What's your first impression is of me, right? That's on you, that's, you know, who knows what you're projecting that day if you're in a good mood or bad mood? You know what I mean? Like, I can't control that.

Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girl Scout. You have a son and two, we have a son two weeks day before the 2012 election. It's a lot of feelings. I have to disconnect from the news a little bit. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about how we're feeling. But we have some partners that will help you deal with it. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Tacoma, for supporting girls. Got to eat. Are you struggling to sleep?

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OK, all right. Before we get into the dumpster fire that has been the elections, the election season, the last four years, like the last four years, some of you, a few of you been asking what we voted for. A lot of you been asking. I know I've been undecided, but I made it. I got there and I decided on this body. Email us and say we need to be more clear about who are voting for didn't not happen or did I imagine that that sounds like a dream we have we get like that wouldn't happen.

But did it probably happen? Big announcement, huge. Probably the biggest announcement ever that anyone's ever given has driven growth. We have all new merch coming out. It is so beautiful. It is more beautiful than anything we've ever done and probably more beautiful than anyone's ever done. We had an incredible designer. I don't know if I want to help you. She is still her. Yeah, but it is all new, gorgeous sweatshirts, hoodies. We have all kinds of cute home stuff with a bucket hat.

We do have a bucket. I get a bucket and a mop and a fanny pack with you. You can wrap yourself in a girl's got a blanket, lot of stuff. Yes. There's so much of. It's absolutely beautiful. We're so proud of it. You can go to our website. Girls got Epocrates, Dotcom or girl's got to eat dot krolicki Pakistan shop my shop or store.

Go to your Nagato. Yeah, I'm so excited to. This stuff is so incredible. It's so awesome. We just did a lot of new designs and you might be thinking, I feel like I heard this not too long ago, but we you know, in all honesty, we we made some changes with our merch arm of the business. covid really affected everyone that was sending things out in terms of delays and apparel and where you get the items and things like that.

So we know that some of you guys order stuff before and you may have experienced delays, but we have really worked hard to make sure that that's not the case. Again, we've tweaked things. We've really strived to make sure that we have like a really streamlined, easy, speedier shipping, cooler items like all the things. So I hope you guys get take a look and and shop it up. And, you know, if you experienced delays before we apologize, you know, it's just one of the things of like the state of the world.

So it's fixed now. So no worries there. Yeah. No crazy delays. I'm obviously we're not going harp on this, but there can be days we're going to keep you guys posted in terms of holiday deadlines and when you can order stuff in order some as early as possible, order yourself a voting week gift. Yeah, but it's really cute. We have man stuff as well. If you're a man fan, we you name and I'm very truth.

We're really just so proud and excited about this one. Yeah. So I, I'm just so obsessed, like, you know, I already wore all the margins, so I'm just going to like get so much more.

All I'm going to do is I'm going to have a phone case, my blanket, my fanny pack. I'll never wear the pocket. Happy you go off. I'm going to go off the bucket, I, I'm going to get the laptop sleeve. I mean, it's going to get serious. So, yeah.

You know, we had to make some changes and we did. And we're back again with another another March launch drop. A new march. I thought so. Look, look for that on our website. We're excited for you guys to check it out when you get it. Tagus and your queue picks. Yeah, of course. And we have such an incredible episode today. We're going to keep this in short, because this episode, it's so our guest is Nina Parker, who you definitely know if you watch TV, I mean, she's what?

On E she's on E nightly pop e d'haiti. No filter.

I like Access Hollywood, the insider, TMZ. When I was writing her bio for this intro, I was like, I have done nothing. Oh, love hip hop.

She's like she's been on the red carpet for whatever. She's just she's been everywhere. And I gotta tell you, I was like. Tininess, we already talked to her, obviously, we did the interview with her and I was editing it and I just was like, it's so long. Like almost every guy's like like a little behind the scenes for you guys. There are some, like, chunk that comes out, right. No chunks come out like every single thing.

I was like, oh, I'm sure this next thing I'll be able to like, tighten up kind of a little bit. Nope. She had heartache after heartache so much really great fresh dating advice. And I mean, she doesn't really call herself a dating expert. A lot of us just like kind of the way she views the world, a lot of stuff that you just need to hear, you know, and like with a different voice, you know, she's just really funny.

She's really great. And so I just I implore you guys to listen to the whole episode and like, it's just going to keep coming, like the the hot takes and the advice and the good shit's just going to keep coming. So we talked about a lot of stuff with her that we have covered in other episodes. And I feel like all of her takes her fresh dating apps. Want to touch a person what to talk about what she went through a breakup.

We talk about that. You'll listen to the episode. You guys are here. You guys are here already. So just get locked in. OK, but while we are talking about guests, I have something to show you. So a former guest of ours sent this to me just for us, like she sent the whole studio address. So she sent three things, like one for me, one for you and for Dewey, I guess. And it's like you.

It's right here. You haven't looked at it yet. You look so cute and adorable. Like it looks like Christmas morning. I'm excited. I don't know what to say. OK, we feel it on the podcast. Oh, I guess I'll just make you guys who who it's from first. It'll be easy, but who did I want to be friends with the most and we chat out of town and then Abedian moved away.

And so now if you go visit her in Vancouver, she did ghost us out of New York City. She actually did try. And we were trying to hang out in the Covenant, whatever. So she's great. Brega boot camp can't recommend one year ago, exactly one year ago, one of our favorite episodes, one I like most life changing episodes per our listeners. And Amy Chance at this does so she has a side hustle you're about to see.

She's not just like the breakup guru. She does little some extra and she did it for us. OK, the paper was.

I'm speechless over what this is. I need you to explain. OK, so yeah, so she is she does doodles her Instagram is Anie Doodles, OK. And she does like customized doodles and she made one for us. And it is the most intricate. It's everything. I don't know how to read a few things to get its picture right. And I work hard like we're animated. And then it's like all the things around us that she doodle that we like, say the things we love.

There's Duey, there's croissants. I mean, it's so incredible. She has Reyna's thirst drops and it's pointing to the book sapience. Yeah. Like that. So everything about us. Yes. This is the most thoughtful, incredible, interesting, cool thing I've ever seen. Like will she do this for people like for gifts. Oh my God. So that. Yeah, yeah, yes. She says, I mean, gosh, now we're going to blow up.

But she's like she'll commissione so you towards this would be the greatest birthday gift. Holiday gift, most thoughtful thing. I feel like I'm going to go and frame this and put this on my wall. Well, we have we have three. So I have one for you. This is my one of my most flattering things. At the top of mind is this channeling RBG and there's like all of you know, and then in the corner it's the Internet troll and then it says Death by churro.

There's a churro going into the troll. Ah, IP Verizon FiOS I hate on Friday. Oh I hate Uber now, but restaurants that serve shrimp with tails on it.

I know.

My God, everything's my Chex Mix and my beige carbs and then and the neighbor I fucked, he said when he comes over to my apartment I got a I know, I just I'm having like a real treat that you baby too soon.

Oh, my God. I have to show this. That guy. Of course she is this guy.

That's his big dick energy. He looks like he's like nineteen. I just want to say, do you see do eating a taco. I'm going to I'm going to go home and just look at the rest and I study it. I can't wait to frame this. I just want to say, like, I feel like I want to cry when I think about this. Like the greatest gift like this show has given me is like the people that like it's brought into our lives and like we were like, no people that do stuff like that.

I'm like I mean, obviously, like my friendship with you and our audience is so special. But like the guests that we've had on the show, like we would so much work and time and energy and like vetting people for you guys and making sure every week is different and interesting.

We only give people a platform that, like we really think are doing something great, but we're all going to be like, oh, my God, did you see I don't like anything on my butt. Did you ever see the guys? We're going to take a picture. That's what I know. She sent me she sent me the digital to thank God. So we'll post it where she did because she's amazing. I know. So I'm so excited.

I got to show you this. And I opened this while I had something plain from calm and I had a real moment like you cry.

Did you cry? I got, like, really emotional.

It had kind of like a weird day. And I'll tell you what, it was on the call map, so stay tuned. But it was like my favorite type of music was playing. I looked at this and I was like, who really? I had a moment. I can't recommend this. Have I also have to like little quick things to tell you. First of all, I was like a little late coming over here today. That's because I ordered food and I was waiting.

I listen, it's soup season again.

Oh, my. So, you know, supersymmetric this soup is my truth. How OK, do this on an already too long episode, a three hour episode. God damn it, I can't believe you bring up soup now. I told you we got to keep it short and now's the time. I going to wait until next to three up about soup in three minutes and already it took a long time to get them. I wanted to taste all three of the soups.

I'm stupid, Hochuli. I ends, I go home and eat more soup. Soup is my favorite thing, girl. We know I listen, I actually I can't believe there's no soup on that. I'm going to talk about soup the entire season like it's uterine cancer season every week. Soup Updatable. It's my favorite food. Eat it. It's my favorite hangover food. I'll eat at eight in the morning when I'm hungover. When it's 90 degrees outside of hungover, I'll go get soups and saying I thought it was super hard.

Yeah, ok. Then there's other quick thing I wanted to tell you and then we'll move on. I had a really funny experience, my dad the other night. So the World Series was this week. Well, we're recording this week. It was last week technically. And I'm talking to my dad about baseball at my dad's my dad's favorite thing. He dragged us to season tickets to Pirates every single year. My whole life. I hate it.

It's like being tortured.

So we're watching the World Series and he's talking to me and he's like, I got to tell you. And he, like, lights up. I've never seen him, like, giddy, like a child. And he's like, the best day of my life was when Bill Mazeroski hit the home run, the winning home run in the World Series. I guess it was like nineteen sixty. I looked it up. It's nineteen sixty. They he hit a home run.

He played for the pirates. My dad like went with his dad and he was like it was the greatest day of my life. And I was like it was. And he was like just you can tell he's like going back in their brain and I'm listening anymore. And he's like yeah the best day of my life. I'm like, you can't think of any other days. That might be a good day. And he's like, Now you don't understand to the best day.

By the time he starts sending me videos of the World Series, you may watch three different videos of the home run. Couldn't hammer at home enough. I was like, not in Ireland and I were born now. He was like, I mean, this was the best day. Well, you know what? Probably he was being honest. Yeah, it wasn't that wasn't Alison people, you need to stop lying about the best of your life be when your kid was bought.

You're that's not. I'm kidding. People probably do realize it, but your dad does it. And that's not true. And that's true. I'm not mad at him for it.

That's my favorite person in the world. I feel very loved and supported if he wants to pick that day. Yeah.

Honestly, if that wasn't the best day of his life, the day that I was born, I blamed my mom a little today and that's on her. My mom said he brought a flask sorry, a handle of whiskey and a whole loaf of white bread and smoked turkey to the hospital and just sat in the waiting room, just got drunk and made sandwiches. Right. Like, I don't know. I mean, yeah, like you have your kid or whatever, but you're also you're at the hospital.

Who wants to be at the hospital. It's stressful.

There's fluids and goo and there's a baby like, no, I'm not. I get that. I get that. It's special. But I do respect someone not saying that because they feel like they have to. He really doubled down sending me the videos. He's like, now, you don't even get a good angle on this one. You got to watch the others. Just black and white old videos from nineteen sixty. That is so funny. I feel like so many guys, so many like men have that like some stupid sports event.

That's the best thing that ever happened to them. It is. I read about this. It is widely considered like one of the greatest moments in sports history. It is. It is the greatest moment in the World Series, the greatest homerun. He hit the home runs like when it I don't care about the. But it is widely regarded as one of the greatest moments in history. And he was there with his dad. I know, right?

