for that girl's great podcast outcome. A bunch of people sometimes last time.


And it was email about access codes, questions about that. Just any questions you guys have about ticketing, email, the ticketing website. OK. Yeah. And merchandise. You guys know we've all new staff. You guys have been going out fast. I'm very excited about bugs are so sick you don't live here anymore. And the Bernie Mac people love the golf sweatshirts the fuck around and find out sweatshirts. We're going to nominate an emerge email of the week.


We're not I'm not doing this again because I don't want to encourage you guys to send stupid emails. Listen, we are not trying to drag anybody, but we get some emails that like what happens? Ultimately, it said ultimately, like we're just we don't we're so honored you guys want to support our business and want to wear the merch. But some of these e-mails are so funny. And I'm like, I don't know how you guys got dressed this morning.


Anyways, this email, it's one sentence. It just says, hi, I ordered the Comodo DMAs, not the white one. Thanks. Also, we saw multiple things that say, don't you? Amazon got God.


I don't know. She ordered it. Now, I don't know if the wrong thing got delivered. I, I like let's work on the supporting roles. We cut them some. We don't know if that was a mistake or she was just telling us about her decision process.


Like what is the actionable item.


You would like to hear something. Those are funny. So what else helps. She couldn't use the girl's got to eat merchandise store gift card to buy tickets to the live show, which listen, I was making fun of it and then actually sold me on a new concept.


I was like, listen, maybe she's smarter than that. US maybe she has an idea here. Maybe we have a girl's got to eat credit card. It's kind of like your delts am and that goes to everything. So you could buy the merch, you could buy the live show tickets. You can buy the Bobby West Side girl to work classes like your rent. You can. Yeah, exactly. But we're a listen. We're happy you guys support us.


No, we love you guys. We just we get a kick out of these sometimes. Yeah. So keep buying the merch. Everything is a girl's got Epocrates Dotcom, the merch live shows, all the episodes. You guys recently been emailing a lot, asking for certain topics. You can always search the website for different topics. Yeah, about our topic today is a little heavier one. We are going to talk about the loss of our house studio dog, do we, my dog.


And we're going to get to that. But we we do have a couple of things, a couple lighter things. We're going to talk about a top and then then we're really going to dive into it. But I like that you brought that up, that we have all these episodes because I this is an episode and it's going to be our specific story with Dewey, who was a part of this show and kind of some of the grief that I've dealt with and you've helped me through.


But it is the loss of a pet. It's not the loss of a parent or, you know, a sibling or a spouse or something like that. And I think that we always want to tackle these topics for you guys. We had Kate Nichols on in the summer. She talked more about losing parents Tuesday, talked about losing parents.


We have not lost parents or siblings or spouses or partners, but we always want to bring on gas to talk about the stuff, losing a partner or a spouse or a fiancee or whatever it is, is like really a topic that we want to talk about. And it is a grief that we have not experienced. We know a lot of you listeners have a new message us. And so I just want to put it out there, you know, like the stuff is always on our list.


Like we rarely get requests for a topic that we haven't already thought about. And that's not like on this like running list of stuff we have. And a lot of time, it's just about finding the perfect guest. I mean, of course, we want to do an episode on sexual assault for a year or two, even maybe before we found Britney, Piper and the same with abortion. Like for me, there's no room for error with with topics that are important.


So it's like a matter of like finding the right person to speak on it. So a lot of these times, if you're like God, why haven't they touched on this or this? A lot of the heavier stuff, like we're like, well, we do want to get to it. It's just a matter of like doing it justice. Some of those topics will probably we may only do them once or twice. And so it's like we really have to, like, not fuck it up.


Yeah. So our content is very important to us that you guys. It resonates, you know, we're not giving advice about stuff that we never experience, you know, in this episode. I've never lost anyone really close to me, even like a pet. And so I think that, you know, in this episode, I'll come from the place of how, you know, I think it's important to support somebody going through grief because I'm not going to speak on something or pretend that I've experience something that I haven't yet.


And we can only speak on our own experiences and we'll get to it. Every every type of grief is different. There's a spectrum. But anyway, before we get to it, we have a LeBron James.


Let's talk about LeBron. Oh, my God. The situation that happened this week. Yeah. So we're recording this on February 2nd. This just happened. It's probably going to be old news by the 8th when this comes out. But like, let's pop off about it. This girl and her husband. And when I say girl, I mean, she's twenty five and he's sixty probably Instagram name is Daddy appropriately and she can get some work done. Live your truth if you want a whole new phase by it, you know, whatever.


I don't care. I bought a whole new face actually. Oh my God. I've got a 50 percent new baby. But she popped up on LeBron so hard and then popped off on her Instagram. So she's like, no one's going to talk to my man. And LeBron was like, sit down. I was like, you said the fuck down. And he was like, get out of here. Your it's like you get the fuck out of here.


And I'm like, oh, you're so brave. You are so far ahead of yourself. Anyway, so this happened at a basketball game. Let's back let's tell the story. This girl and her husband went to a Lakers versus Hawks game. So in Atlanta, they went and they were courtside, which is like that's not a big deal right now. Everybody is courtside. There's like five people in the arena, but five rows of people. So anyway, apparently her husband doesn't like LeBron, whatever.


And then so her husband popped off to LeBron, which is like a hecklers are a pathetic breed of people. You show up to somebody work and start yelling at them for something you could never dream of doing in your life. Sports comedy. It's pathetic. Hecklers are gross. So I guess her husband heckled LeBron. LeBron came back because he gets emotional. He does not give a LeBron. He shows what he's feeling. I respect us and he's rich enough, you know, LeBron, Stan.


And then the wife jumped in and now turned in this whole thing. They got ejected from the game. LeBron hasn't said he didn't really need them to get ejected, but that's what the refs decided to do. But this this girl is something else. And her husband, I know that name from Atlanta. It's this rich family, the Carlos family. They're like these billionaires I remember like the Carlos Museum, like it's, you know, of the dad.


And this is like the son who is now like sixty and it's his twenty five year old wife. And her Instagram is something else and they are still public for anybody to check them out. Like, I feel like this is how she's realizing, like she's going to make a name for herself and by what step into LeBron.


I mean, if you're going to do it, that's how you do it. I cannot you know, it's so funny because there's like twenty people in the arena and you're like, I'm going to go off. I just don't want to be brave in situations where nothing's going to happen to you. Like it's not so bad like this. This man, this giant six foot nine man, he's not going to hit you. You're not in any danger. You're just popping off to this guy in a public setting where nothing bad happening.


And she's like she's like, I'm a bad, bad. I hate it so much. Like there's a girl outside in The Bachelor which we'll talk about that just you just had that whole her name's MJ and she's like, I'm going to show her I'm a bad bitch. It's like you're on The Bachelor, right? There's fifty crew members there. Nothing is going to happen later. I said the girl that tried to fight you in an airport and my parents are about to turn around.


So what are you doing if I'm in an airport? But like, seriously, you're not being talked with. There's thirty security guards there. And also I don't endorse even like being tough or fighting or violence in the first place. I would never be very funny when people, men and women try to act all hard. It's like, OK, you yelled at abroad, go off, I guess. But that reminds me. Yeah. So The Bachelor this season will just flow right into Iraq.


So I guess I just I can't I can recommend The Bachelor and I really like the season. This last last night was like this mean girl reckoning. They like got rid of the mean girls. They got rid of this like really nasty, jealous, immature, like Donald Trump vibes kind of girl named Victoria. And then this other girl was like kind of like her sidekick. And these girls just kind of got like he let them go because they were like the the shit starters and really dramatic like mean girls on the show.


And I just like love to see it. It was like a real wreck. I just got a lot of the toxicity out of the house. I just like this season a lot. I'm finding it really entertaining. I think that he Matt James is so gorgeous and so hot that they're like extra thirsty foreign policy. Been in quarantine like, oh yeah, people are just extra crazy. And I love this girl, Katie. She's like kind of become like the hero of the household.


And she's the one that showed up waving her vibrator around 9/11, came with her vibrator and you were like, oh, she's going to be like gimmicky and corny and like too sexual, you know what I mean? People just lead too much with, like, their sexual gimmicky stuff. Like and she's not she's like the voice of reason. And she's like, probably I hope she's the next bachelorette. So I'm just, like, really enjoying the season.


They're there in Pittsburgh at Nemacolin Woodlands. Let me tell you, I've spent so many winters in Nemacolin Woodlands. It is a beautiful resort. I used to go skiing there and my mom would stick me in the hotel room and. Go out to dinner with whoever it was she was married to at the time, this is now called Woodland's hour and a half outside of Pittsburgh. All I think of is every single Monday, Jared, Fredricka, here we are back at Naimah Call.


It falls outside of Pittsburgh like it's the same as like here we are back at the kids.


OK, listen, I will I have an I have an honest I'm not going to get to your email to everybody. I sort of fell off with Tatia season and I have not really gotten into Matt games this season. I know Victoria and MJ and those girls. I'm honestly glad that they're gone because you're right, it's just there comes a point at which I'm just like sort of over this, like yelling and screaming and being terrible to each other. Just for Instagram followers, there comes a point where we can't reward this behavior.


That's what I'm saying, because I hate girls like that. We know girls like that. We've had girls like that try to do shit to us that spread lies and rumors and just are mean and nasty. And they they just try to hide under this guise of, like I just tell it like it is. It's like you're just a bitch. I hate Sopel that say I tell these these girls were really were really terrible. And there was a clear divide between, like the mean girls and the normal nice girls.


