And that crazy that our relationship, if this was 200 years ago, would not be so much fair. Yeah, you as a Peruvian and me as a white guy. Yeah, and that's crazy. That is that we're partners now. Yes.
That's progress. And you're of German descent, so it's real. Do you ever do hundred percent.
I like steel chunky watches. I actually went over to watch gang and I said this is what I like big faces. They actually told me, how big do you like the faces? I said, as big as you can get them. They said, What do you like leather nogs? I shower with a watch. I said, I like steel. I love a good steel watchband. It makes me feel like an adult, bro. I get this pack in the mail, three watches on like a cylinder inside a leather case in a beautiful box.
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I don't understand why my dick gets so small when I have to pee really badly. You know, it's interesting you say that.
Because my dick after a run is so small. Yeah, and like if I work out and I look jacked, yeah, I take a picture of me naked. It is so small it hurts my feelings.
Yeah, I, I'm the same way. If I do any, any type of exercise, I could feel it start to retreat.
And if it's like intense cardio, I've sometimes had to reach into my pants and pull my dad out of my body, out of my body and all my dick out of my body, inside my goes back inside like I'm getting circumcised. Yeah, I can't. Even if I am so glad that you said that, I feel like I was the only one that when I wrote when I was really fat, I was riding my bike from Philly to Atlantic City.
And when I sat on the bike in Philadelphia, I was doing this for Preston is I don't know if it's personal, Steve, but I did it for them. When I sat on the bike, my dick went into my body and I went, this is going to be really uncomfortable for 65 miles. Yeah.
And also but that's the physical part psychologically. You're like, why is my dick inside of me right now? You know? Yeah. Like, right now I was driving here and I had taken I drank a bunch of water before I left the house and I was like, oh, I don't think I have to.
So like, halfway through the drive it hits you like, oh, you got to pee a lot now and then I could just feel my dick starting to go like inside my body. When I was in recovery. At one point I had to sit on this commode that was too small.
And so I'm sitting in my car and I'm like, You mean every toilet I've ever shat on? Where are you going to talk your dick in so I could.
So you know what happened? My dick went into my body. My dick went into my body. And then but like, you're shitting and I'm all, you know, fucked up.
And so I had to put the urinal over the, like, the hole in my body in case piss did come out.
And at one point I was done one time and I took the urinal covered and I put it down and the nurse looked down and she goes, oh, like just like, oh, I'm picturing a very attractive Filipino woman.
She was a Mexican. You sure she went Filipino? Sure.
Yeah, I double checked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was very attractive and it was oh I still think about her just going like Oh no like.
I was like I was just I'm all fucked up right now. Oh, my God, yeah, I'm right now.
Right now it's kind of normal, you know, but I Pete why does p and make it go inside. I don't know.
All the doctors out there, all the med students that are watching get back to us. Yeah. My daughter saw my dick once and it was. Who the fuckin hell was she like a year ago, which you say both of them saw? What are you getting out of the shower? I think I talked about it. I'll talk to them stage. It's going to be a bit. No, yeah. Yeah. It was a bad scene. It was a really bad scene scene.
It was a fucking hose at a party. It was like the whole event. And it was it was bad.
And and I. And when they saw it, though, did they see a bad version, the worse version you could ever see their dads.
The worst version could not imagine like a thunderstorm of excitement, excitement, excitement. Hey, we're going to dinner. Open the door. What the fuck?
And oh, I almost want to I want to call this Mexican nurse and be like it gets bigger. Like, I want to I want to actually go to the hospital to be like, can I show you my dick real quick? I bet that's actually a good defense if you get caught texting dick pics to people just so actually, they walked in when it was small and I was just I was just letting her know it gets bigger. Yeah. And they're like, OK, that makes sense.
Like, I actually want to I want to tell her like, no, it gets like a thousand times bigger. Like I don't think you understand.
That would be a great I would be great to know. I would love to know at my dick. At my smallest. Yeah. How much bigger it gets. Because a thousand is probably too big. No, but it does grow like a thousand percent.
So, so I'm watching. This is like I'm trying to, I'm trying to be mindful because my brain is not right at all. Oh no.
Like but even like what makes me laugh. What makes me laugh is like is not, it's not like no one gets it sometimes like I'll do something and I think is funny. Yeah. And then no one gets it and then you got you just sometimes with. No no. We've seen your act. Go ahead. Sometimes with a joke you just need one person to get it. Yeah. And then it becomes funny that that's true. That's true.
That's like like and today they were it was on modern marvels. I'm obsessed with the History Channel. Right now it's on Modern Marvels and your regular history buff.
Yeah. And they were talking about gigantic meals and I almost videotaped that. I didn't because I said I don't need to have this bit of content on my phone because I know I'll post it and then I know I'm going to get canceled for it because it's not funny. But it's funny to me. Yeah. This guy was giving these kids. Giant, it was this candy guy, he's giving them giant gummy bears, right, and he's like these three boys and he's like, hey, I have headsets on, I'm running, so I can't hear them, but I'm just doing the dialogue.
And it's a dude giving three boys candy. It kind of looks Melasti. Yeah. And he's like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And the kids are like, well, they're all acting.
But it really comes off. Like when Arnold went to that guy's house with his buddy Duncan and they took their shirts off and played video games, it looked really sexually assault. And I fell off the treadmill because the next thing he pulls out is a huge gummy worm like from like this and all I heard his smile. He says he goes, you guys ever try ACARS? And I couldn't stop laughing at that. And I was like, oh, I suppose that.
And then I didn't. It's it looks like this big gummy remote, your fucking dildo. And he's typing huge gummy Whirlaway.
What about that one right there at the guy's mouth around like that? Is that three pound gummy worm.
That's what I want to do. A Mexican nurse type in a huge gummy worm, modern marvels, because I could not stop laughing. I almost I'll send you a picture of it. Oh, fuck. That is so for now, it's our. I saw that and I was on the treadmill, I laughed myself off the treadmill. Oh, that is a really ridiculous gummy worm, dude.
Tastes doesn't like a fucking bubble. Had a dildo. And it's this guy with these three boys and he just pulls it out, like for my boys. You guys were to to us.
You want to earn your candy. All right. And but I was like I was like, I don't put that out there in my head.
I'm like, I don't want to fuckin I don't want you because you never know how people read things. Yeah. Like because I think I can say it to you. Fine. Yeah. That's why I like I go and no one watches. So yeah. Like if once you write it then it's like totally different. Yes. And then even if you say it they'll just grab a bit and then go what was the thing like click bait. Yeah, I was into this nadelberg.
You're a click bait ho. I'm a click bait moron. Like I'm the guy that gets outraged at the title and then I watch a video that's not fucking bad at all. Yeah, I get outraged at the title and you're exactly who it's targeting. Exactly. I mean I by the way, I guarantee you I have the I had just below the average intelligence of Americans.
Like I would I would argue I'm smarter because I make money, you know, like I look at something like I know there's I know there's actual like I was thinking about this and other people watch that watch this show that don't like me, that like I like our show, but they don't like me and they're skinny and they're losers and they do drugs and they're alcoholics. But then they go, he's just a fucking alcoholic. He's not Wallack guy. I read your comments, you just fucking alcoholic moron.
Yeah, I'm actually smarter than you. And so you need to realize that like that you who hate me. Yeah, I'm actually better than you. Yeah. And so. And I know that you actually know that too. That's why you hate me. Now what you need to understand is that we're on the same team. You the hate me, we're on the same team. We're not that smart. And so the things that get you crazy, I get crazy.
And so they actually like you. They don't know that. They don't know it. They don't know that we're brothers, that we're literally brothers. And that if you ran into me in an airport bar getting on to your Southwest flight, yeah, we become best friends within fucking seconds.
And then you'd be like, oh, I'm on American. I'll see you later. You're like, good luck sitting in steerage. And so I but I but the one today was who's the guy from Modern Family? Jesse Jesse Thorn.
I don't know his name. Jesse the redhead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like him. Right.
But the click bait title was Jesse Thorn is raising his son gay and just not him. That's not Jesse. So actually that's Jesse. That is Jesse Thorn. But that's not the way one is, by the way. Makes really cool clothes. This guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Taiping Jesse Thornes clothing. Jesse Dawn's a really interesting guy. He's got a podcast, he does a Cruz hit the old instead of the he's a comic and he has great fucking clothes. He's a comic. He's a comic.