You really falling asleep while I'm telling you this. But it was better than the day that I was born. Yeah. You know, I was excited to tell you that he was he was misty eyed and pretty excited. He barely remembers my birthday. My brother has to text him to remind him that it's my birthday. Listen, it's mid-June. There's a lot of Gemini's in the best day of my dad's life. It can't be. It can't have been.

That was July nine. Nineteen ninety five. I can't even believe why that was where we shot my mom on one time. And we can we can talk to her about her birth story because I was a nightmare. And of course Matt was just perfect. Pop right out of my mom's labor for twenty four hours with me to lay on her stomach. She almost died. Almost died. It was all thanks. I was not the best day of her life.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't blame her. I'm like ill. It is funny. It's like you can't think of anything else that was better that day. Thanks for sharing your truth. I'm glad that was a story about your dad that wasn't about him knowing how you, like, sucked a dick or something. You know, he already knows that. He knows all those things. So we we can't ignore the fact that this episode is coming out in November 2nd when whenever you're listening to it, maybe you're listening and it is the day before the election.

Maybe it's Election Day and you're trying to take your mind off what's going on. Maybe it's the day after. Like, we don't know what's going to happen. Like, I just kind of wanted to address it. This isn't going to be some political PSA. I think we've done our due diligence there. I think we have spread the message far and wide. Most I'm sure a lot of you guys have already voted female in if you did early voting, whatever it may be.

But we still at least want to dress it like talk about how we're feeling and I guess in this moment. So it's a few days before obviously we're recording, but I voted on October twenty eighth. It was so easy. I don't know. The voting place is on my street. I walk down there. It took me eight minutes in and out, like, I don't know, like also a few friends who told me that that was really easy for them to.

But I saw people like wait in these long, hour long lines, three hours in Upper West Side. I saw like I was just like, man, I had a really good. So that was my first time voting in a presidential election in New York City. I felt really proud to do it. I had a great experience. I came home, I took a third job, and that's my truth. I was the most important thing you did that I was take the photo without your pants on.

Of course, for sure. Trash. The first time she did vote blue, you know, Trich voted for you did vote for Donald Trump in 2016. And I believe even the character Chris has been swayed. She's still a registered Republican. But, you know, she did vote for Joseph R. Biden for president United States for twenty twenty. Listen, bitch, you can go back to being a Republican in four years. Go right back. We don't need you.

And for you, we just need you now. But I did. Yeah. I just people asking a lot of you, but ask a lot of you guys. I've been asking Ashley and I are voting for Choose Politics, so take a guess. Yeah, no, but she does this time she did the right thing. Yeah, I it's a very emotional week. I have been like I will say, I feel like personally for me I've done the wrong thing, which is to be locked into the news.

Twenty four hours a day, all day. I think it's really important to take a break from that stop to walk away to do some mental health stuff for yourself. We are going to do some mental health stuff and address that. But just, you know, it's important to shut the stuff down, talk to somebody who, like, read something funny, have a glass of wine and relax and not be. I think at least for me, it makes me a little crazy.

So, you know, vote, get out there, do the right thing and just try to stay. Trim it a little bit, because I know the tensions are high and we're all fighting with our family members and others, that this is certainly the most important election in my lifetime and maybe in any lifetime. I'm so just we're proud of you guys. You got involved in tagging us in your voting stuff. You've been showing us your stickers and your everything.

We're so proud of you guys and this audience. Please continue to do that. Let us know what you're doing on Election Day. And, you know, we hope that the right candidate wins. And that's Joe Biden. Yeah. I mean, I just I feel like I want to just, like, be honest about how I'm feeling. I feel like my prediction is that deep in my heart, I feel that Joe Biden is going to win.

And I think that it's going to be a long road to the current president accepting that. And I think we may be in for some unrest in this country. But I am aware there is another outcome, and I don't know that I can say I'm prepared. I don't know if any of us are fully prepared for what a Trump re-election would look like, but I am aware, and I didn't really feel that way in 2016, I was that naive, cocky person like Hillary's got.

There's no way in hell Trump's going to win. And it really hit me like a ton of bricks. I did not handle it well, so I at least feel more prepared this time around. But it's also so devastating that we have to be prepared for something like this. But yeah. So all that being said, we will dive into it more next week. We're going to see what happens. But like, I just want to really validate anybody that's like I'm scared, I'm anxious.

We don't know what's going to happen. We think we do, but we don't. We didn't know before. You never know. I thought I knew four years ago and I remember going to sleep that night. It was so arrogant. I was like, I go to sleep at ten thirty at night. And the reason I woke up to a world that I just never expected to wake up to. And I remember calling my dad, I was crying and I didn't go to work and I got to the subway and everyone in New York was crying on the trains.

And I just think that at least now I want to feel like I have a little more control over the future. We all do. And I we've seen record voting. You know, we've seen people vote, 85 million people vote as of yesterday where we are recording.

I'm at early, though, so it is really amazing and astounding. And that gives me hope that people want change. Yeah, I'm but I think you're right. You know, we have to just brace and just hope for the best. Yeah. So we'll just wrap it up there and talk to you guys about it next week, honestly. I mean, we're going to break it down. So we're going to we don't know what the tone will be.

We're going to keep it positive still. And if you kind of assess what we feel like people are feeling next week and talk about some coping mechanisms, whatever the state of the world may be, maybe that'll be celebratory. Whatever it is, we will talk about it more in depth next week. So we'll see. We'll see you on the other side. I should I might be living on her parents farm at the end of this, but I do feel confident that it'll be a few weeks before we get a winner anyway.

So you won't have a lots of weeks to think about this and talk about this. We'll talk to you about it next week, guys. But, yeah, good luck out there. Yeah. Make sure you voted. There are still people. I mean, it's crazy because like everybody I know has voted, it's still funny. It's still Election Day is tomorrow. Like, as this episode comes out, tomorrow is actually election day at everybody I know is done.

Did it. Yeah. All right. Well, before we get into it with our amazing guest today, we just want to thank a couple of our partners up top and our roll right into it. Yes. And we want to talk about partners that will help you sleep at night and help you guys stay relaxed and stable and all the things. OK, I'm so excited. Talk about calm again. We've talked about them before. It is an app to improve your sleep, which is one of the most powerful ways to improve your overall health and happiness.

One of the really cool, unique things about calm is that you can it has this a library of bedtime stories. And there's people like Harry Styles, Kelly Rowland, Laura Dern that read you stories. You go to bed and that's kind of like one of their cool features. But I want to talk some more about some of the stuff that's in the music library today. So I have like three things I want to touch on. I love you prepped for the ad.

I probably out of my notes because I'm just like I'm so obsessed with this lately. So I've talked about and these are things that like if you want to know how I use the app, like this is how I use it. First of all, the meditations are great. Like if you wake up and do a meditation, you start your day. It's incredible. There's guided meditations, can't recommend enough. But my three favorite things on calm are obviously the rain on leaves extender mix curated by LeBron James number one.

Obviously, that's actually that's actually body type. And this is my hands down. Every night I go to bed, I fall asleep. It's in the music. It's called water falling. The pictures like this, like waterfall I'm not big on. I love, like musical classical music during the day, which is also in calm. But I to fall asleep. I like more like ambient sounds mixed with like water. Sounds like I'm just kind of like specific.

Every night I listen as I fall asleep to it, when we like, when we've traveled it's like what I bring with me to like soothe me to sleep. It's so incredible. And then my third thing I want to mention, I mentioned this before. It's that is the Keigo Golden hour Carmex. OK, that exists. Yes. So if you don't know about me, cargo's my probably my favorite musical artist. Like I listen Ichigo all the time.

I'm always on COGA Radio Kegerator on Spotify. Pandor, like, that's my favorite type of music I'm so obsessed with, with Keigo and like Kago Radio, so this is like a mix that you've never heard unless you're on the call map, like designed specifically for calm. It's this beautiful music. No, like lyrics or singers or anything. It is the most incredible mix and I just like love it to wind down at night. Maybe it's like an hour or so long.

And that's what I was listening to. And I like to open this thing from Amy and just had like such a moment. So the Tigo golden hour mix, I cannot recommend enough. But again, you guys get in there and listen to the sleep stories that got him into tape. Meditations like this will change your life. I promise you. It will help you sleep better if you haven't been doing anything like this, like really helped me. I can't live without it now.

So we want to give you guys a discount. Obviously, for listeners of the show column is offering a special limited time promotion of 40 percent of a calm premium subscription at calm dotcom aguy that's 40 percent off unlimited access to CALM's entire library and new content is added every week. So get started today at home. Dotcom, sluggy, that's called the dot com ciggie. I was going to be able to do what I like. I didn't really grow up doing so dirty.

And then just another thing to make you guys feel better. You've heard us talk about it before. It's feels which is premium CVT delivered directly to your doorstep. I love this introduction. They wanted us to read. They always say, like, I love this, but it says, do you experience stress or anxiety or chronic pain or trouble sleeping at least once a week? You're not alone many times. Do you know shit? It's twenty. Twenty.

Yeah, we all need all of these things as badly as possible. CBT is something that I started getting into a couple of years ago. People swear by it and they use it all different times of day. I like we know people who put in their coffee in the morning. I know people that just take a little bit of a night, obviously, to wind down. If you guys have never taken CBT before, it's basically an oil. You place a few drops under your tongue.

You really feel the difference within minutes. And if you guys don't know about it, if you're not sure about the right dosage, feels really great. They offer a free CBT hotline and text message support to help guide you through your personal experience. There's a million different companies that sell this out there. I really, really love this feature because I don't know, there's a million different dosages and you've no idea, like, what each one's going to do to you.

And that can be a little frightening sometimes. And I think it's great that they offer this kind of support and it's real human support. It's feeling better naturally, which is really great. So it naturally helps you feel better, like there's no high, there's no hangover, there's no addiction. It really can help you just sort of like get back to center, feel a little more calm. It'll naturally help you reduce stress, anxiety, pain, sleeplessness.

I've tried all the different dosages. I personally take the highest dose. Yeah, I take it before bed. It's like really it helps me sleep. I mean, the CBD, the feels combined with the app, like done and done and like all of my Buffi, that in my head looks not just the whole thing, but like I really have come around on this. I wasn't doing it at the very beginning when they were partner of ours.

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Right.

All right, guys, we have a very special guest with us in the House studio today. She's a pop culture expert. She has worked for TMZ, The Insider Access Live, VH1, Love and hip hop and E live from the red carpet. She is currently the co-host of E's Nightly Pop and dating No Filter. Please welcome to the show, Nina Parker. Hello.

Hello. Hi. That is a long resume. And I was like, have I accomplished anything I appreciate?

I'm like, I would have done some things.

Where's your book and your movie? And I say, it's common. It's covid. Do you get stopped a lot on the street, like do people? Because I feel like at this point, whether you're a religious watcher of a show that you do that you just know your face like I feel like do you get a lot of like where do I go? I do get recognized a lot. You know, a lot of people recognize me from my voice, which I don't think my voice is distinctive.

But I will literally be in a store and maybe I'm talking to a friend and someone will turn around and they'll know me for my voice, which I don't feel like it's especially different. But I get recognized by my voice a lot, which is so funny and I've been recognized with my mask on, which freaks me out because I'm like I'm like I'm not all that noticeable. But I was in the store a couple of weeks ago and I looked like it's always when you look crazy.

Yeah. Like I was like, I'ma just run in here and get like three things. My hair was like on a lopsided, but I had like, you know, sweat stains and stains on my sweats with, like, coffee on it. I was like, I'm just running here. And this girl was like. And I was like, oh, my God, you're like you have been mistaken for someone else, that's not me.

And she said my whole government name, I was like. This woman said her Christian name is so interesting, but, yeah, people people love their entertainment show, so I guess that's just comes with it. You could have fooled me.

