Are you happy to be on technolog now? I do have an account, but I don't know what to post first. I would love if you're like, all right fellas, me tell you something about talking to women and that's your first post.
All right, fellas, let me tell you, like I pulled my wife. So you guys are in camp to be together. You wait three to four years while you're fighting somebody else.
Then when they break up, you make your motherfucking move.
But she's about to go get a master's program. It's too long.
It just cuts out that that would be a great it always cuts. That would seriously be hilarious.
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And we're back. Como's welcome to another episode of your mom's house. She's Christine Happy. I'm Tommy Bunz and I think it's Christine.
Christine, we've got a great show for you today.
Oh, my God. Fire guests, fire dog shit, slaps the shit, fucks hard, you know?
I mean, yeah. When did you get so cool that I'm just a cool young guy. Got a lot of shit for not fading in my sideburns.
Yeah. Correctly and I agree. It did, it did.
Look what's what is so because I went real short on the dome then I had like a full beard so it looked like a fuck and took a beard and went on and we were like, you look completely are worded.
So, so you got to fade your sideburns bro. So then I watched the video and I tried to do it.
It looks really good. And I did it last night. Faded like real short here. Yeah, a little bit longer there and a little longer below it. Did I love it. I think you're doing a great job.
Thanks. Thanks. I'm going to barber school. You're going to stop being a comedian and barber school.
I think so. It could be a smart move. I think so.
I think if you go like what's going on with your life, how can you make it better? Probably quit your current thing and start a new thing.
Start a new career. Yeah, I like what if I become like the world's best barber? You could.
I feel like this is how Bert's mind works in a genuine way. I think you're right.
What if I just parafield everywhere. I know you could totally what goes on in his brain. Yeah. There's so much to get into.
Let's start the show. Yeah. What are you doing? I'm looking at, you know, one of those.
I'm looking at fat. My my neck is my double. It says that in the notes. No, it's Tums. Am I milk. Yeah.
Oh yeah. That was pretty bad about it. You want to find out. Yeah. Okay. I think we have time. We could probably buy those dick posts.
Show your dick. Oh. Oh. All right.
Here he gave me I've looking for about a week.
Oh wow. I've been anything that's going to cause any second cry.
I care for Sophia. Jesus. Oh, shut up.
You know Mom well.
Well, go to your mom's house with Tom Sikora and Christina, it's. Well, your mom's fucking. I don't think it'll ever get old to ever not be funny to watch somebody on, like, laughing gas. Yeah. Coming out of coming out of it and saying wild shit.
I'm almost kind of curious what you would say, because I've seen so many of these.
Yeah. I'm like, I wonder where my mind would go. Me too. I get all emotional and they say, crazy shit.
You know, I'm trying I think I'd be worried that I'm 20 years old again because I dream about that a lot. It's a recurring dream. What's the dream? It's always that I'm in my 20s again and I'm looking for you and I'm looking for my children and I'm looking for my life. But you're 20 and I'm in my 20s and I'm like, I'm going back in time to a time when life was really uncertain for me. Yeah. And I'm like, where's my husband?
Where's Tom? And I can't find you.
And it causes, like, panic in the dream. Oh, I know.
This is a perfect, unplanned Segway into my post of my old headshots. Oh, perfect.
If you go to my Instagram and pull them up, we can talk about the hilarious memes and yeah. Also the fact that, uh. That, yeah, there you go. There you go, right there. So I posted these are a throwback Thursday and can I tell you something that people don't realize they love and I understand why they think that.
So these are like you pull through these.
Your baby is a baby right there. How old are you? Let's go through them all. Well, talk me through. OK, I think it goes like. Yeah, OK, so.
Oh buddy. I moved to Los Angeles. Well, just before I turn 23, these are all after after I turned these are between 2003 and 2005. This is the prime time this guy fucked. Yeah. So no, I'm just kidding. No, no.
But yeah, that's probably in probably twenty three maybe.
But I snapped you up right around this. Just twenty five is when I snapped. You met me around this time. Of course. How could I forget. Look at those smoldering Wolfie's wolf eyes.
Yeah. I'm going to fuck this one. That was that one. I might even be. I don't know maybe I just turned twenty three.
You know, your forehead looks too long. It's because of the photo that I have like a nine foot forehead. Yeah. So it's a I held a photo. Uh, so sorbent. Yeah. Yeah. There's a little look at all that hair.
Hey dog. A dog with that hair.
So hey what. But give me the expression like you know when photographers give you a thought. Oh yeah.
And what's this thought like you just got I can tell you right now, this for sure is a commercial like so when you get headshots, when you come to Los Angeles, you're like, oh, I want to be an actor. Whatever you have theatrical headshots and commercial headshots. The idea is that a commercial headshot is going to be more generic, generic, mainstream.
It's supposed to be like, could you put, like, fucking groceries in this next year and be like, I like to drink this, you know?
So so the idea is like you look as plain and every man as possible. You're not going to embrace the outfit theatrical.
You're supposed to be it's supposed to be more like kind of there's there's a choice being made like as far as like, well, look pensive or, you know, smoldering.
Yeah. Sexy or sexy or like you know. Like what, like picture apart, you know, like you're playing this part in commercial. They're like be affable and welcoming and smile.
Smile back. Yeah. So that's that's your whole line. So that was your. I'm affable look. Yeah I think so.
Probably like I want to do a commercial high time. I want to be the subway spokesperson.
There you go. Yeah, there you go. Oh Mr. Clavicles, why is there no cum. That's his that's his comment there.
The next photo I think.
Oh that's probably more theatrical I don't think. But it could be commercial. So that's commercial because you don't smile like that. Ever. That's true. Ever in life. That's never. Hey Tom, you're going to have a child.
Go ahead and. Hey Tom, you just won the lottery.
Yeah. Not big deal. That's that's you know, you look like our son. You look like asses. Yeah. Yeah, I see our children.
Oh, look at those eyes. There you go. Gets better. It gets better.
Uh oh yeah. Now that was definitely a theatrical and I tell you what I remember about this photo. I remember the guy being like, so what are these like, what are these for the photographer. Yeah.
And I go, you know, like commercial photographs and theatrical my job.
And he was like, you need to look like you're going to be in an action movie like act like try to be like try to get a part like he's like, oh yeah, you're a Navy SEAL. And he took his picture.
I mean here. Yeah. Are you kidding me. This is a a young what's his name. Newman. Paul Newman. Paul Newman.
I mean you are you're like how many guys coming in we fuck today that what you say.
There's a couple more that I think are really like, oh no, no, no, no, no. I like this one the best because you're like, I'm going to fuck you. That's is that what you're thinking? People, can I tell you something? When I see this photograph, I think that guy is going to fuck me, too.
Yeah. You're going to feel like you, I think, would you fuck you at this age? Well, I think that guy might do it as like a sympathy thing, you know, like as a favor.
I mean, this is 20. This is 23. Right. I might be 24.
This is like I remember meeting you around this age.
And this is when I was like, what's up, Tom? Cigarette? What is up with.
Oh, believe me, the whole county was thinking, you know. Next one who look at those chest hairs.
All three. That's a fully commercial.
You send that to a commercial agency, they're going to bring you in. That's the guy. Now, this is the guy. Get to know you.
This is 25, I believe, right around there. Yeah, that's probably around twenty five. Twenty four.
Oh, look at that. Real sweet. Like a nice guy. That's a nice guy.
It's not who you are at all. At all. What a liar. I think you'll like this next.
Here's my here's my favorite thing about headshots, though. It's always especially in this era, it was like go downtown, lean against a brick building when you you hobos next to you always.
And when you live here, you're like for the years after you've had these done, you drive around, you always see them being taken. There's like bridges.
I've driven by commercial headshots, you know, headshots.
It's always like, let's get on a rooftop and downtown towards like some girl with like her arm on your wife standing under a bridge like, oh, I like the lighting's perfect there.
You know, they use natural light. I could bring you a million terrible of mine just like that. I have so many. And it's all dirty, too, by the end of the day, because you're standing in some places, this last one.
I never really got any work off of it. But let me see. There we go.
So you want to know the big reveal, though, that like this, this post got some heat. I mean, I thought it was a fun idea to use like headshots and then. Sure, use a final picture like this. Here's what everybody thinks. They all go, oh, it's chronological. So they go, what? Like this is how you sell apart this photo, the the photo that right there, that was that's when I was 20.
So this is the younger self that's younger. And then you lost a bunch of weight. So I'm a sophomore in college right there.
I'm on a cruise. I'm on a cruise. And the other guys in the photo look worse than me. I cut them out to not ruin their lives, but.
I am so I'm 18 months old, Odie's, sweet, I OD'd about 18 months before and I stayed drug and alcohol, pretty much drug and alcohol free, but not donut free.
Not doughnut free. And also, I was like, I should get back into drugs. And so we want to know I just so what I ended up doing was like, I'm never going, I was of the mentality that, like, you know, ODing is terrifying. Right? And then after some time, you're like, I want to, like, still, like, get fucked up, but not with, like, super hardcore stuff.
So I just was like, I'm going to do weed and alcohol. Right. We now call we went on that cruise.
My friend, like as we're going through security to get on the cruise ship. He's like, I have a half ounce on me and you go through a fuckin what's it called, x ray.
Yeah, and they go scan your bags and like where he's like right here, like in his I was like, what? And we're walking through security. And you're 20 years old.
You're you're kind of scared of what how it could go. And I was like, oh. He gets it through and then we start smoking weed in our room and. And we're getting super, super faded Cross Vados Parkway, and we're and we meet other people that smoke, we smoke and we can get in getting fucked up every night, obviously. And that night we got absolutely shitfaced.
The next day we got a knock on our door. And it was a security, the cruise ship security. And he's like, shuts the door and he goes, we'll talk to you guys for a minute, we're like, OK, he goes. I know there's marijuana in here and our hearts. I mean, you know, we're kids, college kids and we're like, what? He's like, I can smell it.
I was in a band like. Like, I'm cool. Yeah.
I'm like, OK. And he goes, let's just, you know, don't want to like when we get to this port, they're going to bring dogs on, like you might as well. Let's deal with this now so it doesn't evolve into something greater and we were like. Well, we did have weed. But, you know, we finished it, so that smell is from like when we had it and he was like, OK, like, fair enough, blah, blah, blah, and just kind of wrapped it up and left.
So when he leaves, of course, we're all like, oh, my God, you know, they're going to bring dogs in here. We're going to be so. Who wouldn't be in so much trouble? And then it's like then you kind of start to calm down a little bit of denial setting well in that phase, one of the guys who was freaked out, flushed. Of course, like a half ounce down the course, like what?
He's like, yeah, guys are panicked like this.
We have five days left, man, but we ended up meeting other people. Who are we? Yeah. So we end up smoking. But that was like a terrifying thing. But that's what I want to make clear, is the fat guy is first chronologically in those photos, just so we know.
And then the last week and then we got cuter and then I got fat again. And those are other photos.
Mm hmm. That's when I. You got fat again. When I had Ellis. No, before. Before. Yeah.
I'll take you through some clothes. I'll remind you'll be like oh yeah. I remember you got fat.
Do you want to hear the difference between your experience about weed on. Yeah. Yeah. So when I was 15 I went on a cruise with my stepsister and my stepdad and my mom. We were both goth, my stepsister and I.
Yeah, hardcore. And we went on a Carnival cruise. Uh, we decided to sleep during the day and only go out at night because we were nocturnal vampires. Mm hmm. That was cool. And we dressed fully goth on the boat. Uh, one of we befriended one of the crew members and he totally thought he was going to score with us. And he's like, come over here. And like, we'd sat down on the deck and then he would get as high every night and buy us drinks and get us liquored up.
That's pretty cool. Yeah, I didn't make out with him. I think my my sister may have my stepsister, by the way, on that cruise.
Yeah. I still got some chicks. What the fuck. That fat. I still I, I remember I got together with this chick who was twenty seven and when you're twenty, twenty seven sounds like fifty.
Who the fuck is this now. Just another new name like it's a it was a cruise with college people.
I mean we're all fucking you hooked up with a 27 year old when you were twenty.
Yeah. I'm telling you that felt like a goddamn grandmother. Like I thought this was like a full fucking adult. You know, by hook up, you mean you put your dick in.
No, no, no, no. I didn't. I didn't I didn't have sex with her. Would you? Yeah, we just messed around.
Made out. And then did you see her again the next day up. And she was like, uh, yeah.
And I don't blame her. I don't blame her. She made out with this fucking guy.
This is from oh my Jesus says GHB from the jug ciga. These are the names that came from these guys.
These guys really make this up. That one's the best. So funny. This is from prolific meme. Oh, my gosh.
Live, laugh, love with you. Do you know how many people messaged me like you have to make this a shirt or a poster.
So many people said to me like, I want the live, laugh, love. I think you do it as a poster. It's fun. It's so exciting. So yeah, I should have them at my shows. Am I love five shows. Yes. Do you want to post like. Oh yes.
A tour poster. Huh. But that's you two. Are you going to fuck. Is this the live laugh. Love to sign all headshots. It's a great idea.
Yeah. Great. It's too funny then.
This one I see. Oh that's milker put me on Brad Pitt's body with Jennifer Aniston.
That looks great. Yeah. And then let's see here. You believe Jennifer Aniston got to bang Brad Pitt.
This is the cool guy, but visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just the islands.
Very funny. What did Mr. Clavicles? He named every photo. OK, so Mark Wahlberg, Doogie Howser, M.D..
Rob Ilar, Michael Keaton. Jim Brewer, totally. And then finally, that one time. That's a really good one to, uh. And you're not wrong.
This is back to square one. All right. That was very, very fun. Uh.
Oh, my God. You you had a little accident that we didn't really get to talk about what you did, an accident in your panties. I can't tell if that's code for, like our sexual behavior purely on an. I'm like, oh, God, is he is he saying something? Man, OK, so I took our son skiddle to Austin, just school, and I listened I and we're hiking up in the mountains there and he's throwing rocks.
We're having a good time. And I got to take a pee and there's nowhere to pee up there. There's no bathroom. Yeah.
So I go old school, I squat on the rocks and I'm wearing my baggy Adidas pants track pants hate having to pee and it's the worst can ruin your day.
It's the worst.
So I go, I squat, I go back to sit down and watch the kid playing and I notice I go, oh my leg's a little wet, my leg's a little wet and I'm examining my pants not just a little wet, brown, soaking wet, soaked in hell and like both legs of my tracksuit pants covered in piss.
And here's and I wiped with my mask too. Like I was like, I got parafoil baby. So I use my cloth. Matley paper mask, memory wiped left it. And I was like, I'm fucking covered in pee.
We have to go to the airport in a in an hour here and then he goes, I have to take it down Mom. Yeah. So now I have to find the kid a toilet. I'm covered in piss.
It was a nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I haven't peed on myself like that since college. That was a long time when I was dressed as GenY. Uh, Halloween in the Castro. Yeah. And I pulled my genie costume down to piss in the streets and I pissed in the sewer like in there and I got sewer filth all over my costume and I smelled like sewer.
I just pee the whole night. I was so drunk and I tell you, I'm sure it's gross.
And then like when you the last couple sentences really turn me on, as Dr. Joe Court would say, I just need to tell you about it, OK? Yeah. I'm glad you shared communicate. Yeah. What's up? Gutter trash. Oh, my God.
You should have seen the costume after because it was like Cher Jeannie pants. Yeah. Covered in like Bompas and dirt and grime. It was gnarly dude.
Just fuck to one time I got puked on at like a fair like a county fair.
Dude it's so gnarly. So you know how you go through. Like you might go through like a fashion choice for like a month.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So this happened to be the month when I was fifteen or sixteen where I was wearing a wife beater under my t shirt.
Thank God, thank God.