That's so funny. Just this guy right here. Jesse Thorn's a comic type. Wait a minute. I think that we're looking at right now. Yeah, on accident. I'm not on accident. This guy is a comedian. This guy's a comedian.
And he makes bespoke clothing. Yeah. Yeah. Tiepin Jesse Thorn, Google.
You want to do a little sidebar? I won't tell you it, but. Jesse Thorn, OK, he's he's a podcast, he's a comic, and he also what makes clothing, he's like a really interesting dude. Know this guy? I've known this guy. I've known of this guy for what I say here.
Like, I can't read that. It says host of Max Fund HQ founder, put this on creator JJ Go host, he was a hit hit his website there.
Look, Karen Kilgariff follows them like a lot of the people that we OK, that we know follow him. All right. He's an interesting guy. I mean, it looks interesting. Yeah, and that's not who I was talking about. I know you're talking about you talk about the redhead from Modern Family, the the title.
And I get so angry because I don't want that title. They go he's raising his son gay until he realizes he's straight. And then I was like I was like, well, my head, I'm like, how you raise your son gay? Like, I'm not raising my daughter straight, like I like. That's really aggressive. Like I'm letting my daughters choose whoever they want to be. Yeah. And then and by the way, I really don't know what are they on him for, for raising his.
It's it's that's the guy, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who I like. And I go, why would he do.
Why would he what's he doing. Just raising his kid. He's raising his son gay. And then and then if he chooses to be straight later in life, he will allow that.
And I went, so is that is that a bird report? It's a it's a yes. OK, it's a bit he's doing a fucking bit. It's like, oh it's like he's just like he's like it's a joke. It was a fucking joke back. Understand that. And I yeah. And I'm like he's just as raising a kid and he's gay. He's just joking.
Oh I got you.
And I'm like don't put you got me to click on it because. Because anyone if you said if I, if you said Tom Saggers raising your son straight and if they decide they're going to be gay, then he'll deal with that when it happens. Yeah. You'd be like, wait, hold on. Fucking let a kid just be the fuck it wants to be.
Oh, no, they're being raised straight. But I can I tell you, I started texting. Yeah. Presence. I'm getting your sons when they moved to Texas. Are you ready to see. I send it to my. I sent this. This is synthase. Oh, my God, they're going to go crazy. Yeah, but so I get I get fucking quick-witted and then sometimes the click bait, the click bait like I want.
Just to be fair, he was on Ellen. It was a fucking hilarious, bit jazzy Jay Ferguson style. Hilarious Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It was a hilarious bit. He was it was just a joke. He was just saying, I'm going to let him be what the fuck you were saying? What you showed us that fucking click bait people. Anyway, then I read and I know you read this to the Papa John's.
And I yeah, I know you're not supposed to laugh out loud. Yeah, I was crying, laughing at the headline title, of course. Can you read the headline for sure? Those of you who haven't heard it, it's pretty amazing.
Papa John Shatner, who, you know, is Papa John from Papa John's Pizza, says he's spent the past 20 months trying to learn how to not say the N-word. That's the headline.
Well, a story about not watching basketball.
Well, what's amazing about that is that, you know, that it is such a staple of his vocabulary.
Like, is it like it has to be. It has to be. Well, you know, what's so funny is for you to be like, I am trying, man.
I'm fucking trying as hard as I can to stop doing this.
That is, you know, what it was, is can I tell you what I think happened? I think he went on to a right wing podcast. Yeah. And felt comfortable and wasn't thinking about what he was saying. It's it's so insane. It also makes you go.
Well, that means that's just like that's how that's his word for black, you know, like for black people. It can't be.
And I don't believe that. Imagine being in like corporate headquarters. Right. And you're like, you know, this is the CEO, founder of a company. And you're like, hey, hey, papa.
And he's like, you know what I saw this morning driving in? I'm a couple of corporate owners, three inch right there.
And you're like, we can do those garlic bread sticks this quarter. The fuck, man.
We were going to tour the we were going to tour the warehouse, but I think gets a little uncomfortable, you say. Right. Everyone is like, what are you doing about the brothers down there? Yes, that man was that man. Yeah.
I mean, it's got to be to the point where and, you know, like, if every once in a while you'll hear someone say that and there's like a there's a shock, right?
You'll be like, wow, like it's like you.
But with him, you'd be shocked. But also like, this is my boss. My boss.
Can I tell you, I really ought to say, is there a video to the video of him saying this, by the way, what can I tell you? He pauses a little too much after saying the N-word. And he says something to the effect of here's a deal is we got to stop this N-word.
And then he pauses and you're like, say the next word, real quick controversy.
I mean, oh, so wait to meet to give, like, context to people. I was he was ousted as the CEO by the board because there's recordings of him.
But no, but I OK, I don't saying it. Let me say this. I don't know anything much about this. What I thought he said was I thought he was doing it the way the guy and Netflix did it, like like giving an example. Giving an example. I don't think so. Because was he just saying the N-word. Yeah. Work. Yeah.
Casually and like multiple times. Oh.
Who left this pizza in the oven too long it looks. Yeah. I mean, that's fucking ridiculous. Yeah. That's what they were like. You're out there. Let me see this, let me see this.
We've had three goals for the last twenty months. Oh my God. Stop right there and work to get rid of this N-word. Those are your goals. I wanted the other to lose weight.
We've had three goals for the last twenty months to get rid of this N word in my vocabulary, the dictionary, everything else, because it's just not true.
Figure out how they did this and get on with my life.
He took took. You got to search for the record, like whatever the audio is of him saying the by the way, the the pause there.
I've got to get rid of this N-word and then he goes in my line, get out, get it out everywhere. It's just it sucks that it exists. It's so funny.
I maybe I did not I wasn't paying attention when he got lit up. I thought he was saying it as in when he first said it. I thought it was an example of, hey, guys, these are these words we can't say at work type thing. Yeah, no. Because he used I didn't think he was he used it on a conference call and that's what it says there. And he definitely there definitely is a recording of it.
How do you think you used on a conference call with like, well, we're still waiting on Darnell to get on this conference call.
And he's like, here's the problem with, OK, does it say, no, I'm still looking for it? Of course you are.
We'll get back to you in fucking June. OK, so, um, what's that is. It is. It is mind blowing to me if he is if he had a company and he was tossing around and words like just like Daly, that is mind blowing to me. But I really sincerely thought it was like in a meeting where he was saying, and we can't use this word. I thought that's how it was. I didn't think it was.
Yeah, but what am I, an idiot? Why would he get kicked out of his office on TMZ? Would have it like if they.
You know, that's all the recent stuff, it's all buried right now. By the way, I'm so dyslexic. I thought I said Papa John's founder doesn't want to be tied to an apple like shit.
Right? And I'm like, what the fuck? He's one of his big. Papa gone call common now. Yeah, because I remember that when that happened, they got rid of them and then they're like, we need people to still like Papa John's.
So then they're like, how about Shaq? Come on the board here. I was like, all right. So Shaq is like someone you don't say the N-word to. I don't think it's your problem, John. I've been told it tied his tongue then. I'm sure he did. Hello, Shaquille. Yeah. God damn Twitters.
That's crazy. Speaking of racism, let myself slip into. Oh, the Marquel. Yeah, that was a few weeks ago. But that was I finally watched it because I had I didn't watch it initially. Yeah. It's I think it's actually kind of complicated. It's not a simple cut and dry like. So it starts off in the first few minutes. I'm watching it and I go, oh, she's insane. Like I thought within five minutes I was like, she's a crazy person because there's a couple of questions that are asked that the way she answers, I'm like, huh?
One of them is that Oprah goes, hey, so once you were engaged and you're coming up on this, you know, did you have conversations about what it would be like to be, you know, a royal? And she was like, nope, never came up.
And you're like, that's those. Right. But I mean, if you start with that, you're like, oh, this is you're crazy or you're a liar because. What do you mean you dated a prince and you're like you never thought like is is it going to be different, by the way, when I marry into your family, just sidebar.
