The therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy Hardin Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. And I can't wait for you to join the conversation. Every Wednesday, listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care, and we'll see you there.

Hello, this is Laverne Cox. I'm an actress, producer, and host of the Laverne Cox show. Do you like your tea with lemon or honey? History making Broadway performer Alex Newell.

When I sing, the Holy Ghost shows up. That's my ministry, and I know that well, about me.

That's the tea, honey. Whoever it is, you can bet we get into it. My guest and I. We go there every single time.

I can't help it.

Listen to the Laverne Cox show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

Does your brain keep you up at bedtime? I'm Katherine Nikolai, and my podcast, nothing much happens. Bedtime stories to help you sleep has helped millions of people to get consistent, deep sleep. My stories are family friendly. They celebrate everyday pleasures and train you over time to fall asleep faster with less waking in the night. Start sleeping better tonight. Listen to nothing much happens. Bedtime stories to help you sleep with Katherine Nikolai on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If you're feeling stuck, move your body. Studies show that working out naturally releases serotonin. And maybe right now, you're moving your body while your mind is moving. And that's great. But if your mind is stuck, move your body. And if your body is stuck, move your mind. The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty, the one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to on Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so excited that you're here right now. You're investing in yourself simply by showing up. And I want you to acknowledge what a big win that is, that you're prioritizing your mindset, you're prioritizing your growth simply by checking in right now. Now, I'm sure that overthinking has slowed you down, has wasted time, has wasted your energy for years and years and years, and maybe you've been trying to do a bunch of different things to help it. I'm hoping that this episode is going to help you learn why overthinking may not be as bad as you think it is. I'm here also to help you with tools and habits and practices that are going to help you overcome the unhealthy sides of overthinking.

I'm also going to give you some great insights on taking action and making shift and change in your life by more deeply understanding what overthinking is, how it works, and why we struggle with it so much. Remember it. If you want to break through something, you have to understand why it's breaking you down. So let's dive into the research. A study of 2000 people discovered that 68% of adults admit to overthinking. Another study found that overthinking is especially problematic for young to middle aged adults. 73% of 23 to 35 year olds and 52% of those aged 45 to 55 overthink. Now, when you break this down further, women are significantly more likely than men to fall into overthinking and to be immobilized by it. 57% of women and 43% of men claim to be overthinkers. So the first thing I want you to recognize, as I always do, is you're not alone. You're not alone. And the challenge is so much of society has set us up to be an overthinker. Now, if you think about the kinds of things you overthink about, and I sat down with my team, I was asking some of my friends and family, and the top things that came up, the less serious ones, were things like social plans.

Do I go or do I cancel? Right? How many of you have ever sat there for the whole week trying to figure it out? And you might be that person who messages last minute and says, guys, it's canceled. It's over. I'm not coming. I am coming, whatever it may be. But social plans is a big, big one when it comes to overthinking. Another one is our appearance. What are we going to wear? How do we look? Do we really want to get that tattoo? Do we want to get that new makeup product right? There's all these questions around appearance that we overthink about. Now it starts to get a bit more serious here as well. You have things like leaving your job, breaking up, and notice how all of these, we can all vouch for the fact that we've over thought about these things before and they seem like valid things to think about. Finances is another huge one. And then going back to the more daily ones, you've got things like social cues and exchanges. You're worried about something you said or you're worried about something you didn't say. You're worried about how you came across in an interaction at work.

And now you're worried that that person judges you or assumes something about you that you don't believe is true. Or maybe you texted someone and you didn't get the tone quite right, you didn't think it through, and now you're concerned that they think that you're not thoughtful, you're not kind, you're not caring. Or you forgot to reply. Right? Someone messaged you a week ago, and you completely forgot that they messaged you. And all of a sudden you're worried about how you're being perceived. Notice how this scale of circumstantial to existential overthinking exists. Circumstantial or situational are things like social plans, appearances, social exchanges, emails and messaging. And then on an existential level, you have things like breaking up, leaving your job, moving country. And what we find is that it's very natural and very normal to overthink about pretty much all of these things. And sometimes the smaller the decision, the more we've replayed that thought. And sometimes the bigger the decision, the more we try and avoid that thought. Right? How many times have you had it where you're just trying to avoid the fact that you may want to leave your job because it brings up too much discomfort?

