You had a TV contract and your TV contract, and it was a morality clause because I signed up to do a gay porn and they were like they were like, it's it's not that bad. But like there was a better magazine 100 percent.
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Welcome to another episode of Scared Two Bears. One Cave. He's Birte. I'm Tom. Uh, welcome back. You know, you took an impromptu vacation that completely threw off our recording schedule. How was everything?
It was awesome. Good. It was really great. It was really, really great. Took my daughters into the covid hot spot. Yeah, it's nice.
It's a good, good dad.
I was such a bitch.
I was such a pain in the fucking ass about what I perfected my day drinking though like to a next level, like literally I mean hit it out of the fucking park.
Oh that's so cool. I'm proud of you. Tell me about it. How do you do it. I is element of a sponsor today. No. Well thanks.
You drink a bunch. How about fit. Vyn is fit. Find a sponsor today. I don't think so man. I view both of them walk out of that element. Actually I started using that too.
I use it every morning. I love it. I wish they were sponsoring then. I know.
Slide it in game because what you get from it is the, the electrolytes without the sugar which most sports drinks have, all of them have minus these guys. So what's in the air. You can half gallon is definitely Kool-Aid. It's cool. It's definitely Kool-Aid.
I had a rough morning. I had a really rough morning. Does it make you feel better when you have was a treat?
It's like I said, look, I've loaded myself up with treats. I got a candy bar. Oh, yeah, there's soda. I've got a I'm a lot of shit going on.
So last night we watched. We watched. I want to talk about hang on. I want to finish points. So don't leave fucking meat on the bone. So remind me to tell you about the vacation. But OK, last night we watched the kissing booth.
How is it I was I'm such an old man. You loved it. No, I was being such an asshole. Oh.
Like I was being because it's. It's like why. Because other gays are there what there are. But that's when you're like, God damn it.
No, no. I actually I actually I actually didn't like the way they portrayed the two gay couple.
The gay is a scripted show. It's a scripted show. It's it's like the biggest hit. It's the biggest thing.
I watched two other shows on Netflix that are reality dating shows that I love, actually. Three, what I've watched dating around. And then I started watching dating around Brazil. Indian matchmaking and love on the spectrum I love on the spectrum.
Is autistic people dating?
It's it's fascinating. It's so endearing. It's fascinating. They're like every single like sit down. They're like, why do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? And the person will be like, just to experience love, to have love. In my heart you're like, she's everyone's so sincere. And then they just basically they their conversations, some of them need like help on how to date, like socially date. Yeah. But everything they say is everything you would say, but minus the bullshit of dressing it up so they'll be like they'll sit down, they'll be like, what are you looking for in a partner like right away.
And then the person is like someone who's nice and likes to have fun. And then they'll be they'll talk and they'll be like, we don't really think it's you. I don't think I really want like.
Right, right, right. It's on the spectrum. Fantastic thing.
My daughter's right now. It's so good. Oh, my daughters are in the dating shows like oh my God, where was what did you watch Indian matchmaking. No, these are God.
Yeah, that's arranged marriages and it's fantastic. It's so good. It's so good that this is blowing my mind.
This one I am into Indian chicks. And by the way, I would say I was in the Indian chicks when I was like when I was a kid. There was this girl.
Shall I forget her name? First name. I forget her name, but she forgot her name entirely, I think.
Know her last name. Her last name is Saúl, OK. And she used to she used to play tennis with us. She was so pretty.
And I've always been into Indian chicks but I never got there's some super hot ones on the shelf of real. Yeah. So Indian matchmaker and autistic.
No, no love on the spectrum. Was that too on the nose. The name. Yeah. Autistic dating.
Yeah. They don't do that. Well I was a tennis.
You brought up tennis. Did you play tennis as a kid. Yeah. Yeah me too. I started playing again. I will destroy you, really? Yeah, I think so. Oh, yeah, by the way, I love, I love. I remember one time we were about to do a podcast and I told Rogan I could do a split. And he goes he goes, no, you can't. And I went, I definitely can.
And he goes, let me see it. And they didn't do it. I didn't do it. And then he was confused. He is we have you ever done this split? And I said no. And he goes, What made you think you could do it? I don't know. And he goes, I actually thought you might be able to do one. And I was like, No, not at all. Also, is this are you saying this is this is how you'll approach tennis?
Like, I will destroy it. No, but I haven't really played tennis.
No, it's Ron. It's Ron's way. It's oh it's the it's the game. The head game.
We were on a houseboat one time in in Lake Powell for Travel Channel, and we had taken a couple who we met on Trip Flip. It was their first date when we met them. Yeah. They had never met each other. They just hooked up at a wedding. And then we saw them the next morning hanging out and we took them to Utah and we did a bunch of stuff. She ends up hooking up with the expert like we have an expert, like a rock climbing.
She ends up bailing on the dude that she's shooting a show with hooks up with the expert guys kind of after his own.
But the guy was like legit off his rocker. And at one point, we're drinking. We're drinking in the morning. And he says we're talking about special powers.
And he goes, I can call coin tosses. And I said, What? And he goes, I got one coin toss. It's like if you toss a coin, I'll call it. And I said, no, you can't. And he goes, no, I actually I'm really good. I get one hundred percent of them. Right. And I went, that's impossible. And he goes back at me and I went, why don't you let me let me flip the coin five times.
I'll call it five times. And I went, OK. And he goes, How much you want to bet? And I said, I'll bet you one hundred dollars, I'll take that bet. And then I went, hold on. You're willing to bet me one hundred, you can't do that. And he goes, I'm telling you, I can. And he goes, Anyone else want a piece of this? And everyone starts getting like on his side.
They start going up.
I bet he can call it Tom.
He called four of them in a row. And I was sitting there in the last one going, can you really do this?
And it's like, yeah, I told you, I I'm the last one. He missed it. And he goes, God, I almost had it. I go, Well, you can't do this because is of course I can't fucking do this. And then he goes, but you believed I could it. Right. And then you adopted his personality. Is that is that like false sense of confidence? I remember sitting there at one point and literally going, do I have to change everything I know about coin toss?
I mean, it sounds like you need that was the day you transitioned. You're like, fuck being myself. This guy's got to figure it out. It's such a great comedy thing to tell him. Yeah, you can do something with absolute confidence knowing. Yeah, if I hit the Cinderella story, money shot from out of nowhere, they're going to go, he's a fucking God.
And then you live for this because this is how you do ever love it. So how good would you say you are at tennis for real skill one. Ten seven.
No. Yeah, well yeah. You're not.
You'd have a hard time returning one of my.
I'm so fucking good. Oh, I am so I almost bought a house at the tennis court in the backyard, OK? I almost did.
And I was like, if I bought that, I might be on, like, the senior cause.
I was the last time you played tennis. Uh, probably like two, ten years ago.
But I pick it up pretty quick and destroy and destroy. You actually go, wow, I did not see this coming.
Uh huh. And then if you don't, you'll be like, well, I haven't played in ten years. I think it's a good system. I like it. I was surprised by that. All right. Do you I thought was gonna be your play next week? Yeah. Do you have a record? Yeah.
I remember playing this girl in in college. I dated this girl, but this is the way my brain works and we just we're hitting around and she goes, let's play a game. And I was like, wow, let's not play a game. Let's just head around. She was when I was playing a game, I said, well, I'm just going to win. And she goes, No, let's play. And I went, OK. So I served in a store and she was like, Hey, can you not hit this Avantika?