And so I appreciated the drama with Victoria for a few episodes, like we all like a little bit of drama. That's why we watch these shows in the first place. But I'm glad that they're gone because there comes a point where it's like now it's like by them getting roses and getting to stay, they're being rewarded by being terrible people. So I'm glad where they cut it off when they did. But I just I'm like in the season, I recommend it not to take The Bachelor and I might go home.


Watch it. Yeah, it's I it's an appropriate level of drama. They brought in a second batch of girls. All right, I, I feel like he really does like a few of the girls and I'm just really kind of into this girl. Michelle, I feel like she showed up and changed the game and you saw what it was really like when he likes somebody. So I'm into it.


All right. I will watch it maybe tonight because I have plowed through content lately. I'm watching The Sopranos. I'm Four Seasons and a timeless masterpiece. Can't Recommended. I was one of the greatest shows of all time. Actually, I have nothing in common because she's never watched my movies or reality television. It's just not for her. I might start The Sopranos this year. I would a goal. I started The Sopranos. But anyways, my last track when we get into the episode actually kind of ruined it for me.


But that's OK. It's called a promising young woman. It's on Amazon. It is. Twenty dollars to watch it on Amazon. So it's not for everybody, but it stars Carey Mulligan. And she's just sort of like this vigilante justice executioner. And you find out why. And she's sort of fucking with all these men. And I was a little nervous to start it. I didn't know how terrible these situations these men would go with love and make love in it and make love.


It makes it here. I mean, he's not a great guy, but and s from the O.C., it's I think it's a really different movie. I love the way it's shot. I think the acting is really fantastic. The concept is really interesting. I've never seen anything like it. You and I've gone back and forth. We've had a spirited discussion and I don't know. I don't know. I might hate it, but I loved it.


I actually thought it was a really good watch. It was really different. I really enjoyed Carey Mulligan's performance. I did, too. I thought she was great. The show was created by or the movie was created by women. Margot Robbie is a producer on it. So, I mean, I got to love that. It's it's the reason why is twenty dollars is because it was supposed to be made for theaters. There are movie theaters, I guess, that are open and it's being shown and some of them.


But if not, it's twenty dollars now it won't be in a couple of months, you know what I mean. Like that's just what it is to rent. Now, we can't really talk about it without, like, giving it away, like what it's really about without spoiling it. And we just don't really feel the need to like tell you there's a spoiler alert and then recap because we just don't feel like that many people have seen it. So maybe we'll touch back in a couple of weeks.


You guys should watch it. I do recommend it. I if if I were in charge, I would have done it a little bit differently. But it's not my art. So that's you know, I respected I respect what they made. I do recommend watching. I don't really know any of my friends that haven't liked it. So I don't think you're going to not like it. I just think there was things that like I wish would have happened and been done differently.


And that's why I have to say we we we we're giving it our stamp of approval. Yeah, it was great. Listen, I know there's a lot to spend for somebody, but I think also I just thought of it. It's like a night out and that's what I would spend on a night out. OK, I have one more. I'm reading a book that you didn't even tell me that you were reading a book. I'm sorry. I'm keeping it from you.


So it's called Party of Two. It is a contemporary romance rom com type book by Jasmine Gallery in this this is recommended from it's she's New York Times best selling author. And this was recommended by Grace and Becca. Too bad on paper. We've had them on our show. They have great book recommendations and it's about this woman. She's a lawyer and she meets this senator in L.A. like an eligible hot senator for California. And it's interracial relationships. She's black, he's white.


And I will I will say I'd get a little bit of like a scandal vibe because, yeah, she's this black, successful woman. He's this white politician, but her name is also Olivia. So, like, I was like, why is this to be like Scandal? And I'm like, oh, maybe because we saying the same to living so but no hate. I mean, make all the books and whatever based on scandal scandals. Incredible.


So I really like it. It's lt is. An easy read, it's like I was all I've been trying to, like, fill the void of one to watch that I read this summer, which was like probably what my favorite, like light fun romance books also recommended by Grace and Becca. And I've just been trying to fill that void and feel that rush again. So this is like kind of doing it for me. Like I said, it's a good read.


There's some sex scenes. They're not too graphic, but they will make you feel some kind of way. You can masturbate to it. Yeah, I mean, you can like they're not it's not sort of like it's not a Fifty Shades. It's not even like an idea of you. It's not really sex heavy. But some of the scenes come out of nowhere and there's enough description for you to be like, oh shit.


I said, I just need a whiff of it. Like a whiff of it is great.


There's a hot when there's like water, somebody goes down on somebody else and they they talk about it. That turns you on. I feel like I would never turn me on you. Just wait because there's food involved. You're love it part you do more. Honestly, I was having a hard time this morning saucing masturbation content because I haven't been mastering that much lately. And we do have a great episode about like your body and masturbation coming up. So I got like a little turn on from that from the woman that we talked to and I was trying to like, source more masturbation, kind it because I haven't been out on these streets.


It's cold. It's too cold. I'm fucking I haven't, like, fucked since last night.


Sex was New Year's South. They just came like, kind of same. I had sex on December 30th. I haven't even talked about it. It's not worth talking about. Well, because last week we talked about all the guys friendzone girl voice, piece of shit. He's piece of shit. Shit going to I don't know, I'm just not ready. I'm going to go through enough during this episode. You can give them this another time. Yeah.


We'll talk about other time. No, I just I fucked this guy, whatever. It wasn't anything to write home about, but I just wanted to get one under my belt before the end of the year. Yeah, I'm glad you did. It's important. OK, those are our Rack's promising young woman party of two by Jasmine Glory and The Bachelor and The Sopranos and The Sopranos.


We're going to put that on Instagram and also LeBron. I can't recommend LeBron and I don't know what have you guys been asking? OK, before we get to the episode, I think a couple of our partners tell you about something nice you guys could do for your body. Oh, my God.


OK, I would tell you guys about something really nice. I feel like I need to stay with us lightless to really be, you know, the other day was like, why do you move your job back and forth like that when you talk? And I was like, I don't know why I come to work and ask you why you do something.


I have a little bit of a leg and that's how I manage it. OK? Oh, I'm all coked out. Leave me alone. Go. Oh my God. OK, so I am telling you guys about hello Frasch. You guys know I'm obsessed. I cook it like every night. What else is there to do. It's cold outside. We're not going to restaurants as much or at all. And I just I really can't imagine my life without it.


So we've teamed up with Olive Branch. We've been teamed up with Ella Fresh for a while now. We're having so much fun with them. They're America's number one meal kit. They are offering you guys ten free meals, including free shipping. When you go to hello for, slash ten GGGI and use Code Tanguy. OK, I'm going to tell you guys about what I've been cooking this week. I cook tell a fresh every night for probably the last like seven nights I've been really like you've been flexing on those, those meals this week.


Yeah. I like got one box kind of later in the week so I had it to go through the next week, then I got my box for that week and so I've just been able to cook like every single night. It's been really incredible. And these are meal kits. America's number one, like we said, they cut out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips, which is what I love. You get everything you need to make these incredible meals.


You have to, you know, make them. But they come with all the ingredients pre pre measured for you. If you just need one carrot, they give you one carrot every time I get one. Carol, I think of you right now. And every week you get to pick from twenty three different recipes. There's a range of flavors, cuisines, ingredients. If you are vegetarian, you want kid friendly. They're amazing. I get meals for two and I will cook them.


Either I'll cook for a friend or whatever, or I'll just cook them and have the leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day. Super flexible, customizable orders every week. And they're just they're just incredible. They're the company itself. They've already donated over four million meals to charity in twenty twenty. They're stepping up food donations to local communities amid the food and crisis and pandemic. I'll tell you guys about what I've been cooking this week. OK, this one that I love was so different, the zaatar crusted grilling cheese.


I felt like it was like something. I'd have it. Otar, you saw it was incredible. Like the cheese, the cheese, the top beef ragu. I love the sizzling ginger shrimp. That was last week. And then this week, last night I made the frijoles Frasca bowls one of my favorite really easy under 30 minutes. I think I made it in twenty five minutes. The Greek goddess Bulgar bowls. I get them any time they're on the menu.


They're one of my favorites. I kill it on that hummus mirror. And then tonight I'm doing the creamy lemon spinach. Oh my God. This long creamy lemon spinach, ricotta ravioli. I love their pastas too. So I love paella fresh. You know, I cook it three, four nights a week and we want you guys to get in on this too. We have an amazing deal for you. This might be the best year we've had so far with the.


You can go to Hello, Frasch dot com slash Tanguy and use Code 10 JGI for 10 free meals, including free shipping and fresh dotcom slash 10 JGI and always Tagus. You guys Tagus. I think it's so fun when, like, I'm making the same meal and I get tagged and someone's cooking the same meal. It's like really fun because like we're all kind of picking from the same menu each week. So it's a community. Thanks guys, for all your tags.


And speaking of something nice you can do for your body. Oh, my God.


Really admire this as free as we know you can do for probably within there is not ever a shortage of merchandise ideas that I want to do. OK, see you soon as you do your body time out. Ridgewell, which is a multivitamin totally reimagined. I know there's a million of these on the market. You never know what's in them or what the difference is. I'm going to tell you all about it. And I really, really think there is no better time than to start taking a multivitamin.


It is flu season. It is cold outside. I'm getting older. It's time to take care of this bod. It's time. It's time. I've been working out OK, but it's hard to know what's in all of these things. And obviously we all deserve to know we were putting in our bodies and why, especially when it comes to something that we are taking every single day. So ritual is clean, it's vegan friendly. It's a multivitamin that is formulated with high quality nutrients in bioavailable forms for your body that it can actually use inside of it.