Or you know that you keep thinking over and over again about a conversation you had two weeks ago because of something you said? Now, again, you're not alone. Another study found that around 40% of adults overthink how to get out of plans. How many of you are sitting there trying to get out of the plan right now? Here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Here's what I'm going to nudge you to do. Just make a decision and send that message. And then don't look at your phone. Just make the decision. I promise you, it won't make a massive difference to your life either way. Now, the same study also discovered that around a third of people worry that coworkers misinterpret their office dialog, right? Maybe it's a joke you made. Maybe it's a conversation you had. And what I would say in that scenario is it's okay to go up to someone and say, hey, I've been worried that you may have misinterpreted how I did this. I wanted to check in with how you feel about this it's really great to over communicate when we feel we've been under effective in the past.

That same study went on to say that over 30% of us overthink financial choices, like how much to spend on a housewarming gift or how to ask someone to repay the money they borrowed. Right? How many of you have lent money to someone and then you're scared to ask for it back? It can be really perplexing to figure out when to say something, what to say, and how to say something, and therefore, we just let it go. But then in the back of our mind, we're wondering, gosh, that person still owes me $50, $20, $100, whatever it may be to you. And then you say things to yourself, right? We negotiate with ourself. Oh, it's not that big a deal. It's okay. But all the while, we're building up a negative viewpoint of this individual, and we're feeling a bit of angst and pain internally as well. Again, in this scenario, if that's what you're going through, my advice is message that person, they probably forgot anyway. Even if it's uncomfortable for you, I promise you it will allow you to free your mind. And I think that's what we're trying to get to with overthinking, is we need to get to a place where we recognize that freeing our mind is better than the pressure that we're forcing onto our mind.

Now, I was reading something from Amaha, which is a phenomenal website to do with mental health, and I read something on there about the science behind overthinking, and I wanted to read it to you. So listen to this carefully from amaha.com. From an evolutionary standpoint, the brain functions to encourage overthinking as a means of problem solving. Have you ever thought about that for a second? Evolutionary standpoint suggests that our brain functions to encourage overthinking. Brain chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, and cortisol participate in initiating and sustaining these cyclical loops of thoughts. Simply put, dopamine is a chemical associated with reward and motivation. So, actually reflecting and pondering can be really, really effective. Now, adrenaline is a stimulator, Amaha says. Serotonin is the feel good hormone and mood regulator, and cortisol is the stress hormone. Dopamine promotes the notion of problem solving and hence initiates the loop in an effort to reward the brain. When you're striving to solve the problem, adrenaline is released as a source of energy, and you become pumped. The mind loop is augmented by serotonin as new options are emerging. Now, when the loop produces no effects or solutions, serotonin is blocked and cortisol is released.

Cortisol causes a stress response, and unhealthy rumination is brought on by this. So, notice how we're actually being encouraged to problem solve. But when we can't think of a solution, that's when serotonin is blocked, and that's when stress begins. Now, I'm going to be talking to you in this episode about how to actually make sure you get to some solutions, so stay with me. Going back to Amaha, it goes on to say that overthinking may present as rumination about the past or anxiety about the future. Two groups of neural networks in the brain play an important role in regulating the default mode network and the direct experience network. When our attention wanders while we're engaged in a routine task, the default network is activated. It engages in brooding, imagining, and planning. It tends to shift thoughts or consider experiences or reflections from the past or future. When you're not considering the past or the future, the direct experience network is active. When you're completely mindful of the present moment. You're living in the now, for instance, when you feel the water striking you in the shower or the bristles of your toothbrush on your teeth.

So, here's. .1. I don't want you to see overthinking as all that bad. I think there's a part of us that's built a negative relationship with overthinking. We see ourselves as, oh, I'm an overthinker. I'm a procrastinator. I'm someone who's just always stuck in my head. We have this negative belief system. We don't look at it as a problem solving approach. We look at it as an anti problem solving approach. Right. We think overthinking is wasting time, is ruining our options, is letting us down, rather than actually going a couple of steps back and recognizing, actually, if I see overthinking as problem solving, then maybe I'll actually have the opportunity to overcome the problem. Now, it is true that excessive rumination or worry can have a negative impact on us. So as much as we don't want to go that far on one side, we don't want to be at the other extreme, where we're trying to come up with decisions and make decisions immediately. Right? So you don't want to go from making no decision to making a decision so fast that you haven't had time to think about it where you're not rewarding yourself.

