Super Bowl, the fucking Super Bowl. You can't say that that's trademarked by the National Football League.
I'm going to be watching this, the big final game of the season with my buddies, Super Bowl Sunday, me, Tom Sagara and Warren Sapp all going down on Sunday, February seven, 315 Pacific, 6:00 a.m. East Coast.
Watch the big game with us. And you know, we're going to play this year.
We're going to be drinking, smoking and eating, watching football.
I can't wait to hang out with my good friends. Trit and Bobby live streamed out.
Why my studio's dotcom.
Finally, two bears, one staff. We'll see you February seven for the big game.
Do you smoke in your bed? Smoked in my bed. Smoked a cigar in my bed. How did that. Didn't didn't. No harm. No foul. Really. Yeah. It was like wearing a condom on spring break. Not wearing on spring break. I don't know, anyway, hundred percent to this episode of Two Bears, One Cave is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade 20/20 gave everyone a lot of lemons. So Bud Light seltzer made Bud Light seltzer lemonade.
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See, I think dreamers should have a chance to get citizenship. Hey, guys, welcome to the do again.
They do again right now. Yeah, I know, but I'm I know you're upset. Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave.
He's Bruce Kershner. I'm Tom Sagara. This is how we do it now.
We ain't going nowhere. We ain't going to play that when we get canceled.
Don't dining out so real quick. What? Real quick. And we're going to drink bud fucking seltzer's. But I seltzer's let's do it at the front cause I got shit to do today.
OK, I am, I am celebrating my power brother. I'm celebrating. I'm telling you I'm like one drink I need any you know. Like what we're drinking the tallboys. Yeah.
You don't have that much shit to do. Cheers, oh, motherfucker, I thought we were getting a little skinny one. All right, these are drinks, this is let's see how many calories, you know, I'm very calorie per serving and to me, that's for the whole thing.
Well, who's drinking half? Well, I think most of us are going to ration it out. No, Tommy, can I tell you mine? Can I tell you anything? My new thing is power down that drink. Enjoy the buzz. I am sure it's a kizzie bird. It's the days.
Right. Let's. We're a perfect gift for alcohol sponsors.
I would revision that and say you are heading to the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl. To the big game. To the big game. A game. A big game.
Hey. Hmm, how's that sip? This is tasty. Yeah, 220 calories because I'm Skip. Are you done? No, no. I want to tell you, this is my realization.
I called you last night celebrating. You did? Yeah. Last night you were celebrating.
I'm celebrating my power, Tom. The other day, I did Winston Churchill Day, right? And so I had I woke me up or I woke myself up, I waited, and then they brought in eggs, bacon, coffee, toast in like the where the sleeve where you stand, the toast. Yes. You can find a picture in the. Yeah. Go to my Instagram.
So you're right. Yeah. Are you going to throw up close. You threw up almost threw up on the treadmill this morning celebrating my power.
Well what a so that's the other one's the guy breaking into my house.
There we go. Here we go. So this is my breakfast. If you can zoom in, take a look at what the toast is on and not look bad, actually, and got me that for Christmas. Yes. Look at all the really nice silverware and and the fine China. This is the first time you've done this. First time I've ever done it. And I didn't even do it on the right was apparently supposed to do it on April 9th.
What made you choose? Because after they died and I was I wanted to be a part. I just wanted to do it. And I I've been you know, I've been holding up my drinking days, so I've been wanting to save them for good days.
That would be a good day. The problem is I can't roll into a drinking scotch at eight a.m. without having a little time. Went on at night. Yeah. So I went on at night.
Can I tell you something?
You should do this more regularly. I don't think I tell you something. OK, yeah.
I'm fucking definitely going, I'm going to gun it like I'm fucking I mean I can't park here for one second.
So before we get into celebrating your power, I do agree, I want to mention that for the big game, which is February, Sunday, February 7th, 3:00 p.m. Pacific, 6:00 p.m. Eastern, hurt, I think myself.
It's OK, ok, OK.
You, me and Hall of Famer and Super Bowl champion Warren Sapp, we're going to be here in studio. I don't know if it's been made clear or not. Some people were like, what is it?
It's a companion show party to the game, to the big game. So the idea is that you were watching the game with us. We're going to watch the game. You can have us on a laptop, on your phone, whatever, a second TV as you're watching the game, you can just honestly grab our audio and play it while you watch the big game.
Yeah, I mean, you don't have to, but I think pair it up nicely to two. We're putting the video component together and we have our own halftime show.
We have some of our own ads. We have extra content and we have Warren Sapp and I.
I think, ah, we did we get a betting sponsor?
No. Oh, well, we'll be gambling. I think that was a misstep on the betting against people.
We have know that we'll be betting for sure. We'll be betting and then we'll be setting up a lot of the bets that someone would do. We're doing it with each other and then you can do it at home. It's going to be a fucking blast. I tell you, we are going to get I want Warren to get fucking wasted.
Me too. And you're the guy to make it happen. I am. So I already have like like I was like maybe I should learn about some of the people that play on the teams. And then I was like, nope, no.
That was like I was like, what a great I mean, I have like a list of questions.
I just I want you to be like Patrick Mahomes. I want you to be like, is he good? Like, that's what I'm hoping for. I tell you. I'm telling you, man, I'm fucking Brady Gronk all the way.
I'm I'm a buck. If you're hometown, by the way, hold on. Let's be fair, because I will get called out because I have done this before. I'm also a Rams fan motor Rams fan. This is a win win year for me. We have season tickets to the Rams. My girls were big Rams fan. You're from Tampa, but I'm from Tampa. I grew up in Tampa when the Bucs sucked. When people I mean, I hate to get too specific, but I remember when Doug Williams was our quarterback and people didn't wear shirts in the stadium.
And I remember people I that was my introduction to racism, people saying or Refik things about Doug Williams. And I was a big ass Doug Williams fan, the biggest. I won't have a moment. A podcast you are.
Would love to do that guy. That guy.
You know, all those guys, all those guys, Ricky Bell, fucking Batman, James Woods, Dewey Selman, Leroy Solman passed away. Dewey of them. The reason I learned about sickle cell anemia, I never heard about sickle cell anemia.
My like I remember my dad Skippy's you in the back seat next to me and my dad's like Dewey Salmond's a fucking monster. He's got sickle cell. You know what that is? But I go, what? He goes, it's when you're fucking blood hurts. And I went and I'm watching this guy play. I mean, I was such a fucking box fan.
Sure. And then and then, you know, when Warren had his run there and they won the Super Bowl, that those teams were pretty incredible to include Derrick Brooks, John or Mike Elston, John Law and John Lynch challenge John Lynch. He became a GM.
I think it's white privilege. What what is Pinkie's like a I think I don't want to shit on don't. Yeah.
You know, we'll bring it up in the morning. It's a great idea. Yeah. Because I think John Lynch is like the. A football. Wow, I think that might get a suit. And by us, you mean you just can't just bleep out the army here, but leave that one in.
Wait, why are we celebrating your power? OK, because you did you did have a I won't say it, but you did have a really good reason to celebrate.
We will share that one day as soon as we're allowed to. OK, but so. But is that the catalyst for you celebrating your power, so, OK, so I haven't I'm having a hard time drinking over quarantine's why haven't I been drinking is because for whatever reason, I'm just living at home. So I don't really it's not fucking super fun just drinking. I'm the only one drinking. And then LeAnn started drinking a lot. And so I was like, oh, I have a cocktail with her.
So I did. Then all of a sudden I drink a bottle of wine and blackout a drink and it was not fun. And I wake up and be hung over and I didn't want to run. And I was like, what the fuck am I doing?