You're not going to find sugars, GMOs, major allergens, synthetic fillers and artificial colorants, which is in a lot of these different vitamins. One thing I also really like about it is there's a fresh taste and then you can take it on an empty stomach if you want. So if you guys have ever taken things on an empty stomach and you've gotten kind of like uncomfortable from it, which I sort of have, this won't happen with ritual. Everything inside of ritual is traceable.


You'll always know what kind of nutrients you're taking and where they come from next to their one of a kind at visible supply chain. It's designed with life stages in mind. So there are different types of ritual you guys can take. They have it for women, men and teens. So develop for different stages that you're in and they make healthy habits easy. They are delivered to your door every single month. So shipping is always free. You can start, pause or cancel your subscription at any time.


And if you don't love it within the first month or find your order. So it seems like a no brainer. It's winter, it's cold. All of our bodies are taking a beating. Do something nice for you guys. I'm not taking a baby the way I want to, but we're going to give you guys a discount so that you can keep doing that. You guys can get key nutrients without the B.S. ritual offering you 10 percent off during your first three months.


You'll visit Ritual Dotcom's LECG to start your ritual today. And as always, all of those codes and partners are on our website. All right. OK, so I just wanna say about this episode. We're mostly I'm also just going to give you the floor, you know, and I want you to have this time to talk about your experience. I'm not going to pretend that I've ever lost anything really important to me because I haven't. I want you to talk about it and being by your side and oddly, a few other people in my life that have gone through some pretty serious trauma recently.


I feel like I've learned a lot about how to support other people and just how to help people deal with grief. And so I'll talk about it at the end. But we're excited to do this episode and to hear your story and to talk more about doing so. You just you have the floor. No, thank you. I mean, right now you, like, thought you were going to spend your life with somebody and they ended the relationship.


I mean, that's it's it's it's grief. I mean, I know, you know, that I'm not going to bring it up, but like, you know, I think there's so many different types of grief and trauma. Like that was something you went through that a lot of people haven't been through that, you know, so it's like, you know, I never want it to come across. Like, I haven't been through anything hard in my life like you have.


Oh, no. I guess in my mind, I feel like something is not replaceable. And I know that relationships, each one is unique and different. And I've watched a lot of people go through some pretty serious trauma. A friend of mine is going through a bad breakup and a divorce, a different person. But, you know, I've learned a lot about how to be there for people and how to ask them what they need and how to give it to them.


And I think that if you haven't lost somebody in your life, you know, people that have and you want to support them. Yeah. And it's I think you and I have just been talking so much about grief and the different kinds of it. And we'll talk more about that later in the episode. But yeah, I mean, I am going to talk about losing my pet today. And I mean, this is a podcast about relationships and the relationship that you have with a pet is really significant.


And, you know, it hurts when it when it ends. So, you know, for for those of you most of you guys probably know. But for those of you who don't, I lost my dog. Do we at this episode is this comes out on February 8th and he actually passed on January 8th. So we're one month out. It's just significant. I, I got him on February 4th, 2009. I had him for oh my God, I can I got to keep it together.


I had him so I had him for eleven years and eleven months a little over almost had. Four for 12 years, that would have been four days ago at this point, and I have talked about a little bit, you know, I just I I'm not going to get into my whole long story of duty. But as you guys probably know, if you listen to a podcast like he was my companion, he was like the love of my life.


He was a part of the show. When I got him 12 years ago, I didn't even really like dogs that much like I wasn't I was indifferent. I was kind of like you. I loved the roommate. She had a dog. I don't really care for her dog that much. I mean, he was kind of he was fine, but I just we had a family dog growing up that, like, I loved, obviously, but I wasn't that into him.


Like, I just wasn't really an animal person. And I think people find that hard to believe because I became like a crazy dog lady and it just was like it wasn't on my radar. You know, I was in my it was like twenty four, twenty five, whatever. And I fell in love with this dog, the dog that needed a home. I quote unquote fostered him on February 4th. I decided by February six he was mine forever.


You know, I just I fell in love at first sight with this animal. Like I can't explain it anything other than that. Like I didn't want to dog, I didn't care about dogs. I don't even know how to take care of a dog. I don't know how much it's going to cost. I didn't know how we're like how much they ate or what anything. Like I was like, you know, trying to figure it out as I went.


And I just say that to be like this was just like my my soulmate. I know it sounds so cheesy, but like I you know, I was so broke when I adopted him and we went through so much. You know, I I've talked about this on Dr. Lisa Lippmann's podcast that she has with her boyfriend, Richie Redding. They both been on our show and they've a podcast called We Don't Deserve Dogs. And Lisa was doing that. So she'll come up a lot.


And she's a close friend of mine, even closer now. But some of the stuff I talked about in their podcast was just, you know, my first year with Dewey was a real struggle. He had this crazy separation anxiety. He would literally break through the windows at my old house. When I would leave. He got kicked out of all these daycares in Atlanta. Things were costing me money. I didn't have any money. I was putting them on my credit card.


I was going in debt because of him. But it obviously got better and it was all worth it. And, you know, being his mom just made me a more responsible patient, better person. And I loved him so much. He was like the love of my life. And I can't imagine not having him. You know, we lived in five different homes together in Atlanta, New York, not even including when I lived with my parents.


And, you know, which is so crazy like having him, I would say twenty five to thirty five, like I had him for those years, my life. I'm just picking that decade. I've had him out, you know, I had him for almost 12 years. But like that is probably the time of the most drastic changes in your entire life. Like if you really think about it, like I feel like I was just still kind of a kid, a young, really young adult and my younger 20s when I got him.


And just like I grew up with him, I just I became a different person with him by my side almost every day for twelve years.


Like, it's just I, I don't know what it's I just I'm still trying to figure out my life, like, without him, you know, like I don't I've had to you know, aside from the times when I've traveled, I would wake up every day and walk this dog like he's he's been by my side every day like it's the void is like kind of unbearable at times. And I'll talk more about that. But I'm just kind of like figuring out what it's like to, like, not be with the animal, you know what I mean?


Like a companion that you have for twelve years, long fucking time. And so I feel pretty good right now. You know, I've I've talked we took talk a little bit of time for us to do this episode, and I'm able to talk about it without, like not like totally breaking down. But we know you guys loved him, Rhiner, the whole in the studio with us. And Dewey was Rayna just one day set it like and it became a like I don't I didn't ever think that you said it.


You made him a part of the show. You know, you loved him so much. And he's really you know, we sell merch and with him on it, he he's just a part of girl's got to eat. So I do feel like we kind of like, oh, you guys to talk about what happened. And I'll I'll try to just make this as quick as possible. But I think people are just, you know, out of curiosity, I mean, I don't need to get into, like, all of the the details he do.


He was diagnosed with cancer or prostate cancer in early November. He was having accidents in the house, which he never did. Ah. You know, his entire life, he was kind of straining to be on his walks. We got to I got him checked out. We didn't ultrasound. You know, long story short, he he he did have cancer again. I rescued him. I think he was about a year old when I got him. So that would have made him like close to 13 years old.


He could have been older. He always looked great. So who's really to say.


But, you know, when I found out he had cancer, I was so crushed. I mean, Dr. Lisa has been alongside of me like, you know, holding my hand virtually this entire along the way. She's the one that walked me through all this. She's consulted me on every single thing I've done. She's the one that calls with the news. You know, she isn't at my age. She wasn't at the vet at the animal hospital because she's like a traveling vet.


But she was the light liaison between them. So she was the one that was always telling me what was going on and keeping me in the loop and figuring out how to do this. And I mean, when. She told me that he might that he might have cancer and that he could have like six months to a year to live, like it was so crushing. And I just I didn't I thought we had years left, you know, he looked great.


He had so much energy, like, I really thought I had so much longer with him. And that was it was devastating. You know, that first night I realized that the reality of the situation, I just like, laid on his bed with him and cried and was like, this is like the beginning of the end.


And so he was diagnosed with cancer and we started treatment, which at first with this medicine, it's an inside. It's called Piroxicam, if you're interested. And it was working wonders like his bathroom habits were back to normal. I was like, oh, my God, this is magic. Everyone was like, OK, he's really responding to this. He's not too far gone. Like, this is great news. And so, you know, after so many discussions and conversations and with Dr.


Lisa and an oncologist, he had an oncologist as well. She's one of the best in the city. We plan to start chemo and we actually did two rounds of that. But, you know, for anyone who's curious, chemo for dogs, it's not like chemo for humans. You know, they don't suffer through it. Most dogs don't have side effects. Of all the ones that do are pretty minimal. And then you can dose adjust the chemo.


It can ultimately can really only help. It can't hurt, especially with a dog who was really healthy in every other way, which Dewey was. So he was like a good candidate for it. They don't get sedated. It's quick and easy. They're in and out. You know, my only goal was to try to extend his life while not diminishing his quality of life at all. We all just collectively wanted to try to shrink his cancer, get his bathroom habits back to manageable and give him some more time.


And I had the money to do this and I wouldn't have had the money eight, nine years ago. I don't know what I would have done. I know this is like so painful for so many people to make these decisions, especially when they can't afford it. And if people don't want to pursue that treatment or they can't, that's absolutely understandable and it's fine. And, you know, look, I did it and something else came along and he he died anyway, so I'll get to that.


But I say that just to say that there are no guarantees. And Lisa would always say to me, you can't make a wrong decision. She would be like, I know how much you love this dog. You want what's best for him. You're putting him first. Always like you can't make a wrong decision when you really love your animal and you have their best interests at heart.