She was dating Piers Morgan the night before. Piers Morgan the night before would like the big thing I heard is that Piers Morgan had gone out with her on a date the night before, like going out with another date. I'm not shitting on Piers Morgan. Anyone who would ever consider going out on a date with a much older man is not attractive. I don't think they align politically. Yeah, he introduced her to the circle of people that ended up introducing her to Prince Harry.
This is really complicated.
But because here's the fact I don't think I don't think she's lying about like a lot of the stories.
But what I mean about about what? About now never not knowing who he was. No, no. That shit feels like a bunch of lies that not asking. And then she was like, I never Googled them.
What that's all like. That's such. That's so insane. Did you ask how many people you had sex with before? That's a good question. Yeah, because I know I don't care about that stuff. Yeah, OK. But I do believe I don't think she's making up the thing about, like, the family not willing to help and I think that's all now.
But also it's like you kind of go when you're watching it. This is my opinion. I'm not like I'm not well versed in the royal family, but I'm watching. I'm like, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? Well, what is the point of this? The crazy thing? The crazy thing to me was like. A couple of things and look, I'm not. It really does get complicated, you're right, because I've watched a lot of the crown and so I know how just how backwards that family has to be, because they're, you know, the Lord himself appointed them as royals.
The Lord. It is a yeah. So so there's not a lot of reality connected in who they are. Yeah. His grandmother, the Lord, plucked her out and said, you will be queen. So like already it's a little fucking fucking crazy.
The whole the whole existence of that, especially in 2021 when, you know, like the way that we view the world now, just like make believe, you know, like appointment of them as as special, I think.
And especially I think when you're Americans, you know, we don't have but but Hirschi, we're like but here's the thing is that I am not to defend anyone or say anything bad about anyone, but. Prince Harry wasn't didn't ask for this in his life, he was born into it, I told, and he is people that would definitely kidnap him and murder him. Yeah. And it's crazy if they were like there's no security, if they pulled his security and he's like, yo, I got to make some money.
I can't just fucking leave my family out here to dry. And you're doing this because she's black. That's a little fucked up.
What's also fucked up is he didn't know like he didn't know his dad was racist. Was this his first day meeting his dad? Yeah, I know. Like, you know, if your dad's racist, you know it like if your brother's racist, you actually like you don't know.
And I don't think they were on a tour of sub-Saharan Africa once. And his brother was like, Jesus Christ, look at all these.
You're going to be thinking about what you definitely, you know you know, your friend's dads, your friends, dads that are racist, racist.
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Dude, I did a Spanish podcast yesterday with this guy from Uruguay.
He lived in New Jersey. You say it the way it's supposed to be said Uruguay. The yeah. The way that the way that when you conquered that place, the way you named it, he's from Uruguay.
And he told me he's like, we lived in this like a kind of bad neighborhood in Jersey when he was a kid. His parents had like a pizza place or something.
And he goes he goes, it was like, do the right thing, you know, instead of the Italians. We were Latin like Muruga. And he's like, my dad had to like like, you know, people would try to rob him. He'd beat him with, like, a broom. And it was like a really rough. And it was like in the hood. And I just go, how racist are your parents?
And he goes, Yeah, that is that see, that's because, you know, you know, right now that you're like that guy. Yeah. There is no questions to me that, like, here's the deal. When I brought home Lee-Anne to my family. Yeah.
My grandmother had a problem with it. Why? By the way, I'm doing exactly what they did on the fucking interview. What, like I'm put my grandma on blast? Oh, yeah, you are alive, she's dead, OK?
Thank God she would be losing her shit right now.
Wait, but you see, your grandma had a problem with Lee-Anne. She was Baptist. Oh, yeah. She was like usually people. That's the other way around. The Baptist has the problem with.
Yeah, well, Catholics are like fucking for real. That's what a snake. Sheikhan Baptist. I think you're going to marry. Yeah. Yeah.
And so my grandmother, the problem with it and in Carolina, by the way, sidebar in the local newspaper, there was a car dealership that said we do not sell cars to Catholics for real. Yeah. Printed in the paper like a little shitty, not like a prominent place, but like a little used car place was like, no Catholics.
Dude, I um. Yeah I, he, I so crazy. I watch that and I was like don't put in my head. I was like, you put your grandma on blast and your brother and your dad like like you're really thrown under the bus. I just did it. Did it. My sisters called Leeanna Pit Viper when they first met her. They didn't like her. Yeah. Really. Oh yeah. The accent and stuff.
Well the Emilienne was just like and LeAnn was establishing boundaries. Oh. In a in a crazy family Liam was establishing boundaries just like Meghan Markle. She was like, you know, here's the deal. We're not like this isn't this isn't cool. I mean, you're married. We have a family. We're starting a family together. Yeah. You got to pick one or the other. It wasn't like as adamant as that. But my daughter my sisters were definitely moved to L.A., weren't dating anyone, weren't married.
They were like, come over every night. We'll grill out every night. And Liane's like, I didn't marry your sisters, right? I married you. Like, I want to I want to start with you. Yeah. And I'm almost that's almost identical to what Meghan Market was like.
By the way, if you don't understand, by the way, I don't understand.
But the amount of commitment being a prince and a princess is you don't have a life.
The thing is, you appreciate it more as an adult. You know, when you're a kid, gelatine, whatever you're like, oh, prince, that'll be great. But now that you're like a a dad and, you know, working guy, you look at what they have to do and you're like, fuck that.
Also the amount of scrutiny, everything ever you ever do scrutiny. You can't wear a Nazi costume to a Halloween party and so fucked up.
I know. Fucking poor kid.
Now I got to say, I side with your family on the whole thing when they here's the thing. I'm not religious. Yeah. But like, it's if you're going to go down a Christian route, you know, if you're Catholic, you're on Broadway, OK?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you're like evangelical or Baptist, you might as well just fucking jerk off on the street. You're a fucking you're gutter trash. You're not a real Christian. You're like, why are you doing this offshoot psychobabble bullshit? Like either get on the fucking train and do it the right way.
I get the fuck out of here. Dude, my grandmother didn't come to my wedding.
Yeah, I love my grandmother, I love my grandmother, I because of that, yeah, didn't come to my wedding. Was your wedding in a Catholic church on a Baptist church? Oh, yeah. I always thought they were friends with you, too.
I got to be honest with you, it's this I watch that interview and I had feelings. Right. Views about it all, same as everyone else. But but one thing I was like I was like, man, I thought I thought about my grandma and my other grandma. And I was like I was like, I would never throw my grandma the best. But I got to be honest. And I had conflicted emotions about it. But I remember at one point my at our wedding, my dad was like, they were like, you can eat, you got to pick, you can either dance or drink.
You can't do both. What. Yeah. At our wedding they wouldn't allow you to do both dance and drink. You're being serious, dead serious. You to pick one. You can either dance.
I know you picked I don't dance the night away. Yes, I think dance. You know why I was like dance and then I'm going to buy a fucking million beers and I want you to stop me from drinking at anything, ok? Like I was like fucking get the deejay and then I'm also going to get beers. They can go fuck themselves. Yeah. And I remember when they said dance or drink, I remember my dad being like her grandmother wasn't too far off.
And I was like because everyone was like, this is fucking my friends. They're like my friends I went to college with. And they were like, we brought weed. Like we're talking about dance or drink.
Where was where was the band in Georgia. Wow. On our marriage license. This is you know, it's my grandmother wasn't totally off on a marriage license. First question name. Second question, occupation. This is in Carrollton, Georgia, I'm certain. Certain I don't I'm not certain it's the same one today, but I'm certain people filled out this exact same marriage license. Third question, are you blood relatives? I swear to you, on my children's life, I swear to you all my children's lives, I swear to God.
And I do a joke a little bit about it now. But I go I ask the lady who, by the way, I went to high school with, I said, what do I put for number three? And lady looks and she goes, Well, is I said, I don't think she is.
She goes up and down the chain.
I said, I'm not writing any because I think that means she is fucking in that crazy. Yes, yes. We we, like my parents, are super Catholic. And when we got married in the Bahamas. Yeah. So we entertain the idea, I was like, she goes, you know, you only get married on the beach. How awesome would that be? I was like, oh, that sounds awesome. I told them I called my parents if they were going to do a beach ceremony and it was just quiet.