Because it was like, you know, I'd see like whatever I was in Florida, like Florida people I don't know, I just had it on. And then so we're at the state fair and it's the what's it called the the one that the the rainbow, the one that goes around centrifugal force that has a Ferris wheel, but where the Ferris wheel is a pod that also spins. So I'm talking about I know you get into a little compartment. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's a Ferris wheel.
But not only does it go around in that's like clock motion, a zipper, but the zipper, each one of those compartments also spins as it's going up and around.
Yeah, it's moving a different it's a nightmare.
So we're standing in line to board this like that.
And just like rain comes down and somebody vomited out of one of those.
And I'm and I'm like, no, I'm like I'm covered in their vomit and like there's chunks and stuff. So I was it was like my I actually I mean, I'm surprised I don't still wear white to this day because I was able to take my T-shirt off and throw it in the trash and then have my wife beater on.
And I walked around like that, dude. No, we didn't. And the night we still hung out.
Wait, did you puke on your head?
And you're probably a little bit. A little bit.
And the smell didn't bother you a little bit. But, you know, I'm sure I was high. Yeah, that is my worst night. Oh, that is that's the worst nightmare. That is your worst. I would rather be covered in a stranger's diarrhea than a stranger.
Oh, that's OK.
Well, I mean, it's appropriate, you know, uh, try and do the show. Wait.
I mean, first of all, to throw on first of all, how unsafe are these fair rides like you saw on Saturday? Just methods. Yeah. Anchors put them together. Yeah.
Who is people who they're like all on parole. They're scumbags. Probably. I don't know.
Yeah. No I don't like vagrants. Fucking playground gypsies.
Gypsies putting together the stupid things to keep again. Yeah. Yeah.
My parents when I would back in as a kid growing up in the valley when there's those carnivals Roma fail gypsies.
We work at the fair and I beg my dad, please, can we go do it. And he goes, are you fucking kidding me. This shit's so rickety, falls apart. You're going to die on all this bullshit. No way. Of course. Right? Of course.
Yeah, no way. You couldn't pay me to go on one of these fucking carnival rides. No way. Let's let's take a look because everybody is so excited about. Oh, wait for me here. Does I keep that on the murderous gypsy piece of shit?
I had Seguin. I'm Robert Siegel. When I did that, by the way, I have the audio. We should play it. I can I can pull the audio.
I have the audio of being in Budapest, my first stop on my European tour the last time I toured here.
And she had taught me Rahad Seguin, which is Rotten Gypsy. And when I said it at the show. Applause Break.
This show stopped. They were like, this guy, get this guy when I said it to my driver, he was driving, he was like, walk.
He goes, don't say that in the streets, they will kill you.
OK, who? Yeah, they get something right. Yeah.
Uh, what was it called? What was that opener called? The the girl. Oh, here we go.
OK, this is just wanted to play because we didn't play the whole thing with Sophia stuff. So that's actually a good question. I if you can. I don't want you to get is a dry socket. Yeah.
I have a wolf if I smoke it. All right.
That's it for about a week away from anything that's going to cause any second crime.
I care for Sophia.
Jesus. Oh, shut up.
God, that's that's amazing. Amazing. Uh, Sophia, like Sophia.
You get it now. You know, sometimes I wish I could get on, you know, like famous people get to do spots on television shows for children. Yeah. Like, my fantasy is like to be on storyboards or Sesame Street. And last night you were like, that's never going to happen for us. Yeah. Go on like that.
Because I had the same thought, you know, especially like I remember when, you know, Ellis was a few or whatever months old or a year old or watching something together. I was like that. Be so cool if I popped on screen right now. Yeah. It was like, hey, boys, like here's how you count to ten or whatever. And then I was like, oh no, I'm not going to cast eyes on it. So be like, who?
And then they'll look it up and go like, no, of course not. It's kind of a clip of a person put on a Diet Coke in their ass and they know, oops, the Big Ten in Animal Challenge is really, really, really making people happy.
And we're so happy that you're happy. It really makes me laugh, too. So it continues.
This is, of course, the challenge where you call your partner a big titted animal and then you record them and see what kind of reaction you get. So it's been a lot of fun.
I'm just glad the other women are now experiencing what I have been experiencing for a long time. So here's Ben with his submission.
How was it for you you picked her today?
Oh, I like those genuine reaction.
Yeah, I hate big tits. And here's Bryce and Juliet. When you can make muffins, you picked it at. She's sweet. Yeah, but yeah, she's not used to being so she's that guy does not say crazy shit to her like that. Why would you say that? Um, here's Emma, Emma and Mum. Oh, with her mum.
What's pretty, you know. Yes. I never thought to say to your mother, yeah, such a good idea, it is such a good idea, you could be such a good idea. Could you call your mother, send you us? That's true.
Yeah. Is it ever you ever see her? What do you eat in there? Well, her mom to you, big titted animal.
Hey, Ian, there, you big titted animal, especially when you're enjoying a piece of yeah, when you're eating something, I was like you big titted animal, fantastic, you fat fuck.
Jennifer. There's my big ticket item, that's a woman who's used to crazy shit.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yes, she laughed. She was like she's like this guy.
That guy like like, uh, here's Spencer and Allison.
Right, for dinner, you big titted animal. Is fucking killing. That was perfect.
It was a perfect ending, that was a plan that was perfect. She looked at him like I'm a fucking just like you love it if you want to send yours in your mom's podcast at Gmail dot com, no house, your mom's podcast at Gmail dot com Perry.
For those of you want to know why it's not your mom's house podcast, because when we open the Gmail account a million years ago, it was already taken. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I open that up and I try.
I really do not like getting my feet missing. But I know you. I love this box so I got to give it to all every time I do. My Christmas is now. Yeah. She's the best. So this bang, bang, bang is a very popular videotape. Well, it's been on the talk for a long time, but as you just it.
Yes, I like watching them, actually. It's incredible.
This is one that I saw. I think you showed it to me, this little tiny Asian lady. Yeah.
I went to a steakhouse and just devoured the the bread roll, the big the bread loaf, the salad, an appetizer and like a 50 ounce steak. Yeah. And then everybody in the restaurant was like, damn.
Well, there's one Asian lady on Tick-Tock where she's always eating extra large seafood and she's like, go to Levitra and she says something and then she'll take like a huge crab.
Yeah, Mamou Claw, whatever. It's like this big or they pyenson when they're done, I imagine.
I mean, you know, I know I kind of while listening crack there's no arms she can crack doing this with the team. That's talent, you know. What she is like, fine motor skills. Yeah, you know, it's kind of amazing how it is possible. Humans are human beings are incredible. Like she uses her toes, like fingers. You guys.
Yeah. Like to pull up like. Indeed, like pull things apart.
And I'm impressed when I can pick up trash on the floor with my toes. That is like that's another level. Yeah. Wow. I want to train myself to do this. You can.
How many hours do you use. I think it's quite a while.
I think it would take quite a while. Are you going to do what I asked you to do or not. Oh, crap, perfect, this perfect photo of you, speaking of head of head shots, is a perfect shout out to Cynthia Smalley, who did these over the years. Yeah, that's a beautiful photo.
Finally, a photo I don't mind looking at of you. God. Was that Cynthia well, was this fun, Swink? I don't know. I don't know. Is Robin wants wake up? I'm not sure. Only two people have. Photographed me over the years. Oh, look, it looks good. Either way, it looks good. Uh, yeah, so next, uh, maybe next week you can get one, yes, maybe next week.
I've made an appointment already. Finally, yes.
I talk about you. Are you really going to do it? Yeah. I'm very happy, like it pleases me that you're going to do it. Yeah, I know. And I think it's that perfect. Like, it shows me that you're probably ready for the next phase. What are you talking about?
I haven't even done this one yet. I know. What do you mean? What's the next phase? I've already cut bangs. Not thrilled about you got everybody says I look like Garth from Wayne's World now.
I love it. I think the next phase for me would be, um, Ticha. What are you talking about getting some, like, serious, serious hits on you? I have serious tits in me, no. Now, what are you talking about? I can't get them, I like them, you can get them bigger. I've talked to doctors about it. I think I think if you were to get like. Maybe like three sizes bigger than you have no God and like where they're really like up, I have huge cans already but make them bigger.
But like Nikki Glaser, she calls her big sneaky tits minor, kind of big and sneaky, too, but they're huge already. OK, you want me to go what, jas or something?
Yeah, I want to do that. And then there's one final thing and then we're done. What's the final four this year. Oh my God.
So we got we got your hair. You got it right. Yeah. Getting the nose ring that I need. And we're going to do tit implants too, like a G or J. And then we do like a throat chest piece and then we're done.
A throat chest piece? Yeah, like it starts at the throat. And then it goes down to your chest of what, like I'm thinking, oh God, yeah, I do like oh fuck, yeah, it looks dope.
Oh my God, I'm a J right now. It's hot. No, it looks amazing. OK, I'm thinking something similar to this right here.
There's a demon on your throat that's screaming and he's reaching down and grabbing your new big tits.
So you see his like claws come down and grab your tits. This is such a hot look.
Well, here's my worry. Oh, yeah, I'll click that click that middle one there, but you realize that chick's like she's 20 years old.
I got the noise on the nose ring. She's got the hair right.
I can't see her tits, but her tat is working.
But you think this is appropriate for a 44 year old mother of two? Yes, I do. I can't go do drop off like that.
Sure you can. Do you think these people don't have kids? Yes, they do.
Oh, my God. That's Tom. I'm going to bust two nuts right here, babe. You don't think this will scare the children, no. We'll have haven't come to the session. So they can watch. Well, look, creation's up there, she's a friend of mine. Yeah, go up. That's great. Oh, hit that. She's got one and she's got a son. Hit hers.
The left photograph there. Yeah. It was to say me. Oh, and there's an eight ball. Yes.
She's got a lot more tattoos than that though. But that's crazy. She could do that. Yeah. I can't.
Yes you can pull this off babe. I can barely pull off the nose ring. That looks perfect on you right there.
And you can do this, too. Mm hmm. Yes. This is working on all of them and it's going to work on you to. Babe, I can't cover this up, though, I'd have to wear a turtleneck to cover, wanted to cover it up to show it off, but it's aggressive. It's a little too aggressive. I disagree. And I think we'll do the tits first and then we'll do the tests after. OK? OK, cool.
All right. Thanks. Well, what are you going to do for me? I'm going to tell you what looks good. What about your body mods? What made you want me to do more? You get a Prince Albert for real. You to mind that. Are you being serious? Yes. If I get a nose ring, you pierce your junk. I think that type of piercing goes with your job, not just the nose. Oh, bullshit.
Yeah, you're part genital piercings.
I got bangs and I'm getting a nose ring. And when I get me one genital piercing now the general piercing goes with your job.
I'll do it with your touch up for now.
Yes. Not the same. It is the same. That's a lot harder for me to.
It's hard to get my dick head pierced. But you like it. So what? OK, whatever we're going to talk about this, is this, um, funny or not? Oh, yeah. You know, I didn't even stop stealing the bike.
I don't know.
Hmm. Help her. That was great. That was great. That was a woman on a treadmill who took off her Einaudi. OK, I tell you why this is so close to me is that I can see myself being dumb enough and doing the exact same.
I wasn't going to use those words, but I could see you doing. Yeah, I could.
I probably have tried to do this a million times. Yeah. So she's taking off her hoodie on the what's this called treadmill and then it pushes her back into the elliptical machine.
It's pretty great. I would have done that.
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We are back with a great guest, the greatest head of hair in the world of comedy.
Let's talk longs for the one and only person Minhaj.
I watched Ellen. How's that going? Yeah, we watched it in the studio. You hit the.
I hit it hard.
I got to say that clip I remember when that clip kind of went viral. Yeah. And I was like, oh yeah. Like I never thought I was saying it wrong, but it's part of it's partially my fault too.
Well, because I just allowed I like.
Yeah. And because I remember early on it open mikes. Yeah. When I started in Sacramento. Yeah. This guy I'm not gonna name his name but he was running the open mike. He's like, bro, you got to change this. Yeah. It's like nobody's going to able to. Right.
Did you consider dude like I went this is like two three weeks into doing standup. Yeah. I was like yeah. And he's like, you know, he said Jamie Fox, you know, he's like, you know, Jamie Fox. That's not his real name, right? Yeah. So he's like, you got to you got to make it, you know, go like with like Sean or something.
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I can go. I like Sean.
Sean works and did you, did you have any stage names. No I, I had for a second like I started being like OK, maybe I'll say Sean and I was still living at home at the time. Yeah. And my sister, my sister was like, yo what is who is Sean Pride.
That was the name. Yeah. Yeah. Good name. Yeah. I just like pulled like I was like maybe it's good but especially in San Francisco because then you're like the gay comic that you'd be.
Oh right. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Where did you get pride.
I said I was like I just googled what is Sean mean in Hindi. And Sean is like and I'm like, OK, maybe that'll play homage to that. And then I show my sister was like, this is the dumbest thing. What are you doing?
The name thing is it's an interesting thing though. Yeah. SHOWBIZ and historically showbiz, like I'm saying in America, is like a lot of people. I mean, you know, you you work for The Daily Show. Yeah. And Stewart is famously not Jon Stewart. You know, people know that. Yeah. And you go, Oh right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and a lot of people have done that. I mean what was a.
Can you tell me well, last night we were discussing Whoopi Goldberg, her real name, Karen Johnson and Johnson, you know, and she chose a Jewish last name, which is interesting because usually she was the opposite.
We run this business. Smart move. Yeah, well, it wasn't Phyllis. What did she have? Phyllis Diller. No, that was her.
Mary, how did you tell people early on that, like, you were bilingual? Like was all of that just insane to people or even like your upbringing? Christina Mabel. Yeah, we're people like you're white. Yeah.
They don't still they still don't know your last name as a mother, Mary. She's 15 years into standup is like I'm finally going to drop. I'm just dropping. She just goes by Christina Peel. Yeah. Like, why.
Well because it's such a you know how it is. Yeah. I listen, as an immigrant I have respect for Americans don't want to fuck and I get a city where I listen.
I more than understand. Yeah. So I just dropped it.
But now that you made it, you got to be like you got to say all the vowels and consonants, right. No, I prefer it.
I'm just like I'm a new person. I'm reborn.
I don't know.
I really I remember, like, those Polish names I think are actually the biggest motherfucker of, like, for me, of names that you can be like, what's difficult. Yeah.
Once I see like a K and a Y and Z are Polish names like the South Indian names like all my South Indian friends. It's like Venkataraman, a job like that.
You gotta. Yeah. Yeah. I mean think about it. We all know Chizhevsky because of you. Yeah. And even he's like his coach K and Polish.
I love the Polish people as y'all give, like, a lot of love. Like he doesn't love no Novarro.
But even in the South, when I went to the south, that's when I was like, oh, this last name is not helping me because they were like, you're an outsider. You're like you're not white enough. No. Well, I guess I'm not. Yeah.
Indian names are intimidating to like like a white American who's lived in a white suburb. Yeah. You know, like they hear Indian names and they're like, well, I want to talk to Charlotte Proudman.
Yeah. I mean, it's so embarrassing. I bet, like, she saw my, like, setlist, my jokes were wack too.
And she's like, what is this you guys ever talk about? Yeah, she clowns. We saw her. So she can't like when she comes to shows and when she like sees me do late night and stuff, she's like, you're such a loser.
Is that your alias. And hotels do you sign know some pride. Now can I, might you, should I give the alias. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. I'll give you guys the alias Hiromitsu Hiromitsu. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. That's good. Yeah that's good. But then, but then sometimes if I can, if I'm getting picked up by the like the club or whatever to take me to the hotel, they're like you're not.
Yeah I'm here. Yeah.
Oh I like that. That's funny. Yeah.
I feel like I, I bet it's so annoying because even now have you know, I'm doing all this like peaty like physical therapy. Yeah. And one of my therapists, her name is Macara. The first time she said it she was like I'm and I was like what. She was just call me. I was like, I can get it. Yeah I can say it another. Yeah. And then, you know, she repeated it. But she's saying that because she's met a million people who are like, huh.