And, you know, to be completely honest, those two months were really hard on me. You know, all those decisions I had to make the vet visits during a fucking pandemic. You can't even go in the building with your dog, you know, getting him in the car. And, you know, we had we had good days and bad. I feel like that's what you say about anyone who has cancer. You know, there's good days and bad days.


And there were definitely enough good that we wanted to pursue treatment. But there were some really bad ones. I mean, he was in diapers off and on. I was just constantly figure out how to manage this like urination situation. There was a week where he had to go out every two hours during the night. I wasn't sleeping. I mean, right now knows I was just so exhausted. I was so stressed and I knew that wasn't sustainable.


But he still had so much life and energy left. You know, none of that had changed. He was still going to the park, running around, living his best life. And then we found out after the first round of chemo that his prostate had shrunk. And so it was working. You know, we were just like, oh, my God. Like, it's happening. You know, this is really working. If you saw him at Christmas, he was running around.


He was living his best life. So there was so much hope. You know, I thought I would see Christmas twenty twenty one with him. He was just so lively.


It was just a real roller coaster. And like I said, you know, it was really hard. And, you know, and you guys didn't know this. I never posted about him having cancer. I for a few reasons, I, I didn't want unsolicited opinions, really. And I also just didn't know how long he was going to live. We all thought he might live another year. And so it's like I didn't want to tell people he was sick and have them think that every time they saw him, you know, you guys saw him.


He was really doing pretty well most of the time. So I just didn't really post about it. I didn't I my friends and my family knew and I felt really supported. But it wasn't something that I posted on social media. So I know this kind of came out of the nowhere for for a lot of people.


So, yeah, I mean, everything seemed to be going well right on track. And until it wasn't and, you know, on oh my God, on Friday, January 8th, you know, I woke up and I knew something was really wrong. And I rushed him to the hospital and he spent the day and there it was awful. I was at Reyna's at one point in the day. I was just a fucking mess. You know, I he was just like not he was not responsive.


I'd have a friend come over and help me carry him into a car. It was like the it was the worst day of my entire life.


And we thought it might be a blood clot. Then we realized later in the day that he had had a kidney that ruptured. And when they went in, they did a more in-depth scan called a CT scan, which is even more intense than an ultrasound. And it is very expensive. And they realized that the cancer had spread so they couldn't operate.


And that was it. And like I got that call at six o'clock and like, he was gone by seven. So I didn't have a choice, you know, I think some people agonized over this choice of whether you put your dog down and my my feeling was always like, as long as do we has energy and life left, he's I'm keeping him alive and I'm going to do what I can. The second that I feel like his quality of life is diminished, I will choose to put him down.


If it comes to that, I'm not going to keep him alive for me if he's suffering. And that's another thing Lisa always says. She says sometimes we suffer so they don't have to. And I knew that if it came to that, that that would happen. And she also said it's better a day or two early than a day too late. So I was always like, I really hope I don't have to make this decision, but I'll know when it's right.


And I think we always know when it's time. And I didn't have to make that decision. So in some way, I guess I'm a little bit grateful that I didn't have to and that the decision was made for me that the most humane thing and right thing to do would be to put him down and and that suffering. And I just like called I called Rayna and I was like hyperventilating. And I mean, she just had to come pick me up in a car.


I was like, I, I could barely I couldn't call an Uber. I just called her.


I was like, hysterical, sobbing and she came and picked me up and we went to the animal hospital and we said goodbye while Ryan said goodbye. And then she left the room and waited for me outside. And I was with him for the last moments of his life. And I don't know or a heartbreaking thing. And I'm just so glad you were there. You know, I was like crying with Lisa on the phone. I'm like, can my mom get here?


Like, do we have like hours like, you know? But it's also covid, you know what I mean? Like, it's like I don't want my mom coming into New York. Like, I just was like I she was like, you know, I'm going to call them and I'm going to make sure it can go. Like she's like, if I have to go down there and start like yelling, I'm going to make sure Rita can be there with you.


She's family. You know, we had to put on, like, fucking full hazmat suits. It was not ideal. I'm covered in snot. Oh, we were wearing masks, wearing gloves. It was a sight to see. It was. It was. I'm just I can't imagine you not being there, like, I just I couldn't I couldn't have done it without you. Like, I'm just so glad that I had you.


And, you know, that was the worst night of my life. You were just like, I feel like you didn't want to let me go home alone.


Like, you just can't be like, OK, but can you come over or do you want me to come with you like you wanted to? Can we get food? I was like, I just need to be alone. And I, I came home and that was the most like manic I ever felt. I felt like outside of my body. I was just I walked in the door, I fell on the floor. I was like the only way I could call my mom, I was like, call.


I was crying and I was screaming. And I just was like, I've never felt like this. I've never felt this pain. I don't know what this I've never felt this feeling. And this is so new to me. And I, I cried myself to sleep. My head was throbbing. I just didn't. Know what to do with myself, you know, I felt like an out of body experience, I couldn't believe he was gone. It was just like unbelievable pain, like like just debilitating grief.


And my friend Emily calls it a tidal wave of grief. And I'm like, that's what it is. It feels like you're drowning. Like, I was like, I feel like I'm gasping for air.


And I woke up the next morning and I felt a little bit better.


And I started to tell people and I just felt like so everybody was just not everybody. I told people like, you know, one by one by one and kind of like in stages. I was my family knew, my close friends knew. And I just felt so supported.


You know, the more I started to tell, people just started to roll in the flowers, cookies, you know, people just calling and people like, do you want me to call? You do not you know, everybody was really sensitive about it. And to what would to what I wanted.


And, you know, I, I cried a lot, but I it started to get less and less. I got in the peloton that day. I don't know how. And I got some of it out that way. And I just felt like I kind of had to have this, like, pain leave my body. And you and two other friends came over that night and it was really special. I just wanted to be around people the night before.


I really needed to be alone. And just like meltdown, I guess. And, you know, to have you guys just feel that I felt like the love around me and I started to feel a little bit better. And, you know, every day has gotten a little bit easier. You have been so wonderful. You've invited me to everything that you've done. Like the next day you were like, you want to come to Brooklyn thing? I was like, yeah, like it just I wanted to be around people.


I mean, not large groups of people because it's a pandemic. But that's another thing, too. Like this was so much harder because of the state of the world. You know, I couldn't have all my girlfriends come over and like, you know, cheer me up. And it's just you can't do the things that you may normally want to do when it comes to being around people. And I was just like that made it hurt more.


You know, I think we're all really hitting a wall with a pandemic. And it's just like to have this on top of it. I was trying to be fucking kidding me, you know, but all this time, like. The thing that has gotten me through has truly been my friends and my family and like even people on social media, so it took a good week for me to post on social media, but everybody was checking in daily. I couldn't keep up with the flowers.


Like, I just it was like I felt like when I was so engulfed in love, it was harder to feel sad and like I just felt like so surrounded and so supported.


I, I, I went and I say with a close friend for a while, she really took care of me for like a week. You know, we just it was really healing. We went on walks and we, we cooked dinner and we just stayed in and we drank wine and played with her dogs and it was just really special. And then when I got back here, I kind of had a hard time again. So I have good days and bad you know, I came back here and I came back to an empty apartment and that was the first time that that had happened.


I kind of cried for two days. We had to push back our recording. And, you know, I called Lisa or I texted Lisa. I said, I'm having a really hard time. And she called me right away. And she was like, you know, grief comes in waves. And like, we think that there are these stages of grief where you, like, move through them and you kind of conquer one and it's anger and then it's, you know, it's not really for everybody.


And it's certainly she was like, that is not been my experience with with me and with other people losing pets. It like comes out of nowhere. And it felt almost so validating to be like, I'm not crazy, you know, because I I felt like I was doing really well, you know, I hadn't cried in a week and then I was just was like couldn't like, you know, I felt like I was drowning again. And I just I love that she said that it's like not always linear.


It's not these, like, stages of grief that you move through and you're like onto the next. And then I'm going to be good. Like, I just it can come out of nowhere and it can hit you out of nowhere.


And like, I miss doing so much every day, like, I it's just it's that's why you need your friends and your family. And that's why, like, you just need these people that understand and that they get it and that they're there for you. And for me, that was like the single most important part of the healing process. And that's we're going to talk a little bit about that today. But it's just like this is why you build the life with these people around you, because when you really need them, they're there and they, like, actually help you through it.


And so, you know, you could have your dog is your best friend and your companion in your life, but then your dog dies and like, who else? Who do you have? And it's like I have you and all my you know, I just I can't say it enough. Like, it made me feel more loved and supported than ever before. And that's where I'm at right now. I'm going to give the floor to. Right. I've talked for entirely too long.


I want to talk a little bit about what other things I've done to heal when it comes to dogs. You know how I kind of memorialize Dewey, but I'm going to take a break and have some water, and I let you talk. No, I thought I was riveted and I was. That was too long and it's not too long. It's it's a tremendous loss. And it's it's something that's very hard. And I think that you also feel really proud of the people around you, that you have all these friends and all this love.


And for me, like it was so it was so tough to see somebody that I love so much in so much pain. And, you know, I got in the car with you and I didn't know what to do, like I should, like, hold your hand. And I was holding your hand. You kept getting phone calls.


And, you know, at one point you go, OK, I'm going to give your hand back now. Like you were like, what do I do? Because, you know, I don't like to be touched. So you were like, I touched your shoulder. Like, I think you, like, put your hand on, like, my knee. You're like, should I what is know? I think that you don't know what people need in those moments.