You look so polished, put together. You've got your fancy coffee cup. I don't blame you. I film this morning. So trust and believe if I have do my own hair makeup, it would have been a whole different situation.

Well, I just love that we got the fancy mug like I know you. I'm drinking. This is like two glass mugs. That's it. Everything else has faded writing and missing handles.

So I brought my fancy, but I feel honored. This was a free glass from our brewery. That's my glass. They're just free. I got this recycled water bottle out of the basement.

It isn't good like a catcher. Like I had some friends over and there was a guy and I made him coffee and he was like, this is really nice. And he was asking me where I got it. So I feel like it's like kind of a man catcher. OK, very visual. Write that down. First tip of the interview, they play like they like the the pretty coffee mugs.

They feel like you can take care of them, like you can be their mom.

Right, exactly. OK, well let's I mean, let's start there.

You give amazing data device critiques, all this stuff. Do you want to talk about.

Amazing. Oh, all right. Let's back up. Why don't you break it. You give dating advice. Really? I just tell people that they're acting crazy. I get this advice as much of a talking to imag that person that's going to be the one who tells you you're acting a fool. So I don't need advice if you want to, but more so. I mean, with dating no filter, we're just observing. So it's not always the most healthy advice in the world.

It's more observations. I never call myself a dating expert. I would say I am a dating expert in observation.

Well, that's what you need sometimes just someone on the outside, because when you're in it, you don't know that you're acting crazy. You're like killing it. And then people watch it from mainly mainly the men, too, because they always think they can win it. They always think they killing it. They think they killed it. When they send you unsolicited pitches, they they think they're killing it always.

They're the ones who made the reality check the most in our and actually in my marriage, she is the one that's like, bitch, you're acting a fool. I said her attacks the other day. I was like, I'm going to send this to this guy. And she was like, is this just for me or are you going to actually send this to a person? Yeah. Or was this just you brainstorming or is this complete? Are you ready to roll with it?

Because that needs a lot of work. We're going to write this the same way. I have a best friend who, like I call her like my reality checkers because I'm always like, is this crazy?

Most of the time she says, yes, so. But you need that. No. Yeah, I think tons of stuff is a good idea. And then even a week later I read it. I'm like, maybe I should have waited an hour totally. And I'm a very impulsive as well. Like when I'm texting and things, I'm impulse. And then I'm like, oh, I should have waited. OK, I'm hot head some time, so I'll just wait.

I would just say and then later I'm like, oh, I should have done that.

What you're like on drugs when you're heated or like yeah it's like it's your brain and believe in crazy. Yeah. It's just nuts. It's not even the same person but we start, we jumped in like a little too happy. But we want to back up and talk about you and kind of your career. I mean, what we're going to get into all the dating stuff and we have our listeners submitted some stuff on their dating profile. OK, we ask them, we'll get to it.

But are you proud or are you is this a cry for help? And so we'll read some of those for you. I love it. But you have obviously such an impressive resume.

And I don't know, I read some articles on you. I'm super familiar with your work. You seem like you have a little bit of like a starter from the bottom story. Like, where do you work? You were like working in a call center, right? Yeah. How did you get I mean, you know, it's it's a long road. You don't need to tell us your whole life story. But, like, I think it's super inspiring.

Like, how did you get to where you got it?

A blessing and a prayer. You know, it's crazy because I did go to school for broadcasting, so I did go to broadcasting. I did get my start at a local NBC in San Francisco, shout out to KRON four. But I kind of dropped everything to move to New York to kind of person my dreams in broadcasting and didn't really know what I was doing and kind of came back to California with my tail between my legs because I really didn't put in the work that I probably should have.

I was in my early twenties and really arrogant and just thought like and I did really have the skill. I just think that I didn't have the experience, nor did I have like the the wherewithal to hustle the way that I probably should have hustled. What kind of helped groom me to get that hustle was getting a regular job. And when I say regular, I just mean out of my career, like it wasn't what I went to school for.

It was just kind of like this is a nine to five that I'm going to do. So I started that at a call center and it was only supposed to be a year. And that ended up being like four years. And I was just extremely miserable. And, you know, my mom was just like, you know, you don't need to keep doing this. Like, you could just leave. You could quit like I did. So we came to L.A. one weekend and I found a place to live and I just started hustling the way I didn't before and ended up landing a job at TMZ.

It's like super bottom, like at this at that point, I was in my late 20s and I was just like, I don't know if this is going to happen, because in your 20s, you're so judgmental about you think you're supposed to be somewhere and you're just like, it's there's no roadmap. Like late 20s is really young, but a lot of times we're conditioned to think, especially as women, like by the time we're in our late 20s, we have to be married.

We are ready for the kid and our career has to be solidified. So I was really beating myself up and I was only twenty seven and I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do.

And then I just started hustling and found it like a little place to live and just started working and ended up landing a job as a P.A. at TMZ. And that's really kind of how my career started. I wasn't even trying to be on air, but they just heard me being crazy in the background and talking and talking shit about whatever. And they were like, well, we have this show that we're doing. We want you to be on the pilot.

And I was like, no, I don't want to do that. And they basically forced me to do it.

And it just kind of kick started my career in TV. Oh, wow. So you were forced onto the screen?

I wanted to be at one point and when I moved to L.A., it was like every girl like you live in L.A. and you turn on the local weather and the weather.

Girls looked like Playboy bunnies, like they looked.

And you're just like, this is just the local station, just like the local affiliate, L.A. Riverside. I like what is going on with like, why do they look like this? Because, you know, I'm from the bay and they look like, you know, your auntie. Yeah. But in L.A., it was like a whole different ball game. So I was like, this is not I'm I'm a plus size woman. I was like, this is not the world I even want it to be.

And I was like, this is too much. But the one thing that I did like was that, you know, the show that I was on was more alternative. It was more real. It wasn't like glitz and glamour. And that allowed me to really shine because that's not really what they were looking for. So when they say there's a line for everybody, there really is. And it just allowed me to really just be myself look, the way I look and people really resonated with that.

And I think that's really at that time was when the trajectory of everything in entertainment started to change, where people started to look for more substance as opposed to like just read what's on the prompter in your pretty dress. Right. I love that.

That was everything you said. I know. It's like I feel like at twenty seven I could barely pay my rent and I was like, what am I doing. I was like in the going in the right direction sort of. But you look around and your, your friends like my friends from college had or one ks and then I was just like is this, am I late, am I running late on your life? It's just like, you know, there are people I have a friend of mine who's just finishing law school, and she she was in her 40s, you know, and she just decided that that she wanted to be a lawyer one day and started a whole new career.

And I so I don't think that I mean, our life, God willing, is going to be long. And, you know, you can have multiple careers over a span of a lifetime if you if that's what you so choose to do. And there's really no one who can tell you what you need to be doing at what age, especially because there are certain people given resources that we don't always have. So I just, you know, to my ladies especially, I'm like, do not if you're only deterring factor is like I'm too old or, you know, I should be here right now, then that's that's not an excuse because you can people are out here getting it at any age.

Absolutely. And I think that just because you look around and you see people, I guess we'll keep using age twenty seven people are twenty seven and have a house that have a husband, they have a kid. They seem to figure it out financially or career wise. That doesn't mean that all that stuff can't go away tomorrow. People start over all the time. And yeah, I'm the same as actually I don't really like hit my stride until my late twenties.

And I think that it's weird to look around and be like that.

One person has something, it's like theirs and it's, you know, the Instagram culture, too, you know, of like everybody has to be perfect. And that's why when we before we started this interview, I was like, I'm pretty much an open book.

I'm pretty transparent just because I feel like there's just such a lack of that, especially in entertainment. Like I feel like there is this need to be perfect. And I honestly think that's one of the reasons why. And as much as we like people talk shit about the Kardashians, I think that's why they have so much longevity is because they show everything, whether it's being cheated on, whether, you know, it's it's losing an endorsement deal, whether it's a divorce, whatever.

I feel like, you know, even though people like to watch it, it's still like when it's so often we've been conditioned on TV, there's only a certain type of lifestyle. So I think people resonate with just seeing, like, flaws these days. Yeah. Do you do you feel like you love him? You could just be like, absolutely not. Fuck now, but do you feel like you looked around at those other girls on those news stations that were like Playboy bunnies, that I made you not apply for certain jobs or.

I've never not applied.

I never. So I've always just had this feeling of just like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Like it's been even when I was working in the call center, I would be telling, like, my my the person like the cubicle next to me is this guy. I would say, like, I'm. They had like the computers, there were locks, you couldn't see anything on the Internet, but we could get CNN. So I would be on CNN Entertainment all the time because it was the only thing we could get on the computer.

And I would be reading stuff and I'd be telling him, like, I'm going to be reporting on this stuff one day I got my degree in this and he'll be like, girl, whatever. Like he would tell me all the time.

Like you write like you're in here for two years, like he would, you know.

But it helped fuel me because even then I was like, I know I'm supposed to be doing something else. I'm not doing it right now. But when I go to bed, when I wake up, I'm always thinking about this thing. I'm going to make this happen. It just was more of a matter of when I was ready to really have that real confidence in myself. But it's, if anything I've ever wanted, I've applied for, even if I didn't get it, because I was just like somebody going to say yes, like I just knew someone was I was like, somebody is going to see me.

For me, it's not this bizarre. Like somebody is going to see it and they're going to want it. And it's just a matter of a matter of time. I just always believe that. I think it's like so important that you look into a field where you're on TV or you're on whatever you're on. And you were like, nobody really looks like me or whatever that may be. And that's exactly why I should be doing this. You know, like I there's a there's a hole here.

It's rough when you're one of the first, you know what I mean? Because they were older black women who were doing television broadcasting, you know, somebody like Oprah. But they're more like me, you know, like a lot of young, thick, black women, you know, that we're doing like entertainment reporting, entertainment. Reporting to me was always reserved for the double zero women.

Julianne, you know, know she likes Star and yeah, you know, I was like but also I never felt like I was getting, like, the real from anybody.

I was everything was perfect. Hollywood was perfect. They were perfect. Everybody look perfect, perfect, perfect. And I talk about how much Spanx her. Why is nobody talking about what they did after the awards show? Like where do these conversations? Because that's what I talk about my girlfriends, you know? And so I just decided that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it in a way where I felt like real women could relate to me.

You're so right. It's like, you know, why do these conversations have to be so milquetoast all the time? Right. Well, that's why don't you, like, go crazy for Jennifer Lawrence when she says, like, one thing or, you know, like anybody on the red carpet like that is kind of in that box when they say something crazy, they just said what they did that day. They just admitted that they had a slice of pizza.

The whole world is like, oh, my God, they're so real. Yeah. And also just a representation as well, because sometimes when you're at these award shows, for me as a black woman, there are people who are who have been famous, like for me, Taraji P. Henson before Empire. Before all of that, I knew her from baby boy, you know what I mean?

When she was grateful to me. But there were a lot of people who didn't know about her. So to be in an awards show a few years ago and nobody would stop and talk to someone like her, to me, she's ageless. To me, that's like this is an A-list. But even five, ten years ago when people were like, who's that? She was A-list to me and two people in my community. And so to be able to be on that carpet or show and say this is important to include was a really big deal, too, because it wasn't always that it was intentional omissions.

Sometimes people really just genuinely didn't know and help educate that as well. So the next time, even if I'm not there, you guys are going to know who this is. So she could be represented for other people, too.

That's what's so important. I thought about baby boy, that is. I know.

Go I think that I saw in the baby boy, the condo I saw in the theater. I want to be clear. I remember seeing it in the theater, but it's like big time responsibility. Yeah, that's a classic.