And then she said, call me and they're like, great, I'll call you like you're like a bond agent. Yeah.
Just call me in. And I was like I was like, I can say your name, I just repeat it, you know? So I say it right now, if we're doing Benedict Cumberbatch, we can do exactly what we're doing.
The whole Cumberbatch.
Yeah, like what we can get my man the audacity to see it.
For years I held that belief because I was like, look, Arnold Schwarzenegger, you got to tell me that everybody learned Schwarzenegger. They learn, you know?
And then I just got tired, you know? Yeah. It's the hairs.
Me well, people don't know it's the first five, ten minutes. Hey, I'm Hussan. Why one percent. No, it's why like you just want to be like, hey, how are you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you just want to get to the conversation. Sure.
But the whole conversation has the interlude up top. You know how like albums used to have the like you skipped around. Yeah. I don't need the interlude. Yeah. Well do you have a word that rhymes with that?
Because usually that helps people. That does. Yeah cousin. Yeah. Yeah. Like hey stop cousin. Let's just go. Yeah, yeah.
Stop cussing. I'm upset because that really was a great moment. But when. But when. But like I said it right though. Right. Yeah. You said it right. Yeah. Yeah but but now when people are like when people like you or Christine are like, hey listen, I'm like, yo is my family here. Oh right. That's right. Cause there were two people. There was there was a son.
And then there's Hassan and all my friends back home, like all my Dacey friends back home were like, Hey, what's up, Hassan Manaj? Oh, I'm have some nice give away. How did it get away down the road?
They would talk to me like, yo, yo, yo, I'm a rapper. Osama not. Yeah.
So who's the first person to call you Hassan. This guy at the open. Mike Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that's fine. And then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody exons. Sounds like Deshon. Yeah.
And also and also there's like there's also a bunch of black Muslims so they go by Hassan Hassan Whiteside.
Oh that's where we're at.
Yeah. Yeah. So everybody knows kind of that. You know there's also that pronunciation I got.
Yeah. OK, so it's not out of No. And relating it to something they're familiar with. Yeah, and they're not figuring out that there's different ways. Yeah, this is the way it's pronounced now. Did Ellen almost diarrhea herself when you corrected her? Because that was the best moment. I was like, he did not know.
Like it was. No, it was just one of those things where, like, my my mom and dad were in the store that. Yes, yes. So they took the day off work. Both both my parents are like state employees. My mom works at the VA.
My dad works for like the state. So they took the day off in D.C. Is it in Sacramento? In Sacramento. Oh, I grew up in. And you guys, they flew down. They insisted on driving.
So they did like the five hour I five sat, you know what I mean.
In the Camry pulled up. Yeah. The Green Elenora.
There's a sweet moment in that clip where you're like, my parents are here in this. Yeah. Yeah.
So but then but then when the whole Hasaan thing happened, my mom was just like, you know, she just doesn't she was like, what's going on? You know? So I was like, what are we doing? Yeah. Because I always had this thing. I was like, oh, if I make it then we'll figure it out. And I'm like, what am I what am I waiting for?
This kind of are we doing this is a perfect Segway into a would you rather that we talked about last week. So, OK, we bring up two horrible scenarios. OK, so would you rather and I know you're going to react to this. Thirty days. So once once a day for a month, 30 days at night, like at the end of your day, you've done everything you need to do to finish all this. Yeah, yeah.
You finish of the day and then they're like, hey, check your emails. Like, I'm all set. You watch like a couple of minutes of clips of just your parents face.
OK, but orgasming OK, so your dad's like and your mom's like, oh I like that. But you're not seeing their naked bodies. I just see their face. You see their faces.
It's not that just the ecstasy on your mom and your dad. OK, now what's my other choice.
Your other choice. Excuse me.
Yeah. I want you. Do you get in the car park illegally.
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
He's a good dog guy. This all day, this all day, but wait a minute, this guy wait for it, he he's giving himself a root canal.
What is he doing? He's extracting it. OK, I got it.
So but he's not totally stable, right. And did you ever do trouble runs?
Yes. So what's the difference? Oh, my God. He wants to make love to you. Oh, and you you know, do you know this through the can you tell behind the O'Kelly's the pictures? I look behind those vocalese. Does he want to.
I've done a deep dive on this, on this guy and he's amazing. He's no longer with us. But he was amazing and I proposed the scenario last week just ridiculous in the moment. Like, can we watch something new of his to us?
Yeah, like a dewdrop drop. He drops, he's dropped, he dropped. He is like 26 dead.
And he has. And so it's like Tupac fuckin recordings. They're just like popping up. Yeah. And I propose to have somebody like nobody in his life was consolidating his content. Oh, no, no, no. And then he had the main and then he had you know, he got rid of a lot of the people. So but I was like, oh, the scenario is horrible, which is fun for a would you rather.
And then I was like, what would you rather I was like a definitely rather watch my parents then get in the car with this dude because I know what he's capable of. Yeah. And this is just this is just but this is more than just get in the car with him.
Yeah. You can make love. You have to make love. You have to know why you decided to make love.
Oh because you had to see your parents orgasm. Yeah.
It's like either or like would you like actually said I'll get in the car and have sex with us is nymphet smoke you know.
And I was like this is a hardcore drug user like has done incredibly insane, reckless shit.
Yeah. I mean look and the versus the discomfort of just seeing.
But listen, he takes care of a dog, he keeps the dog alive. He can't be that much. How do you not by the way, Tom, how do you just not have shame around the whole parents. Yeah, I know. It's weird.
Yeah. Like for me, I think my parents had sex twice for me. And you're like a nice kid.
Like your parents have respect for them. You love your parents. Yeah. I think you would most emotionally scar you more 100 percent than the fifty years in the making. Sweetheart, you're not saying you're not seeing them naked, you're just saying it's just too much.
It's too much. I'll tell you a story. When I was in the eighth grade, one of my best friend's parents just went through a divorce.
Right. So I didn't know this like white people.
You guys do what majority do divorce, right? Yeah. Yeah. Whereas Indian people stay together, but they hate one another. Right. Right. But they sleep in different rooms and the whole thing. But but but there's one mortgage payment, right? There's no mortgage payment. There's not multiple holiday presents. Right.
And it's also about like, you know how like people are like, oh, you should learn self-control and planking and all that. That's the original emotional plank. Yeah. Both your parents rocking it out.
Forty plus years. Yeah. Loveless marriage, you know what I mean. Anyways, all that is to say eighth grade, one of my best buds calls me. His parents are just going through a divorce. He's like my dad starting to date again.
I can hear them going at it next door. Yeah. And I can hear it all this. This is back on landline. He's calling me on a landline.
He's like, dude, I got to get out of here. And I was just I remember in my mind, I was like, thank God my parents don't have sex. Yeah.
Which is such a weird thing. Yeah. To think. Yeah. I wish hope for. Yeah.
So to answer your question all day, all day, all day with you bro, all day he takes out that tooth, we kind of patch it up a little bit and we do what we have to do.
All I ask is that he takes off the glasses so I think I got it.
I want to make eye contact, make I can't be that bad to folks. Folks have fucking thing. He's going to have to wash his hands to wear pink car wash.
He's a he's a car wash. Do you know what's crazy when you go to the dentist, they don't let you keep the tooth. Yeah, I never thought about that. Yeah. Have you asked? I've asked. I had a root canal too and I was like, can I keep the tooth there?
Like, no, why do fuck you. Why. It's your fucking tits. My tooth. No, this is some bullshit.
Yeah. And I was like, can you put it in like a little jar? Like, why don't we start a campaign? Because I want to see the damage that was done on it.
Yeah. Yeah. I want to see my body part. Yeah. What is that.
What's the cyborg. What is it called. Change. That was change dog.
Let me keep the eye on him and let's petition the American Dental Association to start letting patients keep their fucking teeth.
And if you get lipo down, you should be able to keep the fat. Yeah. Your body. I've always wondered what human it too by the way.
Oh, you can see it on the TLC show. Really? They always look, I'm imagining yellow foam.
It's yellow and chunky looking. Yeah. And soft now because your parents are Indian. Yeah.
Do they. Knowledge your success as success, because my immigrant parents were like, if you're not a doctor or a lawyer, like it's not real, like what's show business, you know?
Yeah, I think they like. Like when I did the White House Correspondents Dinner, they're like, this is serious. That's it. Go ahead. That's a big one. Yeah. Yeah. What year was yours? Twenty. Seventeen. So you got a Trump won. You got it. I got it from I got the first Trump won but he didn't show up. Didn't show up to any of that. No. No. In both. Yeah.
It was cool but they thought it fragile. They thought I went a little too hard in the paint. Yeah. I don't think they understand that comedy. The point of that. Yeah. Is to make fun of things the like hyperbole doesn't they don't fully do.
I mean all the ones during the Trump years were great and everybody went hard. I feel like. I feel like.
Yeah, yeah. But yeah that's that's fine. That's one.
That's when my parents were like all right, this is kind of because it was affiliated with the White House and the government, you know, I mean like yes, this is serious.
But I remember like what about when you had your like when you had Patriot Act? I mean, like that's that was, that was cool. But yeah. That was cool. Like you had a host of other. Yeah. At that point they were, they were, they were cool with it. But I remember like trying to you know I'm like I'm featuring for Russell Peters.
Yeah. Did you get to really. I got to I got to do a set.
Oh but but Russell was super nice to us and he's from a number of times it was really great with such a sweetheart. The first time I did it there, like I got a call.
Hey, you can work Palm Beach Improv. Yeah. You know, in two weeks. Yeah. OK. And they're like, you're going to you're going to feature for Russell Peters, like who fucks Russell Peters. And we went on YouTube and you were like, no, I was there like, oh no, all the shows are sold out.
I was like, no. Like at the time I had not heard of him. I was like, they're all sold out. Yeah. And they're like, yeah. And I go, Who is that?
I thought I was like, one of these things, you know, just like Jim Rogers. And you're like, what? Who's this person like? I haven't heard of them.
And then I get there and I mean, the shows weren't just sold.
They were like insane, like packed to the gills. So when he blew up, yeah, I remember I bought tickets because he was coming to the U.S. to do like his first theater tour. And I bought tickets. I drove from Sacramento to L.A. He performed at Royte like Royce Auditorium or something at UCLA. Yeah, I remember paying like eighty five dollars. And I was telling my I drove down with like my friend from high school and I was like, we got to go.
Yeah. Like I hate comedy. Don't, don't your friends that your friends that you grew up with, they don't like comedy. Right.
A couple of their Polish friends that you grew up with, they're like what this is. So yeah.
Everybody No one. No, there was no business of standup growing up. I will but I will show clips. This is why we can't take ourselves seriously. I will show clips of like the five greatest comedians of all time to my friends that I grew up with.
These and these are successful people.
They run the world like work at a hedge fund or, you know, like top lawyer, blah, blah, blah. I'll be like, this is George Carlin. They're like, bro, why is he sad and why does he have a rattail? Yeah.
Yeah. So it's like I don't want to I don't know if you ever had this conversation at all.
I should have known, I should have like understood this before, but it took the conversation with Netflix before I understood that like a game show on Netflix. Well, like a like a baking show or whatever you want to call it. Like, yeah. Who can who can sculpt the wood the fastest. Yeah. Those shows get ten times the views that any standup special gets. Oh he's a lot just like a big nailed it. Yeah.
Because they're like so what I'm saying is like I didn't have a choice. Yeah.
Well I soon realized that standup is like it's niche entertainment. It's a super I didn't you forget it. When you're in the world of it, you're like dude, what you say.
My best friend who I grew up with. Yeah. She's so oblivious to pop culture. Stop. I'll be like, dude, you heard of Dane Cook. She's like, who's Dane Cook?
Like, she's so checked out of it. What if you go Dave Chappelle? Yeah, she will know that one.
She might know that one time I remember I told one of my friends I was like, you know, like, people are going to Ohio to go see Chappelle performance.
And I showed him a photo and he was like, the dude from you've got mail that you've got mail that you can see on reruns right now on TNT 1998, you've got mail. And I'm like, No. One of the greatest living comedians of all.
Even, you know, the funny thing is his like meteoric rise to fame is is really attached to a sketch show. Sure. You know, I mean, like, he is a great standup, but the reason he's super famous, it's still because that show man like.
Yeah, that's why I don't think a lot of people even know that, like, they come see me on tour. Yeah. And they saw kind of homecoming king, but they don't really think of me as like that. I came up in stand up. They're like, oh, he tells stories.
And he can explain things to me, really to a lot of people that were like, that's the Daily Show guy. Yeah. Like he just explains things to people fast. Yeah. With a lot of screens.
Yeah. Do you. So you live in New York, right? We yeah. We we live in New York for the past seven years. I mean you live in a city. We live in the city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we live in Connecticut now. Oh that's the move. Right. It's the move.
Have the kids recently or like in like. Yeah. When we, when we had my son we straight up out of covid baby, he was born like hi to the pandemic. And so my, my three year old, she was out there just like licking elevator buttons and hugging everybody at the bodega. I'm like, baby, we can't do this.
And she thought it was hilarious. Yeah. Like those first few weeks in New York City, people were walking around and like garbage bags and she thought it was like the funniest because we didn't know what it was. Remember, like, people like wiping groceries with bleach. Yes. So she was just running up to everybody. And I'm like, we gotta we got to get out of here. So we ended up just signing like a one year lease out Airbnb.
Yeah, just in the burbs in Connecticut. Yeah. Good for you. Smart way different now, though, right? I mean, even I thought here, they're like it's weirdly quiet. Yeah.
But then but then it's right now I don't know when this is going to come out, but it's in this weird open, closed like middle zone where there's like a place that is open and then next door it's just boarded up. Like we're out of business. We've left town. Figure it out, anyone wants to, like, come in here and squat, you can do. Such a bummer the way it is nationally like that, just the businesses that you're like on this business, like this person's whole thing is ruined.
Yes, it's gone. Yeah. I said, do you ever have bad neighbors in Manhattan, like in New York?
Because it's such a you're such a it's such a difference in L.A. New York is like your shoulder to shoulder with people in New York and in L.A. You're like in your car like like.
Yeah, feel like that. But I feel like there's always there's always like a a social like a neighborly thing that happens in New York that you really can't mimic.
I remember I didn't I didn't have crazy neighbors, but I remember the first apartment that I moved into. I just got married and I had just gotten hired at The Daily Show. So we had just gotten married. And I didn't know if I was going to keep the job. Like, I was like I could get fired in a few months because sometimes, you know, quick turnaround in these types of things. So I ended up having roommates and one of my roommates was just like everybody in New York just has this hustle.
So he was selling light bulbs. So the whole living room was just filled with, like light bulbs and just random. And he was just part of like an international light bulb exporting light bulb, like his mustache. Yeah. And I'm like, what is this keeping inventory snag one.
Like, if your lamp went out, could you go? No, I don't know. He's like, do not fuck with me.
Yeah. Yeah. So just weird shit like that. Everybody is just part of like a weird and then he would also like Airbnb be part of the apartment out and like Oh you know what I mean.
Yeah, it was a lot, it haven't seen this but this is supposed to be a bad neighbor confrontation.
OK, you're going to about a buddy are you Mr. Private Investigator, have you been stalking my looks since your picture? Please post it. People can know is that is your voice. You are through a megaphone scum. All your neighbors can know you're scum as well. Please, I hope you post. You're not you're not really intimidating me by taking a picture. I'm here to intimidate you and I am.
What the hell is going to wait. Does he have. But is he is he a private investigator. Is that all. See have a microphone is. Yeah. Yep.
He has a speaker on his waist with a mic that's feeding into it such a great headset. He has a headset that is so crazy red faced.