So then. Someone breaks into our house, we'll talk about that when someone breaks in our house the next night, we go up and we lock everything up. I'm feeling good. And in the next days, Winston Churchill Day and I decide I'm going to tie one on a little bit if I'm going to go and drink tomorrow.
And so I get a little loose, looser than I wanted to be, a bottle of wine, a couple of food fights, a shotgun. Had to take that picture down off Instagram.
Everyone hit me up there like, hey, man, you're drinking. You have a gun in your hand. It's not funny.
It's like Dave Williams obvious, like, hey, man, I'd take that down.
I was like, oh, he was like, I don't know.
You're talking about killing somebody. You can't find it anymore. Anyway, let's celebrate our power. So. So the next morning, LeAnn comes in everything eggs, bacon, toast in the little sleeve, toast then. Great. She bought expensive glassware. Yeah. And then fine. China. How my breakfast. And I'll be honest with you. Do you smoke in your bed. Smoked in my bed. Smoked a cigar in my fucking bed. How did that.
Didn't didn't no harm. No foul really. Yeah. Is like wearing a condom on spring break. Not wearing on spring break. I don't. Anyway, so so I go in, I hated, by the way, so spring break, no senior week. Senior week we go to Myrtle Beach. All right.
And I'm this chick was like, uh, looking for me. And they're like, I think he's in his room and I'm taking a shower. And she's like, I can I tell you, I think I've heard this story really.
I think I've heard this story keep going. Well, does it end with.
No, that's a different girl.
So this girl gets in the shower.
I you know, I went to school there, but I've never, like, made out with or anything. She gets in the shower with me. I'm a little loose, right?
It's spring break, Myrtle Beach, yeah, yeah, I've smoked a blunt, I've drank beers, so we're showering. And I was like, oh, put it in, you know? So I.
I go to and then after it's in, she goes, you should put on a condom. I'm like, it's already in you, you know. But I took it out and then put on a condom.
No you didn't fuck. Yeah. Yeah that was like. Why don't you get out now? Yes, I'm done. She was like, uh, well.
You know, I mean, she stayed there for a while and I was like, come on, she was like, all right. And then like, I would start and then she's like, you should really work on. I'm like, OK, I don't have one in the shower.
I you know, I wonder if you count just putting your dick in someone. Yeah, I probably have two more people on my list.
So there's a couple people I put my dick in once and I was like, all right, I don't think anyone is a bad idea.
This apparently I learned later that I should have used.
Oh, did someone tell you a story? They're like, wow, she was actually being pretty cool.
Yeah, she was being nice to shit.
All right. Back to my power.
So so I. I take my time. I not to take your time kind of guy. So like I take my time with my eggs, my bacon makes some toast, put some jam on it and bought me little jam thing. Does my food have a little fruit and then I like my cigar in bed now in everything.
Do you have any apprehension about doing that? I got a lot of apprehension in your bedroom and everything. Oh, yeah. I had a lot of apprehension. I had a lot of apprehension because I was like, this is a really bad idea. Mm hmm. I was like, you know, this. Did she give you any shit about it? She was like she was like, light it. And then, you know, if you're going to smoke it, just go step outside, like, enjoy, have a drink, have a little sip, have you.
So a light it. She opens up all the windows and puts a fan. Winston Churchill lived in like a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this guy probably smelled sure. Smells so bad. Yeah.
So bad because, you know, he's ripping ass all day shit and drink.
Oh. I mean, it's like one after another. Just.
Oh, he smoked probably for cigars a day. Oh my God. He lived to be 90. Yeah. That's crazy.
And so I decided to go. So, you know, it really is.
But I think that's what inspired me about this was was watching the darkest hour and then reading I've been obsessed with history and reading everything I have and then fucking crazy.
It's funny that you say that it's such a big thing to be like I watch the show. I mean, like I'm obsessed with this topic.
Now I can talk at length about TSAs. Yeah. So so. So I. I'm like, all right, I'm going to just try I'll try it and then, you know, if I because I also wanted to jog and I felt pretty good and I was like, I don't want I'm going to drink a glass of scotch. If I'm going to get work out, maybe I'll just do a little bit on Instagram and then be done my day.
I like the cigar. Take a sip of scotch and it feels good and all of a sudden it's warm and it feels good knowing. And then LeAnn opens the doors to the fan on and the smoke's all kind of pulling out. And I'm like, you know, and I'm feeling good in bed. I mean, in bed with a cigar and scotch. And I took my time with it. Right. I got the the important thing about drinking.
And I think people miss. Yeah. And by the way, I talked about this ad nauseam in therapy.
My fucking therapist goes, I mean, I'm not maybe I've had a drink once this year or once last year. And I went once. And he goes, you know, if I go to dinner, I'll get a Jack and Coke and Jack and Coke. I go to his sophomores in college and he goes, Actually, I found the drink was a sophomore in college. I was like, no shit. I was like, drink like a fucking man.
I get like like. And then I started. This is what you tell your therapist. Yeah.
And I was like, you got I go, there are drinks for I go like if you tell me on occasion I'll tell you a drink you should have. If we're going to have golf and someone says Bloody Mary I go double, I want Titos and I better see you again on the front nine.
Like that's the drink I want in a pool on a Saturday at around 11 to gin and tonic. Are you fucking kidding me? Like there are drinks to have at certain times in your life, where you go, where you go. This is what I'm going to have in a sauna. Not bad weather there. Probably not a fan of that, but Bud Light Seltzer and I had the Christmas edition. And so so I. I take my time and I think all you really want out of alcohol.
Really, honestly, the only good thing about alcohol. Is that first drink, was that first drink buzz that goes I remember this so specifically, we did sober October nine, been on a tear for fuck and really bad up until we did the first sober October. And then Myanmar go to go go to New Orleans and we have that first drink and we bought really nice first drinks, our first drink. And I was like, oh, I don't know if I want to drink and drank in a month.
And I felt really good. And then we went on the street and the that buzz from the first drink, drink and a half kicked in. Now there's a girl I want a little girl. I won't say her name because but I know her dad's is John and her mom's name is clear. But I want I just this is a true story. This little girl would come to our house growing up with our daughters. She would dance. She would dance by herself with no music and she would just sit.
Everyone would go do something. She just sit in our room and just dance and do like moves that were like her own little moves. And she was like maybe seven years old.
And they just stared, this can go what the fuck is she dancing to? Like, what makes her dance? And all of a sudden I'm in New Orleans on the street and that buzz kicks in and I go, I know why she dances.
Is this feeling when you're a kid that you're you get that as a kid, but when you're an adult.
Yeah, you need one drink, one drink, and you all of a sudden you feel the lightness of like, hey, man, fuck coronavirus, fuck cancer. Fuck all this. I got alcohol, alcohol. It makes it all go away. And it's such a beautiful, beautiful thing.
But what happens is with me and with people watching this is all of a sudden you go, all right, let's turn it into a night. Yeah.
And if you can find and this is what I really respect about you, because you can do this, Joe can do this. I don't know. I think Ari can do it. But if you can find that one drink where you get the lightness and then you go, I'm I get my shit together, I get to go to sleep. I got a busy day tomorrow. Yeah.
Oh, and that's your power. And once you get that power, you can celebrate that power.
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And enter our code word Beyer's I saw last night.
So I do that, I have one drink and I I enjoy it, I never enjoyed a fucking Scotch, I've never enjoyed the Scotch, I enjoyed the cigar smoke, the whole scar down to the nub finish the scotch chewed on the ice when the ice is perfect and it still feels like Scotch, you know, and my glass is empty.
I get done from my workout gear runs six miles. Right. Plus six fucking miles the whole time. I'm like, suck my dick.