And I think it's like really OK to admit that, you know, and it's OK to just be there and sit next to somebody and just cry and listen them cry. And, you know, I thought a couple of things I thought about what would I want in those situations? Because I've had four, four times in my life. I felt like I was in so much pain I was going to die. You know, my my father was hospitalized last year.


It was the worst day of my life. You and I have had some pretty bad stuff happen this summer. My fiancee left me. I thought, you know what, released the valve for me a little bit.


And also, you know, who can I ask that's been through something like this? So when I was when you were saying goodbye to do, we finally and I contacted Lisa and I said, like, I don't know what to say to her. Like, I don't know how to provide this. It's it's a dog. I've never had a pet before. I understand it's like losing a family member, but I can't relate to it in the sense because I've never had it.


And, you know, you can just you can feel really helpless when you see somebody you love so much in so much pain.


And I think that's I learned so much in the last month watching people support you and seeing other people that I'm friends with go through a lot. But there's a million avenues to supporting somebody and being there for them and loving them. And everybody needs different things. But I just showing up has been so wonderful. And there's not one person that's like sent you a text or a bouquet of flowers or a soup that you thought was annoying and not helpful. You know, I think it's just it's really important to just be by somebody's side and you'll feel out what they need.


And I read this quote that was really interesting to me, and it helped me to just sort of like, I guess, understand what you're going through a little bit. Because I you know, I also I'm a very research based person, I'm very fortunate we've had a lot of psychiatrist on the show, but I wanted to research, you know, how do I support somebody? The best way I read this thing about grieving and said there's no typical response to loss as there is no typical loss.


Our grief is as individual as our lives. So there's no there's no normal timeline. There's no other way to deal with it. I try to not judge how other people experience grief. And I just really wanted to be there for you in the best way. And the best way I could was to just listen and be there. And even the next day, you texted me like a silly joke on Saturday, and I was like, so proud of you.


You want to send me a meme or something? And I said, do you know, is this OK? Can we talk about this stuff? You know, because I didn't want to talk about a bunch of nonsense and bullshit, I think is Sex the City when they're in Mexico.


And she's like, well, I have her laugh again. And they're like, when something's really funny in the Charlotte shirts or pants, I want to talk something about you with something that you did that was like so important and is like something that really people do need when they're grieving.


But we're going to take a break to talk about our legacy still and to talk about something that you can do for your body to talk about something. And everybody know I actually this is pretty aligned with what we're talking about, because I'm going to tell you guys about karma, which is an app that's going to help. You guys are so weird to do this transition, but we're going to do it OK? And I'm passionate about calm. So this is like this is this is fine.


It's an app. It's going to help you guys improve your overall health and happiness to get a good night's sleep. I mean, this is just so important, like those two months, you know, I wasn't sleeping. I was irritable. I was stressed. I was just like I was just not out of my routine. I was like dealing with the dog that, like, you know, was having all these issues and sleep when I could get it was so important.


And I rely on calm now. I really do. I would be lost forever because it is how I fall asleep. And, you know, I get in there and I like the soundscapes. I like the Calm Island is how I been falling asleep now. And they just have so much in there that you guys can use. You know, when you relieve anxiety and improve your sleep, you feel better every part of your life. They have this whole library of programs designed for healthy sleep.


Like I said, the soundscapes that I use, there's guided meditations. I use those as well. And there's over 100 sleep stories narrated by soothing voices like I'm looking right now. Idris Elba. OK, they're also doing celebrating black voices right now for Black History Month. And always I actually think that's a part of the app. So I really respect and appreciate that. And you can search by narrator sleep stories, whatever, whatever you're looking for.


And then there's music, too. I love this pop piano. That's my my new favorite thing that I've been listening to. We've talked about the Kaiko gold mix, too. There's lullabies, there's music. You guys can focus. There's nature melodies. This app is just chock full of amazing stuff to help you guys relax and go to sleep. But also just like music and sounds, listen to you during your day, meditation, everything to really take care of your mind and body.


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Dotcom Sugi. Yes. And while you are listening, you're calm. You can listen to your Buffi comforter in your Buffi sheets. Why obsessed with transition. That's weird, but maybe I should. I both had Buffy on our beds for years. At this point I use the becloud comforter, which is what I'm to tell you about today. I've had it on my bed for years. It's never lost volume. It's the perfect temperature. Actually, both have the sheets as well.


It really is just the best thing that you can put on your bed. I have mine in a duvet cover, but for years I did not so little about the cloud comforter. I like it for winter. I use the Buffi Breeze in the summer, but both of them are fantastic. The cloud comforter gives you the perfect temperature so you feel cozy without overheating. I like a fluffy comforter, but I can get like really weighed down by it so it stays the perfect temperature.


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So it's great for the environment. Just in general. I really like the product again. I've had it on my bed for years. The quality is fantastic. I've never had to replace it ever. Yeah, I just keep it inside of a linen comforter. Super. You love the sheets as well. The soft hemp I have the soft hemp duvet cover and the soft hem sheets pillowcases. Obviously I'm obsessed. My bed is absolute perfection. Yep.


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All right. One thing that you did with me was you were the grief gatekeeper. So it got to a point where I said, who sent me soup? And you go, Well, all gifts are supposed to come from the list. The amount of times I sent your address to somebody. And then I was like I was like, OK, what kind of wine do we want this week? This kind of flowers. What kind of gifts?


Yeah, it was. Yeah. And I mean, I got the flowers were incredible but I mean, gosh, gift ideas guys. I got, I got so many flowers. Kate sent me a blanket because we always joked that she like rolls me up. What I did, she calls me up like a burrito. She's like, I'm just going to roll you up and like take care of you. She's too much like my breakup. This incredible soup I got from Ashley Spivey, someone did like a plea, a tree planting in honor of Dewey with the Arbor Day Foundation.


Some people donated to charity, like I'm just throwing these out for, like, ideas that are different and unique cookies. Levein Lavone. I got wine. Obviously Lisa sent wine that the next day. So how big was the photo that Francis sent you this time.


Oh my God. What. Francis did flowers. But but speaking of photos, so I got a lot of fan art. But, you know, it's not about the gifts, it's not about the things. It's not that I need to have a apartment full of flowers and drawings and cookies and whatever else. Like, it's just that someone's thinking of you. Like someone took the time to send you something because they wanted to brighten your day. Like it was really like when it is really the thought that counts when it comes to stuff like this, of course.


But the the things and the gifts are great, too. And obviously so appreciate it. And Rayna, as my partner, I had to kind of manage all of this, which, of course, I would do the exact same thing if something happened to you. You lost a family member. I better get as many bouquets of flowers. Let me pick the flowers were out of control and from like men. And I thought it was so funny because it would be like Rob and Francis, but just them it wasn't like Rob and Allison or Francis and see it just that.


Nope, that's for me. Like Kate said, Jay is sending a gift that he won't let anybody be part of it. They had other people. If you want the they want the credit. But I felt so loved. But, you know, you don't have everybody didn't have my address. They didn't they needed to go through you and like their entrepeneur. I was just, like, apologizing to you because I was like, right. I'm so sorry.


Like, you have to do, too. And, you know, all you're doing is like coordinating people wanting to, you know, be there for me. But it was just really nice. And I think that, like, that person is sometimes, you know, especially if someone you do lose a parent or whatever it is like, it's nice to have that person to be the gatekeeper. So you don't get so overwhelmed at a time when you're grieving.


And it's fine to lean on that. I mean, I think that it's not the experience I've ever I have a very easy time letting on people and asking for help if I need to. But I know that it is not everybody's first inclination to do it. And I mean, from my end, I didn't care at all like this. I had nothing going on that, you know, I'm fine right now. So I got time. But I was I like being leaned on.


I like talking to you about these things and I like the people love you, wanted to do nice things for you. And I was like, very, very happy to do it. And I know that I'm not your romantic partner, but I think that we've talked a lot about how, like, you should strive to have a partner that wants to do those things for you. And it was no burden to me because it made me happy to know that it would make you happy.


And that's, I think, how you should feel. Yeah, it was it was like beyond appreciated. So I just want to say this while we're here, like, every every type of grief is different. You know, this is about me and my experience. And I'm not comparing it to losing a parent or losing a spouse or losing a child at all. But for some people, the grief can feel the same. You know, I think the very first time I heard Guy Wenche talk on another podcast was about this man.


I'm almost positive. Don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty positive about this guy that he had lost a parent and he had lost then years later lost his dog. And the grief was so much greater for him with his pet. Everybody is a different experience. All the only point I want to make is I I'm not that person that someone would say, I've lost my parent and I'm like, I know when I lost my dog, like, you know what I'm saying?


Like, it's just it's so different. It's like you that's like you saying, like, my fiancee left me and someone's like, I know. Girl. When I got ghosted last week from this guy, I dated a couple of times, like, it's it's different. And if you feel like it's the same, then fine. I think this can help in a lot of ways. Just talking about grief in general. But I'm not making a comparison.


My pain and my grief is manageable. I think that there is pain and grief that is completely unmanageable for a long period of time. And that is something like losing a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a best friend. You know, like it's it is a little bit different. So I just I need to make it crystal clear that this is just about my experience. We're going to talk about different things, but I'm not really comparing I don't think that I didn't take that from anything you said.