We're playing a game, right? And I served in a store again. You're not making this fun. I go, this is how you play a game. What are you looking for? Do you want to hit around. She was my I thought you like let me win a few and I was like, that's not playing a game.
They're saying, oh great shot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the same thing. Yeah. Chicks, chicks man. And then I played a chick who is like I played, I dated, dated a girl once I dated.
I don't really date or but we hung out and she was a a low level professional tennis player.
Yeah. And I was such a difference.
When they hit the ball you're like, oh fuck.
I remember her saying, is my pace OK for you? And I was like, what pace? And she was like, oh, I didn't get my racquet back in time.
She was she was a smoke show. Yeah. Still is a smoke show. Really. Yeah. Beautiful where your sister is one of the most beautiful women I've ever known in my life.
Where is she. There in Naples. I think they're living in Naples. You want to give out their Instagram handle, so check them out. Courtney Hanson, look her up.
Courtney and Jordan Hansen. They're beautiful and they're great. Both of them are a I think Jordan's better than Courtney at tennis be out.
But they they went you went to college with them in college with them. I hung out with Jordan. I think we maybe kissed or something. It's weird to say about. Don't look at the. No, no, no, no, no, but that's not her, that's not her. But don't look up. Courtney Hanson, tennis just type in Courtney Hanson.
This is unbelievable timing. Courtney Hanson car type in car. And then you'll see her, this is Courtney Hanson. Right. Yeah, and she you know, she's cute, remember Joe's friend, the guy that does all the car stuff, does all the car shows, just got one of his best friends is big car guy. Yeah, he she's she's best friends with his wife and did all his car shows.
What do you mean type in Courteney Hanson Instagram. And then you'll find Jordan and Kourtney.
God damn it, his name's on the tip of my tongue. Uh, yeah, there's Courtney. This is Courtney's Instagram. Oh yeah. Put the challenge me. Hey, what is this challenge me thing about, um.
Challenge accepted as a black and white photo while women are. I don't know. I don't know what that supposed to mean. Challenge accepted. Yeah. Thank you for being a woman. I don't know.
I'm sure she challenged your sister. Oh, she challenged.
Oh, she's best friends with Sebastian's wife. Oh, OK. Yeah, she's about she grew up with Sebastian's wife. OK, yeah. And then I don't know if you can find her sister, but her sister is beautiful too. And then so you went to visit with them and they were she was the only person that moved out to L.A. with me. So she lives in L.A.. No, no. Now she lives in Naples. She said I think she just straight up castoffs.
Her dad was like a she's a little there's a lot of there's a lot of car pictures.
And she's a legit car person, Tom, like, she owns a bunch of different cars, like she's into you guys.
Are you guys friends? You stay in touch. Yeah, I actually call her right now. It's OK. I see this her right there in a car, OK.
And so but Jordan was a legit tennis player on the team there, you know, just like, fuck it, I'm done. Like, I think she went to the she might have gone to the academy that's down there. Yeah. The Academy. Yeah. Yeah. And so and just gave up and was like, I'm fucking done with this shit. Oh my God.
It's so but yeah. What were we talking about before this tennis and you playing tennis. That's definitely happening. Or we filming it. I mean we can if you do you want to. Yeah. You want to film your first time playing tennis in ten years. Yeah.
OK, yeah. I think that's a brilliant idea. OK, first time playing tennis in ten years versus you. Who's been playing tennis.
I've been playing for two weeks so I'm saying I'm happy to be back doing. I played it a lot as a kid.
I did, I played a lot as a kid and I miss the I miss the running around the best shape I was. I've run I used to play tennis every morning with this guy Marty at Beverly Hills Country Club and is right after we had Eila. And I was I think I was doing a fresh baked video games on Spike. Yeah. And so I was home and I was and then I and then when I started doing the road heavy, I, I stopped playing to play with them all the time.
I'm a great sport man. He told me we were at Beverly Hills kind of come I pulled my my ass muscle and he goes just this guy was awesome.
I wish I could find this guy. His name is Marty. These called Marty the Magician, because there was a show called like Help I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. And they've ruined all the footage.
And they gave it to him and he fixed all the footage. He fixed all of this ruined footage that had gotten wet.
And and so one day he goes, he goes, he's old school, right? Old school Jewish student. We get in the locker room and he's like, you hurt your leg. I said, Yeah. And he goes, get in the sauna, get in the hot tub. I said, I don't have a bathing suit. And he goes, This is an old school Jewish country club. You think anyone's wearing bathing suits in there? I went, I guess not.
And he goes, look, you take off the clothes you have on now, you get in there naked like a regular person and then get out, put on your dry clothes and you go home.
You don't need a bathing suit in a fucking men's locker room. He's like this. What's wrong with you guys?
You guys are so young. You need a bathing suit. It's not gay. You just get in and I go, OK, OK. So I get naked in front of the guy. I put my clothes in there, I get in the whirlpool and I'm sitting in there like ten minutes and then three of them come in in bathing suits.
I'm just sitting there going, please look, the bubbles turn off, all the bubbles turn off.
I went one time I was on a work trip like twenty one at this hotel thing and like there's people from work and it was just guys.
And I was like, I know the same thing. And one of the guys was like, oh, you don't need one here.
And then I took everything off and I was like, what the fuck. That one guy was like, Oh my God.
And I then I said, They're so full of shame.
I was like, that's what I think. The gay guy we really thought we were going to fuck. I really do. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I remember the first time we showered with dudes in high school. I remember that. And I remember there were guys that were very confused.
I really kid when I got out of that thing, I knew I had made such a big I got there because I was like, I should not have been naked in front of all these people.
And I cover and I just like walked around and I mean, I could just see people looking at me. They're like this guy throwing his dick out by showering in front of people as a kid is so scary.
I think when you're in high school, Dick, I saw the.
Oh, we're not all the same size.
I remember going like we know your body and you see the dark hair around it and your God, really easy to do with a really, really small dick.
And everyone talks about him on his back. And then you're like, hey, guys, that's not cool. It hurts my feelings.
When I was in when I was in.
Do you see the Ed Asner or the alleged Ed Asner thing? No. You know Ed Asner, the guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was Mary Tyler Moore. Yeah, yeah. So they're saying they're like, here, put your headphones. They're saying that somebody said that this is allegedly. I don't know. I don't know if it's actually him, but someone said that he's like 90 now and then a few years ago.
Oh, he's still alive. Yeah. Mary Tyler Moore is dead. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
So they said that this was a feed from, like, I don't know, somebody took of him in a chat with someone, but it could be like a I don't know, I don't I see it as someone who doesn't have a sense of humor about himself.
Well, this might change that. Uh, this might before you come.
Yeah. House. Although if not and the following, I'd stop for a minute and I'd put a big hickey on your inner thigh there and just suck on that and make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone, turn over and I would play with your cheeks, maybe even massage your little hole and make you feel just the only man in my life you just did. Well, it's normal size, it's it's not it's not that that big.
Well, the one the one thing the one thing that I'm going to tell you is that the first time this is going to be quick with me because it's been a long time. OK, you come, you come, let me see, let me see how much you can let me let me see all that.
How much how how big a load I'm going to swallow and need I need to get beyond. I need it right now.
OK, can you see this. No, I give it to me now. Give it to me now. Give it to me. Come on Mark.