So why do we struggle with problem solving? One of the biggest reasons we struggle with problem solving is we're not exposed to enough insight around that topic. Right. So let's say you're someone who's struggling with saying no to social plans. There's a great book called the art of saying no by Damon Zahariadis. I hope I'm saying that name right. But the reason why I'm recommending this book is, I promise you that if you were to dive into that book over a weekend, you're actually going to strengthen your skill in saying no. Now, that's the challenge, right? With social plans, we don't recognize that learning to say no is a muscle. Learning to say no is a skill. Learning to say no is a habit. And because we don't have the skillset, we can't get to a solution quick enough. We think that there's some issue in our mind, there's some emotional reason, but we haven't really given it the time of day. And so developing the muscle, developing the skillset allows you to be able to say no. Another reason we see overthinking as bad and not as problem solving is because we haven't strengthened our ability to problem solve.

So let's say you are struggling with whether you should stay in your current job or not. A good problem solving tactic would be to say, okay, well, if I stay here for the next five years, what will my life look like? And if I leave? Worst case scenario, what will my life look like if I stay here? What's best case and worst case? If I leave, what's best case and worst case? Notice how a problem solving paradigm, a problem solving methodology, adds structure. And that's what we're really looking for. Overthinking is no structure. Problem solving is structured. And so as soon as you start to add structures and systems to the way you reflect, the way you ponder, the way you think, you switch from overthinking to problem solving. And that's what I'd encourage you to do. So that's the first step. Don't see overthinking as this negative bad thing. See it as a way of moving into a direction of problem solving. This segment is sponsored by state farm. It's the start of a new quarter and my favorite time to reflect and focus on the good that has happened this year already. Focusing on the good and celebrating small wins helped me thrive mentally and keep me from letting the bad days outweigh the good.

My team and I host weekly gratitude for this purpose and have seen a massive positive shift in our personal and professional lives. An HBR report from 2011 titled the power of small Wins looked at small wins in 26 project teams in multiple companies and collected nearly 12,000 diary entries. And what they found was that while most of the progress was categorized as minor steps forward, these small wins produced outsized positive reactions. Here are some examples of small wins for me, and I encourage you to begin your list. I woke up this morning and chose movement. My last podcast episode helped someone through a breakup. My last quote I shared on Instagram helped them through a tough time. I spent quality time with an old friend that I hadn't seen in a while. My team thanked me for a productive offsite meeting. Some of the ways that I help remind myself to celebrate the small wins is through daily gratitude. If you've ever listened to my podcast or read my books, you've most likely heard me talk about the importance of gratitude in my daily routine. Each morning and each evening, I set aside time to reflect and express gratitude.

Often in these moments of gratitude, ill find myself highlighting these small wins. Whether its something that happened in my personal or professional life or an interaction with a random stranger, getting in the habit of this type of reflection each day allows us to take a moment, slow down, and remind ourselves to celebrate the wins in our life, no matter how big or small. With State Farm, you can celebrate small wins too. The state farm personal price plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a state farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state.

The therapy for Black Girls podcast is an NAACP and Webby award winning podcast dedicated to all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here we have the conversations that help black women decipher how their past inform who they are today and use that information to decide who they want to be moving forward. We chat about things like how to establish routines that center self care, what burnout looks and feels like, and defining what aspects of our lives are making us happy and what parts are holding us back. I'm your host, Doctor Joy Hardin Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation. Every Wednesday, listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iPhone Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care and we'll see you there.

Do you lay awake scrolling at bedtime or wake in the middle of the night and struggle to fall back to sleep? Start sleeping better tonight. I'm Katherine Nikolai, and my podcast nothing much happens. Bedtime stories to help you sleep has helped millions of people to get consistent, deep sleep. I tell family friendly bedtime stories that train you to drift off and return to sleep quickly, and I use a few sleep inducing techniques along the way that have many users asleep within the first three minutes. I hear from listeners every day who have suffered for years with insomnia, anxiety at nighttime, and just plain old bitch busy brain who are now getting a full night's sleep every night. I call on my 20 years of experience as a yoga and meditation teacher to create a soft landing place where you can feel safe and relaxed and get excellent sleep. Listen to nothing much happens bedtime stories to help you sleep with Kathryn Nikolai on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts I'm Jay.

Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant the results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Ha is not about us as a generation at this point, it's about us trying our best to create change. Lewis Hamilton that's for me, been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself. Because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself and many, many more. If you're attached to knowing you don't have a capacity to learn on this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in ours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Second step don't ask too many people for their opinion.