Winston Churchill, did you run six miles after your fucking day? Definitely not great. But he also fought the fucking Nazis. But anyway but so does a lot of things.
I didn't do that. He did. So I find my power. Now, here's the sketchy part.
When you don't always have that power, your fluctuating between weakness and power, your weaknesses. I'm on the treadmill. I'm almost done. It's my last mile. Maybe I'll grab a beer or whatever. And your brain saying that. Well, you know what, the super Rosie, it's noon. Why we your brain saying that? Oh, you know what? I smoke a blunt smoke. What next? Once you just take what I've been saying, let's have another cigar.
That's the weakness, right? If you can conquer the weakness, then you celebrate your power and your powers. That one drink at eight a.m. with a cigar. And I will be doing this again because it's such a great feeling to be at eleven thirty at night. I have no buzz whatsoever. Feel totally sober and go. I had a fucking pretty amazing day. So last night good news comes Leon opens a bottle of champagne and I go, I don't even question it.
I'm celebrating my power. Right. So we have a couple of glasses of champagne. I never feel champagne. It's not real. No right. Jesus Christ, chick drink sidebar. Winston Churchill, you drink a bottle of champagne at lunch, which I might start doing.
I put out my little treat.
It's called it's called. First of all, it's champagne. It's like fucking, you know, sparkling water. It's like cool.
It's like it's like Kool-Aid in someone's back. So that's my weakness. But I celebrate my power so, so so last night comes on.
So fantastic, couple glasses of champagne and I and like a couple of Zoome conference, you know, this everyone cheers at each other and I go, Johnny Walker Blue. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you with a cigar. Celebrate my power and I say, hey, listen, let's go take the dogs on a walk right in between celebrations. I would never do that. I would sit there with a fuckin fucking make a drink.
Take a walk. You know, Rudy. Yeah.
I don't celebrate my power. I come back, I have a drink. Lindsay, text me. Hey, I need that. And I'm like, oh, you know what? I'm celebrating a face time.
Three people to to thank them, you, Rogan and Dr. Drew or the three people at face time that were separate. I'll tell you. I'll tell you why in a second. But or later. But and then I had I talk to you and push on the phone. I finished my glass of Johnnie Walker Blue.
I finished my I didn't smoke my whole scarr celebrity power. And then I went in, I sat with my daughters. I started drinking Kool-Aid and I hydrated. I went to sleep and I woke up feeling amazing. And I ran the fastest three miles. I've run to date this morning because I didn't feel hungover. Yeah. I was like, you know how me I am. I still work out when I'm hungover. Oh, I know. And and can I tell you the best part of it is and this is what fucked my brain up is I knew I could run hard because I knew I was having this.
But I tell her this morning. And in celebrating my power, I said, I'm going to have one I didn't know was going to be a tallboy, I was like, I'm going to have one, but like Seltzer and then I'm going to keep doing my day. Yeah, celebrate my power.
Well, this seems like a really like like I think I'm crazy. Well. I really think you switch broadcasts, oh, that's just a breath away. OK, OK, so this is better when we drink.
This is I was going to wait till you moved to Austin.
We are just going to get fucking tossed every time you I feel like you really had a revelation.
This is like a breakthrough. I think we should snip. The last 20 minutes, and you should send that to your therapist for sure. Oh, I talked to him about it yesterday and and he was you know, I don't know if I can my therapist Cindy's telling me I don't have a problem or like telling me I'm like normal.
But like the thing he goes, you need to write a book about drinking.
Like he goes, you make me want to drink. And I was like, yeah, but the thing is, is like seems like the if you want.
He goes, you know, he goes, I go. You know what he said to me yesterday is like he's like, you know. I said to him, I see a sunset and I listen, I don't know if aliens ever seen the sunset. I don't know if she has ever stopped to look at the sunset. There are certain people that don't see sunsets. They just don't see them.
Like I'm always looking for them the same way, I guess, that certain people see and talk to ghosts or like I do that, not to mention sunsets a lot.
I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed that I tell you what I love about a sunset and this is what I love about my power, is we're one year in and I'm having beautiful thoughts. Yeah, you definitely are.
Um, they're so fleeting. They're beautiful. You know what it's like women. It's like they're beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. And then they turn 50 and they're like, I was all dark.
Hey, dude, it was horrible. Well, especially because you're married to a female. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I oh, you basically you said my wife's not beautiful.
She's beautiful in her own way, if you like, if you like a domineering woman who likes to tell you what to do and then drive. She drove me to do Barasat eggs. I was like, I'm definitely having one drink. She goes and then I was like, I don't drink and drive. So she's driving me here.
And then to my you are, by the way, for a guy known for partying and drinking and really going over the top, you always responsibly get yourself transported.
I have a lot of I have a lot of rules, I think, in my head where I follow a lot of certain rules that maybe not everyone felt like the vaccine stuff like someone hit me up was like, hey, man, I get you a hook up on a vaccine. And I was like, I can't do that. And then like, yeah, but you're you know, it would be better for you and the people you work with.
I go, I can't do that. I'm like, not that guy. Like, I appreciate it. And I don't have a problem with people cheating and getting the vaccine at all. I would never call someone on it. I know people that have done it, but I'm not I don't give a fuck like my rules are weird in my head. Here's the thing about Sunset's right. I think it's going up in Florida is like there's something about I would love to know if this is a Florida thing.
Laying in the sun is like meditation, if I lay in the sun, I could feel the sun hitting my skin, them warming me. All of a sudden it's like a Xanax. It just pulls all my energy out. But it's got to be like a nice hot summer.
Like we're like guys breathing on you, sunsets.
And I tell this to my therapist. I said I said I don't think I'll ever see a sunset and not want to have a cocktail because the sun sets great. It is great. I, I, I've heard of him. Yeah. But when you have one cocktail and a sunset on the sunset, it's got like hopes and dreams and it's just so much bigger.
And then he goes, he goes, you know Burt, alcohol does pair nicely with a sunset.
And I was like, uh, it also pairs nicely with boredom if you're doing nothing.
Alcohol is a fucking great companion. Yeah. Yeah. It's a it's a great campaign for a lot of things I want to find. I want marijuana to do that for me. They can. I got to do you fucked me up about trauma, really? Yeah. Oh, hey, you fucked everybody up with your story that we found out. You left a little detail out of what story? I don't know. So we talked about how there's events that can traumatize you and have an effect.
And you said when we talked about it last that that, you know, it was like eye opening to you that, yeah, you've been traumatized, you know. Oh, my God.
And you shared you shared a story about getting back from, I think, Russia. And hold on. Let me plug these in. Yeah.
Who watches Leeann's fucking podcast?
That's I feel like Kevin Brennan when he talked about cheating on his wife at the end of the Opie and Anthony show and he goes use to the end of the show.
Well, so you told us this story about how you got back and you had an STD scare and that the horrific thing that happened to you is that you were cheated on while you were in Russia, I believe.
And then a couple of days later after that perhaps comes out, you do Lianne's and and this is on there that thought that this was a blackout and this was a blackout. And I we open a bottle of champagne to do the podcast with 300 ers her three year anniversary. And then it just it just and I ended up listening to the Grateful Dead fucking drinking wine by myself in the man cave. Smoking a cigar silently wasn't like a fun buzz. I look at that.
That young lady or the woman now, the woman that that treated me that way. And I go, oh, I made mistakes. I cheated on her with Erica. Yeah, I definitely did. She caught me. She she deserved to do it.
I don't I don't think she ever cheated on her first cheater.
Yeah. Listen, listen, why are we going to get all of this? See, that's the time out.
That's the part. I never hold on. OK, you cheated on her first.