Don't be stingy. I'm going to put this in your mouth and you're going to have to suck it dry. You're going to just suck it dry. Mark, you got that beautiful mouth.
Give it to me, Mark. Yeah, yeah, oh, I can feel it. Oh, that's good, because that's got to be good. Oh. Oh yeah. You bet. Coming up in May, you better believe I'm coming up in May. You are terrific.
I know you're going to be good in bed, so all I can say. It has got to be dead. There's no way that said that he's not dead, there's no way that guy looks too good for Ed Asner. You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Google a picture. Ed Asner. Let me see a picture.
Ed Asner, let's go side by side. Let's see who, by the way, can I tell you where my brains out. I was like, you know, his duck. I was too soft for Ed Asner that.
No, well, that's as they said it was if you were a few years ago.
It's not him that definitely I type in interview with Ed Asner and then go recent and. Yeah, let's let's see it, let's figure out if this is him or not, because I'm here, I'm hearing that it's him. I could be wrong, though, and then go to go to videos.
That guy's got too much. Ed Asner has too much sun damage. Go to 2016. Oh, there he is. That's the same guy. Who's he with that?
Adam Ferrara. No, stay there, you. It does sound so we can hear it tweet. How did you guys meet while we were? He was loaded on us. We had to take him. That's him. That's not him. That is not him walking away. That sounds like it. By the way, if I wanted to know that guy is so soft, that guy is like ne I swallow. If I was right so I could try marked, I'll be stingy with it and then listen to Ed Asner just like him.
Beautiful, my aunt.
He was added to the company after we began our journey jerking off like. Oh, Mary.
Oh, you don't think that's him? No, I do not think that I can feel it. No, that's not him. No, no, not no. Really. Not even remotely. Oh, no, wait.
Where did you find that somebody sent it in was like. I think I think this is Ed. I was like, come on.
By the way, did you ever see the video of it where it looks like I'm sucking a dude's dick and and there's a bear watching? Yes, it's a picture. A lot of people send it to me.
It looks like me so much that I go, is it any good I have ever done that?
Do you think the last minute and a half, if Warren Sapp watches TV like you don't want to podcast with these guys?
Oh, if you watched any of this, he would be like if you watched any of our our earlier work, it would be like, no, I think. Warren Sapp. Do you think we're going to we're going to make it happen? I think it feels like he's excited.
I mean, he he was texting us and kind of I tell you, it just didn't look like he's got the greatest fucking life yet. He takes us one day and he's like, Tony. Brett.
Yeah. Tony, Tony. Yeah. Brett early morning. And he's got a he's got a margarita. No, no, he had a Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary.
Get out of it. Yeah. And then he texted this morning he's like going lobster fishing, diving for lobsters. Hit me up later. Felsenstein weather's coming. Get them tails and you're like, fuck.
Like he just I bet it's got to be good to know you don't look like you're like done doing the thing that you got people here to do. Yeah. It was dangerous as fuck and sometimes scary and maybe you loved it. It's got to be nice to know like hey man, I'm good. I'm a I'm going to, I'm going to fucking fish every day I'm hanging out. My friends do the stuff I want to do. I got my inner circle.
I think that like with pro sports, I mean, football's obviously so brutal. But if you can have like a great career and play out of contract and play for like ten plus seasons in any of the major sports and then be like, I'm done now you have money and hopefully your health, you know, and just enjoy your life.
Here's amazing. Here's where quarterbacks and here's where quarterbacks are lucky is that someone like Randall Cunningham gets to play his season. Play his contract. Yeah. Retire, come back, play well, and then get another like five years of million dollar contracts where he's just a back up and he's kind of like mentoring guys. Yeah. And then you but you guys like Warren. So this is something we talk about all too much once he retires and there's no like you can't mentor linemen, you know, like you can't like be like in pads, getting with a contract, being a lineman that sits on a defensive lineman that sits on the on the sideline.
Oh yeah. I mean, like, if you're an active player, like backup quarterbacks can be journeyman. Yeah.
Yeah. Well there's like it's a different position though, right. Because like they really might need you at any time to survive the season in the game and everything that if you're a back you have that. There's a there's a couple of stats on some backup guys that have. Played out contracts as backups just made. I will, and they never got hit, they like took like three snaps. But yeah, if you're if you're a D lineman, you're not going to be like, I'll just ride the sidelines for a few years.
And I mean, I wonder even I wonder how many I wonder how long you can sit out even at all as a deadline as like you get to a point where they just go, hey man.
We're not even going to put, you know, second string, you just get cut. Oh, yeah, well, it depends how expensive you are, you know, so like, once you're not productive, if you're not, like, top tier productive and they can cut you, they're going to cut you.
So what do you think you need? OK, what do you think you need your net worth to be where you can be? Like I said, I'm done. I'm going to just ride this out.
And it's all relative, though, relative to lifestyle. I mean, let's say you retire at let's say you get drafted when you're twenty three and then you play, what, 10, 11 seasons. That's a lot. Yeah.
You say you're like you're like early to mid 30s. You have a lot of life ahead of you hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. So you really, I mean that's why lifestyle makes a big difference. You know, it really depends on where you live and what kind of life you're trying to maintain.
Who's the first football player that was like that? They were like, oh fuck, that's a contract.
Like we're that we're like this every generation that changes. I mean, like we're like I remember someone saying that they were making like a hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year playing professional football. We were kids when we were kids. There were guys who still had offseason jobs.
That was in the summer and worked at the Bank of Bank Bank of Tampa, I think. Or North Bank.
Yeah, those guys would retire and go right to another job, like they didn't pay a lot for years. I mean, even guys that played in the nineties, which seems like not that long ago, that money, it's not like now where it's life altering generational wealth. If you're a top player, people have nine figure generational wealth.
Yeah. Yeah. People Joe's got generational wealth. Yeah. Yeah. That's got to be. Yeah. Like your kids, your kids will have money to leave their kids. Do you realize how fucked up my kids would be with generational wealth. They would never work for anything, they'd be done, they'd be the average player. Yeah, I'm bad at reading out loud in the 50s, made 6000 passes and.
Oh, wait, what is this, the world's highest paid athletes in 1995? Yeah, Jordan, this just for is this not this isn't Deon Sanders. What's his net worth? I bet it's pretty good, but it's not going to be.
His Instagram feed is fucking awesome. Yeah, he does a lot of things, you see, when he got his hair. Yeah. He's really emotional. Yeah. When he's in that chair. Was was it, was it in the chair.
Would you like showing it off the person. He got his hair. You got I think transplant's and he was going to play. Deon was a game changer. Man 40 million. 40 million bro. Give me 40 million. I got nothing near that.
I'm gay. I'm I'm over. I hang out at the store. I won't even ask for spots. I just want to hang out, get drinks. You can get there, get a chauffeur to take me back and forth. I don't need to do anything. I won't get anyone's hair. How you can cancel me too. They're canceling Ellen. Yeah, I saw that.
But look at that picture right there was holding the football and the and the baseball bat. Look at that. You see his hair there, yeah, I love that hair looked wet, but it was dry.
That's right, yeah. 40 million men. I bet, I bet he has more than that. I bet he does, too. But he has he does have a divorce that changes everybody's game.
That's what you got, man. That's why you get like a get like an old bitch.
Like I got no divorce. She knows her place. Yeah. 50. She does what she needs to do, turn 50 in August.