And we always had the. To show that pain is not a competition and your pain is just as real to you as another person. And of course, like we said, I, I haven't lost something that is irreplaceable, but I've gone through, like, serious trauma. And what I've learned through this is that everybody deals with it really differently and everybody needs really different things. And you've been amazing. You know, I feel really lucky to have a business partner that would never, like, leave me in the lurch, refuse to work, refused a record.


But if that's what you wanted, I would support it, too. You know, like, I just this isn't like a competition to see how fast you can get over this. And also, I encourage people when you know somebody who's going through grief to not make it some kind of competition. What I went through this thing and compare it to yourself. And of course, I know people are trying to give advice and say, well, when I went through this thing, that's how I dealt with it.


But I think the most important thing to do in these situations is just listen. Yeah.


And, you know, above all is like just showing someone that you care. This is applies to me. This applies to anybody. Again, everybody is different. But I feel like this is pretty universal and sending just that text of, like, I'm so sorry. I'm thinking about you. You don't have to respond. The amount of people that just said that came out of nowhere. I mean, I heard from everybody I've ever known pretty much just disappear like you don't respond, but I'm thinking of you.


It means a lot. I know sometimes you think this isn't going to matter, but it matters like it matters so much like it just does. And I think some people think it's too early. And to me, it's not too early, like I told people in waves so I wouldn't get overwhelmed. But like, I think some people are like, I don't want to bother her or whatever. And it's like, you're not bothering me by telling me I'm thinking about you.


You don't have to respond. Like, it just it means so much. I just don't think there's a wrong way to tell somebody I'm thinking about you and I'm sorry. And I'm here if you need anything. And, you know.


Right. And I had this discussion of like when it does come to your best friends, your inner circle, your family members, like, what's the appropriate way? And I think that actually being there, showing up, not just saying, tell me what I could do for you, because they're not going to you know, like you don't want to create work for somebody that's grieving. Like, tell me what I can do for, you know, I don't know, you know, if someone you you're close friends like you do kind of know what they need.


You know, if somebody really loses their their spouse or their parent or whatever it is like, show up and walk their dog or, you know, tell them you're coming over and you're taking the garbage out or send them food. You know, those people that are really in that deep, dark, unmanageable grief, like are not thinking to cook meals, you know what I mean? Like and I think sometimes, yes. Find out if it's OK that you show up, if it's OK that you send food.


But I think sometimes, like, tell me how I can support you. I don't know, like there's a little bit better way to do it, I think, because, like, the person's grieving isn't going to be like, you know what, I could actually do this. A lot of people don't like to ask for help in those situations. So I think it's a matter of like figuring out what this person needs and then just like letting them lead the way, you know, everybody's different.


If somebody says, ah, if somebody is I really do want to be alone, I promise you, I appreciate you. You really do need to let them be alone as well. Yeah. I think the only wrong way to support somebody is to not bother to do it. Yeah, I think that people really were genuinely concerned that they were going to bother you and people did express that to me. Is it OK if I reach out to her?


You know, it's never exactly like you said, it's never going to hurt you. Just say, I'm so sorry. You don't have to respond. You know, the only wrong way to support somebody is to not do it. I think it's perfectly fine to admit you're out of your league. I was completely out of my league. I've never lost a pet. It's perfectly fine to say, like, I don't know what to do. I just want to listen.


I just want to be here with you. I can't stress this enough. I'm like learning so much about how people want to be supported. I'm somebody very close to me is going through a divorce. I'm learning that what he wants to do is just talk about it every single night. He wants me to call him. It's not my brother. So that's my brother. He's not going to. And somebody very close to me, that person wants to know that I care.


They want me to call them. They want to talk about it constantly. Some people want hard truth. Some people don't. You know, some people just want you to show up and like you said, just cook them dinner. But the only wrong way to do it is to not do it at all. And I think even if you've had a bit of a falling out with somebody or you're in like a little bit of a tiff, you know, if you ever think you'll regret that in the future, not reaching out.


Yeah. Then just send a one sentence text. Yeah. And it just we're going to get to some of the ways that our listeners have expressed how they help their friends and family who are grieving and how what's what's helped them. And I just I can echo this like checking in with people a week, two weeks, three weeks, a months down the road, like it's so important. It means so much like the fact that I'm a month out and my close friends are still asking me, like, hey, how are you holding up?


It means the world. I don't expect that from everybody. To me, this is not like you'll know who your true friends are. I don't feel that way. I really don't. I think that we have our tight inner circle and that we have so many other friends. Other than that, I do not expect like all these people to keep checking in. I really don't I can't stress enough like it's. But you're really tight inner circle. The fact that people are still asking that it just means the world like I'm still like on their mind and I'm like that too, you know what I mean?


Like, just checking in. I have a friend right now. She she lost her father. We are not that close. But like, just because I know I'm just like checking in with her, you know, and giving. A space if she needs to talk to me, it's not that we're not that close that I'm going to show up and do her laundry, but like just knowing that people are thinking about you and sending you love, whether it's with a text call, a voice mail, a card, flowers or a video on Instagram, whatever, you really do feel it and it means the world.


Dylan left me a two minute voice message. It was so heartfelt. It was so thoughtful, like, did it seem flirty at all or it was super flirty.


But if you want it if you want to get together. No, he said you can cry on my Broadstone shoulder. I'll get it on my hairy chest. Like I'm trying to think I don't want to make the statement that you can ever say the wrong thing. I think you can. I think the wrong thing is it happens for a reason. Wrong thing. Are all the idioms right? It'll get better. Yeah. If it's for a reason.


Yeah. Yeah. I know that those things are well intentioned. Yeah. I'm not like, you know when you tell somebody it's going to get better. Yeah. Everyone knows it's going to get better. But like I think that you can just acknowledge this fucking sucks. Yeah. I mean you telling somebody to get better is not a hot day. People know that in a year they'll be fine. Well people if they ask. So I would never say it unprompted, you know, but I think that people want to know it well.


So if someone asks me, like I'm I'm hurting so much right now, I'm going to tell them, like, for me, it got better every day, like almost to give a little bit of hope. But I think overwhelmingly the thing and I think the right man talks about this because someone referenced her in a text in a DM to me of like, fuck all this. People that say it happens for a reason or something like that, like, I don't know, never say shit like that would say something like that.


For me, what helped was and I guess along the vein of if we if we reframe, it's going to get better. You know, when my fiancee left me, it was important to me to talk to people who had been through a similar experience, who've been through a divorce, who had lost the most important person romantic relationship in their life. It was important to me to look at other people and like honestly felt like this did not kill them.


They did not die. And I mean, you really feel like you're going to die. Yeah, because you're in so much pain. I'm not comparing a breakup to the loss of somebody you love, like a pet and a family member. But just knowing that other people really did survive this when you feel like you're not going to. Yeah, well, yeah, absolutely. And I think that when you're supporting somebody, if you're choosing to support somebody and show them your love, do not expect anything in return.


I think that there was one thing there was like one comment from whatever stranger on the Internet, something of like, why hasn't Ashley talked about this more? She basically she owes us and I like Rayna got so mad. I'm more mad than you were more mad at me. I like the thought. And then someone else jumped in and was like, what are you talking about? Like your you know, it was just someone stood up for me.


And, you know, I'm not going to tell you guys where this lives because you'll be fine and you'll drag this person.


But anyway, it was somewhere on the Internet and it was it was like, you don't really care. You want something in return, you know what I mean? Like, it's like showing somebody's sympathy. Sympathy. So what you get recognized, like go into these things unselfishly and also just try not to take anything personally, because I think that, you know, we're a month out right now. Like, I'm still going to have hard days and like, I might be irritable or sad and like it might really be because I'm, like, really sad that day because of Dewey, you know, and like, just because someone really went through something really hard a month or two months prior, like, it can still come and hit them.


And so, like, just always keep that in mind. Like, I think that we always have a tendency to take things personally. Why is this person acting this way or why is their tone off or why aren't they responding to me? And it's like, I don't know, could they could they be going through something? Had they had a loss recently? Like I think those things are just important to remember that it's like you can't take it personally and everybody grieves at their own pace, in their own way, try to follow their lead, you know.


Hmm. And, you know, I think that it's one of them, like the Golden Rule, treat others the way you want to be treated. But, you know, you were you kept apologizing to me one day because you're upset. And I said, you they'll be they'll come a time where something terrible happens to me and you'll support me like this. And I don't support you like this because, you know, I hope one day you'll be around.


But I know that you will.


And it's a cyclical thing, like I've always felt supported by you. I know you would do these things for me. I'm surrounded by people that would, too. And this is not my time. You know, this is not my time to be upset and talk about me. I have a girlfriend who is going through a terrible breakup. She came over my house the other night for five hours and just cried and talked about herself and I didn't know nothing about me.


Came up for one second. It's OK. It's not my time. You know, I will have my time to talk and have problems and good things happen to me. It's not my time right now. Yeah, you just you've just been so incredible.


I mean, there was just like there was a couple of days where, like, it had been two weeks and I had like a relapse. And I just like, you know, is when I came back and like I said, and I just I couldn't get anything done and there was like stuff to be done. And I just felt like you were just so great, like you you weren't expecting me to be better, you know what I mean?


Like, I was like, I'm really sorry. I know this happened two weeks ago, but, like, I'm just not OK today. And you're like, you know what, say no more fam. Like, it's just sometimes it is. It is that. And with romantic partners too, I think about an ex of mine, we, we live together. At the time and he lost somebody, he lost a family member and I felt a little out of my league like I was there for him, you know, as much as I could be.