I love you know what, the next time you come and try to intimidate me, I'm going to intimidate you. Buck. I'll be here every time you intimidate me at my house. I will be here to intimidate you at your house.
Yo, I love how he has the you know how when you go to Costco and there's the one vitamin E guy. Yeah. He's got the same side effects.
Yeah. You know, that is bullshit. Just like the speaker on the on the whale.
On the walk man. I love her dating. Yeah.
He's like I'm intimidating. He was like no you're not. Now would that Canadian accent.
Go ahead Goldie. Get this side. This is my good side. Oh, dear. You're done, buddy. In fact, you're going to jail. You're done. Scott. Thanks, Cockscomb.
You're going to do this. Makes me so sad. Yeah. Yeah. We're like, remember when you watched The Truman Show? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But now any time anything goes down anywhere in public. Have you seen it like I've seen fights break out just like.
At a united like waiting, everyone just pulls out their cameras. Yeah, we're all just in The Truman Show. Yeah, I know it sucks, right?
But thank God for our show, because then we er.
Yes, it is pretty strange. Isn't that deeply sad. Yeah.
Or even like, you know, I forget where I was somewhere with like a zoo or. No, I think it was, it was when I was in Australia and somebody was like we were seeing like a penguin at an exhibit and at the aquarium and somebody said something like Hold on, hold on. I didn't get that. But my phone. And somebody else goes, you could just use your eyes.
And remember, it was like like that, like every like you don't have to document it like this. We didn't for a long time. Right.
Like, hey, I remember you didn't document your sister at clowning you for your name now. But I know it's like it's like just so you didn't go. Yeah. It's like.
Yeah, like but there is something he's saying which is interesting about being a spectator to all of life. Now like you, you're creating content over every fucking moment of existence versus just being, being a moment and living it.
Well that's why I like that guy is on a microphone like that lunacy is happening.
Yeah. Like how do these people always have the wherewithal to pull out their phone? That's always the part that.
But the thing that's sad about that is that they're like, I need a receipt right now. Yeah. So like we're living and live. Like, I got to see the manager and show them the receipt. But that's all happening in real time. Whereas like with us, we'd see this like crazy Costco megaphone dude, and then we would take time to think about it, riff it out and then make it hyperbolic.
Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean.
Dude, do I talk to your children. Oh, fear for them. I need to eat in my brain because I started like I started analogue.
Right. Like I was born in 1976. I have started on pen and paper and newspapers and lockers and putting posters on your locker and like, what's up dude.
I like the here and then. Now it's everything's on social media. I'm Instagram ing. Someone can talk shit to me from the fucking other side of the world and my brain is overwhelmed and I'm depressed after like I never put down my phone and go like that was awesome.
I'm so glad that I'm social media and just fucking did that. Do you clap back, Tom? He does he love you body slam motherfuckers the tables.
I mean, not all the time. I used to do it more. He's now king of the collapse.
I feel like I'm the king of don't engage. Right. And don't don't give someone the pleasure. Huh. But sometimes sometimes you do have to tell someone to go fuck themselves.
Yeah. And that's kind of fun to do. And it's not a dialogue. It's just go fuck yourself, you know, get out of here and you're just like you just straight up mutombo them to the stands, just back into the stands.
You don't do that damn well. I do it a couple times.
And I was like, why am I doing this? I didn't feel good doing it. Yeah, but there's moments where you have the joke.
Like I did this joke about lamella balls. I performed at the NBA Awards a couple of years ago and I made fun of James Harden. I think the joke was something along the lines of like so many big players are here tonight you know Giannis Loukia James Harden can be here tonight you know he's overseas and China as you all know he loves traveling or whatever. And then I did a tag about like Oh no no no I go, I go in classic James Harden is going to be here tonight in classic playoff fashion.
He didn't show up and then I tagged it with like he's in China right now. We all know how much he loves to travel. Mike, don't you don't have to groan at that joke. Chris Paul made me write it. Yeah. So this is like three jokes about something was happening, like, right that week. We're like him and Chris Paul were getting into it. Anyways, I do this joke about lamella all the time he was playing in Australia.
We don't know if he's going to make the league or not. Anyways, I said he's not going to make the league. He has a bunch of fans on Instagram that like repost like remember when this clown said limo boy would make the league and then people are just like, yo, this this dude better say he's sorry.
And I'm like, you're totally right. You should absolutely take a comedian literally. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Where they're just like accountability. Now, for your hyperbolic joke, I did engage people.
I'll tell you this. Yeah, I just said not to, but I definitely did like yesterday. Yeah.
When I went I went to to get coffee. Yeah. And I pulled out my phone. Yeah. And I was going to try oat milk in my coffee so I can try oatmeal. I'll let you guys know how it is. Yeah. Like my stories. Yeah. All right. I try it, I'm like it's just delicious. And then immediately I get some people being like numb and like messaging me. It's you know, it's not real milk or the bubble.
And so I joking this is about the milk, about oatmeal decision about me. Like I'm on I'm on board.
So I jokingly say, hey, guys, you're being racist towards oats and fucked up. Yeah. If you don't like oatmeal, fuck you. Right. This whole thing. Oh no, no.
I say it, I say it like in my stories I just go like, fuck you. If you don't like this break, you're being racist and all lives matter. But you're just saying every buzzword, everything. Then I get hit with like Hey man, all lives matter is not a cool thing.
I'm talking about milk.
Yeah. And so then I like a couple hours later I go, I want to apologize. You want to say all oats matter. I meant to say all milk matters got OK. And and I apologize. I was super fucked up. I'm an idiot. I apologize to everybody in the world. All milk, two percent whole milk. All right. I start listing milk.
Yeah, dude, the funny thing is and then you see triple down and then that got worse. Well, the whole thing is a lot of people are like laughing about it and saying, you know, it's ridiculous. This is funny.
But yeah, but in in between, those are people going, I hate that you apologize.
I mean, you got to stick to your guns. Like, what is that? I mean, what, what is happening there?
Like, it's not like we went like into this vortex and then somebody that I know wrote to me and they go, I appreciate the apology because words do matter.
And I was like, oh, what the fuck, man? I'm talking about milk. Yeah. Like, I'm not really apologizing. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what it's like to try to navigate on the Internet in an alternate universe.
Like my brain is trying to comprehend the differences now between Christina Peh the avatar and, you know, just seen it the first fucking forty years of my life or one way and then the last few years, it's like everything is gone.
What happens is the origin is always from a good place. So you like the idea of be accountable for your words and where that comes from a good place. But like any movement or thought that is, that comes from human beings, it's never going to be perfect.
So the overreach of it, of being like you shouldn't say that about what if it was a bottom, like I wish there was a button that just took you from your screens in person, you know what I mean?
Just like now it's like you just and then you appeared in person, you know, what you say, what you said mean. It's kind of what you say, but yeah.
What you said, you said and you're just like, oh, I just I was like, oh, OK, cool. You just keep it moving. Yeah.
Or it transports you in person or what you say. And then remember, like when you were like in middle school or high school and a fight would break out and they go and then people go like I didn't fucking stutter. And you're like, oh shit, now we're going get them.
Yeah. They should transfer you to fucking junior high. Yeah. I learned not to say shit to people. Yeah.
But I think what you're trying to say is bring bullying back is what I, I'm just trying to say is, yo, let's just, just say it to me because complete context is lost.
Just say to me, yeah, yeah it's true because I've been called out like outside of Mr. DeMarco because like what you say and I was like Abara. I'm, I didn't I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I say anything. I'm sorry. Being called out really makes you sober up quick.
Like super cool. You you're either going to stick to what you said or you can be like, I definitely didn't mean that.
Yeah. Like when I called this kid. How many kids how many fights have you been in your life? I've been in three fights in my life. I've lost all three.
I mean, I've been in one. And it's because I talk some shit to someone who I shouldn't have talked shit about. And I learn after that.
Yeah, you're like I say shit to nobody now.
I got jumped in fifth grade. Yeah, I lost that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well by the way, this is the best. Take a shout out to Ronnie Chang. Yeah, this is Ronnie Chase. There he goes. People love to talk smack on. By the way. Everybody go to Ronnie Chang's Instagram stories. They're the funniest philosophical. You don't know if he's joking or not joking, which is beautiful. Yes. But he goes. He goes. People talking shit on on the Internet is the epitome of people who love the thrill of conflict without any other consequence.
That's a perfect way to summarize. I was like the perfect way to summarize. Yes. Your milk fiasco. Yeah, that is exactly the thrill of conflict without any of the consequences, with none of his specials. Fantastic, by the way. It's great. Well, I got to watch it on Netflix. Yeah, and this series is called Asian Comedian Destroys America. Oh yeah, I've seen that. He's really funny. Nice dress. Nice, you know.
Yes. Supersize me.
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How much, how much thought do you put into your bomber jacket decision for Volchok. It's a big one, right. A lot of it's a lot.
And Christina, are you like it's either blue or black or what are we really doing? I supervise all the decisions.
You make us confess. So I had to do had a stuff that came over with the stylist with a with a cart, right.
Like what the fuck in the mobile hanger cart with like 25 of them and put them all on. Then she has that line, which is great. There's who you think you are versus who you really are, because sometimes you feel like this shit is fresh and they're like, you cannot wear that. Yeah. So there was some of those like so like that's a little too.
So it like the leopard print AirMax 95 and yeah I can do this because you're like that looks dope and they're like not on youth now.
So you know, you do that to and then you kind of pare it down for me to do this. And this is the color scheme. We're going to go with the blue black. We're great. So we're going to do blues then.
He brings this jacket that fits like sometimes that jacket is it feels like like, you know, the body like this off the rack just perfect. He goes, but this one's kind of expensive.
And I'm like, it's all right. And it's a jacket. It's a jacket. It's five grand. And I was like, damn for a jacket, bro.
That is expensive. And it's not the right color.
It's not a Dior dress. It's just not the right color. So we're going to have to get it first. He goes, I'll ask the company that makes this if they'll make it in blue. And he reaches out to them and they said they will make it like a custom one and blue two weeks after you film, especially, you know, they're going to take four months or something.
So then he's like, we can look into dyeing this incredibly expensive jacket, which I have not purchased on. Mean, I don't know. That's really crazy. OK, call Netflix, ask them to buy it. They say yes. So they buy the jacket. He sends it to get professionally dyed in color. Yeah.
Then I go to London. I go to Europe. I do like a tent city thing. I end up in London, I'm in London and I go, I don't know if I should wear that jacket. So I go to some fancy department store in London and I buy like ten more like I have them shipped the exact same in a panic about what's the jacket I'm going to wear.
Yeah. For the special care. I send them all. They all kind of I get it. I start taking pictures and sending it to say he's like I thought we had you know, it's got to be this got to be this one.
And we get back and I go I guess he shows me the now the dyed leather and I go, it does look amazing. And then I start having panic about wearing leather. I'm like, I can't wear leather. I don't know, I just go like not in a leather place.
And it's not a leather guy like you think you're a leather guy. Yeah. And one time I tried on a jacket for my special. Yeah. And I thank you so much.
This is why you get married, because I had on a leather jacket and he's like, OK, dice.
And I was like, oh no. But it was a wake up. I was like, you're right, I fucking hate you.
But you're right. Had dice vibes. Fuck you. But you're right.
So you're saying I end up going I go to New York, I do shows and then were going to do the special and as we're like pulling into Austin, we shoot in Austin.
At what point, Christina, does this get annoying the jacket? Well, probably the London right. The London beat of it, yeah.
But like I'm also I understand because I'm a comic and I understand how neurotic one gets closer to taping. Yeah. So I have sympathy.
Yeah, I have sympathy for it. I get in there and I pull out my options. I brought like multiples for the special. Yeah. And then I put on the jacket that I'm wearing. It's a jacket that I've owned for a couple of years and I go, I'm going to wear this.
So that's the jacket I've had.
You're like, look, we got this a jacket. I have friends are like five years ago. I just like the way I like it.
But don't you like that? Because there are things I see on me. Sometimes I feel like I when I see that I go like that's my jacket. Like that's my. That's who you are. Yeah. Yeah. How many times. What we're trying to do is basically close the gap between because there's stuff where I'm like, I want to dress like Pharrell Williams.
Oh yes. I want to know, you know what, if you can pull off some, you're gonna close the gap. Yes. No, no, no, no, no. Because the thing is, there's stuff that I see. I thought like I thought chains were kind of cool. Yes. Oh.
So I started wearing chains and then I was like, using the chains. You should talk to change. I don't know.
But the problem is, it's like immediately when I walked out wearing one being, I was like, yo, do you own a hookah lounge?
Dude, it was just so I goes, are you are you going to serve Tom and Christina hummus and ask them if they want more? Kind of. Jack, what kind of change was it? It was like a goal, like the thing gold that like kind of just like that kind of like Middle Eastern, Dacey Persian I Drake looking Fatboys where you see them like with Blackshirts and then go ahead.
I was like good. And I'm like I'm thirty five and I'm dressing like a knight. What am I doing in that chain.
You know. And I was like I'm going to wear it on stage.
And she was like, don't you dare go down to the cellar and wear this stupid ass chain on stage.
Can I tell you what I just bought?
OK, they know. Speaking of chains, don't you? Did diamond earrings? Don't do that.
I didn't know about the chain, but it wasn't a regular chain. It's black onyx with black diamonds.
Oh what. Yeah. Yes. Why. I don't know.
And show them the picture. Can you send the dog the photo. Oh yeah. Yeah. You're going to die. You come. Yeah bro. I know. Can I tell you something. Yeah. I took it back you to take it back to the jeweler and thank God because I wasn't shopping. Here's the thing. They they what. Give me the context. OK, I'll give you wonder what context where you are. You're like, OK, look, this is no, I'll give you the context that I'm thinking of.
So Tom Sagara joins OEO now.
Now he's part of Ohio. Yeah.
And you're backstage and you got to have your your black on black diamonds to explain in what context of you doing a ten minute spot at the Comedy Store involves Black on Black Diamonds.
And he did this while I was out of town. This was all this transpired just like the jacker.
Let me tell you exactly how it went. Oh, my God. So I go in the store, I actually buy her jewelry. Yes. And then they're like about like something for you. And I was like, I'm not really looking for anything. And then I go, you know what I would like? And I describe a chain that's simple and clean and go, we don't have that. What about this? And I immediately go, That's not me, which is the chain that I buy.
It's behind you on that screen. OK, bro. Wait, wait, hold on, let's analyze what's the look? Listen, though, listen, I go. I go. That's not for me. I got to tell the tell the viewers what the price is. What are we talking about here?
Let me get there. So so then I go. No, no, no. And I give it back. Huh.
And the guy's like checking me out on the joy that I'm buying her. Yes. And then he's like and that's it. Sure looks good on you. Right. And I was like, I'm not really lies.
I swear to you. I swear to you. When I when I bring it back, the lady is like, why are you returning this? And I was like, I feel ridiculous. Yeah. Wearing it. Yeah. And she was like, it looks great. And I go, it doesn't it's not me though. Yeah. She goes, no, no it is you.
But why did you go with this kind of prayer beads, Buddhist temple vibe. Thank you.
So here's the thing.
Is it Buddhist temple or a lot of cultures have the prayer be, you know what, I'm right or I'm I'm in a fraternity and it's 1999 and I'm wearing T was to go with my cool beaded. Yeah. Can I tell you what I say Shel's. Yeah, I remember I see a guy that knows how to eat a woman out.
That's what I said. Wow. That chain says are you trying to get your box lit up because this guy knows this box look and vibes.
Oh you see that. You know, if you saw that a guy with a black like OK, OK, this is a guy who wears a thumb ring. So this this whole line of gentlemen. Yeah. He wears the ring or he just gives you the fuck he does that maybe.
I remember this had a moment sometime. Yes. Maybe a fucking onyx on Brokamp bracelet with like the eyeball in the middle.
Yeah. Now this guy is not you homie. This is like this. I took it bad. This is what happens.