I just told her, I said, you know what? You just ride along.
Good thing you got to get her like a special gift for a 50. Right.
I guess I ever I told you about the time I told her I'd never buy another gift when I bought her the. Yeah, I don't like gold. And I was like, oh, guess what? You never get another present. Now this is your new punishment. You never get anything. Good luck. Get yourself something over you enjoy it. Fucking feels romantic.
Uh, are you gonna get her something special? It's her fiftieth.
That's why I think if we were gay it would be so much easier. So I got you a present. You like it? I like. I like it. I wear it. You would buy things only for you though. Yeah, I know. And then I go look good in you and me. We can share it.
We could share a lot of stuff. How great is it to be gay. You just buy stuff you like and then you just go hey you. And that's why that's a pro dating dudes that are your size. Yeah. I want a good call like I would. Would you ever dated dude like really fucking fat and be like he's a project? I don't think so.
I mean I enjoy that. Like what you date the old guy that was jerking. What if he really took care of you? Would you be his little. Oh, that's a good question. All right. Let's see how ugly. Let's go back in a regular world.
Let's see how ugly of a woman you are willing to marry and wife up for the money because women do that for men. What scale are we going to judge? They got to go older, OK? And you pull up, pull up richest women in the world.
Oh, OK. And then we go, we're going to like I want to see, like, some princesses that aged out.
All right, this is definitely going to do this is going to be really good for us to at.
I mean, it's just a good idea what this is going to get us in trouble. I mean. All right. All right.
Alice Walton, she owns Wal-Mart. Yeah. She's one of Sam Walton's kids. All right. Give me a bikini picture. Give me, like, a something revealing. Right. Or is that the widow or that one of the kids type in Alice Walton poolside?
Nothing comes up. There we go. That's that's not going to happen in the 1950s. OK, we're not going to see a bikini pic of her body data, she's much older than you men.
How old is she? Give me a Wikipedia. She's got to be a widower. She's 70 years old. Uh. OK, let's see if everything in common, like if I can, like, find something that. She's 70, man. I mean, that's that's too old for you. Yeah, but no, no, no, no. I'm thinking I'm thinking, you know, she gets regular.
Oh, that's her arrested. OK.
Oh, she got a drunken driving arrest.
Yeah. She told the arresting officer, like, do you know who I am? Which is one of those. Yeah.
Yeah. Private jets everywhere. Oh yeah. How much time do I have to spend with her for real. Like you know she's got like philanthropy's and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
And she'd be like oh you know would you look into this one for me. And then you'd be like sure and never look into it. Yeah.
And then you're down in Hawaii just railing checks your age and then go and then she's like, everybody, scram. Your grandma is coming. Your terrible husband already though. OK, OK. So it's all going to be committed to her. I think so, yeah. I mean that's not what these the gold diggers.
Let's let's see what Francois Bettencourt Miers looks like. I like her name already. She sounds hot.
Oh. Oh, I could yeah, I could be into that. Yeah, yeah, those glasses, yeah, I would much be. Oh, wow. That's not a good look for. That's just a bad photo. That's just a bad photo. OK. I could be into her, I could I could see myself falling in love, who is who is she? She's a is she an heiress? If you go back to Kouichi. Go to Francois like the images you had, but just go to the the search of her.
Yeah, this all results. She is the billionaire heiress, author of Bible commentaries and works on the Jewish Christian relations. She's only daughter of oh, the family owns L'Oreal.
OK, L'Oreal. Yeah, the makeup company. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like it worked out. It was.
Say, she's got about 64 billion dollars. Let's go let's go to the next one. There we go. Is this all the. No, no, no, no. Yeah. These are those are brilliant. So go to the list again. So, OK, that's going to be in Mackenzie Bays, Jacklin Mars. OK, that's candy bars. Let's go to her. You definitely are on Mars. She's already I'm already in because I could go in.
Oh. God, she was so close. Wait, wait, they're back up one, back up, back up to the search. Who's who's Laurene Powell? Who's that? Who's Laurene Powell? She's Steve Jobs wife. Oh, wait.
Steve Jobs is dead, right? Right. So that's his widow.
Oh, I could definitely be in the Laurene Powell. Yeah, I think she would like it. Oh, give me your Wikipedia. Oh, she dated Ben Affleck. Do Laurene Powell is fucking hot. Yeah, she's super hot. Fifty six years old, that's not even old. No one in one billion dollars. How many kids she's got?
Eve jobs. Reid jobs. Day jobs. Night jobs. Side jobs. Now, a Dadua one, two, three, three, three, click our older, oldest Eve jobs to see if I got a fucking deal with a like how old? By the way, we're it's OK, his daughter is gorgeous, Jesus, twenty two. Yeah, I can't deal with that shit you can't deal with on 22 you around the house and then be like, she's not at the house.
Nobody she's old enough to be like, what the fuck are you doing with my mom? And you're like, I love her. She's like, the fuck you know about computers. My dad was a genius. I'm like, Yeah, I know. I'm a comedian. You see my stuff, right? The mainstream. Right.
And she's like, well, wait, I really think you should try to pursue jobs.
Widow Laurene Powell Jobs is beautiful. I guarantee you she's dating somebody. She is. But it could be you. What about Yang? Who? Wang Yang who won. I bet she's fucking hot. Asian chicks never age.
Oh, I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. She's like the cute girl math class. I'm in shit. Yeah I'm in what she do. What does she own. Like fuckin what is shown. I don't know.
Oh by the way I have like nine businesses in my head. None of them are appropriate. Guess what. OK, Chinese billionaire businesswoman.
She is property developer, the majority shareholder of a richest woman in Asia. Oh, she's thirty nine. No wonder I'm in. Yeah she's younger than me. She wouldn't have me. She's married. She's married. Let's see what he looks like. Even better than he can right there. Shantung. Yeah. Ten real estate developer images hit images. Oh, my God, he's gorgeous, he's going, oh, she's gorgeous. Yeah, you're not going to fuck this.
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It starts today at just seventy nine dollars. Go to Hello Toshie Dotcom's pear's to get 10 percent off your order, 10 percent off your order. Hello, Toshie Dotcom. Eggbeaters. All right, go back to 08, go back to the original document there. Where's Ellen on this? What Ellen's. Not in the billions. They go to our document. Oh, yeah, you're on vacation, you said, don't forget to get back. Yes. I have no idea what I was going to say.
That's what I figured. What's going on with Ellen? I have no idea, but she's getting canceled. Can you pull the OK? Ellen's show investigated could result in apocalyptic ending to her career and brand. Wow.
This is, you know. OK, I got to tell you, I've had a crush on Ellen before, I knew, like when I was a kid, Mr. Wright was one of my like, I made me laugh so hard and I did. Mr. Right. Mr. Wrong. Mr. Wrong with that. You ever see Mr. Wrong?
It's with one of the Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman, one of the two of them. And he falls in love with her and says he's going to she's going to fall in love with him. He's going to make it happen. And she's like, it's not happening. And he's like, it's going to happen. And at one point they're in they're in a convenience store. And he goes, I love you. And she goes, I don't love you.
And I break my finger for you. And she goes, Please don't. He just goes, snap. And I cried. Laughing Right. So I've always liked Ellen. But here I'm going to come to Ellen's defense, but I don't know any of the things about her right now. So and when we're filming this, I'm sure stuff will come out.