I was like, hello, and they're like. What I go get married on the bike, it's in the Bahamas, a beautiful. And they were just you can just hear them go like, uh, I was like, what?
And they're like you to get married in a church, OK? Oh like, OK, that's fucking.
And it was like kind of some until I called them back, I was like, we're going to the church. Oh, that's great. That's just great.
I was like, here's the thing about about cancer culture that everyone needs to realize is that we are a part we myself and you are a part of it too. You watch the Megan Markle interview, you get these feelings, you go, yeah, why are you throwing your your brother on like I don't care about you throwing your dad under the bus, but your brother, like your brother.
I always liked his brother and Pippen or Katie, Katie, whatever. Whatever the other lady is. Yeah, his wife. She's a racist, too, I want to like, by the way, it must be so fun to be allegedly racist in London right now, like the the bomb that that must have dropped socially.
Oh, what's crazy is that, you know, they hate the fucking tabloids. And the tabloids were like, thank you.
We just made a ton of money so much nobody made them. And by the way, that was smart that he said, we're making no money off this interview. We're told we're not making any money. By the way, I, uh, I can't tell you what's.
Are you going to have this one? This is no headbanger. Last time I've strawberry daiquiri. You don't want strawberry daiquiris.
I had the, uh, the I don't know what to do, but I'm sure they're doing stuff about the environment or something.
Yeah. You know, stuff about racism now. Cheers, though, fucking here's the thing, though, that is like I love our OP, the.
When you watch the crown, they had really fucked up. They have rules because they uphold the church, they have rules about divorce, about like I mean, I bet part of it was, yeah, they don't really, really fucked up.
And she's a divorcee who's her first husband. I to see that dude pull up his Instagram, pull up Meghan, Markle's first husband guy is kind of a fucking gun in his mouth every night when he goes to bed. It I fucked up big time. Trevor Angaston, what's he doing now, Tiepin Trevor Engelsman, which got him on the podcast.
Yeah, he is a temp at night, a good looking dude. He's 44, looked a little older, in my opinion, wait, wait, slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down. He is a production. He's an oh fucking Hollywood. He's a producer. Uh, you're married from 20. I forgot she was an actress.
Yeah, he's Jewish, too. Wow.
I bet that. What do you think? Do you think they would have let Harry marry a Jewish chick? No fucking way. Probably not. I bet they would have actually had. I bet I bet they would have actually had a problem with him marrying a Jewish chick. Really? I bet they would have had a legit fuckin problem.
What is the great thing the conversation was like about what she said, the the conversation about how dark you think they're like?
Just a quick question about something. Do you think he'll come out another time?
So I'm going I'm buying presents for the baby. Baby, I'm really excited. Sunscreen.
And that's something we need to worry about, you know? Do you think he'll be burning much or do you think he'll be more?
Not have a natural Brauns, if you will.
You think you have a natural born. So I'm some I'm watching the Michael Jordan documentary, he seems.
Quick question, Marty, your mother, would you rather talk or kind of a milk chocolate doll?
So half black, is that half and half or is it like one eighth and you know you know, what's her dad look like?
Her dad is her dad, the one that dad's white. He's he's like he's the mom's black. Yeah. Oh, shut the fuck up. I know. Real weird, right? I never saw that coming. Yeah. It's Tom. OK, go to let's see how her dad is a yeah.
My mom's fucking us smoke show dad. Not so much. Her dad looks like Gerald.
We'll do our mom's tiny too. Like fucking five one.
You know that Meghan Markle's big. I don't think so.
I told Meghan Markle to do that. Yeah.
Did you see did you see the pictures, the meems that were coming up. Oh, that's them looking at the baby. Yeah. Let's go back to the picture that I'm looking at, the baby going, she's five six. OK, look at this little black bastard.
So so Harry, Megan we brought in. Oh, is that that's her mom. It's your mom where it looked like a dad, doesn't it? It is.
I had someone get my glasses, get a glasses and some light, turned the lights on. I'm talking here right now.
Fucking poor Harry. Poor Harry. I've always liked Harry, by the way, not getting knighted from him anymore. He's only been in the family. And I have a feeling they would not like our show.
Charcoal Briquettes in your lap. You know, Archie is going to be hot as fucking shit.
He's going to be like he's going to be gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. You got you got the two white ones. They suck. Yeah. Straight, white, straight, white, straight, white, fucking ugly.
I got two white chicks. Yeah. Good luck getting rid of them fucking putt putt and I got my boys.
Artie's going to be fucking. And why didn't they ever get his teeth fixed. Did you ever did you watch that interview. No, no. I was like his teeth are not perfect and you're the fucking prince. Yeah. Line them up bro.
Speaking of teeth and you're like nineteen teeth fucking redone.
You're look at his teeth. It's like they are teeth. Yes. But like you all right. Like why not get them just a little bit better.
Jesus Jewel, get your shit fucking fix. Right fucking Harry look at these teeth.
You have great teeth and no braces. No ever. Yeah. You have indigenous teeth. Indigenous teeth. Yeah. It's from your mom's side to dominant gene. OK, I've got settlor teeth. Yeah, yeah. Like we came to your country and couldn't bite into the sugar cane yet. So what we did was we just set up farms.
Yeah. Yeah. And then and then created a way to break down the sugar so that we could process it and sell sugar and coffee.
But also you did it in a super fair and cool way to the native people. Well, it's not me, but it's my family. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah.
Not crazy that our relationship, if this was 200 years ago, would not be so much fair.
Yeah. You as a Peruvian and me as a white guy. Yeah. And that's crazy. Is that we're partners now. Yes.
That's progress. And you're of German descent so it's real.
Do you ever. Do you. I would but I don't.
Even Germans didn't settle anywhere did they. Uh, I don't. I don't know. I don't think so. German, Irish. I've got no settlor in me. I've got subjugation all written all over me. Irish, German, all Germans, Germans, Germans. Like logit. Took big rolls of the dice. Yep, Germany has that big swings. Germany has that vibe of fuck you, I'll fight everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never thought about.
I mean, listen, have you been to Germany?
Love Germany. Yeah, Germany's. I fucking love I fucking I, I hadn't gone till what, two years ago. And uh men it's actually not even two years. I'd never been to Berlin and. Holy shit dude that's the best man.
Beer gardens in my opinion are the fuckin greatest place in the world to be that energy, that fun like.
I'm telling you. Yeah, I've been watching. Did you know German Hitler wasn't even German. Austrian. Yeah. Birth. Yeah, he wasn't even German. Yeah.
Not crazy, but I think he did enough work for them to be like you're you're one of us now but.
Yeah but how crazy is that.
Like imagine going like I guess that's or like Barack Obama wasn't born in this country and then he became president right now, Donald Trump said. Yeah, he's been working for 20 months to stop saying it for 12 months. Yes, I want to be there the first five years. Just got to get it out of my system. I just got out of my system. God damn it. When Papa John's trying to stop saying it.
Oh, he's like, put on the game. Oh, fuck, man. I keep saying, yeah, I want to know his protocol.
I want to know their shit. I would like to know his program, his regiment for stopping to say the N word like what he does on a daily basis. It's got to be some sort of meditation. I don't want to say no words to begin with. And period.
How about that? I've done he's got a little like a tip jar. I said not boop, that's nasty.
And I say no words at all, you know, God damn it, Jesus Christ.
Yeah. That must have been a real, real shaky first few weeks. What percentage what percentage of people over the age of 40.
Yeah. Do you think. Have said the N word. That are just just people, people over 40 people over the age of 40, English speaking people in America, we got to America because I'm OK in America, because that's it's an American word, I think. What percentage of people over the age of 40, I don't know if this poll has been done yet.
Let's find out what type in what percentage of people say they've said the N-word.
Because if you if you stop me on the like I remember Greg Fitzsimmons is like, have you ever said the N-word? And I said, no. And he goes, why are you lying to me? And I went, I don't know. I just got scared. Yeah. And he goes, Of course you said it. So I was like, of course, he goes, there's no been using it and saying it. Yeah. Like you said it.
Of course people have said it using its very different. Using the N word is more common than you think. OK. Using the N-word, using it's very different, yeah, racism when I heard it and are being polite. Well, I'm not going to finish that sentence. OK, I don't know if it if they actually give a percentage in this article, that would be so strange, you know, we confirmed it. I went out with a dated 63 percent.