One of the biggest mistakes we make today is we go on to that WhatsApp thread, we go on to our SMS chat, we go into our group chat, and we ask everyone what they think we should do, right? Should I date this guy? Should I quit my job? Do I think this part is worth it? Do I like what I'm wearing here. Now, the truth is everyone's got a different opinion, and now you're stuck with a bunch of different opinions and now you're dealing with the other overthinking of. Well, if I listen to them and I don't listen to them, but then they see me at the party, they're going to think that I listen to them and not them, and they already know that I don't really agree with that person on everything. But then it's going to, right? Like we've all been there. Now we're overthinking about something we already over thought about. So what do we do instead? There are four types of people in your life. The first is someone that you go to because they care about you. For me, this is my mom. If I'm thinking about my health, if I'm thinking about my well being, the person I go to for advice, apart from my doctor, is my mom.

She doesn't care whether I've done a talk at this amazing place. She doesn't care who my latest guest on the podcast is. She cares if I've drunk enough water, eaten my meals on time and had enough sleep. So if I want someone to give me advice from a personal perspective, I'm going to go to the people that care about me. Now, if I'm going to ask my mom a question about something else, she may not have the right answer. She may tell me to not fly across halfway across the world for something amazing for the pod, right? And so from a care point of view, she's spot on. Now, I have someone else in my life for people that are competent at certain things. Now, my mom is competent in a lot of areas, but there's a lot of areas she's not the person who's the most competent. So if I'm asking for advice on, let's say you're asked, let's say you're asking for advice on your taxes and your accounts. Let's say you're asking for advice on what to wear. How many times have you asked someone and then go, I don't like what they wear anyway?

It's like you're asking someone who you don't believe is competent in the area of your question, but you still ask them and now you're overthinking it. Focus on asking people who are competent and skilled in the area that you're struggling in. Not everyone in every area. If you're thinking about quitting your job, if you speak to your friend who is not going to quit their job, chances are they're going to struggle to give you good advice. You want to speak to someone who has quit their job about the challenges of it, about the greatness of it, about why they quit their job. Go to someone who has had that experience. The third type of person in your life is someone who's consistently been there. I think these are the people that you reach out to when you're reflecting on yourself, when you're reflecting on your qualities, your characteristics, your abilities, someone who's been there in your side for a long time, they may have some good notes to share. And the fourth person in your life is someone who is high character. Maybe you've got a moral question. Maybe you've got a question about faith, spirituality, religion.

Maybe you've got a question about, you know, a dilemma that you are having morally or ethically. You have someone of character in your life. So think about your overthinking in terms of who is the best person, who is best placed to actually help me solve this versus how many people do I know that I could possibly ask to try and almost do a audience reaction? Right. You're almost trying to get a. Well, seven people think this and three people think this. But actually, I trust the three people's opinion more than the seven people focus on care, competence, consistency, and character. The third thing, I think a lot of us overthink because we are trying to respond in alarm mode or alert mode. So you get an email that you're worried about responding to, but you're trying to respond to it while you're worried, right? You get a message, and now you're in anxiety trying to figure out what to respond, because you're trying to respond while you're alarmed. It's so important to step away, to find stillness, to find peace. So you respond from a place of peace. If you respond from a place of peace, chances are what you put out there will be much more steady, will be much more stable, and will probably feel more aligned than if you just reacted.

Don't respond from a place of being alarmed or alerted. Now, step number four. Often it can feel like your mind's just stuck. We just talked about how cortisol gets released. Serotonin is blocked, right? You're feeling stuck. And so if you're feeling stuck, move your body. Move your body when your mind feel stuck. Studies show that working out naturally releases serotonin. So move your body when your mind is stuck. I want you to remember that. And maybe right now you're moving your body while your mind is moving. And that's great. But if your mind is stuck, move your body. And if your body is stuck, move your mind. I want you to remember this. If your mind is stuck, move your body. And if your body is stuck, move your mind. When we change our mindset, we can change our physicality. And when we change our physicality, we can change our mindset. They both work together. The problem is, when we're stuck in our mind, we're putting all our energy into changing our mind. Or when we're feeling stuck in our body, we're putting all of our energy into changing our body. We have to realize we have to use the alternate one to actually make a shift.