But like this is a case, I think, of of millennials running up against a woman who had to bust her ass to get where she is and isn't going to give anything for free.
That's what I think. And by the way, I don't know what is to come.
They're just calling out everybody right now instead of saying it's toxic work environment. Yeah. This is a woman who had to hide her sexuality is a is a forerunner for gay and lesbian rights, right?
For the LGBT community. She came as a first person to come out.
Her uphill struggle in Hollywood was not just the Harvey Weinstein's and those types of people.
It was also the predators that were like, I'm sure there had to be lesbian predators and people that were like talking shit about gay people in front of her.
And she had a stomach it. And then she got to where she is. She's out of a job and she wants that. This is my theory. She wants shit done. Right.
And young kids are like, you can't, like, raise your voice to me. Like, that's what I feel like it is, although I don't know what it is.
Yeah, I think it's I don't know, you know, she has such a super positive personality that's on camera. That is probably a big part of it, I'm guessing, is that that is way turned off like at work. Do you then. Sure. Yeah.
Someone is like, hey guys. And they dance to open the show like she's not walking down the halls like that man, you know.
I see. I think she would. But you're right. I bet it is that she's like just like out of my way or just kicking babies down the stairs.
And they're like, that's what I did. I baby, I wasn't implying any of that. OK, but I don't I mean, I think I think.
Is there no. Is there no. Steve Harvey got remember remember like a year ago, Steve Harvey like they circulated a memo from Steve Harvey that was like, don't look look him in the eye. You remember that to Steve Harvey memo.
No, but you weren't supposed to look. Oh, it was this. I read it out loud. I can't read out loud, OK? He's dealing with a leaked memo which he reportedly told staff not to speak or to approach him. Yeah, OK, makes sense.
But here's the thing. I defend that.
OK, is that is that I do does like six shows a day. Um, what he's really saying there, like the translation of that is engaging people is draining.
Like it's like, like to host a show. It takes energy. Right. To be like and we'll be right back. But I'd like to keep that going. Keep that takes like actual energy for you to do it.
If you walk down the hall and everybody's like, hey, how's it going? How are you, how's the family doing? That takes a little bit out of you every time. And I think it's more about the wording of, like, people going that, like I said, not to talk to him or is what he really is.
What he's really saying is like, I've got fucking 100 things. I host the morning radio show. I have two television shows. I watch the game show. I do this.
I do that. Like I I need to conserve the energy that I have to do these things.
Yeah. But instead of wording it like that, he's saying like don't speak to him. People go like you're not allowed to talk to the guy.
It's like, well no, he's just saving his his energy to do the job. That's what I think.
I remember. I remember I run into that.
I have the same policy here that none of these guys are allowed to talk to me.
I wish I had that policy just getting the job and are doing really well. And every time I eat ice cream, I think about it.
But I feel like I have run into I know I've definitely run into issues where I go off the handle. If we called Reg I where I fly off the handle about shit not being done right. And then I go, it was done right when I did everything myself. And now that we've hired a ton of people, yes, I get really angry because I go, do I need to do everything again myself? Because I did do it and I can do it.
And I did it for a fucking long time and I get upset.
And that's what I wonder if, like, some of these stars like Ellen is like, hey, I got here myself in a world that was up against me and wanted me to fail, I did shit for people that I didn't know when I didn't have to, but I did it for them. And I'm here. And all I'm saying is get your fucking job done. Like, don't look at me and expect me to dance down the hallways, get your fucking job done like I'm doing my job.
Yeah. If I if I did my job the way you're doing your job.
And by the way, I don't know what Ellen said, but this is what I don't like. What the what the what they're saying.
And by the time this episode comes out, they'll probably and then everyone's going to be like, Jesus, Bert, I take why are you watching this tape? The dates July twenty ninth when we did this.
OK, yeah. They're just teasing that something's coming out. So I bet something bad's coming out, but it's not sexual assault.
She's married. No, it's it said the alleged toxic work environment. I mean, it's probably how bad is it going to be? It's probably a lot of people scared of her. That's what. That's what. That's what that's implying that people walking around had a boss. I've never I've never been like ball busting with my bosses. Now, do you think I got a new boss? I got a new boss right now. Do you think I don't answer the phone from your calls?
And I go, that's how the boss works. I had a boss brought me into her office and said, I don't like you.
I, I had it boss. I had a boss I wanted.
We should call her up. Yeah. I wonder if she still do it. It's a good idea as a horrible idea. No, it's not she's not the kind of person she's like a network president. Do it. No. Why? Because because she may want to do be a network president again. And I'm putting it out in a bad light. But like, this is old school. I won't say her name, but I had a boss brought me in and I've had a few female bosses who brought me in and said, I don't like you.
And I went, OK.
And I was like, how do I fix my shoes? I don't think you can. And I was like, OK. And I was like, what am I doing here? And I remember. I'm sure I told you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, I don't like your digital footprint. I don't like anything about you. You're like a frat boy.
I don't think you don't represent the network.
Right. I don't like you and I and I could easily go, this is a toxic work environment.
Like, yeah, you're supposed to like me because you have to like everyone. But, man, they were rough on me and I think it changed me and I molded to what the company needed. And I learned a lot and I changed the way I did. And it wasn't good for me. I think I would have been much better served to just walk away from the network that day and then just go back into stand up and just podcasting and throw myself into that world.
But I didn't I mean, I used to like when we do Rogan, I would have Brian turn the camera off me when I smoked weed because I was like, I can't be caught smoking. Right, right, right. And and so you get a TV contract and your TV contract.
And it was a morality clause because I signed up to do a gay porn and they were like they were like I it's it's not that bad, but like there was a better magazine and in San Francisco and they're like, hey, just you know, they're like me and my partner are big fans of birth Conker.
And I was like, cool.
And he's like, you know, we run a bear like magazine publication. And if you ever want to be interviewed for it or do like photo shoots and I was like other be cool minded, my idiot brain thought, you know, how like Ashton Kutcher would be on the cover of Out magazine and it would be like he stands for gay rights and then he would give him a lot of publicity.
Yeah, I was like, oh yeah, the cover of this gay bear publication. And then Travolta will see it and everyone's like, stands for gay rights. It'll be so cool.
So I told the guy, aligned it up and he was like and at the last minute he was like, hey, it's pretty hardcore, bro.
I was going to do a full photo shoot and everything, but not like totally naked, but definitely like in the outfits. And like, I thought it would be awesome. It is awesome. And what happened?
So we're having lunch on. I did a show in between the two, but the conquerers called screaming, you know the answer. And I'm with the network executives at Magic Mountain. This is Magic Mountain. And I get an email from the guy saying, hey, this weekend won't work out. And then I'm like, actually I'm shooting for the next 13 weeks, so I can't do it. And he's like, maybe next time. And I was like, damn.
And I told him, I said, Man, I had the best surprise for you.
I said, it's going to be a publicity diamond.
And they're like, what was it? I said, Well, you know, I like like actors will be on the cover of Out magazine or like, you know, and they're like, yeah.
And I was like, well, I had like one of those up for me. So it would be like a really positive thing. And then like, what was it I said was like a bear publication out of San Francisco. They're like, oh, wait, was it like what do you mean?
I was like, it's like a magazine for like guys are into hairy guys. I was going to be like a shoot and they fucking froze and they're like, hey, you can't do like pornography. And I said, no, it's not pornography. And they go, it sounds like pornography. And I go, no, it's not. And I showed them a picture and I was like, oh, it looks a little rough on this one. And they're like, Oh, no, you definitely can't do gay pornography either.