I went out with a date with a costume, uh, uh, person like person at wardrobe. And she was, uh, she was new to Los Angeles. She was from the South. And she was she was doing a Puff Daddy music video. This is back when Britney Spears and Fred Durst were dating. She told me that I think she ended up doing Fred Durst also. And she we went to a sushi restaurant in Hollywood and she could not stop saying the N-word.
And I there's actually percentages right there. Sorry. People know no people who call black people N-word in 2006, it's White said 46 percent and black people say 67 percent have used N-word in the past five years.
According to a 2012 poll, white people, 31 percent said they have. 64 percent of black people say they have. I mean, but here's the thing. A poll like that never going to be accurate. And, you know, it's never even on on either side like no one's going to. I was I had a friend. I know I've told you this. I won't say this friend's name because he knows what I'm talking about. But I had a friend who said he's never said the N-word ever, ever, ever, ever.
We're all sitting at dinner. And he said, I've never said the N-word. And like what? And I actually believed him. Grew up in California. Very liberal parents, lawyer parents. And like, you know, like and I actually kind of was like for real. And he's like I have never said I said not don't like you've never sang it in the song. He's like, never I don't listen to that music. And I went, OK, you've never like like you've never like been saying a sentence and said and then and then you said the word not using it but said the word and he's like never.
And I was like, OK, I believe it, you know. And then the next night we were at Patts. We I was with Omar Dorsey, Tone Bell. I remember you told me the story and and we're all drinking. And he said it three times in front of three black dudes. And and he had prefaced. I had prefaced them saying we were talking about the N word, and I said he said he's never said it and they were like never said it.
And I was like, I actually believe him. And I defended him. He's like, I've never said it. I've never even said it. And we're drinking. He's like, I've never said. And he said it with an A.. Then he said it with an E r. And they're saying, like you just said it and he went, no, I've never said it. The next two examples. Yeah, the next night I told the story to the same people we had been with the night before.
And I said, guess who said he's never said the N-word? And he said, still have a clean record. And I went, you said it three times last night. And he went, No, I didn't. And I went. You definitely this is a comedian and a regular dude, and he he sat there and he went, oh my God, I said it, oh my God, I said it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I said it to black people. Well, that's the worst way to say it.
Like to say no. Yeah.
Yeah, I that was the but yeah, I sang it. I don't know. Whatever.
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When it comes to insurance, it's nice to get something right. I talked. I said that I said to Trinidad James I did a podcast with him or lived with him and I still live with him like we did live on Instagram. You did OK. And I said, you know, I got to be honest with you. I shout out to that, yeah, I, I have a there's a video and I'm not singing the word, but some some young kid saw me listening to all gold, everything in my car, my windows are down and I'm driving through Gelson's and and Trindall gold everything.
You can't play it here, but the inward runs aplenty in that song. I think that's the hook is just that word over and over and over again. And this kid videotaped me in my car listening to it and I thought I got caught. So I was like, I'm listening to this. Yeah. And I was like, wait, that's crazy. And then I said that to James and I said, you know, how do you feel like when you write a song like that, when you you know, ultimately it's going to fall into the it's great music.
Yeah. And then I get a hold of it and I listen to it and I sing I sing the N-word. When I'm with myself, I definitely sing it. Yeah. I'm not going to not enjoy your music that you wrote.
I love it. And he said, you know, I forget his answer exactly. But he's like, I just hope that you do that responsibly and understand that that's not a green light to just say the word. But like, if you're in your car, I can't I can't stop you. And I just hope that you realize the like you just try to be like. But the truth is, is like I've been listening to hip hop since I was a kid.
You know, I've been singing that word in music.
Yeah. My whole fucking life, I'm sure. And so it's it's just crazy.
When I when I hear people, I try to start my day with it, you know, like, I you know, I, I wake up and I, I call God the N-word and I tell them, like, fuck you, God, you fuck.
And I just said, and then I'm like, oh right.
I started. That feels like meditation. You know, I had a joke earlier on.
I was like I was like, people say Jesus was black. Yeah. And I go, can you imagine how much how much fun it would be to sit with cold beers outside the gates of heaven and watch racist white people roll up to heaven and see a black Jesus and be like, hey, man, can you get God for me?
Was he like black, black, like Terry Crews?
Um, like rap? I don't know. I mean, I just I don't have pictures of him. There he is right there. It's a Michael Jordan. All right. All right.
Name, name three name. OK, name the black guy you want Jesus to look like. And then name the black guy that if Jesus looks like him, you won't stop laughing when you get to heaven. I mean, I want him to look like Morgan Freeman. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
If he looks like Darnell Rollins, I'm going to fucking cry. I'll be like, no, no fucking way.
And he's like, oh, shit.
Yeah, like, yeah.
I would laugh so hard if he looked like RDB or something like that and he was like you and commit a lot of sins.
Yeah. Morgan Freeman would be a great what's the white guy that if Jesus looked like the white guy. That I mean, you want it, I think you want it to be like a paternal, like you feel safe, you know, like with with whoever does God, you want God to be like, yeah, big, big white beard.
You want God to look like. So you talk about Pops. Yeah. Jeff Bridges. If God looks like Jeff Bridges, sure. I'd be very happy.
Yeah, that'd be a cool Kurt Russell Caruso will be cool. I would take that William Hurt. Sure I could. Look, I like God to look like that. Now, if if he's black, I want him to look like who's the guy that was in, uh, who's the guy that does the Allstate commercials? Oh, I know you're talking about even touch. Yeah. Who's the guy who does the Allstate commercial?
There he is. Yeah, that guy. The guy is fucking soothing.
Yeah, you're right. That would be that's a really good call. That's a really good call.
It's funny how your brain works. So James Earl Jones. Yeah. James Earl Jones. A good, great guy. Be a great guy. What if he was Mexican? George Lopez. Hmm. No, I know what they know. Stop crying, you're in heaven, he's too rascally. You know, people like to think it's going to hurt in here, I want to get because you're going to get drunk with George Lopez. Yeah. Oh fuck.
Yeah, I bet you can work that out.
I bet I could. Yeah, I bet I could hear a Mexican God type in Mexican God. He'll be out here. Oh, oh, they really believe in God, we're going Pregerson on these. They did some wild shipmen. Cut people's heads to go down the stairs when you talk about when you talk about stuff that happened in history, like in Uruguay or what it sounds like you got water in your mouth or why, as I say, that's how you say it.
OK, pull up. Pull up Latin American countries. I will say them the way you're supposed to say them, OK, the way we settled them. And then you can say them the way the. Belize, Belize, Costa Rica, Costa Rica, or a little spin on that. You got a curveball, El Salvador, El Salvador.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, it's not even close. El Salvador, El Salvador.
You so you decide to do like a skip jump at the end of it. Yeah. El Salvador, Guatemala, Guatemala. What then. Yeah. Yeah. Like like a and you're going to say that to my face. Yeah. Honduras, Honduras, Undoolya, Honduras. Sounds like it sounds like you're on a horse. Yeah, I'm good. I know us.
Mexico, Mexico, Mexico, there's an X in there. Mexico, Mexico, Nicaragua, Nicaragua, Panama, Panama.
Cuba, Cuba, Cuba. That's the bad ass one that would astound Cuba. I am from Cuba that I'm from. I'm from getting in trouble for racism right now. No, I'm from Cuba.
Yeah, you got it. May I'm on a battle cry, sir.
You know, I like. So Carbonyl you got it. Yeah, I'm halfway there. I was I was reading about Haiti.
Mm hmm. Eighty eight and they said it. Haiti. Yeah. Yeah. How did you know that. They said it that way. I don't know.
I think just from hearing it before Haiti speaking French would be dope. The numbers, the numbers.
So there was like a big slave revolution. So it's like the numbers at one point were to imagine Papa John's in Haiti.
Just being he's like, I can't oh, he's just sweating 20, 20 months and enough to prepare me for this year. Oh God. Oh shit. Oh God. I got to think I'm falling off the wagon.
Everybody out of the wagon in Haiti, the number the number of slaves versus white people was at one point, if I'm not mistaken, one hundred eighty thousand to a hundred thousand slaves versus two thousand white people.