But I didn't totally know, you know, like one night he really just wanted to drink a lot of beers and, like, fall asleep on the couch, you know? And I don't I think maybe he wanted to cry and he didn't really want to, like, cry in bed with me. And I didn't God, I didn't like start a fight. But I felt if I'm being honest, a little slighted, like, why didn't he want to be with me?


Why doesn't he want to sleep in the bed with me and let me comfort him. And it's like he just didn't. And it's like he wanted to get drunk and be and sleep alone that night, you know what I mean? And like, deal with his pain. And I think that if I'm trying to kind of give advice from something, I felt like I didn't really feel the right way that I should have, that I would I would feel differently now.


But it's like trying not to take those things personally. Like, I kind of I did take it personally and I'm like, how, you know, that's a that's a selfish way of thinking, too. Like, this person is dealing with a really serious loss. They can do whatever they want with that grief. And I just need to be here and accept it. And, you know, we've talked about this, too, of like the level of uncontrollable sobbing hysteria.


Like, I don't know I don't know who can really handle that. My mom I called my mom like your mom, Lisa, like you. You saw me all snot nosed and and sobbing.


But, like, I can't imagine if that was like my new or a partner. I almost felt like lucky to be able to actually be alone in that moment because it's if there's anything I can recommend the most, it is to, like, let that pain out of your body. Like, you have to let it out. You have to feel those feelings. You have to cry and scream and do whatever.


And it's an uncontrollable amount of emotions. And like, I hope that anybody you just have to let that happen. And I hope that you're not embarrassed in front of a partner to do it. No, I think that weird were about before is the point is to just feel supported and support in so many different ways and different avenues and you get support differently from different people. Right. So like the girlfriend I have, it's going through a really traumatic breakup.


I'm not the girl that's going to probably sit there and be like, fuck him. And he's a piece of shit. I'm a little more rational. I'm the kind of person that has years now of like psychological training and reading these books and having people on our show and talking about trauma and rejection and heartbreak. And I'm the person is going to talk to you about those things. And that's the kind of support you can get from me. If you want somebody to sit there and be like, fuck this person, that's a different friend.


And so just like in this situation, you're saying there's friends that maybe like me, you just wanted some support to be the gatekeeper, somebody else you want to try to you know, you've different people for different things. But as long as you feel supported, I think that's all that matters. You've built the structure around you to have that. Yeah, I totally agree. I can tell you this. Damn, I got I will never forget it.


I like I'm glad that this person said this. I feel really honored. But like, I can't I want to cry every time I think about this girl I got to get this is on me this time. And she said, I just have to put my dog down.


And as he was like going, I didn't know what to say. And I just said, Say hi to Dewey for me. I'll never forgive her. Why is that like this? Oh, my God. Like you were there with her, you know? OK, so I want to share some things to wrap up that they help someone that's grieving with the loss of a pet. I mean, any type of grief, it may help, but just kind of pet specific to my experience.


So like I said, the number one thing I can tell you I think about grief of any kind is to let it out your body. It lives in your body. It has to come out, let it out. Obviously, sweating it out works for me. But like the crying, the screaming, like whatever you feel the need, just like let that shit out for me. I like love to look back and look at pictures and videos of Dewey like day one.


Like I know that's that's different with everybody. It's too hard for somebody, especially when it's like a human. But like for me, I'm just like I love that he's memorialized in all these photos and videos. Take all the photos and videos you can. I wish I had a five minute video of Dewey sleeping and breathing. I wish I would have taken it. I know that sounds creepy as fuck. I don't have it. I wish I did.


I had shorter videos of him sleeping and breathing, but like I wish I had like a full like I wish I just I can't tell you enough. Like, the limit does not exist to have all these pictures and videos on your phone, like put them on a hard drive, save them whatever you need to do. I just really think that you'll want those and you cannot have too many. I did get to be cremated. I have his ashes in this, like, keepsake box and I'm going to spread some of his ashes at Dewey Beach on the 4th, which was his Adoption Day birthday.


So I'll let you guys know how that goes next week. I think that'll be a really special thing to do and really say goodbye. I hung this painting of him. We did the Dewey Ride with Bobby West Side last night. Like someone messaged me and was like, I just love that you're like memorializing him and like, I lost my dog recently and I just I want to be more like grateful like you are and like memorializing him than being sad.


I'm like, no, you do it all, like, be sad, be grateful. You know, I'm just trying to, like, know that he's still with me. Feel grateful that I had him for so many years and so many healthy years. And just like as cheesy as it is, like look for those signs that he's always around me and just kind of like keep him in my heart, you know what I mean? Like, I have those sad days.


I have those hard days, I still cry, I still cry myself to sleep. Some nights I feel the void all the time. I mean, I am alone now in my home. You know, you're not alone when you're in your home with your dog and now he's not there. I would talk to him all the time. So it's tough. I have journaled. I really recommend journaling, just whatever, you know, memories of them or your grief process or whatever.


Just put a pen to paper or, you know, fingers to keys on your laptop and just really write some of this out. And there are resources like therapy, resources and whatnot. There's an Instagram that Lisa recommended. The handle is pet loss psychologist Dr Katie Lawler. She specializes in pet loss and grief. Give that a follow. Some of the MEEMS will make you cry, so just make sure you're ready for it. But Pet Loss psychologist and just remind yourself that it's OK to feel what you're feeling.


I mean, this is such a cliche now, but it's OK to not be OK and know that and know that grief comes in waves and eventually you can really just focus on your mind and trying to shift your mindset. We talked about that with Tuesday a few weeks ago, and that's, you know, where I am at is trying to really keep that keep a more positive outlook. Just feeling that gratitude for the long life that I had with him and just knowing that he really is always with me.


And eventually I will probably foster maybe adopt rescue another dog. Of course, I know that will never replace Dewey. But, you know, I'm so passionate about giving homes to dogs in need, and I do want to do that. I'm just not totally ready yet. So that will probably happen down the road. And for people that are ready right away and they want to get a dog soon after their dog passes to really fill that hole in their heart, I pass no judgment.


Everybody's really different when it comes to that. I just personally am not ready yet. And, you know, I got to let it be known that I am a foster fail. I fostered one dog that was doing and like so I just don't know. I feel like I'm not really sure I can do it. I don't know how people give that back. I don't know. I think I'm like, too crazy. But the last thing I say is that I really love talking about do we I love reminiscing with my friends and my family and the people that knew him.


I love people sharing their memories of him. You know, he was really so special. And the outpouring of love and support and people expressing their heartbreak over this, I think was a testament to, yes, me people cared about me, but so much a testament to Dewey, just how much joy he brought people, people that didn't even know him. I would get messages all the time of like when I'm feeling really down or anxious, I'll just watch Dewey's highlight on Instagram.


Like, that's just so crazy to me. He was just he was so special. And I love that people still want to talk to me about him. I mean, we all know he was Rayna's first time she walked a dog, you know, like you can so that you wouldn't you try to go home.


You tried. But, like, I just I love talking about him. I love that you guys got to see him. I think it's insane that I had this dog that we would bring out on stage. In front of 1500 screaming people, and he would just be like, whatever, like, I just can't I'm thinking about it all the time of like, he was such a star. He was born to be a star. He would just walk out 1500 screaming people, strangers, petting them, killing strangers, petting him.


And then he just popped right down. And we did like a toast. And everybody was screaming like there was no one like him. He would just be hanging out in the green room. He would I would be like, nowhere to be found, get my hair done. And he would just be like hanging out with people like he was the fucking coolest. And, you know, Matt, my brother has sent all these videos that I didn't know he had.


And my parents are just like, you know, his his old sister, Caitlin, has just you'll find some video of her like him running down the hallway when she was sitting for him and sent up to me, like, this stuff means a lot. And I think sometimes people don't know if you want that. So it's always good to ask, you know, if someone's doing fine, you don't really want to send them a picture of their dead parrot or something like that's not probably the right thing to do.


But like, if if if they have said it's OK, like I said to Caitlyn, like send news any time, you know what I mean? She was like, do you care if I send you, like, old photos and videos of Do as I find them? I'm like, absolutely, I love them, you know, I want to remember him. I never want to forget his face. I never want to forget his little nose and his his like like breathing at night.


Like, I just want him to live forever. And I'm thank God for Instagram and their highlights. But like that's me personally. I want to look at videos and pictures every single day and like feel like he's there with me.


God, keep sending him to. And I just I want to say that, like, you've taught me a lot recently and, you know, I've learned through a lot of this that there is no wrong way to grieve and there's no wrong way to support somebody that's grieving. And, you know, I was impressed by your your poise through all of this and how much time you took and thought you put into it. If you decided to hop on Instagram outside of the bed that night and cry on Instagram.


Sorry, there's no there's nothing wrong with it. Some people want to grieve like that. You didn't. I thought that you just really you took a lot of time to think about this and process this. And I was really impressed the way you went through it and how many people wanted to just like love and support you also. And you should be proud of that. Sounds I think I've done a pretty good job, like healing. And it's like with the help of my friends and family, it's like the thing I hadn't gone through something like this and who you need them more than ever.


So like we say all the time, like build this life of these people that you love and you support and that love and support you back and they will help you get through it when you're in need. So I love you.


And before we close out the door conversation, my very favorite memory of Dewey ever was town hall. Last year at Christmas time, you sat him down, walked around the stage. We did a toast for everybody. Fifteen hundred screaming fucking people. And he just sat at our theater at our feet like a king. The king, he is unbothered. Dog barking He was running up just to touch him like he was Jesus. It really it was a really special moment for for us.