What are we chasing Tom. When I got him and Christina, what are we doing. I tell you what I think I'm chasing. Let's talk about let's talk about let's talk about the Jordan graphic for a second.
What are we chasing? Folsom Allied Air Jordan graphic team wearing it first day. But why? What? Who?
Because when I'm criticizing you, I'm criticizing me. Yeah.
What are we chasing? I think I can just afford why can't we embrace the cosmic joke?
I can buy over that. I can buy the shit that I wanted when I was the best fucking teenager. I love.
I love that y'all actually really love life. Now, you guys can totally cut this out, but I'm a person that actually likes to have real conversations with people. And yes. Yes. One of the things I loved is before I came on the show, there's actually a few weeks ago when we kind of were like, oh, let's schedule this as I was like, I want to how Tom and Christina living. I just, you know, just go to Google, then you go to the news tab.
That's where she gets real fun. Yeah. And it was just like Tom and Christina close on Malibu.
I go, you all are calabashes, be bird living. Then you go to my news and it says, Hasan Minhaj closes on Honda Odyssey at White Plains. Honda, shut up.
No way, bro. No how can I can I Daily Show. I'm scared.
I'm super I'm super scared. Why? Probably that's because that's the immigration inside of you, bro. Now I had the same problem.
Do Polish people also where where's your family from? My dad's a white American and my mother's Peruvian, Peruvian and Peruvian culture. Is it like in Hindi we call it shot. I'm like, you should have shame.
Like you don't do this or just another or like Buzard evil.
I like you do that. You'll have another. You do that.
But will people will be envious of you in it.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Strict Catholic upbringing. Catholics are always into the guilt and you shouldn't lie to me.
Yeah. Muslims are basically brown Catholics. A lot of fire and brimstone. Yeah, a lot of the other thing is a lot of Super Mario Brothers stuff when it comes to so well, if you do this on this day, you level up, but you do this.
Do you do this in your house like my mother. This is a very Latin thing. Yeah. Well, she's like like for her, like I don't think there's a difference between me and like Elon Musk for her. Like you have money. She goes, you have you have money. So then like OK, she'll be like I was bro, I don't just fucked up. I was like in intelligence. Yeah.
And you're like, yeah, I was like, your mom knows how. So I don't think you saw my math grades, so I failed all of them. But she'll just be like, no, my point is that she'll be like, you have money. Yeah. And so you're like, OK. And then she's like, she'll just call me like I want the new MacBook. I'm like, OK, OK. This is like, will you please buy me one?
And I'm like, well I mean, I guess so. Yeah. And then you send that and then like a week or two later she's like, I saw these eatings today. Can you buy them for me. I'm like, what is this? Is this like a wish list thing to Hambro?
It's just like send me stuff. And then if you go like she calls you like you're a first year NBA player.
Yes. Yeah. Like you just got to the. Yes. And then she you haven't gotten to the part where you cut them out. I know, but you go down to the part.
Yeah. But then she'll be like then she'll call me like don't worry, I'm not going to ask you for some presence like you know. But it's all about if you are successful at any level. Yeah. You can afford it and you should be buying the rest of us stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
What do you what are your parents. My dad did this thing because he just retired from he worked thirty five years at the at the Cal State EPA. So he's chemistry. Five years and I was like, I'm going to get you a great retirement present, and he kept, he kept he'll do this thing where my dad loves sunning me in public.
Yes. So, like, if he was here, he'd be like Hussin said he was going to get me a retirement present of my retirement.
And I said, you know, you just keep he loves doing it. Yeah. Yeah. He'll do stuff just like us and cried when he was little. Like he would do stuff like that all the time. Like, yeah. Oh yeah. He did this and he started crying so that all the stuff like that but he kept bringing it up. He's like you told me you're going to get me a car for my retirement present. You told me I was going to get you're going to get me a car for my retirement present.
So I ended up getting him a Tesla.
Oh, yeah. And we flew in.
We bought the surprise, surprise.
And then when we got there, my dad did the most Indian dad thing ever. He's like I said, why did you do this? This is so bad. This is irresponsible.
And then Tyler, like just like the white flower guy had to be like, hey, listen, Najimy, Hossan, listen, not a lot of sons do this. I've been working here for a long time. Like, you should totally accept this gift. And, you know, my dad is like, just stay out at this, Tyler, you know, like, really, this is irresponsible. So, yeah, he doesn't really drive the car.
My sister drives the Tesla y.
Yeah. He so won't he. So it no he takes it but he's just like I don't want to mess it up, I don't want to take you know, what they just did. By the way, I have not stopped thinking about the fact that you can definitely pull off the onyx and black diamond chain. I could do this.
You know, there's a lot of plastic. There's a lot there's a lot you can pull up with that beautiful hair. But Christina, such hair, your face is beautiful. Photographs is incredible. Thank you.
Thank you. It's going on, you could do it, what are you, a fucking model? What do you model where? Christina Yeah. Don't embarrass me. And you were we were just like, yeah, you're about to, like, do a salad or whatever you see in passing in the hallways of whatever the handsome. But you would be like, hey, you saw me wearing two chains. Yeah. Would you be like, this is normal or would you be like, what is this Indian guy?
You forget you forget, my friend, that when you're a showman, your job is show business.
We have a license to elbow like you, license to fucking dress crazy, like go for it.
And especially the older you get and more you get into it with kids and you're like, I don't give a fuck what anybody says about me. True. Go fuck your mom. I'm taking care of my family.
What my year. What year are you going to lock into? Because one of the things I love. Oh yeah. All my friends that I grew up with their parents lock into a specific year. Never change.
I'm 15. Always. Yeah. So I have like one one of my friends, Syrus.
His dad is locked into 1993, so he wears all like the vintage like Nike ACG.
It actually really weird and then cool again and then weird and then cool, you know what I mean.
Sickels. Yeah. It's like he locked into a.
So your parents are still living in like an old country like mean mentally. Three cameras parked out front. Yep. So there are just three cameras still making all three silver, blue, black.
Get rid of one of them. Yeah. Everybody.
How many miles. If you live if you live in Rancho Cordova, one of them like two eighty.
If you live in Rancho, you know this house, people in our neighborhood are like yo, they honestly think we're having like a party at our house every single day because they're parked outside, you know what I mean? Yeah, there's three cameras parked outside.
Our dads are different because when I was like, yeah, I'm looking at cars and this like, well, I like cars and we talk about cars. He's like, you know, you really should get this is my father who's a financial adviser for well, your dad's a financial advisor. And I'm like, what? He goes a Ferrari. And I was like, what the fuck? But he's like, I go, I wasn't looking at that.
I was looking at like other cars.
And he was like, those aren't that special, you know, like I was like, who's this for?
My buying this for me was like he's like, well, you know, Ferrari, just keep that. You'll just, you know, that'll be something you just don't ever forget, you know?
I'm like, yeah, I guess so. It's also like your dad, like sell mortgages and shit like that.
You know what? It's a legit financial I mean, he's retired. He just retired four years ago, but. Yeah.
And it would always advise. You know, like making smart financial decisions, so I was like, are you? He also told me one time that it made sense for me to buy a plane. Yeah, I don't think he was a financial adviser.
And I go the way he did. I go, I go, no, I go. That can't make sense. And he goes, a lot of pro golfers do it.
And I'm like, kid, but I'm not on the PGA Tour. Yeah. And he goes, Yeah, but you're traveling all the time and think could really make a lot of sense at the time when he said that I called my business manager. Yeah, this is crazy. But my dad said. You know, the plane thing and the guy's like, well, let me look into it, calls me back, he goes, Yeah, it really could make sense.
Like, are you fucking insane?
Like, I'm I have you guys to tell me not to do that like this.
And they're like, yeah, no, you could do it like well like a old used still was like but how would that. And then I started to propose scenarios. I'm like because this, how about this cost in that court. And like after the third conversation they're like yeah, yeah. I can see how it's not that smart to do it.
I'm like, why do I pay you? Well, we fire that bro. I think you're surrounded by a lot of people that aren't. Yeah. Looking out for me. Looking out for you. Yeah. Yeah exactly.
It's diamonds. Yeah. It's gone I guess.
You know, I didn't know, you know you guys, you guys are two to podcast.
You must you ask the question like what's going on here. It's that I just love hip hop so much. Yes. And I go I want to be, you know, and in hip hop. So that's why I want chains and Jordans.
And but here's the good news is that he has this showy spending stuff. And I am like your parents. I'm like, no, lock it down. Like, it's all going to end tomorrow. Yeah.
God, I saw every night she'll tell me she's sort of taking it away. The Russians are sure. Sure, sure.
But then people also get mad at me. They're like, why do you have all of this in your Wells Fargo bank account from when you were sixteen? I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, I just was told that if I put it in a mattress, you can't take it from me.
But I'm like, what immigrant did your parents do this?
To work all around the house would just be cash and just like, yeah, grandmothers just yo, it was straight up crazy when my mom died. It was like a treasure hunt. Like my dad and I were going through all her stuff and she had like hidden jewelry in plastic bags, vases.
I found stuff in vases and like what?
They don't enjoy it. They just haven't heard it. Yeah, that's totally true. I mean, and then, like, I like my American dad. I don't think I've ever seen more than like sixty dollars in the house or on him. I mean, never had cash, no credit or with cash.
Everything was like, well everything is like, like trust the like the immigrant mentality is like don't trust, don't trust anything. Yeah. Well keep this. Yeah. Someone it could go away. Yes. The white guy.
Government stability is very common. Yeah. Yeah. But the American who grew up here is born here is like fifty, sixty years old. Just goes like what would you want. Cash. Yeah. Put it in the bank. They'll take care of it for you or you could sell it in your jacket lining.
Yeah. Like every my parent's still during house parties when they invite people over they lock doors to certain bedrooms of I'm like why are these doors locked? And my mother like, it's not your business. And I'm like, but this is Aisha's room. Why is this like this not your business?
Oh, common thing in our house. I do too. I lock up the story all the time.
My mother would lock the doors and then lose the key. So we're like, we can't get into the fucking room. Yeah. And she's like, we have to call Dellucci in the morning. I'm like, fucking hey, this is my room. Where do I sleep tonight? Who do you love him or who?
Your mom or your dad. Yeah, but did you know who he sucks. Neither dead.
OK, I mean I definitely I get along really well, like I don't have any like combative stories with my father, you know. I mean like we get along so well.
Dad's really nice. He's really, really sweet guy.
My mom you never had like a symbol maphosa fight for the for the. No, I mean, I had a couple things, but like my mom and I thought all the time and well into adulthood, very combative. But she's a very combative person. She's really fun and really funny.
But much like like a provoker, like, OK, you do you dream in English or Spanish. English. But I, I, I did dream in Spanish when I studied abroad like after like four or five months.
What about, you know because I still dream in Hindi sometimes. No shit. Yeah.
That's wild. What do you dream about. It's always, I mean it's always like super dark like death and shit like.
Yeah. And kidnapping and death and shit like it's like a recurring theme. Yeah. Who's dying. Someone that I love is dying and I need to, I need to get there in time but I don't get there in time or I'm thrown out of something. Do you do the thing where you get thrown out and then you jerk and bad. Yeah. All the time you hit, you hit the ground, you get thrown off a building or you go from a high height and then you do that thing where you like jerk.
Yeah. You actually thought, yeah, yeah. And then you jerk, you wake up and you're like, oh no, that's a lot.
So you're afraid of losing the people you love. Yeah. And so what do you love more, your mom or your dad. Mom.
Wow. No hesitation. I can see that because your father, as soon as I got the bomb putting it down on, I'm not going to pump fake. Oh yeah.
Well, it sounded like it sounded like that because your father basically refuses your kindness. The Tesla he spits.
Oh, now we're close now. We're definitely closer now. And we have a much more like, you know what it is. I think when they get older, they lose that there's less energy. Yeah. To like straight up put your ego into a headlock. Yes. Like, yeah, yeah.
That's that's by design from whoever is above the. Because as people, their hormones kind of go down and they become like they get easier to be around, yeah, they totally do. I mean, I do I do like flashcards with my daughter. I know it's like super whatever of me, but I'll read to her a lot.
I just need to make sure that I'm like, yo, up here, we're good. Yeah. Everybody else is like, my kid's going to be an athlete. I'm just like I just got to make her curious. Yeah.
And if she can read, she'll figure it out. Same I read to my kids all the time.
All the time. Yeah. And then my dad was like he was watching us and he was like, be easy on them. Like, Yo, who is this person. Yeah. Then like Alexa was playing like some music and she was dancing. He started dancing. I'm like, yo, who is this person? You're dancing, dancing straight up dancing.
So you got cooler. Usually that happens, they say when they have grand kids and they chill, they chill.
Yeah, yeah. Accept them for who they are. Every child is different. Like you said, he has all these philosophical platitudes. Now I'm like, I don't know.
He was not this is not who, you know, superintends. I remember one. This is one of the best. We all have like when we got hit stories, oh, yeah, that's one of the best stories I remember, like he took me to like a soccer game and I did something stupid, like accidentally, like kick the ball backwards into, like, our own goal. But it's like I'm like second or third grade. And I remember this is like the one time, like, I heard him cuss at me and he was like, you're not supposed to do that like focus.
But I'm like eight. He's like, focus.
And I remember we're in the Nissan stanza, we're driving, but there's Precambrian. And he understands that driving back home. And he was like, Hussan, this is in front of like one of my best friends, Chris, it was Hussan. The world is going to kick your ass. And I remember the way he said, Kick your ass.
It sticks with you, stuck with ex, with you. Yeah, I kind of like that. I kind of do too, because I feel like that's what it makes.
At least that made me it made me tougher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It made me like, yo, the world can see shit. Yeah.
Like everybody crying about the pandemic hoo bitch. Like this whole year I was like Bocuse.
Yeah. Like you won't break me. Yeah. That sort of thing. Yeah. That's how I may not be healthy but it's not healthy. I mean healthy. It's nice.
It's like a whole lane now of like the throwback, you know, like it's almost cliche to say that people go like, oh you know, there's no participation trophies and like second place like celebrating that.
And I believe that like I don't, I don't it's not speeches about it, but like I'm like, oh, yeah, no, you lost. And like, you shouldn't get an award because that's how I grew up. So but also that's fair. Like, that's fair. I don't know if you ever play 24 Hour Fitness Weekend Warrior basketball, but I still do that. Yeah, but there is I think there is the you you you play baseball, right.
You're a whooper. Yeah.
No, I walk around but there's the thing of like yo we played at twelve straight up or one by two and if you lose you have to get the F off the court. Yeah. Because there's other people trying to play and they were. That's also fair to it because if you hold it up and like.
No but you will blow up. Hey you're you're holding up the line.
Yeah. See so that's interesting. So how much old school do you raise your kids and then how much like American. Because I'm always balance between that.
The American thing I make sure is like I love you. Yeah. You just you got to know that I love you unconditionally.
We did not hear that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll tell her, I'll, I'll be, I'll be like, wow, you're so smart. Like, like, like wow you're so courageous. Like I'll tell her stuff like that when she does like brave things. But then I'm also like the thing about me reading and doing the flashcard that's like my thing with her being is always like you really like on it with reading her and buying her all these books.
Like when I go back to Connecticut I just have a stack of books and be like, Oh, Daddy, got you all this stuff. But I do also know that when she leaves the house, nobody cares about her, so I have to prepare her for both realities like the world, like seriously does not care about you.
Like, that's not going to change. That's not going to change. And regardless of who you are, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, I know. Yeah I know. But that's good.
She gets. That's the resilience. Yeah, like she knows that she has a home base with me. Yeah, for sure. But then, like I have like I'm trying to let her know, like, yeah.
You know, it's it's real out here, really. It's real. But I was super happy for her like she does, she does mixed gendered soccer and she fucked this five year old kid up nice.