You imagine the day when finally everybody was like, why are they fucking hey, you want to just, like, cut some people up, man?
And they just. Yeah, I mean, that must have happened, right? I think it did. And then. And then and then they had a basically two guys were like kind of fighting over who was going to take over Haiti.
Yeah. And by the way, did the slaves win in like 15 minutes or they're like, oh, this is so easy. We just killed all of them. It had to be so quick, so fast.
It was called the type of the Haiti Haiti revolution. Haiti massacre, I think was called the knife massacre or the knife something. I'm not about breeding retention really sucks because that's what I start doing, is writing jokes. You can love it. Yeah. Did you read something or did you watch a show about this or. Listen to it. You listen to it. Yeah. This guy fucking Mike Duncan. What is it called self liberated sword, the sword revolution or something from that on the right side there the is that word, the French colonization, Santo Domingo.
But the whole I don't know why that's OK anyway, dude, it was there were there were three revolution three. I think there was. It's crazy. But I get so obsessed with the fact that.
That we witnessed this in our lives, we witnessed we witnessed an attempted coup, like when those guys stormed the Capitol, they were trying to overthrow our country. Yeah. And I don't think I saw it for what it was when it happened. The Haiti massacre for between three to 5000 people were killed, um, throughout Haiti, torturing and killing entire families.
Holy fuck, I talked to one of the things they were like they would either kill you or torture and kill you. And I was like, would you rather be tortured and killed just so it lasts a little longer, right?
No, you you would want to be, I guess. I mean, if you're going to die anyway, might as well might as well welcome death as opposed to like don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. I think you'd want to be over real quick. No, no, no, no. Go with I'm going to go with torture then kill you.
You'd want to be tortured. Yeah obviously. Why wouldn't you want to be tortured first, then killed.
Because it would be extremely excruciatingly painful. Wouldn't you rather be like just do it man. Get it over with. Yeah that's what I'm saying. As opposed, you know, as opposed to going. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe just slowly cut me open. I think I could talk my way out of it.
Good torturing. How would you talk your way out of it. Charming. Just being charming.
Just being charming, engaging, making the guy's going. I don't know why we're doing this to him at all. He seems like a good guy. Yeah. I don't know, I've been I will listen to this all this about this Haiti thing, and they were talking about torturing people and killing them and I was like. I can't get past the absolute because I was like seventeen hundred, the absolute injustice, like there's a there's a little bit like that video we watched.
Yeah. Of just the idea that that guy. Like, I follow rules a little enough to know that I can't walk up behind someone to shoot them in the back of the head, but then there are people that do that go, oh, no, I got new rules. I saw this fucking I saw this video on Tic-Tac where this guy was like talking about a girl who got who this guy just pulled up behind her school bus. She got off and then he just thought, I'm going to go kill her parents and kidnap her.
And he killed her parents, kidnapped her, put her under his bed. I remember they forgot about her. Yeah. And then they asked him why he did it and he was like, I don't know. Where am I supposed to put her? Yeah, I know you're like the absolute lawlessness of that just. And then. And then.
I don't know, I but I look at that like they killed Marie Antoinette. Hmm, and and. She didn't like there's no way out of it, like she couldn't get out of it, you couldn't talk your way out of it, that's fucking crazy to me, dude.
I got to say, if somebody wants to talk to you and then kill you, they probably get it probably going to do it. There's probably no charm that'll work. I don't know. I bet to talk me out of it. And then you see me and me and my torturer on Oprah. Yeah, and I'm like, you know, he started torturing me, see these figures? And she's like, what the fuck? I talked my way out of it.
And he was like, he you know, I feel bad that he doesn't have that hand. And I could definitely talk my way out of it.
I'd be like, listen, by the way, am I talking my way into getting tortured? Someone's right now and I'll torture. I definitely like I look forward to torturing people.
I mean, let's pretend right now your arms and legs are tied. Right. OK, they're actually going to be tied like your arms can be tied above your head, but it'll be uncomfortable to look for.
Dude, they hung Mussolini upside down. Yeah. And I mean, they all keep going.
Imagine if you hung upside down right by your feet and your hands are tied behind your back. And I just not be a bad guy.
Comes and just goes like that. Just cut your neck and you just pour out, you just drain out.
It's not so much torture, but it is in a way. I grab it and hold it real tight. Your hands are tied behind your back. I would throw my hands over my head.
I'd hold it real tight and you're like, can you please get some medical attention over? I wonder if I wonder if I could like I feel like I have the ability for superhuman strength in those moments like that. I could like if you put, like, zip ties on me. I feel like I could break them. Like duct tape, like I remember I remember seeing this thing on on on some on CNN, you know, CNN goes, I can't believe I survived or whatever, you know, shows.
Yeah. Yeah. And I survived. Yeah, I survived. And she was like, this guy tied me up with a with a cord. And I thought to myself.
If I get tied up with a cord. I can't imagine someone would be that prepared to tie me up, you know, like you think it would be like kind of a half assed job.
Yeah, like if you like, ripped according to the wall. Right. And then Batarfi, I mean, these guys are. That's their whole life is like, you know. Torturing and killing, they might be really good at taking those nuts. I've had it on me all the time, I have hatchets, I have like five hatchets in my house and I wanted one. I survived that. I watch, I watched. I used to watch that series a lot.
And there was a lady who was kidnapped. Raped and then kept by this guy and what she did, she she was thinking kind of like you was like instead of being like, oh my God, I'm like freaking out in front of them, she would try to befriend him. Yeah. And like, when he wanted sex again, which was which was rape, she would be like, OK, like and then she would ask him like, oh, you know, whatever like what you could have for lunch and this and that.
And he after a couple of days would just kind of be more casual around the house. And then one day was like, I'm going to run out. And she was like, OK, like played it real cool. And then when he left, he didn't he didn't leave her tied up. He felt like, oh, she understands the role.
And then she called the crazy. And let me tell you something. I've done that with friends. Like which part? Like we're where this is now. This is going to sound disconnected reality. But like when someone when I'm friends with someone and then they do me wrong and I feel like they've done me wrong. Yeah. And I feel like, OK, this is now someone I can't trust anymore. Yeah. I then have continued the relationship like that woman where you go, oh no, no, no, we're cool.
We're good, we're good. We're real good. We're real good. Yeah. Until the day I know I can run away and then I run away and I burn it to the fucking ground and I go, you are dead to me, you are fucking dead to me. This sounds like a therapy session. Yeah. Yeah. Oh dude. It's, it's caused me problems really. Yeah it has. Because I, I've been vindictive. I was thinking about this on the treadmill this morning.
There's and there are things I regret having done because I've, I take it to a level where I let shit build up so much and I and I realize the person doesn't like me, that they're using me or they're taking advantage of me. And I let it build up to a point where I just fucking spill over.
And then and then I, I protect myself in a fucking unhealthy way. And I'm just thought about that today on the treadmill. And I was like I was like, I should probably stop doing that. Like moving forward is like I really respect people who can go up to someone and go, hey man, you hurt my feelings. Like, you know what, like there are people that would go like, hey, your breath smells.
And then I would get offended. I go, Why are you telling me my breath smells? Go fuck yourself. Yeah. And then my buddy Obbie would always be like, No, I'm telling you that. So you go brush your teeth. Yeah. Like it smells like I want you to meet girls also tonight. Yeah. And you should brush your teeth.
And I was like, oh OK. Yeah. So it's it's interesting that like I would take things I take things very personal. I know.
Do you really know. Yes. Did you know that, uh, my sisters, my daughters and my wife said if there was one thing they could change about me, they would be me not being so sensitive.
Um, in that crazy. No, because I. I know you well enough where I can see I've been around you when someone says something or even I've said something or I've been like like I can tell he just took that personally.
Yeah. Why do I do that. How come you don't. I do too. But I'm saying it's you know, everybody has a different kind of. Why do I take it personally. That's so I don't really I know like there was a I'm I'll dance around this. There was someone who did something. I worked on the show and there's someone who did something that was a little shady. Right. And it didn't really affect me that much. It didn't.
But it was shady. I didn't like the way they did it.
Did he look like a dove? No, no, no. And and.