Yeah. Well, good. We want to talk about we're doing it. Yeah. So to wrap this up and this is your idea and of course you guys like really deliver. And we asked people that are going through grief how they've been supported or how they've supported somebody else. We obviously covered a lot of stuff in the episodes. We wanted to highlight the really funny, unique, different things you guys can do. You guys always, always deliver.


So we just have like a lot of one liners, good ideas, creative things you guys can do and always. Thank you, guys. We love you and we love your support. So many of you have reached out, emailed us, messaged SDM Daschle. So thank you for that. Yeah, it's I said this a couple of weeks ago, but I'm so, so grateful and thankful for for you guys for like the snakeheads and like some of the messages were just so beautiful.


And they just were like all the snakeheads, like, love you like it's just I felt so like loved by this community, like it was just such an outpouring. And again, I can't respond to everybody and I'm sorry if I didn't get to them, but like it just there were they were all amazing. They were just all amazing people. Funny stuff about do we like and just I don't know, it's cheesy but like I like the people are like he's up there right now, you know, doing whatever, like, you know, like I just I don't know.


I love it. I'm constantly amazed by our listeners and how smart and funny and cool and just fucking awesome you guys are. So thank you guys. Do you want to start. Let me start. Yeah, I'll, I'll kick it off. I'll read a few and the we'll to switch back and forth. OK, sending them affirmations every morning when they wake up every morning. You're a bad bitch. Looks that food delivery gift cards. Because the last thing anyone who is grieving does is remember to eat.


That literally just reminded Jenny Jones sent me a fifty dollar post mates I haven't used or said anything that was Baykeeper.


Jenny was like, Jenny was like, she sent her flowers. I was like, now flowers are over.


We've moved into the food delivery part of the grieving process. I was sorry. I was already wine from people. I was like, we like Pinot Noir and we like Muscatatuck. Don't worry about it. Oh, my gosh. OK, we're in a different state. So I had brunch delivered to both of us and we ate it together on face time. Wasn't really. Oh, my God, I love that. OK, I always ask, do you want comfort or solutions?


That's a good way to ask. I like. That how can I help you right now? I don't like because it makes somebody have to think and do work, but do you want comfort or solutions is a great way to put that. I think that sometimes I, I lean towards solutions and I don't think anybody like I don't think everybody wants that or needs out in the moment. So I like I liked that a lot. Want for something like my situation, there's no there's a solution where somebody could just be like, OK, so this happened to me like this is what you have to do with the steps and listen to the five steps of grief and you're going through it's like, I don't know, can I just cry on the phone?


Did you see that? Me and I sent it to you and I was like someone texted their friend, like, hey, when I come over, can we just sit and cry for an hour?


And the friend was like 100 percent OK. I offered to punch the next person who told them everything happens for a reason. Yes. Go off and stop saying it's going to be OK, match their mood, acknowledge it's not OK now. Right now. Yeah.


Food. Don't ask if they want it. Just bring it and take the time to make it yourself. Donate a tree to plant in memory of the person. I love that. So again, my friend Ali sent me a card from the Arbor Day Foundation, said ten trees have been planted in Dewey's honor, which I just I like that because it's like you're an adult. Is like what? I love an amateur arborist. I'm a tree fetish and it just like adds to his, like, legacy.


Hmm. I love this next one. A lot of girls said this. We had all of our friends pitch in for a massive gift box of things she loves. So books, wine, candles, snacks, blankets, robes, facemasks, body wash, skincare. I love this idea. After a breakup, after a loss, after loss of a pet. I just you know, if you can crowdsource a couple of friends and send something like that I like, how amazingly special is that?


It's got a little spotty for them. I mean, who doesn't like to just hang out a little bit? I asked you what you thought about this or my mom's dog died. I got her a life sized pillow of him to hug when she's lonely. I think you got to ask maybe. I agree, though. I asked you. I asked you what you thought. I don't you know, I used to joke that I wanted to stuff.


Do we just have him here? Really great people for a second. He's so beautiful. It's just out the door. All the guys just stop rolling. It looked like a taxidermist. And then she came to my house every morning to walk my dog and me. Oh, my gosh. Rheinhardt, read the next one. You know, you want to know if the dog is to die for this?


I suck their dick more than usual. I'm just gonna stay second because clearly this is probably about a man that you're dating. I just picture like my boyfriend, like, crying about.


And I'm just like I know that, too. Like, I feel like most people in trauma situations don't. I'm just like a raging hard on I guess maybe you slips something.


I'm going to say this, I think read the room on that one same thing with the dog pillow. Yes. I, I can't imagine somebody really wanting their dick sucked.


But honestly, this is a girl after my own like, OK, I babysat her kids so that she could have a nightmare self that anything like that just pick up the pick up the slack I guess. Just lend a helping hand like get some stuff off their plate. How many more how many more idioms have I going to use. OK, drove her around and screamed song lyrics until it hurt a little less. That's a good one. But if you already have a headache from crying, I'm going to tell you that's really not the best option.


OK, the room I showed up did her dishes, thrown a load of laundry meal prep for the week and left. I love that. And like when I was, I was read a few articles about grief and like, that shit really matters like that because those things weigh on you so heavily when you're like I all I can I can barely move. How am I supposed to do the dishes? You know what? How am I supposed to do the laundry?


You know what I think of he's just not that into you, even though we hate that movie. But Ben Affleck shows up and starts like doing the doing the dishes. Yeah, he will marry her. But he did. He did though. OK, my best friend flew across the country on New Year's Day after my fiancee ended things with me on New Year's Eve. OK, I had like three of my best girlfriends immediately start looking for flights and then remembered like, oh, it's a different time.


It's a different time. A handwritten card can mean a lot for something like flowers, which are also good. I really I really love that for anything.


Handwritten cards. I thought about video card. I didn't, but I might have done it.


I think my friends and I went chips making sure someone was always with her. I love that. And when my fiancee left me, my friends did do that for me too. I had a friend at my house all day and all night for like two weeks and people bringing me food, bringing me alcohol. Just listen to me cry and I will I will never forget it for the rest of my life.


I could not love that anymore. Like, again, if someone's like, I'm telling you I want to be alone or you need to respect that. But like setting up setting up that group chat to like schedule shifts to be there for your friend is like, oh my gosh, it's so important. It's really bothered me to people forever. Like, it's something I'll just never, ever forget. The rest of my life, boxing equipment, gifts to help them blow off steam, I thought that was like really creative.


This is somebody that's just like really, like you said, needs to get out of their body. I wrote a song in honor of the person's life, made a donation to the ASPCA in memory of my friend's deceased pet. This next one, I thought this was so beautiful. After a traumatic birth, my friend sent her cleaning lady to deep clean of my house so she didn't want to do it herself. But she paid somebody, which is just like.


But that's that this is the stuff I'm talking about, I think. And especially like I'm not really talking about myself. I'm talking about other people that have lost, like someone in their household or, you know, that's just like take care of that stuff for them. They don't want to do it. That when we had to go to the hospital, I couldn't even call an Uber. I was I called you just like sobbing and like, you have to you have to take care of me right now.


And, you know, especially somebody with kids. I can't imagine them dinner. And then, you know, I always like to close these out with a special one. And, you know, somebody said sometimes you just have to show up, sit in silence and hold their hand. I know. I thought it was sweet. I tried to hold your hand, but you would text messages or send.


Oh, no, it's just sometimes you just, like, sit there with them, like and I think you even say that. You say like, hey, can I come over? We can just sit there. We can watch Bridgton like we can. We can put on some mindless TV, we can watch Sex and the City. Like, you don't have to talk to me. Like, I just want you to feel that I'm here for you, you know?


Yeah. And just telling you, I'm telling you, like, I like if you just tell somebody like when your best friends like if you just need to call me sobbing and cry and you can do that, you know what I mean? Because sometimes, like I, I mostly tell that to my mom, but I've had points where I just I feel like out of control and like I just have to call my mom until it gets better. Yeah.


Jesus is done. The phone deal with it. I love your mom. We even talk about this in the episode. But your mom constantly checked in with me every five minutes. She was like, I'm really worried about her. Should I come there? Is she OK? And then I started preemptively just checking in on her and just be like, listen, she's OK. You know, I talk to her, she's doing better. She got a lot of flowers.


Your mom and I were on constant patrol. It was cute. It was cute. Yeah. So we hope this was helpful. Again, you guys, we know there are different types of grief and deeper, more manageable grief, and we really do plan on still talking about that down the road. We know people have lost people due to covid and there's so much loss and hardship people are dealing with right now. And maybe some of these things helped and maybe they didn't touch it.


And maybe we'll talk about it more down the road.


Yeah, I hope you guys liked it. Thanks for sharing your truth. Oh, my God. Thanks for letting me talk the whole time. Stop my time. OK, while this episode is obviously in memory of Dewey, the third member of this podcast, The Spirit will live forever in the House studio. And we have an incredible episode for you guys in a week. It's about orgasms and talking to your pussy. And so we're going to get right back on track and we're going to have a brief episode for a while.


So we're going to bring it back next week to your regularly scheduled sex programming. In the meantime, you guys can get tickets to the Valentine's show this week on The Eleventh Girls got epoch click on live shows. We can't wait to see who is going to be epic. You do not want to miss it at girls. Got a podcast on Instagram at Access at Reinhado Greenberg Girls in our Square. Got it on Twitter and YouTube. Dotcom slash girl's got to eat at the merch.


Sign up for the email list and we will see you next week. Talk about your pusses. All right, guys, have a go with you bitches on Thursday night, Thursday. See you Thursday, Barbara. Hi, guys.