And Vienna got so mad because she just knocked this kid over and he started crying and I started laughing. Yeah. She's like, you got to stop it. You can't laugh. But I was kind of really happy. No, I like.
She's three. He's five. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's straight up. Knocked him.
That's that's something to celebrate. I'm sure she went like this like boom. And then he fell back on his booty and he just like yeah. And he started crying and I started cracking up and said You can't do that. That's good parenting. But but what. But why can't you can you can.
You should. OK, don't encourage fucking whimp.
Have you seen the.
I was just proud of her for being tough, you know what I mean. I'm not violent and like not letting because some of the the boys are older than her, like it's mixed gender, you know.
I mean and I was just like yo like I like but getting a little girl to know that like you can run with the boys.
That's you. It's everything man. Yeah. Yeah. Can I tell you my pant.
My dad just didn't know better. Like I wanted a pink bike growing up with streamers. Yeah. And he's like this pink bike is fucking bullshit. I'm going to get you a good bike. And he got me like a black boy BMX dirt bike.
Oh, you got like a really good bike. Yo, I got like that's what he said.
He goes, this is a good bike, not this fucking pussy shit. And because I was like, yeah, dog.
Like I rode on this stuff the boys rode on. Did you have Pegg's on the back.
No, I'm not like it. No thanks. You don't remember what you were. Yeah, I did this, I did the segment on Patriot Act. I interviewed little kids and I go, you know how like you know how you want. You're like, yo, I want Dimond's. Yeah. I was interviewing like I interviewed young black teens because I wanted to know, yo, what are 14 and 15 kids thinking about now. Yeah, and one of one of the kids, one of the boys was like twelve.
So he was young like everybody else is like tenth, eleventh grade. They're trying to get boyfriends, girlfriends. He's twelve. Right. And I was like, what does it mean to like who's popular? What would it mean to be popular? And he's like, if you're fast.
Oh, now remember, like when you were fast, like there was always a kid like Nick Cantrell was fast.
Yeah. Yeah. And then that made him really remember when you're back, like there's a kid who was at your back.
Gosport Yeah. It was the fastest runner. Yeah. But it was like Ghazi's. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's tough. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. And then life becomes so complicated, you know people go back to buying diamonds and shit. I tell you little that's just so fresh.
I'm going to go back and buy the two of them. Are you going to a special where you get a little ostentatious with it.
That's the thing. I mean that's what I went through it. I feel like the one place that I have like a pretty pretty level head about is like on stage where I go.
You don't want to take away from, like, the show and the performance, like, you know, I mean, like for me, you know what the outfit to be better than no.
So I try to make it like pretty monotone. And just like you look clean but like not not loud but not like, oh my God, look at what he's wearing. I think that's smart when the like like Rogan wears long sleeves. Right. He's got tattoos. Right. It's like, why give another distraction.
Yeah. Plus you guys are dudes. Nobody wants to look at you. You know that's not true.
Christina That's not true. Christina Like not I've seen I've seen being a double take at certain dudes and I'm like, what's going on?
I said, pretty. Oh, but it's not that. So that's good. Do you ever hooked up with another guy? It doesn't mean you're gay or you.
Me? Yeah, we learn that. I thought, well, I knew that. I mean, I'm going to make sweet love to the ground it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh you're not gay for that. No, you're fine. Yeah.
Hey guys, we're going to do the first challenge and Jamie trying to get you to give me what I, I don't know how to my folder.
Hey Oscar. Do you mean kind of like why are we doing this. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh why did not. I don't know. Why am I doing. Oh I don't know. I mean why would you eat it if you don't. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.
I can't really ah, you both can, you can look Obama, yeah. This is enjoyable to me for. Yeah.
Oh, come on, look, I don't like yo, I seriously can't look, we are in Australia. Did you go scuba diving in Australia when you guys went?
I didn't go scuba diving. They take you way far out to the coral reef because we're destroying.
He's still gone. Yeah. It's almost like when we're on the boat, they're were like.
She and he keeps going. Why won't you just give us part is you talking about something else? Go ahead. It's over. It's over. No, I got it. We got to. It's got to hold. It's over. So the water was super choppy, yeah, and so it was us and just like. At the time, it was just a week like we got like the vacation through like some like, you know, like they have those like Groupon type whatever things.
I sent a bunch of this like tourists from all over the world right there, like the water super choppy. Just be warned. People are going to puke. Oh, like, yeah, I'd be like, I'm not going. And so I went with I went with, like, my crew of friends that I grew up with were called Hit Squad. And obviously that's like obviously it's cool, obviously.
OK, so this is like my sandlot group of friends and like the leader of his squad was like, nobody puke, everybody focus, like do not puke. And just as it was getting choppy, this girl runs down the stairs and she's like, where's the bat? And projectile vomits Oh.
There's an Asian couple. They see homegirl projectile vomit, they projectile vomit, one of my boys, Mo, he starts vomiting and it just triggered everybody puking.
Yeah, yeah. And then my his friend, one of my other boys saw him and then he's like, I'm going to run to the bathroom. And he was like, don't do not run to the bathroom. And I just looked just like the same way on this clip was playing. I looked down the whole time. Yeah. Then we finally got to our destination and the water stopped being choppy. Yeah. I was like, bro, I'm really proud of you.
Yeah. You focus. You did not puke. You didn't, I didn't. That's the way to go. But, you know, it's fucked up. The tour, they knew it was happening because as soon as we got to our docking station, yeah, this dude just comes out with the hose.
And just like this is this is part of the routine that would be so entertaining for the helicopter to throw up.
You can't like if you know, everyone's going to get sick on every voyage, it's, you know what it is.
And I'm getting the little rumble and tumble here. It's the smell. OK, I got to go urinate, you guys OK?
I got to pee to stop down one second. I'm going to pee to this episode is brought to you by Woop. We all want to make healthier decisions. We want to try and sleep better, eat better, live healthier lives, especially with summer coming up and beach season around the corner. We don't always know how our body is feeling. And the insight you get from your group is truly incredible. It's like having a team of people that study the way your body works and how your behaviors affect your body.
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Did you push hard when you pee. That was, that felt like a road trip. When you're like are we pulling over like please. Well, you know, it was like do you also assess for color all the time?
All the time. I'm like, what type of day we have? Yeah. Are you pretty hydrated? Are you good. I like to stay super hydrated. So your peas clear or light yellow. Yeah. Yeah. You drink anything else.
Are you like are you just a water guy or do. Yeah. Just water. You don't have coffee. I do a lot of coffee. You do coffee. Yeah.
That's why I always like by the way you worked out squirrel. You work with my ex right now because aren't you shooting with your name on.
Oh right. Yeah. Just one of my past flings. How is, how is she bro. For a second. For a hot second. When you were like you work with my ex. Yeah. This is such a guy thing. I looked at you like I was hoping you'd read the passingly like stop.
Oh. I was like, just, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of I stop. There's nothing to be gained from it. There's no positive reflection to be had. Yeah. Right now you need to save yourself. Yeah. You're like, stop, stop, stop, stop. But Jen, your ex. Yeah, she's great. Yeah. Just great. You sent her my best when you said I will. I will. By the way her your best wishes.
Don't think I didn't see it on Tuba's where when you guys were like I hope we meet Jennison and then and then Burgo should we bring our wives and you go fuck no.
I don't think I didn't do that. First of all, I didn't say fuck no.
I went no. Yeah. You don't think I want to meet Jennifer Aniston? I didn't think you'd want to do. Of course, she's famous and funny.
What was sweet?
What was the iconic moment where you were like, this is I'm in love because this is a true story. I've never seen an entire episode of Friends Watch.
Yes. Believe it. I'll be honest, there's two shows that I watch like religiously, which are Martin, Martin. Martin, Martin. Martin is unbelievable. That's a classic catch. It is. It is a great, great it's a great sitcom.
He also is outrageously charismatic and talented so far. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. And the show is great.
The cast and I remember did you what did you watch that special where he was all in leather. Yes. He spent quite a bit in that special RANTEL that that's the one where he swept to all the time.
Move your hips like this one time to keep doing. Now it's like this. Yeah.
I don't know if that's in front of that or the other one. He wears leather. I think that's all I could go at, Eddie. You know, I bet you if he was in the clubs during that period of time, he would crush so hard.
Oh, but he was he was he would stop in because he stopped in a year and a half ago semi regularly. And if you go back 10 years, he was stopping into the store and doing that, just absolutely destroying the place. Really. Yes. Yeah.
But that clip is like 93. Yeah. Like ABB's packs.
Like do you know that. Have you heard that famous Chris Rock story? What he thought like a gun had gone off. Yes.
Someone shot and then Martyn's they're doing a crush headlining set. Yeah. And I think it's New Year's in Chicago. Yeah. And he was like I thought there was like a riot.
I thought somebody had fired off a gun in the crowd. They were they were making that much noise. He said that he bombed so hard.
No way. No Chris. It Chris rocked it. Right. Like Martin did, like a 45 minute or hours. And then they're like. And now your headliner. Oh, shit.
No, eight shit was I mean, I can imagine, you know, what I hope comes back of painful physicality in comedy.
Yes. But it kind of Sebastian's bringing it back. That's a good one.
He's a bit fashion's very physical, but he really he gets a lot out of looks and expression thanks to she's. Yeah. Wanda uses her body and her voice.
She's the full sebastiano. Even get a laugh. Do you ever wish.
Do you ever wish. I so wish I could do impersonations all the time. Don't you ever like. Oh I would I would love to do them personally because I would make all your act outs.
Yeah. Who's 80 percent better. Pharoah or J. Pharaoh Jeffares. Incredible. He's really not trouble is incredible.
He can do every different masterpiece and your of yours and yours and she can do men and women how. Which is what she does. Owen Wilson. And you're like holy shit. Yeah. Yeah.
While you know she does it so well she came on here and did if you were like I feel I can only do good impressions of like people in my life. And I'm like, yeah, that doesn't help me. I'm not the kind, you know, it's a little other muscle you could flex. But doing impressions of well-known people is so pleasing to an audience. Yeah. Oh, oh.
I have a question for you. What's that? So Tom and I, we're talking about this movie that came out. What does the name he gained a bunch of weight, Russell Crowe.
And it's a revenge story where you look up what the movie's called.
It's just like Russell Crowe IMDB.
Likewise, when you look at Wilson, Adam, Finacle, and so it's a revenge story. I guess somebody cuts him off in traffic, right? Gets upset and he goes and he kills everybody in town.
So what happens is he gets he gets cut off in traffic and it's unhinged. Yeah. Perfect name for it. Unhitched. This motherfucker gets he's having a bad day, he gets cut off by a mother, a single mother, and and then when she makes the turn, she's in another red light. So he pulls up next to her and he's like, hey, roll the window down. And then her son's in the back and the window gets stuck down.
And he's like, yeah, you mean to do that and this and that and has a back and forth. And he goes, well, just like apologize and, you know, move on because I didn't do anything wrong because she was honking at him. So I'm not apologizing. And he's like, no, if you don't apologize, like you're going to really regret it, you're going to have a horrible fucking day. And she's like, fuck you, man, OK?
Traffic starts to move. And he's like, this is what I'm going to do now is try to ruin your fucking life for this moment, you know? And he epically like it's a slow it's not just like flash, you know, going crazy, but he slowly becomes unhinged and gets crazier. And it's such a satisfying movie to watch because. Because you identify with him.
Right. So yeah, exactly. Nidaa that face. So he goes it sounds like I go Tommy I don't want to see this movie. This sounds terrible. And he's like why isn't this, doesn't this sound great. This is like everybody's fantasy. I go not everybody's. This is your fantasy right.
You're angry inside. Yeah. I go I don't want to do this at all. And then I started thinking about it. Well what's. And he goes, Tom goes, what's your fantasy? And I was like, shit, I know if I have one.
And then I realized I think I want to be in the Beastie Boys, like that's what I would want to be. I want to be at Rock, you know, like that camaraderie between the three of them.
I want to be in a Beastie Boys video and I want to be adrac like that's the I thing, my plan.
Can you explain the appeal of the Beastie Boys to me? You know, the thing the problem is, is because I'm the eldest, so I didn't have any elder siblings to download culture from.
So when like when like David Bowie died, everyone's like, oh, my God, David Bowie died. I'm like the dude from Labyrinth where people like, I'm going to cry. I'm like, what? But why? Yeah, yeah. Dude from Labyrinth.
So when people like Beastie Boys, I'm like, oh just like three skinny white dudes would just be like, Hey, what's up? Where the beast.
I'm like, what is this really hurting my feelings. No, no, no, no, no. You have to explain like so you grow up like the first album Licensed to Ill. It's my very first cassette tape, like I listen to my style.
But what about style? You got the right to party. That's right.
But like they they klown that they're like, you know, first of all, they're coming up when the actual genre is still being created, you know? I mean, so there are there's so long in this game that, like, when that stuff's coming out, it's not the hip hop that, you know, today. They're part of it. They're part of creating a sound. And that's really like a record label thing to do, to be like make a party at the time.
You know, it's like eight just wanted to be on MTV and on the radio. Let's show you guys doing this. And so let's make a song about partying, you know, and it's I don't think I mean, it definitely doesn't represent who they are. A great thing to watch, though, is that Apple stock is a great it's so great.
It's really good. I like that they're positive energy. They're really good. They're buddies. They're pros. They're still both intelligent.
Well, one of them's dead, but the other two silvers, they actually I mean, they did some really impressed, like incredible music things from a group special, like a hip hop group where at first, you know, it is like that boombox kind of sound and then it's like a party thing. And then they got into like they're musicians. They like they picked up guitars and drums, like actual live instruments playing.
And every song is so detailed if you listen to the sampling and how they did it. And it's layers and layers.
I just and the their timing, especially as a performer, when you watch how they rehearse, if you if you want to know, want to know the real deal, like they they chime in on because they were basically wild, they were college age kids going out with Run DMC and Public Enemy at the height.
Oh they're like crazy. They're like figuring it out. What's the modern version of that?
Like Billy Eilish, the way she's like super young, but she's so talented. Maybe.
Yeah, she's pretty cool, you know what I mean? I like she's seventeen and things like and her lyrics are so mature.
She has a dark out right now. I think I heard that. It's phenomenal if it's really three years. Yeah.
Yeah. So what's your fantasy? Do you have a recurring fantasy?
I'm sure it's just to be an unhinged just fucking is it to kill people the way my husband wants to kill people? I get your anger and then you get it.
When you're on the freeway, someone cut you off and you're like, hey, fuck you. I'll follow you home, you know?
Yeah. I like a good I well, he's I think see, let me interpret your fantasy. Your fantasy is you want it sounds like camaraderie and friendship.
Yeah. And like a cruel music and being like what's up. That's fun. Positive energy. Yeah. Yeah.
And then you want to dunk on motherfuckers. Yeah. Like. Yo, I'm ending this, yeah, yeah, I mean, first of all, I think everyone's had the thought someone's a dick, you go, you just stop yourself, you know, you just don't do that.
We were talking about this. This is like when I came and visited the studio and I was like. Could you dunk, like, able to dunk? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Because my favorite clip ever is when a basketball player dunks on another player and then gets a technical either from hanging on the rim, slapping the backboard or taunting them. Yeah, one of my favorite dunks is Shawn Camp. I think I'm like Kris Gateless and he does this.
I don't know. But then he yeah.
He's like, no, no, no, never forget I can dunked on you on campus. So nice. There's another dunk has. We don't want a motherfucker so bad. He just he looks away, he puts his hand out like this and the dude has to give him that.
Oh that's it. So pull it up please dude. He dunks on the dude so bad and then he poses like this and he puts his hand out, looks away and the guy goes like yeah like you just yeah.
Sledgehammer it on me.
And so is that yours to dunk. Well that's the nice version of unhinge.
Do you do it without murdering or killing or stalking someone.