You take this out. Hold on. No, no. You cheated on her first and you claim to be traumatized by her.
OK, you left that out of the story sometimes your own narrative.
So so you are.
So you were like you. She really hurt me.
Thanks. You broke when I was so hurt and you leave out the details.
So when did you cheat on her, like before you left Russia or. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, before I cheated on her pretty aggressively.
You don't think that's an important detail? No, you just want to be like she hurt me. It's about how it affects you, correct?
Like, fuck. Yeah, I wish I had never said that. Uh, yeah. I talked to the I watched the I was in my story is not like fuckin LeAnn.
It's such a bitch. Why would she put that in? I told Holcim to edit that out. Yeah.
I was a fuckin man I have ever been walked in on when you know.
I know you had that happen to me. Paint the port, call the check, talk about it.
Well, we paid the picture first, so. The whole picture, just that little bit. Well, like paint the picture of the incident, like, so you have a girlfriend, what's her name or kiss? OK, you can say it because it's not fair to her. That's it. That's fine. So can we give her a name? Sarah, you're like, oh, it's like her name is Jennifer. I dated a man a million.
Right now Jen. Like, fuck off. OK, so you're dating Jennifer and you end up you did say the name Erica, right? You can't I can tell you Erica is the one that you hook up like cheat with. Erica was I ended up living with Erica in New York.
OK, but for this particular incident, you're dating Jennifer and are you back at your place? So I. Just to give you a little context, who may hold on this, you're right, let's pull it back there. So I yeah, I, I mean, Erica, it's spring break and she's just different than the other person I'm dating. Yeah. Yeah. Different and really fun and not as heavy as as and doesn't know anything that's going on in my life at the time, which was really nice because my parents were splitting up and so.
I started hanging out with Erica, and then I'm like, they're in the same city, but I tell one girl, I tell Jennifer that. I was going out with my friends and then I'd go out with my buddy Pobby and this girl Susan and then Erika and the four of us would go out and hang out and it didn't seem bad at first.
And then Eric and I started hooking up and and then up we lived and I lived in an attic and. How fucking Eddie, such a cunt, she walks in and she's like his Birte here and Eddie's like upstairs like Eddie.
Eddie what tells her? Yeah, it tells her no. Yeah. Because we were fighting about I mean, Eddie, we're fighting at time and he's like upstairs and she walks upstairs. He could have just said no. And he walks, she walks upstairs and she walks in and Eric and I are on a futon and she sees us and she goes, Hi, I'm Jennifer.
I'm Burt's girlfriend. And Erika is still one of the funniest people. She goes, I think he's talking about you.
I'm like, what fucking.
And then. She looks at me and she goes, I'm going to leave. I was like, Yeah, that's a good call. Or it was like it was chill bumps. It was gross. It was so distils. I fucked up big time. And I was like I was like, I don't know. You talked it out with her, like, right then and there. We talked it out. We broke up. I started dating Erica and then Eric and I broke up.
But dating Erica is a weird thing to say because we dated, but I don't know, we were still really close. So it was like a weird Erica and I had a kind of a bond that formed then that wasn't as much sexual as it was like sincerely just finding a best friend, finding someone you could talk to that also you couldn't talk to other people like like it was like you. I honestly, there's a handful of people I've run into in my life that I hold on to Erica before I talk to me.
The other day. I literally talked to her the other day for a long time. And and so. Yeah, and then it was we broke up and then Erica and I'd kind of just what? We still hung out. We hung out. We ended up living together in New York, like we always hung out or you weren't dating when you're in New York or you were, uh.
Yeah, but not really. But I don't know. Eric and I have always been very complicated. And I think that, you know, even Lee-Anne always was like, awkward with Eric and my relationship never because we hooked up because we have a real sincere closeness. Yeah. That she knows me really well and she can make me giggle really hard. It's just she's a really cool chick.
She's always been a cool chick and fucking very different. Like just the way her brain works is like and so man, it was awkward getting walked in on cheating.
That sounds. Yeah. Sounds.
Were you guys in actually doing it when she walked in. I think we were, I think we might have been kissing or something. Yeah. Because if it's in like if you have it in and somebody walks in, that's totally oh, my body had that happen. Yeah. Get ready to bleep all the fucking names ready. Or just don't say no, no.
Just bleep the names of the names.
Fucking his girlfriend. Oh, my God. I know. Can I tell you that because of that experience, you ready for this, because of that experience, I started headlining the improvs, yeah.
Yup. He this guy witnesses that comes up, walks in on that, walks in on it. First thing he says is, oh, my God, your. OK, and he's like, what the fuck comes over to me in Lianne's house and is crying? And I ended up writing a joke about it because it was like I was like, you know, it's fun to make someone laugh, but it's more fun to really twist the screws and make someone cry harder.
And so because he would talk about it and I was hung over and I didn't really have any connection to it, I was like, I know this hurts. But then I was like, it's kind of fun to make fun. I was like, Yeah, you can have a hard time watching.
Now, and he was like, just edit all the ones that I cover my hands up of with. So. So that night I go to the Improv and Chris Porter's headlining, they call me up.
They're like, hey, we have Chris Porter. He's just going to do 30 minutes because he's showcasing for all the improv owners. Can you come out and do another 30 minutes after him? In a moment. Of course. Matt Forefronts there. It's me, Chris Porter, Matt Voltron. And you're here and in Irvine. Yeah, in Irvine suburbia. And so Chris Porter fucking destroys and I have to follow him. And so and as I follow my watch, it's kind of a part of my career where you're like, oh, of course, that's me.
I watch everyone that owns an improv get up and walk out of the room and follow Chris. I'm cool with it. Whatever. I'm still get a spot and I'm getting paid. I don't give a fuck. So I get up and I just tell the story of your day to day.
I had my friend come over and he was crying and it's so much fun to watch someone cry and then really twist the screws and you go, you're like, oh my God, did you and I make a joke about it?
Right, Aaron from the Improv Stays, she stays at night and watches my set. And in the middle of the set, the guy calls that guy, right? Yeah. And he goes, Hey, what are you doing? And I literally I see his name. I go, Oh my God. Do you remember at the beginning the night when I said that my friend came over crying? He's calling right now. Let's see if we can get him to cry.
So I answer the phone, I go, Hey, buddy, how are you doing? And he was like, oh, that's so good.
And the place is grabbing their chairs, going like, Oh. And I go, hey, and I had and by the way, this is back when I was completely reckless, I said the guy's name, the guy who he walked in on. I said everyone's name. Right. I said everyone's name is back before the Internet.
No, it wasn't nobody. But before social media where they tweet it out and then all of a sudden it would go viral. Right. So.
So I thought this was an eighty five.
I thought I start making jokes about it. And he started crying harder and harder and harder and he's sobbing and the room is fucking falling apart. But it's the best laugh because they want to laugh, but they can't write because it's like study hall.
They're like holding on. And then I get done and Aaron comes back to the green room.
She's like, was that real? And I was like, oh yeah. She was like, you're headlining all your problems. She's like, you're my new favorite comic. And she's like, that was the most amazing sight I've ever seen. And it was just it was just fun because I remember those breaks that were.
Yeah, Cobb and I go back to that any day. The brass shows with my brayer. I prefer I got to go ahead. Yeah. Yeah, I have. I like the original space, the one that before the one that every at 11, 45 it starts smelling like shit. Yes, I like that. I had to duct tape all of it. The fuckin that's my club.
The original space for Brayer. All right, here we go, it's 11 a.m.. We have voice over to OK, you want to crack another loop, OK, celebrating my power. So I bet your power. You want to finish mine? Nope. It's completely full. Why don't you want a little buzz? Yeah.
Yeah, I got it, missy.