And I was like, oh, is it gay pornography? And the idea that I didn't realize I was going to go shoot gay pornography, I was like, it would be great. Yeah.
I was like, hey, you need to read all these things by us. You get your morality clause.
And I go, I have a morality clause. They're like a hundred percent and gay porn at the top.
But I defend Ellen. I always defend Alex. I like her. She makes me laugh. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to do Ellen. I never got that toxic work environment. Wouldn't allow me in. Yeah. I tried to gel and I tried to do Ellen. Um it was before quarantine. Yeah. I tried to do it before quarantine too. I reached out and they were like pass.
Yeah. No, well I would have loved to have done it. I mean it's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. I think she's beautiful.
I've always been attracted to lesbians. I thought I was a lesbian when I first met her. That's really cool. Yeah. I actually ran it by a few friends. What does it give me. Give me a scoop. Is there any scoop about the toxic work environment?
She got lit up at the beginning of quarantine because she was like going crazy in my four or five acre Malibu mansion where people got mad.
Um, people really. I got. I got. I got. So what's that variety? One under investigation.
Does it give any details of what we had or no? No, this is a different one. I'll get it real quick. Hey, you know, do we know anyone that worked at Ellen, Greg Fitzsimmons, he worked at Ellen, right? No, I don't think so. Almost 100 percent. I don't think he did. And he's not like if he did, he's not he was talking about just trasher, no. OK, Busby's inspecting the accused racist behavior.
OK, there we go, from microaggression to jokes about mistaking two black female employees with the same hairstyle, as well as criticism of statements allegedly made to another staffer by executive producer Ed Glavin Glavin and fellow executive producer any last during Mary Conolly address the allegations in a joint statement to the BuzzFeed. We are truly heartbroken and sorry to learn that even one person in our production family has had a negative experience. It's not who we are now we strive to be and not the mission, Ellen has said.
Ellen, for the record, the day to day responsibility, the Ellen Show is completely on us that is getting in front of it. We take this very seriously. We realize, as many in the world are learning, that we need to do better or committed to do better. We will do better. Oh, this is they're guilty of something. Yeah. Or she's guilty and she's like, guess who's stepping in front of this fucking train?
Hey, you're going to go ahead and say everything's on you. Ellen does have an old school club, comic sense of humor. Oh, yeah. And I guarantee you there's some very off color jokes that you can see.
This is when people are like the microaggression are a real problem. It's like, why do you work for a comedian? Why did you set yourself? Like, do you really not understand that?
That's probably if you're sensitive to micro aggressions, that probably being with or you can't understand where comedians brain works and that it's going to say horrific stuff to try to figure it out. Yeah, I said horrific stuff before the show started. Yeah. And and but but I'm not but Madobe can admit I'm not saying anything horrible to try to hurt someone. I'm trying to figure out a joke and I'm, and that's what a comedian does is they go I have this idea like what do you think?
And I've run I mean I've said I mean nightmare stuff on stage.
My nightmare nightmare nightmares stuff. Hundred percent nightmares. Burzan nightmare. Yeah. Do you say how do you.
I had I've had a few too that have really I'm tired. I'm like I think this will work so bad I don't want to share them, I don't want to share them either.
But if they got put up, if someone put it on on social media, you'd be like, well, there goes my career for a joke that I tried ten years ago. It's like I work. I put it I have Armin's makes this great shirt.
It's called it says something like Toast to Columbus or celebrate Columbus.
And I put it on and LeAnn goes, Hey, easy. And I went, What? She goes, that's not let's not wear that shirt like around because it's you know, they're going after Columbus. Yeah. And I went, it's a city. She was I was named after Columbus. And I go, so what am I going to or are they going to call Columbus the C word now like, oh, I'm going to the C word.
Well, we did your R word thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Did you like my tech. Oh, I just turned my audio up also of thoughts on the stroke.
There it is.
Well, that was an organic joke too. I just thought that was I didn't realize there was a double entendre there. You are gonna look good in Washington. Always look really good with braids. And if I could call to appropriate that look, I would in a fucking heartbeat. You can do it. And I would take the bullet because, God damn it, I look good. I mean, the fucking maroon with feathers in the like really owned it like really.
And just was like, what? It's my look.
I can if you kept the feathers in all the time, no one would say shit to you. Yeah.
It's if if you came and went with them that it would be dude.
Reggie Watts had his hair in braids the other day and I was like, I would love to have put my hair embrace.
I never do it. You can still do it. I can just grow it out. And you put the braids. You saw how long it was when it.
Yeah, yeah. I would love to have. OK, what's the best Snoop Dogg hairstyle that he's ever had.
OK, I mean I'm going to give you my vote. Source Awards 19 Tiepin Snoop Dogg Hairstyle Source Awards, this is my favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle ever. Right there. Oh, I see, like to the bottom, bottom, right, bottom, right. You sure? Yeah, that is my favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle ever. I love that fucking hair department.
God, I would love I wish I could start really start rocking wigs. That is my favorite.
Everything that you're saying that you want to you wish you could do. You can do. You can. But I would look ridiculous. What's your favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle? Think about it.
I mean, I feel like the way that we first were introduced was always, always cemented in my head. The cornrows. Cornrows. Yeah.
Let me see. Let me let me see. Snoop Dogg cornrows. He's lucky to have great hair, you know. Yeah, yeah, he's got a bunch, the long dreads, he's done the afro. Yeah, he's done it all. OK, OK, ready.
Hip hop star with the best hair. I know the answer, T.J.. Quick. No what?
Trinidad James Ultranet. Trinidad James, go to Trinidad. James is just a hairstyles. Did you see the braids he got in the other day.
I'm really into his everything about him like his independent artist and I just he seems like he really hustles, but in like every sense of the word, you know, I mean, he's a fun dude, too.
He's really funny. Yeah, it really is. I want to get him on my podcast, but I want to do it in person. I might do one when I'm down in Macon because he's out of Atlanta. Right. He lives in Atlanta and Miami. OK, I might see if I can get him to do one in person. So I'd like to talk to. All right. You like him? You really did want to. I did his part call.
You did. I did one with him on his podcast. Trinidadian man, white guys get screwed with hairstyles, I guess it's a fair trade off with all the years of oppression, we get screwed with hairstyles like you can't really go like white guys don't have that many hairstyles they can do.
How soon until they outlaw the Mohawk, outlaw cultural appropriation that's not ours?
Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah. Mohawk's like the one of the it's like the only fun different thing you could do with white hair. Yeah. Mohawk and yeah.
That's it. Mohawk is like you're the crazy look. Grow it out. Shave it Mohawk.
Oh that's it. We really need to step up our beard game. What do want to do. I don't know. Designs. Yeah. Should we.
What if we did. What about the law.
Would you ever do the long mean the hair long and shaped from the from the chin out. So your beard goes like that. I mean like like these people know nothing like that.
These are Dandy's. Yeah that's definitely not what I'm talking about.
I can't put product in my beard. Why it starts messing with my face. Really. Yeah. So I just raw dog. You can't put beard oil in there. Nothing. You put it all in your hand when I remember too. I don't ever it's always better when you've got someone someone say give me a beard stuff that smells good and I'll put just a little because I like the smell. Yeah. Then I end up wanting ice cream.