OK, but we want to move on and talk about D'Haiti no filter, which Pnina, you star on the show. And just so you guys know for watching Dana Filter, season two is coming back Wednesday, November 18th on E at 10:00 pm Eastern Time. So we just got to plug it. But yeah, I mean, right now we can't get enough of the show. Basically, you watch people on dates and then you just do the commentary roasting them, which is an absolute dream.

And we want you to we'll talk about like what people are doing right on dates, wrong on dates, things that you see that you're like, no, don't stop, please stop this. So we'd love your expertise in that. But if you wanted to talk about the show for people that have never seen it.

Yeah. So basically no filter is and this was all done pre it. So it's going into I guess this would be the third season of it. So when we filmed it, they, they kind of like the the first film, all of the dates. So all of the dates get filmed. I think it's probably like twenty different dates and then they build a set and then you come on and at six comedians, two to a couch, we sit on these couches and we, we watch our reactions to the dating.

So it's almost like you're kind of chilling at home. And you know, this is if you guys were at home, what you would be screaming at the TV? That's what we do. It's supposed to be six comedians. It's really five because I'm not a comedian. But they put me on the show anyway. You're funny. You're a comedian. Yeah. I'm comedian, comedian adjacent, you know, and so they put me on the show with another comedian, my, my my couch mate is Karen.

She's really funny. And we just kind of watch these days and talk about it. People seem to love it. It's something that's, you know, you can really binge. You can catch the older episodes on demand if you kind of want to catch up. But, yeah, it's fun. It's lighthearted. It's not centered around celebrities. It's just regular people trying to, you know, find love. And then they are like, it's blind, right?

It's a blind first date. It's a blind date. Some of them go left. A lot of them can go left. There are some love connections. But, you know, it's like it's it's kind of rare this day with social media for things to be blind. And so they can't out the person's social media before go creeping and try to find like you meet for the first time on the date. And we and we see it.

Do you it is very rare that these days I mean, I was doing I have met one of the guy friend run a background check most of the time. And then because he is like he has some sort of program, I'm taking you on doing the background checks.

My girls are like, are you fine in any situation?

Like I'm that person I know the whole time I'm on a date, I'm like, please don't bring up the thing that you're not supposed to know. Please don't bring up everything that you should not have from 2016. And so you see people do this. Are you picking the locations they go on their first date? I am not. No, I think production does. So they pick you know, usually what it is, is they meet they have an activity first.

So they'll do ziplining or they'll do painting or something like that. They'll have an activity. And then from the after the activity, they go out to eat ziplining. It's like too much for me.

For me. I'm not trying to be in a harness. It's something has gone wrong. The border right. One of its later activity. And then the other person will pick like the dinner. So sometimes a person picking the activity is like we're going to go, you know, build a house on the beach. And the other person's like what I like. So that's how you see some of the conflict, because they're like, this is not my thing.

Like, you know, they shut down. So that's part of the fun of the show, too. Yeah.

I don't want to build a house on a first date. I want to do it. Yeah. I don't want to do much manual labor first. We're going to take a very quick break to talk about our other partners for this episode. Then we will get right back into it with Nina and our dating conversation. OK, I'm going to pop off about Toschi. You guys know it's clean, beholds, it's always clean. The whole thing is actually on season.

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Because, again, it's a show and it's been produced and not everybody has that luxury to be like, let me pick our ziplining and then you pick a restaurant like I mean, most people these days are going out for a first date to drinks, coffee or whatever, maybe.

But in terms of like conversation, like what do you do? You see stuff across the board that goes very wrong or goes right? You know, the one thing that I've been seeing on dates is usually like asking the person's opinion of you too soon I will be watching these dates and they'll say they did the activity and then they go to dinner. And right when they sit down at dinner, somebody will be like, So what do you think of me?

What did you think when you first met me? And I'm like, OK, they still just first meeting like you've only known each other an hour or two. Like this is still out of it. So you asking this question makes you kind of weird. So I just, you know, like the first impression ask, which really is just a little narcissistic because you just kind of really are asking them if they think you're they think you're attractive. That's really what you want to know.

So I think any types of questions that looks like you're fishing or trying to get some type of security from that person that you don't know, that's a turnoff for me. Like whatever they think should matter, like your confidence should not be coming from someone else. That got to come from you. Bryce Luling. I know people really never asked, what do you hear about me? I could give it to you. What's your first impression is of me?

Right. That's that's on you.

That's you know, who knows what you're projecting that day if you're in a good mood or bad mood, you know what I mean? Like, I can't control that.

I truly do not. That's so true.

Also, it can change. Like, I don't know. I've, like, fallen in love with guys. At the first time I met him, I was like, no, never. I would never. And I don't like that they break you down.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just like that's just not even a question I feel like you should be asking. Maybe once you've been in a relationship and you guys are having a fun night out, you could ask each other that, you know, when I first met you, this is how I feel, but brand new, I feel like I don't even know someone at six months. It's I, I like that. Also, you kind of like there's some moments sometimes where I'm on a date and I'll sort of catalog it and say to myself, like, if we're still together in a few months, I'll tell them this thing.

Yes. Like I thought of like the first time we met. I think that's like a special thing to just say that. Absolutely.

But you say that, you know, tell your girl, tell you know, tell your friend like, oh, this is there are some things I think that should be reserved to geek out with with your friends that this person doesn't necessarily need to hear very early on, you know, because things can always be misconstrued. So I I'm a big play close to your chest type of person in general, though, like I'm generally more like, you know, I don't give everything on when I'm dating.

Like, I don't give it all at once. Like, I don't tell you everything at once. Like and I don't expect everything. I just feel like I'm more of a gradual get to know her as opposed to what's your favorite color, what do you like. That's just not I don't feel like that's how you really get to know somebody.

We talk about this, too, like there's a there's a time to exit and like leave on a good note and don't drink too much because that's when you start saying all that stuff like that. When you're like when I first saw you, I and I say, right. And sometimes it works like I feel like, you know, we all know what a vibe is. We all know what it feels like when you're vibing with someone. And so I feel like if it calls for it, you guys are drinking and you're driving.

And because I don't really believe in I feel like your pace is something the two of you decide. So, you know, you could meet somebody and get married next weekend. If that's your pace that you both have agreed upon. That's not too fast for me. Like, that's up to you. For me personally, I couldn't do it. But like, I don't judge anybody else's progress because I feel like connections are the individual's own thing. Mm.

I like this thing that you were saying about, like, not. But not interviewing a person, not talking about your favorite color and what you're beginning to eat, and Ashley and I have talked about some interactions on the show before that we've had two guys were like we spent hours with somebody and we never asked those questions. And it's nice to just enjoy somebody's vibe. And you still are sort of playing it close to the chest because you're offering all this information about yourself.

And I have struggled with that with like giving it all up, like I wish I was a little more private. And I do have to think about that. But I think keeping it a little lighter in the beginning is a good way to do that. And so you're not getting all these like hard. You talk for a living like you have, you know, so it's like it's it's natural for you to just talk about things and give opinions.

And I think it's natural. But I also like kind of like the exploration of like another person, like I'm a really big observer when it comes, especially like with men like I. I just believe a lot of times they show you better than they can tell you. So I'm very big on actions, movement, body language, what they do under the phone, how they set the phone up, down like, you know, that kind of stuff.

I pay attention to. To me, knowing what your favorite color is does not mean they're a good person and won't cheat on you. So I don't I mean, the conversation I could give a damn about favorite colors and where they went to school is you can have this whole list of somebody.

I dated somebody like that for quite a while. And I, I remember feeling like I feel like I'm this person secretary. Like I know this list of things that they do all day long. And I know where they went to college and what their mom does for a living. But like, I don't really know this person on a day. Who cares, you know? Right. And the only time you really can't. And of course, it's covered.

So it's harder, but it's to, like, interact with them, be out like see how they treat the way. It's like that kind of stuff is really important, you know what I mean? So I feel like it just something like that is just it just takes time. And, you know, I'm still learning because I just got out of a seven year relationship and it's it's been like a year single. So it's just been like a whole new experience for me because so much has changed since I was dating before.

So it's like a whole new crazy ass world that I'm in with everybody else. When I when I film the show, I think I was still in a relationship. Can we we don't need to get into the deep, heavy stuff of you, your breakup. But I'd love to talk about if you're open to it, like how do you get it back out there after being with somebody for seven years?

I think it depends on the breakup. You know, I think if you were like cheated on and it was like this really devastating break, I think all that breakups can be devastating if you love the person. So I think it's a couple of things. If it was a devastating breakup or like, say, you woke up on Monday, you found out he was cheating Tuesday and Wednesday you were single. That's all that's really difficult breakup because it's like you didn't see it coming.

And so you're just kind of like your life got ripped and you didn't know about it. With my situation, it was more I was unhappy for a while and I just kind of I hadn't really told the truth to myself that it was over. But once I realized I wanted it to be over, it's not that I did not that I didn't hurt me, because obviously when you say that was my friend, but the I knew that there was not going to be any type of future with that.

Like, you know, as a woman, we kind of come to these resolutions on our own. We tell a man what we want, what we need over and over and over again. And we don't get these needs met. We start to emotionally disconnect and we start to imagine our lives with someone else or not with that person. So when the actual breakup comes, we've kind of already made our decision. Like, I'm out like this is I'll try because we'll work it out.

We will. We'll do whatever we can to try to make it work, try to express it, have a conversation. Once we see it's a dead end, I think we start to emotionally pull away disconnect. And, you know, there's that saying that women break up with men like six months before the actual breakup. So when the breakup happens, you're very certain. And so for me, that's kind of what it was like. I tried everything to make it work.

And then for me, I kind of made the break. And so when I wrote, I was sad that it was an end to a chapter, but I was really kind of excited to begin my life because I had just only known this person for so long. So I just did a lot of, you know, I did a lot of soul searching and then been happened. And so really, before I sit, I know it was a lot going on, but it really forced me to, like, sit with my self, my my accountability.

I think the big thing is taking the focus off of them and putting it on you, because so many times and breakup's, we always say, well, he was no good or he was selfish or he did this to me. He he and I'm like, well, what about you, though? Like, what did you do to enable this? What did you do to can you be accountable for the things that you contributed to the relationship and then be accountable for your own healing and not focusing on what they're doing because now they're gone.

So whatever they did is done. But what can you do to accept what happened and move forward from it so that you're not the same person in your next relationship because you don't want to be back here again? And so I think for me, every time I started to think of and blame him for the demise of the relationship, I use that energy this time because we have broken up before. But this time. I use that energy to work on me and think about me, I really didn't think about him at all because I was every time my brain went that way, I was like, let me bring this back to me, because I'm tired of I'm not investing any more energy into somebody who's not in my life.

Sure.

And we said, you can ask yourself a million questions about why somebody did a thing left. You didn't behave a certain way, but it doesn't matter once they're gone, like, what's the difference? Are you you feel free to add, not answers. Are you in therapy? Because that was an incredibly therapeutic response.

I know. I was like I didn't know what I'm going to go down, that I believe in therapy. You know, in the black community, sometimes it's shunned upon. It's like you just need to go to church. I believe in church and therapy. So you should write some things away. But I think there's there's to me, like I'm a ventor, like by nature I am. I get over things by venting. And so I did not want to always burden my friends with meeting Savannah.

You know, when I first started therapy, I was going twice a week and it was extremely helpful and it helped ease the burden on my friends. So they didn't have to hear me complaining all the time. And it helped me realize what was normal because there were certain behaviors. And I was like, maybe I'm wrong for feeling like this. Maybe I shouldn't feel like this. I would beat myself up for having human emotions and my therapist would just be like, Democrazy, this is normal.