Ice and what stinks is I really like this guy, I really liked this guy and he did something that, you know, it's like, fine, he just he was doing some underhanded shit where he was videotaping everything and not telling anyone who was doing it. That's shady as shady. And it made me fucking grossed out by him. And then I got to the point where I hated him. By the way, I was told this. Yeah, within an hour I hated him.
And in the second hour I was trying to think of ways to ruin him because I was like I was like, you don't do that to people. Like, you're a bad person. Yeah. And and then all of a sudden I was like. I stood up for you, for everyone, and I told everyone you were a good person, and then I found out you were videotaping everyone behind our back.
That's real shady. Fucking really shady. Right. And then I took it so personally and goes, Yeah, but he didn't do it to you. I doesn't matter. I now know who that is, you know who he is. And then once you know who that person is, you can never forget that or forgive it. You just got to go. That's who you are, man. You're gross, you know? And I didn't think you were fucking gross.
Right. And that's just I mean, I have a version of that where I feel like in the last few months especially, that I've met so many new people in my life. Right. Like between all the things I'm doing, like getting hurt, getting rehab, working on different projects. So I have like, you know, like we're working on something. And so you you keep introducing new people.
And part of me goes like, this is good, you know, like, how come I don't welcome or engage more new people in my life? It's it's great being, you know, meeting people that you click, whether you're like this person's great. Right. And and then, like, these little things will happen where I'll be like, oh, like you'll see something will be like a red flag or something where you're like, I don't really like that.
And I mean, it's you don't get to pick or you have to take that to to meet great people who you go like. This person's awesome. But it does make you think all the time about like, you know, what what other people are capable of and how it can it can surprise you and disappoint you like pretty quickly. I mean, you know, things come like I met people in the last few months. I'm telling you who you're like, man.
This is like a like an awesome person to meet. Right.
And then things happen like that where you're like, oh, like you just showed you showed me who you are. And I don't know, maybe that's why people at a certain time or place in their life go like, I don't want to like meet more people, you know, like it's yeah. There's there's a lot of disappointment. There's a lot we all want to make healthier decisions.
And I'll tell you what, it's so much better when you know how hard to train and how hard to sleep. That's why I love this frickin woop. I'll tell you what I just found on the woop. You can videotape your workouts and it shows your workout strain, heart rate and tracks it on the thing. I saw that from Nathan Florence. He uses a bro. That guy murders it in the ocean with the loop. It's hard for me because when I get on a treadmill, I don't know how long I should stay on.
I really don't. I don't even know how I feel sometimes. But with groups strain coach, I just type in start activity and it shows me on a thing. This is how long you should workout and how hard you should workout. And I do that. And because of that I look fucking jacked right now. OK, I'm sure this is not the endorsement we're looking for, but if you look at my shoulders for real pro, I just put it on callisthenics and it's like through the roof.
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Leon and I enjoyed some of the margaritas the the night we call it a specialty cocktail. We really put it over some ice. Who, baby, be sure to grab a Bud Light seltzer out of office variety pack for a very limited time, only at a store near you. I I did a video today because, you know, we posted that video of me saying I weigh myself backwards. Yeah, yeah. Like I was very, you know, it's crazy.
It's like I. I have no problem sharing my eccentricities. Like what? The way my brain thinks. And I know it's not perfect. And I know sometimes it looks really crazy. I told you I woke up with a piece of a piece of pizza in my pocket the other night. Like I got hammered, I got high and I put a piece of pizza in my pocket. And you're like, you're in my pajama pocket and my pajama pockets.
And I woke up with it and I didn't know what it was.
It was a napkin. And I pulled it out and I took a bite in the middle of the night.
And then I just put on my pillow and I went back to sleep.
And Liane, this is I mean, and I am trying to pull back my Instagram stories because I'm like I'm like I am really oversharing. I'm over oversharing, like to a point where I go. I don't want people to think I'm just a fucking psycho because like I did, I did fucking pass out with a piece of pizza in my pocket.
And then you ate and then I ate it and I laughed. I laughed and you laughed. It's funny. And then later I laughed. But then there's those people who go, who? It's like the same person. I go, you don't understand. We'd be best friends, but you're you're so broken. You're just going to attack me for that. So like today. Yeah, I see so many people, so many people who don't know me were like, what kind of fucking idiot wayson backwards.
Oh right. You can't see the skit. And I'm like, OK, you need to stop.
Yeah. So I explained why I way and backwards today on my Instagram. On my Instagram stories.
And I had to do it twice because LeAnn didn't know I was weighing in backwards. Yeah. And she goes and I did. I said, hey, you guys don't inlands in the bathroom taking a shit. And I go, I don't I go, hey, for those of you that have been wondering why away and backwards and I stand on the scale I go, I and I said, I don't want to know what I waited. Xolo depressed me, but I want to know how fat I was a week from now when I'm skinny.
So and I showed and langurs. What the fuck is wrong with you.
And I went I wanted to punch her and go you are one of the bad people like to understand.
I'm showing you my vulnerability. I'm showing that my brain's a little fucking different. Fucking what. Would you say, I don't know, are you down? I don't know Instagram stories the way it is, yeah. Pull up your app. You actually do look. Better you look leaner than you did a week ago. I mean, my problem is I've gained so much muscle. I'll tell you way, I made myself a number of times I had to do it, yeah, get that right.
No, no, I don't think it registered. I didn't stand on it for too long. I just yesterday, um, I don't have a March 1st. OK, March 1st, 2003. So I guess I'm up. I have the actual weight on my on my thing. Hey, Nadhum, can you pull up my stories, see if you can screengrab my weight, ok.
But yeah, it's funny, man, is that like but do you but here's the other thing, don't you also go like fuck like ignore these? I don't sometimes, yeah, sometimes I don't. OK, so this is a I had a great day. We can hear this, right. Yeah. You got to hit one.
Wakes up a fucking sleeper for hours. Like I said, I'm like the rock to movies. Yeah. I can easily get up at six thirty and get on the treadmill. Then go to two bears, one cave, and you work with my trainer. That's it. And then if I know that I have a treat of some Teramoto to kill at the end of the day, you mean, come on it. Is it wrong? Yeah, but I get really good at it.
It rained last.
I got so excited when I found out rain left. I love this. I love rain and thunder too. Oh, I love it. I love it. Fantastic. OK, great.
You go to the next one and then this fucking beautiful beast got the fucking best dog. Good morning. Good morning. OK, next one.
And then six miles. Three miles. Three mile sprint intervale sprint. Top speed of 11. Heart rate of 178. Yeah. And it's off to two pairs. One game. You can do anything when you know there's a tree at the end of the day waiting for you to Aramoana together.
So a lot of people are asking why I way am backwards. Here's the answer.
My phone and my skill are connected, so I don't want to know how far they haven't on me out.
But next week when I'm skinny, I definitely know if I was OK.
I see what you're doing. You got two bears, one K. I like this one. So a lot of people are asking why I way and don't watch that one.
OK, see if you can. Screengrab, Sevugan. Screengrab. OK, and see, yeah, see if you can screengrab Tadamon zoomIn. So press control alt four, do a little screen grab and then pulled in to stretch it out. Yeah. OK, I see a little box, yeah. And zooming in now, go to your desktop. Now he's got it, now he's got it. The. The next one was me going, I'm at two bears, one cave.
Tom's always late. OK, zooming in, let's see what the big boy weighs today.
Let's go here. You can do that, Little said, though, the microscope, the little there we go, right? Nope, nope, nope, nope. And there's a there's a yeah, but that's. We're not going to see it. Let's see if I can do it on my fucking for Zone four zone. Yeah, I'm trying to be more cool war zone.
That sounds like something Popinjay says I'm cool again, guys. I'm on my own.
Oh, let's see what's at two fifty five. What's this look like to you? You see that? Um. Now, I don't know, it's to 45 to 40, something like that, I'm not I feel like I'm not losing. I've run less now that I'm lifting weights. Some I just like I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Yeah. And I really enjoy cocktails after lifting weights. I think my meat headedness is really coming out.
Like, I can't get past that thought we had last time we were talking about. When you lift what I like, if I do that, yeah, I am all but fucking putting on a fraternity shirt, cutting the sleeves off and chugging a beer like I'm I literally getting to this meat headedness from my cold beer cigar.