All right. Yeah, let's go. They came up.
What are you going to say. No, go ahead. Yeah. Leave that highlighted. Go ahead. Let's talk about that then. You were about to say something we can say, but OK, no, what made me think of the, uh, that there was like a viral clip of Rogen talking about video and all that, but I didn't understand because I know his stance on video games.
Well, here's the thing.
The funny thing is like why did this become news this time? He's been saying that for. What do you say? He essentially said that like video games are he's like video games are awesome.
Like, they're actually, like, amazing. And you could, uh, have a career in it, like if you're really good and there's know.
But also he essentially said, you know, you can waste your life like if you're just playing video games all the time, what he's really and then people were like because he's like, you know, what are you going to do three years and three years later, you're still playing video games in the basement or whatever, as opposed to he said like, if you get in jujitsu, you know, three years later, you might be a purple belt and you start connecting dots like I could.
You know, I'm good at this now. I can do this and do that.
But I think the funny thing is the way that statements are like translated like what people deduce from them, like the way that I heard it, first of all, I was like, oh, he's been saying this forever, you know, like, why is that get traction?
Maybe just because he's, like, so popular in the show. So, so big now. Yeah, but the way I digested that statement was like video games are detrimental to being productive to me. Meaning to him. Yeah.
Like he's the one who was like, you know, he always talks about how you like an addiction, a quake, like he said a million times.
He paid like twenty thousand dollars a month to have a quake line put in his house. I read that somewhere. I know he did pay an expensive amount. I don't know his 20 grand.
But like Dane Cook has a whole video game setup, like a room in his mansion.
Right. For playing video game. But here's the thing. I think that the statement is not that crazy. Like when you look at it through the lens, I'm like, of course, it's for some people, it's stress relief.
It's fun. It's just adventurous. It's a good time.
It's the same as like watching a movie or watching a glass of wine. Same thing to them.
But to some people, they go, if I I've done it and if I do it, I know my productivity will fall apart. You know, I will tell you this.
This is the only perspective. I had a subtle addiction to video games when we had Eila.
Yeah, I got I got it was right after I did that first big video game show for Spike TV. Yeah. And they gave me the whole setup. They gave me like the Xbox and everything. I had like the PSP, the two. And I got addicted to the PSP, I got addicted to the pizza and the P the biggest one. And this is where I knew I had a problem, like I had a problem where I would Liem would take away the charger so I couldn't play them because I would not spend time with the girls.
I would just play video games. And one day I'm walking to the Irvine Mall, the Irvine Mall with Leon and George.
And I was in a stroller and I see I was addicted to Tony Hawk's skateboard game and it was all set around Long Beach. So it was all places that you could really go in Long Beach.
Yeah, we were walking in Irvine and I saw a handrail and I said I should grind that handrail. And then I went, I can't skateboard.
But my brain was looking at her handrail going, I should grind that like I was living in a fantasy world of like I was looking at rails and going to grind that. And then I jump up on that one. Yeah. And then I was like, this isn't real. Like, this is not real. I don't know how to skate. I mean, I can skateboard, but I can't go on rails and jump from one rail to next real.
But I was living in this fantasy world. I was like, this isn't healthy man like this.
The idea that my brain just lived this just split the difference. It was like. And forgot, hey, man, you can't skateboard, it can be it can be that I mean, for me it was it was a time thing. And then I started to get so mad playing it like I would come off of work. I was when I worked, like the night shift, overnight shift, come home and fire Xbox. It's so much.
And it was a fun, great way to, like, wind down, down. But I never wind down. I just kept playing.
That's the thing is I so if you worked it overnight, I would come home at seven a.m. and then fire it up and then. You know, pretty soon it's noon and I should have gone to bed so I can be at work at that night, I was, you know, it was a splinter cell and then, oh, I never could do a single shooter.
Mine was a skateboard, snowboard games and see the NCAA football, EA Sports.
It had to be a singular thing like where I was doing the thing, going down a thing. And it was a track like I could do golf.
I was obsessed with Tiger Woods, golf like Tiger Woods, golf obsessed with Tiger Woods golf. The thing about NCAA football is that first you're just playing games. It's super addictive. And then you're like, you know, they would introduce the new version, be like this year, recruit players and build. So then you're playing the game and going and trying to build a team. So of course, you're like when you play the next game, you see the progression of your like I mean, your brain gets, you know, maybe six hours day playing this thing in a row.
I made my target for me. It like it. That thing resonates true. Oh, well, I mean, I think I'm very lucky that I don't play video games right now. I'm very lucky that I bought for whatever reason I walked away from it and I haven't found it. I know for a fact I've wasted time playing stupid games. My goddamn phone, of course, where I go. When Candy Couric came out, I was addicted.
And I remember this girl that I had taken on a trip flip posted on her thing. She goes, I just cleared all the boards of Candy Crush. I was jealous. I went, Oh, my God, babe. She cleared all the boards and my wife goes, she wasted her whole life.
Like, that is a waste of her life.
What's the one? What's the one that was popped? You remember the when BlackBerry had the ball, you know, the center ball and there was like a like the old school, you know. I mean it was like pong. Yeah. Like a pong game.
But it was it was for BlackBerry in the oh you know, I'm talking about it's like braker maybe it was brick breaker.
All I remember is that I went to visit my uncle and aunt and I was so addicted to the game, I think it may have been brick breaker that during like we would talk and I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would open my phone and play thirty seconds of the game. And my uncle was like, he's like this kid. He didn't know what I was doing. He's like he's got people hitting them up. I remember him saying it left and right like like you just like working on deals like he thought I was doing work and I was like, yeah, I'm super busy with work.
And I was like, oh my God. Because I was like every few minutes I was like that. And he was like, are you like texting someone back? And I was like, Yep. So I'm going back right now.
So then I was like, it's OK because there is like anyone who's legit played video games to the point where you go, I might have a problem with this. I remember Duncan saying saying he he he's like, I have a problem with video games, Duncan, because they're so good.
There's that feeling. Yeah. Of turning grabbing the remote and turning it on just the remote. The way they put the remote in your hand. Yeah. It's almost like power, ergonomic, ergonomic grip.
You're just like both hands are locked, you're not going anywhere.
And then. And then and then getting and just getting on a pace. We were like, oh, bored one. Let's go.
I haven't I haven't had a gaming system now in a few years, you know, a number of years we did. And then we set up like Apple TV's and your Apple remote. Is that also will double as a remote for it, like Apple video games?
Yeah, I ended up opening a few of those earlier in the year, and I remember a few times where I just would, you know, come upstairs.
Where you been? I was like, I had to answer email how I can great playing driving games for like an hour.
How great would it be if you could get on a plane, just throw on headsets. Yeah. And just go virtual. And I think you can. I think you can I got to you know, I got a really great gaming system, I couldn't figure it out. But is it I don't know, I got give it to me as a present. And it was all VR. And it's but I couldn't I couldn't figure it out. It was like too complicated.
I might get back into video games. I hate that. Rogan said it's a waste of time. I agreed with him and now I'm going I, I used to make my Tiger Woods golf guy. I made him look like Patrice, looked just like Patrice. And I used to play and feel like I was I had Patrice playing. Yeah. And I just hear Patrice on my head going, oh, suck this dick.
Did Patrick play golf?
OK, like Boston I played and we've also been barely played in Ireland, Scotland together.