And I could still feel my feeling and not feel guilty on top of it, because I think a lot of times we have emotions and that we beat ourselves up like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I cried over this person. I can't believe I'm still I'm missing someone that I broke up with or we broke. We really judge ourselves. And she was like, this is how you're supposed to be.

This is how this is what's normal. She was like, if you weren't doing this, I'd be worried. So then that really empowered me to feel my feelings, which I think men avoid. So that's why I feel like your ex is always come back seven months later because they are just now finally dealing with something that they've been putting on a shelf month after months. But I feel like women, we just kind of dive in and start dealing with the pain, crying to our girlfriends, watching the movies, eating the bonbons on the couch and dealing with it, as opposed to like putting our feelings on the show.

Absolutely.

It's proven. It's like women just they start right away. They start day, day one after the breakup, like, let's heal. Let's let's get let's get it out first. Maybe my therapy.

Yeah. I was like, look, it happened and see with that. And for a couple of months I went twice a week and now to the point where I only do it like once a month, just kind of like a check in, you know, I feel like I'm probably mentally in the best place I've ever been. I'm in my forties now, so I oh, it's like, oh, ok.

OK, thank you for looking like that. You notice let me look like this top eight to you. Could you could she could be like I'm eighty two, I'd be like all right. I believe it's like you just you could be twenty or eighty eight I will say the twenty year old still crawl into them DMSO so you should twenty year olds now get up in there. I, I kid you not like it's so funny. Men in their twenties have been hitting on me more than men my age.

Like the last few months. It's been like what are you doing here. Like here they really twenty men are on it. It's crazy.

It's like I cannot get away from these. Twenty six, twenty seven year olds. That's just like all who hit on me, all who wants me. I'm like five. I just like leaned into it.

Right. And maybe because I don't want them, I don't know if it's like I like a salt and pepper man. Like I like that. That's sexy. But all be these little young whippersnapper tic tac shit. I don't want to hear the age limit. I need you to go. I don't know.

I would recommend it actually. And I like to fuck her guys. So I do catch myself sometimes on Tic-Tac they'll do a tick tock and I'm like, damn, this guy's hot. And then the end is like and I'm sixteen. I'm like, I'm out, I'm going to bed. I can't. It's so weird. You know what I think it is? Like I said, this really big place of just peace and just confidence and just and I think that's maybe that's what's attracting them.

I have no idea. I just also am not press like I'm single, but I'm just not pressed. I'm dating, but I'm not in a in a rush to be in a relationship. I'm just kind of like go with the flow, but I'm very clear on what I want. And so I don't know if that just attracts men or attracts confident men or what, but it's been insane. It's just been like I've just not had a problem meeting men at all, even though it's been quarantined to go off.

You know, I think when you're moving in a place as a woman, where you trying to be the best version of yourself, you attract like good things to you.

It's nothing like a woman who knows what she wants to do, knows what she wants, and even if she doesn't have it, she's making those moves to get it. I feel like people feel that energy off of you when you're walking around.

Those cocky little tick talkers feel that energy girl. Listen, they trying to get you a neat little dance. If I log on to tick tock and it's just been like 10, 20 year olds. Tick tock, house girl, call for help. Please call for help because I've lost it. You go there, I pick my house. I want to go to the tick tock house or make our own house.

I did have like a little fling with, like, a guy in his twenties. And here we go. Let's talk. It was fun. It was fun. But he was just so young. I was just like, I can't like I wanted to, like, counsel him, you know what I mean? I was just like, so what are you going to do with like, you know, it was just like, I can't I got to get out of this moat, man cover letter for him.

Maybe twenty one.

Are we talking twenty nine like house twenty seven. You know to me every, every twenty six year old I forget which is a number of them could fuck. It's weird.

I don't know they, they're, they're learning, they, they like learning like I don't know like, I mean they probably were brought up in a little too much porn but like they, they know what to do and they love, they love like a there's I will say like I was very in my twenties, I was still I wasn't like leading with like my sexual prowess, you know what I mean? I was I knew I had it, but I was scared that it would look a certain way my age.

Now, I could give a shit what it looks like to a man. I could care less how what I present to you, how it looks to you like does he think I'm this? Oh, my gosh. I'm afraid he's going to think I'm too pushy. I'm too loud. I'm my thing. I was like, kind of get weird or get lost. Like, this is who I am.

Sometimes I'm a little loud, sometimes I got a foul mouth. This is like who I am to the world. You're more than welcome to pass. I'ma be here regardless and I'm going to be thriving regardless.

So that's on you.

I'd love to kind of tie this back into, like, the stuff you see on the on data filter, because I feel like probably a large issue that a lot of women and men run into is that feeling of insecurity that kind of takes takes over, right? Yeah, like whether it's your body language or the questions you're asking and things like that, I mean, I don't that kind of comes from within.

I don't know if there's any advice really to get there, but I just I think that to be insecure with a new person, especially like if it's someone that you find, like a lot of them, they come and there's always one that might be a little hotter or, you know what I mean. So I think, you know, it may not be the guy or the girl or the other person, but you I feel like it's it's natural to be have a little bit of hesitation, especially if you're like, oh, my gosh, this guy is so hot.

Like he's got six pack abs and I got a little futa like, is he going like that? Like, you know, I think it's it's natural to be like that. But I think ultimately, like, there's nothing you can do to, like, make someone like you, they're going to like you or they're not like I think when you get caught up in this pattern of, like, trying to be attractive to them or trying to say things that please them, it falls flat.

And we've seen it on the show where someone kind of starts to adjust their behavior after they start drinking to look sexy or do things.

And the guys like that's happening. Like, she's so cool at the activity. And at dinner, she started doing all of this dancing and he was like, it just got weird. I think most of the time people can see when you're not being sincere. So, like, if you awkward on your awkward like if you if you out on it, like, I feel like we can't really hide who we are for long.

Do you think people try to lean into this persona of like, cool fun girl like dancing, which if that's you, then go off, that's not me. That would be totally inauthentic for me to be like her up and dancing and being it's like quirky girl on a date. That's not me. Like I'm not leaving. Imagine going on a date and just start randomly dancing like I laugh at myself. Like what if you don't sit down like I I am the most ridiculous black person, you know, like I'm like this is not my friends would be like this.

Stop it. But in my mind, sometimes I hear my friends on my date, so I'm just like, OK, like I'm being a little extra, you know, because I think it's natural. But it's just so funny because you see kind of people put on the bravado and it does make the show super entertaining. But TV also see everybody's insecure. At some point you see these people who are tense, acting insecure, and you're like, you know what?

We all have the same thing, you know? And so it kind of helps. It will level the playing field a little bit. I just I love that you brought this example of, like, he's got a six pack and I have this, like, little food, but like that whole, like, run on a loop in your head. If you don't if you don't, like, stop it, you know what I mean? And probably vice versa.

Maybe a guy's like, oh, she's super fit. And I got this dad bod, but don't get me started, like double standards. But I just think that's like the self talk and the like the working on yourself because those thoughts will just like run on a loop and then you're just like this really insecure, like not great version of yourself. And then then he doesn't like you because the food bite isn't like right now. I just want to say to my ladies, you'll be surprised how many men love a full body.

I don't know, because I've been in a relationship, you know, but when I came out that day, my DMS was lit the fuck up, OK? They were like. Boop, boop, boop. Like it it was it was not I was just like, oh, I get off this, I'm lose this way, I'm in the quarantine happened. And I was like, well, that ain't gonna happen. And I will tell you right now, and being a plus size woman, I think people think like sometimes if you're plus size, the man you date is going to be a bigger guy or whatever.

Every man that is hit on me. I'm not kidding. Every man that's hit on me since I've been out of my relationship has had, like, amazing bodies, like the kind where you're like he is doing too much, like almost like annoying like this.

Why do you look like that? Like you are serious and they have all loved a curvy woman. So, you know, if I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn't have been killing myself when I'm trying to. I mean, you do it for yourself, but I'm just saying don't do it because you think it'll attract them because, like, you just never know what somebody's type is. And some people don't have the type. They just like what they like.

Yeah. Sounds like you show up as this very confident, authentic version of yourself, and that's what they like. And I think that everybody has a prescribed vision of what they want their partner to look like. I do. But like I've met people that I would never like swipes on on like a dating app. But I've met them in person and found them so sexy because, like, I just love how they show up totally.

And there's certain things that are just so sexy, like confidence. You know, I really like an alpha male. I really like men who are let me know because I'm one of those girls that I'm because I'm very friendly with people. So when people are friendly, I don't I don't take that as flirtation. My friends say I'm very but my one like thing that I'm very oblivious.

So they think I'm oblivious to men that like me because I'm like, OK, and drove me home because he's nice and he likes you. And I'm like, no, he doesn't know. Like he just proposed. Like I'm just very I'm very oblivious. I really have to say, girl, I like you. I want to spend time with you because otherwise I'm just like he's friendly, he's just my friend. So I have a lot of that where if the guy is so I need a man who's very clear on his intention, because if not, I have friends on them because I just think they're being nice.

Yeah. And like Ryan and I talk about this a lot between each other, like these missed connections are like the miscommunication is off. Like I think we've all been in this situations where you like you like somebody or they like you or whatever it was and it never worked out.

And then somewhere down the road it was like, I liked you and you're like, I liked you.

And then you're like, how did we what what went wrong here?

So sometimes I just think whether it's a big believer on clear intentions. Yeah. And I will say, like, sometimes I do feel that like traditional role where I feel like if I'm showing up, if I'm putting on this makeup, if I'm here, I need you to step up, sir. And just, you know, like a little girl, I'm feeling you. Because if not, I'm just going to it's friendzone and I'm on to the next, like, I need to know what's going on because I just don't have time to play play.

So I need to know what's going on. And I need you to be clear with your intentions. And I'm going to try to be as clear as I can with mine. But, you know, sometimes you want to know, like you're on the same page and you always want to assume, like everybody wants you. So you just want to kind of like be clear with these hints, sir.

And I think that, yeah, her and I had this long conversation last week about this. I think it's scary to be vulnerable. And I think it's scary to say to somebody, I'm feeling you. I like you, like I really like you. But if you don't put yourself out there, then you might miss these people. And I, like, yelled at this guy last week in a queue. I was like, I like you. He said like he said, I just think that I thought that you were just like a flirty person.

Why would I spend all this time talking to you, hanging out with you? And he was like, I just thought you host this dating podcast, your flirt. I was like, I like you. You know, it's scary to say that to people. It is. You just got to hope that they feel it back. But I feel like the worst case scenario is to never say it and never go and miss these opportunities. And that's super disappointing to shoot your shot.

I'm a big advocate of especially I feel like because twenty twenty has been such a mess, like, you know, what's the worst that can happen. You still on your couch, Netflix and Angelilli, you're going to be there regardless. So I mean, it's not you know, you might as well say something. You might as well shoot your shot. I recently shot my shot at somebody and it worked out. Oh, and so, you know, he was like my birthday.

I just had a birthday last week, so, oh, happy birthday to you. And, you know, it was a guy I had met Precourt team and we met and we connected. He doesn't live in this country. And so he was supposed to be moving to the left. I know a girl. My life is crazy. My best friend made this joke the other day because she was like, not the most random stuff happened to you.

I didn't know you. I think you are a liar.

Like, just because I just I don't know if I attract crazy craziness, but it's just the most random things happen to me.

And so I had met this guy at Oscar party and we connected. We kind of had a vibe and we were supposed to link and like two weeks and then quarantine happens and he couldn't come back and it was all this stuff. And so my birthday was coming up in an. Actually, I was going to go to Mexico. He lives in Mexico, and so I just was we had lost contact over quarantine and I was like, maybe I should just hit him and tell him I'll be in Mexico.