Mm. It's really strong, is it? No, but it's good. How many beers is in one of these? How many beers? I mean, like, you know what I mean? Like, I can get two beers. Is it? Yes. Twenty five hours with a perfect buzz. A two beer buzz. Yeah. Dude, let's write a fucking summer hit. Less than two beer buzz, you just named it. That's right, a summer, a summer hit where me and you sing it, you know, a song.
Yeah. Yeah OK. Yeah, I thought you're talking about a movie. No, no, no, no. We're we're definitely doing that. OK, we're definitely doing that. We are sing songs.
We'll be movie stars in like a year. Yeah. That's going to be crazy. It's going to be pretty cool. Do you think we'll still do this when we're billionaires? Probably not. This podcast is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer. Twenty twenty one.
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Let's do a oh my God. Did you see the king. We were looking for princes. The King of Thailand had his sister's ankles broken. No. Take him off the list please.
Type in king of Thailand.
Ankles broken, wholely like misere. He broke his sister's ankles because she disagreed with him.
He broke her ankles or had them broken. I guess he probably didn't break. Here we go. Can you?
Thailand reportedly accused of breaking. There it is like that. Click that link. Yeah. After she. Questions plan to name second queen, OK? Holy shit, yeah, he's not playing games, I like that, I respect this guy.
See the unpredictable king of Thailand, I'll let you say his name is suffering mass protests in Bangkok and accuse him of breaking his sister's ankles.
The shocking allegation was reported by Andrew McGregor Marshall, the former Reuters bureau chief in Bangkok, in his subscription only newsletter.
Marshall, who is free to quote his Thai sources without fear of the country's vicious censorship laws, can make that bigger since he left Asia reports the king is alleged to have attacked his sister after she was knocked over by his dogs. Insiders claim that he either jumped on her leg. Oh, my God. Or beat her with a cane.
What the fuck you say?
It wasn't an accident, except the assault was allegedly prompted when she after she confronted him over his plans to make his official consort a second queen alongside his present wife, Queen Certina. Wow. The Thai nobility has recently been alive with rumors that King Mahat 10th is set to elevate his official consort to the status of full queen. All right. So Cesur didn't like that. And he was like, you fucking cunt.
And dogs get her smack, smack, smack, Jesus. And they're like, we don't know if he jumped on her legs or beat her with a cane, but something happened. Her legs don't work anymore. Holy shit.
Yeah. All right. Yeah. Take him off the king list. Yeah, well, that's the royalty list. We're not unless unless he's down with us, then it's fine.
What if he's like, hey, they have a good sense of humor about the way I'd be like, do you want to see your cry. Watch this. Jesus over there. She just healed. I'm going to break her legs again.
Hey, I want you to bring your wives over, huh? And don't bring ice skates. I don't know what accident, but I don't know either. I like doing a non a nondescript accent, so it doesn't get called racist.
Do you know how hard it was? Do you know how many takes I did of. Of the video of the guy breaking into my house where, you know, it was fantastic. That was really good, man. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That was a really good promo. Thank you.
Thank you. A lot of it did very well. I think a lot of people didn't know if it was true or not. That's true, you fooled people well, I know, but the first part of the video is the real guy is the real guy is the real guy. The. How often is this happening? It's happening a lot. The same guys, they keep coming back. Yeah, they're like, I didn't take anything this time, the alarm goes off and it scares them.
And as long as it goes off, it calls the cops and the cops show up within. It's really is stupid to even try. The first time they did it, they should have tried it and then literally ran away and watch to see if the cops came and then the cops came. They were like, oh, this is a system, but they're not that intelligent. So they broke in, the alarm went off, they ran away and then the cops showed up.
Next time they did it again, ran away. Cops showed up next. And they did it ran away. Cops showed up again every time. And so they don't. And there's nothing in there. There's nothing in the room because we know they're breaking in there. So we've taken everything out. So it's just pictures of me. So then I was like I was very frustrated and I was like, you know what? I was very frustrated and I was having a conversation with my daughters and I was trying to say I feel bad for these guys.
I do. I sincerely do, because. If I want something, if I if I want to provide for my daughters at the lowest I was, I decided to start creating content so that I could make money to sell tickets. Like I have a way to make money like these guys. No way to make money. Like I said to them, I actually feel really bad for them is that they're sitting in their living room in front of a bag of McDonald's going like, so how do we get another bag of McDonald's?
Yeah, I mean, guys like, you know, that one else, the alarm keeps going off by Beneful really quick and like, they're not that intelligent and I feel bad for them.
I go I could I could make money for them, like if they just came to me and like, I just want to break in and the like, stop. We won't take anything. We don't understand how to make money. Can you help us? Like, we're just breaking into houses. We can't come up with any good ideas. Yeah. And then I would be like, hey, guys, stay there. I'll be over in ten minutes and I will come up with a plan for you to make money like and I could do that.
And I must say, by the way, that be a great video if I could make that happen. Yeah.
Just and I literally said I want to say, how about this show up whenever you really need money, Venmo, you two hundred bucks and then don't break into my house. So I come over there. I just don't like just don't make me wake up at 4:00 in the morning or 2:00 in the morning is when they do it two and four in the morning every time. And so now I'm like up to going like what's going to happen. They sure enough it happened.
Call the cops. Hey man, cops show up. There's fucking nine of them that guns drawn. They're going to get shot. These guys are going to get shot one day for nothing for a poster of my Netflix special, like fucking seriously.
So then I was like, well, if I can make these guys money, I bet can make us money.
My you know, my way. My brain works. So I wake up Georgette, like fuckin 10:00 or midnight and I go, hey, let's drive over to the house. She goes, Why I go, I want to break into the house. Look, the alarm go off and I want to pretend I'm those guys and we'll shoot a promo video for it. She was like. It's a fucking good idea, let's go. So I just broke into my own house with the alarm go off, that's great.
It was a great it's a great video and it's. Yeah, it's that first that one there. I mean, this is maybe what I was hoping they were doing.
And this is the real footage right here at the top. Yeah. This is the real guy right there.
Can't see him. He's got a mask on. Thank God he's not breathing coronavirus in there. Is there a door on the door. Not yet. OK, we're putting a. So he walks in, he's looking around when the alarm alarm goes off and he's like, Oh fuck. And then it jump cuts, that's you. Me. You're like. Oh, that. He's one on the bathroom at. Yeah, you know, this is just what I was hoping they would do.
Yeah. That's a great one, man. Yeah, and so I just and then I woke up and I saw how many musicI and I felt bad again for the guys because I was like, ah.
What if they're just, like, constantly on your Instagram? I mean, here's the other part is that I know that I my name is all posted to me and they give your name. Yeah.
So I played for you the original, uh, A.W. TBS broadcasters saying your name wrong. You have the original, like the first the first time when the guy corrected them and then Cody's looking bigger.
He looks huge. So this is the first time, this is one. This is great. Uh, let's see if we can get Cody on the phone to. So hold on, hold on, let me hear this one, because this this is like you have to set up you have to do the whole treatment. OK, ready? Let's hear Snoop and Cody rose apart. Oh, go, big show. Set your DVR now to watch Snoop Rosario Dawson, Jennifer Nettles, Cody Kershaw.
That's the original one first try and prove culture, and then a week later, another episode comes out and they talk about the big show here Thursday night on CBS, Carneros, of course, Snoop Dogg, Jennifer Nettles, Rosario Dawson and Christina.
I mean, it's funny at this point, at this point, I go, I hope the guy never learns my name. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I messaged Cody about it. Are you serious? Yeah, I just gave him a bunch of suggestions. I was like, could you please have them continue this call, Cody?
OK, it's Excalibur. Is the guy's name Kershner. Yeah. Per cristiana.