How long. Long time ago. Twenty years ago. Oh yeah. I bet BOCES that he plays golf all the time. Right.
Yeah he's, he's a legit good golfer but like he's like, he's like he really also does bow and arrows.
Like he does bows like he's an interesting fucking guy.
I remember doing the road and I ran into him somewhere like a radio station and I was like, what you can do now? He's like, I'm going to go play golf, like from radio. Yeah. And he was like I was like, I'm going back to bed now.
He's I wish I could be like that this morning. I was like I was like I might get into like because I can't get into snooze or dipping or cigarettes. I need something like I didn't sleep last night. I woke up and I was like, I need something to. What do you want to get? Well, instead I had three eggs and two pieces of pizza and that was it. Not in the middle of the night.
And at four at five thirty in the morning.
Five thirty. I was dude I didn't eat all day yesterday I had a logit under a bottle of wine like I didn't drink a whole lot of wine last night and it was just enough sugar to keep me awake. And I did not sleep. I had a dream that they took all air conditioning and refrigeration away and I had a bunch of stuff I needed to keep cold. And that was my dream that I woke up at 2:00 in the morning and then I was like, try to go back to bed.
Are you on meth right now? I am, by the way. I'm like tweaking. I had so much caffeine. It's so much caffeine. But yeah, I, I'd love to get back into video games.
I want I want like a handheld, I want a handheld device. Yeah.
Like, like the PSP was awesome. Let's get some look at what's like a handheld video game system.
Like I bought one which I bought a switch. I have a switch. Wait what does it pull it up. It's big. It's stupid. So we can put in the backpack though.
Yeah. Let's see. I got to switch. You have one. Yeah. But Mario Kart was the only thing anyone did and I was like, I don't want to play on my phone. Yeah. That right there. You can't, you can't. We can't have those. No I mean you can. It's just really big and it's really big. It's well it's like, it's like this big.
So you put in a backpack. Yeah. But what's a good Mario. A good what are some good games. Yeah. But games. We went from heiresses we'd marry for money to video game consoles, we want this is the most all over the map podcast. I know. Twelve switch games. Oh, we didn't even talk about, um, today we're putting out a message to Jennifer Aniston on Instagram. Oh, are we really? Yeah. We're going to hopefully block this deal down.
Yeah. If you see I know this is I already have our I already know what we're going to do with her.
What Johnny Depp pitch. Oh, talk to her about the pitch.
Yeah. We'll make a movie with her. I think we will make a movie with her and she can play that part. Fuck. Yeah.
Right. So we're on a set with her and then we're hiring a bunch of women.
I know how we should pitch it that she's by the way, I love that. I just said we'll do a movie with Jonathan and and then people will love us because we're hiring a bunch of women. She's the only reason the movie is getting greenlit, of course. But we'll take.
I got I got this I got the scene setting, though, to start it off. Well, she's like a Cleopatra type and we're like those guys holding her.
Oh, I thought we'd phanor our fanny whatever. Feeling great. So fucking beautiful. Here's what's bullshit about late night talk shows, right. By the way, we did not get nominated for an Emmy. Did you know that for this?
Yep. I don't think we're in a category.
I think I submitted us pretty sure I got this thing online submitted.
I thought I thought I'd surprise you with it. And then we did not get an Emmy. And so.
But here's what here's why you can tell that the late night talk shows are fucking ridiculous, OK?
How come someone doesn't like get like Kate Upton on and go spend? Like, if we had Kate Upton, we'd spend the whole time going, you are so fucking beautiful, you're fucking gorgeous.
Or like Jenny Harrison, we'd be like, you're fucking like, how come no one like no one just real with them. They just like pick up like their friends. They know. Yeah.
Well they're like looking lovely instead of being like you're still so fucking high, you are so fucking hot. Everybody tuned in thinking about how hot you are.
You're a genius and she is really fucking gorgeous like she's fifty something or know. How old is Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. How old is John. You don't know. Don't look if I told you she looks. Fucking 51, she's 50 wanted. Yep, I mean, no work done, no work done, that is no work done, that's a Koolade lie that is, you know, like say it's Greeks.
Yeah, she's Greek, right? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Greek Stone Age. Yes, she looks good. Courtney Cox was a smoke show back in the day, still is kind of. But like like I think Courtney Cox, Courtney Cox is like 60, I think.
I think she was like much older than everyone, really. I think everyone was in their 20s, but she was in her 30s, like I think she was a lot older than everyone because she was in a Bruce Springsteen video.
Courtney Cox with glasses on, now 56. I was wrong. Yeah, Lisa Kudrow, go back down to her old all look at Courteney Cox in fucking glasses.
I mean, you know, like I think if we're going to talk about being WOAK, that's the next priviledge is pretty people, we need to take them. We need to make everyone look the same. So how do we do that? There's no privacy. How do we take there?
Look, I don't know. We cut their faces or something. Does the next privileges is like, how can you look like that?
Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, she is beautiful. Yeah. All right, look, we got to wrap this up. If I were I mean, I'm sitting here going like like. Did you see did you see we talked about the the this is going to pivot in a weird way.
Yeah, but the the kissing booth oh, we started talking about the dude in the kissing booth. The lead. Noah is fucking gorgeous.
This guy is one of the best looking dudes. Taiping kissing Booth by Booth. Noah, this guy is like got to be a movie star if he's not already. Look at this guy. He's six four. He's ripped, he's got great hair.
Sounds like you really like him. I would just watch the whole movie last night. It just bothered me because it all celebrates partying. This one's going to tell you I'm so old that like, you're against partying, but I am against high schools partying, high schoolers partying like they're doing shots.
Yeah, but and so LeAnn had to stop me because I'm there doing the lead girl is like 15 or 16.
Were you rubbing your palms together the whole time? No, no. I was drinking a bottle of wine. And so she does a shot, right? Yeah. And I just couldn't help. But I go, you're breaking your father's heart. And LeAnn goes, hey, calm down. And I go, no, she shouldn't be doing shots. She's in high school. And then she goes to lots of shots and rips her clothes off and blacks out and wakes up in Noah's bed with no shirt on, no under no pants on in her bra and panties, no shirt on and nose in a towel.
And I'm like, and she's like, what happened?
And she's like, you got pretty wasted last night.
She's like, did we? And he was like, no. And I said to my girls, I go hit pause. I go just you know, that's not how this works out. Like, don't think you can go to a party, get wasted, rip your clothes off and the high school hunk takes care of you.
Yeah. Like that. I was like, this isn't fair. Like Liangyu, stop it. She goes, you're taking the fun out of this movie.
Like this movie is for them to be like the way we looked at Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, like they all smoked weed in Breakfast Club.
Our parents were like, hey, turn this shit off. They're smoking dope, you dope smokers.
And I was like, oh my God, I'm that parent. She's like, you're definitely being that parent right now. And also they're like, our dad is like the party guy.
Yeah. And then they were like and she's like, it's a tad bit hypocritical that you would have issues with them drinking on thing when your whole brand is drinking.
I'm like, I fucking make money from it.
How fucking dare you that my liver is paid for this house. I was so fucking I had a hard time.
I think we're done. OK, and we'll see you guys next week. Thanks a lot.
Watching Bert and Tom and one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in Bergstein Machine. There's not a chance in hell they'll keep it clean. Here's a couple layers of OK. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humour, no apologies. Here's what we call so there's one case.