And then I decided to cancel the trip, but I still text him. And he was like, that's so crazy because I'm going to be in L.A. that, you know, next week we should do watch. And we ended up having lunch. And then he was like, what are you going to do for your birthday? And I was like, and my birthday at the time was coming in like two weeks. And I was like, oh, I think I'm just going to have, you know, a couple of friends over there.

And jokingly, I was like, oh, you should come. And he was like, OK. I was like, let me make this next appointment.

And he came and did you. The lunch was a day like, did you know that was lunch a date or did you think it might be platonic? I wasn't sure, but I thought, OK, he made the offer to meet up. And this is the obliviousness that comes in, because I was like she said he wanted to me and he offered to meet because at the time I didn't even know he was coming to L.A. And then we ended up sitting like three hours at the lunch.

So I was like, I think that's good. Yeah, yeah. No, that's it. And then he was like, yeah, I'll come back for your birthday. And so then I felt like, OK, this is more than just like a platonic thing for me to go to lunch.

I'm like, are you into me or is this just like a business? So that's why that's what I was, especially because L.A. is hard, because people connect to your lot and network. You never know if it's just like you to pick my brain totally. So you're like, is this is this a date or do you just. Is this like potential networking situation? But we didn't talk about work at all. So is it you guys kind of dating?

It was like I mean, yeah.

I mean, I think we're dating now. So, yeah, it's it's like he doesn't live here, you know. Right. Right, right, right, right. It doesn't live in the US, but he's a dual citizen. So right now this is everything that's great. What better place it could go back and forth between California? Mexico sounds like he has invited me to Mexico and and he's like planning a little trip. And so I feel like I it's still like, you know, it's bigger.

Yeah. We'll just see what happens. I mean, it's covid election is coming, so I might be having to move down there with him. I don't know. But yeah.

I just love you said that though it is. What better time to shoot your shot like it's shoot your shot. Twenty twenty. I mean what is what. Who cares. I'm a guy. I've got to have so many questions to ask. First of all, just this is the easy one. Do you get because you're so friendly and bubbly. Do you run into this a lot where guys don't know how you feel because they think you're like that with everybody?

Do you find yourself kind of like what Raina said, having to be like, hey, I like you? Like does the same thing happen to you? You know what's funny? Because when I did my for my birthday, I rented I got in some girlfriends came on the guy, he came and my girlfriend.

So it was like that kind of birthday. OK, I like I like your living room. But she just has like three friends and some Chick fil A and like a little sack of shit right there. You got a yacht with a private chef. You know, I'm a stay at home.

OK, so it was such a more bigger deal that he came to that then you guys are on a boat. OK, this is like thank you for clarifying. I have. The visual has changed completely. I thought he was like in her kitchen just helping her like for that. For the wine. I may have downplayed it. It wasn't a good night. It's twenty, twenty Ventura herself. I was like, but look, I'm not going to Mexico.

So let me let me bring a little right to the trip. So I rented the shot and with a private chef and like an open bar and invited a few friends and he came. And so but during that time, my girlfriend was like, do you like him? She was like, because you just seem very like her. But I'm also very big on giving people their space, letting you just kind of navigate enjoy yourself. I'm not I'm not.

The girl is going to be all up on you like that. If we're in a relationship, then yes, I will be hooked up. But like, if we're dating, I'm very much about like we don't have when we go to a party or something. We don't have to be up under each other like you network. Do your thing, have fun, go get a drink at the bar like we don't have to be like this. So I feel like she thought I'm supposed to be like under him.

And I was like, oh, I'm on the ball, my friends. None going to try to talk to him. I know that much. So what do I have to be up under him for?

You push them off the yacht if they talk right. I'm like I too young to know better, so I don't have any problems with that. My friends know I'm crazy.

Also, it's my birthday. I'm like going to be social, you know, she was just like, girl, you need to go like grab him.

I'm like, he's here. Like I'm out of you. I am grabbing them. He's with me here. I see where I see you going.

Girl in the Pacific right now.

I think I'm doing all my dates, like in the maritime, like I feel like every time I'm just going to be on a ship just set out.

I'm like, you're stuck here and I'm half way back where we're going.

You can't go, ladies, get our boat. You put me on that thing. That's the takeaway. That's the episode title. So I wanted to talk about you. You touched on this earlier. I want to go back to it is body language thing because obviously you guys. We are watching a day from the outside, like, do you see things that just happen all the time that, you know, immediately, like he's into her. He's not into her.

She's into him. She's not into him. I mean, when when I'm looking at the dos and don'ts, I'm more like, don't do this. And so, like, I think people are familiar too soon as a big don't. I just feel like you never know what someone's personal boundaries are. So it's always good to, like, just kind of get to situations and you can let them know when you know you're interested or a light tap or something like that.

But I think there are some people who get really familiar really quickly. And I'm not I'm not about that like it, but I feel like, you know, you don't know their last name, you being all up on them, you know, an hour after you met. It's not a good look. And so I feel like it's very you can make clear intentions. Look them in there. I have a conversation. When you laugh, you want to do a little tap tap.

But I think some people go through life with it really quickly. And, you know, that's when you get the pull back because people are like, you know, not that they're not interested, but they they they need to warm up. So you have to give somebody a little time. Are you seeing that mostly from women or men or both? Like who?

Who's initiating the extra touching?

I see a lot on both sides. I would say probably a little bit more on the men's side. But I will say there are a lot of women who go on these dates and they're very forward. You know, a lot of them are very they like they know what they want. They know when they're attracted to the guy. And, you know, sometimes like we were talking about before. So a lot of people get drunk a little too soon and get a real free flowing.

And I've seen that make the date go downhill as well. So I think just kind of going just an advanced speed soon within a few hours of a date is is a big red flag for a lot of people. Yeah. And you can like the second I'm on a date with somebody and he touches me lightly, like just the tiniest little like during a conversation while we're laughing like I'm like, oh, he's into it like that. It's I think most of us can pick up on like if you are getting touched in a teeny tiny way.

Right. That person is feeling you because they made that effort to like reach out. Like if I don't like somebody, I'm like hands to myself.

I don't even want to tell you hold your purse in front of you like you keep your mouth on here. I got to tell you guys, I was on a date a few years ago. I was at a bar with this guy and we're facing each other at the bar. Right. So I'm sort of sitting between his legs a little bit. And we had never hooked up. We'd never have this a first date with the person. I met him at another bar.

We'd spent maybe 20 minutes together. Our first date, I got up to go to the bathroom. And so, like, I was a little closer to him than I had been sitting.

And he, like, grabbed me and kissed me and it shook me. I it just it was too soon for that. It was too soon. So it's not like it's we're an hour into the date. The sun hadn't really been set yet, like it was it was too much. And just as I have stood closer, proximity to get out of the seat to go pee doesn't mean that it's time to put your mouth on my mouth. He misread that guy.

Do that, too. Right now, you know the story, right? We first became friends. We went to one bar, had a free drink, then went to this other bar. And why were his lips on my lips across a table?

I was like, is this all right? I mean, I was. This is too much. It's too much. Do you stand holding. Sorry, that's holding your hand holder in general.

So I'm just like, no, I'm not. Yeah, it's that which I know a lot of people like it, but there's a certain things I like to do with my partner that like on a date on our first date especially, we don't need to do like I sometimes feel like men have a playbook in their mind.

Yes. And that's how it feels. It's like I'm going to check off one, two and three. I did this on this, but it's like, no, it's a feeling. And I think with women, we move off of our feelings. That kiss could have been perfect if you were digging him and it was leading in that direction. But it's like you can't skip one step because if you do, it throws the whole thing off and everybody's different and some people don't want it.

I like there's definitely girls out there that are like I never kissed on the first date. I love to make out at the end of the date if we've really been feeling ourself like on the street, like not, you know, like everybody's got different boundaries. So anybody that goes into a date with any sort of, like, playbook is like doing it. All right.

Oh, great. I'm a big I'm a big like there's people that I haven't kissed till the third day and there are people I have kissed three hours into the day. It just depends. And that doesn't always mean longevity. Like, I've had amazing first first dates with the guy and then it kind of fizzles out. So it's just like, you know, you kind of have to play play it by ear. That's what I think. That's like something that people just do wrong is like trying to apply any sort of formula to like a human being.

I don't know, like it's like weird, like pick up artist dumb shit. Can the daters bring their phones?

No, because I was going to say because phones are like a big thing on a date like. But yeah, we don't, they don't have those types of distractions. But you'd be surprised without the phone. There are some people who give a lot of attention to the waiter or the waitress that is kind of inappropriate, like, oh wait, I saw this clip.

You post it like, let's talk about this. Don't flirt with someone else on your date. Crazy thing. Like I said that. Yeah, that flirting with the. Just what are you doing? Why are you out of your mind? Like, can you try to. Can you come back and try to fuck the hostess tomorrow when it looks like, you know, especially like these are all first dates and I'm just like, are you that thirsty that you have to be so disrespectful to the person you're in front of that you would do this to them?

Like, what do you think they're going to expect you to do if you were in a relationship like break, even walk in and be and this is this is a first place when you're on your best behavior. So if you can't even be good this first few hours, you got to go.

Right. Also, by the way, happens a lot. I'm really jealous. Like, I actually don't mind if I'm dating somebody being like, look at that girl. She's so hot and like, we'll talk about them together. That's normal. Like, I'm not so insecure. You can't talk about somebody. And it's like the first date is like we're not there yet. Now, once we're in a relationship and we both look and we're walking down, we see an attractive girl.

I'm fine with being like she's so pretty or whatever, but when we're on a first date, I want to know that you can put your attention on me growing up. You can look me in my eye. You're not looking all around looking all shifty like the police are about to come in here, like I need to know, you know, how to act.

I love this family because they are going to be hard on you. Right. That's such a wild thing. Like flirting on first date. I don't know. It's just like get out of your system before you see the person I want to ask you. So we talked about, like body language, things to talk about. Is there anything, like, really great that you see people do that you're like, that's a pro like and you can think about it for something.

But like like a way somebody talks about a conversation or something they wore or like, is there something you're like, yes, do that.

Well, you know what I feel like the genuine compliments like and especially I like when it comes later in the day and they're just like, you know, I really enjoy this conversation, you know, like a genuine couple. There was a lesbian couple that met and they just it was such a great match because one was like kind of artsy and nerdy. And the girl was that date her was like, I love like an artsy type. So it was just like they were.

But the other girl was look like this beautiful model and they were just very opposites and they just really hit it off. I think they're actually still dating. Sometimes I go back and check their social media. Yeah, they were still posting together. They even started by things like a couple of YouTube or something like that. But it was like very genuine. The woman that was said that admittedly said, I'm a nerd, know this is I'm just a little awkward like that was seen as like attractive to the other girl.

She would never tried to hide it. She was like, this is who I am. And because she was just her authentic self, it was it seemed genuine from from the other data. And they really, really hit it off because of that. So I think when you can be authentically yourself and just kind of own that the right person will appreciate it. Yeah. And I wanted to ask you to something.

You said something earlier that made me think of this, like in terms of compliments up top, like I feel like there's a fine line of saying something corny and cheesy and also acknowledging that someone looks nice because. Oh, you were talking about I got ready and I did my makeup and stuff because I I'm bummed out as a woman to put so much time and effort into a date and not get any like not no acknowledgement know. But then there's also this line of like it's too much, I think who doesn't like a compliment or who doesn't like to be told that they look nice.