I mean, that's not even trying. Cody Rhodes is Pirker, Burt, Krischer, Burt Cristiana. Hey, Burt, how are you doing?
Hey, listen, I'm going to pass the phone. Oh, you're oh, you're on the Tuberose one K with me and Tom Sagara. Do you know who Tom Sawyer is? I'm with Tom. Oh, hang on. I'm on the phone. Cody. Tommy, how are you, buddy? Good man. I'm good. How are you guys doing? We're doing great, man. Congratulations on the on the show. It's a big hit. Everybody loves it.
I wanted to tell you, nothing is bringing this audience more joy than the broadcasters mispronouncing Bruce's name. Is that a calculated thing you guys are doing?
I really can't confirm or deny it being calculated, nefarious or malicious intent. I can say that it will continue. On the first show, I did put a sheet of paper with all the copy in front of the team to hit the names and then they just went ham. I mean, it's a live show. Jericho's really put it put it in the end zone with the Bruce thing. I know his name. Yeah, I know Burt's name. But yeah, I mean, in wrestling, we might consider this a slight receipt because on the very first go big show.
Yeah. Bert can't say though he can't say the fucking word nightmare. He literally said night near me on the show.
I'm already on the show with people who are like it's Snoop Dogg, Rosario Dawson, Jennifer Nettles and The Wrestler. Yeah, I really need some help when it comes to nightmare. It didn't seem that hard. No. Did it on purpose?
I got to tell you something. He did not. Well, he's just that way. I'll say, uh, he pronounces that word nightmare. Yeah, it's I know I could I could hear your eyes rolling to the top of your head. Yeah, it's like a miracle coming out of the ground like that comes out at night. That's a frickin nocturnal miracle. Thank you, Mayor.
Yes. How do you pronounce how do you pronounce w o n. W o n yeah, one, oh, yeah, not one, not one. No, not one. Thank you. Issue one, I don't know about that. Maybe you should talk to Burke almost like know Cody, please.
Please. Hey, what can we do wrestling wise, me and Tommy, I should probably heal first.
What do you you could do? You could do a lot wrestling wise. I think it's always better if you carry yourself with an actual wrestler because I don't want you guys to.
Yeah, I'd hate to get hurt. I don't want your first.
I think, Tom, you're probably more athletic than Burt. So, Cody, I don't want your first outing in the ring to go bad.
So, yes, he was somebody really good and we get hurt. Somebody pretty decent to you guys. Go to Bear's going, dude, I'm so down and so is Bruce.
We should definitely keep a jar of honey match. Yes. I love whatever you guys want to do it. The ring is literally always set up.
Dude, we're in. Thank you so much. And please, please keep the mispronunciations of his name going. It is the greatest joy to literally hundreds of thousands of people.
I'll do I'll do my best. Thank you so much for letting me pass you back to Bruce Cody. I love you. What a think. We're going to go back to the show. Congratulations, man. Everything is literally so impressed with the success of our show is because of you. So thank you. Oh, man, no, it's you, baby. Thank you very, very much. I'll do everything I can for them to get your name, how you'd like it.
Hey, hey, just make me keep giggling. When your wife tweeted, she was like, oh, shit, you got done bad again, brother.
She said that gave a pregnant lady a lot of joy with your screen, Bruce, because it just was the full train being off the tracks. Oh yeah. So it gave her a lot of joy. She almost hyperventilated. Laughing All right.
Love you, man. Take care, everybody. By God, he's fantastic.
Jody Rhoades. That's fantastic. You know, I got a real treat because when I started working with them is right. Right. After all the wrestling shit went down with you. Yeah. And he was like he was like, what's up with Tom?
Is it a work, you know, like a really good job or whatever the wrestling stuff is? And then I was like, I don't know, man, I'm not that big of a wrestling fan. And he was like, yea, I was like, what is in Florida, your big wrestling fan?
And I was like, no, I'm not. And he was like, Really, you are. He goes, no. He goes, you ever see a wrestling match. And I go, Oh yeah, I saw your dad wrestle. It was like where I said Tampa Armory. And he was like, I saw my dad wrestle. And he's like, And you're telling me you mean you had a wrestling fan? I was like, nah, like I was a big fan of the one Eric Brothers.
And he was like, hold on. You know who the they are. And I was like, well, yeah.
And he was like I was like, everyone does because normally people from Florida do. I was a huge wrestling.
They was the best when when I when you FaceTime me from the set one day and you're like, hey, this is Owen. And then you're like, Oh, here's Cody.
And he was like, hey, he goes, Hey, Nick, come on, man, with the wrestling shit, could you fucking knock it off? He totally broke me when he did that.
He was a dude.
He's like, honestly, out of all the people that are doing the go big show, I think Snoop is the reason the show's doing well because everyone everyone loves Snoop. Yeah. I mean, everyone internationally iconic.
We should do as Snoop Dogg day like we did Winston Churchill Day and just smoked blunts in bed with a scarf on her head. You know how quick our day would be over.
Oh, let's see if we can call Snoop, OK, or do you think I'll answer? Here's a better question, do you think he gave me the right number, no. I've got three snoop numbers up, they're definitely people on the team called Snoop.
See the answers. What time is it? Let me pick it up when we do an international Snoop Dogg day. OK. Would be great if he was like, this is Snoop's phone. I can already tell he's not answering. Calvin. Snoop. It's Bert. So question would you be doing, Snoop? I would have planned a dream and I was looking for as you just have to listen, I'm on a podcast right now.
We're talking about go big show. And we want to do we want to do a Snoop Dog day where we wake up like you do and smoke a blunt in the morning in bed. You think we can greenlight something like that?
I think we can, because that's what I'm going to do. The way I put me in the mood, I'm ready for my right now.
And and then you pick the playlist, the music we listen to fucking and tell me when to go.
All right. Perfect. I'll set it up. How's everything going?
Good and bad, you bad motherfucker. Man, I'm watching your ass away from this particular band. No fucking man.
Wow. That is the biggest compliment I could ever get paid. I'm cracking another drink. I got to go and do ADR for go. Big show today at 2:00 and I am toasted on that capital with you.
Next time you shoot the shit that shit fucking retarded. It's hilarious. I love it. I love it.
Done deal Snoop. Done, deal. Done deal. I'm sitting here with Tom Seger, you know.
Tom, what's up, Snoop? You know, Tom and I are you know, Tom and I are doing a Super Bowl show with Warren Sapp. Now, Warren Sapp is a crazy motherfucker, man. Yeah, we're going fishing. You want to go fishing with me, Tom and Warren? I'd love to. I'd never been fishing before.
Hey, we're going. What are we going? Do you know we're going Friday on February 5th. If you want to go, I'll send you a text in Tampa. No, no. In L.A.. Oh, hell you. Fuck you. OK, I'll text you or send you. I'll be fun man. Warren will love it, man.
I've never done that with wildlife naturist shit. I'm down with it now. Let's go.
OK, I'll send you a text and let's do it. All right. Thanks man. Appreciate. All right. Much love. Take care of Snoop.
Just get to see our buddies.
We should wrap up the show has it, that's fucking Burt, let's celebrate your power and murder that I'll murder this.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is two birds, one Kaw. I'm tingling right now. That's pretty exciting.
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But. Tom, the most iconic. Rapper from our youth just called you a bad motherfucker has come efficient. Yeah, I'm about to cry. Yeah, that was pretty great. He gave me his real number. Yeah, I didn't expect that at all, I would mark that one.
Since you have three, you're sleeping. Yeah, I definitely was. He woke us up to eleven thirty.