Yeah, but I mean it's legal. That's cool. Still. Still got yeah, that's glory, there you go. Dunks on them. Wow, looks away. Oh, she was looking from this angle, though. Yes. Like, what's up, bro? Let's give it to me.
Yes, I ended your life. Yeah. And Chris, guidelines like, what am I going to do?
Yeah, I would do it, too. Yes, I remember. Because you'll appreciate dunking about when I was in high school.
Yeah. I'm the same age as Vince Carter Wise. So he played his entire NBA career like I feel like I'm like he's been just playing basketball my whole life. Yeah. But so when I was in high school before he transferred to like Oakhill or whatever it was up in Carolina, Virginia, he played it in Daytona. Oh, yes.
I played in high school in Florida. Yeah. So a couple so on local news, they would just be like local a local kid. You know, it wasn't Vince Carter. It was just like a kid. And it's like they're showing his and he's doing reverse windmills and shit. And we're 16.
You're like, oh, you're like, what is this? Like this kid I could end up playing against this guy in a game. Yes, it's not. Did you fuck? No way.
Because I think Rick Glassman has this great photo of him playing against LeBron James in high school. Really playing. Yeah. Like, really he's on like the free throw line or whatever. And like, LeBron is like shooting. So Rick was like in Ohio. Yeah.
Rick from Ohio, which is just an insane thing. I heard he's really good. Rick's really good. Yeah. Yeah.
That somebody somebody told me that like he was. Like, I think playing a pickup game with someone, like somebody in entertainment and they're like, hey, man, like you got to dial it back a little bit, like we're just like he plays hard. We're playing ball. Yeah, I love that, though.
We're all chasing we're chasing something, you know what I mean.
Yeah, I would love to. Do you have a best friend. Be cool. Yeah, you do. Yeah.
That's awesome. Yeah. I mean one Shauna who doesn't know shit about pop culture I've had since I was 13. Really. And you guys are still friends. Yeah. That's beautiful.
She lives on the other coast and then that's, uh, my other friend here.
Let me ask you this. Are you on Tic-Tac? I just did an account. Yes, you did what? But I haven't post any videos. OK, but do you understand what's happening? I don't know what to do when I open up the app.
I get just before we open this. Just tell them, like I'd give them an idea of what's about to happen.
Christine, I want to Tic-Tac. She's well, OK, so I'm the official curator of Tick-Tock. The thing is, it's meant to be a lighthearted dance thing, like, look at me, do this dance and then it's cute girls, not my feet. I've curated a feed of horror, of despair, of funny things.
And I think I think are funny.
Yeah, OK, this is the stuff on Ticktock that a lot of people never get marginalises doesn't I like doesn't fall into their algorithm. Right. Christina finds it.
I shed light on the marginalized people. Tick tock. You might the outliers. Yeah.
I have been looking for me I guess.
Think I give them a platform now before was that the video is Pristina's. That's her. That's the my first.
Allow me to make a correction from last week's segment of tech talks.
I got a stern drumbeating from several people pointing out that I had fallen prey to what is known as an actor. Yes. On the talk.
So what happens is like she'll she'll pull somebody saying something ridiculous, gotcha. Whatever. So we played one and the guy was then the guy found out he was on the show and was like, hey, that's not I'm a character.
And I didn't realize he was so good. You're was so funny and convincing, so shout out because he actually cut to the chase.
I'm not a Bangu. So this is the guy. He's a pickup artist, actor and this is how he's teaching show the original sign. Well, got face time, date parody.
A lot of negative energy right now. Just make her insecure. Yeah. Love it.
Yeah. Oh. Who works like who does this work on. I mean somebody for sure. For sure what I want but the original one so he can see how ok like I was really good at it.
Yeah. I mean yeah. Do you remember what it's called. Oh no. This is a dog. Um you know what it's called. What's his reaction. Look for it.
He's just kind of like so mad at me. Oh he's just making up or is he just a little bit.
He's just saying like he's basically just like I uh. You know, they're calling me this, but it's all character, it's all character except for the pickup artist phase. OK, so here we go.
I know, right? Wait, hold up. I got a date right now. She's all right. I'll call you after Bella. Nice to meet you. Oh, you got something in your nose, actually. Now the other nostril. You can leave it, man. I wouldn't have done my hair if I knew you weren't going to do makeup. Oh, you did. Oh, looks natural. You got my keys. Tesla. Yeah, I got some trophies back there.
Let's cut to the chase.
I'm not a Bangu, so that looks really real. So she was like, this is like a douche bag. Yeah. And then he was like, I am not. I'm just announcing it.
Did you not notice a sense of like the pickup artist who's having a face?
But I didn't know you were just you were just I just was so taken by his performance. Yeah. Because I'll tell you, nine times out of ten people either misspell whatever the text of the text is nonsense or something like that.
Or were you assuming you're like this dude has no sense of irony. He's this is who he is. Fucking what I was thinking. I just thought I was so taken with that.
Huh. Yeah. I mean but yeah, we admit it. We admit it. I was a sorry. So he was so good with good acting.
And you can you do pull ups. Can you pull up clips. Is that a thing we do on the show? Sometimes it isn't. Yeah, it depends on what you have a something in mind. There's this comedian out of D.C. He's really funny. His name Saheb can't sing. This dude has these great JROTC characters that he does.
He does these other ones where he gets into a fight, uh, when he gets into a fight with his girlfriend about does he put it on. Where's he put it on. He puts it on take to account on Twitter. OK, well you look for it. I'm going to pull this bro the way you spell that dog.
I mean, who is it's a HIV. Oh, my bad. I her. You can't sing, but just Google, just Google it. I mean, people you yell when I say people stink, people stink bro. I work out a fucking dispensary. And if I can smell you through the Plexiglas and my Mascaro. There you go. She smoke and I thought was interesting, and she has multiple nose piercings I know you're a fan of. Yeah, but she's got one, two, three, four.
I'm a big fan.
And I don't know, you could smell somebody through your mask. That is pretty pungent. Yeah, but you at PSA, though, it's a good PSA.
This this. Sometimes people would like some serious bio issues. I think it's still wild to see someone just smoke in a car who's like, really, really want that in your car. But you talk about smell. Did you ever smoke?
Yeah, it always looks so cool. That's what I want to do. I want to be the voice you want to whatever I wanted. Yeah. I want to smoke cigarettes or drink.
Have you ever had a dream. Never. Never had a drink. I don't know how you never a glass of wine.
Not interested you know. Yeah. I'm trying to hold it down for the afterlife. Which one is there.
No Freedom Day like. Is there a free day. Oh no, no, no. Muslims go hard in the paint.
Yeah, you guys really do. And then there's a whole month of Ramadan. Ramadan is coming up, you guys, and we really lock in. It's intermittent fasting for 30.
But is it important to you then to not try alcohol? I've gone so long without it, you know, it makes sense, and then and then coming up and comedy, I saw a lot of comics lose a lot from.
Yeah, I know.
It's like I was just like a little like impressionable boy. And I saw a lot. I'm not going to name names, but I saw a lot of people kind of lose a lot.
And they were funny, you know, so I kind of got scared straight. That makes sense. Early on, early on saying Coke.
I think the thing is like being an adult now. I just go like, oh, the enjoyable thing is to have a glass of wine with dinner. Yeah. Yeah. My buddy loves wine all the time. That's great. So it's just it's just fun.
You can have caffeine, love caffeine, you smoke a hookah, smoke tobacco. Can you smoke a cigarette.
Yeah, but then I don't you know what I mean. But it looks cool. It's so good. It's really good. It keeps you skinny. It relieves anxiety. I smoked for 17 years and I loved it.
I mean, what was it about it? It was just like it just it's a real anxious energy.
We need rituals. Yeah, you know what I mean?
We need ritual camping, which I started at twenty five, which you don't always see.
That's when I started smoking, just cause I think it was pretty low and down. I was doing no chains, no bomber jackets.
I was, I was a messenger in Los Angeles. That was my part time. And that's real dog shit money. Yeah. Like they give you, like you see the paycheck and you're like that. I make ninety three dollars this week, like I drove five days and they're like, well you got to calculate and you're like oh my God. Yeah.
I started the most horrible game. I started smoking. It's a dog being groomed for those just that's really great. That's a good time making that noise. The dog. The dog. Yeah. Oh, the dog's enjoying it. Yeah. No, we're not. Yeah, that's a dog. Some dog doesn't like it. Jesus is not. Well, that's a good find. Let's go. That's a special talk from you. Positive energy talks. Yeah.
Ladies, ain't nothing like pulling yo man boxes down. OK, and watching that thing buoyantly. Yo yo yo yo yo yo. Hang out like this on hydraulics. Tell me. I'm gonna tell mama she's not lying.
She's not, she's not wearing anything. I'm saying I go boy I. Yeah, that's the best part about being married. Don't you like that. Like now you're married and you can. Did your wife torture you like that. A good what. Yeah. Like, you know, like I manhandle him like come here and I pull his pants down, I spank his booty and stuff like that.
Oh you're so you're straight up just like bully.
I'm like he's in the eighth grade so you have your ball and you see it. Shelman Yeah. Yeah.
OK, you wife do that. You know the thing I love about a boast is just that there's no fear of repercussions. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's why I'm saying the freedom. You're married. It's it's a rap. Let's go. Yeah. How long have you been together. I've known her sixteen years.
We've been married for twenty fifteen, six years now. Oh congrats. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Now you can but but I like we could do it now. Your sex is off the rails too. Yeah.
But I was like I'm not that disciplined that I'm not that surprised you. Yeah. Yeah yeah.
I was for real. No that's hilarious. Oh way. I was like, you never you never know. I don't really don't. I don't know. I don't know. But here's the thing, Christine. I have a very, you know, hard working spirit. And I mean, I really am. When when when it's time to go. Yeah. I'm just like, hey, thanks for put me in the game, coach. Yeah, you're right.
You're like, I'm here. I'm here to produce in any way that I can. Yeah. Grab rebounds, clean up the glass, whatever you need me to do to kids.
Help me. Yeah. Yeah.
So the tearaways are off my favor favors when she's like let's go like do you want to do it now. And I'm like I want to do it always. So whenever you ask me it's a yes. Yeah, you like that guy coming off the bench? Yeah, like, yo, coach that, you know, and then you take the terabit. Yeah, you take the one always ready. Right. That was OK. That was OK, this is a cake cake demonstration.
Oh, it's OK.
I like that he is, I swear, to protect, you know what I mean, to make sure yes, that and what's really sexy is the cat playground in the back. Uh, in case you wondered, he is a cat owner. Oh, gotcha.
Whip guys. Real cool guy. So he is this is some BDM. Yeah. He's demonstrating how he does the whip. And again, I like that he's sensitive me. He can take care of a pet.
Uh, I, I'm not about LGBTQ fowl. I know. It means let God be true quickly.
Oh my. Shabtai. Huh.
I don't know what the fuck. Yeah. I got to go to church. That church seems soup. You got to go to black church. I got to go to church. Watch black. Why other church. Not fun.
No Catholics are no fun. No you want to go to Christmas is so fun. Christmas. Christmas. Oh yeah.
Black church songs. People saying shit like this. Yeah. Like you're not going to see that or what have you guys ever witnessed at church.
Khazaal seen videos of it the Holy Spirit and then people not talking saying that is not that looks fun though. That's what I always like. It was crazy but I'm like that seems kind of tight. Yeah. That's a what is it, evangelical, evangelical.
Southern Baptist. Yeah. They do the talking in tongues.
No we horn do the Muslims have fun is their fun holiday. We like to eat. You like to eat like the eating aftar. If we go hard after you and we're, we're supposed to control ourselves but we don't you know what I mean.
It's all about yourselves you mean.
Well like the whole month is about like, hey, it's about how are you bodily control. Do you enjoy like the I guess the discipline or like kind of like the mental part of Ramadan?
I like no, I'm I'm not good at it because the coffee headaches are crazy. Yeah. It's tough to get stuff done. Yeah. But anything a month, anything that has traditions that like like to be with family, that's dope.
That's like the way Jewish people have after someone dies. It's I think it's thirty days for it is a thirty to forty days. How many days off. Thirty days of shop. How many days.
It's seven. Seven days. You're supposed to stay at home. Yeah. You have people over.
That's dope. That is good. I like you know, Instagram. No like let's, let's lock in, let's pawn. Let's be together. I like tradition. Stuff like this. Well yeah I like and I like a little bumper guard on my life.
Now may I ask you when you fast for Ramadan. Yes. Are you so strict that you don't do water during the day.
You're not supposed to know. I'm not allowed to. You know, it's a real it's the real. You load up right before the sunrise. Sunset. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No water thing would get me. Yes, that's tough.
But Christina, some of Hakeem Olajuwon s biggest performances were during Ramadan, just after Waialae.
Was that a big hero for you?
Is a huge hero. He came to the mosque one time. He like, shut it down. Oh, yeah.
Like it'd be the equivalent if anyone here is an MMA fighter that's watching it be like if Khabab is Muslim, it could be pulled up to like the NYU mosque. He would shut it.
It would be crazy. Crazy. It would be crazy. Yeah, yeah, there was a thing like before he passed away, Mohammed Ali sometimes would come to like depending on what city he was in. Wow. And so, like my friends, some of my friends have photos of them being, like, held by Muhammad Ali, like sitting on Muhammad Ali's lap.
What let's call it's crazy. Yeah. Because, like a crazy thing, like, oh, he came to the mosque and he just here, like, my dad just put me on his lap. It's awesome. So I have this photo of, like, me, like praying next to Hakeem Olajuwon. It's pretty. It's pretty, but it's pretty dull.
That's very cool. And he stayed he picked up with all the kids and that was a fish.
And you feed him for a day. You teach him to have to fish. You give him, you give him.
And that's a good way because he's just trying to do something. We've all done that to teach you guys a fish and then you can't fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice, Jeremiah. Shame on everybody.
Are you going to push me, want to pay for it cost me, yes.
Jesus, I know, is right there. It was a little thirsty, though, there's so bad little boy that was super cool, he's like me, I'm paying for this shit.
Yeah, because I wonder in the sugar baby sugar daddy dynamic, if that's part of it, that he has to point out that he is the sugar daddy, clearly.
And he has to show me, like, is that constantly part of it where you're like, I'm paying for that?
It looks like he's been asking for a while. You know, he said he probably was like, hello, you out my car. She she's like, I thought you were in it. Wait, let's can we just get a can we run that back up to see what type of show what type of food are we working with.
Those look like ribs. Onion rings was on your stage chops. I just want to pay for it. Could be worse off than two weeks to go to.
Remember when I was pregnant I used to get the ribs. So good Houston's. Yeah. It could be like a Houston's type. Yeah. That's good. That's good stuff. Yeah. That's not a bullshit place.
A based on just the amount of broccoli that was in the room. And you know, it's kind of fancy. It's like the broccolini. Yeah. Yeah. Oh broccolini. Broccolini is one.
You know, you're going to a really nice place when you're going to like Macaroni Grill though. Like you said, broccoli, we know where you're at. And then when you go to like places where you're really pop and pop and black diamond popping. Yeah, yeah. They're like broccolini some fucking garnish just got in my head.
I'm going to go buy some jewelry this week. Right now.
Yes. Julie. Right. I think, you know, I think I could pull. Do you have big boy watches. Yeah.
Yeah. You got some big boy. I got you. I got no I got a free time at the time. Snider Timex Galab that I stole from a fitting at a photo shoot.
OK, please reward yourself and buy yourself some wait. I'm going to wait for Tom or Russell Peters. Somebody to take me out.
Be my sugar will you please. Let's go. Let's go watch shopping. Yeah. A teacher. Will you take me. Yeah, I'll take you to the guy and I'll take you like immigrant style.
OK, you know, I'm saying.
Oh, you're talking about what. No, I'm no Jacob the jeweler. No, no, no. The original.
I'm talking about the Israeli guy downtown. I'm talking about a big boy.