I think, you know, it can be a little much when they pour it on or if the person has like a big butt or big breasts and the guy just keeps making a comment about it where it's like trying as I say, I always try not to focus on a body part, just be like, you know, you look beautiful, you know, and then or, you know, but it doesn't have to be like a constant part of the conversation.

But you can still let them know you appreciate how they look without, like, zeroing in on a specific attribute, because I think that's when it gets creepy, like when we have guys on these dates who are just like we had one guy who was obsessed with but he took the girl to like a talking class just so he could see her. But and it was girls. It was just like, this is so gross. It's offensive. She didn't know he was obsessed with butts until they started the class.

He was like, dance in front of me, do this kind of. And it was just like, you're a full on creep, dude. Like, this is disgusting.

I will say that's a great thing to do with your actual, like, partner. My ex boyfriend. I went to a big Frita twerking workshop.

It's really a talk show up that I've also we went to a talk show, a big frita.

It was a good date, but a first date. If a guy was like, we're going to go to a workshop, I'd be like, no, we're not, because you don't know where you're going. So she shows up and she's just like, what is this place? And he's like, we're going to do a working class because I want to be so weird. And she was just like, I mean, I'm on the show, so I'ma do it.

But she was right, not know well. And then they went to dinner and he didn't even know how to pronounce things on the menu. And it was a whole mess. It's like stop focusing on twerking and get that the sourcebook. I want to validate something you said about like sort of like misplaced compliments. And you're like, where is this coming from? This feels forced. And we talked about this a really long time ago with Dan Soter.

And we. Future trepang, we're like guys on a date, they they they talk about like the things you guys are going to do together in the future. And I think that they feel like, oh, here they feel like their problem.

And they're like, well, we'll go there. You know, I have these friends. You'll meet them. I'll tell you about them sometime. Would you love like would you like to go to Mexico over the summer? That's a red flag for me. I find it a big red flag and I think it's very straight. The same thing to me is a misplaced compliment. You're like a person. I went on a date with a guy where we found out we were both Raiders fans and he was like, I'm going to fly us up to the Bay Area.

At the time they had moved to Vegas and he was like, I'm going to fly up to the Bay Area so we can watch a game. And, you know, at the time I was into him, so I was like, oh, wow, that's really cool. And then, like later, he just kind of really got really aloof. And obviously that never happened. But it was just like that. Let me know like this is to disarm somebody.

It's not to really make the plan. It's to disarm them so that they feel comfortable and feel like you guys might potentially have something to maybe potentially get what they want. So just I think women have to there are some men out there that are really about that life and really about their work. But I think very early on, if somebody is making these promises of a future or you're going to meet my friends or we're going to go do this or this thing is in November, but this July and he's like, I'm a get us tickets.

I just think you got to be careful.

You might get the tickets, but you may not be taking you know, I hate it is a huge red flag to me. Like to the point where like if it happened with a guy, I was feeling I would be disappointed because it's that much of a red flag. And I'm like, it's one thing if you fall for each other really hard and fast, that's different. Like that happened with a relationship of mine. We spent a whole weekend together.

We were like, of course we're going to date. You could write it was it was the vibe was there after three or four days, but like that first or second date and they start making these future plans. I just want to be like run like this. I it's almost like across the board when a friend of mine tells me that happen, it doesn't work out or something crazy happens with that guy like he's a sleaze. Yeah. I like the time plotted.

It feels like they're like this is what women want to hear. This is what they like. And it seems very premeditated. It's creepy to and I don't want it's not creepy every time. And some people will say authentic, but I just think it's whether it's authentic or not, I think you have to when they say you've got to pay attention. And, you know, I had a girlfriend who was seeing a guy and they had only been dating for like four weeks.

And he was she was like, well, we're looking at houses.

And I was like, why? I was like, you look at looking. And she was just she just kind of let herself go.

She normally was not in fairytale land, but for whatever reason, it was quarantine. And she had said something like, we're looking at houses where they they did spend a lot of time together. But it was one of those things where they connect it quick. It fizzled out quick. And she know and when she told me the house thing, I was like, I know this isn't going anywhere. I didn't tell her that. But I was just like, if you're looking at houses after four weeks, it just fizzled out.

Or was he like a crazy person?

She was dating other people. He's lying about that. It was just, you know, she had met him on an app and, you know, they just they started seeing each other really quickly. I mean, this is what's crazy about the story. She's probably going to kill me that I'm saying this, but she was dating him. She we both decided to join the dating app. This is mid quarantine. We weren't really going out. So we were just like we're both singles.

We're like, well, maybe we'll just try it out. I'm not a huge fan of dating apps for myself, but I have a whole nother element because of TV and it just gets kind of weird. So I just don't really do it. But I was like, forget it, I'll try it. So we both got on. She met this guy and they started dating. And so they went really quickly, I think probably like they went on a date.

This is like three weeks in and she comes home and she calls me about the date. He had a very distinctive name. So as we're on the phone, I'm on speaker and I'm going on my dating app to see what my things like.

And I'm like, girl, I think, man, just match with me. And Elaine, this is like it's a lot of people here. So what are the odds? Yeah. And so she's like, no, no, no, it's not him. He we've both decided to take ourselves off of dating apps. We're going to be together. It's not that's not him. And I was like, OK, but I'm a you to screengrab because I think this is him and I had never seen him, but the name was very distinctive and she's like, girl, it's not him.

And she gets to Screengrab, she's like, oh my God, it's him. So she's like, you have to message him, OK, yes, I like. And she was like, you have to message because maybe he friended you. And I'm like, OK, so he messaged me first before I could and he was they had just got off the date and he is not supposed to go on a date now. And he was very much like hitting on me, trying to make a plan to me, like he was very active on this app, which let me know if he was doing it with me.

There was at least five of the girls in his box that he was doing it with. And I was like, girl, like I said to the screen, I was like, I'm not comfortable doing asking anything else. I feel like you have what you need. I'm a block him, I'm a send you the screen grabs you, do what you want to do. But she was just so convinced before this. He was like the one and then this crazy shit happens and, you know, it was a huge red flag because he had told her he was off, which is like if you're seeing other people, fine.

But when a guy is lying about his status to you directly, that's a huge red flag, because if he would have said, I'm still dating, I'm still on the apps, I want to get to know you better, but I'm not comfortable just completely being 100 percent faithful and completely understand. But when Bardock says sells you a dream, I'm off the apps. I want to look at houses with you. You're the only woman I'm dating. That's a problem.

One hundred percent. And one thing I just want to say, we've had talked to so many people and I've never heard someone use the word disarm like you did. I love that so much. It's like speaking to me like that's what it is, is like whether they realize it or not. A little bit of a manipulation. I love that term. One thing I will say also, though, they could be like a really needy guy that's on the mission to find a wife that night.

Like, there's two different things here. There's like actually like kind of the liar creepy type, like the fuck boy. Then there's like actual needy, desperate guy who is like wants to settle down actually tomorrow and you'll know which you'll figure about.

The thing about men is they reveal themselves quickly. You don't like what I always say is like if if you're dating a guy, he's going to reveal something. He may not you may not get the whole hand, but there's going to be something about him that he reveals pretty early on where you can kind of discern what his intentions are. You know, it's going to be something. There's going to be something that happens. And you're like, oh, OK, this is who he is.

And I think it happens probably within that first month. So I feel like you you can see a lot of us. What we do is, though, we see we see somebody say something. I'm not ready for relationship or I'm not doing this or I'm dating. And in knowing that's not what we want and we still go forward, but we actually see the physical action of it, then we're kind of like, I can't believe he's doing this thing, because I think we always think our personality, the way we have sex, like all this stuff is going to change that thing.

And it just doesn't like you. You know, we have seen women like Haileybury, like we seen that and they still have the same problems everybody else does. It's not you. It's just what the other person is ready for. If I'm not ready to do something, I don't care who's coming in here. It's not going to change my opinion. So I think we just have to accept people for where they're at. And then you have to decide for yourself if this is something you are willing to deal with.

And I think a lot of times we have to not pretend that we're something we're not. I have a lot of girlfriends who try to act like, you know, they don't wear their heart on their sleeves. They don't care if a man's they feel like I'm a player, too. And I think we have to have the maturity about our. So I know I'm territorial. I need a one woman man. I can't have open relationship, no shape to anybody who can.

Me personally, Nina, that's not happening. But I had to go through phases and stages to figure out what was for me. Sharon is not my thing, but there are some people who don't care, you know, and I think you just have to establish what is for you so that you're not fronting and so you don't end up getting your heart broken when you're out here trying to pretend. And then you turn around and you cry into your pillow at night because you was trying to be big, bad boss, knowing that that was not in your DNA.

Well, I think it's OK to want what you want. And I just got there, too, you know, like I used to be the type of girl that was like, oh, like I'm always worried about coming on too strong just because I, I have a strong personality and I'm very vocal about what I want need. And I've always been concerned like, oh, how is this going to get perceived for the longest time? And as I was telling you guys earlier now, I could give a fuck less.

Like, I just don't like I just I'm going to say, like, how I feel and obviously with tact. But like, I agree, like, I feel like this. And I had this conversation, my best friend, and I'm like, if I'm dating a guy, we've been on three dates. And I say, I think to myself, I really like him. I can see myself in a relationship with him. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, like, I hope this goes somewhere.

I'm really interested in you. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't think you should be ashamed of wanting a relationship or wanting monogamy, like just because they're very clear to tell you that they don't want that. So you have to be very clear with what you want, because a lot of times men will say whatever until it is being applied to them because it's like, yeah, you might want to be single, but just. No, I'm single too.

So we both could be on these streets. And I think sometimes that's a that's a wake up call for them as well. Like, I think men have this thing of thinking, like they're the only man that will want you. And you're just like, no, this is I'm making a conscious choice to give time to you to return these texts, to make dates. I have made a place for you in my life on purpose. That is a privilege.

You don't have to get these tax returns or return. You don't have to make this time to meet you for happy hour. I don't have to do with you. That cannot be said there. And I think they need to know that. Right.

But the first step is like changing your mindset. We talked about this with somebody. I guess we had her name, Shann Bajram. She's like a sex change. Yeah. And she was saying that the whole mindset is like that. Women. But women admit anybody is operating out of that scarcity model and is like totally that is the only person. So if you are thinking that we've got to shift your mindset because a man will pick up on it or anybody, man, woman.

But like, when you actually think this is my one chance, I have to, like, walk this person down, they pick up on it. So it's the first step is like knowing that there's a million people you could match with and just, you know, 40 people. Yeah. And I'm like, I promise you, somebody else who you know, there are things that some of my friends do where I feel like their partner just completely does not appreciate it.

I know there are other men who would die to have their partner do that for them. So I just feel like there's like I really believe the saying there's somebody for everybody. And I definitely feel like, you know, for me, there were things that I didn't get in my last relationship that now women do it. I appreciate it so much. And I make sure that I say that I am very vocal with my appreciation to men now, because when you don't have it, when you're thirsty and you're not getting something, when you finally get it, you're just like, you know what?

I just want to say I appreciate that. And because I vocalize that appreciation, I get it back. And it wasn't something that I really did before because I took it for granted until I didn't have it. And so I think we all, you know, we all learn and we grow. But I think you're right. Like, if there is a lot people pick up on it pretty quickly.

I love that. All right. Well, we could talk to you for hours. Like, I'm just like, what's the time? Like, do you have to do anything to do or can you just hang out with us all night? But we we kind of design the segment around dating apps. I mean, everybody that's on them or wants to be on them has the same type of questions. How do I make my profile better? We've actually for you guys are listening.

We have a whole episode of this right now. What do we call it? It was like cultic, dominating the apps or something. So we've we've tackled a lot of this, but we wanted to get into it with Nina and we asked our listeners on Instagram, tell us what's been working for you on your profile or not. So it was kind of like we can kind of decipher sort of some of these are really great, the ones I really want to chat with you about.