Oh, we got to do two bears. One cave National Snoop Day. Yes. Or everyone smokes blunts in bed, put scarves on their head. And listen to Snoop Dogg playlist of just great fucking music. You know, we could do what we could do to bury one kid alive, right? Not to bury one kid.
Live with Snoop, right? Yeah, with Snoop. And we'll do it early. We'll take this and we'll put a bed in here already, I think, to be like and we're all in the same bed. I don't think he would like that. But what we do is we just have a playlist. And Snoop is like the deejay and he does the playlist. Yeah. And we're all smoking blunts and everyone can go wake up and they can play they wake up with us and hit that playlist and then just chill like, you know, like, like, like the watch.
I'm a little buzzed, I'm way too buzzed. I'm losing my power right now.
I still feel it where everyone gets that playlist. So then you can, you can do it at your leisure and you can do it on repeat, you can save it. So then one morning when you're like, man, I'm having a fucked up day, I want to wake and bake with Snoop Dogg and Bert. It's like almost something that's like a treat for you all the time. So then you go and listen to great music. They can listen to the best music.
Snoop picks a playlist and you and Tom, I mean, when Snoop are smoking blunts and listening that I love it.
I love it. This is fucking great. Yeah. This can be a great day. I believe he fucking answered the phone.
I know you definitely woke him up. I was like, no, I wonder what his night was like.
Did he go to bed like four hours ago?
I was not party man. Really, really. Honestly, he's like a work owl, like he gets every night. You'd be like, Snoop, what are you doing? He's like, I got to go to work. And he just go back and he'd work on beats and put down raps and then wake up.
And he's like, Oh, I wrote a rap about the show. And you're like, what? And he's like, wrote a rap about to go Big show, huh? Burt, what was it was his rap about me. Burt, Burt, do it till it hurts Burt.
Burt something and that's the way he is and doesn't not a big drinker.
I told my dad my dad's a big drinker. When we drank together, he pulled out the mixer. Like of of Margarita's, yeah, I was like, do you want a shot? I was like, there's nothing in that. And he's like, Well I was like, yeah, he's like, I'm not a big drinker. And I was like, no shit. You're about to drink the margarita mix. And he gets the tequila.
So he is what you want your alcohol converting to weed to be. You realize that like he's all about weed is all about weed. I asked him why he doesn't drink, man. Maybe he should answer that question, OK.
It wasn't bad though, but it was like he didn't like he doesn't like being out of control.
Yeah, I understand that. And I was like, oh, I don't love that not being in control, I, I definitely identify with that.
That's why I don't. So funny. My therapist does too.
Yeah. I don't like, I don't like drinking too much, especially in an environment where I'm not like, you know, for real.
Yeah. Because I don't want to feel, I don't want to feel exactly that. I want to get out of control.
I do. I would never drink like if Netflix threw a party and they were like, hey, we're going to buy a bunch of the comics and you know, the banana thing, I wouldn't drink there, you know. Yeah, but we go the storm drinking. If we go like like I would never drink a tribal channel stuff when I worked the trials, you know, with no drink at any of their events. I don't like drinking like before or during stand up though.
I don't like drinking. Yeah. Before stand up. I don't mind having a drink at the end of my set. Yeah. The last fifteen, twenty minutes. Having a cocktail. Yeah. I don't mind that I love that, I love that this my favorite part. Really? Yeah, I really. Tell me about, um, you said, uh, you watched a new Ted Bundy.
Yeah. I didn't really think you were in this. I should probably not. It's interesting, I could be very wrong. He was a real rascal, that guy. He was he was a man, he was a roustabout, he was a knucklehead, if I ever saw one. It's so was Hitler, by the way. Hitler had some bad ideas. Yeah.
You know, it's funny that. This this this Ted Bundy one is, I think, is painted about feminism, I think, to promote feminism. Hmm. Where did you see this? On Netflix? I think on Netflix. And it's new. It's brand new. Ted Bundy, Netflix. It's a brand new one. Now, it's not a conversation with the killer. It's about the it's. It's interesting. My wife was like, the girls need to watch us, and which I was like, I don't think that's not it.
It's not that one. And maybe he's falling for a killer. Yeah, it's probably that one. Yeah, I think it's that one that's oh, it's on Amazon. It's on Amazon, OK. And so but that's not. Yeah, that. No, no, no. This one. Have you seen the picture of this lady? Yeah. So this is the lady who actually had a kid with that dated um before dated.
I mean she had a kid by the way, I have to say this, her daughter, who I think Ted Bundy might have molested.
Are you going to click on the thing? Is that from this year, from last year, though? OK, so it's last year. Is that is it last year? Yeah, it it's really fucking fascinating, but I think it's done. I could be I could be wrong or maybe I'm just jaded as fuck as a dude. But I think it's meant to promote feminism, meaning this whole thing is mostly about how rape culture was permissible. And the idea back then was like, if a guy is raping you, let it happen.
And then and then they don't kill you. And I think that's what this is about.
But it's fascinating because I my daughters, my wife kept kept I don't even know if they were doing it on purpose. They were like, how powerful, how strong she is, how brave she is, is that was the thing going around the room. And then I was like. And I was kind of a you know, I'm an asshole a little bit. I was like, she didn't. They were saying, hey, there's a guy named Ted killing women in a brown VW who looks like this and she's like, that's my boyfriend.
And then and then. But what's interesting is that the cops wouldn't listen to excuse a woman. Yeah, so. So it was I don't know, I could be very off on this. All I tell you is that. The girls are obsessed with it, we should end it with this new thing. We should definitely close on the Snoop Dog answered the phone. Well, let's keep I mean, hold on one second. If you told me if you told me right now.
If you said to me. In. Nineteen ninety one, I'm sitting at Florida State, Doug Campbell Stadium. And an operative from the future, meaning like a guy in a time travel machine comes back. He's got glasses on. He looks kind of suspicious, but he comes up to me at a football game and then I'm drinking beer out of a Ziploc bag or drinking whiskey out of a Ziploc bag with my buddies. She seems like he's like, hey, see that guy on the field right?
There I go. You mean Warren Sapp? He's like, yeah, he's like, OK. He's like, you'd be doing a show with him, like what you'll be doing on TV.
You'll be doing a show with Warren Sapp and Tom Gregg.
Who the fuck. That's not important.
That's he's he's an elementary school. He's an elementary school right now. He goes, you know what's even funnier? You're going fishing with him and Snoop Dogg, the rapper. He's like you, him and Snoop Dogg and Tom who the buck stops and you're going to go.
I would never believe this is my life.
I it's incredible that phone call. I'm so glad it's recorded. It's so great. It really is.
Snoop woke up, you woke him up. He took a fucking 15 seconds to say hello.
And then and then he told you you're a bad motherfucker. He's been watching your shit, loves the idea of Snoop Celebration Day and then is open to coming fishing. It's pretty amazing, man, and that's all because you own your power, how fucked up we're going to get on that fishing trip. I think you are you don't think you're going to smoke a blunt or if Snoop. Yeah, if it's Snoop comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's going to be and, you know, like whoever is like, you know, the captain of the ship can be like, guys, I'll just let it go.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, uh, could you tell Dog-Eat-Dog to Mr. Dog? Mr. Dog-Eat-Dog, don't throw that in the ocean if you like. Oh, how great that can be.
We should call Warren and tell him we're going fishing with Snoop. Tell him. All right, all right. Oh, can you believe that people are calling? I wish I could get rid of that. I wish I could be like, cool with it. Yeah, I'll never get cool with it. I know that people go, but you're also on television, but I don't give a fuck.