Watch from the plug like, OK, OK, so you just you're paying like wholesale prices.
Gotcha. OK, come on, let's go get one. Muslims believe in wealth and showing and flexing like what's our Indians to flex NDR by any standard.
Flex harden. Yeah.
That's all that's true. That's I said let's go while I'm here a week. I'm out here solo. Can we go buy a watch. My kids, my family are back there.
Let's make a bad decision making bad decisions.
Can I tell you. What can I tell you. The watch that I was like I can't. Yes I want to get this one. Yes, I can. Now I'll tell you after the show. OK, but don't forget I want to hear for real. Yeah, I want to hear. I want to hear. OK.
So I'm really into rollerskate tektites, oh, dude, it's dope, right? Look at this. Oh, it's so cool.
Oh, the coordination. Yeah. Oh, I feel like I should have some dollars. That was like a real show and it was awesome. The core strength was incredible. That's total cause. Thank you. Good. Good one. You know what I mean.
You ever had to like doesn't care about you. She cares about what you can do for her. Oh, I've told you guys this a number of times. Women don't actually care about us.
OK, this is a lane of ticktock. The man teaching. Oh, there's this whole this there's this whole lane in the YouTube algorithm that's like pump stump stuff like this into my all I was trying to do was learn about Bitcoin and NFTE. And then there's this whole thing of like, you're a guy trying to get rich fast. Right. There's also, you know what I'm saying?
They're like they're like, hey, there's then there's this whole cottage industry of just like men.
Let me tell you how to talk to girls like and then I'll look at it and it'll be like the best 880000 views, like, what is this? And they're putting this shit out there and it's being pumped out.
There's like, oh my God, the cab driver. Yeah, there's a cab driver in L.A. that puts out a bunch of these tutorials for men.
Yeah, yeah. He's he's like never approach a woman like what he's like. Then she'll know you're Obeida. Like, what are you talking about. Like it's all about being an alpha male.
I wish I wish those videos just had a reaction shot like like the iesha reaction shots are just like girls like react but why.
Yeah, they care about what we can do for them, like the emotions we can make them feel the lifestyle that we can show them, the value that we can bring into their lives. Really at the end of the day, that's what they care about. They don't necessarily care about us.
She's just as men, as God. And it's just the way they're wired. It's just the way it is. Right? Just like how us as guys, when we see a girl, if she's not attractive, if she's like a four or five, you know, and she's physically just not attractive, we're not going to pursue her.
We're not going to fantasize about having sex with her. We're not going to want to have anything to do with her instead. I mean, we're just going to be fixated on the girls that are basically eight or nine is intense. OK, very nice speech.
How sad did that make you feel inside? I like so. Well, yeah, I would say you're sad, but you'll be surprised if this is a very happy, fulfilled man and his life is fantastic.
And how much is the. And he's cutting to like his like four week program or whatever, you know, I mean, here's the catch.
You can see the sadness in his face. You want to look at what is it? It's been five nine two. Oh yeah. This will probably make you more said.
Let's show you this one. This is a cabbie, the L.A. guy.
You guys have to understand something very important about woman. You see, a woman can only pick a man of either Alfa Orvieto. It has been clinically proven since then. The female brain is smaller than the male brain. True. And because the female brain smaller than the male green, the female brain lacks intellectual capacity. Because a female lacks intellectual capacity, she therefore cannot fathom the fact that, hey, a man can be better and he can be alpha, you can be provider and he can be the guy who Nagasaki, Hiroshima that any woman cannot continue to do to the brain does not have these guys do anything for it.
Now, women are closer to animals than they are to him. You know, the grizzly bear is going to come after you. A grizzly bear is going to come after you because you're either a threat or you are food not to come after you because your food and a car or a food, OK, something with you or you.
Is he in the United States? Is he the United States?
He's on Sunset. He's in L.A. He's in L.A. He's pretty sure he's in L.A. He's within a 50 mile radius. Yes. We're doing this. Yes, absolutely. Because part of me was like, which? What country are we in? Which. But here's the nice thing. You're home.
He's home with you, OK? He's right here. I'm here now.
This is everywhere, bro, who are upset. They're angry. They're miserable. They hate men. It's because, ladies, you overplayed your hand because of feminism, feminism. It's you that you are the pride that you are agreed that you are a princess and that a man should bow down to you. Real men, the women, the men that you do not want. They're not going to bow down to you. Only weak, but the beta males.
And so please, whatever value to a cool woman, it's supposed to be just like a passive.
Oh, sweet boy. Yeah. All right. I like his tank. Let's talk about the tank, love. Let's talk about the fire. Let's talk about that then strap a unit tank.
Let's talk about the unit tank that he's wearing right now. That thing is paper thin.
Wow. You know that. They see rocks that they know that he's an Alpha Kappa Alpha, Kappa Alpha.
I like his whole Steese, I like his look. I'm about it like I don't know if I like the kind, you know. You know, he's confident. He is confident. But I will say that, yeah, you have to approach him. You have to approach.
Well, that's the problem with meeting a fine guy like this is how I'm intimidated. Well, you know how you can meet them.
You just call your request. Yes. Request them on Uber and he will. That's why he doesn't approach anybody.
And then when you go, you actually go wait to be. Yeah, you wait to be called and then you walk in through the door, you come in through the door.
And so he's like, once again, I lay the trap sweet.
Like I bet you in real life the sweetest guy I know. Probably not, Christine. Guys like the big bark, please. That's why Fed smoker. I'm not afraid of him either. OK, ok. Are you saying how much fun Tick-Tock can be?
What a cool collection of characters. And you know where we're at with Tick-Tock where we're pre canceled. Tick tock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right. We're in the wild. We're it's what. Get the machete. It's getting real rough. Well that does pull down people's videos they considered to be questionable.
So they do get banned here. So this is a lot. But this is this guy hasn't been discussed. Guys educated. Yeah.
We're in the right we're in the right place. I felt that we had to fire up the fucking time. OK, that was just a freestyle sorbet, a palate cleanser. I was going to go get golf, which I never got high. I got a lot of gasoline in my hand and I don't know, oh, fuck this shit. I guess I'm. Ha ha. La la la la la la la. There you go, guy singing the song, Are you happy to be on six now?
So this is why I haven't cracked what the first video is going to be.
I do have an account, but I don't know what to post first. This is giving you a lot of money options. We got the tutorials, we got singing.
I would love if you were like, all right, fellows, me tell you something about talking to women and that's your first post.
All right, fellows, let me tell you, I like I pulled my wife. So you guys are in camp to be together. You wait three to four years while you're fighting somebody else.
Then when they break up, you make your motherfucking move. But she's about to go get a master's program. It's too long.
It just cuts out that that would be a great it always cuts.
That would seriously be hilarious. Yeah, that's a great talk. Yeah, I hope you do that. I really hope we're all my fellows. That that ah. Chasing a girl who's getting her right gets like a super specific.
So I went on a spontaneous bumble date this evening. I'm actually the guy today and he asked me to go to a dive bar that I've been to before and I like. So I said yes and we were fighting. It went pretty well. And then near the end of the date, you know, we were, you know, where you're like are we're going to go home together. We're going to do whatever. Well, I went to the bathroom and then came back and basically said that he felt like I misrepresented what I looked like in my family pictures and that he said I was going to be here in person and it was really hurtful.
This is crazy because they're like, what are we doing it like? This is sad. Christina. Well, OK.
But I wanted to bring it up as an interesting talking point because.
OK, so why were they vibing and doing that so long? Do you have a right to say that. Yeah, he was holding on to it, then he went to the bathroom and checked the pick.
Yeah. Like what a jerk though like but do you have a right to tell somebody that that you're on essentially a blind date with like when they show up, you don't have a right.
I would say, hey, you look really different.
No, I don't know the etiquette. I've never done it.
No, what you do is you just finish your date and you go on your way and you don't tell that person that you just don't go out with them again.
You don't have to be like, hey, why do we need radical transparency in this scenario? Yeah.
Yeah, right. It's too far.
You know, like, can't we all just be part of the lie and fantasy for a little bit longer? Yeah. Yeah, well, I would never tell somebody that. I feel like you misrepresent yourself in these photos. What.
Just think that and then. But I thought they were vibing so I've just finished the vibe, finish the vibe, finish the vibe. And then when she was like, I had a lot of fun, you got me too.
And then you go home, you're like, I'm never calling her again.
But then again, OK, but then Bob, if you don't forget said and what's her name on 90 day say, there are people I don't know if you're into that show, you know, but somebody told me the premise and I'm like, yo, this this whole show.
Yeah, this whole show was the it's premium reality.
Yeah. I cannot believe it.
This older woman, she's like in her 50s and talk about stake's deportation. Yeah. So that's a real high stakes, high stakes.
So they're set and he's from Morocco. He is Morocco. He's from Tunis. Oh Tunisia. Yeah.
And so she's like fifty and he's twenty eight and she basically misrepresented. She did. And they show it on the show filters and lighting.
And so when they met in person in Morocco I'm sorry, Tunisia he was like um you're like you know, twenty years old or thirty years older.
So I mean to call someone and be like hey yeah. Look like your profile, you might be doing them.
That's different because like in his situation, he was talking to her for money.
I know. And this is also for marriage. Right. They got to get married, right. Yeah. Eventually get married. Yeah. So I think, I think um. But this is just a date. You go on a date and. Yeah. I don't let a date be a date, but he's also like this is for the green card we're going. Right.
It was a fitting and also like look, if we are married then I got to fill out the forms. I got to know your dob for sure.
At the least. At least you're just like Idleb. But don't you wish if if you were putting a listen to me, I'm just saying. Yeah. You know, when you're out there in the world and if I was putting up pictures and then every guy I went to date was like, I'm not in you, I'm I need you. I be like, what is going on? What are you appreciate somebody going, yo, your pictures or misrepresenting who you are?
Yeah, I guess I might want to hear the truth.
You might want to hear it. I mean, the vibe, but the critical word that we're dropping here is the vibe. Sometimes you can vibe with the person in the whole thing changes. Yeah. Like you're like I'm really into this person. Yeah. Right.
Yeah. That's somebody you didn't do anything over correctively. It's like I remember one of my first crushes was Jessica Biel from Seventh Heaven because of the basketball stuff. I was like, I feel like we could vibe. And then one time we were watching, like, blade three were like blade two or three, like, you know, as you do with your friends. And then I was like, Yo, Jessica, building this like, yo, I like Vibe and they're like white.
And I'm like, she was in a basketball and they're like, Bro, that's TV show. But I'm like, I feel like a failure. Yeah, that's true.
You never know, you never know the basketball part, you know what I mean. I wouldn't just be like, yeah, it could have been like if you let yourself vibe with someone who you don't think Yeah. Is objectively. Attractive or even subjectively attractive, like to you, you could still end up being attracted to them later? Absolutely, yeah.
The X Factor. But also it's nice to have someone tell you you're fat. Sometimes a doctor or somebody you're close to has to be like you need to lose a few.
I think you definitely don't want to hear it, though, from us. From your team.
Yeah, but you just said you just said a medical expert. Yeah. Christina, that's a medical procedure on Tinder's, is that like, oh, I'm fat? Yeah, because it's the specificity.
Yeah, because the doctor is going to be like your cholesterol is too high.
Ergo, you know what I mean? You're right now. You're like a backup. This is the underlain. Wow.
The sun came out and it's a beautiful day here in Colorado, baby. I'm thinking Kurnia sort of burrito. I hope you have a good day, too.
Oh, yeah, it's positive.
He's going to kill someone. I don't know. All of those are like that, really. They're all kind of jokey and like, I'm having a great day and that's how I feel when I see like but that was rad.
But you have a little tweak at the end of the way. He was happy. Not quite there. He's about to turn about that. Is about to turn. Yeah. And you're like, oh yeah. Where is this going?
CARNEY Hey, guys, I'm used to it and I do the hard shit, so you don't have to. On today's episode, while I'm driving, we're going to go over the dos and don'ts of being an only pants model. Yeah, girls, listen up. Over the course of a year and a half, I've gotten 14 girls to over 20 grand in a month and most of them stay there. It's a combination of a lot of things I'm getting into right now.
No one, only Vann's is not your only source of income and deal. Dotcom, sex, panther, dotcom, you and me, dotcom with pay per minute, face time. Well, why stop there when you start your mass message to ten thousand free fans? You should be sitting out to your Shopify with a print on demand merch store with your pictures on hoodies. You should be sitting on a mass message to your YouTube channel and your Facebook page.
Not wrong more than anything. All this attention you're getting you to sign up for the twenty five possible influencer sites or just DM me and I'll do it for you. Oh, OK.
So he's a businessman, OK? This guy knows his stuff. He knows his only fans. Yeah. I mean I'm just for anybody listening who's curious about how to get ahead and the only fans hit him up.
I wish he also numbered this. He didn't do any text. I know because I was like if I want to get in on only fans, what are we going to do in that?
We already off to the races. Do you think?
Do men do well on only. I don't know. I don't know, Nadav. I don't know. I don't know. How am I doing. Don't only if the guys. Are you following him. Yeah. Yeah. How are they doing. Pierce is doing great.
Yeah. Yeah. He's a Pierce. Perry. Yeah of course. Our guy. Mm hmm.
This is pretty cool bank heist. What are we doing? It's right out of. Well, the actual bank robbery, she's not the case. Do people I can't believe people still like what did he think?
You just go walk out with it. It's crazy. In this day and age, people, they're still doing bank robberies. This time it was like dark nights. I remember like the opening scene of the dark night. Yeah. She was kind of to talk about fantasies I'd love. Yeah.
I would like to rob something that'll be fun. Rob a bank.
See the fear. Get the money. Did you did you used to tip people's houses. I did. I was a shithead. So that thrill when you're doing it and you're like still in the middle of it, you kind of have I'm chasing that thrill.
I like that thrill that you could get caught.
You couldn't get caught. But it was just close enough to the illegal. Yes, shoplifting was a thrill.
Wow. OK, but I stopped at candy, I didn't get really candy persimmon, I was a Minhaj. Yes. Where can people where do you want people to go? Where should they just go to? Just go to my socials seminar. There you go. To take your platform, uh, take your on Instagram, Twitter, watch the morning, season two of the morning show this fall.
Season to this fall. Yeah. My ex and husband in it together.
And you're going to go watch shopping with Tommy Barnes. Are you going to will you will you come by. I hit you up. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I drew up Closing Song Today is the Big Titted Animal Song by Matthew. What does it call your wife? A big titted animal. And, uh, that's not gonna work, though.
I figure she has too much respect. You have too much respect for her.
You know what I love? There's been times that she's caught me cursing on stage and she'll stop it. Really? Yeah, because she's like, it doesn't sound good coming out of your mouth. That's hilarious. You know? I mean, she's like, just don't don't say that word. But that's that's a spouse.
But that's real. She's also like, yo. Yeah, that's nice.
That looks ridiculous. Yeah. She's telling you to return the verbal Onex seems ridiculous. Like time.
And yes, it was not expensive. All right. Uh, thank you so much for coming in. This is a lot of fun. Oh, you're so much. What are these books? They're just things we've read and written. OK, now it's I said that's all proper.
Yeah, OK. They're actual real books but forever opened one. OK, thank you. Buy them by the yard.
Yeah you do. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Is absolutely. It was a lot of fun. Thank you. Thank you.
Big tent and a big, big tent, big, big tent, big tent and a big, big tent. Big, big tent, big. A big, big, big, big tent, big. Amir, you picked the. Big, big, big, big, big, and not a big, big, big. Big, big, big, big, big ticket. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.
Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Big, big, big, big, big. You big hit in the big. Oh, very cool. The Big Ten. Very cool. The big TV. That was great for you. Big new big scene. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big news. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.
You, you, you. You, you, you. You, you, you. You you you knew that was bad. That was Ben, that was Ben. That was Ben.