And some of this is just like to commentate on and we can make you laugh, but a lot of these women have great prompts that gets them talked to and asked out, which I think is like the goal to, like, open up a conversation. So those are kind of the ones I wanted to hone in on. So we're just going to go through some of these and see to it. OK, this one I love the way she did this.

So a lot of a lot of stuff about politics and people just they just want to weed out the Trump people and things like that. So but I like that she said I changed a negative no Trump voters to a positive. I'm an independent, passionate feminist. I just I love that. She said I like I don't like any sort of thing on a dating profile that says, no, none of this. You know what I mean? Like, I kind of respect it, but I like that she was like flipped the way the train.

Yeah, I like that. And the thing is that she's probably still will get super uber conservative just because I feel like men sometimes have this weird thing where they feel like it'll be a challenge or, you know, if I don't she's she's not doing it for play like this is what she really means. So she doesn't have to entertain that. But I do like that she's at least putting it out there for the most part. I think it will act as a deterrent to the types that she's trying to stay away from.

Right. All right. I'm going to this next one. They're looking for someone to eat me out. I mean, take me out to eat.

Oh, that's what she put on her. Her pot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She wants to hook up. So she's not looking for a relationship if she wants to come over and eat her out.

I think it's a perfect way to achieve that. I lead with sex. If you want sex. She only want to hook up. I think to my feeling about this is that you're trying to look funny and I, I, I flirt a lot. I like I leave a sex in person sometimes I think leading with sex on a dating app, if that's what you want. If you don't want to hook up, great. But I think that men are going to read that and they're not you're not going to lead a very nice conversation.

You. Yeah, I mean, I think just you can't be mad if you get an unsolicited dick pics and, you know, you're having somebody give you that same energy because to me there's nothing worse than unsolicited dick big like I dislike. So if you don't put that thing away, like, please, please get this out of my face. So I'm that's not what I'm looking for. So I don't live with that. But, you know, I'm not mad at a woman knowing what she wants.

If that's I just don't know what her goal is with that. Is this awful little elementary to me, like it's a little immature. Yeah. OK, this this is a theme we saw that the our listeners said worked and it was food related. And here's just a feel run through a few quick ones. Someone wrote, if you're reading this, I'm probably hungry. She said this got me a boyfriend. To my logic, my love language is chicken tenders.

So many guys offer to bring me chicken tenders or take me out for chicken tenders and in a relationship with pizza but willing to make exceptions. I got so many answers. So, I mean, Brian and I are podcast is called Girls Got to Eat like we're all about the food stuff. So I think, like, anything where you can open somebody up, like, totally my love language, chicken tenders, of course the guy is going to be like, So where's your favorite nurse?

Can I send you chicken tenders? You know, I had I think on one of mine, it was like, what do we like to debate? Or something like that. And. I said New York versus LAPD tacos with which coast has the best such and such. I put that on mine and I got so many responses to, like, men like, of course, L.A. is better or I'll take you to the best taco spot. Or, you know, you should go to this place that has these tacos in this little hole in the wall.

So I had a lot of men who, like, genuinely wanted to debate me, but it ended up turning into like a fun conversation about, like our favorite places to eat and things like that. So that actually did work.

And then you have the opener for the day, like you have the opener for like, well, you've never been to my favorite taco place. I got to take you right in, especially when it's simple food, when you're talking about chicken tenders, tacos, pizza, when you start talking about other things. And it's just like, OK, where is this going? So I kind of like city. Keep it basic. Yeah, OK. Recently added My love for mustaches responses have exceeded expectations.

So she just wrote on her profile, I love mustaches. I think the guys thing that's funny. I think that's like an opening line to be like here's this one time I had a mustache.

Yeah, I think that's super cute. And it's specific because mustaches don't get the love. The beards are getting the love, you know. So, you know, it's it gives the mustache. It's not every guy can grow a beard that connects. So they must feel, you know, I know a lot of them can get a mustache. No one can get a beard. So like that opens your playing field. If you put I just love beards, that's all you're going to get.

I just love it because it's a compliment already. Like if a guy with a mustache is like, oh shit, I already have an in and it's not something that's like derogatory. Like I love big titties, you know what I mean. Like if someone or some guy was like I like a girl with freckles, I'd be like, oh well I already have those. Let me slide in here as opposed to like I like like a body part, like kind of like it feels like it's an instant kind of compliment.

OK, this one I love I think Kyenge maybe the prompt says like I'm looking for and then you answer it. So she said she wrote golf lessons and so many guys have slid in there and offered to give her golf lessons. And she says lessons are expensive. And I really do want them. And I found a lot of guys give them to me for free.

So she's getting golf lessons on top of her hustle there. Is that making a guy feel needed? You can appeal to something he knows how to do, like stuff like that. Like, yeah. And I think that's a great idea when there really, truly is something that you love and or have a curiosity about that, you know, you're like, hey, I've always wanted to do this. So I think it's like if there are certain types of dates you like going on, I think you can position your questions to kind of give the hint since, you know, I mean, people may not know who you are.

So if you give a hint about, you know, loving to play pool and you want to perfect your pool game being like, you know, you know, I'm looking for a pool shark or something like that where it's like people can say like or, you know, maybe you like gamers like kind of positioning it in a sense where you give them an opportunity to kind of show you a part of who they are, too.

I think that's always fun and just like making it easy, like I feel like we keep getting these. Oh, we see a lot of like, yeah, guys are supposed to take control and everything like that, but some of them are nervous to ask a stranger out, like why not make it like the easiest, like opening apps, you know, sometimes they get scary. So it's like you're finally there and then they still kind of don't know what to do.

So just give me that extra push is beneficial.

Yeah, we say all the time. I mean, your prompt should provoke conversation. There's other one that we wrote down. My bio is I just moved to NYC. Let me know what your favorite bar is. That is such a great opener. It's not like aggressive. I think the people get wrapped up in trying to be funny, but that's such an easy opener. Like put things there that will create conversation easily for people. Totally.

And listen, a lot of us, you know, it's just like funny is relative because like for me, I like sarcasm and I put that in my bio, you know, I was like, what attracts you? And I think my first thing was sarcasm. And I had so many men who attracted some girls who thought they were they were sarcastic and funny. But it also attracted a lot of guys who kind of kind of remarked about sarcasm and witty things as well.

So, you know, it's just like I think the more specific you are about those little quirks, the better. Yeah. And she also added on there, I met my boyfriend this way and got a bar recommendation. So what better way to like now you have when I first moved to New York and I was going on dates, guys would take me to these places. And then I have all these places that I know about. And then I would take future guys and they'd be like, you hear the days like I stole all the day places.

Like I always say that to when I take some, but I'm like, I mean, I see you here with nobody. I mean, I see you. This is my territory.

This is a great one to Hinge asks. And again, you can also I think Bumble does these now to where you have the prompts. They lead you into it. She says it's like never have I ever. It's something along those lines. Never have I done something. And she said, I've been to Costco. I get so many responses and offers to take me.

That's what I'm saying. Never been to Costco. Yeah. Yeah. Not to go. Oh that's a good one. Someone said chick fillet for one of those like just whatever it is like if it's a crazy thing someone said I've no. Rising Star Wars like things like that that are normal and you haven't done them like instant opener and invitation for sure, I love that. I like this because I think everybody can relate and you can come up with a creative answer and somebody can give you a creative answer back.

So the prompt is best gift I've ever gotten, she said. Ornaments, which I will tell you guys abetters. But and she said men love it. They are like Pawni Christmas tree ornaments. You know, they're like Santa are like Mrs. Claus or their teddies out all the Santa to Christmas.

We'll send you a whole box of them in my apartment.

But I think this is a really creative way that you can say something funny, display your personality, and then you can sort of test like what there if somebody is like socks, I'm like, oh, we're not vibing a thousand percent.

I mean, that's boring, too. It's like I mean, who hasn't gotten some wacky clothes for for their, you know, for Christmas. But I love that. I love the rant. I'm very attracted to randomness, like the random shit that happens to people and then being able to talk about it, like I just think it's so funny. So I love that she she put that on there even, you know, and it adds a little like gives a window for some flirtation with that type of thing without it being too gross.

Yeah. I think you can kind of do the math on what a tournament is, but like we only know that because we know the brand, like a lot of people would be like, what is that? And then you talk about and then you're being and I love that rain. I mentioned socks too, because this one is her most. Penge asks you your most controversial opinion and hers is I love sleeping in socks. I get so many responses.

I sleep in socks, don't at me. I do my feet get cold. But here, see now you guys are invested. So my thing here is the same thing.

Now you're talking about a bedroom. Now you're talking, you know, you're going to go back and forth. It's not like you're good. You're not debating a political candidate. You're not going to get heated about socks. So it's like then you're talking about, well, I don't know, I get kind of cold at night and then the guys like, you know, it can get flirty without being be flirty. I love that. And I love that because if you did, I don't sleep with any underwear on.

That's too overt. Too much. Yep. Socks is perfect. I might actually use that. That's really good. Yeah. It's still the point of to steal all the best opening line is a hotdog, a taco or a sandwich. Ashleigh and I debated this forever about that on an episode in February, March.

I, I feel like a taco is a taco.

Nina, what do you think about this is. I don't think a taco is either. I feel like it's in its own class. Me too. But I definitely don't feel like it's basically it's a taco.

If you read the technical description, it's a taco.

I like it now. I want to talk to us for dinner, but yeah, I feel like it's it's crazy. But I love, like, the super controversial things. Like I feel like with black people, like it's like, do you put sugar in your grits or not. Like that's like a bit of a controversial thing, you know. So I feel like you could put something controversial about food or like fun fact. I hate mac and cheese.

Changed my mind like that kind of something like that, where people are like this is blasphemy. You know, they might be mad, but then they're still messaging you about it.

We yeah, we saw someone she opens with. We don't need to dwell on this because I have when I wanted to and she said, what's your favorite potato? That's a great way to open, you know, like fries, mashed, whatever. Like just get the conversation going. Everybody loves to talk about potatoes, I think. And then this is just one I love. Like, I feel like a guy can't really pass this up that you can't beat me in a game of one on one.

She said dudes loved it, always wanted to take me up on it. And the same thing. You can do this with bowling ping pong for. Yeah. You know, like anything that you can't fold a fitted sheet, you know, like, just like little like nonaggressive Rallen like challenges I think are going to attract the conversation, especially because I think men in general are just competitive.

So something like this. But I also think doing competitive things with your partner is really fun. So I think, you know, it just already encourages, like, a fun activity. Yeah.

Oh, we could talk to you literally forever. We kept you for a long time. This has really been so great for us. I can't wait to text Ashley about you after we shut down. Yeah, we we know that we want to find you. So tell people when your show premieres nightly pop is on Monday through Thursday so you can catch us Monday through Thursday, sometimes eleven, sometimes eleven, thirty, sometimes the changes. But either way, you can find us in your local listings on Monday through Thursday nights and then dating no filter will be back in November.

And my Instagram handle is WMS Gossip Girl. That's IMSA Gossip Girl. And that's on pretty much everything. That's how you find.

OK, well, thank you so much for taking the time. This is such a great conversation. Thanks for opening up to us about everything and giving us all the dating tips. And this is great, you guys. So much for having me. I had so much fun and you know where to find us girls.

Got a podcast, dot com new merch girl's got a podcast. Instagram ash has Randy Greenberg and Instagram girls underscore got it on Twitter and YouTube, dotcom slash girl's got to eat. We'll see you next week. Have a good week, guys. Guys.

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