It's so exciting that you have Snoop Dogg. No, of course. Warren stamps. No. Why? The fact is, like, how does anyone get comfortable with that? Like, do you realize how much I would abuse? What's the guy's name? Who did. Seinfeld. Seinfeld. Larry David, if I had Larry David's number. What can I tell you when I walked by his house? No, I walked by his house like a few months ago.
And a kid like a college kid was walking the streets like, hey. Tom, I go, he goes, I can't believe you're here, I go, Yeah, I'm just going for a walk. He goes, It's Larry David's house. I go, Oh, cool. I don't think he probably wants you to do that.
And I play it every time he goes. He lives right. Here I go. Yeah, yeah. You said it. And he goes, can you believe it? Like you're here right now, you're standing in front of Larry David's house.
You stop saying you make it sound like I'm looking for him. He's I was like he's like, yeah, yeah, man.
And then I he sees me walk by again. He goes, Larry David points to the house, the god damn it, man.
They're going to think I'm stalking them, they call it a Cold War, is that OK? All right. They had the answers. 20 percent. 15, I guarantee you, scuba diving right now. Oh, yeah. 10 percent. You know, he's that. I think he's at Marloes. Uh, nice thing. And I think that's where he's been scuba diving every fucking day.
He is. It's going to be the best your call has been forwarded. OK. All right. He's going to love it, though, when he hears it. Is this going to be a fucking great. Real quick, though, before we go. This is a great celebrity day for sure.
Yes, so far. What was your dream about? It made me smile today. It made me smile. You're having a great day. It's not even noon having the best day of my life. Yeah. I don't think people say that enough, I don't either. I think you just got to lower your threshold for what you believe is a great day. Yeah. And then start telling people this group has ever had in my life. Yeah. And then that and then you start believing and it's like the self filling prophecy.
Dude, I listen to jako wildlings wilmerding jako will willock willock. Yeah. Listen to his book last night.
It's really fucking good. It's really fucking good. I believe it.
Um so listen in Jaco's book onto onto audiobook. Yeah. Yeah. And then sleeping throughout it and I have the greatest dream I've ever had in my life and I have had a lot of great dreams. All I'm saying is that I woke up smiling, OK, I woke up smiling and then I remembered this dream and I smiled throughout remembering this dream. Yeah. On the treadmill I started smiling, going, Oh, what a great dream.
So I guess I read an article that Paris Hilton's trying to have a child with her boyfriend. Google it, if you could. Her boyfriend, I'm sure, twenty three is a D.J. and I don't know anything about him, but I'm just ball parking it. OK, what did he search?
I may drink all day long. And lose my power, her boyfriend, Carter Room. Yeah, how old is he and what does he do? Typing Go to his. I'm sure it's a Snapchat or tick tock. Paracel so good. She's 39. She looks great. That's young, in my opinion. Yeah, I know that she's trying to get pregnant. They want twins. Of course they want twins. Three or four children.
I love Paris Hilton. Oh, he's got weird nipples. OK, I don't like his nipples. He got to play that video and see those nipples. Got that and they don't move, OK? OK, anyway, all right, so I have a dream.
Look up the guy's name and, uh, let's get his age. So you're going to get a little bit of this. OK, so. In this dream, I'm making a movie. OK, OK. And there they want to keep my cast. Carter rerun is his name. I don't think it's a rerun. Oh, thirty nine to say, what does he do, says he's a businessman. Oh, God damn it, Carter, I'm sorry.
Anyway, so in this dream of making a movie and they tell me I want to keep your cast secret, OK? Mm hmm. And I was like, ah, all right. I should know who they are. And they're like, no, no, no. You guys are gonna live together for a week. We're gonna put you guys in like a one bedroom hostel where you guys it's like big butts, like slumber parties because you love slumber parties was like, I love slumber party.
Yes. Like, all right.
So so just so you know, you'll wake up in the morning and everyone will be there. So I'm like, OK, so I get drunk, I fly all the way. I pass you you take the country out that I'm saying. So just take it out both times just in case.
So I get I get drunk, I sneak into the one bedroom hostel, I get in my bed and I pass out and I wake up the next morning. And I'm looking around and I don't recognize anybody. The girl next to me is totally naked. I can only see her back, but I don't recognize her. But she looked in your bed. No, no, no. Different beds. Different beds. OK, so I'm going to bed.
There's a like a rotunda right here. There's a bed to the forest up on a ledge. And then there's this girl next to me and a couple like other girls. I don't really recognize them and. I'm like looking around all the sudden, the bottom of the bed, it's up on the level, the guy sits up in his Tom Brady and I'm like Tom Brady and he's like a I'm in your movie. And I was like, shut the fuck up.
And he's like, yeah.
He was like, Hey, did you go online last night? Did you know that Paris Hilton's doing this like this like cameo for six hundred eight bucks. You can see her naked and the money goes to a good thing. And then the girl next to me is Paris Hilton. She said something. She goes, Tom. And he goes, You're naked right now. And she goes, you better pay that money.
Right? So then he goes, OK, so he hits his phone and he goes, six hundred eight bucks. That money is going to good reason. I'm seeing it in person. I still can't see her naked yet. She won't show me.
And so I pop up, I'm naked and I go, hey Tom, 12 bucks. I'll buy a coffee and a doughnut. Right. And I saw my dick. Everyone starts laughing and Paris Hilton turns around.
She goes, You're hilarious. Immediately it's on right SELEK and we're all laying in bed and we're doing that slumber party morning joking and I'm killing, I'm killing. Paris Hilton thinks I'm the funniest fucking guy in the world. She is like, crying, laughing.
And then she says to me, I think you should stop drinking forever.
And I oh, hold on, OK. She goes, What I'm going to do is I'm going to surround you with morons who drink for the rest of your life and you're going to love it.
And she shows me on her phone a video of us in like Greece, where it's just Glasgow, Burt Bruschi. And I'm like, I'm good guys. And me and Paris Hilton are in love. And then we have an affair and I get her pregnant.
Right? I get her pregnant. I get her pregnant. Tommy had sex in this dream.
We had sex in the dream I had I had to go back to me to talk to LeAnn about it. It's in the new house, the house we haven't even built yet. I'm in the new house. I tell them I think I might have had a kid with Paris Hilton and she's going to get mad at me. She keeps going.
Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton.
But Paris was so engaging in a stream, so engaging that I was like, I literally have nothing but great memories of our relationship.
I think I might have gone one drink over. No, it was perfect. Listen, I love you. Congratulations on the great news that you'll share one at some point. And just having one of the greatest days of your life so far. This is not even noon still.
And, you know, if I can just read it in a little bit, I got to run. Still run one point five miles today, OK? And yeah, real and a little bit. I might I might turn it on tonight. You're looking skinny. I feel skinny. I feel good. I ran the fastest I've run in a very long time today. I feel good in my relationship with my daughters. Isn't perfect. I'll tell them.
I'll tell you about that after we have great shoots planned for our live show. We were shooting some stuff we've got. I think we all giggled about those. We're going fishing. We're still talking towards that. I really hope Snoop comes because I think he's stupid to follow through.
Dude, he is. He isn't a guy that promises a lot of shit, a lot of people, because he gets asked so much shit, he just says no to a lot of people. OK, and I think, you know, in all honesty, seems a huge Raiders fan. And I think actually the big Steelers fan. But like but he's a big Warren Sapp fan. If we can get just all we need is a four way text me stupid.
OK, it's going to happen. Um, cheers. Congratulations podcast on all the ones we've done.
Yeah. This is it's up there. Top five. Yeah, I think so. I think so. All right. We have to run. We will see you guys next week. Congratulations again. Thank you. I love you.
I love you like a bird. Tom. Tom one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in bird style machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call there's. Okay. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humour, no apologies. Here's what more call so you bears on Katie.