Yeah. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. And just push Lee-Anne around. I was I was thinking so like when we talk about progress.
Right. Yeah. When like right now everyone's going right now.
Happy Women's Month. Save, save. Let's see how much more time are we going to do it. About ten more minutes.
I don't want to waste good topics on on this subject, OK, because I don't want it unless it goes long. Right. Yeah. And I so I don't want to maybe I'll save it for the next episode. OK, but but my point is like the moments of progress. Yeah. When people like put some progress moments down. Uh, since you're already touched on it, we can save that. OK, but do you really feel like you're turning into the rock?
Yeah. More NowI. Yes, he has one cheat meal a week. Oh, I do more than that. So you're even surpassing them. You should have seen me fucking up food in San Diego with my girls. Oh, really? We sent in to get snacks for the hotel room. Yeah. She got a who's he wanted. Have you ever had whose you want to know is this did you post it? I think we said a hoodie is a hoodie.
What's it like, what you might call it with peanut butter in it? It is so fucking good. Who's he? What? Who's he wants it.
She got Pepsi because I was on a Pepsi kick. Cheers, dude. Can I tell you, I brought out a Pepsi just to try it because I just drinking Pepsi.
It's like, dad, there's so much better than what's the nutritional data. But like for whosay, what's it. It's Ozzy. It's right there. Yeah, I know. Who's wants it? I had cheese puffs, I had a beers, I had I was going to like crazy. I ordered kept eating bagels. I am not bagels and forever to that image hit like all results.
One of the best things I've ever had is a soul searching said for. Assault bagel with. Butter, a salt bagel just covered in salt. I had so many saw because I had to push back my doctor's appointment. So it's like I'm not going in this one salt this weekend when they get my blood pressure taken off. That's not fair.
I tell you, I hit the second time in a month that they went to draw blood on me and they couldn't get it out of your arm.
Why? Because you're dehydrated. It was morning, so, you know, you can dehydrate overnight. But I probably didn't drink enough the night before. Anyway, she says she was like, there's nothing coming out of you.
And I go, OK. And you're like, let me push you. And I go. I drink a lot of water. And she goes, No, you don't. And I go, No, I do. And she was like, What do you mean? I go I walk around with this, uh, half gallon jug all day and she goes, do you walk around with it or you drink out of it. I was like, hot damn for real superstars.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. So is a whosay.
How long will it take to burn off. Three hundred eighty. Actually I do that all the time. Is that the caloric intake of it. Yup.
Three hundred and ninety. It's worth it. It's worth it. That's not bad. Here's the deal. Thirty three grams of sugar. That's what you want. The Rock. The Rock. Bicycling is takes longer than you wouldn't think, that's by better in your joints, so I'm leading the way. By the way, it said estimated as values estimated based on a person weighing 140 pounds or so.
It's less for me, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you weigh 240, it's going to take 15 minutes to burn it off. Yeah. By the way, running at a six running at a six miles per hour for thirty minutes. You're running four miles. That's fucking nuts. So I'm watching the rock this morning. I'm on Instagram. And I'm just like I'm like, I'm watching them and I'm like, you know, you do rock face when you do a story and you're like, Guys, here's the thing.
His lips are gorgeous.
He's like. I'm in my anchor right now, and it just like you've got to find what works for you. He has beautiful lips, pull up his pull up his one of his stories or something. Pull up one of his videos. He has he has an amazing features. But here's why I am more like the rotten fucker only has two hundred twenty two million followers.
Does it look at.
Look here. Yes, he's doing it right there. All right, guys. He goes a little wrestling promo in this one where he's like, I want to I want to just inspire, believe and treat. Yeah, everyone's doing a tequila. That's why I was like, I have to get a fair amount of tequila. Dromana, same same same thing. Yeah. Look at this. Go to the go to the. It's like they go to the one on the far right like the it's like that is one of the worst days of the week for him.
Yeah. He's his he's so fucking and turn it up.
I want to hear him look at his leg behind me because it allows me to do individual legs at the same time. So alternating legs would do that almost like a like a like a ladder routine. Yeah. Do that all the time. We'll get into lunges, walking lunges with chains.
I use that to change over there, which equates to almost 100 pounds around my battle neck that will move over into we even laughed at the same time outside hit pause me and rock laughed at the same time.
We're so similar. Here's why we're similar, right?
Here's why we're like, I have to hold myself back from doing videos like this, because I know no one wants to see it out of me. But every time I work out, I want to please start doing this. I'm going to do this today. I'm going to do this today. I'm going to do this exact video. I wish I had a respect short.
I wish I had a respect short because I literally, Tom, every time I work out, I want to do exactly this video. It's so who I am.
It is who you are.
It's totally who you and I go and like especially like really talk about it like you're. Yeah. Today. Today. All right, guys, here's what we're going to do. And isn't there like a isn't there a second picture in this feed like the post where.
Yeah, I'll do that. Dun dun. I'm doing that today. Look at his legs. Look how vascular. Oh like. Oh I didn't know you're supposed to flex. He's got but that's kind of that's got to be the end of it. That's end of the workout. Four percent body fat. Yeah. His body is fucking ridiculous.
Yeah. I heard he's not that fast. I bet I could beat him in a foot race. Oh yeah. I bet I could beat him in a foot race. I bet I could. I bet I could be the rock and a foot. Let's ok. Ready. Ten things I could beat the rock in ok foot race. Easy, easy easy. OK type in the rock running.
I bet it looks like. I bet it looks like they're not his original body parts really. I bet I've been the rock running ok. Um, I can beat him in a mile, I could beat him and I can beat him any foot race, I think 100 percent. Not the rock running for president, rocket. Isn't running for prime? Yeah, that's the only thing that's coming up in the Google search. He didn't put very many running videos in there, does he?
So you got that. I could beat the rock and running. Oh, the rock, both men sprinting without cinematic enhancement. OK, that'll probably be it right there, 20 second video. These two excuse excuse Fast and Furious. Yeah, so these oh, yeah, so they what they did like a little analysis, right? Probably like here's we're going to see someone run here. This can be Vin Diesel diesel running. OK, he's walking, he's walking, and now perhaps he realizes it's a super furious thing, I got to run.
Oh, that was OK, let's just put Vin Diesel on that list of people here, beat them. What race is the one is OK. Is there one of the rocket who has got to be. Yeah, he's going to run there. Oh, this is like old school, though. And like his name is Joe Rogan here.
His daddy days. Let's see. It's got to be it. It's got to be better than that. That was terrible. Too big to run, man. I think so. Yeah. I don't think nothing better than Steven Seagal running. You've seen those.
No, but let me just finish watching this, ok. OK. All right, so he's here. He turned into who he turned away. We've been practicing this all week. We're real excited to show you guys this made up show that the rock know that's you get to the rock, right? That's OK. Keep going. It's kind of going. It's going to be someone coming from a thing. Oh, here we go. Here's the rock running he's going to run in.
Is that him actually really quick? That's OK. I definitely can't put the rock in a foot race. That that was him.
He just now. That was somebody else.
No, this is the rock. No, the rock, just the rocks, the one that ran in with the shirt, yeah, really, the rock just ran into he ran into he hauled ass in there.
He hauled ass and got in the ring.
So fucking quick, go to YouTube and type in Steven Seagal running. I'm serious, you got you've never seen this, I've never seen Steven Seagal running, running. Yeah. Look at this, there's a who's running compilations of him. Go ahead. Yeah, just mute it. You just got to see this. The rock.
What the fuck? Mayor. What the fuck kind of running is that? That's why it exists. Yeah, a lot of people are wondering what the fuck's going on. What the fuck, dude? Dave Williamson running is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Weird for him. He has him and haziest.
He's just can't run either, really. He's just he's just run. Look at this, what is he doing with his hands? Yeah, right now I got to show you Dave Williamson running. Now, hold on if I can, to see if I can find, uh. Prison. Prison is like, yeah. OK, what about Kellen Winslow, good guy. Hey, let's wrap this up and we'll get to that next time. Thank you guys for watching.
Thank you for listening. Love you.
I love you, Burt. Tom. Tom. And where one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in bird snowmachine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call there's on. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humour, no apologies. Here's what more call to focus on Katie.