Now, number five, this one's huge. This one's a really, really important one. It's so important that we focus on the good things and have gratitude for the little things. And we recognize the power of small wins. A lot of us overthink because we don't give ourselves the credit of the little progress we're making, the power of the small steps in the right direction. Maybe last year you would have spent a month responding and overthinking, figuring out if you want to go to an event, and this time you spent a week. That's progress. Maybe last year you would have overthought a decision for a month, but this time you made a decision in three days. We have to be grateful for the little things in our life. The reason we overthink is because we're concerned we're going to miss out. We're concerned that someone's going to think something of us. We're missing out on being specific about gratitude. We're missing out on being specific about how the gratitude and thankfulness for the little things can reduce our overthinking. We start to go, okay, well, I know that what I said wasn't perfect, but my intention was right.

Okay, I know that I should have probably said no earlier, but I had the courage to do it anyway. Honoring those moments, recognizing progressive are so powerful now. This is probably one of my favorite ones, too. A lot of the time when our mind is stuck, we need to feel movement. And I find that writing, doodling, and painting can be brilliant. Now, I was reading a Harvard research health blog from Srini Pillay, and in that he talks about how spontaneous drawings may also relieve psychological distress, making it easier to attend to things. Srinipile says, we like to make sense of our lives by making up coherent stories, but sometimes there are gaps that cannot be filled no matter how hard we try. He goes on to say, doodles fill these gaps, possibly by activating the brains time travel machine, allowing it to find lost puzzle pieces of memories, bringing them to the present and making the picture of our lives more whole again. With this greater sense of self and meaning, we may be able to feel more relaxed and concentrate more. This blog goes on to say that although doodles may look like a scribble, random words that make no sense, or a partial face that suddenly becomes something extraterrestrial, theyre not quite as random as we might think.

Doctor Robert Burns, the former director of the Institute for Human Development at the University of Seattle, uses doodles to diagnose the emotional problems of his patients. He believes that doodles can reveal what is going on in the unconscious. He asserts that in the same way that EEG leads transmit brain activity to a piece of paper, your hand also does the same. Many other doodle researchers would agree. Now, I was blown away by this because maybe you're one of those people who, when you're on the phone, you're doodling, right? When you're messaging in between people, maybe you're writing things down. I think one of the reasons why journaling's taken off so much to help with overthinking is it's getting out of your head and onto a page. Even if it doesn't make sense, even if it's lots of random things, I encourage you to get out of your head and onto a page. Now, one of the reasons why we overthink a lot is we're living too digitally. And my encouragement here is go back to analog. We are literally processing 74gb of information a day. Now, you may be thinking, Jay, that doesn't sound like a lot.

Well, remember a few years ago, that would have been the size of your hard drive, right? We were happy when one gig was a memory card. Now we're talking about 74 gigs a day. Now, just to give you a sense of what that is, that's 16 movies. Can you imagine processing 16 movies per day? Storylines, characters, emotions, energy, thoughts. I mean, it is so much, 16 movies a day. Go back to being analog. I've been practicing this new thing where when I'm at work, I'm putting my phone away, and I'm simply. Obviously, I'm on my laptop, and I've disconnected my SMS and my WhatsApp from my laptop, so I can't check it. And I found that just not having that level of 74gb coming at me in a strong way. Imagine back in the day, you drove down a road and you saw a billboard. Now you're seeing billboards every 3 seconds on your phone. Like, just think about that for a second, how much it's changed. So we're asking our brains and our minds to over consume. We're overexposed, overwhelmed. No wonder we're overthinking. Go back to analog. Go back to analog. I want to thank you so much for listening to today.

I'm so grateful that we got to spend this time together. I hope that these seven steps make a huge difference to you, and I hope that you find your path to recognizing that overthinking can help you problem solve that. Overthinking will be reduced when we start celebrating the small wins, the small steps, and being grateful for the progress and recognizing at the end of the day that it is natural we're not alone if we're overthinking and that we're living in a world that encourages overthinking, but we can make better decisions. Thank you for listening. Remember, I am always in your corner, and I'm forever rooting for you. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will enjoy my interview with Doctor Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace difficult feelings.

You've just got to be motivated every day, and if you're not, then what are you doing? And actually, humans don't work that way. You have to treat it like any other emotion. Some days it will be there, some days it won't.

I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference, difference in ours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.

Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply well podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste.

Our twenties often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Spage, the host of of the psychology of your twenties. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our twenties, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more, to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your twenties, hosted by me, Gemma Spegg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.